Ivory Tales
by Silly-Blue
Summary: Kanda was, in certain ways, very traditional: in his opinion women had to be kept away from harm and war. But then he receives the mission to make an exorcist out of the young aristocrat Ellen Walker and things seem to change. Semi-AU, Yullen, Girl!Allen
1. Prolog

**Author's Notes:**

Hello there. This is my very first fanfiction I decided to upload to the internet and also my first attempt at D. Gray -Man. Please, understand that I'm no native speaker of English, so please don't give up at the first spelling or grammar mistake you come across. X3

This story is semi-AU because it basically follows the original Manga, but has a different approach to it, but you'll see that in a bit.

**Disclaimer: D. Gray -Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.

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**Prolog**

There was fog all around, the air was damp and he could just feel how the dirt in the air began to stick to his ever shiny clothes. Well, ever shiny when he's not in London that is. Whenever possible he tried to steer clear of this city and he was actually quite good at avoiding stuff. He preferred India over any place in the world, not because of the weather - he couldn't _stand_ the burning and oppressive heat - but he felt attached to the country; be it because of the women or because he actually was born and raised there by his caring and absolutely loving parents. He tended to claim it was the first and mentally chuckled to himself at the second possibility; how could he have turned out as he did? But he didn't want to dwell on this subject of parents any longer; he had much more pressing matters to attend to.

Someone had died. Good, no big deal. People die all the time, especially in the dark, mucky streets of London, but this death was not going to be without consequences. It was a pain, really, all of this, but next to being annoyed the man also felt a faint pain inside him. It was sad when people could not be protected and when death was causing even more loss. But he had to deal with it and had developed some kind of resistance and acceptance of this fact long ago, he was an exorcist after all – one of the five generals – and as sloppy as he was as an exorcist, he still did his duty every now and then. And now was his time to shine.

The place Marian Cross was about to visit was much more to his liking than the streets at this early hour. He had left the industrial part of the town for this nice little district of white rows of high houses where the high-class chose to cut themselves off from the working class. Their houses where just like themselves: all the same, boring, spotless and without any trace of colour.

In a few fast strides the General crossed the wet road and aimed directly at one of the houses, not different than the rest. For once he had made his arrival known with a neatly written letter addressed just at those people living inside this house. Consequently, he did not worry one bit when he went up the steps and knocked at the door – not that he ever did worry at all, he's just too certain of himself to doubt his actions for even just one second. He knew that the lady inside this house would be well prepared for his arrival, even at seven in the morning when he, under normal circumstances, would chose to sleep in some woman's bed. He also knew that there would be wine waiting, one of the finest of course. And he also knew that she would not be too pleased to see his face, even though she normally was a very nice lady.

After some moments a servant came answering the door and after having seen the silver cross on his coat she led him inside the house with humble bows. He stood in a white hall with a high ceiling, the floor of polished marble and rich decorative furniture standing on each of the walls. A big staircase led up to an upper floor and he admired how these houses could look small from the outside but were actually quite spacious. Cross didn't have to wait for long until the owner of the house came down the stairs. She was an aristocratic lady of about 50, but she looked younger, she wore a dress of dark purple silk with a lot of gold embroidery. Her auburn hair was tied back and her long neck was adorned with gems. Cross wouldn't mind her company if it weren't for this stern face he had been expecting all along.

"Mister Cross, it is my very pleasure to meet you," she said as she stood in front of him – looking quite impressive and authoritative even though she wasn't as tall as the man - and Cross took off his hat before he bend down to kiss her hand. "The circumstances are rather dark, but I understood from your letter that your assistance in this matter is of uppermost importance," she went on and raised her hand, "please, follow me." She lowered her hand again and went on into the adjacent room, Cross following obediently. The lady sat down on one of the emerald settees, pointing to the other one across from her. The general sat down, pushing the dozens of cushions away, and the lady began pouring tea into a cup, which she handed to Cross. "Wine is not a good partner to start a conversation with," she lectured as Cross made a face at the sweet beverage, "now, Mister Cross… If you would just speak your mind, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Lady Charlene, I'll gladly accept this offer. As you know from my letter I've come here to take your daughter in my care, if necessary. I am not fully aware how this incident came to happen, so I also hoped to question the young lady…," Cross told her and her face remained as stern as before. She did not seem inclined to give her daughter away, something Cross could understand, but he knew that the lady was sensitive enough to understand how important Cross' current mission was. He was told to investigate, but he didn't need to search much, he knew there was something about that girl – he was told so by the last letter he received before its writer met with a sudden, but not unexpected, death. Now he just needed to know how involved she really was. The woman let out a faint sigh and called for her daughter:

"Ellen, please come into the room, my dear." Cross heard the sound of clacking heels on marble floor and then the opening of the wooden door to the salon. In the doorframe stood a young girl, her body was rather small and skinny, she had a beautiful face and bright, silver eyes that shone like liquid glass. She wore a pale pink dress with a lot of frills and ribbons and Cross fought against a moan. Such a little princess, as she seemed to be, was not fit to be an exorcist; she would just die in the first few weeks, another innocence lost for the world. He observed how she came into the room, with all the grace a young aristocratic woman with a fine education in the proper etiquette could possibly possess. "Ellen," her mother said fondly, but still wearing that stern face, "this is the priest I was talking about, Marian Cross. He considers taking you to a very fine order." Ellen nodded shyly and made an elegant bow. She had long hair – white hair Cross remarked with mild astonishment – covering her face, but as she lifted her head again Cross could see red markings on the left side of her face; he instantly knew that this was the girl, the girl _he_ had talked about.

"She's cursed," he stated and Ellen looked at him with big eyes, backing away slightly, maybe expecting him to jump her in order to exorcise the devil which had cursed her.

"No she is not," Ellen's mother said with a voice which allowed no protest, but Cross would not listen to such unvoiced threats.

"Tell me what happened, little girl," Cross ordered and Ellen hesitated. Cross could hear Charlene sniffing loudly, but he paid her no attention.

"Very well Ellen, tell this gentleman what happened that night." Ellen nodded slowly and looked up at Cross with pain in her eyes.

"I used to spend a lot of time with Mana Walker… My father – uncle," she started with a trembling voice, but she was very calm.

"Mana Walker is my late brother, he died two weeks ago of unknown circumstances. After my husband passed away when Ellen was only two, he became a father figure for her," Charlene explained what Cross already knew, "had I known that this would make Ellen suffer I would have prohibited him to come here. He had a strange way of living. He abandoned our home, our parents and his wealth in order to see the world. What a fool he was."

"Let your daughter do the talking Mrs. Bermont," Cross told the woman and Lady Charlene huffed, but busied herself with drinking a cup of tea. "Go on," he ordered and Ellen nodded again. With a firmer voice she continued:

"As mother said, Mana died. I do not know how it came to be, but I was lonely without him and I could not bear the loneliness… I wished he was back somehow and then… As I was lying near his grave, crying in such a disgraceful way, a man approached me. I could not see his face clearly through my tear clouded eyes… But he was huge, with a top hat on his head…"

"The Earl of Millenium is his name. We exorcists know him very well," Cross interrupted and Ellen took this moment to wipe her eyes.

"He proposed to bring Mana back and I believed his lies… In the end Mana was ordered to kill me… But…," she touched her left arm, which was hidden by a satin glove, "something took hold of me in my fear. My body acted on its own and killed Mana. Oooh… Mother!" she started to sob like a little girl and Cross was highly annoyed.

"Do not worry Ellen, everything will be alright," her mother tried to calm her, but before her daughter could jump into her inviting arms, Cross grabbed the girl's arm.

"Show me that hand of yours," he ordered and her mother stood up abruptly.

"Do not touch my daughter!" she shouted but Cross just ignored her.

"Your daughter might be an exorcist! I need to ascertain things," he answered and tore the glove off of Ellen's arm. What he found was blood-red flesh with a green cross etched into the back of her hand. He raised an eyebrow as her mother let out a horrified shriek.

"I told you not to touch her!" she shouted, but did not move from her position, maybe fearing to get near her daughter, now that her arm was exposed.

"Mother… Do not concern yourself… He knows what he is doing… I am sure… Maybe he will heal my curse."

"I'm an exorcist, you wouldn't want the cure I provide," Cross mumbled, but Ellen heard him, "without a doubt, this is Innocence. The innocence which killed Mana Walker as he became an Akuma," he announced and everything in the room became deadly quiet. He shot Ellen a grin, which made her back off as much as Cross' firm hold on her hand allowed. "You are now an exorcist, Miss Ellen Bermont."

_**To be continued...**_

**Notes:**

I hope I didn't scare you off just at the beginning of the story. If you spot any mistakes or have remarks, just let me know. :3

Silly-Blue


	2. Kapitel 1 Valuable Lessons

_**Author's Notes:** Stupid me forgot to mention the title in the prolog. "Ivory Tales" doesn't really have a connection to the content of the story (well, if you use your imagination it does). The title was suggested to me by a friend of mine, Esmerod. Thank you:3_

_The story has 13 chapters written, but I kept them rather short; which required me to decide whether to upload one (shorter) chapter on a weekly basis (until I run out of my chapters) or to publish them en masse (maybe two or three, depending on the size etc) and update sporadically. Which doesn't sound very nice... So first have one chapter. :3 We'll see if it's too short._

_And a note on Ellen; I don't really know how a aristrocratic girl in the late 1880s (for this is the time I set D.Gray-Man for various reasons) would talk or behave. Probalby not how I depicted her... But that's for you to judge. :3_

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

Kapitel 1: General Cross' valuable lessons

The young Ellen Bermont just had as much time to get ready and make a servant pack her suitcase as the exorcist General Marian Cross needed to drink a glass of her mother's wine. Ellen was shaking while she put on a very fine white dress her mother had bought in Italy, but she was also very excited for some unknown reason. Her arm hurt, it has done so ever since Mana's death, as if it longed to take hold over her body again. Ellen shook her head, making her servant - who was brushing her hair - protest a little bit.

"I do not want to remember this", she said to herself and looked at her face where this ugly red scar stood out on her china doll like skin. "I do not want to be faced with such terror and sadness ever again". To let her body be controlled by a monster and to be forced to kill was the worst and most hurtful disgrace Ellen could think of. But maybe Cross would help her or even save her from this dark creature.

Oh, what a strange man this priest was, he did not seem like the other priests in the church at all. An exorcist he said and she was to become one too. What did he expect of her? Did she have to recite psalms out of the Holy Bible to free humans of their curses, even though she herself seemed to be kissed by the Devil? Her hand she was born with and now this scar; Mana's punishment for calling him back to life, for making him a - how did the priest call it? - Akuma. The thought brought tears back to her eyes and she intently stared at her face, framed with the curtains of silky white. Her pale brown hair she had been so fond of had become white in the last two weeks. The family's doctor called it the consequences of shock over Mana's loss, but sent her to the local priest anyway, just in case the Devil tried to take hold of her once again. He mother kept trying to tell her that God loved her for sending her so many tests to prove her faith, but Ellen's faith had disappeared along with Mana Walker.

Before the young girl could start to grieve again she heard her mother calling her from downstairs:

"Ellen, it is time to go. Please child, do hurry up". Ellen thought that the wine must have probably run out – a priest drinking so much wine, this seemed quite strange to her, but she would not question the exorcist, after all he must know what he is doing, or so she hoped.

Cross eyed the girl and her travel suitcase and the box which held her makeup and her summer hat.

"Brat, you're not going on holidays, you're going to join our order", he told her and got an angry look from Charlene, "away with all that stuff! And now, follow me!", he ordered. Confused, Ellen let go of the package she was holding and went to her mother to kiss her good-bye.

"Oh my darling, pray pay attention to your health. Remember your good manners in all situations. It makes my troubled heart rest a bit to know that you join an order of the church, so I do not have to worry about men, which could taint you... Write me letters will you?". For the first time the stern face of the woman showed concern as she hugged her daughter.

"Yes mother. General Cross will surely have a watchful eye over me", she tried to calm her mother, but she didn't even need to hear Cross' snort to know she did not believe her own words. She let go of her mother and followed Cross out into the morning air. There was a carriage waiting for them which was going to get them to the station. Cross didn't help her in, which Ellen accepted, she kind of thought that he was not a gentleman but she still was not used to be treated with so little respect.

"So how old are you, anyway?", Cross asked as the carriage started to move.

"I will be turning 15 this winter, Sir", she answered politely and Cross rolled his eyes.

"Well, there have been younger people to join the order, but we don't get many aristocratic brats who don't even know how to use their legs to run", he grunted.

"I do know how to run, spending time with Mana always gave me much possibility to try myself at different sports", she replied calmly, "Sir".

"Oh is that so? What did he teach you then? Surely not how to survive if attacked", he thought about this for a moment and his gaze wandered to her left arm, "then again… you didn't need this in the end… He taught you how to kill". With this the girl froze, but tried to reply anyway:

"By no means do I ever intent to kill, Master Cross. But he did teach me some things I appreciate to know"

"For example?"

"I can gamble", she told him with a serious expression on her face and Cross started to laugh.

"At least one useful thing… Whatever, we will now take you to the station and as soon as we can leave the train we'll buy you some other clothes". Ellen eyed him suspiciously.

"Will I not get clothes at the church?", she wanted to know and Cross nodded, pointing at his cloak.

"One like this, but you will need more comfortable clothes to reach the order, with this silky white dress you won't get very far". The girl thought about this and nodded. Probably they had to walk a little bit, but she did not mind at all. Mana and she had always made long tours through different cities.

They reached the station which was quite busy even though it was still early morning, Cross led her to a train and went in, Ellen following him. As they reached their seats, quite comfortable ones Ellen noted, Cross started to snore. Ellen was not disappointed that she didn't have his company; all he seemed to want was making fun of her noble upbringing. It seemed quite normal to Ellen that aristocratic women joined an order to become nuns, and they also were not used to the work of lower classes, why should they? This was not necessary in a church, was it? But then again, he said she was going to be an exorcist. She didn't really know what exorcists did, but she had read books. She imagined them to be travelling from village to village, freeing their possessed and cursed inhabitants from the Devil's clutches.

"Akuma", Ellen thought suddenly, "The Earl of Millennium…". If this strange man was their opponent and the Akuma his fiendish creatures, what would that mean for General Cross' order?

"The souls brought back from the dead by foolish humans are trapped into the machines of the Earl, the so-called Akuma…", Cross said and startled Ellen for she thought he had been sleeping.

"Machines?", she asked and Cross nodded his head lazily, as if he was still too sleepy to give a decent answer.

"The Earl is the manufacturer of the Akuma, he acts as soon as people who have lost someone dear to them forsake God in their misery". Ellen remained quiet, but Cross didn't expect her to say anything, so he continued: "He traps their souls in those machine bodies, forcing them to kill the person who had called them back to life. They are nothing more than pitiful weapons. It is our duty as exorcist to kill these weapons and free the souls trapped inside."

"This sounds like out of a grotesque horror novel, Master Cross", Ellen quietly said and Cross studied her face.

"And yet you know that I spoke nothing but the truth; you have seen it with your own eyes, you have killed an Akuma with your own hands before he could kill you, take over your body and destroy all the people close to you. You were lucky; most people don't survive a midnight meeting with the Earl."

"Lucky indeed", Ellen whispered, "to know the pain of a second loss and to be cursed by my dear Mana". Cross moaned as he saw the tears shining in Ellen's silver-blue eyes.

"You are a whiny brat, stupid pupil!", Cross roared and Ellen looked up with wide eyes.

"When have I become your pupil?", she demanded calmly, eyes still watery.

"Ever since you've started calling me 'Master'. Were you only a little bit more useful I could just drop you off at the Black Order, but you are an useless, spoiled princess, dressed in her Sunday's best! I have to teach you an awful lot of lessons! You have to learn to use that Innocence of yours", he pointed to Ellen's left hand, which she instantly hid behind her back, as if just pointing at it would provoke the monster to break free.

"I told you, I will not-"

"You have to kill! Or do you want to die, Ellen Walker?!" Ellen froze in mid-sentence., upon which Cross grinned and leaned over to her, "You will take up Mana's name, like this you can protect your mother, if ever someone chooses to go after Ellen Bermont. I will not take you to the order to be a good virgin, to pray and to recite the Bible. No such crap! I'm going to release you to the world's hidden battlefield so you can protect humans, free the Akuma's soul and take revenge on that fat Earl of Millennium! I will not accept your crying any longer, princess, or I'll just kick you out of the train so you can find your way to the black order – ALONE!" Ellen sure had a sour look on her face and tried her best not to pout – for this was not appropriate for a young lady – and kept quiet. But Cross knew that she would be a good girl and do just what he said – stop whining that is, he could imagine that she would still refuse to kill an Akuma until it would be nearly too late. But there's one good thing in having a well-mannered lady as a pupil, Cross mused; she would not dare to contradict him.

The town they stopped in was very calm, on the long cobble-stone streets vendors were selling their goods and small shop followed small shop in the long row of houses. Ellen sure wished she would be here with her mother and her aunt, not with the General, who had for the rest of the journey bothered her nose with smoking a disgusting pipe. Despite this she was still happy that he brought her here, she was getting bored on the train without anything to do, for Cross proved to be of little entertainment and he surely did not know how to amuse a young lady. Even when she asked him, out of polite curiosity, where he was from, he managed to steer a nice conversation about India into a gross tale of money, liquor and disgraceful women. Ellen shuddered at the thought and wondered whether all men of this strange order were like him, because if they were she would have to fear for her mind's and body's innocence.

"Are you daydreaming?", Cross asked as he got out of a liquor store with half a dozen of bottles in his arms.

"Ah, yes?", she asked to show him she was paying attention. The red-haired man nodded his head in the direction of the store.

"Go in and pay the man", the General ordered with a stern face and started to walk away.

"Excuse me?", Ellen stuttered unbelievingly, "you cannot be serious!"

"Sell your dress if you're short on money, or your body if it's not enough!", she heard him shouting from the other side of the street. She just stared at him, like some people who had heard him, then – remembering her manners – went into the store to pay for her Master. Lucky for her that her mother gave her a good sum, but she had actually planned to save it for emergencies. It seemed that travelling with Cross was an emergency.

"What a mean man", she mumbled to herself as she followed him into the next store; a tailor.

"Get her a pair of trousers, a shirt, a vest and a jacket", Cross told the lady who just starred at him.

"Ah, yes Sir. I will only be a moment", she answered and took the shocked Ellen by the hand.

"I will not be wearing trousers! This is disgraceful Master Cross!", she shouted.

"Shut your trap!", Cross roared and went out, "I'm going to get you a pair of shoes". Ellen huffed and looked at the lady.

"Please excuse this improper argument. We will just do as the gentleman pleases, but could you also get me something nice to wear? Something that can be used for walking, but does not include pants, please?". The woman started to chuckle but nodded her head.

An hour later Cross came back into the small shop – he had met a good looking woman on he way and could not resist temptation – only to find Ellen absent.

"Where is the brat?!", he wanted to know and the shop-owner appeared from behind a curtain.

"Please, do not shout in here, dear customer. The young lady is here, as she did not want herself exposed in this unusual attire". Cross rolled his eyes and ordered Ellen to come out. She did, only very slowly, her bare feet touching the cold floor lightly with the toes, like a Ballerina would have done. She did wear black trousers, a white shirt and a black jacket, just as Cross had ordered, and her hair was tied back with a green ribbon.

"Now that's better. Put these on and we'll leave", he threw her a pair of black boots. She inspected them, not pleased at all, but slipped in anyways just as Cross went out.

"Master Cross, I hope this is not a silly joke of yours", Ellen said as she caught up with him. "I look like a boy and this is highly disgraceful for me. If my mother knew of this-"

"Ah, we're here", Cross announced without listening to one word of Ellen's complaints. Ellen took a look at the building in front of them; it was a barbershop.

"Here? Do you want to get your beard cut? I must say it is highly unsightly to see a young, good looking man such as yourself not only with half his face hidden by a mask but also unshaved", Ellen said, but was roughly shoved into the barber's shop.

"Do not get out before that silly white hair of yours is half its length!", he ordered and closed the door, much to the astonishment of the young lady and the people inside.

"You cannot be serious! Why do you do this to me?!", Ellen asked and tried to open the door Cross blocked. She took care as not to raise her voice too much, because people were already considering Cross to be everything else than well-behaved.

"It's part of my teachings; it'll be a pain to clean white hair of all the blood", he replied and Ellen froze, "my hair is already red, I must be lucky, but white is like a blank canvas demanding to be painted". Ellen sighed and turned around to get rid of her beloved hair - she would be complaining and crying later, now Cross was trying to give her a hard time.

"This must be another curse", she thought as the barber cut off her hair just above her shoulders, "oh dear Mother, dear Mana in heaven… I will not loose to either one of them"

"_Dear Mother. I hope you are well. I must say that journeying with Master Cross sure gives me a lot of new and unexpected experiences. I would say he does teach me a few things, although his way of doing so might just seem very unconventional and even outrageous to some. I do have to tell you, dearest Mother__, that sometimes I really had to try my best to keep up my good manners. He is just a really hard person to live with. You would not believe what he already did in this short span of time. But rest assured, I am physically unharmed and will remain so; although General Cross might be a strange fellow, he would not dare to lay hand on your daughter, dear Mother. I have to hurry up my letter writing now, my Master calls me at this unearthly hour. I guess it is time to move on, we have stayed in this town for long enough. I wish you all the best._

_With Love,_

_Your daughter Ellen"_

Ellen put the parchment into the envelope and closed it. She did enjoy writing letters, it was a very pleasant way to spend the day – in conversation with friends. She already did miss the long hours she spent in her room writing, reading and replying to the letters she got from her friends in far away places. Her mother made sure she kept up all those nice acquaintances, for they might prove favourable in the future, but Ellen just regarded the correspondence as a nice pastime activity. As Cross called again, his patience clearly running short, she hurried down and handed the letter to her Master.

"Can you please post this if given time?", she asked with a bright smile, but only earned herself a raised eyebrow, "it is a letter to my Mother, she surely will want to know how I am doing. I assure you, I only say nice things about you"

"Oh, I don't doubt that. I'm always nice", Cross said and shoved the letter in one of his coat's pockets.

"But do not forget to post it, will you?", Ellen asked him, unsure whether the letter will reach her mother unharmed.

"Now hurry up! Take this", he said and shoved a small suitcase in Ellen's arms.

"What is it?", she wanted to know and eyed the black suitcase suspiciously.

"You'll want it. That's all I'll ever give you, so keep it close to you", Cross told her and she nodded, a little bit unsure of what to do with it. "Now follow me, it's only a two days walk to the Black Order now"

"You can refer to this as 'only'? You know I am not used to walking long distances", Ellen said, shaking her head from side to side.

"Are you called Ellen Walker or not?", he shouted and she flinched but nodded, "so you will walk, walk all the way to the order, to all the destinations your missions will lead you, right up to where the Earl is waiting for you to kill him"

"Oh I guess he just might be…", Ellen mumbled and was hit by Cross' large hat. "Very well… I will walk", she agreed without further complaints.

"Good girl. Now follow me… Take Timcampy", he ordered and the golden Golem, which Cross was carrying with him, flew on Ellen's head. She still was very uneasy in the golem's presence, because she could not identify what he was supposed to be; some strange invention? Or an animal brought my merchants from the Far East? But the golem was just munching her white hair without biting her ear, as Cross ordered him to do as soon as Ellen was not following Cross' orders.

"Why do you give him to me?", the girl asked as Cross was leading her out of town, where the wide flower fields began.

"He will keep an eye on you", was the only answer Cross gave her, "you heard me. Two days on your two feet, got it?". Ellen nodded with uneasiness starting to build up in her stomach.

"You will be coming with me, right?", she asked, as Cross produced a mallet from somewhere and she widened her eyes, "Master…?"

"Sweet dreams, Ellen Walker!", the last thing poor Ellen saw was the mallet rushing down and then everything went black.

**To be continued...**

Notes: I've never planned to have Ellen stay with Cross for long, you'll see why later on. Allen's life with Cross was a very important experience and certainly partly made him what he is today. Ellen lacks this aspect, but has different qualities (I hope).

I wasn't sure about Ellen's age. I didn't want to specify a birthday, because we don't know Allen's. Winter seemed like a good choice, but then again, I had to decide if she should be 14 turning 15 or 15 turning 16. As it's already autumn in the fic the first option sounded better... And we don't really know how old Allen is...

If you find more strangeness, writing mistakes or whatever just tell me. :3


	3. Kapitel 2 Seeing Ghosts

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Ah, here I am again. Thanks for the reviews!_ is happy_ I still have enough reserves to post another chapter, which I'm happy about, because I probably won't have time for an update next week._

_This chapter we have Ellen on her way to the Order :3 _

_It takes such a long time to get the story going. Ach. Blöd... X3_

_And to answer **Pay Backs a Bitch**'s question (call me stupid, but I have NO clue how I should / could reply to a review, someone enlighten me? NO, wait. I have found the magic REPLY BUTTON!!!!! I' m an idiot, but as the question is clever I leave the reply here): Ellen does not see the point in pretending to be a boy; her initial plan would be to get to the order dressed as a fine artistocratic lady (she's young, but she's also kinda proud lol) but you'll see how that will turn out lolz. Pairing will be **Kanda / Ellen** (of course _giggle_), no idea if there's enough room for a side pairing. _

_Everyone still with me? Good. Let's move on!_

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

Chapter Two - Seeing Ghosts 

When young Ellen Walker came to she fortunately did not lie in the open where General Cross left her, but some way along the road in the shade of a big tree. She groaned as her head reminded her why exactly she was lying there. The young lady glanced up into the orange pink morning sky and sighed. Alone… How could she possibly reach the Black Order without a map and without the faintest idea where it lay? After some long pondering and silent cries about the unfortunate turn her life had taken after Mana's death she got up and dusted off her clothes. For some moments she actually wanted to go back into town, forget all about being an exorcist and just go home to her mother where she could be Ellen Bermont again, but she was too afraid to do it; afraid of Cross, afraid of the harm she could bring to her family, afraid of the monster dwelling inside her. She actually didn't see any other choice but to walk on, as Cross had told her to do, she needed to walk if she didn't want to endanger her family and if she wanted her curse to be lifted.

Just as she finally dared to put one step before the other and walk into an unknown direction, something golden hit her from the side. With tears from the sharp pain stinging in her eyes, she held her cheek and stared at Cross' golden golem Timcampy.

"Oh dear! Do not startle me like that!", she shrieked and finally allowed herself to breathe again, "shoo, shoo", she tried to chase him off, "I do not want to be bitten, so please, leave". But Timcampy seemed to have other plans, as he flew against Ellen's forehead. "That hurts!", she screamed, forgetting herself for a moment, because she knew that no one was watching her, "you… Thing! Stop doing this or I swear I will feed you to a cat!". The golem didn't seem to be impressed by her girlish threats and started chewing her white hair. "Oh please!", Ellen started to wail, as Timcampy wouldn't let go of her hair. "What do you want me to do?". Just as if this was the cue Timcampy had been waiting for, he started to pull at her hair, urging her forward. As the noble girl had stumbled a few steps forward he let go of the white strands and started to fly ahead. The young girl looked after him in confusion. "Do you intent to show me the way to the order?", she asked hopefully and started to run after Timcampy as he just continued. "Maybe you do have some merits after all, Sir Tim", Ellen decided as she had caught up with him. The golden golem chose to ignore the whiny child; there were two days worth of walking ahead of them.

The time Ellen and 'Sir Tim', as the girl chose to call her golden companion, reached the next town, the young lady was exhausted.

"Never before have I walked such a long distance without interruption!", she huffed and glanced up at the moon rising above the roofs of the small town. "Do you allow some resting Sir Tim?", she inquired with a small glance to the golem, before she set off to enter the town without awaiting the silent answer. The golem didn't seem to have any problems with her request and followed her down the cobblestone path, past the archway of the town's gates. "It surely is quiet, even though the moon has only risen a short time before our arrival", the noble girl remarked as she glanced around the empty streets and unlit windows. "Like a ghost town", she whispered and started to chuckle, "oh Sir Tim, what silly thoughts have crossed my mind. I am in need of a bath and a maid to wash my clothes". Ellen looked down at her dirty boots, but instead of being disgusted with herself she found herself rather exited. Whenever she had spent time with Mana she would always turn up dirty at her mother's door. Of course Lady Charlene Bermont would disapprove of any behaviour which involved dirt and physical labour, but she did approve of the happy looks she would receive from her daughter and brother upon their return. Ellen sighed at the memory and started to look around for an inn as she walked ahead. "Oh, I will dress in my finer clothes once I am only a short distance away from the Black Order", she said to Timcampy, but she did not expect an answer from him and was pleased to just keep talking to herself. She came to a stop as she saw an inn with dimly lit windows across the town square she had just reached. She smiled with relief and nodded to Tim, who just floated in mid-air next to her. "You do not think that Master Cross would mind me meet the order in nice attire, do you?". She went on with her previous speech and started to cross the square. "After all, I am a girl. Girls dress nicely. He cannot expect me to present myself with dirt on my face… Hmm. I must be the first girl he has as a student, or he would behave differently…", she mumbled, not realizing, that Timcampy hasn't moved a bit. "Maybe he is shy… That would explain why he would need me to wear boy's clothes…". The girl looked up as she saw the door of a house to her left open, a man stumbling out of the darkness. Ellen's face lit up for a second, but then she saw all the doors opening one after another and people coming out in the open to crowd the small town's square. "Oh… Excuse my intrusion", the girl began, feeling more than a bit scared. She took a few steps backwards as they came nearer. In the darkness she could not make out their expressions. "This is not a secluded town, they cannot possibly be surprised by visitors", she thought to herself, holding her suitcase up, as if it would make her invisible to those strange town's people. "If my presence makes you… uncomfortable… I… I will leave this moment!", she shouted, trying to sound as calm and polite as possible. There still was a chance that they were just curious who she was, but with all the talk about mysterious things like exorcists, Akumas and earls, she was rapidly losing faith in this innocent belief. Timcampy flew against her head, making her wheel around frantically and frightened. "Do not scare me like that! Not now!", she mouthed with wide eyes. The left side of her face was burning, just a thin line of fire from over her eyebrow down to the cheek, just where that unsightly scar was. Her cursed hand, hidden in a glove and tightly clenched around the handle of her suitcase, throbbed almost painfully, but fear made the girl ignore it. Timcampy flew against her head again, and then he made a dive for her left hand to bite one or two of her fingers. "Ouch!", she hissed, "please, Timcampy, stop it!". The golem flew up again, and hovered just in front of her face, blocking the view of those people staggering nearer and nearer. Ellen couldn't hear a sound, just their steps over the cobble stone pavement. Her scar started to hurt more intensely and her eye started to burn and water, but she didn't dare to rub away the tears, as if any more movement would give the town's people a reason to attack. Timcampy suddenly rose over her head and cleared Ellen's view over the gathered crowd. She dropped her suitcase and stood frozen on the spot. Those were not humans! Ellen could see some sort of crying, deformed ghosts hovering behind the people, a chain connecting them to the people's bodies. "Those… Those are… Akuma?!", she whispered with dread. Like on cue Ellen witnessed the people transform into huge, metallic floating balls, pipes, resembling canons and guns poking out of their many layers of dull silver metal and pale faces, mouths wide open and black markings like inky tears, around their eyes, lay in the middle of the monsters' round bodies. Ellen could neither take a step ahead nor backwards, she stood still like a statue, terror in her eyes, as those monsters came nearer, canons pointing towards the seemingly only living soul of this town.

Ellen thought that she would die before she could reach the Black Order, die without having avenged her beloved Mana, die before she could overcome any of her many curses, die before she could forgive herself for being so ignorant and stupid. But in a blaze of fire, light and a heavy blast of wind which threw the girl off her feet, everything seemed to change. She could hear the metallic cries of those Akuma, the slashing, banging and the firing of diverse weapons and the explosions. She did not know who was fighting whom, but she was wise enough to rise to her feet and seek shelter.

"What is going on there?!", she wondered, but was too frightened to risk a glimpse of the battle, "are they exorcists?!". After mere minutes all noises died down and the dust and fumes of the explosions settled down. She saw two figures standing in the middle of the town square. Ellen rose slowly and, nudged by Timcampy, moved forward.

"E… excuse me?", she whispered, half expecting them to turn into monsters as well. The two seemed to be wearing similar clothes just like her master did. One of them was tall, with red hair and a wide satisfied grin on his face, the other, smaller one, seemed to be an older man, a white strand of hair pointing upwards. They both turned their heads towards her.

"Man, just a few feet away from headquarters and we encounter a bunch of Akuma!", the red-head said to his companion, not taking much notice of the young girl in front of him.

"Consider it exercise, you fool. Come, we need to be going", the old man replied, then he made a short bow to the young lady. Only now the teenager seemed to have taken notice of the girl and looked at her with mild interest. Ellen saw an eye-patch over his right eye, the other, green one, sparkled.

"What a nice looking man! Might he be a pirate?", the girl wondered with delight, but still managed a small, polite bow.

"You better watch out, boy! There are evil things around! You were lucky to meet us here!", the pirate-exorcist chirped, then he followed the older man.

"No! Please wait!", Ellen tried to stop him, "I am not-". But with unnatural speed they were out of sight and Ellen was alone in this ghostly town, with piles of metal littering the town square. "A boy…". The young girl sighed. "They must have been exorcists, they were wearing this strange cross, like Master Cross", she told Timcampy, who didn't seem impressed by her observation. "Surely they could have shown me the way…". Ellen picked up her suitcase and nodded at her golden companion. "I have changed my mind. I do not want to spend my night in this town. I will walk. I can sleep when I get there". Timcampy seemed to like this plan and moved ahead. "I guess you can show me the way too… But it would have been nice to have a escort which could protect me…"., she mumbled as they left the town and went on ahead. "No offence Sir Tim, but biting these monsters will not keep them from hurting me… And I would not stand a change against such vile fiends…". Ellen rubbed her eye, which has stopped aching as soon as the Akuma had been killed, her hand too no longer made any problems. "What was going through Master Cross' head? I cannot defend myself! This hand…", with contempt she forced herself to think back to the night she had killed her dear uncle Mana. Her hand had moved on its own accord, maybe if endangered it would repeat this. "Could it be, that if faced with these monsters, I act on my own?", she asked Timcampy, who did not bother to give an answer, "that this so-called Innocence of mine would move my body on its own again?". Ellen shuddered and looked up to the bright moon, "I do not want to become a slave of this Innocence and murder again… But if I have to protect me in order to protect my family… I probably must walk this path…"

Ellen decided to take a small rest in order to relax her aching feet. Sir Tim and the young girl had arrived at a forest three hours ago and Ellen could see a high mountain rising in the distance. She had a feeling that this would be her destination, but maybe she was just hoping for the long journey to be over. She did not know how Exorcists would travel, if there were Akuma everywhere on this big wide world, then they certainly didn't have the time to walk, or maybe there were many exorcists, all over the world. That seemed to Ellen like a nearly romantic idea – powerful people which were secretly protecting the innocent from harm.

"But this earl makes the people's grieve over the loss of a beloved his weapon… Nobody can protect us from death…", Ellen thought to herself. If Cross had just told her a bit more… What kind of Master would send his pupil unprepared to a war she was not familiar with? She didn't even know how to fight! She had a weapon she didn't know how to use. It was all very frustrating for the young girl and she soon found herself longing for her mother's comforting arms or even Cross. "At least Akumas can be distinguished from humans… It would be a very hard battle if you were not able to know who was friend or foe…", Ellen mumbled and looked at her hand. "Maybe they will just send me back when I get there… Seeing as I do not want to be controlled by it… But if I could control it… Maybe then I would… I would be able to punish this earl…". The girl sighed and looked at her hand with an intense stare. "I command you to stir!", she shouted, but nothing happened and Ellen groaned, "do something! There is no evil around, I just want to see that I could be useful! Innocence, show yourself!". As she said these words she could feel her hand burning, the red flesh disappearing and her slender arm transforming into a big white claw. Ellen was so frightened that she started to scream and the claw disappeared again. A wave of relief but also exhaustion hit the young woman and she leaned back against a tree, panting slightly.

"Oh… Sir Tim. I know it is not a appropriate time to say this but…", Timcampy sat on her head and Ellen closed her eyes, "I sure am hungry…". Timcampy bit down on a stand of her white her and made the girl giggle slightly. "Ah… yes, yes. You are a very eager guardian, Sir Tim. Or are you hungry as well?", she asked and stood up again. Her legs were a bit shaky but she was sure she could make it to the mountain before dawn. With her thoughts on a warm welcome, a bed and food, the young lady Bermont got herself together and started moving again, her destination still the unknown and mysterious Black Order.

To be continued...

**Notes:**

Pirate Rabi... Ellen has read too many books. X3

I at least wanted Ellen to know that she can see the souls of Akuma, but maybe she wasn't scared enough. Or maybe she was too scared of the Akuma to be scared of 'simple' ghosts. lol Oh well...

I guess at least Timcampy is in character. :3

P.S. The reason why I call a chapter "Kapitel" is because I'm stupid. I was thinking about "Night" (like in the Manga) but then the title includes "Tales", something I connect with Grimm Fairy-Tales.


	4. Kapitel 3 First Impressions

_**Author's Notes:** Yes, I know what I said about probably not being able to update. Well, I actually still am busy writing my proseminar paper, but I needed a break. X3 And I wanted to give you people some time to review _innocenct giggle

_This chapter's not very eventful. You know how it happens in the Manga and it's not that different in here, though I try not to make it boring. Uh, I hope. _

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

Kapitel 3: First impressions of the Dark Order

"This… is a joke…" Ellen stood at the mountains foot and stared up. There was no road upwards and Timcampy already was floating higher and higher. "You cannot expect me to climb!", she whined and looked down, "And I wanted to put on the nice dress! Sir Tim! Do not ignore a lady's cry for mercy!". The golden golem came back, but Ellen didn't even have the time to be relieved, as Timcampy bit her ear. "Why, you!!", she shrieked and held her bleeding ear, "you will make me forget my manners!", she yelled, then she looked back up. "It will be night when I get up!". Fortunately Mana had taught her how to climb and she was quite good at it, but that didn't mean she was able to climb this mountain! But she was going to give it a try. "I will sleep when I get there!", she shouted as if it was the battle cry she needed to start climbing.

Ellen didn't have a watch but she knew that hours must have passed as the sky has already turned a dark and chilly blue and her hands were sore and bleeding. She had forced herself to never look down and just go on climbing. Tim was floating next to her, chewing on her ear when she didn't go on. "Do not worry, Sir Tim. I do not want to give up here. I cannot! I would die if I let go and I am not that stupid". Her stomach growled and she wailed. "I am hungry!!!". She looked up and saw that the she was almost at the top. She grit her teeth and put a lot of effort into the last remaining meters and finally, after what seemed an eternity, she pulled herself up on even ground. "I got up! I got up!!". She lay down flat on the floor, panting, feeling like she could faint anytime. "I hope they have a bed ready for me…", Ellen whispered, then she stood up and dusted the dirt off her clothes. She looked up and saw a large, black tower rising far up into the clouds. "You… Not really…". She hadn't expected something that looked as if it might by the headquarters of a dark and evil organisation, but a church or cathedral. This was getting ridiculous! Maybe Cross was just pulling her leg with all of this talk about exorcists! But then she thought of Mana and calmed down. "Maybe they just want to scare those of a faint-hearted nature away", she tried to convince herself and marched towards the door, "not that I actually think anyone with a faint heart would make it up here. Thank God I made it. And thank Mana for all his teaching me useful things", she mumbled and reached the huge gates which she took for the main entrance. The young girl examined the strange door which had a relief of an incredibly huge gargoyle-like face as decoration. "I may become an exorcist and Cross might have sent me here but…", she whispered to herself and looked at Timcampy, "this is NOT a Church!". The golden golem just ignored her and Ellen sighed. "Is there no handle to knock?", she wondered, then she breathed in and chose to disgrace herself just a little bit, so as to get herself noticed.

"Excuse me? This is the Black Order, right? I was sent here by General Marian Cross to become an exorcist", she shouted, her cheeks blushing a bit at her loud voice. For two silent minutes nothing happened, then a voice out of nowhere thundered:

"We have to get you checked, please let the Gatekeeper examine you".

"Thank you very much", she answered and went nearer to the door which she expected to open. But when the stone relief suddenly burst to life and started to talk she couldn't help but shriek in terror.

"Beginning x-Ray Examination", the 'gatekeeper', or so Ellen thought, still trying to calm down, said and his eyes stared at her. Ellen just stared back, then she put on a more polite face.

"My name is Ellen Walker. I am very pleased to meet you", she introduced herself to the stone, which did nothing but stare at her for a long moment, but Ellen could swear she saw sweat forming on his stony surface as his face showed confusion. She did not expect him to start yelling.

"He's cursed! Cursed! Out with him! He's an ally of the Earl! Cursed!!". Ellen was very startled and couldn't even reply but she heard the voices of the people yelling at each other over the gatekeeper's wailing.

"Oh, please, this is a misunderstanding!", Ellen tried to calm everyone quite frantically, but she didn't have much success. "I am not an ally of this earl. I am an exorcist!". Right after she had yelled this she was yanked backwards by her hair. She just could make out Sir Tim with a silky strand in his mouth before she heard a loud bang and the dust whirled up just where she had been standing merely a second before. Through the dust she saw the figure of a human and as the person stepped nearer she could see a young man with a sword, pointing in her direction.

"What an impertinent fool you are, scum! Coming here alone!", he shouted and took a swing with his sword. Ellen, having no other means of protection, raised her suitcase to block the attack. Surprisingly it didn't cut in two and Ellen took this moment of the other's surprise to make explanations.

"Please here me out! I am an exorcist! I do not want to fight any of you!", she clumsily let the suitcase drop to the floor, where it opened up. Ellen looked down and saw a letter lying on a few clothes. Before she could take it up the young man in front of her took it. While he wasn't busy with pointing the sword in her face, Ellen could get a better look at his face. He was a foreigner, most probably Asian. He had long, black hair tied up in a pony tail and he wore an exorcist's uniform, like her master. He was good looking, but had a scary face.

"This is addressed to Komui", the man said.

"Well Kanda, then open it", a voice said, from an – to Ellen – unknown source, and this Kanda did as he was told, "and read it out loud"

"To Komui. I'm sending you my idiot student Walker to train. Signed, Cross", he read.

"Then what are we waiting for, let him in! Timcampy should be enough proof". Ellen sighed in relief and picked up her suitcase.

"I don't believe him", Kanda said and again pointed his sword at Ellen's surprised face. "he's cursed".

"I am, yes… But", Ellen started, but didn't get far as right at this moment a young woman smashed her clipboard on Kanda's head. Kanda stared at her, but she ignored the evil glare she received.

"Stop fighting you two. Come in please", she said and Ellen realized that she must be Asian too. But her skirt was awfully short, which caused the young girl to blush.

"Oh my!!", she thought to herself, "does she have no shame?". Kanda was growling, mostly at Ellen, but he obeyed and went in with the other two girls.

The entrance hall was huge and all made of polished stone. It didn't seem very inviting to Ellen, but the girl was smiling at her, which put her mind at ease.

"I am Linali Li, nice to meet you", she greeted and Ellen smiled at her and made a ladylike bow, which seemed to surprise Linali.

"The pleasure is all mine Miss Li. I am Ellen Walker". Linali just laughed awkwardly, but Ellen paid no attention to this, as she saw the Asian man take his leave.

"Excuse me for the trouble", she told him, her hand on his elbow, but he just shot her a glare. Not put off by this very much, Ellen showed him a sincere smile and dusted off her clothes. "Well, Mister Kanda, I am very pleased to make your acquaintance", she said and made another bow, lower this time, which seemed to surprise Kanda as much as it did Linali, but he just growled and walked away.

"Don't mind him, he's always grumpy when he gets back from missions". Ellen still followed the retreating form of the man with her gaze.

"Is that so… My, I do not intend to talk about people behind their backs, but he seems like a curious fellow", she admitted fingers on her cheek, then turned to the other young woman. She took it as her cue to continue talking.

"Well. I will now lead you to the supervisor. Shall we?". Ellen nodded politely and followed the taller woman with timid steps. Linali lead her to the most important parts of the Dark Order on their way to the supervisor. "The Dark Order is a home for most of the Exorcists, so I hope you too will feel at home here. We'll get you a room of your own".

"So it is like a monastery…", Ellen wondered, upon which Linali turned around with a questioning look on her face.

"It isn't exactly. Exorcists from all over the world get dispatched from here. They are not required to live here, but most do…", Linali explained. Ellen looked quite puzzled, but tried her best to hide it.

"I see. That is why you are here too, right Miss Li? You are not of European descent, am I right?"

"Ah, you can call be Linali, Allen", Linali said pleasantly, "But you're right. There aren't that many exorcists. But what did General Cross teach you?", she wondered. Ellen put her gloved hand to her mouth.

"I must admit, that there was not much time for teaching. I was faced with… an Akuma and Cross was informed of this it seems. He ordered me to follow him, but he actually put it that I would be joining an order, so that I could get over my curse", she admitted, "I am not sure my mother would have let me go had she known that I would be required to go to war". Ellen sighed and looked forward, where a stairway lead up to an upper floor. "But to war I go… I would never have imagined that I would have to fight…". Linali patted her back and smiled at her.

"No need to worry so much. You are an exorcist, you will pull through. And we surely won't send you unprepared. Don't worry", she assured and Ellen nodded. "Now come, my brother is waiting".

This brother of Linali seemed to be an overly-cheerful man, who adored his little sister to an extent Ellen would have considered ridiculous if not for the rudeness of such a thought.

"Now, we don't get many pupils of Cross!", Komui Li said, and finally turned his attention from Linali to the newly arrived exorcist. "Welcome to the Black Order, Allen Walker!". He shook Ellen's hand. "Now. Could I please see your Innocence?". The request made Ellen blush in shame, because it made her feel uneasy to show anyone her ugly hand. But she convinced herself that this man could help her and wouldn't be put off. So she took of her jacked, rolled up her sleeve and pulled off the glove. Her arm seemed to catch Komui's interest immediately and he even put down his coffee mug for once. "A parasitic type I see".

"I beg you pardon?", asked Ellen with a confused frown as he didn't explain what he meant by it.

"Oh, I reckon you don't know about Innocence types yet. A parasitic Innocence is quite rare you must know. The Innocence takes hold of some body part, it resides inside the body of its conformer host, so to speak. It lies off the host's life powers but in turn can grant him or her its destructive power". Ellen listened to this description with slight disgust. "Ah, don't pull such a face, boy! Every Innocence is unique, but among them, the parasitic ones are even more valuable!".

"Very well, Mister Li… But…"

"Could you activate the Innocence for me?", Komui cut her short before she could correct his assumption about her sex. As he only received a blank stare from Ellen he frowned, "you don't know how to activate it?"

"You mean, make it change form?", Ellen wanted to know and Komui nodded, "No I do not. I made it change two times in my life. Both times I encountered those Akuma. But I cannot control the Innocence. It controls me", she said with a queer face, visibly put off by it. Komui laughed and gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Don't worry. I must say that it is unusual that exorcists are being sent here without any knowledge. They actually should get trained by their masters. But rest assured, we will teach you everything you need to know instead".

"That is very kind of you…", she said with a small smile, then she pulled down her sleeve again, "if you do not mind me asking… If you say we should get instructed by our masters…"

"Cross didn't do his job. Yes", Komui confirmed with a huge grin plastered on his face. It quite got on Ellen's nerves, because this was not the time to be cheerful, but she only showed a polite smile in return, "and as you are officially his student we can't assign you to another tutor"

"That is a shame, Mister Li. But putting this matter aside, how do you intent to teach me? And what actually?", Ellen wondered. Komui played around with his mug, but smiled at her in a kind way, which calmed Ellen very much.

"I told you not to worry, Allen. You will learn everything in time. We are wiser than to just throw you out onto the battlefield. Which Cross would probably do…", he told her with a thoughtful expression. Ellen thought it best to stay silent. Komui laughed again as he saw the girl's face. "But we won't. No, no. We might be short on exorcist, but we are not short on common sense. So, now… I guess it would be best to assign you to a senior exorcist, who will then guide and teach you as much as possible".

"Oh. I could do that, brother", Linali said cheerfully and smiled at Ellen, which the girl returned.

"Oh noooo! Not my cute Linali! I can't do that! I need you here, my darling sister!", Komui began to wail and Linali rolled her eyes.

"Then who do you have in mind?", she asked. Komui regained his composure and looked through the papers littering his desk.

"Well… I would have liked Rabi to do the job, he's very good at teaching stuff and good natured too. But he left for a longer mission with Bookman just yesterday". Ellen wondered if either Rabi or Bookman (which was a highly strange name, she mused) could be the handsome pirate-exorcist she saw the previous day. She certainly would enjoy looking at him a little longer. But this was not a proper thought to dwell on for any longer, so she just listened to Komui thinking aloud. "Well… Kanda just returned from his mission…"

"Oh, brother…", Linali sighed and shook her head.

"I know that he's not very sociable, but he is more than able to do the job…"

"Brother… This is not a 'job', this is a very important responsibility for anyone to do. There is a reason why generals instruct the new members…"

"Of course, my sharp little Linali, but in the end the new exorcists do not necessarily train with them. And Kanda's the best exorcist we've got right now. Next to you of course, my darling sister!!"

"Excuse my intrusion, but are you speaking of the gentleman we met at the door?", Ellen inquired and the siblings looked at her with surprised faces. It was probably the first time anyone gave the title 'gentleman' to Kanda. But Ellen was very generous when it came to see people in the best light, at least most of the time.

"Ah… Yes, we are", Linali answered once she got over the shock. "But you got to know him right? He would only be annoyed"

"Indeed. If my instructor were to be annoyed it certainly would have an effect on the quality of his teachings… But then again… If he is able I might just like to claim his service". Komui snorted a good natured laugh.

"You see, my dear Linali? He knows what's best for him!"

"Brother. You still ignore the fact that Kanda won't do this willingly. And Allen is new to all of this. Kanda might just be too violent… And short-tempered above all!", Linali tried to reason, but Komui would have nothing of it.

"I've decided on it! It is the perfect match! We saw that Allen can stand his ground when faced with Kanda's Mugen!", he shouted. Linali only brought her hand to her face and muttered:

"Yes, when armoured with a suitcase…", then she looked at Ellen, who was politely waiting for them to take action. "Allen. We will leave this matter to my brother. You must be tired. I'll show you to your room"

"This would be very kind indeed, Linali", Ellen said and bid the strange scientist good-bye. The two girls left the science lab and Linali guided her to her room.

"So. How old are you? And where are you from?", Linali wanted to know just after they stopped in front of a door.

"I will turn 15 and I am from the city of London", Ellen answered.

"And you lived with your mother before?", Linali wondered when she opened the door to Ellen's new room. The white haired girl glanced into it; it was not very big, the floor was made of cold stone, just like the walls. There was a single small bed, a drawer and a small writing table, just next to an equally small window.

"I did", Ellen answered and turned back to Linali, "my father died when I was two. My uncle and mother have taken care of me since then". Linali nodded with a small smile. "Thank you very much for taking care of me. I really appreciate it", Ellen said and bowed to Linali.

"Ah. No. Don't worry. This is home after all! We all take care of each other! You'll feel safe here in no time!", the Chinese girl assured her. Ellen smiled and nodded. "I have to go now or my brother will worry. I will see you tomorrow then!".

"Very well. Good Night, Linali".

"Good Night!". Ellen shut the door after Linali, turned around and then put her damaged suitcase down. She slipped out of her shoes and kneeled down, next to her bed.

"Dear Mother… I finally arrived at the Black Order… Mana, thank you so much for all your teaching, or I would not have made it so far…", her hand glided over the thin blanket, head resting against the cold bed frame. "But I am still only at the beginning… Have faith in me… Both of you…".

**To be continued...**

Notes:

Now you know why I didn't want Cross to train Ellen. lol. You'll see how Komui's genius plan will work out, but you can guess if you want to. lol

Poor Ellen, things will change for her from here on. X3

Reviews are always nice, because they feed my ego. :3

Next chapter will be out around Saturday (I guess)


	5. Kapitel 4 First Lesson: Control

_**Author's Notes:**_

_I'm back, as promised! I finally handed in my stupid paper... phew _

_I never asked, but what do you people think about the chapter lenght? Normally they are rather short, but I update often... If I change that you will have to wait longer... Well, because university starts again on Monday I'll be slower anyway... This chapter is slightly longer because I combined two chapters, because it made more sense. The next few chapters will each focus on one day. Kinda boring, right? But you'll see..._

_I haven't gone over the chapter as much as the others because I've had enough of eternal editing (thanks to my paper lolz). I'm really sorry for any stupid mistakes, germanisms, wrong phrasal verbs, things that don't even exists and the overall "huh?" effect this chapter may cause._

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

Kapitel 4 - First Lesson: Control 

Ellen awoke with the first rays of sunlight shining trough her small window. She sat up in her bed and looked puzzled for a bit, then she remembered where she was and folded her hands in her lap.

"Here we are. My first day at this strange order", she said, then she got up, wincing as her naked feet touched the cold stone floor. Why was there no carpet? And there were no curtains. It was all clean and bleak. She was determined the change a lot of things in her room; if this was going to be her home, then she also wanted it to feel like a place she would like to stay. Ellen clumsily made her bed, then she put her suitcase on top of it.

"So. What should I wear today?", she wondered and sorted through the few clothes inside. She was very inclined to wear her nice new dress, but she realized that she lacked matching shoes. "Oh no. That will not do!", she chid herself, "I have no other choice but to wear my previous outfit. Oh. I am rather ashamed". Lady Ellen Bermont was not used to wear the same dress for a longer span of time without having it washed by a servant. But wearing a nice dress with the ugly, dirty shoes she had used to get her would be even worse. So she chose the lesser evil and put on the trousers, the shirt, the vest and the shoes. She folded her gown and put it in the drawer. Then she left the room to look for a rest room, where she could take care of her messy hair. She found a rather strange room with pools in it, but after having checked many doors, she finally discovered the woman's bath room. She was rather disappointed by the fact that no one was around. She would have been able to state that she was in fact a woman too. But she decided that now was not the time to be vain, but the time to eat a healthy breakfast. And so, when she was done, she left the room and wandered the corridors, hopefully in the right direction to the dining room.

She was lucky, because she finally met some people along the way all moving into the same direction. Like this Ellen arrived at the huge dining hall where hundreds of benches and long tables were situated. And even though it was quite early in the morning the hall was filled with the buzz of people talking and the sounds of eating. Ellen was excited because it reminded her of the times Mana took her out to big fairs where a lot of people would eat in huge tents.

"Oh, a new face!", a voice on Ellen's left called and she turned her head to find a man perched on a counter which lead to the kitchens.

"Pleased to meet you!", the girl greeted and made a bow.

"Oh my, such a cute little one!", the man, with a quite feminine air about him, said and leaned nearer to her as Ellen approached him. The aristocratic girl couldn't hide a delighted blush.

"Why, thank you very much", she answered and the man laughed.

"I'm Jerry, the Black Order's cook. I can cook you anything you'd like, my dear!", he announced. It pretty much reminded Ellen of her own cook at home and she felt very much pleased.

"Just a healthy breakfast if you would, please. Some scrambled egg, buttered toast, tea, ah make that peppermint if you would be so kind, and... A croissant with honey", she said and felt her stomach grumble just thinking of the food, which embarrassed her very much.

"No problem, my dear! Just a minute!", Jerry said and disappeared in the kitchen. The girl nodded, then, with a content smile, sat on a free seat at a nearby bench and started a conversation with some people.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance", the girl said to the smiling people, "My name is Ellen Walker".

"You're new here, right? Who is your general?", a man next to her asked.

"General Marian Cross", she answered and the people looked surprised, "I heard he is not the sort of person to take students?"

"Yes, we're surprised by that! He's a very mysterious person, that Cross is. We hear he only cares about women and that's why he never comes to the order".

"Now, how curious of him. I thought that the order is home to all exorcists"

"Exorcists and finders and the staff. Yes. We are finders by the way", a girl said.

"Finders? You must excuse me, I am not yet familiar with the order's structures", Ellen apologized, feeling a little bit ashamed of her lack of knowledge. But the finders didn't seem to be offended.

"We finders are responsible for locating Innocence. Where ever there is information about strange occurrences we finders are sent out to investigate".

"That is amazing, you must be very knowledgeable. And this also sounds like quite a dangerous job", Ellen mused and the finders laughed.

"Well, I'm glad you think like this, but there are other people who think that we are scum…", an older man said, as quite a commotion rose in the further parts of the hall. Ellen looked at him with a puzzled face and the man pointed behind him.

"Your food is ready, my darling!!", Jerry called from the kitchen and Ellen rose. Just then she saw what the matter was. A huge man, probably a finder judging from what he was wearing, was being held up and strangled by a smaller figure. "Oh no, not again. That Kanda, really, such a bad temper", Jerry said as he came to Ellen with the tray.

"What is he doing!? Oh no!", Ellen shouted, "Jerry, thank you very much, can you put the tray on the table? Thank you!", after she said that she rushed away.

"But darling! Don't go there! He…", but the girl already had disappeared into the masses, leaving a puzzled Jerry and the finders alone. Ellen pushed through the people and finally reached the two.

"Mister Kanda, what are you doing!", Ellen demanded, "please, let this man go!". Kanda only glanced at her briefly, then he snorted.

"Don't butt in, beansprout". Ellen blushed at the insulting nickname, "it's got nothing to do with you". Ellen herself was amazed at her own courage; Mana taught her to always stand up for those in need, but also not to overestimate her own abilities. Going against Kanda, an able fighter, as Ellen had seen, was far above her own capabilities. But none the less or maybe because it was Kanda, the man who would be her teacher, she couldn't let this matter slip.

"No it does not, but that does not mean that I will not try to intervene! Can you not see that you are hurting him! Let go of him! At once!!", she tried to sound as ordering as possible, but Kanda only glared at her, her words probably just fuelling his sadistic anger.

"Mister Kanda!", Ellen shouted, now worriedly and grabbed his hands, "you are killing him!"

"Who cares, he'll die anyway. Worthless finder. And he will be replaced!!", he shouted. And Ellen froze.

"Such despicable words…", she whispered, then she let go of his arm, only to bring her hand across his cheek. The whole mass of agitated people fell into silence at once, even Kanda was so surprised that he let go of the man. Her slap, given by her left hand, stung badly and his cheek was turning an ugly red very fast.

"You… What did you…", he started with hatred dripping from his words. Ellen shook, but still stood her ground.

"I slapped you. It serves you well, though I am sorry that I had to turn to such low actions. But words only fell on deaf ears, Mister Kanda", she said and Kanda glared daggers at her.

"You will die early. By my blade", he warned, but Ellen just grabbed his sleeves, before he could reach for the sword on the table.

"Speak no such ugly words! That is horrible!", she shouted, then she turned from him to kneel by the hurt finder.

"We should get him a doctor, he seems to be in rather bad shape", she said to a nearby man, who nodded and ran of. The other people helped the man stand up and dragged him off to the infirmary.

"Oi… Don't turn your back at me", Kanda warned and Ellen stood up again, dusting off her knees. But instead of starting to argue with Kanda, she just bowed.

"I am very sorry for slapping you… If you would excuse me?", with that she disappeared again, to get back to her own table, where Jerry still had the tray in his hands.

"My dear. You have a lot of courage", Jerry complimented her as she sat down again, very flushed. The other finders at her table were patting her shoulders and back.

"I was pretty scared. But I am also proud", she said with a small smile on her face and then she started eating. But she didn't get to each much, because a voice interrupted her.

"Hey you. Beansprout". It was Kanda, Ellen knew at once from his cold voice. She turned around.

"Mister Kanda, my name is Ellen", she corrected him, then she pointed to the free seat on the bench. "Please, sit". Kanda only grimaced.

"Don't mock me, you idiot", he hissed.

"I am not trying to do anything of that sort. I am trying to be nice to you", she said. Kanda was very annoyed, she could see that, so she decided not to speak anymore. But she didn't have to and neither did Kanda because just then a man passed by the door to the dining hall and spotted the two of them.

"Ah, Kanda! And Allen, right?", he called, a stack of papers in his hands. Ellen recognized him as a man she had passed on her way to Komui. As far as she could remember he was called Wenham. "Komui wants to see you two. Eat up and go". With this he already turned around the next corner and left Kanda with a fouler mood than before.

"I'm not waiting for you", he growled and left the dining hall as fast as possible even though he didn't really look forward to meeting her again at Komui's office. Ellen did hurry, thanked Jerry for the meal and searched her way back to Komuis office.

When Ellen arrived at the branch leader's office, Komui's head was barely visible, smiling at her from over high paper towers.

"Allen! Glad you made it!", he greeted. Ellen nodded and looked around. Kanda was already there sitting on the couch in front of Komui's desk, legs crossed and an annoyed scowl on his handsome face.

"Well, it would be handsome if not for the grimace he always pulls", Ellen thought but greeted him with a smile just because it was the right and polite thing to do.

"Please, Allen, take a seat", Komui said and came to the front of his table where he could actually be seen by the two. Ellen did what he asked her to do, but with a reasonable distance to Kanda.

"The reason I ordered you to come here, Kanda, is pretty simple. Allen Walker here might have a general but he has no experience as exorcist whatsoever". Kanda only raised an eyebrow and threw a mocking glance at Ellen. "Therefore we cannot send him on missions just yet. I decided it was best if you, Kanda, took care of his training until he's ready". Ellen didn't even need to look at Kanda's face to know he was furious.

"No way! I'm not his nurse! Find someone better to do this job, I refuse". He stood up to leave, but Komui blocked his path.

"Just a moment, Kanda. You cannot just refuse an order", he reprimanded him.

"This is ridiculous Komui. I can't stand this guy. And we both know that I don't train others. I have enough on my hands already", Kanda argued, "without this idiot beansprout to get on my nerves".

"I will not get on your nerves, Mister Kanda. I intend to learn from you", Ellen stated and got up from the sofa as well.

"Well said, boy!", Komui exclaimed, clapping his hands, then he turned back to Kanda, "you will not be assigned any missions until he is ready".

"I did NOT agree to this!!", Kanda shouted infuriated.

"Kanda Yu! This is a mission and I expect of you to go about it most dutifully, like you always do!", Komui said with a stern face which impressed Ellen very much. And Kanda stopped arguing even though he did seem quite disturbed. "You yourself decide on the programme you want him to go through. He is your responsibility. I know it is more of a burden really, but you're most capable of coping with it", the man assured, "ah yes. I want you to report on your progress. That's all, you can go now". Ellen bowed and hurried after Kanda who left without another word.

"Mister Kanda, what should I do?", she asked after she caught up with him.

"Che. Quit following me!", he shouted. "Go find something else to do. We will start this evening". With that he rushed off and left Ellen standing by herself. With nothing better to do, she asked the next finder she encountered if he could show her the way to the library Linali had showed her the day before. And there she spent her time until Linali found her.

"Allen! Here you are!", she said and sat down at the table opposite the girl.

"Yes, I have spent the last hours reading. This really is an amazing library!", she said, which made Linali laugh.

"Not many people appreciate the richness of knowledge stored here. I'm sure you would be good friends with Rabi!", she said.

"Rabi? I remember that name", Ellen said with an interested look on her face.

"He's a bookman. They record history and therefore have to spend a lot of time with gaining knowledge. He's very clever. Most of the people in the order didn't have much education", she explained and looked at Ellen, "did you?"

"Oh, yes. My mother was very keen on getting me a good education, mostly to secure a good future, married or unmarried. Though she would have preferred marriage over the life in the church"

"Don't worry Allen, we can all marry, the order does not restrict us. But our work actually prevents us from most relationships", Linali explained, then she remembered why she came here in the first place and put a bundle of black fabric on the table. "Before I forget, this here, Allen, is your new uniform!". Ellen looked at it with interest and pulled it towards her. "We are not required to wear them in the order, but on missions. They are also made to last in combat. You will find the uniform very useful"

"Do you think it will shield me from Mister Kanda's attacks?", Ellen wondered and put the coat on.

"It suits you well, Allen!", Linali approved, "And Kanda won't just attack you! He's your trainer, not your enemy"

"Yes. I would like to believe that, but I first have to tell him again", she sat down again and sighed, "Linali… I slapped him, I feel very ashamed now the deed is done and I have calmed down". Linali looked at him with wide eyes, then she started to giggle.

"Oh Allen, don't worry about it! You only hurt his pride not much more! You slapping Kanda, this is really courageous of you, but I guess he deserved it"

"Of course he did, but I wished words would have been enough to make him stop hurting this one finder". Linali had a thoughtful look on her face.

"Well… Kanda is like this… He lives for his missions… He's convinced that weak people don't belong on the battle field and deems himself better than the finders… He also doesn't approve of women on the battlefield… He told me. I was angry at first, but then I understood what he really meant"

"And what did he mean?", Ellen wondered, because this was important for her as well, she was a woman too after all.

"That women should be protected and stay at home where they are safe. He is very traditional in this aspect and I understand. Most men are, but if it comes to our battle, they are very glad that also women know how to fight. I have heard Rabi say that women are indispensable in times of war, because they take care of the home as long as the men are gone"

"Yes, this makes sense to me… But how did you find out that Kanda meant this? Did he tell you?"

"No… but he has been kind to me… Whenever I felt scared I could go to him. We didn't talk, but I just sat there and felt… Protected… I guess Kanda is very protective of women. We had a mission together once, with Rabi. He told Rabi to fend for himself but he worked together with me, just to make sure that I'm safe… I really appreciated it…", Linali told him.

"Yes…", Ellen nodded, "he seems like an honourable man… Even though he behaves quite rudely when faced with men…", she added.

"Ah, don't worry. He will come to tolerate you! You're younger than him and he is responsible for you. I'm sure he will behave differently for once", Linali smiled, "and maybe he will grow thanks to you", with this she got up, "come on! Let's get some late lunch! You must be hungry!". Ellen was still thinking about Kanda, but when Linali mentioned food she became aware of the fact that she was actually hungry.

"Oh yes, please!", she said with a smile and followed Linali out of the room.

Jerry was delighted when the two young women turned up at the kitchen.

"Ah, you two! Can I get you something?", he asked with a bright smile. Ellen knew at once, that Jerry had taken a liking to her, mostly from the way he looked at her.

"I'd just like a slice of the pie you made! And an orange juice, please!", Linali said, "and you Allen?"

"Could I have a slice of bread with honey? And pie sounds delicious!", Ellen exclaimed with a smile on her face, "and some tea".

"Just a second you two!", with this Jerry disappeared inside the kitchen and Linali pulled Ellen to a nearby table.

"You're not eating much for a parasitic type, are you?", the Chinese girl wondered and Ellen looked at her.

"Should I?". Linali laughed and nodded.

"Komui told me that the parasitic innocence lives of its host's energy. So you have to eat a lot to compensate for it. You never had to?"

"Well… Mostly not, maybe that is because I am not able to… How did your brother call it? Activate my weapon… But if I remember correctly I was very hungry when I forced my hand to activate just before I got here… And I was exhausted!", Ellen told her.

"So you are able to invocate!", Linali said with a surprised but happy smile.

"Well… It has only happened two times… The first time the claw showed itself on its own accord… I did not feel hungry at all and I actually stopped eating for a week… But my hair lost its colour". The Chinese girl had a frown on her face.

"I see… That's strange. Maybe you should talk to Komui about this… Innocence shouldn't harm it's wielder…".

"There you go, you two! Your orders!", Jerry interrupted their chatter and put the plates on the table.

"Oh, this looks fantastic, Mister Jerry!", Ellen exclaimed and looked at the steaming plum pie. "I am deeply impressed!". Jerry blushed and put his hands on his cheeks, while giggling.

"Ah, such a flattering child! How I would like to pinch your cheeks, you little darling!". Ellen laughed and Jerry returned to the kitchen, still laughing.

"You're quite the flatterer, really Allen", Linali stated with a smile.

"I did not intent to flatter him, I am praising. Credit where credit is due, right?", the girl across from Linali asked and then tasted her pie, "and Jerry deserves all the praise I can come up with".

"Ah Allen, you truly are funny!". They ate in silence for some minutes, but when Ellen was eating her honey covered bread, Kanda came into the dining hall.

"Beansprout!", he called and Ellen nearly chocked on her bread. "We start training!".

"But Kanda, we are still eating!", Linali exclaimed with a disturbed face. But Ellen just put her bread down and smiled.

"Do not worry about me! I have had enough! I am coming, Mister Kanda!", she called and got up to follow him out of the room.

"I expect you to be at the training ground at every morning at six from tomorrow on", Kanda told her, while he lead the way through the corridors. Ellen had no idea where they were going, but she noticed that Kanda wore his uniform and had his sword with him.

"Very well"

"We will first train some muscle into that girly body of yours. If you slack, I'll kill you"

"Understood", Ellen said as she saw no point in arguing with him right now. Kanda looked at her with a frown, maybe he had expected to hear some kind of protest. He stayed silent for the rest of their walk until they got to wooden doors. Kanda pushed them open and got in, Ellen following. They were in a room with a low-hanging ceiling. The floor was smooth stone and the walls were also made of stone without any decorations and few windows letting some evening sun in. Kanda walked to the back of the room where he put his sword on a simple wooden table. Ellen could see equally simple wooden benches next to it and a locker in a corner. But this was all the furniture the room had.

"The fact that you were able to climb the mountain, however stupid that might be, indicates that you have formed your body to some extend". Ellen raised an eyebrow.

"Is there any other way to get up to the tower?", she wondered and Kanda let out a small snort.

"Of course, you idiot. There is an elevator and a stairway. No one expects people to actually climb up there". Ellen just sighed and shook her head. "But still. You are useless as an exorcist if you can't use your innocence", Kanda spat, "you are a parasitic type, right? Show me where your innocence is!", he ordered. Ellen still didn't feel very comfortable to show her arm to anyone, but she sighed and pulled off her glove. "Hm. No wonder you were able to bruise my cheek". Just by mentioning it, even though his face was as flawless as it had been before their morning encounter, he had her blushing in shame.

"I am deeply sorry", she muttered and Kanda just grunted and pushed her into the centre of the small room.

"Don't be ridiculous, you idiot! What weakling goes around apologizing for every thing they did?! You are an exorcist now! You must take responsibility for your actions. But let me tell you one thing; being rash will only result in your death". Ellen looked at him with uncertain eyes but nodded.

"Now... We will exercise. Put up your hands, you idiot!", Kanda told her and put his hands up as if he were to attack her.

"What…? Do you want me to fight you? I do not know how to box!", she admitted though she had boxed against Mana several times just for fun. Until her mother found out, that is.

"Shut up and put your hands up", he said and punched her shoulder lightly as a warning. Ellen did know enough of boxing to know that he had no common boxer's stance; it seemed more elegant, beautiful even, as he stood there, hands raised in front of him.

"Very well… I will try…", Ellen said nervously, pressing her lips together. She raised her clenched fists up in front of her and looked at him uncertainly. "I am ready, Mister Kanda…". She had barley finished her sentence when Kanda threw a punch at her shoulder again. It took her by surprise and she wasn't fast enough to dodge it. His fist connected with her thin left shoulder and the force of it made her stagger a few steps back. But it didn't hurt as much as she expected it to. "Just concentrate on evading my attacks", Kanda warned and Ellen nodded, suddenly getting very exited. It was like back then, when she played with Mana.

Ellen kept her eyes open, but Kanda was still too fast for her. His punches stung a little, but she put up with it. And as time passed and the light was getting dimmer inside the room, Ellen was finally able to dodge and sometimes even block his attacks.

"I guess that's fine for now", Kanda suddenly announced as Ellen successfully blocked a punch. She smiled and lowered her hands. Her body ached all over and she knew that her lip was swollen were Kanda had hit her, just because she tried and failed to evade a punch aimed at the air next to her head.

"Oh, this is fun, Mister Kanda!"

"Good for you, you annoying idiot", the Japanese man said and looked at her body. They both had discarded their uniforms earlier, and Ellen had rolled up the sleeves of her shirt. Her arms had blue and red spots all over them and he knew there were many more on her upper arms and shoulders. That's all he aimed for, the bloody lip was just a result of the beansprout's stupidity and he didn't feel sorry about it at all. The girl was swinging her arms, apparently trying to get the ache out of her shoulders, but she was smiling. A big smile plastered all over her sweaty face, her white hair sticking to her cheeks and forehead and her usually white face flushed with a lively peachy colour.

"Do you not enjoy boxing?", Ellen asked and let her arms drop to her sides. Kanda picked up his coat from the ground.

"Not much. I am used to Asian fighting styles, mostly sword fighting", he said and hanged the coat on a hook. He went to the door to switch on the electric light. "And I could name many activities which would please me more than training an idiot-beansprout like you". He went to the centre of the room again, where Ellen was still waiting.

"Well, I like training with you. It is very entertaining, Mister Kanda", she said with a big smile. Kanda frowned.

"Stop calling me that. Kanda will do", he told her.

"But that is your last name, right? Do you not consider it impolite of me just calling you Kanda?", she wondered and saw Kanda's face; an irritated scowl.

"You're annoying! You act like an old man! We are exorcist and we are both still young!! Behave like it!", he shouted and Ellen grimaced, but then she looked him up and down.

"If you do not mind me asking, how old are you, Mi… Kanda?", she corrected herself and smiled. Kanda frowned.

"18".

"How long have you been here in England? You speak the language remarkably well, just like an Englishman!", she said with a delighted tone.

"Why do you want to know such useless things!? Let's work, you idiot!", he ordered and punched her shoulder.

"Fine…", Ellen pouted but then looked up at him. "What will we do now?"

"Invocate your Innocence, idiot", he said and saw her face fall, "what now?!"

"I cannot do it…", she mumbled.

"I know, that's why we are stuck here in the first place!", Kanda spat and Ellen sighed.

"I have…", she started, but shook her head, "Did you ever feel like your Innocence controlled you?"

"Why do you ask?", Kanda wanted to know, slightly taken aback by the question. Ellen raised her hand and looked at the green cross in its back.

"The first time it activated was on its own… It took over my body and it… killed", she drew in some air, "my uncle whom I have turned into an Akuma". Kanda remained silent.

"Why are you telling me this?", he wanted to know, for once lacking bite in his words.

"I do not know… Maybe because I am afraid of seeing the claw again…". Kanda snorted.

"That's the first time that I have heard that someone's afraid of their innocence. That people are afraid of the burden innocence brings, yes, that I do know of"

"I did not want to seem like a coward".

"Stop talking, you idiot!", Kanda snapped and Ellen shut up, "Now just concentrate and order your innocence to activate". Ellen looked at him with a puzzled face, but he didn't provide further explanation, so she just looked down on her hand. She remembered the time in the forest where she commanded the Innocence to form the claw. She decided to try it the same way again.

"Innocence!", she started, "I command you to show yourself!!". The green cross started to glow and her red arm formed a big white claw quite effortlessly. Kanda backed off fast because the claw's size took him by surprise. But as soon as Ellen saw her arm in front of her eyes she remembered that night when she killed Mana. She started to scream, her eyes wide and the claw disappeared again, leaving her gasping for air. She dropped to the ground, still trying to catch her breath, her hand held as far away from her body as possible.

"I cannot… I just cannot do it", she breathed, and lowered her head, to hide the tears of shame. "It frightens me so…" She heard Kanda come closer, and felt his hand on her shoulder. He gripped the fabric of her shirt and pulled her up again on her feet.

"Stop crying, you're no girl!"

"But Kanda…", she protested weakly, but he just let go of the fabric and grabbed the sleeve of her left arm.

"Look at it!", he ordered and Ellen stared at his face, "Look!!", he shouted and made her flinch. She hesitated, but turned her gaze to the red arm. "You know this since birth, right?! That is your arm!", Ellen raised her head to meet his stare, "the innocence is part of your body, if you are strong enough it will not be able to control you or your life. Invocate it and you have a strong weapon to protect yourself. It is your duty as exorcist and the aim of Innocence to destroy Akuma". He let go of her arm. "No get a grip and invocate your weapon!!". He stepped away and Ellen was looking at him, as if she expected more help. But he would not give her any, he could not. Mastering Innocence was a personal task. Ellen turned her gaze back at her hand.

"I… Innocence…", she stuttered.

"Idiot! Show some confidence! There is nothing to be afraid of! There is no one that claw of yours could harm! I am no Akuma!", he shouted. Ellen pressed her lips together and concentrated. "Innocence! I order you to activate!", she shouted and the claw returned. Ellen tried to bare it, take in its huge form, the sharp fingers, the rough surface, the light reflecting in it. Then it disappeared again. She heard Kanda groan as she let her arm drop at her side.

"What's the problem now?!", he demanded and walked to her side.

"It is… so frightening… I look at this claw… It reminds me of a monster…" Kanda put his hand on his forehand, visibly annoyed.

"Close your eyes", he ordered and Ellen turned her head, "didn't you hear me?! Close your eyes!". Ellen shut her eyes and waited. "Now raise your hand", she heard his voice and did as he told her. "Keep your eyes closed and invocate". Ellen breathed in and nodded.

"Innocence! Activate!", she called and felt the rush of power in her left arm and the heaviness of the claw held in front of her.

"Just keep it like that. This is still your arm", she heard Kanda say and nodded again. Ellen just stood still, holding her invocated arm in front of her and waited. She tried to get comfortable with it, to get used to the sensation and the prickling like electricity washing over her. Kanda just observed her while she stood unmoving, her face calm, but showing slight curiosity and effort. He saw how she tried to move her hand, how she flexed her claw-fingers and moved her hand up and down. He let her do as she pleased until he noticed that she was trembling.

"Okay, that's enough! Stop the invocation!", he ordered and went to get his coat. Ellen lowered her arm and with a "stop, innocence!" her hand returned to normal. She opened her eyes and turned to Kanda. But before she could say anything she felt all her energy leave her and dropped to the floor. Kanda just walked over to her calmly.

"Well. Parasitic Innocence uses up a lot of power", he told her, what she had already known, and then he gripped her arm to pull her on her feet. "Take your coat", he told her and pushed the fabric into her shaking arms. Ellen put it on and tried to follow Kanda, but stumbled all the way.

"Did this ever happen to you…?", she wanted to know, panting slightly as she reached him at the doors.

"Kind of. We are going to the Dining Hall", he informed her and lead the way. Ellen wouldn't have expected that she would be able to go on for so long, but they eventually reached the Dining Hall, filled with people for dinner, still standing on her feet.

"Ah, did you two become friends now?", Jerry asked as Ellen and Kanda reached the counter. "My, darling, you look exhausted!"

"Do not worry I am fine!", Ellen assured him and smiled.

"The usual", Kanda said and disappeared in the mass of people.

"Just a minute!", Jerry called after him, then he turned to Ellen, "and you?"

"I am not sure. Just something strong to get back some energy", she told him. Jerry smiled kindly and nodded. Instead of going to find a table Ellen waited, not trusting her feet to carry her. While she waited Jerry gave her some left over pie, which did help getting a bit life back into her.

"Here we are! I made you a strong soup, a plate of lasagne, some fruit juice and dango as dessert, you might like them!", he exclaimed, "and here is Kanda's Tempura Soba. Can you carry both trays?". Ellen nodded and took both. She was fairly sure on her feet again, which was a great relief. She thanked Jerry and went looking for Kanda, whom she found at the very end of the hall, sitting all by himself and if Ellen didn't knew better she would have thought that he might be sleeping, chin resting in the palm of his hand. She put down the plates and Kanda opened his eyes as she sat down opposite him.

"I hope you do not mind me sitting here", Ellen said and as Kanda only snorted she smiled. They were eating in silence and the girl was surprised that she was able to eat the mountain of food Jerry got her; it must be true with the parasitic type eating much more. By the time Kanda finished his noodles Ellen was just getting to the dessert.

"Kanda, would you like one of those?", she asked and held a stick in front of him.

"I don't like sweet things", he said with a frown.

"So they are sweet?", she wondered and took a bite, her face lighting up immediately. "Oh. They are delicious". Kanda was just getting up when Ellen held up one stick once again, "Do you really want to let the opportunity pass?", she asked him with a sweet smile. Kanda found that this was a rather strange way of trying to convince him, because he could get the sticky things any time he wanted. But something in the way she smiled made him ignore that. With a groan he sat back down and took the offered sweet. Ellen smiled at him and their first day of training ended with eating dessert together.

**_To be continued..._**

Notes:

Yes. I know, Kanda's not very IC... But tell me what you think about it... There will be a lot more training X3 Hope it won't get boring.


	6. Kapitel 5 Second Lesson: Overexertion

**_Author's Notes:_**

_University started again, which means I won't have as much time for writing as I had during the holidays. I will still try to update once a week, but maybe I'll hit a writer's block thanks to assignments. -.- _

_This chapter is back to normal lenght. Nobody has complained yet, so I guess it's okay the way it is. _

_Anyway; second day of training with Kanda. Enjoy_

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

Kapitel 5 - Second Lesson: Overexertion

When the sun rose the next morning, Ellen was already up and wandering the corridors of her floor. She wouldn't have believed it that she could be this excited about physical exercise since her mother had taught her that girls do NOT participate in physical activities (at least not in those her mother did not approve of). Spending time with Mana clearly broke her mother's laws. Mana had taken her everywhere; to every corner of Britain, to every boxing ring, every street performing attraction, every circus and every party which had crossed their way. Once he even got permission to take the girl to far away British India for a nice little summer holiday. For educational purposes and to broaden her horizon, he had told his sister. For the fun and exotic experience he had told Ellen. Ellen did like to be an aristocratic girl because it was nice and proper and she shared her mother's views about how a lady should behave. But she also took a liking to Mana's ways of cheerful experience making. Which really did prove to be more useful than studying French or German; Mana had taught her everything she eventually needed to get this far. She was sure that, if Mana hadn't been there to make her know how to run, to climb and to box among many other things, she wouldn't be able to follow the path she was forced to walk. And she wouldn't be as excited about the upcoming training with her senior exorcist Kanda as she was right now.

Yesterday, right after their dessert, she had gone to the washroom, to get her clothes clean of all the sweat. She didn't use the public bathing space to wash, because she was not used to display her body so freely, and had asked someone to carry a small bathtub and some hot water up into the empty room next to hers.

She was clean today and wearing fresh clothes and felt much better than before. But she was a bit disappointed that she didn't have special clothes for training as she didn't like to be stuck in boy's clothes forever. She wanted people to know that she was a girl, but found it inappropriate to announce it to everyone who passed her way. And she also found it indecent to walk around in a dress with ugly shoes. Thus, Ellen was still stuck with her trousers, the heavy shoes, the white shirt and the vest, which she came to call the "Cross Uniform". But to make it complete on thing was missing; Sir Tim, who had magically disappeared after she had arrived at the order. But she didn't think much about it, he would eventually find her, there was no need to go looking for him.

As she heard the loud clock-tower announcing that it was half past five, she started heading towards the training ground, which she assumed to be the room they had visited last evening. Linali had shown her a big training hall on the day she arrived, but as Kanda had led her to another, more secluded one, she thought it to be right to go there. Eventually she reached the dark wooden doors and pushed them open. Kanda was already there, sitting on the bench, sword in his lap. Ellen came in wordlessly and closed the door behind her. There were no other people here beside the two young exorcists and the narrow windows let in the first rays of the morning sun.

"Good Morning Kanda", Ellen greeted and went to where Kanda was sitting. He just grunted, not raising his head, but put the sword away and got up on his feet.

"You're early"

"I did not want to make you wait", she explained and smiled at him. Kanda didn't say anything, but went past her into the middle of the room.

"Let's waste no time. Raise your fists, we're boxing", he announced. Ellen smiled and stood in front of him, hands raised in front of her chest.

"I am looking forward to it", she announced.

"Don't just block. Attack. Keep sure to use your left arm". Ellen raised her eyebrows quizzically, but Kanda didn't give her time to ask any questions and just started attacking. Ellen was prepared this time and was able to block his attacks more successfully than the previous evening. Kanda took notice of her fast learning ability; if she was able to make progress swiftly he didn't need to be responsible for the beansprout for much longer.

"Didn't you listen to me? Attack, you idiot!", Kanda ordered.

"But Kanda…", she started to protest, but realised that she didn't have any reason to; it was not proper for a girl to attack a man, but they were fighting. She wouldn't get very far in this strange war if she wasn't able to attack an enemy just because of her morale. "Very well". He clenched her fists and aimed for Kanda's left upper arm, but he caught her hand effortlessly.

"You're too slow. And I told you to use your left hand!", he let go of her hand again and punched her shoulder. Ellen huffed but nodded. While Kanda mostly reduced his attacks to give Ellen enough time to make some attacks of her own, she still could not hit him. Kanda didn't expect Ellen to because he was more advanced than her and it would have been a blow to his pride if she would have been able to knock him down.

By the time Kanda decided to end their boxing session Ellen only got close to hit him one single time.

"Evading attacks doesn't seem to be a problem to you, but you're too cowardly to throw a punch at me when you've go the chance", he told her while she was sitting on the floor, breathing heavily.

"You are just too fast for me", she told him between gasps for air.

"Nonsense!", he barked and she looked up at him. "You hit me once, right in my face! So don't give me some stupid excuses!" Ellen flushed and got up on her feet again.

"You did not expect me to", she defended herself still blushing.

"Show some backbone, you idiot! You did it once, you will be able to do it again. Until you are too afraid to attack me with all you've got we can't go on fighting with our weapons". Ellen widened her eyes, it was clear to Kanda that she would try to avoid doing that. "This is what we exorcists do. And it would be better for you if you'd know how to use your arm to fight before you are in a real fight", he told her, "you can't rely on your Innocence all the time, if you do it will control you again"

"I… do not want that to happen", Ellen whispered and Kanda sighed.

"Then don't be such a coward. In war, you need to have control of the situation or you'll be doomed. Understood, beansprout?" She nodded.

"But why do you need to call me that? I am Ellen", she asked with a frown.

"Because you're short, you idiot. Seems you're not that bright either", he answered with a smirk.

"I am smart enough to know that there is no sense in arguing with you, you are quite thick headed yourself, Kanda", she retorted with an indignant huff.

"Just shut up and go on training", he told her, bringing his hand down on her head and pushed, so that she had to bend over slightly.

"If you would let go of me I would be happy to oblige", she told him and kicked his leg in a very unladylike fashion. He did let go of her, took a few steps back and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Fine. I'm waiting. Invocate". She glared at him, then caught herself behaving like a small child and readied herself. She raised her left hand and closed her eyes.

"Innocence! Activate!", at once she felt the Innocence responding to her, forming the white claw, its power at her command. "I have become readier to invocate", she told Kanda, who just remained silent. Hesitatingly she opened her eyes. "It is ugly… And frightening… But the electrifying power running through me is not painful"

"Painful?", she heard Kanda say and turned her head in his direction.

"Yes", she answered, "sometimes it was. I assume it is connected to the appearance of Akuma. If I leave the weapon in its dormant state it becomes very painful…", she raised her hand and was able to touch the ceiling. "I have had many hardships in the past because I was born with this hand…" She heard Kanda going to the back of the room and then coming back to her. "Every Sunday my Mother would take me to the Church. They locked me into a room, washed me with holy water and… other things…", she told him and he just stood in front of her, his sword in his hand. "But… I am sure you understand…", she whispered as she saw his face; it was cold and uncaring as always, but his eyes were shining, shining as if he had so many things to say but daren't. She knew that men were like this, but she would have liked to hear Kanda speak about his experience with his Innocence.

"You talk too much, idiot!", he told her grimly, then raised his sword, its tip pointing at her throat. "Try to block".

"But that is a sharp sword, Kanda…", the girl said with an uncertain look on her face.

"And your arm is an Anti-Akuma weapon", he retorted, "so stop whining and do what you're told". He raised his sword just above his head and brought it down, not as fast as he could have done and with nearly no force. Ellen raised her hand and caught the sword between the fingers of her claw. She widened her eyes in surprise.

"You will learn your Innocence's abilities by using it. Surely it is useful for shielding against the Akuma's bullets and you will probably be able to cut through their steel with those claws, they look sharp enough. But no one can teach you what the Innocence is able to do but the Innocence itself"

"But if I do not fight against Akuma I will not find out, right?", she asked and let go of the sword again.

"Why shouldn't you?", Kanda asked.

"Because you are no Akuma and I will not be required to fight against you as I would have to against a real enemy".

"I told you", he started with an annoyed scowl on his face.

"I refuse", Ellen interrupted, "This Innocence is uncontrollable and I do not want to unleash its power onto you if I do not know what harm it could possibly do. I am sorry if this is an inconvenience, but I would rather suffer injuries than injure those who are not deserving of such an offence". Kanda just remained silent, but sheathed his sword.

"You are an idiot. But suit yourself. I will not be responsible for you as soon as you leave the order", he said coldly, then pointed to the ground. "Down. I want you to do push-ups or you will never get strength into these arms of yours". Ellen made a face, but lowered herself down on the dusty ground.

"I have never done this before", she told him and with an annoyed groan Kanda got to the floor himself. He showed her a few push-ups, which she observed quite attentively, then sat back on his heels.

"There", he said raising his hand and pointing to the floor, "now do it". Ellen nodded, put her hand and feet on the ground and tried. "Ridiculous… A guy who can't do push-ups!", he said with a mocking smirk as he saw how the simple exercise troubled Ellen.

"Stop mocking me. I try my best!", Ellen answered, pushing herself up from the ground on shaking arms. Kanda just silently observed her trying for about five more minutes until he knew she was completely exhausted.

"That's enough. We're having breakfast", he announced and walked towards the door. But Ellen was just lying on the floor, panting. "Hurry up, beansprout!!". He saw her shake her head.

"Go without me… I will stay here and explore my Innocence", she whispered.

"If you overdo it, the Innocence will backfire", he advised, then he turned back to the door, "do what you want". With this he left the training room and Ellen. The girl heard the door shutting and pushed herself up on her knees. It's not as if she wasn't hungry, but lately she felt rather embarrassed under his scrutinizing gaze. She knew it was not really her fault that she was not capable of performing such things as push-ups and that she did not care about the competitive and challenging nature Kanda had, because, quite frankly, she was just a girl. But Kanda did not know this. And telling him now would sound like some pathetic excuse for not being able to live up to his expectations. Not that he was expecting anything from a 'beansprout', Ellen was quite sure about that. Still… She had pride too…

When Kanda returned to the training room about an hour later he found Ellen lying on the ground.

"Che. Didn't move a bit", he hissed disapprovingly. "Hey, beansprout!", he shouted while walking to her. As she didn't move he nudged her with his food and because he still didn't receive a reaction he was starting to be intrigued. So he kneeled down and turned her around. Her face was ghostly pale, a layer of cold sweat covered her face and her breathing was irregular. Her left hand was trembling. He guessed that she didn't heed his warning and overexerted her Innocence. He looked around him and saw holes and long thin cuts in the stone floor and ceiling, surely done by the claw-like Innocence. He groaned and decided to get her to Komui. He debated whether to order a finder to get her there - so he wouldn't be reprimanded for not "taking care" of her - or to get her there himself. While the first one sounded better to him, he knew that it wouldn't please Komui much if he didn't even take responsibility. So he lifted her up to carry her to Komui's office. She was a lot lighter than he would have imagined her to be and her face looked too soft.

"Idiot. He's not even cut out to be a guy. Weakling!", he cursed under his breath and barged into Komui's office without knocking.

"Oh! Kanda!", he exclaimed, appearing behind a stack of paper, then his gaze settled on the younger exorcist, "oh my. What have you done to him, Kanda?!". Said boy just rolled his eyes and put Ellen down onto the Sofa. But he didn't need to explain anything as Ellen's eyes fluttered open just this moment.

"Oh… Where…?" She sat up and looked around. "Is this Mister Li's office…?", she asked and spotted the scientist as he approached her.

"My, my… Allen, don't give us such a scare! You passed out!", he told her good naturally, "or so I guess, Kanda didn't explain anything".

"Because I didn't do anything", Kanda retorted with a snort.

"No, he did not… I was practising my claw and suddenly I started to tremble and all my energy left me…", she told them, "oh I hope I am not sick! What would my poor mother say?", she said hands on the sides of her face. Kanda was again thinking that she was "dumb" and that "something must be wrong with that guy", while Komui just laughed.

"Don't worry Allen! You're fine! It seems that you used up your energy! A good meal and you'll be alright!!", he told her and Ellen looked relieved at once. "By the way, how's training going?"

"He's able to invocate without problems. Seems he also tried out the Innocence's abilities. He just needs to build up some muscle and stamina… I can't teach him how to use his Innocence in battle without actually being _in_ a battle", Kanda told him, "but that's not my responsibility".

"Yes yes…. That's good to hear. This will take less time than expected! Sometimes new exorcists need weeks or months to invocate their Innocence correctly. I'm proud!". Ellen's face lighted up instantly.

"Proud..? You are?!", she asked excitedly and Komui smiled.

"Of course. And now go to the dining hall. And get some rest, will you? No more training until tomorrow!". Ellen smiled at him and tried to get up. She was shaking too much to do it on her own and as Kanda did no move to help her even as she had looked up at him expectantly (how could she forget! He was no gentleman at all!) she just grabbed his arm and pulled herself up.

"Hey! Stand on your own, you idiot!", he protested at once, while she was trying to get steady on her two feet.

"I am, I just need a little help", she told him and looked at his face, "did you never need help when you were still learning?", she asked him. Komui was trying to hold back his laughter as he saw Kanda's indignant face.

"Stop asking stupid questions!", Kanda shouted and turned to Komui. "I'm leaving!"

"Well, take him with you", the scientist said and went back to his desk. Kanda groaned and left the room. Ellen was still holding on to his arm until she caught up with him. As she stood next to him, she just slipped her arm around his and walked next to him as if they were a couple on a nice stroll.

"Do you want me to kill you?", was the only thing Kanda managed to say through gritted teeth while he tried to push her away.

"Do you feel offended?", she asked and they reached the dining hall. She let go of his arm again, her hand now on the wall. "I was just taking your arm because you did not offer assistance on your own accord…"

"Assistance?! Are you crazy?!", he shouted and Ellen frowned.

"It would have been proper. Do you have no knowledge of customs?"

"If those are your customs I don't want to know any of them, you idiot!", Kanda yelled and stalked off, leaving her standing at the door. Ellen wanted to be mad at him, but as she thought about it she only got mad at herself.

"He does not know that I am a girl! Why did I not take this into consideration? It is not his fault, it is mine! I cannot expect him to be chivalrous if he thinks I am a boy. It must have been strange for him to be escorting a boy the way I made him do". Her cheeks heated up as a blush was forming on her face. "Oh no, what if he thinks I am perverted? I did not want to offend him!", she worried, but went into the dining hall as her hunger was getting stronger, "I must apologize… And tell him the truth, or he might not trust me in the future…"

Kanda indeed doubted Ellen very much. He had retreated to his own room to brood over the last two days. Having to take care of the new exorcist was very tedious as he was not that good at dealing with people to begin with. He didn't want to be, because he couldn't be bothered. He was not here at the Black Order for fun and making friends, but because they were preparing for battles. They were soldiers and sometimes comrades, but not friends. And there was no need to be. When this was all over and if he survived it all, which he didn't bet on, he would never see those people again. Rabi maybe, because he would try to contact him every now and then to bother him, but even they would get out of touch eventually and forget about all the stuff which had happened here.

And just looking at the Beansprout told him that he would not survive long enough for Kanda to warm up to him. It's not as if he despised people to begin with, he just took a very long time to start being able to deal with people's faults and character traits. They all had faults and he was not willing to put up with those if the people where not worth it. And this Allen most certainly was not worth the time he spent on trying to train him.

"He's just not able to become a warrior. He's too weak and cowardly and impulsive. He has too many annoying characteristics that it's not worth even counting on him as an exorcist. He will just mess up his very first mission and die". Kanda sighed and pulled off the exorcist's coat. "He annoys me. He behaves like a girl, he must have been extremely spoilt as a child", he concluded. He groaned and got up again to do some exercising. "Useless brat", he muttered and left his room.

**_To be continued..._**

Notes:

Poor Kanda. X3 I know I might be exaggerating with Ellen's "fine-lady" behaviour. And excuse my lame attempt at explaining why Kanda's the callous jerk he is. XD (Callous is a strange word... I prefer "kaltschnäuzig" giggle)

Uh. Yes, no idea when I'll update, I still have enough reserves, but I can't just throw the whole story at you. Gotta make you wait a little bit, right? lol Bad thing I love updating... snort

Anyway. Reviews would be nice. :3


	7. Kapitel 6 A little help from Linali

**_Author's Notes:_**

_Yes, yes, because the computer at the University decided that he wanted to be mean this update comes later than anticipated... Stupid PC._

_Because the semester started recently I can still update twice a week (I guess), but I fear that this will change soon, not because I don't have enough material to share with you, but because I won't be able to write enough and I can't update if I know that I will run short on reserves. X3 Me stupid._

_Well, the third day of training... doesn't really have training in it. X3 This and the beginning of next chapter belong to the same day, but for reasons even I don't know I decided to cut it off at the end of this chapter._

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

Kapitel 6 - A little help from Linali 

The next morning Ellen did not show up at the striking of the chapel bells at six o'clock. Kanda could remember what she had said of not wanting to make him wait the day before. He took the option into consideration that she had slept in (but it was unlikely, because she did seem to have discipline) or that she was still too exhausted from the day before (as he had made the experience himself he knew that this was highly probable). He was not annoyed much, as not having to see her was a good thing, and neither was he worried about her. But it was his mission to train her and look to it that she spent her day doing useful things. If she overexerted herself it was up to him to teach her how to get remedies. With these thoughts in mind he left the training hall and went back up to the living quarters.

Kanda looked at a big notice board at the main hall of the living quarters to find out where the beansprout's room was located and realized that they were separated by only a few doors. He thus went back to his own corridor and a bit further until he reached the right door. Not one for good manners he hammered at the door, but still possessed the decency to not just barge in. If it were Rabi's room he might have done so (just to return the favour). It took some time for Ellen to open the door but when she did Kanda was not surprised that she hadn't showed up for training.

"You look disgusting", he told her as he took in her appearance; she wore a long girly night dress, which reached her ankles, her face was ghostly white, her eyes were glazed and showed pain, while her hair was a general mess. "You missed morning practice". Ellen suddenly straightened up and Kanda realized that she had been slightly hunched over.

"I am so sorry", she said weakly, "I just could not move…". Kanda raised an eyebrow when she swayed a little, as if she would pass out any moment. Her body radiated heat and his nose could discern the faint smell of sweat and… blood?

"You surely are weak…", he told her after some hesitation, "let's get you to Komui". Ellen wanted to reach out for him, but thought better of it.

"No… It is okay. Could you rather look whether Linali is to be found?", she asked him, and started to back off into her room again.

"Linali?", Kanda repeated with a frown.

"Please…", Ellen begged and looked up at him, "it is nothing you should concern yourself with". Kanda snorted, but closed the door in her face before she could do it herself and stalked off to find the Chinese girl.

Ellen had just managed to open the window to let some fresh morning air in, so she could clear her head, and now sat back onto her bed. But then there was soft knocking on her door and she had to get up again.

"Allen? Are you alright?", she heard Linali ask behind the closed door. Very much relieved Ellen opened the door and let her in.

"Oh my. You look quite ill, Kanda was right!", she told her and put her hands on Ellen's shoulders.

"Is Kanda here too?", Ellen asked, dreading that he was, but Linali just laughed and shook her head.

"No, he said that he was not interested in what you had to whine about. I guess he was just angry that you rather wanted my assistance than his", she told him, but Ellen highly doubted it. He most probably just walked off to get himself some food or to practise his evil glare. "So. What is it all about? Would you like me to get you to the nurse?", the Chinese girl asked. Ellen shook her head and sat down on her bed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I am a little bit embarrassed, but I really do need your help, Linali…", she started, then she lifted the covers of the bed. Linali looked at the other girl with a puzzled expression, then she followed her gaze directed at the mattress and her eyes widened; it was stained with blood, some fresh the other already drying.

"Are you hurt?", she asked, then she turned her gaze at Ellen, the other girl's face red with embarrassment. Then it dawned on Linali and she blushed. "Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't even realize!!", she shrieked, hands over her mouth for now she too was rather ashamed to not have known it from the start.

"I… It is okay Linali…", Ellen said, "about this…".

"But why didn't you correct me or Komui?", Linali interrupted her.

"Can we talk about this at a later point…? I feel highly uncomfortable…", Ellen mumbled and Linali started to laugh.

"Of course, pardon me…", she said and patted Ellen's head, "I'm just so excited to have another girl here!". Ellen had to smile at that. "Just a moment, I will get you some sanitary towels from the infirmary". The English girl nodded and Linali disappeared, leaving Ellen alone for a moment. Ellen was a little bit nervous but relieved too. Finally someone knew that she was a girl, not that it had been a secret at any point of time. If Linali knew, her brother would know and everyone else would know too in due time, even Kanda. Only this one point disturbed her a little bit. Surely, she wanted to be treated nicely by him too, but on the other hand she did want to be on equal grounds with him. Kanda was more experienced and older than her, so she did have a lot of catching up to do, but she would eventually get there. If he now knew that she was a girl he would probably stop training with her and consider her just a female in need of protection instead of a fellow exorcist who was capable to fend for himself – herself, in Ellen's case. She remembered Linali's words that for Kanda a woman did not belong on the battlefield. What if he point out refused to train her so she would never get to fight? Ellen shook her head.

"I am being silly. I am here to become an exorcist after all. Komui would not allow me to not be involved. And I promised to fight to get revenge on this earl… Mana… I will go on… Nothing has changed" she whispered.

She heard a knock on the door again and Linali came back into the room, with a bag in her hands, because it was not proper to walk around displaying women's utensils, her mother had told her so much. Menstruation was a private affair, that's why Ellen had hesitated to ask Linali for help.

"There you go, Allen!", Linali said and put the bag on Ellen's bed. "Or did I get your name's pronunciation wrong? Is it Ellen instead?".

"Yes. But do not worry over it, it is nearly the same name after all, I was named after my grand-father Allen"

"Ah, I understand…But tell me, why didn't you have any sanitary towels with you? Girls need to be prepared at any time", she told her and Ellen laughed, her stomach aching very much.

"I did at first, but Master Cross prohibited bringing anything from my home. I forgot about it… I remembered very soon, but I am a little bit ahead of my actual cycle, probably resulting from physical exercising, I do not know… Whatever it was, I did not have the chance to get some towels from the infirmary in time", she explained and Linali patted her on the back.

"You'd better go change now, Ellen. We then can go down to the dining hall and get you some tea for your stomach, alright?". Ellen nodded and with the bag and her clothes, she went to the washroom she had installed next door.

When Ellen was dresses in her normal boy's clothes she found Linali already standing outside of her room expecting her.

"Hi Ellen! Feeling better?", she asked and Ellen nodded with a smile.

"Very much so, thank you", she replied and together they started to walk in the direction of the dining hall.

"Why are you wearing those clothes? Were you trying to keep it a secret? That you are a girl I mean", Linali wanted to know after a lengthy secret inspection of the girls unusual choice of clothes.

"A secret? Why would I want to do that?", she wondered and Linali shrugged with a smile, "no, it was Master Cross' order. He also wanted me to cut my hair because blood would be hard to wash out… The clothes were useful for the journey and I must admit that training with Kanda might have been problematic in a dress"

"I can imagine that… But I don't think Kanda would have trained you… Komui would have assigned me to be your tutor", she said as they reached the kitchen counter where Jerry was already beaming at the two of them.

"My dear!", he said directed at Ellen, "you are pale! Another hard training session with Kanda?"

"No… My stomach is aching… Would you have some herbal tea?".

"Poor thing! Of course I do! And for you, Linali?"

"Ah… Just a toast with marmalade for me!", she told him and turned back towards Ellen, as to continue their conversation.

"I could ask my brother if I could train you! It would surely be fun!", she offered.

"You could? I would like to see how you train! But I would also like to continue with Kanda", Ellen answered truthfully and got her tea from Jerry.

"Thank you very much", Linali said as he also gave her the toast. "Why is that? I assume that he is rather strict"

"It depends… He can be and he mocks me often… But I guess I can learn a lot from him", she told her and they sat at a smaller table near the windows.

"Hmmm… I see. Well, as long as you can deal with his temper it will be okay", Linali assumed.

"You are also an exorcist, right? Are there many female exorcists?", Ellen wondered and sipped at her steaming tea.

"No… Not that many… I guess out of 19 exorcists we have 4 women, five including you. The church, as the battlefield and the science department, are institutions dominated by males. But we have many female helpers of the Order, like in the infirmary and some female finders".

"War is very dangerous… I know this… I guess I have to agree with Kanda that women should not be at war… At least not as active soldiers…", Ellen said, "my family has a long tradition with the army and although I am no man I will still continue with this tradition. Somehow I am proud… But also scared…", Ellen admitted.

"Oh Ellen… You don't have to be scared. I know this all is very frightening, but you are never alone here. We women might not be treated with more care than the male exorcists, but there are many who will protect us if we need protection, like Kanda or Rabi".

"I am glad to hear that…", Ellen said and put her empty teacup down on the table. "I feel better now".

"That's good to hear. Do you want me to ask Komui about the training with me? We could spend one or two hours in the evening together!". Ellen nodded with excitement shining in her eyes.

"Oh I really would like that!", she exclaimed and Linali got up.

"I will ask him right away! I will come to see you later on!", she said and, after Ellen had nodded, left the dining room. Ellen was still sitting by herself for some time until she saw Kanda pass by the open doors of the room.

"Kanda!", she called him and got up, feeling a lot better than before, maybe even up to some light training. The male stopped and spotted her. He was waiting with his arms crossed over his chest when she reached him.

"Finished ditching training?", he asked with a mocking smirk on his face.

"It was not intended, Kanda", Ellen told him, "I was feeling quite unwell. But if you still want to train, I will try". Kanda just shrugged and walked away. As he hadn't given her an answer she chose to follow him. He lead her to the groundlevel and out through a glass door. The early afternoon sun was shining brightly and it was warm even though it was the end of autumn already. Kanda lead the way down a path into a forest. Ellen felt better now that she was in the fresh air and walking. Kanda didn't speak a word and Ellen was for once happy with it. She was looking around, at the leaf covered ground, at the trees and the golden foliage ceiling above the two exorcists. Ellen couldn't help commenting on the weather:

"Well Kanda, look at this! How beautiful the day is!", she exclaimed. Kanda only snorted and they came to a clearing. Near the edge of the forest stood a slim black tower and opposite them a small shack was visible, the empty space was covered in grass.

"Is there any sport you are capable of performing?", Kanda asked quite suddenly and had Ellen turn her head.

"A sport?", she repeated but he did not feel the need to further explain his enquiry. "Well… I am quite good at tennis… I have made occasional bicycle tours… I am quite versed in horse riding… Apart from that I guess I can fence and box a little bit", she told him while crossing the clearing with him. He opened the door of the shack and went in. Ellen didn't even have time to follow, as he already came out again with a skipping rope, two pairs of boxing gloves and in one hand a épée and in the other a strange wooden sword, similar to Kanda's in form.

"We will work with these things in the future as long as you refuse to fight against me full on…", he put the stuff on the ground then went back in to get a white bag which had small weights in them. Without Kanda ordering her to, she took the skipping rope from the ground.

"It's a girl's toy I think, but I know that it's useful to build up stamina and muscle in your legs", he told her, "I want you to skip as much as possible". Kanda probably didn't expect her to be able to use the skipping rope, but of course she did. It had always been her favourite toy next to her many dolls which her aunt sent her from every corner of the world she had visited. "As soon as you're no longer weak we'll start boxing more seriously, because your innocence is located in your arm. You'll need the strength…", he told her and shoved the boxing gloves into her arms. "And even though you most probably won't use a sword it is still useful to know some basics. Eastern or Western sword fighting, we'll have a look at those", he gave her the épée and the wooden sword. "Use the weights for an hour every day, got it?", he asked and shouldered the bag. Ellen nodded and started to follow him back through the forest. "If you don't train seriously and build up some muscle I'll kill you", Kanda warned as they were back indoors and marched up the stairs to their living quarters. Ellen nodded and they reached her door where he dropped all the items they had collected. Without another word Kanda left for his own room.

"I will see you at dinner!", Ellen shouted after him.

"Che. Whatever", was all he replied and disappeared behind the corner. Ellen smiled then went into her room to store the things Kanda left at her door. After that she went to her desk to write a letter to her mother.

"_Dear Mother._

_I hope you are in good health. I have arrived at the order safely. I have started my training under a fine young gentleman called Kanda. He is from Japan. People from all over the world frequent this order and I have still a lot to explore here. I am mostly fond of the library of the order. You would be very pleased to find all the great authors and many more, so you need not worry about my further education. _

_I have also become friends with a young woman named Linali. She is very kind and helpful, you would approve of her. _

_She told me that, even though we are part of an ecclesial order, we will still be allowed to marry, so do not spent many troubled thoughts on your daughter's future, I will be secure in all respects even if far away from your caring embrace._

_I will keep you informed on important happenings within he walls of the order. _

_Your loving daughter,_

_Ellen Walker__"_

Ellen put down her pen and the letter in an envelope, then she left her room with the letter to post. She was walking around the living quarters but could not find any place to post her letter. She also went to the entrance hall to see if there was anything there, like a post office, but she found none.

"Excuse me…", she asked a finder, who turned to her, "nice to meet you, my name is Ellen Walker", she introduced herself. Ellen saw that he had some sort of bandage over his mouth and his face was shadowed by the pulled up hood.

"I am Toma the Finder, Miss Walker", he told her and she was delighted to be addressed as "Miss", "How can I help you?". She held up the letter to her mother.

"I would like to send this letter, but I cannot seem to find any post office or something of that sort", she answered.

"This is no surprise, Miss Walker, exorcists are not allowed to keep in touch with their family, as to prevent them being from involved". Ellen's eyes widened as she heard this for the first time.

"No… No one told me…", she whispered, her hand and heart sinking.

"Those are the rules, but there is a secret letter delivery service available", he told her, his voice barely above a whisper. "We finders are travelling the world, we always find time to post a letter", she told her and her face lightened up instantly. "Where is your letter headed?"

"London", Ellen answered excitedly and Toma nodded.

"A group of finders I am well acquainted with will pass the city on their way to Italy. You can hand me the letter and it will pass it on", he offered. Without hesitating Ellen gave him the letter and made a bow.

"Thank you so much Mister Toma, you have taken a great worry off my heart!", she exclaimed. Toma just closed his eyes in what seemed to be a smile, but Ellen couldn't see his mouth. "And what about the letters which are sent to us?".

"Don't worry about these. They will arrive at the bureau of information and then distributed to you or stored there if you are on missions"

"Oh, I am very glad to hear that!", Ellen exclaimed and smiled. A loud bell rang before Toma could answer her. "Oh it is already five in the evening? Time passes very fast it seems! Would you like to accompany me to the dining hall?"

"As much I would like take you up on that offer I have to leave now for an investigation", he informed her.

"Oh… Then I wish you good luck and a safe journey and hope that we can dine together once you are back", she told him with a smile and made a bow. He also bowed, by lowering his upper body quite stiffly, and then he left the tower through the great gates. Ellen was very happy that her letter would get delivered but she was also a bit angry at Master Cross for not telling her about this beforehand. She had agreed to abandon her noble name, but she would never have agreed to abandon her family altogether. Her family was very important to Ellen and she was important to them. There was not much left of the nobility the once large family had possessed in the past; a lot of the male family members had died in the past wars and she was the only daughter of the core family. Her mother would require her to marry and have children of her own. She would have to be very careful on the battlefield to not get hurt or even killed.

With rather unsettling thoughts Ellen wandered the corridors towards the dining hall and nearly walked into Kanda, who had been leaning against the wall, apparently waiting for her, and chose to step away from it just when Ellen walked past him.

"Che. Watch where you're going, idiot beansprout!", he told her and Ellen glanced up at him surprised.

"Kanda! I am very sorry, I was deep in thought!", she apologized, "Thank you for having dinner with me".

"I'm not having dinner with you. I just came to eat, not to _enjoy_ your company", he said in a mocking tone which Ellen chose to ignore. Ellen found that he was a lot more agreeable than on the very first day they met or maybe she was just getting used to it. Either way it pleased Ellen very much. Meanwhile Kanda was starting to doubt himself whereas he had only doubted Ellen before. He himself could not really explain why he was being quite lenient when it came to the beansprout. Surely, she was rather young, still only 14, but she was old enough to be an exorcist.

"He's just weak for a boy, weak and annoying and is unbearably nice all the time. I can't stand his sort, but still… Che! I'm being too soft!", Kanda mentally chided himself as he followed Ellen to the counter, where the beansprout ordered 'a healthy English meal', whatever that was supposed to mean, but Jerry seemed to get him. "And can I get a little plate of that which Mister Kanda likes to order?"

"Soba", Kanda cut in and Ellen nodded. Jerry laughed heartily and ruffled Ellen's hair. "My, what a cute couple! Soon you'll be sharing food!", he said for which he earned himself a deadly voiced "the usual" from Kanda. Ellen meanwhile chose not to mention that they had already shared dessert, because this was not the time or place to anger Kanda, who was visibly disturbed by Jerry's words.

"I fully understand", Ellen thought while waiting silently next to Kanda for their orders, "because I am still a boy in Kanda's view. But I cannot change the way I behave or act as if I were a boy, it would be lying… But… I have the feeling that not telling him the truth is the same as lying…". She glanced at Kanda, who was leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest and eyes closed, as if he was too angry to look at anyone, just in case they might annoy him. Not much later they had their food, Ellen had to balance two trays and Kanda was not even trying to help, and went to find a free table.

"Oh! Let us sit with Linali!", Ellen exclaimed as she saw the girl waving at them. Kanda did not object and she led the way to the table. Kanda and Ellen sat down on the bench opposite the Chinese girl.

"Hello you two!", she greeted, "are you feeling better Ellen?", she wanted to know.

"Very much so, thank you", the girl answered.

"I'm relieved to hear that. Listen! Komui allowed me to give you additional lessons to those Kanda gives you! Isn't that great? And he promised to get you another uniform". Ellen felt Kanda's glare on her and looked up at him. He had raised his eyebrow in an unvoiced question. Ellen wanted to touch his arm reassuringly, but it would have been inappropriate, so she just answered:

"Just an hour or so. You do not mind me doing additional training, do you Kanda?", Ellen wanted to know. Kanda just turned his head to face his noodles, which were more interesting than a stupid beansprout anyway.

"Do whatever you want, I don't care", he answered at last. Ellen nodded and turned her attention back at Linali.

"I do not need a new uniform, I am very pleased with the coat. But if I could get another pair of shoes I would be delighted. I cannot go to the Sunday mass in those heavy boots". Linali started to giggle.

"Oh well, I will tell my brother. He wants to see you tomorrow, by the way".

"Very well, I have time enough for that", Ellen answered.

"And we could meet and play a bit of cards or read books in the library, I heard they got new books just today!", Linali told her and Ellen smiled in delight.

"Oh, how I would like that!!", she exclaimed and started to try the noodles Kanda always ate.

"Don't eat Soba with a fork, idiot!", Kanda shouted as he saw his sacred noodles being tainted by the unknowing British girl.

"What else should I use? A spoon?", the girl asked with slight indignation. Kanda put his chopsticks next to her plate.

"These, you genius! Don't tell me such an educated guy like you doesn't know what they are!", he mocked with a sneer. Ellen huffed, cheeks red, and took the chopsticks.

"Of course I know them! I have a good friend, a Jesuit, who taught me a lot about Asia! But I just cannot use them!", she told him and displayed her rather poor abilities of eating with chopsticks.

"Idiot", Kanda snorted, but it was clear that he was rather amused, even if in a slightly sadistic way. Linali laughed and tried to teach her how to use them, but in the end there was a general consensus that, yes, Ellen Walker was a hopeless case and that a fork would be better.

"You're such a girl", Kanda told her, while she was eating with her fork again.

"And you are thick-headed!", she hesitated but added: "Jerk".

**_To be continued..._**

Notes:

Hah. There we go, Linali knows. I got a book from the library about how people dealt with menstruation in the past. I fear it still turned out quite modern, but D.Gray-Man is set in an imaginary 19th century, so I guess it's okay.

I don't really know if I got the part about Exorcist not being allowed to keep in touch with their family right. But I guess the Finder's secret letter delivery system works out quite well.

There is a reason why Ellen doesn't get a new uniform (next to her not wanting to tell Kanda), but it will become clear (?) later in the story.

Useless P.S. Since my very first stupid proseminar paper I can't get rid of my strange fascination with Jesuits. Their churches are flashy (with gold and statues and everything a church doesn't really need) and some of them were so funny. X3 But I won't deal with that in this story (Though I touched the subject of missonary activity and getting in touch with new cultures and customes of 'heathen' people in a Link x Allen (_har har_) oneshot X3 ... Was that propaganda?)

Well, uh... A story is nothing without its readers; review :3


	8. Kapitel 7 Third Lesson: Praise

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Ha! I'm back! I realized that I'm very weak when it comes to consitency of how I name my chapters. I'm very sorry for that, be sure that I will go back to correct it (and the missing paragraph breaks) when I find the time. Please accept "---" as transition to a new paragraph until I get enlightened. _annoyed

_This chapter's shorter than the previous; there's still a continuation of last chapter's day in here and the first half of the next day. I don't really know why I did it like this, but I'm gonna stick with it. (Laziness? Cruelty? Stupidity? No clue). Enjoy!_

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

Kapitel 7 Third Lesson: Praise 

After their dinner, which Kanda had left earlier, because "girly chatter" was an offence to his ears, the two girls went up to the baths.

"Come, Ellen, it's normal that we women have baths together! And now that you have your period it's better to wash often", Linali advised and even though Ellen was quite embarrassed she couldn't say no to her. So Linali took her to the quite spacious bath which really seemed exotic to Ellen.

"My brother designed those", Linali explained as Ellen looked at the bathing space, which was build into the stone floor, and the bamboo decorating the wall.

"I am impressed, dear Linali, highly impressed", Ellen admitted and got dragged to the changing room. Two female finders and a few nurses were there and at first very surprised to see Ellen, still dressed in boy's clothes, come in. But they didn't say anything because, truth been told, Ellen's sex had been quite ambiguous from the start; some people which had seen the argument between Kanda and Ellen on her very first day at the order, claimed that someone so courageous could only be male, while the other claimed that only a woman could dare to stand up to Kanda. Ellen was sure, now that these women knew, it was only a question of time until everyone knew.

"Ah, don't worry. No one dares to talk to Kanda, and he avoids crowded placed and he's quite dense too…", Linali assured her after Ellen had told her what was troubling her.

"Dense? I do not think he is… Thick-headed yes…", Ellen mused and Linali started laughing. With some hesitation Ellen took off her vest and blouse.

"You aren't wearing a brassiere?", Linali exclaimed with wonder as Ellen opened her shirt.

"I mostly do not need to. The dresses I wear do not require me to wear such a thing…", Ellen explained and took off her shirt, but backed off under Linali's analysing look.

"Well… If you will keep on wearing this shirt of yours, you don't have much choice. I will give you one of my older ones if you'd like". Unsure what to say Ellen just nodded. Linali was quite a modern girl, while Ellen herself was very traditional in all things she did.

"Ellen, don't dawdle!", Linali called from the other room and Ellen stopped thinking about it.

---

"That was refreshing, wasn't it?", Linali asked Ellen when they were already out of the bath and walked back to their rooms. Ellen was wearing a new sleeveless top Linali had given her, it looked Asian, was made of silk and had little red embroidery on its white surface. She still wore her black trousers, but only because Ellen could not be convinced to wear the very short matching skirt. But she felt very comfortable now that she was washed and Linali had promised to give her shoes so she could wear her dress.

"Yes. We must repeat this", Ellen agreed and smiled. Linali returned the smile and they stopped at a stairway.

"I must go up to see my brother. Should we meet at the library after dinner tomorrow?", Linali asked.

"I would be delighted", the white-haired girl answered.

"Very well! This there is Kanda's door by the way, I didn't know your rooms were so close!". Ellen looked at where she was pointing.

"Indeed…", the girl said and turned back to Linali, "I wish you a good night!"

"Good night!", Linali repeated and went upstairs. Ellen turned around and went into her corridor, at Kanda's door she halted. Unsure of what to do, but remembering her good manners, she raised her hand to knock at the door.

"What do you want?!", was the reply she got, and the door opened just a few seconds later to reveal an angry looking Kanda. His hair was undone and he was wearing a simple shirt over grey trousers. "Oh. It's you, idiot beansprout", he said, his face losing some of the coldness. Ellen smiled up at him, albeit uneasily. He took in her appearance; her hair was wet and smelled of lavender, her skin was pink and she was wearing a strange top he vaguely recognized. More than Ellen just showing up at his door at around nine o'clock this shirt intrigued him. It was rather wide, yes, but he could still make out her body underneath it because the silk clang to the dampness of her skin. And really… It did look like… Kanda snorted as he heard an "uhm" coming from the girl.

"I just realized that our rooms are close by and as I came from the bath I wanted to bid you good night", she informed him and smiled up at him. "Good night Kanda".

"Good Night…", was all Kanda could say, though he would have liked to add a "what idiot comes knocking at another guy's door to say good night?". Ellen smiled and turned around, quite content.

"Sleep well", she told him, and waved, "see you tomorrow!", with this she turned around the corner and left Kanda still standing inside his doorframe. He shut the door and sat on his bed. The idiot sure was stupid. And a weakling. And a coward. And he was wearing Linali's top. And he came from the baths.

"Wait a second…", Kanda stopped his flow of thoughts, "was he bathing with Linali?" With this disturbing realization Kanda decided to go to sleep early today and call it quits.

---

Next morning when Kanda got out of his room he saw Ellen, fresh and pink faced, skipping towards him with her new skipping rope. She stopped just in front of him and smiled.

"Good morning!", she greeted and Kanda just groaned at her early-morning cheerfulness. Kanda led the way to the training ground, Ellen following, skipping all the way without stopping even once.

When they finally arrived at their personal training room Kanda was very irritated; he just couldn't make sense of Ellen Walker, and the very fact that he was trying was even more annoying.

"Would you stop smiling like an idiot?! Get to the floor, I want you to make at least ten push-ups! Even someone as girly like you should manage that!", he told her and pointed at the floor. Ellen just handed him her skipping rope with a huff and got to the floor, where she performed some clumsy push-ups. But Kanda found himself not paying particular attention to the push-ups she was doing, he was busy with glaring at her shirt. It looked normal enough but the white Chinese top had nearly given him nightmares because of its total inappropriate use on anything other than a woman. But even though Ellen Walker looked like a perfectly normal guy (more or less) the fact that he had been (most probably) bathing with Linali, smelled of lavender and was an expert with the skipping rope made Kanda groan in frustration. Something was very wrong with this guy.

"Okay. Will we box now?", Ellen asked him and he realized that she had gotten on her feet again. And he was annoyed at himself for being caught up in his thoughts instead of training her like he should be. Kanda didn't say anything, put the skipping rope down and got in position. Ellen did the same, hands raised, no glove on her left hand.

"Offence and defence, just try not to break anything in he progress", Kanda said with a sneer and threw a punch at her. He had to stop thinking, because it didn't matter now. He should train her, that's all that mattered. Just because he was confused didn't mean he was allowed to slack off.

Ellen blocked and dodged and punched. But Kanda had emptied his mind and was as alert as always. Her excited smile was fading fast as she realized that she could do no damage to Kanda. Every punch aimed at him was too weak and got blocked or evaded before it could hit flesh.

While Kanda was trying hard not to think of Ellen as a person of either sex, Ellen was trying hard to build up some sort of equal ground just because of her sex. All in all it ended in Ellen being frustrated and angry and annoyed and Kanda being smashed against the wall by a white claw.

It took both of them some moments to realize what just had happened and it was Ellen who made the first move; she screamed.

"Oh my goodness! What have I done?! Are you alright?", she shouted, stopping the invocation at once, and rushed to Kanda who was just getting up on his feet. His left shoulder, with which he had crushed into the stone wall, hurt but he ignored it, he was used to minor injuries.

"Well done", he said, face not showing signs of being hurt. Ellen looked up at him, her hands on his arms and just stared. That was the first praise she had heard him say and why? Because she had lost control over her innocence and hurt him?!

"Why… Why are you saying that…?", she asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"Because you managed to hit me. With you Anti-Akuma weapon even. Well done, beansprout. That even rivals the one time you got me on your first day". Ellen let go of Kanda's arms and lowered her head.

"That is terrible"

"Stop whining", Kanda told her and tried to move his left arm, not to much avail. "You're an Exorcist, not a child. Every time you can defeat your opponent, you should be pleased. Stop thinking in such high standard morale, it just gets in your way", he explained.

"Kanda…"

"I need to get a nurse to fix that, you'll wait here and do something useful", he ordered and left the training room. Ellen was standing alone in the training hall, gaze still fixed on the wall.

"My innocence seems to react to emotions… I… Have to be careful... And tell Komui this afternoon…", Ellen decided, still feeling very guilty about having hurt Kanda. She invocated her arm and looked at the claw, its tips stained with some fresh droplets of Kanda's blood. She clenched her fist and held the arm in front of her. "Can you do anything different than hurt those I do not wish do see hurt? It there any use for you after all? You are my arm, are you not?!", she shouted, her glare fixed on the rough surface and the shining green cross at the back of her hand. "But you are a weapon… I have always had romantic notions about weapons being tools for protection…", she mumbled and the invocation ended. Ellen picked up the boxing gloves she had brought with her and put them on. "Men take up their weapons to protect the country, the nation, comrades, the landsmen, the family or a loved one. But no! You can just destroy all I love!", she yelled, unsure if she meant her hand or herself. She faced the hard wall and started to punch it, not enough to hurt her hands through the thick leathery gloves just yet.

---

When Kanda opened the door to the training hall, his shoulder bandaged but ready to use again, he found Ellen hitting the wall with full force, the punches of her innocence arm leaving cracks.

"How long have you been doing this?", he asked and Ellen stopped immediately.

"Since you have left the room… I am sorry for the damaged I have caused. To you and the walls that is… But I was frustrated…", she told him and Kanda took notice of her red eyes and the running nose. He just groaned and ordered her to hold her hands out to him. She obliged and he pulled the gloves off resulting in Ellen wincing. Her normal white hand was red, but the skin was still unbroken, her left hand looked as red and distorted as always.

"You still remember what I told you about being too rash, idiot? You've got to stay in control!", he told her and she nodded slightly.

"Are you… Is your shoulder still okay?", she wondered and Kanda rolled his eyes.

"It was just a small bruise, I'm no weakling you idiot", he told her. Ellen sighed, but nodded again.

"I know, but it does not stop me from feeling guilty about it… Mana was no weak man either, but my claw still killed him…", she told him and wiped her hand over her eyes.

"But he was turned into an Akuma. I am not an Akuma, I have told you before. Your claw can hurt me, yes, but it will not kill me. If it does have its own will it will still not intent to kill a human. You wanted to hit me, so you did". Ellen stayed silent, but Kanda didn't want to hear anything from her.

"Will… We continue our training?", Ellen asked and Kanda shoved the boxing gloves back into her arms.

"Stop asking stupid questions!", Kanda yelled and picked up his own gloves from the ground, "let's put some effort into this!".

---

By the time the clock struck twelve, Ellen was exhausted. Kanda's pride had suffered somewhat from receiving a punch from the beansprout and took her very seriously. Which is what she had actually wanted – respect – but he also didn't go easy on her. She knew that he didn't put all his strength and skill into their matches, but she still had new bruises and a split lip again.

"Fine. Enough. Before I have to carry you to the dining hall", Kanda stopped her and pulled off his gloves, which he just threw to the ground. "This was the first time you pulled through until lunch. We can build up from here. Just don't start slacking", he advised her as she pulled off her gloves.

"O… Of course not", she panted and tried to wipe her hair from her eyes. Kanda left the room with Ellen following.

"I must be at Komui's, I will eat later, go without me", she told Kanda and went up the first few steps of the stairs leading to the science department. He nodded silently and watched her sway slightly as she was making her way up.

"Idiot. It's his problem if he falls unconscious for not eating anything", Kanda concluded and went to the dining hall.

As he got to the counter Jerry faced him with a smile.

"Hello there! Oh, where is your friend?", he asked and was apparently looking for Ellen.

"The beansprout is not my friend and currently visiting Komui", he informed him with a glare, "now, get me the usual".

"Oh no and I already prepared a healthy meal!", Jerry whined, "A strong soup, some meat pie, potatoes with melted cheese, baked fish, Rahmschnitzel and Dango of course", Jerry listed the food without listening to Kanda.

"Just get me my food and stop whining!"

"But a girl has got to eat!", Jerry argued and Kanda snorted.

"But I do too, so – What did you say?", he stopped abruptly. Jerry raised his eyebrows.

"The little darling has a parasitic arm. I already realized that those exorcists need much food and we have seen that Ellen is exhausted when she comes back from training with you". Kanda just remained silent, his face stoic as always, Jerry thought that he was thinking about what he had told him. "So could you please bring her at least some of the food? Maybe the Rahmschnitzel, the Potatoes and the Dango?". Without waiting for his answer Jerry handed him two huge trays and he could even find his own meal squeezed somewhere between the plates.

"Why do you give this to me…?", Kanda eventually asked, "why don't you just order a finder to do it, they never are that busy anyway". Jerry just laughed and pinched his cheek now it was safe to do so because Kanda didn't have his hands free to reach for his sword.

"Why, because you're her friend, right?", he asked, "now hurry or your food will get cold". He shoved Kanda out of the way and waved. Kanda, hands full with trays, stood near the doorframe like a statue. What had Jerry just told him? Was that man crazy? Ellen Walker, a girl? No way. The beansprout was strange, but no girl. He lacked all the beauty a woman, like Linali for example, had. He was too girly for a boy, yes, but too plain for a girl. Jerry must have made a mistake, Kanda was sure of it, he was very fast in jumping to conclusions after all. But as much as Kanda did want to deny it, it was what had troubled his mind since last evening. He thought he had seen something like a small female chest under the girly top. But if she were, if Ellen really was a girl, then why hadn't she told him?

---

Meanwhile Ellen didn't suspect what thoughts were going through Kanda's head and was sitting on Komui's couch.

"Welcome back, Ellen! I am truly sorry for assuming you were a boy!", he told her, "now that I look at you again, I can't seem to figure out why I did!"

"Do not worry about it Komui…", Ellen told him with an uncertain smile. She had heard this from at least half of the Science department before and was starting to feel embarrassed by it.

"You didn't try to hide your sex, did you?", Komui wanted to know.

"Of course not… Master Cross wanted me dressed like this…", she answered, "though I cannot phantom his reasons to do so…", Komui laughed and patted her head.

"Well. My dear Linali already told me that you don't want a new uniform, but some new shoes. I have taken the liberty of sending some clothes and shoes to your room. And about your training with Kanda…"

"It is going very well", Ellen cut in, "please do not deny me these training hours". Komui widened his eyes and looked at her confusedly.

"Well. Fine. But does he know that you are a girl? He is very much against the fact that we are sending out women as exorcists"

"He does not… But exactly because of the reason you stated I would like to avoid telling him. I really do learn much from him", she explained. Komui sighed but nodded.

"Fine… It will do Kanda well to take responsibility for another human being… But you should not try to lie to him, he will hold it against you…", he advised and Ellen nodded.

"Yes I know… I will tell him when he has acknowledged me…", she promised. Komui nodded, then he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Now, let us meet Hebraska, she will examine your innocence".

_To be continued_

Notes:

Cliffhanger? Not really, right? lol I guess this chapter was quite important - especially as it gives some Kanda-development (what the heck is that supposed to be?? lolz)

I think that this is not how you people suspected Kanda to find out. It might be boring, but I think that it's kind of more realistic than the other options I had. Let's see what Kanda does with his realization. Guesses? X3

There's a silly little illustration of this chapter on my deviantart page (though it doesn't really match the description lol), so check it out if you like (I might add the link as soon as dA is out of read-only mode)

P.S. I know Kanda's lotus/ tattoo is supposed to heal his injuries and Kanda would not go to see a nurse just because he hurt his shoulder - but let's pretend he does, like we all pretend that he's a genius (and not stupid like Hoshino says) and that he has a very soft spot somewhere in his heart (which I also do, partially at least)

P. P.S. for those of you who wonder (if there even are such people); there will be something more or less romantic in here, but it'll take some time and it's what I just said: only _more or less_ romantic. You'll see about that.


	9. Kapitel 8 Prophecy

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Back for the next chapter. I'll have to update less frequently from now on, because I have something like a small writer's block, thanks to - uh, no idea what. I've just finished chapter 14, but have no real motivation for chapter 15... But I'll continue writing, I promise! X3_

_Anyway, here we go, next chapter!_

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

Kapitel 8: Prophecy

When Kanda arrived at the science department, hands still loaded with two trails packed with food, the scientists were very surprised.

"Are you looking for Komui?", River asked him and eyed the food suspiciously.

"No", Kanda replied, "I am looking for the beansprout". River raised his eyebrow quizzically. "Beansprout? Could you possibly mean Ellen Walker?", he wanted to know. Kanda nodded wordlessly, the looks he was getting for standing there with the trays were at the same time annoying and embarrassing. "Therefore all the food?". Another nod and River chuckled.

"Annoying", Kanda hissed and wanted to stalk off, leaving the beansprout to starve, but River called him back.

---

"Ellen and Komui went down to meet Hebraska, why don't you wait at the entrance to the Innocence Sanctuary?". Kanda didn't like it, he wasn't Ellen's servant after all and his responsibility to train her did not include carrying food after her, but he still went there.

"So, you say that you fear the Innocence taking you over?", Komui repeated what Ellen just told him on their way down to this so-called Hebraska Person.

"Yes...", Ellen replied, eyes fixed on her feet.

"It does not take you over, Ellen. Innocence does not have its own will", he told her and she raised her head to meet his eyes. "But it is a common phenomenon that parasitic innocence reacts according to its host's emotions. If you feel angry it will be fuelled by your anger and get stronger. At least our past records say so. Parasite types are rare after all". The strange hovering platform they were on came to a halt, probably many miles underground Ellen guessed. "Here we are, hello Hebraska!". Ellen wondered whom Komui was talking to and turned to look in the direction he was facing. But instead of a "nice to meet you" she could only manage a startled cry. In front of her was a huge white creature with the face of a human, though Ellen could not see its eyes, which were covered by strands of white… flesh or hair or some other substance which Ellen could not name. It was frightening, just like her invocated claw.

"Hello Komui", the creature said.

"This is Hebraska, she guards the Innocence and the order since the time it had been built 100 years ago". Ellen tried to get over her shock, but it was quite hard.

"P… Pleased to meet you", Ellen managed to say, but instead of giving an answer, a dozen of thin, white hands slid around her and lifted her up in the air.

"Do not be afraid, I want to get to know your Innocence", Hebraska told Ellen and the little hands connected to her Innocence. Ellen forced down a scream because the hands were getting under her skin and it felt as if they were searching through her entire body. It was clearly a very unpleasant feeling, but as abruptly as it had started it was over again. Hebraska put her down on her two feet again. The creature remained silent and Komui put his hands on the girl's shoulders.

"And? What do you have to say about Ellen Walker?"

"Ellen Walker, as you call her, has a synchronization rate which lies at 83 ", she informed the two.

"What does that mean?", Ellen wanted to know.

"The synchronization rate basically reflects the lifespan of the Innocence and the bond between you and your weapon… The lower the rate the harder it becomes for an exorcist to invocate his or her weapon", Komui explained.

"It can be very dangerous to try to invocate if your rate is low…", Hebraska further informed Ellen, "but listen Ellen Walker". And Ellen turned her head back to the strange creature.

"In a dark future your Innocence might bring forth a tremendous Destroyer of Time. This is what I have seen…". Ellen stared at her, but could not make sense of what had just been said. But Komui clapped.

"Impressive, Ellen! We have great things to expect from you! Hebraska's prophecies have high accuracy! Very impressive indeed!", he told her and she just nodded. "It's a good thing to have you here with us. It's been some time since a new Exorcist was added to our ranks, we now have 19 all over the world. Hebraska is an exorcist too, by the way", he explained and Ellen turned her head to the strange creature with wide eyes.

"Of course I am of an entirely different type…", was all the explanation she would provide.

"Ellen Walker, welcome again to the Dark Order", Komui told her and held out his hand. Ellen smiled and shook his hand.

"It is good to be here".

---

When they got back Ellen was surprised to find Kanda standing at the door, food trays in his hands.

"Oh Kanda, what are you doing here?", Komui wanted to know.

"Jerry forced me to bring food, for the Beansprout", Kanda replied with a very annoyed face.

"You waited here, all the time?", the scientist asked, trying to hold back his grin.

"Che. Come Beansprout, or the food will freeze over!", he ordered her and walked off.

"Komui! I will see you later! Good bye!", Ellen told him, waving, and rushed off after Kanda.

"You need not have done it, Kanda", she told him, "here, please let me take the trays", she offered but Kanda refused, still angry.

"If I knew it would take you so long I wouldn't have done it, idiot!"

"I am very sorry", Ellen apologized, "where are we going?"

"I'll get you the food to your room, you can bring the trays down later", he announced and they got to the living quarters.

"Kanda, would you eat with me?", Ellen offered, as he stopped at his own room, "if… You have not eaten yet?". Kanda wanted to refuse, but just hissed something Ellen could not understand and followed her to her room. Ellen opened the door and let him in. The room looked entirely different than his own. The floor was covered in rugs, the bed had white covers, the walls were decorated with pictures, the drawer had some flowers on it, the writing desk was organized and she had a small table with two chairs near the window. Ellen noticed his critical look.

"I asked around if I was allowed to decorate the room and get more furniture and decorations. And they said I could. It makes it seem a little bit more like home", she explained and Kanda just shrugged. He really did not care about it. "Please, take a seat", she offered and pointed at the table. Kanda put the plates down and Ellen moved trays to the empty space of her writing desk.

They started eating in silence, Kanda was still in deep thoughts concerning Ellen Walker. But he also realized that the girl was very silent while eating.

"Does Hebraska always give out prophecies?", Ellen suddenly asked.

"Yes. Why do you ask?", Kanda wanted to know putting his chopsticks down.

"She… told me I am to be a "Destroyer of Time"… This… Scares me…", she admitted nibbling listlessly at her Dango.

"Destroyer of Time?", Kanda repeated, "well… Sounds like a rather glorious title for someone as naïve and inexperienced as you are…", he mocked, though he was kind of intrigued by the meaning this could have.

"What did Hebraska tell you?", she wanted to know, but Kanda's glare made her sigh. "Never mind. I do not need to know…". There was some silence until Ellen thought of something else. "This synchronization rate… Hebraska told me it was 83 ". Kanda's eyes widened at once.

"What?"

"83 . I do not really know what to make of it", she admitted, but was slightly confused by the surprised look on Kanda's face.

"You should be highly surprised! For someone who invocated for the first time just a few days ago, this is a very high rate", he told her, "but you are a parasitic innocence wielder. Your innocence is located inside your body, a higher synchronization rate is to be expected"

"What… Is your rate?", Ellen wanted to ask, fearing that it might be a too personal question.

"91… But the synchronization rate, generally, can go over 100. If you break the 100 limit it puts you up on General level"

"You aim to get there?", Ellen wondered, but Kanda ignored the question.

"The rate can go up and down as you and your weapon evolve. I repeat: Keep control of it. If not you could fall down very easily". Ellen nodded and handed him one of the Dango sticks, without him asking for it. He took it wordlessly.

"This whole matter is frightening…", she told him as she was eating the last of her dessert.

"Don't be such a girl", he mocked her, but now it was up to her to ignore him. He sighed, then stood up.

"Do you intent do leave?", she wondered and got up herself.

"Yes. There is nothing to talk about. I will see you tomorrow morning". He took the trays and left the room without another word. Ellen watched Kanda retreat and close the door, then she turned her gaze to the window. It must have been around 4 in the after-noon and Ellen still had time left until she was to meet Linali. With nothing much to do and being very tired, she lay down on her bed fully clothed and let her thoughts turn to Mana.

"Dear Mana… I have heard this frightening prediction… What should I do with it? Is this another burden on my shoulders? The only thing I fight for is…", Ellen turned her face into the pillow, "I do not even know anymore. Fighting because of hatred and thoughts of revenge is starting to become a poor reason… I want to be forgiven, just forgiven for what I did to you… I want to be able to look into the mirror and see just an ordinary woman, no white hair, no scar, no red arm. I want to have a future in which I can be safe. I do not want to destroy, Mana…"

---

When Ellen woke again, her room had already turned dark as the last light of the day shone faintly through her window. She sat up and looked at the pocket watch on her bedside table. It was already past 7.

"Oh dear. When did I fall asleep?", Ellen wondered and got up, "In my clothes even!". She went to the dresser and opened it. She could see her reflection in a small mirror and tried to comb her hair with her fingers. In the dresser she found the new clothes Komui had promised her. She put on new black trousers, a white blouse and the new shoes. They were very fashionable, ankle high and black.

"They are perfect", Ellen thought to herself. If she hadn't feared to meet Kanda on the way she would have put on the black skirt she got from the tailor some days ago. But Kanda did not have to know just yet. She really didn't like to hide it but she feared his reaction. "This is so silly. I wish for him to know, but I do not want him to push me away! It is highly probable that he will think that I was trying to deceive him. And I do not want that", she thought as she left her room, but she didn't have the courage to tell him, but the likelihood of him not finding out very soon was quite small. She decided to talk to Linali about this matter and hurried to get to the library.

Linali was sitting near a window, with an electric lamp giving her enough light to read.

"I am sorry that I am late", Ellen told her and took the seat across form her. Linali looked up and smiled.

"Don't worry, I haven't been here for long! But you weren't at dinner, right?". Ellen shook her head.

"No, I had a late lunch with Kanda after I visited your brother", she explained. Linali looked at her for some moments.

"You really are getting close to Kanda", the girl remarked nonchalantly. Ellen just furrowed her brows.

"Well. I would not know. He is the first man I have made better acquaintance with", she admitted, "But I do not think that we are getting 'close' just because we are having lunch together". Linali laughed and patted Ellen's hand.

"I was just joking! But I guess he has been nicer to you, did you tell him?"

"No I did not… And I do not really intend to", the girl said, looking out of the window, "I really do enjoy training with Kanda. He has something about him, some… charm, which I cannot quite put my finger on… But I yearn to have his respect as an exorcist before I can tell him that I am a woman, in fear of him pushing me away"

"So you basically want to be his friend and equal?", Linali asked, "that's quite difficult with Kanda… He doesn't like to involve himself with people… And he probably will never praise you to show his respect…". Ellen looked up.

"Well… He already did praise me…", she told Linali, who widened her eyes, "I… got a bit angry for not being able to hit him in boxing training, so my innocence showed on its own and smashed him against the wall. I found it terrible, but he praised me…"

"Now, that's something! It seems he already respects you to some extend. I have never heard him praise anyone! Come on, Ellen! You should tell him!", Linali tried to convince her friend.

"But you and Komui told me that he does not approve of women on the battle field! And I will go to the battle field!", Ellen argued and put her head into her hands. "Oh, Linali, I am confused". When she raised her head again she could see an understanding smile on Linali's face. "The gap between what I have been before and what I am going to be is just too great…"

"Oh Ellen… Everything will work out, you're such a good person", Linali told her, patting her hands, "and now… Would you like to do some athletic exercises with me? We should get some other thoughts inside your head. We could do some stretching and ball sports in the sports hall!". Ellen nodded with a smile and the girls went to spend the rest of the evening enjoying themselves.

---

Linali and Ellen were just returning, quite exhausted, from the sport's hall.

"Did you like the clothes Komui got you?", Linali wanted to know, "you do seem to like the shoes!"

"Oh yes. They are fantastic! I always was very fond of clothes and am quite happy to have a wardrobe to choose from again!", Ellen replied and looked down at her, still trouser-clad, legs. "But I must admit… I have gotten used to trousers… If my mother knew, oh! She would be outraged". Linali had to laugh at that remark and Ellen's troubled face.

"Your mother seems to be strict", the Chinese girl mused, "I remember you telling me of your concern about marriage, now I understand why you were worrying".

"Yes. Yes, my mother is very traditional and as strict as an army official, that she is…", Ellen agreed with a thoughtful look in her eyes.

"I am very impressed that you are able to keep up with training as well as you do! I can't imagine that such a strict woman would let you out in the open that much".

"It was my uncle, Mana, who did. He was always travelling and he seemed to enjoy my company. He never had children of his own and as my father died, when I was merely two years old, he decided that he would take it upon himself to be my father", Ellen explained, "Mother did agree, because she was very fond of her brother, even though he had abandoned our family's tradition. She never knew what kind of interesting things Mana taught me".

"Well, it seems these things were very useful! Because you are quite strong and stubborn for a fine young lady!", Linali joked and Ellen had to smile.  
"You too, Linali! You are an admirable young woman!".

"We will surely have a great time here at the order! We could be like sisters! I never had a sister", Linali told her and Ellen nodded.

"Me neither. I would like that very much!"

"So it is agreed! You and I, we will help each other out whenever we are in trouble! Promise?", Linali asked and Ellen smiled honestly.

"I promise". The two girls shook hands as if they had signed a formal contract and started to laugh just after it.

" Here we are Ellen!", Linali told her when they arrived at the stairs near the living quarters. "I wish you a good night!"

"Good Night Linali!", Ellen repeated and went into the corridor. Just when she arrived at Kanda's door it opened and Kanda looked at her.

"Oh", the girl started, but he just opened the door a bit wider.

"Come in", he ordered, confusing the girl, "hurry up beansprout". The girl just raised her eyebrows but nodded and got into his room. Ellen noticed at once that it was cold and dark. It had basically the same furniture as her room – a bed, a drawer and a writing table – but all was bare and looked abandoned. The huge window of stained glass was cracked and threw coloured moonlight onto a strange reflecting object. Kanda let her examine the room without doing anything. The object was a big glass container, shaped like an hourglass, with a frame of dark wood, but inside was no sand but water and on its surface floated a beautiful flower. Ellen did not dare to ask about it and Kanda did not say anything.

"Your room… Is a bit cold…", the girl said, shivering.

"Stop whining", Kanda snapped.

"Would you like me to help you bring a little bit more life into it?", she offered but Kanda just frowned at her, "was that not the reason why you let me in here?"

"Of course not, you idiot. I don't want my room to look like a girl lives inside it"

"You are just being mean, Kanda", Ellen remarked, which Kanda simply ignored. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I just heard you two talking, I did not particularly want to talk to you", he told her with a frown.

"But you are talking now, which I enjoy", Ellen said with a smile and Kanda just rolled his eyes.

"Listen, idiot beansprout; if you do not want to fight with me seriously I can't train you"

"What? Why do you bring this up now?", Ellen wondered, fearing for a second that he might know that he was a girl. Which he did, but just chose to not talk about right now.

"Because you were supposed to be training with Linali. And because of the prophecy you told me. I do not want to be playing around for an eternity. We are exorcists and we need to accept missions. I get tired of training and then having to stop when it's getting better just because you decide to whine about the success you are having", he explained rather coldly.

"Then we should finish this week and you can then take me on a mission", Ellen proposed, "If you will still be with me then, it will be something like a test… Yes, a test to see if I learned enough to be able to go on further missions", she told him, surprisingly confident. Kanda was silent at first, but he then sighed.

"If you die…"

"I will not die", she assured him before he could go on. He looked down at her, examined her face, but nodded.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow morning in practise", he told her and opened the door for her. Ellen nodded and went out.

"Good Night, Kanda"

"Good Night…", he mumbled and let her go without having asked her the question he had intended do, but he now thought that it was superfluous to ask whether she really was a girl...

"Like it mattered. The beansprout is the beansprout…", Kanda told himself while closing the door. "When it comes down to exorcist, things like these do not matter anymore… Whether the beansprout survives or not… it lies in her own hands…"

_To be continued_

Notes:

Yes, I guess you're still waiting for the real confrontation between Kanda and Ellen, but I hope you still liked the chapter _hopes_

Some things: I decided to give Ellen the same synch percentage as in the Manga even though this might seem unrealistic. I'm a bit unsure about the prophecy, I just translated (more or less freely) from the German vol.1 - for everyone knowing a bit of German: "Vielleicht wird dein Innocence einmal in dunkler Zukunft einen giagantischen "Zeit-Zerstörer" hervorbringen...". Ellen and Kanda (and I guess most of the people) interpret this as him being the "destroyer of time" in the future, but I wonder about the "bring forth" (sorry if that's not the way it's put in the English version) part... _wonders_ But I don't want to speculate right now _lol_.

About Kanda's 91 ; there's no indication how high it is, so I just guessed. _lol_

Then there is the girly talk between Linali and Ellen. sigh The "Let us be like sisters" might be a bit strange X3

Any thoughts or tomatos you want to throw at me? (translates as: review?)


	10. Kapitel 9 Fourth Lesson: Progress

**_Author's Notes:_**

_(Wow; I changed the summary. Me cool)_

_Back with the next chapter. We're still working towards the confrontation between Kanda and Ellen. Well, let's see what you make of this chapter. Enjoy._

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

Kapitel 9 - Fourth Lesson: Progress

Ellen was already trying herself at push-ups when Kanda arrived at their training hall.

"Good Morning, Kanda", Ellen greeted and got up on her feet.

"Did you bring the swords?", the Japanese male wanted to know. Ellen nodded and pointed to the back of the room.

"Yes. But will we not continue with boxing?", Ellen asked and raised her fists playfully, "I still have not been able to hit you". Kanda raised an eyebrow at her remark.

"You did, idiot", he reminded her but she just grimaced.

"But it was not fair play, right, Kanda?", he asked and lifted her left hand. Kanda snorted to hide an amused grin at her naïve thinking.

"High morale again", he said, shaking his head. "Get the swords, beansprout". Ellen did what she was told and handed him the wooden sword. "You told me you have some knowledge in fencing, right?"

"This I do, but it is rudimentary, I must admit", Ellen told him.

"Well, Japanese sword fighting is something entirely different…"

"In fencing you stab and in Japanese sword fights you slash?", Ellen asked.

"Only an idiot would put it like that", Kanda answered, which made Ellen pout. "We will just have a look at the basics of both. You probably won't need it, but it's always good to know variations", he advised and Ellen nodded. "Very well. Take up the sword"

---

By the time it was midday Ellen was quite good at slashing air, because Kanda did not want to waste time and risk injuries just before they went on their mission, thus he did not fight her.

"This is fun, but also exhausting…", Ellen told him as she returned the wooden sword to Kanda, "It must have taken you a long time to master your sword". Kanda put the swords away and walked back to the door.

"It needs discipline and patience. I still practise as I still can improve", he informed her as they were walking towards the dining hall.

"Hmmm. You seem to have ambitions", Ellen mused and Kanda rolled his eyes.

"Every man has ambitions", he answered, "but you will have your hands full with just trying to survive, so there is no space for further ambitions".

"You are being mean"

"I'm being honest", Kanda retorted and Ellen sighed.

"Hello Jerry! Could you get me some polenta with sausages?", she asked as they got to the kitchen counter.

"Hi, my dear! I'll be right there! Oh, and I've also made some delicious soup and pie! Would you like to try them?", he asked while leaning over the counter to pinch her cheeks.

"Of course! Everything you cook and bake is delicious, I am looking forward to it!", she agreed and smiled, touching her red cheeks, "and Kanda would like the same as always, do you?"

"Don't jump to conclusions, you idiot", Kanda snorted, "The usual", he added when Jerry raised his eyebrows because he thought Kanda would order something different just to annoy Ellen. Which of course he didn't. As Jerry hurried to prepare the food, Kanda leant against the wall Ellen standing in front of him.

"Did you learn sword fighting in Japan?", she wanted to know and because she was just in front of him, Kanda had a hard time ignoring the interested look in her eyes. "Or did you learn it here, in Europe?"

"In Japan. The basics at least. I left Japan in my childhood", he answered.

"Why?", Ellen wanted to know and Kanda closed his eyes, visibly annoyed.

"Because I'm an exorcist, idiot. You can't just stay where you live if it gets out that you're compatible", he told her, hoping to shut her up, but he should have known that such an answer only sparked her interest. Damn that General Cross for not teaching her anything!

"That sounds awful, Kanda. To be separated from your loved ones… And at such a tender age. Really… How awful", she whispered to herself, looking at the floor, as if she was responsible for it all.

"Stop being such a whiny idiot!", he shouted and Ellen looked up again.

"But, Kanda…", she began.

"Sorry to interrupt you, but here's your food!", Jerry spoke up, leaning over the counter with two trays in his hands.

"Oh! Thank you Jerry, that was fast!", Ellen praised and took both trays before Kanda could reach for his.

"Don't carry my food, you will just spill it", Kanda remarked, while Ellen carried the trays to a free table.

"Of course not, put a little faith in me, Kanda", the girl told him with a smile.

"But it's stupid. I'm not your girlfriend!", he hissed, finding it oddly unnerving to have his tray carried by a girl. Ellen turned her head to look at him, at first with a blank look, then she started laughing.

"Oh Kanda, what are you thinking?", she asked and put the trays on a table near the windows, "I cannot seem to find a connection between carrying trays and you being my girlfriend… But, just to follow this train of thought; you also carried my trays and I am not your girlfriend either", she retorted, to which Kanda just snorted. "Let us just call it being civil among friends"

"I'm not your friend, idiot!", Kanda told her and started eating. Ellen was not bothered much to hear his harsh words.

"But I consider you to be my friend", she answered calmly and started to eat as well. "So stop being thick headed, Kanda"

"Che. Whatever, beansprout". For some minutes they were able to eat in complete silence until Ellen, having finished most of her food, spoke up again:

"Now, tell me: were you never lonely here in Europe, far from your home?"

"Stop asking stupid questions", was all Kanda said.

"Fine, but I am. I am often lonely without my parents. I sent my mother a letter. Do you?"

"No", came Kanda's short reply and Ellen knew she shouldn't pry into it.

"Well. I am happy to have met you. With Linali and you by my side the order is less intimidating…", she admitted and started eating her dessert. Kanda just shook his head at her.

"We are not children, beansprout. We're here to fight, this is no place I would ever call home…"

"But can you not find your home everywhere if you have a loved one with you?", Ellen wanted to know and Kanda grimaced.

"No idea where you picked that up, but I wouldn't agree with it…", he answered.

"Hm... Anyway, I am happy to have you here!", she told him, "even if you are mean and thick headed and are not able to remember my name!". She smiled and he only put his hand over his face.

"You're so annoying, idiot!", he spat, then lowered his hand again, "I'm only here to train you. You shouldn't get used to my presence", he added. Ellen's smile slipped just a little bit. But she had guesses as much.

"Well… Then promise me one thing"

"I won't", Kanda interrupted, but Ellen just put her hand on his upper arm, which shut him up for unknown reasons.

"Promise, that you will write me a letter. Not always. Just… once in a while"

"I won't", Kanda repeated after she had drawn back her hand to finish the rest of her pie.

"Yes, yes"

---

Later in the afternoon Ellen followed Kanda out into the gardens. It was unusual for them to meet after their training, except for the occasional visit at each other's doors to say a short good night.

"Will you be training?", Ellen asked and saw the sword attached to Kanda's hip.

"Yes. You should be too", Kanda informed her as they were walking down a path between flower beds.

"I was", Ellen told him, then she took the skipping rope from the coat's pocket. "But I can skip if you want", she continued and started skipping next to him.

"Why are you even out here?", Kanda asked and they got into the forest, Ellen had no idea where he was going.

"Well, I wanted to pass the time. Linali was busy… I was helping Jerry out in the kitchen for an hour or so, but now I have a lot of time on my hands until I meet up with Linali"

"Che. You're such a child"

"And you try to be all grown-up", Ellen answered, still skipping.

"I am an adult", the Japanese retorted, faced turned to the skipping girl.

"You might be, but being legally considered an adult does not mean that you have the mental capacity of an adult". Before Kanda knew it he had drawn his sword and slashed at the girl, a usual reaction to someone annoying or teasing him. But this didn't mean he intended to harm a girl. Ellen saw him fast enough, because she had fallen behind slightly while skipping, let go of her skipping rope and blocked his blade with her invocated arm.

"I told you!", Ellen chuckled, one handle of the skipping rope still in her right hand. "Adults should not be so short tempered". Kanda withdrew his sword, slightly baffled.

"Well done"

"What?", Ellen asked, looking up at him.

"Blocking my attack even though you didn't know I was going to attack. You might just survive your first mission", he told her, then continued his way into the forest. "I'll train. Don't disturb me. Go pick some flowers, beansprout!". Ellen pouted - the excited happiness at his praise forgotten - as he disappeared into the thick forest, but picked up the second handle again and skipped away to explore the gardens of the order.

From within the forest Kanda could see the girl skipping away. He didn't particularly care what happened to people once they angered him. Being sliced apart was a good punishment and people like Rabi often got very close to the sharp blade of Mugen. But never before had Kanda raised his sword against a woman, not that there were many female allies in the order. He let Linali get away with almost everything she did, because she was a woman (and because her brother Komui was very scary when he thought that Linali could be harmed). Kanda knew that Ellen was also a girl and the same rule applied to her… But still, she was annoying, he lost patience and he attacked. He almost immediately regretted his actions, but she wasn't harmed because she knew how to defend herself. She was not the same girl that had arrived at the gates mere days ago; she had grown remarkably, not only her strength but also her mind as an exorcist had developed. She still had those silly romantic and girly notions, but if you ignored that she was just a boy. As long as she didn't tell him what he already knew, nothing would change between them. He didn't know what she tried to achieve by not saying anything because she must have known that he was aware of it. And he always tried to tease her so that she would say something along the lines of "but I AM a girl", but nothing of that sort ever came. She didn't try to hide it it seemed, because Jerry knew and most of the order knew as well. So why? Kanda did not understand and instead of just ignoring it like usually (because he didn't care about people's motivations) he was constantly thinking about it.

---

Ellen had spent the last two hours in the gardens, skipping, exploring and picking flowers, but when it started to get chilly she went inside. She put her flowers in her bedroom and went down to the library.

"I am an exorcist and I should know what I am doing", she decided while picking out books about Innocence and the history of the Black Order. For about an hour she was going through the books picking up more and more information, even though she still didn't understand most of what Innocence really was.

"Ellen!". The girl looked up and saw Linali standing at the door, smiling and waving. "I'm having dinner! Care to join?". Ellen shut the book she was reading and raised herself from the comfortable chair.

"Of course!".

"What were you reading?", Linali asked after they both left the big hall, walking towards the cafeteria.

"Books about Innocence! There is still so much I do not know which I should as an exorcist"

"Don't worry, Ellen. We exorcists don't need to know everything, that's the Science Department's job!", the Chinese girl said.

"Yes, but a little bit of knowledge should not do me any harm", Ellen answered. Linali just smiled and they went into the dining hall. It was very busy and noisy, but Ellen felt very comfortable.

"Hello Jerry! Could you get me some jasmine tea, some rice and meat buns?", Linali ordered as it was their turn at the counter.

"Right away! And you, dear?", he asked facing Ellen.

"I would like some… uhm… How about spaghetti bolognese, some lasagne, some of the cake you baked this afternoon and tea!". Jerry nodded, "did Kanda already eat?"

"No, darling, I haven't seen him since lunch", the cook answered.

"Oh, then could you get him the usual? I will go looking for him!", she turned to Linali, "I will be right back!". Linali nodded and Ellen walked out of the dining room.

"Hm… Where could he be?", the girl wondered but decided to first have a look at his room. She knocked and luckily he also opened the door. "Hello Kanda! Do you want to eat?". He rolled his eyes, but put on his shoes and went out of his room.

"I already ordered for you, if you do not mind…"

"I do mind, idiot", Kanda informed her, hitting her shoulder, "don't go making decisions for others!"

"But you always take 'the usual'!", Ellen argued.

"Doesn't matter!", he spat, but he was not really angry, Ellen could tell.

"Fine. Tomorrow you may order for me, as compensation"

"I'll order pig food", he teased her as they reached the dining hall. Ellen turned, an inpatient look on her face.

"My, do not behave like a child!", she said, finger raised. He rolled his eyes and punched her shoulder again, which still earned him pleasant laughter from the girl. They picked up their food and went to sit where Linali was already waiting for them.

"Hi Kanda!", she greeted him as he sat down next to Ellen, which she noticed with amusement. "Good for you to join us!". He didn't reply and they started eating. "It would be nice to have Rabi here with us! He would have a lot to tell!".

"Rabi? The bookman you two are friends with yes?"

"He's not my friend", Kanda argued, but Ellen ignored him, having already expected to hear that remark.

"Yes! We three often had missions together when we were younger. He talks a lot, but he also knows much!"

"He must be a very interesting person, I would like to meet him!", Ellen said.

"Che. He's an idiot and his mouth is too big for his own good", Kanda told her and she laughed.

"So I should rather stick with you then?", she wanted to know and saw him lower his eyebrows.

"Whatever". Linali and Ellen laughed, while Kanda was starting to get annoyed.

---

Not long after they had finished their dinner, Linali and Ellen had left to train together, which left Kanda with nothing to do. He went out of the dining hall and to the Science Department.

"Komui", he exclaimed so the man, who had his head lying on a stack of papers, would notice him.

"Oh, Kanda! What's up?", the scientist asked and sat up straight in his chair.

"The beansprout and I have done enough training. We will go on the next mission you can arrange for us, next week if possible"

"You already want to go to battle? Isn't it too early?", Komui asked, a bit surprised, "Ellen has only been here for a few days!"

"No, it isn't. Just send us on the next Mission you have. That's all…", the Japanese left without giving Komui time to argue, which he probably wouldn't have done anyway. The man went down the stairs to get to the library. He wasn't fond of books, never had been, but he still felt the urge to gain some more knowledge, useless as it might be.

When the clock stoke nine Kanda had had enough of Roman History, let the pile of books lie on the table and left the library. He went to the big training hall where he guessed the two girls were. He pushed the door open and found Linali and Ellen playing a ball game with some finders.

"Oi! Beansprout!", Kanda called from the door because he didn't want to be dragged into this silly game.

"Kanda!", Ellen shouted quite surprised and had a ball thrown at her head, "ouch. Oh, I am sorry", she went to collect the ball and handed it to Linali. "Excuse me for a moment". Ellen ran to where Kanda was waiting. She was sweating, her shirt clung to her upper body and she was smiling. "What is it?"

"I need to talk to you about tomorrow's training"

"Really?", Ellen asked and brushed her hair out of her face, "very well. I will come with you". She turned back to the group of people. "I am sorry, I have to leave now!".

"Don't worry, Ellen! See you later!", Linali called and waved. Ellen smiled in return and left the room after Kanda. The young man led her to his room and let her inside.

"You should fix your window, will it not get cold in winter?", Ellen wanted to know as she looked at the crack and shivered slightly.

"Shut up", he told her, "sit". He got out of his coat and hung it on the coat stand, while Ellen sat on his bed, for lack of other possibilities.

"Will tomorrow's training be anything special?", she wanted to know as he too sat on the bed, his knee almost touching hers.

"Tomorrow is Saturday and on Sunday morning we will not train, I expect you want to be at the mass".

"Oh, how considerate of you. I really want to be there, yes", Ellen told him, quite surprised that he thought of something like this. "Will you not be there?"

"No. I might be a Christian, but I don't care about church", he answered.

"You were baptized?", Ellen wondered, but saw his glare, "I am sorry for changing the topic"

"I told Komui we wanted a mission. He'll surely have one ready on Monday. That's why we will have some special training tomorrow. Longer than usual and just us fighting with our Innocence". He saw her face and added: "I will attack you, you'll just have to block, idiot.

"Fine. I am a little bit nervous to hear that I will have my first mission soon…"

"Idiot", Kanda snorted, "you can go now if you want".

"What? Could I also stay here?"

"No", Kanda hissed and Ellen got up laughing.

"I know, I was just joking! Good night Kanda!"

"Good Night…", he replied and Ellen left his room.

_To be continued_

Notes:

I had fencing lessons today and my upper arms and thighs are covered with nasty red / blue bruises. In certain Fencing styles you can also slash, but I do not think that this would be what Ellen had learnt.

I try to avoid talking about Kanda's past, because in this fanfic I do not want to make things up (that's for the other one, not posted yet _lolz_). But I might have to eventually, depending on how soon stuff about Kanda will be revealed (all we know is that Hoshino plans to do it this year)

Well, can't think of anymore notes at the moment. Feel free to review!! (I enabled anonymous reviews - I hadn't even realized that I had it switched off. Silly me)


	11. Kapitel 10 Anxiety

**_Author's Notes:_**

**_There seems to be something wrong with this chapter - some people weren't able to access it. That's a stupid inconveniance and I don't even know why! I try to fix it even though I have no idea what's wrong. I hope it works now._**

_Sorry for the long wait, but this week-end was really busy (my sister turned 18!). This chapter is a bit longer than usually, I hope you can enjoy it:3_

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

Kapitel 10 - Anxiety 

Ellen Bermont woke up quite suddenly after a night of restless turning and tossing. The early morning rays were shining through the window, bathing her room in a faint shimmer of bluish light. 

Ellen was lying awake in her bed, an uneasy feeling still preventing her from getting up.

„What is this...?", she wondered, putting her white arms over her face. „This nervousness...". Ellen remained in this position for some more minutes, thinking about various things, then she sighed and got up, trying to ignore all doubts. 

„Maybe I am just excited. This will be my last training with Kanda...", she mused while getting dressed in her ‚Cross Uniform'. She heard the faint ringing of the tower bell announcing the fifth morning hour. „My, did I get up this early? Well, I had an uneasy sleep". The girl decided to sit down at her desk and write a letter to her mother, maybe this would help her mind to settle down or, if that wasn't possible, to get a better understanding of her anxiety. 

„_Dear Mother..._

_I am quite well and I start to feel less lonely here at the Order. I already wrote to you about making new friends here. I am pleased to inform you that my bonds to them are getting stronger. _

_I also have been told, or rather have decided myself, that it would be time for me to go out of the Order do take up the work of a real Exorcist. I know, dear mother, that this may sound frightening or even absurd to your learned and sensible ears. But worry not, for I believe in what I have to do and find myself prepared and protected by various forces._

_I will not be alone on this journey; Mister Kanda – I have already told you about this stunning gentleman – will be accompanying me. He is very knowledgeable in the field of battle techniques and also honourable, he will see to my safety._

_But even though I find myself ready, I am still uneasy. I am not sure why, but maybe it is because of Mister Kanda... I have been learning from him and we have become something akin to friends, but he is not very sociable and I do not know what he really thinks of me. I fear that I have not been able to show him my true self, even though I think he might know what I am. _

_Dear Mother, my words must be making no sense to you, forgive your daughter for letting her stream of thoughts fill up this parchment! _

_You taught me to be an honourable woman, but I feel myself strangely connected to the life your dear late brother showed me. The Order is not necessarily a place for a woman, maybe that is the reason why I am feeling like this." _

Ellen heard the tower bell again. „My... I took so long to write this letter...?", she wondered as it was already a quarter to six. „I cannot let Kanda wait...". She put her quill aside and got up to meet Kanda in the training hall for their last training before the real mission.

As expected, Kanda was already there, swinging his sword at an invisible enemy. 

„Morning Kanda", Ellen greeted as she closed the door.

„Do you have your skipping rope?", he wanted to know without turning to her, still swinging his sword.

„I do, yes?", she answered, taking the skipping rope out of her coat's pocket. 

„You should warm up. Skipping and push-ups should be enough", he advised, „because this will be a harsh training". Ellen furrowed her brows, but did not complain and started to skip around the room. 

„Can't you just skip on the spot instead of running around in circles, you idiot?!", Kanda shouted, as the girl passed him for the second time. She stopped to look at him; he must have been here for some hours, his body was covered in sweat and his hair had partly come loose. 

„I can, but I thought...", Ellen started to argue, but Kanda interrupted her.

„Then back off and skip quietly!", he spat and she did as she was told, but not without complaining:

„You are being ill mannered, Kanda...", she told him, but he ignored her. They were silently doing their warming up exercises until Kanda decided it was enough and sheathed his sword. 

„Up on your feet. We'll do some boxing", he told her and she looked up from the ground. 

„I thought you wanted to fight with our Innocence?", she asked and got up.

„Stop complaining, beansprout", he said and raised his fists. She just shrugged and mirrored his position, hands in front of her. „Let's go". Without further ado he started to attack. Ellen didn't have problems evading and even managed to break through his defence every once in a while. 

Kanda was sure that he was slacking. As time passed Ellen got more daring with her fists, her little hands first slamming against his, then brushing the skin of his arms ever so slightly until she managed to land a few full blows against his upper arms. Ellen wasn't smiling, nor was she looking guilty for the hits she had dealt; Kanda saw concentration in her eyes. He knew that this wasn't the little girl who was introduced to him at the beginning of the week. She was getting stronger each day, so fast it was nearly frightening. But then, she probably hadn't used her body for the greater part of her life and began to exploit its potential just now. Kanda knew that there was more of that courage and willingness to fight and more power in her than he had already seen. She _was_ going to be the „Destroyer of Time", which was quite a meaningful prophecy - at least in Kanda's opinion. But even though he was relieved that the likelihood of her dying on her first mission decreased, he was still not content.

„Why do I let her punch me? It's not like she was stronger or better at boxing than I", he wondered, looking at Ellen, „Just because she's a girl...?". He blocked her attack with his fist and slammed his free hand into her upper chest. The girl first stumbled backwards, then she lost her balance and fell to the floor. And there she stayed, panting. Kanda too took this moment to catch his breath.

„That's enough. Put on your uniform". He ordered, and pulled her up. He went to get his sword and then watched her put on the coat clumsily. Her arms must have been hurting from the strain, but she was not complaining. When Ellen was ready Kanda raised his sword, still sheathed. „I will not draw Mugen. We will not risk any injuries just before we have our first mission. You'll just try to block". Ellen nodded and invocated her arm.

„Very well, Kanda. I am ready". Kanda nodded and started to attack her with simple hits, which she managed to block easily. The young Japanese noticed how moving with her invocated arm seemed to come naturally to the girl, which would be helpful when they got to the battlefield. Training like this, they worked out until lunch and longer, until someone came knocking at the door. Kanda stopped his attack. Ellen let go of the invocation at once, panting and pale. 

„As soon as the tension of the invocation leaves you, your energy will leave as well...", he told her, but she didn't have enough air to answer, „get some rest". The door opened and Linali put her head inside.

„Are you two still working? It's past midday!", she told them and came inside, a basked in her arms. She spotted Ellen, hunched over, hands on her knees, and rushed to her. „Ellen! Are you alright?"

„L... Linali. Yes, of course", the girl answered. Linali threw a disapproving look in Kanda's direction.

„Come, sit down a little. I've got some lunch for you". The girls sat down and Linali handed her a slice of bread with marmalade. „Kanda, you too! I couldn't bring your soba in a basket, so I hope you also eat sandwiches?". Kanda sat down silently and Linali handed him a slice of bread as well.

„So you do eat other things than ‚the usual'?", Ellen wondered with amusement as Kanda ate his sandwich.

„Of course, you idiot. I just happen to prefer my native cuisine", he told her, which made Ellen laugh. 

„Fine. I do too, I have to admit... But just because I am used to it. I reckon there are thousands of flavours I have not tasted yet!", she exclaimed, still smiling.

„I heard you're leaving for a mission next week?", Linali said to change the topic of food, which was visibly annoying Kanda.

„Yes, I requested the next available mission Komui has for us", the young man answered.

„Hm... I heard they are working on a case, I'm sure you'll get the mission"

„Where does the mission take place? Do we have to travel far?", Ellen wanted to know.

„It is usual for us to travel long distances, because there aren't so many Exorcists and the world is big, right?", Linali started, „The case I'm talking about is reported to be located in Southern Italy"

„We mainly travel by train here in Europe. Where no railway exists, we are required to take a carriage or walk. We also need to use ships crossing from the Island to the Continent or for long distance missions", Kanda told her and she nodded, quite exited. „Stop grinning like a fool, beansprout! We're not going on holiday"

„I know, I know. You spoil my fun, Kanda"

„Shut it, idiot!". Linali looked from boy to girl, then sighed. 

„You two... Stop bickering!", she chided, then she got up, „I need to be going now, Komui needs his coffee! Don't push Ellen too hard, yes?", she said directed at Kanda.

„Whatever...", was all he said in return, but it was good enough for Linali's taste. 

„I'll see you two around! Good bye!", with this she left the room and the two were alone again. Ellen turned back to Kanda and smiled at him.

"So we will be spending time together on the journey to the mission! I am exited! This will provide us with a good opportunity to become friends, do you not agree?", she asked innocently. Kanda rolled his eye, ate the rest of his sandwich, then got up, pulling Ellen with him.

"Get your head out of the clouds", he told her and she busied herself with cleaning up their lunch and putting the basket aside. "We continue from where we left of".

"Of course", Ellen answered, invocating her arm and smiling, "Go ahead". 

When Ellen's arm started to tremble under the weight of Kanda's continuous hits and she had to renew her invocation from time to time because it disappeared without her wanting to, Kanda knew that they had done enough training for the day. 

"Why are you stopping?", Ellen wanted to know, barely able to keep on her feet without stumbling.

"Idiot, because you're exhausted", he told her, "stop the invocation". Ellen looked up at him silently for a moment, then returned her claw to normal. Kanda grabbed her arm before she could fall down. He lowered her down to the ground and sat beside her. 

"I am still too weak… Am I not…?", Ellen wondered after she had caught her breath again.

"I don't think so…", Kanda told her, which had her looking up, because she had been expecting an insult. He returned her look and continued: "You're a parasitic type, don't forget that. The invocation uses up a lot of your energy and you have to balance this out with providing your body with food. You shouldn't be so vain and well-mannered. Just eat more", he advised. 

"But Kanda… I cannot just stuff food inside me… That is…", Ellen started to argue.

"Gross? I told you to stop being vain! You're an exorcist now", he told her and got up from the ground. "If you eat more, you have more energy. And if you have more energy you can keep your Innocence invocated for a longer span of time". Ellen seemed to be unhappy with it, but still nodded. Kanda groaned slightly, then held out his hand for her to grasp. "Come on". Ellen looked at him, but took his outstretched hand gladly. He pulled her to her feet, his arm around her thin waist, while she tried to find her balance again. He tried not to think about it, even though he couldn't stop himself from realising that this was the first time he was so close to a girl. Though he still had a hard time seeing Ellen as anything different than an exorcist, but maybe he didn't have to – even if this went against his principles of protecting women at all costs. When Ellen was ready he let go of her, but she put her hand on his arm. 

"Please do excuse…", was all she said and he didn't give an answer. 

Like this they went to the dining hall to see if Jerry could get Ellen a big meal. 

"My, you look pretty bad, my dear! I will make you a mountain of good food!", Jerry exclaimed. Ellen was not happy with the 'mountain' part but food sounded good. 

"Sit down. I'll get you your food when it's ready", Kanda told her and pointed at a nearby table. The girl wanted to complain, but Kanda freed himself from her hands and went inside the kitchen. Ellen sighed and sat down at the table.

"Kanda is being nice… I should appreciate it instead of complaining. He only means well… I guess…", Ellen thought by herself and waited. A little while later Kanda returned from the kitchen with two trays loaded with plates and bowls. He set them on the table and went back into the kitchen to bring two more trays. 

"I… Cannot possibly eat all of this!", Ellen exclaimed after Kanda had taken the seat next to her. 

"Just start…", he told her and she sighed. She started eating and just went going, slightly embarrassed to have Kanda observe her. 

"Would… Would you not share with me?", she said and pushed a plate with Pasta to him, "I feel bad if you just look and have nothing yourself…"

"No", he answered, but she just handed him her fork. He eyed it suspiciously.

"Was it not you who told me to stop being vain? Sharing food is nothing bad, right?". He glared at her, then took the fork, loaded it with pasta and ate silently. Ellen smiled and finished her soup. "You have surely participated in many missions", she started again and Kanda looked up from his plate.

"Yes", Ellen rested her chin on folded hands.

"That means you have spent many days in the company of various exorcists. Have you never got close to them?", she wanted to know, which kind of surprised Kanda.

"I don't want to be close to anybody. It's just annoying", he answered to which Ellen just lowered her eyebrows disapprovingly.

"But why? I know that some people like to be alone, I too wanted to be left alone when I was younger. But that was because people kept staring at me. But what reason do you have to shy away from people?". Kanda looked at her intently, but she just met his glare. "Tell me"

"You shouldn't pry into other people's affairs, beansprout", he told her, but she didn't show any signs of feeling guilty. She wanted an answer and he couldn't give it to her. "That's just the way I am"

"Do you find my presence annoying?", Ellen wanted to know. Kanda groaned.

"Right now, yes". The girl sighed, and reached out her hands to put them on Kanda's. "But I tolerate you and your antics. Stop touching me, that's strange". He withdrew his hand and continued eating. Ellen frowned, but Kanda's face was hidden by his bangs.

"Well… I like you", she told him honestly but he didn't get an answer for a long time. 

"Idiot…". Ellen pouted, but continued eating until all the food was gone.

"My… I really was able to consume all of this… I feel slightly ashamed of myself", she announced. Finally, Kanda raised his head again and raised an eyebrow at her.

"But you're no longer trembling and surely you've regained your strength. You shouldn't complain", he finished his plate as well, then he looked up again. "And as you're Innocence uses up this energy right away you don't have to worry about gaining weight"

"I did not worry about that!!", Ellen shouted, blushing slightly. Kanda smirked and Ellen started to put the empty plates on the trays, in order to hide her embarrassment. 

When she was done Kanda got up from the bench. 

"Where are you going?", Ellen wanted to know.

"Training", he answered and Ellen raised her eyebrows.

"Again? But will you not get exhausted if you train so much?", she asked quite surprised.

"I haven't exercised as much as you have during our training sessions".

"Well, okay. Take care then", Ellen said and Kanda rolled his eyes, but left the room. Ellen carried her trays back at the kitchen counter, then she went to her own room. She sat on the bed, her hands in her lap. 

"My… How things have changed… And I have only been here for some days…", she whispered to herself, looking at the ceiling. "I am still a girl, but I start behaving otherwise… Like… Almost like a boy…". Ellen sighed and closed her eyes, lying down on the bed. "When I am with Kanda… I behave differently. I have been educated to be well mannered and polite, but with him…" She opened her eyes, still thinking about it. Yes, she did behave differently, but not because she wanted to be different in his presence. It came naturally and it felt right. "Do I feel comfortable at his side despite the way he is acting towards me…?". Her thoughts were interrupted by soft knocking on her door.

"It's me, Linali!", she heard a voice say. Ellen sat up instantly, trying to fix her hair which has become a slight mess over the last hours. 

"Come in, it is unlocked!", she called and the door opened. Linali came in and saw her friend trying to fix her hair and laughed.

"Oh dear… Let me help you", she offered and took the comb that lay on Ellen's night table. Ellen lowered her hands and let Linali draw the comb through her hair. 

"Linali…", Ellen began hesitatingly, "did you… ever feel that you were no longer a girl, now that you are an exorcist?". Linali put the comb aside and looked at her friend.

"Why are you asking? You're still a girl, even with uncombed hair!", Linali answered laughing. A small smile escaped Ellen, but then she lowered her head.

"When Cross first had ordered me to wear boy's clothes I was… scandalized. Everyone took me for a boy… I know, I am very plain, but still… I am a girl…", she whispered.

"Ellen. You're not plain!", Linali objected, but Ellen just shook her head.

"I am fine, Linali, really… It is just that lately… I think it is okay for me to be the way I am… I am arguing with Kanda, boxing and…", she blushed slightly, "eating more than a pig". Linali laughed at that. "I enjoy being like this, like I enjoyed travelling with Mana. But I also enjoyed living with my mother, reading, writing, playing the piano and conversing"

"Ellen, you will not stop being a girl just because you enjoy these things. Everyone knows you're a girl, right? Well, Kanda might not have caught on yet… But you're graceful and perfect the way you are. You don't need to worry about things like these…". Ellen nodded hesitantly and Linali patted her head, "I have an idea; why don't you wear a dress for once?". Ellen looked at her, "you want to go to the sermon tomorrow, right? You can wear a dress then".

"Truly, that seems like the perfect opportunity", Ellen answered thoughtful, then got up and walked to her drawer. "I would not have wanted to go there in my uniform, it did not feel proper to do so". Linali giggled.

"You're quite funny, Ellen… But… What about Kanda? Don't you mind him seeing you in a dress?". Ellen turned away from her drawer, a white dress in her hands, to look at the Chinese girl.

"Kanda will not be at the sermon. He told me…", she answered. Linali frowned.

"Yes, but he could still see you…", as Ellen did not reply she continued, "You haven't talked to him yet, right?". Ellen shook her head, putting the dress over her chair.

"No… I have not… But I wonder if he has not already found out… Because nearly everybody knows and, as little as Kanda talks with people, he still would know if someone talked about me…". Ellen sighed and sat down on her bed, "It is not like it has ever been a secret… It is more like as if it were an unspoken secret that we both know not to talk about it… For as long as it stays like this, nothing between us has to change…". Linali looked at her intently, with an almost pitying look in her eyes, then she sighed and hugged her friend.

"Oh dear Ellen… You really are a girl", she told her, smiling. Ellen looked at her quite puzzled.

"What do you mean by that?", she wanted to know. Linali smiled and pinched her cheek. 

"You like Kanda, right?", she stated and Ellen nodded, "Have you ever considered telling him?"

"I told him just before you came", she said and Linali widened her eyes.

"You told Kanda you love him?". Ellen blushed at once.

"NO! I told him I _liked_ him!", she shrieked, hands the sides of her face. 

"Well, it sounded like you had romantic feelings for him", Linali giggled.

"Oh no… I did not want it to sound like that! What if Kanda thinks I love him?!", she whispered frantically.

"Don't you?", Linali wanted to know, "he's handsome and strong. And he's quite nice to you". Ellen frowned, slightly disturbed.

"I would not know! He is the first boy I have liked…", she admitted and put her face in the palms of her hand. "This is quite embarrassing…".

"Oh, don't worry about it… That's okay!", Linali told her, "I'm sure Kanda didn't get any strange thoughts!"

"But… What if I really started to like Kanda more?"

"Then you'll be both happy and sad, I guess…", Linali mused and looked at her friend, "happy because you have someone to love and also sad because missions will keep you apart"

"You talk as if he was obliged to like me back…", Ellen told her with a small smile. 

"Well, isn't he?"

"Oh, Linali!!", Ellen took her cushion and hit Linali's shoulder playfully, "do not mock me!". Linali laughed and fled from the bed. 

"I'm sorry. Listen, I have to go now! Do you need me to help you get ready for the sermon tomorrow?", she wanted to know and opened the door.

"Ah, that would be nice, yes. Maybe you could do my hair", Ellen replied and Linali nodded.

"Fine! I'll see you tomorrow at nine! Good night, Ellen!"

"Good night, Linali!". Ellen decided to get dressed for bed, but before she could actually lie down she heard another knock at her door.

"It is open", she announced and saw the door opening to reveal Kanda standing there. He only wore black pants and a white shirt, his hair was undone and it seemed as if he just got out of the bath. "Kanda, come in!", she told him, "your hair is wet, do you want a towel?", she asked and went to her drawer to pull out a towel. She handed it to the young man, who took it wordlessly and started to towel his long hair. Linali was right; Kanda was handsome! Ellen sighed slightly and sat on her bed. 

"What did you want?", she asked as Kanda handed her the towel. Kanda looked at her.

"No idea. Your door just was on the way", he told her, then he looked to the window. 

"Well, you are invited to stay if you want to", she told him. He stayed silent and Ellen sighed. "Listen… About the Mission… Do you think I will have success?". Kanda's eyes were fixed on the white dress hanging over her chair, but Ellen had completely forgotten that it was there. 

"Have you already forgotten your promise?", he asked, turning to look at her instead. 

"My promise?", she asked, slightly confused. Kanda raised his hand and put in on Ellen's head, which forced her to lower it. 

"That you weren't going to die. Keep your promise. I hate people who don't". When Ellen could raise her head again Kanda had already opened the door.

"I will come to find you sometime tomorrow. Good Night"

"Good Night, Kanda…", Ellen answered and the door closed behind the Japanese. 

_To be continued_

Notes: 

Well, I kind of liked this chapter even though nothing much happens... X3 

Because my brain is empy right now I can't think of anything witty to add. So. uh. Hope you enjoyed it.


	12. Kapitel 11 Confessions

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Here I am with a new Ivory Tales chapter! X3 I guess you have been waiting for the 'confession' chapter for a loooong time, but I fear it didn't turn out that good. It's getting a bit cheesy. You'll see what I mean in a bit! XD_

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

Kapitel 12 - Confession

The next morning, Ellen only woke up when someone knocked at her door.

"Ellen? Are you in there?", she heard Linali's voice and sat up in bed slowly.

"Yes…", she said, stifling a yawn. The door opened and the Chinese girl came inside.

"You're still in bed?", she asked with a smile, "Didn't you want to go to the sermon?". Ellen rubbed her face with her hands to shake off the sleepiness and got up.

"I could not fall asleep yesterday because I was thinking so hard", she admitted and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why did you have to plant such strange ideas in my head?", she wondered when she remembered all the things going through her head the last evening. Linali had to laugh and helped her to pull off her nightgown.

"Don't blame me, Ellen! You said you liked Kanda, it's easy to misunderstand such a thing. But why did you still think about it?"

"I do not really know… Maybe because he is the first one…", she tried to answer, her arms folded over her chest to hide her naked breasts.

"I know it's easy to mistake friendship and affection for love… I guess it's hard to draw a line… Especially for young girls…", Linali said and pulled a white bra from a bag she was carrying with her. "Here, for you. I hope it's not too big". Ellen took the piece of underwear sceptically and needed Linali's help to put it on. "No, it fits perfectly! Doesn't it make you feel more feminine?". Ellen turned to the mirror and inspected her chest.

"Well… It looks better like that… But I guess my chest is still rather small…"

"You're fifteen, Ellen. If you gain some weight and wait a little bit it'll be alright", Linali assured her and patted the girl's head. Ellen smiled slightly then went to get her dress.

"Thank you… Do you think this dress is nice enough?", she asked and showed her the white dress, she had acquired with the trousers, back in the town where she had separated from General Cross. It was quite simple with a high neck and a ribbon around the waist. "It is far simpler than the dresses I wore to church at home…"

"I like it, Ellen! It will surely look great on you!", Linali replied and helped Ellen put it on. When they were done she inspected the girl. "You look gorgeous! The dress fits perfectly! Look at yourself!", she exclaimed and pushed Ellen towards the mirror. Ellen looked at her reflection and smiled.

"Really… It fits… And it feels good to be wearing a dress…", she told Linali and turned around.

"Let me do your hair now or you'll be late for the sermon!". Ellen nodded and she sat down at her writing desk. Linali combed her hair and plaited it into two braids with two red ribbons.

"How cute you look! Like a doll!", she exclaimed and inspected the girl.

"Mana always said that!", Ellen giggled and looked at herself.

"Let me get you your shoes. Would you like the black leather shoes?". Ellen nodded and Linali handed her the shoes. Ellen slipped in and looked at herself in the mirror, her reflection pleasing her.

"Thank you so much Linali!", she said and hugged the Chinese girl.

"You're welcome! Now hurry up!", she answered and pushed her towards the door. Ellen looked at her with a confused frown.

"You will not come?", she asked and Linali shook her head.

"I am busy today! But I'm sure we'll meet at lunch or dinner, right?". The two girls left the room and headed in the direction of the Order's chapel.

"That would be nice. I will see you there", Ellen told her, then they parted ways. The girl found her way to the chapel quite fast and pushed open the big wooden doors. They creaked slightly and opened to a big, dimly-lit hall with rows of wooden benches. The walls were decorated with gold-rimmed pictures of angels and saints, the windows were high, arched and made of stained glass. In the very front, behind a richly decorated altar, was a big organ with many golden pipes. The front rows were already filled with various people, mostly finders or staff. Ellen chose to sit at the back, in the shadow of a pillar, and enjoyed the deep voice of the priest at the altar and the melancholic tune of the organ.

She vaguely heard the creaking of the door, the noise being easily drowned by the music. She only became aware of another person, when she heard someone sitting down next to her. Not thinking much about it for a moment or two, Ellen decided to turn her head and greet the person. But when she did look to the side she saw Kanda sitting next to her. He looked straight ahead, wearing black trousers, a white shirt and a black tie. Ellen stared at him for some time then slowly averted her eyes again, her face paling swiftly. Kanda didn't say anything and they silently listened to the priest preaching, without Ellen really hearing anything. Ellen didn't know what she was supposed to say and thus remained silent for a long time.

"Kanda… I…", she finally started in a whisper and he turned his face to look at her.

"I knew…", he told her. Ellen stared at him, speechless and the silence returned between them. Now, with the first shock gone, Ellen was very embarrassed.

"Why are you here? You…", she started, looking down at her hands.

"I knew that you'd be here", he answered, interrupting her. She felt trapped and scared; she had wanted to tell him, but it shouldn't have been like this!

"Are you… angry with me…? I… I did not mean to lie to you", she whispered, intently looking at her folded hands.

"You didn't lie, you just didn't tell me. I don't care…", he replied with an even voice, his words surprising the young girl. Ellen didn't know whether he meant it or not as she didn't dare to look at this face. "I don't care why you did it. I only want to know why you didn't want to tell me…".

"I… Because I _AM_ a girl, right?", she told him, hands clenching on the fabric of her skirt. "Because girls should not fight. Because you would have acted differently. Because you would not have _wanted_ me". She raised her eyes to meet his, expecting to find an angry scowl, but she could see that he was calm.

"Linali must have told you…", he said, then nodded, "Yes, I don't approve that the order sends women to war. But I wouldn't have refused you, as you were my responsibility…"

"Kanda…I…", Ellen whispered, still very sorry and on the verge of tears.

"I don't mind you being a girl, you're an exorcist after all. But I'll still protect you", he promised. The girl looked at him, her eyes wide, then the tears started to fall. Silently she turned her upper body in his direction and before Kanda could react he had her thin arms wrapped around his neck, the soft fabric of her dress brushing against his skin.

"I am sorry", she whispered, "I really am". Kanda did not speak, but he lifted his arms to put them around her body. She was warm and small. He realized that this was the first time he hugged a girl and somehow he knew that she would be the only one he ever truly wanted to embrace.

So he let her cry, head buried in the crook of his neck until she had calmed. He didn't really know why he tried to comfort her, he would have liked to be detached from her emotions, but he just couldn't bring himself to be and he didn't even feel awkward about it. The sermon had already finished and most people had left the chapel, no one was there to bother them.

"It's lunchtime", he announced, letting go of the girl as she began to stir. Ellen looked up at him, eyes red, and smiled.

"Thank you, Kanda. You truly are a gentleman…". Kanda frowned, but pulled her to her feet. They walked through the chapel doors. "Will anything change?"

"No idea, beansprout, but why should it", he answered, shrugging. Ellen wiped away her tears and put a bright smile on her face.

"Dou you want to take my arm then?", she asked and looked up at him.

"Why?", he wanted to know sceptically, raising an eyebrow.

"It would be nice to be escorted", came her innocent answer. Kanda groaned.

"Stop being such a girl. Just because I know doesn't mean I like your antics", but he held out his arm to her, which she gladly took.

"I reckoned as much. But I wanted to know how far I could take it", she joked and Kanda rolled his eyes. How the hell could she change so fast from being reduced to tears to a silly smiling girl? He didn't know and he chose to ignore it. The two of them received some surprised stares from the people they met along the way, but Kanda didn't pay them any attention. "Do you like my dress?".

"It makes you look like a girl", the older exorcist answered, frowning because of the swift change of topic, which made Ellen giggle.

"I take it as a compliment then. Thank you, Kanda".

"Che...", he spat, frowning. They arrived at the dining hall, where a lot of people were already sitting and having their meals.

"Hello Jerry!", Ellen greeted. The cook recognized her and leaned over the counter to look at her.

"Oh my! How fine you look!", he exclaimed, looking at how she had her hands around Kanda's arm, "you weren't training then?"

"No, Kanda and I were at the chapel", she told him. Jerry eyed Kanda suspiciously, but didn't say anything. Most people knew that Kanda didn't care about anything other than having his meal and training. But Jerry didn't mind to hear that he seemed to like spending time with Ellen Walker.

"So what will it be, you two?", he wanted to know.

"Hm… Kanda, you order", the British girl told him and he frowned. "I promised you, did I not?". He sighed, but then she released him and he stepped to the counter, so Jerry could hear him.

"Just prepare a Japanese meal, I don't care what. Huge portions". Jerry laughed and went inside the kitchen to prepare. The two stepped aside to wait for their order.

"Are you really okay with it?", Ellen wondered and he looked down at her.

"It's not as if I could make you change", he said with a frown and the girl laughed, "you're a girl. Fine with me. You could have told me earlier though. Were you planning to hide it forever?", he wondered and she blushed.

"Of course not! I would never do such a thing!", she told him and pouted, "I just liked training with you… I did not want to give it up…". Kanda remained silent. "Uhm… are people looking at me…?", Ellen wondered, as she saw some people turn their heads to stare at her and Kanda.

"Because that's the first time you show your legs. There aren't many women here", Kanda explained.

"So?", Ellen asked and Kanda groaned.

"You're so naïve, aren't you?", he asked and looked at her, "Most people here are men and a woman raises their interest. That's obvious…".

"Ah… Then it is a good thing I am with you. You scare them off", she told him and he smirked, despite himself.

"Kanda, Ellen, here you go!", Jerry announced and handed them four trays loaded with food Ellen had never seen before.

"Let us go find a table!", Ellen exclaimed and went to one in the corner. They sat down and Kanda handed her a fork, because she was starting to eye the chopsticks.

"You'll only embarrass yourself, idiot", he told her, as she started to pout. "Stop making that face!"

"I will. Enjoy your meal!". She started to pick at the various plates, a bright smile on her face.

"You really eat like a pig…", Kanda told her after a while. The girl stopped eating at once to look at him in utter horror. "Go on, I think it's amusing". But she just eyed her food listlessly. "Idiot, I was joking. It's okay for you to eat huge amounts of food. I told you as much"

"But if it looks disgusting…", Ellen argued, pushing some noodles around on her plate.

"It doesn't", Kanda replied, "go on. There's still more". Ellen hesitated, but the food was just too delicious to ignore, so she continued eating.

"Kanda! Ellen!", someone called from the entrance and both turned their head to see River Wenham standing there. "Finish quickly. Komui has a mission for you two!".

"A mission!", Ellen put her hands together and smiled.

"Don't get so excited, idiot", Kanda told her and stood up, "I told you it's no holiday"

"I know, I know…", Ellen mumbled and followed Kanda out of the dining hall.

When they arrived at Komui's place the man was all over Ellen.

"Look at you! Such a stunning beauty! This dress fits you perfectly! Right Kanda, right Kanda??", he chirped, behaving as if it was his beloved Linali standing next to Kanda.

"Tell us what this mission is about", was the only thing Kanda was willing to say.

"Ah, you spoil my fun", Komui complained, but had Linali hand them some papers. "Your mission will lead you to Southern Italy, to an old abandoned city called Matel. We had some finders investigate a rumour about a living doll. It has been reported that this phenomenon is related to Innocence. I want you two to go there and retrieve the Innocence", Komui explained. "All further information is to be found in the report Linali gave you". Ellen looked at the printed papers in her hands. "Your train leaves this evening, prepare well. And good luck, Ellen". Ellen nodded and thanked him, then she followed Kanda out of the room.

"Would you… Help me prepare?", she asked him. He first wanted to decline, but seeing as it was her first mission and he still was responsible for her, he gave in.

"Fine…". Ellen smiled and they went to her room. After reading the background information about their mission Ellen took her suitcase from under her bed.

"What do I need to take?", she wanted to know.

"You don't need much for fighting Akuma. It's always good to have some items for medical treatment. I'll get those at the infirmary later. Just put in some spare clothes and whatever girly stuff you need", he replied, looking out of the window.

"What? Will we be gone that long?", she wanted to know, but pulled open various drawers.

"Maybe you'll get called to the next mission instantly. I don't think you will, but you always need to be prepared". Ellen nodded and put some clothes and sanitary towels and various other things into her suitcase. "That's all you need… Relax for the rest of the day. I'll get you at five". Ellen nodded and Kanda left her room. She wasn't really sure if she was excited or nervous, maybe it was a mixture of both. But as long as Kanda was with her, everything would be okay.

_-o-o-o-_

Linali came to her room just shortly before Kanda was supposed to pick her up. She found Ellen sitting on her bed, dressed in trousers, a shirt and the coat hanging over her shoulders.

"Hi Ellen, look what Komui had the Science Department make for you!", she said upon coming in. Ellen turned her head in the Chinese girl's direction and saw her holding two white gloves made of a thick fabric. "They will protect your hands, especially your Innocence, better than normal gloves. And they match your uniform, isn't that nice?". Ellen took them thankfully and put them on. While she did something stirred in the arm of her coat and Timcampy came to view.

"Sir Tim! There you are! Where have you been hiding, you mean thing?", Ellen asked him, quite surprised by the sudden appearance of the little golden golem.

"Good you have him, because with Timcampy you can connect to the Golem Network", Linali explained and watched Tim settle on Ellen's head. "Are you nervous Ellen? You're quite pale…", she asked worriedly. Ellen looked up at her friend and nodded.

"Yes… Were you nervous too?", Ellen wanted to know and Linali smiled at her.

"Of course I was… Because a mission could always be dangerous. Where there is Innocence, there could always be Akuma. But you'll be able to defeat them. You don't need to worry. Especially if Kanda is there to help you…". Ellen sighed and nodded. "Oh. By the way; Kanda now knows, right? You came to Komui's office in your dress!", she said with a content smile. Ellen blushed and simply nodded again. "What did he say? Was he angry or anything of that sort?"

"He… came to the chapel, knowing that I would be there… He knew that I was a girl, but I guess he expected me to tell him... He was not angry though…", the white haired girl explained. "I felt relieved… There was a tension I was not even aware of. But it left at this moment and all I could do was cry… I am quite ashamed of myself". Linali patted her head and smiled at her.

"Don't worry… Everything is fine… There's no need to be ashamed…", she grinned and hugged her friend, "but I'm sure Kanda was quite surprised to see you cry"

"He… Probably was", Ellen replied with a small smile, "but he did hug me to comfort me. I appreciated it…"

"He hugged you?", Linali wanted to know, eyes wide. Kanda? The guy who always acted so cold towards anybody and made it a point that he didn't care whether other people lived or died, _hugged_ Ellen? The Chinese girl was delighted. "He really must care about you then. That's so sweet…".

"I thought this too… He is a gentleman", Ellen answered and smiled.

"With you I never know if you say something because you're such a well-mannered lady or because you really mean it…", Linali told her with an amused smile.

"Why? I am always honest!", the girl huffed indignantly. Linali laughed and pinched Ellen's cheeks. Shortly afterwards there was a knock on the door.

"This must be Kanda", Ellen told her friend and opened the door to the Japanese man. "Good Evening Kanda!"

"Hi Kanda!", Linali greeted barely able to contain her laughter. Kanda noticed this but merely raised an eyebrow at her, then he turned to Ellen.

"I've got the medical aid stuff, you should keep it close to you", he advised and handed her a small bag. She nodded and put it into her coat, then took the suitcase from the floor.

"Thank you. Let us leave", Ellen said and the three of them left the room. Kanda led them to the Black Order's waterway, which highly impressed Ellen. But there was someone else that caught her attention.

"Mister Toma!", Ellen exclaimed and saw the finder stand at the dock. "You are back!"

"Good Evening Miss Walker, Mister Kanda. I'll be the finder accompanying you on your mission", he announced and Ellen smiled at him.

"We'll go by boat to reach the next town, from there we'll take a train to the harbour to ship over to the continent", Kanda told Ellen and the girl nodded.

"Have a save trip you two and come back in one piece!", Linali told them, hugging Ellen.

"Thank you Linali, we will". Kanda already was in the boat and held out his hands to the girl. He lifted her into the boat, which Linali observed with a smile. That Kanda… She shook her head and waved as the boat left. Ellen sat down next to Kanda and observed the stone cave.

"How curious this is!", she exclaimed, which earned her a smirk from Kanda.

"You're such a child…", he told her and she pouted. It didn't take long to get out of the cave and soon they were in daylight again. It was already dusk and the setting sun was throwing last red rays on the land and water. The fields were yellow and the forest was shining red and orange.

"It such a beautiful scenery… Entirely different than the Order's forest and gardens…", Ellen sighed, finding much delight in the landscape.

"We could take a walk here once we're back", Kanda suggested, face turned away from her, when Ellen raised her head to look at him.

"Really? That would be wonderful", she told him and smiled. Kanda dared to turn his head to look at her; the sunlight was reflecting in her pure white hair and her face shone joyfully. Kanda had to correct himself. She was not plain…

"She's beautiful…", he thought, then sighed and turned away to look at the water's surface. He found himself liking her, more than he would have expected and contrary to what he had believed it did not bother him one bit.

They left the boat in a small town, the stars were already out and the lights in the windows shone brightly. Kanda helped Ellen out of the boat, Toma following them. The train was already there, white steam was rising up into the dark air.

"Come, we need to hurry", Kanda told Ellen and started running. Still a little bit confused, Ellen followed Kanda and Toma as they rushed up to the small train station and hopped onto the train just before it could roll away.

"Normally we jump on trains", Toma told the girl, as she was still looking around rather confused.

"Jump?!", she exclaimed. Kanda put his hand on her shoulder and turned her towards the door.

"You'll see sooner or later", he told her and opened the door. A man came rushing towards them, complaining, but after he saw the silver crosses on the exorcists' coats, he shut up and lead them to a compartment. Ellen found it quite spacious and luxurious.

"How delightful! Can we always travel like this?", she wanted to know and took a seat next to the window.

"Mostly. The Order pays for it. Considering that we have a highly dangerous job and get a lousy salary, that's the least they can do", he told her and sat down.

"Will you not join us, Mister Toma?", Ellen asked, as she saw that Toma was shutting the door of their compartment.

"No, I will stay outside and keep watch", he told her and she frowned, "don't worry. I'll be alright". She nodded and he closed the door.

"We'll be at the harbour in about three hours", Kanda announced and took out the report again.

"I should have brought a book then…", she mused, then smiled, "ah well. I will find other ways to entertain myself!". Kanda just glanced over the edge of the report sceptically, but chose not to comment on it. Ellen pulled off her uniform and folded it next to her. Kanda lowered his report to watch her.

"Why didn't you wear the skirt?", he wanted to know and she looked up at him.

"I have become comfortable with pants. And I guessed that it would be easier to run and fight in pants", she answered, "was I wrong?". Kanda turned his attention back to the report.

"No. Now be quiet. I'm reading". Ellen huffed, but nodded. The first hour of the train ride she was just happy by looking out of the window as the train made its way along the coast. When it got too dark to see anything but the stars reflecting on the water's surface she turned back to Kanda, but the young man had dozen off. Ellen sighed and got up. Because her heels made clicking noises on the compartment's floor Kanda opened an eye.

"Did I wake you? I am sorry", Ellen apologizes as she saw him stir and sit up straight. She touched her hand to his thigh and smiled. "I will just go out for a bit, you go back to sleep". He frowned, but as he didn't mind a bit of extra sleep, he didn't complain and shut his eyes again. Ellen smiled at him, then opened the door to join Toma. The finder was sitting on the floor, playing cards spread out in front of him.

"Miss Walker. Do you need anything?", he asked as he became aware of her presence. The girl shook her head and kneeled down in front of him.

"No, but I was getting slightly bored. What are you doing?"

"Ah, this is just a hobby of mine to spend the time. It's always good to have a stack of cards at hand when travelling", he told her. Ellen nodded and watched Toma take something out of his huge suitcase he normally had strapped to his back. "Here, I have a spare one", he told the girl and handed her a set of cards.

"Can I really keep this?", she asked him joyfully and he nodded, "thank you very much! Oh, I do love playing cards!".

"You're welcome, Miss Walker". Ellen shuffled the cards and started playing with them, Toma observing. "Are you trying cheating tricks?", he asked quite amazed. Ellen blushed, but nodded.

"Yes… My uncle taught me and now that he has died I want to cherish everything I learnt from him, even if it is cheating…", she explained with a smile, "and maybe it will prove to be a useful ability in the future". The two were silent for a while until Ellen spoke up again: "Why did you join the Order, Toma? I should understand how people go to war on their own accord, but I cannot… Not when you are under constant threat to be killed".

"Well… We finders don't do it for the glory or for honour… You know how Mister Kanda thinks of us. We are exchangeable", Ellen frowned, "we do it because we want to help. All of us have friends or family who were either harmed by Akuma or have been drawn into this war because they are compatible. For me it's the first. I've seen the sorrow and I couldn't sleep as long as I knew I couldn't do anything against it…".

"It is so sad, is it not…", the girl whispered, drawing her knees to her chest and hugging them. "War…"

"Yes, Miss Walker… It's not a thing worth dying for…", he told her, trying to comfort her just by speaking. The girl sighed.

"This… It is entirely different… We do not fight humans like us… I do not know if this is comforting or disturbing…"

"You shouldn't worry about such things, Miss Walker, or you'll get crushed under the heavy burden… You exorcists fight for a good cause. That's all you should think about". Ellen lifted her head to look at Toma and smiled.

"Thank you…", she told him and he nodded, then turned his attention back to his cards. Ellen got up on her feet again and went back into her compartment, where Kanda was leaning against the window, looking outside.

"Did you sleep well?", she wanted to know, taking her seat opposite him.

"Whatever…", he replied. He had woken some minutes ago and had heard her conversation with Toma, but didn't comment on it. "We'll soon reach the harbour. You'd better get ready". Ellen turned her gaze from the window to Kanda and nodded.

"I will"

To be continiued

Notes:

So, what do you think? Too cheesy, too stupid?

As you can see I follow canon for now, no Yullen story without Matel, right? XD I'm sorry for those who get bored with hearing Matel over and over. X3 Be sure that I'll put in some extra stuff there. And to make it realistic: The next chapters will focus on their journey to Southern Italy. Let's see how Kanda stomachs being stuck in a narrow space (train / ship) with Ellen for two weeks. XD


	13. Kapitel 12 Travel Companions

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Despite being very busy I decided to upload this chapter today. I'm sorry that the wait between chapters is getting longer, but I've got a bunch of assignments and papers to write as well as presentations to prepare. It's hectic right now, but thanks to my procrastinator-nature you'll still get an update. X3_

_Not much to say for this chapter. I hope you can enjoy it!_

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

* * *

Kapitel 12: Travel Companions

When the two Exorcists and their accompanying Finder got out of the train it was already pitch black. The train station was nearly empty, even though it was not that late at night, and Ellen didn't complain that they didn't stay to explore a bit. The town was silent, with lights shining out of windows. It was quiet enough to hear the sea, so Ellen listened as they walked to the harbour. Ellen could taste the salt on her lips and the wind tugged at her uniform.

"Are you cold?", she heard Kanda ask, as she stopped to pull on her gloves. He didn't sound worried, but that he still stopped to wait impressed Ellen.

"Just a bit, the coat keeps the wind out", she answered and caught up to the other two. "It surely is nice here. The sound of the wind and sea…", she remarked with a smile.

"Get a grip, idiot…", Kanda complained and they reached the dock, where a steamboat anchored. They passed the other people while walking up to the ship and everyone let them through as soon as they saw their coats. "Exorcists normally depart from this harbour".

"That is why nobody wants to see any tickets…", Ellen mused and was delighted to see that the captain personally came to greet them. Being an exorcist surely was nice.

"We arranged accommodations for you, sirs", he said and lead them down into a nicely furnished corridor.

"We have a lady travelling with us" Kanda announced as the captain led the three of them to the first room. The captain stared at him and then at Ellen.

"Oh, excuse me! What to do?! I only have this first class cabin left!", Ellen frowned and Toma turned to her.

"We finders like to stay with the other folk, listening to them talking about diverse matters. It is always a good opportunity to gain information about strange phenomena", he explained and Ellen nodded with an unconvinced frown.

"Then I will join the Finder", Kanda told him and handed the key to Ellen.

"Kanda, you do not have to…", she started, but he merely raised an eyebrow at her. She blushed and rocked up and down on her feet embarrassedly. "It would not be polite to deny you access to the room… We are on this ship for about a day, are we not?".

"I am truly sorry. Maybe I can arrange something with the other passengers", the captain spoke up.

"It will be okay, thank you Captain", Ellen answered and looked at Kanda. "I truly do not mind"

"But, dear lady, there is only one bed available", the captain said, scratching his head.

"The order tries to save money", Kanda explained, as Ellen just shot him a slightly shocked look, "it happens that we only get one bed. Komui must not have arranged stuff properly or this wouldn't have happened…".

"I still do not mind. You are a gentleman, I know", Ellen said, twirling her fingers, "and besides… I would be scared alone…", she whispered, blushing slightly. Kanda looked at her intently, then he groaned and dismissed the captain.

"I'll get Komui for that one", he told no one in particular as Ellen opened the door. The room was not that big, but nicely furnished. It had two small windows, a wardrobe, a table and armchairs and the single bed. It was big enough for both of them, so Ellen did not worry much.

"In winter, when it was cold, I often shared a bed with someone. It is an efficient way to keep warm", Ellen told Kanda and put her suitcase next to the wardrobe.

"Whatever…", the young man snorted and waited by the door.

"I will change now. It will only take me a minute or so", she told him and he nodded before he left the room. Ellen hanged her coat over the armchair, undressed and took a nightgown out of her suitcase. She put it on and braided her hair, so it wouldn't require much combing the next morning. "I am dressed", she called and Kanda came back in. He looked at her; her wide gown hid her body which he was thankful for. Ellen sat down on the bed, sinking into the mattress. She switched on the light on the nightstand and Kanda just looked at her. Should he get undressed here? In front of her? He normally didn't worry about such things, but he usually wasn't required to share a room with a girl. On the occasional mission with Linali, Komui had made sure that no man got near her. He pulled off the coat and hung it over the free armchair.

"Do you want me to leave the room?", Ellen asked and looked at him. Kanda frowned.

"I don't care", he told her, but was feeling a little uneasy when she stayed on her bed, watching him. He tried to ignore it and pulled off his shirt to exchange it with another one. He got out off his shoes and socks, then he threw a glance at the girl, who had now thankfully turned her head to look out of the window. Kanda pulled off his trousers and put on a pair of black pyjama pants. He switched off the main light and went to the bed, taking the hair tie off. Ellen slipped off the bed and lifted the covers so she could get under them. Kanda did the same, but still sat upright, while the girl was getting comfortable.

"Thanks for staying with me…", she told him and looked at him, blanked drawn up to her nose.

"Just don't take it for granted", he replied and lay down next to her.

"I am a little bit excited to have a boy lying next to me. It nearly feels improper without us being a married couple", she said, giggling slightly. Kanda groaned.

"You're incredibly silly…", he complained, then looked at her, "why are you so excited about this? It's not as if we were doing anything. We just sleep here"

"Yes, and that is why I can be excited. These are all new experiences. I am happy my mother does not know though…", she mumbled, frowning.

"Idiot. Turn off the light", he told her and she obeyed. The only light came from the small windows and Ellen squirmed a bit, then she moved closer to Kanda.

"Good Night, Kanda", she said, then closed her eyes.

"Good Night"

-o-o-o-

When Kanda woke the next morning it took him a moment to realize what the white mess of hair in front of his eyes could have been. He had tensed up as soon as he realized that the girl was very close to him, but relaxed shortly after that, putting his head back down on the cushion. Ellen was still sleeping soundly, her white hair falling into her face, her body was curled up slightly and turned to him. Kanda, despite what people might believe, didn't mind waking up next to other people. Not that he enjoyed it, he just… didn't mind. There was something comforting to have a human being sleep next to you. In war, such little things were quite meaningful. Rabi had the annoying habit to invade on Kanda's personal space all too often, but if they had to sleep together in a bed or even on the floor it was always Kanda who woke up close to Rabi because he himself had moved closer to the red-head during sleep. Lucky for him, he could always blame Rabi for it. But it was a quirk of him he just couldn't get rid of, and it wasn't just Rabi, he did it with _every_ person he had to share a sleeping place. It was quite embarrassing, but nobody had dared to speak up about it before.

But right now Kanda didn't mind. Ellen's body radiated a comforting warmth and she smelt nice. It was quiet and the ship was rocking slightly on the waves and the young man was nearly tempted to go back to sleep himself. He was still looking at Ellen when she began to stir and her eyelids opened slowly to reveal her grey-blue eyes. She blinked a few times lazily, then she smiled at him.

"Good morning, Kanda. Did you sleep well?"

"Sort of", he answered and sat up in bed as Ellen tried to hide a yawn. "We should reach the mainland in about half a day". He got out of bed and dressed, while Ellen still tried not to fall asleep again.

"This really is a nice trip…", he heard her say and saw that she had sat up and was now undoing her hair. She looked like an ordinary young girl the way she was sitting in bed, humming a song as her thin fingers combed her hair. Even the white hair, the red hand and the scar couldn't change that. Kanda reminded himself that they were Exorcists and on the way to a Mission, which he also told her. "Yes, I know".

"We could also encounter Akuma on our way to missions, they could attack right now", he told her, but Ellen just laughed and slipped out of bed.

"Then I would have to fight in a nightgown"

"Surely a sight to behold, idiot", Kanda replied with a smirk. Ellen pouted, but opened the first buttons of her nightgown. "Hey, wait until I'm out of the room!", Kanda complained and slipped into his boots.

"You are the one that is slow", Ellen teased and smiled at him, while she unbuttoned the rest of them. Kanda caught a glimpse of her white chest, then he thought it best to leave the room. He leaned against the wall and starred ahead, as if the opposite wall had insulted him. He accepted and tolerated the girl, he even promised to protect her, like he would protect any girl (finders and civilians included), but that she was really behaving like an _ordinary_ girl (and not an exorcist who just happened to be female) and not think about it much, annoyed him. Or maybe it just made him nervous. He never had to worry about Linali much, because first she was just a little girl which he took care of if necessary and then she got older and strong enough to be considered a soldier like he was. She didn't do silly things like giggling all the time, or enjoying the scenery of a mission's site. Nor did she do embarrassing things like getting undressed in front of fellow exorcists. Ellen either was being too naïve for her own good or rather temptingly sly. Neither option sounded nice, so he just settled upon going for the thing which needed least pondering; he stared at the wall.

"I am done", Ellen called and opened the door, "why are you looking at me with that sour expression?", she wanted to know when he turned to her, backing off slightly. He snorted and turned his head away. "Are you sea sick?"

"Of course not, you idiot!", Kanda spat and hit her shoulder.

"Well, it could have been…", Ellen mumbled, then her face lit up, "let us go on deck!", she exclaimed and went back into their cabin to get her exorcist's coat.

"Why?", Kanda complained, but was dragged along the corridor by the girl.

"To see the sea of course!", Ellen exclaimed and they climbed up the stairs.

"There's nothing to see except for water", Kanda told her, but she just continued and they eventually reached the deck. Ellen let go of Kanda and ran to the railing to look at the blue ocean shining and reflecting the sunlight and the white clouds.

"Spectacular! I love to be on ships! This is great!", Ellen called to him and Kanda slowly made his way to her side. "Do you not agree?"

"Hm. I don't care how it looks like if it gets us back to land swiftly", he answered and Ellen laughed.

"I take it then you do not like to be on the sea?", she wanted to know and Kanda frowned.

"Not particularly", came his honest answer. Ellen smiled at him and took his arm.

"Then let us turn away from the sight and get some breakfast", she suggested and they went back inside to get something to eat.

-o-o-o-

Kanda watched the girl eating with a frown on his face. She had ordered a small portion and held her fork delicately, as if it could break anytime.

"Oi. What's with this silly behaviour?", Kanda hissed and she lifted her head.

"We are on a ship. I cannot order a mountain of food or make a fool out of myself for behaving like a brute", she answered indignantly. "I am nobility after all".

"Who cares if you are! We are exorcists and you don't have to do such petty things like maintaining your reputation", he told her.

"That is not a silly thing, Kanda", Ellen replied and looked up at him, "I will eat when less people from the high society are here", she told him, then she leaned a bit forward. "My family is well known all over England". Kanda raised his eyebrows, but Ellen didn't want to dwell on this subject any longer.

"Fine, suit yourself. But if you faint I'm not going to care", he told her and she nodded with a smile.

It was already early evening when Ellen returned to their cabin. Kanda had agreed to her taking a look around the ship on her own and had went back right after lunch.

"Hello Kanda! I heard we will arrive at the port in one hour!", she exclaimed after she had closed the door behind her. Kanda was lying on the bed, arms crossed behind his head and didn't say anything. "Did you hear me?"

"I can't possibly ignore your loud voice", he answered and she flushed.

"You are being mean", she told him and he rolled his eyes.

"You should know that's how I am. No point in crying about it", he said uninterestedly. Ellen pouted and took off her cloak which she hung over her armchair.

"What have you been doing all day?", Ellen asked and sat into the armchair.

"Meditating", he answered and closed his eyes lazily.

"You mean sleeping?", Ellen giggled and Kanda shot up. She lifted her hands defensively, "Oh please. I was just joking, there is no need to get so agitated over something like this". Kanda groaned and let himself fall back into the mattress.

"Will we board a train as soon as we leave the ship?", Ellen wanted to know, playing with Timcampy, who she had shut into the room, so he wouldn't get lost again.

"Yes. There's no direct line, so we will have to change trains various times, but – as long as Komui hasn't messed up – we should never have to wait in town for another train to arrive. But we have to take occasional detours because there's no railway. That's why it'll take us over a week to get there"  
"Well, I am just happy that we do not have to walk all the time", Ellen said and stretched, "when I was travelling with Mana we mostly did not have enough money for trains or carriages".

"Didn't you say you were nobility?", Kanda asked, sitting up. Ellen nodded.

"We are, but my uncle gave it up so he could travel. He didn't like to rely on other people and that's why he never accepted money from my mother. He treasured freedom very much. But it was funny to travel with him". Kanda was silent for a very long time, then he got up from the bed.

"You're from London?", he asked her and sat in the other armchair. Ellen looked up at him surprised. "And you live with your mother?"

"Yes, but why do you ask?", she wanted to know with a smile on her face.

"I'm just trying to lead a polite conversation, idiot", he told her, resting his chin on the palm of his hand, looking sour.

"I appreciate it. Do you want me to tell you about my home?"

"Whatever", he answered and Ellen's smile widened.

"I live in a row of similar houses. Actually, from the outside, they all look the same and you could not tell one from the other. It is quite spacious and we have a nice little garden. I am an only-child and have most of the rooms for myself. We have five servants and a cook, my mother often invites friends of the family over and they would spend hours in the salon just talking. I admit, I was often bored", she laughed a bit, "In summer we would go to our manor on the countryside or visit friends all over England. My uncle, Mana Walker, often came to pick me up, so we could spend a little time together. And I also travelled a lot with my aunt and mother". She smiled and looked up at Kanda. "I do not think you want to tell me about your family?"

"I'd rather not…", Kanda replied and Ellen sighed with an understanding smile.

"You probably have seen bad things in your life, Kanda… And I never would pry into matters you are not comfortable with. But if you ever want to tell, you can come to me. I will listen", she told him, patting his hand. Kanda frowned but nodded, then there was a knock on their door.

"It is me, Toma. We will reach mainland in half an hour. It is already within sight", the finder announced.

"Thank you Toma! Come Kanda!", the girl said and pulled him up on his feet, hurried to put her jacket on and rushed out of the room to catch a glimpse of the shore as fast as possible.

"She is quite wild sometimes, it seems", Toma remarked, as Kanda also left the cabin with their suitcases.

"Che. She's too rash. It'll kill her if she doesn't pay attention", he complained, but Toma just chuckled. Ellen was standing at the railing, looking ahead of the ship.

"Only some more minutes then we will be there!", she exclaimed, when Kanda joined her and he groaned. She behaved like a small child at times, she really must have been spoilt senseless. But she could also be quite sensible, so Kanda refrained from teasing her.

-o-o-o-

When the ship had safely reached the mainland Ellen took her suitcase back from Kanda and they left the ship.

"We have no time to dawdle, the train leaves in 5 minutes", Kanda announced and started running. The townsfolk looked at them curiously, but most of them were used to the Exorcists by now. Ellen followed until they got on a bridge.

"There it is", Kanda announced and jumped on to the stone railing, Toma following suit. "We jump, hurry up beansprout". Ellen widened her eyes, but hesitantly climbed onto the railing. Kanda took hold of her hand and before Ellen could protest he jumped, dragging her with him. They all landed, not very gracefully, on the train's roof. Kanda opened the emergency exit and they climbed inside.

"That is insane…", the British girl whispered. She was the last to climb into the train and could see a man rushing to them.

"We are from the Dark Order. We have reservation", Toma exclaimed and the man froze. He nodded stiffly and bid them to follow him. The compartment was as luxurious as the last one and quite comfortable.

"Are you sure you do not want to come inside?", Ellen asked the finder.

"Absolutely, I have another compartment to sleep in. Until then I will be either here or keep my ears open for possible rumours", he answered and excused himself.

"Finders do have a hard job", Ellen mused and closed the door.

"That's the way it is", was the only thing Kanda said on the subject, "we will also sleep in here. We will stay on this train for two days". Ellen nodded and pulled off her coat.

"Do you want to play cards?", she asked him and he raised an eyebrow, "to pass the time!", she explained. He snorted, but nodded curtly. "How about Joker?"

"Joker?", Kanda repeated, "I have never heard of this. I only know Poker".

"Do you want me to teach you?", she asked and began shuffling the cards. Kanda observed her doing it with great skill and frowned once again.

"I don't care…", he replied and she shuffled even more, "do they teach aristocratic children how to play card games?". Ellen laughed and shook her head.

"Oh my, of course not. My mother would not have approved of it, but Mana taught me", she explained and started to deal 13 cards to each of them. "It is an easy game. We both have 13 cards. Each turn you pick a card from the stack here", Ellen put the remaining cards on the small table under the window, "you need to form either a sequence of cards, for example ace, two, three, four and so on. They all have to be of the same symbol. Or you have a group of matching cards of different symbols, like the ace of spades, hearts and so on. You need to have at least three cards and they should add up to the sum of 30. If you do, you can lay them down. To end your turn you have to throw a card away".

"Sounds easy", Kanda snorted and started to put his cards into order, "Ladies first". Ellen grinned up at him, a grin which somehow seemed strangely dark, and took the first card. She soon smiled at him and put a card down.

"You can also take the card I have thrown away. And a joker can count for any card you might miss".

"… Right", Kanda was still thinking about the strange grin, but then he took up a card and threw another one away. Ellen still smiled at him and took another card. Silently she arranged them, then put twelve cards down in little portions and the thirteenth one was thrown on the little pile of discarded cards.

"I win", she announced, which had Kanda stare at her.

"What?"

"I win"

"I heard that, Idiot!", Kanda spat, "again!". Ellen smiled and shuffled the cards again and they repeated the same thing; Ellen won in two turns. "What the – are you cheating?! Hand me the cards!", Kanda shouted and Ellen complied with a curious smile. He shuffled, dealt and they repeated the same thing again. Ellen smiled sweetly as Kanda threw the cards at his lap furiously. "Okay. You won". Ellen collected the cards and put them on the table. She still smiled and lifted her hands to her face, apparently to hide it, but as she drew her hands away again, she had a card – the joker- between her pink lips. Kanda just lifted his eyebrows quizzically and Ellen took the card in her hands.

"Of course I cheated!", she told him and laughed, "And I am quite good at it, I wonder how you did not realize!"

"I thought that you did but I couldn't prove it", Kanda muttered, still frowning, "why the hell are you able to cheat? Another thing your uncle taught you?". Ellen grinned and nodded. "Must have been an eager teacher that fellow. Corrupting his niece". Ellen laughed and shook her head.

"Care to play again?", she asked and he just eyed her suspiciously, "no cheating. I promise", she told him and pulled another joker out of her sleeve. Kanda groaned, but nodded and they spent the rest of the evening playing cards.

-o-o-o-

When Ellen started to doze off Kanda decided now was as good as anytime to go to bed. He took the blankets and cushions from the shelves over their seats.

"I'll go out now, dress yourself", he told her and dropped the blanket on her. Ellen pushed it away and watched him leave the compartment. She yawned but took her suitcase from underneath her seat and got dressed in her nightgown. Kanda came in again after she opened the door. He already wore his pyjama pants and the white shirt, he probably changed on the toilet Ellen mused. The girl made her bed clumsily, because she wasn't used to doing this sort of thing herself, but in the end she prevailed and laid down.

"Hm. I prefer the ship's bed", she told Kanda as he also lay down, switching off the light.

"Don't be picky, idiot. That's how we travel", came his snorted reply, "just another day and we leave this train for another one".

"If you spend so much time with other people during these travels, how does it come that you are not friends with all of the exorcists?", Ellen wanted to know, lying onto her side, so she could make out Kanda in the dim light.

"Because I have no desire to chat with them and spend as little time in their company as possible", he answered, "most people get rather early that I don't want to chat with them".

"But you are quite agreeable… I am sure that some try to befriend you", Ellen spoke and frowned. She heard Kanda groan.

"I am not 'agreeable', I'm just trying to be polite because you're a girl! But if you start annoying me, I'll cut off your hair with my Mugen". Ellen huffed and reached for her hair.

"My hair has already taken great damage!", she exclaimed with a pout, "because Cross had me cut it off!"

"Stop whining idiot, I'm trying to sleep", Kanda groaned and Ellen heard the rustling of the blankets.

"Please do excuse. Good Night Kanda", the girl told him and turned to face away from Kanda. Kanda had a hard time figuring out if she might be offended, but he heard her soft deep breathing shortly afterward and knew she must have fallen asleep.

"Idiot…", he said into the silence and he too shut his eyes to get some sleep.

-o-o-o-

Ellen woke to the soft tap on her shoulder. She looked up and saw Toma standing above her.

"Good Morning Miss Walker. Mister Kanda asked me to wake you up while he gets breakfast", he told her and she nodded, still half asleep.

"Thank you very much…", she told him, still having enough manners not to yawn openly in front of him. She sat up while Toma left the compartment. She saw green fields pass in front of the window, the sky was a clear blue with some morning clouds and the sun shone warmly even though winter was approaching. After having admired the landscape for some time she decided to put the compartment in order and then she got dressed. But unfortunately Kanda chose this moment to open the door. Ellen was facing his way, still missing pants and shirt, and she saw his body tensing. He didn't say anything, turned and left again, but Ellen knew that she saw him turn red.

"Oh my dear", she whispered, "how embarrassing". Her cheeks were burning and she had only calmed down a little after she was fully dressed, even in her exorcist's coat, just to be sure. "Kanda? Are you there? I am dressed. I am really sorry for my indecency", she called to the closed door and it only opened after a while, revealing Kanda's sceptical face. He came back in, tray still in his hands, put the food down on the small table and took a seat wordlessly. Ellen watched him trying to avoid looking at her, then she sighed. "I am sorry… But I was not naked, was I? There is no need to be angry". Kanda looked up, frowning.

"I'm not angry you idiot! Such things just shouldn't happen!", he told her and folded his arms over his chest, looking out of the window, "that's why I don't like travelling with girls; embarrassing moments are hard to avoid". Ellen raised her eyebrows sceptically and huffed.

"Well, you do not have to worry; it was my body you have seen and I am not embarrassed about it", she told him, even though she had been embarrassed, and he turned to look at her.

"You're stupid", he told her, then he mentioned to the tray, "eat now". Ellen still stared at him for some moments, then she directed her eyes to the tray.

"Is this all for me?", she wanted to know and Kanda nodded with a bored look on his face. "What about you?"

"I ate while you were still snoring", Ellen refrained from arguing about that insult and turned all of her attention to the food. Kanda looked quite bored now that Ellen decided not to react to his teasing – it would have taken his mind off of other things.

"Stupid girl", he thought, "I just can't… Che", he broke off his thoughts and started to recite the Pater Noster in his head over and over again while Ellen was happily eating her food with a wide smile on her face.

To be continued

**Notes:**

Just a chapter covering the first part of the journey. I just had to include Ellen's cheating ability, but as I have no idea how to play poker I just made it joker! XD I like this game very much but I fear that I failed at properly explaining how it works. Maybe some of you know it. X3

Next chapter will be twice the lenght of my normal chapters. Update will take a while, due to the above stated reasons. I apologize in advance


	14. Kapitel 13 Moving Hearts

**Author's Notes:**

I'm very sorry that it took me so long. My computer crashed and I couldn't access anything. My computer is still dead but my data has been saved and is now stored on an external hard-disk.

Anyway, here's the Matel-Mission Chapter and I hope you can enjoy it even though you probably have heard it a thousand times already. X3

**Important Warning concerning the next chapter at the end!!**

**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

**

* * *

****Kapitel 13: Moving Hearts in a ruined Town**

When the train finally pulled to a halt there was no stopping Yu Kanda to get off.

"Kanda! Where", Ellen stopped to heave her suitcase out of the train and stumbled, "oh dear. Kanda!". She pouted like small child, then she turned to Toma who now helped by carrying her suitcase until she had put on her coat. "My, what impatience. Really terrible", she complained and combed her hair with her hand, then she took the suitcase back from Toma. "Thank you very much for your help", she told him and he chuckled as she still wasn't able to get rid of her angry pout, even though she tried to.

"You're welcome. Let's follow Mister Kanda", he suggested and Ellen nodded, albeit sourly. That was just not the way to behave! To jump up in the middle of a (one sided) conversation and to run off without as much as a: we're leaving. She didn't even know why she was that irritated by it. She guessed that it was because she had thought that she and Kanda had established something like a friendship. Which apparently was not what Kanda thought if he tried to run away from her.

"If my mother were here, she would give him a stern scolding", Ellen said and Toma let her talk as there was no sense in trying to stop an agitated young woman. "That she would. My,_ I_ should give him a stern scolding! I do not mind Master Cross to be impolite, but Kanda should help a lady out of a train!". She stopped abruptly causing Toma, who was trotting behind her, to do the same. She turned to him, determined face, and held out her suitcase. "Toma, could I hand you the suitcase for just a little while? I need to chase Kanda", she asked him and he nodded.

"As you wish, Miss Walker", he told her, even though he was a bit sceptical – it was quite clear that Ellen just wanted a reason to go chasing him. Ellen smiled, then she started running towards the town. She was quite fast on her legs, passed people and the first buildings on the outskirt of town, and then she finally spotted Kanda, walking a few meters ahead. Ellen smiled to herself and sped up. But the swordsman stopped suddenly, which nearly caused her to run into him and into the blade his outstretched sword.

"Beansprout?! What…", he started, but then an explosion nearby caught his attention. "Che. We have no time to fool around, it seems that there is an Akuma nearby!". Ellen looked at him quite shocked.

"What? But our Mission has not even started yet!", she exclaimed but was wise enough to take the glove of her left hand off. She felt it; her arm pulsated painfully and her eye started to burn. The cries of people filled the air and the Akuma appeared behind a building. Ellen winced as the pain in her eye intensified, Kanda, noticing it, turned to her. He could just stare at her when he saw her face. "Kanda?", she asked, quite confused to see his mildly shocked expression. The white of her left eye had turned black, whereas the iris shone a bloody, bright red. He chose not to comment on it, but to point to the single Akuma.

"Go. Kill that thing", he told her and she turned her head to see the Akuma approaching. The ghost chained to the weapon was moaning and crying, it made Ellen sick to hear it and brought tears to her eyes.

"It is so terrible", she whispered and Kanda looked at her, not knowing what she was referring to. "The poor thing…".

"Che. Stop having pity! Go, kill it! Only like this you can free the soul trapped inside!", Kanda urged her and pushed her forward. Ellen looked back over her shoulder uncertainly, but then she nodded and ran towards it. She raised her claw and hit it, which just resulted in a few scratches along its metallic surface. Ellen frowned and the weapon pointed its canons at her, firing instantly. Kanda pressed his lips together and watched the fight; he would only intervene if she was in serious danger, but the bullets of an Akuma were deadly if they hit her. But the younger exorcist was surprisingly agile enough to evade the first bullets and raised her huge claw – Kanda thought that it was even bigger than it normally was – to block the next. Before it could fire another round of bullets Ellen pushed her claw neatly into the body of the Akuma, breaking the surface and reemerging on the other side of the weapon. It let out a loud cry and then it exploded, Ellen protecting herself from harm with her claw. Kanda waited for the dust to settle and when it did he saw Ellen still standing, but then she dropped to her knees. He went to her and saw her crying, eyes wide open, but both in their normal grey colour.

"Oh my… I would not have expected it to be like this…", she whispered and Kanda put his hand on her shoulder, "and I told myself I would not kill again…"

"That's the way it is. Be happy, you saved a soul and you did surprisingly well", he told her and saw Ellen smiling up at him.

"Thank you… Yes". Kanda pulled her to her feet and Ellen dusted off her dirty knees. "We should hurry or we will miss the next train". Toma joined them and Ellen took back her suitcase. They ran to the station just in time for the train to leave.

-o-o-o-

They passed the remaining train journey quietly, but upon arriving at the newly constructed Gotthard tunnel Ellen was pretty exited.

"Did you know that this is the longest tunnel in the world?! My! Oh, I cannot sit still!!", Ellen said, hands on the glass of the window.

"Get a grip, you idiot. It's only a hole in a mountain", Kanda snorted and Ellen showed him a pout, but then everything went a few shades darker and Ellen clapped her hands in delight. Kanda heard her take a seat next to him.

"Kanda. A tunnel is not to be underestimated. Show some respect", the young lady told him and Kanda rolled his eyes. He had no clue how Ellen could utter new "oh"s and "ah"s all the time for 15 kilometres even though there was nothing but black and faint yellow light bulbs to be seen. But when they got back into the light Ellen looked completely pleased.

"How wonderful. I cannot find words to describe this stunning experience!", she said and grabbed Kanda's arm, looking up at him expectantly. He groaned.

"What do you want? I'm no poet, idiot. I told you; it's just a hole in a mountain". From Ellen he got quite a sceptical look, then without a further word she pinched him in the sides. Kanda nearly jumped out of his seat and turned to stare at her, fuming. "Hey!". Ellen started to giggle, hiding her grin behind her hand.

"Serves you well, Kanda. If you tease me, I tease you in return", she declared and Kanda stared at her unbelievingly, then he groaned.

"I'm not one of your girlfriends, and neither am I as young as you. I'm an adult, such childish things will only make you look stupid", he told her, hoping to hit her pride as an aristocratic lady, but Ellen just laughed it away and leant nearer to him.

"But there is no one to see, right? And I am sure you would not go telling on me, right?", she asked him slyly, which took Kanda by surprise. She started poking Kanda in the ribs and he tried to ignore it as best as possible, failing miserably.

"Stop that!", he roared and grabbed her hand, to force it down into her lap, "keep your hands to yourself!". Ellen huffed and turned her face away.

"You are a spoilsports", she announced and Kanda twitched.

"And you are a stupid beansprout, behaving as if you were 10!"

"And you behave as if you were 50!", she argued and stared at him grimly, but then she sighed. "Oh well. You are right. I am sorry", she finally said and Kanda raised his eyebrows. "I should understand that travelling as an exorcist with you is not the same as travelling as a child with Mana".

"Che. Took you long enough to figure it out…", the Japanese youth replied, even though her sudden change of heart was quite strange.

"It will take us another day to get there, right?", Ellen asked and Kanda nodded, observing how she bent down to get her suitcase, "I wanted to ask you something concerning the Mission".

"What? That's pretty late now, why couldn't you have asked when we were discussing it?", Kanda wanted to know.

"I was quite excited back then and did not think much about it. But now I have calmed down…", she explained, then she smiled, "and I have even fought my first battle against an Akuma…". Kanda looked at her sceptically, remembering the change of her eye, but decided that now was not the time to go asking about it. Ellen opened the report and looked for a certain page. "Ah, there you go. The aim of the Mission is to get the Innocence out of this moving doll, is it not?". Kanda nodded wordlessly, "And it is the Innocence's influence that makes the doll move?"

"That we assume…", Kanda told her, then he sighed, annoyed that he had to do the theoretical teaching about Innocence; another thing General Cross should have done. "Innocence causes supernatural occurrences wherever it is located. If there are any rumours about such occurrences, Finders investigate. Innocence is always located at mystic places"

"Mystic places?", Ellen repeated.

"The Innocence cubes can take other forms than its basic one; it can also merge with certain objects. The mysteries of Innocence have not been understood yet. Take in your arm for example. You were born with it, right?" Ellen nodded and looked at her hand, "Innocence gets in contact with people and if they're compatible it can merge with them, becoming a body part or a weapon. But when did you have contact with it? Apparently when you were still unborn", Kanda thought out loud and Ellen furrowed her brows, thinking about this.

"My, I have not known this. It really sounds peculiar… my mother has never been one to travel to places which are rumoured to be "mystic"…"

"They do not have to be at mystic places… It's just one possibility for Innocence to manifest…", Kanda told her and watched Allen study her hand, lost in thoughts.

"Is Innocence being passed on from the parents to their children? Could that be?", the girl wanted to know and Kanda thought about it for a while.

"I have not heard of it… It's not even guaranteed that a child born from exorcist parents is compatible", he answered and Ellen tapped her finger against her mouth.

"So if I had a child I would not need to worry about dragging him or her into this war?", she asked and Kanda was quite embarrassed to even consider this.

"I… Idiot", he told her and turned his face away, "Stop thinking about such things!". Ellen raised her eyebrows.

"Are you blushing? Why?", she wanted to know, but Kanda just kicked her leg to make her shut up, staring out of the window. "My… Such childish behaviour…", the girl complained and nursed her abused shin. "I did not say: if _we_ had children"

"Che. Just shut up, will you?", Kanda groaned and Ellen huffed indignantly, turning her head to look in the other direction. Kanda looked at her from the corner of his eyes, squeezing them together in annoyance.

"Damn that beansprout…", he thought, "Che. Why can't she just behave like a normal exorcist? Linali doesn't want to talk about such things!". He knew it wasn't really her fault, because she had been raised to become a lady. Things like a good marriage and children were important for her. They would have been important for Kanda too, but he had other things to concern himself with. There was no woman who could keep up with the way he lived. Well, maybe Linali, but Komui's defensive nature kept Kanda from even considering a relationship with her. Ellen on the other hand… "Che. What am I thinking?! Idiot!". Ellen turned to Kanda as she heard him snort.

"Are you alright?"

"Sort of", he answered and Ellen raised her eyebrows, "It doesn't concern you", he lied and Ellen pouted, but turned her head again. "I just have to make sure she survives this mission… Then she'll no longer be my responsibility", Kanda decided and got comfortable with this thought. "We are exorcists. We only need to fight"

-o-o-o-

They were only a short distance away from the city of Matel. Toma was trying to get a connection with the Finders stationed in the town.

"It's of no use. I can't connect to them", he announced with a grave voice, which made Ellen worry.

"Were there Akuma when they last contacted you?", Kanda wanted to know and Toma nodded.

"Yes, they said that a group of five Level 1 had been sighted at the outskirts of town. They told me that they were still able to fend them off", he said and Kanda folded his arms over his chest.

"Well. Maybe there were more of them"

"Are they alright?", Ellen wondered, her face quite pale. Kanda groaned, but shook his head. Ellen widened her eyes and started to run a few meters.

"Oi! Where are you going, beansprout?!", Kanda called after her and was glad that she stopped.

"We need to help them, now! Please, come!", Ellen begged and pointed in the direction of the town. "Hurry!"

"_Don't be rash_! Keep a cool head, idiot! There will be more than only one Level 1, got it?! If you rush into a fight before you're prepared you'll die!", he caught up with her, Toma trailing behind. Ellen grabbed his sleeve, looking up at him with determined eyes. Kanda stayed silent for a moment, then he nodded. "Fine. We leave immediately" Ellen smiled in relief and they started running towards the abandoned town.

-o-o-o-

It didn't take them long to reach their destination and Kanda was amazed that Ellen was able to keep up running for the whole time. He guessed that she was too nervous and concerned about the Finders to think about not being able to pull through. They stood on a hill overlooking the town, circularly built on a hill. The brown buildings were still standing and it was eerily quiet, the howling wind was the only thing to be heard. Kanda saw Ellen put her hands to her chest.

"I feel a shiver going through my entire body. There are Akuma, my arm aches", she told Kanda and looked over the town, "What is this uneasy feeling in my chest?".

"You should focus", Kanda told her and she nodded, "the Finders will most likely be dead, so don't cry over it. You need to concentrate". Ellen was biting her lower lip, not saying anything. Kanda pulled in air through his nose in annoyance and grabbed her shoulder, forcing her to look at him. "Listen well, I'm only going to say it one time. This here is no longer your nice protected world, this is the battlefield. Get that into your head, beansprout! If you let your emotions run wild, you'll lose control over the situation. Don't! _Just don't_!", he told her and let go of her shoulder. "If I'll get the feeling that you'll endanger the mission I must abandon you to complete it. In war you need to make sacrifices. Just because I'm here today does not mean I will safe you. You're an exorcist yourself". He knew that his words were hard, but if she relied on him she'd die too easily. This was above all a mission and it didn't look good. Securing the Innocence was most important. Ellen looked at him with an unmoving, grave face.

"Fine", she whispered. It was different than she had expected. Kanda's words were cold and harsh and he would not protect her. But she was calm, as if the Innocence in her arm soothed her.

An explosion in town interrupted her thoughts and she could see the Akuma firing at something.

"Okay. There they are…", Kanda said.

"Then that is were the Finders are as well", Ellen replied and before Kanda could stop her she ran down the hill into town to safe whoever was still alive. This was her mission, her test to see if she could really be an exorcist. Her opportunity to prove to Kanda that she was worth his time. Even though her action just now might be called _rash_, she had to do it, her innocence pushed her into running and she complied.

She reached the street where the explosion came from and invocated her arm. Now she was feeling breathless and even scared, but there would be no backing off.

"Mana, Mother, give me strength", she prayed silently, then she turned the corner, observing. There was a huge figure, standing in the middle of the street. Her eye suddenly started to sting and she had to try hard to keep it open. "It looks different, what is this thing?", she wondered and looked at the ghost connected to the monster; it was in a worse shape than before – a confined skeleton starting to dissolve. Ellen grimaced but then she drew in air, trying to muster enough courage to start attacking. Apparently this huge Akuma commanded the other ball-shaped ones, which were constantly firing at something. "I must safe the Finders and destroy the Akuma so I can free the trapped souls!", Ellen told herself, then she pushed away from the building's wall and attacked the Akuma. It turned around just in time to block her attack with its own hand.

"What are you?", it asked, its clownish face looking at her. Ellen was afraid, very much afraid, but she pulled herself together and freed herself from the Akuma's grip. She took a few steps back and looked around herself, while the Akuma still observed her with a stupid look on its face. There was not enough space to move freely, she had to be careful. She extended her arm to the nearest building's wall, sticking the claws into the cracks in the stone, and forced her arm forward. The wall broke and she hauled it against the Akuma. It blocked the attack with its arms, but Ellen took this change to rush past it, bring her claw into its back, so the Akuma was thrown into a building. Ellen panted and looked at her hand; she hadn't know that she was that strong. But she didn't have time to think about it and ran towards where the Finders were. She heard how the Akuma was screaming, but kept running. She saw Kanda jump from a nearby roof, attacking all the other Akuma at once. They exploded and dissolved. Ellen saw how Kanda reached the Finder, who was lying on the floor, not moving. But because Ellen had watched Kanda, she hadn't paid attention to the other Akuma and only realized her folly, when she felt its huge hand connecting with her side, sending her flying into a wall, whose old stone broke immediately.

"You are an exorcist! And there's another one!!", Ellen heard the thing call. She bit her lips and got up on her feet, her ribs aching. She climbed outside and saw Kanda looking at her, two figures in his arms; one of them must be the doll.

"You idiot! You didn't listen to me!", he shouted and Ellen winced, "and look what you got yourself into! You're facing a Level two Akuma!"

"Level two?", Ellen though with bewilderment and looked at the clown-figure which just stood there, apparently not knowing what to do. "These things can evolve?".

"Beansprout!", she heard Kanda call and looked to where he stood, "don't expect me to help you!!"

"No. You have the Innocence, I am glad. Just go on. I will defeat this monster", she answered and raised her claw. The Akuma faced her and grinned madly. Kanda didn't reply, but he left. Ellen had calmed down again and looked at the monster. She hadn't been fast enough to safe the Finder, the only thing she could do now was to defeat the Akuma, so she attacked, the Akuma doing the same. The force of the attacks send both Akuma and Ellen to the floor. Ellen hurried to get back up to her feet, but the Akuma was faster; she could feel his presence behind her, something pushing against her back and then pain shot through her. White claws tore through her uniform and stabbed into her chest. Ellen was paralyzed from the shock and the pain, but then laughter resounded behind her. She finally turned her head and stared into her own face.

"Got you, exorcist!", her mirror image said. Ellen could still see a soul attached to it, so it had to be the Akuma. Ellen raised her claw and tried to hit the monster, resulting in her release. She stumbled forward, normal hand pressed to her chest, where the blood was seeping through her clothes. She stared at the Akuma, who was transforming back, but kept her upper body and the claw hand. "That's my special ability!", it shrieked. Ellen raised her hand to attack, but she was too slow; the Akuma raised its copied weapon, transforming it into a trident, and attacked her instead. Ellen raised her hand to block, but she was still sent flying backwards into the building.

"Oh… This hurts", she breathed, as she got back up on her feet. She could hear the Akuma laughing in the distance. "My…!", she whispered, then she looked at her arm, which had two long gashes in its surface. "Oh… Dear goodness! Kanda, I would need your advice now…", she told herself, but still decided to get up and continue fighting. But the floor under her started to crack and send her falling into the floor, Ellen shrieking loudly.

-o-o-o-

Kanda looked up.  
"Was that the beansprout?", he wondered. He had retreated to an ally, far from Ellen's fight. The doll - an old ugly man - and a young girl were with him.

"We should move to the underground, it is safer there", the girl suggested and Kanda tried to turn his attention to her, but he still listened if he could hear the younger exorcist.

"Underground?", he asked and the girl nodded.

"The people of the town also build a city under the earth's surface to escape the heat".

"Fine. Do you know the way?", Kanda wanted to know and the doll nodded,

"I have been here for 500 years, I know every secret passageway", he said and Kanda sighed.

"Mister Kanda?". The exorcist turned to his golem.

"Toma, is that you?", he wanted to know.

"Yes. I am currently hiding in a building. The Akuma is nearby, chasing Timcampy", he heard the Finders voice. If Timcampy was there, Ellen had to be nearby as well.

"What about the beansprout? The girl I mean", he wanted to know, waiting for a positive answer.

"It seems that the Akuma has the ability to copy anything it sees; he copied Miss Walker and her Innocence weapon. She was thrown back into a building, her whereabouts are currently unknown, but I heard a cracking sound. My take is that she broke into the floor". Kanda groaned.

"I'll go look for her, bring Timcampy with you, we need his recording ability"

"Understood", the connection was terminated and Kanda turned to the girl and the doll.

"I need you to show me the way". The man nodded and got up from the floor, shaking slightly. He took the girl by the hand and led the way to a hidden stairway, which was embedded into the floor. Kanda opened it and they descended into the darkness. If Ellen had really fallen into this underground system, he had to reach her eventually.

-o-o-o-

When Ellen opened her eyes she was lying in a big hall, on top of the stone which had fallen with her.

"Ooh… That was stupid…", she said and sat up, holding her chest. "Uh…", she drew in a shaking breath, trying to ignore her wound and got up on her feet. She saw a corridor leading away from the hall. "How peculiar… Is this a city underneath the city?", she wondered and walked inside the corridor, hand on the smooth stone wall. "How will I get back up? I told Kanda I would destroy the Akuma…" She kept walking, sometimes arriving at conjunctions, until she thought that she was lost. "Oh no… Where to? Am I lost? What will become of me?", she asked and arrived at a long corridor. She leant against the wall, sliding down, her wounds leaving a long blood stain on the brown wall. "Oh no…", she repeated, laying her head down on her knees. "I know I should not cry… But… Oh mother…"

-o-o-o-

Kanda taught that he had heard something and stopped the two in front of him.

"Let's head this way", he told them, pointing down a long corridor, and they nodded. He went ahead and was sure that he could hear faint crying. He started running, forgetting the doll for the moment, and found Ellen sitting against the stone wall, blood around her.

"Hey!", he shouted, half relieved and half concern, knelt down next to her and put his hand on her shoulder. Ellen lifted her face, tears leaking from her eyes.

"K… Kanda?"

"Are you hurt?", he wanted to know, looking at the blood and her torn clothes. Ellen still looked up at him, then threw her arms around him.

"I am so sorry, I was not strong enough! I failed you!", she whispered against his chest. Kanda lowered his eyebrows uncertainly, but put his arms around her.

"Stop crying…", he told her, "I'm not angry".

"Mister Kanda?", he heard Toma's voice calling and looked at him standing alone in the corridor.

"Shit! They're gone!", he shouted, finally realizing that the doll and his little companion have disappeared while he wasn't watching. "Toma! Have you seen them?!", he let go of Ellen and approached the Finder, who shook his head and handed Kanda a pile of golden stones, which reformed into Timcampy. "Damn it! We'll find them later!". Kanda ordered the golem to show him his record of the fight between Ellen and the Akuma. Ellen, now quite relieved that she had been found by Kanda, dried her tears with the sleeve of her coat.

"Hm. The Akuma copied the beansprout, but it looks like a mirror reflection, see? Its curse and the hand are on the wrong side", Kanda said. "Che. This thing is stupid".

"Mister Kanda…", a voice croaked and Kanda turned to look at the corridor, where a figure appeared from the corner next to Ellen. The copied Ellen's face was void of any expression and wide eyed.

"Such an idiot", Kanda said and invocated his weapon to attack. Ellen, hearing the commotion, lifted her head and stared at her reflection.

"There is no soul", she breathed and jumped to her feet, extending her claw hand to stop the strange insects Kanda's sword had released to attack.

"Hey! Beansprout! What are you doing!?", Kanda shouted, but Ellen didn't turn her head.

"Did you not see? There was no soul attached to this person's body! This is no Akuma!", she shouted and tore the fake skin away, revealing a nearly unconscious Toma. Ellen jumped up at once and turned around. "Kanda! Toma behind you is the Akuma!!", she yelled and Kanda widened his eyes.

"What?!", he shouted, but wasn't fast enough to attack. The Akuma disguised as Toma raised its fist with loud laughing and slammed Kanda into the wall, both of them disappearing into the next room.

"Kanda!!", Ellen shouted and ran to the hole just to see Kanda getting sliced by her copied claw. She couldn't move, she was in too much of a shock. Kanda was still standing, his uniform torn and hair open, trying to stay conscious while the Akuma was still attacking him with roaring laughter.

"Die! Die! Die!!", it screeched, then let go of Kanda to see if he had died. Ellen could hear him whispering something, but then he was silent and his eyes glazed over. "Ha!", the Akuma exclaimed, "He'd dead! He died while standing!!". Now Ellen felt something rushing through her body; it was hot and made her move on her own – rage. With a loud cry she rushed towards the Akuma, claw making impact with the monster, tearing his upper body from its legs and sent him flying through many walls. Ellen didn't look where the Akuma landed, because the hole was blocked by fallen stones, and rushed to Kanda.

"Kanda! Kanda, do not die!!", she yelled and pressed her head against his chest, "I can feel his heart, but faintly!", she said and he collapsed against her body, nearly sending both of them to the floor. Ellen could feel the stickiness of Kanda's blood against her own body and his laboured breathing hot against her neck. Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to cry, and tried to lift Kanda. He wasn't that heavy and with the help of her claw she was strong enough to carry him. With Kanda in her arms she went back to the corridor, where Toma still lay on the floor.

"We have to find a safer place where you can rest", she said. She managed to get hold of both of the wounded and dragged herself and the others through the corridors.

"Miss Walker… Leave me here… You are also injured…", Toma spoke up silently, but Ellen shook her head.

"I would never do that… Please, pull through", she answered, but then she raised her head, "Is this singing?", she wondered as she heard a faint melody coming from the end of the corridor. She took a deep breath and walked ahead. The corridor opened up into a huge hall, with moonlight shining in from a round opening in the high ceiling. The floor was covered with sand, there were only a few places where there still was stone left. Ellen stood at the entrance with the two others and saw a young girl with bright blond hair and something looking like metal on her head. She was singing, another person, an old man with a distorted face, next to her.

"This girl… She must be the doll…", Ellen thought and approached them. The two heard her and turned to her in surprise. "Oh, please, do not be afraid. I am an exorcist. My friends are wounded, we just want to rest…", she said and put Kanda and Toma down on the stone floor sticking out of the sand. She turned back to them, "You are the doll I assume?". The girl glared at her darkly and rose to her feet. Without hesitation she grabbed a huge fallen column and hurled it towards Ellen. The girl shrieked and dived to the floor, just barely avoiding the column. "Oh, come to your senses! I do not want to harm you!", Ellen yelled and extended her claw to grab the next column the doll has heaved up with immense strength. The girl looked up as Ellen carefully lifted the column out of the doll's hands and put it back down. Ellen smiled at her, "really. I do not want to harm you… I promise", she told her. The girl dropped to her knees.

"Please! Don't take my heart just yet! Guzor's time is nearly up! You can have my heart, but please let me stay with him until the end!", she pleaded and lowered her head. Ellen looked at her, then she patted her head.

"I will not take it…", she promised and the doll smiled in relief, "My name is Ellen, and yours?"

"I'm Lala", the doll introduced herself, then she went back to sit with the old man, "and this is Guzor…". Ellen smiled at him, but he just nodded his head. Ellen went back to where Toma and Kanda rested, Toma was well enough to sit up.

"Kanda was pretty hurt…", Ellen mused and took the first aid bag Kanda had given her from underneath her coat. She also pulled her coat off and folded it into a pillow. "Toma, could you put this under his head?", Ellen asked and handed him the folded-up uniform. Toma nodded and Ellen lifted Kanda's head carefully. He only moaned silently, but still stayed unconscious. Ellen opened his coat and winced, the white shirt he wore was completely drenched in blood. She opened the shirt and her first aid bag. She tried to clean the wound a bit and then she started bandaging it, but wasn't really able to do it. "Oh… This looks terrible…", Ellen said and pushed Kanda's sweaty bangs out of his pale face, "I do not know what to do in this situation…"

"We can't call for help, it would take too long. You're the only hope we've got left now. You should better rest, Miss Walker", Toma said and Ellen nodded. The young exorcist turned back to Lala and Guzor. "Tell me about yourself, please…", she asked Lala, hand on her chest, hoping to be able to sustain the pain of her wound better.

"I… I was built 500 years ago, to take the people's mind off of their hard lives… But Matel was a doomed city… So people started to leave, abandoning me. People have come to the ruins, but as soon as they saw me, they were calling me a monster and attacked me… Then, long ago, a small boy was left behind here and I found him. He was the only one who accepted me as a doll and we've been together ever since…", Lala explained and rested her head against the old man's chest. "Guzor doesn't have much longer… Please… Let me stay with him until the end, let me be his doll! I want him to be the one who stops me! I don't care what happens after Guzor dies! You can have my heart, but please let me be his doll until then!", she begged and Ellen sighed, moved by what she had said.

"No!". Ellen turned around to Kanda, who was sitting up, panting. "We should wait until the old man dies?"

"Kanda…", Ellen whispered, but the young man ignored her.

"Considering our current situation we can't grant her this wish. Take her heart, NOW!", he yelled, surprising both Lala and Ellen. The younger exorcist got to her feet, looking at Kanda, not daring to answer. Kanda stared at her, his eyes going in and out of focus and he still tried to catch his breath. "Why do you think we have come here?!". Ellen looked at her feet, then she raised her eyes to look at Kanda.

"I… I cannot do it", she replied firmly and Kanda stared at her incredulously, "I am sorry. I do not want to take her heart". Kanda grinded his teeth and threw her coat at Ellen. She just raised her hands to shield her face and let it drop to the floor.

"You idiot! This coat is not a pillow for the wounded. It's what we exorcist wear! And you are an exorcist now!", he got up on his feet, grabbing his sword and slung his coat over his shoulders. As he approached her Ellen took the coat form the ground and pulled it on wordlessly. "I told you. There is no war without sacrifices", Kanda told her as he passed the girl.

"Don't… Don't take it", Lala said as Kanda pointed his sword at her.

"Fine Kanda. I understand you perfectly well…", Ellen said and stood in front of Kanda's sword. "No war without sacrifices, that is how your world works", she said, her eyes piercing his. "Then let me be the sacrifice" Kanda froze as he heard her words and slightly lowered his weapon, "All they want is a little time. Until then I will not take the doll's heart!", she insisted and raised her arm as to shield Lala and Guzor, "if I… If I kill the Akuma, everything will be fine, will it not?". Kanda still stared at her, wordlessly and unmoving, "A war that can only be won with such sacrifices… It would be so senseless…", she whispered. Kanda narrowed his eyes, something in his body clenching painfully, and connected his first with Ellen's cheek. The girl didn't even try to evade and just let herself drop to the floor. Kanda's legs also gave out under him as his head spun. He held his chest, hissing in pain, but raised his head to look at Ellen. "You're so naïve, beansprout…", he told her, but she didn't even react, "You sacrifice yourself for people you don't even know just because you're pitying them…?" He grabbed her upper arms. "Is there nothing you hold dear?!", he shouted furiously. Ellen sighed and turned to look at him, her cheek red where he had hit her.

"I do… but I also destroyed what I love… It… I am not doing this because I have pity… I just do not want to see such heart wrenching things… That is all…", she smiled sadly, "I am just a girl, right? I want to protect what I can protect! Do you not understand?!", she yelled desperately, her hands gripping the fabric of Kanda's coat. He stayed silent but he could understand her. Before he could speak up there was a loud bang and Lala's breathless "Guzor" reached their ears. Ellen and Kanda turned to watch them; a hook had pierced Guzor's and Lala's bodies and was dragging them back into the sand swiftly. Ellen's eyes widened in shock, whereas Kanda, his free arm wrapped around the girl protectively, raised Mugen.

"He's here!", Kanda shouted. The Akuma emerged from the sand, the lifeless doll in one hand and Guzor pierced on the other; the innocence on the tip of its claw.

"I have the Innocence!!", it shouted and dropped Lala and Guzor to the floor. Ellen rose to her feet, Kanda wanted to stop her, but hesitated when he could see the look on her face. Her cursed eye had turned black and red and her anti-Akuma weapon was reforming into a huge grotesque form of white flesh.

"Give back the Innocence", she whispered darkly and approached the confused Akuma. "Give it back", she repeated.

"Miss Walker… Her weapon is changing!", Toma said and Kanda lowered his brows.

"Because she is the host of a parasitic Innocence she can control it with her emotions. It reacts to her rage", Kanda explained, but gritted his teeth. "But what immense rage must be filling her at the moment", Kanda thought, "it looks as if it takes form in the shape of her weapon". Ellen jumped into the air, ready to attack. "No! Beansprout stop! The weapon hasn't completed changing yet!!", he yelled as he saw what she was up to, but by the time she got near the Akuma she held a canon like weapon in front of her and shot bright beams of light at the Akuma.

"She… She shot?!", Kanda shouted in bewilderment and watched the girl attack the Akuma, which sought shelter into the sand.

"Har har! You cannot harm me! I'm made of sand!" It called and rose up to swallow Ellen. Kanda gritted his teeth but he couldn't do anything right now. He felt that Ellen was still alive even as the Akuma stabbed its form of sand in which the girl was trapped. The exorcist broke free from her sand cage, the claws of the Akuma stuck in her weapon. She broke them off and at the tip of her Anti-Akuma weapon a blade of light formed. "A sword?!". Kanda widened his eyes and saw the girl slash the Akuma; its sand protection vanishing.

"The Innocence tells me what to do… This must be what Kanda told me…", Ellen mused while attacking the Akuma, "I am not scared, neither do I feel pain… The Innocence is urging me to fight, but it is not the same as back then when it killed Mana…". The Akuma yelled, but Ellen didn't give it enough time to form a new sand protection. The weapon turned back to the canon and she started shooting at it. The Akuma raised the copied claw and tried to block it, but to no avail; Ellen's attacks were stronger and the claw started to dissolve.

"What?! How can I lose?!", it yelled, but Ellen ignored him, shooting with all the rage she felt. She had failed to protect Lala and Guzor and she had failed to fend for herself.

Suddenly something inside of her chest contracted and she started to choke up blood. She dropped to her knees at once.

"Wh… What happened? Can my body not keep up with my weapon?!", she thought and looked at her red arm - the invocation had stopped itself. She tried hard to breathe regularly and her fingers clenched around her throat. "On no…!" The Akuma realised what had happened and saw its chance to attack:

"Got you, exorcist!!", it yelled and rushed towards Ellen. But Kanda was faster and blocked the claw with his sword. Ellen looked up at him.

"Kanda!?", she shouted in surprise.

"Che!", he spat, sweat forming on his forehead and new blood stained his bandages. "You idiot! What are you doing?! Why do you start slacking now?!", he yelled and Ellen flinched. "Didn't you say you wanted to protect them?!" Ellen looked up at him and smiled tiredly.

"Oh Kanda… Thank you…", she said and he groaned, "I was not slacking. It was just resting for a little bit", he told him and got up on her feet.  
"Che. Thank me later, now we have to kill this thing!", he announced, and the Akuma tried to get away. "Let's go!!", he yelled and started his attack. Ellen raised her hand and fired.

Their attacks combined and formed a huge blast of energy which caught the Akuma and made it explode. Kanda swayed and Ellen caught him.

"Kanda…", she whispered and dropped to the floor, her upper body bent over his form on the ground. "Thank you for saving me…". He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him on the verge of tears. The Innocence was lying next to him, glimmering slightly. He reached out his hand and touched Ellen's cheek.

"Don't cry… It's not over yet…", he told her and she turned to look at the Innocence. She closed her eyes, but then she grabbed the innocence.

"Please… Make Lala alive again. Just for a short time", she pleaded and pressed the Innocence to her chest, her tears dropping on Kanda's pale face, "Please, Innocence… Please…".

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

Maybe it's only me who thinks that it is strange that Allen is born with Innocence in his body. Maybe we just don't know enough to say whether this is strange or not. Maybe I'm overanalyzing again. XD  
Anyway, Kanda's stupid but he still thinks that it's strange. Hihi.

I guess this chapter saw some character development on Kanda's side. At least I hope so.

**Oh, my big warning:**

It's already on my profile page but the next chapter originally contains **M-rated Yullen material**. I'm not too sure about whether people really want to read it, or if I want to "taint" Ivory Tales with (not too explicit) M-scenes XD  
Any opinions (and general remarks to the chapter??)? :3 :3 :3


	15. Kapitel 14 Unravelling Emotions

**_Author's Notes:_**

_Here it is, the promised chapter 14. Only took me a week to update, my, aren't you spoiled. XD No, I'm just kidding. But I must tell you that the next update will take some time because I made a last minute decision to include one more "filler" chapter. Which I haven't written yet. _

_Well, now to the serious part. The rating for Ivory Tales has been changed to M, just for this chapter. I don't think that it is really necessary, because I behaved very much. But see for yourselves. Yullen ahead._

**_Warning: This chapter contains sexual material, nothing graphic, but fell free to skip this chapter. :3_**

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

* * *

**Kapitel 14 Unravelled Emotions**

Ellen was sitting at the open window of the hospital room. It was a sunny day and it was warm even though autumn was nearly over. Kanda was lying in the bed, sleeping and recovering from his serious wounds. The doctor had said that he was lucky to have survived, but that the wounds would take 5 months to heal. Such a long time… She turned to look at Kanda, who began to stir and opened his eyes.

"Good morning, Kanda", Ellen greeted, her voice calm and gentle, and he turned to look at her. She was wearing a new white shirt and didn't look injured apart from a few harmless scratches on her face. "How are you feeling?". He tried to sit up, but Ellen stopped him and gently pushed him back onto the mattress. "Do not move yet… Your injury is quite bad", she told him and he snorted.

"That's okay. I heal fast", he answered and looked at her again. She didn't smile, but she didn't cry either, she was just looking at him, her face void of any emotion. "Hey. It's okay...", he lifted his right arm and gently brushed her cheek with his fingertips. "Don't pull such a face, beansprout". Ellen sighed and lowered her head to his mattress, next to Kanda's cushion, face buried in the fabric. "Where is the Innocence?", he asked, stroking her white, slightly tousled hair.

"I asked Toma to watch it while I waited for you to regain consciousness", she told him, though her voice was quite muffled because she talked into the mattress.

"I'll be fine. You should be there if you're up to it. Are you injured?", he asked, slightly concerned. Kanda withdrew his hand and Ellen lifted her head.

"No… I am alright… Can I really leave you here?", the girl wanted to know and Kanda nodded. "Fine", Ellen got up and patted Kanda's hand, "I will come to see you once Lala has stopped…". Kanda watched her leave the room, gently closing the door behind her. He sighed and shook his head. He had messed up… They were able to defeat the Akuma and get the Innocence, but he still had messed up. To be in such a bad state just because of one level two Akuma? He hadn't paid enough attention and why? Because he had been concerned over the beansprout. He didn't even know what he wanted to think about her anymore. She had been incredibly strong and courageous for a young aristocrat, but she was still just little Ellen Walker. Kanda made a grimace and went back to sleep, waiting for his healing process to start working.

-o-o-o-

Three days later he had completely healed. His wounds were gone thanks to his markings on the left side of his chest and the magic that was connected to it.

"So how did it go with Ellen?", the supervisor wanted to know after having talked about useless things for over ten minutes.

"She's doing well, she's a lot stronger than I suspected", Kanda answered, buttoning up his white shirt, while talking over the phone the finder carried. They had already left the hospital and were on their way to the abandoned city of Matel.

"My, my. Kanda is praising someone!", he heard Komui sing and rolled his eyes, "is she still with the doll?"

"I guess. She has been there for the last three days. I haven't seen her at all since then", Kanda said and sighed, "Well. I've seen to it that she survived her first mission, you'll have to deal with the consequences"

"What? Me?", Komui asked and laughed, "don't be silly. But listen up. Ellen and Toma will have to bring the Innocence back, you need to leave for the next Mission"

"Where to?", Kanda asked, not happy about it; he would have liked to go back to the order for some time.

"To Eastern Europe, Rabi will meet up with you at the border of Russia", the scientist explained.

"Fine", Kanda snorted, "that's all I guess?"

"Yes, good job completing both of your missions", Komui said and then the connection was terminated.

"Che. Idiot", the Japanese youth complained and the two made their way to Matel.

-o-o-o-

Ellen was sitting on the stairs which led up to the ruins of a small chapel. Lala was still singing, even though Guzor had died three days ago. And Ellen waited.

"Hey. Are you sleeping? You should be watching", Kanda said as he walked up the steps. Ellen flinched, but didn't raise her head.

"What are you doing here, up on your feet? Should you not stay in the hospital for the next five months?", he heard the girl whisper. Kanda sat down on the stone steps a bit under Ellen.

"My wounds have healed", he answered.

"I do not believe that…", Ellen replied and Kanda groaned.

"Shut up, beansprout", he snapped, "by the way. Komui just contacted me. I have to leave for the next mission. You need to bring the Innocence back to the Black Order". Ellen stayed silent for a long time, but then he heard her faint voice:

"Understood". He turned to look at her, but she still hasn't lifted her head from her knees. He shook his head and got up. He walked the last few steps upwards and sat down next to her at the top of the stairs.

"If it makes you suffer, just stop her. That's no longer Lala", he told her, but she still didn't react.

"I have promised them that Guzor will be the one to destroy Lala…", she eventually said.

"Beansprout… You're too soft… We are destroyers and not saviours…", he told her with a grave face. Ellen finally lifted her head and looked at him. She was pale, probably because she hadn't eaten or slept enough.

"I know… But I…", she started, but then the wind suddenly started blowing, stopping her in mid sentence.

"She stopped singing…", Kanda said and got up. "Come…", he pulled Ellen to her feet and she slowly went into the chapel. The light of the moon was shining through the cracks in the roof and bathed the two figures in the centre in silver light. The doll had the head of the dead Guzor in her lap, her face pointing upwards and her mouth open in a silent song. Ellen looked at them, then she kneeled down next to them.

"Thank you…", she heard a whispering voice, like wind. Ellen looked at the doll and thought she could see her smiling at her. "You've let me sing until I was broken… You have kept your promise…" With this the doll fell to her side and into Ellen's arms. The girl still stared ahead with wide eyes.

"Hey? What's wrong?", Kanda asked from the doorframe. He could see how Ellen was holding Lala in her lap, her left arm over her own face to stop her tears from falling.

"Kanda…", she whispered and he came to her. She turned to look at him, her eyes red and tears streaming down her face. "I want to be a destroyer who can also save...". Kanda knelt down next to her and pulled her into an embrace. Ellen extended her free arm and put it around Kanda's neck and cried. Kanda just let her do it, not speaking a word until she had calmed down a bit.

"Oi, Toma. Get me a connection to Komui", he said making up his mind, while Ellen was trying her best to stop crying. The Finder nodded and handed him the receiver after some time.

"Yes??", he heard Komui's cheerful voice.

"I need some more time here", Kanda said, loud enough to be heard over Ellen's sobbing.

"Why? Is that Ellen crying?", he heard Komui ask with a concerned voice.

"Yes. I can't let her leave like this. She also has some minor injuries. Let me discuss the mission with her"

"How long do you need?", Komui asked.

"Two to three days maybe", came Kanda's answer – two days was the time he had needed to recover after his very first mission - and he heard Komui sigh.

"Very well. You know what she'll need. Just don't push her too hard. She's still young"

"I know! That's exactly why I'm asking for more days, you idiot!" He heard Komui laugh.

"Okay, okay! Then I'll contact Rabi for you. Take care of Ellen!"

"Whatever", Kanda snorted and terminated the connection. "Come on, beansprout…". Kanda pulled her up on her feet and put Lala's body next to Guzor's, then he folded the doll's hand over her chest.

"Should we not bury them…?", Ellen wondered and wiped her tears away.

"No. This place is as good as any", Kanda told her and took her hand, "just come now".

They left the abandoned town and went back to the next city, Ellen was constantly wiping away her tears, her hand in Kanda's shaking slightly. Toma picked up the phone as a new call came in.

"It is the supervisor", Toma said and handed Kanda the phone.

"What is it?", Kanda snorted, to which he heard Komui laugh again. Always acting to damn cheerful, it was getting on Kanda's nerves.

"Rabi and Bookman will be joined by another exorcist, who just happens to be close by. But I've just received a report for a next mission. No need to hurry, it's on your way back to headquarters", Komui explained, "I will have the details sent to the mission site".

"Fine", was the only thing Kanda said and handed the receiver back to the finder.

"I'll travel to the next town to reorganize our journey", Toma announced as they arrived at an inn.

"We'll stay here", Kanda told him and went inside with Ellen, Toma departing instantly. "We'll need a room", he announced with a deadly glare and immediately got a key from the poor inn owner. Ellen let herself be dragged to the upper floor and into their room. It was clean and small, with a view over the near forest. Kanda closed the door and Ellen slumped on to their bed.

"Get off you clothes before you start sleeping", Kanda advised and pulled off his coat and boots. Ellen just shook off her shoes and turned her face into the mattress. "Are you still crying?"

"No…", Ellen whispered and turned to look at him, her eyes still red, "Kanda… I was so scared… And then you got hurt so badly…", she confessed breathlessly and with a quivering voice.

"I'm fine now…", he sat on the mattress, next to where Ellen was lying and looked at her. There were some dried red spots of blood on her white shirt.

"I only survived because you were there… What will I do if you are not here to protect me?", Ellen asked and turned to lie on her back.

"You're strong enough to fend for yourself, you don't need me to be there all the time", Kanda answered and looked at her. Her white hair was falling over her pillow, her face was pale and her eyes red from crying. She looked vulnerable and he knew that she was, even though her Innocence forced her to be strong. He didn't like it, she shouldn't have to fight so hard. Ellen raised her hand and touched her chest, wincing slightly.

"Are you hurt?", Kanda asked and she looked at him, "that's where the Akuma stabbed you, right?"

"Yes… It is not that bad… It just hurts a bit…", she answered and Kanda remained silent. Eventually he got up from the bed and fetched the first aid bag.

"Let me see it, you haven't changed the bandages for three days", he told her. Ellen looked up at him with slightly widened eyes but then she nodded, blushing.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, idiot-girl", he told her and started to unbutton her shirt.

"I am not… I just… Linali was right… If you are with me I feel safe...", she confessed and he looked at her.

"Don't get used to it", he answered stiffly and opened the shirt; the bandage over her chest was already stained red. He took a pair of scissors out of the bag and cut the used bandage, so that Ellen didn't need to sit back up – it's not as if they still needed the stained bandages anyway. Kanda tried his best not to think about anything while cleaning her wounds; not her calm face, looking up at the window, nor the soft rising of her white chest each time she breathed. He didn't want to think about how warm her skin was under his touch and certainly not how fine her small breasts looked. He finished his work without saying anything and buttoned up her shirt again. "There. Finished"

"Thanks so much, Kanda, you really are nice…", she answered, looking at him. Kanda sighed and put his hand to his forehead. "What is it? Are you alright?", she asked and Kanda turned to look at her.

"No idea…", he answered and his finger grazed her cheek, "are you feeling better now?", he asked, his hand now brushing her bangs out of her face.

"Yes…", she said, still looking at his face, "you behave differently…".He looked at her calmly. He himself thought that he was actually too calm for what he was thinking about.

"Seems so" He shook his head and bended his upper body over her and put a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. He didn't raise his head because he didn't want to look at her or at his reflection in her wide eyes. So he just stayed where he was, the tip of his nose brushing her cheek, until he felt something wet against it. "Are you crying?"

"Am I?", Ellen asked and put her arms around Kanda's back. He didn't say anything and rested his head against her shoulder.

He didn't know what to do. It was quite clear to him that he cared about the girl and that putting it like this was not the whole truth. He mostly liked her, was annoyed at her from time to time and loved her when he was not busy either liking her or being annoyed at her. It was a new experience for him; he had already come to terms with the fact that he'll probably never love anyone because there was no time in between wars and his search for _that person_. But Ellen had been different from the very beginning. But he was realistic, or tried to be; he didn't expect her to return his feelings, she was still too young. She liked him, he was sure of it, but all of her behaviour, which could have been interpreted as the advances of a girl in love, was how she would behave towards anyone, a thought which tasted bitter to the young man. Kanda didn't like to make up illusions, so he didn't. Just lying next to her was comfortable and her hands were warm on his back. Kanda lifted his head and looked at her; the girl had turned her head to look at the wall, but she now looked at him. Neither of them spoke, so Kanda just sighed and leant down to put a kiss on her lips.

"Do you… like me?", Ellen asked, when he started kissing her cheeks and didn't even try to stop him.

"Yes, I do", Kanda answered quietly against her cheek and felt Ellen's hands grab the fabric of his shirt, but she didn't say anything. Not a single word.

"Why?", she whispered and he kissed her lips to shut her up. After some seconds he raised his head to look at her.

"Che. Why do you need an answer? Attraction is nothing rational", he told her and observed her face. She was blushing and her eyes were slightly widened, but then she nodded and Kanda stopped thinking. While he kissed her and finally received a response from her warm lips, he moved his hands away from her shoulders to rest on her hips. Kanda wasn't really sure what he was doing, and he knew that he was behaving rather clumsy, but it was the first time he had real physical contact with a woman. He didn't expect Ellen to know any better, so he didn't worry about it, at least not much. Ellen was still not saying anything, but had her eyes closed, just letting Kanda take initiative and then respond to him. She only opened her eyes when Kanda started to unbutton her shirt for the second time this day. She looked a little bit uncertain, but lifted her arms and back so Kanda could dispose of the shirt. She wore no bra, because it had made no sense to put it on over the bandages and even after Kanda had exchanged the bandages with plasters he hadn't asked about it, so she hadn't cared. Ellen didn't worry much about what they were doing, because she knew Kanda was not one to be driven by lust alone. The look on his face while he shyly put his hands on her white chest was only curious and gentle; the way Ellen had hoped it to be, when she dared to think about such intimate things. She raised her own hands to put them over his, not to stop him, but to show that it was okay. Kanda looked at her, but then he started to feel her small breasts. He was very careful as not to touch her wounds and not to seem like a lustful man; because he was not. There was desire involved, yes, but his adoration was still stronger. It was different from the way Rabi had told him this act would be; Rabi said it was messy and fast and lustful but it wasn't. At least not yet, Kanda told himself. But he liked the feel of her warm breasts in his hands and how the slightly darker tips were brushing against his palms. He looked up at Ellen's face, she had squeezed her eyes shut and she was nearly grimacing.

"Does it hurt?", he wanted to know and she hesitatingly opened an eye.

"Not a bit. But it feels… strange. But good. I am a little bit ashamed of myself", she confessed and Kanda rolled his eyes.

"You're still young. Should I stop?", he asked, hoping that she would shake her head, which she did. Ellen took her hands from his and joined them at his neck, to draw him down into a kiss, the first thing she did out of her own initiative. Kanda liked it; her mouth was opening up for him and he drew his tongue over her lips and touched hers. Ellen drew back in slight shook, but Kanda just raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me. How silly of me…", she whispered and leant up to capture his lips in a warm kiss, which Kanda could easily turn into something very passionate. His hands let go of her breasts to glide down her sides. Ellen drew back from the kiss first, her cheeks red. She let go of Kanda's neck as he started to sit up. The older exorcist unbuttoned his own shirt and put it on the chair next to the bed, then he opened the buttons of his trousers, but stopped himself. He was already aroused, which was to be expected. But it was going a little bit too fast for his own taste. Ellen didn't even widen her eyes when he started to get undressed, she probably expected him to do it. Kanda wondered what Ellen thought of sexual intercourse. Was she obliged to do as he wanted? He had no clue how a girl in England was raised, especially not in things concerning intimate matters. So he turned to look at her for clarification; she was watching him and propped herself up on her elbows. "Are you alright with this?". Ellen lowered her gaze, but then she nodded. "Are you sure?", Kanda asked and received an affirmative nod. He still looked at her for some moments, then he pulled off the pants and climbed on the bed, over Ellen, who was lying her head back unto the cushion, looking at the ceiling. Kanda snorted, then he bend over her, hands on her hips and started kissing her passionately. He wanted it, he was so sure he wanted it, but Ellen's lack of enthusiasm was rather unsettling. "If you really want to, show me", he breathed against her lips, hoping to provoke some action. Ellen hesitated, but then she kissed him and put her hands on his naked back, where they were hesitantly moving up and down, very light caresses, nearly tickling him. Kanda thought that was at least something and moved down to kiss her jaw and then her neck. Ellen gasped and he felt her shudder slightly. Kanda didn't know what to make of it, so he continued kissing her neck until the girl started moaning quietly. The sound sent electricity rushing through him and he felt himself getting more and more aroused by the noises she made and the hands now grabbing his hair. He kissed her left shoulder, where the skin looked slightly scarred because of the Innocence.

"Ah. Kanda… No… That is…", Ellen protested when he started kissing her red arm.

"Don't worry about it. It's a part of you", he told her and she stopped complaining, but the cross look on her face was more than adorable. He moved his hand over her arm to soothe her and she closed her fingers over his hand when he put it into hers. Kanda put his free arm under her and lifted her up a bit. He started kissing down her chest, resulting in more breathless sounds escaping the young girl's mouth. Her skin was smooth and slightly salty, but tasted nice. He straightened up and looked down at her lying under him half naked. Kanda hesitated but then he drew his hand from Ellen's and put both of his hands on her hips. She opened her eyes, because the mere touch was sending a shiver through her. His hands glided over the black fabric and he gently touched the insides of her thighs.

"Kanda…", Ellen started but hissed slightly when the palm of his hands pressed against her, fingers moving along the seam of her trousers until they reached the buttons, undoing them swiftly. Kanda raised her legs so that he could dispose of the black fabric and her socks, then he climbed over her legs, positioning him between her thighs, her skin brushing his hips. There were only their undergarments left, just two pieces of clothing. Ellen raised her hands to her mouth and closed her eyes.

"Are you worrying?", he asked and gently lay down on top of her, careful as not to crush her under his weight. His erection was touching her lap and he bit his lips because the friction sent shivers down his spine. His breathing was going faster as did hers. Ellen opened her eyes and looked up at Kanda.

"What… will happen afterwards?", she asked him and he raised his eyebrows. "You know… I am a woman after all… I… could…"

"Could you?", Kanda asked, immediately catching on. Ellen blushed and nodded.

"I guess…" Kanda sighed, not knowing if this should take the wind out of his sails, and kissed her on the lips gently. On a second thought he did love her, maybe this was his only chance to have a woman with him who might last.

"If you would conceive… You… be sure that… Hm…", Kanda pinched the bridge of his nose quite embarrassedly, then sighed and looked down at her. "We'll marry". Ellen looked up at him with wide eyes and couldn't stop herself from laughing slightly.

"You are a responsible man, Kanda…", she told him and he rolled his eyes, but then he looked down at her. Ellen widened her eyes when she saw him smiling gently.

"Sure", he told her and kissed her, then his hands moved down to her hips, fingers slipping under the fabric of the white pants. The words of protest died on Ellen's lips as he removed them slowly, looking at the pale flesh it revealed. He didn't stare for long because Ellen was squirming uneasily and just continued to get rid of his own underpants. Ellen didn't raise her head to look at him or how their naked bodies looked like, she was too embarrassed. So Kanda took Ellen's normal hand and let her feel his own erection. "You… shouldn't worry so much…", he told he and looked at their joined hands doubtfully, "I heard that this was going to hurt and I have no idea how I could prevent that".

"Now you are the one worrying", Ellen told him and looked up at his face, still hovering above hers, her fingers closing over his member hesitantly. Kanda squeezed his eyes shut, but opened one of them again so he could look at Ellen. "It cannot possibly be worse than the injuries we sustained during the mission…", she whispered and looked at him with her bright grey eyes. Kanda nodded and put his hand over Ellen's slightly pushing her legs apart so he had more room to move. He moved his lower body a few centimetres, the tip of his member resting against her entrance. Ellen let go of him and put both of her arms next to her head. Kanda squeezed his eyes shut, took a deep breath and moved forward. Ellen just winced, drawing her knees up slightly. Kanda gasped and took hold of Ellen's Innocence hand, slipping his palm into hers, her finger closing over his hand. Kanda saw the other hand gripped the fabric of the cushion. He took another deep breath and slowly pushed himself into her warmth, nearly crying out at the strange but pleasant sensation. Ellen moaned breathlessly and Kanda also took hold of her other hand, trying to calm her.

"I am alright", Ellen whispered against his lips. "Do not worry…" Kanda nodded and then started moving inside of her. Slowly at first, but he couldn't keep it at that because his own desire was taking hold of him. So he started to move faster and tears started to leak form the corners of Ellen's eyes, but she just repeated that it was alright.

"It feels perfect", she breathed in between gasps and moans. Kanda lowered his head to her chest, breathing heavily and continued his movements, knowing that he couldn't keep it up for long. It felt good, it was almost painful and he could barely stop himself from screaming loudly. Ellen repeated his name over and over again and Kanda couldn't hold it longer. His climax felt like pure bliss and Ellen's breath caught in her throat when she felt him come inside of her.

"Kanda!", she cried and flung her arms around Kanda's neck, sobbing. Kanda collapsed and rested his head on her chest, feeling exhausted but wonderful.

"I didn't want to make you cry, beansprout", he finally said, but he could feel her shake her head.

"It was wonderful, I can do nothing else than cry… You must think I am silly…", she whispered.

"Not at all…", Kanda sighed against her skin, which made Ellen shudder.

After some minutes he sat up, looking down at her. She seemed exhausted, but she smiled. There were some droplets of blood between her thighs and the sheets were quite messy. He just sat there, admiring her, even though she was breathless and sweaty. "Hm… Beansprout, listen…" She looked up at him. "I'm not sure how this will work from now on. You know that we're still exorcists"

"Do not worry about such things… I was born into a family of army officials. In time of war separation is nothing unusual, we Walker women are used to it", Ellen replied with a smile. Kanda nodded.

"Good. Because recovering the Innocence is still our priority", he said and lay down next to her, drawing the blanket over them.

"I am glad… That it was you I slept with…", Ellen said and looked at Kanda, "my mother and aunt told me horrible stories, but you were gentle… I am glad that you were here for me…". Kanda didn't say anything and she rested her head on his chest and fell asleep shortly afterwards. Kanda was a bit bitter that it was all about protection and being here, but he also knew that she was probably still too young to really know about love. He didn't know whether Ellen would choose to stay with him or if she would find another, more suitable man. And it wasn't even sure that Ellen would survive, as it wasn't sure that Kanda would pull through. But this was what war was about. If he only had a short time to live, then he didn't want to regret not having lived life to its fullest. Loving Ellen was the first positive thing that happened in his life for a very long time and he would try to keep this feeling alive as long as possible.

To be continued

**Notes:**

_I have to thank a friend of mine (esmerod) for having a look at this chapter. She's a master of everything kinky and sexy (Malmar for example)!_

_Random note: originally this chapter was longer because right after it Ellen and Kanda had to part. There would have been some additional, fluffy scenes (and another hint at passion between Kanda and Ellen, but it didn't fit the flow of the story) and I will post the other version to my LJ, with comments and such. (Just head to my profile page to access my journal)_

_Next chapter: Ellen and Kanda have to solve a mysterious case in the Swiss Alps. And the mission is not was troubles Kanda the most._

_Until then: please tell me what you think about this chapter. :3 :3 :3_


	16. Kapitel 15 Different Opinions

They left the town the with the rising of the sun on the next day

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Back with a new chapter of fanon story line! :D Even though Ivory Tales will follow the manga closely, I still felt the urge to include some special missions so the story is more of a creative process than me just rewriting the manga..._

_With that said; behold "Hans" the Finder. XD (I hope a certain someone won't bash me now. She voted for "Peter"...)_

_Edit: This friend didn't bash me, but she told me that I forgot to change one "XY" (where I was still undecided how to call him) with "Franz". How embarrassing..._

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

**Kapitel 15: Different Opinions**

They left the town the with the rising of the sun on the next day. Ellen was looking fresh and beautiful in the morning rays, while they were walking on a gravelpath trough yellowish hills. The exorcists and the finder were headed for the station where they would take a train to their next mission. Kanda observed Ellen while she was cheerfully talking to Toma; all the frustration and despair she must have felt just after the mission had been washed away from her face. She was as cheerful as ever, making polite and girly conversation with Toma, who nodded from time to time. Kanda would have liked to join in, even if just to be listening to her talk to him, but somehow he didn't dare to. They were exorcists, he always told himself, there was no need for being emotional and sappy when they were on their way to the next mission. And then there was the finder. Kanda glared at his back, wishing that he would just go _away_, even though he didn't dislike him in any way (well, he _was_ a finder, but for a finder he was tolerable).

"Will you join us on our mission, Toma?", Kanda asked, interrupting a conversation about gardening, and Toma turned to look at him.

"No Sir, I will stay at the town, but another finder, knowing the surrounding area better than me, will join you", he answered and Ellen looked at him.

"But you will rejoin us as soon as we have finished?", she wanted to know and Toma nodded. Ellen smiled, but Kanda was grumpy for the rest of their walk.

--

The male exorcist was finally content when he could shut the compartmend door, leaving the finder outside. But when he sat down opposite Ellen, he didn't really know what to say. She was picking at the fabric of her uniform, lost in thoughts, but her face was slightly pink. It somehow was an awkward situation; this was the first time they were alone after things had calmed down a little bit. Kanda couldn't look into Ellen's head but he sure knew that _he_ had thought a lot about their intimate moments spent together. He hadn't deceided yet what sleeping with Ellen really had meant for him. It had been important, as he somehow looked at it as the ultimate confirmation that he was in love with her. And of course he decided that there was to be no other woman for him but Ellen Walker - which, he thought, was how it should be. They both were young but if they survived, things might work out between them. However, that was just his view of their relationship. Ellen's thoughts on this topic might be quite different. Kanda thought that he was pretty grown up and that thinking about matters such as serious relationships and marriage was a very grown-up thing to do. But speaking about these things to the other party it concerned was an entirely different matter. Maybe it would be easiest to just start a conversation with her.

"Have you ever been to Switzerland?", he asked after getting her attention with an embarrassed coughing sound. Ellen looked up at him with a surprised face, then she nodded, a smile easily forming on her lips.

"I have, yes"

"So have I...", Kanda admitted, "a pretty nice landscape, don't you think?". The Japanese had to force himself to say these things, because his vocabulary didn't usually include such things as "pretty" or "nice" or even polite questions. It was a fact that with Ellen is was a bit easier, but it was still highly embarrassing to initiate such a girly talk. But Ellen responded very well to the subject of the conversation, her grey eyes sparkling with adoration at once.

"Oh yes, definitivly! The solitude of the alps with these majestic mountains, peeks covered in snow, circled by puffy clouds! The deep, calm seas and the long walks on their shore. The big green forests with moss covered ground", she said and sighed, "every romantic person's dream". Kanda couldn't quite agree on that but he decided to nod anyway.

"I've only passed most of the Alps, but I've stayed in various cities. It is quite different than London".

"Yes, that is true. I am pretty excited to return, even if it is for a mission. I wonder what it will be about...?", the girl said and looked outside, "I sure do hope it will be easier".

"You will do fine...", Kanda assured her and she smiled at him, "you're pretty strong for a beansprout". At once he had Ellen's indignantl glare directed at him and she huffed.

"There you go again with the name-calling I will make up a name for you as well, stupid Kanda!", she yelled and pouted. Amusedly, Kanda raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well then, I'm waiting?", he challenged her and she formed something like a glare, but then the girl turned her head away.

"No. That would be childish", he said, her nose turned up, "I am not the childish one here". Kanda snorted amusedly and leant forward, studying her, which made her look at him uneasily.

"Right...", he said, which only caused Ellen's face to redden.

"Stupid Kanda!"

"Silly beansprout"

--

When the lights were fading outside the train window, the two exorcist got ready for the night. Kanda helped Ellen making her bed and didn't go out to get changed. The girl turned away her head with red cheeks.

"What's your problem?", Kanda asked and sat on his bed, waiting for Ellen to get undressed.

"You got nearly naked in front of a girl!", she complained and Kanda raised his eyebrows, "that is not proper!".

"You have to be kidding me. You've seen me naked!", Kanda protested with a laugh and shook his head. The white haired girl blushed and turned away from him.

"I know but... That... That was an exception", she replied which made Kanda look at her back with a frown.

"An exception?"

"You cannot get undressed in front of a girl that easily! What if anybody had come in and saw that? We must not be that intimate!", she explained and Kanda narrowed his eyes. What was the girl talking about? Secrecy?

"Well fine then. I need to wash my hair anyway", he said and walked out of their compartment to the bathroom. Ellen waited until he had closed the door and breathed a sigh of relief. Even if they had slept together, they weren't married. Ellen could not allow such intimacy between herself and a man her mother hasn't approved of. She felt a bit bad about it for Kanda, because she really did like him. He was nice and protective. It should just go on how it had been before.

--

Kanda sat with Toma because he didn't want to return to the compartment just yet. Fine, he had told Ellen that they were exorcists, but he hadn't told her that he wanted to keep it a secret from the world. He loved her after all, he wanted to express it somehow and be with her if he could!

"Something is troubling you, Mister Kanda", the finder said. Kanda snorted - if even a finder could read him so well, where would this end? With an Akuma giving him advice on love?

"The girl is driving me mad", he told him and Toma frowned.

"She is?", he wondered and Kanda stared ahead sourly, "well. She is young, a girl of her age is bound to be moody."

"I got the impression that she's not moody but stiff", he snorted. Toma sighed but then he started playing with his cards.

"She's from a noble family. Maybe you should give her time to adapt". Kanda was slightly disturbed by the fact that the finder knew exactly what Kanda was hinting at. And that he had an answer ready for his problem. But he was probably right. Kanda already had told himself that she was still young and that he had to be rational. But he had let himself go and fall head over heals for the little girl, ignoring rationality for the sake of fuzzy emotions. To be fair, Ellen hadn't really rejected him, but her attempt at distance stung a bit. Well, maybe it was just his pride which took the blow? Whatever it was, there was no sense to go brooding over it. He had to live with the current situation and as long as Ellen was an able exorcist he should not care too much. But he still somehow wished that their relationship didn't return to the way it had been before.

Kanda came back to their compartment where Ellen was already sitting under her covers, looking out of the window.

"Ah, Kanda, there you are", she said with a smile and watched Kanda getting into his bed, "you stayed away for a long time. Are you angry with me?"

"No. Shut up beansprout, I'm trying to sleep", came Kanda's reply and the girl frowned.

"Well... Fine... Good Night, Kanda". Kanda had to force himself to ignore her. Time to adapt, right...

--

They arrived at the nearest station at noon on the next day. Ellen breathed in the fresh, cold air with a smile on her face.

"Lucerne is such a beautiful place to be. My aunt always visits this city to enjoy the lake and the view of the mountain", she said and Kanda just nodded. "I wonder what disturbes the town".

"If I may say something on the matter", Toma spoke up and Ellen turned to him, "if you direct your eyes to Mount Pilatus you will see what people on the train have told me". The white haired girl frowned and looked into the distance where the mountain lay, looming over the lake and the town. The sky was very dark and the upper part of the mountain was hidden in dark clouds.

"My, looks like a thunderstorm!", she exclaimed, then she turned back to Toma, "but what is exceptional about it?"

"This had been going on for weeks now. Many people come to visit the town in order to admire the landscape and climb the mountain. It is understandable that the people are troubled because the visistors are not pleased with the weather"

"Tch. We now have to prevent nature from working?", Kanda snorted and pulled his coat closer because the wind was icy cold. Ellen did the same and shot an incertain glance at the mountain.

"It sure looks intimidating like this", she confessed.

"That's not all there is. There are many legends and myths about the mountain. People kept telling me that the ghost of Pontius Pilatus was disturbed by someone and that this now caused this strange weather"

"Pontius Pilatus? The procurator of Judea?", Kanda asked and Ellen turned to look at him.

"But that was too long ago, was is not? He was a human, it is nothing like with Lala! It cannot be his ghost!"

"Why are you getting so worked up over it? Are you afraid of ghosts?", Kanda asked with a smirk and she frowned at him, with red cheeks.

"I suggest that we go to the inn, where you will meet another finder. He knows this place very well", Toma spoke up and Ellen was pretty happy to be spared the embarrassment.

The walked into town, Kanda close to Ellen, but he couldn't quite muster the courage to put his hand in hers or to draw her close so she wouldn't be cold. But Ellen didn't really show any signs of being cold or needing him. They arrived at their hotel after a short silent walk.

The hotel was a big building with many lit windows. Toma opened the door for the exorcists and they went inside the warm house. It was filled with noises, even though they were only in the reception hall. The man behind the counter raised his eyebrows at them and their strange clothes.

"We are from the Black Order. I guess we have a reservation", Toma told the man who just looked at him quizzically.

"Toma!", the finder and the exorcists turned to find another man rushing to them from another room, probably the restaurant.

"It's you, hello Hans", Toma greeted. Hans was a man with bright brown hair and a prominent moustache.

"Good to see you!", he said with a rather strong accent, "those must be the exorcist. My, a girl! That's a rare thing!". Allen made a courtsey, while Kanda just snorted. The finder smiled and turned his attention back to Toma. "Listen, my friend. We have a problem; this hotel is fully booked, as all others are, due to the many travels who refuse to go home before they have not been up on Pilatus". Kanda made a grimace and a disapproving sound. He strode to the reception and banged his fist down.

"We are exorcists! We have the right to have a room!", he shouted, but the man just ducked away.

"Not many exorcists pass here and this is a very exquisite hotel...", Hans explained with an apologetic frown. Ellen furrowed her brows, then she joined Kanda at the reception.

"Then why the hell did you organize to meet us here?!", the young man demanded.

"I have a question", Ellen said and the man looked back up at her.

"Tch. No use, this backwoods person doesn't understand us", Kanda spat and Ellen turned to look at him.

"Kanda please...", she said with a disapproving frown and the Japanesese backed off reluctantly, "Entschuldigen Sie. Ist Zimmer 107 noch für die Bermont Familie reserviert?". The receptionist suddenly looked excited; her ability to speak German and the well-known name clearly doing their part.

"Lassen Sie mich schauen", he said and checked a heavy book, "Ja! Und Sie wären...?"

"Ellen Bermont", she replied and Kanda raised an eyebrow at her. The man took a key from the wall behind him and handed it to Ellen. "Danke". The girl turned back to the others, holding the key out. "I think that this problem is solved".

"My, a young girl speaking German! I am delighted!", the finder said and Ellen smiled at him. "I am relieved that you have a room! And I am really sorry for the inconvenience". Ellen smiled and shook her head.

"But where will you and Toma stay?", the girl wondered and Hans laughed.

"Do not worry about us finders, we always find places to stay! But go up now and rest. We'll discuss the mission after dinner!". Ellen nodded and started to climb the stairs, Kanda staying behind. When she realized this, Ellen turned around and looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"If you wish I'll join the finders", he said, but Ellen frowned.

"I do not wish that. You are free to come with me", she answered and waited for Kanda to follow her. He hesitated, but started climbing up the stairs as well. They arrived at a corridor and Ellen led the way to a door. She put the key inside the lock and opened the door to room 107. She went inside, Kanda following her.

"Why did you get this room so easily?", Kanda wanted to know als Ellen sat down on the bed. The room was very spacious, with a lot of luxurious looking furniture and big windows.

"I mentioned that my aunt visits this place often. She always has a room reserved to spare her the trouble to go looking for one"

"Bermont...", Kanda said and Ellen looked away. He decided not to pester her about it, "well. I am going to rest now", he said and took of his shoes.

"Oh. Come here, lie down for a bit", Ellen suggested and pointed to the huge bed she was sitting on. Kanda was somehow glad that she offered it and lay down on the bed beside her. She just sat there, looking out of the window without saying anything. The young man looked at her back and her white hair. He lifted his hand and touched the silky strands. Ellen turned her head to look at him with a slightly confused expression.

"I like your white hair... It's divine", Kanda confessed and Ellen had to laugh despite herself.

"Well, thank you! You will transform into a poet if you can talk this way about my hair!". Kanda grimaced. She was not taking him seriously!

"Your hair is your hair! Of course I like it! And a tunnel is still a hole in a mountain!", he defended himself and Ellen smiled down at him.

"Fine... Thank you", she said and let herself fall down next to him, but not too close. She turned her head to look at Kanda and saw how the hair was spread out over the pillow between them. "Look how your black hair is contrasting mine". Kanda frowned at her sceptical expression. He lifted his hand and let his finger ghost over her cheek. She blused, but didn't draw away.

"No. They compliment eachother just perfectly", he said. Ellen looked at him through her white eyelashes, then she sighed deeply and closed her eyes. Kanda still looked at her, but then he sat up against the metal posts of the bed. He looked out of the window, lost in thought. Ellen didn't comment on it, but opened her eyes, looking at her white hair with a unhappy expression on her face. Somehow... This didn't feel right.

"Kanda...", she whispered, but was interrupted.

"You must be tired. It was a long journey", he answered and put his hand on her head and started to stroke her hair. Ellen was not satisfied with this, but she didn't want to argue with him right now. So she closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

--

Ellen awoke when she felt the bed beneath her shift. She opened her eyes and looked up to the white ceiling.

"It's time for dinner. Your stomach was growling". Ellen sat up and saw Kanda in black trousers and a white shirt standing at the door. He raised his eyebrows at her and Ellen sighed. "I'm leaving you behind", he warned and the girl got up from her bed, following Kanda obediently.

"I am not nicely dressed", Ellen remarked and looked down at herself, "I still wear men's clothes and the fabric of my trousers is even torn at some places". Kanda looked at her and snorted.

"You're still beautiful. So stop complaining", he told her and patted her head. Ellen's cheeks flamed red and she looked up at Kanda indecisivly.

"Well... Thank you, Kanda...", she said with a half-hearted smile, "I appreciate your words of comfort". Kanda stopped and turned to look at the girl.

"These were not words of comfort! I am serious!", he hissed but she just looked up at him with wide eyes, her lips pressed together. "Che. Fine, have it your way!". He lifted his hand from her head and hurried down the stairs. Ellen followed slowly, very unsure about what she actually wanted Kanda to say. He was very nice and his words flattered her, but still... She didn't regret sleeping with him, not in the slightest bit, but she couldn't just go and get romantically involved with him! They had met eachother a month ago and didn't even know eachother that well!

"Still... I consented. I could have stopped him, but I did not want to...", the girl nearly fell down the last steps of the stairs because she was that lost in thoughts, but Kanda was there to grab her arm.

"Pay attention where you're going", he warned her and she merely managed to nod. Kanda mustered her sceptically, but then they went inside the restaurant. As it was a very fine hotel they were staying in, the restaurant was equally luxurious. Ellen felt oddly out of place. As Kanda showed the a waiter his exorcist cross, they were guided to a table in the back, but before Kanda could ask her to take a seat, Ellen ducked behind him. "Oi, you idiot! What are you doing?!", he hissed at her and even the waiter looked at her with wide eyes.

"There are people that I recognize, friends of my mother! I dare not to sit here when they could very well see me!", Ellen whispered and Kanda rolled his eyes at her vanity, "Look at how I am dressed!", the girl hissed. Kanda groaned, but then he turned to the waiter.

"We want to eat in the kitchen", he told him and, with a highly doubting grimace, the waiter turned around to guide them to the restaurant's kitchen.

--

Ellen breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she was sitting on a wooden stool, plate of food on her lap.

"I thought you'd left your vanity behind", Kanda snorted, picking at his meal angrily. Ellen raised her head and looked at him with an unhappy expression.

"Do not mock me, please Kanda...", she replied and sighed, "but I do not want my mother to know how ungraceful her daugther behaves. Sitting in the kitchen is bad enough, but at least the kitchen staff does not know me".

"Why do you care that much?", the young man demanded annoyedly and Ellen focused her attention on her noodles.

"Is it not obvious? I do not want my mother to lose face. By disgracing myself in the front of mother's acquaintances, mother will surely have to take the blame... As she did take the blame for having a possessed daughter". Kanda stayed silence for a while as Ellen made an unhappy face, but still continued eating her second menu.

"But didn't you also take your share of unhappiness? It is _you_ after all who bears the Innocence..."

"Mother always wanted the best for me and I cannot do something which could harm her reputation or make her disappointed in me...", Ellen argued and Kanda lowered his eyebrows.

"Even not eating in a restaurant when other high-class people are present. There might have been a chance that they didn't even recognize you... But you still took the risk to get the room that belongs to the Bermont family..."

"The room belongs to my aunt...", Ellen meekly replied.

"I don't care, beansprout. I am not going to ask questions about it", Kanda replied with a snort and put his plate to the floor.

"I... I just cannot go against my mother"

"Well, that's fine with me. Your mother is responsible for you until you marry", Kanda replied and this made Ellen lower her head even more.

"Let us not talk about it...", she replied and Kanda thought that "silence" was the best answer to that.

_To be continued_

_Note:_

Well... A mission to Switzerland, who would have thought...? :3 I've recently been told about Pilatus and the legends (both Wikipedia and the official page of Mount Pilatus has them listed... If you're interested you know where to look...), so I thought "hey, why not?". Passing Switzerland on the way back up to Northern Europe makes sense, and stoping for a mission there is plausible. X3

About the German lines in there; I do not think it's necessary to translate them - Kanda doesn't seem to understand it either...

And poor Kanda is having a hard time because of Ellen... I almost feel sorry for him.

Reviews are nice! :D


	17. Kapitel 16 Relief for wrong Decisions

After their dinner Kanda and Ellen went into the salon

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Welcome back! :3 Here's the second chapter of the "Pilatus Episode"__, I hope you can enjoy it! Oh, there is a bit of Bible quotation in here, see the Notes at the end for clarification!_

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

Kapitel 16: Relief for wrong decisions

After their dinner, Kanda and Ellen went into the salon. The Finder had made sure to reserve the whole room for them, so they were alone. Ellen was relieved, especially now that she no longer had to sit in the kitchen, bearing Kanda's oppressive silence. The young man sat on an emerald coloured sofa, arms crossed over his chest and seemed to be very focussed on the Finder.

"Let me explain the mission to you in detail", the Finder started and Ellen took a seat next to Kanda.

"Yes, please", she replied with a smile and Hans sat down in an opposite armchair.

"You must have heard about Pontius Pilatus. The myths about Mount Pilatus are tightly connected to him", the finder said, "after his death, people tried to get rid of his body. So they threw him in a river. But Pontius Pilatus's soul was still bound to the earth, not finding peace after the deeds he had done"

"You mean that he was the one who sentenced Jesus to be nailed to the cross?", Ellen asked, shuddering slightly, "but he was just the judge to speak the sentence. Had he not tried to convince the people that it was an unfittingly harsh punishment?"

"He did, dear child, but you know that he gave in to the demands of the masses", Hans explained and Ellen turned her head as Kanda heaved a sigh.

"And Pilate seeing that he prevailed nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, taking water washed his hands before the people, saying: I am innocent of the blood of this just man. Look you to it. And the whole people answering, said: His blood be upon us and upon our children", Kanda quoted flatly, "he said in front of the masses that he was innocent in this whole cause. A thing he probably did just to be sure that the wrath of God would not befall him, even though he might be sentencing His son to death"

"You know the Bible by heart?", Ellen asked, clearly surprised and Kanda just frowned.

"Is that important?", he hissed and turned back to Hans, "go on!".

"Of course. As I was saying, Pilatus' soul could not find rest and the river, into which his body had been thrown, was disturbed by storms. Of course that troubled the people and ships could no longer pass, so they got him out again. But wherever they put the body, new storms would form, tormenting the people, reflecting probably the unrest Pilatus' soul must have felt. People have thought long about what to do with his corpse until they decided to bring it to a place where the storms would not trouble the people. So they sank him into the lake high up on this mountain, far away from any people", Hans drew his fingers over his moustache, "but that was not the end of the story. Even though Pilatus was out of sight, he was not completely gone. He was silent most of the time, but the legend says that whenever someone disturbs the calm of the small lake, heavy storms will form. We had a look into this matter and it was said that Pilatus has been seen by various people, standing next to the water and washing his hands. When we finders went up we could indeed see a white shape there". Ellen was quite pale in the face and didn't even manage to say something, so Kanda spoke up:

"A shape you say. Was it Innocence or an Akuma?".

"We couldn't make sure of it because of the heavy rain. But there were many Akuma present, so we assume that it's an Innocence caused phenomenon. The whole legend might be connected to Innocence. We know that Innocence had been around for thousands of years, even though the first cube was only rediscovered 100 years ago".

"But… But… Can it really be Pilatus' ghost?", Ellen asked and Kanda was tempted to smack her.

"Stop being stupid! There is no reason to be scared of ghosts!", he shouted and Ellen looked up at him, still very pale.

"But Kanda, what can we do against ghosts? They have no body we could fight! They could… Take possession of you!". Kanda remained silent while Hans started laughing.

"Tch. You read too many stupid books…!", he spat and Ellen lowered her face in embarrassment, "I have never heard of a case where Innocence chained a soul to this world neither have I heard of Innocence taking possession of a soul… As far as I know, Innocence can not manifest in things without a material body; a soul, a ghost or an emotion are not very likely"

"Emotion…?", Ellen asked and Kanda nodded.

"According to the legend, his guilt prevents Pilatus from passing on. He still is seen washing his hands…". The white-haired girl thought about this for a bit, while Kanda was pondering about it as well.

"So, the legends and the real occurrence could not be connected at all, and the Innocence that causes the storm and this appearance might be on the bottom of the lake?", she wondered and Kanda looked at her.

"Yes. That seems very likely. But maybe there is some truth to it and the Innocence has taken hold of something belonging to Pilatus", he concluded. Hans was twirling the end of his moustache between his fingers.

"I do not doubt that there is a connection to Pilatus. There are things in the world which we fail to explain. And I believe that something prevents Pilatus from passing on to the next world… So you might as well save a long tormented soul by completing this mission", the Finder said with a smile. What he said amazed Ellen and Kanda could see it in her expression. "That's what makes it worth being part of the Black Order, despite the danger". They were all silent, contemplating their own motivations to continue fighting, until Hans turned his face towards the window. "Well, it's not a good idea to leave in the middle of the night. You better get a good night's sleep and we'll depart with the rising of the sun", he suggested and Kanda nodded. He got up from the sofa and Ellen followed suit.

"Good night", she said and left the salon after Kanda. The girl followed him up the stairs quietly and closed the door behind her.

"Are you confident about this mission?", Kanda asked and walked up to her. She looked up at him with a questioning look, "it's probably easier than the last one, but you don't seem to be very focused", he continued and Ellen lowered her head.

"I try to focus", she answered and started unbuttoning her vest. Kanda reacted and helped her out of it. Ellen let him, because he just folded it and put it on the armchair next to the bed, opening his suitcase to get out his clothes for the night.

"Do you want me to get undressed elsewhere?", he asked and Ellen looked at him.

"It is alright… There will be no harm done if you undress here…", she said after a while and Kanda didn't ask why it was okay now even though it had been improper on the train. He just got undressed and slipped under the covers of the bed. Ellen changed slowly, fumbling with the buttons of her nightgown before she actually got inside the bed next to Kanda. She turned off the light on the night table and they lay on the bed in complete silence. After a while, Kanda dared to move his hand, touching Ellen's under the blanket. She turned her head to look at Kanda, but didn't draw her hand away, even when he slipped his fingers into the rough palm of her Innocence hand. He looked at her, his dark blue eyes shimmering intensely and Ellen didn't know what to say to him or what to do. Kanda, sensing her uneasiness, refrained from getting any closer to her than he already was.

"Good night…", he said and closed his eyes, face still turned towards her. Ellen looked at him, but then she also closed her eyes.

"Good night, Kanda…"

- - -

When Hans knocked on the door the next morning, Kanda got up without waking Ellen.

"We should hurry, the weather has gotten calmer over the night", he said and Kanda nodded, before closing the door again. He got dressed before waking Ellen, then he sat on the bed, quietly studying the sleeping girl. He extended his hand and brushed away the white strands of hair that had fallen into her face. She didn't react to it, so Kanda, not being able to resist temptation, bend down slowly. He could see every white lash adoring her eyes, her warm breath tickled his nose and he closed in to kiss her gently. He could see Ellen furrowing her brows and she stirred slightly. The young man kissed her again, feeling a bit bad doing it because Ellen would certainly not approve. "What if Mister Hans comes in?" Kanda could imagine her shouting, but he couldn't care less now. Her lips felt nice and wet (it seems that the noble girl had the habit to drool in her sleep. A fact he hadn't used to tease her yet) and she turned away her head, probably because she couldn't breathe with Kanda's lips on hers. The exorcist could see her eyelids flutter and she finally opened her eyes just in time to see Kanda giving her another kiss. Her eyes flew open and she pushed up her hands to make him stop. Kanda straightened up at once, looking down on the blushing girl.

"Kanda! It is you!", she called, her blush deepening, "you gave me a fright!".

"It's time to get up. We need to leave", he said and sat on the armchair, waiting. Ellen stared at him and threw herself face first into the pillow in a very childish manner. "Come on, or I'll drag you out of the bed", he threatened. Ellen raised her head, her hair tousled and face still pink, but this time she looked more put off than embarrassed.

"Was there no other way to wake me!", she demanded and got out of bed. She took her clothes from the armchair Kanda was sitting on and started unbuttoning her nightgown. She was very aware of his intense stare, making her hands tremble slightly.

"That was the way I wanted to wake you", Kanda replied and Ellen turned to him.

"Well, you should not want that!", she told him and turned around again, slipping the nightgown over her head. Kanda could see her naked back and her skinny legs. The girl clumsily tried to put on her bra and Kanda got up to help her. "Kanda", Ellen protested but he put a kiss on her shoulder.

"Be quiet. I'm getting you clothed, I'm not undressing you", he told her and he could see her clearly troubled expression when she looked over her shoulder. He ignored it and helped her getting dressed.

"While I am used to getting dressed by my maids, I have never been dressed by a man", Ellen said and Kanda rolled his eyes.

"I would have been disappointed in you if you had", he said and she frowned at him.

"My mother would be disappointed in me if she knew that you… That we…", she failed to continue and just turned her head around, staring at her reflection in the window. Kanda didn't comment on it and continued to get her dressed. When he had finished buttoning her exorcist coat there was another knock at the door.

"Dear exorcists, are you ready to leave?", Hans asked from the other side of the door, "it will be a three hour march".

"We are ready. Wait for us outside of the hotel", Kanda called and heard Hans' affirmative reply. Kanda turned back to Ellen, but she didn't look at him, bending down to slip inside her boots. The young man was getting tired of this, so he just strapped Mugen to his back and went outside as well. Ellen was staring at her feet, pressing her lips together. It just… felt wrong…

- - -

When the Exorcists and the Finder arrived at the mountain, the storm had resumed. It was very cold and the rain was icy.

"Careful. There usually are good paths, but due to the storm everything is very slick and there have been landslides. It is dangerous, I will try to lead you on the safest paths", Hans said and Ellen and Kanda nodded.

The higher up they got the more dangerous it was and they had to walk on very small paths and climb from time to time.

"How are you doing, young miss?", Hans asked as Kanda pulled the girl up on safe ground.

"Do not worry about me", she replied with a smile and Hans nodded.

"We will make a small rest here. Only one more hour and we will be up. We have to gather new strengths because Akuma could attack any time now". It was still raining very hard and because of the fog there was not much visible. Ellen was shivering in her coat and Kanda sat down on the ground next to her, raising his travelling coat so that the rain couldn't hit their heads for the moment.

"You're a good climber…", he complimented and Ellen managed a small smile.

"Mana and I always went climbing. I am not afraid of heights and I enjoy climbing very much…", she replied.

"Then why are you pulling such a face?", Kanda wanted to know and Ellen looked up at him with a questioning look. "You seem troubled". Ellen quickly averted her eyes and started fumbling with the hem of her coat.

"Well… There are Akuma up ahead… And maybe a ghost…", she mumbled. That was of course not the thing she worried about the most, but for now the answer seemed to be enough for Kanda.

"Tch. That's just Innocence. No need to be afraid of it, beansprout", he told her and she pouted. "We'll collect it, stop these storms and go home. That's all".

"You make it sound easier than it is… You always do…", Ellen answered quietly. Kanda didn't reply, but he tightened his grip on his coat in slight frustration.

Hans was smoking his pipe, looking at the two silently. He had been a Finder for quite some time now but he rarely saw women among the exorcists. Ellen looked pretty fragile, but as it seems she was quite a stubborn young lady. Even for a noble woman. He finished smoking and got up again, interrupting the uneasy silence between Ellen and Kanda with a loud sigh.

"If you are ready we can go on!", he said with a wide smile and helped Ellen up on her feet. She managed a small smile, but it was clearly visible that something was bothering her. "Okay, one more hour. We already got through the worst part of the mountain! Keep your spirits up!", Hans said and started guiding them through the foggy mountain scenery. Kanda and Ellen were not speaking to each other; Kanda deemed it better to focus on the mission (at least it was more rewarding than pondering about Ellen's motivations to distance herself from him) and Ellen was trying hard not let her insecurities get to her heart. She was perfectly aware of what she should be doing and how she should behave, but she was not happy about it.

Ellen nearly stumbled when Kanda suddenly grabbed her and they fell to the floor.

"Damn it beansprout!", Kanda shouted and there was an explosion nearby, "haven't you heard my warning?!". Ellen looked up at him with wide eyes and then she looked past him where there were Akuma gliding through the fog. Hans was busy erecting a barrier and Kanda let go of Ellen, rising to his feet. He drew Mugen and activated it. While Ellen was picking herself up from the floor, the young man killed all the Akuma that Hans was able to capture with his barrier. The other retreated into the fog.

"We're near to the Innocence!", Hans announced and pointed into the fog.

"How many were there last time?", Kanda wanted to know.

"10. You already killed five of them. We must be careful now", Hans said.

"Stay close to me", the Japanese hissed and he grabbed Ellen's hand, only letting go, when she assured him that she would be careful. Ellen was actually too afraid and lost in thought to be rash. She just wanted to finish this mission, get down form this mountain and go home.

When they got out of the fog they were standing on a swampy patch of brownish grass. There was not much left of the lake, just a small clear spring. But next to this spring there was in fact a translucent white figure, crouching down. Mist rose from the spring like a column into the sky, forming thick black clouds over their heads. The wind blew strongly and the rain hindered the view.

"You'll stay with the finder, I'll go and get the Innocence", Kanda said and didn't wait for Ellen's reply to start running towards the lake. As expected the Akuma burst forth from the fog, shooting bullets both at Kanda and the Innocence. Kanda could evade the bullets and killed two of the Akuma.

"Miss Walker! Watch out!", Kanda could hear Hans call and turned around to see Ellen standing like a statue, staring at the shape with wide eyes.

"Beansprout!", Kanda shouted as well and Ellen seemed to snap out of her stupor and activated her Innocence fast enough to slice the approaching Akuma just before it could attack. But the other two Akuma approached her as well and she seemed to have trouble to fend them off. Kanda cursed and ran to Ellen, ignoring the Innocence for the moment. He stood in front of Ellen, Mugen raised.

"What do you think you are doing?!", he shouted and Ellen looked up at him, "why do you fight so half-heartedly?! This is easy! They're just level one Akuma!!". Ellen lowered her head and didn't say anything.

"Mister Kanda… You shouldn't be so hard on her", Hans tried to calm him, but Kanda was furious and disappointed. He glared at Ellen.

"Oi", he called, "look at me…". Ellen raised her head reluctantly, "if you only want me near you as someone who will protect you, then fine. I will protect you! Now get your act together and start fighting!", he shouted. Ellen widened her eyes and Hans smiled slightly.

"He's quite passionate, this young man… Lucky you, Miss Walker". Ellen turned to look at Hans, then she lowered her eyes. She straightened up and stood next to Kanda.

"Forgive me for my moment of weakness. I will fight", she said and Kanda snorted.

"Took you long enough, beansprout", he teased and then the started attacking the remaining Akuma.

It didn't take them long to kill them and the two exorcists approached the white shape. Kanda touched it, but his hand went right through it.

"I guess that's just a projection…", Hans said and Ellen kneeled down, looking into the clear water.

"Maybe…", she started, then she put her hands into the water and started washing them.

"What are you doing?", Kanda asked with a frown, but the spring started to glow and a Innocence cube glided out of the water. As soon as Kanda grabbed it, the white shape dissolved and a white cloth dropped to the floor.

"A… cloth?", Ellen asked with a frown and took it up. It looked pretty old.

"Maybe this is the cloth in which Pilatus' body has been wrapped… I remember that Rabi once had a mission with an Innocence possessed knight's armour…".

"A possessed armour…?", Ellen asked, instantly turning pale; the thought of an armour wandering around with a sword sent shivers down her spine. Hans laughed loudly and looked up as the weather started to clear.

"Good work you two! You solved the mystery of this mountain! And look how the weather is clearing up! I guess I can see a blue sky! This will be a great day!". Ellen looked at the cloth in her hands and then she looked up at the sky, smiling.

"I sure hope it is…"

- - -

Ellen enjoyed long baths after a day spent out in the rain. Kanda sat in front of the door to the bath, writing the report.

"Will you not get a cold if you do not take a bath?", Ellen asked and Kanda could hear how she splashed water.

"I just need to dry myself properly. Only girls need bubble baths", he replied.

"Then why did you let my inside first if you only needed a towel?", Ellen asked and Kanda raised his head and leant it against the wooden door.

"Because you're the girl. You go first", he said. Ellen was silent for a while.

"If you want to… You could come in and get a towel…", she suggested and Kanda didn't answer. He closed his eyes and sighed, then he opened them again.

"I'd rather not…", he replied.

"Oh…", he could hear Ellen exclaim after a while.

"Listen… I'm not made of stone…", he said quietly, but still loud enough for her to hear, "don't suggest such things if you're just going to reject me"

"I… did not mean to offend you…", Ellen answered after a while, which caused Kanda to sigh again.

"Of course you didn't. I know. But I don't understand why exactly you don't allow me to be with you. Is it that you don't like me?"

"Of course not…", Ellen replied faintly, "I do like you very much…". Kanda was happy to hear that, even though it was not really a love declaration. At least it was a start.

"Could you please elaborate on your reasons?", he asked.

"It… You know that I am from a noble family…", Ellen started with a sigh, "I am the only child… The burden of the family name rests on my shoulders… I know that I should focus on being an exorcist, but I do need to think about my life afterwards as well… I already made the mistake and went against what my mother taught me… I should not have had sexual intercourse with you… It was improper because we are not married…". Kanda, even though he had suspected it, was slightly hurt by what she was saying. Of course, it might have been a mistake to sleep together because it was so rushed.

"So you regret it now?"

"No… No, I do not… It might have been wrong, but I do not regret it..."

"I do not really see the point then…", Kanda said, "I know you do not want to disappoint your mother… Do you think your mother would not _allow_ us to marry or is it that you do not _want_ to marry me?".

"Oh Kanda, please do not ask such questions…", he could hear Ellen call with a troubled voice.

"Then give me an answer, beansprout! I love you, but I will stop bothering you with it if you don't want me to be with you!"

"I do not want you to go!", Ellen shouted and there was a splash of water, "But I do not want to continue making mistakes either!". The door opened and Ellen, a towel wrapped around her, appeared in the door frame. Kanda got up on his feet looking down at her in surprise. Her cheeks were red and she had tears in her eyes. "I… I just do not know how this could work… If my mother asks me to marry someone else… I…". Kanda didn't need to hear more and embraced her, burying his face into her wet hair.

"I am sorry for troubling you… But I cannot just give up on you… Excuse me for being so selfish… But you might be the only chance at love I'll ever have…"

"Kanda…", Ellen whispered, then she returned the embrace. And while it still was not "alright", Ellen felt like a great burden had been lifted from her heart.

- - -

Later this day Hans came knocking at the door of their room. Ellen opened and found him with a ruby dress in his hands.

"A dress? For me?", Ellen wondered and Hans nodded.

"I hope it is to your liking. Mister Kanda told me to get something so you'll feel more comfortable". Ellen took the dress and looked at Kanda, who just ignored them.

"Oh. Thank you very much!", she said and Hans smiled, then he returned downstairs. Ellen sat on the bed and bend over to Kanda, who was reading on the bed. "Thank you too…"

"Put it on first. Maybe you'll look stupid in a red dress", he said which made Ellen pout. She got up from the bed and started changing. The dress was simple, with long sleeves and it went down to her ankles. But it fit her perfectly and Ellen turned around happily.

"And?"

"Tch. Beautiful as I've expected", Kanda said and Ellen smiled at him, "now, Beansprout, let's get something to eat". Ellen blinked at Kanda, who just readjusted his hair tie so it bound his hair together at the neck. He opened the door for her. "Come on. Now that you have a dress, you might as well show yourself at the restaurant".

"At the restaurant?", Ellen asked and followed him outside and down the stairs. The restaurant was filled with people and this time Ellen did not make a scene or demanded to eat in the kitchen. "Thank you Kanda… You really are a gentleman". Kanda had to laugh at that.

"I know how to behave myself if I have to", he replied, "keeping his wife safe and making her happy should be a major concern to a man". Ellen had to laugh at that.

"What a commendable resolution. I am impressed"

"You won't be disappointed", Kanda said with a smirk and raised his glass. Ellen, even though she was a little bit unsure what he really meant, smiled and raised her glass for a toast.

- - -

Right after they got back to their room – Ellen had met some people at the salon and had stayed to converse and the girl had been surprised by the eloquence Kanda seemed to be able to display if he really had to – they got a call from Komui via Golem.

"The mission was a success I've been told! Well done!", Komui complimented.

"Thank you Komui", Ellen replied with a smile and started undoing the laces of her shoes.

"Kanda I need to you head over to Russia now, can you do that?", the supervisor asked and Ellen frowned.

"He is not allowed to go back home?", she asked.

"I am deeply sorry, Ellen, but we're short on exorcists and Kanda is very able", Komui replied and Kanda let out an amused snort when he saw Ellen's cross face. "Kanda, the mission is Russia needs more time than we thought. You and Noise Marie have been called as reinforcements. Rabi and Bookman are both there as well. Ellen needs to come back with Toma and the two Innocence cubes you've collected. She also needs a rest now after two missions".

"Fine. When does the train depart?", the Japanese wanted to know.

"Tomorrow morning, Ellen's as well".

"Good. I'll contact you for the details once I'm on the train", Kanda replied.

"Enjoy the rest of your stay!", came Komui's sing-song voice and Kanda terminated the connection.

"Tch. Idiot…", Kanda hissed and let himself drop into the armchair. Ellen still looked rather cross, "Stop making that face, beansprout"

"Oh, stop calling me that!", Ellen complained, furrowing her brows. Kanda smirked, which made Ellen blush slightly in anger, "fine, suit yourself!"

"I really don't care about names, beansprout. I like how you react to my teasing"

"You are impossible… And I thought that you truly were a gentleman when I witnessed you conversing in the salon!". Kanda just continued smirking, so Ellen gave up on it, "Fine! But what about you?"

"Me?"

"Do you not have a first name? I still wonder how I managed to be intimate with you even though I did not know your name!", she said in an indignant tone.

"I don't like people calling me by my first name"

"Is it improper in Japan?", Ellen wondered and Kanda shrugged.

"You don't address people by their first names if you're not close friends. But that's one thing. The other is thing is that I don't even like my name. Ever since I came to Britain that is"

"Why is that so?", Ellen wanted to know.

"Because it's Yu", Kanda answered and Ellen raised both eyebrows.

"Pardon me?", she asked and Kanda rolled his eyes.

"Yu. That's my name. See? You didn't get it either. It's annoying". Ellen had to laugh.

"Yu? Really, how funny!", she said but then she remembered her good manners, "excuse me. It surely is a beautiful name"

"Tch. Stop lying you idiot. Just call me Kanda, like everyone", he said and Ellen smiled.

"Very well, Kanda"

"You're annoying beansprout", Kanda hissed and Ellen pouted.

"And I would have hoped that you would call me Ellen now!", the girl said and crossed her arms over her chest, "Oh well. I do not care, names do not really mean that much. At least you were creative enough to make up a pet name for me", she said, clearly in a mocking tone. Kanda decided that he liked her best when she was stubborn, it made his love for her quite entertaining.

"If you make a face like that, you'd better get out of that dress, such a scowl does not befit a dress", Kanda teased and Ellen blushed.

"Good, you are the one with the long hair anyway, I am sure that a red dress would look dashing on you, even though you are even more flat than I am", Ellen said, raising both hands, shrugging. Kanda had to laugh and shook his head.

"Nice comeback, beansprout. But I like your breasts". Ellen hit him with the nearest pillow.

- - -

The next day at the station, Ellen did not cry. She was very cheerful, chatting with Hans, Toma and Kanda.

"It was pleasant to work with you", Ellen said directed at Hans. The Finder took both her hands in his and shook them.

"The feeling is reciprocal, dear Miss Walker! I hope we'll meet again! Take care of yourself!", Hans said and Ellen smiled. Then the Finder turned to Kanda, "you too, Mister Kanda. Also keep an eye on her, or she'll surpass you". Kanda frowned but Ellen laughed.

"Fare well my friends!", Hans said and then he made his way back to the town, whistling a pleasant tune.

"It is time Miss Walker", Toma said and bowed to Kanda, "have a safe trip". Kanda nodded and Toma went inside the train. Ellen smiled up at Kanda.

"Well. I might feel a bit lonely without you", she confessed, "I will especially miss your tantrums". Kanda hit her on the head.

"Tch. You could at least cry, like all women do on stations"

"Have you read too many books, dear Mister Kanda?", Ellen asked with a laugh and he snorted indignantly, "we will not be separated for long, will we?"

"No idea. Depends on the missions", the Japanese exorcist confessed, and Ellen smiled at him, even though it was a bit sad. He sighed and patted her head. "Promise me to take care of yourself"

"Yes. I will. You too", Ellen said and Kanda nodded. The girl reached up and hugged him, Kanda returning it immediately. "I will miss you". Kanda didn't say anything, but she knew that he would too. "Promise to write me a letter", she told him when she let go of Kanda. He frowned.

"No", he said, "I won't have time to post letters". Ellen laughed and nodded.

"I know", she took a step away and smiled.

"Don't die beansprout. Promise", Kanda urged her.

"I promise that I won't die", she said, smiling gently.

"And don't forget to use your brain on missions. Don't be too emotional", he warned her and Ellen nodded, "I won't be there to safe you".

"I know. Thank you Kanda for your guidance and protection", she said and the conductor blew his whistle to signal the departure of the train. Kanda grabbed her hand and drew her close for a kiss.

"Excuse me", he said, when Ellen looked up at him with a startled expression, but then she smiled. He kissed her again and then he let her go. "I'll write you a letter", he promised, "Good bye, Ellen". Ellen smiled brightly, then she went inside the train. She blew him another kiss before the door closed and he waved slightly. The train started rolling slowly and then it left the station. Kanda checked his watch after the train had disappeared from sight.

"Time to go", he said and then he made his way to his own train.

_To be continued…_

_Notes:_

_So how did you like the "Filler Mission"? X3_

_We're slowly starting to see a change in Ellen. She has to start being tough in order to survive! :3_

_Kanda is still very determined to marry Ellen, I wonder how much she actually realises this… Hehe_

_Anyway, time for Ellen to head back to the Black Order and time for us to get back to canon!_

_Something I'd like to add; in German Pilatus says: "Ich wasche meine Hände in Unschuld". The normal English translation would be, based on what Pilatus said, I wash my hands of it. But if you translate from German into English you'll get "I wash my hands in Innocene". Well. Yeah. X3_

_Because I only have the Bible in German, I had to look for an English online version. Which is here (always give reference, that's the golden rule of academic work): www(dot)newadvent(dot)org/bible/mat027.htm __(put in dots). I have no clue how to indicate the right passage! XD XD Uh. Something like Matthew 27, 24-25._


	18. Kapitel 17 In between Missions

Chapter Sixteen Author's Notes:

_Here we are again, with the next chapter! I had it written before the whole Pilatus Mission, but had to change it to fit the past two chapters. _

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

Kapitel 17: In between Missions

Without Kanda the journey back home was rather boring for Ellen, but she had picked up a few books at all stations she had visited – she was well versed in various European languages and reading a book in a foreign tongue was an easy task for her. And apart from that she could not let her skills become rusty. Often she played card games with Toma or other passengers on the train. All in all it took her mind of the previous weeks and she was very calm and collected by the time they reached the Black Order almost two weeks later. It was late at night and Toma accompanied her to the doors of the science department. Linali came to greet her.

"Oh Ellen! You made it back safely!", she said and pulled her into an affectionate hug. "Welcome back home!". Ellen smiled at her and nodded.

"Thank you very much, dear Linali", she answered and took the two pieces of Innocence out of her coat pocket. "Here is the Innocence". The Chinese girl looked at it and then pointed inside the room.

"You can give it the Komui", she said and they went looking for him.

"Ellen! Welcome back!", the head of the Black Order greeted the girl, patting her head, "are you feeling well?"

"Yes, very much so, thank you", she answered and showed him the Innocence, "here".  
"Well done, Ellen! You can give it to me, I'll bring it down to Hebraska in a moment"

"To Hebraska?", Ellen asked as Komui put the Innocence cubes into a drawer of his table.

"Yes, she guards the Innocence pieces until we find a compatible, so it will be safe with her".

"I see", Ellen said and put her hands in the coat of her pocket.

"You should go to sleep now you two. We have no new missions yet, so you have enough time to rest", he said and Ellen nodded, "Oh. I nearly forgot", he said as Ellen and Linali were already at the door. He pulled a drawer open and took an envelope out. "Kanda sent me the mission report yesterday and there was a letter for you inside". Ellen's face brightened up and she rushed to Komui to receive the letter. "My, how eager you are! We actually never receive letters from Kanda!", the scientist said with a big smile and patted Ellen on the head. "Well done". Ellen smiled up at him.

"Thank you Mister Li! Good Night!", the girl joined Linali at the door.

"Kanda sent you a letter?", she asked laughing, "how peculiar of him!".

"Really? Maybe he wants to reprimand me because he had to write a report all on his own?", she wondered and laughed. Linali just shook her head smiling.

"Here we are. I'll see you tomorrow and you have to tell me everything of your first two missions!". Ellen nodded and bid the girl good-night before she went into her room. She put down her suitcase and pulled off her coat. She sat on her bed, the letter in her hands. Ellen smiled to herself and put it on the night table. Kanda never went back on his word it seems, but she hadn't expected him to write this fast! She got undressed and sat on her bed, taking the letter up again. It was a simple white envelope and on the front it read "Miss Ellen Walker, Dark Order" in a neat handwriting. She opened it and took out the letter. It was only one page, but there was something else inside of the envelope. She put her fingers inside and took out a bracelet made of purple glass balls, the same she had seen on Kanda's wrist before. She put it in her lap and opened the folded paper.

"_Beansprout._

_This mission will take me longer than expected; at least another month and I've already got word that I might have to join another mission afterwards._

_I've included my wristband. It's important to me, take care of it – if it breaks I'll hit you._

_I might not be able to write another letter for a long time and don't know if you'll even be at the order. But that's the way it is. _

_Take care,_

_Kanda"_

Ellen smiled gently and put on the bracelet, then she put down the letter on the nighttable. She switched off the light and lay down. The bracelet was reflecting the moonlight that shone through her window and threw purple light spots at the wall.  
"Thank you Kanda…", Ellen whispered and closed her eyes, "you'll even protect me from far away…"

--

When Ellen woke up the next morning the bracelet on her left arm was the first thing she saw and the girl smiled.

"Ellen? Are you up?", she heard Linali call and sat up in bed.

"I just woke up. You can come in!", she called and Linali opened the door. The girl still wore a silky nightgown and slippers, her hair was braided. She observed how Ellen got up and pulled clothes out of the drawer. She saw the bracelet on her arm and smiled slyly.

"So what did Kanda say?", she asked and Ellen turned to her.

"Well, that he will take longer than expected and he gave me his bracelet", she said and showed Linali her wrist. The Chinese girl bit her lower lip to stop herself from giggling, but Ellen was too preoccupied looking at her wrist.

"Come on, you can dress later! Let's get into the bath and you can tell me everything about the mission". Ellen hesitated, but Linali grabbed her hand and dragged her out of her room.

--

"He kissed you?!", Linali shrieked and all women inside of the bathroom were looking at them. Ellen was blushing and lowered herself further into the bath, "Kanda kissed you?! I can't believe it!!". She said and put her hands on Ellen's shoulders. "That's fantastic news!!"

"Please, Linali. We are not a couple and there is no need for the whole order to know about it…". Linali giggled and whispered an apology.

"But did he tell you he loved you?"

"Well, yes he made his point that he is in love with me. It does not mean that we will… You know, become a couple…", she told her, "we are exorcists after all"

"That's probably what he said, right?", the Chinese girl asked with a raised eyebrow and Ellen laughed.

"It is, but he is right", she replied and looked at her bracelet, keeping quiet about the fact that being exorcist didn't really hinder Kanda to want to be with her.

"Well. Do you love him?", Linali wanted to know and Ellen sighed.

"I… do not know… I like him, but it is too early for me to decide about that… But love is not really important… Neither in war nor in a relationship". Linali raised both of her eyebrows.

"What are you saying? Of course it's important! Don't you want to marry someone you love?", she asked and Ellen shrugged.

"I cannot marry if my mother does not approve… Kanda is a foreigner and I do not think that he is of noble birth… My mother would probably deny it. But…", Ellen hesitated and blushed. Should she tell Linali about what they had done? Linali was her friend, but it wasn't proper to talk about such intimate things.

"But what? Tell me! I want to know!", the Chinese girl said and started to tickle Ellen.

"Oh, mercy, Linali!", Ellen laughed, "I will tell you!". The Chinese girl stopped and Ellen sighed in relief.

"Well… Kanda told me… that he would… well…", she blushed and played with her hair to hide her embarrassment, "it did not sound like he would mind marrying me". Linali widened her eyes and blushed herself.

"What? He… He proposed to you?", she whispered and Ellen shook her head.

"No! No he did not. We just talked about it". Linali was silent for some time, then she laughed.

"I can't believe we're talking about Kanda. He must really care about you then. I am amazed that you don't have any romantic feelings for him"

"I told you I did not know whether I have feelings for him. No, I actually have feelings for him, I just do not know if it is enough. It is just too early to decide"

"Hmm… But I'm happy for you. I can't really say that Kanda would be a good husband. But I think he's very responsible and will take care of you, even if you will not become a couple", Linali said, her hand on Ellen's shoulder. The younger girl smiled up at her and nodded.

"Yes… I believe so too…".

--

The two girls left the baths and went to the main floor, were Ellen picked up a parcel at the information bureau.

"This must be from my mother!", she exclaimed and took it into the dining hall, where Jerry greeted her.

"You're back, darling!"

"Hello Jerry! Yes, thank you!", Ellen answered with a bright smile, "I missed your delicious food"

"Ah, you're still such a flattering child! I will do my best to prepare you two girls a good breakfast!", he announced and retreated into the kitchen. Ellen and Linali sat at a nearby table so Ellen could open the parcel. There was a letter attached to it, which Ellen opened.

"_Dear child_

_I hope you are well and healthy. I realized that you have changed your name to Ellen Walker, which caused me some confusion. But I think you must have your reasons for doing so. I will not question them._

_I have sent you a present for your fifteenth birthday and hope you can use it well. _

_I further hope you are not neglecting your studies. But I am happy to hear that you have made new friends. _

_I hope that you will have time to visit your old mother, I feel lonely without my beloved child. _

_I expect you to behave yourself and wish for you to grow into a fine young woman._

_With much love,_

_Your mother, Charlene Bermont"_

"Oh. I even forgot that it was my birthday last week", Ellen said, widening her eyes.

"You turned 15?", Linali asked and Ellen nodded. The Chinese girl hugged her. "You should have told me! I could have gotten you a gift!"

"Oh, do not concern yourself over such things, dear Linali", Ellen said and looked at her friend, "should we open it?". Linali nodded eagerly and Ellen opened the box to find a dark green, fashionable coat and a blue dress. "My goodness. How beautiful!", Ellen exclaimed and pulled out the coat.

"It must look fantastic on you! A pity Kanda's not here!", Linali said and touched the fabric of the dress gently.

"Oh, stop it, Linali", Ellen said with a frown, which caused the older girl to laugh. "I told you, he is not my lover"

"Yes, because you're a good girl. I know", Linali said and Ellen turned to look at her, uncertain and with an almost guilty pout. She lowered her head to put the coat back into the box before Linali could comment on the face she pulled. Linali and Ellen got the food from Jerry and started eating.

"You don't have to worry about Kanda, Ellen. He'll be alright. He always is, he is very strong", Linali said. Ellen raised her head, her brow furrowed. She knew Linali was right, but she stopped worrying the day she got his letter.

"Why do you have to bring Kanda up all the time?", she wanted to know and Linali smiled gently.

"Okay. I'll stop, seeing as it's not a comfortable subject for you", she said and Ellen nodded in agreement. Of course it wasn't. She, Ellen Bermont, only daughter of a noble family, had turned against her mother's teaching and had slept with a man outside a legal marriage. She hadn't thought about it much at first because all she wanted was the comforting closeness of another body. She would have been happy to just have had someone hug her to show that she was protected and taken care of, but as soon as Kanda had started she… stopped thinking about it, because it just felt right to go on. Maybe she should have refused, but she knew there was no sense in regretting things which could not be changed. She would have to confess to her mother eventually, because it might be important to her future husband. Ellen knew that her mother had started looking for possible men just after her fourteenth birthday, but she hadn't found anyone yet who could live up to her expectations. And if even people of noble lineage, great fortune, good looks, incredible learning and well manners could not please her mother, then how would she react to the bad-tempered, ill-mannered, very young, uneducated (or so Ellen guessed) Japanese exorcist Kanda? She didn't even want to think about it, even though Ellen knew that Kanda was perfectly able to behave if he had to.

"Ellen? Are you alright? You're not eating…", she heard Linali say and looked up at her.

"What?", she looked down at her plate and blushed, "oh, my. I was deep in thoughts! I tend to forget the world around me", she confessed and started eating. Linali laughed understandingly.

--

The next three weeks Ellen spent inside the library and in her room. She had asked Komui for a teacher, because she didn't want to neglect her studies, at least not when she was not on missions. He had been sceptical at first, but eventually agreed to it. There were many well educated people working at the order and a few of them had volunteered to teach Ellen. She had also be allowed to help at the infirmary and gained basic knowledge about medicine and first aid.

"You're working hard, Ellen", Linali said one day, while they met at lunch.

"Not at all! I am just trying to be useful and I must confess that I enjoy myself greatly", she said and Linali raised an eyebrow.

"I never knew that you were so ambitious", she said and looked through a stack of papers she had been carrying around. Ellen looked at her and smiled.

"I am not… I just try my best, so I will be able to survive. You know that I am not that strong as an Exorcist. And learning is what I grew up doing", she said and laughed, "you could say that it is my forte, maybe it will be useful later on!" Linali nodded, still with a sceptical frown.

"Oh, by the way. Komui wants to see us up at his office. It seems that he has a mission for us", she said and smiled at her.

"I see! Let us hurry up then", Ellen suggested, taking off her white apron she wore for her work in the infirmary, and Linali nodded, smiling but somehow lost in thought.

--

When the two girls arrived at Komui's office they found him nearly buried in sheets.

"Ahhhh… There you are", he said in a slightly slurred voice as if he was really tired, and he looked it.

"Brother…", Linali started, but he just lifted his hand and pointed at the couch where two black reports were waiting for them, "there are your information. We don't know if this phenomenon is connected with Innocence. We want you to investigate…", he said.

"What is it about?", his sister asked, receiving the report from Ellen, who had picked them up.

"We have reports of a town in which time seems to rewind itself, we're not sure about it though. Just a guess… Investigate. It might be connected to Innocence. We don't know. Finders can't get in", he said and putting his face flat against the surface of his table, "maybe it's Innocence, that's why we're sending you there". Ellen thought that he was repeating himself all the time, but Linali gave her an apologetic look; this seemed to be normal with Komui.

"Fine, we'll go there"

"Take care my darling sister, you too Ellen", Komui mumbled, then he bumped into a stack of papers with his elbow and was buried under a flood of white sheets. Ellen raised her eyebrow at the scene, but Linali just took her by the arm and dragged her out of the room.

"Is your brother okay?", Ellen asked, turning her head back to the science department.

"Oh, he just has a lot of work. This mission will be okay, he doesn't sound worried", the Chinese girl explained and Ellen nodded sceptically. "I guess we'll just leave now, Germany's not that far away".

"Well, I do not mind, let me just get my suitcase then", Ellen answered with a smile and they parted ways to get ready for their mission.

--

Ellen considered travelling with Linali more entertaining than her previous journey with Kanda; they would sit together and talk about any subject that came to their minds. Kanda had tried to avoid talking as much as possible, which had angered the young lady remarkably, but she had put up with it rather well. Ellen didn't want to think about the journey from Italy to Switzerland, because that had been just awkward. Linali was a girl so her way of thinking and behaving was quite similar to Ellen's, though Ellen could still feel the gap that their age, education and cultural background left between them.

"Have you never worried about marriage?", Ellen asked while they were riding a train in Germany. Linali looked up from her book – a courtship novel, which had ignited the uneasy thoughts about marriage in Ellen's head - and raised both eyebrows, "is it not important for a woman to find herself a good man who can take care of her?". Linali laughed slightly and closed her book.

"That sounds awfully old-fashioned Ellen, as if you were an old woman", she giggled and Ellen huffed, with an indignant pout adoring her face.

"But am I not right? If you are alone then who will see to it that you are taken care of?", she replied and Linali smiled at her.

"We are capable of taking care of ourselves, right? Besides, we live in the Black Order which ensures us a livelihood; we have a home and food and friends"

"But what if we are finished with our work?", Ellen asked, "Being an exorcist is not a real profession, I take it that were are soldiers employed only for the time war lasts". Linali studied her face for some time, then she lowered her head.

"Ellen… why do you think that this war could end anytime soon?", she wanted to know and the white haired girl straightened her back and lifted her chin a little bit.

"Because that is what we are fighting for", she replied and Linali couldn't help smiling; Ellen had changed remarkably but she still was a young, optimistic lady. And Linali liked that. It was such a pity if you had to give up being who you were just because of what you had to be. Ellen's sight of things was unexpectedly refreshing.

"Yes. Yes you are right", the Chinese girl answered and folded her hands in her lap, "I have never really thought about what could happen if the war was over. I have been in the black order for such a long time now…". Ellen nodded wordlessly, listening intently. "I guess I would like to marry in the future, but above all I want to stay with my brother". She lowered her head and smiled a bit pained by the thought.

"Linali… Why do you worry so much? This is a goal you can very well achieve", Ellen said after some time and took hold of Linali's hands, "because we will be there for each others, right? This is not a war for which we are willing to give up our hopes of a happy future". Linali looked up at her and nodded, a bright smile on her face.

"Yes. That is our promise". Ellen smiled and let go of her hands. "But what about you, Ellen? I am sure both you and Kanda survive this war". Ellen looked at her and her cheeks flamed red.

"I… Oh, Linali! Why did you have to bring that up?", she whined and shook her head, to which Linali had to laugh.

"Wasn't it you who brought it up? You must be spending a lot of thought on marriage lately, though I haven't heard one word out of you about Kanda", the girl answered, which made Ellen lower her head with a sigh.

"I am still trying to… well, get accustomed to it", Ellen said and looked at her bracelet, which made Linali rise and eyebrow.

"To what?", she wanted to know and Ellen closed her eyes, sighing.

"No… It is nothing…", she replied, looking out of the window and Linali kept quiet as well.

--

The two girls had to walk for the rest of their journey as the town wasn't connected to the railway system yet.

"It is quite cold now that winter has set in", Ellen said and pulled her coat tighter around her. Linali also wore a simple black coat over her uniform.

"Yes, but it's still okay to travel. Sometimes we are sent into regions with a very harsh winter", the Chinese exorcist answered and Ellen looked up at the grey-blue sky.

"Oh. Hopefully Kanda left Eastern Europe before the winter set in… He is of such a thin built, he must be very cold". Linali raised her eyebrows and burst out laughing. Ellen turned to her. "What is it?"

"My, Ellen. Just because Kanda's thin doesn't mean he'll be blown over by the first winter storm. You know that he's strong. You shouldn't worry about that", she said and Ellen blushed.

"I… I am not! I just have not heard anything of him for the past one and a half months!", Ellen replied and twiddled her fingers, "It is only naturally that I… Well…". Her gaze fell on Kanda's bracelet and she sighed, "dear goodness, I behave like a child". Linali smiled and patted her back.

"Ellen… There's nothing wrong with worrying about a friend. I always wonder what the other exorcists are doing, especially you, Rabi and Kanda, because you're all dear to me. I want you to be safe, but worrying all the time won't do you any good", she advised and Ellen lowered her head. "And we're talking about Kanda… He really is strong and you know it. And besides…". Ellen lifted her head to look at her friend, "I'm sure he's always thinking about you, wherever he is"

"Oh, I hope he will not", Ellen said with a uncertain look in her eyes, "because then he will get himself injured for not paying attention to his surroundings and he will blame me!". Linali laughed and the British girl soon joined in.

"Yes, he just might do that. But look, there I see the walls of the town!". Ellen raised her head and looked ahead, where they could see walls in the distance.

"What a welcome sight", she said and turned to look at Linali, "well then, let us hurry!", she suggested and the Chinese girl nodded. They sped up their steps and after about ten minutes they reached the walls which surrounded the town. The gates were open but they saw no one in the empty streets when they looked through the arched gate. The girls exchanged a look, nodded and went inside.

To be continued

_Notes:_

_Not really much to add… Ellen is still worried about her relationship with Kanda. X3_

_Next chapter will be the Rewinding Town Arc! :D (oh no, another chapter full of fight scenes which you already know perfectly well… But we'll get to see Rhode soon!)_


	19. Kapitel 18 Destruction of Ideals

**_Author's Notes:_**

_Puah!! **insert random curse word** This took me an eternity to write! My longest chapter as of now. I really had to force myself to sit down and type! I had half of this chapter written before I inserted the filler mission. But I must admit… I don't really enjoy just retelling the normal missions. But it had to be done… **sigh **It would have been fun if Kanda had been there but NOOOO… Pah. At least it's got Rhode… Oh… I am really tired, so I haven't done enough editing. I will do it later on, please excuse any writing mistakes and general stupidity…_

_Now, I present to you the Rewinding Town Arc!_

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

* * *

Kapitel 18: Destruction of ideals

Despite what it had looked like form the outside, the town was buzzing with noises and masses of people were on the streets.

"Oh my, seems like the Innocence has also influenced the way the city is perceived from the outside", Ellen said and hurried to get out of the way.

"But why hasn't anyone tried to leave the town yet! These people should be in an uproar", Linali said as the two girls started to walk the main road. "But everything seems perfectly fine"

"Your brother suggested that time rewinds itself. The people might not even know of this, they might forget about what happened and just relive the same day again and again", Ellen said and shuddered, "awful, is it not?". Linali smiled and patted her head.

"We just need to find the Innocence – if there is any – and everything will return to normal. This won't take long". Ellen nodded and looked down the main street. "Let's split up and investigate a bit!". The girls parted ways; Linali took the main street, while Ellen walked into an alley. The white haired exorcist walked around, observing the people, until she realised that they were looking at her strangely. A little bit self-conscious the noble girl pulled up her hood to hide her white hair, even if that didn't change the fact that she was wearing a rather strange uniform or that Timcampy was flying next to her.

"Sir Tim, please hide yourself in my coat, people are staring at you", she said and the golem flew against her forehead, probably complaining, but did what she told him to do.

Ellen could find nothing out of the ordinary while going through streets and allies. She got some pamphlets and the newspaper, but nothing spoke of strange phenomena which could point her towards the Innocence. She walked through a few narrow allies, until she found herself in an empty backyard.

"Dear goodness. Where am I?", she wondered and turned around. There were only small allies between rows of houses leading away from the backyard. Timcampy found his way out of Ellen's hood and started flying. "Do not pretend to know where we are". But Ellen still followed the golden golem, until she felt a jolt of pain in her left eye. "Akuma?", she wondered and invocated her Innocence into its gun-shaped form. She sped up her steps and came out into an empty street. Across from it there was another ally between two high houses and there she saw an Akuma – a level two – who was holding a black dressed woman against the wall. Ellen changes the gun to a sword and crossed the street.

"Good evening to you, Akuma", she said and as it turned, letting go of the woman, Ellen charged. It only took a few blows of her Innocence to kill the Akuma and she was unharmed. "Are you…", she started but the woman had already disappeared. Ellen blinked. "She is very fast…", she remarked, then the girl sighed. "But I have the feeling that she might be important for this mission…" Ellen took out a sheet of paper advertising a circus and a pen. She kneeled down and started to sketch the woman so she could show it to Linali when they met up.

"All done", Ellen said and put the paper and the pen back into her coat. "We were meant to meet Linali at the restaurant at noon. Let us hurry", she told Timcampy and left the ally in order to get back.

Linali was already sitting at a table when Ellen arrived. She sat down opposite her, where food was already waiting.

"Have you ordered for me?", the white haired girl asked and Linali nodded with a smile, "thank you, dear Linali. I was getting hungry", she confessed and started to eat.

"I expected it! But have you found out anything?", the Chinese girl asked and Ellen nodded.

"It would surprise me if there is no Innocence involved, because I found an Akuma and destroyed it of course", Ellen told her and tapped her spoon to her lips, "it attacked a woman and I would assume that she has a part in this"

"And why?", Linali wanted to know and Ellen shrugged.

"I cannot tell, it was just a feeling", she replied and Linali smiled.

"Well, you might just be right! So where is this woman?", she asked upon which Ellen took out the paper from her coat pocket.

"Have a look at this. I thought that we might have to look for her again", she said and handed it to Linali, who took it wordlessly. The Chinese girl looked down and saw some vaguely connected lines which might resemble a human if you really squinted.

"What is this supposed to be?", the girl asked, "And why have you let her get away?"

"She runs incredibly fast it seems", Ellen answered and continued eating, "that is why I have drawn a picture of her". Linali frowned and looked back down at the picture.

"A picture of her? You mean _this_ here?!", she asked the British girl, who raised her head.

"Yes? Do you think it looks strange?", she replied and looked at her work of art. Linali started laughing and shook her head.

"Kind of. I would have expected you – the educated young lady – to be able to draw very well! Oh. I hope I didn't offend you". Ellen continued eating, but shook her head.

"Not at the least, my mother has taken me to the museums to study the geniuses of artwork innumerable times. I think she hoped that I would improve, but in drawing I am hopeless!", she said with a amused smile.

"I should introduce you to General Theodore, he draws very well, I am sure he would want to teach you"

"General Theodore? Is he a general like Master Cross?", Ellen asked.

"Yes, but he's a very protective of his students and treats them like his own children. He's very nice. And he's also Kanda's master". Linali observed how Ellen's face changed.

"Really?", she asked with a smile, "but I cannot make a fool of myself in front of Kanda's master!", she added and Linali laughed.

"Dear Ellen, you worry too much!", she exclaimed and Ellen chuckled.

"Probably. But tell me; have you been successful?", she wanted to know and Linali shook her head.

"I've tried to get out of the town, but I always ended up inside again, even after I tried to leave through a hole in the wall…"

"Consequently we cannot leave this town for now…", Ellen concluded and sighed, "how bothersome". Linali laughed.

"You sound like Kanda if you say this!", she told Ellen, who blushed and pouted, "But don't worry. If you solve the case and find the Innocence, we'll get out of here".

"Do you think that it will be an easy task? Komui looked troubled… or tired. I am not really sure which", the British girl said and Linali sighed.

"He's worried, that's why he works too much… We have not been able to tell the Earl's movements… It's been very calm lately… Like the calm before the storm, if you understand…", she explained and Ellen again tapped her spoon against her lips in thought.

"I guess I do… but…", before she could even end her sentence, she widened her eyes and stared at a spot next to Linali.

"What? What is it?", she asked, but Ellen just raised her hand and pointed next to her.

"There she is! The woman I was talking about!". Linali turned around and indeed saw a woman, a coat drawn over her head as if she tried to hide. But as Linali wanted to talk to her, the woman jumped up, opened the window and climbed out, all while screaming like mad. Ellen reacted and reached for the hem of her dress.

"Rennen Sie nicht weg! Wir sind Exorzisten!", she shouted and the woman turned her upper body to the other girls.

"E… Exorzisten…?", she panted and Ellen tried to pull her closer.

"Wieso flüchten Sie denn, und dann auch noch durch das Fenster...?", the British girl asked, perched out of the window.

"Oh… Entschuldigung, das ist schon eine Angewohnheit von mir…", she told her.

„Ellen, I never knew you knew German, that's pretty useful!", Linali said as the Ellen helped the woman climb back into the restaurant.

"That is part of my mother's education… I really do find it to be of great help", she said and the woman took a seat opposite the two girls.

"I… I can understand you, so you don't need to talk in German", the woman said, "but… but I will probably make a lot of mistakes! Excuse me! Excuse me!".

"D… Don't worry!", Linali tried to calm her, "Why don't we start with you telling us your name?". The woman calmed and nodded.

"I'm… I'm called Miranda Lotto. I'm very happy that I found someone who also knows that something's wrong here", she said and started to laugh, "Whenever I told other people they called me mad. It was so terrible, I've already thought about suicide…..", she said, still laughing in a way which was rather creepy. It was quite obvious to the other girls that this poor woman was shattered.

"Miss Miranda… Can you still remember how everything has started?", Ellen wanted to know.

"Only I… Only I know that yesterday was also today and today will be the same as yesterday...", she stayed silent for some time, still with the creepy smile on her face, then she bolted forwards and took hold of Ellen's hands. "Please! Please help me! Or I'll go crazy! You! You've already saved me from that strange thing! Please continue helping me so that this stops!! Bitte!!"

"Please calm down, Miss Miranda! We will help you! We will find out what has caused this strange phenomenon", Ellen assured her, but Miranda started crying.

"But even if you do find out, nothing will change!", she yelled.

"Something must have happened on the real 9th of October. Do you know what this might have been?", Linali tried to calm her. Ellen turned her head to her side as a strange tingling sensation went through the left side of her face. She looked at the customers of the inn and her eye turned colour. There was something wrong; Akuma!

"Linali, leave the inn with Miranda. These people", she started and the customers rose from their chairs silently, "they were watching Miss Miranda. Why is she unaffected by the rewinding of time? Why are Akuma after her?". She invocated her arm and the humans turned into a bunch of level two Akuma. Miranda widened her eyes and shouted in fear, but Linali reacted very fast, invocated her Dark Boots innocence and took a hold of Miranda. She smashed a window open and disappeared, leaving Ellen alone with the level two Akuma.

Three months ago, Ellen would have been paralyzed by the fear, but now she was confident, even if faced with level two Akuma. She didn't lose time and started attacking right away and it didn't take her long to reduce the number of Akuma to only three. But then she got into the attack of one of them and dropped to her knees because her head seemed to burst from the pain. She could evade another attack, but was hit on her right leg with some king of bluish fire. The three remaining Akuma came together and started arguing about how they wanted to kill Ellen. The girl grimaced, but raised her weapon to attack them.

"Hey! What are you doing! Quite cowardly of you to attack while we're talking!". Ellen just frowned and readied herself for the next attack, but the three Akuma stopped. And before Ellen could do anything, they shot upwards and disappeared through the roof.

"What…? Where did they go?", she wondered, but as people started peeking in through the destroyed windows of the inn, Ellen decided it to be better to disappear. The order would pay, but she didn't want to be held responsible for the damage.

It didn't take Ellen long to find Miranda's house, as Linali was waiting in front of the door.

"There you are! I was worrying about you!", the Chinese girl said, "are you hurt?"

"Just my leg…Nothing serious", Ellen answered with a smile and followed Linali inside of the house and to Miranda's apartment.

"Come Ellen, we need to look at your injury", Linali suggested and led her into a room. Ellen saw that Miranda was sitting at the floor, both of her hands on an old grandfather clock, muttering to herself. "Were you able to destroy the Akuma?", Linali asked and Ellen took of her coat and rolled up her trousers so Linali could take a look at her wound.

"Three of them escaped… It was quite a peculiar situation; as they prepared to attack me they suddenly disappeared", Ellen said wincing slightly as Linali cleaned the wound.

"Well… You were lucky, Ellen. It is still dangerous for you to fight against so many Level two Akuma", the older girl said, bandaging Ellen's leg. "Your new weapon requires a lot of energy, doesn't it? You can't keep it invocated for too long. Am I right?".

"Yes, that is true…", Ellen said, getting up again, "but I got quite a bit stronger, even though I haven fought Akuma since the mission with Kanda". Linali smiled up at her and nodded.

"That is true! And you even grew a bit". Ellen turned to look at her, beaming happily.

"Really?!", she asked joyously and Linali nodded with a smile, then she handed her back her cloak. Ellen put it back on and turned to look at Miranda. "So… What is Miss Miranda doing?". The Chinese girl sighed.

"After I explained everything to her, she hasn't moved one bit…", she said and Ellen frowned. Ellen could hear the depressed Miranda muttering things while cleaning her clock. "She's been like this since we returned…"

"Miss Miranda…", Ellen hesitatingly said, approaching her, but Miranda cut her short.

"Nothing! I can do nothing! You have incredible power! Hurry up and save the town!", she shouted and Ellen kneeled down, putting her hand on Miranda's shoulder.

"Yes… Yes we will help", she said gently, smiling and Miranda stopped shouting. She turned to look at the girl in front of her, tears leaking from her eyes. Ellen continued smiling. "But in order to do that, we need your help. You are connected to these occurrences, dear Miranda". Ellen folded her hands and brought them up in front of her face, still smiling. "Please work with us. Let us go back outside tomorrow and find out what is wrong". Miranda looked at her disbelievingly, tears still running. All of a sudden she froze and rose at stiffly. Ellen lowered her hands and looked up in confusion.

"Miss Miranda?", she asked at the unmoving woman. But after some silent moments passed by, Miranda suddenly turned and climbed into her bed. The young exorcist just stared after her and got up on her feet. "You go to bed?!", Ellen called in frustration, not believing her eyes.

"Something's strange…", Linali mused behind her, and she turned and widened her eyes, "Ellen! Look!", she shouted and Ellen turned her head. All the surfaces of the room were covered by clock faces in different forms and through the windows they could see that the same happened to all the buildings outside. "What is this?!"

"Not possibly Miss Miranda's clock!", Ellen shouted and looked at the grandfather clock, which seemed unaffected by these strange happenings. Suddenly the hands of the clock began moving backwards at fast speed and all the clock-faces were being sucked into the clock. Ellen caught hold of the window frame and reached out for Linali.

"Linali! Take my hand!", she called and the Chinese girl grabbed Ellen's hand so that she didn't get sucked in as well. As the dials passed them, Ellen and Linali saw little scenes of the day displayed in them. "Might it be sucking in the time that passed today?!" As the last dial disappeared, the hands of the clock pointed at seven and the sun suddenly shined into the room. Linali and Ellen turned towards the window in surprise.

"It is morning?!", Linali shouted and Ellen just widened her eyes.

"But that… That is impossible!", the white-haired girl breathed. Meanwhile Miranda sat back up in bed, rubbing her eyes.

"Huch? When have I gone to bed?", she wondered and the two other girls stared at her in disbelief. While Miranda got out of bed again and sat down with Linali, so the girl could explain what had happened, Ellen started inspecting the grandfather's clock. She touched it but saw her hand go right through it.

"My goodness", she whispered and extended the other arms, which disappeared as well, "Linali! Linali have a look!". Linali and Miranda turned around and saw Ellen sticking her head inside of the clock.

"AARGH!", both screamed in fright and Ellen withdrew her head to smile at them, still keeping the hands inside. "What are you doing?!", Linali shouted.

"My beautiful clock!", Miranda added and Ellen continued giggling.

"We cannot touch this clock. I tried to and you see what happens", Ellen explained and withdrew her hands, "it seems as if there is only one person who can touch this clock. And this is Miss Miranda"

"What?", Linali asked in surprise but it was true that Miranda was putting her hands on the wooden surface of the clock without slipping inside.

"First the winding back of time", Ellen started, looking up at the dial, "and now this. This must have something to do with Innocence".

"R… Really?", Miranda stuttered and looked up as well, "that my old clock could cause all these strange things to happen…". On a sudden a frightening thought seized her and she turned around, facing the two exorcists. "You don't want to destroy it, do you?! My only friend!!". The two girls raised their hands, backing off slightly.

"Calm down…", they said at the same time.

"But tell us Miranda… Do really have no idea why all of this could be happening?", Linali asked sceptically, "There has to be a reason why the clock started doing these things". Miranda frowned and Linali continued: "Try to remember. What happened on the real 9th of October?". The woman touched her hand to her forehead and continued frowning with a troubled expression.

"On this day… I lost my job for the 100th time…" Ellen blinked in surprise, but was polite enough to stay silent. "I was done with the world, because I had failed so many times… I was drinking and thinking about my bad luck… I remember saying that my life doesn't really mean anything and that the next day shouldn't even come…". The girls widened her eyes.

"Maybe it was that…?", Linali said, "It has to be!"

"You mean that Innocence granted Miss Miranda's wish?", Ellen asked, what caused Miranda to stutter:

"But… That can't… I have only lamented without thinking much… Why should a clock even do that?!". Linali looked at her in amazement.

"Miranda… Could it be that you are he compatible to this clock?", she asked and Ellen turned to her.

"You think so?", she asked and Linali put her hand to her mouth, thinking.

"If the clock fulfils Miranda's wishes, it could be that they synchronized". Miranda just looked at them in confusion.

"Compati-what? What is that?", she wondered, but Linali just put her hands on Miranda's shoulders.

"Try to tell the clock to undo this phenomenon!". Still in confusion and slightly embarrassed, Miranda put her hands to the cool glass of her clock.

"Dear clock. Please make the time become normal again", she said and Linali and Ellen hurried to fetch the newspaper, opening it instantly.

"The 9th of October…", Ellen read out and the two girls sighed, Miranda letting her head drop. "Oh well… Let us just start at the very beginning…"

Three days later Miranda and Ellen were standing in front of a theatre, both dressed up. Miranda had a witch costume and was handing out advertisement pamphlets for the latest play and Ellen was balancing on two colourful balls, juggling, and wore a pumpkin with a scary face etched into it on her head.

"Today is the opening night of our new horror play "the pumpkin and the witch", here in Pieter Theater!", Ellen called out to the people in a cheerful voice. A group of small children had gathered in front of her and she was performing more spectacular balances, earning herself clapping and cheering of the little ones, while Miranda was handing out pamphlets and told people about the ticket sale. After a while the director of the theatre came, grinning brightly.

"Well done you two! You deserve a break!", he exclaimed, patting Ellen on the shoulder when she jumped down of the balls gracefully. "You're really doing an excellent job! The tickets sell incredibly well! If you continue the good work I might employ you!"

"Really?", Miranda asked and smiled thankfully.

"Ellen!", someone called and the girl turned around, finding Linali stand at the entrance of an alley. Ellen excused herself and followed Linali, taking of the pumpkin.

"How is it going?", Linali wanted to know and both sat down on some wooden boards.

"Very well! The director sad he might employ us if we continue working as well as we did", Ellen answered and Linali smiled in relief. After long pondering the two had concluded that the Innocence probably reacts to Miranda's pessimism. The best way of getting her out of her depressive mood, was getting her to be more optimistic. To find work for her seemed like a good idea, but was more difficult than they had expected. "At least the Akuma do not trouble us now… I would like to finish the mission before they come back…"

"Hm… Yes… But it's difficult; in these three days Miranda already lost her work 5 times…". Ellen sighed and got up, putting the pumpkin on the floor. She sat on a coloured ball, doing a handstand.

"I'm impressed how good you can do such things!", Linali said and Ellen smiled.

"My uncle taught me how to do it. I sometimes worked as a pierrot for him. We often travelled and he got his money with street performances or performing in inns and bars. He taught me all kind of funny things. But I never knew that they would be useful!", she answered with an amused smile and sat up on the ball, "and thanks to Kanda's training my arms are now stronger and I can do even better".

"Even though you led a good life with your mother, you must have visited a lot of places with your Uncle!", Linali said joyously, smiling brightly.

"Oh yes. I enjoyed myself. The life I lead with Mana was simple and sometimes even difficult, but it was wonderful…", Ellen said smiling gently, "You have been an exorcist for a longer time, right? When have you entered the Black Order?".

"Since I can remember I have been at the Order… My brother and I are orphans you know… Our parents were killed by Akuma when I was still very young… And when people found out that I was compatible with the Dark Boots I have been separated from Komui und brought to the order…", she said and Ellen looked at her with a sad expression, "I was not allowed outside… And I felt imprisoned by the Dark Order until Komui came three years later… He entered the Black Order and became supervisor of the science division just for my sake", Linali continued with a smile.

"Mister Li… He is such a good man…", Ellen said, clearly touched by Linali's story.

"Yes… He is… And I fight for my brother…", the Chinese girl continued, smiling gently. Ellen looked up into the sky thoughtfully, then she bent down and picked up the pumpkin.

"Siblings… How nice it must be…", she said and smiled.

"Hey you! Pumpkin!", the voice of a girl called and Ellen turned to say a young girl with standing in front of them, "Do you know where I can get tickets for the play?", she asked and Ellen jumped off the ball, putting the pumpkin on her head.

"Of course!", she exclaimed with a singing voice, putting her hands on the girl's shoulders, "You can buy them right over there, dear Miss!", she turned around and waved at Linali, "I have to go back!". Linali thought to herself how cheerful Ellen was and happily waved back at her. Ellen took the little girl by the hand and led her to the theatre, but as they arrived, loud voiced greeted them.

"What do you mean by that?!", Ellen could hear the director shouting. "A thief stole all the money?!". Miranda was sitting on the floor, apologizing with a shaking voice. "You idiot!!". Ellen let go of the girl's hand.

"Please excuse me for a while. Wait here", she said and ran over to Miranda, kneeling down next to her. "Miss Miranda!"

"I… I am so sorry, Ellen! I was busy with a customer and then…"

"Have you seen the thief?", Ellen asked the crying Miranda.

"It… It was a man with a brown coat and long hair… He ran in that direction", she answered and pointed to her left.

"Linali!", Ellen called, but the young woman was already up on a roof.

"I will look from up here!", she said and started running away. Ellen took the pumpkin from her head and smiled at Miranda.

"You do not have to be afraid… I will catch him!", Ellen said and put the pumpkin down. Miranda just looked at her.

"Ellen…", she whispered and Ellen rose up on her feet and started chasing the thief. Ellen ran through half of the street until she caught up with Linali.

"He follows the river!", the girl called, jumping down from a high building with ease. Ellen nodded and arrived at a bridge. She looked down and could see the man running next to the river. Ellen and Linali hurried down and cornered the man.

"Don't try to escape! Hand back the money!", Linali shouted but a short jolt of pain seized Ellen and her eye transformed.

"Oh no…!", she exclaimed and Linali turned to her with a confused expression, but just that moment the man transformed into an Akuma. "It was a trap!", Ellen shouted and Linali and she backed off slightly.

"Hehehehehe. We have the woman!", it said with a sneer, "The woman you tried to protect. Our Miss Rhode has her". Ellen frowned, her eye still activated.

"Rhode…?", she repeated the unfamiliar name, but before she could ponder about it, the Akuma attacked. The two girls could evade but the next attack made all the water freeze over. Ellen tripped and landed on her behind, wincing slightly.

"Everything has frozen!!", Linali shouted and Ellen started to tremble.

"C… Cold!", she shouted and held her arms. Linali turned to look at her.

"Where is your cloak, Ellen?", she wondered and Ellen managed to smile.

"I… I have left it at the theatre", she confessed, still trembling.

"Let's start, exorcists!", the Akuma called and the other two Akuma, that Ellen had failed to destroy three days ago, appeared as well.

"I wonder how long you'll be able to stand the cold…", the Akuma with the three heads side.

"You will die! Die! Die! Die!", the Akuma called and the two women got ready to fight.

"Miranda…", Ellen thought and closed her eyes, "How unfortunate! But I first have to concentrate on these Akuma!", Ellen lifted her hand and invocated her sword weapon. As she did it she felt a numb pain going through her. "What… What was that?". She squeezed her eyes shut and touched her forehead because she felt a bit dizzy. But the Akuma gave her no time to recover and she started to fight as well. Linali defended her against the attack of one Akuma, distracting it and Ellen changed her hand into its claw form, attacking two Akuma at once.

"What is that? I feel weak", she thought, clutching her chest, "my heart… It beats so fast!"

"Ellen! Ellen is something the matter?!", Linali called and Ellen pulled herself together. The three headed Akuma made the ice beneath their feet crack and Ellen sank into the floor. The ice rose up her legs and prevented her from evading.

"Are they working together now?!", Ellen rose her arms to guard herself against the ice fire attack of the Akuma, but as she could not evade she was fully hit by it and immediately lost consciousness. The last thing she could hear was Linali's frantic calling:

"ELLEN!!"

Ellen awoke to the sound of a hammer, hitting something hard. She slowly opened her eyes, feeling nothing at all.

"Where… Am I…", she wondered, staring into nothingness.

"E… Ellen…!", a voice penetrated her numbness and she raised her eyes to see Miranda, her hands pierced by thick nails, chained to her clock. Ellen took a deep breath, her sight clearing.

"Miss Miranda…", she whispered and all at once soaring pain seized her. Her body felt as if it was burning and especially her left hand hurt. She turned her head and saw that her left hand, still invocated, was nailed to the wall. The Akuma grinned at her and Ellen grit her teeth.

"She looks good in black", she heard a voice say.

"But Miss Rhode. Why have you dressed her up?", another voice asked.

"You weapons don't understand such things!", a girl answered, "Not everybody has an exorcist doll!". Ellen looked in the direction of the voices and could see Akuma and a small child in Ellen's uniform, gathered in front of a chair. The girl noticed that Ellen had regained consciousness and raised her hand.

"Oh! Awake again?", she asked and Ellen was able to see that Linali, dressed in an unfamiliar black dress, was motionlessly sitting on the chair.

"Linali!!", Ellen called, but could not move because of the nails which kept her chained to the wall.

"Stop shouting, you idiot!", an Akuma called, "you are talking about the doll of our Miss Rhode!". The young girl embraced Linali, patting her black hair.

"Linali? That's a cute name", she sang and the three headed Akuma turned towards Ellen with a wide grin.

"She gave it her all to protect you, you know?", it said, laughing evilly. Ellen gritted her teeth, staring at the small girl.

"You were with me to buy tickets, were you not?", she slowly started, observing the young girl, "Rhode… Is that you?" The girl smiled and Ellen just looked at her with a pained expression, not able to understand what was going on. "Why are you on the Akuma's side…?". It made no sense to Ellen, because she couldn't see a soul attached to the girl. "You are not an Akuma… What are you?". The girl sneered.

"I am a human", she said and Ellen widened her eyes in disbelief, "what? Can't Akuma and humans be friends?", Rhode asked innocently. Ellen just shook her head.

"Akuma are weapons to kill humans!", she said but Rhode just laughed.

"Weapons exist because humans want to kill other humans, right?", she said and Ellen observed how the skin colour of the girl changed to a dark greyish tone and cross marks appeared on her forehead. "The Earl of Millennium is my brother. We are the chosen humans, we the Noah clan!".

"N… Noah Clan…?", Ellen whispered, "you are humans…?". She just shook her head, "no… No that cannot be…!". Ellen squeezed her eyes shut and with ripped her claw free from the wall, leaving holes in her arm. Rhode just widened her eyes, but as Ellen was panting loudly, her claw lying outstretched in front of her, the young Noah chose to approach her.

"Why are you so angry now? Don't you believe me when I say that we're humans?", she asked and kneeled down in front of Ellen. The girl extended her hands while Ellen just silently stared at her, and embraced her. Ellen could feel the warmth of the young girl's body; she could feel her heart pounding against her own chest.

"Warm, isn't it…? That's the feeling you get when two people embrace…". Ellen shuddered and lifted her claw.

"If you are a human, like us… Then why…", she breathed desperately, her claw shaking. She could not bring herself to attack, she just could not! This was a young girl, a human, even though she sided with the Akuma and the Earl. "I… I cannot…". Rhode grinned.

"Like us?! How wrong you are!", she exclaimed and grabbed Ellen's claw brining it down on her own face. Ellen widened her eyes in shock and saw the girl drop down to the floor, "she has attacked herself… Why has she…?!". But before Ellen could react, Rhode's hand grabbed Ellen's torn shirt. Ellen nearly screamed as she saw the state in which Rhode's face was in; torn and burnt flesh showing the white big eyes and the skull underneath the flesh.

"We carry the Noah genes. We are the chosen ones! We are not like you!". With this Rhode crabbed one of the nails and stabbed it into Ellen's cursed eye. The girl started to scream in pain, while Rhode just laughed in delight. "I don't care about humans, you can all die! And even God wishes for the death of this rotten world, that why he gave the Earl the Akuma". Ellen held her hand to her bleeding eye-socket, trembling, but she managed to get up on her feet. Tears of pain ran down her cheeks, but she invocated her weapon.

"What you speak of is not God! It is the devil!!", she shouted.

"What's the difference?", Rhode mockingly asked and Ellen, even though she felt exhausted and was hurting all over, started to attack. But the Akuma blocked her path and smashed her against the wall, where she laid motionlessly, her invocation dissolved.

"It seems that three Akuma are too much for your body", the girl could hear Rhode comment. The pain was hard to bear and the only thing Ellen could hear right now was the pounding of her own heart. Her breathing was laboured and she was crying.  
"I… I have to…", she hissed to herself. She opened her eyes and could see how the burning candles, which were pointed like icicles, rushed towards the defenceless Miranda. Ellen pushed herself up. "I cannot wait for people to save me!". She ran towards Miranda and guarded her with her claw.

"E…Ellen!", Miranda breathed and Ellen just hissed in pain, but then she pulled the nails out of Miranda's hands. The woman dropped to the floor and crawled away as fast as she could.

"Help!", she breathed and threw herself against the wall. "Ellen!", she shouted as saw that the white haired girl hadn't moved from the spot next to Miranda's clock. The shirt of the girl was torn and blood stained, and also her white hair had red spots in it. Tears dropped down Miranda's face and she trembled. "E… Ellen? Please… D… Don't die! You can't die, Ellen…". Ellen turned her head and smiled at Miranda. Her pale face was blood stained and tears were running down her cheeks.

"It…", she whispered gently, "it is okay…". Miranda starred at her in amazement and even though she was trembling, she clenched her hands and ran back towards Ellen, embracing her and shielding her against the approaching Akuma.

"What are you doing, woman?", the Akuma asked and Miranda started to laugh despite her fear and the despair of not being able to do anything.

"Ha ha… Yes… What am I doing? But… But…"

"Humans can't do anything!!", the Akuma shouted. Right at this moment the clock started to glow, engulfing Miranda and Ellen in light. Ellen didn't really see what was going on, but the felt her pain subsiding bit by bit as dials rose up from her body. She heard the ticking of a clock and sat up in surprise. Not only has her clothes been fixed, also all of her injuries had disappeared.

"Ellen! You can move?!", Miranda shouted and Ellen turned towards her. She studied her for a while and then she smiled.

"I see… You are compatible after all…" She took a deep breath and got up on her feet, clenching her Innocence hand. She invocated and her hand shot out of the barrier. She grabbed the chair Linali was sitting on and brought it inside.

"Linali!", she called and felt her pulse. "Ah… She is alive!". She breathed a sigh of relief. "She does not seem to be hurt… Maybe it is because of the Akuma's attack…"

"E… Ellen. Is she alright?", Miranda asked and Ellen smiled at her.

"It will be alright if she stays in this time barrier". It only took a few moments until Linali regained consciousness and looked at them in surprise.

"Oh…", she said, blinking up at Ellen, "what happened? And what about these clothes…?"

"Miranda and her Innocence have saved us…", Ellen said and smiled.

"W… What? I have… But how?", the black haired woman stuttered. Ellen looked up at the huge floating dial, its hands turning fast.

"The Innocence you control has absorbed the time in which we were hurt", Ellen explained and looked at Miranda with a gentle and grateful expression. "Thank you, Miranda…". She turned to Linali and the young woman nodded. Together they exited the barrier and started attacking. Ellen was able to kill the three headed Akuma and looked up where Rhode was standing on her speaking umbrella.

"Rhode!", she called and Linali looked up at her.

"What? Who is that? Wasn't she at the theatre? Is she an Akuma?". Ellen shook her head.

"No… A human", she replied and Linali lowered her head.

"I see". Meanwhile Linali was drawing glittering letters into the air.

"E – L – L – E – N. Ellen Walker", she said, „the girl who is able to see the souls of the Akuma". Ellen frowned and looked up at the Noah, who just grinned. "To be honest, I've already heard quite a bit about you from the Earl. You've become an exorcist to free the souls of the Akuma? And all of this trouble only because your beloved father cursed you". Ellen remained silent, looking up at Rhode as calmly as she was able to. This situation was dangerous, she had to keep a cool head. "Don't make rash decisions", she recalled Kanda saying.

"Kanda… What should I do?", she thought and grabbed her chest, her heart beating against her hand. Rhode smiled, almost gently.

"That's why I've decided. If I mess with anyone of you, then it should be you, Ellen". Ellen widened her eyes in surprise and gazed up at Rhode. The girl crossed her arms behind her chest.

"Hey you", she called to an Akuma, "Self-destruct".

"What?", the Akuma asked, clearly as surprised as Ellen was.

"Umbrella! Countdown!", she ordered and licked her lips.

"W… Wait a second, Miss Rhode! Why…? And I've even evolved so nicely", the Akuma tried to argue with her as the seconds were counted down by the talking umbrella. Ellen narrowed her eyes and stared up at the calm Rhode.

"What are you doing?!", she demanded and Rhode started grinning.

"Don't you know what happens if an Akuma is destroyed without the help of Innocence?", she asked casually, "for example by self-destruction. Heh. The soul will be destroyed as well, but you surely know that". Ellen froze and Rhode's laugh voice rang in her ears: "Then you cannot save the soul anymore!!".

"Stop it!!", Ellen cried and ran off, her weapon ready for attack.

"Ellen no! You won't make it!!", Linali shouted, but Ellen didn't pay any attention to anything other then the Akuma.

"I have to destroy it! Before it explodes! I have to! I must be able to make it!!", she thought, but the loud scream of the Akuma reached her ears and it exploded. Ellen felt a hand tug at her and she was thrown back, Linali holding her tightly. But Ellen saw. She saw how the Akuma skeleton was destroyed, she saw the hand of the soul reach out to her, saw it's pleading face as it tried to escape, Ellen heard it scream for help and then, with nothing more than a faint "pop" the soul was gone. Ellen stared into nothingness, Linali's weight holding her down, Rhode's laughter ringing in her ears. Her eye stared to hurt and the scar started bleeding.

"Iaaah!", she shrieked, pressing her hand against her eye.

"Ellen!!", Linali shouted, but Ellen just pushed her way, tears in her eyes.

"Why have you stopped me?!", she shouted her whole body trembling. Linali startled, clearly surprised by Ellen's outburst, but then she pressed her lips together and slapped the white-haired girl.

"Isn't that obvious?!", Linali shouted, tears in her eyes, "we are friends! I will protect you, no matter what!". Ellen just stared at the floor in shock, but then Rhode appeared again, laughing, as always.

"Amazing! I didn't expect you to throw yourself into the explosion! Not bad!"

"You…", Ellen managed to say between clenched teeth.

"What about the other woman? Do you think she's okay?", Rhode asked and Ellen looked up to the time barrier. She saw and Akuma rush towards it and got up on her feet invocating her weapon. She shot with her gun, but the Akuma managed to evade. But Linali got it before it could do any more damage. Rhode glided down to the floor and slung her umbrella over her shoulder.

"You destroyed it! Oh well, let's finish for today. I had far more fun than I expected", she commented and casually started walking away. A door rose out from the ground and Rhode grinned. "Bye-bye!". But before the she could go through the door she felt the gun of Ellen's Innocence pointed at the back of her head. Rhode smiled.

"You are such a nice girl, Ellen", she said and Ellen trembled, tears running down her face. "You hate me, don't you? Shoot", she challenged, "your hand is a weapon as well. Ellen drew in air through her nose and she couldn't even hold back the little sobs that fought their way up her throat. "But an exorcist that cries because an Akuma has been destroyed? That won't do!", Rhode continued walking away, "One day you'll be all on your own if that continues", she said and disappeared in her door, "see you, Ellen!". The door closed and Ellen let her weapon drop to her side and clenched her fist. But all of a sudden the floor started trembling.

"What is this?!", she shouted and everything started breaking down. The ground gave away underneath Ellen and she fell into nothingness. But the next moment she was back in Miranda's house.

"Oh? Is this not Miranda's… Why am I here?", she wondered.

"Ellen!!", Linali called, "something's wrong with Miranda!!". Ellen stumbled to her feet and ran to another part of the house.

"Miranda! You have to stop the Invocation!", Ellen said, but Miranda frantically shook her head.  
"Nooo. If I do that… If I do that, all of your injuries will return! That's senseless!". Ellen reached out and put her hands on Miranda's shoulders.

"Stop, Miranda…", she gently said and Miranda looked up at her, tears dropping from her eyes, "we owe it to you that we are still here now… That is all we need", she said and smiled, "my injuries will heal, I am sure of it! I can bear with them!", Ellen said, smiling brightly. Linali nodded.

"That is true, Miranda. Please… Stop the invocation…". Miranda lowered her head and sobbed.

"If I live…", Ellen thought to herself as Miranda lifted her hand to stop the Invocation, "all my injuries will heal… Even though scars might remain…"

To be continued

_Notes:_

_This got far longer than I hoped… I think it is rather boring, but I still tried my best… I was thinking about putting Ellen in a dress as well… But she actually had a lot to learn in this chapter, it wouldn't have worked out. I was also debating with myself if Rhode knows that Ellen's a girl… Well, now she does. I hope I won't change my mind later on._

_Well. Sorry about the German. I don't think it's necessary to translate… X3_

_Next chapter: RABI!! :D_

_Oh... Feedback would make me happy :3_


	20. Kapitel 19 The Pirate Exorcist

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Ahoi… __**waves tiredly **__After finishing my Norse mythology essay, I felt obliged to finish this chapter. It's only 8 PM in Switzerland but I feel like sleeping. __**Lol**_

_Anyway, you still get a new, short and Rabi filled chapter. I hope you can enjoy. There is a flashback scene in here which is indicated by italics. _

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

**Kapitel 19 The Pirate Exorcist**

Ellen was slowly waking from a deep sleep. She could hear faint voices and slowly opened her eyes. She saw the blurry image of a man standing over her.

"Rabi! Watch out that nobody comes inside", he said and Ellen continued looking at him without really perceiving much.

"Sure!", another, younger voice answered. Where has she heard that voice before…?

"Oh? Well? Are you awake?", Ellen blinked a few times until her vision cleared up and she could see Komui standing next to her bed.

"Mister Li?", she asked and looked around. She was in an unfamiliar room, lying in a bed. She couldn't see that well and her body ached, but it was bearable. "Where are we?", she asked and realized that she didn't see anything with her left eyes. At once she remembered the last mission, their encounter with the Noah Rhode Camelot and the disastrous failure to save the Akuma's soul. Ellen squeezed her eyes shut as a wave of nausea washed over her just by remembering what has happened.

"Ellen? Ellen, are you alright?", Komui asked and put his hand on Ellen's shoulder, squeezing lightly. The young girl reopened her eyes and nodded. Komui smiled and sat back on his chair next to the bed. "Good. We are in the hospital. We have received a message from the finders, telling us that the town returned to normal. Good work, Ellen!". The aristocratic girl sat up in bed, looking at the man in front of her.

"The city…", she said and Komui smiled.

"Miss Miranda was here to see you as well, you just missed her".

"Oh… But why are you even here in Germany, Mister Li?", she asked to which Komui grinned.

"Why, to repair you of course!", he exclaimed and Ellen frowned.

"Re… Repair?", she repeated, backing off slightly. Komui laughed, but his smile was a bit sad and strained and Ellen wondered what might be troubling him.

"I can't let you go back to the order just yet… There is another long-time mission waiting for you. As soon as Linali wakes up I'll give you more information", he said and Ellen widened her eyes.

"Linali is not awake yet?! Is she okay?", the girl asked, worriedly.

"It's because of that Akuma attack, damaging some of her nerves", Komui said and Ellen's face fell.

"No problem", a voice called, "Gramps takes care of her! She'll be alive and kicking again very soon". Ellen turned her head and widened her eyes at once; leant against the doorframe was a young man. He wore an exorcist's uniform and had unruly red-hair and an eye-patch. Ellen's breath stopped in her throat and she blushed.

"Oooh. Ellen?", Komui asked, nudging her with a grin, but the girl just stared at the "Exorcist Pirate".

"I'm Rabi. Nice to meet you", he greeted her and Ellen snapped out of it.

"It is my pleasure to finally meet you", she said, remembering her manners. Rabi smiled at her in amusement.

"I remember seeing you before! You're that guy who was in the Akuma infested town, close to the order, right?", he asked and Ellen nodded. Rabi walked to the bed and rested his hands on the metal frame. "Girl, actually, right?". Ellen nodded and put her hand to her chest, holding the only half-buttoned pyjama top together. Rabi laughed and studied her, which made Ellen a little bit uneasy.

"Well. I'm going to check on Linali and I've still got work to do!", Komui said and left his chair. He opened the door and when he went out another person came in. It was the old man Ellen had seen with Rabi more than three months ago.

"Go fetch her clothes and help her dress", he ordered and Rabi nodded, disappearing from the room. The old man looked at Ellen, studying her face. "Let me have a look at your eye", he told her and she nodded. She gently threw back the covers and slipped out of the bed. The red-head came back with a suitcase, grinning. Ellen unbuttoned her shirt not really feeling ashamed when Rabi helped her dress; he was just helping her after all.

"Thank you", Ellen said and sat back on the bed so hat the old man could take off the bandages on her head. Ellen's left eye was destroyed, but it was clearly visible that it was healing.

"Hmm… Remarkable! The left eye which had been crushed, is starting to regenerate", he said while Ellen tied her hair into a ponytail. "You will be blind for a while, but this will come to pass", the old man said, putting back his needles, "if the healing process continues like that you should be completely recovered in three to four days… My needles are not needed here". He put his utensils away and looked at the girl. "This has to be a "curse", am I correct?". He put a simple patch over Ellen's eye and she lowered her head, covering her left eye with her hand.

"This wound… I received it about 4 months ago, when I turned my uncle into an Akuma…", she confessed, but the old man didn't seem to be surprised, neither did Rabi say anything about it.

"Ellen Walker. The girl that has received the prophecy of being the _Destroyer of Time_…", the old man said and Ellen looked at him. "We are the _Bookmen_. We had our own reasons to join the ranks of the exorcists", he said and extended his hand to Ellen, "The boy is called Rabi. I have no name". Ellen shook his hand and he continued: "Just call me Bookman". Ellen nodded and the Bookman stepped away.

"If you allow me to… I would like to visit Linali…", Ellen said and the Bookman nodded.

"Go ahead", he replied and Ellen smiled timidly, then she got up and pulled on her boots. She made a bow to Rabi, who just grinned and observed her leave the room.

"So that's _her_… Impressive", he muttered, while grinning to himself.

Ellen was still feeling a little bit dizzy and clumsy on her feet, but she found her way to Linali's room.

"If I had not been feeling so awkward back then, maybe Linali would not have been hurt as much…", she thought, touching her chest, as her heart sped up again, just from walking these few meters. "Is it all because of my Innocence? I thought that I had mastered it…", she mumbled, still waiting for a reply. As none came, she put her hand on the door knob and turned.

"Excuse me, Mister Li. I am entering", she announced her entry and opened the door. What she saw was Linali lying in the bed and all around mountains of paperwork and Komui somewhere in between, asleep. Ellen frowned, but first walked up to Linali, bending down to look at her. She didn't seem injured and Ellen let out a sigh of relief, brushing Linali's hair out of her face.

"I am sorry…", she whispered remorsefully, but then she straightened back up and walked around the bed, where Komui sat. "Mister Li?", Ellen asked and put her hand on his shoulder, "Mister Li, please wake up". The man mumbled and Ellen was getting impatient, shaking him not too gently. "Mister Li! Wake up at once!", she commanded and Komui finally opened his eyes, springing to his feet in alarm. "Good morning", Ellen said with a bright smile, when Komui turned around with a confused expression.

"Oh! It's you, Ellen? What's the matter?", he asked and sat back down on the floor.

"I wanted to visit Linali and see how she is doing… She is still unconscious, is she not?". Komui laughed and started sorting through his papers, while Ellen sat down on a bench.

"Oh don't worry! She probably is dreaming something nice. We really don't have to trouble ourselves. Bookman took good care of her", he said and turned to look at Ellen and her bandaged arm. "How is your left hand?", he asked.

"Good actually", Ellen replied and Komui smiled.

"That's nice to hear. Bookman is a true master in the art of acupuncture. A learnt girl like you probably knows what that is", he said and Ellen nodded with a small smile. They were silent for a while, Komui still sorting through his paper mess.

"Mister Li…", she started after a while, "You always have a lot of work to do… Why have you come here? Surely not just because of Linali and me…". Komui stopped what he was doing and turned his head to Ellen, smiling slightly. "What… What is the Noah clan?", she asked with a troubled expression.

"What is the Noah clan?", the same question was repeated and Ellen and Komui looked to the other side of the room where Rabi sat in between stacks of papers, grinning. "Actually, to ask gramps, the bookman, exactly this question".

"My… When did he come in?", Ellen wondered and a look in Komui's face told her that he was asking himself the same thing. Rabi smiled at them and continued talking:

"The Noah clan doesn't leave any traces and in history, they are only talked about in secret. They mostly appear at turning points of history. However, no historical tradition reports about them. Now, these enigmatic people have appeared on the Earl's side. Exactly because of that, Komui came here", he said, still smiling and lifted his left hand, index finger raised. "The only ones in the world who write down the hidden history are the Bookm-", before Rabi could finish he was hit by a kick to his face, which sent him crashing into the piles of papers and books. Bookman landed on a carton, glaring at the red-head.

"How many times do I need to repeat it?", he said, "The information of the Bookmen may only be passed on by a Bookman!".

"Dear goodness!", Ellen though, pretty much surprised by the sudden appearance of the old man.

"What's your problem? I will soon take over from you!", Rabi shouted, remerging from the pile of papers.

"Imbecile! As immature as you are, I will certainly not transfer this duty to you!", Bookman hissed, staring down at the younger one.

"You old panda gramps!", Rabi replied, grinning but still angry at being hit. Bookman ignored him and turned his head to look at Ellen.

"Ellen Walker!", he called and she jumped up on her feet, because he startled her.

"Y… Yes, Sir?!", she replied.

"You should rest now!", Bookman said, observing her closely, "Work will only continue when Miss Linali comes to. As you see, there is no need to hurry". With this Rabi and Ellen where ushered out of the room by Bookman and Komui, the door slamming shut behind them. They both looked at each other and Rabi started grinning.

"Well… Too bad", he said and Ellen nodded, lowering her head, "hey! Why don't you grab your coat and we go outside! It was snowing", he suggested and Ellen looked at him, smiling slightly.

"This seems like a good idea, I need some fresh air to clear my mind", she replied and Rabi grinned.

"I'll be waiting here!", he said and watched Ellen walk back to her room to fetch her coat. It didn't take her long to put it on and she walked back to Rabi. "Okay! Let's get outside!". Ellen followed Rabi down the stairs and out of the hospital to the gardens. It was still snowing and the floor was covered by ankle-deep snow. There already were some small snow men and Rabi instantly went there, gathering snow.

"Have you built those, Mister Rabi?", Ellen wondered and Rabi laughed.

"Yes. I was pretty bored while you were still sleeping...". Ellen managed a timid smile and started helping with the snow men, Timcampy flying around her head. "How old are you?", Rabi wondered.

"I am 15", Ellen replied, forming the snow into a ball.

"Younger than I am. I'm 18", Rabi told her, "15 is it then… I actually thought you were older. Surely because of your white hair…". Ellen lowered her head.

"This might be… I still need to get used to this hair… It has been brown not too long ago, Mister Rabi…", he said and Rabi smiled at her understandingly, as if he knew what she was talking about. It gave Ellen a warm feeling to see his smile.

"Oh, you can call me Rabi. There are also some people who call me Junior…", he said and Ellen looked down at him and his amused grin, "may I call you beansprout, Ellen?", he asked and Ellen let the ball of snow she had been forming in her hands drop.

"Excuse me?!", she demanded, flustered and a bit irritated.

"But that's what Yu calls you, or not?", Rabi asked with a wide grin and Ellen frowned in confusion.

"Yu?"

"I'm talking about Kanda! You certainly know his first name, don't you?", he asked with a sly grin and Ellen's blush deepened.

"I… I do know, but I use to call him Kanda", she mumbled and Rabi had to laugh.

"Don't be so shy!", he said and Ellen put on an indignant pout, but then she sighed.

"You were on a mission with him, were you not?", she asked and Rabi nodded, "how is he doing?"

"Fine! Kanda's always fine, he's tough, you know?", Rabi answered and Ellen breathed out a sigh of relief, "he continued right to his next mission and is now on his way to Spain".

"What a pity. He should rest once in a while…", she said and Rabi chuckled, "what is it?".

"Oh, it's just that I had imagined you to be… different!", he replied and Ellen raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"How come?"

"Because Yu described you… well…", he said, barely able to contain his laughter. But what he said made Ellen widen her eyes.

"Kanda spoke of me?"

"Once I got him started he wouldn't shut up again! It was hilarious to see him in such a mood!"

"You are teasing me!", Ellen wailed and dropped down on the snow covered ground next to Rabi.

"No! Of course not! I'll tell you what happened", Rabi started and grinned at her, "I love telling stories after all, especially about Kanda".

-

_Kanda and Rabi were sitting in a small room of their inn just after they completed the mission. They had just finished writing the report and Rabi was lying on the bed, relaxing, while Kan__da sat at the small table._

"_Oi. Hand me a piece of paper!", __Kanda said and Rabi sat up with a confused expression._

"_Huh? Why do you –"_

"_Shut up and hand it over", the black haired exorcist interrupted him and glared at his friend. Rabi laughed, but got up and took a piece of paper out of his back and handed it to Kanda. He took it wordlessly and Rabi observed how he slipped his bracelet off his wrist and put it in an envelope. It confused him, especially as Kanda started to write a small note he then folded._

"_What are you doing? Did you destroy anything which you now need to pay with your precious bracelet?", Rabi asked with a frown, which earned him an intense glare._

"_Of course not, you idiot!", Kanda hissed and Rabi used his momentary annoyance to snatch the note out of his hands. "Hey!!"_

"_Beansprout. This mission will take me longer than expected; at least another month and I've already got word that I might have to join another mission afterwards. I've included my wristband. It's important to me, take care of it – if it breaks I'll hit you. I might not be able to write another letter for a long time and don't know if you'll even be at the order. But that's the way it is. Take care, Kanda", he read out loud and by the time he raised his head with a clearly confused expression Kanda was already flustered – partly from being angry at Rabi and partly because he was embarrassed. _

"_Woah… Who's this beansprout? The guy you've been on a mission with? My sixth sense tells me there is some strange tension between you and this beansprout"_

"_Beansprout is not… a guy. She's a girl!", Kanda shouted and snatched back the letter from the surprised Rabi. He stuffed the note inside of the envelope and closed it. _

"_A girl? You give your bracelet to a girl?! Are you in love with her?", Rabi asked laughing, that's why he nearly fell from the bed when he heard Kanda's answer:  
"Of course I am", he replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Rabi didn't even know what to think anymore. _

"_O… O… Of course?! I ask you if you were in love with this beansprout and you answer _of course_?!"_

"_Tch. That's my answer. If it doesn't suit you then shut up and ignore it", he spat and Rabi started roaring with laughter. _

"_I can't possibly ignore it if you are in love! With a _human_!", he managed to say and Kanda could swear that the whole inn heard it – including their finders._

"_One day, I'm going to castrate you for being such an idiot", he threatened, but Rabi was too amused to notice it._

"_Tell me all about her__! Who is she? What is she like? Does she know?", he asked and Kanda groaned, but somehow Rabi knew that Kanda was as eager to speak of her as he was to hear – which was really strange in its own way, but Rabi ignored it. _

"_Well… Her name is Ellen Walker. She is of noble birth… She is small and frail looking, like a doll…", Kanda said, his cheeks slightly red, "she is well-mannered and… very beautiful… I can't even describe her… When she moves then it's full of grace, her eyes always sparkle and her lips when she smiles are well-formed and nicely coloured. And her hair… It's the most beautiful hair I've ever seen… It has the same colour as moonlight and it's silky to touch… And her body is perfect…"_

"_Yu… You are deeply in love with her…", Rabi commented, in awe to hear his friend talk like this._

"_Wasn't that obvious from the start, you dumbass?!", Kanda shouted and Rabi chuckled. _

"_Fine, fine! Tell me more!"._

"_Tch!", Kanda snorted, but he was more than willing to talk about Ellen, it somehow renewed his love for her over and over again, "She is also a bit foolish sometimes. She doesn't think that much before she acts, because she always lets her emotion overrun her. That's really her worst trait"_

"_Her body?", Rabi asked and saw Kanda lower his head, snorting and mumbling something, "what was that?"_

"_It's perfect I said! From her soft skin to her breasts!", he answered and Rabi widened his visible eye._

"_Her breasts? I'm no longer talking to a virgin then?!"_

"_If you tell me now that you ever thought of me in these terms then I'm going to maim you", Kanda hissed and Rabi had to laugh. _

"_It's okay! It's okay!", he said and Kanda seemed to calm down at that, "so she really means a lot to you" and Kanda nodded. _

"_You will join up with her… I hate to ask anything of you, but protect her", he said and looked at the envelope in his hands. Rabi looked at him with a smile and nodded._

"_I will"_

_-_

"He… He talked about my breasts?!", Ellen shrieked, blushing furiously and Rabi laughed.

"Is that all you have to say? Ellen, you're really funny!"

"Do not mock me, Rabi", Ellen said, sighing deeply, "he should not have talked so openly about intimate matters"

"I'm his best friend, Ellen. But rest assured that he didn't let any details slip! It seems that you're too divine to touch. Like your hair. He always told me how much he loved your hair! That was really funny", the Bookman apprentice said and Ellen lowered her head, "what are your feeling for him? You do return his love, don't you?"

"I… I guess I do… But I think I should not", the girl confessed, drawing patters into the snow, which made Rabi raise an eyebrow.

"Home come? Ah, wait, say nothing. It's because you're from a noble family… How tragic"

"You are mocking me again, Rabi…", she said and Rabi patted her head.

"Come on, don't look so down! Someone, who I never expected to fall in love, deeply loves you. There is no need to be so sullen!", he said and Ellen looked up at him.

"But it… I do not know what to do…", she said and Rabi was confused to see her so troubled.

"Maybe you should concentrate on your life as en exorcist now. I'd say that it might take you a long time to meet Yu again. Maybe you have your thoughts sorted out by then", he told her and Ellen looked at him quizzically.

"What do you mean by that?", she wondered and Rabi turned away from her, focussing his attention on the snowman he was building.

"Our next mission might take quite a while and lead to a huge battle. The Earl started moving… The appearance of the Noah clan proved that". Ellen widened her eyes because she was instantly reminded of Rhode and the uneasy feeling connected with her. She wordlessly rose from the ground, wiping the snow off her clothes. "We should not let ourselves be distracted by anything, maybe it's best if you just ignore your insecurities for the moment". He looked up at Ellen and saw her clench her left hand, holing it with her right.

"I have become an exorcist to destroy Akuma, not to kill humans!", she said, pressing her lips together, then she let her hands fall back to her sides and turned around, "Excuse me". Rabi watched her walk off, slightly surprised.

"Hey? What's wrong?", he asked, but she didn't reply, "beansprout!"

"My name is Ellen!", she shouted furiously, turning around, before childishly walking off. "I will take a small walk! You can return". Rabi scratched his head.

"What a child… You really got yourself an interesting girl, Yu…"

To be continued

_Notes:_

_We finally reached Volume 4. Next chapter will be the rest of the time they spend in Germany and then we're off to the Romania mini arc! :D _

_Well… The flashback scene was a bit strange, but I hope that you will forgive me for that. __**Lol **_


	21. Kapitel 20 Determination

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Again, a delay. I somehow forgot updating because all of the stuff I should be doing for university. And chapters with fight scenes take me incredibly long to do, because it's tedious stuff. I'm happy once the Crowley arc is over. _

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

**Kapitel 20: Determination**

Ellen walked away from the park of the hospital with hurried steps and only slowed down when she got on the main road. She let out a shaky breath and leant against a building's wall, hand on her chest. Thinking about the last mission was disturbing the young girl and made her tremble with grief and anger. She had failed, utterly failed as an exorcist! It was her duty to save those poor trapped souls! It was not their fault that they were chained to the machine bodies, it was not their fault that they had been called back! They were so pitiful, so wretched and she…! Ellen could have saved it, if she had been stronger, if she had been faster and if she had been more determined. Had she known that a soul could be destroyed, then she would have acted earlier – but she had not! There were so many things that she had no idea about. It made her angry and frustrated; why didn't General Cross tell her about it?!

"On a second thought", Ellen mused in the uncharacteristically foul temper she was in, "this man is an utter failure in his profession as master! Goodness! Why had he not informed me of these crucial things?! Why have I not read about this?!". Ellen covered her face with her hands, as if to shelter herself from the sickening image of the soul's agony. It had reached out to her and cried for help and then, with nothing more than a sickeningly small and unspectacular "poof" it had been gone. Just _gone_.

"Why did she do that?", Ellen asked herself, lowering her hands, "how can a human girl be that cruel?!". Ellen raised her head and looked into the greyish sky. The snow was still falling gently, but the sky looked awful; cold and dirty with white clouds. Even though it was cold there were a lot of people on the street. Ellen decided that it might be best to walk around to be able to get her mind off the mission, even if just briefly. She pulled her hood over her head and started walking down the road. That her left eye was damaged bothered her, because her field of vision was limited and there was a dull ache in the left side of her face.

After only a short while Ellen slowed down and stopped in the middle of the road. She was breathless, but not because she had exhausted herself, it was because she was terrified.

"What is wrong with me? These are just normal people!", Ellen mused, "Why am I so scared?! If there are Akuma I will see them!". She looked left and right, but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. "Am I so nervous because I am blind on my cursed eye…?". Ellen stared ahead as people passed her and a cold shiver seized her, making her whirl around. But there was nothing there. No Akuma, not even a human who looked at her suspiciously.

"You're an exorcist, right?", a young voice asked and the metallic clicking of a pistol being charged reached her ears. Something hard was pressed against the back of her head and the young girl froze. The next thing that happened was a huge impact which threw her down on the floor.

"That was close!", Ellen turned onto her back and sat up, "What are you doing down there, Ellen?". Rabi was standing on a huge metallic hammer, the Akuma destroyed by fire.

"Get up! It seems as if our enemies arrived!", he said, grinning. While Ellen still stared up at him, the people around them started screaming.

"Mord…!", some shouted, "ein Mörder!". While the screaming of the mass got louder, Rabi just looked down at Ellen calmly, as if they weren't there at all.

"There are many people on such wide streets, Ellen! Such open spaces are dangerous!", he said and jumped down from his hammer, still holding on to the metallic pole. "An Akuma can get near you easily! You have to see everyone as an Akuma", he said and Ellen stared up at him wordlessly. He extended his hand and helped her up on her feet, Timcampy fluttering around Ellen's head as the hood dropped down. "With your eye you can detect Akuma, but you can't see with it at the moment, right?".

"I… I am sorry", Ellen apologized, but then she frowned. "What? My eye?"

"Not everybody sees Akuma, didn't you know? You're the only human on earth who has seen an Akuma's soul. We normal people can't seem them". Ellen just looked up at him in confusion and shook her head.

"But how…", Ellen started and Rabi looked down at her with a smile, while his hammer shrank in size.

"Mmh?". He didn't get to say more because a metallic ball was thrown at them, and the impact lifted them off their feet. Rabi landed on his feet and pushed his headband up.

"Oha! A new one!", he said and looked up at a building's roof, where a level two Akuma was standing. It shot another ball in their direction and Rabi swirled his hammer around. "Grow! Grow!", he shouted, "full size!". Ellen raised her head and stared up at the huge hammer and how easily Rabi seemed to wield his weapon.

"Goodness! This thing grew huge!", she thought in disbelieve.

"Get your head down, Ellen!", Rabi called "Throwing things around in such a huge street is damn dangerous, Akuma!". He hit the ball of the Akuma, smashing it to pieces but hitting a building as well.

"Ah!", he said and Ellen sprang up on her feet.

"It can even destroy houses!", she concluded in her head, not really positively impressed by the sheer power Rabi's Anti-Akuma weapon seemed to have.

"Haha… No problem! Komui will pay for the damage!", Rabi said carelessly, his hammer shrinking again. "Anyway, we should disappear from here…", he suggested with a grin.

"Halt!", a voice called and Ellen looked over to the people. A police officer came through the mass, while other people pointed at them.

"The boys there! Those in the black clothes! They killed a person!"

"You there! Don't move!", the officer shouted.

"Oh. A police officer!" Ellen said, as he approached them.

"You are arrested! Come with me!", he said and grabbed Ellen's arm, pulling her.

"Oh, no. Please listen! We…", she frantically said. But she didn't have to continue as Rabi pointed his weapon at him, pulling Ellen back against him.

"S… Stop! What are you…", the officer said and Ellen looked up at her fellow exorcist in surprise.

"Rabi?!", she asked in surprise as she saw his dark expression.

"S… Stop!!", the police officer repeated, but then he suddenly turned part of his body into a metallic weapon, pointing at the two exorcists. Ellen stumbled back in fright, but when the Akuma started firing at them, she raised her claw, blocking the attacks, while Rabi did the same with his hammer.

"Another one of those! Looks like they want to try their guns on us!", Rabi shouted, jumping backwards, "let's go!". Ellen still stared at the Akuma in disbelief, but was wise enough to follow Rabi until they reached the station, where a lot of wagons were standing on the rails.

"Your reactions are pretty slow, Ellen!", Rabi said, "When you only start preparing for a fight when an Akuma shows its true shape, you'll die!"

"I... am sorry", she repeated, pretty bothered, "… Why did you realize, Rabi? I though you could not recognize them?". They came to a halt in the middle of the abandoned part, wagons all around them.

"I don't recognize them. But I suspect everyone! Everyone that approaches me!", he said and Ellen looked at him. "A human I might have known yesterday, might be an Akuma today. That's how our enemy is!", he said and a lot of people started to come out of the wagons, staggering as they approached them. "But I am sure you know very well, Ellen! We are at a disadvantage!", he said and looked at the young girl next to him, "other than you with your useful eye, we cannot distinguish between human and Akuma.". Ellen took her eyes off the people approaching them to look up at Rabi and saw his pained expression, even though he smiled. "But contrary to the other exorcists do I consider humans to be the allies of the Earl", he confessed, to which Ellen could not reply but with a shocked expression. Before she could make up her mind, they were attacked again and separated.

"Rabi!", Ellen shouted in distress, her arm invocated. She saw the hammer sticking out, waving eagerly.

"Don't worry! They're just level ones!!", she heard Rabi shout and saw him approach the Akuma. "Okay! Come on!". Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, then she changed her weapon to its gun form and started aiming at the Akuma, taking them down one by one, even though they were still in partly human shape.

"I consider humans to be the allies of the Earl", Ellen recalled Rabi's words in her head, "why? Why?! That is so cruel!". She stopped when she could hear a human woman's scream and turned to her left. An Akuma was dragging a woman with him.

"Help meeeeee!", she cried, as the Akuma held her in front of him with a grin. Ellen was feeling sick again, gritting her teeth in agony.

"I am such a fool… I started doubting myself and my determination once I found out that the Noah clan… that humans are my enemies…", Ellen thought, starring down at her feet, the woman not far away from her, reaching out. "But Rabi's words made me realize my mistake… I never knew the fear and the insecurity of not knowing my enemy. I didn't know that Akuma existed and once I was confronted with them I could see them. I never was afraid of the horrors of an enemy one could not see. But I see know that this is what my friends face all the time!". Ellen raised her hand, her expression pained, but she was also angry, angry at herself for being so ignorant. "Rabi and all those who became exorcists, see humans as potential enemies whenever they have to battle. And in order to be able to fight against those Akuma in human disguise they face their fear and the danger. So they can protect those humans who are dear to them". Ellen raised her cannon and killed the Akuma who was holding the woman. The woman screamed and ran over to Ellen once she was free, where she instantly dropped to her knees, sobbing pitifully. Ellen lowered her weapon to kneel down as well.

"Are you alright?", she asked the woman, but instead of an answer she was faced with a gun pointed at her forehead. Ellen didn't flinch, but just fired her weapon. "You are too slow", she said quietly and the woman dissolved. Ellen rose to her feet and continued fighting. "I have decided to take this path! I also need to decide to accept everything which is connected to my profession!"

--

It seemed to Ellen like hours, but eventually all that was left of the Akuma raid were destroyed wagons, fire and smoke. She was exhausted and lying on her back on top of a wagon, her feet dangling down over its edge.

"How many did you get?", she heard Rabi's voice and opened her eyes.

"About… 30 I would say", she replied, still not sitting up.

"Which means that I've won! 37!", Rabi called which made Ellen frown.

"… I do not count such things", she answered and heard Rabi laugh.

"I can't help it. It's a habit of mine to always remember such things", Rabi said and sat up, while Timcampy came fluttering up to Ellen. "We've destroyed 70 together… They attacked just like that! Maybe they wanted to get rid of us while Linali and you were still injured", Rabi mused, "or maybe they had another objective… I wonder if things in the hospital are alright…". As Ellen heard that she sat up, but as she put weight on her Innocence arm it stung and a cry of pain escaped her.

"Are you alright?", Rabi asked and came to the wagon, holding up his hands, "you're still not entirely healed, right? Come on. I'll help you down". Ellen sighed and climbed over the edge of the wagon, where Rabi was able to reach her. He put the girl down on the floor and then rammed the pointed tip of his hammer into the ground.

"Yes… I would rather have a weapon such as yours. Equipment type was its name I remember. This parasitic type is a bother…", she said and Rabi smiled at her.

"Well, you try to pay attention and heal up. Yu would be angry with me if you got hurt". Ellen huffed with red cheeks.

"I appreciate your concern, but I do not think that you have to take care of me. It would surely be in everybody's interest if I were able to take care of myself. And I do think that I can", she said and Rabi just laughed amusedly.

"You're pretty stubborn. No wonder Kanda fell in love with you", he said and looked to the north, "the hospital was in that direction, right?"

"Yes, it was", Ellen answered, but then she turned back to Rabi with a frown, "I am sure that this was not the reason for Kanda's feelings. At least I hope that my stubborn nature was not my most appealing quality".

"Nooo. Of course not. Yu said that you're intelligent and beautiful and gentle and whatnot. He used a lot of adjectives I didn't even know were in his vocabulary", Rabi said with a grin and held out the pole of the hammer to Ellen, "come on, hold on to that", he said and put his hand around the pole and his free arm around Ellen's waist.

"What?", she asked, but grabbed the pole and Rabi's shoulder and before she knew what was happening they soared through the sky.

"Up to the hospital! Grow!!", Rabi shouted and they continued to dash trough the sky, Ellen holding on to the pole and Rabi with all her might.

"Oh Rabi, I do not like it!!", Ellen shouted as the buildings kept rushing by under their dangling feet. The hospital came into sight but they were not slowing down, "Rabi!!"

"Uh. Calm down! Everything's alright!", he said but they still didn't slow down and consequently crushed into the wall of the hospital. The next thing Ellen knew was that she crashed into a pile of papers in Linali's hospital room (she guessed, because Rabi's control of direction with his hammer seemed to be good, but the rest…).

"You flew with that thing again, Rabi?", a startled Komui asked and Rabi rose up from the dust, with a huge grin on his face.

"Hahaha! I'm sorry! It's really useful, but the slowing down is a bit complicated. But it was funny, right, Ellen?", he asked and looked down at her. She was still holding on to his shirt, even though she lay on the floor next to him, another figure as well.

"You stupid, little…!", Bookman said darkly, and Rabi and Ellen both backed off, when they saw his glare and his bleeding nose. "What were you thinking?! Idiots!", he shouted and Ellen and Rabi hurried to get up on their feet again. But it seemed that Bookman's anger was mainly directed at Rabi, while Ellen was free to turn around and find Linali and Komui standing at the other side of the room.

"Linali! You are awake again!", she said and smiled in relief. Linali didn't even get to answer, as Komui stepped forward, interrupting Rabi and Bookman's arguing with the clearing of this throat.

"Now that we are all assembled, let us leave! The carriage is ready for departure", he said and Bookman nodded, ushering the other two "brats" out of the room, so that they could all get ready.

--

"Don't tell Yu, that I made you fly with my Innocence, he would get angry!", Rabi asked when he and Ellen waited in the carriage for Komui and Linali to arrive.

"His anger would suit you well, it was dangerous after all!", Ellen said with a frown.

"I kept a firm grip on you!", Rabi justified himself and Ellen had to laugh. "Good, we understand each other!". Ellen smiled at him and looked out of the carriage's window. It was still snowing.

"How long have you known Kanda? Are you good friends?", Ellen wondered and turned her attention back to Rabi. He smiled at her and nodded.

"I'd say that we are good friends! He wouldn't agree, but you know him! We've known each other for two years now. I must say that I was pretty surprised to find out that he was in love with someone! I always teased him about it and he said that it was too bothersome. Seems that you convinced him otherwise".

"I do not know. He did not like me at the beginning… I was too weak in his eyes – physically and emotionally. It is truly puzzling how he should have come to develop feelings for me…", she said with a frown. Rabi looked at her and then he had to burst out laughing, which earned him a glare from the old Bookman. "Why are you laughing? This is embarrassing!"

"You should loosen up a bit, Ellen! Who cares what reasons he had! He is in love with you and does everything he can to protect you! You should enjoy that a bit, we are in war after all! I heard that you're a noble girl, but you could start acting your age!"

"Start acting my age? What do you mean by that, Rabi?", Ellen wondered a bit put off.

"Well, you're so serious! That's fine in a battle, but when you interact with other people?"

"Not everyone needs to behave as foolishly, as you do, fool!", the Bookman said and turned to Ellen, "do not listen to him. Showing how well-bred one is, is no crime", he continued and Ellen smiled at him, albeit a bit uneasily.

"Thank you, Mister Bookman", she replied and the old man nodded. Rabi made a grimace, then he turned to Ellen.

"You spoil my fun! I would have liked to corrupt you bit, Yu would surely be very surprised! Maybe he would even like it!", he said and the young girl frowned.

"I do not know…"

"Come on! I _don't_ know! That's easy! I _don't_ know, speak after me!", Rabi exclaimed loudly, with a huge grin plastered on his face. Ellen just continued frowning and was glad when Komui and Linali came into the carriage, interrupting Rabi. The carriage departed and Rabi pulled a mock disappointed face.

"Well. I'll just get straight to the point; your next mission", Komui started once the carriage began moving. "Are you ready?", he asked and the three young exorcists nodded. Komui looked very serious. "Recently… A general was killed". Ellen widened her eyes, listening intently to what the supervisor was saying. "It was General Kevin Yeegar. Even though he was the oldest of the Generals, he always fought at the front".

"General Yeegar was…?!", Linali gasped, hand in front of her mouth.

"He was found in Belgium", Komui said after nodding shortly, "He hung at a church's cross, back facing forward. The words _God Hunt_ were etched into his back".

"God Hunt?" Ellen repeated quietly, while Rabi lifted his hand in recognition.

"It's about Innocence again, right?", he asked and Komui nodded again.

"Correct. Because the Generals are looking for compatibles they always carry a few pieces of Innocence with them. General Yeegar had eight pieces with him. Which means that including General Yeegar's Anti-Akuma weapon, nine pieces of Innocence have been stolen".

"Nine…", Ellen said, a disturbed frown on her face as Komui continued explaining.

"After he was taken from the cross everything for his survival was done. But his injuries were too grave. However, until his last breath he continued singing a song". Komui looked at his notes and recited the words.

"How peculiar", Rabi said with interest.

"Excuse me, Mister Li. But what is meant by _the precious heart_?", Ellen wanted to know. Komui sighed, lowering his head, before he continued his explanation.

"The heart is one Innocence out of the 109 pieces. It is the core; the power source of all the other Innocence pieces. This is what the Earl searches, because it enables him to destroy all the Innocence pieces just by destroying the heart"

"And where is it?", Ellen wondered but Komui just shook his head.

"We don't know. Maybe it's already in our possession, maybe it already has a compatible… Anyway, the Earl searches for it and General Yeegar was the first victim. We assume that the Earl suspects the heart with one of the Generals – an exorcist with immense power", he said.

"Well. It would make sense if that powerful Innocence is compatible with someone on General level!", Rabi said with an interested smile.

"Yes, but even a General might be in trouble if he is faced not only with hordes Akuma but also with the Noah, who now appeared on the side of the Earl", Komui continued, "that is why all the exorcist will be divided into four groups. The aim is to escort the Generals", Komui looked at Ellen and she met his gaze uncertainly. "I will send you to General Cross…!"

"Indeed…", was all the young girl managed to say.

"The Generals receive their mission from my superiors and if they have enough missions they set out and act on their own. That's why we can never be entirely sure where the Generals are". Komui looked at Ellen and raised his hand, index finger pointing at Ellen. "However, three of them report monthly, that's why we can more or less trace their movement. The problem is the fourth General! General Marian Cross!" Komui pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, while continuing with a disapproving frown. "As you know, General Cross hasn't contacted us for 4 years. There are many rumours that he's either dead or has abandoned his mission… I placed my bets on the latter… BUT…!!". Once again, Komui pointed at Ellen, which had her move back slightly in concern. "But then you appeared, dear Ellen!", he put his hands on her shoulders, staring at her. "You are his apprentice!"

"I… I am deeply sorry that I have to disappoint you, but I do not know where General Cross is at the moment!", Ellen answered and Rabi decided to speak up again.

"Don't shake her, Komui! How should we find him when we don't even know where he is!"

"Well… You'll be lead by Tim"

"Timcampy?", Ellen and Rabi asked and turned their heads to the golden golem that happily munching the curtains.

"Cross is a scientist you know, and he built Timcampy. He will know where his owner is, no matter his current location. And now we also have Ellen who knows how Cross is moving! He is trapped!!". Ellen was not really convinced and neither were the others.

"If we find you, master…", Ellen thought and looked out of the window, "then I will have a lot of questions to ask you… You should better be prepared"

**To be continued**

_Note: _

_Now's the time for a few clarifications! Firstly, Ellen does not know that her cursed eye changes when Akuma are near-by. She also doesn't know that she is the only one that is able to see them. Secondly, uhm, no, I did not want to translate Rhode's song. I guess everyone knows it… XD I also get tired of rewriting the story and I'm sure you're getting tired of reading what you already know… This calls for more filler missions to keep us entertained! And thirdly, I am bit confused because I always thought that Marian was Cross' first name, but is it actually the other way around…? It's just because I had a look into my copy of the fanbook and am now… well, yes, confused._

_Other than that; not much happening. I'm looking forward to another filler chapter maybe a "wait a minute, what is Kanda doing?" chapter. Because that's what actually comes in the Manga, but I'm not too sure on it. I guess I'll surprise you with something random. __**lol**_


	22. Kapitel 21 Longing

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Here I am again, back from my holidays filled with sunburns and stolen wheels. I'm kind of experiencing writer's block… And I've spent the last few days sewing my cosplay for the AnimagiC in Bonn (I'll be shocking Hoshino with a girl!Ellen… I'm sorry dear Hoshino)._

_Now you know the reasons why this is so late. I apologize. I hope that I'll be able to make it up with this very, very cheesy chapter! :3_

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

Kapitel 21: Longing

Kanda never liked to travel with big ships. He stayed under deck in his cabin, waiting until they reached the shore. His ears perceived the metallic creaking and the roaring of the waves splashing against the ship as it cut its way through the dark blue water. His eyes were set on a small candle which was barely illuminating the cabin from where it rested on a wooden table. Next to it a few papers were scattered, a pen lying there as well, rolling from side to side as the ship swayed in the rough waves. Kanda snatched his head up when he heard the pen roll over the edge of the table and hit the floor with a faint sound. He frowned and got up from his bed, picking it up. He put the pen back down on the table, even though he was sure that it wouldn't stay there very long if the waves continued shaking the ship. He decided to sit down at the table, pen in his hand. He stared at the paper with a few scribbled words one it once again, like he had done many times before since they left the harbour in Italy, making their way to southern France. Words, lines crossing them out, little scribbles when he didn't know what to write littered the paper and Kanda felt very silly. He crumbled the paper up and tossed it to the floor, where the ball rolled to one of the beds.

"Beansprout… There are a lot of things I would like to tell you… But I can't find the words for it…", Kanda mused, looking at the paper in annoyance. He briefly wondered why he even bothered, but dismissed the thought just as fast as it had crossed his mind. "Because it's been months since I've last seen her! Of course I keep thinking about her!". Kanda looked up with a glare when the door opened with a creak.

"Save that murder glare for our foes!", Daisya shouted, shivering.

"Tch. It's only you", Kanda snorted and observed how Daisya closed the door and walked over to the bed.

"What do you mean it's only me? Who did you expect to show up?", he asked with a grin and sat down. His boot brushed the crumbled paper and he picked it up with a raised eyebrow. Kanda was absorbed in his own thoughts and he didn't even notice how his comrade unfolded the paper and started reading in silence.

"_Dear beansprout. It's been three months already since we parted ways. The mission dragged on and I'm already on my way to another one. I haven't seen __the Black Order for a long time, but I don't really mind, this is my duty as an exorcist after all. What does leave a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach and some kind of painful longing is that I haven't seen your face or even heard your voice for such a long time. During missions I cannot afford to think about anything, but I find my mind wandering in the long, stretched loneliness between missions. While I never was fond of the company of my fellow exorcists or the finders, I now am displeased that they do not manage to entertain me the way you do…". _

"Is that yours?", Daisya managed to ask, even though it seemed impossible that Kanda would ever write such words. The younger exorcist turned around, one eyebrow arched upwards, while Daisya was now focusing on the little swirls (which certainly were not supposed to be flowers) and the shape of a face in the upper left corner (which couldn't possibly be a girl, because that was an outrageous thought).

"You should not pick up things from the floor", Kanda hissed, angry at the other that he read that stupid letter. Daisya obviously didn't know whether he should laugh or be at a complete loss, but laughing suited him better.

"Must be a pretty fine lady, this _beansprout_ of yours, for you to write a love letter", he commented and Kanda frowned angrily, but didn't move from his seat. "So you've got any indecent thoughts about her swirling around in that gloomy head of yours?". Kanda snorted, turning away from Daisya.

"Of course not. I intend to marry her", he said, even surprising himself that he was so open about it. Oh well, he never did intend to make a secret out of his love for Ellen – that would be far too complicated and tedious. Kanda didn't like tedious things which demanded a lot of thinking (Ellen was an exception, because she was worth his trouble).

"Oh. Right", Daisya said slowly, making Kanda turn around, "I've never heard you joke before, so I guess you're being serious". Kanda nodded and Daisya just scratched his head in confusion. "Aren't you being a bit naïve here?". Kanda glared at him and Daisya raised his hands in defence. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you for once! So stop looking at me like that!"

"You're the one calling me naïve!", Kanda spat, "I promised her that I'd take her as my wife", here he frowned and Daisya guessed that he was embarrassed, even if it didn't show on his face, "I love her after all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married". Daisya had to grin, finally realizing how absurd it was to have Kanda (which he got to know as a cold, emotionally uninterested boy) talk about his love life and plans for the future. Come to think of it; Kanda never really talked about his wishes and dreams, there seemed to be nothing next to his life as an exorcist. Now there was and it did seem to cause some trouble to the young man. Daisya knew that it was not up to him to give him advice, but he could still take advantage of the situation and have Kanda talk to him.

"No. Don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with wanting to be married, but isn't that a bit rushed? As far as I know you didn't knew her last time we met and back then you were not interested in women. And now you suddenly want to marry one?"

"Yes. I doubt that there is any woman beside her that I could love – not that I want to. She is the only one", Kanda said with a stern but honest face, which didn't leave any room for more arguments.

"Oh well", the other exorcist said, shrugging and grinning, "Just remember to invite me to your wedding!"

"Idiot"

- - -

Kanda started measuring time according to the amount of days he and Ellen had taken different trains after their mission in Lucerne. After three months and 24 days he received yet another mission – one that managed to make him furious with Komui.

"Don't be that angry with me! This is necessary! Don't you care about your General?", Komui's voice was to be heard from the fluttering, black golem. Kanda and Daisya were sitting on a bench at an abandoned railway station, waiting for their train.

"Heck no! That old geezer can fend for himself! Do you want to keep me away from home or what?!", Kanda shouted and Daiysa was glad that they were alone here in some godforsaken stretch of land in southern France.

"What? Of course not!", Komui's voice seemed pretty surprised, "But Kanda… That was the first time you called the Black Order _home_! We should celebrate!"

"Tch! Stop annoying me, you idiot!", Kanda spat and Komui laughed. The young Japanese man tried to calm down, "fine. We'll start looking for General Tiedoll".

"Perfect! You will meet Mari in a town to where we could trace the General. He probably already left, but it's still worth having a look".

"Tch. Fine", Kanda said and then he frowned, "how… about the beansprout? Is she safe?"

"Yes she is. She got hurt a little bit on her last mission in Germany, but it's nothing serious. I am surprised that you even ask", the supervisor commented.

"You'll let her go back, right?", Kanda demanded, ignoring Komui's comment.

"I fear that I can't do that. She's Cross' disciple, we need her to find him", Komui answered and Kanda snorted.

"Great…".

"Don't sound so devastated! She will be fine! I doubt that anything serious is going to happen to her", Komui said, even though Kanda was pretty sure that trying to find General Cross was pretty risky and very difficult considering the man's amazing skill in making himself scarce.

"Don't give me that, Komui", Kanda started darkly, "a General has been killed, the shady Noah clan emerges as a new and potentially very dangerous enemy and you want to convince me that the beansprout will not be endangered?!". Daisya looked up at Kanda with a pitying glance. Exorcists have it though, especially exorcists in love. But from Kanda and Komui's conversation he now knew that this lovely beansprout of Kanda's was an exorcist as well. Daisya pondered on this for a while; certainly, being in love with someone that knows the peculiarity of an exorcist's dangerous and demanding lifestyle clearly had its advantages, but there were downsides as well – which Kanda experienced right now; the constant worry for the other's well-being and long separation during missions.

"Now, now Kanda… Don't be so pessimistic. Surely, her new mission is dangerous, but all of you exorcist's missions are. I cannot take her off the battlefield just because she's young and inexperienced", Komui said and added with a gentler tone, "you know I can't…".

"Of course I know!", Kanda spat and shook his head. There was nothing to add to that. Kanda was perfectly aware that it was not Komui making the decisions to send his people on dangerous missions. He too was always worrying for Linali and all the other exorcists. As long as this damned war lasted there was absolutely nothing they could do to change the situation.

"Kanda, it's not like you to focus on Ellen that much…", Komui commented, "I really appreciate that you think about other people as well recently, but she really is no longer your responsibility… So why-"

"Because I care!!", Kanda cut off Komui's sentence and grit his teeth.

"What?"

"This is no longer about _responsibility_!", the young man continued, "I just want her to be safe. I want to see her again and still we both must rush from mission to mission. You surely do understand how I feel about that…". Komui was clearly surprised by that and even though Daisya had expected Kanda to say something like that from the beginning, he was surprised as well.

"Kanda…", the supervisor said and then there was a short pause, "of course I understand. I will try to let you both return to the Black Order as soon as possibly"

"Tch. Fine", Kanda snorted and Komui had to laugh.

"Good luck on your mission", the supervisor said and then the connection was terminated.

--

They met the last of Tiedoll's disciples, Noise Mari, in a small town.

"General Tiedoll already left. The town's people told me that they saw him depart two days ago", the tall man reported.

"Tch. Where to?", Kanda wanted to know and Mari pointed to the west.

"Inland, he didn't seem to be in a hurry. We should be able to catch up with him", he replied.

"Oh well. Then let's hurry after him", Daisya suggested and his comrades agreed. "Hey Mari, do you want to hear some delightful news?", the man asked when they were making their way out of town.

"News? What kind of news?", Mari wondered and Daisya grinned.

"Kanda centric news", he announced, elbowing the youngest in the ribs. Kanda only snorted in annoyance, but didn't try to prevent Daisya from continuing.

"What's the matter?", Mari asked, not quite sure what the younger ones were talking about.

"Kanda's got a girlfriend!", Daisya said with a huge grin and Mari raised an eyebrow.

"A girlfriend?", he repeated and turned to look at Kanda. The swordsman just muttered an annoyed curse, the he nodded.

"She's a new exorcist… We've been on missions together…", Kanda said, feeling the need to justify himself in front of his fellow exorcists.

"These are good news, Kanda. Do you mind telling me about her?", Mari asked with a gentle smile. Kanda hesitated, then he sighed.

"Her name's Ellen Walker… She's 15 and comes from a noble, English household", he answered and Daisya widened his eyes.

"So you've got yourself a blue-blooded princess? I'm impressed!", he exclaimed.

"I don't think that she's a princess…", Kanda said, "but she gets close to it…", he added with a slightly embarrassed face. Mari and Daisya exchanged looks and smiled, patting Kanda on the shoulder and head. "Tch! Stop that!", he shouted, swatting their hands away, then he looked down from the hill they were standing on, "we've got better things to do!". The other two followed his gaze and saw a horde of level one and two Akuma floating around.

"Right! Let the fun begin!", Daisya announced, grinning brightly. The other two nodded and then they rushed off into battle.

- - -

Their journey continued. It was the same in each town they visited; General Froi Tiedoll had already left, leaving a trail of Level one and mostly Level two Akuma behind him for his apprentices to clean up.

"That's really bothersome!", Kanda snorted and Mari laughed.

"He's pretty fast", he said, "It seems as if we must continue this game for a little longer. I'm sure we will catch up to him if we speed up a bit".

"Tch", Kanda snorted and Daisya turned to him.

"Why are you in such a foul mood?", he asked with a smirk and Kanda just glared at him.

"I'm not and now shut up!", the black haired man replied.

"I bet you're just angry that we can't find him sooner. Because the sooner we find Tiedoll the sooner you will be reunited with your princess", Daisya commented cheekily and Kanda stared at him with narrowed eyes, daring him to go on speaking when he was already irritated. Daisya, knowing Kanda well enough to not risk his luck, chose to let the subject drop.

"How about searching an inn for the night? We've been wandering for days now. If we go on fighting Akuma, then we should do so fully rested", Mari advised and there was no protest coming from the younger men.

They looked for the closest inn and got themselves one room. Kanda put his suitcase down on the floor and went to sit at the window, staring out into the dark night.

"He's pretty distressed", Mari whispered, when Daisya wanted to comment on it, "we should give him time to brood over things. Love is a serious matter", he said wisely. Daisya narrowed his eyebrows, but nodded.

"Hey, Kanda", Daisya said and the young man just snorted to signal that he was listening, "I saw a phone in the corridor. How about making a call to team Cross?". Kanda frowned and turned around, eyeing his comrade suspiciously, "I'm not going to listen! Honestly!!", he assured him with his hands risen. Kanda seemed to think about that for some time, but then he just grabbed his golem and walked out of the room wordlessly. Daisya grinned. "A serious matter… When it even gets Kanda so worked up then this must be true".

- - -

Kanda walked down the dimly lit corridor up to its end, where there stood an old wobbly table and a telephone hung on the wall next to it. Kanda attached his golem to the telephone and waited for it to connect.

"Get me Rabi's golem", he said into the golem once it was connected to the information bureau. He heard an affirmative reply.

"The message has been sent. Please wait for Rabi to connect the golem", the person said and then it was silent again. Kanda stared at a dirty spot on the table and leant against the window frame. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to say or what he wanted to hear. Maybe it was just affirmation that Ellen was alright. Maybe it would make that restlessness in his head go away, but maybe it would only fuel it. He wasn't that convinced anymore that making a phone call was the best thing to do – maybe he should have gone back to writing letter he never planned on sending anyway. He didn't really have much to say to Ellen… Well maybe he did, but he just couldn't bring himself to say the words aloud. He just knew that he shouldn't…

"Yeeees?", Rabi's voice called after some time and Kanda looked back towards the golem.

"Hey", he said.

"Yu!! How rare of you to make a call! I feel very special right now!", he heard Rabi chirp. Kanda tried to ignore him the best he could and focused on the other noises the golem transmitted. It sounded like a railway station if he wasn't mistaken.

"Where are you now?", Kanda wanted to know.

"At a railway station, still in Germany. We're heading eastwards, because we suspect that General Cross went in this direction", Rabi answered.

"How is the beansprout?", Kanda brought himself to ask and heard Rabi chuckle gently, as if he had expected this question all along (which he probably had).

"She's fine… She suffered some damage while on the last mission, but I've kept an eye on her since I joined the girls".

"Hn. Good. What about her injuries?"

"Most of them healed properly. She's still missing an eye though", the red-head said and Kanda froze.

"What?!", he hissed, "what do you mean by "still missing an eye"?!", he asked loudly.

"Calm down, Yu! It's nothing grave!", he tried to calm him, but such a reaction was to be expected. A lost eye was no small matter after all. "She took a hit to her cursed eye. But it is healing itself. It'll be restored gramps said". Kanda was not really pleased but there was nothing he could do about it anyway. "I was pretty surprised when I saw her the first time. Well second time actually", Rabi continued, changing the topic.

"Why?", Kanda asked and could hear Rabi laugh.

"You didn't really exaggerate when you described her, but I still imagined that the girl you fall in love with must be… a real goddess. Maybe something like an amazon or a valkyrie…"

"It's not her looks I fell in love with, even though she is beautiful. Maybe not the way you like your women, but she's _pure_ and that the closest you'll ever get to a goddess". Rabi sighed.

"You're such a romantic, Yu. I'm moved"

"Tch. Just shut up, I don't need to hear that", Kanda snorted, "where is she?"

"Ellen? She is in the waiting room, sleeping. Do you want me to go fetch her?", Rabi asked and Kanda thought about that with a frown. What would he say to her? He remembered all those pages filled with overly romantic revelations and womanish emotions. Stupid.

"No. Let her sleep. I just wanted to know if she's well", Kanda replied.

"Oh", Rabi said and sounded a bit disappointed, "do you want me to tell her anything then?". Kanda was silent for a while, but then he made up his mind.

"Yes. Just tell her that she should remember her promise", he said and could picture Rabi's confusion.

"That is all?"

"That is all", Kanda affirmed, "and continue keeping an eye on her".

"Will be done! Tell me where you are, I'm sure that Ellen would like to know". Kanda snorted but decided to tell him:

"Southern France. We're still moving inland. I guess that we're on our way to the Spanish border. We're still looking for General Tiedoll. Maybe we can meet once we find him".

"Good! I'm sure Ellen will be happy when she hears that", Rabi said but Kanda wasn't too sure about that. He did hope it though.

"That's all I wanted to say, good bye".

"Okay! I'll keep you up to date if anything comes up! See you soon!", Rabi replied and the connection was terminated. Kanda hung up and unplugged his golem. He turned towards the window and looked out into the sky.

"At least she's fine… That's enough for now…"

_To be continued  
_

_Notes:_

_Kanda… You finally make another appearance and then you're being very cheesy. The letters (those he actually posted!) will (probably) make a comeback in later chapters! __**Lol**__ (He promised to write letters once in a while after all!)_

_I hope you were not freaked out by the OOC-ness…I have a hard time picturing Kanda in love…_

_Feedback? :3 :3_

_P.S. I realized that I keep changing from "Black Order" to "Dark Order"... Probably because there are both terms available..._


	23. Kapitel 22 Following General Cross

_Author's Notes:_

_Okies, another chapter... I've been asked to skip those manga chapters we've already seen (I guess various times already) and I know I already whined about how boring they were to write **lol**. However, I guess I still have to do it. Fortunately the Crowley arc is the second to last arc that will follow the Manga that closely (after the Crowley arc we have the journey to China until that fateful encounter with Tyki). Things will change once Ellen is in the Asia Branch - not that much but it will change. Trust me __**amused  
**I hope that you will bear __with me for some more chapters! :3_

_Without further ado I present you the first chapter of the Crowley arc! _

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsure Hoshino_**

_P.S. It's **Aleister Crowley** in the German edition. I know that this is wrong **shakes fist at Tokyopop** and should be **Arystar Krory** according to the fanbook..._

* * *

**Kapitel 22 – Following General Cross**

Ellen Walker was sitting on a wooden bank outside a German railway station. She had woken a few moments ago, to find herself alone on the bank. She put her hands on her forearms, rubbing them a bit through the fabric of her uniform. It was pretty cold this early in the year and the fact that they were making their way East didn't really help much.

"It will get even colder", Ellen thought to herself, "I do hope winter passes by fast…".

"Ellen?", Rabi called and Ellen saw him come out of the station, "Ellen are you spacing out? The train is here!". Ellen looked up and saw the steaming train which now came to a screeching halt.

"Oh. Excuse me", Ellen said and let herself be pulled up by the grinning Rabi.

"Come on you two!", the white haired girl could hear Linali calling, "Get on the train. If we miss it we have to wait until tomorrow to catch another one!". With this she disappeared inside and Rabi and Ellen hurried after her.

"By the way, beansprout", Rabi said once they were in the corridor, Linali and Bookman out of sight, and Ellen glared at him.

"Oh please, do not call me that", she reminded him and Rabi laughed amusedly.

"Don't look so darkly! You're pretty cute when you try to glare"

"Stop making fun of me, Rabi", Ellen pouted and Rabi patted her head.

"But I must do that, you're my little sister!". Ellen frowned up at him, "Well not really, but we're family, right?". Ellen had to laugh and nodded with a smile.

"It seems that we are. At least it sure would be nice", she answered and Rabi grinned, "but what did you want to tell me?"

"Oh, right!", Rabi said, "Yu called"

"He did?", Ellen asked, after translating _Yu_ to _Kanda_, quite surprised.

"Yes, he wanted to know how you're doing. Unfortunately, you were sleeping and he didn't want me to wake you up", the red-head said.

"Has he returned to the order?", Ellen wondered, but Rabi shook his head.

"No, he's crossing France at the moment. He has to join his General as well. But he has a message for you"

"A message?", Ellen repeated, quite confused.

"He said that you should remember your promise", Rabi reported and looked at Ellen expectantly, "mind telling me what that promise is?". The girl was silent for a while fumbling with her fingers and looking down at her shoes.

"When we parted I promised him that I would take care of me… Actually I promised not to die", she answered and Rabi frowned.

"Kind of obvious that you won't die, right? I was hoping for something more romantic…", he said with a sigh.

"Such as?", Ellen wondered. Rabi grinned, folding his arms behind his head and leant against the wall of the corridor.

"Something like _promise to marry me when we are reunited_ for example", he suggested and Ellen blushed, hitting him gently. Rabi guessed that the red cheeks were probably caused by anger and not by embarrassment as he had guessed. "Come on. There's someone who loves you. Why are you so cold?"

"I am not cold, Rabi", Ellen told him, pronouncing each word carefully, which should probably make Rabi think that Ellen was in full control of the situation, "but as things are right now, I do not want to waste my time on this right now"

"Now _that_ was cold!", Rabi shouted, quite surprised.

"It was not!", Ellen replied, equally as loud, "It is just that I… That I cannot accept it just like that. This is not what I was meant to do, meant to _be_!". Rabi raised his eyebrow at her, studying her down turned face. "It will not… go away", she continued, frustration audible in her whisper and Rabi was left to guess what she wanted to say by that.

"On the danger of sounding like an ignorant idiot, but you're not Romeo and Juliet you know?", Rabi told her and Ellen turned towards the wall, looking out of the window, "I know that – no, I can imagine, that you're a bit confused. And I understand that", he said and put his hand on Ellen's shoulder, "having a predestined path to walk can be hard, even if you accepted it and even approve of it…". The girl raised her head and looked up into Rabi's smiling face, "Until things happen and you question yourself: am I doing the right thing?"

"Rabi…", Ellen said, quite surprised to hear what he was speaking.

"But trust me dear beansprout", he said, "you're a girl and you're in love. And the guy you're loving is not some kind of shady gang leader. Yu is very responsible. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it".

"Rabi! What are you doing out there?", the Bookman's voice called from inside a compartment.

"Just a second, gramps. I'm giving brotherly advice here!", Rabi replied loudly, to which he just heard a disapproving "Hn". The red-head grinned and turned back to Ellen, who was now wiping the corners of her eyes. "As you said before… You shouldn't be wasting time. Don't ponder about these things. Wait and see… And". Rabi poked her in the chest, "follow your heart". Ellen looked down at his finger, then she had to smile.

"You read too many novels, Rabi", she answered, then she sighed dramatically, closing her eyes, "_Follow your heart_. You should not say that to a young woman, we can use our heads as well as you men do"

"Don't be an old lady, Ellen! Don't use your head that much! It will give you headaches!"

"I am starting to believe that you wear that headband so that your intellect cannot dissolve into thin air", Ellen retorted, while Rabi walked over to the compartment. Rabi roared with laughter.

"Now you're trying your best to be mean to me. I'm sure that a certain someone would be shocked to hear his fair lady being so cheeky!". This made Ellen frown.

"He probably would, but he also said that I should stop behaving like a girl"

"Probably back when he still thought that you were a guy, this doesn't apply to you any more, dear Ellen. Or do you want to behave like a boy?", Rabi wondered and the two in the compartment looked up at them in confusion, not having heard the rest of the conversation.

"Of course not. I still feel best when I am wearing a dress, playing piano and reading", Ellen replied, sitting down with Rabi, facing Bookman and Linali. Rabi grinned at Ellen.

"That was to be expected, you are a little princess after all", he said and Ellen grimaced.

"What kind of stupid conversations are you two having?", Bookman chided, then he brought out a map. "We should concentrate on finding General Cross now".

"We don't have that many clues", Rabi commented, looking at the map of Europe, "how are we supposed to find him with Timcampy's help alone?". The little golem was flying over Ellen's head facing in one direction.

"As things stand right now, we are on our way through Germany. Always eastwards", Bookman said and Linali looked at the map.

"Timcampy hasn't changed the direction until now"

"Master Cross is probably too far away and Sir Tim can only give us a vague direction", Ellen mused. Rabi had to snicker.

"You call the golem Sir Tim? Cute pet name! I wonder how you call Yu!", he said behind his hand, only halfway trying to hide his cheeky grin.

"Be silent please!", Ellen hissed, pretty much aware of the puzzled expression she earned from Linali.

"Be quiet you two!", Bookman shouted, silencing the younger two, "honestly", he sighed, looking back on the map. "Finding General Cross really seems to be more difficult than we and Komui had hoped. We have no clues at all. No letters, no reports, not even bills he sent us to cover his expenses"

"Really? Then how does he live? Is he that rich?", Rabi wondered and Ellen had to frown, remembering the short time they had travelled together.

"No. He is not rich at all", she said, "at least his behaviour let me assume that much. Back when I was travelling with him, he used to buy stuff, leaving the bills for me to pay. I was lucky that my mother gave me some money for emergencies, I would have been awful if I had needed to come up with _different ways_ to afford that man", she said and all of the other people present somehow got the feeling that Ellen was not that fond of Cross. And Rabi tried to figure out what "different ways" might be.

"He let you pay for everything?", he wondered.

"No, not _everything_", Ellen said, hiding her irritation behind a polite smile, "he uses to visit acquaintances when he needs a place to stay for the night. Needless to say that these women were more than happy to let him stay in their houses", Ellen said now with a frown, "quite reckless for a priest".

"Dear Ellen, you had it rough", Rabi said and Ellen laughed embarrassedly.

"Oh, excuse me. I should not have said such things about my master...", she said, while Rabi just commented that he wouldn't mind spending the nights in a house of a good-looking female. Ellen looked to Linali, but when their eyes met the Chinese girl just turned her head, ignoring her friend. Ellen was pretty confused.

"What is wrong with her?", she wondered, but then she remembered the incident back at the German town, "oh... Probably because of what I did back then... We have not spoken about it yet... She must be angry at me...", Ellen thought, pretty depressed.

"By the way, Ellen", Bookman said and the noble girl turned her head away from Linali.

"Yes, Sir?", she asked.

"You still cannot open your left eye, is that correct?". Ellen nodded, touching her hand to the patch covering her eye. It no longer hurt her, but she wasn't able to see anything with it yet. "I do hope that your eye heals fast. You need to observe our surroundings. From what I have heard I conclude that the Akuma will try to stop us and prevent us from finding General Cross", he continued, "It would cost us even more time to get to Cross if we were constantly pestered by Akuma. On top of that I do not want civilians to be hurt. That's why we need the ability of your left eye".

"Yes, I understand...", Ellen answered quietly, looking at Linali. The Chinese girl didn't seem happy at all and stared out of the window.

"Linali...", Ellen thought but didn't dare saying anything and so they continued their train journey in silence.

- - -

After some hours, their train made a short stop at a small town in Romania.

"I saw a vendor outside. I'll go buy something to eat", Linali suggested and got up from her seat. Ellen watched her uncertainly.

"What's wrong?", Rabi asked as she saw the young girl's face.

"Oh… It is because… of an incident on our last mission", she answered, "Maybe I should go talk to her"

"It seems that you should, but you're still hesitating?", Rabi wondered, pulling the girl to her feet, "come on, you're friends, aren't you?"

"Y… Yes we are. At least I hope we still are…", the white haired girl mumbled and earned herself a gentle smile from Rabi, which soon turned into a grin.

"Stop worrying so much! Go, go!", he pushed her out of the compartment and blocked the way back in. Ellen looked at him and sighed.

"Yes… I will, thank you Rabi", she said and even though she was a bit nervous, she made her way out of the train. Linali was standing at the vendor's little stand. "Linali!", Ellen called and Linali turned around. She just looked at her, studying her face without saying anything. "Well", Ellen started, fidgeting with her hair, which had grown past her shoulders now, "I realized that we never really talked about what had happened on our last mission", she said. Linali continued watching her and Ellen did the only thing she thought fit in this situation, she bowed. "I am truly sorry for what I have said. Please accept my apologies", she said loudly and clearly, hoping that all the guilt she was feeling was audible to Linali. For quite some time Linali remained silent, but then Ellen felt a weight being put on her head and she was sure that it was the bag with food Linali had bought.

"Don't look up!!", Linali called.

"What? Yes…", Ellen replied uncertainly, keeping her head down.

"Because I have not forgiven you yet!", Linali shouted and Ellen could hear how sad she sounded. She raised her eyes slightly and waited for her to continue. "You only think about yourself, Ellen! Because you're the only one that can see the souls of the Akuma you burden yourself with everything and want to sacrifice yourself to the war! Wasn't it you who said that we are fighting for this war to stop? Didn't you gave me courage to think about the time after the war?! And now you try to blindly throw away your life!" Ellen lowered her gaze again, looking at the snow covered ground. She understood that she was angry – angry like Kanda had been back in the ghost city of Matel. About blindly sacrificing herself for people she didn't even know. "For what reason are we friends? Don't be so stupid!", Linali hissed with suppressed tears, her voice shaking. Ellen felt guilty and sad. "Why don't you fight with us? Why don't you let us help you? Don't you trust us?". Linali let go of the bag and Ellen's hand shot up to keep it from falling down, while Linali dropped to her knees, sobbing. "I hate it… Your left eye! I hate it!".

"I am sorry…", Ellen whispered, "Linali. Thank you for saving me". The Chinese girl wiped her tears and then she looked up suddenly, startling Ellen.

"And just so you know! I'll always save you! If you like it or not!", with these words she got back up on her feet, grabbed the bag and stomped off. Ellen was left standing on at the platform.

"Does that mean that she forgave me?", Ellen wondered in surprise, but then she smiled sadly. She made everyone worry because of the way she behaved. Maybe Linali was right, maybe she was selfish. She didn't mean any harm by it, she just wanted to save whoever needed her help – that couldn't be so wrong could it? But somehow Ellen understood both Kanda and Linali. Suddenly she heard the whistle of the train announcing its departure. Ellen turned around frantically, but before she could run off, someone grabbed her sleeve.

"Is that a cross on your chest?", a man, which Ellen recognized as the vendor from before, asked her quite breathlessly in accented English.

"Pardon me?", Ellen asked but then the train's whistle was blown another time, "I need to get on that train!", she said. The man grabbed both of her hands and pushed her on the floor. Ellen couldn't help shrieking. Was he an Akuma?! Ellen wanted to free herself, but then the train started rolling and with the loud sound of the wheels moving on the railroads the train left. Ellen gasped, hand outstretched unbelievingly.

"My… my train", she managed to breathe, tears forming in her eyes, "it left… Oh no…"

"My deepest apologies honorable monk", the old man said, letting go of Ellen, "but you must understand that I cannot wait". The old man bowed, touching his forehead to the snow covered ground. "Black monk! I humbly beg you to save our village!". Ellen, still shocked, propped herself up on her elbows, looking at him.

"What?", Ellen asked, wiping away her tears, "black monk…?". The man got up on his feet and dragged Ellen up as well.

"You certainly must wonder how I am", the man said and Ellen looked at him, "I'm Georg. The mayor of this village. I also sell food at the railway station". He said, dragging Ellen with himself. Ellen didn't even try to resist that much, because she didn't really know what to do or where to go now that the train and her friends left without her. She wondered how long it would take for the others to notice her absence and what they would do. She didn't even have Timcampy with herself, how should they find her? Ellen let her head drop and the man still pulled her into the direction of the village. Ellen still wondered if maybe she let herself be caught by an Akuma, because there was no way of telling right now. But he had said something about saving a village. But why did he call her black monk? Georg pushed the door of a bigger house open, shoving Ellen inside.

"Listen everybody!", he shouted, "God has heard our prayers! A black monk has arrived!!". Ellen stumbled inside and then she looked around. The big room (it looked like an inn) was filled with men dressed in black clothes, holding all kind of weapons.

"Listen, I am not a black monk…", Ellen tried to tell them, but nobody seemed to listen to her anymore. All the men started shouting in relief, running towards her.

"It's a miracle! A miracle!! A black monk!!", they shouted and pushed Ellen on a chair, tying her to it with a rope. Ellen blinked in confusion, not really sure what was happening around her.

"May I ask what this is all about?", she wondered, as politely as she could.

"It is because of a vampire", the mayor replied with an eerie voice, silencing everybody in the room at once.

"Vampire?", Ellen replied, recalling all the scary books she had read before.

"Yes", Georg affirmed, "He has been living among us for a very long time already. His name is Baron Crowley. By day he never lets himself be seen in the village, but during the night the horrendous screams of his human victims can be heard from his castle. They say that nobody who sets foot into his castle ever comes back out". Ellen looked at him in surprise.

"A vampire? Pardon me, mayor, but those creatures do not exist", she tried telling him, laughing slightly, even though she was worried a bit. They mayor just shot her a dark glare. "Excuse me, please do continue", Ellen said and sighed in defeat.

"In the past Crowley never harmed those who stayed away from his castle. Quietly he lived in his old castle. But that changed, because one night…", he broke off and sucked in air. "His first victim was an old, unmarried woman. He sucked the blood out of her body until it turned to dust! That's how he killed her!"

"Unbelievable", a voice called and Ellen saw Rabi appearing from inside a barrel. All of the people present gave out startled cries. How and when had he appeared?!

"Rabi! What are you doing here? And why are you coming out of that barrel?!", Ellen called and the red head looked at her.

"I've come to get you. And I could as well ask you what you're doing here", he said but before they could continue talking the other people became aware of the fact that he was also wearing one of the crosses.

"Another black monk! Seize him!", the people called and jumped at Rabi, also tying him to a chair, next to Ellen.

"Could you please explain what is going on? What do you mean by black monk?", Ellen asked patiently, keeping her irritation at bay while Rabi just kept muttering that he had a bad feeling about all that.

"Some time before Crowley started killing people a traveler came to our village", the mayor started, "He introduced himself as a priest and wanted to know the way to Crowley's castle. We told him that he puts his life on the line and have tried stopping him. But he only laughed and departed in the direction of the castle. For three days we haven't seen him and we were sure that he had been killed by Crowley. But then he returned. Unhurt. I couldn't believe my eyes. Before he left he told me that if Crowley should ever cause us trouble we should look out for people with the cross. They would help us!". Ellen wondered what that was supposed to mean. Why should the exorcists help out with a vampire? "Shortly after, Crowley started killing people. Until today nine have died because of him. We planned on killing him this night. But then you came!", he said and threw himself at the floor, "God has not forsaken us! Honorable monks! Please kill Crowley and save us from our suffering!"

"But this is not what we usually do", Rabi protested, but the people didn't intend to listen to him.

"There is no sense in trying to convince them, Rabi", Ellen said and turned to look at the major with a frown, "how did this traveler look like?"

"Just a moment, honorable monks, I will draw you a picture", the mayor said, asking the men to get him a paper and a pen. Half a minute later he held up a sloppy drawing of a man both of the exorcist thought to know well enough.

"The order's uniform, the unruly hair, the hat and that mask…", Rabi mumbled and Ellen had to sigh. Somehow she had expected it, it sounded like him to make other people deal with problems.

"We know him. His name is Marian Cross", Ellen said, turning to the mayor who rolled the picture up, nodding eagerly.

"How good! I'm so glad to hear that! And now you will help us!!", he announced and the two exorcist were untied from the chairs.

"We will try our best", Ellen answered and Rabi frowned at her, "there is no other way", she whispered in his direction.

"Well, at least we might get a clue to Cross' whereabouts", the red-head said and they were led outside.

"We will now go into the forest!", the mayor said and the townspeople shouted, lifting their weapons.

"What will we do about Linali and Bookman? Will they not worry about us?", Ellen wondered as they were led out of the village. It was cold and the air was crisp. The snow was crunching under their boots and the moon illuminated their path into the forest. In the distance Ellen could make out the shape of a towering cliff and a castle built on it. Ellen guessed that this was the castle of Baron Crowley.

"I'll just contact her, no problem", Rabi said and his golem appeared from underneath his scarf. "Connect to Linali's golem!", he ordered and turned to look at Ellen, "we are lucky that we aren't that far away from them, or the golem wouldn't work without connecting to a telephone"

"I see…", Ellen said, still walking on, surrounded by the people from the village.

"Rabi!!", Ellen could hear Linali call, "have you found Ellen?!"

"Yes, yes don't worry. But we have a small problem here", the red-head confessed, "it seems that General Cross has been in this village before"

"Really? We're moving in the right direction then!", Linali said and Rabi scratched his head, "so what is the problem?"

"You see… There seems to be a vampire in this town. And General Cross said, before he left, that exorcist would investigate as soon as there were problems… And the townspeople won't let us go before we haven't dealt with it…"

"Oh… I understand. So you actually want to do what Cross ordered", Linali said, sounding worried.

"Yes", Ellen replied, "you and Bookman can continue your journey, we will follow you once we have dealt with this".

"Understood. But please pay attention you two! If you are bitten by a vampire you will turn into a vampire as well! I've read that in a book!". Ellen frowned and Rabi did as well, "don't become vampires!!"

"No… We won't", Rabi said after a while. Linali, who was obviously pleased by their answer but still worried, terminated the connection with a "good luck".

"Linali really does believe in vampires", Ellen stated and Rabi had to laugh.

"Kind of funny that people still believe in vampires today!", he whispered to Ellen.

"Yes, it is truly peculiar", Ellen answered, laughing slightly.

"Stop you two! We're here!", the mayor announced. Ellen looked ahead, seeing a huge gate in front of her. The stone was shaped into a grotesque face of a demon, the huge wooden doors were built into the stone figure's mouth.

"This looks terrible…", Rabi commented and Ellen had to agree, even though the gatekeeper at the Black Order was scary as well (and still was very skeptical when having to open up for Ellen).

"If one already has the reputation of being a vampire, then why does he make his door so uninviting?", Ellen wondered, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Well, maybe he enjoys scaring other people and doesn't mind seeming like a freak… It somehow reminds me of Yu", Rabi said and Ellen turned to look at him.

"Why are you saying that?", she wondered and Rabi had to laugh despite the very scary sounds and screams that could be heard from past the gate.

"Well, he seems very scary and lets other people think that he is a cold person. But he's quite nice, isn't he?"

"Well, yes. You are right. He can be quite nice…", Ellen confessed and thought how it would be to have Kanda now here with her. She certainly wouldn't be as scared as she was now, even though she did not believe in vampires. He would just snap at her for being such a coward, but he would protect her. It sure would be nice to have him with her. Ellen shook her head, making the thought go away.

"No! What am I thinking! I need to focus on the mission! I can do this alone, I do not need his help!", she told herself, looking at the door. "Let us continue. There is no sense in standing in front of closed doors", she suggested and Rabi, not that happy with her determination to go inside, helped her push the heavy gates open.

The sight that greeted them after they passed the doors was not any better than what the gate and the awful screaming had already promised; the wide space they had to cross before reaching the castle, was a maze of fir trees, old gravestones, crosses and ugly sculptures resembling gargoyles and other fiendish shapes. The fog that was creeping over the moist, earthy ground seemed as it was alive as it wound itself around the statues and their small group. It reminded Ellen of the fog in London, the fog she had seen in the run down and impoverished parts she had visited with Mana.

"This baron must be really creepy for his garden to look like this", Rabi whispered, not daring to raise his voice, as if it might wake up monsters slumbering in the foggy shadows of the sculptures and behind the trees. "Oh? You've already taken off your glove?", he asked, as he a took a glimpse at Ellen, "are you scared??". Ellen forced herself to laugh lightly.

"Oh, of course not!", she lied, "what about you? You have been touching your weapon for quite some time now"  
"Me and scared? How ridiculous! Haha!", Rabi said, laughing as well, as if it might make the fear go away. Fighting Akuma he was used to, but a vampire in this creepy environment?

"Vampires do not exist", Ellen reminded Rabi, but somehow it sounded as she wasn't that sure about it anymore. What if they did after all…? It was not a very welcome thought. Before they could continue their little game of chasing away the fear, a cold feeling seized both of them and they knew that there was something with them, observing them from the shadows.

"What… is the matter?", Georg asked, seeing how tense the exorcist were all of a sudden.

"Shh! Someone is here!", Rabi hissed.

"And it is coming nearer", Ellen added, taking the patch over her eye off, but she still couldn't open it nor see anything with it. But the feeling was similar to what she was used to. The slight shiver that was caused by Akuma or Innocence being near them. A cold wind started to blow, swallowing all sounds of anybody approaching them, and then Rabi and Ellen felt it; somebody rushed passed them at a speed that made it impossible to see anything.

"It's fast!", Rabi hissed, turning towards the town's people among which their enemy had disappeared. A peculiar smell reached Ellen's and the other's nose. Then somebody's scream tore through the strained silence.

"Franz! He has… He has killed Franz!!", a man shouted, making Ellen and Rabi look up in alarm. And there, behind the people, his black and slightly torn cape moving around him like living shadows, the shape of a man was standing hunched over.

"That is… It's Aleister Crowley!!", the people screamed and Ellen froze. The shape turned its face towards them and a she saw what she never had expected to see: a man with dark eyes, his teeth sunk into the throat of a poor human.

"A vampire!", Ellen shouted in her mind. The young girl couldn't help shrieking and Rabi took a surprised step backwards, pulling Ellen with himself protectively.

"Impossible! That can't be!", he said with a unsure sided grin, not believing his eyes. The man turned towards them, not bothered by the people staring at him. He continued drinking the blood of the human, making disgusting, loud sounds, which made Ellen nearly sick. Some of the townspeople started to scream and ran off.

"We have to do something!", Ellen shouted, awakening from her daze, "we cannot let this man harm them anymore than he already did!"

"Right, dear beansprout!", Rabi agreed, and both invocated their weapons.

"What should we do?", Ellen wondered, aiming at the vampire as he approached them, still holding on to his victim.

"Well, I've got no clue. We just have to make sure that he doesn't bite us or Linali will be angry at us", Rabi replied. Ellen slammed her claw into the ground, whirling up earth, dust and stone plates, forcing the vampire to stop. Meanwhile Rabi made his hammer grow remarkably in seize and then he slammed it down, hoping to hit the enemy.

"Take that!!", he shouted, but once the dust has settled he and Ellen saw that the vampire had caught the small cross at the tip of the hammer between his teeth. Rabi had to laugh, even though it was no longer funny. "Quite some strong teeth you have there…!", he said. The baron turned around, making Rabi and his Innocence crash into the floor. Ellen took this moment and surprised the man by seizing him in her claw, one of her fingers close to his throat.

"Stop this madness at once!", she shouted, the fear of the vampire subsided as she fell into her newly acquired routine of battling Akuma. "Hold still", she continued, and the man became aware of the dangerous claw. But instead of being intimidated he started roaring with menacing laughter.

"You two are quite some strange brats! That I waste my precious time with you two! Are you monsters or what? Well?", he answered, grinning widely.

"We are exorcists", Ellen replied as politely as the situation allowed her two. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Rabi picking himself up from the ground.

"A good evening to you! I'm a bit busy as you can see, so…", the baron continued, still grinning. "LET ME GO!!", he roared, baring his sharp teeth and his face was distorted into a scary grimace. Before Ellen could react the baron sank his teeth into her claw, sending pain through the young girl.

"What?!", she shouted, "He pierced the Anti Akuma weapon with his teeth?! Impossible!"

"On no! Ellen!!", Rabi shouted, running towards his friend, while the vampire continued drinking loudly. Ellen was too shocked to even react, but she didn't have to. The baron suddenly stopped, letting go of her.

"Blergh! What is that?! It's bitter!!"; he shouted, freeing himself from the claw and running off, while trying to spit out what he drank. Ellen dropped to the floor, staring after the retreating figure of the vampire, Rabi doing the same. After she stopped her invocation Ellen raised her finger, seeing the bite marks of the vampire on her swollen index finger.

"Just don't let Linali know, Ellen…", Rabi whispered and Ellen dropped her head in defeat.

_To be continued_

_**Notes:** _

_Well yes, somehow this is a bad moment to stop, but it was getting rather long... Now there are some things to think about - what about those stupid flowers even though a friend of mine already gave me a brilliant idea **snicker** and whether Crowley mistakes Ellen for a boy as well... Stuff like this._

_P.S. Ellen's starting to become cheeky. Poor Rabi. But I bet he likes it (even though Kanda probably wouldn't be thrilled)_


	24. Kapitel 23 Of Love and Darkness

_**Author's Notes:**_

_Sorry for the delay people! The AnimagiC kept me busy! X3 But now I'm back and inspired and whatnot._

_So, have the next chapter of Ivory Tales, now finally finished with Volume 4! **lol** This whole Romania Arc takes longer than expected! Part two!_

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

Kapitel 23: Of Love and Darkness

The people of the small Romanian village were all hiding behind the trees, while Ellen recovered from the shock of the previous encounter. She still looked at her throbbing finger, inspecting the markings were the vampire sank his teeth into her Innocence. There was no blood, but Ellen knew that her Innocence hand didn't seem to be filled with any substance resembling blood.

"Continue like this, black monks, and kill Crowley!", the mayor shouted from behind a tree, while the others also urged them to go on fighting. Ellen looked over at them and frowned.

"Excuse me, but why are you that far away from us?", she wondered, not without a hunch to what the answer could be.

"Don't worry about it!", the major shouted and Ellen dropped her head.

"They're just afraid that you could also become a vampire now that you've been bitten by Crowley", Ellen heard Rabi say. She raised her head and turned to him, somewhat glad, that he hadn't run off as well.

"Rabi", she started, but then she froze.

"So, don't worry about it", he repeated, wearing a necklace of garlic and holding on to a wooden stake. Ellen had no clue where he got them that fast, but it still annoyed her.

"But I do worry!", she thought, "I cannot stop thinking about it!". She clicked her tongue indignantly, and almost sprang to her feet.

"Let us go the castle now!", she shouted and started walking off.

"Aww, Ellen! What's wrong? I was just joking!", Rabi said, waving at her and took off the garlic. "Why are you so motivated all of a sudden?"

"Baron Crowley took one of the villagers into the castle. We cannot know if he is already dead. Maybe we manage to save him", Ellen answered, still a bit irritated, and pulled up the hood of her coat.

"Crowley takes his prey into his castle so he can eat it quietly. He does that with all of his victims!", the major shouted and Rabi shivered.

"Whaaaat?", he asked and turned towards Ellen, walking up to her, "he eats them…?" The young girl didn't seem to be grossed out by the idea, probably not believing what they were saying and Rabi found that somewhat admirable.

"Mister major! Please stay here with the others! Mister Rabi and I will go to the castle!", she called out to the people from the village.

"Well, that goes without saying!! We humans would risk our lives if we were present at this fight between monsters! Good luck!"

"So we're monsters as well?", Rabi mumbled, putting his hand on Ellen's back. The girl stayed silent, lifting her hands to her chest.

"Monster…", she mumbled.

"Don't listen to them, Ellen", Rabi whispered and the young girl sighed.

"Let us go, we have a mission", she said after a while and they continued walking through the strange labyrinth of sculptures leading up to Crowley's castle.

"You no longer seem to be afraid, Ellen", Rabi said, catching up to the girl, who was making her way up to the huge door of the castle.

"Afraid? Oh, I am afraid, but not of a vampire, Rabi", she said and looked over her shoulder. The red-haired exorcist wasn't sure if she was angry, sad or worried. Probably something in-between.

"Then what? Of this old castle? Of the dangerous lurking in the shadows?", Rabi asked, but Ellen shook her head.

"I have been called monster before…", she said after a while, looking at the approaching door. Rabi stopped walking, clearly taken by surprise. As Ellen stopped at the gates he sped up again.

"What? Why?"

"Not directly…", Ellen said, pushing at the doors, which wouldn't move at first, but then she just used her left hand and it opened up wide enough for them to enter. "People did not dare, I am from a noble house after all. But they were talking, whispering when they thought I was not listening…"

"Ellen…", Rabi said, not sure what he should answer. The girl disappeared inside and he followed.

"I guess that I am afraid to become what they say I am… It has nothing to do with this mission, but somehow this castle and what the people say…", Ellen stopped and closed the door after Rabi, then she looked at him, "monsters, Rabi, do not exist. I continue believing that. There are Akuma and there are humans. Baron Crowley is either an Akuma or a human, but not a monster". Rabi smiled at her, patting her head.

"Ellen, you are wiser than I expected. You might be a new exorcist, but you're tough", he said, "no wonder-"

"Oh, don't bring Kanda up now!", Ellen called, stomping her foot in a very childish manner. Rabi blinked at her and started laughing.

"I guess I take it back, you're still a child after all! And you said _don't_!!"

"Silence now. We should do what we are meant to do", she told him with a frown and pink cheeks, then she looked around. They were in a entrance hall with a very high ceiling and huge stairs leading upwards.

"Hm. I wonder why we exorcist should go fighting a vampire. Don't you thing that it's strange?"

"As I said, maybe he is an Akuma", Ellen said, looking at a sculpture that stood next to the door.

"If he were, then Cross would have killed him before", Rabi said and pointed to the stairs, "let's go up". Ellen nodded and followed him

"Well, you are right, but there must be a reason for this"

"So you believe that everything Cross does has a meaning?", Rabi asked with a grin and Ellen huffed.

"I am sure that he does pretty useless things, but not concerning his work as an exorcist. Or at least I hope that I am not misjudging him", she said, walking upwards, "this has to be connected to my master, why else should he have come here?"

"Yes… There weren't any nice women around, were there?", Rabi wondered, and only earned himself a "stop joking" from Ellen, "Well, he did tell the villagers that we would destroy the vampire. That's pretty strange. What did he mean by that? Why did we…", he said and then he suddenly fell to the floor. Ellen gave a startled shriek.

"Rabi?!", she shouted, turning around only to find him sleeping and the floor covered by some strange fog. Ellen put her hand over her mouth and nose, but still dropped to the floor.

"This sweet scent! It smells like…", she thought, but then she felt something tugging at her shoulder. Without being able to do anything, she was hauled up into the air and suddenly faced something which looked like a huge flower. She was hanging legs up into mid-air, being held by something like robust cobwebs. "Goodness, what is that?! A flower?". The thing opened its petals and it seemed like a mouth to Ellen. More and more appeared in the big entrance hall, Rabi and Ellen hanging among them, nearly defenceless. "What is happening here?!". Ellen started struggling, but couldn't free herself. A flower caught her arm in its mouth and the young girl whirled around, activating her innocence and shot. The flower exploded and Ellen was free for the moment. "Man eating plants! What are they doing in this castle?". She wondered and looked around. Rabi was still unconscious and the flowers were approaching him.

"Rabi!!", Ellen shouted and continued shooting so that her friend didn't land in any flower's mouth, also making holes in the wall. "Rabi! Please wake up!". She pulled at the strings and continued shouting, but it took her quite some efforts to wake the red-head.

"Huh…?", was the first thing he mumbled and Ellen was pretty relieved. Then she became aware of the hole and that a human was standing in it.

"Hey! You two humans there!", the woman shouted and Rabi turned his head towards her. "Was are you doing?! Those are Master Aleister's beloved flowers!".

"How is she dressed…?", Ellen wondered quietly, but Rabi seemed to be totally captivated by this woman.

"Strike!!", he shouted, staring at her.

"What?!", Ellen replied to that, "Rabi?". The girl didn't get a reaction from her friend, as he was focussing on the woman, who now started flirting with him. "Rabi!! Now… Look at me!!". The girl started to get furious with him and changed her Innocence to a claw, banging it on Rabi's head, "Listen already!!", she shouted.

"Why are you doing that?", Rabi asked, a big bump on his head. Ellen couldn't believe her ears.

"We are nearly being eaten! Why are you all exited over the likes of her?!", Ellen shrieked, wanting to hit him even more.

"You're still a child Ellen, you wouldn't understand how a man's heart works!", Rabi retorted.

"What?!", Ellen called, still furious and ignoring the woman completely, "why would I want to understand that?!".

"I am Eliade!", the woman introduced herself and Ellen turned towards her, "Master Aleister's assistant. What are you doing here?"

"We want to destroy the vampire!", Rabi said in a sing-song voice, still looking at her with a stupid face.

"We came to look for the villager that the baron took", Ellen corrected him, regaining her composure.

"Villager?", the woman asked with a disapproving frown. "Oh, you mean this here?", she askes, lifting up a human's body by the ankle. "I actually wanted to bury him right now". Ellen widened her eyes. "but if you want to have him…", she continued and threw him away and into the hall. "Then here you can have him!". Ellen gave a surprised start.

"Mister Franz…?!", she called but before she could react, the flowers caught him and started tearing him apart. "Why…?!", Ellen shouted, but the woman just glared at the whole scene, then she turned around and disappeared. The flowers in turn finished eating, but suddenly they started sprouting black stars. And soon after that they exploded, destroying a part of the castle. Ellen grabbed Rabi with her claw and shielded themselves against the explosion. She didn't see much, but they were trust forward by the force of the explosion. The young girl was able to grab a wall as they were blown outside and the two could save themselves.

"Uff!! We… We are demons!! I thought we wouldn't survive that!", Rabi panted. Ellen, who had stopped her invocation, pressed her hand to her chest.

"We got away with only a few scraps. Our uniforms are really something special", she said and sat up. Rabi didn't seem that fine because he excused himself and threw up.

"I got a hit to the stomach", he said.

"Rabi!", Ellen called, as she saw something on the other side of the wall.

"Y… Yes?", the young man asked, wiping his mouth. They stood up and looked at what lay bellow them

"A graveyard", Ellen said and they started climbing down the wall. The rough stone floor had been broken open at various parts and bare, old trees with huge roots grew out of the soil. Somewhere in the middle of the square, in the muddy earth, little hills with wooden crosses had been pilled up.

"Those are very simple graves", Rabi commented, "maybe for pets?", he suggested, while Ellen walked around, studying them. "Aren't you afraid?"

"No, I have often visited graveyards to honour my ancestors… There is nothing scary about graves", Ellen said, counting the wooden crosses. Rabi showed her an unsure grin.

"You're one tough lady, Miss Ellen", he told her. Ellen didn't react to that, but was thinking things through.

"I think that these are the graves of the villagers that the baron took with himself"

"What?", Rabi wondered and Ellen walked into the middle of the small grave circle where Rabi was standing.

"This woman, Miss Eliade… She said that she wanted to bury Mister Franz. And there is another thing… Look". She raised her hand and pointed at the graves, "there are eight graves.This matches the number of victims the major talked about".

"But didn't Crowley kill nine…?", Rabi wondered, crossing his hands in front of his chest.

"One of his victims dissolved, right?", Ellen asked and touched the nearest cross, that cracked and crumbled into small pieces. "Oh!"

"Argh! It broke!"

"Oh no! And I only touched it lightly! Forgive me!", Ellen apologizes and dropped to her knees looking if she could save the broken cross. As she looked down she saw some strange symbol in the earth. "Rabi! Look at this!", she called

"Hmm?", he hummed and bend over the girl, who started digging in the mud.

"This here…! The ground is covered by pentacles!", she said pointing at the black stars.

"The virus from the Akuma blood… That can't be…", the red-head commented with a frown.

"Are Akuma in these graves…?", Ellen asked and Rabi walked over to the next grave.

"Here are more of them, Ellen", he said, then he turned to look at her, "I just remembered… The flowers that ate Franz…Weren't there pentacles as well? Could this mean that…". Ellen started at him, finishing his sentence:

"That they ate an Akuma?!". The two of them were silent after Ellen voiced their suspicion, looking at the graves in confusion. "Maybe we should start digging a bit, Rabi?", Ellen suggested after a while.

"We have no choice, have we? We need to be sure about it…", the red-head replied with a sigh, scratching his head uncomfortably.

"Maybe this is all just a misunderstanding…", Ellen said, then she looked around, spotting a shovel. The young girl took a hair tie out of her pocket and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Meanwhile Rabi pulled up his scarf around his mouth and nose, then he took the nearest wooden stick he could find and started digging with Ellen. It took them quite some time but then the metal tip of the shovel touched something solid.

"There is something!", she exclaimed and they unearthed a simple wooden coffin.

"There it is…"

"Indeed…", Ellen commented and the two looked at each other, "will you not open it?". Rabi blinked at her.

"Why me? I don't want to!", he protested and earned himself a put off frown.

"I am a lady, and not a grave robber!", Ellen shouted and Rabi shook his head. The girl groaned and kneeled down. "You are such a coward for a boy! I am sure Kanda would not have hesitated!"

"Well, I'm not Yu, am I? I don't want some ghost to curse me for disturbing his slumber!", Rabi reasoned and Ellen just shook her head in annoyance. With her gloved hands she tried to pull off the cover. The wood was pretty rotten and she managed to tear it off. She looked at it, feeling a bit sick and Rabi looked over her shoulder calmly.

"The skin has rotten away…", Rabi said and looked at the corpse, "an Akuma". The coffin was covered by dark stars and the rest of the stinking flesh hung on a metallic body.

"Let us unearth the others as well", Ellen suggested and the pair started working, just to see the same picture all over again; all of the coffins held Akuma.

"All of them were Akuma… The flesh has rotten away and the blood has seeped into the earth, that's the reason there are pentacles on the ground…", Rabi said, studying a coffin, "Urgh. Ellen, this stinks! Aren't you feeling sick?"

"No… I smell them yes, but I am not affected… Maybe because I have been cursed by an Akuma?", Ellen wondered and thought about their discovery. "So… The baron attacked Akuma… What if he _only_ attacked Akuma…?". Rabi stood up, rolling down his sleeves.

„Then we wouldn't be going after a vampire. Then this Crowley would be…". Ellen looked up at him and froze. A dark shape was looming behind her friend. Without hesitating she started shouting:

"Ra… Rabi!!". The man knew at once that something was wrong and turned around, but not fast enough. He was hit by the baron, smashing into the nearest wall and lost conscious.

"So it is you…", the Baron hissed with a scary grin. Ellen looked over to where Rabi lay, still shocked. "Now I'm angry!"

"This no longer is a vampire hunt", Ellen thought and slowly turned towards Crowley, "The vampire Aleister Crowley… Maybe he is one of us?". She looked at him with a steady gaze and made a short bow.

"Baron!", she said and he grinned at her.

"Die! Exorcists!". Without hesitating he came at her, giving Ellen just enough time to invocate her weapon, thus blocking his attack. But he was just too fast for her, hitting her into the face. She was thrown at the wall, where she could regain her balance before falling down. But she barely had enough time to jump away before he smashed his fist into the ground she had been standing on just seconds before.

"He is so fast!", Ellen thought, landing on the roots of an old tree. "Mister Crowley!", she shouted, "we do not intend to kill you, Baron!". The man came at her again and she tried to block as well as she could. She was reminded of all the hours spent in the training room, boxing against Kanda. She never thought that she would be this glad of his harsh training, but still, he was faster than her. "Please do listen to me!"

"Save your breath! You probably got scared because you had to witness the death of your friend!", the vampire said with a malicious grin and Ellen grit her teeth. She saw that Rabi was still lying on the debris of the fallen wall, he was injured, she could see that, but she just knew that he was too strong to die that easily. At least she feverishly believed in him. The baron and her landed on the ground and before Crowley could attack her again, Ellen forcefully stopped her invocation, resulting in a fountain of blood gushing out of her left shoulder, where her Innocence met her normal flesh. But she just pulled herself together and faced Crowley with a determined face.

"Please listen to me!", she demanded and Crowley raised and eyebrow in confusion. "All the villagers that were buried in your garden were Akuma. Were you aware of that? Aleister Crowley!", Ellen shouted, "are you really a vampire?". He just stared at her dumbfounded and disbelieving, but then he started glaring at her angrily.

"You ask if I really am a vampire…?", he wondered and faster than Ellen's eyes could see, he was behind her, grabbing the left side of her face with one hand. She reacted as fast as she could, but he still managed to sink his teeth into his prey. Ellen touched her bleeding neck, droplets of fresh blood hitting the dirty floor. Ellen panted loudly, watching Crowley laugh.

"I have no clue what Akuma are supposed to be", he said, Ellen's ripped off ponytail in his mouth, "I just rejoice in the feeling of lust!". He spit the hair out, grinning at her. "One wants to have fun in life!! I want to follow my instinct freely without anybody hindering me! I refuse to lead a life that others decided for me!", he shouted and Ellen pulled her hand away from her neck and short hair, her eyes set on Crowley. "That's why I kill, and you're the next one!". He dashed at Ellen and she could barely block his attack. The force smashed her into the castle.

"Mmpf. That was all apparently", Crowley snorted, but then an explosion nearby let him look up. Rabi appeared with his Innocence transformed into a huge hammer

"Bleh! You can't just forget about me that easily!", Rabi hissed, his face down and sticking his tongue out to Crowley. His face was bloody and he pushed his bandana up. When he raised his head he was grinning but he was very angry. "You can't just do that to Ellen, not when I'm in charge of her. Now I am a little bit pissed! We will talk about the whole matter quietly after I knocked you out!", he spat out and earned himself a delighted, dark grin from Crowley.

"How funny!"

Meanwhile Ellen woke up again with a huge headache. She sat up and nearly threw up because of her dizziness. Blood was dripping from her chin and she could feel I running down her face sticky and warm and coppery.

"Oh my… This hit I took to my head was a bit too much…", she moaned, standing up on shacking feet, holding on to the wall. "Just like when my master knocked me out some months ago…". She slowly made her way along the corridor, not knowing where she was going. She could hear loud sounds coming from somewhere outside. "I… have to hurry!", she told herself, but then her hand sank into the wall, as she had unintentionally pushed at a brick. A door suddenly opened in the wall and she fell into a hidden room. "A secret door! But where am I!", she whispered, holding on to her throbbing head.

"Uuuh…", she heard someone moan and straightened up immediately. She saw a huge shadow of some unknown creature thrown at the far off wall. Ellen was pretty surprised and then the door behind her snapped shut with a loud bang. Then she heard the clacking of heels on a stone floor and looked to her side. But there was nothing and the shape was gone as well.

"There is nobody here?", she whispered, but then she was suddenly attacked from behind and smashed into the book shelves. Looking over her shoulder she could see the woman Eliade, holding on to her. "What?"

"Look what we have here! The white haired lad! Even though Aleiseter said that he would get rid of you… Really…". Ellen saw bite marks on her shoulder. The same she had on her finger, where the baron bit her. Eliade pushed Ellen further against the shelf, crushing her. "Well, that's how it has to be. I will take care of you. I have wanted to taste it long ago; an exorcist's blood!", she shrieked, "you will be very sorry to have ever come to this castle!". Eliade turned Ellen around, her hand dissolving into something that looked like white cobwebs. She crushed Ellen's chest, cracking some of her ribs and squeezing the air out her lungs. Ellen started coughing violently, spitting blood as well.

"Oh? What is that? You're a girl?", Eliade asked with a mock surprised face, still crushing Ellen's chest under her transformed hand, "And what about your breathing? Until some minutes ago you were just doing fine! If you do nothing then I'll just squash you!". Ellen panted, sweat dripping from her face.

"What is that…? It is so hot… I am getting dizzy… It seems to me as if something would suck all my energy out of my body. My senses are getting weaker… I… am tired…". Eliade hit her as her eyelids dropped.

"What? No reaction? Or are you just not in the mood? Maybe Aleister was too much for such a dumb little girl? Hmmm".

"No… I… must not fall asleep", Ellen thought to herself, "I feel no pain… I feel nothing at all… My senses are numbed… But if I fall asleep now she will kill me… Say something!", Ellen urged herself, "Get your brain running!".

"I… Do not plan to… kill Aleister Crowley…", Ellen whispered, "And I have no reason to fight against you…".

"Oh? She can still speak?", Ellen heard Eliade say.

"He… He is no vampire… And he certainly is not a monster… Maybe he is… one of us…", she could see how Eliade stared at her and then she started hitting her, laughing loudly.

"One of you?! Are you mad?! He is a vampire!!", Eliade shrieked with a grin, then she approached Ellen's face and she could finally see her face. The expression she wore surprised Ellen; she seemed troubled, pained and scared. "I will not allow you to take him away from me!". Ellen widened her eyes, at a loss of words.

"Miss… Eliade…", she whispered, but the woman just glared at her.

"That is why I will kill you!", she shouted and threw Ellen at the opposite wall, where she dropped to the floor. Eliade walked up to her, an axe in her hand. "I will just chop off your head and then suck out all of your blood and smear it at the front gate! They will no longer dare to approach this castle!", Eliade said and kicked Ellen, so that she rolled on her back. The blonde woman put the sharp end of her axe to Ellen's white throat. "Bye, bye sweet little girl!". She let her axe smash down, put before it could harm Ellen, it was stopped by her hand. Eliade struggled against Ellen's firm hold on the weapon.

"Moving again?!", she asked with a grin, but then she had to realize that Ellen wasn't even conscious. But Eliade had no time to do anything about it, as Ellen destroyed the axe and invocated the hand to a huge claw, which soared down at Eliade on its own accord. The woman was able to escape, but still got a bit hurt. She was breathing loudly, watching as the claw smashed itself into the floor, pulling Ellen up with it.

"Who is that girl?! Her left arm moves on its own?!", she wondered with wide eyes.

Ellen had her eyes closed, feeling how the strange electricity of her Innocence ran through her left arm. Her cursed eye felt hot and strange. She didn't feel that much, neither did she see anything. But something came out of her left eye and she heard a whisper in her head. She felt so far away, trapped in a black world. She hear the clacking of heels on a hard floor. Ellen suddenly felt very young and very alone again, just like she had felt when Mana had died. And she felt his presence, just behind her. She was the young girl of 14 again, with the long hair that turned white and the bleeding scar of her uncle's curse forever burned into the left side of her pale face. "Mana…?" She felt herself ask, but she didn't even turn to look around. Had she died? No, that couldn't be… "Even if my eye had turned blind… I'm determined to stay an exorcist. I have decided, just like my friends", she said, but nobody replied to her. Mana was standing behind her, watching, listening, but staying silent. Ellen started crying. "Mana…" Ellen felt a presence wrapping around her.

"_Then dive deeper into this world that divides black and white even stronger than your old. Trust yourself into it!!"_

Ellen opened her eyes. Then she suddenly saw Eliade and above her the soul of an Akuma.

"_Ellen… I've returned. The darkness is back…"_, she heard someone say and then her feelings returned to her. She opened her eyes slowly, a strange monocle like gear formed over her eye.

"You are an Akuma", Ellen said, looking at Eliade.

"And you're a very strange girl", the Akuma woman commented, grinning despite the bad situation she was in. Ellen ignored her for the moment.

"It is back… The black and white world", Ellen thought, looking at Eliade. "Welcome back". She transformed her Innocence into her gun and looked up at Eliade. "I take back what I said. Now I have a reason to fight you!"

"You're pretty annoying. You destroyed my clothes!", the Akuma complained while Ellen just studied her.

"Do you not want to change your appearance?", she asked and Eliade just grinned at her.

"You're quite cheeky! I don't like myself when I become so ugly. I like this human body better. But considering the situation we find ourselves into, I can hardly be so picky", she answered and then she puller her face off, transforming into a huge plant like Akuma.

"I agree", Ellen said, pulling up her hood, preparing herself to fight the level two on her own. She shot at Eliade with her gun, managing to hit and breaking yet another wall. The Akuma shrieked and used the hole to get itself more space to move in. Ellen ran to it and stopped at the whole. It led into a big hall with high ceilings. The Akuma had the advantage that it could fly, while Ellen would have to fight her either from her high position where she could hide or from the floor. She actually wanted to avoid risking anything, but she had a feeling that she had no other choice than to fire. She changed her Innocence into a claw and attached herself to the Akuma, pulling herself into the air, so that she was near enough to get a few shots at Eliade. The Akuma shrieked again, cursing her.

"Why you!!", it said, glaring at the girl. Ellen landed on one part of Eliade's body, hoping to finish it before she dropped to the far away floor. But just in that moment another explosion shook the already battered castle and tore yet another hole into the stone wall. Both of them looked down to find an unconscious Aleister Crowley lying on the floor. Eliade reacted and transformed herself back into human, taking away the ground Ellen had been standing on. She was too surprised to scream, but before she hurt herself, Rabi – sitting on the pole of his Innocence – grabbed her.

"Hi Ellen!"

"Rabi!! You are well!", the girl exclaimed. Rabi grinned, but then he noticed her left eye.

"Has it healed? You've opened it!", he said but then something else seemed to catch his attention. "Ellen! Look, this woman!". He didn't tell her what it was that seemed so special about Eliade, who now sat by the unconscious Crowley. Rabi lowered them to the ground instead. Crowley opened his eyes and widened them shortly afterwards.

"Eliade… This thing… coming out of your body. What is it?", he breathed. Ellen watched them, holding on to her throbbing shoulder. "What is this?!", he repeated pointing at the soul connected to Eliade. Eliade looked over her shoulder, seeing it as well.

"The soul of an Akuma. Called back from the world of the dead. Chained, to be used as energy source for the weapon", Rabi breathed and he shivered, not really able to uphold his grin. "This? Is this it, Ellen?". Ellen turned towards him in surprise. "Incredible! Why can I see it as well?!". Rabi looked at her. "Is that the fault of your left eye?". Ellen widened her eyes, but then she lowered her head, covering her cursed eye with her hand.

"Has… Mana's curse gotten stronger?", she asked herself, "are the souls of the Akuma, only my left eye could perceive, now visible to the humans around me?". Ellen lowered her head. Her left eye… It seemed to be a burden, if not for her then for the people around her.

"Crowley!", Rabi shouted, "that girl is an Akuma! I explained it, right! She is our enemy and yours as well!!". Crowley, still sitting at the floor with Eliade beside him, flinched, then he stared at her.

"Eliade… What… Are you…?", he asked and she just looked at him with a calm expression.

"You know? I…", she pulled herself up and sighed, "I will tear you apart!!", she shouted, transforming herself into an Akuma. She kicked him off and Rabi shouted.

"Oh no! This will be dangerous! Crowley is still pretty weak because we've been fighting!! We have to help him!!", he said.

"Well. Yes of course", Ellen began, but before she could finish her sentence, the floor started to crack and more of the man-eating flowers broke through, catching Ellen and Rabi with their vines.

"What?! The flowers just broke through the floor?!", Ellen shouted.

"Again!! Despicable weed!", Rabi wailed, "and they're getting more and more!", he said as the whole hall resembled a field of these giant flowers. "You crappy flowers! What do you want?! I can't reach Crowley!!". Rabi tried to free himself, shouting and trashing, while Ellen just stayed quiet, listening to the sounds that came from beyond the flowers.

"What is happening over there?", Ellen wondered, while Rabi complained that he lost his hammer. "Are they fighting?". The next thing Ellen saw was Rabi being swallowed by a flower and only his hand sticking out.

"ARGH!!", Rabi shrieked and continued trashing.

"Rabi! Stay calm and do what I tell you!", Ellen shouted.

"Are you crazy?! If I calm down this thing will eat me!!", Ellen heard Rabi reply.

"Listen to me, Rabi! I have tried it myself just now, or why do you think that I have not been eaten yet?!", she tried to reason with him.

"So you've got a plan?!", Rabi sounded pretty desperate and Ellen could understand why.

"Yes! It is common knowledge that plants grow better when you talk to them and care for them"

"Stupid, girly wish-wash!!", Rabi complained from inside and Ellen groaned.

"Stop behaving like an idiot! These plants will not harm those that offer them love", Ellen said and added on an afterthought: "at least it seems so…"

"Stop speculating!!", Rabi wailed.

"Then pull yourself together and love this plant from the bottom of your heart!!", Ellen replied, unsure if one could just love a thing without actually being in love (no matter with whom, it was the emotion that counted). But she heard an affirmative reply from inside the flower.

"I LOVE YOU!!", Rabi shouted and really, the flower opened its mouth and Rabi could jump out, even though the vines were still holding on to him. "Ellen! You genius!!"

"Oh right. And before I was just babbling girly wish-wash", she snorted, earning a grin from Rabi.

"Come on, we have to get out of here so we can help Crowley!", Rabi shouted, turning towards the flowers. "I love you, I love you!". He turned towards Ellen who just stayed silent, "huh? Why aren't you doing anything?". Ellen huffed.

"Because I am a girl. And every girl loves flowers", she said and Rabi grinned at her.

"Even man eating ones… I see. You've got a pretty wicked taste, Ellen!".

"Hmpf. Just continue declaring your love, will you!", the white haired girl spat irritably.

"Fine, fine! I love you, I love you, I love you!", he said, looking at the flowers, "well? Getting better? They stopped trying to bite us".

"Yes and their hold on us is getting weaker as well", Ellen noticed. Suddenly it started dribbling and the two exorcists looked up in surprise.

"Brr…", Rabi commented as the rain got stronger.

"Rain? Here in the castle?", Ellen wondered. They freed themselves of the flowers, Rabi still chanting "I love you" just in case some flower hadn't been convinced yet. They walked through the hall, looking around, but Eliade and Crowley ere no longer fighting. They fond the baron sitting on a flower in the shape of a gigantic rose. The two younger ones climbed up, Rabi heaving a relieved sigh. "Finally free…"

"Baron?", Ellen asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Those stupid flowers…", he mumbled, but then he started screaming: "Ugly flowers! Damned flowers! Despicable flowers! Crappy flowers!!". And as expected, the rose under their feet opened up its mouth and bit them. Half of their bodies was still free, while the other was trapped.

"What are you doing to us, Crowley?!", Rabi shouted.

"Silence!!", the baron yelled and Ellen turned to look at him.

"I have destroyed Eliade… What reason do I still have to live…", he asked, tears streaming down his face.

"Suicide?", the two younger ones wondered, staring at the other.

"So kill me, you ghastly flower!!", Crowley wailed.

"Stop that, you idiot!!", Rabi called and Ellen clamped her hand over Crowley's mouth in irritation.

"Please calm down!", she called and looked at his left arm, that resembled nothing more than thin paper. "You are hurt!!"

"Oh… This is nothing. It will heal as soon as I drink Akuma blood", Crowley said when Ellen took away her hands to inspect his arm. The baron continued crying, raising his eyes to the ceiling. "Haaah. What kind of monster I've become…", he said and Ellen froze, "I killed what I loved the most". She stared at him and how he continued sobbing: "I want to die…". The young girl reacted and grabbed him by collar, staring at him

"If you suffer that much, then become an exorcist!", she said loudly. "Exorcists destroy the Akuma! And you've destroyed the Akuma called Eliade! If you continue destroying them, then there is also a reason why you had to destroy Eliade…". Rabi just looked at her in surprise, not having expected such harsh words, but somehow he could understand it.

"If there is a reason to, then one can continue living…", she whispered, but looked at Crowley with determination shining in her eyes, "you can live for this reason! You too are an apostle of the Innocence". Rabi studied her back with a calm gaze, remembering everything she has said before.

"This", he concluded to himself, watching how Ellen embraced the baron, "must be hard for you as well. Ellen Walker, the girl that killed her most precious person".

_To be continued_

**_Notes:_**

_I added some dialogues and left other scenes (Eliade - Crowley fight for example) out. I also needed another reason for Ellen to know how to deal with the plants. Thankies to Esmerod here! **lol**_

_Next chapter; oh my God, Rabi failed and yay, Hobo!Tyki! **rofl**_

**_Reviews are loved 3_**


	25. Kapitel 24 Cheating in Good Company

I've been in a very foul mood, while doing part of this chapter. I hope this does not reflect in my writing… **sweat drop **How unprofessional... **lolz**

The title of this chapter doesn't make much sense if you look at it on its own, but if you try to interpret it with what is being said and done in this chapter it might turn out to be more than just me running out of ideas… XD

**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino!**

* * *

**Kapitel 24: Cheating in Good Company**

After freeing themselves of whatever carnivorous plant was left, Rabi, Baron Crowley and Ellen searched themselves a relatively safe place in the battered dance hall.

"Aaaah! I'm all drenched!", Rabi said and got out of his exorcist's jacket to hang it over the railing.

"Yes. We should better hang our clothes out to dry", Ellen suggested. Rabi, being the gentleman he considered him to be, helped her out of the coat. "Thank you, Rabi", Ellen said, but then the other two perceived a high pitched scream that originated from a very pale Rabi.

"What – What happened?", Crowley asked in a frightened tone. Rabi was trembling and pointing at Ellen.

"H… Ha… Hair!", he spluttered. Ellen just shot him an uncomprehending look.

"What is the matter?", she wondered.

"HAIR! Your hair!!", Rabi wailed, grabbing Ellen by the shoulder and turning her around, "Oh no!! Your _divine hair_!!". Ellen finally started to understand and felt her neck, where her hair was now rather short.

"Oh…"

"Don't say Oh!! Yu told me to watch over you! And now your hair got chopped off!", Rabi shouted, grabbing his head in frustration, "Her divine haaaaaaaiiiiir!!", he wailed sounding a lot like Komui did when he was sobbing for his sister. Ellen sighed and rubbed her neck. Her hair had never been this short, and it did pain her a bit to know it lost now, especially as it had grown back a little.

"I… I guess that was me", Crowley spoke up with a timid voice. Rabi stopped shouting nonsense and blinked at him.

"You?", he asked and the baron nodded. Rabi started howling, grabbing the vampire's collar and shaking him. "Then you take responsibility! Yu's going to KILL me for letting his future wife be harmed in such a way!". Ellen frowned.

"Shut up, Rabi", she said, crossing her arms over her chest. Rabi looked over at her and uttered a defeated sigh, letting go of the baron.

"Yu's is going to kill me. I tell you… He won't accept my failure to protect your divine hair", he mumbled and a lot of other random complaints followed. Ellen just shook her head and sat down on the floor, because she started to feel a bit dizzy again. She had had relatively little trouble while fighting this time, even though she was quite injured. Well, it let her hope that… things would turn out for the better.

"I think we have not been introduced properly", Ellen said, picking at her vest, before she looked up at Crowley, smiling, "My name is Ellen Walker!"

"And I'm Rabi!", the red-head added, suddenly being able to grin again after getting over the fact that he had failed protecting Ellen. The baron smiled thinly.

"I'm Aleister Crowley the third… Nice to meet to you two", he said, "and I am sorry that I wasn't listening to you… And… of course I regret damaging your hair… I will take the blame, tell that to your fiancé". Rabi grinned, but Ellen just put on a nice smile after frowning.

"Ah, no. You misunderstood this, Baron. I am not engaged yet", she corrected him. Rabi just nudged her.

"Don't be so stiff, Miss Walker!", he chirped, then he looked to Crowley, "you will surely meet him later on. Let's just hope that her hair will have grown back a little until then…"

"Kanda is also an exorcist", Ellen explained ignoring Rabi, "You will accompany us and become an exorcist, will you not?", she wondered and Crowley nodded after hesitating for some moments.

"Ah! I remembered something!", Rabi exclaimed and went to his jacket, getting out piece of paper. "Do you know this man?", he asked showing Crowley the mayor's picture of General Cross.

"Oh. Yes, he has been here, I can assure you", Crowley said, nodding.

"Ah?!", Rabi exclaimed, feeling that they were really on the right track.

"What did he want?", Ellen asked. The Baron rubbed his chin.

"He said that he was a friend of my late grandfather and that he had heard of his death. He wanted to return something that my grandfather had owned and he had kept in safe custody", Crowley explained.

"He kept something that belonged to your grandfather?", Ellen repeated with wonder. Rabi next to her was sneezing and Ellen frowned at him. "Bless you".

"It was a flower", Crowley answered once Ellen turned back to him, "the man-eating flower, as baby".

"Wh… What?! He was carrying that thing around?", Ellen wondered. Cross truly was a strange man. What did he want with such a flower?

"Oh? And this was all? He just returned it?", Rabi asked And Crowley nodded again.

"Yes. Although this flower was a pretty peculiar thing… Once it bit me out of the blue and withered shortly after", he said, "I thought that it had poisoned me, as my whole body felt as if it was on fire. And then all of my teeth fell out and the ones I have now formed". Rabi and Ellen listened in amazement and Crowley looked up thoughtfully. "If I think about it, then this flower must have held the Innocence. Because from that moment on I started attacking Akuma…"

"Well…", Rabi said after Crowley had stopped talking, "we're looking for that guy. Do you have and idea where he could have gone to?".

"Hm… Now that you mention it, I remember him saying that he wanted to go to the East and that I, as grandson of his friend, should lend him some money for the journey. To tell the truth, it was actually a lot of money…", Crowley replied. Ellen and Rabi looked at each other and sighed. The baron rose to his feet and Ellen looked up at him.

"Would you wait for me outside? I still need to do a few things". Ellen and Rabi smiled.

"Of course". Rabi helped the girl up and they left the building. Ellen looked up into the dark sky, but there was a faint light coming from the east.

"It is dawning. Morning should not be far away now", Ellen said. Rabi stretched, trying to get the ache out of his back.

"We had quite a harsh night, right?", Rabi asked. Ellen laughed and nodded.

"But we found a lead to my master's whereabouts. With the amount of money the baron handed him, I am sure that he was able to travel to China".

"China…", Rabi said and grinned, then he looked at Ellen. The girl was looking at the sky again, a melancholic expression on her face. He studied her for some time, but then he closed his eyes and smiled.

"Don't pull such a face, Ellen. You look as if you've done something terrible. Sure thing, you didn't spread happiness and optimism. But Crowley just needed a reason to continue in this situation…", Rabi said, turning towards Ellen, "It'll be okay…". Just as he said that there was a huge explosion behind them. The two exorcists turned around and saw the castle standing in flames, crumbling bit by bit.

"The castle?!", Rabi shouted, "he didn't…". But before they could go looking for Crowley, a shape appeared out of the flames. Crowley smiled at them.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that? Did you think I had died?", he asked, "I'm fine", he said and smiled as if a huge burden has been lifted off his heart.

After going back to the village to unsuccessfully try to convince the villagers that Crowley had done nothing wrong, they walked back to the train station.

"Do not worry about what they said… We exorcists face a lot of similar hardships. However, what we do will save humans and even though we will not be rewarded or thanked, I think that we are doing something good… That is why we put up with it", Ellen said with a smile, as the baron was walking next to them with his head lowered.

"Aaaah. Ellen, you're so mature", Rabi said with a wide grin. Ellen frowned at him, "I'm not trying to wind you up! I'm praising you! You're a noble girl after all, we can still see that! Even your short hair will not change the fact that you're a lady".

"You're from a noble family?", the baron asked and Ellen nodded at him.

"Yes… Maybe my mother knew your grandfather. She had a lot of noble friends all over the world".

"The only noble woman my grandfather knew in Britain was Lady Bermont", the baron answered, "as far as I can tell she is the head of the most prestigious family in London". Ellen looked up at him in surprise and smiled brightly.

"Yes, she is. She is a good woman, is she not?"

"Ellen has connections", Rabi commented and Ellen had to laugh. She would have liked to tell them that Lady Bermont was her mother, but she didn't dare to do it. She was a Walker now, even though if only in the order. General Cross had told her that she should change her name in order to protect her mother. In the end it didn't really matter. Ellen was quite comfortable by being just Ellen Walker.

"Come to think about it… I am no longer the same girl I have been when Master picked me up… I cannot go back to being Ellen Bermont that easily…", she thought and touched her hair, "I have changed a lot… Outside and inside…". She sighed what her two companions observed with confusion. "Oh… I cannot possibly face my mother right now. What would she think?".

"Is she alright?", Crowley whispered to Rabi as the girl just continued uttering small, defeated sighs. Rabi grinned.

"Ignore her. I bet she's thinking about the burden of her family name again. Maybe I should cheer her up a bit", he answered and slung his arm around Ellen's shoulders. "Yo, beansprout! Now that we have finished so successfully, maybe Komui cuts us some slack!". Ellen furrowed her brows and looked up at the red-head.

"What do you mean? And my name is Ellen", she said.

"Well… Maybe we can team up with Yu? Wouldn't it be great to meet him??".

"I don't want to see him right now!!", Ellen shrieked, forgetting her manners again and clamping her hands over her short hair. Rabi had to laugh and Ellen punched his upper arm.

"You're so cute when you're flustered!", he said and Ellen huffed.

"Why are you so keen on meeting Kanda anyway? Are you not worried that he will be angry at you for failing to protect my hair?". Rabi paled, half of his grin slipping.

"Don't remind me!", he wailed and Ellen and Crowley had to laugh at that. "Oh! There's the train station! Let's make a call to Komui! And keep quiet about the loss of your divine hair!".

"Of course", Crowley said and Ellen smiled at him, nodding in agreement.

"Fine! I'll go call him! You can go and find yourself a seat!", the red-head said and then he disappeared to find himself a telephone. He found an old one and plugged his golem in.

"Connect me to Komui", he said once his golem got a connection to the headquarters. It didn't take long for Komui's cheerful voice to answer.

"Yes??", Rabi heard him say and leant against the wall, seeing the train from the windows of the small cabin he was in. "Linali told me that our dear Ellen got lost in Romania, have you found her?"

"Yes I have and we've made a major discovery!", Rabi said and started telling the supervisor of the unplanned mission, careful as not to mention the loss of Ellen's divine hair, for he feared that it could leak to Kanda.

"Yes. I understand. That is more than we could have hoped for. A compatible and an upgrade of Ellen's eye…", Komui replied, sounding thoughtful.

"Hm. And how should we go on from here? Should one of us guide him back to the order? I'm sure Ellen wouldn't mind returning once in a while", Rabi mused. Komui stayed silent for a while, but then he sighed.

"I can understand that she does… It's all still very new to her and I'm sure she misses home"

"I guess she misses Kanda more", Rabi muttered and heard Komui laugh silently.

"Yes… And he misses her as well… But I don't think that it is necessary to send Crowley to headquarters. He doesn't seem to need fighting practice. And I am sure that he would add well to your fighting strength in battle…", he said and Rabi listened without interrupting, "You will take him along and continue your search for Cross. In the current situation I am not very keen on dividing your forces… I…"

"Yes, what?", Rabi wondered.

"I promised Kanda that I would let him meet her once he's found General Tiedoll… But seeing as he hasn't and that you can't continue your search for Cross without Ellen and Timcampy I don't see any sense in sending her back home. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but she is an indispensable part of the Cross team…", Komui said. Rabi closed his eyes and nodded to himself.

"I am sure she understands. She's a fighter after all…", he answered.

"There is another thing", Komui continued after a while and Rabi opened his eyes.

"And what would that be?"

"Ellen's left eye… It worries me… Maybe it irritates the Earl… It could endanger you…", Komui said and Rabi lowered his eyes.

"I first thought that this eye of hers would be pretty useful…But then I saw the soul of this Akuma… It's really heavy! I've been feeling sick for quite some time! I still think that I can't eat anything for now…". Komui didn't say anything and Rabi looked out of the cabin. "The world that she has in front of her eyes is hell!".

"Rabi!!", the read-head turned around and saw Ellen standing in the train's door. The vehicle was already steaming. "Hurry up! The train is departing!!", she called.

"Damn! I have to leave, Komui!!", Rabi called and unplugged the golem before the supervisor could answer him. He ran to the train and just made it inside. "Damn. This station has a habit of keeping passengers from getting on their trains or what?", he asked and Ellen laughed at him. He studied her smiling face for a while.

"How does she cope with seeing these things all of the time? She is…", Rabi thought and Ellen nodded at him and turned around. He looked at her small back, disappearing inside the train. "… really brave…".

--

Once Rabi, after contacting Bookman and Linali, sat down next to Ellen, he became aware of the dark aura that Crowley was seething.

"You're still thinking about what those stupid people said?", Rabi wondered after he studied the man. He sat on his bench, knees drawn up against his chest and sobbing every now and then.

"Well. I can relate to how you feel, Baron Crowley", Ellen said, looking annoyed even though she smiled, "They called me a monster as well and they were quite angry at me…".

"Heh! Who cares about them anyway?", Rabi spoke up, pointing his thumb at his own chest, "A real man carries his home in his heart". Ellen just frowned at him and then she shook her head with a smile.

"What a corny quip!", she thought and looked at her hands, "Home is where… Where mother is… Where Mana was… Home is where those I love are waiting for my return…"

"Why don't you have a look around the train? Maybe it will distract you a bit", Rabi suggested and Ellen looked at the man in front of them with a smile.

"This is the first time you are one a train, are you not?", she wondered and Crowley looked up. He blushed and lowered his head.

"Indeed… I… I might just do that", he said timidly and rose from his seat before leaving them.

"He's such a different person when he hasn't activated his Innocence", Rabi said and Ellen agreed, waving at the baron.

"Well, what did Mister Li say?", Ellen wondered and Rabi turned towards her.

"Ah right. I got distracted!", he said, grinning, "He told us to continue. Crowley doesn't need the training. It's best to take him with us on our mission to find General Cross. And I told gramps that he and Linali should wait for us at the next station they can get out. Are you okay with that?". Ellen looked at him in surprise.

"Yes, of course. That is fine with me. Why should it not?", she asked.

"Well… Because I thought that you would like to go to headquarters…You've gone through quite a lot recently", Rabi replied.

"It cannot be helped, it is our mission to find the General and he is quite a difficult person to trace…", Ellen answered him, folding her hands in her lap.

"You're quite responsible for such a young girl… And somehow I had expected you to want to return to Yu's side as fast as possible". Rabi observed how Ellen lifted her head and rested it against the wooden wall behind her.

"You obsess over Kanda way too much", she commented and Rabi grinned at her.

"We're friends after all and you're my friend's girl-friend, and also a friend of mine! Linali too! We are all a happy family!", he said, putting his arm around Ellen's shoulder. "You can stop being so uptight with your big brother!"

"Rabi, you are making a fool out of yourself", Ellen replied, but she was laughing. "But I will be honest with you right now…"

"Yes? I like honesty, it makes me feel all warm inside", Rabi commented and earned himself a pair of rolled eyes.

"I might have told you before, but the thought of meeting Kanda again is rather unsettling for me…"

"Yes, I remember that you felt uneasy about it… I'm sure he doesn't want to pester you, he isn't that kind of person. You're troubled because you're a noblewoman and you're pretty old-fashioned and your mother is old-fashioned…"

"Being old-fashioned has its merits, Rabi", Ellen said with a slight pout, but then she sighed, "I… know that he wants to marry me… And I appreciate how thoughtful and responsible he is… But… I might sound very arrogant now, but Kanda is not a suitable husband for me, because he lacks certain attributes that my mother would want him to have", she said meekly. Rabi looked at her and then she sighed.

"I don't think that you're being arrogant. However, I do think that you just repeat whatever your mother has taught you…"

"Well yes. I am – ", Ellen started but Rabi interrupted her.

"Ellen. I've seen that you're mature for your age… But maybe it would be time now to be also mature in this aspect. Love and relationship is something you have to decide for yourself. You're free to do it. Don't think in the patterns your family provides you. It's not your mother who will have to marry Yu...", he told her, taking his arm from Ellen's shoulder to put his hands over hers. Ellen looked down at their hands and then she looked up into Rabi's face, surprised by his words, but also flustered.

"Rabi…"

"Tell me. Does Yu lack any attributes that you would wish your husband to have? And forget money and reputation – you have enough of that to share some with Yu", he continued and Ellen lowered her eyes.

"Uhm… Well… He… He is not as learned as I am… Or as you are", Ellen mumbled.

"What? Do you think he's stupid because of that?", Rabi wondered and Ellen shook her head.

"NO! No, I do not think that!". Rabi had to laugh, "Stop laughing!"

"Sorry Ellen…", the red-head said with a grin. Ellen uttered an indignant huff.

"You do not understand what I am going through, Rabi… This is much more difficult than you think… I do not regret getting involved with Kanda… But this does nothing to change the fact that it was a mistake… And mistakes always have consequences, especially for me, because…"

"Because of what?", Rabi wondered and Ellen lowered her head.

"Because of obligation…", she whispered and Rabi widened his eyes, but he remained silent. Because he understood her perfectly well. It wasn't all that different to what troubled him; whether it was obligation to the family or obligation to the clan… It was very difficult to go against it and one was bound to get hurt… The two exorcists remained silent, each of them lost in thoughts.

--

Quite some time later Rabi became aware of the fact that their travel companion had not returned yet.

"Do you have an idea where Crowley disappeared to?", he asked and Ellen looked at him.

"No. Do you think we should go looking for him?", she wondered and Rabi sighed. He stood up and Ellen did the same.

"Well. We've got nothing better to do anyway". They walked through the train, looking for him.

"He must be around here somewhere", Ellen said and pulled open the door to the next wagon. As she did, she did indeed find Crowley – naked to his underwear, sitting at the floor next to some men. One of them, a guy with unruly and unwashed hair and a cigarette between his lips, looked up at them, his eyes barely visible behind his thick glasses.

"Mmh?", he asked, lowering his cards a bit, "Sorry guys! But children are not admitted in here!", he said. Ellen and Rabi were too surprised to even answer. Three men were sitting on the floor between the rows of benches, a child behind them, playing cards on a suitcase with Crowley. "Well, mister! Let's continue our game! What will be your bid this time?"

"No… Please, I…". Ellen closed the door behind Rabi and walked to the shivering and sobbing Crowley.

"What are you doing, Baron? Half-naked even!".

"These gentlemen have invited me to a game called poker… And then everything went too fast…". Ellen let her head drop.

"They ripped him off…", Rabi commented.

"Hey, you don't want to flee, do you?", one of the guys asked.

"You agreed to the game! Be a man and stay to the end!", the curly haired man added, while the other just continued grinning. Ellen sighed and took of her exorcist's jacket, holding it out in front of the man with the thick glasses. She smiled at him as he just looked at it in confusion.

"There is pure silver on this coat. Do you want to risk a game against me? I bid this coat in exchange for all of the clothes you took from the gentleman", Ellen offered.

"Hey! Ellen! You can't just-", Rabi protested, but got interrupted by the laughter of the smoking man.

"Agreed!", he said. Ellen sat down on the floor, taking Crowley's place. She continued smiling, even though Rabi wanted to persuade her to stop doing such nonsense.

"Just let me deal with this Rabi. This seems pretty funny", she replied, still with her well-mannered daughter smile. "Let us play".

--

Rabi was no expert when it came to poker, but once the men and Ellen had played for some time, he was sure that something was not going as it should be.

"Lay open your cards", Ellen said and put her five cards on the suitcase that served as their table. The men, now only in their underwear, just remained silent, staring at her cards.

"Royal… Straight Flash…".

"I won again", she announced innocently, a pile of things she had won from them behind her.

"Argh!! Damn it!!". The men started consulting with each other, all of them looking pretty troubled that things were progressing this way. Meanwhile Ellen was shuffling the cards like a professional, still wearing her disarming smile.

"This works perfectly well", she thinks to herself.

"Damn it! Another game!!", the man with the glasses announced.

"It would be my pleasure", Ellen replied and handed them the cards.

"Ellen! Splendid!", Crowley said, but Rabi just stared at the scene.

"What is the meaning of this? Why are you this good?", he whispered.

"I am cheating a little bit", she replied, still smiling, while looking at her cards.

"WHAT?! An aristocrat like you?!"

"They started this. I will not loose with cards, it is an art I acquired while on my travels with Mana"

"Art…?"

"They are three after all, I still think that this is fair", Ellen justified, holding the cards up to cover her mouth.

"Ellen can be pretty dark… I wonder if Yu has seen this side of her…", he wondered, watching the young lady mercilessly beat the three adults.

Not much later they arrived at the station where these people had to get off. Shivering in nothing but their underwear they left the train. Ellen put her exorcist coat back on and looked out of the window.

"Here", she said holding out the suitcases and clothes. "I got back the clothes of my friend. You can have your things back. It would be a bit cold without clothes this time of the year", she said, smiling gently.

"Boy…", the guy with the glasses said, "We have not sunk that low. We don't need pity".

"But you have your hands on your baggage", Ellen commented, smiling at the others as they took their stuff back.

"Oh… Well…". They put their clothes back on. "Ah, lucky us! We're starting to work at these mines, you know"

"And where are you coming from?", Ellen asked, still smiling at them.

"From everywhere! We're orphans and vagabonds without education", he replied cheerfully. The young boy that accompanied them held up his hand towards Ellen, holding something in it.

"As thank you gift", he said.

"Eaze! This is your treasure! Keep it!", the dark haired man protested, pushing his hands into his pockets.

"This is not necessary at all", Ellen said, smiling gently, hand on the boy's head, patting his unruly hair. The train started rolling and Ellen withdrew her head. The man finally found something in the depth of his pockets and tossed it at Ellen. She managed to catch it and found a deck of cards in her hand.

"That's enough, right?", he called and Ellen smiled at him, then the train rolled into a tunnel and she lost sight of him.

"Man... Ellen you never fail to surprise me…", Rabi commented as Ellen sat back down.

"Just do not tell my mother", she said, smiling amusedly. The red-head grinned and nodded. Ellen looked back to the window, now that they had left the tunnel. "Those people were strange… But nice… I hope they will manage"

"This kind of people always manages to get around. Don't worry about them", Rabi commented and grinned at her, "You've been smiling an awful lot at this smoking guy with the thick glasses. I never knew that you fancy the unshaved and smelly type! I must tell Yu about this, maybe he'll grow himself a beard!". Ellen stared at Rabi and shuddered.

"Please. Promise me to never suggest such a thing to Kanda!". The exorcist had to laugh.

"Fine. I promise!". Ellen grinned and then she looked out at the scenery. Unshaved and a bit worn down… Yes… This reminded her of Mana…

"It would be nice to meet him again. He seemed like a funny person…", Ellen though to herself and smiled, "maybe we could play again…". She looked at the cards the stranger had offered her and put them safely into a pocket of her coat, "until then I will treasure these".

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

Tyki-Pon's part is pretty small and unspectacular…. But am I foreshadowing again? **Lol**

There's a lot of Kanda-talk in this chapter even though Kanda doesn't even appear. I hope that counts as Yullen content for the moment. X3

Any thoughts on this chapter? :3


	26. Kapitel 25 Nightmares and a Letter

**Author's Notes:**

_Time for a new chapter! :3 I'm a bit tired, that's why I haven't done a proper revision of this chapter, I hope you will forgive me!! But I thought I'd be nice and update now, because reviewers ask for faster updates and it's nice reviews that make me continue this story when I'm at the point of being tempted to stop writing! Thank you! :D (That doesn't imply that I will actually stop, but there's still such a long way to go and I'm getting frustrated from time to time)_

_Well, this chapter contains a short scene from volume 8 which I decided to include now. Other than that this chapter is also the start for the next filler mission (which will probably last another chapter). _

_The letter is written in italics! Enjoy! :3_

**_Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino_**

* * *

**Kapitel 25: Nightmares and a Letter**

Ellen was very happy once they left the train to rejoin Bookman, Linali and Timcampy. It just took a few explanatory words and the new exorcist Baron Aleister Crowley, became a part of their travelling group.

"Well, this encounter was unexpected, but we should make the best of it", Bookman suggested after they had been introduced. "It's no point trying to go any farther today, there are no more trains at this hour". Ellen looked up into the sky; night was falling and the first few stars appeared over their heads.

"Please accept our apologies", Crowley said, lowering his head.

"That's not your fault", Bookman said after a while. Rabi patted him on the back and grinned.

"Well, it was Ellen's actually", he started and the young girl looked up in surprise, "because she missed the train"

"It was not on purpose!", Ellen tried to defend herself, but Rabi just continued without listening to her.

"But thanks to her we were able to meet you. And we finally were able to get a small hint to Cross' whereabouts! I guess that's something as well, right?", he wondered and Crowley managed to smile.

"Yes… Yes, thank you very much…", he replied silently.

"Now… Let's find ourselves a place to sleep", Bookman suggested and started walking ahead without waiting for an answer.

-

The village they were resting in wasn't a place that travellers frequented. There was a restaurant (albeit a very small one that didn't really serve anything appealing) but it could not be used to spend the night in.

"It would be best to resort to the local monastery", Bookman suggested, leading them out of the village.

"You seem to know where you are going", Linali commented, while Ellen looked around to take in the scenery.

"We Bookman travel a lot and we remember the places we have seen", the old man replied and Ellen saw a simple monastery not too far away from them.

"And we can stay there?", Crowley wondered as he had never stayed outside of his own castle.

"Of course. Monasteries usually have a place to rest for travellers and on top of that we are part of the church as well", Rabi explained to him, "I sure hope that their beds are nice and warm… I'm still pretty sore…". They reached the monastery and were let in without any troubles. After having something to eat they went up to their rooms. The girls got their own little chamber and Ellen stood by the window looking out again. Linali dressed in her nightgown and climbed into bed.

"Don't you want to sleep?", she asked sleepily. Ellen turned her head and smiled at her.

"I just want to stay up a little bit longer…", she replied and Linali looked at her.

"Okay. Good Night", she whispered and closed her eyes. Ellen sighed and looked out again. She actually couldn't sleep right now, there were too many thought going around in her head. Her eye had changed, but why? She alone was able to see the souls of Akuma, something that had frightened her on one hand but also reassured her on the other. She was no longer afraid of the chained souls right now, but the curse still troubled her. She could locate the Akuma from far away, it was useful, but since she first got this strange upgrade, her eye had pained her. Numbly, without the strange monocle appearing, but it was getting stronger now. The problem was that she didn't dare to confide this in her friends. Rabi had been pretty troubled when he had first seen the soul of an Akuma and she didn't want to show them this black and white world again. She tried to control the eye and while she was able to see master its use, the fact that she didn't know why she received it and what it really could do troubled her. And then there was this pain… Ellen felt that the monocle was appearing again and she decided to leave the room as not to wake Linali.

"Sir Tim?", Ellen asked as Timcampy settled himself on her head, as if he had decided to watch over her when she was worried. She appreciated his presence, so she sneaked out of the room and down into the simple stone church. When she saw that she was alone she let out a shaky breath of relief. The monocle appeared and it started to hurt again.

"There must be an Akuma not all too far away… It seems as if it's calling to me…", Ellen thought, looking at the window where she could see her reflection. Such a metallic, foreign thing looked strange in her face. Just as if a part of her was a machine. "Why did Mana give me such a curse?", she wondered and covered her eye with her hand.

"Ellen?". The girl flinched because of the voice calling through the absolutely quiet hall. She turned around, pretty distressed, and found Linali hurrying towards her. She wore a black coat over her gown. "What are you doing here…?", she asked and Ellen noticed that the Chinese girl seemed pretty breathless.

"Li… Linali?", she wondered and Timcampy flew around her. Ellen turned around, not wanting to face her and tried to hide her eye with her hand and her discomfort with smiles. "Ah… I could ask you the same! Were you not sleeping? Did you get hungry?"

"Idiot! Of course not!", Linali called with a frown, but then she noticed how Ellen covered her eye with her hand. "What is wrong with your eye?".

"Ah… Ah well… Everything is fine!", she said, taking a step back, out of the light that shone through the long window. "You can go back to sleep". But Linali rushed forward, grabbing her by her hand.

"If you don't want me to see, then I won't look", she called, turning her face downwards. Ellen just looked at her in wonder. "But don't go further into the dark!", she said, her hands on Ellen's trembling, "Don't disappear in the dark…!", she breathed and Ellen widened her eyes.

"What is troubling you, Linali?", she asked in a concerned tone, "You have seemed pretty restless ever since we came back from the baron's castle…", she said, "did something happen?", she wondered in a gentle voice. "Did you have a nightmare?". Linali raised her head, but as she did Ellen saw that the girl was trying hard to hold back her tears. Then Linali threw herself forward, embracing Ellen tightly. "Linali…", the white haired girl whispered, pretty surprised by the older girl's actions. But she let her cry, patting her back and her hair. She realized, now that Linali was holding her, that she had grown quite a bit and was now taller than Linali.

"I… I have dreamt of the end of the world…", Linali whispered.

"That is a strange dream…", Ellen answered, quite surprised.

"I've been dreaming it every night… And it's so real that it scares me…", Linali said, talking into Ellen's coat, "and when I woke up, you were gone from our room… I got scared because of it and came to find you." Ellen looked at her and sighed. "Forgive me…", Linali continued, hiccupping slightly, "I'm so glad that you are well". Ellen smiled and patted her back again.

"You worry too much, Linali! I will look after myself".

"I'm sorry", the other girl replied laughing now, "Must be the difference in age". Ellen had to laugh as well and the two girls continued holding on to each other, while Linali tried to stop her tears from flowing.

"You know… There are a lot of people trying to protect me… You as well, Linali, but I think that I am now strong enough to return some of that protection", Ellen said after a while and Linali let go of her, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands. Linali looked at her and smiled.

"I know…", she replied gently. The two of them looked out of the window in silence, while Ellen tried to get the monocle to disappear again, which it eventually did. "Now that we are alone…", Linali started again and Ellen turned to look at her, "I always wanted to ask you about something".

"Yes?", Ellen wondered.

"What is really going on between you and Kanda?", she asked and Ellen widened her eyes in surprise.

"Nothing new has happened. You know that I have not met him for quite some time. There was no chance in our relationship", Ellen tried to explain, feeling a bit trapped by Linali's gentle smile.

"But there is a relationship?", Linali asked curiously. Ellen dared to groan and shook her head, holding her neck. "Oh, Ellen! You talk with Rabi about Kanda! Why won't you talk with me?"

"Because it is a bit embarrassing!", Ellen justified herself, holding her hands in front of her face.

"Oh rubbish, Ellen! Maybe I can help you", Linali suggested. Ellen lowered her hands and studied Ellen with a raised eyebrow.

"Why help me?", she wondered and Linali shrugged.

"You seemed to be a bit troubled because of it. When you returned from your mission you were very happy. But on the journey to Germany you suddenly no longer wanted to talk about Kanda that much and now on the journey to Romania you talked to Rabi about it and it seemed pretty serious", the Chinese girl said and Ellen was pretty amazed to hear that.

"You pay pretty close attention to those around you! I am impressed!", she had to say, but then she sighed, "but my problems with Kanda are nothing that you can help me with"

"Are you sure of that? If he's not nice to you then I will beat some sense into him!", Linali promised and Ellen had to laugh.

"No. No he is a wonderful man… It is something that I need to do some serious thinking about, because only I can solve my self-made problems…", Ellen told her and smiled, "there is no need for you to concern yourself over it…". Linali studied Ellen's face, but then she lowered her head and sighed.

"Fine… But if you need my help, then don't hesitate to ask me. I promise that I will help you"

"Thank you, Linali".

-

Next morning they wanted to leave the monastery to travel further east, but while they were preparing to depart, a group of finders just returned. They seemed pretty surprising to find a group of exorcist.

"You heard about the rumour?", a finder asked, but the others shook their heads, "what coincidence! We were investigating a rumour and wanted to contact headquarters from here!"

"You investigated? Did you find Innocence?", the Bookman wondered. The finders looked pretty fresh, they apparently didn't get in any fight with an Akuma.

"We are not sure, but there is something in this village… Something eerie…", a young finder replied quite enthusiastically.

"We were planning to ask headquarters for an exorcist in the vicinity, just to be sure… Even if there is no Innocence, the people in the village do need help", a man, probably the leader of the small group, explained, "if you're free for a while then I would be glad if you had a look into this".

"We are on or way to China, looking for General Cross, but if it's not too much of a detour we'd be glad to help", Bookman replied, speaking for the group.

"You're the Cross team then?", the young finder spoke up again, "is his apprentice with you?". Ellen frowned but nodded and stepped forward, making a curtsey.

"This would be me, Ellen Walker", she asked and smiled.

"I have a letter with me, it's been given to me by Toma, because he knew that you'd be heading east. And what luck! I actually found you!", he said and took a letter out of the suitcase he wore on his back.

"You're receiving letters? Via finders?", Rabi wondered in surprise, "I bet it's from Yu!"

"It came straight from London. There are a lot of other things waiting for you at headquarters, but Toma received it in person".

"How peculiar… It must be from my mother", Ellen replied, "I do not think that Kanda would send a letter this way".

"Well, this can wait until later. We should be on our way now as we have no time to lose", Bookman said with a stern face, then he turned towards the finders, "we'll have a look at the village".

"Thank you! This saves us a lot of time!", the leader said, smiling, "we will lead you to the village and instruct you on what has been happening there".

"Your first mission Crowley, aren't you excited?", Rabi wondered and Crowley tried to laugh, but he seemed a bit uneasy thinking about it.

"Is it really okay for us to take on another mission without informing my brother?", Linali wondered.

"I guess that this will be done swiftly. If there is no Innocence we don't have to do anything and leave it to other exorcists. If there is Innocence then we retrieve it. Even if there are Akuma this will probably be not too troublesome, we are five after all and it might also be useful to see what Ellen's eye can do", the old man replied and looked at Ellen. She smiled and nodded, but then she lowered her head and covered her eye. Linali sighed after looking at her distressed friend, but then she put on a smile.

"Why don't you open the letter? The finders have to get ready first before we can depart", she suggested and pointed over to the finders who were checking their equipment. Ellen hesitated, but then she nodded and turned it around. It had the seal of the Bermont family on it, no doubt that it was from her mother. The girl broke it and opened the envelope. It had only one parchment inside and it was probably just a short note Ellen mused.

"I wonder how she gave it to Toma, in person even. Maybe Toma was delivering a letter? She cannot have gone to the order… I hope…", Ellen thought with a frown and unfolded the piece of paper.

"_Dearest child_

_I hope that you are well. I reckon that you are busy, but remember to write a letter every now and then or else I might get the suspicion that you do not want to talk to your old mother again. It has been nearly three months that you have left London, I hope that you have settled in well. However, I do hope that you will soon return to my side._

_The reason why I write this letter is to report something very interesting to you. Last week I have been to a party, I am sure you would have greatly enjoyed it. However, as you have not been able to attend I have taken it upon myself to observe the guests. And one of the male guests has caught my eye. It was the new minister who introduced him to me. I doubt that you know him yet, because you have missed the recent elections, but I dare say that the minister is a very fine man, even of noble birth. The man he introduced to me was a very fine young man, I would say in his late twenties, unmarried and delightfully charming. I feel a bit silly to confess that I cannot recall his name at the moment as it had a very foreign ring to it, Lord Mitt or Mikk. It seems that he grew up in the south judging from his complexion, but he is the minister's brother and a nobleman. _

_I know that you probably do not think about marriage prospects right now, being completely taken in by your ecclesial education and duties, but why don't you consider your old mother's suggestion? He seems pretty intelligent, is a beautiful man and is very charming. You know that I am very careful with the selection of suitable men, but this Lord convinced me, he would be a perfect match. I told him that I had a daughter that I wanted to get married soon and he was quite interested. The name Bermont is not to be taken lightly after all._

_I still regret not remembering his name right now, but I will ask the minister, I have invited him to have tea with me next month and he gladly accepted._

_Well, my dearest daughter, apart from this nothing exceptional happened in London. I hope you will return soon._

_With love,_

_Your Mother"_

Ellen read the letter with surprise.

"So what does it say?", Linali wondered and Ellen folded it up before the girl could take a look at it.

"My mother informed me that a new minister has been elected in London and that she invited him over to tea", she replied, leaving out the essential part.

"I'm impressed, your family does have connections", Rabi, who had apparently been listening, spoke up. Ellen laughed uneasily.

"Yes. Yes we do entertain a network of good relationships with the other important houses", she replied and put the letter in her coat pocket.

"Ahhh, being nobility sure is nice", Rabi commented, crossing his arms behind his head.

"We are set, let us depart", the leader of the finders said, "it's a two hour march through the forest to the village". They started walking away from the village and the monastery and made their way into the forest.

"Well, I am sure there come a lot of restrictions with being born into a noble family", Linali argued and Crowley nodded.

"Yes, I can confirm that", he said, bur Rabi shook his head.

"I am sure the good things outweigh the bad things!", he replied and the three of them started discussion of the up- and downsides of being of noble birth. Ellen was glad about it, because it left her to ponder her mother's letter.

"A Lord… Brother of our recent minister…", Ellen thought to herself, "it would be a good match…". She sighed and raised her arm and pushed back the sleeve of her coat. The armband that Kanda had given her was shining faintly in the winter morning sun. "Surely a better match than Kanda… I am quite surprised that mother actually approved of someone… He must really be a special man". She moved her wrist and watched the little glass balls. "But Kanda is a special as well… If I was to decide between one who loves me and one my mother deems fit for me…", she mused, but sighed and shook her head, letting her hand drop to her side. "Anyway, I need to write a reply later on".

"Stop chatting you brats!", Bookman called and the three that were now arguing about gardening (Ellen wondered how they had come from nobility to gardening) shut up instantly, "Explain the situation to us", the old man said, turning towards one of the finders.

"Well, we have received notice that something was going on in the village. We had heard that babies were being abducted. We didn't really believe that it had something to do with Innocence, but it's a common rumour to say that very young children have a higher affinity towards Innocence – which has yet to be proven. Anyway, we decided to investigate, but we were not able to confirm a connection to Innocence".

"How exactly were the babies abducted?", Rabi wanted to know, "maybe it's just a lie to cover up something"

"Like what?", Crowley wondered and Rabi frowned.

"Well, maybe human sacrifice rituals, or a disease that befalls small children. Or, depending on the number of missing children, it's to cover up for child murder"

"Child murder?", Linali wondered and Ellen listened as well.

"It's a common phenomenon", Rabi spoke up, "Women kill their children after birth because they were not wanted… Mostly the women will be prosecuted and sentenced because of it…"

"This sounds quite awful", Ellen said with a frown, "but I do not think that this would happen that often in a small village, at least not often enough to make finders investigate".

"It's exactly as he says", the finder said, nodding at Ellen, "this is not to cover up something… Babies disappeared", he turned back and looked at the exorcists, "out of their mother's wombs". The group widened their eyes and Linali put her hands in front of her mouth.

"What?", she asked, "how is that possible?"

"What exactly do you mean by out of the womb?". The finders remained silent for a while, but then the leader cleared his throat.

"We are not sure if it's really caused by Innocence or a mad person… Whatever the cause, the unborn children are cut out of their mother's body…", he explained.

"That is gross!!", Rabi shouted in disbelief.

"Why would Innocence do something like that? It must have been done by a human!", Crowley protested, "Isn't Innocence supposed to be good?". Linali lowered her head because the thought of something or someone stealing children right out of the mother's body seemed pretty grotesque. Ellen wasn't thrilled by the thought either, be it Innocence caused or done by human hand.

"What happened to the women?", she asked and the finder turned towards her.

"Most of them survived somehow and this is what makes us think that it could be caused by something supernatural like Innocence…"

"But why did some die and others didn't? How were the children taken out of the body?", the Bookman wanted to know. "Were the bodies cut?"

"Hm, the ones we've seen were not cut, now, but there were marks on the bodies, like they had been stabbed… We don't know the culprit took out the unborn children…", the leader of the finders explained.

"Maybe these stabs initiated a miscarriage?", Ellen suggested and the finder sighed and shook his head.

"Maybe sometimes, but a child due to be born soon cannot just disappear like that", he replied.

"Well… It doesn't help us if we think about. We should hurry and go have a look at the situation", the Bookman suggested and the others agreed to this.

"How do the villagers react to these occurrences?", Rabi wanted to know, "did they try to find the culprit?"

"The villagers are highly superstitious… They do not believe that it was done by a human and frankly, I can't imagine it either", the younger finder commented, "this is just too gross and impossible for a human to do! No, they think it was done by a devil"

"Has anybody ever scene this thing? Maybe the women?", Linali wondered, "maybe it was an Akuma, they feed on death and suffering, right?". Crowley used this moment to utter a dramatic "Eliade" which went ignored by the others because they had gotten used to it.

"They were not talking to us about it… But the villagers are sure of one thing; the evil comes out of the well"

"The well?", Ellen asked in surprise, "where they get their water supplies?". The finder nodded and the girl frowned, "maybe it is in fact some kind of disease…"

"You mean one infects itself through the water? Like cholera?", Rabi wondered and shuddered, "I've seen a whole village wiped out because of cholera…"

"But why should such a disease only affect women?"

"Because it could be indeed Innocence or Akuma poison… Both of them could cause such things…", the Bookman suggested, but Linali was not convinced by that.

"Why should the superstitious people know that it could be transmitted by water? If they say that the evil comes out of the well then there must be something that does indeed _come _out of the well", she argued and Rabi shivered.

"I would like the disease better… I don't like such occult things", he said and Ellen rolled her eyes.

"If it is an Akuma I will know. But truth to be told I do not really believe in a disease either now that I have heard Linali's argument", she turned away from Rabi and looked at the finder, "have any babies been found?"

"Ellen is really brave... even though she's afraid as well", Rabi commented and Linali had to laugh.

"Maybe you're just a coward", she said and smiled at him. Rabi grinned and shrugged.

"No children have been found… We had a look into the well, but it's really deep… However, we have not found any clues that there is something inside…", the finder explained and Ellen sighed.

"Maybe Bookman is right; we have to see for ourselves. If this is connected to Innocence and Akuma, then we are the only ones who can solve this mystery", the white haired girl said after a while.

"This seems like a good idea to me", Linali nodded, "Let's hurry up and find out what's going on!"

_To be continued  
_

**Notes:**

I've planned to include a filler mission, but the nature of the mission is due to sudden inspiration to include a dark, semi-horror episode. I'm not a genius when it comes to horror (because I'm too afraid to watch horror movies _lol_) but I hope that you're at least somewhat interested! X3

Feedback would be nice! I'd be interested to find out what you think! :3

P.S Thank you **esmerod** for the inspiration! _grin_

P.P.S Ah, it's no mistake I made, the Finder does think that Ellen's a boy (she still wears a male uniform and has quite short hair now) and I don't know why I decided to make Ellen taller than Linali... Must have been a strange impulse... XD


	27. Kapitel 26 Out of the Deep Darkness

_**Author's Notes:**_

_I'm really sorry that it took me so long – first there were papers to write, then I got ill, then there was the paper to finish and then university started. I apologize for the long wait._

_I hope that I can make it up to you with my suspense chapter __**lol**_

_As a bonus, this chapter includes a historian's wisdom which we have been told by a complete stranger on the elevator at Bahnhof SBB in Basel. Thank you random guy, we will value your knowledge (not that it was anything new, with us being historians-in-the-making as well). XD Oh, and it's a bit longer than most chapters, which probably is more interesting than what I said just before._

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

**Kapitel**** 26 Out of the Deep Darkness  
**

It was about ten o' clock when the exorcists and finders finally left the deep forest and arrived at the outskirts of the village. Even though the winter sun was up, the village in itself was quite dark because it was built in a valley with the thick forest on one side and a steep hill on the other side. Not too far away a river must be making its way through the landscape because there was a lot of mist around.

"I don't know what you guys are thinking, but the village does not look very inviting to me…", Rabi mumbled, "it's like with Crowley's castle! I wouldn't be surprised if we did indeed meet ghosts and ghouls and monsters and werewolves and vampires and"

"Thank you Rabi, we got your point", Linali interrupted him and the young man couldn't suppress a shudder.

"There were no ghosts in my castle", Crowley argued with a frown, but then he uttered a defeated, sad sigh, "only an Akuma… Oh, Eliade… If only you had been a ghost or a vampire, then I would not have needed to destroy you…", he lamented.

"Stop being idiots! Let's move into the village, we have a mission!", Bookman hissed in annoyance and asked the finders to lead the way.

"I feel bad about this… And my intuition never fails me", Rabi said, holding on to Linali's shoulders, "aren't you scared? You do believe in ghosts and the like, don't you?". Linali looked at him and smiled.

"To tell the truth I am rather worried about the women… This is not the time to be afraid", she said and then she laughed, "and why would you need to be afraid? You're not a pregnant woman, are you?". Rabi blinked at her, but then he laughed.

"Now I am relieved", he said and Ellen couldn't help but snort. Rabi pointed at her.

"Hah! Right now you've compared me to Yu in your mind, didn't you?!", he accused her with a grin. Ellen's pale face heated up and she shook her head.

"No, I did not!"

"Aah, you can't fool me, young lady! I'm sure you thought: Yu wouldn't be afraid, he would be brave for me!", Rabi teased.

"Oh, stop it Rabi! You know that I would never think such silly things! Of course Kanda would not be afraid! Kanda is _never_ afraid!", Ellen argued and crossed her arms over her chest, "However, I am not afraid either. And you do not need him around, do you? You can hide behind the brave Linali". With these words she stomped off to join Bookman and the finders. Rabi blinked at her in surprise.

"Why is she so touchy?", Rabi wondered.

"Because you teased her", Linali said with a reproachful look, "You should not tease her about Kanda, you should know that her relationship with him is not ideal yet".

"And maybe the girl is afraid a little bit", Crowley added with a thoughtful expression, "I would be surprised if this mission did not send every woman on edge". Linali sighed.

"Yes… You are right… Whatever is going on in this village, it's the nightmare of every woman…", she replied and looked at Ellen, who had now started to talk to Bookman. "Ellen is always trying to be brave…", Linali thought, "I must also become braver, so that I can take a part of her burden off her shoulders!", she decided and excused herself to join Ellen with a encouraging smile on her lips.

"I don't get women…", Rabi muttered and Crowley nodded.

"Eliade wasn't this complicated…", he said, but then he sniffed and Rabi rolled his eyes.

Their arrival didn't go unnoticed and when they entered the village an assembly of people waited for them.

"I doubt that we're very welcome here…", Rabi mused with a frown, "even though we want to help".

"It is not surprising though", Ellen whispered her reply, "abominable things have been happening in this town. It is not uncommon to suspect strangers as being the cause".

"Yes… You're right… This is not the first time that I would be witness to such a scene…", Rabi said and Ellen was surprised at how forced his voice sounded.

"He must have seen a lot of unpleasant things…", Ellen mused, but then she turned her attention towards the people. Some of them, probably the major and a few strong men to back him up, approached their small group. The major started talking loudly, gesticulating with both arms, but Ellen didn't understand what he was saying. The leader of the finders walked up to him and started talking as well.

"What might they be talking about?", Linali wondered.

"The guy from the village says that they do not need more trouble and that we should leave as fast as we could", Rabi said.

"Oh? You speak the language?", Ellen wondered in surprise.

"Panda made me learn a lot of languages. That's the fate of the Bookmen. For most of the sources you need to read up on there are no translations available… The only choice you have is to learn the language to be able to continue…", the red-head explained. He grinned at Ellen when he became aware of the admiring looks she gave him. "Now, now. Don't fall for my learning! Yu is also able to speak a bunch of different languages!" Ellen blushed and glared at him.

"Now, stop that at once! This behaviour is insufferable!", she shrieked but Rabi knew that she only got so agitated because he was teasing her about Kanda – again!

"Aww, I like you too, Ellen!", he said.

"How about continuing to translate for us instead of winding up the poor girl?", Crowley suggested.

"Yes, I would like that as well", the youngest exorcist agreed and smiled at Crowley. Rabi grinned.

"Well. As far as I heard the finder said that we were exorcist and that we were experts in exterminating devils…"

"Well, but shouldn't they be happy now?", Linali wondered and they looked over at the villagers, who were still staring at them grimly, while looking at each other nervously.

"I'd say most of the women seem to want us to stay", Crowley said.

"This village is cursed", a man spoke up in funny sounding English, "it is lost to the devil! You can't do anything here! It is dangerous! You should leave if you don't want to be damned as well!".

"I fear that we cannot leave", Bookman replied, "it is our duty to ascertain if there are Akuma or Innocence involved in these incidents".

"It is the work of the devil!", the man just repeated, "there is nothing you can do!"

"Let us try to help", Linali pleaded, "we cannot let you continue suffering!". The people standing at the front eyed each other and consulted shortly.

"Fine. We will guide you to the well where the devil resides in", the man spoke up again. After these words have been spoken the villagers retreated to their houses as fast as they could, shutting the doors and windows.

"Those people must be terrified", Ellen commented silently. The major who was grudgingly accompanying them, said something to Linali.

"Pardon?", she asked because she didn't understand his words.

"He asked why there are women with us", Bookman translated, "he says that it seems pretty negligent to endanger you like this".

"But we won't be targeted!", Linali argued, "It's not any more dangerous for us than it is for you".

"One can never know…", Bookman repeated what the major had muttered to himself. Ellen frowned at that and looked at Linali wearily.

"Do you think it might just target women in general?", she asked and Linali shook her head.

"I don't know… But I have a feeling", she replied and lowered her voice so only Ellen could hear, "that these people are keeping something from us…"

"Yes… I had the same thought crossing my mind", Ellen answered and looked ahead, where she could see an abandoned town square with the well in its centre.

"This is the accursed well…", the man who could speak English said, pointing at it. The villagers stopped about 10 meters away from it, "we will not approach it. We fear its wrath".

"Come on. Let's investigate", Bookman urged the other exorcist after just acknowledging the villagers with a nod. The exorcist hesitated, but then they approached the well. It was made with rough stones and it looked quite old. A wooden bucket lay on the floor next to the well, its rope was attached to a wooden construct over the well's opening. While Crowley and Linali bent over the edge to look down into the darkness, Ellen concentrated. The gear like device appeared in front of her cursed eye and she looked around.

"Do you see anything?", Rabi wondered, but Ellen shook her head.

"No… There are no Akuma in the vicinity", she said, then she also bent her upper body over the well's edge. It was hard to say how deep down it went, after a few meters she could only see darkness. She closed her right eye and continued looking.

"There is nothing…", she said, only observing the well with her cursed eye, "I can see that the well is very deep and then there is the water's surface, but it seems to be shallow. I can't make out an Akuma or another object…", she said and retreated, also making the monocle disappear. Rabi sighed.

"Though luck… It would have been easier this way… Now we have no clue at all", he complained.

"It would be best to retreat for the moment and gather more information on the incident", Bookman suggested and turned to the men. "Is there a place where we can stay?"

"We have a small inn…", one of them replied.

"Good. Then we will lodge there. We would be most obliged if you could guide us", the old man said and the three men turned around, leading them away from the town square.

"They really don't look thrilled", Linali remarked and Ellen nodded.

"This is all very suspicious… Maybe Rabi was right", she said and the red-head raised his eyebrows.  
"With what?", he wanted to know and Ellen turned to him.

"Maybe they really use this story of the child theft to cover up for something…", she suggested.

"But the younger women have been truly afraid, while most of the men weren't…", Crowley said, "Why would they fabricate such a story?"

"They are superstitious… If they sacrifice women or children to someone or something then there is enough reason for the women to be afraid", Rabi replied.

"But Rabi…", Ellen protested, "if they are indeed sacrificing humans to some divine entity, then there must be a reason for them to do so, something that made them resort to such drastic actions".

"Not if it's some kind of cult…", Rabi mused. The white haired girl frowned.

"In this day and age? In a Christian village?", she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. Rabi looked at her and then he sighed.

"Ellen… There are lot of ugly things that you are better off not knowing…", he said, but that only angered Ellen to a certain extend.

"Do not treat me like a child. I am well able to deal with such things. However, I refuse to believe that the reason for this child disappearance is human sacrifice!"

"So you want to believe that Innocence cuts unborn children out of women's wombs? Is that any better?", Rabi challenged and Ellen just stubbornly shook her head.

"Innocence is not sacred, I know that, I know that very well. And neither are humans. They can do ugly things, I know that as well. Maybe some women want to get rid of their unborn children, even that I can relate to. However, this is something that we need to solve as exorcists", she argued and Rabi was a bit taken aback.

"But Ellen… How do you know?", Linali wondered, trying to appease her friend. Ellen huffed.

"Intuition".

--

The inn was a shabby, run-down place. The wooden tiles on the floor were creaking under their boots, the tapestry was peeling off the wall to show poorly constructed stone walls, and on top of that it was dark and chilly. Ellen had truly seen better lodgings, but she didn't dare to complain, it would only have given Rabi more reason to tease her. The exorcists were sitting in the eating room around a round table on hard, simple chairs. The food was not that tasty, but it was edible.

"How should we go on from here?", Rabi wondered, "Ellen couldn't make out an Akuma and we don't know much about the whole incident"

"If one lacks background knowledge, then trying to find out more would be the most sensible thing to do", Ellen suggested.

"And how?", Rabi wanted to know, which earned himself a frown from Ellen.

"Why, by asking the locals of course", she replied, "we have witnessed that a lot of people do not want to talk about it. However, I would strongly suggest talking to the victims".

"You want to talk to the survivors?", Linali wondered and Ellen nodded.

"Well, I'd say we should look for the missing children", Rabi spoke up.

"And what would that benefit?", Ellen asked, "ask those who are still alive"

"How pessimistic!", Rabi called with a grimace, but Ellen chose to ignore him in order to discuss their further course of action.

"We should split into teams. We are a group of five people, we can divide the tasks", Bookman spoke up. "Linali and Ellen ask the victims, Rabi and Crowley will go look for the missing children while I try to gather more information from the other villagers… When we search like this we are bound to find something… You should take one of the finders with you so that he can translate", Bookman said addressing himself at Linali and Ellen.

"That is a good idea, if you want me to, then I'd be glad to assist!", the young man of the finder group spoke up enthusiastically. Ellen turned towards him and showed him a polite smile.

"We would be very much obliged", she answered.

"Well! Then let's waste no time!", Rabi exclaimed, nearly jumping up from his chair, "Crowley, you'll be coming with me!!". The poor man was dragged to his feet and had to follow Rabi out of the inn without even being able to complain much.

"Rabi must feel secure with the baron accompanying him, because he is quite a coward if he does not pull himself together", Ellen remarked and even though her tone was very polite, she was indeed being cheeky.

"He did tease her a bit too much…", Linali thought with a sigh, "at least Ellen has some backbone, that's nice to see…". With the young man as their translator, each group set out in a different direction.

"What is your name, by the way?", Ellen wondered as their small group was heading for the house of a victim. The finder turned around and smiled brightly.

"My name is Alexander", he said, "it is an honour to be working with you".

"Thank you, we are obliged to you", the white haired girl replied with a polite smile.

"Where exactly are we heading?", Linali asked, after they had finished exchanging polite words.

"Oh yes. You wanted to ask around, right? I was charged with finding all the victims last time, but I didn't have a chance to ask them about anything… I remember where their houses were though".

"That's good to hear, it might have been very tedious to ask around", the Chinese girl said and Alexander seemed pretty proud of himself. Ellen wondered briefly if this was somehow connected to the way that some exorcists (even though she could only think of Kanda) treated the finders. If to serve exorcists with their life was the only goal of the finders, then Ellen considered that to be pretty sad. She wouldn't be able accept that if it were this way.

"That's the first house. The women inside was one of the last victims up to date…", Alexander announced once they stood in front of a wooden house. It looked pretty worn down, like the rest of the village. Alexander walked up to the door and knocked.

"I am not even sure what to ask her…", Ellen worried and Linali just nodded, her uneasiness was visible in her eyes. But they didn't have much time to worry, as the door was opened and a woman looked at them with suspicion shining in her eyes. However, the moment she recognized the two exorcists and the finder, she stepped away from the door and let them inside.

"We are sorry for the intrusion", Ellen started, Alexander translating as she was talking, "but we are trying to get more information about this incident. If you would allow us to ask you some questions then you might help us solve the case".

"It doesn't concern her. It's about her daughter", Alexander said, "but she would be very happy to assist the work of the church". Ellen looked at the woman's lined face and she really did seem very relieved. The woman then led them to the kitchen, but continued talking.

"She says that we must excuse her sinful daughter… She will surely repent, they already visited the local priest about it", Alexander said. Ellen and Linali looked at each other in confusion. A young woman of about Linali's age was sitting in the kitchen, preparing vegetables for their next meal. She looked up in surprise when she was called by her mother.

"Oh, she is so young…", Linali said in astonishment and pity. Ellen remained silent and studied the girl while the mother and daughter talked to each other.

"She doesn't look very distressed, neither does she look ill… I wonder what has happened…", she thought.

"This is Svetlana… She consented to answer your questions", Alexander said and Svetlana smiled at them, offering them to take seats. The mother walked back out of the room, muttering things to herself. The exorcists and the finder sat down and Ellen hesitated for a while.

"Svetlana… We understand that this might be a very delicate subject, but we would like to ask you some questions, about how you lost your child…", she finally spoke up and Alexander translated for her. Svetlana attentively listened to Alexander and nodded, then she turned back to Ellen and Linali with an apologetic smile on her face.

"She says that she almost regrets to say that it didn't affect her that much", the finder said and looked at Svetlana with interest. "She did not want to have a child and she didn't even realize that she had become pregnant. She is a bit ashamed to say it, but she is not married to the man who got her pregnant". Both Linali and Ellen were a bit surprised.

"Ah, you don't need to worry about that, we are not here to condemn you about that", Linali assured her, "we only want to solve this mystery".

"Svetlana says that she is glad to hear that, her mother was pretty enraged when she found out", Alexander said and Svetlana smiled at them.

"What exactly did happen? How did you know that your child was stolen even though you were not even aware of your pregnancy?", Ellen wondered and Svetlana started explaining, Alexander carefully translating for the other two girls.

"She was on her way to her boyfriend. To reach him she had to cross the town square where the well is. She knew about the monster in the well and her mother had forbidden her to go out at night, however, she was not aware that she too could be endangered. When she was passing the well it happened".

"What exactly? What did you see?", Ellen urged her to continue. Svetlana seemed to think about it, her brows furrowed and she was gesticulating with her hands.

"She says that it is really hard to explain. She did not see anything but a black, fuzzy shadow. She did hear something though, it was the sound of water she thought and something like wind"

"Like wind?", Linali asked and Svetlana lifted her hand, piercing the air with it.

"Like something flew through the air, like a stone being thrown or something like that", Alexander said, trying to translate the best he could.

"Maybe something came out of the water and was then thrown at her?", Linali suggested.

"But the well is quite deep… If it was a person to throw something at her, then he or she would have needed to climb up at first"

"Not if it was an Akuma or Innocence", Linali corrected her friend and Ellen sighed.

"Did you feel anything?", she wondered and Svetlana nodded uncertainly.

"She says that she turned around when she heard the noises. And then she felt a short pain, like a stab of a knife, in her stomach". To be able to explain better, the girl pushed back the chair and stood up. She then pointed at her lower abdomen and then she lifted her clothes. There was a little mark on her skin, thin but longish.

"It does look like a scar", Linali said in surprise and Svetlana sat back down. Ellen was still thinking about the whole matter.

"And what happened next?", she wanted to know after some time.

"The pain disappeared very quickly, it was really just a split second… But then she felt something drip down her legs. It was blood".

"How horrible…", Linali breathed.

"Svetlana says that she was confused at first, but then she remembered what the other women had said. She then became aware that she had indeed carried a child", Alexander continued to explain, "when she realized she was shocked, but she got over it very quickly. In fact, she was happy because a pregnancy without marriage would have only caused her a lot of problems. Svetlana also asks us to keep this a secret, apart from her mother no one knows".

"We won't tell anyone", Linali said with a gentle smile and Svetlana returned it without Alexander needing to translate.

"To sum up, Svetlana was passing the well by night, then she heard the sounds of water and something piercing the air, she saw a black shadow and felt a short stabbing pain. Then she lost her child", Ellen said, deeply in thought.

"Does this _monster_ always come out at night?", Linali wondered but Svetlana shook her head.

"There is no particular time of the day for the attacks, she says", Alexander told them, "Attacks at night are rather unlikely, because woman do not go out alone, at least not at night"

"And does it matter whether you're alone or accompanied?", Ellen wanted to know but Svetlana shook her head when Alexander translated for her.

"So you're only save if you stay away from the well", Linali said, but Svetlana mumbled something to herself. "What did she say?"

"She said that she wonders about that", Alexander answered with a frown, "the women in the town are all whispering about it; what if the monster crawls out of the well? This village has been abandoned by God". After that there reigned silence in the little kitchen and Svetlana resumed cutting the vegetables.

"No, you have not been abandoned. We are here to solve this mystery. We are deeply sorry that we have not been here earlier to prevent all of this", Ellen said gently and Svetlana looked up, "you do not need to be afraid anymore". The young woman wore an insecure expression, but she then smiled.

"Let us continue our investigation", Ellen suggested and they rose from the table, "thank you very much Svetlana and good luck with your relationship". They left the house, assuring the worried mother, that Svetlana had nothing to fear, and Alexander led them to the next house.

"What is wrong, Ellen? You look so tense", Linali whispered to her friend and the girl sighed.

"I know what I have said, but thinking about her relationship is getting me very uneasy…", she confessed and Linali looked at her in confusion, "she is not married, yet she got pregnant… I know that I am not allowed to condemn her for it, but I cannot help myself". Linali looked at her with a mild expression.

"I understand. But I was more shocked to hear that she did not care about the loss of her child… A mother loves her child, no matter what. That's how things should be in this world. Don't you think?", the Chinese girl asked.

"… Yes", Ellen replied. The arrived at the house of the next victim. It didn't look as worn down as the others and Ellen wondered what kind of people lived inside. The finder knocked and a worn looking man opened them. He was very thin and his eyes had no lustre when he was studying his guests.

"We are here to solve the mystery about the child thief. Could we talk to your wife?", Linali asked. The man continued looking at them, then he opened the door for them, but instead of guiding them to his wife, he just disappeared upstairs.

"He was like that last time as well… He suffered a lot because of the loss of the child…", Alexander explained, "come". He guided them into a back room, where they found a woman sitting in front of a fire place, looking into the flames.

"Good Evening Elisabeth", Alexander spoke up in English. The woman raised her eyes and looked at the finder and the two girls in mild surprise. "The exorcists have come to solve this case… Would you be able to answer them some questions?".

"Yes…", she replied in a whisper and pointed at chairs that stood nearby, "take a seat".

"Elisabeth lived in Britain once where she wanted to learn how to properly educate children. She is the local school teacher in this village"

"I was…", the woman said with a deep sigh, "I had to resign, because I could not bear to look at the children".

"Miss Elisabeth… Can you answer us some questions?", Ellen wondered after they had pulled the chairs to the fire place.

"Yes, yes of course. I had no one to talk to about this horrible, horrible experience", the woman, who appeared to be about her late twenties, said.

"Then do you want to just tell us about what has happened to you?", Ellen asked her and Elisabeth nodded.

"I was one of the earlier victims…", she started, "I had heard that two women had already lost their children, but I did not believe that these terrible things could be connected to the well. I believed that this was just superstition, but I was worried for my child, because it was to be born soon". Here she stopped and folded her hands on her lap. "One of the children in my class suddenly got ill and I wanted to go fetch some water from the well. Recently, people get their water from the nearby river, but it was too far away for me to walk in my condition… When I wanted to lower the bucket into the well I heard some strange noise… I guess it sounded like dripping water. I looked down into the black well, but I saw nothing. I was feeling pretty insecure then, even though I did not believe the rumours. I took a few steps back and listened to the sounds, but they disappeared after a while".

"The sounds seem to be a crucial part of the attacks", Linali said and Ellen nodded, asking the woman to continue. Elisabeth seemed to have been glad for the short distraction and she continued with a shuddering breath. "I then wanted to resume getting the water, but then I saw something coming from the well. Nothing more than a shadow, I was unable to make out what it was, but one time it gave off a light when the sun touched it, like metal. And then there was a short sound like an arrow piercing the air… I just felt a short stab in my stomach. I instantly dropped to my knees, fearing that the baby might be born because I got such a fright, but when I recovered from my fear I looked down at my body and…", Elisabeth shook her head, sobbing slightly, "there was nothing there! The child had disappeared out of my body!".

"What? How?", Linali asked in surprise, hands put in front of her mouth in shock.

"I don't know. I just don't know! But something stole it right out of my stomach. The only thing that was left of it were just a few drops of blood in front of the well…". Elisabeth was crying freely by now. "It was so horrible! This child was to be my first one, my husband and I were so happy and were looking forward to its birth in a few weeks! But now all of it is destroyed!"

"Elisabeth…", Linali whispered, "but don't you have your husband to help you?". Elisabeth wiped her eyes and shook her head.

"No. No… He cannot bear to look at me, his wounds run as deep as mine, even though there is only a small mark on my body. My husband must think that I killed our child, the child I loved so much! But I am no child murder, I am a mother! Even though there is no child for me to love…"

"How terrible…", Linali whispered, also with tears in her eyes.

"I know that this will not ease your sufferings, Miss Elisabeth", Ellen spoke up for the first time in a while, "but we will find out why this had to happen and we will see to it that it never happens again and that anyone who is responsible for this madness will be condemned". Elisabeth looked at her and smiled weakly.

"Thank you", she whispered.

"How did this whole ordeal start?", Ellen wanted to know, giving Elisabeth enough time to recover.

"The first to lose her child was Natasha, she already had six children. Most believed that it was a miscarriage, but she said that it was a devil that came out of the well. You must know… Not too long before that there was another woman who lost her child at the well… It was Isabel, a notorious woman in our village. She was pregnant, but not married, I bet she didn't even know who the father of her child was. She went to the well at night to get herself some water. But when we found her the next day, she was dead". The woman shook her head, "it was a terrible sight. She was lying in front of the well, her body cut open. There was blood everywhere and a trail led into the well, but the baby was gone from her body, you could see the hole where it should have been, it was gruesome"

"How horrible!", Linali exclaimed and Ellen was trying to repress a shiver as well.

"Was she the only one to die?", Ellen wondered and Elisabeth nodded. "Then it all started with her".

"Yes. The people in the village believe that as well. They say that it is Isabel's ghost who, full of spite, takes revenge on those women who are pregnant… Rumour has it that she killed herself and her child… You must know, if you have a child without being married, you don't have much hopes left in this world. There is no way that she could have supported herself and a child. Death was her only option. But that is just a rumour, even though I wouldn't put it past her to kill her own child… She was a terrible woman…". Ellen remained silent, while Linali tried to comfort Elisabeth. After a while the white haired girl got up.

"Ellen? Where are you going?", her friend wanted to know.

"I have to investigate the well, I must know what has happened there!", she said, then she rushed out of the house, without giving Linali enough time to try to argue with her.

--

It was only about four o'clock in the afternoon, but it was considerably dark in the valley once Ellen was heading for the well. It was chilly and there was fog creeping through the forest into the village. The whole sky was covered by dark grey storm clouds, completely blocking the sunlight.

"What an eerie atmosphere", Ellen thought as she was running to the down square. She was not sure why she was in such a hurry to solve this mystery. Was it because of the suffering? And if yes, who's suffering exactly? Of course, it was her duty to save the village and to recover the Innocence if there was any. But why had she not felt or seen anything when she looked into the well? There was no black shadow or monster, no Akuma and no Innocence. She needed certainty!

The centre of the town was empty as expected. Ellen ran to the well, gripping its rough stone with her gloved hands. She bent over and stared down into the black hole. Ellen waited, but nothing happened. The fierce grip she had on the stone loosened.

"Nothing?", she wondered to herself and took a step backwards with a sigh. When she did she became aware of the nearly transparent steam rising from the well. "What?", she wondered in amazement and looked back down into the well. "The water inside the well must be warmer than the air up here for such a steam to produce", she mused and sniffed the air, "and it stinks slightly. Why have we not realized this before?". Suddenly a single sound pierced the stillness of the village; a single _plitsch_ as a water drop hit the surface deep down in the well. Ellen froze, but listened intently. All of a sudden a dog started barking and she could no longer hear if there was anything. But she did not need to as a sudden jolt of electricity went through her left arm.

"What?!", she shouted and when she frantically raised her head to look at the well she saw it; a black shadow emerging out of the depth. The monster within the well.

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

Not much to say: Feedback? :3


	28. Kapitel 27 The Bowels of Faith

**_Author's Notes:_**

_First: **Thanks so much for all the reviews for last chapter!** I was pretty surprised! :D :D :D Of course, I cannot give any answers that would spoil the story (I have to be mean I guess). I hope you will be able to get some information from this chapter! I'll try to keep no questions unanswered over the course of the story, if there still are things that seem strange to you then you're always free to leave a review and / or PM me :3_

_Now to this update: This chapter might be a bit too much… It turned out worse than I thought… Forgive me for sounding harsh in this chapter, but I guess that's part of the framework that Hoshino set up. It's a cruel, cruel world sometimes…_

_P.S. Title for this chapter is quite evil as well. _

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino!**_

* * *

**Kapitel 27 The Bowels of Faith**

The clouds ahead were moving fast over the sky, blown by very strong winds. Ellen could hear the sounds of the wind howling through the forest, shaking the pine trees. The temperature seemed to drop a few more degrees. Ellen's breathing was irregular and rapid while she stared at the thing creeping out of the well. It didn't attack her yet, but it was moving towards her. Ellen tried to calm down as fast as she could. It was a shadow, not too big and there was something solid in it. She invocated her Innocence just in case, which seemed to trigger a reaction in the _monster_ as well. It froze suddenly and looked like a black something suspended in mid-air, but then it moved again. Like an arrow or a bullet out of a gun, it shot forward. Ellen shrieked, but a wall of fire suddenly appeared and separated her from the threat.

"Ellen!!", the girl heard Rabi's voice and the young man ran towards her. The other exorcists appeared as well, standing all on Ellen's side of the fire wall.

"It…", Ellen spoke up, staring at the _monster_ through the flames. The object rushed back into the depth of the well before anyone else could react. Ellen stared after the apparition.

"Ellen, Ellen are you alright?", Linali called and shook her friend. Ellen turned towards her and blinked in surprise.

"Linali?", she asked, stopping her invocation. The Chinese girl sighed in relief.

"I'm so glad! You're alright!"

"Man that was close! Did anyone catch sight of the thing?", Rabi asked and made the flames disappear. It instantly grew darker around the well, but nobody was concerned about that, as the villagers came to them with candles and lights.

"The women of this village are no longer safe", Bookman said after a while, then he turned towards Ellen, "what happened? Were you hurt?"

"No… No, nothing is wrong with me, I just got a fright", Ellen confessed, "I… I saw it… It was Innocence", she breathed. The others looked at her in surprise.

"You saw more than this black shadowy mass?", Rabi wondered, "we all saw that, you know".

"Yes… I went to the well to investigate, then I felt something react to my Innocence. And then this so-called _monster_ came out of the well. Only that it is no monster. It is Innocence, there is no doubt about it. It was a dagger and it was dripping blood". Ellen stumbled and Rabi caught her in surprise.

"Hey! Little beansprout!!", he called worriedly. Ellen held her hand to her head.

"I saw… something when I was looking at the blood drenched dagger… There were a lot of pictures but… It went all too fast to recognize anything properly"

"You had a vision caused by the Innocence?", Rabi wondered in surprise and Ellen nodded.

"There was blood and women and a dark corridor… Then erected old stones, babies and water… I cannot sort it out…", Ellen said, feeling sick because of it.

"You don't need to", Bookman said and the others looked at him, "I found out some things. Now that you mentioned the dagger everything becomes clear".

"What do you mean by that Bookman?", Linali asked, studying him with a frown.

"Well… I looked around the village, asking people about various things. And I was told very helpful information relevant to this case… There was a murder at this village, here where we are standing", he said.

"Isabel…", Linali and Ellen said and Bookman nodded.

"Isabel was a prostitute back in a not too far away city. She fled into this village when she was chased away by her relatives because of the work she did. Even though this village is pretty secluded, it was not the best place for a refugee to seek shelter in. The people here won't just accept a former prostitute into their village. Isabel was shunned and when it became obvious that she was pregnant it only got worse. She was killed here at the well by a man called Filip. He was a doctor here in the village, but he had disappeared on the day Isabel died. Along him an artefact was also gone from the church"

"An artefact?", Rabi wondered.

"Yes. It was a dagger, it is said that they received this dagger when the Christian villagers defeated the pagan people living here in this region before them. It is said to have magical powers, because it had been used in human sacrifice rituals".

"Yes, we can confirm this…", Rabi said and looked at Crowley, who nodded.

"While looking for the missing children we came upon a strange ruin not too far into the forest. It was a place where the trees have been burnt down to make space for a cult place. There was a circular stone plate on the floor, tomb like stones, covered by moss, were erected around it. I convinced Rabi that we might have to dig a little", the older exorcist said and Rabi shivered.

"We did find something… And it was quite terrible…", he said, "I can't even bring myself to say it". Crowley just rolled his eyes.

"Corpses. The clothes have been rotten away, but the corpses were still looking fresh, even though they must have been buried there for hundreds of years. We saw marks on their bodies, longish and thin, probably done with the dagger", he explained their findings.

"And are you sure that these corpses are really as old as you assumed?", Bookman wanted to know. Rabi nodded, recovering from his disgust.

"There were etchings on the stones, as well as some objects laid into the graves. I could see at once that these graves must be about 200 to 300 years old".

"Hn. I see… The picture is getting completer with every new bit we're told", Bookman said deep in thoughts, then he turned towards the major, who has also dared to appear on the town square.

"He asked him what else they are hiding and that they must have been aware of this cult place", Rabi translated what the Bookman was saying.

"This is all a bit too wicked for my tastes", Ellen mumbled and Linali had to agree.

"At least we know that it is Innocence", she tried to calm her friend, but it didn't help much. Ellen just uttered a humourless laugh.

"As if that would make it any better", she whispered and Linali could say nothing to that.

"The major says that they were aware of it. They knew that Filip and Isabel were the cause of the whole ordeal", Rabi continued translating, "The villagers wanted to have her out of the village, because she was bothering them with her sinful being. Filip was a very agreeable to God he claims and so they asked him to sort this out and he did"

"You let him kill a woman?!", Linali shouted, which Rabi instantly translated.

"It had to happened!", the English speaking man replied, loud enough for all to hear. "This city was built on the foundation of human sacrifices! The ground is flooded with the blood of those that have died by the hands of those cursed heathens! The village itself is damned because of them, we cannot have this woman defile the villager and its innocence inhabitants even more! Filip agreed to take the sin upon himself, thus liberating us from it!"

"That is NO reason! I cannot believe your reasoning!", Ellen shouted now fully recovered from the assault, "you sacrifice a human just because you don't want to be guilty of any sin?! What kind of twisted up logic is that?!".

"Ellen is really angry…", Rabi observed, "but I can't blame her… I don't get you people either!", he added loudly.

"We didn't mean for this to turn into such a horrible trail of events! Who would have known that Isabel would come back to haunt us!"

"That is no ghost", Bookman said, remaining the calmest out of all the exorcists, "this is Innocence. We will recover it and nothing will plague this village anymore", he explained, also repeating it in the language of the villagers.

"What…? We will be free?", the English speaking guy asked in disbelief and talking filled the normally so empty town square.

"But, Bookman!", Linali argued, but the old man just lifted his hand.

"This does not concern us. We are merely here to recover Innocence. It is not our duty to set things straight in a messed up village".

"But they sacrificed a human!", the Chinese girl argued, but Rabi put his hand on her shoulder.

"Linali. It's okay… We are in no place to judge them… For the sake of the community a lot of people get sacrificed… Sad as it is, this is common practice. I'm sure that you know…", he said gently, but Linali just stared at him with wide eyes and then she started trembling slightly. Rabi comforted her and Ellen just watched them in confusion.

"Are you alright, Ellen?", Crowley asked and Ellen looked up at him in surprise.

"Baron… Yes… Yes, thank you…", she replied and Crowley smiled at her.

"Upon investigating the graves we realized that they sacrificed mostly women and some children, never adult men… Rabi and I were worried that one of you might get attacked when you investigate… That's why we hurried to come back…"

"Thank you… But I doubt that it would have hurt me… Even though I am not entirely sure how to fight Innocence with Innocence…", she confessed. She sighed and turned to her friends. "Let us go down into the well"

"But Ellen! That's dangerous!", Linali argued, "we are not sure what awaits us down there".

"We have to stop it, do we not?", Ellen replied and walked up to the well, putting her hand on the stone, "there are no Akuma, only Innocence. Let us do our duty now". Nobody else had any complaints and they were given some lights to take down into the well. Rabi volunteered to use his Innocence to get them all down. He held his hammer over the well, pole looking upwards and extended it deep into the well until it touched bottom.

"Okay, it's down. Who wants to get down with me?"

"I advise that I go first with you, none of the ladies should be left alone down there just in case the Innocence attacks them again", Crowley suggested and Rabi had no problem with that. With Rabi's help he descended down into the well. When he reappeared again he made a grimace.

"What did you see down there, fool?", the old Bookman wanted to know. The young red-head shivered, but he replied:

"There's blood down there… And it reeks", he replied, then he took Linali and Ellen down, before also going back up to fetch the Bookman. Ellen did understand what he meant. When she had looked down with her cursed eye she might have seen to the bottom of the well, but because it was black and white she had not realized that the water had a reddish colour. The water itself was only ankle high and there was a narrow corridor leading away from the well. There was a trail of blood flowing from somewhere within the corridor into the water of the well. The stench was terrible and neither exorcist could help making a disgusted face.

"W… Well then…", Ellen started, "let us go", she said and wanted to walk into the corridor, but Crowley stopped her.

"Young lady, I cannot have you take the lead in such a situation. Allow me to shield you", he said.

"Hey! Hey wait a minute! I'm the one that's in charge of protecting Ellen!", Rabi protested while Crowley just threw him an annoyed look.

"There is another woman here that might want your protection. Why don't you offer it to Linali? I owe Ellen something for the hair", he said and Ellen couldn't help sighing – they were still going on about the hair then. She would probably be hearing about this for ages.

"Yes, please Baron, after you", Ellen finally said, while Rabi contented himself to play guardian for Linali:

"Come one, fair princess, let's head into the dragon's lair!", Rabi said and Linali had to roll her eyes at him.  
"Stop pretending, we all know that you are scared, Rabi", Linali said and the red-head sighed in defeat.

"You're all so cold…", he muttered and followed the other exorcists into the low tunnel. It was just wide enough to walk in, even though Crowley had to watch his head. They followed the trail of blood further into the reeking darkness and Ellen activated her cursed left eye as well as her Innocence, while Crowley was still shielding her dutifully.

"The ground is rising slowly", Linali stated and indeed did the tunnel lead up now, even though it was barely noticeable. Suddenly a cracking noise broke the silence of the dark tunnel.

"What was that?!", Rabi exclaimed, raising his Innocence hammer immediately, ready to attack.

"I stepped on something", Crowley confessed and looked down, "bones…".

"Bones?!", Rabi repeated and looked down at Crowley's feet. There were some bones scattered around them now and once Crowley lifted his lamp a bit higher they could see that the corridor in front of them was all covered in skulls and bones, the skulls mostly attached to the wall.

"This is really macabre...", Linali said, shuddering slightly. Rabi put his free arm around her, a very welcome shelter for the Chinese girl. Ellen was still keeping her calm and tried to observe the situation.

"This reminds me of catacombs…", she said and looked around.

"Yes, you're right", Bookman agreed, "but I doubt that this should serve as catacombs. Unless this is the place where the Christian villagers have _buried_ the pagan people they had defeated"

"You mean they didn't only chase them away, but they actually slaughtered them?", Crowley asked in disbelief, "how cruel!", he continued as Bookman merely nodded.

"Let us not dwell on this", Ellen said, walking on, "let us just recover the Innocence. If there is something like justice in this world, then the villagers will be judged according to their actions".

"How dark, Ellen", Rabi mumbled, "but do you think that the whole village should be guilty because of the misdoings of their ancestors?". Ellen shook her head and looked at Rabi over her shoulder.

"No. Every person is responsible for his or her own actions, be they good or be they bad. I firmly would like to believe that one will get rewarded for the good deeds and get punished in some way or another for the bad things one did… However, it is not our place to pass judgement on them. And I also believe that people have the right to redeem themselves…", she said and then she turned her head back around, looking into the dimly illuminated corridor in front of her.

"You're still a very remarkable girl Ellen…", Rabi confessed, but Ellen chose not to answer. "Are you looking for redemption as well?".

"Rabi", Linali said disapprovingly and Rabi looked at her apologetically.

"I probably am", Ellen replied after a while, "but I cannot offer anything but my body to kill Akuma… And I can try offer forgiveness as well, hoping that I might receive some in turn". Rabi studied his friend's back for a while and then he sighed silently.

"Such strength… why can she continue being this optimistic… And is she _really_?", Rabi wondered to himself, "I sure do wish that Yu would be here, maybe he would stop her from being so painfully selfless…".

"Hn. My teeth are starting to ache", Crowley said after the corridor was getting wider and the stone and skeletons were covered by moss and mould.

"Which means that the Innocence is nearby. Watch out for the signs! Dripping and the sound of an arrow", Bookman reminded the younger exorcists.

"Which is pretty hard to do because the whole corridor is dripping", Rabi muttered and looked to the ceiling where water was pushing through the stone.

"I do not think that we have much to fear", Ellen said after a while, "when we were first at the well, the Innocence did not dare to attack. And once you came it retreated. I am sure that it does not dare to attack us because we are so many".

"But Ellen- ", Rabi started, but Bookman cut him off:

"She might be right. However, we have not thought about the reason for the attacks of the Innocence yet. We do know for a fact that Innocence that has materialized in an object can cause strange phenomena", he said and Ellen remembered the one time in Lucerne where the Innocence had also possessed an object and caused storms, "however, Innocence is known to just protect itself that way and not attack people"

"And what does this mean? This Innocence is apparently attacking people!", Linali said and Rabi frowned.

"Gramps, do you want to hint at the fact that there might be someone controlling the Innocence?", he asked with a half grin, "that's just-"

"Shut up you fool and be content to learn!", Bookman interrupted him yet another time, "Let's go. We have something to retrieve!". Ellen was pretty bothered by the old man's words, but she still followed Bookman and Crowley further up until they arrived in a cave, with faint light coming from an opening at the back of the cave. Linali put her hands in front of her face, while Ellen just paled upon seeing what lay before them. There was a hill at the end of the cave, leading up to the surface. This little slope was lined with old, moss covered stones, sticking up like gravestones from the wet ground. The slick floor was also covered in water, blood, bones and corpses.

"So this is where you have taken the stolen babies", Rabi managed to say, looking at the corpse of a baby just next to him. It probably wouldn't have t taken long for it to be born, but now it was lying on the floor, a wound on its chest.

"Filip", Bookman spoke into the dark. Ellen finally became aware of someone sitting among the corpses, skeletons and gravestones. It was a worn looking man, he was dirty and his clothes were torn and stained with layers of dry and fresh blood and he had the dagger – the Innocence – sticking in his chest. Ellen walked up next to Crowley, looking at the man at the floor with wide eyes. The trail of blood had been leading to him, as the wound in his chest was continuously bleeding. "We have come to retrieve the Innocence".

"Heh", the man hissed with something resembling a humourless grin on his face, "as you can see it's stuck in my chest", he whispered hoarsely. Bookman was unfazed and the others were still too shocked to even address themselves to the murderer.

"How did this happen?", Bookman wanted to know. Filip put his hand up on the handle of the Innocence.

"I have taken this out of the chapel to dispose of Isabel and it cut… wonderfully", Filip said, laughing slightly. "After the sin had been committed I threw the baby down the well, then I followed it, intending to add myself to the ranks of these godless heathens in these catacombs, because I knew that I was headed for the same place. Then I stabbed myself with the dagger"

"But it did not kill you", Crowley spoke up, a mixture of hate and pity flashing in his eyes, even though the anger was stronger.

"No, it did not. And I became aware that there is still more purging to do…", Filip said and Ellen looked at him in surprise.

"Did you… intend to kill all the people in this village?", she whispered and the man shook his head with a laugh.

"No, young lady", he said, finally looking up at her, "but I wanted to drive them out of these cursed lands. Nobody who would be buried in this damned soil would ever arrive at Heaven's gates. I knew it from the moment I pushed this blade into my heart".

"That's why you killed all the unborn children, so that they would leave out of fear", Bookman summarized and Filip nodded. "I see. Well, apparently you have nearly reached your goal"

"Nearly, yes, but then you appeared, you that carry arms made out of the same material than this cursed knife", he said, "and I could not finish what I started".

"You… you've destroyed countless lives!", Linali finally shouted, "of course we would stop you!"

"Linali… Getting worked up won't help…", Rabi said, holding on to her shoulders.

"But-"

"Filip, come. You control this Innocence. You are, as you have rightly guessed, a tool for God to purge the lands of the evil. However, you don't have to turn against the humans, what you should focus on are the Akuma", the Bookman said and Linali and Ellen stared at the old man.

"You cannot be serious!", Ellen breathed in shock, but nobody said anything to her, "you intend to bring this man to the Order?! He who has killed countless children and caused so much grief? You _cannot_ be serious!", she repeated.

"Ellen… The Innocence has chosen him as a conformer…", Rabi said, "to be an exorcist is not a question of age, neither does it care whether its host is a sinner or a saint…". Ellen stared at her friend, clenching her fists at her side.

"No! An army of God cannot be made up of sinners!", she shouted but Rabi's sombre look made her flinch. What was she saying? She as well, she had sinned as well! She had killed Mana! She just shook her head, still not able to accept it.

"Let's go then. Filip, you'll come with us, we are heading for China". Filip started laughing again.

"Don't bother", he said, "I have no interest in becoming an exorcist. I've been a tool long enough, it's time for me to go to hell", he said and started pulling out the dagger, fresh blood soaking his already soiled clothes. He held the dagger up with a shaking hand, studying the blood dripping from the blade. "But isn't it ironic? God is pretty unscrupulous, isn't he?", Filip wondered and then he turned to look at the pale Ellen, "girl. Catch", he said and then he tossed the knife at her. Ellen widened her eyes but she still managed to react, invocating her Innocence hand and catching the knife without harming herself. Filip laughed breathlessly.

"You wanted it, right? How ironic… How ironic God is…", he whispered, then he closed his eyes.

"Well. There is nothing left for us here. Let's leave this place", Bookman said, passing the dead Filip.

"Why has he died now?! Didn't the Innocence keep him alive?", Crowley wondered.

"Sometimes humans are stronger than Innocence. He did not accept it anymore. That's all. We're done here", the old man replied, climbing the slope. Linali walked up to Ellen, who still started at her claw closed around the bloody dagger.

"Come…", she whispered to her friend and took her by the hand. "We've seen enough now…". Ellen lowered her head and let herself be guided out of the cave.

--

The exorcists left the village with the Innocence. The villagers had thanked them countless times, but nobody felt like they received the gratitude. Bookman's parting words had been:

"Leave this village. It's better for you", which had earned himself confused looks.

"This was one heavy mission…", Rabi said after they fetched a new train that would get them to China, "I'm glad it's over".

"Me too… I'm sure it will leave some bad memories though…", Linali said with a deep sigh, then she turned to Ellen. The girl had the dagger resting on her lap, while she continued studying it. "Ellen…"

"Filip's words have reminded me of something that Rhode mentioned…", the white haired girl said with a sigh, wrapping the white piece of cloth around the dagger and putting it into her suitcase.

"What do you mean?", Linali wondered and Ellen looked at her.

"She claimed that there was no difference between God and Devil… I will never forget that, neither will I forget what I have already seen until now. This world is more than I had always thought it would be", she said and shook her head, smiling sadly, "I thought that I knew a great deal about the world because my mother kept teaching me and because Mana kept showing me what mother tended to hide… But… This is still very different".

"Ellen, I understand what you mean… But this part of the world, this dark happenings, this are things we will stop…", Linali assured her with determination, "don't take all on yourself! I'm here to help as well! Together we will make our own dreams come true, right? Do you remember what you told me on the way to Germany?". Ellen blinked up at her in surprise, while the men in the compartment kept quiet – this was a thing between women, apparently…

"Linali?"

"You told me that this war would not last forever! That we fight to make it stop and then we both will do what we dream of: you'll marry a nice man and I'll stay together with my brother – and marry too, eventually!". Ellen looked at her friend, who was now blushed slightly, and then she smiled gently and thankfully.

"Thank you Linali…", she said and embraced your friend, "I have not forgotten". She smiled at her and also nodded at Rabi, who did look a bit concerned. "I'll continue to believe that we will stop the Earl. I'll continue saving humans!". Rabi smiled, Crowley as well, while Bookman stayed silent, but he nodded approvingly.

"And when it's over you'll marry Yu, right??"

"Rabi!!"

_To be continued  
_

**Notes:**

Finally, enough damage done! Next chapter; China! :3

Feedback would be great! :D


	29. Kapitel 28 Allies in unexpected places

_**Author's Notes:**_

_I usually do not experience writer's block but now I do… And it is quite frustrating… Feel free to blame my lack of creativity and motivation for this late, short and quite uneventful chapter._

_I hope that you can still enjoy it somehow. _

_**Disclaimer: D.Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**_

* * *

**Kapitel 28****: Allies in unexpected places**

The further journey east remained uninterrupted. They left Russia not too long after having more or less successfully solved the mysterious case of the child theft in the small village. They were now making their way land inwards still following the direction Timcampy set for them. They had not yet found any clue to General Cross' whereabouts, but at least they were heading the right way.

Ellen was often absorbed in thoughts while travelling and nobody was too surprised as they all still brooded over the gruesome experiences in the superstitious village. However, once they travelled through China, Ellen's gloomy face lit up and her interest for the exotic new land got the better of her.

"My aunt is a keen collector of Chinese wares, China tea services and vases, herbs, accounts of travels, silk and furniture, she is interested in all what she can get. Even though the general interest for China has actually abated slightly, she cannot be persuaded to give up her passion", Ellen explained when they boarded a longish boat steered by a Chinese man. They planed to travel to the next big town by the rivers and to employ a native was the best option they had. They were lucky that they had Linali because Ellen spoke no word of Chinese, neither was she very interested to learn such a complex language, even though it intrigued her.

"I'm not surprised though, it's still luxurious", Linali said, "I would like to see your aunt's collection one day!", Linali said and Ellen laughed, the first laughter anybody heard from her in over two weeks.

"I will invite you to our house! My mother collects things as well, but she is more interested in English art, and my father collected pipes from all over the world!"

"Pipes?", Rabi wondered and Ellen nodded happily, "a funny thing to collect".

"Oh, not at all, my dear uncle collects plates and Mana collected top hats. It is a very agreeable pastime to go looking for old things on the markets all over the world. I once started to collect ivory trinkets but my collection is very humble", she replied cheerfully, enjoying the topic.

"You seem to like exotic things", Rabi asked and Ellen looked at him with a blush.

"Do not say that. I am merely an admirer of the products of foreign cultures", she said, trying to hide that she was in fact very interested in everything that was labelled exotic.

"Ah, I see", Linali said with a cheerful smile, "isn't Kanda exotic as well?"

"I knew that one of you was going to say that, but I expected that it would be Rabi", Ellen answered with a deep sigh.

"Don't be embarrassed, Ellen! I just wanted to cheer you a bit, I didn't mean any harm", Linali said, putting her hands on her friend's shoulders. Ellen smiled.

"I know. Well, he has a remarkable exotic beauty… But you do as well, Linali", she said and her friend blushed.

"I don't feel exotic at all!", she protested and Rabi laughed.

"That's because you grew up in England", he said and looked at Ellen, "not that British girls aren't very nice to look at! I like you both!", he said and patted Ellen's head, "but one of you is taken and the other is free!", he said, grinning at the two. This time it was Linali who looked at him crossly.

"W… Well… It's starting to rain, why don't we get some rest?", Crowley suggested looking into the stormy sky and the others agreed after a while. The man at the front of the boat continued steering, whereas the exorcists retreated under a big blanket-like cloth that sheltered them from the rain. Ellen, even though she felt quite comfortable under the cover, wrapped in her exorcist cloak, still dared to peek out and look into the bamboo forest that lined the shore.

"What's the matter, Ellen? Are you still thinking about our last mission?", Linali asked, poking her head out as well when she took notice of her friend. Ellen turned her head towards her and blinked at her in surprise.

"Me? No, actually I try to not think about it. It might be naïve to say so, but I would rather just stop worrying about it for the time being…", she said, then she looked back into the forest. "I just have the feeling that we are being watched…". Linali frowned and looked into the forest as well but she couldn't see anything neither did she have the feeling of being in any danger. "Maybe it is a Panda?", Ellen suggested.

"Do you think that they have to be everywhere just because we're in China?", Linali asked, laughing slightly and Ellen blushed in embarrassment. "There are none here".

"Ah… I see…", she said and sounded a bit disappointed, "then I must have been mistaken. Let us get some sleep".

"Yes, that's a good idea", Linali consented and the two girls retreated, listening to the rain hitting their shelter and the waves of the river against the wood of their boat.

After two more days they had reached a town where they were forced to stay because their guide – Timcampy – had managed to get lost. China's villages and towns did have a lot of Akuma, hence the group of exorcists had enough to do even though they were getting delayed.

"China is so vast, it is not surprising that not many exorcists venture here. It must be hard to survey this massive country", Ellen thought and spotted the Akuma with her cursed eye, easily killing them all. Rabi jumped out of the way before she could get too close to do any damage to him too.

"Stop that! Don't just attack out of the blue! That's scary!", Rabi shrieked after he hastily picked himself up from the floor. Rabi thought that for a split second he could see a very dark, evil expression on her face but after he blinked at her, it had changed to a sincere looking confusion.

"What? I always warn you beforehand. You are an able exorcist, you surely will not stand in my way when I am doing my duty", she said. Rabi made a grimace.

"You're still angry at me?!", he asked and Ellen smiled.

"Of course not", she said but Rabi didn't believe her.

"You are! You demon! Harming your friend just because I'm such a nice fellow and like to ease tense situations by stating the truth with jokes!"

"Yes, you are the perfect _fool_", she said jokingly and Rabi didn't really know what to make of it. Maybe he should just take the hint and shut up about Kanda, but he felt an obligation towards him. As his best friend it was Rabi's _duty_ to remind Ellen of their reciprocal (Rabi didn't doubt it) love. While the saying _distance makes the heart grow fonder_ fit perfectly well for Kanda, Ellen rather seemed to have _an out of sight, out of mind_ policy governing her thoughts regarding her lover. Rabi doubted that the young girl could possibly just forget about him and the intimate moments they've shared. She couldn't be that cold-hearted, but it had been months since they've last seen each other!

Rabi's thoughts were interrupted by Linali who brought back the stray Timcampy (nearly eaten by a cat, but he didn't seem to be too bothered by it).

"Good that he's back, we wouldn't have been able to find our way without him", Rabi said.

"But how long will we continue travelling like this? When will we finally find General Cross?", Crowley wondered.

"It is our forth day in China and we still have not found any trace of the General", Ellen said, "even though we are patiently following Timcampy".

"Might the General be dead already…?", Crowley dared to ask in a worried tone. Ellen just smiled at him.

"I do not think that he will die that easily", she said and Rabi laughed in amusement.

"And why do you think so?", he wondered and Ellen frowned.

"During the few days I travelled with him I think I was able to figure out his character. He seems like the type of man that will make the world change to fit his tastes instead of following a set direction. I am pretty sure that a man like him survives even assassination attempts".

"Dear Ellen, he's not a character from a novel!", Rabi protested and Ellen glared at him, "you really read too much".

"Well fine then. If the thought of General Cross lying somewhere dead in a gutter sits better with you, then suit yourself", she said in a harsh tone, making Rabi shiver.

"No, no, I believe you!", he argued and Ellen smiled, "Man, you're in an awful mood… Shouldn't you be happy because you get to see exotic China?".

"Well, I would be ecstatic if I had the leisure to be careless, but this is not a nice little travel for fun"

"And now guess where she has that idea from", Rabi said with a sigh and was surprised to hear Ellen laugh.

"Well, I guess Kanda was right about it after all. I do enjoy travelling immensely, but if you are able to see the danger then it is rather hard to ignore it", she explained and pointed at her eye.

"True", Bookman spoke up for the first time, "your enhanced abilities have been very useful so far". Ellen smiled politely and Linali looked at her with a frown.

"Ellen? What's with your hand?", she asked when she saw Ellen's left hand tremble. It was just all the more suspicious when the young girl tried to hide it behind her back.

"Nothing you need to worry about. I have just used it too much it seems", she said, but Linali wasn't really convinced by that.

"You've fought a lot more than we did since last mission. Don't overdo it", Bookman said and Ellen nodded.

"Why do you need to fight so much? We're here too", Linali said as they continued their travels.

"I know that you are here as well. However, if I see an enemy and have the chance to kill him then it would be careless to let him be just because I wait for someone of you to do it", Ellen explained.

"But Ellen", Linali argued, "your weapon is a part of your body, don't forget that! If you fight more then you strain your body more as well. I don't want your eagerness to fight to backfire on you". Ellen frowned slightly, thinking about Linali's words.

"It is not as if I would be eager to fight, but I do not think that killing level one Akuma is a very demanding thing to do", she said and laughed slightly, but Linali furrowed her brow. "Ah, am I being rash again?"

"Maybe", the other girl said, then she sighed, "I just don't want you to put yourself in any unnecessary danger", she said. Ellen looked at her with a gentle smile and nodded.

"Neither do I want you to be in danger, that's why I would rather just destroy the Akuma swiftly so that they cannot harm you". Linali smiled as well, but it seemed a bit sad.

"I understand very well… The only reason I fight is to keep those I love safe... I will never fight for another reason than to protect…". Ellen wasn't sure how to reply to that. For what reason did she fight? Necessity? To repent? She had stopped thinking about it some time ago, because now it seemed like to locate, invocate and destroy Akuma was just a natural reaction. And that realization scared Ellen.

"Killing has become easy…", she thought gravely, "no… I must not think that way. I will continue saving". She turned her eyes down on the suitcase she was holding. Safely hidden away the tainted Innocence of Filip was waiting to strike again. "But are my motives right? Am I doing the right thing or am I just trying to put on a good face on the matter? To justify destruction and murder is never easy…". She sighed and looked in front of her where the high mountains were lining the horizon. "I wish that this war would end soon…".

In a relatively big city right by the sea Ellen and her friends stopped to rest.

"We should go asking around, the General might have been here", Bookman suggested, "this is the first big city that Timcampy has guided us to".

"I would not be surprised if he decided to rest in this city. It somehow matches him more than a remote little village", Ellen said and Rabi had to laugh, agreeing to it. "Well then, let us ask around", she suggested and there was general agreement to that. Rabi handed Ellen a piece of paper on her demand and she started drawing Cross. Rabi watched her display her ability in art first with an expectant smile and then with a grimace.

"Uh… That's… somewhat disillusioning", he state and Ellen rolled her eyes, "aren't all young aristocratic women supposed to be good at art?"

"I never had an interest in drawing myself. I do appreciate art, but I cannot draw. It is a question of talent and I simply have none", the young woman explained and Linali smiled.

"She received the same reaction from me, I guess that she's used to it already", she explained telling of her previous encounter with Ellen's lacking drawing skills. "Anyway, at least she managed to catch Cross' most striking features". She took the pen from Ellen's hand and added some Chinese letters. "Have you seen this man", she translated.

"Thank you Linali! I will go with Timcampy", she said and took the picture.

"Why are you so eager?", Rabi wondered and Ellen blushed slightly.

"I… must confess that I am hungry… And I saw a vendor", she said and Rabi laughed in amusement. Linali was more sympathetic and volunteered to accompany her and look in the same district just in case that she needed her. Ellen and Timcampy with the piece of paper went to the next vendor that sold something that Ellen had never seen before. It looked like unbaked dough lumps, but they were steaming. Very interested and also too hungry to care much about the flavour she went up to the vendor and pointed at the strange food, then she held up five fingers. The man understood her easy enough and handed her the food. While Ellen took a bite, the man investigated the picture and then he started talking loudly, making Ellen nearly choke on her food. She swallowed quickly.

"Oh, my! I do not understand Chinese!", she said franticly and whirled around, "Linali! Please do come, this gentleman seems to know something!", she shouted. She was then joined by Linali and they had a short conversation which ended with Linali very happy and ten more of the strange but tasty lumps for Ellen.

"He gave me the direction of the building General Cross frequented", the Chinese girl reported, "thank God that the General is standing out that much!"

"When has he last been seen?", Bookman wondered.

"About a week ago the vendor told me", Linali replied and they walked towards Cross supposed dwellings. "But he was sure that it was him and he has not heard about him leaving".

"Thank goodness", Ellen said, breathing out a sigh of relief, "now we just have to join him".

They found the house pretty easily. It was an establishment right at the harbour and once Ellen realized what kind of dwelling it was, it brought a red hue of embarrassment to her cheeks.

"A house of pleasure!", she exclaimed, hand in front of her mouth, "Oh my!".

"The vendor told me that Cross is supposed to be the owner's new lover", Linali said, admiring the beautiful building. It looked pretty luxurious, not like a run-down, back alley establishment and it made Ellen hope that the people inside had more honour than her image of visitors and ladies of such places made her believe.

"I have to confess that this does match the image I had formed of him… I knew that he stayed with women, but this is something different", she shook her head, "a brothel…".

"Stop being the scandalized high-class lady", Rabi joked and Ellen pouted, "and be happy! We finally found him!"

"This is quite a flashy place", Crowley said and Rabi nodded.

"The most popular establishment in the city!", the red head added and Ellen wondered how Rabi came to know that. While the others were happy to have finally arrived at the end of their long journey, Ellen had very mixed feelings about her reunion with General Cross. She and Rabi pushed the door open, but were hindered from entering by a tall person.

Ellen did not understand what the person said but it sounded dangerous and threatening.

"How tall!", Ellen thought while Rabi just commented with a "he's got breasts!".

"We are sorry!", Ellen tried to explain, "I… I cannot understand you but please forgive us for intruding".

"What?! A woman?!", Rabi stupidly added. The woman didn't seem impressed and just grabbed the two in front of her. "Linali!! Help!". The girl shouted something to the other woman, but it wasn't even necessary as she bent down to Ellen.

"Please come to the back entrance. From here you cannot access the mistress' rooms", she whispered to her and Ellen blinked in surprise. "We are allies of the order", the woman continued, sticking out her tongue where Ellen spotted a cross. Ellen and Rabi were let down and the woman led them to the back doors where they were easily admitted. They were welcomed by a beautiful woman with a splendid kimono and wonderful hair decoration.

"Exorcists! Welcome! My name is Anita, I am the landlady of this establishment. I am pleased to meet you". The group was very baffled by her beauty and Ellen was fascinated.

"Such a beautiful woman!", she thought and was nearly ashamed to look so plain.

"However, I must beg you pardon", Anita continued, "the honourable Cross no longer stays here".

"What?!", the group called, their hopes of finally finding Cross shattered.

"He has journeyed on. He left eight days ago", she said and Ellen watched her in wonder. The face of the woman, who seemed very strong and composed, changed slightly. "And… We have reason to believe that he is no longer among the living". A shocked moment of silence followed, Ellen was too surprised to even say something. It was Linali who finally broke the silence.  
"What… What does that mean?", she wondered and Anita looked at her wordlessly for a few moments.

"The ship that the honourable Cross boarded eight days ago has been attacked at sea and sank". Ellen remained silent as Bookman spoke up:

"Is there proof?", he wanted to know and Anita was still calm when she answered:

"We have received a distress call and other ships have left to help. But both the ship and the survivors have not been found. What they saw were uncanny remains and a sea of poison spread".

"What was my master's destination?", Ellen asked with a steady voice, "what was the destination of the ship my master boarded?". Anita looked up in surprise and Ellen's companions looked at her as well. Ellen wore a determined look. "Such a thing will not kill my master!". Anita widened her eyes, but the honest look that Ellen gave her made tears well up in the woman's eyes.

"Do you… really think so?", she asked, a pained smile on her face. She checked her emotions and composed herself. "The aim of his journey was Japan. He sailed towards Edo". Ellen looked at her in surprise and Anita rose from her sofa. "If you want to follow him then we will guide you. Since my mother has been the owner of this house we have been allies of the order. We will do whatever we can to help". She turned towards the tall woman. "Get a ship ready!". The woman nodded and Anita turned towards the exorcists. "Until we are done you are invited to stay with us".

"Thank you. We would be glad to rest", Bookman decided for them and it was agreed that they would wait for daybreak.

Ellen was timidly walking around the inner parts of the brothel, trying to avoid looking at the women walking about.

"Ellen! Here you are!", Linali called out to her and Ellen felt trapped, even though she had done nothing other than walk around.

"Ah, I should not be here. What would my mother think!", the white haired girl said with a long sigh when Linali asked about the reason for her distress.

"Don't worry so much. Come! Anita has something very interesting to show us!", Linali said and Ellen had no choice but to follow. She was led into a big room where she saw Anita sitting on a couch.

"I wanted to thank you for making me regain hope", Anita said and rose from her seat.

"Please, this is not necessary", Ellen said. Anita smiled and touched Ellen's hair.

"I always think it a pity to see a woman lost to the battle field", she said and Ellen looked at her in surprise, "both you and Linali are just starting to become women and you don't have time to enjoy it".

"I do not quite understand", Ellen said in puzzlement and the woman smiled warmly. She let go off Ellen's hair and turned towards doors which she easily pulled open.

"Anita suggested that we can wear nice dresses for once! Isn't that great?", Linali wondered and followed Anita. Ellen blinked in surprise but the thought of wearing such nice clothes as Anita sounded wonderful in her ears. She had some reserves about wearing those kimonos but the women who dressed her were very friendly and Ellen had great fun. In the end she was dressed in a beautiful peach coloured and white silk kimono with golden embroidery. Linali wore a dark kimono with red symbols and she looked very beautiful with her hair made and make-up on her face. Ellen was very surprised when she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair, even though it was short, was beautifully dressed with little golden pins in it and she wore make-up, not too much, just enough to enhance her natural beauty.

"I… am quite speechless…", Ellen said, admiring the work of Anita and the other women, "my… if mother could see me like this, oh, how would she be surprised!".

"Don't worry about that, Anita has already called a photographer! You can take a picture! I am sure that Kanda would like to see you like this as well!". Ellen blushed.

"Oh no! He will laugh!"

"Surly not! You know that he won't!", Linali protested and guided Ellen back into the previous room, where they greeted the photographer. Ellen was fidgeting nervously while they prepared for the photograph.

"Don't you feel great?", Linali wondered and Ellen nodded shyly.

"It… has become unusual for me to wear dresses… I almost could forget that I am supposed to be a woman. If General Cross wouldn't have make me wear men's clothes…", she didn't finish the sentence and contented herself with frowning. They took the photograph and the man promised to develop it as fast as he could.

"I… I guess I would like to send it to Kanda", Ellen confessed and Linali was delighted to hear that. "Please, do not make such a happy face, I feel almost wretched".

"Are you still unsure about your relationship?"

"Yes, I am. I worry about the future of our liaison… However, this evening has reminded me of something very important…", Ellen said with a gentle expression.

"And what?", Linali wondered.

"That Kanda thinks that I am beautiful… I have always been told by my mother that my looks would not be able to win me a husband… And I am aware that it were not my looks that pleased Kanda but he never got weary of expressing his fondness… And…", Ellen was by now so red in the face that she rather passed on continuing, so she could keep herself some kind of dignity. Linali didn't even need her to elaborate on this, she was perfectly happy by what Ellen has revealed.

"Then we should ask a finder to hand it to him. I am sure that he will be happy to see you again, even if it is just on a photograph"

"But-"

"No buts Ellen. It doesn't matter what will be later on and if your relationship will be able to last. Right now you can make Kanda happy and I am sure he deserves to know about your gratitude". Ellen sighed.

"You are right…", she consented and caught another glimpse of herself in a long mirror. She looked like a different person. Had she changed that much or was this just this Asian get up? Ellen was not sure, but she knew that she was not the same person as she had been some months ago. She still had a long way to go and many problems to solve, but she thought that she was mature enough to deal with anything. And maybe… maybe it would be nice to have Kanda there to help her. Just as he promised.

_To be continued_

**Notes: **

Ahaha. I decided to add a girly scene.

Feedback might revive my low spirits **lol**


	30. Kapitel 29 Night of destruction

**Author's Notes:**

Ah… *sigh* Finally updated. I'm really sorry if this chapter's writing seems forced. My very severe case of writer's block continues to kill my motivation to write, even though it's not that bad anymore. *unhappy* Your reviews made me happy though even if I took such a long time to reply.

Anyway, this chapter will cover the end of volume 5, the entire volume 6 and the very first pages of volume 7. It's huge (as long as my one-shots usually are...!) I hope this makes up for the long wait even if it's mainly a retelling of the Manga… *wails*

**Thank you for your patience, I really appreciate it *bows***

**Dislcaimer: -Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 29: Day of torment, Night of destruction**

When the sun rose and threw its reddish light over the sea, Ellen walked up to the ship that would soon carry her over to Japan, to where Cross was headed. She felt unrest nagging at her, but she could not really define its cause. She tried to be cheerful when greeting the sailors and decided to calm her thoughts. She climbed up the main mast, from the highest point of the ship she had a magnificent view of both the city and the vast ocean. She sighed and held on to the wooden mast. General Cross, dead? No, she could not believe it, but what gave her the certainty with which she had claimed him to be still alive? How could she possibly know? She had not spent that much time with him, she should not overestimate her intuition. Her master could as well be dead, he was only human after all… But… There still remained this annoying _but_ that wouldn't leave her alone. She knew that this was in no way one of her beloved novels, but he couldn't possibly be dead yet, she still needed him. He was her mentor and he still had a lot of teaching to do! Of course, that idiot ("oh, I should not think badly of those who are thought to be dead!") had ditched his responsibility for her before, but… No. Just no. Anita was in love with him. Ellen herself still needed him. Her group needed to find him. Battles needed to be fought. There were too many reasons for him to still be alive. Of course, his own strength should also help him survive such an attack… Ellen sighed deeply. She was only getting herself more worked up instead of calming down.

"Sir Tim", Ellen said and looked over to the golem, "Is my master really beyond this sea?". Timcampy just continued batting his wings, facing straight ahead. Ellen smiled painfully and looked back out over the vast expanse of water. "Japan… How I wish to be able to avoid going there… Stupid master…", she said and lowered her head. "If he really is dead then I will not forgive him…". She slowly lowered herself and sat on the wooden pole, resting her head against the mast. Leaving her alone with all her worries. Forcing her to sail to the land which reminded herself of what she had done awfully wrong and of the hardships she might still have to face. She was a fool to think that she would be able to deal with it alone, but why had she secretly hoped that General Cross could and would actually help her? He was her mentor, but he was not her father, why should he take care of her? A lot of painful thoughts went through Ellen's head while she was waiting for the sailors to get ready. However, all of a sudden her cursed eye reacted and the monocle formed. She frantically looked around. "Akuma?! They seem to be far away but where are they coming from…?!". She looked ahead of her and then she could see a swarm of little black dots in the distance. She widened her eyes because, as the dots were approaching, Ellen realised how many they were! "Everyone!", she shouted and hoped that her friends would hear her. "Akuma!". She gasped as she saw thousands of Akuma flying in their direction. "The Akuma are coming!!". She heard people on deck shouting, apparently they had heard her. She decided not to pay them any attention at the moment but to just focus on destroying as many as possible. She activated her Innocence and waited for them to be in the range of her gun. The force of the swarm was incredible when they reached them. The whole ship was trembling and the wood creaked under the strain. Ellen kept her balance and shot at whatever she could reach, but after just a short moment she stopped in surprise. "They… they just fly past us?", she asked and looked up, where Akuma were flying by, ignoring the exorcists. Her friends on deck seemed to be as confused as she was, but before she could ask them any questions she could feel pain in her leg and then she was dragged up into the sky. She shrieked and could hear Rabi calling out to her. Ellen didn't really hear what the two Akuma that had stolen her from the ship were talking about. She got over her shock, clenched her teeth and fired at the one holding her. It did actually let her fall, but before Ellen could worry about the consequences she was caught by the second Akuma.

"He he he he he! Don't think that I will let you go! You belong to me now!", it screeched and squeezed the air out of Ellen's lungs. Ellen gasped but a loud explosion saved her from the Akuma's grasps. Once again she was falling and could only see a cloud of smoke. But after a while Linali sprang out of it, elegant like a dancing fairy, her black hair flying around her. She reached out to Ellen and the girl managed to get a hold of Linali's outstretched hand. As the two were soaring through the sky, continually falling, an explosion resounded through the Akuma filled sky. The two girls looked into the direction of the explosion and could also hear the excited uproar of the Akuma; it seemed as if they had found the aim of their sudden and numerous appearance. Through the clouds, the smoke and the many bodies of level two Akuma, Ellen could make out a gigantic white shape. She widened her eyes in horror as she discovered it to have the appearance of a male torso with cut off arms and head. Just below the gigantic shape's torso it had some sort of round extremity which looked as if the shape was floating on a balloon held firmly in place by numerous white tube like forms. It reminded Ellen of muscle fibres or veins holding on to a ripped out eye even though the whole "creature" was white as a corpse. Ellen lacked the words to say something regarding this abominable thing and Linali also seemed to be in a daze. As a swarm of Akuma passed them in order to get close to the shape, the Chinese' grasp on the younger girl's hand slipped and Ellen once again fell unrestrained, but before any damage could be done Linali had used the ability of her Dark Boots and dashed forwards, grabbing Ellen and landing on a seemingly safe spot on a hill.

"How fast you are!", Ellen commented her rescuer and Linali smiled gently.

"I am sorry for not paying enough attention. Are you alright?", she wondered and Ellen nodded slowly, then she turned towards the landscape they were overlooking, particularly paying attention to the happenings in the sky over the Chinese mountains. They had come a long way from the city, Ellen had no idea where they were, but right now the ghastly creature demanded her full attention.

"Look at this", the girl whispered, ideas of gothic horror tales and monsters sprung to her head at once and she tried to abandon them in light of their current situation. Linali didn't say anything for a while and the two girls saw with surprise that the Akuma attacked the shape.

"The Akuma attack it?! It seems to me as if they had come here to pursue this white creature…", Ellen mused , cold sweat making her hair stick to her forehead. She was afraid to see such a thing, afraid to see more tales of horror spring to life before her eyes. And what could it be? It seemed like a monster, a creature of the Earl, but why were Akuma attacking it? If it was neither human, nor Akuma, then what was it?!

The creature crashed into the mountain because of the numerous attacks. It was very far off but it seemed as if a deformed human body emerged from the hole situated at the place where a human's heart would be beating.

"This is…", Ellen heard Linali whisper breathlessly and then she could distinguish a name "Suman", before Linali fell to her knees, screaming and clutching her head as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Linali!", Ellen shouted, but her voice was barely audible over Linali's desperate screaming. "Linali! Linali what is wrong with you?!". Ellen kneeled down and attempted to put her arms around Linali, but the Chinese girl's screams died down and all that was left was a hoarse, devastated whisper:

"A Fallen One…". Ellen widened her eyes at this, "He has failed on his way to become an apostle…". Linali had calmed down enough to offer an explanation. "Fallen Ones are humans whose synchronization rate to Innocence is below zero… Incompatibles who desperately try to synchronize with Innocence. Their sin is that they try to synchronize with God without being a chosen apostle…". Ellen listened to her quietly, but a cold feeling had accumulated in the pit of her stomach, spreading slowly but steadily. Linali sobbed, but continued, clutching the fabric of Ellen's uniform for support: "Today they are forbidden, but I've seen those experiments at the Black Order. Experiments that tried to create exorcists. That's why I know these creatures… But... why?!". She lowered her head, staring at the floor helplessly. "Suman was a compatible! How could he become a Fallen One?". Ellen looked up into the sky, thinking the same thing as Linali asked: "What has happened to him?".

They didn't have the liberty to ponder about this for long because the Fallen One had started to charge up an incredible attack, shooting off blasts of blinding white light. Destroying Akuma, mountains, ground, forest. Ellen tried her best to shelter Linali, holding on to her as the force of the attack nearly sent them flying from their place even though they were at quite a distance from the creature.

"What incredible destructive power!", Ellen hissed, "It wiped out a great part of this massive Akuma army in a single instance!". The destruction continued while Ellen still tried to get Linali up on her feet.

"Suman is a compatible of the parasite type, just like you", Linali whispered and Ellen looked at her, "I have heard that his unit has been attacked and that he was declared missing. That so many Akuma have arrived probably means that they know that he's a Fallen One". Ellen barely had time to really listen to her friend as she was busy evading falling rocks, blasts and Akuma debris.

"He has started destroying everything in his surroundings. If he continues like this…", Ellen thought frantically, breathing hard because she always had to pull Linali with her into temporary safety.

"We have to help…", Linali whispered and Ellen turned her head to her in surprise. The look the Chinese girl wore was made up of helplessness and fear, tears trickling down her face. Ellen continued looking at her without saying anything. Now that all around them was in a state of chaos and the sky was flaming red, Ellen had first thought of trying to think about their own safety, but Linali seemed to have little regard for that at the moment. Her sole concern seemed to be the Fallen One.

"I have always asked Hebraska about this experiments. I never got an answer. What has happened to those people that became Fallen Ones?", she sobbed breathlessly, "I don't know". Ellen lowered her eyes. She understood her pain, she knew very well how Linali felt. "I know nothing at all…".

To save someone who has fallen from grace. Who had betrayed God, who had become a monster, only vaguely resembling a human, who had started destroying everything, no matter what it was. Should she really be thinking about saving him? Was it worth it? Ellen clenched her eyes shut. There needs to be a reason why. Why has he become this thing? It was the same for Ellen as for Linali; she knew nothing. Should she just abandon something because she did not know it well enough to judge fairly? She opened her eyes and pulled Linali up on her feet.

"We have to hurry up", she said and Linali looked up at her in surprise, "you want to save Suman, do you not?", Ellen called and Linali nodded. "Then come on now! We should not be wasting time hesitating!". A grateful smile stole its way onto Linali's face and she nodded, activating her boots to fly them over to the gigantic white creature.

They burst through the masses of Akuma unrestrained and found themselves floating just before the Fallen One and then the force of Linali's boots actually helped them reach the body. They landed on the pointed fang like constructions that were circling the spot over the heart where Suman's upper body was sticking out. Ellen shuddered when touching the creature's body, even though this "fangs" and the surface were hard as stone, it actually felt awkwardly organic and alive in a dreadful kind of way.

"Suman!", Linali shouted and reached out to the man, but Ellen stopped her:

"Linali! You better not step into this hole!". The hole seemed to be a semi fluid mass made out of white scales and black substance between them. And in the middle was sticking out something that looked like a corpse. Ellen felt sick studying this Suman, or what was left of him, but she forced herself to be stronger. His skin was white and seemed like it was very tightly pulled over his skeleton, there were veins on his bald head. Ellen saw that Suman had only holes for ears, as if they had been ripped or burned off. His eyes were milky white and unfocused, blood was running down both from his eyes and his mouth. Ellen wondered how such a man could still be saved, but she determined to at least try.

"Suman…?!", Linali called when she didn't receive a reaction from the semi-living corpse. Ellen wondered how she was not shocked by his appearance. Was Suman always looking like this and only she was surprised because she had never seen him before…? She stopped hesitating and reached out her hand to him.

"Let us pull him out!", she said but a loud hissing and rustling noise to her side revealed the head of a young girl bursting out of the scaly mass. She looked over to Ellen, tears streaming out of her black turned eyes. She had scales sticking to her face and her hair, blood stains were visible under her nose and at the corner of her mouth. "Help…", she breathed desperately, "Mama… Where are you…?". Ellen and Linali widened their eyes in horror. "Help…" and the girl was being pulled in again, but this time Ellen just stuck her hand into the hole, grabbing the girl and using all her force to break her free. She had not cared about the consequences in this moment and had not judged the situation before acting. A rash action… In compensation for the loss of the girl, the mass now came alive and grabbed Ellen around the neck, pulling her in. Linali shouted her name and reached out for her. But instead of taking her hand, Ellen just held out the little girl. Linali widened her eyes as if she was shocked that Ellen would make such a decision.

"Take the child!", the white haired girl said while being pulled in and Linali grabbed it just in time before Ellen's hand disappeared. She could still hear Linali screaming, but it sounded as if she was in water. There first was darkness around Ellen, but then she felt like she was being sucked into the deepness of water, bubbles above her and the light of the surface shimmering. Ellen had enough time to register that she was still able to breathe but then a sensation pushed down on her like the weight of water. She grabbed her head and shrieked as thousands of images, sounds, feelings, emotions and sensations came rushing into her head in mere seconds. More and more and she could do nothing but scream at both what she saw and in fear of her head bursting from the overload. She knew that she was seeing glimpses of Suman's past and the weight of his emotions nearly suffocated her.

"Stop it!!! My head is bursting!!! Stooooooooop!!!", Ellen managed to scream but the torrent of pain continued to torment her. Then, among the passing pictures of Suman's anguish and sin she saw a glimpse of something different. She saw a glimpse of the reason _why_. A little girl, crying, and pronouncing only one word: "Papa". Ellen widened her eyes and the torrent of pictures ripped off, its work done, leaving Ellen exhausted and drifting motionlessly.

But she understood. She knew now what has happened. She knew now why it had to happen. Ellen was talking to herself, her voice faint and hoarse, tears running down her cheeks. She was crying for herself, for Suman and the people he had betrayed:

"Mister Suman… You… You stopped fighting as you saw your friends die and begged the enemy for your life… You have betrayed God and Innocence". Ellen closed her eyes, putting her hands over her them. "But more than that you have betrayed your fellow exorcists and friends. You sold them to your enemy", she sobbed, "is this not worse? It this not far worse?", she asked the liquid darkness around her. She reopened her eyes and looked up. Even though it felt to her as she drifted further down, the shimmering surface was still within view. "However… You have become this creature because the Innocence felt that you have betrayed it, because you ceased to fight. Is that the reason? Is this why you fell?". Ellen didn't receive an answer, neither did she expect one. She was alone in this semi-darkness and it was perfectly still.

Ellen didn't know how long she was left to her own thoughts in this darkness, but it was disrupted by a sudden jolt. Ellen's eyes snapped open and she sat up. It was actually impossible to tell from her place what was happening outside, but somehow she knew.

"This strange feeling…He must have sent off another gigantic eruption. He probably has destroyed countless Akuma with it!". Suddenly the void in which he sat was filled with tormented howling and she shrieked in surprise. It didn't sound human, but mixed into the howling she could also hear Suman's own screams of pain. Ellen looked around herself and could see distorted white faces rushing towards the surface from deep within the creature. She looked up.

"This screaming… Is this lamentation? Is Mister Suman in pain? What is tormenting him?". Ellen stopped and remained in silence until she felt a new power around her. Actually it had been present before, silently looming in the darkness of the void, but now she felt it clearly.

"This destructive power that Mister Suman possesses… This is not normal", she thought uneasily. She recalled the own feeling of her Innocence and this new sensation… It reminded her of something, this uncanny, menacing feeling. Ellen paled as she remembered when she had felt this before; on the night that she killed Mana, the night her Innocence had forcefully used her body and then robbed her hair of its beautiful auburn colour.

"Is the Innocence eating away at his life in order to emit such overwhelming power?", Ellen wondered. Her heart was beating loudly and she could hear the throbbing in her ears. She knew what Linali had told her once: "_Innocence shouldn't harm its wielder_". Even if this was the case, even if Innocence was good, Ellen knew what was happening and she almost didn't dare speaking it aloud:

"Does the Innocence… Does it want to kill him?!". This knowledge came crashing down on Ellen with immense force and she was unable to move. Punish the sinner. Just like God. Ellen gritted her teeth. Yes, Suman had made a mistake but Ellen had also seen that Innocence lend its strength to murderers. Filip had killed innocent creatures with Innocence. Was this… the will of God?! Ellen couldn't believe it. No! She couldn't _accept_ it!

"Such a thing can't possibly… Stop it…", she whispered, but then she got out of her daze and lifted her left arm. "Stop it, Innocence!!", she shouted into the darkness and invocated. She found it very hard to actually make her Innocence activate in her current prison, but she smashed her partially invocated hand down on the floor. "You must not kill friends!!". The darkness beneath her shattered like glass, the shards flying in all directions and the sudden appearance of light almost blinded her. She dared to open her eyes and in front of her she saw a strange shape. It looked like an arm, no, Ellen was positive that it was an arm. It had some strange armour on it and Ellen knew that this was the Innocence of Suman.

She could only look at it for a short time before the light engulfed her and she was spat out of the creature's inside. Ellen gasped and then she realized where she was. She could see Suman's upper body as she was flying through the air.

"I am out again! It has forced me out…", Ellen thought and looked around her. If she didn't act now then she would die from the fall. She decided to invocate and grab the pointed fangs around the hole. Ellen was pulling herself back towards the hole, landing on one of the fangs, still holding on tightly. "Mister Suman!", she shouted, putting her free hand on his shoulder. He didn't show any signs of having noticed her. "Please pull through! I will get you out of this!!". She tried to pull put Suman started screaming and electricity shot through both of them, nearly making Ellen lose her grip. Just as the pain stopped and Ellen breathed out a sigh of relief, Suman started to cough, spitting out a lot of blood in the process. Ellen shut her eyes when the slick fluid hit her in the face.

"Who…", she heard a hoarse voice and opened her eyes, not daring to wipe the blood out of her eyes. "Who is there? Who is…". Ellen smiled in relief to get a reaction from him.

"Mister Suman!", she said, but he didn't seem to have heard her.

"Be damned", he hissed and Ellen widened her eyes in shock, "damned, damned, damned!", he shouted again and again, repeating the word like some sort of incantation. "God! The apostles! And everyone else! All shall be damned!", he howled, "Damn you all!!".

Ellen was so shocked to hear him say such a thing that she wasn't able to react and just continued staring at him. She stirred when she saw that the Fallen One was rushing forward and that a village came into view.

"A village! Oh no!", she thought and turned back to Suman, who had by now stopped cursing everybody. "Suman! Please stop!!", she begged him, but of course he didn't pay her any attention. She grabbed his upper arm, reaching into the hole again and tried to pull. This only resulted in the same reaction as before; the pain of the electricity that went through Ellen and Suman forced her to withdraw her hand, while Suman shouted and spat more blood.

"Let go of me you goddamn exorcist! Die!", he shouted and Ellen bit her lip. Nobody, especially not one of her allies, had ever told her such a thing and she was deeply shaken and hurt. But she knew that he was not being reasonable and she couldn't stop now.

"I am sorry, but if I do that then you will destroy the village", Ellen said, "I cannot let that happen! Have we not fought to protect humans?!", she shouted but Suman answered by sinking his teeth into Ellen's free hand with a force that made her wince.

"Shut up!", he hissed and bit down harder. Ellen squeezed her eyes shut in pain, but now was not the time to give in.

"Goodness, this power!", she thought but tried to address Suman again, "Please come to your senses! Mister Suman! I will save you from the Innocence!", Ellen declared, "I promise! But please stop! There must not be more victims! You have to fight!", she shouted. He only continued crushing her hand.

"Die!". Ellen gasped from the pain, but she raised her head to look into Suman's face,

"The more you destroy, the more of your life will be eaten away…"

"Die!", Suman repeated, not listening to anything Ellen was saying.

"Mister Suman, I beg you! You must fight against it! I will save you!", she almost begged, tears in her eyes, "You must not die!!". A trembling went through the creature and Suman let go of Ellen's hand to howl:

"SILENCE!!!" and then the creature shot rays of power from the stumps of its arms, destroying what it hit and then crashing into a mountain. The impact made Ellen lose her grip and her bloody right hand lost the hold on Suman. She was shaken off in the process. Ellen shrieked, but still reached out her bloody hand.

"SUMAN!". She was kind of lucky to fall into a river, one that would probably lead to the harbour if she just let the current carry her there, but this was not the time to give up! Ellen climbed back on the river bank and reached out her Innocence hand. She could hear that Suman has reached the village, she had to hurry. But how? How could she reach him now?

"Innocence. I have to rely on you. Please, I need your power, please help me. Just this once! Help me to save him!", she shouted and took a deep shaky breath. The Innocence reacted by glowing and Ellen knew at once what to do. She was frightened because she did not know what would happen but she had to try. "Maximum activation… Open!". The cross of the Innocence reacted and an incredible amount of power went through Ellen's left arm. She lifted it into the sky and the power rushed upwards like a column of light. The strain was painful for Ellen and she screamed, but she continued unleashing whatever her Innocence was ready to give her. The activation was so tremendous that she was able to grab the whole body of the Fallen One with her claw made out of raw power. The Fallen One of course resisted and tried to get away, pulling Ellen forward. But she knew that she could not let go of him now. She could not let him die! It was not her own obligation to Suman which made her so determined. No, she didn't even know Suman, but Linali had begged her to help him. Ellen had seen what has happened, she had experienced his anguish as if she had been the one to live through it. Suman was a human and the Innocence had decided to kill him. She could not let this happen. Hadn't she vowed to protect humans? Hadn't she told Kanda that she didn't want to be a destroyer but a saviour? How could she become someone who could protect and save if she couldn't even save one human being?! Ellen closed her eyes and clenched her teeth, but when she opened her eyes again she was determined enough to pull through.

"I HAVE to save him!". She rushed forward and slammed the body of the Fallen One into the mountain, away from the village. "I will save you". Ellen's breathing went heavy and she was in pain, but she stood her ground.

"Please, Mister Suman! Stop! Please! You mustn't let the Innocence overwhelm you!", she shouted to the unmoving body, "you desperately wished to stay alive, didn't you?!". She didn't know if Suman would hear her this time, but it was her only chance. "I have seen a young girl in your memories. The face of your daughter. It was the last memory you have of her before you went to the Black Order. You did not want to go there, but your daughter was very ill and you needed money for the treatment. So you chose to become an exorcist. You did not want to die", Ellen said and she couldn't help the tears streaming down her face. Oh, she had not wanted to become an exorcist either. She had never wanted to be born with Innocence, she had never wanted to become an apostle of God. Why should she? Since she was little she had been hurt because God gave her this arm. Not only herself, also her mother suffered, her father died, Mana died. No, she would rather be rid of her arm than become a murderer ever again. If she could turn back, if only she could turn her back on this. If only she was weaker, then she wouldn't worry about anything, she would just chose to leave everybody. But she couldn't. She had a responsibility. And she had made promises. Obligation was a heavy burden. To be an exorcist was a heavy burden.

"Oh Suman…", Ellen sobbed, not really sure if she was only crying for his fate or for hers as well. "You did decide to go a way which would forever separate you from your family, but you were full of longing. And you even betrayed your friends to stay alive!". She had seen it, how Suman begged for his life. She heard his words in her ears: _I don't want to die. I want to go home_. Ellen raised her head and looked up to Suman. "You wanted to stay alive, Suman!!". Ellen didn't see, but Suman did react to it, maybe even without being conscious: tears dripped down his face.

"I have no other choice but to cut off his arm. He will lose his arm but that way I can save his life. I am convinced that he carries the wish to live in his heart. I have no other choice", Ellen thought wiping the tears from her face with her right hand, leaving behinds smears of her blood. Already now she was a mess, but she was determined. "I start now, Innocence!!", she shouted and wanted to unleash even more power, but a sickening sound, just as if something has been torn apart, was to be heard and the column of light disappeared. Ellen widened her eyes and looked at her outstretched arm. I had turned black and it looked as if it has been burned, little pieces of it were breaking off and falling down. She lowered it and looked at her hand in utter disbelief. But then it started to tremble and finally an unbelievable pain shot through her, worse than anything she had ever felt before. She started screaming, holding her hand away from her. New tears welled up in her eyes and blood trickled out of her nose.

"Help!", she shouted because she had no idea what to do, the pain had robbed her of all other senses. What was happening to her? What was her Innocence doing to her?! It felt as if destruction was spreading through her, starting at the back of her hand and working itself painfully through her body, to the tiniest fibre of her existence. Ellen's legs gave way underneath her and she dropped lifelessly to the floor. There was nothing she could do now, she was just exhausted. She could hear that the Fallen One had resumed destroying the village and killing the humans. "S…top… it…!", she begged breathlessly, but she didn't have the strength to get back on her feet.

Only a loud sound got her out of her unconsciousness and she managed to look up. The ground beneath her was shaking and a strong wind had started blowing like a tornado. A light burst from the sky and destroyed the ground, whirling stones up into the sky. Ellen was lying on one of them and when she was high enough to see the creature she gasped.

"Is it… degenerating…? Why… What about Mister Suman…", Ellen hissed and tried to get up. But new pain shot through her and she fell back down onto the rough surface of the stone. She moaned and gasped for breath as her arm continued bringing her unspeakable pain. She turned her face towards it and lifted the palm of her hand up from the ground, looking at it. It was trembling and she could barely move it.

"My arm… is no longer fit to be used… It is so painful… I suffer agonies. I can no longer fight. I can do nothing at all", she thought bitterly and the tears were flowing down her cheeks unrestrained. "How I wish… How I wish that _he_ was here now…", she thought and then she decided to just give in. Give in and give up. She lay there for a few moments, the wind was cold and the stone block on which she was lying trembled, but she did not have the power to do anything at all. If he would just come and save her now… how great that would be… Ellen felt something small hit her and she looked to the side. There, crawling from underneath her hood with his tiny hand on her cheek was Timcampy.

"Sir… Tim…", Ellen said, but before she could continue the golem bit down on her earlobe and she started shrieking. "What…What are you doing?!", she shouted, blood running down her ear, while Timcampy flew just in front of her face. He opened his mouth and hissed, Ellen could see many sharp little teeth and she paled. "What…? You can't possibly be angry at me?", she asked, but Timcampy just opened his mouth wider and continued his hissing threateningly. "Ah! I am sorry! Please excuse me! I have understood!", she shrieked, "I will fight!!". But just after she said that she stopped in surprise and looked at Timcampy, who had now visibly calmed. She smiled painfully. "Ah… Yes, I will fight…", she repeated and wiped her tears. Getting up was very painful and only Timcampy's presence could convince her to go on. Surely, he was not Kanda, but he was still a great help.

-

"Suman!!", Ellen shouted and climbed up the decaying creature. Each time she put pressure on her hands it stung incredibly, but she continued climbing up until she could see Suman.

"Exor…cist…", he said and Ellen arrived at the hole. She managed to smile, happy that Suman finally had regained his senses.

"My name is Ellen", she said. Suman seemed surprised but he smiled at her.

"My life seems to have reached its end. I'm dying", he said and Ellen widened her eyes, "Certainly, this monster will dissolve when I do. Please forgive me. I only wanted to see my family", he said and tears started streaming down his face. "I am so sorry". Ellen lowered her eyes and then she lifted her Innocence arm. A sound as if something had been torn apart, but still. She thought that it didn't matter. There was not much left of her hand, but Ellen knew that she had enough strength left to save him.

"Mister Suman! I will use my Innocence to cut off your arm. I will be able to pull you out of this hole. My right arm is hurt, I cannot use it. Just bite my hand", she said and held her hand out to him. Suman looked up at her in surprise. What he saw in front of him was a beautiful girl, with determination shining in her eyes. Her face might be bloody, her clothes torn and her hair stained a dark red, but she seemed even more beautiful this way. "By no means do you have to let go of me!", she told him.

"Ellen… Walker…", Suman said and Ellen smiled at him, then she pushed her Innocence hand into the hole, reaching out for the Innocence. She felt its power and when she touched the barrier around it with her fingertips new pain shot through her. She screamed and Suman looked at her in concern.

"Ah… Please stop! If you don't you will die as well!", he shouted, but Ellen didn't let go, "Please! Please! I have killed! Our friends, many people… It is enough!!". Ellen didn't listen to him and held out her trembling hand.

"I… am still alive. You do not deserve to die. I… I want you to be happy…", she said and her own honest tears surprised and pained Suman. But how could he refuse her outstretched hand? She offered him life and salvation. How could he deny it to himself? Of course, he was a coward and he would have to deal with his sins. But right now… Suman bit down on her hand.

"I want to live… I want to live!!", he said and it was all Ellen needed to hear. She smashed the barrier around Suman's Innocence and when a blinding white light engulfed them she was putting all her strength in pulling Suman out of certain death. A huge explosion followed and the last thing Ellen saw was how the remains of the creature vanished in white light, killing the remaining Akuma and turning the red-tinted sky back to a clear night sky.

-

Everything was peaceful around her. Ellen was woken up by Timcampy's fluttering wings and the rustling of leaves. She lifted her hand from the bamboo leaves covered ground, some of them still stinking to her wet face. It seemed at if she had landed in some bamboo grove, the trees and the leaf covered floor probably had stopped her fall enough to prevent any serious injuries. Night had fallen, Ellen had spent a whole day trying to save Suman. After this realisation, Ellen gave a start and looked around. Where was Suman?! The moon was bright enough to illuminate her surroundings and in the shadows in some distance she could see Suman sitting. His arm was missing but he seemed unhurt.

"Mister Suman…?", Ellen asked into the silence, but he did not give a reply. Not sensing that anything could be wrong, Ellen smiled in relief and sat up, her bruised right hand trembling as she put weight on it. She held her left upper arm as she slowly advanced on her knees. "Suman! You are alive! You are safe!", she said when she was close enough to him to put her hand on his shoulder. "this is wonderful! You no longer need to…". Ellen stopped when she didn't receive a reaction. When she had put his hand on his shoulder his body had swayed slightly. "Suman? What is the matter? Please, say something", Ellen said, worry spreading in her. "Suman". But he did not hear her, he did not see her, he did not reply to her. His eyes were unfocused and saliva was dribbling out of his mouth. Ellen widened her eyes in shock and despair. No soul.

"He is alive… But his soul has died…", Ellen whispered and then she felt something in the palm of her Innocence hand. She opened it with dread and saw Suman's Innocence in her trembling palm. She stared at it and narrowed her eyes. She did not know what the feeling right now was. Rage? Hate? Pain? Despair?

"Why…", Ellen whispered, "WHY?!!", she then screamed and banged her fists on the floor, not minding the pain. She stayed this way, hunched over, not even crying. This situation was so painful, she felt so helpless. What should she be doing now?

"Timcampy", Ellen finally said, "call Linali and the others. He is not dead. He is alive", she sat up on her knees and looked at Suman's unmoving body. "We have to return him to his family". Just when she said that, swellings spread all over Suman's body and before Ellen could wonder about it Suman's upper body exploded. Ellen just stared in disbelief at the gory mass before her. Blood sprinkled her face and body parts fell to the floor with sickening wet, heavy sounds. And among the nothingness that Ellen was experiencing in her head she heard a voice:

"Bye bye, Suman!"

-

Ellen couldn't quite grasp what just had happened. She only saw a bloody mass in front of her.  
"Su… man…", she said, speaking to the bloody remains of someone who had just lived and breathed mere seconds ago. The shock had slowed everything down, but she knew that something was terribly wrong here. She reacted to the deep, rich voice that had been carried to her with the wind only now. She felt the strangers looming presence behind her. She knew that she had to be alert now, that she was in danger, but these thoughts were far off. She slowly turned her head to the side. The moon illuminated the figure of a tall and handsome man in a black frock. His face was partially shadowed by his top hat, but Ellen saw his golden eyes gleaming and his calm smile seemed to conceal his murderous intent even the novice exorcist could feel. Ellen still looked at him, not knowing what to do of his appearance, but then she took in his features. She had seen him before, he was strangely familiar to her, but… how? Before her memory could disclose the whole truth she was reminded of the things she had seen inside the Fallen One's body. Suman's memory. The murderer. And her heart finally started beating in alarm. She widened her eyes and turned her body slightly in his direction, never turning her back to Suman's corpse. There was only one thing she was able to say:

"No…ah!". The Noah smiled, not replying. He had his hands lifted, palms turned upwards as if he was a circus manager getting ready to display some attraction.

"Come to me, Tease!", he spoke and Ellen was confused. Who was he talking to? Not possibly to her. Had she been up to it, she would have felt scandalized to be called a "tease", but at the moment she could do nothing but stare at him. A rustling noise to her side made her turn her head to Suman where she saw a single black and purple butterfly floating in front of her, but then more and more appeared, seemingly coming out of Suman's blood and body. Ellen widened her eyes. "These things come out of his body!", she thought when a mass of them had accumulated, covering Suman entirely, "what is this?!"

"Come here", the enigmatic man said and the butterflies suddenly flew past Ellen to the stranger, where they disappeared in the palms of his hands. When they were gone nothing was left of Suman but dark blood staining the floor. The man grinned and looked at his hand.

"Look at this. How big they've become", he said and Ellen saw how huge butterflies with strange faces came out of his hands. He put a kiss on one of the skull butterflies and grinned. "Bye, bye Suman", he repeated and finally, Ellen recovered.

"Who are you…?!", she hissed, trembling, "what have you done?!". The man looked at her, but then his grin slipped and he stared.

"Ah!", he exclaimed, the butterflies disappearing. He took a step in Ellen's direction and bend down, lifting his top hat so he could see her better. "Aren't you… The cheating boy A?!". Ellen stared at him.

"Huh?", was all that she could reply to this. The man got over his surprise and laughed, crouching down next to her.

"Ah right, I see. In this getup you don't know me", he said, "but tell me. Could it be that you are Allen Walker?". Ellen paled and rage took hold of her. She slammed her Innocence hand against the side of his face, hitting him with the back of her hand. It probably took him by surprise, because he didn't react fast enough and lost his top hat in the process. His dark coloured cheek quickly turned red.

"Stop this nonsense!", Ellen yelled, "What have you done to Mister Suman?! Have you killed him?!". Her Innocence hand, broken and painful, trembled, but she didn't care at the moment. "Answer me!!", she demanded. The stranger laughed, holding his hurting cheek. Then he just sat down in a casual way, smiling innocently.

"He was my enemy. And one kills enemies, right?", he asked. Ellen didn't say anything to this. "Fine!", he exclaim in good spirits, putting a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it. "You've seen what I'm able to do. You won't run away, so there's no harm in explaining. Well, boy. Listen carefully". He blew out the smoke while Ellen trembled.

"Damn!", she thought, "At the moment I cannot use my body to fight. If only I were a bit stronger… A bit stronger", she thought, gritting her teeth. The man continued speaking, but Ellen was not listening to him. She only heard that these Tease were golems feeding on humans and that they were merely tools.

"My ability… is _this_ here!", he exclaimed and then pierced Ellen's chest with his hand. She looked down, seeing how his arm disappeared in her. "Don't worry! This doesn't hurt!", he said, grinning. "My body passes everything except what I want to touch", he said and Ellen could feel the strange, but invading sensation of him pulling his hand out. It was grotesque to feel it, but she did not dare to move. "If, while pulling out my hand, I wished to touch your heart, boy…", he said calmly, "then I could, without a single cut… Pull your warm heart out of your body". Ellen widened her eyes in shock, her heart starting to beat loudly and fast. She was aware of his presence, of his hand inside of her chest, his dangerous glare, the fingers closing around her delicate heart. "To rip out the heart while you're still alive. What do you think, how does this feel?", he asked and Ellen trembled. "Your friends died liked this as well. Will you die too? Boy?", he asked, pulling lightly at her heart. Ellen breathed evenly and the man looked up just to see her look at him with steady, clear eyes. Of course, she was afraid, but she couldn't panic now! She was a noble woman, she would not give her enemy the satisfaction of seeing her reduced to tears. She had her honour as well, but why she thought of that right now was not clear to her. She just did, and it made her face him with dignity and determination. He gaped at her for some time, but then he sighed.

"Spoilsport", he said and stood up, pulling his hand out of her chest without doing any harm. "I won't take it out. It would only soil my gloves. That's why I normally let my Tease eat my victims. Suman helped me a bit. That's why I haven't killed him immediately, but made him into a host for my Tease". He flicked his cigarette away and touched his forehead with a sigh. "It is really a pity, boy", he said and pulled out a card that floated in front of him. "I would have liked to play cards with you again when I'm in my other form", he said and Ellen looked at him in incomprehension. "But right now I'm busy with killing the people that are connected with a certain person. Well, boy", he said and smiled, "are you _Allen Walker_?".

"What is he talking about? Why is he looking for me? And why for Allen Walker and not Ellen Bermont?!", Ellen thought and kept quiet. The man then put his hand around Ellen's throat, pulling her up slightly.

"Answer me, boy! Are you Allen Walker?!"

"Riiiiiiight answeeeeer", a faint voice croaked from the card, "He iiiiis Alleeeen Walkeeer! Eraaaaaaase!". Ellen was pushed backwards by the hand on her throat and then the man touched her upper arm, where her Innocence connected to her skin. With seemingly no effort he smashed the already bruised skin and Ellen had to see how her arm was cut off and dropped to the floor.

"Well, shall we start with the Innocence?". He let Ellen go and she dropped to the floor, lying on her back. With wide eyes she looked at what was left of her arm. "Did you know, boy? Innocence can be destroyed. We from the Noah Clan and the Earl of Millennium know how to do it", he said and walked over to her arm. The severed arm emitted fog, as if it was burning.

"Stop it…", Ellen said breathlessly.

"The Innocence that we have collected from the dead has already been destroyed. If we destroy the Heart, then all the other pieces will be destroyed as well! That's how we know that we've found the right one. Let's have a look at your Innocence", he said and looked over his shoulder. "There! That's Suman's Innocence, right?", he asked and pointed to the Innocence lying next to Ellen. "If Suman's Innocence disappears when I destroy yours then that means that your Innocence was the Heart". He grinned evilly and bent down to her arm. Ellen gave a startled cry.

"No! Stop!". She saw how her own hand dissolved under the stranger's touch and could do nothing but scream: "STOOOOP!!". But the Noah did not stop and after some seconds he had the green cross in the palm of his hand. He closed his fist around it and sparkling light surrounded his hand. Ellen stared at him and when he opened his hand, silver dust trickled out of his hand. It was immediately caught by the wind and was lost just like ash. Ellen let out a shuddering breath. Her Innocence. It was gone.

"Nothing, again! Oh well, it's not my mission to find the Heart", Ellen could hear the Noah say and he walked over to her.

"Ereaaaaaase!", the card wailed.

"Yes, yes. I'm at it!".

"Tim… Flee", Ellen said as the man walked over to her. "Take Suman's Innocence and go!". The golden golem shook from side to side, which probably meant "no", but Ellen was stubborn. "You have to! Without you, the others cannot find my Master. Go!". Timcampy looked at her for some time, but then he opened his mouth and swallowed the Innocence, then he rushed off.

"A good decision", the Noah said, then he walked over to Ellen, "it won't save you though, you know". Ellen didn't say anything and just looked up into the sky. "How noble you are. I should reward you", the Noah continued mockingly and kneeled down next to Ellen. He had one of his huge butterflies under his palm and slowly lowered it to Ellen's chest. "Just make a hole in his heart!", he exclaimed, but Ellen heard it only faintly. A hole? Was she going to die now? Was this… "It's better if we give such a brave young guy some time before he really dies. This way he can feel how the blood gushed out of his heart and fear takes hold of his entire body". What was he… Ellen didn't get the time to panic, because right then the man pushed his hand through her chest and she gasped. She coughed blood and then she let her head fall back. She could faintly feel how he pulled a silver button from her chest and then he pulled something out of her coat.

"Sweet dreams… Boy!", he said, leaving Ellen to her death while the playing cards that she had received from the charming vagabond were fluttering around her. Ellen didn't hear how he left, she didn't feel any pain, she didn't cry or scream. She was taking deep, laboured breaths as she felt her body going numb. She lifted her trembling hand to the sky. It was dark blue, with only a few clouds and then there was the moon. So big and near that Ellen could almost reach it with her outstretched hand.

"Why…", she thought, "why is the moon looking so big?". With half-closed, pained eyes she studied at it. It was coming closer, it was the only thing she saw, everything else was becoming blurry. It was the moon, why was it so terrifying, why was she so afraid of it coming closer? It was only the moon, or was it something else? "No… Stay away… I cannot… not yet… Not yet…". Everything around her lost colour and she fell into cold darkness.

**To be continued**

_Notes:_

_That was hard to write..._


	31. Extra Kapitel November Glory

_**Author's Notes: **_

It's my birthday today (28 November) and I decided to celebrate by offering you a little extra chapter. As you will see once you read it, the dialogue is set after chapter 28 (ah, how uncanny, as today's the 28th as well! *lolz* I'm being stupid).

I've taken some liberties with Kanda's childhood and I kind of like it, even though it's depressing.

**Disclaimer: -Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Extra Kapitel****: November Glory**

The turn of the seasons had seemed to him an endless, tedious circle of hypocritical change. Back at a home he barely dared to remember, the seasons had been all the same, varying solely in the ferocity of terror around him. When he was taken out of the pandemonium of his early childhood, Kanda first had to learn that there were other things in the world beside Akuma tyranny. He had to see that spring was not the season when Akuma would go out hunting for humans, that summer was not the time of burnt villages, that autumn was not there to hide among blood red leaves and breed new prey and that winter was not the only time when the dead could be buried under cold snow. Kanda had classified "seasons" as something only Akuma knew and that they, their prey, had to follow because "seasons" were the rules that the Akuma constituted.

In England, things had been different. Spring was full of flowers and new blooming life. It was mild and green and fresh. Summer was the height of existence, where everything was burning in bright colours, where the sun was warm and life was good. Autumn was then the season of thought and melancholy because the falling leaves seemed on one hand to be tears lamenting the passing of summer and on the other hand they were signs of a fast approaching winter. Winter that would eat away the colours of the lands, that would cover everything up in layers of innocent white. Of course, the seasons were never the same, Kanda saw that and he was taught to pay attention to it. However, after winter a new spring would come. It was all lies. Just because something varied did not mean that it was exceptional. Just because there were no Akuma to rule them, didn't mean that the seasons were something great. It was all hypocrisy because it was an endless cycle and spring would always be spring and it would always follow winter. It was sickeningly monotonous. Kanda hated it.

-

Time passed unnoticed by Kanda now that he had the freedom to ignore that each passing season brought new threats one had to prepare for. He could just pull on a warmer coat when it was winter and wear less clothes when it was summer, grow flowers when it was spring and let kites fly when it was autumn. That was all there was to European seasons. Boring, without a thrill, without danger to body and mind.

Even though Kanda never cared whether it was spring, summer, autumn or winter, he was a bit biased, because he decided to favour Autumn over the other seasons. It stopped being too hot and it was not that cold yet. The trees changed colour, the landscape became a field of sparkling fire, autumn burned the trees, turning green into ashes. The nights were getting longer, the walks he took in the garden seemed more pleasant to him. It smelled different, colours looked different, people were different. It was the season when each person would stop to think. Kanda disliked thinking and he hated melancholy. Why did people cry about the falling of leaves? They would return once spring came. It was senseless. But Kanda liked the sky in autumn. Not too bleak, not too bright, not suddenly clouded by a passing storm because one always expects rain in autumn.

-

Of all the months Kanda came to like November best. November days were calm, serene, but not melancholic for Kanda. When the month was nearing its end, it would still be dark once Kanda got up. His room would be cold, the window frozen shut and the world behind it dark. When Kanda left the Black Order to exercise in the woods, he could breathe in an air that was crisp, cleansing but still soothingly alive with the scent of damp earth, decaying leaves, the barks of trees. Nothing like the over-kill of sensations in spring, or like the heat in summer that turned the world around it to insufferable degrees of hot smells that used to get Kanda's head to spin and neither was it like winter, where a ice cold layer covered every trace of life. Nothing visible, nothing audible, nothing that he could smell – winter was perfect silence. In a way Kanda liked this as well, but there was something nice in sounds, something quite charming in a world that was ushered to bed but refused to go without at least making a stubborn last scene of protest like a small child not wanting to go to sleep.

When the sun would start to push at the darkness, the world was renouncing the charms of night very slowly. The world first became a shady mass of nebulous black, gray and white. A layer of mist that rose out of the earth covered the ground of the forest and wound its way around the tree trunks. While the shadows slowly assumed a light purple tinted shade before twilight chased away purple for the sake of clean light. At the end of November, even the sun seemed to move over the sky in slow motion, like it was in no hurry at all to obey the laws of nature that forced it to rise, shine and sink again. In November, clouds were nothing unusual, neither was wind and Kanda marvelled in gray skies and fluttering leaves. It got dark very early and the last rays of the sun were a strong yellow and orange (and sometimes the light was cool bluish white), filling the lands with a glow that never failed to ease Kanda's mind. And once the moon shone in the dark and he could see the milky-way and the stars, he knew that if he were to find happiness, it was in November.

-

Back at home autumn was the season where humans had time to regain their spirits, but there was nothing much to look forward to but a hard time of snow, frost, hunger and burial. Autumn here carried promised. It was November that brought him his one and only love. She was a true child of late autumn, almost winter. He remembered meeting her on a dark day that she tore through with her shocking whiteness. Kanda had first thought her plain or faded because of her white skin, her white hair, her white eye lashes, her pale eyes and little, slim body, that looked like it would blow over by the first winter storm. But like Kanda came to appreciate November, he came to love its most graceful creature. Of course, there were a lot of things about Ellen Walker that reminded Kanda of autumn; her eyes were the sky and her hair reflected the passage of one season to the other; her auburn hair had turned to winter, had turned to snow. Unexpected snow, but even unexpected things could be loved, even where love was most unexpected.

Kanda fancied himself as a child of summer (not that he liked summer, but he couldn't help being born then). And as he saw summer as a time of fire and charred wood, temper, passions and heat, he could relate to it. His skin – even though washed white by 10 years of European rain – was slightly coloured, his hair looked like charcoal, his eyes like a cloudless, dark blue sky and he had his bad-weather phases, including violent thunderstorms. And Ellen put up with it, remained unshaken, because no matter how lousy a summer the year sees, autumn will always follow.

-

"Dear Yu, there's a finder for you". Kanda looked up from the book he was reading and saw General Tiedoll standing at the door of the room. He shuddered slightly and shook his hair, dropping a bit of snow on the floor. "Cold, isn't it? I'm happy that you threw some logs into the fire". Kanda didn't reply and got up to meet the finder in the hallway. It was someone he didn't know, some young guy that seemed flustered and proud to be standing in front of the exorcist.

"What?" Kanda asked and the finder produced an envelope.

"I have a letter addressed to you. Fresh off the Finder Network!" he announced and Kanda put on a sceptical frown, but took the envelope never the less. He dismissed the finder with a muttered and wooden sounding "thank you" and went back into the room, where Tiedoll was studying the novel Kanda had been reading.

"I never knew you liked novels"

"I don't read them for the content. I read them to learn." Kanda replied and opened the letter. He found the contents to be a photograph, which he first mistook for some sort of postcard because of the subject. Two women in Kimonos, resembling Geishas, but upon closer inspection he realized that the girls were in fact the beautiful Linali and his beloved beansprout, Ellen. Tiedoll let Kanda be thunderstruck in silence and spared him his fatherly comments. Kanda looked at the picture very intently, almost not believing that he held something of Ellen in his hands. How long hadn't he seen her? Three months? She was as beautiful as he remembered her to be. The Eastern dress did look a bit foreign on her, because she had the posture and look of a very English upper-class lady and they had their own way of posing for photographs. But she didn't seem uneasy at all, she looked confident and determined. Stunning. Beautiful. Divine.

And Kanda realized that he had missed weeks with her. He had missed opportunites to be happy, to make her love, to make her feel safe, to protect her, to just enjoy her. He had missed the beansprout in winter. Was she as stunning as in autumn? And how did she look now, now that it was nearly spring? He consulted the photograph. She seemed to have grown a bit, but it was hard to make out much of her face because of the make up and her slender body was covered with layers and layers of silk. But still, she was charming, Kanda hadn't expected it to be otherwise.

"What's with that melancholic expression, Yu?" Tiedoll wondered and Kanda looked up in surprise. Melancholy? He? He dared to steal a glance at himself in the glass of the window. He looked perfectly fine. "Is it because you miss Japan?". Kanda frowned and shook his head. Tiedoll seemed convinced enough that he was right, because he dropped the subject. Had he known that the girl on the picture was the one that Kanda intended to marry, he wouldn't have let him off that easily. Kanda turned around the picture and found Ellen's neat handwriting on the back:

"_Dear Kanda_

_We are in China now, as you might have guessed by our clothes. We will sail to Japan when morning comes. We took a picture and I decided to send it to you. I wonder where you are right now as I write these lines…_

_I hope you are well._

_With all my best wishes,_

_Ellen"_

Japan… The beansprout was headed for Japan, as were they. Not long and they would meet again. Not long and he would see her again. Now he was anxious to finally get going. He gave the picture one last intense look, then he put it into his suitcase. There it would be safe.

"Yu?" Tiedoll called again, "There's a phone call from Rabi." he said and Kanda groaned. "He seems to be quite in a state of distress".

"That idiot, what's wrong now!" Kanda snorted and walked over to the door, there he stopped and sighed. He shouldn't be that angry right now. After all, Ellen was safe, he had finally seen her again (even though it was only on a picture) and now he was very keen to hear news of her. Soon, soon he would be there with her. Soon he would finally be able to embrace her again and see how Ellen would turn a Japanese spring into something wonderful by her mere presence. Kanda picked up the phone in perfect spirits.

"What do you want?". There was silence on the other side of the line; Kanda could hear the rush of waves and shrieks of seagulls. Then Rabi spoke up, sombre, collected, chilly and menacing like his mother whispering to him: Darling, run, it's spring.

"_There is something you need to know"_

**Notes:**

And we know what Rabi has to say, but I didn't want to include Kanda's reaction.

I know that Kanda might not think the things I make him think, but I hope you just accept my way of dealing with his emotions! X3

And I hope that you liked it! :3

The real story will then continue with Kapitel 30

P.S. I didn't find the right place to include it in the extra chapter, but the book that Kanda is reading is Ann Radcliffe's _Mysteries of Udolpho. _


	32. Kapitel 30 Undeniable truth

**Author's Notes:**

I looked forward to the Asia Branch Mini Arc but I equally dreaded it. From here on the story can't help but shifting slightly.

Now, Ellen needs to make her first big choice: Will she continue being an exorcist or will she take the chance and flee right back into the arms of her mother? Find out in chapter 30! (I felt the need to make this sound flashy, it's chapter 30 after all, I never believed that I would get this far!)

I hope you can enjoy!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

* * *

Kapitel 30: Undeniable truth**

Breathing sounded deep, hollow, as if someone were blowing out innumerable candles, one after the other. Countless breaths that resounded from far off walls, from lifeless crooked trees that seemed to reach out with bony fingers, from the darkness that threw itself around Ellen like a suffocating cloak.

She took step by step, following her shadow that threw itself over a broken paved floor. She felt insubstantial as if the faintest wind might scatter her like the cold, grey ashes of a dead fire. She walked, even though she had no destination to reach and no starting point she could recollect. The night around her was neither cold nor warm and there were no sounds but her own steps on the pavement that were slurred and stumbling, nearly matching the rhythm of a heart beating too slowly. No sound beside the continuous deep and even breathing around her, that was engulfing her like darkness, like the snow that had started falling.

Ellen stopped, not because she wanted to, but because she could not continue walking. The paved road ahead of her stopped, a smooth mirror surface laying before her. She took this moment to finally look up from her own feet.

"This place… Where am I…?", she wondered and turned to look back to where she had come from. She saw nothing more than a small paved square, around it was what seemed to be water. The path she had walked beforehand had disappeared. She had nowhere to go to. The falling snow made no sound and Ellen looked up into the sky, which was peculiarly without a single cloud and the snow looked like glittering white stars. The black sky was dominated by the pale white crescent of an enormously huge moon. "This big, white moon… Nothing in this place feels this real… Maybe I am in the afterlife because I have died?", she asked herself calmly.

The breathing and the faint heartbeats continued to give this melancholic, quiet place its own melody. Ellen watched the moon and the falling snow in silence. To have died. It must be a terrible thing, she should be devastated, frightened, full of guilt and remorse. But she felt nothing at the moment, just tranquility. After a while she realized something and looked to the side.

"Oh? Even though the moon in the sky is white…", she thought and looked down, "it is reflecting black on the water's surface". Ellen slowly kneeled down, looking into the water which began to show her an image. The world on Ellen's side was dark, with a white crescent hanging in the sky, leafless old trees growing somewhere and there were various angular stones still left standing and various crosses stuck out of the water, as if they belonged to graves. Where in the world was Ellen? And what was it that she was seeing? The world beneath her was eerily white. She could discern ruins of a building, probably a church or tower of some kind. And sitting at the highest place was a human being, behind them loomed a mirrored black crescent.

"What is this?", Ellen wondered, "Is this Linali?". She looked a bit closer and thought that she could see the young girl crying over a figure that had its head resting in her lap. But why? Why was she seeing something like this? "Why? Is this not the afterlife? And those ruins…". Ellen looked at the destruction she saw in the water. "It cannot be… What happened to all the others? The war… And why is Linali all alone at this place?". She could see Linali crying and frowned. The first emotion she felt after what seemed an eternity was worry. Why was she alone? Why wasn't anyone there to comfort her? And where was Kanda? If these were the ruins of the Black Order then where was _he_? "I have to go there…", Ellen thought and slowly reached out her hand. She could see her Innocence arm (strange, she thought that she had lost it?) reflected in the water. But before she could touch the surface a dark grey, almost black, hand reached out of the water, grabbing her. Ellen started back in surprise but the hand wouldn't let her go. And the melancholic comfort of the sounds of breathing and a heart that suddenly pounded faster, was broken by a voice whispering to her:

"_Ah-ah. No you can't_". Ellen stared at the hand coming out of the water and then she realized that the water was freezing over.

"No! Linali! The others! Let go of me!", she shouted but as she looked down she widened her eyes, feeling breathless, scared and immobilized. There was a figure reflected in the water, wearing the same clothes as she did but its colours were reversed and of the face she could see nothing more than a black shape with white gleaming eyes and a wide grin.

"_I said: No, you can't…_", the figure whispered and Ellen stared at it, its strong hold on her hand nearly crushing her fingers, cold spreading through her arm, slowly ascending to her shoulder.

"Who is this?", Ellen asked herself with wide eyes, staring into the reflection's face, "You…" And then everything was gone in a flash of light.

-

When she slowly opened her eyes she could only see the blurred image of a stone wall and stone columns. She felt numbness and, trying to push through this drowsiness, pain. But above all just numb and strangely… empty. She breathed evenly, the air she drew into her lungs was a bit chilly and smelt humid like in a stone cave. Her head was resting on a pillow and she realized that she was lying in a bed. With her eyes still not being able to focus, she tilted her head to the side, the pillow rustled faintly, but there was nothing else to hear. But she saw something; arms on the bed and her head resting on them, was a young girl, sleeping on her bed-side. And suddenly – as if finally waking up - Ellen widened her eyes and gasped, turning her head back to look straight at the ceiling.

"I…", she started, her voice slightly hoarse, "am alive…". It took her a few long and painful moments to realize that she was indeed still living. She tried to sit up after a while but then she noticed that her left arm was missing. She looked at the bandages that covered her chest, only leaving traces of the breasts hidden beneath. Over her left shoulder she wore some kind of cloth that hid her missing arm. She put her weight on her right arm and helped herself into a sitting position. Her arm stung with the pressure and she found it completely wrapped up in bandages, not even the shape of her hand was visible beneath all the layers of fabric.

"Why… Why am I alive?", Ellen asked herself, ignoring her other concerns for the moment, "This Noah… he should have killed me… I bled, out of my heart…", she thought putting her left hand over her chest, feeling how it rose and sunk slowly with every breath she took. "I have felt how death approached me…". She remembered lying in the forest, wounded, bleeding and dying, looking up at a moon that seemed too big to be real, so threatening that it seemed to her as if it came closer, demanding something of her she was too afraid to give. "This feeling of wanting to flee, but not being able to escape…". Ellen slowly lowered her head, looking down without focussing on anything. "I have felt it… It was death…". Ellen started trembling slightly, a terrible feeling spreading from the pit of her stomach, turning her whole body cold, trembling, desolate. Then tears started forming in her eyes, running down her cheeks without restraint. "Death…", she repeated in her mind. Her throat burned and hurt with the urge to cry out loud, but that she would not admit, she was too shaken to even speak. She lifted her hand, looking at its distorted shape; it was trembling as well.

"Uh…", she finally hissed and brought her hand up to her head, clenching her teeth and letting the tears fall. "Why am I crying? I should be happy to be alive", she thought, "or am I sad?". She lowered her head on her knees and continued sobbing. "I don't know. But I cannot stop trembling…".

She had failed, she had seen people dying, she faced another Noah, she was powerless, she almost died, she didn't know where she was, she was _scared_.

Ellen, despite feeling weak, threw back the covers and slipped out of bed, carefully enough as not to wake the girl that had guarded her. Ellen tried her best to grab the blanket and draw it over the young girl's form, but even that was very difficult as she barely managed to touch anything with the bandages around her hand. She looked down at it through the tears in her eyes and continued trembling. _Suman_. Ellen tightly shut her eyes and shook her head.

"No! Ah – mother!", she breathed and started fleeing, not knowing where to because she did not know these dark, cold corridors. But she knew one thing; she could not stay in bed and let herself be consumed by terrifying thoughts.

She walked on and on without meeting anybody in the deserted corridor. She was cold, trembling and crying silently. Her own thoughts were too chaotic, her head too messed up to even try to find out where she was. Her heart, her heart that must have been pierced by the Noah, was now hammering against her rib-case, and her lungs burned with every short breath she took.

"I can't. Please", she cried to no one in particular and stumbled into a big hall. Only a few lights were illuminating the room and Ellen saw a large, colourful gate in front of her. Was it really a door or just a wall painting? She walked over to it, climbing the few steps that led up to it and looked up. It didn't seem to be a door she could open and Ellen put her hand against it. She couldn't even feel if the stone was cold against her touch. She pressed her forehead against the wall and started sobbing again, slowly sliding down and seemed nothing more than a picture of misery. Why was the door closed? Why did she mind so much? It did seem to her as if she was now trapped again with no way out. Trapped, even though the people of this place probably had saved her.

"But I don't even want to go out! Why am I crying?!", Ellen shouted to herself, no longer able to cry in silence, "Ellen, why are you so stupid?!", she shouted, "I have brought it all upon myself…! It's all my own fault…".

"Do you really think so?", a voice called from the shadows and Ellen turned her head to the side, her eyes wide. She saw a man sitting in the shadow of a column, not far from where she was standing.

"Who are you?", Ellen cautiously dared to ask, her tears still running down her cheeks.

"My name is Bak Chan, I am the leader of the Black Order's Asia Branch", he said and rose, stepping out of the shadow. Ellen widened her eyes.

"Black Order?", she whispered and Bak nodded. Ellen lowered her head and bit her lips. "I haven't moved away then…"

"Are you thinking about running away?", the stranger asked, but Ellen shook her head, "then are you trying to turn your back on responsibility?"

"Responsibility", Ellen repeated with a humourless snort, wiping her bandaged wrist over her face, but her tears kept flowing. "How I wish that I would be able to run, but I cannot. Never in this life-time".

"Then why are you here?", the branch leader continued to ask and Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, turning her head to the side.

"I don't know", Ellen whispered, "but I could not take it to stay in bed. I just walked. I walked to get my thoughts sorted out, but then I ended up at a closed door".

"And this angers you?"

"No! God, no. I have no idea what is going on in my head any longer!", Ellen shouted and shook her head, "I have lost my arm, but by some twisted turn of fate I managed to survive something I should have never been able to live through! I should be glad! I should also be exstatic that the Innocence is gone. But... I know that I have been naïve to believe that just getting rid of the Innocence would enable me to return to a life I _should_ have led! But I still hoped! And here I am, despairing because I cannot pass a door that would maybe get me back to the place I fear most! I…", Ellen shook her head and wasn't able to say anything else. The blond man just walked over to her and kneeled down next to her.

"Well, there is no sense in agonizing over it right now. You have been dangerously wounded. You first need to clear your head and then you might be able to sort out your thoughts and feelings", Bak suggested and pulled Ellen up on her feet. "Before we ask you any too disturbing questions we better put you in a bed".

"Huh?", Ellen wondered when she heard him say that, but he just shook his head. Bak put his hand on her back and led her out of the room.

"You must be cold, Walker, if you hadn't left your bed once you've woken up, we would have been able to get you some decent clothes", Bak said once they arrived in a corridor illuminated not by flickering torches but by electric light and Ellen started shaking because it was chilly. The girl looked down on herself and put her right arm over her chest. She was rather naked, even though she wore bandages.

"Excuse me, I did not mean to be rude… I was not thinking. At least not the right things", Ellen replied in an embarrased tone and Bak laughed lightly.

"Take a seat in this room", Bak said and opened a door to his right. It was not the same as the one she had woken up in; it was closed on all sides and had a bed in the middle and monitors around it. It looked similar to the rooms Komui had in his science division, but Ellen rarely needed to go there. "Sit. There on the bed", Bak told Ellen and she walked over to it, sitting down, while Bak took a seat on a chair next it. Before he said anything to Ellen, who was looking at him, he sighed deeply.

"I had a good look at you to get an idea what exactly happened. When you were found I first thought that you were dead. When I realized that you were still breathing I gave you slim chances to survive. However, you proved me wrong and you survived. I bet you wonder why". Ellen nodded, putting her hand on her head. "Your Innocence is not completely gone", he said and Ellen widened her eyes. "Part of it was in your body when the Noah destroyed your arm. You were lucky. The Innocence particles got through your blood into the heart and filled the hole the Noah has torn".

"The Innocence is still there…?" Ellen asked with astonishment and doubt written all over her face. Bak nodded seriously "and is there a way to recover it in its entirety?"

"Do you really want to think about that right now?", he asked quite gravely and Ellen looked at him in surprise. "Ellen Walker", the young man repeated her name and Ellen felt some kind of menace coming that she just didn't know how to get out of. Therefore she continued looking at him and when he saw her face he sighed deeply, drawing his chair nearer to her. "The reason that you survived is that you had Innocence circulating through you… Usually this does not happen, even with parasitic Innocence users… However, there is a circumstance that made this circulation and the storing of Innocence particles in your body possible". Ellen averted her eyes to stare at her bandaged hand, like a remorseful child that had been caught doing something bad. Bak decided to continue even though it wasn't easy for him either: "did you know that you are with child?"

"I…", Ellen started and nodded after a while, "yes. I assumed as much" she replied, her voice surprisingly steady. Bak studied her quietly, not daring to reach out to pat her, even though he would have liked to comfort her.

"It must be hard for you. I understand if you don't want to speak about it, but maybe we can help you. Who did this to you? Do you know his name?", he asked and Ellen looked up at him in surprise. "Do you?", Bak repeated his question and Ellen nodded.

"I do, of course. It did not happen against my consent if this is what concerns you". Bak widened his eyes in surprise and Ellen blushed in shame. "I know, it was a foolish thing to do, but I was willingly doing… _the act_", she raised her hand to cover her face, "I was being naïve…". Bak seemed to have gotten over his initial shock and now studied the young girl.

"Did you tell anyone?", he wondered and Ellen shook her head, "why didn't you?". Ellen stayed silent and bit her lips. After a while tears started to form in her head and Bak almost took a jump backwards.

"I…I was so afraid and ashamed", Ellen confessed, "I have done something terribly wrong and there is no way to repent for it. I just… I just hoped that it would simply go away! But it didn't! No matter how fierce the battle was I threw myself in, no matter the strain on my body; it would just not _go away_!", she said and started crying again, while Bak was just fidgeting, not knowing what to do.

"Walker!", he called after some time and grabbed Ellen by the shoulders, "Walker don't cry!", he said and Ellen stopped weeping for a short while to look at the young man in front of her. He let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "I understand that this situation must be very difficult for you… But there are still ways to deal with it". Ellen wiped her eyes.

"What? What do you mean?", she wondered, her breathing still irregular.

"You could for example start working for me, you could start as my assistant. Or you could help out as a nurse. There are many ways to be a part of the Black Order without being an exorcist. We surely would find the right thing for you do to. You would be able to give birth to your child, raise it if you want and wait until the war ends… You see, there are many ways to still serve God even without using your Innocence, you will surely not fall from grace". Ellen looked at him in surprise, her wide eyes puffy red and tears still shining in them. After a while she averted her eyes and lowered her head.

"I… do not care about that… I do not care about what God thinks of me…", Ellen said after some moments of silence. "But… I cannot wait for the war to end. I have thought that if I had the chance to just turn my back on everything that I have seen these past four months then I would take the chance and be happy. But how could I do that?!", Ellen called and shook her head, "how could I face my mother? How could I face my own mirror reflection? I would fail both my dear mother who puts so much faith in me and Mana whom I have promised to be strong. I would not be able to survive the humiliation of turning my back on my promises and my responsibilities", she took a deep breath and sighed, then she looked back at Bak, "I must seem like a terrible person to you. I am weak and I have brought destruction upon myself. You asked me if I really think that it is my fault. Yes, yes I do think so. I was born with Innocence, but it is my decision what I make of my life. I have made mistakes and I will take the blame for them, even though I know I also could destroy my mother. But, as hard this is for me, that is not all… How…", she sighed again, biting her lips because she didn't manage to hold back new tears, "how could I ever face _him_ if I ran now? How could I leave him alone? How could I leave him on this dangerous battlefield to fend for himself? I might not have any Innocence with me, but I am not dead yet… I will not go back on my promises", she whispered. Bak watched her crying silently but bitterly. After a while he sighed and got up from his chair.

"I understand, Walker. Your Innocence is not completely lost. However, I cannot say yet if you will be able to recover it. It was important for me to know about your feelings. If you betray your Innocence then you could turn into a Fallen One as well. But how I came to know now, there is something that ties you to the battle field, despite the chance you have now to turn your back on it, despite the fact that you are with child now. Komui and I, we had to know that you would be strong enough to face war even though you've seen such things as Fallen Ones and death itself". Ellen managed to smile because Bak was doing the same. "By the way, I did not tell Komui yet. About your condition. I first wanted to talk to you".

"Thank you. I do not think that I am ready yet to tell him, but I am sure that he will come to know sooner or later".

"There are still about 6 months left to go. Let us hope that we have won this war until then and that you will come to appreciate this resistant little thing in your body that managed to save your life". Ellen blushed and nodded hesitantly. Saved her life. She had not thought of it like this yet. It had saved her life by just being there. And she…? She had tried to get rid of it by exposing herself to danger.

"I am a terrible person…", Ellen thought to herself gloomily.

"Well, do you mind telling me the name of the father?"

"The _father_?", Ellen asked, blushing again. Father! What a completely alien term! Especially if it was used for Kanda!

"Yes? Didn't you tell me you knew his name?", Bak wondered.

"Ah… Yes… It is-", she said but the rest of her sentence was swallowed up by the loud sound of the door banging open and somebody screaming at the top of their lungs:

"Ahaaaaaaa!! Here you are!!". Ellen blinked in surprise and then something came flying into the room, hitting Back so that he crashed into the wall. "Even an exorcist can't just do what she wants for as long as she stays in our Asia Branch! And above all you could have thanked me when you woke up instead of wandering off! I got you out of the forest after all!". It was the young girl that Ellen had seen sleeping next to her bed. Meanwhile Bak had recovered and started shouting as well.

"What do you think you're doing hitting the honourable me!?". Ellen frowned, but didn't say anything to this strange way of addressing oneself. The girl didn't react either and just pointed at Ellen.

"Now thank me properly. You there, with the white hair!", the girl demanded and Ellen saw another man rushing into the room, grabbing Bak as he continued screaming at the girl that dared to ignore him.

"T… Thank you that you saved me…", Ellen started but she did not know who she was talking with.

"Foh. Her name is Foh", the elderly man who was holding on to Bak said. "She's the guardian of the Asia Branch. My name is Wong, I assist Master Bak. I am very glad that you are better, Walker". Ellen looked at the friendly man in surprise, but then she smiled and lowered her head.

"Thank you very much… All of you. I want to thank you that you saved me…", Ellen said, bowing and holding on to her right shoulder. "Really… Thank you", she repeated.

"And to you too, Kanda, for saving me once again in a way I would have never thought possible", Ellen added in her thoughts.

-

Ellen was transferred into another room, one with white tiles on the floor and white washed walls that had blue symbols and drawings on them at the upper end. It didn't have more than a metal bed with clean, white bedsheets and a writing table with a chair.

"It isn't much, but we hope that you will feel at home until you leave us again", Wong explained, putting a gas lamp on Ellen's night table. Bak was lingering at the door, not coming in, but also not leaving yet. Ellen's rescuer, the guardian Foh, had left in the direction of the big hall.

"Thank you, Mr. Wong", Ellen replied with a faint smile, sitting down on the bed upon Wong's bidding.

"If you are a bit better then we can try to start the process of regaining your Innocence", Bak said from the door and Ellen could only see a part of him, because he was leaning against the door frame. "I know that you are being serious and that you are in no danger of betraying your Innocence", he continued, "but I would feel more comfortable to hear that you are determined _after_ you have thought about it for some more time. You heard a lot today and you went through a lot. So it might be best to do some pondering..."

"Do you think that I should change my mind?", Ellen wondered and Bak took his time to answer. Meanwhile Wong unwrapped the bandages around Ellen's chest and she saw that she was unhurt even though her heart had been pierced. Bak coughed lightly and then he decided to reply:

"I do not know much about your background so I am only judging by the fact that you are pregnant...", Bak explained, "I think that your child has only survived until now because it is protected by your Innocence... I guess that it would continue surviving even if you resumed fighting. But it could be difficult"

"I never really worried about that – about losing it I mean", Ellen replied, "I did not want it to live, I acutally did not even want to acknowledge that it existed..."

"Why?", Bak wanted to know but Ellen couldn't muster up enough courage to reply. "You don't have to tell me if it troubles you too much. But think about what I said... There are reasons to go and reasons to stay".

"Yes... I will take it to heart...", Ellen replied quietly and then she thanked Wong for the change of bandages. "If you would allow me to be alone for a moment... I would like to think for a bit...".

"Of course. I will come for you tomorrow morning, then we can have a look at your Innocence", Bak said, then he wished the girl a good night and left with Wong.

Ellen watched the door closing after the two and then she sighed. What exactly was she supposed to do now? What was she supposed to say? She could no longer run away from the truth; her mistake, sleeping with Kanda, really had serious consequences. She had tried to come to terms with it for the last two months but it was rather hard to do. If her mother knew – and she would if Ellen and the child survived the war – then it would be a lot harder to marry her to a good man. Especially if her child was a son; an illegitimate child could not be the heir of such an old family as the Bermonts. And no man of good reputation would take in a son of another man's blood as his heir. Ellen knew that if she were of lower social standing, this would not matter as much; she would just marry the child's father. If he still wanted to marry her that is, maybe Kanda was no longer interested in her, she needed to consider this possibility, painful as it was. However, as she was nobility, marrying Kanda was not an option. She hoped that her mother would still find her someone and if she decided to be cruel as punishment for disobedience then Lady Bermont could always take the child to an orphanage. And maybe this would even be the best option. Ellen sighed deeply and lay down on the bed.

"I have lost my Innocence, I am no longer an exorcist. This is my chance to return to my mother's side", she thought and then she squeezed her eyes shut. In her mind she saw the Black Order, her new gained friends, Kanda. This was a new world, another life she led, a life that was connected to her experiences with Mana. Could she really leave this world? And the life that she had known beforehand... Was it really as great as she had always thought it to be with all its obligations, restrictions and pains? Was it really that important?

"Yes", Ellen affirmed, "it IS important, even if it is no ideal life. But now was not the right time to return to it. Not when I am needed. I knew that I would not be able to turn my back on my friends. I do not care about glory or God, I just want to protect my friends". Thus this meant: No, she could not leave this world yet. She had obligations as well, different ones, but they were important enough. She could not run, she had to continue being an exorcist, even if it would bring her pain. This was her choice; she chose to protect in stead of being protected. She chose to go her own path now and to follow the one her mother set for her after she had fulfilled her promises. Ellen thought that this decision was very good and that she should stick with it for the time being. And if she could focus her attention on regaining Innocence then she could – for the moment – forget about all the other worries. Ellen lay down on the bed, pulling the covers over her, awkwardly touching her left shoulder. She had to shudder and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Don't think about it. Don't think about it! Just DO it! You know what the right thing to do is!", Ellen hissed to herself and then she forced her mind to shut down and fell into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

_To be continued_

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**Now I'm interested :D**


	33. Kapitel 31 Efforts

**Author's notes:**

Ah, this was finished ages ago, but it got delayed by me not having a computer with English spell-check and me rediscovering how great Final Fantasy XII is! *sparkly eyes* Basch….! *lol*

Well, anyway, it's here now! I just couldn't come up with a fitting title. Bah.

I hope to write the next chapter faster. Even though I'm so slow when it gets to writing fighting scenes...

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

**Another note: I cannot reply to anonymous reviews other than making a note here, so I do. I just wanted to remind everyone reading this that this story is rated M for a reason. I don't mind minors reading my stories, but still there might be contents like sex scenes (even though tame), violence and especially other mature materials that might not be suitable for certain people... Oh well, and Ellen's pregnancy is something that one can argue about. Aaaaanyway, I do not mind being criticised, however if you simply do not like mature scenes then that's not my fault. I have given enough warning. I don't want to rant now, because I am grateful to hear what people think. :3**

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**Kapitel 31: Efforts to Regain Something Important**

A lot of time to think about and doubt her decision was not granted to Ellen. She was woken up by Bak and his cohort of the dutiful Wong and the guardian Foh. She had a hard time telling what time it was, but it seemed to her that she had not nearly got enough sleep. She was stumbling after Foh, still in her nightgown and still a bit wobbly on her feet, while the short girl led her into a common washroom. It was quite spacious with washbasins, mirrors, toilets hidden in little cabins and bath tubs. The stone floor was pretty cold and Ellen shivered slightly as she made her way over to the washbasins.

"Why are you wasting time!? Come on, brat!" Foh called and turned on the taps. Ellen tried hiding her yawn, but it was fruitless: Foh hit her with a towel and shoved her towards the washbasin. "Come on, wash your face!" Ellen sighed inwardly and looked at herself in the mirror. She widened her eyes and this time a sigh escaped her lips. "What now?!" Ellen shook her head, touching her wrapped right hand against her face. She had a lot of bruises and there was still some blood sticking to her face and hair.

"I did not know that I looked this beat up…" Ellen replied after a while and held her hand under the water to tests its temperature. Foh snorted.

"And this surprises you? How do you expect to look after you had a run-in with death itself?" the girl wondered and Ellen sighed again, holding her head under the water. Just when she started to wonder how she should wash her hair with only one arm and the one she had bandaged up to the point where it was completely unusable, there were fingers touching her head, rubbing less gently than they could have. "You've got some bumps. And one nasty bruise. Well there's no way around it, we still need to wash your hair. I don't know if you are aware of it, but you stink," Foh said unsympathetically, pulling Ellen back slightly to rub some lotion into her hair. The young exorcist hissed faintly as the lotion stung in the wound on her head and the small cuts and bruises on her face, but apart from that she wasn't complaining. Foh pushed her back under the water and washed off the lotion, then she turned the taps and wrapped a towel around Ellen's head.

"Thank you for your kind help," Ellen said with a smile, but Foh just snorted once again and pushed her towards a wooden stool.

"Sit!" she ordered and Ellen did what she was told, while Foh rubbed her hair dry and then threw the towel into the nearest sink. "That damned blood, some of it still isn't washed out. The tips of your hair are sticking together!" she complained and before Ellen could say anything, she could feel Foh pulling her hair and then she heard the sound of scissors snipping away at her hair. "Don't worry, you brat. I only take away the tips. I know how women are with their hair", Foh explained and Ellen waited patiently for Foh to finish. She really didn't care all that much about her hair anymore since Cross made her cut it. He had been right after all; white hair is like a canvas for blood. When Foh was done, Ellen got up and looked at herself in the mirror. Blinking back at her was a young woman with a boyish hair-cut. She looked quite like a boy now, a delicate boy, but still a boy who probably had had a not so pleasant encounter with some thugs. She knew better than to complain now or pity herself, therefore she just thanked Foh.

"Don't thank me yet, we're not finished," the guardian told her, "get off your shirt, you need to wash and change". Ellen nodded and let Foh help her with everything. She was a bit ashamed that she couldn't even do little things like brushing her hair or washing herself. Right now she needed the help of others, but she knew that if she worked hard, then she would be able to overcome this and return to who she had been.

-

When she was properly dressed in baggy pants and a long sleeved top, Ellen went back outside where she found Bak and Wong waiting for her.

"I will dress your wounds now," Wong told her and guided her into a medical room.

"How are you feeling today, Walker?" Bak wanted to know and Ellen showed him a small smile.

"Better now that I am washed. I was very tired and disorientated before… My wounds do not ache that much…," she replied truthfully and unbuttoned her top and folded it on her lap. Bak coughed in embarrassment and looked away while Wong studied her wounds and bandaged her.

"That is good to hear. It seems as if you're able to move well enough, but your right arm is still quite bruised," Bak said when her chest was properly covered.

"I am able to move it, but my hand hurts…," Ellen mumbled and looked at the marks where Suman bit her. It might take a long time for this to heal, but the fact that she wasn't able to save him was far worse than the pain or the scars that might stay with her for the rest of her life.

"Don't worry Miss Walker, it will all heal in due time…" Wong assured her with a gentle smile and Ellen couldn't help but to return it.

"Thank you…" she whispered.

"Now, let's get going. There is still a lot to do. Let us first have a look at your Innocence!" Bak exclaimed and then he led the way out of the medical room into a labyrinth of halls and corridors very similar to the Black Order, only that the ceiling seemed to be nothing but rough stone and that Ellen never saw a window or a bit of natural light. When Ellen asked about their surroundings Bak smiled at her.

„It's not surprising that you spotted no windows, this is all underground," he told her and Ellen looked at him in wonder.

„Underground? Everything?!" Ellen asked in surprise, looking around apprehensively.

„Indeed. Some time ago this used to be a mere cave. Our ancestors expanded it more and more until we got this splendid underground hide-out. We are still expanding today," Bak told her, „actually, the Asia Branch is bigger than Headquarters!" he said proudly and Ellen nodded in awe, even though the thought of being and living far underground seemed a bit uncanny to her. Uncanny but also very interesting.

„Truly fascinating, Mister Chan!"

„Just don't get lost, Walker! There once was a guy that got lost and two weeks later we found his skeleton!" Foh warned and Ellen looked at her with wide eyes while both Bak and Wong stayed quiet.

„Really?" Ellen wondered, not really believing the story „well, do not concern yourself over me, I am confident that I will find my way. I am used to such places," she said and Bak looked at her quizzically.

„Because of the Black Order's structure I guess? I haven't been there that much because of a certain annoying someone," Ellen blinked at him in surprise, „but I know its labyrinth like structure is similar to the Asian Branch".

„Ah, no. It is not just the Black Order, I have been to old castles before", she said but then she shook her head, „It is not important. I will try to memorize the way so as not to inconvenience you." She promised. Bak shortly wondered what kind of background she might have because Komui never told him anything particular about Ellen. She was a young girl, 15 years old, that had joined them in autumn last year. He also heard that she was actually General Cross' pupil and had the mission to find him. But that was all.

"Now silence please, we're here!" Bak announced and Ellen looked ahead of her where a very high wooden door was blocking their paths. Bak turned the key in the lock and opened it, asking Ellen to follow him inside. She stopped in confusion but then the door was loudly shut behind her, which made her flinch slightly. The room seemed to be filled with swirling fog. She looked up where she was not able to make out the ceiling.

"What kind of room is this?" Ellen wondered in surprise looking around her, "is this smoke? No… what… fog maybe?" Ellen mused.

"It is the Innocence that once was your left arm." Bak told her and Ellen looked at him with widened eyes.

"What? How? This fog is…"

"It is no fog," Bak spoke up before Ellen could finish her sentence, "After your Innocence has lost its form, it now exists as these particles." Ellen looked around in surprise, lifting her right hand to touch the shimmering substance. "Normally Innocence disappears after it's destroyed and has fallen into its particles…" Bak explained, "but this was not the case with you. Besides, it has not lost its power as crystal of God even after you were saved by us."

"When I got you out of the forest the Innocence circled around you as if it wanted to protect you. That's why I was barely able to see anything. It was quite hard to find my way back here!" Foh spoke up and Ellen looked from Bak to Foh, not really understanding the meaning of this.

"Even in this form it is still alive…" she concluded after a while, "but why only my Innocence?". Bak sighed and smiled at her.

"Unfortunately our scientific knowledge can't give us any answers to this question. This matter seems to surpass even Komui's expectances. He said something really unscientific. It rarely happens with him…" Ellen looked at Bak in wonder.

"What did Mister Li say?" she wanted to know but Bak merely smiled, shaking his head.

"I'd say you've just been lucky," Foh spoke up and Ellen tried to smile despite not being happy with this conclusion.

"Branch leader Bak!" someone called and Ellen looked to her side where three people had entered the room through another door. They were all Asian as far as Ellen could tell and wore similar clothes to the people from the Black Order's science division. But instead of introducing them, Bak snorted at them.

"What are you doing here? Why aren't you doing your work?" he demanded. The tallest of the three grinned down at Bak.

"You will try to regain Walker's Innocence, right? Please let us observe this! We haven't been here for long and have never seen the Innocence in action!"

"Please", the shorter man said, "for the sake of our future work as scientists!". Ellen studied them in interest. So they were scientists after all. They seemed younger than the ones she knew from headquarters, but they had said that they were new.

"Where's this exorcist boy?" the only girl – who had been busy with readjusting her glasses – asked, looking past her colleagues and Bak. Ellen looked at her in surprise.

"A female scientist? How peculiar!" the white haired girl thought, but she smiled at her.

"Nice to meet you," she greeted politely. The girl with the black braids stared at her, then her entire face went red and she had to turn around. "W... What is the matter?"

"Rofa you idiot," one of the scientists said with a deep sigh. While the others kept quiet, shaking their heads. "That's a girl!" The so-called Rofa turned around, still red as a tomato and dared to steal another glance at Ellen, but she was so flustered that she had to turn around again.

"Seems like that doesn't matter..." Ellen just blinked at them in surprise, but Bak interrupted the silly scene with a cough.

"Well fine, you can stay if you absolutely want to. You have nothing against it, right Walker?" Ellen looked up at him in confusion. "We will now try to invocate the scattered Innocence in hope to get your Innocence back into its proper shape." He showed her an encouraging smile. "If you can bring it back into the form of a weapon you can fight again!" Ellen studied his face for some time.

"Fight again..." she thought, but then she nodded.

"Yes. I will try my best!" she announced and walked into the centre of the room.

Ellen felt like standing in the middle of a sandstorm. The glittering particles of the Innocence were still swirling around her, rising far above her head. It was very quiet and the sparkling dust was beautiful. Ellen had to remind herself that these particles were tiny pieces of a weapon, bits and pieces of an arm that had accompanied her all her life. To see it reduced to such a mess of particles was strange and slightly painful for her. Ellen sighed, then she breathed in deeply, readying herself for the activation.

"Good!" she exclaimed and looked up. "Innocence..." she thought, "you used to be my arm, but now you have a very different form. Please forgive me! Come back with me to the battlefield! Next time we will not fail!"

"Activation!" she shouted and felt a pull on her. It was a strange feeling and it was difficult to even remain standing while the Innocence pushed and pulled her while she tried to draw all the particles to her left arm. By the time she managed to force the particles into something like the shape of her arm she was already shaking. Had the activation always been that difficult? She couldn't even remember. "Come back!" Ellen ordered the Innocence and could hear the surprised and amazed shouts of the other people. Ellen pulled her arm upwards and the arm really returned, the only thing left was for it to connect itself to her shoulder. "I-" Ellen shouted in joy, but the next moment she felt her strength and the power fade and the Innocence burst back into dust.

"Huh?! It dissolved again?!" Bak shouted in surprise, "you almost had it! Try again Walker!". Ellen nodded and tried again. And again and again always with the same result until she was completely exhausted.

"This is really strange, why does it always fall back into particles?" Bak and the other three scientists wondered. Ellen didn't really listen to them, she was mainly concerned with steadying her breath after so much exhaustion.

"Are you okay, Miss Walker?" Wong wondered in a concerned tone while Foh just looked at her in slight amusement not even attempting to help her.

"I... This is a lot harder than I expected it to be, but I should not hope for it to be easy," Ellen thought and sighed, "but I will not give up that easily!"

-

Ellen realized that her attempts to get back her Innocence were not quite the same like her previous attempts to get her Innocence to activate. Back then, when Kanda taught her, she had been exhausted quite easily but was able to make up with it by eating enough food. That was not the case this time, probably because the Innocence was not consuming her power seeing how it was no longer attached to her body.

"However, I have Innocence particles in my body... I wonder if this has an influence on the process of regaining the Innocence..." She tried to invocate again, but it didn't work and the power of the bursting Innocence sent her flying against the next wall.

"Ouch..." she mumbled rubbing the back of her head. "It just does not work... But why? The synchronization seems to be doing just fine. Why am I unable to form the weapon?" She drew her knees up to her chest and put her hand over her head, sulking slightly. After her first failed attempts to regain her Innocence, Bak had brought her back to her room to rest, but Ellen hadn't been able to stay there for long. After getting a small bite to eat, she had stolen back to this room and tried again. When she didn't manage she tried again the next day, and the next. To no avail. "The more I try the faster it falls back into its particles. I do not even manage to form my arm for a short time! Aaah, I am losing precious time here..." Ellen sighed again and looked up to the chandelier that hung in the middle of the room. "My friends... I have to return to them... What might they be doing right now...? Are they still on the ship? Are they already in Japan? Are they fighting? Oh, I do not know..." She closed her eyes but the strange dream she had had flashed through her mind. "I wonder if this was a portent... I feel so uneasy thinking about it... I have to hurry...!" She shook her head. "I cannot give up now even if I seem to be only doing worse and worse. I have to continue trying!" she decided and got up, bumping her head against something. "Oh!" she exclaimed in surprise, seeing Bak slumping to the floor. "Oh no, Mister Chan! I am so sorry, I was deep in thought and did not notice that you were here!". Bak managed to sit back up, blood dropping from his nose.

"You should be resting, Walker! You haven't slept properly for two days!!" Bak reprimanded her, wiping his nose.

"But I..." Ellen wanted to protest, but then she saw that Bak had dropped something on the floor "Ah, I am sorry Mister Chan! I have messed up your files!" she said, trying to gather them, but once she saw what they contained she widened her eyes in slight surprise. They were all photographs of Linali Li.

"UWAAAH!!!" Bak howled and grabbed all the files, trying to hide them even though Ellen had already seen their content. She just looked up at him without saying anything. Actually, she was only a bit surprised, but Bak turned a deep shade of red in embarrassment.

"I have not made these pictures secretly. I definitely haven't made them secretly!" he assured.

"Do you like Linali, Mister Chan?" Ellen simply asked, unsure if she should feel delighted with this new information. But maybe it had sounded like an accusation to Bak because he paled and then red spots appeared on his face.

"Mister Chan?!" Ellen shouted when she saw the change in the man.

"Don't- Don't look at me!" Bak shrieked. "If the honourable me gets so excited, I only get a rash! DON'T LOOK!!"

"Could anybody help us?! Help!" Ellen shouted and when Bak fell to the floor like an actor of a great tragedy, Wong appeared out of nowhere to catch him.

"Master, you should pay attention to your health! Don't get so excited!!" Wong said and spread a futon and a blanket on the floor, putting Bak into it. Ellen just watched the spectacle in bewilderment.

-

Once Bak was nicely put into the make-shift bed and taken care for, he seemed to be ready to talk about the reason he came to look for Ellen.

"The difference between an activation of a parasitic and equipment type?" she wondered, "is there even a difference?"

"Mmh. Yes. I guess it has to do with emotions..." Bak replied, "In parasitic type users the Innocence is situated in the compatibles' body, is that correct?"

"Yes...", she replied calmly, kneeling by his bedside. His reaction to a rash seemed highly exaggerated to Ellen, but she decided not to say anything about it. Maybe such things were of greater impact for Asian people? Ellen had no clue, but judging from the fuss Komui made over Linali it could be. Ellen contented herself with listening to Bak, ignoring the rest. "The compatibles of the equipment type don't stand in any close contact to their Innocence. That's why it's harder for them to master their Innocence. Even if they manage to synchronize it is not easy to control the Innocence. That is why we reorganize it into Anti-Akuma weapons. This way the power of the Innocence is enclosed into the weapon, which makes it easier for the compatibles to synchronize and activate the weapon."

"So..." Ellen started, "so we of the parasitic type stand in direct contact to the Innocence in its original form...?" Bak nodded.

"Exactly... What I say now might sound rude... the compatibles of the parasitic type are like weapons that draw on the power of the Innocence they carry in their body. The compatibles themselves are the Anti-Akuma weapons." Ellen shortly widened her eyes in surprise, but then she lowered her head.

"I am supposed to be a weapon...?" she asked in a faint voice. A weapon? She? Really…

"In a simplified way, yes... Of course you remain a human," Bak explained. "If we want to transform Innocence into an Anti-Akuma weapon we first have to know something about the Innocence. We need to know about its powers and figure out the form, structure and functions which match it the best. That's how we create a _style_ for the Innocence..." Ellen looked at him in surprise. "Maybe you cannot activate your Innocence because you don't know it well enough. Maybe you have not found a style yet that matches your Innocence." Ellen lowered her head.

"So you say that I do not know my Innocence properly, despite it being a part of me since birth...?" Ellen asked and sighed when all Bak could do was nod apologetically. Somehow it was true, she had first activated it not even half a year ago. Before that her Innocence had simply been her arm, her arm that had frightened and pained her with its deformity...

"Unfortunately we don't have enough time to allow you to study your Innocence," Bak continued and sat up. "It might be a bit daring to do it this way... but...". Ellen looked at him in wonder, however, Bak did not explain. He seemed to have recovered from his rash and now stood up, leading Ellen away from the room.

"Ah, the Innocence is following me!" Ellen exclaimed as she saw the fog swirling around her.

"Don't worry about it. We want it to accompany you," Bak replied and Ellen looked at him doubtfully. He led her to the big hall where Ellen had first met him. She saw the gigantic wall painting or colourful door in the flickering light of the torches. It was chilly in here, more chilly than she had remembered it and the scent of burning candles lay in the air.

"Why did you lead me to this place, Mister Chan?" Ellen wondered.

"We want you to engage in a proper fight for us," Bak explained and Ellen turned to him in surprise.

"A fight?"

"Foh!" Bak called instead of replying to the girl and she blinked at him in surprise, but then she heard the sounds of electric sparks behind her.

"Haaah, how tedious," Foh's voice said from behind her, "it really isn't my job to look after that brat. Stupid Bak!" Ellen turned around and saw Foh's form emerging out of the gate's stone.

"She is no human and has a body made of the crystal that my great-grandfather extracted from the guardian deity", Bak offered as explanation but Ellen was too astounded to reply.

"This means that I am a warrior protecting this Asia Branch. And I'm pretty strong, Walker!" Foh exclaimed, stepping out of the stone entirely. The guardian raised her arms above her head and her hands transformed into two blades. Ellen gasped in shock and barely took one step back while Foh was already standing in front of her in the blink of an eye. Ellen could see the deadly spark in Foh's eyes and then she already had a sharp blade at her throat.

"Your neck's mine!" she said and with a smirk, but instead of slashing she slammed her foot into Ellen's stomach, sending the girl flying against the wall behind Bak and Wong. Ellen slid to the ground, coughing, while blood dropped from her mouth.

"Put some effort into this, girl! If you do not get your Innocence working again I will really kill you," Foh warned, grinning and emitting an aura that seemed dangerous even to Ellen.

"Yes! Innocence can be recovered fastest when in battle! The danger makes humans evolve very quickly. If you feel cornered suddenly new roads open up before you! At least that's the plan I came up with!", Bak explained frantically, but then he turned around, "But maybe I have to blow it off after all! Foh! I told you not to be that violent!" Foh only rolled her eyes in annoyance, "She's pregnant for God's sake!" Ellen got over her shock and managed to get back up on her feet. She wiped the blood from her lips and shook her head at Bak.

"No, that is perfectly fine, your plan I mean," Ellen said, facing Foh with a grim smile, "I will fight. Cornering me might be a very good idea." Back some months ago she had not been able to invocate without being in a dire situation, less alone fight if not confronted with immediate danger. She had been unable to do anything decent without someone there she could rely on. Now the only thing she could do was trust in her own strength.

"I won't get easy on you, no matter the circumstances. If your child does not survive this beating then it will certainly not survive the battles afterwards!". These words, cruel as they might appear, seemed very plausible to Ellen. The child might have saved her, but Ellen didn't have the liberty of returning the favour if she really had to. All that she could do now was see to her own survival.

"Foh!" Bak called but Ellen just lifted her right hand, smiling at him and shaking her head.

"No, you do not have to interrupt. Mister Chan, you will have to agree that Foh is right... My priority is to regain my Innocence. I know that I am being selfish, but I think that I am more important to this war against the Akuma than an unborn child is..." Ellen said calmly and Bak sighed with a troubled expression.

"Of course you are right..." he told her, "but that's not the way a young girl like you should be forced to think..." he added in his head, but allowed Foh to continue the fight.

-

After some hours of continuous fighting (while Ellen mostly just tried to evade Foh's attacks with little effect) Wong interrupted them in order to change Ellen's bandages and to give her new clothes which now consisted of black pants and a sleeveless top. He put a black glove around the bandages of her arm because she no longer needed the plaster, but still needed to protect her arm to some extend.

"Your healing process is exceedingly fast." Wong observed when he fixed the bandages around Ellen's chest.

"Which is quite good. Maybe the remaining connection between you and the Innocence residing in your body is better than we assumed." Bak said still averting his eyes until Ellen's upper body was properly covered by the sleeveless top.

"Have parasitic types a tendency to heal faster?" Ellen wondered and Bak nodded, but cautiously.

"We think so. The Innocence draws its power from your body after all. It should be interested in keeping it in shape..." Ellen frowned and Bak laughed uneasily. "Don't worry..."

"I guess I should not..." Ellen replied with an unfazed expression and got up again, "I will just concentrate on regaining my Innocence. There will be time later for solemn pondering." Bak sighed and watched the two girls resume their fighting. Ellen's fighting spirit was really exceptional. He wondered what urged her to carry on. As a member of the Black Order he of course was interested in exorcists returning to the battle field. And as a scientist he was very keen on seeing the progress of Ellen recovering her Innocence. However, some part of him had wished her to just take his hinted offer of abandoning everything and returning to her previous life, whatever that was. A young girl, a girl with child even, should really just lead a quiet and protected life. But he knew that the life of those chosen by Innocence was not easy and it certainly was not fair.

-

For Ellen the days spent in the Asia Branch were starting to feel like torture. Her routine consisted of sleeping and eating very little and fighting with Foh in order to regain her Innocence as much as she could. However, even a week after she had woken up in the strange underground hide-out she had not been able to make any progress in this. Her body was recovering very quickly and her right arm and hand had healed very well. She also managed to evade Foh's attack by now, having adapted to her speed and power quite well. However, the sparring with Foh was nothing like the training with Kanda, where he had tried to take her condition as a beginner into consideration. Foh didn't care about things like her health or the circumstances she was in. At first Ellen had welcomed this, but the longer the stayed in this place the more irritated she got. She was worrying about her friends and more often than not her eye tormented her even though no Akuma were near. She had the feeling that something bad was happening or something bad would be happening in the near future. She had not encountered Akuma for a long time and it seemed that her eye wanted to push her to leave this place to do her duty – namely saving Akuma by destroying them. Of course she couldn't do that as she was confined here and had no Innocence to fight with. She would be running into her certain death if she would, but still – the curse of her eye did not consider that. Her fighting spirit was getting low and she was distracted often because she had to think about her friend's well-being and nobody in this place did consider that. She was mentally exhausted, she really had had enough, but she knew all too well that this was far from over.

"This... IDIOT!!!" Ellen could hear Foh shouting in anger and the next thing she knew was being punched in the face.

"Miss Walker?! Miss Walker!!" Rofa – who was watching the fight with the other young scientists Rikei and Shifu – came running over to her.

"I won't continue like this! Finally get your act together, Walker!!"

"Foh! Please... Miss Walker doesn't seem to be feeling well..." Rofa tried talking some sense into the enraged Foh, but she wouldn't listen.

"Silence!! Why should I care?!", she shouted, "why don't you put more effort into this?!"

"I am...!" Ellen argued faintly, getting up on her knees and palm.

"This is supposed to be all you've got?!" Foh screamed banging Ellen on the head with her fist, "I don't see any intention to kill in you!! You're scared shitless because you are afraid! You are only defending against my attacks and never attacking! You're nothing but a bloody coward!!" Ellen just stayed at the ground, listening to the accusations. "And a _beansprout_ like you wants to activate her Innocence?!" And somehow this did it for Ellen. She shot up, shouting out in anger:

"Now that's enough!!!"

"What?! What do you want?! Bring it on you silly cow!!"

"Stop it you two!!" Rofa called "There is no sense in fighting over this!"

"I don't understand it myself!" Ellen shouted, ignoring the poor Rofa, "Do you honestly think that I am enjoying this?! I simply don't understand!! I understand nothing!!". The other people were now silent, even Foh looked at her in surprise. "Damn! Damn! How long... do I still have to go through this...?!". She dropped back to the floor and stared at the ground, biting her lips in frustration.

"I think it is time for Walker to have a break" Bak's voice said over a golem fluttering next to Rofa, "let her rest a bit." The others agreed and Ellen got back up on her feet, leaving the room without another word.

-

The girl wandered around a bit aimlessly until she found a stone railing to sit on in a big hall. Next to her was a pool of water. It was calming her down quite a bit and she sighed deeply, resting her head against the stone pillar behind her.

"I was so angry that I took out all my frustration on Foh. Even though she is doing all this for me. I really am a terrible person..." Ellen said faintly putting her hand against the side of her face. "I should better apologize to her..." She took her hand away from her face and studied her palm. "But I have put so much effort into it. Maybe it is futile…?" She stayed silent for some time but then she lowered her head, her hair falling into her face. "How... have I even invocated in the past? I can no longer remember how this ugly arm felt like. I know nothing at all..." She lifted her head with a pained smile on her face. "Haaaah... Everything is so dark...", she whispered into the solitude of the hall.

A hand touched her shoulder and Ellen turned around finding a partly illuminated face grinning up at her.

"Miss Walker!", the face said. Ellen shrieked in surprise but found it to be Rofa with a lamp in her hand, hanging on the wall.

"Oh! It is you!" Ellen said in relief and looked at her, "why are you coming up the wall?" she wondered but Rofa just smiled and held the lamp up.

"I heard that you said it was dark, so I came to bring you a light!"

"Oh... I did not mean it that...", she started but Rofa just put the lamp into Ellen's hands, "Uhm... thank you..." Rofa sat down next to Ellen and smiled at her.

"Your arm... It's really terrible and you're trying so hard..." Rofa said and Ellen looked at her.

"Well... It is just frustrating that I am not making any progress and achieve nothing..." Ellen told her.

"No! You are putting much effort into it!" Rofa argued and Ellen laughed lightly, shaking her head.

"If you put effort into something and manage to achieve nothing then it is meaningless..." Ellen told her..

"Achieve nothing?" Rofa wondered, "then what exactly are you aiming for?". Ellen looked at her in confusion. "As far as I know you have found friends. The Noahs appeared and they aimed for the Heart. A lot of people had to die. You have seen a Fallen One. You have lost your weapon. And this doesn't even seem to be all that troubles you..."

Ellen still looked at Rofa in surprise, not able to form a reply. "It this why you think that you have to protect your friends? Do you have to kill the Noahs? Even for those who can no longer be saved? And is that why you want to fight with all your power? What makes you fight on is your love for humans, isn't it? But this feeling that you _have_ to fight. This feeling that comes out of your love... Doesn't this suppress your real wishes? One does not fight for the sake of fighting. One does not live for war. Humans fight because there is something dear to them. What is it that is dear to you? Who are you fighting for?". Ellen blushed even though she was not sure how to answer her questions. Yes... Why exactly did she want to fight? What does she fight for now? And what had initially pushed her to the battlefield?

"I..." she started, but was interrupted by a loud shriek.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Ellen turned around in surprise and saw another Rofa standing behind her, pointing at them with a tomato red face. "That's me! That's me! And I am smooching Miss Walker!" Ellen blinked at her in surprise, then she looked to the other Rofa sitting next to her.

"I do not quite understand. What is going on here?" Ellen asked a bit more reasonable that Rofa's shouting about a doppelgänger.

"Damn it!" the other Rofa hissed, then she transformed into Foh. "Now she ruined everything!" Ellen looked at her in surprise.

"Ah, I heard that Foh can take on the appearance of other people..." Shifu said.

"But why Rofa...?" Rikei wondered faintly while Foh got up from her sitting position.

"Don't get me wrong, Walker!", she said and Ellen looked up at her in surprise.

"Pardon me?" she asked but Foh wouldn't look her in the eyes, her whole face was red.

"I wasn't planning on cheering you up or something like that! I'm still very angry at you! Damn, I'm tired! That's because I'm always getting angry! And all of this only because of a cheeky brat! That's so tedious!!", she shouted and jumped off the railing on the water's surface.

"Foh! Thank you..." Ellen called and Foh stopped in surprise. Blushing slightly Ellen lifted the lamp. "For the light."

"... You should rest now. We will continue soon", Foh replied after a while and Ellen nodded.

"Yes." The three scientists joined Ellen and she greeted them cheerfully, but then she saw Foh stopping dead in her tracks. "Foh?". The girl didn't react, not even to Rofa's angry shouting.

"Bak...! Bak, Bak!" Ellen was widening her eyes, feeling that something was wrong with her, "BAK! Hide Walker!!!", she screamed and then something tore through her – a black shape emerging from her chest where a hole had opened up.

"FOH!!" Ellen shouted in concern, but then Ellen saw something come out of this black shape. She had never seen something like this, but she knew immediately what it was.

"I have come to get you. Allen Walker!"

And while her cursed eye came to life, Ellen felt a heat circulating in her that she had not felt for quite some time. It was as if she now had blood running in her again, as if she had woken up from a long slumber. Because right here in front of her eyes was her reason to be an exorcist.

_Akuma_.

_To be continued_

_-_

**Notes:**

Can't think of anything witty to say... I Hope you liked it :3


	34. Kapitel 32 Return to the Battlefield

**Author's Notes:**

I am sorry that you had to wait long. I saved this chapter for today - as compensation, it's a longer than usual. You see, today, unbelievingly as it might sound, it's been one year that I've started uploading Ivory Tales! I never thought that this would last so long even though my plan to follow the manga had in itself epic proportions! *lol*

Anyway, thank you! Thank you to those who have read from the beginning and also to those who have joined me later on! I really am grateful for your comments and I never thought that I would get the kind of resonance I did! (Who would have thought, a girl!Allen story, with not that original a plot, not much romance and a strange moody author? Hihi)

I also want to take this moment to apologize that my updates got rarer over the weeks and months. I am nearing the end of my BA studies and it gets worse each semester *lol* Until the end of February I will be busy with my seminar paper, I am sorry if I will not be able to update.

That said: again, a big thank you to you all, dear readers! And now, let's move on with the story. Let us reunite the lovers!! XD

**D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 32: Return to the Battlefield**

Ellen's heart beat frantically in her chest. It felt as if it might burst soon; it was painful but to some extend also thrilling, even though Ellen knew not why such an emotion should seize her in circumstances like these. She saw what she knew to be an Akuma standing on a strange shape of patched black fields. It somehow had broken out of Foh, as she was a guardian deity it must have been that this Akuma with this strange object had managed to break through the walls guarding this underground fortress.

"An Akuma came out of Foh!" Ellen could hear someone shout next to her. "But how can that be?! This branch is protected by a seal! This seal cannot be broken that easily! And how do they even know that Walker is here?!" Ellen didn't take her eyes off the Akuma for one moment, but what the others said was true. How did the Akuma know that Ellen was still alive, recovered from the Asia Branch and now in hiding here? This was a complex underground system, with no way out or in if you didn't know it before hand. So how…?! Ellen studied the Akuma tensely, but then she spotted something on the Hand of the figure: it was some kind of butterfly, one she recognized on the spot.

"These butterflies! The Noah…!" Ellen thought, remembering the Noah that had killed Suman, smashed her Innocence, pierced her heart and left her to die. She bit her lips in frustration, fear and anger. "It must have been him! I do not know how he found out that I survived his attack but that the tease are here must mean that he sent this Akuma!"

"Wal… ker…" Ellen snapped out of her thoughts and looked to Foh. She was still immobilized by the attack and looked as if she were in great pain, but she managed to speak to her. "You must… flee…".

"What…?"

"That thing is after you! As things are now you don't stand a chance! You have to get out of here!!" Ellen got over her surprise and shook her head. If she ran now she might evade the Akuma for a short while, but there were no exorcists in the Asia Branch. There was no way that the scientists could stop the Akuma long enough for her to get to safety – and even if she did, the Akuma would most likely kill everybody in this underground hideout!

"I cannot possibly-" Ellen started to shout, but then she was interrupted first by a voice and then by something piercing her chest.

"I will not allow that to happen" the voice of the Akuma said and Ellen shook with the impact of the attack. A thread of light was piercing Ellen, connecting her to the Akuma. Ellen could not speak and fell backwards. Fortunately Rikei was there to catch her before she fell to the ground.

"Walker!! Miss Walker!!", he called but Ellen couldn't even reply to him, "Pull through, Walker! There's a strange thing piercing you! What is it? A thread?"

"My dark matter has the ability of destroying anything. With this thread I can dissolve your body into atoms and then suck them in, thus destroying everything! Should I demonstrate, little boy?!" the Akuma shrieked and then a sudden pain went through Ellen. It was as if she was in flames, every part of her body aching to her very core. She screamed in agony as the Akuma began dissolving her – it felt as if her skin was being burnt off at first, but then it was just a continuous pain on all of her body that made her even too weak to scream anymore. She barely heard the people around her shouting. There seemed to be quite a commotion going on and suddenly the pain stopped, leaving her very exhausted.

"Yes! The thread is gone!" Rikei shouted, still holding on to her. Ellen could barely feel his hands on her arms and then she heard Bak screaming:

"You have to get her to safety! For the moment I can do nothing but block some of its attacks!" Ellen heard some explosions and then she was lifted and carried away, then her senses went black. She only managed to open her eyes when she felt someone gently touching her face.

"Walker!" She saw Foh smiling at her. "Pull through. You have a lot more backbone than it seems! I know you've been through a lot and you're dealing with it all on your own. You're strong, Walker! You will be able to make it!" And with that said Foh transformed herself into Ellen, making both her and Rikei – who was still carrying her dutifully – gasp in surprise. "You will surely manage to get back your Innocence! Work hard!"

"Foh…?!" Ellen spoke in distress, a bad feeling of dread in her stomach, "what are you…" Foh was moving backwards, jumping into the air. Ellen saw that a huge wall was forming, probably to block the Akuma for a short while. And as it was closing Foh kept going there, face still towards them, smiling. "You cannot possibly… No!" Ellen shouted, "You must not!" Foh didn't listen to Ellen's protests and kept smiling, her face – despite being Ellen's – not showing the fear that Ellen felt.

"I will not be able to defeat the Akuma. After all, I am only a guardian deity and not an exorcist. But I will buy you some time! You must flee!" Ellen widened her eyes in shock and struggled against Rikei's hold. As he saw that this was very dangerous for her already delicate body, he put her down carefully, but still held on to her.

"Mister Chan! Please! You must stop her! Please!!" Ellen begged as she saw Foh disappearing and the wall closing more and more – locking her in with the Akuma. Bak didn't do anything, he stood motionless, but his face was very tense and he didn't even look as Foh left. "I will go! Oh please!" Ellen continued screaming despite having no effect. "Foh! Foh, I will go!" However, the last opening in the wall closed with Ellen screaming a loud, desperate "No". Ellen stared at the wall in front of her, with wide eyes and shaking. "No… Foh…". It took her a while to react but then she broke free of Rikei's grasp and ran towards Bak, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket. She was acting rash again, almost violent, but she was desperate. She could not allow someone to die just because of her safety! She should be out there fighting! She was the exorcist! It was her duty!!

"Aaah! Please stop that Miss Walker!!" Wong screamed in surprise.

"Mister Chan! Open that gate!!" Ellen demanded.

"Never!" Bak replied loudly.

"Please, Walker! Calm down!!" Rikei wanted to convince her, putting his hands on her shoulders, but she paid him no attention, neither did she listen to anybody else. "Do you want to kill Foh?!" For a short while the whole room was silent, but then Bak spoke up with a calm voice.

"You exorcists are our only hope!" he reminded her without looking Ellen in the eyes, "if even only one exorcist dies… Are you aware of just how much this influences our battle? There is nothing we can do for Foh. If she is important to you, Walker… Then bear with it! And look forwards!" Ellen remained silent, but as she saw Bak's face she sighed and let go of his collar, frowning.

"Why are you putting on such a calm front…? In reality you are equally disturbed by this, are you not?" She looked up at Bak's face "you have your rash again… And you are crying…"

"What?!" Bak shouted, but there were indeed red spots on his face and tears flowing out of his eyes. "Uh… I…" Ellen put her hand on Bak's shoulder, looking at him with a smile.

"It is okay… I guess I know how you feel…" she said with a soft voice, gently pushing Bak out of the way. Then she put her right hand flat against the smooth stone. "I will open this door myself!" She only earned herself incredulous stares with this statement, but why should she care? She had made up her mind, she had decided to fight, there was no stopping her right now. If she opened this door then there would be no turning back again. If she herself chose to remain an exorcist then she would also chose to stick to the things connected with it, the Akuma, the battles, the people. "If you will not open this for me, then I will do it myself and advance! You should not have to worry if it was me making that decision and me opening the door!"

"I should not have to worry…?!", Bak started, but then he got furious, "And how I do have to worry about you, you complete idiot!! Wong! Rikei!! Seize her!!"

"I really regret doing this, Miss Walker!" Wong apologized but then he grabbed her, Rikei doing the same.

"Why are you doing this! This is annoying!!" Ellen protested in frustration, "You want to save Foh as well, do you not, Mister Chan?! Then why are you holding me down?!"

"Your body has started degenerating because of the Akuma's Dark Matter! You would dissolve if I would hit you now! Imagine what a fight would do to you!! Only an idiot would let you go!! You should listen to me, exorcist!!" Upon hearing that Ellen narrowed her eyes in anger. But then she put on a sly expression. If there was no other way around it, then there was no helping it.

"No. You listen to me now." She started and Bak backed off slightly when hearing the tone of her voice and seeing her cunning expression. "I will tell Mister Li about the secret photographs of Linali", she whispered and Bak froze just like Rikei behind her, who seemed to have heard her despite the whispering.

"WHAT?!" Ellen snorted.

"Oh I am sure he would not be that happy to hear that, knowing what kind of person he is, especially when it comes to his sister."

"Wa… Wa… Wa… Walker!! You want to blackmail me?! I never knew you were one of those girls!!" Ellen turned back to him, looking at him with a determined face.

"It has to be! I will not back off!", she exclaimed still making Bak shake in disbelief. "When we first met you asked me if I wanted to return to the battlefield! My answer was yes!" Bak kneeled down next to her, putting his hands on Ellen's shoulders.

"That meant that you would return to the battlefield once you could fight as an exorcist again! Without an activated Innocence you are nothing more than a mere human, Walker! Be reasonable!!"

"No!!" Ellen interrupted him, "That's not true…" she whispered with a strained voice, her body starting to shake. "I…" She slowly lifted her right hand, still bandaged, but recovered, not like her left hand. "When I first set my eyes on the Akuma, I felt that my blood was stirred up. Almost as if it was frozen until then. I had the feeling that my pierced heart had stopped moving long ago, so violently did it beat suddenly! And how pleasant it was to feel my warm blood flowing in my veins."

"Walker… What are you ta-" Bak started, very confused and also concerned by the things Ellen was telling him.

"That's when I understood!! I understand your concern. Of course! Of course I want to be a mere girl! Of course I would pick the life of an aristocrat over that of a soldier! How I wish my choice would be that simple! But it isn't! This simple girl that was content in her sheltered world, despite it not being as perfect as it could be, no longer exists! I am no longer her!" Ellen shouted, making Bak unable to reply. Ellen breathed in deeply, calming her shaking voice. "You have called my mere existence an Anti-Akuma weapon. And maybe this is true." She drew a shaky breath and then she raised her head, her cursed eye changing instantly. Bak was shocked to see such a desperate face, it shook him deeply. Tears were flowing from Ellen's eyes, a blood-red trail trickling down the left side of her face. "Because my soul had yearned for them! For the Akuma!! I am no longer human!" She said and Bak looked at her speechlessly. "I am an exorcist!" Ellen exclaimed, "Let me return to the battle-field. To the Akuma!" And in this moment Ellen didn't look human in Bak's eyes. There was something about her that was chilling him to the bones: the white hair, moved by a inexistent wind, her skin pale as ivory and only the left side of her face visible – only the blood red curse mark, only the black and red eye. And then, a huge white claw appeared behind Ellen, Wong and Rikei. The two men must have felt something terrifying behind them, because they turned their heads and gasped in shock. But then the claw came crushing down like a wave.

"Kyaaaa! Wong! Rikei!!" Rofa shouted in fright, but there was nothing wrong with them once the light was gone. Ellen Walker, however, was not there anymore. Bak widened his eyes, but then he could hear and feel her – it was an aura that she emitted that made him shiver.

"I will go now. Thank you, Mister Chan." She said and Bak turned around. It seemed as Ellen was emitting sparks, her whole body on electricity. He wanted to stop her, but he knew that it was pointless. So he clenched his eyes shut and then he opened a part of the wall. He heard Ellen advance, leaving them to fight a battle she couldn't possibly win.

"She is only 15… And even though there should be other things on her mind, she is nearly obsessed about Akuma… No longer human she said… I… didn't mean it like that, Walker… Please forgive me…"

-

Ellen felt heat, desperation and determination. She was not afraid as she ran through the corridor, looking for the things that she must destroy – or be destroyed herself. However, Ellen was rarely afraid when she rushed into battle, at least not like this, not when she knew that all the other options where even more dreadful, maybe not physically but mentally. She would not be running away, she would not leave people to die.

She felt the impact the Akuma had on her once she got close enough to see it again. She didn't hesitate and jumped landing on the Akuma's nearly metallic shoulder and back with a loud sound. She felt the metal under her hand tremble, little electric bolts forming around her right hand. The Akuma turned its head, staring at Ellen with its many eyes. It threw her off, but Ellen caught her balance quite quickly, landing on a fallen piece of stone, sticking out of the water. Ellen could see Foh, still transformed and in quite a bad shape: many parts of her had already been broken down. It reminded Ellen that she was not better off, her whole body seemed almost transparent, white, her head framed by a halo of sparks – but she doubted that those were the effects of her body breaking down. She did not think much, focussing all her attention on the Akuma instead.

"What are you?" the Akuma hissed, holding his shoulder where Ellen's hand had formerly been. Ellen looked at him with a challenging expression.

"I am an exorcist!" she replied firmly. The Akuma didn't reply for some moments, then it turned its gaze back down on Foh. The guardian deity squeezed her eyes shut and could no longer uphold the transformation, turning back into her original form. "Ah! Haha! Look at this!" The Akuma snorted in amusement.

"Wal… ker…", Foh started in a hoarse whisper, but Ellen stopped her.  
"Foh!", she called and gently smiled at her, "Bak was crying…" she said and saw how tears formed in Foh's eyes too. They were important to each other, despite what had happened just before – Bak didn't want to sacrifice someone as important to him as Foh for the sake of somebody else, but he had had no choice. Affection… Ellen looked up, glaring at the Akuma.

"Well?" it asked, "do you want to fight me?". Ellen breathed in evenly, looking at the gruesome picture her cursed eye showed her. The soul of the Akuma was in a terrible state; it was a blotched black mass, vaguely resembling a disfigured skull. Ellen looked at it calmly, letting the souls anguished voice reach her eyes:

"Lo… ve me…", it cried and among the black mass she could make out one wide eye staring at her. "Love me! Stop him! Save only me! You can see me! You can hear me! Even in my current form! Love me! LOVE ME! Aren't you living only for me?!". Ellen remained silent for a while, but then she smiled.

"Yes, I do," she said, both answering the Akuma and the Soul. It was right, wasn't it? That was what she was living for right now. That was the only things she should be concerned in right now.

"Even though my Dark Matter is currently dissolving you, you're grinning?" the Akuma asked, attacking her.

"I am fighting for the Akuma", Ellen thought, while continuously evading the Akuma's attacks. Of course, she had nothing to counter his attacks as long as she had no Innocence, that's why she just kept on going, regardless of how bad the situation seemed. "I am living for the Akuma! They are giving me the power to live! There must have been a reason for me to survive in that night when I called back Mana and it is to save those Akuma, I was so certain even though I did not want to fight. Even though I would have had a purpose in my life without ever entering the Black Order, I convinced myself that I had piled up so much guilt and had done so many things wrong that redeeming myself by being an exorcist was the only way I could finally be at ease with myself".

"Foh!!" Ellen shortly looked to the side where she could see Bak running through the water towards Foh.

"I have been so certain. I had made it my resolution to save the Akuma and to live for them. But now…" she thought seeing how Bak embraced Foh as tightly as he could. "But now I…". Her trail of thoughts stopped immediately when she landed and her body suddenly started to crack and fall apart. She froze and stared down at her body.

"You idiot!" the Akuma hissed, "How did you plan to fight in your current condition?!" It lifted both of its hands, its Dark Matter ready to deal the final blow. It smashed Ellen down into the water, the Dark Matter piercing her chest. She had lifted her right arm, that was now sticking out of the water, palm towards the ceiling. She didn't see anything but the blurry shape of the Akuma, she was not able to breath, she was not able to scream. She just felt how her body was being ripped apart by the Dark Matter. After a while the Akuma stopped, probably focusing on something else. Ellen, even though barely conscious and on the brink of death, could hear Foh and Bak's screams.

"Even though I decided to devote myself to the Akuma and to live only for them, I nearly forgot my decision. My mother was important to me, but I left her behind for a life of redemption and maybe even more suffering. However… I met so many people that became dear to me. I have made new experiences. I learnt how to fight. I travelled to many different places. I have seen tragedy and death. I have made mistakes. I have fallen in love for the first time… It was easy to forget my and the Akuma's suffering when I was with my friends. I made so many good experiences. However, the loss of my Innocence had shown me that I also have a duty…" Ellen closed her eyes. "Innocence!" she thought firmly, "I have made up my mind and my heart! My left side is for the Akuma. And my right for the humans. Both are part of me. Both are important to me. Humans and Akuma, I will save them!" She felt the a familiar warmth in her; she knew that the Innocence had accepted her and was now forming and fighting. She still had her hand held out and it did return to her. Her body changed back to its original form before the Dark Matter had broken it down. She rose out of the water, like a phoenix rose out of the ashes. A white coat with white fur on the hood, was draped over Ellen's shoulders. She took in a deep breath, welcoming the new but also familiar sensation of her Innocence.

"Youuuu…" The Akuma hissed, breaking Ellen out of the comfortable silence that had embraced her. The Akuma, already partly destroyed by the Innocence, was rushing towards her, but Ellen just evaded it by jumping over it and then she extended her new Innocence arm, its sharp claw-like fingers piercing the Akuma effortlessly.

"Pitiful Akuma soul. Rest in peace!"

-

A deep silence had fallen in the room and also in Ellen herself. At the moment she felt very foreign to herself but also quite undisturbed by this. She watched what was left of the Akuma through the moving monocle in front of her cursed eye.

"Tell me one thing, Akuma," Ellen spoke up after a while. "Who has sent you here? Who has given you the order to come and get me?"

"Who…? Me…?" the Akuma croaked, opening its eyes to stare at Ellen, "Ha ha ha! If you spare me I will tell you!". Ellen looked at it calmly, then she narrowed her eyes slyly and pulled up the corners of her lips in a beautiful but also dangerously chilly smile.

"Agreed." She replied and the Akuma stared at her in wordless disbelief. Ellen tilted her head to the side playfully and smiled more warmly, invitingly at the Akuma. "Tell me?"

"Pah!" it exclaimed and then it started to laugh like a mad-man. "You don't even think of doing it! You are only playing! You won't let me get away!" It shrieked in sick amusement and bent down as far as it could, nearly touching its metallic head to Ellen's. The white haired girl just widened her grin in a sudden spark of strange malicious amusement that seized her heart. What foreign an emotion it was, was it even her own? Or did the Innocence send this chill, this lust for war and killing Akuma, to Ellen's heart? She did wonder about it shortly, however, she did see no sense in pondering about it too long.

"Ha ha ha!" The Akuma continued laughing despite the bad situation it was in, "It was Master Noah! Master Tyki Mikk!" Ellen was sort of surprised to hear that, despite not knowing why this name seemed slightly familiar. "I wonder what's going on in Edo at the moment?" the Akuma suddenly started to shout, "What about your friends? Master Mikk and four other Noah are with him! And the Earl!!" Ellen widened her eyes in surprise, suddenly all her own feelings were back, the spell of the foreign emotions was broken. Her friends arrived in Japan? And they had to face both Noahs and the Earl?! She had to hurry now. "Alleeeeeeeeeeen? This is quite heavy, right?" Ellen lifted her left hand and put one claw finger on the Akuma's forehead, a white light appearing.

"I thank you," she told the Akuma and pulled her finger down, forming a straight line of light in front of the Akuma.

"Noah's Ark is here. Enter it, Allen. It will take you through the sky, directly to Edo," the Akuma explained and Ellen lowered her head slightly.

"Why do you tell me?" she wondered.

"Why…? Because Master Noah ordered me to… No… Why…" it mumbled and the line of light extended into a cross, enclosing the Akuma in a circle of light. "Somehow… I feel really good!" It sad and smiled before it dissolved. Ellen looked up at the column of light.

"Sleep well…" she said and breathed in deeply, letting out an almost soundless sigh of relief, but also anxiety. Her decisions were made anew. She could not turn back now; she had to go to Edo.

"Walker!" Ellen could hear Bak call and turned herself to the side. When she saw him she smiled.

"Did you see, Mister Chan? I will continue walking forward no matter what wall I will encounter."

-

Ellen sat in a medical room with Wong, while he had a good look at her body.

"It seems that you are quite healthy, Miss Walker. That's good considering you had your body nearly destroyed by the Dark Matter. And your arm is also back," he said and Ellen studied her left arm.

"Well. I am glad. The Akuma is destroyed now, so I hope that Mr. Chan and Foh are well…"

"Aaah. Don't you worry about them, Miss Walker. They are fine and Bak is already working at analysing the Ark," Wong told her and Ellen nodded.

"That is good to hear. I am glad that all went well… And my arm, strange as it might look now, feels much better than it did before…"

"How am I to understand that?" Wong wondered and Ellen smiled at him.

"I cannot really explain but my old arm could feel uncomfortable, as if it was not really a part of my body… Rather a foreign object, but maybe this is better now that I have accepted the Innocence back – and it accepted me as well…". Wong studied the young girl for a while, but then he sighed and put his medical equipment away.

"You should get some rest now, Miss Walker. I will take your seize to the scientists so they can make you a new uniform, your old was in quite a poor shape," Wong said and Ellen laughed cheerfully.

"Yes, that is true! But please, no short skirt!"

"No... I will see to that, you have my word!" Wong replied with laughter.

"Ah Mister Wong, might I ask you something?" Ellen stopped the man when he was at the door. He turned back and looked at her.

"Of course you may. What do you want to know?". Ellen seemed a bit embarrassed and played with her fingers.

"I will need to be honest with a certain person in the near future… I would like to know if…" Wong smiled, which made Ellen turn even redder.

"I understand. Yes, you can tell him that you two will have a child. As far as I can tell it made it through the Akuma's assault," he said and Ellen nodded at him, smiling slightly – unsure whether she should be happy or disappointed. Wong excused himself and after a while Ellen left the room as well. She was quite surprised to find Rofa waiting in the corridor.

"Ah! Miss… Miss… Wa… Walker!" the young woman said, blushing at once. Ellen smiled at her.

"What a pleasant surprise to see you! And please, just call me Ellen," the white haired girl said and Rofa eagerly nodded. "Did you want something?"

"Y… Yes! Bak said that you might want to have some fresh clothes. I wanted to give you some," she offered and almost didn't dare to look at Ellen. She was still closing the last button of her Asian shirt.

"Really? That would be very nice!" Ellen said and Rofa giggled in glee, still blushing. Ellen wondered why Rofa seemed so fascinated by her, but she still felt flattered. Rofa led her into her own room where clothes were already laid out on her bed. "I got you new black trousers and a white shirt similar to those you wore before. I think it must be more comfortable than skirts when you fight…"

"That is very true, thank you for being so considerate," Ellen complimented and Rofa smiled at her. Rofa also handed Ellen a bra and the white haired exorcist slipped into her new clothes, feeling comfortable at once. Despite having a spluttering tomato red Rofa next to her.

"You look great! An English beauty!", the girl managed to say when Ellen was entirely dressed.

"Ah, now you are exaggerating Rofa!" Ellen said in amusement.

"I am not!" the girl pouted, but then she laughed and walked out of the room, "I have to leave now, I need to help in the Science Division! Do you want to come as well?"

"It is where Mr. Chan is, right? Yes, I will come," Ellen replied and followed Rofa out of the room.

-

Ellen was quite surprised when she got in a big hall with a lot of strange objects projecting pictures hanging in the air. Among other things she could see herself smiling at whoever was watching the picture, the new Innocence wrapped around her shoulders.

"Crown Clown," she read out aloud, "this really makes me look like a clown…". Bak turned around and was surprised to see Ellen standing in the door.

"Ah, Walker! Are your examinations over?"  
"Yes! Mister Wong says that everything is fine!" Ellen replied with a smile, still looking at the room.

"And your left arm?" Bak wondered and Ellen turned towards him.

"It is still tingles a bit in my fingers, but I think it will be fine," Ellen said. Bak nodded and then the telephone ringed.

"Branch Leader Bak? We have established a connection to Headquarters," a man next to Bak said.

"Aaah! Right! Good. Walker, I will see you later."

"Yes!" Ellen said with a smile, planning to visit Foh anyway. She didn't really have anything to do now but to wait for her uniform to be finished. She might as well spend her time talking with some people, if she was on her own she would probably be anxious about Edo anyway. Not that she was afraid of the battles that were to come (quite on the contrary, she felt really strong right now) but of the things she would have to say. "Mister Chan?" Bak turned his head towards Ellen and saw her smile at him. "I will mount that Ark, no matter what Mister Li might say", she told him, then she turned around and walked out of the room, looking for Foh.

-

What she found wasn't Foh but the colourful wall painting. It seemed that Foh had returned to that form since she had been quite damaged in the previous fight.

"Hey Walker. It seems as if you have nothing to do," the voice of Foh said as a greeting when Ellen walked up to wall.

"How are you, Foh?" Ellen asked and looked up at the huge colourful gate.

"If I rest for a while then I will be okay again in no time. It will only be a bit boring because I need to wait…"

"Then I will have no other choice but to keep you company for a while!" Ellen exclaimed and walked up the steps sitting down on the uppermost step.

"You really have nothing to do…" Foh snorted, "aren't you leaving soon?"

"Yes, however, I still have some time, I am waiting for the uniform to be finished…" Ellen said, looking up at the ceiling.

"… I see… Well. You must be really anxious to go."

"Why?" Ellen wondered and Foh snorted again.

"Never mind. You are such a strange little girl…!" she exclaimed and Ellen raised her eyebrow, still smiling.

"How mean! Am I really that strange?" Ellen wondered and Foh had to laugh.

"Idiot. Walker… That you love humans and Akuma… That's really crazy!" Ellen had to laugh as well. "I am not trying to preach, but you should stop to think every once in a while…" Foh continued and Ellen looked at the gate, "You have quite a burden on your shoulders because you are an exorcist, and a really powerful one that's for sure. However, you are also just a young girl. Don't rush into things like a beheaded chicken like you did in the previous fight. I know you might not want to hear it – but you are also responsible for the child in you. If you managed to get yourself pregnant, you imprudent idiot, then have at least the decency to try your best!" Ellen was a bit surprised, but after a while she put on a smile.

"Yes… I know… I will set it straight"

"Idiot… Set it straight! I have the feeling that you have no clue what's in store for you! And what to do is not something you need to decide on your own!" Foh argued but sighed after a while. "Ah well. I guess we have to say good-bye now. I am really sleepy."

"Yes, sorry to have kept you awake," Ellen said, rising from the steps.

"A girl like you should be quick to return to the battlefield… A girl like you…" Foh said with something sounding like regret in her voice. Ellen nodded.

"Thank you Foh for all you have done for me," the white haired girl said.

"Just do me a favour", Foh said and Ellen looked up, "greet that boyfriend of yours. He must have it though with such a silly cow to look after." Ellen laughed and shook her head.

"I will! Good-bye Foh! I will miss you!" Ellen said and when she heard Foh's embarrassed snort she left the hall, in good spirits.

-

A few hours later Ellen stood in front of the strange object that was supposed to be Noah's Ark. The butterfly of the Noah she had encountered, still fluttered around the Ark's entrance. Ellen now wore her new uniform, which was quite different in design and material than her first. It showed more of her body because it was tighter, but she still felt rather flat-chested and androgynous - not that she was all too unhappy about it. She didn't need to be a lady on the battle-field – at least she didn't have to _look_ like a lady!

"Walker! Can you come over for a while?" Bak called her and she walked to him. He handed her a golden earring and she blinked in surprise. "Put this on."

"Thank you. But what is this?" Ellen wondered while she tried to attach it to her ear.

"It is a wireless communicator. I am still developing it but it should be enough. Our conventional golems weren't strong enough to work inside of the Ark…" Bak explained.

"_Ellen? Can you hear me?"_ Ellen gave quite a start when she heard Komui's voice emerging from the earring.

"Mister Li!" Ellen exclaimed, "How good to hear of you! What is it?"  
_"What is it she says! Well, I try to slow you down a little bit."_

"How?" Ellen wondered in surprise.

"_Weeeeell. We don't really know if that's the real Noah's Ark. It could be a trap! That's why we will board this Ark together and if it gets to d__angerous I want you to leave it,"_ Komui explained to which Ellen stubbornly shook her head.

"This is out of question. I refuse." Ellen stated quite clearly and Komui had to laugh.  
_"Still the stubborn young lady I see. Good that you haven't changed too much,"_ Komui said cheerfully, _"but listen, Ellen. You are one of my most dear friends. It's clear that I want to protect you. Or are we not important to you?"_ Ellen blushed in embarrassment, but she was also happy to hear such a thing.

"I have understood…" Ellen said, then she turned to Bak, who took her hand to shake it. "Thank you very much for everything," she said and Bak nodded at her. Ellen walked up the stairs to the Ark's entrance, but stopped when she heard someone shouting her name. She turned around and saw the three young scientists running towards her.

"Oh, you three! What is the matter?" Ellen wondered and Rofa held out a deck of cards to her.

"Your cards. One of them was missing so we re-printed it…" Ellen took it gladly, barely able to hide her happiness.

"T… Take care, Ellen!" Rofa said and the two others did the same. Ellen smiled at them and nodded, walking into the strange portal. The last thing she heard was Bak telling her to come back safely. She then heard Komui talking to her:

"_Can you hear me, Ellen? Are you now inside the Ark?"_Ellen dared to open her eyes and was quite surprise.

"My!" she exclaimed what urged Komui to enquire what she saw. "Well, actually I imagined it to look different. All I see are white-washed buildings. Similar like in a Mediterranean town! I am advancing now…" As Ellen was walking on, only Komui's voice and the Noah's tease accompanied her. The Ark was silent, peaceful and empty. "Mister Li…?" Ellen asked into the silence.

"_Hm?"_

"I worry about Linali and the others… If only they are alright…" she said and could hear Komui laugh lightly.

"_Well… If you worry, then how about thinking about good things?"_ Komui suggested but puzzled Ellen with it.

"Good things?" she asked.

"_Yes! For example what you will do once you all get back home safely. I for example will welcome you back and give you and Linali a big hug. And you will get something nice to eat! We will have a big welcome back party!"_ Ellen had to smile_. "And? Can you think of something?"_ Ellen made a thoughtful face but then she nodded at herself and smiled.

"When I get back, I will take a bath with Linali. There will be lots of things to discuss with Rabi! And of course, I will have a nice dinner with everyone! And… When the commotion has died down a little bit… Then I want to take a walk with Kanda…"

"_You miss him, don't you?"_

"Oh, well. I miss everybody!" Ellen said and laughed, "ah, I am glad that I will be able to see everybody again… It has been too long…" She looked at her feet and then, after a while, she lifted her head to the clear blue sky, "way too long…"

-

Ellen was standing at a door, opening it very carefully. The Tease had guided her there and she looked into the darkness beyond the doorstep. She could feel warm air blowing her hair out of her face. However, it smelt strange, burnt metal and wood, the stink of Akuma blood mixed with it. Ellen knew that this was the door to Japan's capital and she dreaded what it might show her. She took in a deep breath and invocated, the fur coat resting on her shoulders, the strange clown mask attached to it. She took one step into the darkness and when she could see again she was in a very strange world. It didn't look like this _Edo_ was a city; she could see one building floating in the air, but the ground was mirror like black material, with dust creeping over it like clouds passing over the ocean. She could see various things going on in this solitude; it must have been fights between the exorcists and the Noahs, but one thing especially caught her attention. A crystal seemed to be growing out of the ground and she could see the Earl next to it trying to attack it. The Earl. This strange creature made Ellen's body shake with terror, but also with rage. Now was not the time to fight him, but she still had to stop him. She rushed forwards and touched the crystal upon which she was granted access to it. She could see Linali tormented by the Earl, but she stopped it by pushing her hand against his face. She leant close to Linali, protecting her.

"Good Evening. Earl". Then the moment was gone and Ellen was again facing the real Earl, her hand grabbing his arm, preventing him from attacking. The strange creature stared at her, his mouth a wide grin.

"A good evening to you too! What a joy it is to meet you again! Ellen Walker!!". The next few moments went as in a blur. The Earl attacked Ellen, but she was fast enough to evade, then the Earl summoned a blade with which he attacked the girl, but she managed to block it with her Innocence arm. "How you look! How you've changed, little princess! And how you remind me of someone!" Without giving further explanation the Earl issued another attack that sent Ellen flying through the air. When she caught herself in mid-air she almost ran into another attack. However, she caught a glimpse of her attacker and widened her eyes, landing immediately.

"Rabi?!" Ellen shouted and Rabi stared at her in shock. "Oh, Rabi it is really you!!" She got up and wanted to run over to him, but out of the dust sprung another attacker she just managed to block with her left arm.

"Iaaah!!" she shouted in surprise as the figure yelled a menacing "DIE!". Just looking past her arm and the familiar blade that was trying to slice her she could see Kanda above her, his hair openly flowing around him. "Kanda?!". Kanda stopped immediately when he realized what or rather who he was actually attacking. As if he had been burnt, he jumped backwards, staring at Ellen as if he was seeing a ghost.

"Bean… sprout…?" Kanda asked and Ellen looked at him quite baffled. She had not expected to see Kanda so soon, however, now that he was here – She wanted to say something to him, but she was interrupted by the sound of Kanda dropping Mugen. She looked down at the ground in surprise, then up at Kanda, when he heard him take a step forward. Before she could react, he already held her in a tight embrace. Ellen was too surprised to react at first, but then she felt him tremble slightly against her frame and heard his irregular breathing.

"Ellen… I thought you were dead…" he whispered against her hair. "I thought I had lost you…!" As surprised as she was, she couldn't help but being deeply shaken as well.

"I am so sorry, I did not want you to worry…" she replied to his silent sobs. She never thought that she would see Kanda cry, but it moved her to a point she could also not help but cry. "I am glad that you are safe…" she said, hugging him as tightly as she could. Kanda let go long after he had stopped crying. He was not even embarrassed about this sudden display of emotions. Ellen laughed gently and wiped away the wet stains on Kanda's face.

"Do I also get a hug?" Rabi asked, also a wet trail still visible on his grinning face and Ellen smiled at him. Rabi rushed at her, hugging her tightly, almost lifting her off her feet. "Aaaah! Ellen! You worry us so much!" He let go of her after a while and looked at Kanda. "Right, Yu?"

"Don't call me that, you idiot!" Kanda hissed, and pulled at Ellen's arm so that she stood near to him. He studied her and frowned, his old grumpy self returned. "Hm. You grew quite a bit since I last saw you…" Kanda remarked and Ellen looked at him. But he was right, she didn't have to look up at him as much as she had to before. "And…" Kanda continued, drawing his hand through Ellen's hair. "Your-" Rabi paled instantly and wanted to start uttering random excuses but Ellen beat him to it.

"I lost my hair in the last fight… It was quite beyond repair… I am sorry…" Rabi mouthed a relieved thank you and Ellen smiled. Kanda was still frowning, but he nodded.

"It doesn't matter. As long as you're alive and healthy. You're still very beautiful…" he said silently, stroking her cheek affectionately.

"Aww. Yu, don't you get embarrassed saying such things?"

"What? I am just stating the truth you idiot!" Ellen laughed, but then she remembered the strange crystal and all the rest.

"The enemies seem to be gone, but what about Linali?" Ellen asked and Rabi widened his eyes.

"Linali!!" They ran over to the crystal, "how do we get her out of here?" Ellen studied the crystal for a while but nothing Rabi did released Linali. "Do we have to wait?". Ellen sighed, but then she extended her hand. Surprisingly the crystal dissolved in a bright light, releasing Linali. Ellen caught her and looked at her.

"Ah, what a relief. She seems to be unhurt," Ellen noticed and handed her to Rabi.

"Young ones! Let us get some shelter!" Tiedoll called and the three walked over to the others who were standing next to a bridge – or what was left of it. It seemed that the Earl's destruction of Edo only reached this far. Ellen greeted everyone and was introduced to the people she didn't know yet.

"It's such a pleasure to finally meet you, dear child!" Tiedoll said emotionally. Ellen smiled at him.

"I feel the same!" Kanda pulled her away a bit and they stood against the other side of the bridge. Kanda studied Ellen again, holding on to her hands, which still seemed small in his. So many weeks lay between today and their last day together. While he had not changed much in these few months, Ellen seemed to be quite different. She looked stronger, she was taller and even though her hair was even shorter her body seemed… rounder, fuller, more feminine. Kanda couldn't deny that he did approved of her appearance. However, it also made him sad that she even had to go through all the hardships, however beneficial they were.

"I… am sorry that I couldn't protect you when you needed me the most…", he started and Ellen shook her head.  
"No… No, do not think like that, Kanda…It is not your fault… I just was not strong enough…," Ellen told him. Kanda remained silent for a while, but then he looked at her left hand.

"You regained your Innocence…" Ellen nodded, and Kanda sighed, "I am surprised that you returned to fight… I would have thought that you would go back to your mother if you had the chance…", he whispered.

"Yes… Yes that is what I could have done… But I was not able to leave you all on your own… I have… responsibilities…" Ellen replied, now feeling a bit uncomfortable. Kanda noticed it and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" he wondered and Ellen nodded hesitantly.

"Kanda… Could I talk to you?" the younger exorcist asked and Kanda nodded, "not here…" Ellen continued and looked around. There seemed to be a road up the slope and a forest behind it. "Let us go up there…" Kanda was intrigued, but he nodded and followed her up the small slope and then they followed a path.

"Don't stray too far you two!" Tiedoll called when he saw them going away. Ellen waved at him and he returned to the others. After a few minutes Ellen stopped and sat down into the grass, looking over the destroyed city. Kanda sat down as well, only looking at Ellen.

"What is it-" Kanda started, but Ellen interrupted him:

"Do you remember the nights we spent together?" she asked and Kanda frowned.

"Of course. How could I forget!" He said. Ellen smiled at him.

"I also cannot forget…" Kanda studied her, but then he put his hand on her cheek and bent down to kiss her gently. She did not resist, but turned her head away after he pulled back. "Kanda… I do not know how I should tell you… I feel bad about it…" Kanda was a bit concerned when he heard that. Ellen's troubled face also worried him a great deal.

„Well. Just say the plain truth… Straightforward works best with me…" he told her. Ellen studied him for a while but then she looked down, sighing deeply.

"Straightforward then…," she mumbled, but then she raised her head, looking Kanda in the eyes. "Kanda. I am with child." Kanda just looked at her as if he hadn't heard right. But then it seemed to dawn on him.

"Oh," was the first thing he said. "I see." Ellen was a bit disturbed by this plain answer, but she had not expected much anyway.

"Just… to clear this up… I have not been intimate with anyone other than you…" she said, quite embarrassed. Maybe she should have chosen a better moment and better words to break the news, but she had not been able to look at Kanda without telling him her terrible secret. And from his reactions she had absolutely no idea what he thought about the revelation.

"Yes. I understand…" Kanda said and took a deep breath which he released in an equally deep sigh. "Then I will need to ask this: do you still remember what I promised you back then, on our first night in Southern Italy?"

"Mm. I do…" Ellen replied quietly.

"I do not go back on my words…" he said and looked at Ellen. "I will do my best."

"Yes… I know. Thank you, Kanda…" Ellen said, bitter tears welling up in her eyes that she blinked away. And it seemed as if both were not happy how this conversation had turned out.

"Yu! Ellen!" they heard Rabi shouting, "Linali is slowly coming to! Hurry up!"

"Oh! Linali!" Ellen exclaimed and Kanda got up on his feet, holding his hand out to Ellen. She took it with a shy smile. He was still holding her hand when they got back down to the bridge but let go of Ellen when she rushed off to Linali's side.

"And? What did you two talk about?" Rabi wondered with a bright grin, but Kanda's grim and thoughtful face wiped the grin right off his face. "You broke up or what?"

"No. Not at all. She told me something important… But I can't help feeling that we both didn't say what we wanted to say…", Kanda said, looking how Ellen embraced the half-awake Linali. Rabi frowned. He had his ideas what this important thing could be, he wasn't stupid after all.

"Then maybe you have to take up the conversation again at a later point. Best when you are alone together, back at home…". Kanda sighed and nodded.

"At least she is alive and I have her back at last. And right now that's all that counts."

-

To be continued

-

**Notes:**

Here we are, the lover and the lady are reunited! I am not sure if the scene was to your tastes because it was not overly dramatic, but still, we had Kanda crying a bit. But I guess under these circumstances he's allowed to (even with Rabi watching, hihi).

I also don't know what kind of reaction to Ellen's condition you expected, or how you thought she would reveal it. I thought that Ellen wouldn't be able to look into Kanda's eyes without telling him that she carried his child. They will of course take up the topic once they get back home!

I would be really interested to know what you thought / think! :3 :3

And I hope you will continue reading also the next year ;3

P.S. I just remembered: I wonder if I should write about Kanda's fight against Skin. Usually I skip everything that Ellen doesn't witness because I only follow her point of view (usually). However, it might be interesting to see what the news about him being a soon to be father change how he fights / tries not to get killed while fighting. We have no clue yet what he thinks, so it might prove to be insightful, however... I hate writing fight scenes... XD XD XD


	35. Kapitel 33 Vows in the White City

**Author's notes:**

I decided that I will write shorter chapters from now on (though this got longer than my envisaged 3500 – 4000 words). I had nobody complain about the length earlier on and I think that frequent updates are worth more than long chapters with a very long wait for you… Yes?

The long wait for this chapter (and also for the next chapter of my other story) is mostly due to a paper that needed to be written and also a slump. I had the feeling that it was no longer rewarding to write because of various reasons… Let0s just say that I got a bit frustrated…

Anyway, this chapter covers the events up to Kanda's fight with Skin (chapter 92 in the Manga).

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 33****: Vows In the White City**

Ellen did not bother to listen to what the exorcists around her were talking about. Linali was constantly slipping in and out of consciousness but she hadn't been awake enough yet to recognize her surroundings. Ellen decided to wait patiently, focussing on her friend.

„It's a pity. First your hair and now Linali's..." Rabi commented, sitting down next to Ellen after having talked to Kanda for a short while. The Japanese also walked over to them, sitting down wordlessly. Ellen immediately felt something clench in her stomach. It was slightly uncomfortable to be near him after what she had said to him. She was not sure if she regretted telling him so soon and so bluntly, but she knew that she would not be able to rest until she knew what he was thinking. However, Kanda had not tried to talk to her after they had been called back. Ellen was on one hand glad but on the other hand she would have liked to have some sort of clearer reaction, no matter what. Something she could interpret better than a mere „Oh". Something which would help her to form further plans. She was glad for Rabi's distracting chatter.

„Yes... That is true..." Ellen mumbled after some time, touching Linali's feverish forehead gently, „I still find it quite surprising that she was able to defeat a Level Three Akuma all on her own... She is really strong..."

„Yes she is... But right now she is unable to control Innocence because she went past her personal limit... That's very dangerous... She was lucky that she is still alive after all that...," Rabi explained and Ellen looked at him in surprise. „She is in a similar situation like you were. I doubt that she is able to fight at the moment..." Ellen thought about that for a while. They were at a disadvantage.

They were in Japan, the Earl's base. It was quite dangerous to advance, especially with Linali not able to fight and defend herself. And even if they were all in perfect health... They were few in numbers and Ellen did not know what kind of forces the Earl had in store for them.

„It is how General Tiedoll says," Kanda commented, looking at Ellen, „the Cross unit should leave as fast as possible."

„Leave?" she repeated in surprise. The dark haired exorcist nodded, looking back down at Linali.

„You must surely be aware that Linali will only be a hindrance. And as I realized, this Miranda is quite exhausted as well, if she stopped her activation the injuries of the Cross unit would return. Imagine what would happen if this were the case when we are engaged in battle with the Earl and the Akuma," Kanda argued. Ellen looked at Rabi who nodded slightly.

„I'm afraid that he's right. We took quite some blows after you disappeared," Rabi informed her and she frowned in concern. She had been very glad to see Miranda again, but she was not entirely aware of her powers just yet.

„This might be the case with them but I am not injured at all. I just regained my Innocence, I have control over it and I have confidence," Ellen replied, raising her eyes to meet Kanda's „I am no longer the weak child I was back on our first missions... I have matured..." Kanda remained silent for a while, but then he shook his head.

„You might have matured over the months, but you didn't come here to die!"

„Of course not, did you?!" Ellen replied forcefully, which surprised Kanda, „I returned to be an exorcist because I need to protect humans and I need to destroy Akuma. I came to Edo because I was worried about you all. I am not stupid, Kanda. I know that one does not win battles by simply advancing when one has the chance to. I know that sometimes it is better to retreat and recover. However," she studied Kanda's face, „how could I retreat when you advance?" Kanda looked at her in surprise. Ellen was not ashamed to have spoken her mind this clearly, on the contrary, she was pretty determined to convince him.

„Beansprout..." Kanda said in surprise.

„Ahh... love is such a beautiful thing. I am envious...!" Rabi chirped and Kanda turned to him, glaring at him in annoyance.

„Shut up you dimwit!" he hissed and Rabi rolled his eyes, still grinning. Kanda snorted then he turned back towards Ellen. „If I can then I will return with you," he told her and Ellen was suprised by the honesty his face showed her, „rather than staying in this wretched country that makes even breathing painful to me because of memory's weight, I prefer to stay by your side anytime. However, if this is not possible then I would rather know you to be safe while I continue fighting..." Ellen was too awed with his kind honesty to even answer for some time, his words making her heart throb painfully. She felt... a strange longing in her to console him, to make him feel better.

„Kanda..." she started, putting her hand over his, trying to find words to express her gratefulness, but they just wouldn't come. She whispered a silent unsatisfying „I understand..." instead.

„Ah, Linali is waking up again!" Rabi said, glad that Linali's awakening could now break through this tension. He was no idiot, he knew humans well enough to be able to read those two. It would be quite simple, he thought, if they would just talk freely. Ellen took her hand off Kanda's and bent her upper body over Linali.

„Linali... Linali," she called gently, smiling when she saw her eyes fluttering open, focussing on her.

„Ellen...?" she asked weakly and Ellen nodded, „Ellen...!"

„Yes... I am sorry that I made you worry. I am back now..." she said, „And... I am sorry to have failed you..." Linali sat up and studied Ellen's face.

„Why are you apologizing...? Is it because of Suman?" Ellen lowered her head, „don't be sad... You managed to save him, I am sure of it. You tried your best..." She reached out her hand and stroked Ellen's hair gently. „I am glad that you are alright and that you are back..."

„I... Linali..." Ellen said, hiccupping slightly, embracing Linali, crying silently in both joy to be reunited with her friend and also because of past miseries.

„Don't cry Ellen. Everything's going to be fine," Linali soothed her, also crying, but smiling gladly. „You're back now...".

„Ah, dear Ellen! Don't cry!" Rabi laughed lightly, rubbing her back, „Yu! Do something!" Kanda snorted, but put his hand on Ellen's head, patting slightly. Ellen had to laugh now and pulled back, still holding on to Linali's hand. „Can't you do that a bit more romantically? Should I show you how it's done?" Rabi teased Kanda who just warned him with an irritated glare. Ellen looked up at Kanda and smiled.

„Thank you," she said and he coughed in embarrassment. Suddenly a chill went through Ellen and in the corner of her eye appeared a light. Linali's hands suddenly slipped out of hers and she disappeared into the floor. For just a split second she could look into the confused eyes of Linali, then her face disappeared in a black star sign on the floor.

„What...?" was the first whisper the white haired exorcist was able to form, but then realization hit her and she screamed in concern. „LINALI!" She reached for Linali's hand but got pulled in as well. She heard shouts but then she sunk into darkness. Here senses were gone, but then they returned just as fast when she heard someone – Kanda – calling her:

„Beansprout!", he shouted and she felt his strong fingers around her hand. They were floating in darkness. Far above she could still see light and some shapes plunging into the dark after her and Kanda. The dark haired man pulled Ellen to him, holding her tight, ready to fend off anything that dared to attack them. Neither was able to talk in this curious situation, but soon they saw light pierce the darkness and they landed in what Ellen soon found to be the Ark. She looked around in amazement, still in Kanda's firm hold, while he also tried to take in the unfamiliar surroundings.

„Where is Linali?" Ellen asked in concern. A loud sound of something hitting the floor and some groans were to be heard and the two whirled around to find a heap of people lying on the ground. Linali was just barely saved from being squeezed by Rabi, who had enough common sense to protect the unconscious girl while the other two had landed on him, still looking dizzy.

„Get off! Get off!!" Rabi wailed and Ellen, letting go of Kanda, found the other two to be Crowley and the young sailor she had learnt to be called _Chao Zhi_.

"Baron! How did you two get pulled in as well?" Ellen asked and helped both up to their feet so that Rabi could breathe again.

"You suddenly disappeared. It was just a reaction…" Crowley said and rubbed his head, Chao Zhi nodded slightly.

"Where are we?" Kanda wondered, walking over to Ellen, hand always on the sword hilt.

"We are inside Noah's Arc. I rode it to come from China to Japan," Ellen told him, "but I wonder why we are here!" Kanda frowned upon hearing her reply.

"Well then, if you rode it – how do we get out again?" Ellen looked at him and then she turned her head around, looking at the various buildings.

"Technically there are doors leading out. It might sound magical, but the doors in this town seem to lead to various places. I remember the door I came from and I know which door leads back to Edo – I can guide you once I see an alley I passed," she replied.

"But what was the point in drawing Linali in? There must be an ambush!" Rabi said and pulled Linali into a sitting position.

"Che! Damn it! There are two people that need protection if we are engaged in a fight!" Kanda hissed in annoyance, "And our movements are restrained because of Linali's damaged legs."

"Then we carry her," Ellen said, countering his angry face with quite a stern one, "we two alone suffice to fight, or have you not improved in the months separating us?" Kanda frowned at her tone, but decided to keep his complaints at bay.

"Ellen's quite head-strong! I told you she would surpass you if you don't pay attention!" Rabi laughed which earned himself a dark glare by his friend.

"This is not a question of superiority!" he shouted and Rabi grinned at him, while Ellen stayed quite solemn.

"No it is not. It is a question of efficiency. We two worked quite well together in the past. I will no longer need to be in your way now, nor will you need to protect me. We can both concentrate on fighting if we must, while the Baron and Rabi protect Linali and Mister Chao Zhi," she replied and it was not hard to guess that Kanda did not really like what she was saying. Ellen had to laugh when she saw his frown, "Why this sour face?", she asked cheekily, "Do you not trust this humble girl to fight well, Mister Kanda?". He gave her a light slap against the back of her head and she laughed in amusement.

"Cease talking like that you silly thing!" He told her and turned away, looking down at Linali, that's when he noticed something sticking out from underneath her. "Oi, Rabi! What's that under Linali?". Rabi looked up at him in confusion, but then he did spot a squeezed pumpkin umbrella. It coughed and opened its carved eyes.

"Ah! Off of me you stinking exorcists, Lelo!" While Rabi pulled Linali away in surprise, Ellen couldn't contain a light squeal of glee.

"My goodness! It talks and moves! How adorable! Kanda! Its face is a pumpkin!"

"I saw that, idiot! Why are you getting so excited over something this stupid?!" the young man asked in irritation. How could that girl be so serious at one moment and change to be stupidly girly in the next?! Honestly, he didn't get it – but because it was Ellen he found it charming.

"Ignoring that, this seems to be some toy of the Earl's. Tell us how to get out of here – where is the exit?!" Kanda said and pulled out Mugen, pointing it at the umbrella's face.

"Toy? How rude, Lelo!", but it trembled slightly at the sight of the blade so close, "t… There is no exit, Lelo…!"

"After a voyage of many years the journey of this ship nears its end." A voice suddenly came from the pumpkin. Ellen immediately recognized it at the Earl's. "Well done, Lelo! It is time to set sails, dear exorcists!". The umbrella trembled and then a huge shape of the Earl emerged, resembling a gigantic balloon. "You will go to the netherworld with this ship!" Once those words were said the town around them started to explode, the buildings crumbling and the ground shaking violently.

"What is happening here?!" Ellen called and took Kanda's offered hand for more steadiness on the shaking ground.

"You should better watch out!" the figure of the Earl said, floating over them, "The download of this area is completed, that is why everything starts to crumble."

"What?!" Rabi asked in a worried tone, while Kanda managed to stay calmer.

"What is it that you plan?" he hissed. The floating form of the Earl slowly moved upwards, out of grasp.

"This world will be sucked into the space between dimensions and disappear! And for you, with your limited scientific knowledge I will explain it like this: Three hours! That is the time you have left to spend in this world!" He said, the roaring of the explosions and crumbling buildings nearly swallowing his voice. "Beautiful girl! You really have some fine friends, have you not? So many of them came! All of them go this road with you. You do not need to be lonely!" Linali, steadied by Rabi glared at the Earl as soon as she realized what his words meant: She was destined to die here – alone – but her friends had tried to save her and were now doomed the die alongside her.

"Earl…!" Linali shouted in hatred, but the Earl's figure paid her no attention. He floated into the air, disappearing with the prophecy that the other humans will soon suffer a similar fate.

"Damn it. We have no choice, let's run!" Rabi suggested and handed Linali to Crowley so that he could help making the road free of debris. Ellen invocated and started guiding them, having Rabi smash the occasional house with his hammer.

"I will try to find the house with the door leading out!" She said, advancing fast, the others following the agile woman.

"But a huge number of houses have already been destroyed! Maybe the door is no longer standing!" Rabi argued.

"No chance!" Lelo said, flying after them, "this Ark is at its limits! It will take you nowhere!". The exorcist tried to ignore it as best as possible, but its constant nagging was hard to overhear. "There really is no exit, Lelo!" A huge explosion in their immediate vicinity shook them violently, forcing them to their knees. "You cannot escape this Ark! You will die here!" Lelo's exclamation hung heavy in the air. If there was no exit, then what? Were they really doomed to die here?

"Were all my efforts to get here and save everybody in vain? Will we really die in a place like this?" Ellen asked herself.

"There is one. An exit! Only _one_ exit!" A voice behind Ellen said and she saw a hand appear next to her head, lightly holding on to an ornamented key. Ellen slowly turned around. "There is an exit", the man repeated. Ellen's eyes fell upon a man that she recognized but had never expected to meet in a place like this. "Boy!" It was the man she had met in the train away from Romania, though, upon closer inspection he seemed quite different. But she was not the only one who recognized him; Rabi and Crowley shouted in surprise.

"It is you, the gentleman we met in the train!" Ellen said in surprise, her voice drowned out the incoherent noises Rabi and Crowley made. The man looked at Ellen through his thick glasses, smiling silently. "Why are you here…?" Ellen asked. Of course, under different circumstances she would have been delighted to meet him again, but now she could not help being suspicious. What was a normal human's business in Noah's Ark? And next to that Ellen felt another kind of familiarity coming from him, but it was not joyful in the least: he seemed to her all at once threatening, dangerous and his presence made her heart beat faster because she felt as if her air had been cut off.

"Silence!" Kanda hissed to Rabi and Crowley. He put his hand on Mugen, "Ellen, get away from him. This man is filled with a lust to kill, no doubt about it!". The man grinned upon hearing that. Slowly he extended his hand and put it on Ellen's head.

"Boy…" He said, generously ignoring that Kanda unsheathed his Innocence, "Why are you still alive?" Ellen widened her eyes, but then the man suddenly moved and smashed his forehead against Ellen's with all his power. "Tell me!!" Ellen turned away, covering her throbbing forehead with her hands.

"You…!" she managed to shriek, but the guy interrupted her.

"Because of you I had to listen to stupid remarks of the Earl and the young ones!" Ellen took away her hand from her watering eyes, but then she widened them in horror when she saw his skin colour changing.

"So you need an exit? I can give you one!" The Noah grinned and wiped away his hair to reveal his stigmata. The exorcists gasped, while Ellen stared up at the man who had attempted to murder her. "The Ark no longer has one, but with Rhode's power we will make one!" A colourful door emerged out of the ground behind him. Ellen recognized it as a door Rhode had used before – back when they were trapped in a strange dimension with Miranda. "How about we continue our little game that we started back in the train? I bet this door against your lives!" Tyki proposed, "But no cheating this time, boy!" He said, glaring at Ellen with a menacing grin.

"What have you planned, Tyki?!" Lelo asked just next to Ellen and she widened her eyes. So Tyki was really the name of this Noah – Tyki, who had robbed her of her Innocence, tried to kill her and sent that Akuma to get her. Tyki… Tyki Mikk. And still it did not come to her why this name was familiar.

"This is the key to Rhode's door. I will give it to you." He said without paying attention to the umbrella. "Think about it! Though you really don't have time left for thinking!" A building fell, separating the exorcists from the Noah, but Kanda caught the key that Tyki threw at them. "I will enjoy this chase! The door will be put on the highest point of this down. If you manage to reach it before the building crumbles you win!"

Another violent explosion made the floor under them crumble.

"We have to find a safe place!" Kanda shouted, "let's run!". Crowley grabbed Linali and all of them ran as fast as they could. To find an area that had not yet been hit by the devastation was not easy to find, but eventually they arrived at a wide road that was not yet shook by earthquakes. They stopped to catch their breaths.

"We have no time to continue running!" Rabi said.

"We have only three hours left if the Earl is to be trusted," Crowley said and Lelo corrected with: "two hours."

"We have no choice. Let us use Rhode's key," Ellen suggested and turned to Kanda, "You have it, Kanda?". He nodded and presented it to her. She breathed in deeply, but then she took it out of Kanda's warm hand.

"Choose any door," Rabi said and Ellen nodded, walking up to one. She put in the key with a nervous hand and with a clack she turned it around. Instead of a lock springing open the door magically changed: its smooth surface was now covered by colourful paintings of rainbows and a butterfly. Ellen turned around, looking at the others; they seemed to be equally tense but ready to continue. The girl put the key into one of her uniform's pockets, then she took in a deep breath.

"Let us make a vow: we will get out of this Ark!" She put her hand in front of her. Rabi nodded and put his hand on top of Ellen's. Linali, Crowley and Chao Zhi did the same.

"Kanda?" Ellen asked, but he only groaned.

"As if I would participate in something this childish!" he snorted. Ellen, having expected this, only laughed a bit uneasily. They lowered their hands and Ellen went to the door. When she stood next to Kanda, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her near to plant a short kiss on her forehead. She blushed and looked up at him in surprise. He was also slightly embarrassed, which was visible by the faint red colour of his cheeks. Ellen had to laugh and pinched him slightly.

"Those two?" Crowley asked in confusion at this display. Rabi laughed and Chao Zhi looked pretty excited just like a young boy spying on a kissing pair.

"Pay them no attention, they are lovers reunited after a long separation!" Rabi chirped. Kanda rolled his eyes and Ellen gave an uneasy laugh. Were they really? Ellen looked up at Kanda but he only looked at her with adoration in his eyes even though he did not smile at her. The older exorcist turned away and pushed the door open, entering before Ellen. She followed him and found herself in a very strange place. It looked magical: there was a barren landscape with high rocks, but the sky was sparkling and colourful. It seemed as if the many rainbows, stars and candy coloured clouds where painted onto the sky with its many moons. Ellen did not let her guard down but she was awed while she tried to take in the impressions of this room.

"I wonder where we are," she said.

"Certainly not outside," Rabi commented. Ellen realized that Kanda had noticed something.

"Kanda?" she asked, standing next to him. He lifted his hand.

"Shh. Be quiet. Someone's here," he told her, loud enough for the others to be alert as well. And indeed. In the distance Ellen could see the shape of a man, just huger. It was a Noah she did not know, so much was clear to Ellen. He looked dangerous and strong. Ellen wanted to get ready to fight, but Kanda beat her to it.

"You go ahead!" he said, evoking surprise in the others, Ellen especially.

"What?"

"Yu, what are you saying?" Rabi asked in wonder.

"That's the guy who's after my General. I already know him. You go on and I will deal with him," he said calmly, drawing and invocating his sword. Ellen was still speechless, but then this room too was shook by an earthquake.

"Oh no!"

"We're still on the Ark!" Rabi said and Lelo agreed.

"The download of this room is not complete yet. If it is, it will dissolve," the umbrella explained and Ellen drew in a sharp breath when she heard that. She looked at Kanda, but he was perfectly calm. She didn't hesitate long and made her decision:

"I will stay with you, Kanda!" she said loudly which earned her a surprised yell from Rabi, but Kanda remained motionless. "You look for the exit. You have to go! We will come later!" she addressed her friends.

"Stop joking," Kanda snorted and glared at her. Ellen got angry at his stubborn refusal to let her fight alongside him. "This guy is my duty."

"Are you insane? As if I would let you fight against this Noah all on your own! This is idiocy!" Ellen shouted, but Kanda wouldn't have any of it.

"If you will not leave, then I won't hesitate to raise my blade against you," he threatened which didn't only shock Ellen, but also her companions.

"How cruel! How can you threaten your lover! She is only worried about you!" Crowley said.

"He's right!", Rabi agreed.

"Shut up you idiots…" Kanda hissed dangerously, then he turned back to Ellen whose lips had formed an indignant pout.

"I will not go." She said with determination.

"You must and you will," Kanda replied forcefully, "I will not discuss this with you. Either you go on your own accord or I will knock you down and then have Rabi carry you away." Ellen stared at him, then she sighed in frustration. Seeing how her resistance faltered, Kanda lowered his sword and looked at her with a milder expression.

"Understand me, Ellen…" he said, but Ellen did not say anything, "don't you trust me to win?". She shook her head.

"The thought of you dying fills me with horror. I feel how my entire body enters into a state of unbearable tension. Kanda – you cannot die! What would I – What would I do with you gone? My whole existence would be doomed…!" She hissed, not loud enough for her companions some meters off to hear everything she said. They kept out of this and the opponent – having already decided to fight Kanda - was in no hurry to stop their discussion seeing how the outcome was already clear. Kanda seemed a bit surprised by the vehemence of her desperation, but he could understand her. This was of course a matter of emotion, but more than this it was a matter of social survival for Ellen. If he died without having married her then she would give birth to an illegitimate child. And the shame of that, Kanda knew, would be unbearable for Ellen's family.

"Ellen…" Kanda said and the girl looked up, unshed tears in her eyes, "I do not plan on dying here. In you I have a reason to survive…" He lifted his hand and patted Ellen's head. "Trust me. And now go, I cannot fight if you stand in my way!". Kanda turned away and faced his opponent, who immediately charged up to fight.

"Ellen! Come! He has made his decision!" Rabi urged her, and pulled at her arm. Reluctantly she turned away and followed the others to another house.

"Kanda! If you do not follow then you have a stern scolding to expect from me!!" she shouted and he nodded at her with a slight grin, then she opened the door to a new room. One last glance and then she shut it. With the door closed after her, she clenched her fingers around the handle, resting her forehead against the glass.

"Ellen… You have to trust in Kanda…" Rabi told her, putting his hand on her shoulder. Ellen nodded.

"I do. Of course I trust him… However… Shutting this door after me…," she whispered, but then she shook her head and looked on, "let us go. We have to find the door as fast as possible!" The others nodded at her and the started to follow the dark, seemingly endless corridor. And every once in a while, even after the door was no longer visible, Ellen turn her head around. No matter how much she trusted Kanda, she could not get rid of the feeling that whether he would come back to be a part of her life or not depended solely on her.

_To be continued._

**Notes: **

I don't think I will cover Kanda's fight with Skin. We already know that he is aware of his "responsibilities". I'm glad that I'll be able to skip a lot of fighting ;3

Other then that:

We got some more Kanda-Ellen interaction. It's been a long time and I wonder what you think about it. Drop me a review / PM / whatever suits you best so I know if you like it or not! :3


	36. Kapitel 34 On the Stairway

**Author's Notes:**

Ahaha, I am back with a quite short transition chapter! I am so happy that DGM returned that I thought I must share my happines! But somehow this chapter is not the best I could have done. It has both Jasdevi (Jasdebi whatever they are called! Grr) and a lot of talk about relationships*lol*. But as I said, it's very short... but yeah, in exchange the wait between last chapter and this update was shorter, right?

I hope you can enjoy this :D

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.**

* * *

**Kapitel 34: On the Stairway**

Ellen knew very well that now was not the time to be worrying about Kanda. Ellen did trust in his abilities as an exorcist, but she was still very afraid. Both for his and her sake.

"Ellen you shouldn't look so gloomy. Yu will do fine, he's incredibly strong. Even a Noah won't bring him down," Rabi said, trying to cheer her up.

"I do not doubt his strength… But what if he runs out of time?" Ellen asked, turning back to look into the dark corridor. Rabi's grin slipped and he fell in thoughtful silence.

"We have been walking in this corridor for more than half an hour, I wonder when we'll see the exit," Crowley said.

"We have less than two hours left before the Ark will get swallowed up…" Linali said and Lelo affirmed this. Ellen continued to walk after them, always casting a look behind her, but after a while she stopped.

"Mylady? What is it?" Crowley wondered when he heard her stop and the others turned around as well.

"I thought I heard something…" she said, staring into the darkness.

"You heard something? And what could it be?", Crowley asked and Ellen frowned.

"As if… something was breaking apart…" she said and indeed the noise was to be heard loudly. And suddenly the ground started to break. They all screamed in fright and ran, which didn't prove very helpful as the path just crumbled after them in a higher speed than they managed to get away from it. Crowley took the matters into his hands, grabbing all the exorcists and dashing off with his power augmented by the Akuma blood he had taken with him. With his help they actually arrived at the end of the corridor and sped through a wide window-like opening that led to a huge room filled with book-shelves. The Romanian exorcist let the others down and they were free to take in their new surroundings.

"This must be a place of the Ark that has not been downloaded yet…" Ellen mused and Lelo – who had held on to Crowley – confirmed that once again.

"It looks like a huge library!" Rabi observed and looked around. In the middle of the strange room stood a big monument and from there came a loud noise. Upon looking up the exorcists found two young adults sitting there.

"Hey you exorcists!" shouted the dark haired boy, "I'm Devit!"

"Jasdero!" the long haired blonde added loudly, "together we are Jasdevi!". Ellen widened her eyes when she beheld them and the strange clothes they wore. It was clear though that those two must be Noahs, therefore she was on her guard.

"Allen Walker!" they shouted and Ellen looked at them in wonder.

"We have absolutely nothing against you! But we have something against Cross! And as his pupil you will pay for that!!" they shouted and pointed their guns at her, shooting at her. She evaded rather clumsily because she was confused by what the two just said.

"One moment please! You are talking about my master?" But the two Noahs wouldn't listen to her and continued attacking her with strange magical bullets. She managed well to evade and even counter, but it was getting tedious to run around like that.

"If they speak about my master then this means that he is alive and well I presume," Ellen concluded while readying herself to block yet another attack. However, she did not have to as Rabi and Crowley stepped in front of her, fending off the attack.

"Always attacking Ellen! I won't allow that!!" Rabi shouted in anger and they send the attack straight back at the twins.

"Nobody is allowed to harm Miss Walker!" Crowley added.

"Thank you…" Ellen said with a smile at her two saviours. The Noahs just made the attack disappear and studied their opponents.

"_Miss_ Walker then!" Devit roared, "you look rather plain for a girl!"

"Plain! Hee! Yes!" Jasdero added with laughter. Ellen, despite not being vain, did get angry at that.

"Plain you say!? Who are you to talk about outward appearances?!" Rabi had to laugh at that and the flustered looks of both the Noah boys and Ellen.

"Now, now… Don't get angry about this…!" he said and she frowned at him, pouting slightly.

"Jasdevi! What are you even doing here! Shouldn't you be looking for Cross, lelo?!" the umbrella spoke up which earned it a rain of bullets from the twins.

"Idiot! We have looked everywhere for this Cross, you stupid umbrella! He is nowhere to be found!!" Jasdero said.

"And the Earl says that he might plan to take the Ark, that's why we're here!" the dark haired youth added, then they both pointed at Ellen.

"And during the time we are waiting we spend our time with his pupil!! And while we're at it she can pay her master's debts!!", the shouted in irritation.

"Debts? What are they talking about?" Ellen wondered aloud but neither Rabi nor Crowley had an idea what the two meant.

"This stupid bastard has left us bills everywhere we went, expecting us to pay them!" Devit said and Ellen frowned, "and now YOU have to pay for him!". They pointed their guns at Ellen for another round of attacks but she was rather calm now.

"Oh. I see..." she said and the twins glared at her, not yet attacking.

"You _see_?! That's not just some inanities we are talking about!! All in all his debts are more than 4000 pounds!! And you will pay every penny of it little Miss! And if you can't pay with money you will pay with blood!". Ellen sighed. It's been months since she left Cross, but what he had said to her back then (that she would need to sell her body if her money wasn't enough) still was firmly set in her memories. Fortunately she did not have to do that yet. But this situation seemed almost comical. It was no surprise to her that Cross would dump his bills on everybody else – but to go as far as make the enemy pay…? That really was something.

"That master… How terrible of him…" she said, but then she looked up at the two Noahs, "but I will pay all of it. You will not need to worry about it. Hand me the bills and I will take care of it." Not only the boys but also her fellow exorcists where simply amazed at what she said.

"What? You'll just pay 4000 pounds?! That's a fortune! Even for a rich girl such as you" Rabi shouted but Ellen laughed lightly.

"My family is wealthy. It is no problem. So hand me these bills," Ellen said and held out her hands to the Noah boys.

"You're quite a haughty girl!" Devit said, but he tossed her the bills, "but take them! And pay them or else!!" Ellen rolled her eyes and put them inside of her pocket.

"Fine. Now, let us continue, we cannot afford to waste time here!" Rabi urged them on, but was stopped by a bullet just hitting the ground next to his feet.

"No, you go no where. The young lady may go on for we need her to pay that crap, but nobody said anything about you!" Devit shouted.

"Exactly! Hee! We don't want to be bored, so we'll kill you while we wait!!" Jasdero said.

"No! I will not allow that!" Ellen shouted and wanted to attack them, but Crowley stopped her.

"I will engage them in battle. You go ahead," he said and Ellen looked up at him in surprise.

"Baron! That is not necessary!"

"It is necessary! We don't have time to waste on them!" Crowley argued and squeezed her shoulder, "you must go!". At that moment the ground shook and the floor started to crack.

"Ellen! The download of this room has started!!" Rabi shouted. Ellen looked at him, then up at Crowley.

"Please, let me do you this favour," the exorcist pleaded and Ellen lowered her head.

"Ellen!" Rabi urged and grabbed Linali who was also resisting.

"As if we would let you get away!" the twins shouted and started attacking, but Crowley sheltered his friends.

"Go now!" Ellen hesitated, but then she nodded and ran off, up to the monument which had a key hole.

"No! We can't let Crowley fight on his own! There are two opponents!" Linali protested as Ellen turned the key in the lock and the door opened. "Ellen!" The girl pressed her lips together, but then she grabbed Linali's wrist and jumped into the door, Rabi, Chao Zhi and Lelo following.

"Ellen! Why?! We can't leave Crowley alone! The room is breaking apart! We have to help him!" Linali shouted on the verge of tears, "we have to stick together!"

"Linali!" Ellen replied loudly, putting both of her hands on Linali's shoulders. When the other girl stopped struggling Ellen let out a sigh of relief. "Listen to me. We have to continue now. Everything will be fine. We will all return home together."

"E… Ellen…" the girl whispered and Ellen smiled kindly.

"You have to believe… Of course it is hard to let them fight by themselves. You can imagine how I felt when I had to leave Kanda. And it was the same with the baron. But we have to accept their decision to fight. They fight to give us time, to protect us…"

"Yes, because we all want to make it out of here – together!" Rabi spoke up and Linali sniffed slightly but then she nodded. Ellen wiped away the tears on her friend's face.  
"You are usually strong Linali. Right now we need you to hold on to your strength. We need all our capacities!"

"Yes… Thank you… All of you…" she said and the others nodded. They looked around and made their way through the darkness up to a path of light that looked like stairs.

"Ellen… you…" Linali spoke up after a while and the white haired girl looked over her shoulder. Linali blushed slightly when she saw Ellen's attentive gaze on her.

"What is it?"

"I… I am a bit embarrassed to ask… But…"

"Why would you need to be embarrassed over something?" Ellen laughed lightly while following Rabi and Chao Zhi. Linali hesitated a bit, but then she mustered her courage to ask:

"You and Kanda… Are you really lovers?" Ellen blinked at her and coloured as well.

"Linali!" Ellen muttered and looked ahead.

"There is no need to get embarrassed over something like this. Of course they are lovers Linali! I bet you must have noticed from the start!"

"From the start!" Linali exclaimed somewhat indignant. "Unfortunately Ellen must have forgotten to tell me that they tightened their relationship! Ellen did tell me about Kanda's confession but she also claimed that they were not a couple!" Ellen, visibly uneasy about the sudden topic, coughed slightly. "Are there other things that you did not tell me?"

"I am sorry for being a bad friend, Linali. But there are certain things that I am not really comfortable with. And I was not lying – Kanda and I never decided to be lovers!" Linali frowned, but she was not as angry as Ellen thought she was. "Please, dear Linali, do not be cross with me!"

"But I am cross, Ellen! You are my friend and we even promised that we will be as sisters! Why don't you tell me such important things! If I had a boyfriend, I would tell you immediately!" Ellen was still quite flustered and there was no distraction to be found. They still continued walking ahead undisturbed and everybody (even Chao Zhi who didn't really know what this was all about) was keen on talking about Ellen and Kanda's relationship.

"Really, you people! Can we not talk about something different now that Kanda and Crowley are fighting? This really does not feel like the right moment to discuss my relationship!"

"What? Don't say such things! Would you rather just walk in silence? This place is creepy enough!" Rabi exclaimed and looked around. They were still walking in darkness, on white stairs that seemed suspended in nothing. Truth to be told, Ellen really wasn't so keen to walk around here, especially not in grave silence.

"No, but –" she tried to argue and let out a little wail, "not about Kanda and me!!"

"But that's what interests us," Linali told her, "everything else seems to be depressing, why not talk about love?" Ellen looked slightly crestfallen when she heard that, which Linali did notice. "Ellen?"

"Uhm… I do not want to disappoint you, Linali, but for me it is slightly depressing to think about it…" she said silently.

"Huh? How come?" the Chinese girl asked in wonder. Rabi, knowing well enough what it was about did not try to vex her with questions of his own.

"It is not as if I did not like Kanda. He is a good man but…" she sighed and continued in a mumble "he does not match me…". Linali frowned at that while Rabi wrinkled his nose in slight irritation.

"What are you talking about? Of course he matches you! You complement each other! What he lacks you have and what you lack he makes up for!" Linali argued, but Ellen refused to reply.

"It's not about personality," Rabi finally spoke up and Linali turned to look at him, "it's about status." Ellen heard his scornful tone and look at him both with surprise and worry. "Don't look at me like that Ellen. You know I support you in whatever you do, but I have to take Yu's side as well! You're too stiff about your whole relationship –stiff enough to follow rules but now that it's time that you accept responsibility you want to back down?"

"Rabi…" Ellen said in a slightly hurt voice, but she was more surprised that Rabi actually seemed to _know_. Linali and Chao Zhi were quite puzzled and Lelo politely kept out of the whole matter.

"Please. Let us not talk about it now," Ellen asked and shook her head, "I want to keep my spirits up, there is still some fighting to do…" Rabi snorted, but he agreed. Ellen held out her hand to Linali, who looked at her in wonder.

"Give me your hand, to walk seems to give you trouble…," she said kindly and Linali accepted it. But when Ellen closed her fingers around Linali's palm the older girl noticed the slight tremble of her friend's hand.

"Oh Ellen… What is it that you just cannot tell me about?" she wondered sadly, but she respected Ellen's wish to stop talking about it for the moment and silently followed the younger exorcist. Rabi watched the two girls walking ahead. Of course he was both angry and disappointed with Ellen but he still felt very sorry for her. She was incredibly troubled because she had to apply the rules of her class and her mother to a situation she was not yet prepared for. But because she never openly talked about her problems and only alluded to them and stopped talking once it got too private, nobody would be able to help her.

"You're such a fool, Ellen…" Rabi thought, "you have so many friends to help you, yet you refuse to be helped…". He shook his head and looked at Linali whose steps were getting slower and wobbly. "Linali? Are you okay? Do your legs hurt?"

"I… am a bit out of breath but it will be okay. I'll manage – after all you took me by the hand, Ellen," she said with a smile and Ellen returned it.

"Being a girl sure is nice… You can hold Linali's hand all you want without worrying about Komui!" Rabi exclaimed and Ellen had to laugh at that, "why don't we exchange places!" Linali didn't really hear much of what the two said because she was absorbed in her own troubling thoughts. But all of them were so brave, she too, even if she could no longer control her Innocence, cannot give up now!

"I must pull through!" she said and blushed when she realized that she had spoken it aloud.

"Pull through? You are in pain then Linali!" Ellen said and Rabi, who just wanted to exchange places with Ellen put both of his hands around Linali's.

"Let me carry you!" he said and Linali backed off slightly.

"N… No! You got it all wrong! I was just thinking that I would need to train again once we're back home!" she tried to explain but it only earned her a frown from Rabi.

"What kind of things are you thinking! There's no sense in filling your mind with worries!" Linali wanted to agree in order to appease Rabi, but he continued: "you have to think more sexy thoughts or you'll never get yourself a boyfriend!!"

"Rabi!!" Both of the girls shouted. Ellen stomped her foot on Rabi's boot.

"Don't be so cheeky!" she said and Linali grabbed Rabi's collar.

"That's none of your concern!"

"Ouch! Girls! Stop!" Rabi wailed and blushed when he looked at Linali. "I… I know that it's not my business... who your boyfriend is I mean. Or actually if you… have any. You know…" He was quite flustered and Linali looked at him in wonder. Ellen on her part raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Uh… Ellen! What will you do when we get back??" Seeing as Rabi was quite uncomfortable, the girl accepted the change of topic.

"Eating of course," she replied, "everything that Mister Jerry has to offer!". While Rabi and Linali stared at her, Chao Zhi suddenly stared laughing.

"Oh! I… I am sorry! But I never thought that you exorcists would quarrel like ordinary humans do…" he said with an uneasy smile, "how you're joking with each other… But… but what about fear…? Don't you know fear…?" He was still smiling but he trembled. Ellen looked at him and walked up to him, taking his hands into hers.

"We will get home…" she said with a smile and looked to the side where the end of the stairs was visible: it was a huge archway which emitted bright light. "This seems to be our last obstacle. And we will also overcome this." She turned back to Chao Zhi. "If we are afraid we think of something funny to cheer us up. Everything will turn out fine…" She squeezed his hands and he nodded, crying slightly. Upon hearing that Lelo couldn't keep silent anymore.

"You are always happy it seems! Don't you understand that you stand no chance, lelo?!"

"You are mistaken, Lelo" Ellen said and the umbrella was surprised to be addressed by her. "I wish for us all to go home," she continued and then her smile changed into a look of determination, "And no matter how hopeless it seems, I will not give up! Never!" And after she had said that she smiled again – and it was a smile that convinced Lelo that she meant everything she said, that this girl was someone everybody could trust in. She really was strong. There was something about her that even Lelo admired.

Rabi watched Ellen climb the last steps. He worried about her. She had changed. Her willpower was nearly intimidating. Had so much changed because she regained her clown like Innocence? The girl invocated and stepped into the light and Rabi had to hold up his hand in front of his eye. She was dazzling in her power, determination and beauty.

"But it seems that you, Ellen, could vanish – like the light…" Rabi thought and they all followed her into the uncertainty of what lay beyond the door.

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

I had to stop here because the next scene would be too long! The next chapter will probably be longer because it deals with the Ghostly Banquet scene with Tyki and Rhode. :3 Let's see what I can make of it!

I was unsure about making Rabi angry with Ellen - but I was glad I wrote it because it's time for Ellen to get some second opinions. But I still feel bad for Linali to be left out. Ellen, Ellen *shakes head*

P.S. I don't like the twins – yet. Sorry for their short appearance. X3


	37. Kapitel 35 Raise Your Arms We Dance

**Author's Notes:**

I was a bit troubled with this chapter. As I lamented before, I have a hard time writing battle scenes and then this scene between Ellen and Tyki was even worse...

The title seems strangely familiar, I wonder if I've already used it before or seen it somewhere... *sweat* It's certainly a phrase I used before because it is so charmingly ambivalent.

In the end the chapter didn't turn out as lengthy as I thought it would. I didn't write out the fight because I didn't have the patience to and it wouldn't have contributed much to the story. I hope it does not seem too rushed because of the skips.

This chapter is on one hand not all too kind on Tyki but on the other hand it contains some hinted at Tyki - Ellen vibes. I must apologize to those who don't like that w (and to Kanda because he doesn't appear in this chapter).

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 35: Raise your arms – we dance**

Ellen stepped through the door not knowing what kind of ordeal would await her and her companions. She did however not expect to be greeted by a loud voice and a small person throwing their arms around her neck.

"Ellen!!" The girl almost stumbled back but managed not to fall down. The weight attached to her was no other than the Noah Rhode Camelot.

"Rhode…!" Ellen said when she recognized the girl – who was in her white form and thus a bit more agreeable to Ellen. The girl giggled in amusement but then she planted a loud kiss on Ellen's cheek.

"What… What are you doing?!" Ellen asked in surprise but Rhode merely grinned at her, kissing her other cheek. Rabi and the others were also too shocked to see a Noah kiss their friend to say anything decent. Lelo on the other hand knew very well how opposed it was to such a display.

"You can't do that, Miss Rhode, lelo!" it shrieked flying at Rhode, so that the girl had to let go of Ellen, "you must not kiss exorcists!!"

"Ah, Lelo! There you are!" Rhode said with a smile not at all impressed by the umbrella's anger.

"Ellen? Ellen are you alright??" Rabi asked, shaking the confused exorcist.

"Of course I am! It was just a kiss," Ellen said but couldn't help blushing slightly.

"Rhode, what the hell are you doing?" a voice said and Rhode ran off. For the first time Ellen looked up to take in their surroundings. They seemed to be in a hall that had no walls, but columns carrying the ceiling. In the middle stood a very long table and a few chairs. Only one of them was currently occupied. Ellen's breath hitched in her throat; it was that Noah, Tyki Mikk! He seemed pretty shocked by Rhode's behaviour, incredulously staring at the girl.

"Do you like that boy that much? I never saw that you kissed anyone beside the Earl." Rhode laughed and walked up to Tyki, standing next to him.

"You won't get a kiss from me!" she teased and Tyki snorted.

"As if I wanted one!" he replied. Ellen tried to calm herself down. She could never feel at ease in Tyki's presence; she had not forgotten the shock of nearly dying by this man's hand. Tyki Mikk… Ellen studied him and he studied her with a grin on his face.

"Well, boy?" Rabi noticed how Ellen's face lost its colour.

"Ellen? Hey, what's the matter?" Rabi wondered, "you don't need to be afraid, we'll show them and then we can go home!". Ellen snapped out of her thoughts and tried to smile at Rabi.

"Y… Yes. Of course. Excuse me…" she replied.

"Look at you,too afraid to sit down? I'm hungry, boy!" Tyki said maliciously and started eating without waiting for a reply.

"You idiot," Rhode snorted and started laughing, which had Tyki stop eating for a moment to frown at the other Noah. "You really are dumb, Tyki! Haven't you realized yet that your _Allen Walker_ is in fact a girl?!" Tyki widened his eyes to stare at Rhode, then he put his fork down to stare at Ellen. He suddenly rose, hands on the table, eyes still fixed on Ellen.

"You are a _girl_?!"

"Man, this guy is really stupid," Rabi whispered to Ellen and she huffed.

"I regret that this realization on your part comes so late Lord Mikk, but it is a fact: Yes, I am a woman and never did I claim otherwise," she told him. Tyki was still speechless, but he regained his composure after a while. For him not to have realized that he nearly killed a girl while he had his hand stuck in her chest, that really was a bit embarrassing.

"My deepest apologies," he said with a malicious glint in his eyes, "then can I ask you to join me in this dinner?"

"Thank you Lord Mikk, but I have to refuse," she said, not jokingly as he did, but very seriously, "we will eat when time allows it." Tyki sat back down and took up fork and knife. Rhode had placed herself in the middle of the long table observing Ellen with great interest – here and there she still snorted and giggled, commenting on how dumb Tyki was, which he just ignored, but not without blushing in embarrassment and annoyance.

"What time are you speaking of? You have nearly no time left!" Tyki replied after a while.

"Why don't you take a look at the splendid view from this tower?" Rhode suggested with a smile. Ellen widened her eyes but then she dashed off to the edge of the tower. She gasped in shock, overlooking what was left in terror.

"Ellen! The town! It's disappeared!" Rabi shouted when he and the other two had joined Ellen.

"Maybe we have an hour left." Rhode said, "Only this tower remains. Everything else has crumbled and vanished." Ellen still stared at the nothingness around the tower.

"That cannot…" she whispered, "no!" If everything had been downloaded then what had happened with Crowley, what had happened with Kanda? Ellen was unable to move, neither could she formulate words. If it was gone, if he was gone…! She snapped out of her stupor when the loud noise of shutting doors was to be heard. Rhode stood in front of the door they had previously entered and chains locked it.

"Sit!" she ordered with a grin. With the door closed there was no way back; they could only advance.

"Take a seat!" Tyki demanded, "or are you scared?" After the shock came the rage. Ellen stared at Tyki with all the contempt she could muster, then she left her friends and walked over to the table. She smashed her Innocence hand flat on the table's surface, then she sat down at the head of the table, her grey eyes still fixed on Tyki's face.

"Excuse my manners," she hissed, then she put both of her hands on her lap and waited while the others also took seats next to her.

"Well, b – I mean girlie," Tyki started, correcting himself with a cough. Apparently this revelation was a bit uncomfortable for Tyki for God knew what reason. Ellen did not pity him.

"You can keep calling me whatever you wish, but may I remind you of my name? It is E-"

"I know, I know. _Ellen Walker_!" Tyki said with an amused snort, "really, you're quite a strange girl! No wonder that I didn't notice earlier!"

"It IS a wonder, most people get it right after a few days," Rabi muttered which had Rhode roaring with laughter.

"Our Tyki is really stupid! He can't even tell boys and girl apart, it comes as no great surprise that you have no girlfriend!"

"Shut up, Rhode!" Tyki hissed in slight embarrassment that he tried to conceal by sipping wine. While the Noahs were really calm the exorcists were tense and didn't utter one word even though Tyki's ignorance was funny to some extend.

"Why the long faces? There are no traps and I play no games with you!" Tyki exclaimed and sighed dramatically. Rhode jumped from the table and walked over to Ellen, hugging her which Ellen commented with an uneasy frown.

"Everything's alright, Ellen! The exit is on the roof of this tower!" she said and Ellen looked at her, managing to smile.

"Then I do hope that it really leads outside," she replied and Rhode smiled sweetly. Ellen turned back to Tyki, "what was it that you wanted to discuss with me Lord Tyki Mikk?" Here she put on an uncharacteristic sneer, "however, it seems that you do this title no honour. You are a homeless, uneducated, vagabonding thief and not nobility." Tyki laughed at her haughty tone.

"Why so snappish, girl? What would you know about nobility?" he wondered.

"I AM nobility," Ellen hissed and now that Tyki raised his eyebrow in surprise, she grinned shortly, triumphant that her status gave her some sort of satisfaction - even though it would not help in the battle to come.

"HA!" Tyki exclaimed in amusement, "quite a fine girl you are! You, a _noble and female_ exorcist, stripping me, a Noah, to my undergarments! This has never happened before!" he laughed while Ellen remained silent, "I am sure that it was fate that brought us together!"

"I do not believe in fate when it comes to us, Lord Mikk. And you are not the only one that was stripped down to his underwear when faced with my card game ability," she said in a flat tone which took Tyki by surprise.

"What kind of girl are you!?" Ellen didn't deem it necessary to reply to this question and raised her left invocated arm.

"This is actually about my Innocence, my left arm, am I correct?" Ellen asked and Tyki grinned darkly before he let himself fall back into his chair.

"To tell you the truth this was quite a shock for me. I was absolutely sure that I had destroyed it," he said.

"However, you did not succeed. It is still here," Ellen said and smiled thinly, looking straight into Tyki's eyes.

"Well? Has this Innocence sparked your interest now, Tyki?" Rhode asked and Tyki put his elbow on the table and his chin into his hand, studying Ellen with interest.

"Indeed, yes. Well, girl! The tease have eaten a hole into your heart and still you are alive. Is that also because of your left arm?" But before Ellen could reply something to that she heard the shrieks of Rabi and Linali.

"Your heart?!" Rabi shouted wide-eyed.

"We didn't even know! It was that bad?!" Linali added while Ellen just tried to smile at them. Of course she hadn't said anything about that, it was rather clear how worried those two would react. Rhode did her the favour and explained:

"A piece of her Innocence had fused with her heart, no doubt about it!" she said. Ellen was distracted from the two by hearing the sound of a match being lit. Tyki had put a cigarette into his mouth, lighting it.

"Rhode. Could you now let go of the girl?" he asked calmly but Rhode just held on to Ellen like a young child might hold on to her mother or a toy.

"Whaaat?! But I love Ellen!" she exclaimed what earned her an outraged shriek by Lelo.

"Please," Ellen started uneasily, "your love is wasted on me, I am an exorcist and you are a Noah."

"Why should that matter?" Rhode wondered with a cheeky grin. Ellen did not reply, but only took Rhode's hands off, then she took hold of her and put her down on the floor.

"It does matter, Rhode. I could like you, but you are cruel…" she said gently and Rhode seemed a bit puzzled to hear her say such a thing. It was clear that Ellen had not yet forgiven her for what she did back in Germany, and probably never would. But Ellen turned away from her and looked at Tyki, who had stood up. He acknowledged her with a steady look.

"The scenario of the Earl… You must know that until now I only took part in it for fun… But one has to be really evil, otherwise it won't work. Thanks to you I have recognized that." He blew out the smoke, then he looked at Ellen with a serious expression. "Destruction? I think both of us are dead serious about it, right?" Ellen, seeing a movement near Linali in the corner of her eye, reached out and pierced both the seat and a tease butterfly with her claw.

"Tyki Mikk," she hissed, glaring at him darkly, "allow me to say something as well." Linali widened her eyes as she realized how Ellen had saved her from harm. "If you continue to threaten my friends, then I might really have to kill you!" She took away her hand and with both grace and determination she put her feet on the table, standing between the plates, crystal glasses filled with wine and the food. "Linali," she said and the girl stared at Ellen with wide eyes, not knowing the fierce and hot-tempered side of her aristocratic friend. "Have faith! I will take care of him."

"Well, you should know that I have nothing against you, quite on the contrary! Now that I see you standing erect like a goddess among the banquet I prepared just for you, I am almost bewitched!" Tyki exclaimed. Ellen huffed in indignation, but then she rushed forward, meeting Tyki with her Innocence ready. He blocked her attack and looked right into her face with a grin. "So might I ask this dance?" Ellen, despite being enraged, smiled.

"With pleasure, Lord Tyki Mikk!"

-

Ellen had not attended a formal dance yet as her mother hadn't dared to introduce her into society just yet. But Ellen had witnessed public dances with her late uncle and she knew how thrilling it could me. Ellen also knew how to fight, she knew the horrors, the rush of emotions, the beating of the heart. Right now it was a mixture of both: she was afraid of Tyki Mikk, but she was also fast losing this fear in favour of going all out in battle. And next to this, their attacks did seem rather like a dance as Tyki kept evading gracefully, taking hold of Ellen's hand to swirl her around. Ellen let it happen. She was both high on adrenaline from the constant danger and also strangely excited by his beautiful face and graceful movements.

"What goes through your mind, girl?" Tyki wondered, holding on to her. She looked up into his face and put her Innocence hand on his shoulder, ready to pierce his skin. He pushed her away, while still holding on to her hand, continuing to mock a dance. "Are you happy that we are about to kill each other? I can't tell from your poker face, so please enlighten me!" he said with an amused grin. He pulled her back, also trying to attack her, but she blocked easily.

"Happy? Do not make me laugh, Lord Mikk!" she replied and pulled away, breaking the contact. When she looked up at him her face was not happy or void of emotion. "I am sad. When we first met, you were such a pleasant human being. I liked you from the start." She told him and he smiled at her. "It would be wonderful if you always were like this…". Ellen raised her claw, ready to attack again, "and that our dance would not have to end deadly…". Tyki grinned, then he spread his arms making uncountable carnivorous butterflies appear. He did not reply and Ellen knew that now they had fooled around for long enough. Now she would have to focus all of her concentration on her attacks. Ellen acted on instinct and fought without thinking too much, but then a shrill cry shattered her concentration:

"RABI!!" Ellen whirled around and tried to see what was going on, but then she had to block an attack from Tyki.

"You should better focus all of your attention on me!" he told her and she glared at him and tried to attack him, but he jumped away, coming to a halt in mid-air.

"Ah right, you were able to penetrate any matter," Ellen remarked and he grinned down at her.

"Correct! I can even walk on air if only I want to!" The white-haired exorcist was not too impressed by it. She just lifted her hand, attaching her clown belt to the ceiling. This way she pulled herself up at an equal height as Tyki, but then she readied herself for a big attack. When she met Tyki a big explosion made the white tower tremble. Tyki, even though he was still grinning, was more serious in his attacks now, some of them hitting Ellen's body. Even though she could deal with the pain, she was getting short of breath quite fast, but she continued fighting just as fiercely as he did. Even a surprise attack of many tease could not hurt her as she simply protected herself with the coat of her Innocence. When all of the butterflies were destroyed she could see Tyki standing some meters away from her.

"A full body armor I see. White Akuma would fit better than Clown, girl!" Ellen didn't reply, "One could get scared seeing that! I told you that I don't hate you – but I will destroy that Innocence once again!" A shiver went through Ellen as she saw him get ready for another attack. She knew that he was preparing to destroy her Innocence and the recollection of that terrible night made her nauseous. She had to prevent this from happening again – but she would not run away because she was afraid, she would _stop_ him! Tyki didn't give her much time to think because he started to rush at her.

"Don't you want to run away?" Tyki asked with his hand outstretched, but Ellen just countered with her claw, trying to withstand the impact of his power. She felt the dark energy that surrounded Tyki like a shield reaching out for her, taking hold of her left arm. "You cannot stop this power! You exorcists cling too tightly to your God! I will free you of it!" Tyki shouted and Ellen saw how her arm started to crack and she nearly faltered with the pain it brought her. "It's useless for a girl to be an exorcist! I will help you once again and turn your Innocence to dust, Ellen Walker!" Ellen nearly didn't hear him over the roaring of the attack but then she could not counter it any longer and was thrown back, hitting a cube where Linali and Chao Zhi were held captive by Rhode. Ellen nearly lost consciousness but she heard Linali shouting something. She forced herself to move and lifted her hand, grinning up at Tyki.

"You do not need to do me any favours," Ellen said, "I have decided to overcome the pain you gave me once, and I will not yield to you now…" She did not look at Tyki but put her right hand on her trembling left arm.

"What are you saying? Don't tell me you enjoy what I am doing with you! You know, I have a policy not to torture girls. But if you are this resistant then I feel tempted to play with you a bit more cruelly!" Ellen had to cough up some blood which made Tyki grin gleefully.

"Ellen! Ellen, don't overdo it!", Linali shouted in great worry, "your whole body will take the damage if your parasitic Innocence is attacked!" Ellen just wiped away the blood and showed Linali a calm, gentle smile which made Linali wonder how she was able to smile in such a situation.

"Tyki Mikk," Ellen addressed the Noah, "You are mistaken. Not only about me, but about us exorcists." Tyki raised an eyebrow at that, deciding to listen for a bit. "You believe that you simply have to destroy our Anti-Akuma weapon to turn us into mere humans. Mere humans without special powers. But it is them that you should fear!" Her Innocence, even though partly destroyed, started to glow. "We receive our powers from the Innocence, but we control them with our human hearts. That is why I was able to return to the battlefield even after you destroyed my Innocence. Because as long as my heart remains connected to the Innocence. As long as my body that encloses the Innocence has not crumbled. As long as I am an exorcist, one thing is important to me. As long as I am on this world…!" Her hand repaired itself and Tyki took one step back, visibly surprised by something. "I might be a woman, but I have a strong mind. And as long as I stay true to my resolution, this Crown Clown cannot be shattered that easily!" Ellen exclaimed. Tyki continued staring at her for a while, but then he lifted his hand to his head and started grinning, followed by mad, roaring laughter.

"Right!! I understand! You mean to say that I underestimated you! As a woman and as an exorcist! You continue believing that you humans have a chance! You mean to tell me that I need to kill you in order to get rid of that odious Innocence!" A glowing sign appeared behind him and he lifted his right hand into the air. And without warning, or time for Ellen to prepare, he unleashed a tremendous attack at Ellen that engulfed her like a wave crashing down on her. She felt confined, she could not move, she could not breathe. She felt how her body was squeezed and how her power left her body faster than she had hoped.

"Dear little lady…" Ellen heard and she could also feel Tyki's presence in this suffocating dark space. She tried to breathe, but there seemed to be no air for her, she grabbed her throat, curling up from the pain. But she could still lift her head to look at Tyki. "Is it really painful? I guess it is! I have excluded all the air from this space, but I can still move and breathe normally. Poor girl, this is your reward for being so brave. You should have known from our previous encounter in China. I reward bravery with cruelty. Had you yielded like I hoped you would, then I would have gone easy on you. You _are_ a woman after all! And it pains me to see a woman disgracing herself while struggling against something she can never wish to overcome." Ellen couldn't even reply anything as she did not have enough strength left to keep her invocation up. "But you are lucky, because your unhealthy determination has managed to fascinate me," Tyki continued while Ellen looked at her left hand rather powerlessly. "If I manage to destroy your Innocence for good, then I will let you live!" The young girl heard his voice only faintly as she was beginning to lose consciousness, but as her consciousness was fading she did she felt something in her unleash, like a restraint being broken. Her body started glowing and the Akuma sensing monocle appeared while the left side of her face felt oddly hot.

"I… must not die!" she thought, "I want to live so I can defeat Tyki Mikk and the Noahs… No… No that is not the reason for my will to live. I have recognized what is important to me… Yes. I want to protect humans and Akuma!" She lifted her head and felt her mind clear up and the monocle disappear. She wanted to save them. Only that? She felt a light short throbbing in the pit of her stomach. It was a warm, comfortable feeling and it reminded her that she also had wishes and hopes and duties as a human, and not only as an exorcist. "I want to see Kanda again. I want him to be safe. I want to talk to him. And this is important too. I have many reasons to not die here!" She gritted her teeth and mustered all the strength she had left. "Innocence! To escape from this place I need a power that can stop Tyki Mikk! There are so many things I have to do! If I cannot activate you as I normally do, then I have to become even stronger! My synchronization has to be stronger! With more power! I require a stronger weapon! A stronger weapon with which you and I can protect the world!" She spoke to herself and her Innocence, trying to activate, but Tyki put a sudden stop to it, by slamming his hand into her left chest.

"I do not know what you are up to, but I will not allow you to!" He said, but Ellen forced herself to get over her shock and the pain of him squeezing her heart.

"I need to concentrate! I need to synchronize!" And indeed she did. Light was emitted from her body and she lifted her left hand. A sudden burst of power and light ripped away the fabric of her uniform, laying her left arm and part of her chest bare, but making Tyki take shelter for the moment. He felt that something crucial was about to happen and that it was best for him not to be too close. The girl put her right hand around her left wrist and pulled; her Innocence arm transformed itself into a huge, elegant sword. Ellen knew that now she had broken a critical point in her synchronization with the Innocence by activating Crown Clown like this. She also was aware that this sword was powerful enough to fulfill her wishes. She charged and slashed through the vacuum, freeing herself from the confinement. When she was out again she first took some deep breaths, feeding her hurting lungs with much needed air, but she didn't allow herself to rest. She invocated the coat of her Innocence back so that she was better covered now that her uniform was partially torn and then she charged. Tyki did try to counter.

"Why do you try so hard?" he asked, but his grin was rather uneasy now.

"Even you should understand that!" Ellen replied and broke through Tyki's defenses, easily slashing his upper body. But he was not dead yet, because the sword had not harmed his physical body.

"We are similar, Lord Tyki Mikk," Ellen said as white crosses appeared on Tyki's chest and he started screaming, "I will not kill you. I will do you a _favor_ and free you of your Noah. This sword will only kill your inner demon without harming the human. That is the power I wished for, Crown Clown's and my power."

"You… You destroyed the Noah in me, girl?" Tyki managed to say, "without killing me!" He laughed darkly, "how… nice and lovable you are! Too nice! And naïve!"

"No matter what happens, I am prepared to carry the burden of my decisions," Ellen told him and held the tip of her sword in front of Tyki. Meanwhile Rhode had become aware of what was happening and tried to rush to Tyki's aid, but he stopped her by lifting his hand.

"It's okay!" He told her and Ellen studied him, before making up her mind. She would never kill this man. If only he were a normal human! There was only one option, she had to be brave and do it!

"Lord Tyki Mikk! Please retreat from the battle-field!" She shouted, then she slammed her sword into his chest. He gasped loudly, but then his mouth formed a grin.

"B… bad luck, girl!" he said and reached up to cover Ellen's face with his hand, touching her curse mark and cheeks. "Sorry Rhode…!" Ellen pulled back the sword, holding on to Tyki before lowering him to the ground. His skin colour became paler and the marks on his forehead disappeared. Ellen had succeeded. But-

"Chao Zhi!!" Ellen could hear Linali shout, followed by Rhode's voice:

"Do not move, Ellen!" The white haired girl widened her eyes but she could see how pointed candles were aimed at the strange cube confining Linali and Chao Zhi and also at her. "If you do I will kill them all! You will not be harmed, but I will have no mercy with them." Rhode walked over to Tyki and took him up in her arms. "I like you very much, Ellen, but my family is important as well. We are similar in this aspect, right?"

"Rhode…!" Ellen breathed and took a step forwards.

"Do not advance! I am slightly irritated! Do you want to see how I pierce your friends? Some of them are already lost on the Ark, but that's not nearly enough!" Ellen widened her eyes in shock.

"That is not true!" Rhode looked up at her, raising her eyebrows, but then she grinned.

"Ah, I see. You care about them. Especially about them then?" But Ellen wouldn't give her a reply, "well then. They do not matter, you cannot get them back. But I am not satisfied yet. I will punish another of your friends. The boy with the red hair, Rabi, right? He cares about you and always tries to protect you. Yes, that will be a compensation… His soul is still fighting. I will tear it apart!" Ellen stared at her and looked around. She saw Rabi's body also confined in a separate cage. He was not moving, Rhode must be telling the truth.

"No! Let him go!" Ellen shouted and Rhode had to laugh.

"Oh! If you wish me to, I will!" she replied loudly and Ellen heard how somebody landed behind her. She turned around and saw Rabi looking at her with a motionless face and a strange symbol over his cheek. The threatening candles around her disappeared, there was nothing separating herself from Rabi, but he didn't move an inch and continued glaring at her.

"Rabi…?" Ellen asked in a timid tone.

"Ellen! I have to tell you something sad. Rabi's soul seems to have died!" Ellen froze, "and if you want to help Linali and that human, you must kill this thing in front of you!"

_To be continued_

Notes:

And as this will be another battle scene, I postpone it to the next chapter X3


	38. Kapitel 36 Beyond the Masks

**Author's Notes:**

Ah, so sorry. The moment I had inspiration to write I was distracted by Macross Frontier (yeah, I know, a bit late to join the fandom now *lolz*).

This chapter contains minor Rabi / Ellen content, but it's rather one-sided and abusive… The way I like to write it X3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

**Kapitel 36: Beyond the Masks**

A chill ran through Ellen when she took in the young man in front of her. Rhode's words resounded like a haunting echo in her head. She would have to fight Rabi. Rabi's soul was dead. _Fight him!_ Ellen wanted to whirl around to shout at Rhode for making such crude remarks, but she did not have the time to as Rabi came rushing at her – with his bare fists and a face void of any emotion. Ellen shouted in surprise and frustration and blocked his attack by drawing up her broad sword. The punch was so strong that Ellen lost her balance and Rabi landed another hit against her rib-case. The young girl gasped in shock and pain, falling backwards. Trembling, she tried to sit up on her knees, the sword hilt still in her hand. She was not really sure what to do with it – it was impossible to raise her weapon! Not in such a situation!

„I cannot believe it!" she thought, „Rabi is really attacking me!" Rabi appeared behind her before she could gather her thoughts and strength. With an immense power - Ellen had never thought Rabi possessed - he slammed his foot down onto Ellen, pushing her roughly against the cracked stone floor. The impact made Ellen cough up blood. Her head was feeling strange and her body hurt all over as she had had no time to even recover a bit after defeating Tyki Mikk. And now this!! Ellen forced her head to focus on the fight which was really necessary as Rabi slammed his fist down on her, aimed at her head, but she could dodge it just barely. The young man above her didn't react to her evading his attacks, he merely drew back his fist for another punch.

„Oh dear God, I can't! I can't do this!" Ellen thought frantically, tears starting to well up in her eyes when she looked at the calm, expressionless face of her friend. „How did this happen? Why did this need to happen?! Rabi can't possibly want to fight me!!" Ellen tried to resist and pushed her hand against Rabi's chest but he didn't move a bit, even when she started hammering against his breast, more because she was frustrated and at a loss what to do and not because she wanted to harm him. „Something must have bewitched Rabi!" Ellen concluded and stopped her rather pathetic hammering in order to grab her sword. With it she could exorcise the evil in someone – at least that is what she wishes for, that is what it must be for. She lifted her sword and pierced Rabi. „I need to make this possession stop! Please God, this has to work!!" Ellen prayed and waited for a reaction. Rabi was still calm and simply looked down at the sword, not concerned but not changed either. He broke Ellen's hopes by brutally slamming his flat hand against her face, smashing her head against the floor in the process. While her head throbbed painfully she could hear Rhode screaming:

„A sword that doesn't kill and only exorcises will not help you here! Rabi has lost his soul, but he is not possessed! If you want to have success then you need to use your left arm!" Ellen tried to sit up but the first thing she saw were the candles pointed at Linali and Chao Zhi. „If you do not use your Innocence claw then I will kill them!" Ellen widened her eyes in shock, her mouth open to scream but no sound came. Then Rabi continued attacking her, while she just half-heartedly blocked with her sword, taking some hits as a consequence. But what should she do? What should she _do_?!

„Take your other weapon, Ellen!! Or do you want to hear Linali scream?!" Rhode said with sadistic and mad laughter, while Ellen was pushed against a wall by Rabi. Ellen had to cough up more blood, Rabi was incredibly strong and his attacks were cruel. How? Why? Ellen could not stand this. When he was close enough for her to reach him she lifted her arm, blade still in her hand and embraced him, holding him as close as she could. He was warm against her body, warm but stiff, not bending into her touch like her friend Rabi would have done.

„Rabi..." Ellen whispered, her voice breaking from the tears she started to shed. „My voice... Can't you hear me?" She tightened the grip she had on his neck, pushing her cheek against his, her tears also falling on his skin. He did not move, but he didn't attack either. He stood there like a statue, calm, probably listening. „We... We are the only ones here that can still protect Linali and Chao Zhi. Have you forgotten? Crowley chose to fight alone so that we could continue. Do you want to ignore this burden he took upon himself? And... and" Here Ellen's breath hitched, but she continued speaking: „And Kanda... What about Kanda? Do we not want to be here for him when he returns to us? What will he think if he sees us fighting like this? What about the promise he gave to us and the promise you have given to him? Didn't you promise to protect me from harm...?" she whispered. Rabi finally moved, but he only mercilessly slammed his fist into her chest, robbing her of all breath. Then he took her by the collar, pushing her up against the wall, her feet hanging above ground and the wound on her head leaving ugly read stains on the cracked stone.

"R… abi… Please, stop this… I cannot fight my friend…!" Ellen said, looking at him with anguish in her eyes, begging him to stop this cruelty.

"I am not your friend." Rabi finally answered, strengthening the grip his strong, cold fingers had on Ellen's throat. She widened her eyes in disbelief.

"W… What…?" Ellen whispered. "What are you saying?" Rabi's calm face did not change, but he moved a little closer.

"I am a Bookman, I observe. I only joined you because it was beneficial to me. However, I never considered you to be my friends," he told her. Ellen drew in a loud, shaking breath.

"I cannot believe what you tell me… That is not true, Rabi!"

"It is true. You can close your eyes on reality as much as you want, Ellen," he told her, his warm breath touching her blood stained face. And his calm words were the most painful blow he had dealt yet. Ellen was speechless and incredulous. The fact that he had used her name with the same familiarity as he always did almost made her believe he was serious. No, she _knew_ that he was serious.

"But… how. No! I trust you, Rabi… You can't…" She couldn't bring herself to finish. Ellen's grip on the sword hilt strengthened but she did not intend to use it on Rabi again.

"I can't have acted?" Rabi continued the sentence for her and Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, "people take things as they come. We always act on convenience and necessity. Your mask is not all too different from mine…" Rabi said, bending over Ellen, his green eye uncannily dark and dull. He lowered Ellen, so that she again had floor under her feet that immediately gave way. Ellen tumbled down on the floor, staring up at Rabi.

"I am not wearing a mask! Neither have you been! I simply cannot believe what you are telling me!" she shouted, not giving up on him yet - she still had hopes to wake him up again. But her hopes were fast fading as Rabi gave no sign of reaction.

"I told you to do as you please…" the young man in front of her replied, letting go of her throat to grab her chin, forcing her to look at him. What she saw gave her even more pain: there was no cheerful Rabi looking at her, just a solemn, stern young man. "You still try to find your friend in me, do you not? You always relied on me. You told me your secrets, your fears and spilled out your heart. Now, where have all these confessions gone?" Ellen bit her lips then she averted her eyes, tears flowing down her cheeks. He spoke the truth: from the very first moment she had met him he had been fascinating to her, she had always trusted Rabi. She had told him of worries that she would have never dared to confess to Linali or even Kanda. Rabi had something to him that assured her that all her secrets and fears were safe with him. He was that perfect older brother that she could always rely on. If she couldn't protect herself and if Kanda couldn't either then he would be there to stand in front of her, shielding her from harm. But now… what was Ellen to believe? Her heart, or her eyes that showed her this stranger?

"I…" Ellen spoke up, still looking at the floor, "I know that all I confided in you is safely tugged away within you… Just like your smile, your warmth and your friendship…" She looked up, daring to meet his eye, but his face was still unchanged.

"Humans," Rabi started, "are pathetic". Ellen widened her eyes in shock as she heard this reply, "I have no deeper interest in such beings and the feeble affections between them. However," he stared at Ellen and she stared right back, beginning to feel afraid under his intensive glare. "I do have an interest in _you_ – stupid female specimen as you are, you still managed to be fascinating to me as a Bookman"

"What… what are you talking about Rabi?" Ellen managed to ask, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, half naked and pushed against the wall.

"You are the destroyer of time, important to the exorcists, but you are also important in the normal world – as the heiress to an old family. You, Ellen Walker, have become the centre of the universe for many people. But do you think you can handle that responsibility? And do you think you deserve this honour?" While Ellen still hadn't found her voice, Rabi inched closer, brushing his mouth against her cheek. His hands travelled down, over her bare left breast, down to her abdomen. His hushed breath tickled her ear but his words froze her to her very core: "You were not supposed to do _that_. You were not supposed to fall for _him_. You were not supposed to give him _hope_. If you don't pay attention you will smash the hearts you hold in your hand. Because your disobedience is marked into your flesh, the scar on your face is the testimony that you are alive, even though you should be dead. Alive and warm and false – it's here. You cannot erase your misdeeds, because it's alive, growing, spreading. _Here_." He pressed his hands against her stomach and Ellen widened her eyes, staring down at his hands, then she lifted her head to look into his eyes, her face full of unvoiced shock and horror.

"_What_?" she breathed in disbelief. "_What are you saying_?". Rabi just took away his hands, walking away some steps, always keeping eye contact with her. He then bent down and grabbed his Innocence that was lying next to him, invocating it to a bigger size.

"I remember everything you told me, every loving word about you _he_ confessed. I watched you, I observed. Do you think you deserve his love? Or mine, if I gave it?" After he spoke, a serpent of fire manifested around his Innocence, ready to attack her. Ellen looked at him, too troubled by his words to reply. What should she do with these accusations? Was he right? Ellen shook her head and with trembling limbs she managed to get up, never letting go of her sword. Now was not the time to worry about her guilt – if she did not act now she might die or fall prey to this stranger's abusive words. She wanted neither. She had to believe that there was a way out of this mess – if she gave in here everything she had done after Mana's death would turn out to be pointless. And why should she waste the life he had made possible for her? Why should she waste the life that had managed to pull through until this moment?

"Rabi…" she said, looking at him. He did not react to her, but just unleashed his attack. Ellen raised her Crown Clown, splitting the attack in two, but not destroying it. She jumped away from the twin serpents that now targeted her. "My Innocence cannot stop his. To counter Rabi's attacks I would need my claw…!" Rabi appeared behind her and she blocked the pole of his hammer with her sword. "But I cannot do it! The claw would hurt him! Friend or not, I can't allow this to happen!"

"Rabi!", Ellen shouted at him, "You must listen to me! This cannot be happening! Please! I don't know if I deserve to be loved by all of you, but please! I will try my best!" Rabi continued ignoring her words and smashed her down with another elemental attack. Ellen, as she couldn't have blocked it, fell to the ground, nearly unconscious. While she was lying on the floor, the first flames of Rabi's next attack appearing around her, she could hear both Linali and Rhode shouting. She could not make out what their words were, but she was sure that to give up here would not only demand her life. It was as Rabi had said; a lot of people depended on her to be strong. Maybe she had trusted too much on Rabi's aid, Linali's help and Kanda's affection. But she could not do all of this alone. She just… could not be that strong. She needed them. All of them. Ellen clenched her hands and pressed her lips together for one last try. She grabbed her sword and sat up, slamming it into Rabi's chest as she had already done before.

"My last try! Either it works or we are done for! If Rabi is controlled by Rhode's powers…!" Rabi did seem surprised as he hadn't seen the attack coming, but Ellen's focus was not on him; it was not _him_ she tried to attack. With all the force her right arm could muster, she pushed the sword, making it pass straight through Rabi and hit its actual goal: Rhode. Ellen's aim had been perfect, her sword pierced Rhode and she feel to the floor. But just as Ellen started to hope, the young girl sat back up with amused laughter.

"How unlucky!" Rhode grabbed the sword hilt and pulled it out of her chest with ease. "You should know that your attacks have no effect on me. On top of that, you first have to pierce something else with your sword: I am me, but not as I appear to be! Those who do not know my true form cannot kill me!" Ellen watched her throw away the sword in horror; this had been her last chance! "Ellen! Why don't you try listening to me? Oh well. You are only a human, Ellen. You're not to blame for that… But give up on it!!" The next fire serpent engulfed Ellen, carrying her up into the air. She screamed in shock, but after a while of floating amongst the flames she realized that it wasn't burning her. Ellen pulled herself up, looking around in shock. She could see Rabi through the flames.

"What is happening!?" She saw how Rabi suddenly moved, slamming his hammer down onto the floor.

"Heh! I am still immature! But you will pay for this!! Fire! Regardless of the consequences!!" she heard him shout and then she, safe within the fire serpent, she saw how a gigantic column of fire shot up, with Rabi in its middle. The whole tower became a sea of fire, but Ellen, Linali and Chao Zhi were safe.

"No!" Ellen shouted once she realized what Rabi had done. She had not been wrong to believe in him despite what he said to her. She had trusted him, and he repaid that trust by now attempting to kill both Rhode and himself. Ellen had to act, fast. She pushed her hand against the interior of the fire serpent, calling for her Crown Clown. The sword reacted and flew to her. She broke through the fire, landed on the cube where Linali and Chao Zhi were still imprisoned, and then she continued to the gigantic fire serpent, trying to get to its very core.

"Rabi!!!" Ellen shouted, "Damn it! I will certainly not let you die here!!" She finally managed to get through the fire wall, the flames tugging at her despite the cape she was wearing, but she did not care. She could make out Rabi in the middle of the fire and she ran to him, reaching out for him until she finally managed to put her hand on his. She embraced him with both of her arms – she felt that the sword was no longer needed - the cape of her Innocence covering both of them, sheltering them from the flames.

"Rabi… Rabi…!" she called him, "please, you must stay with me…" She could feel Rabi stir and the flames around them started to solidify. After a while Ellen managed to break the solid cage, enabling them both to breathe again.

"Aaah! Breathing hurts!!!" was the first thing she heard Rabi shout and Ellen coughed as well. "But I am alive…" Rabi said after a while, lying on his back and looking upwards. Ellen still tried to catch her breath, but she turned to look at him; he had a smile on his lips. Ellen let out a sigh of relief, but… Her heart still ached from what he had said to her. "That was quite a wild action, Ellen!"

"Why are you complaining?!" Ellen managed to shout and Rabi laughed.

"I don't even know… When I came to I had already started the fire. I guess the old Panda will be quite angry with me… But I don't feel bad…" he told her. Ellen remained silent, studying him.

"What is Rabi really hiding behind his smile…? And how much of the things he had told me were his true feelings?" the young girl wondered. She had never stopped trusting him and she was glad that he was back to normal, but she couldn't forget his words either. Her dark thoughts were interrupted by Linali and Chao Zhi appearing. Linali rushed to Rabi and slammed her fist against his cheek.

"You IDIOT!" she shouted, but then she embraced him, crying loudly. Ellen smiled at that while Rabi tried to apologize to Linali. After Linali had let go of him, Ellen pulled Rabi up on his feet, his arm over her shoulder.

"Next time I will not help you, just so you know," she told him and he laughed goofily. As they were making their way out of the solid flames, loud laughter suddenly echoed through the tower. It was Rhode, barely recognizable because she had been caught by the flames. She turned to look at them.

"Ellen…" was the only thing she said, then she dissolved into dust. Ellen looked at the spot where she disappeared in wonder. Rabi had defeated her but was she really dead? Ellen, as much as she disliked the girl, would feel very sorry if that was the case.

"What the heck was that?" Chao Zhi wondered. "Did she laugh herself to death?"

"That sounded as if she shouted your name," Rabi whispered at Ellen, "She really was crazy about you… What are you doing with young girls, Ellen?! Kanda would be mortified to find out about that!"

"Rabi, please, stop your nonsense!" Ellen said, slamming her elbow into his stomach.

"Ellen…" Linali spoke up, when Rabi started teasing her as revenge for the punch, "Rhode has disappeared… And the exit is on the top of this tower! Doesn't it exist thanks to Rhode's power?"

"Aaah!!" Ellen shouted as she realized this. "Rabi! Fast! Go up and have a look!!" Rabi nodded frantically, putting his Innocence down, standing on it.

"I will pull you up if everything's clear!" he shouted, then he already disappeared upwards. Just when he was gone the whole building started to tremble.

"Sit down, everything starts to crumble!" Ellen told the two and they sat on the floor, waiting for good news from Rabi. "We probably have less than half an hour left…" Ellen thought, holding her uniform together as not to show too much of her chest. But that was her smallest worry at this moment. If they really had no time left, then what had become of their friends? "Crowley… Kanda…" She looked around, "they haven't followed us… They are not here…"

"Ellen…" Linali said after a long silence, "You are thinking about not being able to go with us, even if we find the door still intact… Am I right?". Ellen turned around and looked at her friend. She laughed slightly, earning herself a frown from Linali. "Ellen!"

"Maybe the baron and Kanda are still here somewhere. I will go to look for them, before the Ark disappears entirely…" Ellen looked at her wrist; the fire had burnt the fabric away, revealing the bracelet Kanda had given her. One of the glass balls was slightly cracked but they were all shimmering and sparkling in the light. "Kanda…" Ellen thought, pressing her lips together.

"I will…", Linali started when she saw her friend's pained face, but Ellen turned to look at her, interrupting her.  
"You will go with the others, Linali. I know that I am demanding a lot from you… But you must understand… I have left both Kanda and Crowley behind… It is my duty to go find them… And I am less injured than you are… I will be fine…"

"You… you are being unfair…" Linali said and started to cry, "you know how I feel when you say that but still you smile at me. But… but I understand your feelings. And I want us to go back home together… So please… Please pay attention…" Ellen smiled at her and nodded.

"The door is still here!!" Rabi shouted from above and the others looked up, "I will pull you up!!" Ellen sighed in relief and they walked over to the pole. "Linali and Chao Zhi are injured, you have to hold on to them Ellen! Can you do that?"

"Do not worry, of course I can!" Ellen grabbed the pole with one hand, while holding on to Chao Zhi with the other. Linali had put both of her arms around Ellen's neck. "We are all set! Pull us up Rabi!" Ellen said, but as Rabi did, she caught sight of Tyki and Lelo. "Tyki Mikk…"

"Hurry up, we don't know how long the door will be here!" Rabi shouted and helped them all up. But as they walked to the door, Ellen turned around.

"Hey! Ellen!", Rabi shouted, when he saw her turn back.

"Please wait a moment before you go! I will get Lelo and Tyki Mikk!" Ellen said, invocating her Innocence.

"What?!" Rabi shouted in surprise, "Are you mad?!" He caught hold of Ellen's arm.

"Tyki Mikk is a human now! I have exorcised him, the Noah in him is gone! You have seen that Rabi! There are humans waiting for his return! We cannot let him die! Please, let me go and get them!"

"… Well, it's fine with me. But what if the order finds out that you have saved a Noah? That will mean trouble for you, Ellen…" Rabi tried to reason with her.

"That doesn't matter. Will you wait for me?" Ellen asked and Rabi sighed, but nodded. "Thank you. I will bring him up. Take him and go through the gate, do not wait for me. I have to get Crowley and Kanda as well…" Rabi sighed, but then he nodded.  
"But be quick! I'll come with you after we sent them to safety!" Rabi said and Ellen smiled at him cheerfully.  
"Thank you!"

"You want to save him? Haven't you killed him?" Ellen turned around and saw Chao Zhi glare at her.

"He is still alive…" Ellen replied after she saw the hostile expression on his face.

"But why? This bastard is an ally of the Akuma. He killed Anita, Mahoja and all of my friends! So why?! Save?! What is that supposed to mean, save?! Do you want to say that you will betray our feelings?!" he shouted. Ellen decided not to reply; there was nothing she could have said to him to make him calm down. She knew that her decision would not sit well with most people. But if it lay in her power to save someone, she wanted to do it.

"If you save him, then you are my enemy!" Chao Zhi continued and Rabi shouted at him. "My enemy! A DEVIL like those monsters!!!" Ellen couldn't even react to his hateful words, because she felt a sudden trembling go through her. She pushed Chao Zhi away and in the next second she was caught in an attack that came from below.

"Ellen!!" Linali shouted.

"Don't come closer!!" Ellen replied as she was being squeezed by serpent like tentacles. She felt that she was being pulled down and then she was slammed to the floor. All of her body hurt and she was barely able to breathe. Before her she could see the remnants of Rhode's smashed door.

"N… No… The door..." She heard something come closer and tried to raise her head. What she saw filled her whole body with terror.

"Y… You… The Noah powers! But I have destroyed them!" Ellen gasped, "that… that cannot be!" Tyki was walking towards her, the strange tentacles that had pulled her down were coming from him. "Who are you? Are you Tyki Mikk?" The person in front of her did not reply and Ellen slammed her fist into the ground, squeezing her eyes shut in despair. With nearly no strength left she forced herself to sit up. "My heart is beating fast… My breath is ice-cold… I feel… very bad…" Ellen thought, but she still transformed her arm into her sword. She had to go on… Tyki continued to be her enemy. The fight was not over yet.

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

I ended it here because there's another short fight following. And it's getting tedious…

My friend Esmerod and I had a discussion about the battle between Allen and Rabi in the manga. We both agreed that Allen should have been affected more than he was and that Ellen would take Rabi's "betrayal" even more to heart. That's why I wrote the chapter like this. I hope that I did not overdo it…

Just in case that you wonder: Rabi does have some unconscious fascination with Ellen – but he cannot give in to it (as Bookman, as Ellen's friend and protector, as Kanda's friend etc etc). And Ellen, as an admirer of his good looks, his cheerful behaviour and his learning, likes him as well. But yeah, from her side it's rather sisterly affection. From his side…? Ahahaha. … … This fanfiction is definitely Yullen. I won't change my mind! XD

I would be happy to hear your thoughts! :D

* * *


	39. Kapitel 37 The Heart's Melody

**Author's Notes:**

Ahaha, I suddenly got into the mood to write this chapter even though I should be doing other things.

The title of this chapter gave me a bit to worry, because I could not think of anything fitting the entire chapter. So I settled with something that depicts an important part. :3

Anyway, this chapter marks the end of the battles within the Ark, I am so happy! I am FINALLY where I wanted to be when I started planning this fanfic more than a year ago! :3 :3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 37: The Heart's Melody**

There was no other choice but to go on. If she wanted to protect her friends and her own life then there was no other way than to continue fighting even if she herself was on the brink of unconsciousness. Ellen could no longer go on, her body ached, her mind was slowly going blank. Enough. She really had had enough. Hours upon hours of fighting. Weeks upon weeks of worrying and dreading. However, she had made her choice not to back down when she had the choice to retire and forget all about this hidden war. What she had in front of her was just another battle.

Ellen brushed her hair out of her sweaty and blood smeared face, also wiping away some tears of frustration. Her adversary stood some meters away from her, not moving.

"Tyki Mikk! What is going on? Have we not settled this fight before?!" Ellen shouted but he did not reply, he did not even seem to have heard her speak to him. Ellen pressed her lips together and decided to study him just in case there was something that could explain this situation. What she spotted was something dropping from the back of his hands. It must be blood.

"Bleeding stigmata?" Ellen wondered in surprise, but then she flinched when she realized that the fluid was of an oily black colour. "Black blood?!" She gasped. Her voice seemed to cause some sort of reaction in Tyki because the wing like, scaly objects that sprouted out of Tyki's back suddenly changed their movements. Tyki started screaming and the ropes wound around him, covering his entire body. Ellen, startled by the inhuman ferocious cry, took one step backwards, speechless and at a loss. She knew not what was happening to Tyki, but it did not look as if he was conscious about it neither did it seem like a pleasant experience. Ellen sheltered herself with her Crown Clown as black energy swirled around Tyki like a small tornado. The power of it nearly pushed Ellen to her knees, but she forced herself to remain standing. Everything ended in a black explosion that darkened the entire floor. Ellen, sensing that some bad transformation of Tyki had taken place, decided not to waste any time with waiting and ran towards him. When it cleared up she saw what had become of Tyki: his skin had darkened and his hair seemed to be longer, on top of that he wore very puzzling clothes. However, Ellen did not ponder on these things, because the dark aura he was emitting was too dangerous to await his actions – whatever they might be. She brought her sword down on him, hoping to exorcise also this thing which she seems to have missed the last time. She did not think that she had enough strength left for a full battle – neither did they have the time for it because the Ark was in its last stage of destruction. However, her sword only cut air as Tyki swiftly disappeared – too quickly for Ellen's eyes. She wanted to look for him, but she did not have the time to as her left side was suddenly slashed by an invisible hand. She saw her own blood gushing out of her wound, but she didn't even have the chance to react as Tyki was already behind her, slamming his fist into her back. She gasped, his attack sending a jolt through her entire body. While she stumbled back, she turned around, just in time to block his next attacks. Her arm trembled as she held the blade – her only defence against his cruel and immensely powerful attacks.

"How strong he is! And how fast!! He simply evaded my attacks! Is he… Is he still human?!" Ellen asked herself, glaring at Tyki's dark face. He spoke no word to her and only emitted growling sounds like a beast. This was totally different to her pervious battle against Tyki – _this_ was utterly impossible. Ellen could never win this battle!

The blasts of Tyki's attacks finally managed to overpower Ellen and she was caught by the blast which sent her flying backwards.

"What… what happened to Tyki Mikk…? I… I cannot believe that I am fighting the same person…!" Ellen though, readying herself for the impact. Fortunately she was caught by strong arms and stopped. She smelt Rabi's familiar scent and pressed her face against his chest.

"Rabi…!" She whispered.

"Ellen! Be strong!" Rabi hissed, embracing her shortly, "we'll manage somehow!"

"No… No, Rabi…! The… door!" Ellen managed to say and Rabi tensed, but did not reply. The next thing the two heard was Tyki's mad laughter, then he came rushing towards them. Rabi reacted much faster than Ellen could have; he grabbed the girl and hoisted her over his shoulder, holding her tightly. Ellen was too exhausted to protest and then she felt how Rabi made them soar upwards with his Innocence. Ellen didn't manage to open her eyes because now that she was protected by Rabi – even though for only a short moment – she finally became aware of the intense pain springing from her injuries and she tried her best to bear it. From all that Ellen could hear Rabi had brought her back up to Linali and Chao Zhi because she could hear them talking, but soon she was forced to open her eyes again because Rabi let her down on the floor not all too gently. She could hear the impact of Rabi and Tyki's attacks clashing and then they were gone, leaving only blowing winds behind.

"Ellen! Ellen, hang in there!!" Linali shouted and helped Ellen sit up. The young girl held her hand to her throbbing held, feeling nauseous because of the rough beating she had to take and also the amounts of blood lost in these many battles.

"I… I will manage, Linali… What about you, are you hurt?" Ellen asked and looked at the two – both seemed to be in no worse condition than when she had last seen them some moments ago. Linali shook her head frantically.  
"Don't mind us! Ellen! What was that?! What is happening?" The young girl put on a solemn face, biting her lips.

"I honestly do not know…! It seems as if Tyki transformed into something… Something incredibly powerful…!" Ellen hissed, but then her head snapped up. "Rabi!!" She hurried to her feet, but nearly fell over again. Linali wanted to pull her back down, but Ellen got out of Linali's grasp.

"Ellen! Don't! You are hurt! You can't fight him now!" Linali shouted, but Ellen just shook her head.

"I must. And I will protect you!!" she answered then, she jumped down to the lower floor without second thoughts. It was not the time to think now, it was either fight or die! Ellen landed on the ground just in time to see how Tyki slammed Rabi down.

"He can't do this on his own! I must help him!!" Ellen thought and rushed towards Tyki, swinging her sword over her head, intent on making it connect with her adversary's skull. However, the Noah simply blocked it by raising his arm, blasting Ellen away with another of his powerful attacks. Ellen had the feeling that almost every bone in her body must be smashed and that she had already lost a critical amount of blood. How she even managed to stay conscious was beyond her, but she doubted that her body's persistence was really of any help in this desperate battle. Tyki was just out of their league. Ellen and Rabi's combined power were being fruitless against someone Ellen had managed to defeat just moments ago. How?! Why?! Ellen's eyes snapped open when she heard Rabi screaming and loud cracking noises. She saw how the whole tower started crumbling, columns and statues falling and she fell with them. She fortunately landed in cold water and not into the void of the already downloaded Ark. A splash some moments later revealed that also Rabi had met the same fate. He broke the surface with a loud gasp and with whatever strength he had left he pulled himself on to a piece of fallen stone where also Ellen was lying on – not that the water was deep but Ellen didn't even trust herself to be able to swim with her abused body.

"How can this be…?" Ellen whispered, looking upwards into the white sky of the Ark, Rabi's loud breathing was to be heard next to her. "Must I really die in a place like this…?"

"E… Ellen… Don't say such nonsense…" Rabi answered and Ellen turned to look at him.

"I… I do not want to die, Rabi…" Ellen breathed, her eyes filling with tears, "I don't…!"

"Neither do I… There is still a lot to do… isn't there?" He asked her and his lips formed a weak smile. Ellen slammed her fist onto the stone she was lying on, leaving blood stains on it, and pressed her forehead against the rough surface.

"I did not get this far to die!" She hissed, "again…! Why?! Why am I in such a situation again?!" She shouted, her lungs hurting, but she continued screaming, "I don't want to die in a place like this!!"

"I told you… that we are not going to die!" Rabi said, forcing himself up into a sitting position, then he reached out and put his hand on Ellen's shoulder. "Take a deep breath Ellen! Calm down!" The girl clenched her fist, but then breathed in deeply and stopped trembling. Finally she rose, picking her sword up. With a groan Rabi stood up as well, rolling his shoulders, then he grinned at Ellen. "Now that's my little beansprout!"

"Do not call me beansprout now!" Ellen told him firmly, then she looked up at what was left of the tower, "save it for later! Come!" With this she ran forward determined to continue fighting. She had made her vows long ago – she knew what she had to do even in a situation like this.

Ellen found Linali and Chao Zhi in a very dangerous situation and Rabi and her arrived just in time to fend Tyki off. The fallen ceiling that Chao Zhi had somehow managed to hold was smashed in the process. This was in itself already a small success because it removed an immediate danger from the other two – but Ellen and Rabi were again hit by Tyki's attacks in the process. The immense power always threw them some meters, which was troublesome because in the meantime Tyki could make another attack. Ellen just gritted her teeth and forced herself up again, extending her clown belt ropes so that Tyki could not attack Linali.

"Do not make this mistake!" she shouted at Tyki, then she smiled grimly, "Your opponent is here! Have we not settled on this? You wanted to kill _me_, right?" The Noah grinned and with incredible speed he dashed off from where Linali and Chao Zhi were. "Come! Maybe I will not manage to get out of this blasted Ark, but trust me! I will not back down!!" Ellen shouted and Tyki appeared before her, his eyes gleaming. But before he could make his attack the floor beneath Ellen suddenly started to glow brightly. Even though it was not a good idea to take her eyes off her foe, she still looked down to find a sign under her. Just a split second after she spotted this, the whole ground exploded and while it did not harm Ellen, it did send her soaring through the air. She screamed, because she had nothing to grab on to, but fortunately she was caught by the foot. While she was dangling down head first, she heard a voice speaking:

"Look at what I have here; aha! It's the snotty little brat!" Ellen widened her eyes upon hearing the familiar voice and looked up. What she saw made her shriek in shock: there was a skull looking at her! "You're looking good, I almost didn't recognize you at first, brat – truly a sight to behold – even though you could look a bit more decent for a girl!" Ellen frowned and looked at the floating object the man was standing on; it was a longish box tightly sealed with chains. Even though she had not seen this object yet, the man was still too familiar to be mistaken for someone else.

"F… Fancy meeting you here, Master," Ellen said and earned herself laughter from the man.

"Why the long face, girl? Shouldn't you be little bit more thrilled to see me again?" The skull mask disappeared to reveal the well known grinning face of General Marian Cross.

-

The box floated to the ground and Cross jumped down, putting Ellen on the floor not all too gently. While Ellen was still pretty speechless to meet her master again after so many months (and in this kind of situation!), the General took in her appearance.

"It looks as you have made quite some progress Miss Bermont: from a delicate little princess you have matured into a full fledged exorcist. It even seems as if you were able to use your Innocence more or less decently. But for you to look so beat up…" He held out his hand to her. "Come…" She stared up at him, but finally took his hand. He pulled her up on her feet and studied her once again. "Hmm. Really, a sight to behold. You have grown yourself some breasts," Cross remarked, looking at the torn uniform and the left side of her chest that it revealed. Ellen blinked at him in confusion, but then she saw where his eyes were directed at and blushed.

"You… Impossible man!!" She shrieked, then she slapped him so that her own hand hurt from it – but of course it was worth it. Cross, only surprised for a split second, put on a sly grin and rubbed his red cheek.

"It seems as if you have also developed some backbone, but you're still only a stinking brat," he said, but then he saw how Tyki landed on a fallen column not too far away. Cross turned to Ellen and glared at her, "now scramble! Hey you there!" he shouted and looked over at where Rabi was standing, "come and get the lady if you're a man! But stay away from me! Only beautiful and clean people may get into my vicinity. Dirty people can the hell stay away from me, expect women of course…"

"How mean!!" Rabi shouted, but he came to get Ellen and they ran to where Chao Zhi and Lianli were. Linali reached up and pulled her friend down next to hear, embracing her. But before she could say something to Ellen a melody echoed through the Ark.

"Huh? What is that?" Rabi wondered and something like a small glass dome appeared over the four, sheltering them.

"Shh," Ellen whispered.

"Can Tyki no longer see us?!" Rabi whispered back when he saw how Tyki turned around, apparently looking for them.

"I am not entirely sure what it is, but my master once boasted about his peculiar Innocence. This seems to be Magdalena Curtain, a special technique of my Master's Anti-Akuma weapon. I have not seen her before, but I guess that it must be that woman beside General Cross…" Ellen mused and they all looked at the beautiful woman in her flowing dress.

"Is this doll really an Anti-Akuma weapon…?" Linali wondered and Ellen frowned.

"Actually, if my master is to be trusted, this is not a doll, but a human corpse…"

"What?! But… But that is forbidden!" Rabi protested and Ellen had to remind him to be quiet.

"I do not know, but I myself find the idea quite grotesque… However, he merely controls her. He has an Innocence of his own – his gun, Judgement…"

"Why do you know so much about that? I thought Cross was a very elusive person?" Rabi wondered and Ellen snorted.

"As I said. He told me, claiming that he wanted to inform me about the various shapes of Anti-Akuma weapons, but I still think that he was boasting…"

"You don't have much faith in him, do you, Ellen…" Rabi commented with a goofy smile and Ellen only sighed as a reply.

"However, I am very glad that he's here…" she said and they could see how Cross shot at Tyki and actually managed to hit him, something Ellen and Rabi had not been able to do, no matter how hard they fought. Actually, as they continued to observe the fight, it seemed rather one-sided, Tyki apparently had no chance against General Cross.

"Tyki never had troubles with us, no matter how much power we put into our attacks…," Rabi said and Ellen lowered her head. She transformed her sword back into her arm and folded both of her arms over her chest, still keeping her head low. "Seeing how clear the power difference now becomes really troubles me… Both with the Noahs and General Cross. Compared to them we are really weak!" Ellen lifted her head, looking at the fight. Weak… Yes… She was still very weak. She may have matured, but compared to what this war still had in store for her, she remained a weak little girl… And this hurt…

But there was not much time to dwell on this, because suddenly explosions shook the floor and everything started to fall apart.

"Ugh! It's time!" Rabi said and the protective shield disappeared.

"It's getting destroyed!!" Chao Zhi shouted. Ellen jumped up and pulled Linlai to her feet, turning around to look at Cross, who seemed to have finished the fight.

"Master!!"

"It's time?" he casually asked and then he pointed his gun at Tyki, "well, then we have to hurry up!" Ellen didn't see or hear what happened next because the ground suddenly caved in, tearing Rabi and Chao Zhi down.

"Oh no!! Rabi!!" Ellen shouted and dropped to her knees at the edge, reaching out, "grab on!!" Rabi caught Chao Zhi and extended his hammer for Ellen to catch. She did, but once she had a firm grasp on it, it just smashed, crumbling into pieces. With wide eyes Ellen saw Rabi's incredulous stare and then they were swallowed up by the void. Ellen still had her hand balled into a fist and she stared down into nothingness.

"Rabi… Chao Zhi…" she breathed and opened her hand, the pieces of Rabi's Innocence dropping from her trembling palm. Linali fell to her knees next to her.

"No…" was the only thing she managed to say. It woke Ellen up again and the terror of having seen the two disappear finally caught up with Ellen. The only thing she could do was scream at the top of her lungs, no matter how much it hurt.

"NOOOOOOO!!!" She buried her face into her palms, lowering her head to the floor. "Don't leave me… Don't you leave me as well!!! Rabi… Kanda!!" But even more explosions forced Ellen back up on her feet even though the ground below her crumbled. Linali feel down, but this time Ellen extended her clown belt, catching her, while she herself only barely had been able to stick her sharp claws into the wall. She pulled Linali up and climbed back on temporarily safe ground. She scrambled to her feet and stared at the scene in front of her. And there, opposing Cross with Tyki over his shoulder, the Earl stood in between the raging destruction. She could not hear what he was saying and she did not need to; now even though her body could no longer take it, she forced herself to charge up, on sheer willpower alone. Ellen did not care what happened right now; she was beyond the pain and she was beyond reason. Her whole being was filled with the anguish of having lost people she loved and hate towards the Earl who had caused her so much suffering.

"Ellen…! Ellen, no! Stop it!!" Linali shouted when she saw how Ellen was intending to fight again and how blood rained to the floor from Ellen's many wounds. With a power and speed that her body should not have possessed, she rushed towards the Earl.

"Earl of Millennium!!" she shouted and smashed her blade down on him. He seems to have countered, but Ellen didn't even see that anymore: right now she was driven on hate and rage alone. She wanted to destroy this despicable creature, she wanted to erase him from the face of the earth, she wanted to make him pay for every loss she had suffered.

"Hate!!" The Earl spoke up, his glassed covered with Ellen's blood, "What a wonderful emotion I see in your eyes, Ellen Walker!" He slashed at her, catching her left arm with his sword, but Ellen did not care, she merely pulled her sword back and fired an energy blast at him. The Earl could break the attack but he fell backwards into nothingness. Ellen, not in her right mind, just rushed after him, but suddenly her whole body tensed up and she slammed the sword into the stone. Something was controlling her body and she could see Cross standing far above her.

"Stop! Cease this foolishness, you idiot! Has all your blood left your brain when your friends died?!"

"Master! Release me at once!" she demanded, "I have to…!"

"You will come back here if you want or not!" Cross interrupted her, "You mustn't fight the Earl with hatred!" Ellen stared up at him, clenching her teeth and tears running down her cheeks. Ellen climbed back up and only when Linali had locked her arms around her, did Cross let go of the control he had over her. Ellen's breath hitched and she started sobbing, while Linali hugged her, patting her hair.

"Stand up! You can cry later when there's more time!" Cross shouted, "I have helped you with the Noahs because I need your help."

"Help…?" Ellen managed to ask.

"With what?" Linali wondered, letting go of Ellen.

"With my mission!" Cross said and both of the girls looked up at him in surprise. "You know why we're here, don't you? The destruction of the Akuma plant!"

"The plant is here on the Ark?" Linali asked in surprise and Ellen looked at Cross in wonder.

"The room still exist, guide us to the plant, Tim!", Cross answered and then they were engulfed in bright light. They were transported into another room, with bodies littering the ground.

"What… Corpses?!" Ellen shrieked.

"Those are the guardians of the Akuma plant," Cross explained. Ellen stared at him, but then Linali tugged at her arm and she turned around, seeing a strange object behind her. "This round thing is the Egg that the Earl created to produce the bodies of the Akuma. I would like to just smash it to pieces but there's a barrier and we don't have much time left." Indeed, the whole room was trembling as well and pillars of light pierced the floor. Ellen's eyes were fixed on the Akuma plant and it appeared to her that she could hear a heartbeat and breathing.

"It breathes…? Impossible…" Ellen thought.

"Look at the top!" Cross told her and she looked up. The top of the egg was already starting to dissolve. "This is the last room of the old Ark which's being downloaded. As soon as the egg is completely transferred the Ark will crumble completely. And we with it!"

"What should we do, General?!" Ellen shouted when the floor shook more violently than before.

"Hmpf. We have to simply stop it!" the general replied and Ellen looked at him incredulously. "We have to get the Egg. If we can move the Ark and stop the download then they cannot get it!" Cross told her, but Ellen just shook her head.

"And how should this be possible?! We do know nothing about this ship!"

"General Cross," Linali spoke up, apparently calmer than Ellen was, "do you know something about this Ark? Can you steer it?"

"I can't," he said, then he focused his glare on Ellen, "but you can. You, Ellen!" The young girl widened her eyes in disbelief. Meanwhile the tall man spoke an incantation, fingers pointed towards the Akuma plant. "My abilities can only delay the download, but not for long. You will get the Ark moving, Ellen! Fast, there is nearly no time left!"

"What?! Hold on a moment, if you please!! I do not know what you are talking about! I cannot possibly do such a thing!!" Ellen shouted in protest.

"I will open the door to the very last room. Tim will guide you. You will know what to do…" he said and Ellen saw the golden golem rushing at her. Instead of making impact with her, Timcampy soared past her and Ellen was pulled into bright light. She heard Linali shout, but she could also hear Cross speaking: "you are the only one who can do it!" And suddenly everything was dark and silent. Ellen still wondered at Cross' words, but then her eyes suddenly snapped open. She frantically sat up and looked around. She was sitting on a comfortable couch in a completely white room. She saw a big window that showed nothing but the room's reflection, some chairs, the aforementioned couch and a piano.

"W… Where am I? Master? Linali?" She looked around but saw neither of the two. She tentatively put her feet on the ground and stood up. It was eerily quite in this room, no voices, no explosions, so shaking walls. "Am I still onboard of the Ark…?" She wondered.

"_Not even the Earl knows of this place…"_A foreign voice whispered. Ellen's heart nearly jumped out of her breast. There was no one in the room, then where did this voice come from?! _"It is the secret room of the Fourteenth." _Ellen turned her head to the side where the window was and to her great surprise there was a dark face staring at her. It did not have distinct human features; simply two white spots as eyes and a wide white mouth on the dark coloured face.

"Who are you?!" Ellen shouted in surprise but she thought that she recognised this person; yes! She had seen it before in a dream she had after being nearly killed by Tyki Mikk! However, the strange person did not reply to her question, it merely lifted its hand and pointed at the piano visible in the reflecting glass.

"_My key!"_It said, _"My…" _Ellen raised her eyebrow in wonder and turned around to the actual piano. Timcampy sat on the piano, where one usually placed the musical score.

"Sir… Tim…?"

"_My Timcampy… Ellen… Timcampy… And me! We have the player's license!__"_

"Player?! What are you talking about?! Who are you?! Speak up!" Ellen shouted, but the figure keep quiet. Ellen glared at the reflection. "I don't like this!" she thought, while the figure's grin only widened. Suddenly her communication earring cracked and a loud voice pierced Ellen's ears:

"You damn idiot! And you want to be my pupil?!" It was Cross, but Ellen was too preoccupied to hold her ringing ear to reply. "Stop the download!! Are you in the room?!"

"Ellen, are you alright?" Linali's voice appeared as well, "can you hear us?"

"L… Linali? Yes… yes I am fine!"

"Ellen! Is there a piano in the room?" Cross continued and Ellen looked at the instrument.

"Yes there is one," she replied wondering why he knew that.

"This is the heart which moves the Ark. Play it!" The general told her.

"W… What?" Ellen asked after keeping silent for a short moment.

"Tim has the musical score you need!" Ellen heard over the other noise that the earring transmitted. Cross continued saying something but Ellen could only make out some words, then the connection was terminated.

"Master!" Ellen shouted, but it was silent again.

"_Ellen, play!"_the voice of the reflection commanded. Ellen glared at him with an uneasy feeling.

"Why me?"

"_Because it is your score!"_Timcampy opened its mouth and a floating picture appeared above it: the score did not look like usual sheet music looked like, but Ellen was shocked because of another reason when she saw it. She recognised it! She walked to the piano and with a trembling hand she reached out, nearly touching the projection.

"This crest…" she whispered, "no! That cannot be! These markings, why are they here?" Her heart ached and tears welled up in her eyes.

"_This is the song! And the melody is inside of you…"_Ellen took a trembling breath, still looking at the score, but then she put her fingers on the piano keys. She knew what to play, she knew what song to sing – but how? She squeezed her eyes shut but then she opened her mouth and sang the song that came from deep within her heart, it came from a far away memory but she recalled the words, she recalled the melody.

"Bring the Ark under your control, Ellen! You must wish for something while playing!" Cross' voice suddenly appeared again and Ellen stopped singing at once, also pausing her hands' movement.

"I must… wish?" she repeated.

"Hurry up!!" her general urged her.

"_Wish!"_ the reflection that also stood at the piano whispered.

"M… my wish… The download… The Ark…" Ellen gasped and widened her eyes, looking at nothing in particular. "I…" she started crying, and put one of her hands over her eyes. "There is only one wish I have…!" She started playing again, seeing her lost friends in her mind. Chao Zhi, Crowley, Rabi, Kanda! "Dear God, Ark! You must not dissolve! Give me back my friends!!" She cried and slammed her hands on the keys which also sent a jolt through her body. She felt her whole body pulsating, but then it slowly faded and everything was quiet. With her fingers still on the keys she stared at the wall. It was over. Whatever had happened, it was over now…

-

After a while Ellen could hear Cross' voice through her communicator. But whatever he said, she only barely heard him and did not reply.

"We come to you into the room, open a door, Ellen!" The young girl pushed a key on the piano and moments later Linali and Cross came through a white door.

"Linali! Thank God…" Ellen said and smiled after she saw her friend.

"Ellen…?" Linali asked her and walked up to her, "I have heard a piano. Did you play it?" She nodded, but then her face changed and she looked at Cross.

"I know already what you want to say, so stop looking so sour, it doesn't become you," he told her, smoking calmly.

"Why… Why these scores? And why this melody?!" Ellen hissed, but then she was interrupted by a loud voice seemingly coming out of nowhere.

"EEEEELLEN! FOOD IS READY!!!"

"W… What is that?!" Linali asked in surprise.

"That comes from the Ark, someone's shouting for you, Ellen…" Cross explained and Ellen stared at him.

"Mister Rabi, they are not dogs, they won't come if you call like this…" another voice appeared, apparently it was Chao Zhi.

"Nonsense! I know how to tempt Ellen! ELLEN! COME AND EAT! There are also a lot of great novels! Come! I'm sure you want to read them! Or do you want to hear the latest news about London?! Or what about the colour of Yu's favourite underwear?! COME AND I'LL TELL YOU!!!" As he shouted that a huge moving picture appeared on the wall, showing a healthy Rabi shouting, while Chao Zhi just rolled his eyes. Both Linali and Ellen gasped.

"They are alive! They are really alive!!" Ellen shrieked, lifting her hands in front of her mouth, "I cannot believe it!" Ellen looked around, but then she rushed to the piano but as she wanted to press the keys something made her freeze:  
"Oh! YU!!" Ellen lifted her head and saw how Kanda walked up to Rabi, dragging Crowley with him.

"Dear God…" she whispered, and the other's must have heard it too because they all looked up.

"Was that the beansprout's voice coming from the sky?" Kanda wondered and put Crowley on the floor. "Oi, Rabi! Where- " he started, but then a door not all too far away form him was thrown open. He turned around and saw Ellen running towards him. "E…" he started, but she jumped into his arms, embracing him and crying loudly.

"You're alive! Oh God, you're alive!!" she shouted, nearly crushing him in her embrace. But he got over his surprise pretty fast and returned the tight hug, burying his face into her soft but blood stained hair.

"Yes… Shh, shh… Don't cry, everything's alright now…" he whispered gently, only for her to hear.

"I am so glad!" Ellen breathed, then she looked up at Kanda, smiling through her tears, "you kept your promise!"

"Of course," Kanda said, then he suddenly lowered his face and kissed her. Ellen didn't even think about protesting right now and held his face, laughing in relief when his lips left hers.

"Do I get a kiss as well?" Rabi asked with a grin and Ellen continued laughing. She let go of Kanda and embraced Rabi as well, planting a kiss on both of his cheeks. Kanda sighed deeply, the fear of losing Ellen or never seeing again because of his own death was finally gone. When Ellen turned back to Kanda, he gave a start. Without saying anything he pulled her against his chest.

"W…What is the matter?" Ellen wondered as he held her firmly fixed to his side. "It is alright, I will not go anywhere…"

"Y… Your breast was showing…!" he told her with red cheeks and Ellen looked up at him.

"Oh… right, my uniform got torn earlier…" she said.

"And you don't worry about that?! Don't be so reckless!", he told her and she had to laugh because between the two of them Kanda was the one who wore even less. "Damn, my coat got burnt off…!"

"It is no big deal, Kanda. I don't mind that much...," she told him, deciding to keep silent about Cross' reaction to it.

"Don't mind?! Don't go showing your chest to other people! Oi! Rabi! Give her your jacket!" the Japanese ordered and Rabi stared at him in surprise.

"What?! _Me_?"

"Now!" Kanda shouted and Rabi took off his jacket with a pout, handing it to Kanda. The young man put it around Ellen's shoulders and sighed in relief.

"It's not as if we would jump a woman just because we catch a glimpse of her breasts…" Rabi muttered but Kanda clearly had other ideas about the subject. Either way he was really glad to have Ellen by his side and he did not let her move away from her one step. And for the moment Ellen was perfectly fine with that. She had had her wish granted: the fighting was over, her friends were safe and she and Kanda were reunited. And that was all that mattered right now.

_To be continued._

**Notes:**

Best to stop here :3 I hope you liked it! I certainly enjoyed typing the bit about Kanda and Ellen seeing each other again. Next chapter there will be even more of them! *happy*

P.S. As I said before, I'm where I wanted this fic to be long ago. From now on more things are bound to change and the true struggle for Kanda and Ellen to stay together starts now (because there are more difficult things to overcome than some Tyki-gone-mad – like Ellen's mother *lol* Just kidding)! :D :D


	40. Kapitel 38 Words Unspoken

**Author's Notes:**

Aaaaah! Hoshino, why do you need to kill my plot ideas??!

Tch. This fan fiction will just ignore recent developments until further notice (*lol* how irresponsible)

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 38: Words unspoken**

The white city of the Ark lay in complete and peaceful silence. Ellen looked up at the seemingly endless blue sky with the occasional white doves flying over the roofs of the houses. Rabi and Kanda had carried the still unconscious Crowley into the white room where Cross and Linali were, while Chao Zhi and Ellen lingered behind. She did not say anything to him, she merely had hands folded behind her back and leant against the wall of a building while he sat on the stairs – as silent as she was. She did cast one hesitant look in his direction, but still could not make up her mind to speak to him.

"He must hate me and I understand his anger even though I do think he is overreacting… Maybe I should first let him cool down a bit…" Ellen mused, while Chao Zhi stubbornly focused all his attention on the white floor. She probably would not get around interacting with him in the future as he seemed to be compatible with Innocence. Therefore it would be best for them to make peace as fast as possible. Ellen nodded to herself and mustered her courage. She turned around and looked at the young man.

"Mister Chao Zhi," she spoke up and he raised his head to look at her, "let me please apologize to you if I have offended your feelings." She said. He seemed quite confused to hear her speak to him, but then he blushed and glued his eyes to the ground again.

"I…" he started, but was then interrupted by Rabi and Kanda who returned from the secret room of the Fourteenth.

"What's the matter? Why do you look so down you two?" Rabi wondered. Ellen laughed uneasily.

"Do not worry! There is nothing wrong!" Rabi raised an eyebrow, but then he sighed.

"The General told us to go look around the town, just in case there's still a Noah in here!".

"Oh, I see. Should we get going then?" Ellen proposed but Chao Zhi hesitated to come with them. Ellen looked at him uneasily, but Kanda stepped in.

"There is no point in all of us looking together. We split up. Beansprout, you come with me!" he ordered, then he walked away into one direction. Rabi blinked in surprise, but he nodded and grinned at Chao Zhi.

"Well! Come on Chao Zhi! Let's explore for a bit!" The young man finally agreed and followed the red-head. Ellen sighed but then she walked up to Kanda, trotting beside him with a cast-down face.

"What's the matter with him?" Kanda asked after they had walked in silence for a while. Ellen hesitated to answer, but the fact that Kanda had even realized that there was tension between them reassured her that he would also hear her out.

"You… might think me stupid…" Kanda snorted, but Ellen continued never the less, "but I wanted to save a Noah after I exorcised him…" Kanda stopped, making Ellen halt as well. The young man turned around and looked at her with a doubtful frown. Ellen fretted a bit, but then she decided to justify her decision. "I did truly think that his Noah was gone for good! That he was only an ordinary human now! And why should I not save him? He has a right to live and repent for what he did! It was not my place to judge him! Or - Heaven forbid! - to decide to let him die! I just… I could not!"

"You are a fool, beansprout…" Kanda started, "and in the eyes of the victims, it will never do you good to have mercy towards those who have wronged us… However," he continued and this made Ellen look up, "I think you chose well. You were responsible enough to do what you thought was right even though many who aren't half as good as you are might judge you for it…". Ellen looked at him with wide eyes, quite surprised to hear him praise her despite the dubious actions she took.

"So you… You do not think that I committed a grave mistake by wanting to save an enemy?"

"I think that you are a fool," Kanda replied calmly, sighing slightly, but then he looked at her with an almost gentle expression, "but I respect you for your innate mercy and goodness. I do not think that this was an action that sprouted out of a rash and emotional decision. Just remember; whatever you do, you must be ready to face responsibility for your actions." Ellen looked at him, but then she nodded, blushing slightly.

"I… I will remember…" she said. Kanda, feeling slightly awkward himself, just coughed shortly, then he looked around.

"I can neither see nor sense a Noah near by. I think everybody except us has left the Ark," he said. Ellen eagerly accepted this change of topic and nodded. _Responsibility_… In their current situation this word carried a lot of weight for both of them. But even though they knew, neither was able to bring the topic up. But Ellen was determined to at least try, because for her it was immensely important to clear things up.

"I… Uh…" He turned to look at her and the moment she saw that expectant look in his eyes – probably hoping for her to address the topic – the courage left her. She blushed and averted her eyes, but something else caught her interest that could mask her change of heart: "These markings on your chest – they did not look like this the last time I saw them." Kanda widened his eyes just slightly, but then he also looked to the floor.

"Oh…" he said, "So you… noticed," he mumbled and Ellen bit her lips. He did look a bit disappointed when she suddenly changed her mind to settle on another topic, but then he put his hand over the left side of his chest.

"I noticed it before, back in Italy… But I thought those were merely decorative in function, but now that I see them altered I cannot help but wonder…" Kanda frowned slightly, but then he turned away, letting her see his unblemished, pale back. "You… cannot tell?" Ellen wondered.

"It is something that I would rather not talk about…" he told her, "not now…" Ellen walked up to him, standing in front of Kanda to look up at him.

"I do not mind," she assured him, putting her hands on his upper arms, "I do not mind if you do not wish to tell me. If it pains you to speak about it then I will not force you to. But do share your burden with me, so that I can help you carry it for a while!" Kanda looked at her in surprise, but then he put his hands over hers, taking them away from his upper arms to hold them.

"I do not want to make you carry another burden for which you do not know what the consequences are…" He kissed her hands, then he let her go. Ellen, her heart sinking into her stomach with dread once he said those words, pulled away rather fast.

"I…!" Kanda witnessed this reaction to his words – which were not wisely chosen, he must admit, considering the delicate situation – and decided that it was best to approach this topic slowly.

"When I…" he started and Ellen looked up at him, unshed tears of fear and embarrassment in her eyes. "Was fighting against the Noah I kept thinking about you." The young girl in front of him was visibly surprised at hearing this confession. Kanda folded his arms in front of his chest, looking up at the sky. "If I died here then what would become of you? If I could not return to your side what would you do? I knew that dying was not an option because it would harm you in more than one way – or so I _hoped_, for lack of a better way of putting it." Ellen squeezed her eyes shut at that and wiped the wetness away.

"Of course I would have been devastated!" she said breathlessly, "You mean a lot to me…!" Kanda reached out and put his hand on Ellen's head, stopping her trembling.

"You once said that if you can you will do everything in order to protect someone…" Kanda told her, letting his hand glide through her short hair and resting his palm against her cheek.

"I… Did say that…" Ellen mumbled, not withdrawing from his gentle touch.

"And I decided that I must do everything I can in order to protect you. As long as I can. As long as you allow me to…" the young man told her. Ellen did not reply to that, something which made Kanda frown slightly but he tried not to show her how her silence affected him.

"When everything around me was being destroyed…" the white haired girl finally said, "and I was standing in front of that piano… All my thoughts, which were running wild just moments before, narrowed to one simple wish: _give him back!_ A fire starting from the bit of my stomach spread through me until I could think of nothing else but the abysmal suffering I would face if you were robbed from me…" Ellen, who had been speaking more to herself than to her partner, now looked up straight at Kanda. "Not only because I carry your child in me, but also because I deeply care for you." Kanda widened his eyes in surprise, not only because she affirmed her feelings for him (even though her "I care for you" was not the same as Kanda's love and adoration) but also because she spoke about _it_ again. It. That peculiar _thing_ that Kanda could not yet truly understand. His part in her. _Their child_.

Again, his mind was not able to grasp it, even though the very notion made his whole body tense up, so he chose to focus on her feelings for him instead, leaving the other bit for later. For a better opportunity, maybe when he understood.

"So you… wished me back from the dead…" Kanda said. Ellen's eyes snapped open.

"From the dead! No, I do not think that I hold such power…!" she argued, "I do not even want to think about this for the moment! I am just grateful that you are back – I will think about it later." Kanda studied the girl in front of him in awe and wonder, but then he shook his head and snorted slightly.

"Fine. Let's thinks later." Ellen nodded and then she stretched her arms and breathing in deeply.

"Yes… There is still enough time for that… Let us just be glad that we are all alive," Ellen said with a smile and turned to look at Kanda, "do you not agree?"

"Hm. I agree, beansprout." Ellen laughed at that.

"Oh! Have you noticed! I grew! I am taller than Linali now!" she said and Kanda shook his head in amusement.

"Idiot. You're still a beansprout, you won't ever get rid of your beansprout nature," he told her and patted her head.

"Beansprout nature!" Ellen huffed in indignation, but then she giggled and followed Kanda, always walking a few steps behind him. And Kanda felt it: there was still a gap between them, a crevasse which months of absence and unforeseen circumstances have torn. And Kanda really strained his mind to find out how exactly he could overcome it.

-

They met up with Rabi and Chao Zhi soon after, confirming that there was really no trace of the Noahs left.

"Well then, we should best get going then, we are all injured…" Ellen suggested to which there was absolutely no opposition. They went back into the secret room of the Fourteenth where they found Crowley lying on the white couch.

"Linali, how is the baron?" Ellen asked, while the other three were looking around the strange room.

"He has not regained consciousness… We should hurry and get him into the infirmary…" Linali replied, studying their unconscious friend.

"You played that piano?" Rabi spoke up, taking Ellen's attention away from the injured Crowley, "and that made the download stop?"

"Apparently…" Ellen replied but she was not willing to go into details, that's why she added: "is it not fortunate that I am a decent piano player?" Ellen smiled and Rabi laughed and refrained from asking anymore questions about it even though it would have interested him.

"Oi, brat. Come here and get this thing moving!" Cross said and Ellen turned around to look at him in wonder. The general merely pointed at the piano. She frowned slightly but then she walked over to the piano and put her fingers on the key.

"And what am I supposed to do now?"

"Cancel the Edo connection!" he told her and Ellen looked over her shoulder in wonder.

"Edo connection? What is that supposed to be?"

"Stop thinking you idiot and just say it!" the red-haired man snapped and Ellen groaned, turning back to the keys.

"But afterwards you will answer my questions!" she argued.  
"I would like to hear the explanation as well!" Rabi spoke up with a grin. Ellen breathed in, but then she starting playing the familiar tune.

"Ark, cancel the Edo connection! Open the gate!" Ellen commanded, her voice echoing through the room.

"That should have done it," Cross said after a while.

"What? But I noticed nothing happening!" Rabi argued, but Ellen shook her head.

"No… He is right… I felt something…" She shortly clenched her fist, but then she pushed one of the keys down, "we are back where Miranda and the others are… The gate I opened leads out…" She turned around to look at her friends. "I hope the others are alright!"

"Ah! I'll go and have a look!" Rabi shouted and ran to the door. With Ellen's guidance he quickly found a door that led him back to the destroyed capital of Edo. "Hey everybody! Are you alright?!" Rabi shouted when he saw the others. Ellen heard the others shouting something in return but she merely smiled, then a wave of exhaustion hit her. Cross got up from his chair and grabbed the girl before she fell and sat her on the chair.

"Ellen? Are you alright?" Linali asked in a worried tone when she saw Cross firmly holding on to Ellen's arms, so that the pale girl remained sitting.

"Hmm…" she mumbled and lifted one of her hands to her face, wiping away the sweat. "I…" Kanda, who had just escaped the relieved crying attack of his general, noticed at once that something was up with Ellen.  
"Oi, beansprout. What's wrong?" he asked and walked up to her. Ellen raised her head and smiled faintly.

"I would like to go see Bak Chan for a moment… Is this possible, General?" Cross snorted, but then he let go of her arms.

"That's fine. We will need to establish a telephone connection with headquarters anyway so that we can tell Komui that we will come back shortly." Cross said, "you there, pretty boy! Get everybody out there on the Ark!" Kanda looked at him in irritation, but he turned around and walked out of the room to get the others inside of the Ark.

"Why do you want to talk to Bak?" Linali wondered but Ellen just smiled at her, "Ellen? Ellen, are you alright? You are terribly pale!"

"Tch. She's fine!" Cross said but Linali was not convinced. "The Ark is still connected to the Asia Branch. So let's just go there…" he continued when he was sure that everybody was on board. Ellen got up from the chair and went into the Ark's town. They quickly found the door that led to the Asia Branch.

"Rabi? Are you coming with me?" Ellen asked when she saw the young man standing next to her. He grinned.

"Yes! Kanda sent me, he is currently being bothered by his general, that's why he told me to watch over you." Ellen smiled slightly, then she opened the door and went through it. On the other side she found the Asia branch just like she left it with Bak and the other scientists waiting for her.

"Walker!!" Bak shouted in relief, "you're back!" Ellen smiled and nodded.

"We need to connect the headquarters from here, could you do that for us?" she asked and Bak nodded.

"Of course! Are you guys injured?"

"Yes, but do not worry about that for the moment, we will get treated when we return home… But…" Bak studied her and nodded.

"There is something else… Yes I understand… Come with me…" he said, then he walked on ahead. Ellen heard some sort of commotion including General Cross and Linali, but she ignored it for now, there was something else she had to deal with right now. Rabi trotted after her, not asking anything, but not staying behind either. Ellen did not complain so he guessed that she actually wanted him to come with her. They reached a medical room after a while and Bak asked Ellen to lie down on a bed.

"I think you are rather reckless, Walker… Be a little bit considerate of your body… It's no longer only the host to Innocence, remember that…" Bak chid her and Ellen laughed faintly.

"I know… But you cannot expect me to think about such things when I have to fight for my life…" she replied almost jokingly which made Bak frown at her.

"This really is no life for a young girl in your condition…!" he said bitterly, but then he looked up at Rabi, who was now standing beside the bed. "Ah, the Bookman's apprentice, I am sorry that I did not greet you before"

"Don't worry about me. Just do whatever you were doing," he said and sat down on the chair next to the bed. Bak snorted.

"Well, Walker, at least you chose a fitting man for you, as far as I know Rabi is a fine young man," he said. Rabi lifted an eyebrow in wonder. "But you are both fools. You are both still children! And still you were stupid enough to let this happen! But now you should better pay attention to Walker!"

"Uhm… No… I…" Rabi spluttered, but Ellen just reached out and pulled his wrist.

"You know, do you not?" Ellen asked while Bak started his examination. Rabi hesitated, but then he nodded.

"Hard not to get it when one pays attention to details…" he confessed and Ellen smiled at him.

"Do not pull such a face Rabi… I hope you are not disappointed in me…" she said but Rabi shook his head.

"Of course not!! How could I?!" he asked in surprise. Ellen's smile didn't slip but she did look rather thoughtful. She let go of his wrist and watched Bak examining her. "But Ellen… What do you want to do now…?"

"I do not know yet… There is only a limited choice…" she replied, "especially for a woman of my standing…"

"Maybe you should talk to your mother…" Rabi suggested but Ellen seemed very troubled when he said that, "or if not with your mother then at least with Cross!"

"I probably should do that… But I do not know what to tell him…" Ellen mumbled, "and maybe…"

"No. You have to tell him that you are pregnant, Ellen," Bak said and Ellen sighed deeply, which surprised Rabi. "I really wonder why but your child still seems to be fine… I do not know how much of this fact can be ascribed to the Innocence's power… But if you slow down for a bit there is a good chance for you two to have a healthy child in less than half a year…" Rabi blushed again upon hearing that.

"Uh, Ellen…? I do think that Kanda should have come instead of me…," he whispered but received no reaction from the girl, "don't you want to correct him?"

"What?" Bak wondered when Rabi was just met with silence. Rabi frowned in slight irritation, but then he turned to Bak.

"Unfortunately I have to disappoint you. It is not me who is the father of Ellen's child…," he said and then he looked back at Ellen who was now sitting up, "and why can't you just tell him?!"

"What's the matter? Why are you so agitated?" Bak asked in confusion, looking from Rabi to Ellen.

"_Yu_'s the one who should be standing here right now!" Rabi replied loud enough for Ellen to flinch. Bak widened his eyes in surprise.

"Yu? As in Kanda Yu?!" Rabi nodded, „Kanda is going to be a father?!" Bak shouted in surprise and Ellen stood up, her heels making loud clacking noises on the stone floor, silencing both Rabi and Bak.

"Thank you, Mister Chan, for examining me," she said politely.

"Uh… Anytime, Walker. But… do tell your General and mother… And… about Kanda…"

"Please… I…" Ellen stopped him, putting her hand to her forehead, "I am sorry… Could we please discuss this at a later point? I feel quite exhausted at the moment…" Bak looked uncertain, but he nodded.

"Of course… Let us get you back to headquarters…" Ellen thanked him and followed him out of the room. Rabi walked after them, forcing himself to stay quiet even though he had a lot to say to Ellen.

-

In all the commotion and chaos accompanying their return to headquarters Kanda was separated from Ellen without even being able to complain about it. After having suffered through an annoying check up by the matron he was still sitting on his bed, sourly waiting to be discharged. He was fully healed anyway so why should he stay here? It was absolutely unnecessary and he thought that he would be better off at Ellen's bed-side. But he was aware that there was a possibility that his presence in the room reserved for female patients might not be all that welcome. But he rather felt like he was in a mad-house instead of the infirmary ward because there was a lot of noise in their room. Crowley's stomach was loudly growling for food, Rabi was wailing at the tops of his lungs that he could not sleep with that noise and Mari simply tried to take it the best he could. But all in all it was too loud to even consider resting!

Kanda looked up from his bed sheet when he felt someone jump onto the mattress.

"What do you want?!" He hissed at Rabi, but the red-head simply grinned apologetically at him.

"I'm not trying to fool around! Trust me!" Rabi said as Kanda snatched away his pillow from Rabi's hands. He frowned when he saw Rabi's face change. „There is something I would like to talk to you about…"

"What?" Kanda asked, sceptical of the serious expression Rabi wore.

"It's about Ellen." Kanda had already guessed as much and nodded, "I am aware of the situation you two find yourself in…"  
"Is something the matter with Ellen?" Mari asked, as it was hard for him to not overhear their hushed conversation. Rabi looked at him uncertainly but Kanda just nodded at Mari. Rabi guessed that Kanda did not mind about his comrade hearing but he was also aware that Ellen would rather keep the whole matter a secret – not that Rabi approved of this.

"Despite the fighting… Well… _It_'s still okay…" the Bookman apprentice said, unsure of how to put it without being all too obvious. But Kanda understood him perfectly well.

"That's good."

"Do you honestly think so?" Rabi wondered and Kanda narrowed his eyebrows.

"Why should I not?"

"Because Ellen seemed disappointed when she heard that everything was fine…" Rabi confessed and Kanda widened his eyes in surprise. Truth to be told this information did shock him a bit. Of course, life would probably be easier for the two young exorcists without somebody else to worry about, but now that it has happened there was no reason to wish it away. Or was there…? "I mean…" Rabi started, but then he leant closer to Kanda, directly looking him into his eyes. "Come on, Yu! Are you really aware what this means?! Ellen is pregnant for Christ's sake! You are going to be a father in about six months!" Kanda stared at Rabi, but was diverted by a choking noise coming from Mari. The man wore an incredulous expression.

"Shut up, Mari! Now's not the time to be indignant!" Kanda hissed, his cheeks slightly coloured both in irritation but also embarrassment. However, Mari did not say anything else about it, he probably tried to get over his shock or possible moral reservations he had about this piece of information.

"Uh… Sorry… I really do not want to put you under pressure and I am actually as clueless about Ellen's situation as you are but… I think you do need to worry about it…" Kanda remained silent and Rabi dared to continue: "Ellen… she seems to be quite uncomfortable… When Bak thought that I was Ellen's lover she did not contradict him… She… Well… She is an aristocrat and she has to carry a lot of obligations because of that… By which I do not want to say that she does not want to marry somebody from a different social class but… Uhm…" Kanda glared at him.

"I understand what you want to say quite well. I already had a brush with her class consciousness before," Kanda told Rabi with an almost bitter tone, "but I thought that she got over it."

"Yes…" Rabi said with a sigh, "I hoped for that as well…". Kanda sat on his bed for a few more minutes, silently contemplating what he was to do now. He snorted in irritation, got up, pulled on a thin jacket and wanted to leave.

"Yu? Where are you going?" Rabi asked in wonder.

"Out of here!" was all he replied but he ran straight into an obstacle at the door: General Tiedoll.

"Oh? What are you doing out of bed, Yu?" Kanda glared at him.

"Out of the way!" The general did not move an inch, "_please._"

"Where do you want to go?" Tiedoll wondered and Kanda sighed in irritation.

"I want to go see Ellen Walker, there is something we need to talk about," Kanda said and Tiedoll smiled fondly.

"Aaah! I see! Then take these flowers!" he said and handed Kanda a bouquet of flowers, "and give her my regards." Kanda took the flowers wordlessly, hesitating for a while, but then he nodded and looked at his general.

"General. When I get back, I need to talk to you about something…". Before Tiedoll could put words to his surprise, Kanda slipped out of the infirmary. Now there was no way around it; _they needed to talk_.

_To be continued._

**Notes:**

There he goes; Kanda mustered his courage to face the truth.

I'd love to hear your thoughts :3


	41. Kapitel 39 His Heart Between the Lines

**Author's Notes:**

What? Back already? *lol* I was very happy with the responses I got for the last chapter, consider this faster-than-usual update a reward! ;3

This chapter finally includes the reason why I did not want to show you Kanda's reaction to Ellen's "death" – I hope it works with you readers as well as I anticipated. Now that I actually wrote it I am not so sure anymore X3

With that said, I hope you can enjoy this chapter! :3

P.S. The title gave me some problems and it turned out quite cheesy. *lol*

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

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**Kapitel 39: His Heart Between the Lines**

When Kanda opened the door to the room where the women were resting he was met with a stern looking matron, glaring down at him. He almost took a step back when he saw her face through the many flowers he was carrying.

"Do you mind telling me what you are doing out of your bed, Kanda?" she asked dangerously, but also cast a sceptical glance at the flowers, so very out of place in Kanda's arms.

"Tch! I don't need to stay in the infirmary, I am fine. I just wanted to see Ellen Walker," he replied and held the flowers closer to her as if they were the proof that he spoke the truth. The matron's hard gaze softened immediately.

"My… A young man with a bouquet of flowers…," she sighed, then she took the flowers out of his hands, "I must disappoint you. The moment I turned my back on the young girl she stole out of the room!" She said and walked into the room, putting the flowers into a vase, "I have already asked finders to go look for the little irresponsible lady…" Kanda frowned. Ellen had stole out of the infirmary? Why would she do that?

"Kanda! Hello!" Kanda peeked into the room and saw Linali and Miranda in their beds, but Ellen' bed was indeed empty.

"Hm. How are you?" he asked and saw Linali smile.

"We are fine, thanks for asking," she replied, but then she put on a worried expression, "Ellen's not here. I do not know where she went!"

"I'll go looking for her…" Kanda told her and turned around, leaving.

"Hey! Young man! Return to your bed!!" The matron was shouting, but Kanda just quickened his pace and disappeared out of the infirmary.

"Tch, idiot beansprout! It almost seems as if she tried to run away from me!" the exorcist snorted in annoyance, when he was some corridors away from the infirmary and the clutches of the matron. "Where could she be…?" Kanda wondered as he walked through the corridor. However, he did not need to walk for long because he heard a very faint melody. "A lullaby?" Kanda wondered with a frown, but he followed the sound.

"Oi, what's that noise?" Kanda asked a random scientist that he met while walking down the corridors. The man scratched his head.

"It's singing… right?" he suggested and Kanda rolled his eyes at the obvious reply he got. But Kanda was trying to be patient.

"Where does it come from?"

"Uh… Actually I think it comes from the fifth laboratory, where the Ark is being examined…" the man replied. Kanda didn't need to hear more and just continued walking to the fifth laboratory where a gate to the Ark was. "Hey! You can't just walk in there!" The scientist called after him, but Kanda ignored him. The fifth laboratory was a huge hall, high enough to fit the Ark's gate. The Akuma egg was also being examined there, consequently it was a very busy place, filled with exhausted scientists running around. Kanda simply ignored anyone who voiced uneasiness about him walking around in this restricted area and made his way up to the Ark. The singing was definitely coming from the Ark – it must be Ellen.

"Oh, Kanda. What are you doing here?" Kanda felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around, finding Section Chief Reever behind him. "You should be resting!"

"Don't speak nonsense, there is no need for me to rest!" Kanda argued, then he pointed to the gate, "I followed the lullaby." Reever widened his eyes slightly, but then he scratched the back of his head, laughing.

"Yes, it's kind of eerie to hear the song, especially as it comes from the Ark, but it somehow calms us down. You must have noticed the chaos and workload we have thanks to the Ark and the Akuma Egg being here…" Kanda snorted, then he nodded at the Ark.

"I want to go in there, the person singing is most likely the beansprout," Kanda told him and Reever seemed surprised to hear that.

"So it is Ellen singing? I didn't even see her go into the Ark!"

"Tch, doesn't surprise me. It's as busy as the streets of London here!" Kanda argued, then he walked up to the Ark's gate. Reever first wanted to stop him, but then he changed his mind.

"Just pay attention, we don't know yet what the Ark really is. And try to get Ellen out of there – she needs to rest as well!" Kanda lifted his hand to show him that he heard him, then he stepped through the gate, immediately finding himself in the warm and sunny town of the Ark. He turned his face towards the sky, where the music seemed to come from. He looked around to see if he could find the door that led to the room with the piano in it – searching in there would probably make most sense. After opening a few doors that led into either nothing or strange rooms, he found one white door standing ajar. A thin ray of light fell on the street from inside and Kanda pushed the door open gently. He found Ellen sitting on the piano stool, her voice had already died down some minutes ago. He wordlessly walked over to her, looking around to find out if anything had changed, which didn't seem to be the case though. Timcampy was with her, sitting on the remains of something Ellen must have brought to eat. How she had been able to get into the Ark unnoticed with a tower of food was beyond Kanda – but those scientists probably didn't see anything beside work anyway. Almost pitiable. Ellen had her bare feet resting on the cushion of the stool, arms on her knees and face hidden, only a unruly mop of short white hair was visible. Kanda sat down on the free space next to her, simply waiting. It seemed as she was greatly troubled by something, but whether it was because of their insecure relationship or something else, Kanda did not know. Finally she moved slightly, lifting her head just enough so that she could wipe the back of her hand over her eyes.

"Is everything alright?" Kanda asked and Ellen sniffed silently. She turned her head to the side, to look at Kanda and showed him a watery smile.

"Hm. Have you recovered already?" She asked instead of replying. Kanda looked at her, but she did not hold his gaze for long, slowly turning her head away again, to rest her chin on her arms.

"Yes…," he replied, but she did not really react to it. Kanda sighed. "Whatever is on your mind, you can tell me…"

"I…" Ellen mumbled, hiding her face again. Kanda turned his upper body towards her and took her hands, pulling them away from her knees to hold them.

"Please tell me… No matter what it is, I will listen," he promised her gently and Ellen blinked up at him. She couldn't look long at him because of new tears starting to form in her eyes. She lowered her head, but did not pull away her hands from Kanda's strong but gentle hold.

"It is… just this Ark… I cannot understand my place in all of this… I cannot form any answers…" she started after a while.

"To what questions…?" Kanda wondered and Ellen sighed.

"This song that controls the Ark… It is a lullaby…" Kanda nodded, "both the text and the melody I have heard before… Even though I have forgotten them, my memory returned when I was standing in front of that piano…" Ellen lowered her head again until her forehead touched their joined hands. "It is a lullaby Mana and mother used to sing to me when I was a small child." Kanda looked at her in wonder and when he saw how she started trembling, he took his hands from hers and put his arms around her. "So why is it here? Why does their song control the Ark of the Earl?!" Kanda couldn't give Ellen an answer either. It truly was suspicious, but Kanda refrained from saying anything against either her mother or uncle… "And then…" Ellen continued, "there is the music score. The symbols representing the notes... It was a secret code Mana and I invented to write small childish notes without my mother being able to read them. It was mere child's play! So why, WHY are they here on the Ark?! I cannot understand this!"

"Beansprout…! Ellen, calm down!" Kanda shouted when she started crying, "I won't tell you that it's coincidence, but no matter why they are here; they saved us!" Ellen lifted her head and looked at Kanda in wonder. The young man sighed in relief when she stopped crying to listen to him. "If your uncle has a connection to Noah's Ark, then that _is_ peculiar, but you must understand that whatever he had to do with it was beneficial to us. Without the song and the score you could not have saved us all… Do you see?" Kanda lifted his hand and wiped the tears from her eyes. Ellen nodded, even though she still seemed to be quite upset.

"Hm… Thank you Kanda… I will calm down for now and ask General Cross about it later…" she said.

"That's good…" Kanda replied and they sat next to each other in silence, both thinking about various things. Kanda had actually come here to talk about their future plans, but this room with all those painful questions did not seem to be the best place to do it. And Ellen didn't look like she was in any state to talk about it, now when her mind was filled by that shady uncle of hers.

"What do you think about stretching your legs for a bit? It might get your mind to calm down…" he suggested and Ellen looked at him with a smile.

"Yes, I would like that. I wanted to go check if there were any letters for me at the post office, but I forgot," Ellen told him and Kanda stood up, pulling the girl to her feet.

"Then let's go there," he said and walked on ahead.

"Kanda! Thank you for calming me down," Ellen said when they were out of the room. He turned around to look at her and was met with a bright smile.

"Hm, don't worry about it…" he said in slight embarrassment, then they left the Ark. The noisy hall met them again and they stole away unnoticed. They made their way through the corridors towards the post office.

"Hello!" Ellen greeted the man at the counter, "are there any letters for me?". The man checked a book that was lying in front of him and nodded.

"There are several," he replied, then he looked at Kanda. The dark haired exorcist rolled his eyes.

"There should be something for me as well…" he muttered and the man checked again.

"Just a moment, I will bring everything". When he was gone Ellen turned to Kanda, suddenly remembering something.

"I sent you a picture once! Did you receive it?" Ellen asked cheerfully. Kanda's heart, however, clenched painfully at the recollection. The young girl did notice the change in his face, but could not understand why.

"Yes…" Kanda finally said, forcing himself to calm down, "I have seen it. You looked great. Linali as well," he praised her. Ellen blushed but grinned proudly.

"Linali looked absolutely gorgeous but I think I must have looked strange dressed up like this! Like a china doll!" Ellen laughed merrily, while Kanda still remained silent. After a while he chose to speak up again:

"I could try to get my hands on my mother's kimonos – the sort of dress you wore I mean – if you're interested…" he told her and Ellen looked at him in wonder. Her reply had to wait though because the man came back with many letters and some parcels. He dropped three parcels into Kanda's arms, one slightly smaller parcel and all of the letters were given to Ellen.

"Let's find ourselves an empty reading room…," Kanda suggested and when Ellen agreed, he led the way to a room near the library. The room was small in size, but at least they had couches and armchairs as well as a table and reading lights. And there were no other people, so they had their privacy as soon as Kanda closed the door. Ellen, sat on the couch, putting letters and parcel onto the table in front of her.

"Don't you want to read them?" Kanda wondered while he was opening the rope that held the parcels together. Ellen smiled at him.

"What you said before," she started and Kanda looked over to where she was sitting, "I think I have never heard you talk of your mother before!" Kanda frowned which Ellen noticed of course, "do you not want to talk about her?"

"I'd rather not. There aren't many good memories connected to her… Or anybody else of my family for that matter…" Now it was Ellen's time to put on an unhappy expression. Kanda shook his head. "It's… not important right now…" Ellen sighed deeply.

"As you wish, I will not ask about it. But why did you offer to get her clothes for me?"

"She was very fond of expensive clothesand when I went to the Dark Order I deposited one of her suitcases at the Asia Branch because I did not know what to do with it… If you like it you can have it – I certainly do not need them…". Ellen did take notice of the fact that his mother wore expensive clothes – which meant that she probably must have had enough money to afford them. But Ellen was slightly disturbed at herself for taking notice of that instead of worrying about Kanda's attitude towards his mother and the questions whether she was still alive or not.

"If you really want to give something this precious to me then I would be happy to accept the gift," Ellen told him with a smile. Kanda didn't say anything for a while and Ellen watched him open the packets. "Are those books?"

"Yes…" Kanda replied and Ellen looked at him in wonder, "novels mostly…" But because Ellen seemed very keen on talking about it and Kanda felt embarrassed he told her to finally start reading her stupid letters. Ellen pouted, "I'll take these books into my room, you can have a look at them later on if you really must." At this the girl smiled and Kanda left the study. She looked through the letters, finding the Bermont family's seal on some of them, but she put them aside for those that had the simple initials "Y.K." scribbled on the back of the envelope.

"Did Kanda really write me letters?" Ellen wondered in excitement and sorted them according to the date they arrived at the Black Order. The first must have reached the office just shortly after she had left for Germany. She opened the letter and pulled out the paper. It was actually rather a short note than a letter but written in Kanda's very neat handwriting:

„_Beansprout_

_I have already started my next mission, we are on our way west. I do not know how long it will take. Rabi told me that he will join you in Germany – he should be able to protect you. He might be annoying but he's more or less useful as an exorcist. Maybe you're less prone to stupidly ge__tingt hurt if someone keeps an eye on you._

_Pay attention to yourself,_

_Kanda"_

Ellen had to laugh when reading the lines. Had she become less rash now? She doubted it because she still got quite some unnecessary injuries while fighting. And Rabi… Yes Rabi had been a very helpful partner throughout their long journey from Germany to Japan. He had given her courage and he had listened to her problems. But… Ellen lowered her head when she recalled the fight against Rabi in the Ark.

"How many of these thoughts were his own? I wonder what he really thinks about me…" Ellen mumbled, but then she shook her head. Right now she was reading the letters that Kanda had promised her (and he had held his promise, how delightful!), she would worry about Rabi at a later point.

"_Beansprout_

_I wanted to send you a letter yesterday and the day before and the day before. I did not know what to tell you. I still do not know what I would like to say to you. If you were here, then what should I say to you? I honestly don't know but I still want to see you._

_Take care,_

_Kanda"_

Despite its shortness this letter made Ellen's heart throb painfully. And after reading through it a second time, she quickly went to the next, reading the remaining letters wordlessly, but with a heavy heart.

"_Dear beansprout_

_A comrade died today. We do not know how he was killed, but his body will be transferred to the order in the morning. _

_I am not sure how I feel about this. I guess I'm irritated or frustrated and also slightly on edge. I couldn't stop it from happening and I should know that I am not to blame it on myself. It's not rare for exorcists to fall in battle, but I thought that we would be strong enough – that I would be strong enough to prevent such a "tragedy" as my General would probably call it._

_It's been almost three months since our first mission… I haven't heard of you for quite some time... I don't know what else to say…_

_Please take care of yourself,_

_Kanda"_

_-_

"_Dear beansprout_

_Many exorcists are dying all around the world and even a General fell. You've been probably charged with finding that slacker Cross. My remaining partner and I have now joined with our General. We are heading eastwards, the same as you do I've heard… It's dangerous, even more so now that our enemies have started moving. _

_I feel restless not knowing what you're doing. It's only been three months, but I can't help it. I'm getting distracted sometimes, wondering and thinking, but we're God knows where and I can't establish a golem connection with your team… _

_I hope you are alright,_

_Kanda"_

_-_

"_Ellen…_

_This morning, I received your photograph. And then, Rabi contacted me. All I heard is that you have lost your Innocence. He told me that you have fallen. I won't believe it. You can't just die. You can't just be gone from this world._

_You promised not to die and I swore to protect you. _

_You are alive. I know you are. I will continue hoping until I find you or your body is presented to me._

_If this letter reaches you, please contact me. There are so many things I want to tell you and I want to see you. Please, be alright. You must be._

_I love you. _

_Kanda"_

_-_

"_Dear Ellen_

_After the uncertainty of the two days I've finally been able to get another connection to your team. I needed to know what has happened to you. Rabi repeated that you have lost your Innocence and have been found by the Asian Branch. He couldn't tell me whether you are alive or dead. I feel wretched. But I still believe that you live. You promised and you won't go back on it._

_I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you… But if you are alive then I give you a new promise, Ellen. You can no longer be an exorcist – don't worry about that. You should return to your mother and I will come to find you. I will finish this war, I also will do the things you no longer can. Then I will return to you. And there will only be one thing I will need to tell you._

_I love you, Ellen…_

_Kanda"_

When Kanda return to the room he found Ellen bending over the letters she held in her hands, sobbing pitifully. He hastily closed the door and went to her, fearing that something might have happened to a relative of hers.

"What's wrong?" He asked and Ellen looked up from the letters, tears were streaming down her face and she looked sadder than he had ever seen her. "…Ellen?"

"I… I am so sorry…," she said, her voice thick with tears. Kanda looked at her in confusion.

"Why would you need to apologize to me? What happened?" He asked in concern. Ellen didn't say anything, she simply looked at Kanda with the tears still flowing freely. Kanda looked at her hand that was clenched over a few papers. He could see his own, now smeared, handwriting on it and widened his eyes.

"I read your letters…" Ellen whispered and Kanda turned his head back to her, looking at her in wonder and anxiety. Ellen put both of her hands in front of her eyes and wiped them, but the tears never stopped. "I am so sorry! I put you through so much despair!" Kanda finally stirred, darting forwards to embrace her.

"Yes…!" he breathed into her hair, "_never_ do that again!"

"No!" Ellen cried, grabbing Kanda's shirt. Kanda sighed in relief.

"I was… never really able to tell you how much I love you…," he said quietly, "will you listen to me?" Ellen stirred and looked up at Kanda.

"What…?" She asked in surprise.

"I love you, Ellen…," he told her and she widened her eyes, "I want to be with you until the day I die." Ellen was speechless, both to hear him talk so uncharacteristically honest and also because she knew not what to say now.

"Kanda I… Honestly, I do not really know what to reply in this kind of situation!" she confessed, blushing slightly. At this Kanda snorted, but pinched Ellen's cheeks. "Ow! Kanda! Do not take this lightly!"

"I am not, but you are just over-straining your head… Actually, I came to look for you to talk to you about what we should do now… But I found no appropriate moment."

"And you think this moment is appropriate?" Ellen wondered uneasily, "you are hardly rational at the moment!"

"Hardly rational? Do you want to insult me?" Kanda asked with a put-off frown. Maybe if she wouldn't seem so panicked he could be amused at what she said, but now it simply stung. Ellen blushed and Kanda lifted his hand to pat her hair. "Well… Maybe you should get some rest. We actually haven't been allowed out of the infirmary yet… Do you want me to take you there?" Ellen hesitated, but then she nodded. It was better for her to cool her head before she made another rash decision. Maybe she should just have answered "Yes, yes!!" but how could she follow her childish, unreasonable heart after making many disastrous decisions? No! This time she really had to consider her position; her foolishness had already gotten her into a bad situation, now she had to save whatever dignity as future head of the Bermont-Walker family she had left. If she just eloped with Kanda now – a man that seemed to love her ardently, but she didn't even now that well – then her mother would not be able to bear the shame. Kanda, who rightly guessed Ellen's troubled mind, just helped her gather her letters and walked her back to the infirmary without saying anything to add to her worries.

"Finally!" the matron shouted when the two exorcists returned to the infirmary, "Miss Walker! You had me worried!"

"I am very sorry…," Ellen mumbled and the matron sighed when she saw the tearstains on Ellen's face.

"Well, please go back to your bed, Ellen. And you, mister, will go back to your own room when you're done saying good-bye," she said and Kanda snorted in annoyance. Linali and Miranda were still up and greeted them. Ellen showed them merry smiles, but when she turned towards Kanda her smile had already slipped. Kanda tried not to be all too discouraged by this and helped her get into the bed.

"Thank you for walking me here," Ellen said and smiled. Kanda sighed, but then he embraced her. She returned the embrace and whispered:

"Tomorrow, we two will need to talk…". When he let go of her Kanda saw her serious expression and he nodded solemnly.

"We will. Good night, beansprout." With this he stepped away from the bed. "Good night, Miranda, Linali." The two girls wished him a good night as well and he left the room with threats from the matron that he should stay in bed until she allowed him to leave.

"Kanda looked… Quite troubled…," Linali said after a while, but Ellen just turned to the other side. The Chinese girl looked at her in wonder, casting a quizzical glance in Miranda's direction. "What did you do to make him so upset?"

"Nothing… I did nothing…" Ellen replied sadly. And it was exactly this _nothing_ that hurt the most.

_To be continued…_

_-_

**Notes:**

I actually wanted to write more but this seemed like such a good ending for this chapter! :D

Kanda came off a bit OOC while declaring his love for Ellen… But I did not really expect that I would be able to pull it off with him staying in character… At least his reaction to her hesitation turned out better.

And yes, apparently the very small glimpse of Kanda's past I gave you ignores what the newest DGM chapter told us / hinted at. (Therefore it will also be spoiler free. At least that's one good point *lol*)

I'd be happy to hear your thoughts! :D


	42. Kapitel 40 With No Options Left

**Author's Notes:**

We've really made it to chapter 40! It's unbelievable, I've never written something this long in such a "short" span of time (if one year can be considered short). I do not know if that will be reassuring to you; but there is still a long road ahead of us!

This chapter took a bit longer to write because for a rather long time I was unhappy about the first scene and then I nearly made my head explode by thinking about the order of things in this chapter. Who should talk to whom about what and when. This resulted in a "?!????!" in my head which then caused me to be uninspired. That's also why it took me quite some time to reply to the reviews (which I really appreciated. Many of you seem to be quite unhappy with Ellen's class-consciousness which doesn't really come as a surprise *lol*).

I wanted to include a lot more in this chapter, but even unedited and without the last part, the chapter was already way over 8000 words long. As this was a bit much I cut it at a "good" moment. And I'll just leave you hanging for a bit ;3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.**

* * *

**Kapitel 40: With No Options Left**

When mental exhaustion had forced Ellen's eyes shut, her subconscious led her to a dark, cold hall. The weak light that shone through the high, arched gothic windows was partly blocked by what Ellen took to be iron bars. Ellen could hear the faint murmur of a lot of people whispering, but she could not make out words, it merely was a hushed buzz of noises.

"Why don't you advance? Why stand still?" A voice right next to her ear said. Ellen looked to the side but could see nothing but the prison's stone wall in the distance. A cold wind started tugging at Ellen's white night gown and she took a hesitant step forward.

"Yes… Yes, dear little girl, go on. You must. Do not stand still now. Face the world." The voice continued to whisper in an encouraging tone. Ellen, captured and urged on by the voice, moved forward until she came into an area that was illuminated, by what Ellen could not see. There was an altar in front of her and the light source seemed to sit there. With a frown, Ellen advanced and then the light shifted and dimmed down. The young girl, who had closed her eyes, opened them again and was surprised to find an image of herself sitting on the rough stone altar. With her bare legs crossed and an uncharacteristically sly smile on her lips her look-alike studied her. Ellen, too surprised to speak, stared at the young woman in front of her. She had longer white hair than Ellen had and in gentle waves it spilled over her shoulders. She only wore a short dress, unadorned and pure white. She looked like a spectre, something Ellen's troubled mind would summon into this strange dream.

"Who… are you?" Ellen asked and the girl's smile widened, but it was neither friendly nor cheerful.

"I am merely an image of yourself. A glimpse into your future. A burden you carry. A fear you harbour," she replied and Ellen took one step closer. "Are you doing the right thing, little girl?" Ellen widened her eyes in surprise. "Do you know where we are?" The young exorcist took a look around the hall. The high windows, the columns, the marble floor, the altar.

"A church?" The figure smiled contently and leant forward.

"Yes… And will it be this bleak? Will it be a prison?" Ellen lowered her head. "You know the weight that rests on your shoulders." The figure gracefully left her position on the altar and walked behind it. "The weight of your blood. The weight of the world. The weight of your love. Your family. The exorcists and humanity. The young boy who loves you. Depending on what actions you will now take, you will betray their trust."

"I know! Do not tell me what I already am aware of!" Ellen spoke up and shook her head, "what do you take me for, nightmare spectre?! I know my place in this world! I am no fool!"

"Oh? Are you not?" The woman in front of her asked in mocked surprise and laughed in amusement. And with an elegant movement of her hand she wiped the hair off her shoulders. "And what is your place in this world? Who are you? What is most important?" Ellen did not answer her, biting her lips in frustration. Her image continued smiling and lifted her right hand. "Are you a part of your family? Is your blood worth most?" Then she touched her scar. "Are you the one who turned Mana into an Akuma? Is it your duty in life to atone your sins?" She then held out her left arm. "Or maybe you are an exorcist that will save Akuma and humans? Is it this that should have most importance in your life?" Ellen wanted to reply, but the girl in front of her was not finished yet; with her right hand she touched her left and Ellen could see a golden ring appearing around her left ring finger. "Or this?" Ellen widened her eyes and gasped.

-

Then she woke. Breathing unevenly and clutching her blanket until her knuckles went white, she stared into nothing.

"Ellen? Are you alright?" the concerned matron wondered, putting a hand on Ellen's shoulder, "my, you are trembling! Did you have a nightmare?"

"No…," Ellen breathed, her eyes still wide, "it was no nightmare…!" The matron looked at her with a puzzled expression, unable to make sense of Ellen's words.

"I will fetch you something to drink…," she said after a while, giving Ellen's shoulder a light squeeze, then she walked away. Ellen tried to calm herself, forcing her eyes shut while she attempted to clear her head. When she opened them again, she finally relaxed her hands, then she lifted her left hand, looking at her palm. There she saw black Innocence, the ring finger yet untouched and unbound by any golden chains. But it would be there. It was not a nightmare. It was _real_.

"Will it be a prison…?" Ellen asked herself and put her hands in front of her face, "Simply… simply because I was so foolish!"

"Ellen? Come, drink a cup of water…," the matron said and Ellen lowered her hands to look at the woman. She took the offered glass after a moment of hesitation and drank slowly under the watchful eye of the matron. The matron took the empty cup out of Ellen's hands and put it on the table next to Ellen's bed. "What is it that troubles you so?" Ellen looked up at her, but could not form an answer. What should she be telling the kind, concerned woman? That she had foolishly become pregnant? No, Ellen did not want to lose the woman's sympathy, she did not want to see her pull a disapproving, judging grimace.

"Just…"

"Do not try to fool me, Ellen… I know that something is the matter with you…," the woman said sternly, but then she sighed and stroked Ellen's head, "it's so cruel to force children to go through so much pain… And you can't even bring yourself to talk about it…"

"I am sorry…," Ellen replied silently. The matron sighed again, then she took a step back. "But there is something I would need to talk about… With Kanda, if you will allow me to…"

"Kanda?" the matron asked in confusion, but then she smiled, "Fine. I will allow you to, you may leave the infirmary, but do not overdo it, or I'll force you to come back," she warned and Ellen nodded. The white haired girl left the bed and the infirmary with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.

-

Thanks to all the fighting in the Ark, the different time zones and all the sleeping Ellen had no idea what time it actually was. There was a faint sun barely shining through a layer of dirty grey clouds; it was a stormy day in spring. There were not many people up and about the corridors as Ellen made her way to Kanda's room. She had the feeling that walking up to his door had never been as difficult as it was now and she nearly wanted to turn around and hide in her own room, but it would have been senseless – he would just come to find her. Ellen quickly combed her hair with her fingers (but as her hair was short, she didn't feel like it would help her to look better), then she took a deep breath and knocked. The door wasn't immediately opened, which only added to Ellen's anxiety, but eventually it was. Kanda looked disgruntled at first, but when he recognized Ellen his features lit up just a tiny bit.

"I… am sorry. Have I woken you?"

"I haven't been sleeping. I was just meditating," he told her, "wait a second." He left the door ajar and retreated back inside. Ellen wondered what he was doing, but when he let her into his room his hair was brushed and taken back in a neat ponytail. If Ellen had not been that anxious, she would have been amused by the small display of vanity. Kanda's room was as bleak as ever, but there were quite a few books piling on his desk, next to papers and pencils – something that hadn't been here the last time Ellen had visited him. "Have you recovered?"

"What?" Ellen asked when Kanda had suddenly started speaking. "Oh, yes, thank you. I feel better now…" This of course was not exactly the truth; whereas she only felt a little sore after all the fighting, her mind was especially troubled now. "And you?"

"I heal fast," he told her and Ellen frowned slightly, still not believing what he had already told her back during their first mission. An awkward silence followed where neither of the two wanted to bring the crucial topic up. "Did you come to see me because this time it would be appropriate to talk about certain matters?" Ellen immediately blushed when the dreaded moment finally came.

"… Yes… We must speak about how to proceed from now on," she told him, trying to keep her voice firm. Kanda looked at her, then he sighed.

"Maybe you should calm down a little bit first…," he advised but only earned himself a troubled look by Ellen. "I think it should be quite clear how we must go on now." Ellen remained silent for a while, but then she nodded. "You still do not seem fond of that idea."

"How could I be fond of the idea?" Ellen asked and Kanda raised an eyebrow, Ellen saw it and started fretting a bit, "I do not mean to say that you are not agreeable to me, Kanda." He snorted.

"Let's ignore the details for the moment," Ellen screwed up her nose, "I do not think that it can be favourable for a woman to be pregnant without being married."

"Of course not."

"And that's why, months ago, I promised you to marry you should anything happen…" Ellen lowered her head and sat on Kanda's bed with a sigh.

"But it seemed to me as you said it just in jest… "

"It was not in jest," Kanda replied calmly, "it might have not been all too thoughtful to make that promise but I do not regret it. And I certainly will not go back on my word." Ellen did not answer and continued looking at the floor. Kanda studied her and sat down on the chair he had pulled away from his writing table. "Would you wish me to go back on my promise?"

"No, no of course not!" Ellen replied, looking up at Kanda with a worried expression.

"Then why do you look so unhappy?" Again, Ellen did not reply, but Kanda could guess part of her uneasiness, but he would not speak about them if she did not start the topic. "At least some things seem obvious," he said and she looked at him, "you are pregnant and we will marry to give you and the child some security." Kanda, while waiting for some kind of reaction from Ellen that did not come, started getting slightly irritated. He stood up and grabbed her hand, to pull her up on her feet, "why are you hesitating so much?"

"I cannot just marry like that! It should not be my decision to make!" Kanda looked at her in surprise.

"Not your decision to make? If it isn't yours then who's should it be?" he asked. Ellen bit her lips and shook her head.

"I must speak to General Cross about it… my mother knows nothing about my circumstances, I want to have at least my master's opinion on this…"

"You haven't told your mother?" Kanda asked in surprise and let go of Ellen's hands. The girl shook her head, "why not?"

"Because it was a mistake…" she whispered, but Kanda heard her well enough. He looked at her for a while, but then he snorted and opened the door.

"Well, it certainly was unexpected and probably even unfortunate, but now the deed is done and we should better face the consequences of our actions," Kanda told her and grabbed her hand. Ellen did not resist and followed Kanda down the corridors. He took her to a room and knocked. It soon opened to reveal General Tiedoll. He smiled pleasantly when he saw the two.

"General, I would now like to talk to you…," Kanda said and Tiedoll seemed surprised to hear him speak so seriously.

"Well, yes, of course. But why do you pull such a face, Yu?" Kanda didn't reply, only muttered something about not using his first name, so Tiedoll looked over at Ellen. "You're a bit pale, Ellen, are you alright? If the boy's bothering you, you should tell me!"

"He is not bothering me. Thank you, General, for your concern…," Ellen replied, finding it difficult to form a convincing smile. The General must have noticed, because the concern did not leave his face yet. Kanda turned towards Ellen and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe you should speak to Cross alone first…," he said and continued when he saw how Ellen widened her eyes in worry: "I'll join you as soon as I've spoken with my General. I need his opinion as well…"

"I… I understand… I will talk to him… Good day, General Tiedoll," Ellen said and made a curtsey, then she wanted to leave, but Kanda grabbed her hand. "What is it?" Ellen asked uneasily. Kanda frowned and let go of her hand.

"Just… Don't fret so much. There's no reason to be afraid. If he'll start to assail you, just put the blame on me. I can handle it." With this he gave her a small push and went into Tiedoll's room. The General shot Ellen one last troubled look, then he followed his pupil into his room, shutting the door. And Ellen felt like she should just run away.

-

"Has something happened?" Tiedoll wondered as he and Kanda sat into armchairs opposite each other. "It's so unusual for you to come seeking my advice…" Kanda put his chin into his palm, studying the half-finished drawing of some landscape that stood near the window. "It must be about Ellen, is it not?"

"Yes, it is. That's why I need your help now…" Tiedoll sighed deeply, but then he smiled.

"I remember how devastated you were when you heard that she was assumed dead…" Kanda tensed up immediately, narrowing his eyes, a clear sign for Tiedoll that he hadn't gotten over the shock yet. "I just saw you run past me on that day… Hours later I found you out on the hill, stilly crying your heart out. It really…" Tiedoll sniffed and pulled out a handkerchief, blowing his nose, "it really pained me to see you so hurt."

"Spare me that now, if you please. I don't like to be reminded of it…" Kanda said.

"Yes, excuse me, Yu. She's back and safe, that's all that matters right now," Tiedoll replied, wiping his eyes. "It is so wonderful that you found someone you can love from the bottom of your heart! I wouldn't have thought it possible!"

"General…," Kanda said in irritation, not wanting him to go on and on about how proud he was to have his dear Yu in love with a girl.

"Yes, yes!" the general replied, sobering up, "what was it that you wanted to speak to me about?"

"It's about our relationship. Before we parted we were…," Kanda coughed, "well, intimate…" Tiedoll leant forward, eyes wide in surprise, which only caused Kanda to blush and become slightly irritated.

"Yu, Yu… You really shouldn't have! You aren't even married!" Tiedoll argued and Kanda rolled his eyes. "But I'll let it pass for the moment. Do you want my advice on how you two should entertain your relationship in conformity with the order's rules?"

"No, I want to have your advice on how to continue our relationship in conformity with society's rules," Kanda replied, he was serious, but still slightly red from embarrassment.

"Continue, because I fear I do not really understand what you want to say," the General said, scratching his head.

"Apparently…," the rest Kanda couldn't voice because he did not know what he should say.

"Apparently?" Tiedoll asked, wanting his pupil to continue. Kanda lowered his head, focusing his eyes on the table without really seeing anything. Apparently what? He felt as if he finally started grasping the true meaning of Ellen's pregnancy, but still, he was far from really comprehending. Kanda clenched his fists and raised his head to look at Tiedoll, who was surprised by the look in Kanda's eyes.

"I am going to be a father." Tiedoll stared at him, without moving or breathing for a moment.

"…What?" Kanda took a deep breath, but still looked at the dumb-struck General.  
"I am going to be a father," he repeated, "Ellen is pregnant."

"Good gracious…" Tiedoll started, then he jumped up from his chair, "Yu!" With this he walked over to Kanda, pulled him up and embraced him, nearly squeezing the air out of his lungs. "I am so proud of you!" he wailed.

"You don't have to be proud!" Kanda hissed, trying to get out of the embrace, but Tiedoll wouldn't let him.

"What are you saying?! You are like a son to me! Of course I'm proud!" He finally let go of Kanda to blow his nose yet again.

"Don't you want to reprimand me?" Kanda asked and sat back down in his armchair.

"Reprimand you! Certainly, the circumstances are not the best, but these are very happy news! Happy news indeed!" Kanda first let the General recover a bit before wanting any straight answers out of him. "Well, don't you agree?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do with the situation. Other than try to marry Ellen that is…"

"You're quite a responsible boy, I raised you well!" Tiedoll complimented but Kanda just rolled his eyes, "but more importantly, what do you think about it?"

"I told you… I don't know…" Kanda said and Tiedoll raised an eyebrow.

"Haven't you thought about it yet? You know that being a father is both wonderful but also challenging. A child comes with a lot of responsibilities. But the joy greatly outweighs any troubles!"

"That's what you think… I can't really imagine what it means to be a father…" Kanda said and Tiedoll reached out to put his hand on Kanda's head.

"But are you willing to be one?" he asked with a gentle smile. Kanda looked at him, but after a while he lowered his head and closed his eyes.

"Yes, I am…," he replied with a nod. And while Tiedoll couldn't hold back new tears of joy Kanda tried to imagine what it would be like. And it didn't sound like such a bad idea.

-

Meanwhile, Ellen felt like a convict before a judge. General Cross' room was dark and uninviting even though it was filled with luxury. She sat in a leather armchair with golden embroidery, a table with wine bottles and glasses on its polished surface in front of her. And then there was Cross, staring down at her with one cold red eye.

"You've been sitting here for over five minutes without speaking one single word. And I would expect you to have a thousand questions on your lips! After all when I picked you up from your mother's place you usually couldn't keep silent!"

"There really are many questions I want to ask you, questions about the Ark and that song… But I came because of a different matter…," Ellen said and Cross raised an eyebrow. As there came nothing more, he took his glass and poured in some more wine.

"And what trouble have you gotten yourself into? Do you want me to return you home or what?"

"No." Ellen said firmly, "I want you to tell me how to continue." Cross studied her from over the brim of his glass. When he saw the serious expression she wore he put the glass back down and leant back in his chair.

"Don't tell me you've been thrown off-track just because of the things you've seen at the order and out in the world! You must have been aware that you needed to grow up after Mana's death."

"Do not take me for a fool, General Cross. I am not going to lose faith at this point. I have gotten very far even without your guidance – guidance that you certainly would have owned me!" Cross was slightly surprised to hear her speak in such an accusing tone with him. But only slightly, it was good that she was more daring and determined now, exactly how she should be.

"Especially in this hidden world one has to grow by oneself," Cross said but Ellen just looked at him with hard eyes.

"No, I do not agree, General. You took the chance that I would meet an early end or break down with the burden of my new life. You could have avoided a lot of damage done to me if you had been a better mentor. But right now I am not going to complain any further about this, nor do I have the mind to confront you with the issues of our most recent battle. What I do require is that you will now assist me in the trouble that lies before me, so that you can amend for your previous short-comings." Ellen said in a demanding tone, but Cross still heard the slight trembling of her voice and he saw how her hands clutched the fabric of her clothes. Cross, after studying her a bit, snorted.

"Tch. Fine. What is this all about?". Before Ellen could lose her courage, there was a knock on the door. Without waiting for Cross to allow admittance, the door opened to reveal Kanda. Ellen widened her eyes, unsure whether she should be glad that he would now assist her. "Look at this, Tiedoll's brat! Did the old guy send you?"

"No. I'm here because of her," Kanda replied walking over to where Ellen was sitting, "Have you already spoken about it?" Ellen shook her head and Kanda snorted. Cross studied the two and then he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Well, then grab a chair and sit down. I have a feeling what this could all be about…" Kanda did what he was told and pulled another armchair next to Ellen's. "Now, brat, speak up." This was directed at Ellen and she breathed in.

"I don't know where to start…," Ellen whispered, but Cross just groaned.

"Leave out the unimportant stuff and get to the juicy bit," he said and Ellen frowned at him, slightly dignified.  
"Well fine then. Kanda and I have entertained a friendship for quite some time. But we have been intimate as well. I am with child now." She said in one long breath, without even stopping once. But the General had heard all of it. Cross studied her and the young man next to her, then he sighed and shook his head.

"You had sex once and now you're pregnant?"

"No, to be more specific we enjoyed each other's company more than once," Kanda remarked which made Ellen blush.  
"Do _not_ be specific!" she whispered and Kanda frowned at her, then he turned back to Cross. The man had put his finger to his forehead, glaring at his protégé, who refused to meet his eyes.

"Well. You certainly are aware that you are a complete idiot!" Cross said loudly, "One would expect a young lady of your calibre not to be so thoughtless! And you!" He turned to Kanda, who did not yield one bit, "You should have let your hormones run wild in a brothel, like every respectable man does! Why waste your time with an inexperienced idiot like her?!" Ellen glared at him in indignation.

"Kanda is more reliable than you ever were regarding me, General!" Ellen argued, but Cross simply ignored that remark. Kanda didn't think it was appropriate to make a remark.

"How far along are you?" he asked, suddenly getting more serious, which surprised Ellen a bit.

"Bak Chan told me it should take less than half a year now…," she replied. Cross snorted, putting on a dark grin.

"Pretty though that child of yours, it even lived through all the battles," he commented and Ellen nodded gravely. "Does your mother know?" Ellen shook her head, "I thought so. But I guess it's better that she does not… She would have a fit." Ellen lowered her head in shame, but Kanda put a hand on her shoulder. "So, you told me that you will cause me a lot of trouble, we took a note that you are both fools and now what? What do you want me to do?"

"I want to know how we should proceed…," Ellen said, "what options are there?" The red-haired general studied the girl in front of him.

"You should know even better than I do. You, Ellen, don't really have an option. But the pretty boy does…" Ellen raised her head and looked at Kanda.

"Why should I?" he wanted to know and Cross laughed shortly.

"Well, either you decide to spare you the trouble and wash your hands off Ellen or you try to face all the monstrosities in front of you. But I think that Ellen probably is more trouble to you than she's worth."

"General, please…" Ellen whispered and shook her head, then she looked up at Cross. "Is there really nothing that _I_ can do?" Cross looked at the troubled young woman and after a while he sighed.

"Well, as an exorcist we cannot allow you to stop fighting. You'll fight as long as you can and if the child dies in the process then thought luck for it. You are an indispensable part of the Black Order, we cannot go easy on you just because you've been foolish enough to become pregnant. The only option you have is give birth to the child. You got yourself into the trouble, so you might as well face the consequences. I already told you what Prince Charming can do."

"I am ready to take responsibility," Kanda said without hesitating. Cross looked at him and then he filled another glass of wine. He emptied it before he continued speaking.

"Well, if you insist, then Ellen has some good luck in all this trouble. Even though she seems to be unable to appreciate it, that little fool. Anyway, you must marry her," Kanda nodded, "and that as fast as possible. If she gives birth to a child without being married then this would probably be a catastrophe for her and her family. Well, it already is a catastrophe, but it would be even worse. Also, you are an exorcist as well, Kanda, I would not have voted for you to ever marry anyone and you know why…" Kanda frowned but did not reply to it, "but if you died in battle without Ellen being married to you then she would give birth to a bastard. Certainly you both would not like that. Therefore I'd say you marry as soon as possible."

"What about my mother?" Ellen asked silently.

"We won't tell your mother now. We'll first get this done, I'll act as your guardian. If she knew then she'd oppose it and it would drag on forever. She can oppose all she wants after you're married."

"I understand," Ellen whispered, visibly troubled by Cross' words.

"When should we do it?" Kanda wondered, focusing his eyes on Ellen.

"We'll do it this evening," Cross replied and both Ellen and Kanda looked up at him in surprise.

"This evening?!" Ellen asked, jumping up form her chair, "so soon?" Cross looked at her and nodded.

"Yes. I'll arrange it. I would do it right now if I could, but I thought I'd give you some more time to calm down and be realistic" he replied.  
"But I am not prepared at all!" Ellen tried to argue, feeling cornered by his decision. Cross glared at her.

"You don't need to be prepared. You will just come into the chapel, sign your name and leave. You can have a real wedding when there's more time, but now we have to just do what we can." Ellen put her hands in front of her face, failing to say anything. Kanda, who was also taken aback by Cross' desire to rush this, got up as well, looking at Ellen. He did pity her because this was certainly not what Ellen had wished her wedding to be like, but he also understood Cross' point.

"I… understand…," Ellen finally said, lowering her hands. She had not been crying but she looked on the verge of tears, "thank you for your assistance… I will retreat now…" With this she turned around and left the room.

"Hey, Kanda!" Kanda turned around when he heard Cross call. The man had his arms crossed and looked at him sternly. "Are you serious with her?"

"I have always been. I will not back down now," was Kanda's reply and Cross snorted – Kanda didn't know if it was supposed to be in approval. The young exorcist bid him good-bye, then he left, following Ellen. He walked a few paced behind her, not saying anything until they reached her room.

"Do you want to be alone for a moment?" Kanda asked and Ellen nodded.

"I need to gather my thoughts… Give me an hour please…," she asked, not daring to look at Kanda.

"I will. It's already past noon, I'll bring you something to eat in about an hour," Ellen nodded again and Kanda hesitated. But then he reached out and put his hand on Ellen's cheek. She was surprised, but did raise her head to meet Kanda's eyes. "I am sorry…"

"You should not be…" she replied silently, then she turned away from his touch and went into her room, closing the door behind her without another word.

Ellen walked into her room, which looked the same as on the day she had left it, almost three months ago. This mission had really taken a long, long time. And she couldn't even say that she was glad to be back. Ellen saw the pile of unread letters that someone must have brought her from the infirmary where she had left them. She was not really up to reading the letters that her mother had send her because it reminded her of how her mother would probably react when she was informed of her daughter's disgrace.

"Oh! Married this evening!" Ellen moaned, "I! Married so soon! I should have listened to Kanda! Rash actions will be the death of me!" She hurried to the window, opening it to let some air in because she felt suffocated. After she had calmed down a bit by watching the fog rise from the forest, she turned around and sat in front of her writing desk. She pulled out her mother's letters, opening them and reading them. Her mother told her nothing special, only reporting some of the events in London and the doings of her relatives, occasionally voicing her concern that her daughter seemed to neglect writing to her poor mother. But one letter made Ellen turn pale.

"_Dear Ellen._

_The gentleman who voiced interest in obtaining your hand has sent me a letter for you. I forwarded it to your new home. I really am looking forward to your meeting. He has so many good qualities that I cannot even name them all. He is also very pleasing to the eye, you would probably be delighted even though you usually are not a vain child. If your father were still alive, he would be proud to know that his daughter has found herself such a noble suitor._

_With love,_

_Your Mother"_

"Dear God! I forgot!" Ellen whispered and folded her hands in front of her mouth. The fact that she would now marry Kanda when she could have had this Lord only worsened the situation. "With all the faults mother would certainly find in Kanda, how will she accuse me for losing the opportunity of marrying a lord! And even one my mother approves of." Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, but then she recalled her suitor's letter. The mere thought of him made her uneasy. She opened the letter and started reading.

"_Dear Miss Bermont_

_We have not yet had the pleasure of meeting, but your mother's accounts of you have made me look forward to the day when I can finally see you. By this letter I wanted to tell you that I would be very delighted in a match between us. Therefore I would also like us to become friends before we become engaged. _

_I have included a present for you, I hope that it is to your liking, I asked your mother for advice on my choice."_

Ellen put down the letter and took the parcel, unpacking it. She opened the box and found a beautiful necklace made of white silver with a gem in the shape of a flower dangling on it. It really was something that Ellen would have been keen on wearing, but the fact that it was a gift of this Lord prevented her from placing it around her neck. Instead she continued reading the last lines of the letter:

"_I hope that we will be able to meet each other, I am s__ure that we will get along well, we seem to have some common interests. If you allow me to, then I would like to invite you to a meeting. I will contact your mother to schedule a date. I heard that you were fond of teahouses; let that be the place of our rendezvous. _

_Hoping for a reply from your dear hand, I remain sincerely yours,_

_Lord T. Mikk"_

Ellen's heart started beating frantically.

"_What?!_" She whispered in dread, going back over the very last line. "No! That cannot be!" She let the letter drop and grabbed the box, turning it around to find a little inscription:

"_To my esteemed Miss Bermont, with love, Lord Tyki Mikk"_. Ellen put her hands in front of her mouth.

"Tyki Mikk?! I was supposed to marry _Tyki Mikk_?!" This realization forced a humourless laugh out of Ellen, "Impossible. How dreadful! I could never marry him, a Noah! And if he knew then he would never have sent such a letter filled with fake _esteem_!" With bitterness making her eyes water, she stood up, angrily wiping the wetness from her eyes before the tears could fall. "I might not have many options… But _him_ I will not marry," she whispered and walked over to her bed. She wondered how her mother could have possibly been fooled into believing that Tyki was a wonderful, charming gentleman. He was nothing but a vicious, murdering rascal. Even if he were not a Noah he was still a vagabond without a name, without education, without money. Ellen let herself fall onto her bed, covering her face with her hands.

"But Kanda doesn't have these qualities either! How could mother ever approve of the man that I _have_ to marry when I should be marrying a respectable lord?!" Ellen lowered her hands and shyly put them on her stomach. "But what lord would marry a woman expecting another man's child?" Ellen clenched her hands in frustration. "If only this child hadn't been conceived! If only it had disappeared as secretly as it had appeared!" Ellen looked up at her ceiling. "If only…" Suddenly she remembered something and dropped to her knees next to the bed, looking under it. She found her suitcase and pulled it out from underneath her bed. She put it on the bed and with nervous fingers she opened it. And there it was, wrapped in layers of cloth; the child eating Innocence of Filip.

_To be continued…_

**Notes:**

… !


	43. Kapitel 41 Surrender

**Author's Notes:**

The continuation of the last "cliffhanger" like chapter. :3

And as a note, because it came up in some reviews: I just want to say that Ellen is only 15 years old – while real Allen Walker is quite strong and can deal with problems on his own (even though they are of a different nature), Ellen cannot do the same. If she was older and had been allowed to mature then she would not have panicked when faced with an unexpected pregnancy and an early marriage.

Also, being class-conscious was nothing exceptional back in her time; the nobility was of course concerned with losing importance due to the rise of the middle-class. Therefore, Ellen is not just being silly while fretting over her marriage with Kanda.

And another small note to Eclipse Lotus who sent me a review (I have no other way of replying to anonymous reviews that I can think of than doing it in-chapter, even though the review was for chapter two *lol* So maybe this reply will reach you Eclipse Lotus!): Certainly, I know very well that Allen is 15 years old. However, I set the beginning of the story shortly before Ellen's birthday, therefore it was a question whether I should make her 14, so that she could be 15 for the biggest part of the story or let her be 15 turning 16. Apparently I chose the first option.

After a long author's notes, please enjoy the chapter :3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 41: Surrender**

Her fingers still trembling Ellen took the dagger out of her suitcase. She unwrapped it and then she held it in her hands, turning it around, studying it. It was heavy and the metallic blade was shining and cold in her hands. There were no stains on it, no testimony that anything bad had happened. That people had suffered. That innocent, unborn children had died. All of the agony was simply swept away into oblivion.

If only… If only it was gone! Ellen had wished so much for battle to devour the poor unblessed soul that should not have been. She had never once held herself back for the sake of what her body was hiding. Yes, she had refused to accept reality. She had refused to accept it until Bak Chan had confronted her with it. And his reassurance that she was pregnant was like a magic spell, or rather a curse, that had constrained Ellen and suffocated her in worries. If only there was no child! She could just go back to her mother, confess and find a man who would still take her. Ellen knew that there must have been many who would have accepted her despite her flaws. But with the child she had no options! She was dependant on Kanda's love to be real. She did not doubt him, no, his love seemed to be as real as his child that she now carried. But she did not want it. She _should_ never want it…!

Ellen stared at the dagger, reflecting the dark stone ceiling, reflecting her wide terrified eyes when she bent over it, searching for an answer on its stainless blade. This would be able to end her problems.

It was cowardly, of course! She would sacrifice the life of the child for her honour. But this child was the proof that she had been disobedient, this child was the proof that she had loved Kanda despite better judgment. If she erased the proof then she would not need to marry Kanda, she would not need to burden herself and her mother with her wrong decisions and childish foolishness. She should just do it! Ellen put the tip of the dagger against her stomach, her whole body trembling.

"I should…!"

But Ellen couldn't. She let the dagger drop from her sweaty fingers back into her suitcase and closed it, breathing heavily. "I cannot do it…! I am such a pathetic person!" Ellen whispered, her tears falling on her bed, until she wiped them away. Ellen had to accept responsibility for her actions. She had heard it over and over again. And she had been so sure that she could, that she was strong and mature enough. But actually, she did not want to. She was afraid.

-

When Kanda came to bring her something to eat he found Ellen in a calm, but grave mood. She smiled at him but it seemed fake and only there for the sake of politeness. Kanda didn't like it at all. They ate almost in silence, with Ellen making occasional remarks about the food's quality and asking about Kanda's health.

"Are you okay with it?" He asked when they had finished eating and Ellen was drinking her tea.

"What do you mean?" Ellen wondered and Kanda frowned at her.

"Our marriage this evening," he replied and Ellen sighed deeply. "Apparently not. Well, you don't have to worry about me though. I am not doing this out of a feeling of duty or responsibility. I honestly do wish to marry you," Kanda reassured her, but Ellen was not really glad to hear it. Of course, she was more than happy to be loved, but it also made her bitter.

"Please, do not misunderstand me, but I do not think that our marriage is a good idea…," she told him and Kanda looked at her expectantly. Of course, he had thought that this was her opinion, but he would also like to hear her reasoning behind it. "We… we do not really fit…"

"Why do you think this? What about us does not fit?" Kanda wondered and Ellen folded her hands on the table, looking at anything but Kanda.

"You… you know that I was born into a noble family… A woman of my standing should marry a man with certain qualities…" Kanda remained silent, merely listening without commenting yet, "Mother… Mother would not approve of our match. She wants me to marry a man who comes from the same social background than I do. An English man of noble blood, of great learning and understanding, a man with a wide social network, someone mature enough to guide me, someone who can provide for me."

"Right. So you're looking for someone straight out of a novel?" Kanda asked in a slightly irritated tone.

"Don't be silly Kanda! I was not asking for a fairy tale prince! I was realistic; such men do exist!" Kanda snorted in disapproval.

"And you want to marry such a man? Sure, such men do exist, but are you aware that you did not say _a man who would love and cherish me_? Is that not a requirement?" he wondered and Ellen bit her lips. "No answer." Ellen frantically shook her head.

"Kanda, please… I do have to think about my family's future as well! I am required to marry a good man! I cannot marry you!" With this Kanda could no longer contain his anger and shot up, slamming his palms flat on the table. Ellen gasped and nearly fell over with her chair when she gave a start.

"Do you know what you are saying?!" Kanda shouted, "have you listened to yourself speak?! In what kind of archaic society do you live in?! What kind of thoughts and ideals do you have in your head?!" Ellen just stared up at Kanda, unable to form any words, so he just continued: "You have said that you can't marry me because you need to marry _a good man_! So am I not a good man, for God's sake?!" Ellen lifted her hands to her cheeks, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head, but she still did not speak. Kanda glared at her and tried to calm himself down. Shouting was probably not the best way to go about it. But still, he was so irritated that he couldn't contain his disapproval. "You cannot marry me because I am below you socially! I have understood that you consider me to be inferior to you! So fine, even if I were; why would you rather marry a man for his status and money than for his love?"

"That is not what I said!" Ellen argued, but Kanda glared at her.

"This is exactly what you implied," he hissed. Ellen covered her face with her hands, elbows on the table.

"Do you know what it means for me to marry you? What it means for me to accept your proposal?" Kanda didn't reply and Ellen took her hands away again, still looking at the table's surface, "but you are right… I… have no choice…" she finally said with a defeated sigh. "I have made a mistake that cannot be redeemed… Therefore I must continue walking down the path that I have paved for myself… I have been foolish and thoughtless. I have gone against what my mother taught me. I have not deserved better than to suffer for my foolishness." Ellen raised her head and looked into Kanda's eyes. "I will therefore surrender myself to my fate and await the just judgment for my errors…" Kanda could not reply to that. He looked at her with wide eyes, his face pale. Finally, he drew in a sharp breath.

"I see… Ellen, you tragic heroine, waiting for disgrace and death coming to get you. But you'll suffer through it because there's no other way to redeem…" he said silently, bitterly. Ellen widened her eyes in surprise when she heard his words and stood up, looking at Kanda in confusion. "If that is what you feel…" words failed him and he turned away, walking to the door. Ellen finally moved, realizing what damage she might just have caused by her words. To see him standing there, at the door, ready to leave her. Ready to turn his back on her! Ellen trembled in fear when she thought about him leaving her alone. She darted forwards.

"Kanda!" Ellen called, trying to stop the man from leaving. He did stop and turned back to her, looking at her dubiously. She blushed in shame to see the look in his eyes. "Listen… I… do not really know what to say… But I am feeling quite bad about what I just thoughtlessly said," she explained, mumbling slightly. Kanda studied her, standing there with her head lowered. After a while he sighed deeply which made her raise her head.

"Yes… Yes you really should be," he told her and she looked quite troubled. "I know that you are a woman and you have quite a different way to see things. And I know that you have great worries. But didn't you even stop to think that I too could be hurt?" She looked at him with an uncertain expression, not daring to say anything. Kanda sighed again and touched his fingers to his forehead and then he wiped his hand over his face, rubbing his forehead slightly. "I am aware that being pregnant puts you in great troubles, especially as you aren't married. But honestly, this man you aren't married to – the child's father – is me. Why did you not even try to give this more importance before you go making decisions on your own?"

"Kanda… I…"

"Yes, yes. You are speechless," he mocked bitterly, which made Ellen turn pale. She was feeling very bad, but really, she deserved it this time.

"So, let me guess some of the reasons you hesitate; you can't marry me because your mother doesn't know me, because I am by profession an exorcist – which you are as well -, because I am Japanese, possibly also because, if I remember correctly, you are a protestant and I am a catholic and because I haven't learnt anything decent. You can't marry me because I am not as learned as you, as intelligent as you, as noble as you. And because you think I am too poor and below you on the social ladder. With these things stated bluntly; don't you think that I might be deeply hurt by your way of seeing me, judged by a set of criteria as superficial and emotionless as these?" Kanda wondered and Ellen was biting her lips, trying to keep herself from crying. She had never dared to say these things, but now that he had voiced them Ellen had to admit that she had thought about all of them. She had thought about dozens of reasons why her mother might disapprove of him without even knowing what her mother might truly think of him. These were excuses, all of them. And they were cruel to Kanda, she should have seen that. "Really, Ellen, I thought that you were a romantic person. Does the fact that I love you count nothing at all?" Ellen looked up at him and was quite surprised to see all kind of emotions on Kanda's face.

"No… No I did not mean it like that. I did not want to sound cruel and cold-hearted…," she said, her voice thick with the tears she started to shed – mostly tears of fear and shame.

"Then what did you mean?" Kanda asked but Ellen just shook her head, "why can't you speak? Don't you know?"

"I am scared… I do no longer know what I should do…"

"Then why don't you try to talk to me? Don't you trust me? I know you trust me as an exorcist, why not also as a friend?"

"I think you would not-" Ellen stopped herself before another thoughtless thing would slip past her lips, but Kanda knew exactly what she had meant to say.

"I would not understand?" Kanda asked with a sad sigh, "In all honesty, Ellen. You are short of making me run out of this room crying in frustration." Ellen sniffed wordlessly and Kanda looked at the ceiling to gather his thoughts. Should he just go out? It would spare her the pain of making a decision in or against his favour. He should just give up on her to spare her more anguish. But could he? No, never. So he stayed. "Ellen… Be considerate for a bit. You are expecting my child and I am willing to marry you even if it will be difficult. Why can't you accept my proposal without being forced to?"

"Oh Kanda… It will be too difficult…" Ellen tried to argue, but it didn't convince Kanda in the slightest.

"How? Next to all those things I obviously seem to lack I am an English citizen. I speak the language, I have a profession, I earn money, I can deal with upper class people well enough. I am not a savage just because I am not English nobility."

"I never thought you were… Please, don't be unfair…" Ellen whispered, but it made Kanda frown.

"You are the one being unfair," he told her. He didn't have much more patience for this. Why didn't Ellen see the faults in her way of thinking? Why was the social standing more important than the fact that the two of them would be having a child in the near future? "If you really want to get rid of me, I will leave."

"Kanda… I do not want to lose you…" Ellen said and looked at him with a sad face.

"If you don't want to lose me then you should make a step in my direction…," Kanda suggested.

"I already told you. I will… Look out of the window. It will be evening soon," Ellen whispered and Kanda had to lower his head.

"And… that is all?" He asked and Ellen looked at him in slight confusion. "Do you think that forcing yourself into something you do not want is making a step in my direction?" He wondered bitterly, "The only thing you seem to do is sacrifice yourself by lowering yourself to my level. You _give up_."

"Kanda…" Ellen said, surprised, despite her own bitterness, to still see him that unhappy about her decision to be his.

"To receive my love seems to be your greatest sacrifice. Why? What would you do if you had the option to choose?"

"If I had the option then I would not make any decisions at all," Ellen told him. The dark haired exorcist looked at her without saying anything for a few moments.

"But now that you have decided to surrender yourself, as you put it, what do you think will happen?" Ellen sighed and folded her hands behind her back, studying her shoes.

"I will become your wife. I will not be able to return to the life I led before. I will not be able to marry a man who can give me what my mother wishes him to give me. I will probably put shame to my family's name because I crossed a boundary. I do not know if that will force me to give up on my family… But…" She said while Kanda's troubled expression only changed to one of poorly concealed pain. "I will do my duty as your wife as soon as I have done my duty as an exorcist…"

"And all because you were unfortunate to get pregnant…," Kanda muttered and Ellen nodded, still not looking at him and seeing what her words did to him. Kanda remained silent for a long while and Ellen didn't say anything else either. After a while Kanda made up his mind:

"There…" he started, forcing himself to form the words, "is a possibility that you do not have to suffer the disgrace of being married to me for long." Ellen raised her head and looked at him in wonder, "my life time is restricted. I only have a certain amount of time left and if I heal faster than normal humans do, then I do this in exchange for this time… Therefore… I might die before this war is entirely over…" Ellen stared at Kanda in shock.

"And you… you think that I would be glad…?" she asked, her voice trembling and she had to keep herself from shaking. "You really think that I am such a cold-hearted person…?!" Ellen put her hands in front of her face, concealing her sobs. Kanda watched her in silence, but after a while, Ellen lowered her hands and walked up to Kanda. She grabbed his hands and squeezed them. "I do not want you to die! I would never, _never_ allow you to die for such a stupid reason!" Ellen hissed, "I do not know how such a terrible thing came to be, but I will not leave you alone! I will support you! I will stay with you and see you through it no matter what happens!" She said, lifting his hands to her face to brush her tear stained cheek against them. Kanda looked at her with a doubtful expression, but he did appreciate her words, even though they still stung.

"So you want to be my eternal companion…," he said and looked into her face, "but you do not want to be my wife…" Ellen looked up at him, then she looked away, his hands still in hers. Kanda studied her, then he sighed. "But I am grateful." She raised her eyes to meet his. "I will keep you as long as I can. And I will do my best…" Ellen merely nodded because she knew that if she would try to speak now she would just start to sob pitifully. She let go of Kanda's hands but he still put his palms against her cheeks. Then he bent down to kiss her head and Ellen grabbed his shirt at first, then she pulled him towards her, embracing him.

"Don't die Kanda!" she cried against his chest. Kanda embraced her, holding her close.

"I won't…"

-

Kanda left after making sure that Ellen had calmed down enough to not do anything unreasonable. Ellen was indeed calmer now, but her head was still filled with guilt and sorrow. She was passively sitting on her bed when somebody knocked on her door. The young woman got up and opened; it was Linali.

"Oh, Linali! Are you healthy enough to leave the infirmary?" Ellen asked in concern and let the Chinese girl come in.

"Yes, the matron allowed me to go. I just came to fetch you for some dinner!" Linali said with a smile, but was then met by silence. Puzzled to not receive a reply she looked at Ellen, who had now turned away. "Ellen? Is something the matter?"

"I… Am not up to eating right now. Maybe later…," she said and Linali looked at her with worry in her eyes.

"Are you sure? Is there anything I can do for you?" Ellen hesitated, but then she turned around. Linali was surprised to find tears in her friend's eyes but a smile on her lips.

"Yes," Ellen breathed because her voice quivered too much to speak loudly, "you could help me dress." Linali looked at her in wonder, but even though she did not know what troubled her friend, her first reaction was to just take a step forward and embrace her. "What is wrong, Linali?" Ellen asked.

"I don't know. I just saw how pained you looked and despite not knowing the reason for it I just suddenly felt so bad that I was urged to embrace you!" Linali said and Ellen smiled at her.

"Thank you…," she answered and Linali looked at her, then she smiled as well.

"You want to dress? What is the occasion?" Linali asked and let go of her and stepped over to Ellen's drawer.

"I will go to see Kanda afterwards," was Ellen's only reply that left Linali to guess what she meant by that. But judging from Linali's reaction – a happy smile – she probably assumed that Ellen wanted to go meet her lover in her best dress possible. Ellen could not share Linali's joy as the young Chinese giggled while going through Ellen's clothes.

"I knew that you and Kanda were close, it was an obvious outcome from the start. But you always denied that you had deeper feelings for him. Did your reunion change anything?"

"I am not sure how to reply, Linali…," Ellen confessed and watched Linali pull out the best dress she could find; a white simple blouse and a black, unadorned skirt. When Ellen saw them she couldn't stop her eyes from forming new tears. No, no that was not what she had expected her wedding gown to look like.

"Ellen? What is wrong?" Linali asked when she heard the silent sobs, letting go of the clothes to pull her friend's hands into hers.

"It is just my petty vanity…," Ellen whispered and wiped her eyes. Linali studied her for a while, then she smiled at her.

"Wait a moment, I guess I have something that you might like!" With this she left Ellen on her own, wondering what Linali was up to. While waiting, fixed to the spot, for some minutes, Ellen sighed and walked over to her table, where Linali had deposited her clothes. She grabbed the fabric of the black skirt and pulled it up, looking at it. Then she looked down on herself; she wore trousers, a simple shirt and a knitted jacket. Not like a lady was supposed to be dressed, not even in careless moments.

"I cannot even see myself anymore… Where has Ellen Bermont gone to, hidden behind the mask of Ellen Walker?" She let the skirt drop from her hands and turned to face the window, where the sun had sunk under the trees, sending some golden red rays through the forest. It was getting evening. "Will I disappear with the after-noon?" Ellen wondered, "what will become of me when I marry?". Of course, nobody could reply to her own anxieties but Ellen's troubled mind and her dream image's mockery echoing in her head: _"will your marriage become a prison?"_. Ellen dropped her gaze and sighed. "Indeed… Will it?"

A knock on her door announced Linali's reappearance.

"Sorry that it took me so long!" she said and Ellen walked up to her with a smile on her lips.

"Do not worry, I did not wait long. What is it that you went to get?" Ellen asked and Linali grinned, then she showed her a white dress that she had kept hidden behind her back.

"Ta-da! I hope you like it!" Ellen looked at Linali's gleaming face in wonder, then she studied the dress she held in front of her. It was long and white with many folds and laces and a bit of golden embroidery here and there. "My brother once gave it to me but I didn't like it at all because I looked ridiculous in it – but I thought it might look great on you. My brother said that he was fine with me handing it to you as long as it's of some use."

"I… Linali…," Ellen said, "can I really have this?"

"Of course! Do you like it?" Linali asked after her friend had taken the dress from her hands to look at it more closely.

"Yes! Yes I love it…!" Ellen said and put it against her face to hide her tears. Linali smiled and put her hands around Ellen.

"Don't cry, Ellen… Once we're all fine again we'll ask Komui to let us get some nice clothes for you. A girl doesn't want to walk around in trousers and shirts all of the time, I understand how you feel…" Ellen lifted her head and smiled. Linali laughed and wiped away the tears on Ellen's face.

"Let's get you dressed!"

"Yes."

-

A finder came to tell Ellen that she was to go to an office just next to the order's chapel, where Ellen probably was to be wed to Kanda. She had not dared to tell Linali about it, nor anybody else, that's why she felt lonely and insecure on the way to the office. It would have been far easier if Linali had been there to give her some courage, or even Rabi, no matter what words he spoke to her. But her shame and insecurity had prevented her from seeking help and she firmly believed that she had to suffer through this on her own. It was thus with a heavy heart that Ellen opened the door to the office, finding it empty except from Kanda, who was sitting in an armchair next to a table. He rose when he saw her and she had time enough to study her future husband. He looked very well groomed; he wore black trousers, polished shoes, a white shirt, a vest and a tie. His hair was neatly pulled back, giving her almost a full view of his handsome face. He didn't say anything to her, but he looked at her and the things she wore.

"You are very pale…," he finally said and Ellen lowered her head. It was true though; with almost no colour but her red scar on her, she looked like a ghost. "You'd better take a seat…"  
"I am not ill, Kanda…," Ellen reminded him, but still sat in an armchair opposite Kanda, sighing deeply. "Is General Cross not here yet?"

"No… We're on our own…," Kanda said and snorted, "maybe he wants us to talk once again."

"There is no sense in talking this over. The decisions have already been made and neither of us will go back on them," Ellen replied and Kanda studied her.

"You won't?"

"I will not. I accepted your proposal, Kanda," the girl said with a calm voice, looking over to the door. Kanda didn't say anything, because he had a feeling that there was nothing he could say without upsetting her. "Actually, I wondered…" Ellen started after a while and looked at him, "what do you even think about marriage?" Kanda was a bit surprised to hear her ask, but he had a reply ready for her:

"I never though that I would even marry because I didn't believe that there was a woman who could cope with my way of living. After I got to know you I thought you could… But now I am not so sure anymore…" he told her and Ellen was slightly surprised by that.

"How?" Kanda looked at his hands, but then he raised his eyes to study Ellen.

"Because with your current way of behaviour you seem changed… I knew beforehand that you were concerned with keeping up fronts, but I did not think that it would go this far…" Ellen looked at him and Kanda continued, "I did think that you loved me as well…" He clenched his fists and looked to the floor, not wanting to see the face Ellen made. Ellen however sighed deeply and took his hands.

"I know…" she said and Kanda looked at her in confusion, "I know that I seem to have changed suddenly and dramatically… But this kind of situation forces me to adapt as well. I cannot do as I wish when it gets to such matters… And, Kanda…" Ellen bit her lips, but forced herself to keep looking at the man in front of her, "I do like you. I am very fond of you. It is just… that I should never have developed feelings of love for you in the first place…" Kanda silently watched her, then he snorted silently.

"And now that we marry?"

"Now I shall…," she replied, but Kanda was not entirely happy with that answer. It sounded like another duty of hers, something she must do because it was expected of her. Kanda no longer hoped to understand what Ellen was thinking and feeling even though he wanted to. Ellen let go of Kanda's hands and leant back in her chair, still looking at him.

"There is something else that I must tell you. My master told me to keep it a secret, but you will find out anyway," she said and Kanda raised an eyebrow. "Walker was my mother's maiden name. I am actually called Ellen Bermont…" Kanda looked at her with a frown, but then he nodded. "I apologize for deceiving you." The dark haired exorcist made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

"I don't really care about it. I am simply slightly surprised that you would conceal your name if it means so much to you. Shouldn't you proudly use your name whenever you could? Even I do, despite not being particularity fond of my origins." Ellen looked at him in wonder, but instead of asking what was behind those words she chose to give an answer.

"Well… Of course, but I needed to protect my family. We are well known after all, I did not want the Earl to target them…," Ellen explained but she also recalled that she was targeted anyway – not as an enemy but as a potential ally in the form of Tyki's bride. But she couldn't possibly tell Kanda.

"Hm…" was the only thing Kanda had to say to that and then they fell into silence, waiting for Cross and Tiedoll to come.

-

Some moments later the two did come, accompanied by a man in robes, apparently a priest. Tiedoll did fuss over Ellen for some time, admiring how beautiful she looked in her improvised wedding dress.

"Don't you agree, Yu?" he asked when they all took a seat at the table, Kanda and Ellen on the opposite side as the priest.

"Yes, of course," he muttered and Ellen looked at her hands she had clenched on her knees. Her heart beat fast and she was very nervous, but Kanda wasn't as calm as he usually was either.

"I prepared a document for you two to sign," the priest told them and produced a piece of parchment, "I will keep everything that is about to happen in this room a secret, seeing as the Order and the Vatican might not approve of the circumstances."

"Thank you…" was all that Ellen could mumble in reply.

"You'll have your fairy tale wedding after the war. Just be patient, brat," Cross said with a snort and Ellen just lowered her head, not saying anything. The priest coughed while Tiedoll already started to blow his nose.

"We will overlook the differences in confession and the legal age for marriage not met by them. General Cross and General Tiedoll have volunteered to act as your guardians to make this marriage possible…" The priest coughed yet again when the word _marriage_ made Tiedoll sob into his handkerchief. He turned the parchment around and handed Kanda a pen.

"Yu Kanda and Ellen Bermont. If you two would please sign this document," he said and Kanda took the pen. He signed his name also adding signs which Ellen could not read but guessed to be his name written in Japanese, then he handed Ellen the pen. She hesitated, but put the pen on the line where the priest's finger was pointing at. Ellen shot a look up at Cross, but the man just stared down at her, urging her to sign with a nod of his head. Ellen balled her fists but she wrote down her name. The priest took the parchment and rolled it up.

"Very well. With this you two are now married under the law of the Vatican. Yu and Ellen Kanda, I proclaim you husband and wife." There were no vows or rings exchanged, no cheering by the family, no happy tears, no smiles. Ellen's trembling hand let the pen fall on the wooden table and covered her face with her hands. The priest excused himself, shaking hands with the other men in the room, then he left. Nothing was said until Cross walked over to Ellen and grabbed her upper arm.

"Pull yourself together!" he said, and pulled her on her feet. Ellen couldn't say anything and stumbled after Cross as he pulled her out of the room, still with a firm grip on her arm. "So." He said and let go of her. "You have now escaped your mother's clutches for the moment. She cannot change the fact that you are married now. You might not be that thrilled about it, but it was the best decision for now. Stop crying." Ellen wiped her hands over her face and nodded, not saying anything. "Good. You'll be Ellen Kanda now." At that Ellen widened her eyes and looked at Cross with an expression of worry.

"No! Please – please let me keep my name!" Cross raised an eyebrow and she turned to Kanda, who also looked at her in wonder. "I beg of you, Kanda! Let me continue being Ellen Walker! I cannot be anything else here in the Black Order!" Kanda hesitated, but finally he nodded, even though he did so begrudgingly. Cross nodded, then he left. Tiedoll stayed a bit longer, first wiping the tears from his eyes before speaking to them.

"This is such an important event in the life of two young people. I am sorry that this wedding could not have been conducted in a more adequate manner. But I am sure that we can make up for it at a later date." Kanda didn't say anything and Ellen merely nodded, trying to smile. "Well, with that said I still want to congratulate you two! I am very proud!" He said and embraced both of them – even though Kanda was quite reluctant to be hugged by anybody other than Ellen. "Now that you are married and safe, I am very relieved! Good night you two!"

"Good Night, General Tiedoll," Ellen called after him and he waved, then he left the corridor the two were standing in. And silence returned once again between them.

"Come…," Kanda finally said and took hold of Ellen's hand, leading her to his room. "I do not want to make you stay the night," he said when he saw how uneasy Ellen looked, "I simply want to have the chance to speak to you…" Ellen looked at him, but then she stared crying silently, grabbing the fabric of her dress.

"S… Sorry that I am being such a cry-baby…," she told him, but Kanda just pulled her into his arms.

"I am sorry as well… I never knew that I would cause you to be so unhappy…," he whispered into her hair.

"I should not be…," she said silently, "the man that I married loves me…". Kanda looked at her, then he sighed bitterly.

"Yes… You can at least rely on that…". Ellen nodded and closed her eyes. Kanda bent down and kissed her. The first kiss they shared as husband and wife. It was bitter, as both of them were not entirely happy, but to Kanda, it was still very, very welcome. And he just hoped that he could make her as happy as she made him.

_To be continued._

**Notes:**

What a bitter wedding… I apologize to those who expected a cathedral and flowers and happiness (like Ellen did). This is of course what they deserve, but now's not the time for it…

But the biggest question is: where's the wedding night?? *lol* I'll stop being silly now.

P.S. I read that Yullen Week will be from the 1st of June to the 6th of June. While I am not sure whether I can participate or not (because I would need to finish all the prompts before the beginning of June but I have exams until then) I would still like to take this opportunity to remind you of it! :D

I put the info on my profile page so that I can help to spread the word! ;3


	44. Kapitel 42 Lecturing

**Author's Notes: **

I am sorry for the unhappiness the angsty previous chapter seems to have caused. I of course wanted people to disapprove of Ellen's behaviour, but I did not mean to scare anybody away. I try to reproduce a real anxiety… Even though the chapter seemed like a melodrama.

Anyway, it doesn't matter because after the low of last chapter, things can only get better! :D

I apologize if there are some messed up things; my attention span is a bit short right now because I'm still a bit ill (I caught a cold), but I wanted to give you the chapter before I need to focus on my exams (and maybe Yullen week?)

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

I just realized that all my inverted commas were messed up (which seems to happen a lot)! Ugh! Please, bear with it for the moment until I have fixed it! Grr...**

* * *

**

**Kapitel 42:**** Lecturing**

Ellen sat next to the window of Kanda's room, looking out into the evening sky. Even though it was not late into the evening yet, it was still quite dark in the room, a small candle on top of the beautiful hourglass holding a floating lotus, was all the light they had until Kanda got up from the bed and switched the light on. Ellen looked up and turned her head towards him. The past hour they had just sat in Kanda's room, not saying anything to each other; she had been looking out of the window and he had mediated. While Ellen had first felt insecure and perceived the silence between them to be rather awkward, she soon calmed and could appreciate Kanda's silent company. He had demanded nothing of her and didn't even accuse her of anything. It was… quite comforting to be able to sort her thoughts on her own without actually being left alone. Ellen rubbed the ring finger of her left hand. There was no ring yet and the walls of Kanda's room, despite their bleakness, did not seem like a prison at all.

"It's already half past seven," Kanda told her and Ellen nodded, then she looked back at the window.

"You really should fix your window, Kanda. Even if it is spring already you might still catch a cold if the weather changes," she reminded him and Kanda, slightly surprised to hear her take up a topic she had addressed when she first saw his room, snorted at her.

"I won't catch a cold, don't be stupid," he said and Ellen frowned at him. He sighed when he saw her face. "Fine, I'll tell Komui to send someone to fix it." Ellen nodded, not smiling but pleased nevertheless. They were silent for a while, but then Ellen's stomach grumbled faintly, but loud enough for Kanda to raise an eyebrow.

"I am a bit hungry, I must confess… Would you accompany me to the dining hall?" Ellen asked, putting her hands against her stomach; she had missed eating dinner with Linali after all. Kanda nodded, then he opened the door, Ellen following him out.

"Would you mind me changing my clothes first?" Ellen asked, after she recalled what she was actually wearing. Kanda turned around and studied her while she just pointed at her dress.

"Why would you need to ask me? Just do it. Even though you look fine in what you're wearing."

"I cannot wear my wedding dress to eat dinner. That does not seem appropriate…," Ellen said and Kanda rolled his eyes, but then he walked to Ellen's room with her.

"You would have wanted a better wedding dress, I am sure," Kanda concluded when he stood in front of the door that Ellen had left ajar. He heard the rustling of the fabric being pulled over her head.

"I would have liked to wear my mother's wedding dress. It looks like a princess' gown. Of course I would have preferred it over what I am wearing now. But I cannot be picky…"

"Of course you can be picky. From now on, just buy whatever you want, I'll pay for it," Kanda told her and was surprised to see Ellen sticking her head out, her body hidden by the door and the white dress she held in front of her. Kanda's eyes darted over what he could actually see and wondered at how the concealed parts of her body might look now changed by a separation of more than three months and the early phase of pregnancy. He wondered, but he did not dare to look too closely. Ellen wore an expression of mild confusion as she looked at him, then it changed to uncertainty.

"You… do not have to pay for my expenses…," she said and Kanda folded his arms over his chest.

"It's not as if I feel as if it's my duty to shower you with stupid gifts or to spoil you. The order will pay for whatever you really need and your mother will probably pay for any fancy things you don't need. However, I will see that you have everything you _want_." Ellen didn't say anything to that and slowly retreated into her room, to continue changing. "By the way, how old is your mother anyway?"

"Why would you need to know that?" Ellen wondered, but Kanda didn't answer, "she is 47…"

"And she married late?" was Kanda's next question and Ellen first put on her blouse before she replied.

"No, she married when she was 19," Ellen said and came back outside. She wore a white blouse and a black skirt. It was simple, but it looked good on Ellen. "But why all those questions?" Kanda snorted.

"It just seems that her wedding dress might be a bit old fashioned…," he said and Ellen had to laugh at that. "So you wouldn't care?"

"No I do not care. I was always looking forward to wearing it on my wedding day, no matter whether it is in or out of fashion," Ellen replied. Kanda looked at her, then he averted his eyes.

"I regret that you couldn't wear it… You neither had your ideal wedding, nor your ideal man… For that I apologize."

"Do not, Kanda. There is no reason to blame yourself – you know that I am at fault…" Ellen said with a sad sigh and Kanda snorted.

"Then you should stop regretting as well. This situation really is going to be difficult if you keep grieving over things that cannot be changed anymore. Make the best of the situation," he turned to Ellen and grabbed her cheeks, first looking at her, then turning her head forwards. "And look at what's in front of you." Ellen widened her eyes in surprise.

"Mpfh-!" was all that she could retort and Kanda let go of her, coughing to hide his embarrassment for saying such cheesy things. Ellen rubbed her red cheeks and stole a glance up at Kanda, who just looked elsewhere. "I will try… Thank you…" Ellen replied after a while and Kanda dared to look at her. He hummed in approval, then he held out his arm for her to take. Ellen looked at him in wonder.

"You always wanted to be escorted back when I had to train you," he said and Ellen hesitantly put her hand on his arm. "Don't tell me you already grew out of your girly habits!"

"Well, there was no man who could to me the favour," Ellen argued, then she added with a small, embarrassed smile: "but I admit it was a bit childish…" But she still let Kanda lead her to the dining hall, his cold and proud look keeping anybody from approaching.

"Ah! Ellen! Kanda! How good to see you two!" Jerry greeted them cheerfully as ever. Kanda simply acknowledged him with a nod of his head, while Ellen walked up to the counter.

"Good evening Jerry!" she greeted in return and both smiled at each other. Kanda watched the scene with mixed feelings: how could it be that no matter what he said he couldn't get her to smile cheerfully, while somebody like Jerry (and probably the entire rest of the Black Order) could?! Was this now to be his fate? Would he forever be the husband that had made his wife unhappy by "egoistically" marrying her because he loved her? Well, maybe it had been egoistical on his part to not give Ellen more time to come to term with it but to Kanda such a swift wedding had been welcome enough. He had wanted to marry Ellen at all costs, even after she showed first signs of refusal after their first night together, but it should not have been in exchange for her happiness.

"But it was not like she had any other choice. She's pregnant after all…," Kanda thought to himself and walked over to the counter where Jerry placed many plates filled with Ellen's food on the counter. Kanda put all of them on a tray and carried them to a free table while Ellen only had to carry whatever had not fit on the tray – like her dango and Kanda's soba. They sat down opposite each other, even though there would have been room enough next to Kanda for Ellen to sit down. She neatly arranged the various trays and when she was done, she put her hands on her knees and looked down. Kanda raised an eyebrow at her, while he picked his chopsticks up.

"What's the matter? Why don't you eat?" He asked, "Are you afraid of gaining weight or what?"

"I cannot help gaining weight now…," Ellen replied silently. Kanda looked at her with a frown, unable to make out whether there had been bitterness in her voice about that fact. Probably, yes. Kanda decided it was best to not start an argument now.

"Then eat…," he told her and studied her, but she merely blushed.

"I… wait until you have started…" Kanda looked at her in wonder, but started eating, then he looked at her.

"There. Eat now," he said and Ellen pulled her fork towards her and started picking at her food, her face lowered. She didn't say anything. There was no merry chatter during dinner, even though he was used to her talking to him. "What's wrong? Why don't you say anything?"

"Maybe you did not want me to speak…?" Ellen answered timidly and Kanda looked at her in irritation. Why was she acting so meek?

"And did that stop you before?"

"Before we were not married…," Ellen whispered, so that nobody else would hear. The young man opposite her glared at her and put his chopsticks down on top of an half-full bowl.

"So if I tell you to shut up, you will shut up?" Ellen looked at him uncertainly, "and if I tell you to chatter, you will chatter?"

"Kanda…"

"And if I tell you to love me, you will love me? You'll do everything I command just because we put our names on a paper?!" Ellen remained silent, looking at her untouched dessert. "I don't want us to change… I don't want a restraint on our relationship. The fact that we are married should give you legal protection, it should be liberating!"

"I know! But _please_, keep your voice down…!" she begged, holding up her hands. Kanda groaned, but nodded.

"Yu, Ellen?" Ellen gave a start when she heard the voice and turned around, seeing Rabi approaching them with a grin. "What's with the haunted look, dear beansprout?"

"Ah, nothing. You just gave me a fright!" she said with an uneasy laugh. Rabi frowned shortly, but then the grin was back on his face and he put a hand on Ellen's shoulder.

"I didn't want to disturb your romantic dinner, but I just ran across a finder. He asked me to tell you that Cross wants to see you, apparently the poor finder was too afraid to approach you, Yu!" Kanda rolled his eyes in annoyance, "see?! It's that look! Every person would get afraid if you look so gloomy! Right, Ellen?"

"I am not afraid of Kanda… I guess…"

"_I guess_?" Rabi asked in surprise, but then he ruffled Ellen's hair, "don't be silly, Ellen!" The girl started laughing, begging him to stop. Rabi sat down next to her and Kanda studied the two with a look of irritation. He did envy Rabi for how easily he could deal with Ellen and how cheerful Ellen seemed in his presence. Added to this was the fact that Ellen might have wanted Bak to believe that Rabi was their child's father. However, there was something restraining Ellen's smile when she talked to Rabi – he had not seen them interact much, so maybe Ellen was always reserved to some extend.

"Cross is waiting," Kanda said after Ellen finished her dessert. She nodded and got up, but Rabi grabbed her wrist. Ellen looked at her in confusion and Kanda also noticed how serious Rabi looked.

"You still seem uneasy…," he said and Ellen sighed. "It's about what happened in the Ark, right? Do you want to talk...?"

"Maybe… If you do not feel uncomfortable about it…" Rabi let go of her hand and sighed as well, then he smiled at her.

"If I make you feel bad, then I must punish myself! I will have Yu punch me if I can't make your smile perfectly cheerful again!" Ellen smiled at him, then she waved and walked away. Kanda looked at Rabi with a suspicious glare, but Rabi just grinned and shrugged.

"Tell me later," the dark haired exorcist said and then he followed Ellen out of the Dining Hall.

"I wonder what Cross wants to talk about…," Ellen said when Kanda had caught up with her.

"Did that idiot do anything stupid?" Ellen looked at Kanda.

"No… It was not his fault… Do not worry about it, Kanda…," she replied but it missed its goal of getting Kanda off the topic.

"But that doesn't matter. You still seem to dislike me, even though I didn't want to harm you in any way either." Ellen sighed deeply and took Kanda's hand.

"I do not dislike you, but I must say that you make me feel uneasy right now. So please, drop the topic for the moment…" Ellen said and Kanda fell silent. But her hands stayed in his.

-

Cross let the two into his room with a displeased groan.

"You two are quite late! I haven't got all day, you know?!" He threw the door shut after Kanda and then he walked to his armchair and let himself fall into it. "Well? Take a seat!" The two obeyed wordlessly, sitting into the two other free armchairs. The table, Ellen noted, was this time clear of any wine bottles and it smelled as if Cross had let in some fresh air recently – it didn't stink of alcohol and dust anymore.

"Why did you want to speak with us, General?" Ellen wondered.

"I have an important meeting tomorrow and I thought it best to talk to you beforehand. I don't think that you really need to worry about it though…" Cross said in a bored tone.

"Just to have you say that does make me worry…," Ellen replied and the general snorted.

"I want you to stay in your room until tomorrow, brat."

"What? Why?"

"Secrecy. As far as your records go, you are still Allen Walker. I want it to stay like this at least until tomorrow," Cross explained and Ellen and Kanda looked at him in surprise.

"So there is something I need to worry about concerning your meeting tomorrow!" Ellen exclaimed.

"Calm down you idiot. We will deal with it tomorrow. Right now I asked you to come about a different topic."

"But, master –"

"Shut up! Good God! If I say tomorrow, then it is tomorrow!" Ellen looked at him in indignation, but she shut her mouth and glared at him. Cross groaned and scratched the back of his head casually.

"What did you want to discuss?" Kanda asked, because Ellen obviously sulked.

"Your marriage, of course," Cross replied and took something out of his pocket. Ellen had tensed up the moment Cross started speaking, but she looked even paler when Cross tossed two rings on the table.

"Rings?" Kanda wondered and took them; they were made of pale white gold. "You want us to wear them?"

"Obviously," Cross said and Kanda frowned, "they should match. I forced someone of the Science Department to make them."

"You told someone that you wanted rings made for her and me?" Kanda asked suspiciously.  
"Of course not and I just guessed the size!" Cross replied and Kanda frowned, but he slipped the ring on his finger and it really did match. "See? What did I tell you? It matches." Kanda didn't say anything to that and just held out his hand to Ellen. But she just looked at the ring on his palm.

"What's wrong?" Ellen just shook her head and averted her eyes. "It's just a ring!"

"It's not just a ring! It's a sign of our marriage!"

"And how is that bad?" Kanda asked in irritation, "you still do want to keep all a secret?!"

"It would be best if –" Ellen started, but she was interrupted by Cross.

"Stop." Ellen widened her eyes when she heard him and looked at him. "Stop. Ellen, you are being ridiculous."

"Master…?" Ellen asked in confusion. Meanwhile Kanda clenched his fist around the ring and looked at his wife, then at Cross.

"What I see before me is a ridiculous and silly whimpering mess. Like on the day I first saw you. But even then, even though you were scared and had just seen your uncle die twice, even though you had just killed your first Akuma – even then you were ready to accept responsibility and search for a way to redeem yourself. And look at yourself now! A few months and many battles later you behave more stupidly and childish than you did then. You, a girl of 15 who had the chance to run but did not, are not even willing to take responsibility and act more mature in this situation? What exactly have your mother and Mana taught you?! Good God, Ellen Walker, do not fall back into old behaviour patterns!" While Cross lectured, neither Ellen nor Kanda said a word; but while Ellen was feeling terrible, Kanda was grateful for Cross speaking those words. Maybe if he did, Ellen would be more reasonable. "Think what kind of personality you built up; think of who Ellen Walker is! Even though you were in many dangerous situations, you were able to overcome them and walk on. You chose to return to the battlefield. You chose to bring your world back when you restored the Ark – you could have made everybody – including the smiley next to you" Kanda frowned, "stay where they were; you could have erased him out of your nearly spotless life. But you didn't. Why?" Ellen glared at Cross.

"What are you suggesting?! Why do you two think that I would sacrifice anybody – especially Kanda – for my convenience?!" Cross had to grin at that. "Why are you smiling so smugly?!"

"Because this look on your face is exactly what I want to see; I do not want to see meek Miss Bermont anymore; because face it: you no longer are. Even if you refuse to accept his name and this ring for the time-being, you still are Ellen Kanda. But for the moment we are a member of the Black Order, how you behave later on, I care not; but now I want to see you as strong, determined Ellen Walker and nothing else! You must remember your own strength and your priorities!" Here Cross turned his head towards Kanda. "And you; don't you dare start pampering her! If she behaves like a little girl, then you best just leave and let her calm down. You are not some lovey-dovey couple, you are exorcists! Act like it!" He slammed his fist on the table, "and that's all I wanted to say. Get the hell out of my room!"

-

Thrown out of the room, both of the exorcist just stood fixed to the spot without being able to say anything.

"I'll accompany you to your room," Kanda suggested and Ellen nodded, following him, while she went over Cross' lecture again in her head. "There. Good night, " Kanda said and held the door open for her.

"Wait a moment," Ellen said with a sigh and held her hand out to him, palm upwards. Kanda looked at her with a puzzled expression.

"What?"

"The ring. There must be a reason why Cross insists in us showing our marriage," she said and Kanda took out the ring. He looked at it, then at Ellen's calm but slightly red face. He grabbed her Innocence hand and put the ring on her finger himself. It did give him some satisfaction to slip the ring on her finger, but he was not sure if Ellen's willingness to wear it was to be interpreted as a good sign.

"There. It does stand out on your finger…," Kanda said with a frown as both of them studied Ellen's left hand. "Why do you make such a concentrated face?"

"It really looks mismatched…" Ellen said, then she looked up at Kanda and smiled gently, "but we are quite a strange mix ourselves… Right?" Kanda looked at her in surprise, but after a while he snorted and nodded.

"Yes…" he replied and Ellen continued looking at her hand, "Was a stern lecturing of Cross all it needed to set your head straight?"

"Kanda, please, do not mock me… I still think it was not the best idea to get married, even though I see that there was no other way and that it was the best choice in our situation. I understand that I might have overreacted though…" She sighed and held her hand to her forehead. "Really, I did not get this far just to return to my staring point. Mana would be disappointed in me…" She lowered her hand and looked up at Kanda. "But I must say that the idea of being married scares me… It makes me tremble, more than my pregnancy does…" Kanda put his hand on Ellen's head.

"Just ignore all of it for the moment. I am not going to change my behaviour just because I am a _husband _now. From my point of view the husband only has to do one thing: keep his wife safe and happy." Ellen smiled at him and nodded. "But for now, let's concentrate on being exorcists."

"Of course."

"Good night, beansprout."

"Good ni - Oh, do not call me that!" Kanda smirked, then he turned around. "Kanda, wait a moment!"

"What?" He asked, turning around to find a slightly embarrassed Ellen looking at him from underneath her unruly bangs.

"Do you… Do you not want to consummate our marriage? It is our wedding night after all…" Kanda looked at her in surprise.

"Well, as long as you consider it to be obligatory I do not want to _consummate our marriage_ as you call it," he told her, "If I take you up on your offer now it'd be awkward…" Ellen studied him in wonder.

"So you will wait?"

"I will wait." Ellen looked at him and had to laugh. "What?"

"Excuse me, but your face is really tense at the moment!" Kanda blushed.

"What!? I am not entirely self-sufficient after all! Of course I desire it, but I'll still wait for you to be more comfortable with the situation!" he shouted in embarrassment and irritation. Ellen calmed down and smiled at him.

"Thank you… Also for being honest…" Kanda sighed and nodded.

"Whatever. Just go to sleep now," he said and waved her off. Ellen nodded and closed the door behind her and Kanda left for his own room. Well, they had made a progress, thanks to Cross. The mere ability to talk to her again without earning himself haunted looks was already a big improvement. Still, not taking her up on her offer after three months was kind of stupid. It would have been egoistic of course, so he knew that he made the best choice. It was silly to regret it. But still…

"Tch. I'll just be self-sufficient then…" Kanda snorted. There was still enough time after all.

_To be continued_

Notes:

Kanda's a teenager after all. Poor him.

I have no clue about eating etiquettes. Just pretend that the husband comes first and the others start eating after him…

Calling Kanda a "smiley" seems strange *lol* The German word would be "Strahlemann" which I couldn't find in my online dictionary of choice, but my big Langenscheidt dictionary had it (A Strahlemann is someone who's continuously smiling brightly – Rabi would be one). I don't know how "smiley" gets interpreted by English speaking people because for me a smiley is this: :D

So maybe Langenscheidt dictionary is trying to make a fool of me *lol*

Still no wedding night though. Hrm, maybe I should take more advantage of this story's M rating… What do you think?


	45. Kapitel 43 Crucial Details

**Author's Notes**:

Thanks to Yullen Week this is pretty delayed, I'm sorry about that! But here it is!

A note to _Kikyouinuyasha_: The story is really getting long and I must give my respects to anybody who still dares to read all of it! Thank you! :D

I'll see what I'll do about her pregnancy's side effect. Craving for weird food is one thing, but it's nothing that happens in each and every pregnancy and, well, Ellen's eating habits are already very strange, so it wouldn't make a difference. And for morning sickness it's already too late now as far as I know. She was lucky and got through the first three months without experiencing morning sickness. But I'll think about things to torment her (and try Kanda's patience) ;3

I feel as if I'm quite daring with this chapter… For reasons which become obvious once you read *lol* Nothing M-rated though!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 43:**** Crucial Details**

When the early morning sun shone into Kanda's room and woke the young man up he was surprised that he had slept longer than he usually did. Being up before the sun, especially when the days were longer, was one of his special traits after all. One usually shouldn't waste a morning with sleeping. But he must really have been in need of sleep, especially after what had happened the day before. He knew nothing much about him had changed but… being married _felt_ different. As if something important in his life had changed and his head hadn't caught up with it yet. Even small things were different; like looking into his mirror just after looking at his mystic hourglass. There was no reason to look good just after one got out of bed, but Kanda thought that his hair looked particularly savage today (even though they were perfectly fine). Not very _chic_, in his opinion. Therefore he grabbed some simple clothes and went to the bathroom, before Ellen could make another unexpected visit.

"Oh, Kanda! It's rare to meet you in the communal baths around this time!" Kanda groaned but he still went to an unoccupied sink next to Marie. Around seven in the morning it was a lot more crowded than it was around half past five. But it was good to see that people still backed off when he came into the room; he had no temper to deal with them anyway.

"I overslept," was Kanda's reply and he studied his reflection in the mirror. He studied his face and drew his hand over his smooth skin around his mouth.

"You did?" Marie asked in surprise and Kanda rolled his eyes, but turned on the water and bent down to wash his hair. As no further comment came from Marie, Kanda assumed that the man patiently waited for him to finish. When he was done with washing, Kanda wrung the water out of his hair and rubbed it relatively dry with a towel, then he looked at Marie.

"Apparently," was his short answer and he took the brush Marie handed him.

"Did something happen with Ellen Walker?" the tall man asked and Kanda glared at him. "Honestly, Kanda. Maybe you think I am angry or disappointed in you, but I'm not," the tall man tried to reassure him.

"As if I'd care what you think about my business," Kanda snorted, put the brush away and left his hair open to dry.

"I know you don't but I just wanted you to know that I'll try to help you as best as I can – I am sure that you can manage. You both I mean," Mari told him and put his hand on Kanda's shoulder. Kanda looked at him, then he snorted, unsure whether he should feel embarrassed by Marie's words.

"Whatever," he said and wanted to go, but Marie wouldn't let him, "Hey!" He looked up at Marie and found him grinning at him. "What's with that look?!"

"Oh, nothing! I guess it's too early to congratulate you!" but after saying that he pulled him into a short hug.

"Marie!" Kanda hissed in embarrassment, "stop that!"

"I just gave you a taste of what you will have to suffer through. You better develop a resistance against hugs," Marie told him in amusement after he had released him and Kanda frowned. "So how about some morning training?" Despite being taken aback because of the sudden shift of topic, Kanda thought about the suggestion for a while. Shouldn't he go and maybe wake Ellen? They could take breakfast together. However, there was no need to spend all of their time together, she might not appreciate seeing him all of the time. So he decided to let her sleep and spend his mornings as he usually did: training.

-

In another part or the Black Order the meeting that Cross had mentioned the day before was about to take place. The generals and branch leaders were all sitting around a big table, waiting for today's conference to start.

When the door opened, two further people entered and took the two empty seats.

"Thank you for taking the time to assemble here. My name is Malcolm C. Leverrier, I have come here today on behalf of the Vatican's central administration." He folded his hands on the table and looked around. "I want to be informed of the recent happenings. And, as I see, we will certainly have a pleasurable meeting today as a very special guest seems to have joined us." A cold, sly smile made its way to the inspector's lips and he studied the red haired general sitting across the table. "I was looking forward to the day where we would be able to talk eye to eye again, General Marian Cross!" The general just grinned smugly and put his feet on the table, which earned him a disapproving look of General Tiedoll, who was sitting just next to him.

"Good day to you as well," Cross said, the grin never leaving his face. Komui wore a concerned expression, but he refrained from saying anything at the moment. Those meetings with all of the branch leaders and generals led by a Vatican official was something they did frequently and Leverrier was no stranger to him, but Komui knew all too well that Leverrier always stirred up trouble. Nothing good would come of this meeting, Komui was sure of it. The young man next to Leverrier put a typing machine on the table and, bid by the inspector, rose.

"General Marian Cross disappeared without a trace four years ago after he had failed his mission to destroy the Akuma plant. Since then it had been impossible to contact him or to assign him new missions. The Cross unit and the Tiedoll unit have infiltrated the Ark which was stationed in Edo. The exorcists and a young man, a possible accommodator, were involved in battles against various Noah. The demise of the Ark had at that point already started. After the discovery of the Akuma plant, the General also joined the battle. On the general's command, the exorcist Allen Walker, who is also the pupil of General Cross, was able to control the Ark and stop its destruction. Thanks to this the Ark and the plant were seized by the exorcists. Subsequently, the Ark was used based on the General's decision and he returned to the Black Order after an absence of four years. That is all." The young man bowed and sat back down and started typing.

"I haven't sat on this chair for four years. You really did a good job, General. But, to tell you the truth, I was worried for some time. You seemed to be gone from the face of the earth! But I did not want to suspect you, right?" Cross rolled his eyes, but then he put on a charming smile.

"I was forced to keep a low profile after all. Even I was slightly unnerved when the Earl suddenly started attacking generals!" The inspector smiled, but then he glared at Cross.

"I will only look past it because your mission was successful! If not then this would have had severe consequences!" While a shiver went through the other people, Cross didn't worry one bit and merely replied by showing the angry inspector a smug smile. As there seemed to be nothing Leverrier could do to get a different reaction out of the red haired General, he rose to continue the meeting.

"The battle in Edo has changed our situation remarkably! We have been able to stop the further production of Akuma thanks to the Akuma plant being in our possession! This will stop the Earl from going through with his plan to bring about a second coming of the Three Days of Darkness. However, this will only be so for a short while, maybe a year or half a year. But for us this means we gain a lot of time until the decisive battle takes place. And we need this time to gather more Innocence and find new apostles. We have to be strong enough to be able to destroy the Earl! And the ability to travel through space which we now possess thanks to the Ark will be a very important weapon against the Noah and Akuma with their superior technologies!"

Having heard those words a murmur started going through the room.

"You want us to use the Ark?" Bak shouted in surprise, jumping up from his seat.

"Yes, I want that you all start preparing for it, branch leaders!"

"But to use a ship that has been in the possession of the enemy for 7000 years without doing research on it seems…," Bak argued but Leverrier just shook his head.

"We don't have that time. It is the decision of the grand Generals and the pope," he replied.

"But… this will be a burden on the exorcists…" Bak said but Leverrier stopped him with a glare.

"On who's behalf are you speaking? It is not our duty to _protect_ the apostles! We have to win this war!" Bak stared at him, unable to speak. Leverrier snorted, but then he raised his finger. "But if you address the danger of such actions, isn't there something you should examine more closely than the Ark?"

"What…?" Bak wondered in confusion.

"I am talking about a human! Allen Walker!" Komui and Bak both looked startled to hear that, while Cross still kept silent. "Why was he able to control the Ark, Marian? He is a gift of the 14th am I right?" To hear that did surprise Cross, but while the others started talking in hushed voices because the term 14th was unknown to him, he kept himself from saying something. This was a bit unsettling, but he knew that he would have the upper hand, no matter how much the inspector knew about the 14th. There was something very crucial that he did not know about _Allen Walker_. And this crucial bit of information would prevent the inspector from daring too much.

"I want to know if Allen Walker has sided with the enemy! If there is the slightest evidence for our suspicion then we will try him for heresy!" Leverrier continued with a stern voice but a cold smile on his lips.

"What?!" Komui shouted in outrage and shock.

"You can't do that!!" Bak argued, "Ellen –"

"Just one moment please, inspector…," Cross started calmly, raising his hand. Leverrier looked at him expectantly.

"Yes, General?" Cross put his hands on the table and grinned up at Leverrier.

"I am really surprised that you seem to know quite a bit more than I guessed, but it seems to me that you missed one crucial point…" Leverrier rose an eyebrow and Cross nearly couldn't keep himself from laughing triumphantly. "There is no such person as a boy called Allen Walker. My pupil is a girl." Leverrier looked at him in wonder, widening his eyes. But before replying, he turned his head to his assistant.

"Inspector Link?" The young man next to Leverrier went through his papers.

"The files we got from the Black Order all say that it is a young boy of 15 years old, Allen Walker, of unknown descent."

"These are old data! I can assure you, inspector, Ellen Walker is a girl!" Komui called and Bak nodded. The inspector seemed to be quite surprised by this and he looked at Cross, voicelessly demanding an explanation.

"Inspector, inspector… I would have thought you would get it right away. A young girl with Innocence called Ellen, adopting the name of her relative…"

"What…?!" Leverrier seemed thunderstruck at that and no one of the assembled people but Cross could understand what was going on at the moment. "Gentleman, I have said everything I needed to say! We will hold another meeting at a later date!" Leverrier announced. When the people started to leave wearing looks of confusion, Leverrier glared at Cross.

"Is this Miss Walker here?"

"Of course she is. She probably is having breakfast around this time!" Cross replied and laughed. Leverrier glared at him, barley able to contain his anger.

"I will not let you get away with your behaviour! Until further notice you will stay in your room and help with administrative work! Have I made myself understood, Marian Cross?!"

"Certainly," the red haired general replied with a smirk and with a last glare shot in his direction Leverrier left the room, the young man trailing behind.

"General, what was the meaning of that?" Komui asked in confusion.

"Everything I do has a purpose, that's why I made Ellen come here looking like a boy. It was all to avoid people from knowing who she really is," he replied.

"And… who is she really…?" Komui asked and Cross had to laugh, patting him on the back.  
"Just a spoilt little brat!" Was his reply and then he left the room, leaving Komui in wonder.  
-

Ellen had made her way to the dining hall all on her own. She was surprised to find that Kanda had already gone when she knocked on his door. She had half expected him to come looking for her, or even to wait until she came to him.

"How silly… Why would he change his entire routine just because of _that_?" she wondered and looked at the pale ring on her dark left hand. "And how silly that I can't even tell if I am a bit disappointed that he is not here…" Ellen sighed and walked into the dining hall. "He is probably training around this time, I will just go and look for him if there is nothing else for me to do. I was supposed to stay in my room yesterday because of that meeting, but I guess it is fine for me to go out now… I am hungry after all!"

"Dear beansprout!" Rabi called from a table and Ellen, with her breakfast just fresh out of the kitchen, walked over to him and sat down next to him.

"Good morning, Rabi!" Ellen said and Rabi grinned at her.

"Do you have time afterwards? We still need to chat a bit, right?" Ellen looked a bit uneasy at that but Rabi knew how to make her feel better, "how about Yu or Linali joining us? I don't want you to feel unhappy in my presence!" Ellen had to smile and shook her head.

"I do not feel uncomfortable next to you, Rabi. I am just a little uncertain. We will talk after breakfast if you want," she told him and Rabi nodded in relief. The young man studied the girl for a while, for some reason she wore trousers again and a long sleeved white shirt with a vest – it was the clothes she usually wore on missions. So why did she wear it now?

"Is there a particular reason why you're not wearing a skirt?" Rabi wondered and Ellen looked at him in confusion.

"A particular reason…? Well, my other clothes are dirty, they need to be washed. And somehow…," Ellen suddenly talked in a whisper, bending towards Rabi, "there was something strange going on yesterday. My master said something about _secrecy_, so I decided to come here dressed like this," she confessed and Rabi looked at her in surprise. "But the clothes do not really fit that well anymore…"

"Well, you grew a bit! It's no surprise that they don't really fit!" Here Rabi put his arm around Ellen's shoulder, grinning slyly. "And I bet that your breasts are fuller as well now! A girl in puberty changes into a woman in the blink of an eye!" Ellen frowned and blushed in indignation.

"My breasts are none of your concern!" Ellen shrieked, quiet enough to not make all finders turn their heads. Rabi roared with laughter and patted Ellen's head.

"Sorry, sorry!" he said, but then he smiled at her, "excuse me for asking, but has anything else of your body changed yet? I am not that knowledgeable when it gets to children." Ellen frowned at him. "Ah, none of my concern again?"

"I just wonder why you ask… But nothing much has changed. Or do you think I gained weight?" Ellen wondered and Rabi had to laugh.

"Well, you're still thin. There is nothing visible when you're dressed like this. Even your tight fitting uniform didn't show anything."

"Well, maybe it is reluctant to develop…"

"Is a bean sprout's sprout, so you shouldn't worry too much about it… And maybe a bit on the slow side, like its papa," Rabi told her and Ellen snorted.

"I do not worry. The less it is visible, the better for me. And do not give me that unhappy face. This is not just my reluctance speaking! I am a woman after all, let me have my moments of vanity!" After hearing that Rabi had to laugh and patted her again.

"Eat your breakfast!" He said and let go of Ellen so that she could continue eating. But a polite "eherm" interrupted her before she had entirely finished. Ellen and Rabi turned around to find a young man in a uniform standing behind them.

"Are you Allen Walker?" he asked and Ellen looked at him in wonder.

"I am," Ellen answered in confusion for she had never seen this man before. He probably was around Rabi and Kanda's age, rather short, with his blond hair taken back into a braid and his hair neatly trimmed around the middle of his forehead. He was good looking, but he wore a frown which didn't look all that inviting to Ellen. The young man studied her and asked her to stand up. "Do you mind me asking who you are?" Ellen wondered, but she complied with his request.

"My name is Howard Link, I am an inspector of the Vatican." Ellen widened her eyes in wonder.

"The Vatican?" she asked in surprise, but there was no worry in her voice.

"What do you want with Ellen?" Rabi asked with a frown, grabbing Ellen's wrist protectively.

"For the moment I only have a question," Link replied and Ellen nodded. "Is it true that you are a woman? And if yes, why do the records give false information?" Rabi had to snicker at that, even though the situation seemed to be serious. Link quickly looked at him disapprovingly, but didn't say anything to him.

"Yes, I am a woman. Why there were false records I do not know. I did not try to fool anyone. And if my choice of clothes seems strange to you then I must remind you that, for sake of decency, I will not go to fight Akuma in a skirt," Ellen told him politely and Link nodded, still wearing a frown.

"Then, Miss Walker, could I ask you to come with me for a moment? The dining hall is too crowded," he suggested and Ellen nodded.

"Of course, Mister Link," Ellen said and Rabi stood up as well. Link shot him a disapproving glare but Rabi wouldn't back off. They left the dining hall and walked into lounge, which was nearly empty at this moment.

"Inspector? I have brought Miss Walker," the young man said and Ellen looked past him to find a tall man sitting on a sofa. He rose and Ellen widened her eyes as he looked at her.

"So it was true. It really is you, Ellen," Leverrier said and Ellen stared at him, but then she broke into a smile and ran to him, jumping into his arms.

"Uncle Malcolm! What a pleasant surprise!" Rabi and Link just stared at this unexpected situation.

"What?! _Uncle_ she says?!" Rabi shouted, completely taken by surprise. Leverrier embraced her, then he let her go again, looking at her with a frown.

"I did not know that you were involved with the Black Order, uncle," Ellen says, still holding on to his hands. Rabi was truly confused when he looked at Ellen; he hadn't seen her smile this openly for a long time. It was especially creepy because it was in Leverrier's company, for God's sake. Who in their right mind could smile this honestly when he was nearby?

"And I am rather shocked to hear that you have joined the exorcists, Ellen. You shouldn't have! That damned Cross, it was him who took you here, wasn't it?!"

"I do not think that I had any choice, uncle. Especially after Mana died… I am carrying Innocence after all…," Ellen told him.

"But… Your mother, was she not against it?"

"Well… I do not know, she did allow me to leave after all… But why are you so concerned? If you are aware of the Black Order then you must have known early on I had Innocence!" Ellen exclaimed in wonder.

"Well, your mother doesn't like me that much, when I asked about your arm she never gave me concrete answers. I thought that it might have been Innocence, but I did not investigate. Your father would not have wanted you to be exposed to danger," Leverrier answered and Ellen frowned, but then she smiled.

"What exactly has brought you here, uncle?" The tall man was reluctant to answer and she let go of his hands to fold them behind her back.

"It is because of the Ark and the Akuma plant," he said, then he looked at Link, "Ellen. I do not like that you are here, but there is no other choice than to keep you. It is very unfortunate… But for your personal protection I will have inspector Howard Link supervising you."

"Supervising me? But why?" Ellen wondered in confusion, "I do not need anybody to chaperone me anymore. There are enough people around that I trust to protect me should harm befall us," Ellen told him but Leverrier just shook his head.

"Ellen, I do not want you to contradict me now," he said and Ellen sighed, but nodded with a smile, "fine. I have a lot of things to do now. I will see you later today. Inspector, do your work dutifully." The young man saluted and nodded.

"Yes, Sir!" he replied then Leverrier left. Ellen looked after him in wonder, but Rabi took her out of her thoughts by groaning.

"I can't believe it! Leverrier is your uncle?! How many secrets do you still harbour, Ellen?!" Ellen looked at him with a frown.

"I do not harbour secrets. I had no idea that he worked for the Black Order. I was aware that he was an official of the Vatican though. I do not know why I did not make the connection…," she told him and Rabi just grabbed his head, lamenting loudly.

"But how are you two related?" Rabi asked after he recovered a bit.

"Well, our families are distantly related. But he and my father were good friends and that is the reason he became my godfather. As my uncle said, my mother is not that fond of him, that is why she rarely allowed us to meet after my father's death…," Ellen explained but then she grinned. "I am happy though that I finally saw him again! We used to write lots of letters!"

"I still cannot believe that this scary person is your uncle…," Rabi said with a deep sigh, which earn himself an indignant glare by Link.

"Miss Walker, if you'd allow, let us leave the lounge," Link said and Ellen nodded, "I think that I must then ask you some question."

"Be my guest, Mister Link, but what exactly did uncle mean by supervising?" Link looked at her.

"I will follow you wherever you go. We have reasons to suspect that," he coughed, "excuse me, we _had_ reasons to suspect that you might be involved with the enemy, Miss Walker, due to your connection to the Ark's musician," he said and Ellen widened her eyes.

"I am as surprised as you are," Ellen said and Link closed his eyes.

"Certainly, Miss Walker. But I must do my duty, it is all for the sake of your own protection. If you show signs of resistance then I must tell Inspector Leverrier, maybe your are being controlled."

"I am not being controlled!" Ellen argued, and balled her hands, "this… This must be a misunderstanding!" Rabi put his hand on Ellen's shoulder to calm her down.

"It's okay Ellen… Things will certainly clear up over time."

"Indeed. You have nothing to fear for the moment," Link said and without Ellen even realizing they were back at the dining hall.

"Ellen!" she could hear Linali shouting, "Ellen, I heard you were called by someone?" Linali came running to them and took a hold of Ellen's hands. "Who are you?!" She asked with a mistrusting glare directed at Link.

"I am supervising Miss Walker on Inspector Leverrier's order," Link replied and Linali widened her eyes in shock.

"L… Leverrier…?!" she breathed and started trembling. "Why… Why does she have to be supervised by the Vatican?! She has done nothing wrong!"

"Linali… Linali you must calm down… Leverrier won't do anything to Ellen," Rabi said and Ellen looked at Linali with a worried expression.

"What has he done? Why are you so scared?" Ellen asked, squeezing Linali's hands.

"D… Don't worry about me, Ellen," Linali said and tried showing her a smile, but it was clear that there was something the matter with her friend.

"But…," Ellen tried to argue, but Link interrupted her.

"Miss Walker, there is work to do," he reminded her and she sighed but nodded.

"I am sorry Linali, we will talk later on," she said, then she waved at her and Link guided her past the dining hall probably towards one of the many studies.

"I…," Linali said, then she turned around, running off

"Linali! Where are you going?!" Rabi asked in surprise.

"I have to tell Kanda about it!" Linali replied then she already disappeared around the corner, leaving Rabi in confusion. He sighed.

"How troublesome…," he said, then he scratched the back of his head, "I'll better keep an eye on that… Man, and I couldn't even talk to Ellen…" He kicked the floor and then he made his way towards his own room.

To be continued.

-

Notes:

Oha, it's out now! ;3

I planned long ago that I would want Ellen and Malcolm to be related, but I feel a bit uneasy now. Oh well. Having him as an uncle will at least protect her from a lot of harm that would have befallen her because of the heresy suspicion. But that does not change the fact that they know her to have a connection to the 14th, the consequences will just not be as vicious.

And even though I doubt Kanda is a vain person, I can imagine him worrying about his looks now. *lol*


	46. Kapitel 44 Traces of Resistance

**Author's Notes:**

I'm still here! Being in Japan has left me kind of numb because there have been too many visual stimulants and far too few things to read and listen to (caused by my inability to understand Japanese)! Anyway, I've been absolutely unable and unwilling to write or draw. The one thing that could get me back to finish this chapter was actually reading an English book which helped me to get the hang of the language again! :D

Now, on with the story!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 44: ****Traces of Resistance**

Kanda didn't raise his head when he heard the door to the room being opened and closed. He could hear soft, but slightly hurried footsteps. Linali. The girl sat down next to him and didn't say anything. Kanda was used to it; he had heard that some of the Vatican officials were here, among them most likely Leverrier. It was no surprise at all that she came running to him.

"Kanda…," Linali spoke up after a while and he snorted to signal that he was listening. "Leverrier…"

"Yes, I know. You always come running to me when he's here," he commented when Linali didn't finish her sentence.

"But this time I'm not concerned about me," the girl continued after a short moment of hesitation and Kanda risked to open an eye. She was not crying, but she looked rather anxious. "It's about Ellen." Upon hearing that Kanda widened both of his yes, turning his head to the girl in disbelief.

"What? Is something the matter with her?"

"Leverrier is having her supervised. I… I don't really know why," Linali said and lowered her head, "but I'm worried about her. What if they think she's doing something bad simply because she was able to save us when we were on the Ark?" Kanda didn't say anything for a while, silently listening to Linali, "of course it was strange that she could, but Ellen's not doing anything bad! Ellen is a good person! I don't want them to harm her!" Kanda got up wordlessly and Linali looked up at him in wonder. When he turned to leave the room she also got to her feet and hurried after him.

"Where are you going now?" She wondered, walking a few steps after him.

"I'm going to look for her and find out for myself why she's being supervised," Kanda answered. He was angry, that was sure, but Linali could see that he was also worried. And it made her feel slightly good to know that Kanda was concerned over Ellen.

"Kanda?"

"What?" He asked rather unfriendly, but Linali was quite used to it.

"I already asked Ellen quite a few times, but she is so evasive… What do you say? Are you and Ellen a couple?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitating and continued making his way to the dining hall, which was always the first place to look if one needed to find someone, Ellen with her big appetite included. Linali smiled gently.

"You love her, don't you?" She asked and Kanda slowed down, then he stopped and turned around, looking at Linali with a suspicious expression. Linali could keep herself from laughing, despite the gloomy feeling that Leverrier's arrival had aroused in her, and just looked up at him expectantly.

"Why the hell do you want to know?" Linali replied by widening her smile and Kanda wrinkled his nose in irritation, "Tch, always so annoying… I do," he answered honestly after a while.

"That's good to hear! Ellen always makes it sound so difficult, but at least you are sure. I really want you to be happy! But just so you know, if you hurt her I will kick you!" Linali threatened, not really serious about it, but she still grinned at him, "but I doubt that will happen, if you take such good care of her." Kanda snorted.

"Tch. I consider this topic to be over now," the young man said and turned around, walking away so as to free himself of useless, girly talk. Linali sighed and shook her head, but she still had a smile on her lips. If Kanda was there to make sure that no harm would befall her friend then Linali was a bit more at ease. Of course, the fact that Leverrier was here prevented her from calming down, but there wasn't much that she could do about it for the moment. And apart from that she had her own problems to be concerned about. She just hoped that this storm would soon pass.

-

Ellen let her eyes wander for a bit, inspecting the room Howard Link had taken her to. It was one of the less frequented studies. It only had a small window and after Link drew the curtains it was considerably dark, despite the light bulb over her head. The bookshelf behind her was dusty and so was the table. Link switched on the reading light without saying a word and then he put a heavy stack of papers on the table, whirling up a bit of dust, forcing Ellen to keep herself from sneezing.

"Now that we are not very likely to be disturbed, be so kind as to reply to some questions, Miss Walker," Link said calmly and took some papers from the tower, scanning over them attentively.

"Yes, of course. I will try to reply as best as I can," Ellen said politely even though she was very reluctant to actually be here. If he planned on questioning her about the incident in the Ark – and it was very likely that he did – then she would not be able to give him answers that would satisfy him – or her for that matter. She herself didn't know much, even less understand what has happened. But the things she thought she had realized were of such a nature that she would rather lie than actually talk to a complete stranger about it.

"First, it might be beneficial to inform you of what you might be accused of," Link started in a dry tone and Ellen widened her eyes, but she found it rude to interrupt, so she let him talk first and would argue later. "Considering the fact that you were able to manipulate the Ark, we came to the conclusion that you must have inherited the right to be a "Player" of the Ark from the person we call "Musician"…"

"Yes, I can follow that, even though I do not know exactly what you are talking about or how I should have inherited that. However," Ellen said after Link stopped talking to look at her waiting for some sort of remark, "how exactly is that a bad thing? Why accuse me of being able to save my friends from death?"

"Well," Link started, folding his hands on top of the papers in front of him, looking at Ellen with narrow and suspicious, sharp eyes. "There are two sides to it, Miss Walker. Of course you were able to perform something which we consider highly beneficial. You both stopped the Ark from being destroyed and you made it available to us. The fact that you are now the Player also means that through you we have gained the ability to control a tool of the Earl, making it ours in turn. With this we also could steal the Akuma plant. However, you certainly must be aware that the Ark is closely connected to the Earl and the Noah. Would you not worry if suddenly an ally is able to control a weapon of the enemy?" Ellen balled her hands into fists and looked down, glaring at the table. "Of course you thought about it and what it could signify yourself."

"So, you mean to tell me that I am being accused of treason?"

"The correct term in this matter would be heresy," Link corrected and Ellen raised her head, not making her glare disappear when she faced the young man in front of her. "And no, Miss Walker, you are not accused of heresy, however, we suspect that something unsettling is happening with you." Ellen sighed in frustration and leant back in her chair, looking at Link.

"So what exactly do you think is happening?" She asked him, almost daring him.

"That is a question I would like to ask you," Link said and Ellen snorted slightly, having expected an answer of that kind, "The only way for you to be able to receive such a power is if the Musician passed it on to you. It is a very central concern of ours though to find out how that happened and on what occasion. Anyway, this man is better known as the Fourteenth. I guess it is needless to say that the Fourteenth was a Noah."

"The fourteenth…," Ellen repeated thoughtfully and not very much at ease, "and you think I allied myself with him? I do not even know that person," she argued but didn't receive much of a reaction from the man sitting opposite her.

"For the moment let us settle on the assumption that this did not happen to your knowing and that you are being manipulated," Link said, "it takes some of the charges off you, however, you still are in danger if the fact that you have received the powers of a Noah becomes known," he told her and Ellen just shook her head, unable to form any words. "But you must not worry, for I have been charged with supervising you, Miss Walker. As long as you are cooperative you should not need to be unnecessarily concerned." Ellen put her face into her palms for a short while, then she looked up and stared at Link with a rather dark expression. She did not want to be rude to anybody, but she felt that the way she was being treated at the moment was not one she should approve of. Her? The daughter of the prosperous Bermont family, accused of allying herself with the enemy? She, now a married woman, being constantly followed by a man not even familiar to her? They were trying to make her cooperate, they were threatening her, controlling her. And on top of the unsettling indignation she felt, the anxiety of not knowing what exactly had happened in the Ark made it all the worse. However, she was kept from throwing an uncalled for, minor temper tantrum by the door opening quite suddenly.

"Beansprout, there you are!" Ellen widened her eyes, feeling how relief immediately overcame her when she spotted Kanda standing in the door frame.

"Kanda! What are you doing here?" She asked with surprise and joy in her voice.

"That is exactly my question," Link said, standing up, "we are in the middle of a conversation. Be so kind as to leave now."

"I won't," Kanda hissed in annoyance and stepped into the room, something Link commented with an irritated glare. He walked up to Ellen and pulled her out of her chair. "I take my eyes off you for just one second and you get yourself into trouble again?!"

"It was not in my intention to get into trouble," Ellen told him, not minding the harsh tone Kanda spoke with because she knew that he was just worried and probably also trying to tease her a bit.

"I heard Leverrier forced some kind of supervisor on you," Kanda started, then he looked over to Link, "must be him."

"Yes. Kanda, allow me to introduce you. This is inspector Howard Link. Mister Link, this is Yu Kanda," she said and Link nodded.

"Very well. Mister Kanda, I must ask you to leave, for we are not done talking," the inspector said, but Kanda stubbornly glared at him. "If you do not leave I will have to remove you from this room!"

"If you have to interrogate her then be my guest, but I will not leave this room without her coming with me. Either you ask her when I'm here or you don't ask her at all. It's your choice!" Link seemed quite outraged to have his superiority questioned by a mere exorcist, but he was not one to search a fight, therefore he calmed down again.

"I think that you are in no position to make demands, Mister Kanda. Maybe it has crossed your mind already, but let me inform you that this is a very delicate matter," Link said. Kanda snorted upon hearing that.

"Tch. I actually was there in the Ark. I know what happened. But that's no reason to force a watchdog on her!" Kanda argued and Link furrowed his brow.

"How rude!" He commented, but kept his cool, "You must be grateful that Miss Walker is only being supervised by me. She has not been officially accused of anything, but the fact remains that she is able to control something belonging to the enemy! If you stand in my way of having very pressing questions answered, then you are acting against what is also best for you." Kanda opened his mouth to argue right back, but Ellen extended her hand, stopping him. He looked at her in slight irritation, but Ellen tried smiling at him.

"Do not be angry, please," she said and then turned to look at Link, "I also feel quite unsettled by what has happened, but I doubt that I will be able to give you satisfactory information. I am not aware of what is going on behind the scenes. I do not willingly interact with Noah and there is nothing that the Earl of Millennium is doing that I could remotely support." Link didn't say anything so Ellen continued, "I honestly do not want to cause any trouble to my uncle, I would tell him everything I know, even though it is not much. And please understand that I too am affected by my current position. I am confused, Mister Link… I should be allowed to talk to my Master about it. I believe that he could help me understand." She avoided saying that he was the one that had urged her to play the piano in the Ark. Of course, it was very probable that the Vatican was aware of Cross' role in all of this, but Ellen did not really know. She was sure that only through him would she find the right answers to her questions, so she would have to talk to him, no matter what. Link seemed to think about that for a while, but just by looking at his facial expression it was quite apparent that he was not fond of the idea. Kanda took this opportunity to turn his face to Ellen, frowning.

"Uncle? Who are you talking about?" He wondered and Ellen sighed slightly.

"Mister Leverrier is my god-father," Ellen said and was not surprised to find an expression of bewilderment on Kanda's face, "I have already drawn the conclusion that all of you do not have a good opinion of him… But he is still my uncle…"

"Tch. And you're still a box full of surprises…," was all that Kanda could come up with and Ellen smiled apologetically.

"Eherm." Ellen turned her head back to Link, "Inspector Leverrier does not think that it is a good idea to let you talk to General Cross at the moment. It is needless to say that General Cross is also suspected to know more of this than he lets on. However, I think it might be beneficial to have you talk to your uncle again." Here, Link shot an angry glare at Kanda, "and to make you, Mister Kanda, see that it is unnecessary for you to interfere…" Kanda didn't reply, he merely smirked at Link, then he put his hand on Ellen's head.

"Let's go," he said and Ellen nodded, following Link and Kanda out of the room.

-

The three of them found Leverrier sitting in his temporary office and he was not in the best of moods. However, when he saw Ellen enter after Link he put a smile on his face. Kanda thought it to be rather fake, but Ellen didn't seem to mind one bit.

"Ah, Ellen! Come in," he said invitingly. When Kanda had closed the door, Leverrier directed his eyes to Link, looking at him expectantly. "And? Why are you here?"

"Miss Walker," Link started, but Ellen stepped forward and interrupted him.

"Uncle, why will you not let me speak to General Cross?" She asked and Leverrier raised an eyebrow, "I am sure he would help me understand what this is all about!"

"I do not think that the General is worth your time. Your mother foolishly gave you into his care and he utterly failed to protect you! You even ended up in this situation, being connected to the Noah side! Do you really think that I would allow you to be exposed to more danger coming from that irresponsible man?"

"But, uncle…"

"Ellen, don't contradict me. I have made this decision and I will not go back on it at the moment," Leverrier said and leant back in his chair. "It is already bad enough that you even became an exorcist…" Ellen was silent for a while; she did not want to talk back to her uncle, but she could not agree with what he said.

"I do not think so… Excuse my insolence, uncle, but I doubt that this could have been avoided. I had my chance to run away and I decided not to take it. And here I am now…," she said gently and Leverrier looked up at her.

"I do not want you to stop being an exorcist, because we need you, but I know what happened could easily turn into a bad direction. Therefore I have charged inspector Link with observing you." Link nodded and shot Kanda a glare. "Please do whatever he tells you. And you'll be fine…" Ellen frowned at this.

"And how is this to work out? Will Mister Link accompany me wherever I go? Will he observe me whatever I am doing? Will he question me about things I do not want to tell strangers? Please do not be offended Mister Link, but I cannot help feeling uncomfortable with this situation."

"I do not feel offended. However, this is my work, I will do it most dutifully," the young man said and Ellen sighed deeply.

"Yes, you can trust the inspector…" Leverrier added, considering the topic to be over now. However, Ellen still wasn't done trying to change the situation.

"Uncle…," Ellen said and looked shortly back to where Kanda was standing. The dark haired exorcist hadn't said anything yet and it seemed unlikely that he would. Leverrier was her uncle, this was her problem, Kanda most likely expected her to try and solve it on her own. "I told you before… I do not need anybody to look after me. I am no longer a child…"

"This again? Ellen… This is not a question of your maturity…"

"I do not think that it is, however, I feel as if you want to put me in the care of another guardian, one of your choice, instead of my mother's. However, I do not need a man to look after me, because there is already one whose guidance I accepted to follow trustfully," Ellen said and even though she was blushing a bit, she found her voice to be surprisingly stable and determined. Leverrier looked a bit taken aback, but then he calmly raised an eyebrow, waiting for his god-child to go on talking. "I am married." Ellen breathed out in relief when she had finally said it (not to her mother, or her friends, but it was a start), but the silence following her words was a bit unsettling. "Therefore…" Leverrier rose, stopping Ellen in mid-sentence. He looked rather grave, but then he sighed.

"Well, I must congratulate you then. I have heard from your mother that you were to be married to a Lord. Whereas I found that already rather rushed, I am a bit surprise that you have already married. Your engagement couldn't have been more than one or two months ago and you've been an exorcist for more…" Ellen bit her lip and looked over to Kanda. The young man wore a frown, probably not really thrilled to hear that his wife had been engaged before, even to a Lord. "Your husband must be okay with you being here I assume, so I will just write a letter to him explaining why another man will be supervising you. You do not need to worry about that. I am sure he will understand, and – as he's no member of the order – he does not need to know how this supervision is being carried out."

"I think you misunderstand, uncle." Leverrier looked at her in wonder, and Ellen lifted her hand, pointing at Kanda. The exorcist seemed a bit surprised to have her point at him, but he didn't say anything. "My husband is an exorcist. I do assume you have seen each other before? His name is Yu Kanda…" Leverrier just looked at Kanda with wide eyes, then he looked back at Ellen.

"What…? You married an exorcist? When? And why?" Ellen was not really surprised that Leverrier seemed to be incredulous, and his reaction probably was not nearly as bad as what she would have to face when telling her mother.

"We married just yesterday… General Cross decided that it would be best for us to marry as fast as possible… You probably can guess, but my mother does not know yet…"

"She doesn't know?! Ellen! Ellen, what have you been thinking?!" Ellen sighed deeply, lowering her head. "That Cross! Damned shall he be!!"

"Now that you know… It is a bit awkward for me to ask, but my… husband and I have not yet been able to arrange ourselves with our new situation. If you put me under tight surveillance now I doubt that we ever will be able to make a semblance of normality enter our relationship…," Ellen whispered and Leverrier studied her.

"Well… I understand where you are coming from…" he said slowly, "But the inspector will stay here to keep an eye on you nevertheless. Your unexpected marriage is a bit unsettling and seems foolish to me, but I respect and support marriage in itself. But I would still rather have a man I can utterly trust observing _both_ of you," here he looked rather intently at both of the young adults, before nodding at Link, "we will have to arrange ourselves… And that will have to suffice, Ellen…"

"Yes, thank you, uncle," Ellen said with a smile, feeling both relief but also frustration for not being able to talk to Cross. They excused themselves and left the study.

"Miss Walker," Link called and Ellen turned around, "ah, excuse me, Mrs Kanda."

"Ellen is fine…," the girl said, feeling slightly uneasy being addressed like that.

"Fine then, Ellen. Considering the fact that we now need to arrange ourselves, I think it wisest if we put the questioning on hold until we receive further notice from the inspector. However, I have not been freed of my surveillance duties, therefore, I will still need to check on you from time to time…," here he turned to Kanda, "if your husband agrees."

"Tch, it's not as if I'm planning her daily routine. If she agrees then I don't have any right to prevent you from observing her. Just don't overdo it," Kanda warned and Link merely nodded.

"I'll be on my way then. Good day," with these words, Link turned around and left the two rather swiftly. Ellen turned to Kanda, but when she saw the look on his face, the words she wanted to say to him died on her lips. She didn't really understand why she was rewarded by a glare for finally mustering the courage to tell someone about their marriage.

"What…? What is wrong…? Have I done something to displease you?" Ellen wondered and Kanda sighed.

"Come…," he said and started walking. Ellen hesitated, but then she fell into step beside him. "I was surprised that you dared to tell Leverrier… I thought that you would eternally try to keep this a secret," he told her. Ellen lowered her head and shook it.

"No, that is not in my intention… Just give me some time...," Ellen asked and Kanda didn't say anything. They arrived at the door to Kanda's room. When he left the door open after entering, Ellen followed him.

"You never told me that you were engaged…," Kanda said after a while, standing next to the window, refusing to look at his wife.

"I was not engaged… My mother planned to engage me… And I actually, foolish as I was, dared to put quite some hopes into this match. However, I will refuse. And I would also have refused if we had not married," Ellen told him.

"You? You would refuse a Lord?" Kanda asked half mockingly and Ellen frowned at him, "he must be quite a lousy person for you to prefer marrying me…"

"Oh, please Kanda. There is no need to sulk like a little boy now," she said before she could contain her irritation and Kanda snorted, letting himself fall on his chair. Ellen sighed deeply and sat on the bed, hands in her lap. "I am sorry… I did not mean to-"

"Shut up, Ellen. There's no need to apologize all the time. I thought we'd try to behave normally in each other's presence. Just because I'm your husband now doesn't mean that you need to worship me!" Ellen looked at him for a moment, then she laughed lightly.

"I am sorry, Kanda… I am just not sure yet how to deal with this situation… I have learnt quite a bit about how to behave once I am married, but actually finding myself a wife now I cannot help but being quite at a loss…," she explained apologetically.

"It's not as if it's any different for me," Kanda said and Ellen looked up at him. The young man sighed and looked out of the window, "Even though I never thought about it before, now I can't help but wonder what kind of reaction I would have to expect from my parents…"

"Would they not be proud?"

"It's difficult…" Kanda said what Ellen herself had often used as an excuse when things were too uncomfortable to explain. The girl looked at the floor, feeling uneasy with the sudden change of topic. It didn't happen often that Kanda mentioned anything of his past, lest alone his family, but it always felt as if they were fast going into a taboo area and Kanda never seemed to enjoy talking about them. It really made Ellen wonder what exactly had happened in her husband's childhood. He knew about everything there was to know of Ellen; her relatives, her upbringing, her social status, the tragedies. She knew absolutely nothing of him. What kind of family had she married into? Who were the Kandas? Where there even some left? How had he grown up? What values did he hold concerning life as a married couple? "Well…" Kanda started after a long time and Ellen heard how his voice was a bit strained by reluctance, "I'm sure that, in the past where Innocence was out of the picture, they would not have disowned me for marrying a noble girl, they would probably have encourage it greatly."

"Where you rich once?" Ellen dared to ask into the silence that followed his words. Kanda snorted in annoyance. "Exc-"

"I was a spoilt little boy. But even if I had been the richest man in all of Japan, what would it matter now?" He asked and Ellen looked at him with a mixture of wonder and uneasiness. "Here in England I have nothing but a few pounds stored away and this uncalled for allowance that that idiot of a master gives Mari and me," Ellen had to laugh at that even though Kanda seemed rather displeased, "and that's a fact. You married someone who cannot really afford a woman of your calibre." Ellen smiled at him and his honesty.

"I do not want much. And I do not need much. Right now this here is my home, even though I tend to forget it…" Kanda remained silent, but after a while he nodded. Not much of a reaction, Ellen mused. "You do not believe me?"

"You're always awfully optimistic…," he explained after the not unexpected question, "if you tell yourself that you'd be fine, then you believe you'll be…" Kanda sighed and tapped his fingers against the wood of his writing table in a rare nervous manner, "just like when you told yourself that you would be wretched, marrying someone like me, you were." Ellen looked at him silently gazing at her, still tapping his fingers against the wood, until she had to lower her head. He was right of course, even Ellen did not really know what to believe at the moment. Tearing Kanda down into a hole of despair was in no way a good option and crying about what she had done wrong should not be her main concern at the moment. Of course, the poor girl was still painfully aware that she had in fact made a mistake, or several mistakes to be correct. And she felt a chilly nausea coming over her whenever she thought about having to deal with the consequences as soon as she had to face her family and Ellen didn't even want to think about her _new_ family's reaction at the moment. "Luckily," Ellen allowed herself to think for just a split second, "they are very far away, or they don't even exist anymore. They cannot touch me." However, Ellen soon found her thoughts to be awfully selfish and discarded them at once.

"At the moment," Ellen started, recalling Cross' words, "we are exorcists…" Kanda looked up and stopped the nervous movements of his fingers. "And haven't you come to know Ellen Walker as being a naïve and optimistic girl? Well, let me be her again. If I am within the walls of our home I will not let myself be dragged down by concerns of my mother's making." Ellen got up from the bed and smiled at Kanda, "I probably will not be able to avoid my mother from hearing about our marriage, thanks to my uncle, but I shall think about that when I truly have to face her." Kanda didn't say anything. He was in favour of her trying to be cheerful, but he was rather sceptical when it came to her attempting to just ignore her worries. But he did not want to see that unhappy frown on her face again, therefore he chose not to say anything and nodded. However, a simple knock on the door already announced the first test of Ellen's resolve to feel at ease with the current situation:

"Ah, Ellen, you are here! I was looking for you to have some tea!" Linali said when she opened the door. Ellen first looked uneasy, but then she smiled and nodded eagerly.

"Oh yes! Is there cake as well?"

"Of course there is, and-"

"Linali," Kanda interrupted the chatter and both of the girls looked at the young man. He stood up and walked to the door. He reached out over Linali's shoulder and closed it with the usual uninviting look on his face. "There is something Ellen needs to tell you."

-

_To be continued_

-

**Notes:**

Oh no! ;3

I will try not to take this long for the next update. *bows apologetically*


	47. Kapitel 45 To Confide in a Friend

**Author's Notes:**

New, short chapter, a lot of talking! ;3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

**EDIT: I don't really know what's wrong, but I had to delete this chapter and repost it. I hope it works now *frowns***

* * *

**Kapitel 45: To confide in a friend**

Linali looked at the couple in wonder. They were all standing in Kanda's room, with faint light shining through the window. The early evening sky was covered by swiftly moving clouds. It had been, according to Linali, a gloomy after-noon and she had feverishly hoped that it would clear up for a bright evening. But Leverrier was still here and now Ellen looked at her with shock.

"Ellen?" Linali asked, until the girl finally directed her look of reluctance to Kanda, "what is it? What do you want to tell me?" Kanda looked at his wife with a calm and rather cool expression. Ellen searched his face, voicing a _what_ and then a _no_ with her lips, but Kanda pretended not to notice. Ellen, realizing that her behaviour might unsettle Linali, turned around and forced a cheerful smile on her face.

"Ah! Do not worry, Linali. There-" Kanda walked past Ellen and Linali, which forced Ellen to voice a cry of protest, "Kanda! Where are you going?"

"Out." Was his short reply, which made Ellen widen her eyes.

"You cannot go out now! Do you want to leave me alone?"

"There's Linali, isn't there? You don't need me to talk," he said and closed the door after him without another glance back. Despite being pretty nervous, her outrage gained the upper hand and she stamped her foot, pouting with childish anger.

"What is going on here?" Linali dared to ask, making Ellen recall that she was not alone in the room. The girl sighed deeply, but then she made up her mind that Kanda – even though he forced her to do this – was probably right. She would just have to be angry at him later on.

"I am sorry for confusing you… But there is indeed something I must tell you… And I should have told you long ago…," she said and took a hold of Linali's hand, sitting down on Kanda's bed with her friend. Linali smiled encouragingly, if she was confused and curious (which Ellen bet she was) she didn't show it, probably to make Ellen less nervous. "It is about Kanda and I…" The Chinese girl nodded and Ellen took in a deep breath. "Remember how I told you over and over again, that we were not a couple?"

"Of course I do," Linali laughed with amusement and Ellen also smiled a bit.

"We are now…," she confessed the obvious and the girl opposite her widened her smile, gently squeezing Ellen's hand.

"I am glad to hear this out of your mouth. I asked Kanda earlier today and he told me you two were a couple. It makes me very happy!" Ellen nodded gratefully, but then Linali studied her friend, "but why the gloomy atmosphere before? Didn't you want it to be known?"

"Partly, yes…," she said and continued swiftly when Linali's face started to show a slightly disapproving confusion, "let me explain…" Ellen sighed yet again and Linali nodded silently. "I know that you were cross with me before because I did not confide things in you… I know that it is cowardly, but there are worries in my heart that I felt you would consider to be foolish…"

"I think…," Linali started when Ellen fell into silence, "that, whatever your worries are, it is far more foolish to not try to trust in your friends. You won't know what I think if you don't try telling me your thoughts and worries. Ellen… Ellen, I'm your friend. Do not be so shy…," she said and gently touched her palm to Ellen's cheek. The younger girl was blushing slightly, she was still slightly ashamed but Linali's words also made her feel a comfortable warmth. She decided that she should just tell her, even though her fear of losing someone as important as Linali was still there.

"I am sorry. Yes… I have wronged you, Linali. I should tell you… And I will. It might be that you disapprove of me, but that is to be expected." Ellen raised her eyes to look into Linali's face. "Yesterday, Kanda and I married…" Linali, upon hearing that, remained silent, her look changing from curiosity to one of incredulous surprise.

"I…"

"Listen to the end, please," Ellen asked her friend and Linali nodded in bewilderment, still speechless. "When I got back from Italy and told you that Kanda and I had kissed, I was apparently not telling you the whole truth. I believed and still believe that I have acted foolishly, therefore I was too ashamed to confide it in you… The truth is we actually slept together…" Linali blinked in surprise, then she blushed.

"R… Really? You did?!" she asked, red as a tomato and Ellen couldn't help but blush as well. "And you're even younger than I am!" came Linali's next exclamation.

"Uhm… Yes…" Linali just shook her head in surprise, but Ellen didn't see disapproval on her face. Something which made her breathe a silent sigh of relief.

"And why didn't you tell me?" Linali wondered, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips, but her confusion was still too great to make her joy reflect on her face.

"Because I felt that I should better keep it a secret. I know that it's a great mistake to be intimate with someone without being married…"  
"Well… That might be so…," Linali said, and while looking into Ellen's face she recalled the terrible events back in the little village. "Yes… I understand why you felt bad about it… A lot of people would judge you. Even you judged yourself… But there must have been a reason for you and Kanda to…" Here she broke off and then she had to laugh in embarrassment. "I'm sorry," she apologized. Ellen had to smile. Until now Linali was reacting way better than she had imagined.

"I do not even know. I guess it was just that my emotions were too fierce. Both of us were confused and I simply gave in to the warmth and love he wanted to give me… It was… something new for me… A different kind of embrace, a different kind of kiss, a different kind of warmth… And I did not want him to stop, because I felt desolate…"

"But still," Linali said, trying to imagine what kind of emotions Ellen might have felt, blushing at what she came up with, "afterwards you told me that you were not sure what you felt for him…"

"Yes… It is how you said… I was just too young, and probably still am, and I did not think much… He was the first boy I really was close to, apart from my relatives. I admired and adored Kanda, even before, but was it enough to cross boundaries for?" Puzzled for a second at the word boundaries, Linali soon could phantom what the class-conscious girl tried to tell her.

"I guess I understand what you mean…," Linali said, "and you chose that it was not and therefore tried to keep it a secret?"

"Yes," Ellen replied quietly but honestly. Both of the girls were silent for a while, both thinking, but then Linali shook her head and smiled.

"I actually don't think that you acted foolishly… It is your good right to try something and then decide against it." Ellen looked at her in surprise, not having expected such an answer from the girl. Linali sighed dramatically, "of course, if you had told me right then in the bath, I would have argued for Kanda. I would have asked you to think again when you next saw each other." Linali looked at her friend, "were you afraid that I would tell you that despite the fact that you already made your decision?" Ellen studied her friend, still amazed.

"No… No I guess not…"

"Then you were afraid that I would condemn you for sleeping with Kanda without being married?"

"I… Yes…" Ellen said, nodding slightly, "I had no idea how you thought about it… And you even called me a good girl back the… I was too ashamed to tell you that I was in fact not a good girl…" At that Linali laughed quite unexpectedly. "Oh, Linali… Do not laugh…" Ellen mumbled in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry… Here, I'm no longer laughing," Linali said, composing herself. "But I think I understand why you were reluctant to confide in me. We were raised so differently, I would not have understood properly. But still… Sometimes it is much easier to make important decisions if you can also see something out of a different perspective. If you still chose to act according to your values then that is fine, maybe a bit sad now for Kanda, but it's your good right…" Upon hearing that Ellen almost started crying, because there had been so much aversion to how she thought and decided that it was unbelievingly good to finally hear someone approve of her. Even if she had made unfair decisions, Linali at least acknowledged her right to have other priorities which are not wrong by default. "Oh, Ellen… It's alright," Linali said upon seeing Ellen's wet eyes. The younger girl laughed and embraced Linali.

"Thank you, Linali," Ellen whispered. Linali smiled and waited for Ellen to compose herself. When Ellen wiped her eyes, the Chinese girl spotted the pale silver ring on Ellen's Innocence hand.

"But if you did not want to be a couple, then how did you two end up married?"

"Ah, yes… I should continue…," Ellen said, composing herself again, speaking calmly and in a gentle tone. Ellen herself was almost astonished at how in control of her emotions she now was. The dread of being rejected had partially disappeared and her previous horror of marrying Kanda had abated into little waves of guilt, but there still was an uneasiness in her. As well as there was a bit of still undiscovered happiness. It no longer was all bleak and Ellen felt that and it gave her strength to continue the conversation.

"Did Kanda talk you into it?" Was Linali's question because Ellen didn't give her a prompt reply.

"No, that was not how it was… Of course, it is a fact that he wanted to marry me. It seems that he too does consider marriage essential for any relationship… Anyway… Uhm…" Ellen started fidgeting with Kanda's blanket, nearly tearing a hole into it with the long and sharp nails of her Innocence hands. Linali raised an eyebrow and studied the girl, trying to make sense of her silence. Kanda and Ellen had slept together. Ellen thought it was wrong because they weren't married. She decided against him for various reasons. And now they were married never the less. Without telling her, Linali mused, thinking about the shame that had prevented Ellen from speaking about it and how she had started the conversation. But then, suddenly, it all made sense and Linali widened her eyes, staring at the girl.

"Don't tell me… That you ended up being pregnant…?" she asked, but Ellen nodded. Linali drew in a sharp breath, "but that village… The Innocence…" And Linali recalled that it had actually attacked Ellen and not because it had reacted to her Innocence, no, it was because she was another suitable target. Ellen's face was pale, but her cheeks were flaming red again. Apparently she really was ashamed of it. Linali stared at Ellen, but then she recovered from the surprise. "What did Kanda say…?"

"Nothing… Only that he would be a responsible husband…," Ellen replied and Linali frowned. "And that is okay… I did not expect him to be ecstatic… In this situation, nobody can be…" Linali couldn't deny that this was true.

"Hmm… But Ellen… keeping quiet about it won't help you either… At least, if you had talked to me from the beginning, you might be less uneasy about it by now…"

"Aren't _you_ uneasy? I think it is unreal… Especially as it mostly feels as if there is nothing at all…," Ellen told her and Linali thought about that.

"Well… it must only be about four months now, right?"

"Yes," Ellen replied and Linali smiled, "it will still take nearly half a year…"

"Then there is time enough to get comfortable with it. Imagine, if we were no exorcists, wouldn't you be happy to be married and pregnant?"

"Well… It's hard to imagine, because if I were no exorcist, I would still be my mother's daughter…"

"Well, right… But she can't do anything about it now. And in the end you would still have Kanda, Rabi and me. And the whole Black Order." Ellen had to smile at that and nodded.

"So…," Linali started, smiling encouragingly, "wouldn't you be happy?" Ellen looked at her, then she lowered her head, looking at her linked fingers.

"I… I guess I would be…?" She finally dared to say and Linali's smile broadened, until the girl could no longer sit still and had to embrace Ellen. "Linali…?"

"I am really, really happy for you! But I am also worried a lot!" Linali said, not letting go of her friend, "We all have to fight, we are all burdened with Innocence. Oh, how I wish we weren't! How I wish I could change the world so that you could live safely!" Ellen was really surprised and also touched by her friend's honest words.

"I am fine…," Ellen told her gently, patting Linali's head, "I do not need the world to change as long as you are here." Linali lifted her head and smiled at Ellen.

"You're pretty strong, Ellen. I really admire you," she said and Ellen nodded, feeling the same about Linali.

"How about we get some tea now?" Ellen suggested after a while and Linali nodded eagerly. The two girls got up and walked out of the room only to find Kanda leaning against the wall next to the door frame. "Kanda?" Ellen asked in wonder and saw the young man slowly turn his head to look at her. He didn't say anything, so Ellen continued, both surprised and flustered: "You were standing here all the time?"

"Hn," Kanda snorted, "Apparently." He then looked at Linali. The Chinese girl noticed how his pale cheeks looked a bit more red than usual. Was he waiting for her to give him any sort of reaction to what Ellen just told her? He deserved both a kick and a kiss, the girl mused, but then she smiled widely and embraced both Ellen and Kanda.

"Ah, whatever! Let's just not think about bad things! Just let me congratulate you!" Linali said and let go of them to study the two. "Please, both of you, if you have any trouble and need help, just come to me! I'm your friend! Let me in on your secrets as well! I feel lonely if you don't!"

"Tch. Some things are none of your business!" Kanda argued and followed Linali to the dining hall, Ellen trailing behind. Linali laughed cheerfully, but didn't say anything. After a while Kanda turned around to find Ellen smiling to herself.

"Do you regret telling her?"

"No. But you should not have forced me. I think I asked you to give me time to muster my courage," Ellen replied, but still kept her smile in place. She wasn't really angry at him after all… But he _should_ feel guilty about it, which he apparently did, especially as he had waited outside, listening to what they said. "Did you want to test my resolve?"

"I was annoyed… And doubtful," Kanda said, quiet enough not to make Linali turn her head, but she was still listening to them. Ellen sighed loudly, shaking her head. "After all, you say corny, nice things as if you quoted them out of a novel," Kanda added. Linali, despite pretending not to eavesdrop on them, had to laugh at that and Ellen, even though she pouted for having her honesty questioned, had to smile as well.

"Oh fine then, Mister Kanda!" she exclaimed and the three exorcists entered into the commotion of the dining hall. Kanda offered to get tea for the girls, which they accepted and Linali and Ellen found a table to sit at.

"It's still strange to imagine you two being married," Linali whispered and Ellen sighed, nodding, "oh! Was the white dress I gave you…"

"I used it as my wedding dress…," Ellen confessed and Linali looked at her with pity. "But it's not so bad…"

"But I wish you would have told me! You must have been really anxious! You never make it easier for yourself, Ellen!" Linali said with a defeated sigh. "Right, Kanda?" The young man put the tray with the tea and snacks down and sat next to Ellen.

"Whatever," was his only reply, swatting Ellen's hands away when she wanted to serve him tea.

"Are you having tea? Is there some for me as well??" Rabi said, appearing beside Linali, producing a cup out of nowhere.

"Oh, Rabi! Of course!" Linali said, making enough space on the bench for him to sit down. Kanda poured some tea into the cups and handed them to the others.

"I guess we four have never really sat together like this! Aaah, isn't it a nice feeling?" Rabi wondered, grinning at the others.

"It always gets annoying when you're there, idiot," Kanda said in irritation. Rabi was far from being offended by Kanda's words. Instead he became aware of the rings Ellen and Kanda were wearing.

"I cannot think of many circumstances where you, Yu, would agree to wear a ring – the same ring as Ellen does!" Rabi spoke up and Ellen nearly dropped the cookie she was eating. She smiled at him, slightly uneasy, but because it was Rabi and she had already told Linali, she wasn't that worried anymore.

"So you haven't told Rabi either!" Linali exclaimed and Ellen shook her head, "isn't it obvious? The two of them married in secret!" Rabi looked at them in wonder, but then he whistled, masking whatever he thought about it with a huge grin.

"I see, I see! It's because of the baby beansprout, right?"

"Baby beansprout?" Linali wondered, but then she lowered her eyebrows, "so you knew?" Rabi nodded and looked at Linali, a bit unsettled by the dark glare he was receiving. As if it were his fault!

"Yes, I figured it out pretty fast," he confessed and Linali groaned, looking at the couple in front of her with a slightly accusing look in her eyes.

"Why could you confide in Rabi, but not in me?"

"Linali, I said I figured it out, it's not as if the two of them were handing out pamphlets about it," Rabi joked but Linali couldn't help but feeling a bit left out and Ellen could understand her.

"If I ever get pregnant, I won't tell you first!" Linali said and Ellen smiled apologetically at her friend.

"Tch, so childish," Kanda complained, calmly sipping his tea.

"Linali, please don't be angry with me," Ellen begged and Linali, after pouting, finally put on a smile.

"I'm just teasing you, Ellen!" Linali said, cheerfully and Ellen sighed in relief, smiling as well. Rabi grinned, then he looked around.

"Oh, Ellen, where is your watchdog?"

"My…? Oh, you mean Howard Link? For the moment he will just keep an eye on me, instead of supervising me all the time," Ellen explained, which was a relief both for Linali and Rabi.

"Then wouldn't it be a good opportunity for us two to talk together?" Rabi wondered and Ellen nodded.

"Talk? What do you two need to talk about?" Linali wondered and Kanda frowned at Rabi.

"Nothing serious, just some long over-due conversation," Rabi reassured them, "Ellen, let's go to the library!" Ellen nodded and, snatching a few snacks for later, stood up.

"I will see you two later," Ellen said, then she followed Rabi out of the dining hall, leaving Linali and Kanda alone. Linali looked after the two, sensing that something was wrong, but before she could ask Kanda about it, he spoke up:

"Are you really okay with it?" She looked up at him in confusion, but then she understood and nodded.

"Yes…" Kanda raised an eyebrow, studying her calmly.

"Both the marriage and the… other thing…?"

"Yes…" Now Kanda frowned, glaring at his childhood friend. Linali noticed it and raised her hands in defence. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Kanda! But what exactly do you want me to say to you?"

"If you don't want to tell me anything, then that's fine. At least I don't have to listen to your whining," he said, but remained seated instead of leaving to eavesdrop on Rabi and Ellen – not that he was supposed to eavesdrop but he did wonder what the two needed to talk about. In private. Linali sighed, making Kanda stop his train of thought, and smiled at him.

"There are always things that we don't want to talk about… There are things that I do not want to tell Ellen to not make her worry… But still, I feel that she should have confided in me… I'm her friend, why did she think I would be angry or disappointed with her for doing what you two did? Did I seem to her like such a person? I worry far more about Ellen than about her values that only seem to hurt her!"

"She's too scared to see beyond her most immediate problems… She's still a rash fool that can't think about something from different perspectives… She's a noble after all, she was not required to think much…"

"You're being mean Kanda… Not all nobles are like that! Ellen seems to be quite an open, friendly girl."

"Yes, when she's not confronted with the two most important things in her life; her mother and marriage," Kanda snorted and Linali sighed.

"We both know that's not all there is to Ellen… But I don't have a mother, maybe if I had I would be the same…"

"Tch. You have Komui, he makes it a point that you never think of marriage at all!" Kanda said and Linali had to laugh at that.

"It's actually quite sad! I'll never find a boyfriend with a brother like that!" Linali joked and Kanda had to sigh. If Ellen's mother was as difficult to deal with as Komui in one of his rages about his sister's virtue then he'd be in trouble. There's no way that he could just bang Mugen over Lady Bermont's head and have her shut up. "Anyway… I know that Ellen didn't want to marry you because you're so different… You must have been quite opposed to such a way of thinking…"

"Of course I was. She wasn't being reasonable. Especially in her situation," Kanda said and Linali sighed.

"I understand… And I think that Rabi told her similar things… Of course it would be nice if you could overcome these difficulties for the sake of love. But I also think that Ellen should have a choice…" Kanda didn't say anything to that and Linali looked at him, "You don't own her just because you love her. And Ellen isn't required to give up on her values because you think yours are better and less superficial. She still had a choice to refuse you and marry someone else, despite the child. She still had a choice until you two married. Now she no longer has. You forced her to give up on her family and her values, something she believed she could return to as soon as the war is over. Maybe she wouldn't have been that happy marrying someone of her standing, but she would have thought that she did the right thing for her family." Kanda silently listened to Linali's words with mixed feelings. Linali sighed and smiled at Kanda, "But it's not as if you had any bad intentions… I am sure that you will take good care of Ellen and that she will be happy with you… I'm actually a bit envious of you two!" Kanda looked at her with a puzzled frown, surprised that Linali changed the topic so fast.

"Why?"

"Why?" Linali repeated in a teasing tone, smiling. Kanda snorted, glaring at the girl in front of him.

"If you're so curious about our love and relationship then how about you try to overcome your _brother_ and get yourself a boyfriend?" Linali had to laugh at that.

"It's not as if my brother can be equalled to social values!" She argued and Kanda rolled his eyes.

"But the values he holds are even more stupid," he retorted and Linali couldn't help but agreeing cheerfully.

"You know, Kanda…" Linali started after some time, looking at her friend, "there are a lot of things we exorcists have to do and have to give up for the sake of protecting our home and our friends… Please, take care of Ellen, so that she doesn't need to suffer more than she already did…" Kanda, after some silence, nodded and Linali lowered her head.

"Don't push yourself too hard, Linali," Kanda said after a while and Linali looked up in surprise. The young man opposite her studied Linali carefully, "you've been through a lot. I know that you are a strong woman, but rest a bit, now that your Innocence doesn't work properly." While Linali was still surprised, and a bit flustered at his praise, Kanda rose from the table.

"Thank you, Kanda!" Linali called and he nodded, "I will take care of myself."

"Hn. As I said; don't push yourself. You're home, let other people care for you a bit as well," Kanda answered, then he left the dining hall, leaving a smiling Linali behind.

-

_To be continued. _

-

**Notes:**

Bah, I planned to make Linali a bit more angry with Ellen, but it turned out like this. For the better, I guess. I thought that Ellen should have someone to back her up, even though Linali is a bit disappointed and sees fault with Ellen's way of thinking as well.

And yay, Kanda-Linali friendship! X3

Ah, after writing many chapters containing fight scenes, it seems as if there need to be some chapters containing talking! Over-due conversations, as Rabi says! Hehe.


	48. Kapitel 46 Fresh air

**Author's Notes:**

This chapter was a bit delayed thanks to me being up in the Swiss mountains getting sunburns. ;3

This chapter contains Rabi and Ellen talking about their fight in the Ark which happened ten long chapters ago… *sigh* Slow story-telling, right? *lol* I hope I wrote is so that you don't need to remember what exactly they said.

There are very minor Rabi + Ellen elements in here, but to make up for it, Kanda and Ellen stuff follows. And rightly so. I hope there will be more real Kanda + Ellen moments over the next few chapters because this is a Kanda + Ellen story after all, and I haven't actually forgotten it!! ;3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.**

* * *

**Kapitel 46: Fresh air**

Rabi had chosen a quiet and deserted part of the Black Order's ample library. They sat at the very end of a narrow corridor created by two opposing, massive shelves, carrying many leather-bound, heavy books. It was dusty and it smelt of books that looked as if they had never been taken out again after they being placed on the shelves a long time ago. Ellen had spent quite a big deal of her free time in the library, but she was not familiar with this shady part. She had wordlessly and carelessly followed Rabi's guide as he led her through the corridors and past many shelves. Maybe, Ellen mused, she should have taken better care so that she could find her way back on her own. But she pushed the thought away as fast as it had arrived; there was no need to be on her guard. This was Rabi.

"Rabi is my friend. I trust him," Ellen told herself firmly, looking at the red-head near her with a mixture of both worry and affection. The young man seemed cheerful enough and looked out of the window, the only source of light they had in this corner, before he turned his head to look at Ellen.

"And? How is it going?" he wondered and Ellen blinked at him in wonder.  
"What?" Rabi laughed and sat down on the wooden chair next to Ellen, not too close, but still within arm reach.

"You apparently told Linali of your condition. Did you make some progress with Yu to fuel this courage? Was marrying him such a big step towards accepting him?" he wondered and Ellen sighed, but then she smiled lightly.

"Actually there wasn't much courage involved to tell you the truth. I did speak with Kanda and I assured him that I would get comfortable with our marriage soon enough. He did not entirely believe me. I am not sure if he still expects me to be cross with him for going through with this rushed marriage despite my doubts, or if he is still cross with me for treating him unfairly. Anyway, he did not listen to my wish for more time, he more or less forced me to tell Linali. I am sure it was a test of my sincerity…" Ellen looked at her friend, now with a aggrieved expression. "I am no liar, Rabi. I would have hoped him to know that…" Rabi smiled gently, shaking his head.

"You aren't, Ellen. I'm sure Yu knows. But you aren't always completely honest either…" Ellen didn't say anything to that and Rabi continued: "Most of the time you are, but when it gets to situations where you are supposed to act as the heir of your family, then you adopt thoughts that aren't like you, Ellen. You are very kind and you are strong-willed. It is not surprising that we are all confused when we see you behave differently…"

"I am not…," Ellen started, looking down to her hands on her lap, "I am NOT behaving differently than I did when I came here. I had the same priorities when it came to my family as I have now! Kanda said he loves me despite my "antics" as he used to call it. Linali and you became my friends despite knowing that I think differently about certain things!" Rabi looked at her in surprise, then he lifted his hands to calm her, but she still had more to say. "I came to like a life where I did not have to think about the same set of obligations all the time, I came to like some parts about being an exorcist as opposed to being a well-sheltered, pampered, whiny, but loved and happy girl! However, that's not all there is to me, but I'm not lying. I'm not lying, Rabi!" she argued, clenching her fists, "I just don't know what exactly I'm supposed to be now…" Rabi looked at her for a long time, finally, he sighed and put his hand on top of hers, gently squeezing her fingers.

"It's okay, Ellen. I understand… I understand you very well…," he said silently and Ellen looked up. Rabi let go of her hand and leant back in his chair with a heavy sigh, scratching his head. "And I'm sorry that you got a taste of what balancing between different roles means for me…" Ellen studied Rabi for a short while, then she averted her eyes. Rabi noticed it and frowned uneasily. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologize Rabi, I know you…," here Ellen stopped because she didn't really know how to continue. _You weren't being serious_? No, that was not it, Rabi had been more than serious, much to Ellen's dismay. What did she want to say to him? It was not as if she didn't mind, or if she could shrug it off. It was significant. Neither of them could go on ignoring what had happened.

"Maybe I should try to explain…?" Rabi offered and Ellen nodded slowly.

"Yes…," she replied, "if you really want to offer an explanation I would be very glad to listen to it." Rabi remained silent for a while, but then he nodded his head.

"Well, you know that I wear the exorcists' uniform and that I use Innocence… But I consider this part of me to be only of a short duration. Once I've done what I need to do – recording that is – then I will stop being an exorcist and move on. I know that you can relate to this way of thinking. But the difference between you and me is that I will not go back into being who I was before; I will abandon my identity as Rabi and will continue my life as someone else. I've done so many times before, and I will do so many times afterwards…"

"You will lose your identity as Rabi once this war is over…?" Ellen asked, slightly shocked "but why? Why would you want to do it?"

"It's not that I want to give up everything I have, but I must… It's my obligation… I am a Bookman." Ellen frowned unhappily, still not really understanding.

"Why go to such lengths? What exactly does it mean to be a Bookman?" She wanted to know and Rabi crossed his arms over his chest, directly looking at her.

"We Bookmen move around the very edges of history. We are outside of the sphere we want to record. We don't consider us to be proper human beings, because as Bookmen we have to record what we witness and experience; we are not allowed to judge and neither are we interested in judging history. I've seen a lot, Ellen, and living the way we do is the least painful choice we have…"

"Rabi…," Ellen whispered with pity, as she saw his solemn expression on the usually cheerful face. "Speak no more if you-"

"I do want to speak more, Ellen. I want you to understand. I want it off my chest now. Please, listen for a bit longer…," he begged her and Ellen, surprised, nodded, folding her hands on her lap, silently listening. Rabi lowered his head, thinking how to word things, but then he looked at Ellen and continued to explain: "We Bookmen adopt various identities which help us to move around in the sphere about which we want to make records. And we discard them as soon as we move on to the next record. Humans, we are taught, are none of our concern. Human affection, tragedies and bonds… They mean nothing to us. If we form temporary bonds with people it's only because we can benefit from them. Humans are nothing more than ink on the pages of history. You are not important, you are not my friends, I am not really one of you, I will forget you when I let go of _Rabi_." Ellen didn't say anything for a short while, looking at Rabi with a stern expression. Rabi found it to be rather disheartening, but Ellen's face became gentle once she started to speak:

"I see. However, _Rabi_ became too important, didn't he? You did not mean to get immersed into your role and your friendships a much as you did…" Rabi didn't reply, he just shrugged. "I am not going to judge you, Rabi. But it also pains me to know of how torn you are." Rabi frowned and shook his head.

"Don't! Don't pity me, Ellen! I offended you, I hurt you!"

"So we talk," Ellen said calmly and Rabi looked at her in wonder. She was far calmer and more composed than he had expected. "You also hurt yourself, Rabi. I know you regret that I saw another side of you. And to tell you the truth, I am still not entirely sure what you really think. I do not know who you really are and I know that I am only supposed to be familiar with _Rabi_. But I saw more. Tell me what to do with it…," she said, then she smiled to make the look of pain disappear from Rabi's face. "Don't pull such a face."

"Ellen… You are…," he said, then he groaned, "so strange!" Ellen widened her eyes, then she narrowed them again, a little bit offended.

"Strange? How am I strange?!" Rabi laughed gently, reaching out to touch her cheek with his palm. She widened her eyes and drew back in surprise. Rabi's smile didn't falter and Ellen calmed, her heart still jumping a bit more restlessly in her breast because of the unexpected closeness. Rabi reached out again, this time slower, and put his hand on Ellen's cheek.

"I don't want to harm you in any way Ellen. I don't want to hurt your body more than I did, I don't want to drive agony into your heart, I don't want to scratch your honour."

"I know you won't Rabi… You won't," Ellen assured him with a gentle smile, covering his hand with hers. Rabi sighed, then he withdrew his hand when Ellen let go and patted her head in a brotherly way.

"You really trust me more than I deserve…," he told her and Ellen laughed.

"Maybe I do, I cannot tell. But I will not regret it," she said in a determined tone which made Rabi laugh. "But tell me Rabi… Where the things you said back then what you really think? Do you think that I am undeserving of the attention, trust and love everybody gives me?" Rabi's hand stopped tousling her hair and he looked at her with an insecure expression.

"I cannot really remember everything I said to you…," he admitted and withdrew his hand, putting it on the table next to him.

"That doesn't matter. But tell me the answer to my question. All the heartache leading up to my marriage with Kanda made me think about it again. I did wish for his attention, as I wished for yours and Linali's. But I didn't want to let you all down. I do not know for certain if I can shoulder the responsibilities. And I do not know if I can deal with knowing that you severely judge me for what I did and for how I seemed to have hurt and misled Kanda." Rabi looked at her, then he sighed, shaking his head.

"I've been far too harsh, Ellen. I must have wanted to provoke you… It is true that you are special in many ways and that the people turn to you. Everybody knowing you loves you in their own way and they demand things of you. There really is a heavy burden on your shoulders; the duty of pleasing them," Rabi said, "and Yu… I do think that you should not give him false hope. I was very angry with you sometimes… Maybe I was being unfair, I could have tried to see things from your side a bit clearer, but I did not. I don't know if I was unhappy with your relationship with Yu, but I don't judge you for it." He fell silent after having said that and Ellen didn't speak up either. After a strained minute of silence Ellen decided to continue speaking, even though she wasn't really sure if she should:

"You said that this _here_," she put both her hands to her stomach, pressing the finger tips into the fabric of her shirt, "is the proof of my disobedience. That I was not supposed to fall in love with Kanda. And that I will shatter hearts if I don't pay attention…" Rabi, seeing how her fingers dug into her stomach, reached out to take her hands into his.

"I was cruel… Please don't think about your pregnancy like this… It's not bad to want Yu's attention, it's not your fault that he fell in love with you. You made the decision to allow intimacy between you, and that's fine, it's fine Ellen. Don't let it burden you anymore. Maybe it was bad luck and maybe it was destiny for you to get pregnant with Yu's child. You were supposed to be a mother sooner or later. That was what your mother expected of you, that's what you wanted for yourself. Now it's Yu's and Yu will be able to deal with it and he will be able to face the consequences with you," Rabi said, squeezing Ellen's hands, "so don't listen to those things I said, stop hating yourself." Ellen took a shaking breath, but she nodded. "Okay?"

"Yes," she said, nodding again. After a while she looked up and gave Rabi's hands a light squeeze. He blinked in confusion to see her look at him and he laughed.

"What is it? Did I forget to comb my hair?"

"Rabi, there is just one more thing I want to know…," she started and he nodded.

"Ask whatever you want," he told her. Ellen frowned and let go of his hands, playing with her fingers uneasily. Rabi raised an eyebrow, "what is it? Is there something else I said back then?"

"There is something else… Yes… It's about you and me," she told him and Rabi looked at her in wonder. "You asked whether I really deserved Kanda's love." Rabi wanted to say something, but Ellen cut him off, "or _yours_ if you decided to give it." Whatever Rabi had wanted to say, the words died down and he looked at her with his visible eye wide open.

"… I said that...? I really did?"

"You did," Ellen replied calmly, looking at him not with a blush and not with reproach. She just wanted to know. Rabi scratched his head uneasily. "What does it mean? You-"

"I do find you very interesting Ellen, also as a Bookman. But my interest and affection for you must have sounded so wrong voiced by that other part of me… I must have gone overboard… I would never step between my best friend and my little bean-sprout," he told her and Ellen nodded. Rabi looked at her, unable to make out what she thought about it, and sighed, "You know, as a Bookman things would never work out… Even though I might fit your image of a husband or father better, I tell you, I'm not cut out to be either. Yu is far more responsible than I am. He will be there for you, he really loves you and not just in some twisted way."

"So you say your love for me is _twisted_?" Ellen asked, with a hint of amusement in her voice and the corners of her lips were also drawn up into a small smile.

"I love you as my dear little beansprout. I want to be your older brother. But apparently parts of me think other wise. But I will never allow these parts to resurface and to touch you, I swear," he told her and Ellen nodded, smiling gently. "I will try my very best to support you the best you can, you can rely on me!"

"Thank you Rabi. Thank you for trusting me with all these information," Ellen told him and he helped her up. He nodded cheerfully, patting her head again.

"You're welcome!"

-

Ellen returned to her room after she and Rabi had found the other two already gone when they arrived back at the dining hall. Rabi had excused himself and went to find the old Bookman and Ellen, with no mission to prepare for, went back to the living quarters with some snacks. There was something she was required to do, so she pulled out a parchment and her pen and sat down to write a letter.

"_Dear Lord Mikk,_

_I am very obliged to you for your flattering note and your beautiful gift. However, I cannot accept either the present or your hand. _

_Judging by my mother's opinion of you, you are a very fine man, my Lord, but I am nothing more than a _girlie_ for someone of your refined taste. _

_Ellen Bermont, let me assure you, will certainly not be a matching wife, for she follows a different goal than your Lordship does. I do not want to seem ungrateful because your proposal was very flattering. I really hope that I have not hurt you too much and that you will soon recover from the injury I inflicted on you._

_With regards,_

_Ellen Bermont"_

Ellen would have wished to send all kind of curses on Tyki's head for the harm he has caused her, but she was also sincerely worrying about what had happened to him after she had tried to exorcise him. Why hadn't it worked in the first place? Was he rotten to the very core? Ellen wanted to refuse to believe that. He was a human, like she was, he had friends waiting for him, friends who would have cried over his death.

"But he tried to kill me…," Ellen whispered to herself as she folded the paper and put it in an envelope adding the address of her mother a note for her to send it on to the Lord she seemed to like so much.

"I hope I was ambiguously making clear who I really am. I want him to understand that I cannot marry him because I know what kind of person he is… But I do not want him to turn against my mother. I do not want to endanger her or my family…," she thought and sighed deeply. Maybe it was bad for her to even imply that she was not pretty, easy to get Miss Bermont, but the exorcist that he had tried to kill. With the letter closed and ready to be dispatched, Ellen also thought about writing a letter to her mother. She should, she hadn't written to her for so long, but what should she tell her? That she was safe and sound? Should she just ignore all the pressing things she should tell her? Ellen squeezed her eyes shut and tossed the pen away, getting up in a troubled state of mind. She put the palm of her hand to her lips, thinking, but then she took the written letter from the table and left her room. She walked through the corridors and stopped in front of Kanda's door, knocking. She actually expected him to still be away, but she was surprised when he opened the door for her.

"Have you finished talking with Rabi?" Kanda asked and she nodded, "hn. What is it?"

"I just wrote a letter, would you do me the honour of accompanying me to find someone who can send this letter off?" Ellen asked and Kanda raised his eyebrow, but he nodded.

"Did you write to your mother?" He asked as they made their way down to the lounge, where Ellen hoped to find someone going to London.

"No, I did not dare to, General Cross also deemed it best to not inform her of it…," Ellen replied, "besides, I am sure that my uncle will inform her soon enough," she added with a deep sigh. Kanda looked at her, but then he lifted his hand and patted her head.

"Don't worry," he told her and Ellen turned her head to the side, smiling at him, nodding. "Let me fetch a finder," Kanda offered and wanted to walk away, but Ellen grabbed his wrist before he could go.

"A moment please, let me do this. You seem to have a habit of looking like a bully," Ellen said, laughing shortly. Kanda frowned and glared into the lounge, where some finders were already looking at him suspiciously. Ellen had fortunately used her time in the order well to socialize and most people knew her to be a nice girl. She found someone going to London, who was willing to take the letter to her mother, pretty fast.

"You should not spend so much time with Kanda, he is rather scary," the finder tried to warn her. Ellen laughed and nodded, then she thanked him for delivering the letter and rejoined Kanda.

"Is there anything else you want to do?" Kanda asked her and Ellen shook her head.

"I have no plans. When do you think Komui will assign us new missions?" she wondered and Kanda frowned.  
"Are you in a hurry to get yourself hurt again?" he asked in disapproval which earned him laughter from Ellen.

"Don't be stupid, Kanda!" she said, but then her face got serious all of a sudden, "maybe now that we have sized the Ark and the things on it, the Earl is thrown back in his plans. Maybe we have gained a bit of time, but I am sure that we should not spend this time being lazy."

"Tch, why do I need to hear such things out of your mouth?" Kanda asked in irritation, "you should use all the time you can to rest!" Ellen laughed, but didn't argue with Kanda. He sighed and shook his head. "Do you remember that I promised you to take a walk together?"

"Yes?" Ellen replied and looked at Kanda in surprise, "do you want to go out now?"

"There is nothing much we have to do anyway," Kanda said, feeling slightly stupid for suggesting it. Ellen seemed to think it over, but after a while she nodded.

"It's okay for me… I feel a bit stiff to be honest. Maybe it would do me good to walk around a bit. Do you think we are allowed to?"

"I'll tell Komui, you go fetch your jacket or something, it's still fresh outside," Kanda told her and she nodded.

-

After about ten minutes Ellen was waiting in front of the door leading down into the waterways. She was dressed in the cloak her mother had sent her for her birthday. Her white stockings and her black skirt were visible underneath the hem of the cloak. She was getting a bit warm standing around inside, but Kanda soon joined her, wearing a black jacket over his white shirt.

"Is Komui fine with us going for a walk?" Ellen asked and Kanda, after trying his best to not obviously stare at her, nodded. "Fine, then let us go!" Kanda opened the door and descended down into the underground water-way. Both of them were silent when they sat in the boat, the finder, who had volunteered to take them outside, every now and then dared to look down at the odd couple.

-

"The last time we have been here together was in autumn if I remember correctly," Ellen said, getting out of the boat after Kanda. "This is a nice way, it's green all around…" They walked a few steps, Ellen looking around. The road was not paved and there were trees on one side and the small river on the other. Beyond the river and the trees lay fields as far as both could see. There was an occasional farm or wooden fence to be spotted, but they were actually all alone on the road. A light breeze rustled through the leaves and the early evening sun threw spots of light and shadow onto the road. "It's so calm and quiet… And the air is nice…," Ellen said and Kanda nodded. After a while he stepped up to her and took her hand. Ellen nearly stumbled in surprise, then she looked to her side, but Kanda just looked at her calmly. In the end Ellen didn't say anything, but she showed Kanda a fond smile and squeezed his hand. She felt that in the palm of her Innocence hand his hand, even though it was strong, seemed almost small and delicate. But it didn't disturb Ellen, his hold on her hand was warm and she felt quite calm and liberated out here.

"Maybe you think that I am strange for saying this," Ellen started after studying their linked hands and the ring on her finger and Kanda looked at her, "but I was afraid that my marriage with you might be like a prison for me…" Kanda frowned.

"It's not hard to imagine you thinking something like that…," he said with a snort, then he bent a bit closer, "and is it?" Ellen blushed a bit to have his face so close to hers, but she didn't back away.

"N… No… Right now it isn't…"

"And I certainly won't try to treat you like my prisoner in the future… But I still like to pretend that you are mine," he told her. At that Ellen laughed, then she also turned her head to the side a bit and put a small kiss to his cheek.

"Do not worry. I am yours now and I will not try to run away again," she whispered against his skin. Kanda stopped walking, Ellen doing the same, and embraced her gently. Ellen smiled and returned the embrace. This was the right thing to do, this felt good to her. His warm, protecting arms around her, his breath in her hair, his lips touching her forehead. She could feel the affection and love that he harboured for her. This man was her husband now, and she would do her very best to make him feel as good as he made her feel at this very moment, standing on the road shaded by the trees. This was actually what she had always wanted, right now there was neither shame nor regret. Just him and her.

After a very long time Kanda let go of Ellen and was rather surprise to find tears in Ellen's eyes.

"What's wrong?" he asked in concern. Ellen smiled and brushed the tears away, then she took Kanda's hand, pulling him forwards.

"I just felt what kind of idiot I was for being so stubborn. The fresh air and being alone with you clears up my head a bit," she told him and he raised an eyebrow at her.  
"Why?" he wondered and Ellen laughed lightly.

"Because I just had a feeling that it would be such a pity not to have you," Ellen confessed and Kanda looked at her with surprise written all over his face.

"Are you sure?" Kanda asked with a doubtful tone and the white haired girl nodded sincerely. "I'm not quite sure what kind of ideal image of me you have just dreamed up in the last few moments…"

"Don't be silly, Kanda. I did not dream up anything, I just felt certain of your love just then," she told him. Kanda, despite blushing slightly, couldn't help but being irritated at her.

"And you realized that just now?"

"Ah! Do not look at me like that!" Ellen exclaimed, laughing cheerfully.

"You're hopeless, beansprout…," Kanda said with a sigh. The girl grinned, then she pointed at a bench standing at the edge of the road, under a tree.

"Let us sit down for a bit," she suggested and Kanda nodded, following the girl. They sat down, Ellen stretching her legs, lifting her feet from the floor in a childish manner, but then she let them fall again, smiling at Kanda.

"Your coat is nice, is it a gift of your mother?" Kanda asked and Ellen nodded, happy for Kanda to make a remark on it.

"Do you like it? She sent it to me on my birthday!" She told him and Kanda looked at her.

"When is your birthday?" he wanted to know, "it's in November, right?"

"Yes! You remembered!"

"You talked a whole lot on our train journey, therefore I forgot a lot of it," Kanda said, mocking her lightly but Ellen didn't feel very offended.

"It's the 30th of November. And yours?"

"Sixth of June…," Kanda replied and Ellen grinned at him. "What's there to grin?"

"So we will have a big birthday party for you! I will – oh wait, you don't like sweets, do you. Not even cake?" Kanda rolled his eyes, but Ellen thought of something else as well. "That's almost in three months..."

"I can count, idiot…," Kanda said with a snort, but Ellen still wore a frown, "what?"

"Well… Then you can probably also count that not that many weeks after your birthday we will probably be parents…," Ellen said and Kanda looked at her in wonder, "You will turn 19, right? And I'll only be 15…" Kanda composed himself pretty fast and shrugged.

"That's nothing overly exceptional is it? It happens pretty frequently."

"Hm, well… But do you know how to be a father?"

"It can't be that difficult or else there would be much less people living on earth," Kanda said unworriedly and now Ellen had to roll her eyes.

"Mana said that it is a big responsibility, so you better won't take it lightly," the girl insisted.

"If Mana says so then it must be true…," Kanda said not in a mood to argue with Ellen.

"How do you think it will look? We're so different…," Ellen said, a frown on her face, "I'm English and you're Japanese. I wonder if it will look funny." Upon hearing that Kanda was silent for a while, but then he lifted his hands, shrugging.

"Black hair and blue eyes, similar complexion as mine. Probably tall like me, delicate like you."

"If it has any luck it will look more like you than me," Ellen said with a frown after hearing Kanda's guess and Kanda tugged at Ellen's hair. "Ouch!"

"Don't go sprouting nonsense! There is nobody as beautiful as you!" he hissed and let go of her hair. He was embarrassed, but Ellen laughed happily, embracing him.

"Let's just hope that the war is over soon…But first…"

"First I hope that your mother won't give us too many problems, she seems to be the only real obstacle left that still manages to sully your mood," Kanda said and Ellen sighed, resting her head on Kanda's shoulder.

"She won't be happy…"

"Probably not, because you didn't act according to her plans for you… But if she loves you as much as you seem to love her, then she will soon come to her senses… You did the most reasonable thing in your situation. And I'm glad that you didn't run away, even if it was painful for both of us…," he said and Ellen nodded. She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked up at him.

"I too… Thanks for not giving up on me, despite the way I behaved," she told him and he nodded. Ellen shivered a bit and looked up into the sky. The sun had almost set and it was getting chilly.

"Let's go back, I'm sure you're hungry…," Kanda suggested and Ellen gladly accepted it.

"Yes, let's go home," she said and took his hand.

-

_To be continued_

-

**Notes:**

How cheesy. Things are mostly mended for now. But for how long? ;3

It might have been silly of me to make the two of them talk about their future child as easily as they did now, but for now it's still a concept that seems to be far away for both of them, so they don't really need to talk about it seriously.

I guess there will be another chapter before we continue with what happened in the Manga for a bit longer! :D

P.S. I apparently made up Ellen's birthday.


	49. Kapitel 47 Spreading the news

**Author's Notes:**

This chapter was half finished for quite a long time, but this lazy Sunday morning allowed me to finish it! :D

Some small, but important things happen and Ellen and Kanda take another step towards a better relationship. You'll see ;3

I had a hard time coming up with a title and the one I chose is stupid. *lol*

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 47:**** Spreading the news**

Malcolm Leverrier watched how his niece passed through the lounge from the balcony of the upper floor. The cheerful smile on her face as she pulled her husband through the hall made him frown. The fact that she had entered the Black Order without him knowing was more than just a bit unsettling to him. He had sworn to his friend to be a good God-father to his only child. Allowing her to be part of this danger was disastrous, especially since there was much more to it than just the threat of coming to harm when fighting Akuma. She was the Musician of the Ark now and Leverrier didn't really want to think about what that eventually meant for Ellen.

"And now _this_…!" he hissed in irritation, gripping the cold stone of the balcony's railing, watching the couple.

"Inspector?" Link, who was dutifully standing behind the tall man, asked when he heard him mumbling.

"Hm. It is nothing," Leverrier said and looked down again. The two young people were still loitering around the end of the lounge, Ellen was apparently talking with Kanda Yu. The white haired girl was holding something in her hand, but Leverrier couldn't make out what it was from the distance, but he could see that Ellen was frowning. The girl looked up after a while, as if she had felt his gaze on her, and spotted Leverrier. Her face lit up and she waved at him. The inspector lifted his hand to wave back, but on a second thought he decided that he would like to speak to her, so he beckoned to her to join him.

"Is there something the matter with Ellen Walker?" Link wondered as he saw the two exorcists turning to the stairs that led to the upper floor.

"No. I just need to talk to her," Leverrier replied and Link nodded.

-

"Just forget the necklace, if the Lord's rich then he won't whine about one lost piece of jewellery," Kanda said while they were walking up the stairs. Ellen still looked unhappy. She had forgotten to send the necklace off with the letter. Of course, she didn't really feel bad for Tyki because of it, but she also had no need of one of his presents. "More importantly, what does Leverrier want from you?" Ellen put the necklace into the pocket of her skirt, then she looked at Kanda.

"I do not know, maybe there is something to discuss," she replied and on a second thought she added: "there are actually a lot of things to discuss, but I do not really feel up to thinking about it…" Kanda didn't have a hard time guessing that she was talking about the accusations of allying herself with a Noah and her ability to use the Ark. Kanda was not sure what to think about it either, but he knew that he was not that preoccupied about it. Ellen was no traitor, he knew.

"Hello, uncle!" Ellen greeted Leverrier and he nodded at her, "Do you need something of me?"

"I wanted to talk to you – to you both, now that both of you are here – about your marriage," he said, then he held out his hand, "why don't you join me in my office?"

"Of course," Ellen replied and looked at Kanda, "will you come as well?" The dark haired exorcist nodded even though he wasn't entirely convinced that Leverrier wanted him to be present.

"Well then, follow me," Leverrier said and started walking down the corridor, the other three followed obediently. "You haven't written to your mother yet I assume?" Leverrier asked and Ellen shook her head. "I see."

"I still do not know how to convey the news, but I feel bad about not doing so. She should know…," Ellen confessed with a sigh and Leverrier looked over his shoulder.

"Do not concern yourself over that. I will tell her in your stead," he replied and he came to a halt in front of a wooden door. "Maybe that is for the best." He opened the door and went in.

"I am not sure, uncle… General Cross said that it would be best not to tell her for the moment. She does not even know where exactly I live and what I do here. How should she understand that I married an exorcist and why it was necessary?" Leverrier sat down behind his massive writing table and looked at Ellen with questioning eyes.

"Take a seat," he ordered and Ellen and Kanda did as they were told, sitting on the couch in front of the table. Link remained standing, watching Ellen. "Did I just hear you say _necessary_?" Leverrier asked and Ellen widened her eyes, realizing her mistake. She turned her head to look at Kanda but he merely glared ahead. "Tell me why it was necessary. I did think that it was strange for you to marry an exorcist. They are all far below you considering your standing and the fact that you had the prospect of becoming a Lord's wife," he said, studying them both.

"The engagement with the Lord was called off, I have no interest in marrying him," Ellen replied and Leverrier frowned.

"What a strange way for you to be thinking, Ellen. It seems foolish and haughty to me to refuse such a good match for no reason I can yet discern…," he replied, which caused Ellen to blush slightly.  
"I did not mean to be arrogant, I am sorry if I seemed like it," she said and Leverrier sighed, waving dismissingly.

"No, no. It's fine. You must have had your reasons. I asked Cross about it, but he would only give vague, cheeky answers. I don't know why he told you to marry and why he arranged it to take place so fast. I just expected you to be so in love that it turned you blind. But now I hear you say that it was _necessary_." Ellen remained silent, too nervous to actually say something. After a while, Kanda leant down just a little to whisper in her ear.

"Do you want me to tell him?" he asked silently, but Ellen shook her head. "Will you do it yourself, then?" The white haired girl took a deep breath and nodded. Leverrier took notice of it and waited patiently for his niece to explain herself.

"Both my husband and I are exorcists… There is no telling when we will be separated by missions and there is no guarantee that we will always come back alive...," she started to explain and Leverrier nodded.

"So far I can follow," he said, rightly guessing that there was more to it, "continue."

"Yes, uncle," Ellen said, now more firmly, looking up at him, "I know that it is not proper to engage in any intimacy when unmarried, but we did…" Leverrier raised an eyebrow, but he said nothing. "And I became pregnant…," Ellen concluded, blushing, but keeping her firm look. Leverrier continued looking at Ellen and Kanda with a stern expression and remained silent for quite a while.

"I see…," he remarked and Ellen looked up at him with a troubled expression. Such a calm, emotionless reply again!

"Is that all that you have to say? Uncle…!"

"What do you want to hear, Ellen? Praise or reprimand? To tell you the truth I am quite a bit disappointed to see that my niece wasn't raised to make better judgement. I don't really know what to do with you…," he stood up from his chair and walked over to her. She looked up at him and he placed his hand on her head. He spoke no words and Ellen was too surprised to feel that simple caress instead of receiving a stern lecture. After a while he withdrew his hand and walked away.

"Link?"

"Yes, Inspector?" the young man replied while Leverrier already opened the door.

"Stay close to Ellen from now on," he said, then he slammed the door shut behind him. Apparently he was angrier than he let on. However, for the moment Ellen was glad that his anger was not directed at her. Link looked down at Ellen with an unsure expression which she mimicked.  
"Well," he started, "upon Leverrier's order I will stay by your side from now on." He seemed slightly uncomfortable and Ellen could understand him. She wasn't comfortable with her uncle's reaction either and she really didn't understand why her pregnancy would make her uncle continue her supervision.

"What the hell is going on? Why should he stick close to you now?" Kanda complained in an annoyed tone, glaring at Link.  
"It's an order," was the only reply he received and Kanda snorted.

-

Ellen and Kanda decided that now that also Leverrier was aware of both their marriage and Ellen's pregnancy, there was no more sense in trying to keep it a secret.

"But I do not want to go around telling everybody that I am now married to you. And on top of that pregnant," Ellen argued, as they were making their way to the Science Division.

"Tch. That's so like you. You're too modest, or are you ashamed?" Kanda asked in annoyance. Ellen wanted to protest but Kanda continued, "like when everyone thought that you were a boy. You never bothered to correct anyone." Ellen laughed uneasily, but Kanda frowned at her.

"I told you that I never meant to fool anyone... I just didn't want you to think of me as a weak girl, I rather wanted to be a weak boy in your eyes because that way you would continue to train me. That's why I took advantage of your ignorance..." Kanda rolled his eyes in annoyance, but as she had a point, he didn't argue with her anymore.

"Ellen," Link spoke up and Ellen turned around, "as all the documents falsely stated your sex to be male, I would like to inquire why there was this confusion."

"Well... I am not that pretty...," she started but Link frowned and Kanda huffed in annoyance.

"Certainly that could not have been the case," the young man said. Ellen laughed, feeling a little bit flattered.

"It was General Cross that decided for me to appear at the Black Order dressed in w hat I would call male attire. I first thought he had decided on it merely because it was more practical than the skirt I had chosen. But I think he did it to conceal my background, so that my family would be protected..."

"I see...," Link said, nodding, then he fell into silence again, following the two exorcists.

"You sure about telling Komui?" Kanda asked when they were in front of Komui's offer and Ellen nodded.

"Maybe he already knows from Linali. We will see. We need to tell him so that we can rearrange our rooms," she said and Kanda raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Why you ask?" Ellen wondered, "your room still has a broken window even though I've told you twice to have it fixed." Kanda groaned, "And do you not want to share a room with me?" To that Kanda looked surprised, but snorted with slightly red cheeks. "And maybe Mister Link also needs a room?"

"If my duty to not leave your side is to be continued for a longer time then I really do," Link replied and Ellen nodded, but Kanda was very annoyed.

"I won't allow you to be too close to her," he warned, but Link merely looked at him coolly.

"If my duty is to keep watch over her I will, no matter how you might disagree with it," he explained and Ellen raised her hands to try to prevent them from arguing.

"Please, there is no need to worry about it. I am your wife, Kanda, I do not think that my uncle would want me and Mr. Link to share a room. Right?" Link nodded shortly.

"It would not be proper," Link said to that, "I do not think that the Inspector plans to go this far." Kanda, despite hearing this, was not entirely appeased by that. As far as he was concerned, Link and Leverrier should just go back to where they had come from. Ellen, with one last look at Kanda and Link, to ascertain that there would be no more arguments, knocked and opened the door to Komui's office. Komui was walking around his office for a change and he looked troubled.

"Oh, Ellen!" he said and Ellen almost feared that he already was aware of what she wanted to report. "You're still being supervised, are you! I am so sorry that I couldn't prevent it!" Ellen looked at him in wonder and raised her hands.

"Do not worry about me, I do not really consider it to be a supervision."

"But Leverrier...," he started and Ellen smiled to calm him down, "he said that you were suspected of heresy..."

"I am not in any immediate danger, right, Mr. Link?" Ellen asked, turning towards Link who nodded stiffly. "You must know that Mister Leverrier just wants to protect me." At that Komui looked really surprised and doubtful.

"Did he tell you that? Ellen... This is a heresy suspicion, you cannot possibly take this lightly." Here Kanda snorted and Komui looked at him.

"It's as she said. She is in no danger. Ellen is Leverrier's niece," the dark haired exorcist said, much to Komui's surprise.

"What? Are you serious? You're related?" Ellen nodded.

"He is my godfather," she explained and Komui let himself drop into his armchair, looking both incredulous but also relieved.

"How can that be? That' such a big coincident!"

"But certainly a favourable one," Kanda said and Komui had to agree, sighing with a smile.

"I'm a bit easier now that I heard that... Who would have thought! So that's what Cross meant...," he mumbled, but then he looked up at the three youths. "Did you want something from me?" Ellen nodded.

"We wanted to tell you something," Ellen started, "might we take a seat?"

"Yes, yes of course!" Komui said, pointing to the couch in front of his table. Ellen and Kanda sat down, Link remained standing next to Ellen. Komui shot him a wary look, but Link ignored him. "And what is the matter?"

"Kanda and I wanted to tell you of our relationship," Ellen confessed and Komui nodded, smiling.

"I though that you two had formed a bond. I was a bit surprised though, for Kanda to become attached to Ellen," he said and laughed, "I was first afraid that you might have an interest in my darling Linali! That would of course have been absolutely impossible though!" Kanda rolled his eyes, but Ellen looked at Kanda questioningly.

"You had...?" Ellen asked in a hushed tone, but Kanda just patted her head and she refrained from asking about it.

"Anyway, there's more to it than that. Ellen and I are married now, expecting a child," Kanda said bluntly, and Ellen took a moment to realize that he had now blurted everything out that she would have wanted to put in a more delicate wording. Accordingly, Komui also just looked at him in wonder, not immediately getting what he had said, but when he did he just opened his mouth in apparent shock, unable to form words for a moment.

"You're married?" Kanda nodded, "and you'll be parents?" Here Ellen nodded as well, darting an uneasy look at Kanda. "But you're so young!"

"We did not plan to. My pregnancy was not wanted by either one of us, but as it happened why decided that a marriage, even though it was rushed and conducted in secret – but with the consent of both General Tiedoll and General Cross – would be best for us both. I am sorry for not informing you beforehand," Ellen explained, bowing her head slightly in order to apologize. Komui still looked baffled, but he regained his composure.

"Well... Well you two... I'm not really sure what to say. To have a child in these circumstances...," he started and Ellen looked up uneasily.

"We know it is unfortunate... But we cannot undo it... Therefore, can you give us any advice?" she wondered and Komui sighed, looking tired again.

"Just try to feel comfortable while you're here. I won't try to stop your relationship, seeing as you're already made arrangements, but it really pains me that I cannot guarantee your safety either..."

"Do not feel bad about it. I am prepared to go on fighting as long as I can," Ellen promised but Komui didn't feel better upon hearing that. "But can I ask you for a favour?"

"I'll try to do my best," Komui promised with a gentle smile and Ellen returned it.

"If you allow it, Kanda and I would like to have a room together," she said and Komui looked surprised, "is that even possible?"

"I don't think we have rules contradicting it, but are you sure? Don't you think you need some sort of privacy?" Komui wondered and Ellen smiled uneasily.

"We are married... I think it is proper for a married couple to share rooms," she said and Kanda snorted, while Komui sighed slightly.

"Very well, I'll arrange a room for you two," he agreed and Ellen thanked him.

"There is something else," she went on and Komui raised an eyebrow, "Mister Link is charged with keeping watch over me. We do not know for how long this has to go on, therefore would you provide accommodations for him as well? Preferably in the vicinity of my new room," she said.

"What...?" Komui asked and looked at Link suspiciously, but the young man merely nodded. "Is that Leverrier's order?"

"It was his order for me to stay close to her," Link replied and Komui frowned, but he nodded stiffly.

"It will be arranged," he said and Ellen thanked him yet again. "Ellen?" he asked when Ellen was already getting up. When she looked at him he continued: "When did you get pregnant? Did you have a medical check-up yet?" Ellen hesitated to answer, because she was a bit ashamed, but she did it anyway:

"It was more than three month ago and Bak Chan already did a check up on me... I prevented him from telling you though...," she confessed and Komui, certainly surprised that her pregnancy was not more recent, but making no comment on it, nodded.

"That's fine. But you might want to make arrangements with the matron, because I doubt the infirmary staff is prepared for such a task... There hasn't been a child born in the Black Order before."

"Maybe the war will already be won by the time the child is born," Ellen said with a smile and Komui looked at her in surprise. But her confident smile calmed him and he nodded.

"Let's hope so. Fine, you can go. I'll try to provide new rooms for tonight," he promised and Ellen thanked him, then they left the office.

-

"I actually feel less tense now," Ellen confessed when they were making their way to the dining hall. It was time to have dinner and Ellen was rather hungry, so they had decided to fetch something nice to eat. Kanda was not really content to have Link walking next to Ellen, not intensely looking at her, but he was watching. He wondered how exactly this would work out. "What about you?"

"I don't care. At least you don't try to hide it any longer, that's a progress...," Kanda replied and Ellen pouted a bit. "It's fine. Don't pull that face. You're not doing it for me, are you?"

"Well, I am partly doing it for you. But let us just say that I am doing it for us," Ellen replied and Kanda looked at her, then he nodded. Ellen smiled cheerfully, glad that he agreed. For Ellen, it was important that they looked like a decent couple in front of Howard Link. He knew of the circumstances now, but it still mattered to Ellen. The dining hall was quite crowded, but they still were able to find empty seats after ordering their food.

"Mister Link, have you already eaten?" Ellen wondered when she saw that the inspector had only ordered desserts.

"This is my dinner," he replied and Kanda frowned, visibly put off by all the sweets set in front of Link. He had taken his usual food, while Ellen had taken the usual amounts, all the bowls and plates crowding their table. Kanda avoided watching the two eating, because it somehow made him lose appetite.

"I wonder what kind of room we will receive. Do you think they will," Ellen inched a bit closer to Kanda, continuing in a more quiet voice, "give us one bed for us to share?" Kanda frowned and shrugged, seeing with a little bit of satisfaction how Link busied himself with eating cake after he had heard Ellen's question.

"We're married, so why not?"

"We're part of a religious organization," Ellen retorted and she looked over to Link, "do you know, Mister Link? Are there any rules concerning relationships within the order?" The young man wiped his mouth with a napkin and nodded. If he felt uneasy about the topic he had successfully managed to cover it with his usually calm expression.

"There are no rules which forbid the forming of relationships within the Black Order, as long as they are not going against any moral obligations. Seeing as you are married there should be no problems. However, I think it would be wisest to be prudent. The order does not forbid, but it does not encourage it either because of the importance of each and every exorcist for the winning of the war," he explained and Ellen nodded.

"They do not want us to abandon our mission for the sake of our relationship," she said, "but we do not plan to. Right?"

"No," Kanda replied, "but still, it would be better for you to stop fighting. You're a girl. And you're in no state to fight…" Ellen smiled, putting her hand on Kanda's reassuringly.

"You know I cannot do that...," she said with a gentle smile and Kanda nodded. "Oh! And to prove that a girl in my condition can fight perfectly well, how about we train tomorrow morning! We have not done so for such a long time!" Kanda looked at her suspiciously, but he nodded. It was actually quite good that she still insisted on fighting and getting stronger, it was only bound to get more demanding from now on. And Kanda had no idea if pregnant women were weaker or could fight less. "So it is decided, we will tr-" Ellen could not finish her sentence as she was suddenly grabbed by the collar of her blouse and dragged away from the bench. When she looked up with wide eyes she found Cross glaring down at her, obviously a bit out of breath.

"Master!" she exclaimed and Kanda and Link were equally surprised.

"You troublemaker!" Cross hissed and started to drag her out of the dining hall, under the many confused eyes of the other people. Link sprung up immediately and Kanda followed suit.

"General Cross! You are not allowed out of your room and you are _forbidden_ from talking to Ellen Walker!"

"Shut up," Cross hissed and continued dragging Ellen, who was trying to stumble after her master, along the corridor. Before Link could argue more, Cross opened a door and pushed Ellen in, shutting it behind himself. Link banged his fists on the door, but Cross was sure to lock it properly. Ellen blinked in surprise and looked around. They were in a random study, where lot of boxes were standing around. It probably wasn't used much, but Cross didn't care; any room with just a bit of privacy for a few moments would do.

"What is the meaning of this, General?" Ellen demanded, unnerved by his confusing behaviour. There was still the hammering of Link on the door, which only furthered Ellen's worry.

"You told Leverrier about your marriage and pregnancy," Cross hissed and Ellen nodded, "and he had nothing better to do than accusing me of being the one responsible for all the trouble you brought upon yourself and on top of that to _call your mother_!" Ellen widened her eyes, gasping in surprise.

"He called my mother?!" she shrieked and Cross nodded with an annoyed expression. "Oh no! What now!?"

"I could prevent the worst. She actually was about to leave London to come right here to send me to hell and you right back to your home," he said and Ellen, very pale after hearing that, couldn't say anything, just shook her head. Cross groaned in annoyance.

"But she won't come, will she?" Ellen asked frantically and Cross shrugged, "General! She must not come!! She would not understand!"

"Oh, she understands pretty well," Cross retorted, but before Ellen could ask anything else, the door suddenly opened, the lock bursting, and Leverrier rushed into the room, seizing Cross by the arm.

"General, you are not allowed to talk to my niece!" he hissed and Cross rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Uncle! Is it true that you talked to my mother?" Leverrier merely looked at her, but she knew that it was the truth, "You shouldn't have!"

"I think she should be aware of what her daughter has gotten herself into! Now you must excuse me, this man should no longer be allowed to be near you!" Leverrier shoved Cross out of the door, but the red-haired General was not complaining.

"Uncle, why won't you allow me to talk to my master?" Ellen asked but Leverrier didn't reply as he, still holding on to Cross, left. She girl groaned in frustration.

"What is going on?" Kanda asked and Ellen turned to him, her eyes glistening a bit, but she kept herself from crying.

"My uncle told my mother," she said and Kanda widened his eyes, "and my master just managed to stop her from coming here! Imagine what would have happened if my mother had come to the Black Order!"

"She doesn't know that you're an exorcist, right?" he asked and Ellen shook her head frantically.

"No! No, my mother doesn't know anything! She doesn't know what Innocence is! She doesn't know what exorcists are! Mother and Mana are just two normal people! It was me! I was the strange one, they knew nothing!" Ellen said and Kanda grabbed her by the arm, pulling her towards him.

"Don't get so worked up over it, it's okay," he told her. Ellen clenched her fists and tried to calm herself. After a while she nodded and Kanda let go of her.

"Thank you Kanda… I just got scared all of a sudden… All of these accusations and now my mother wanting to come here…" Ellen sighed deeply, putting her palm to her forehead. "It just makes me worry…" She looked over to Link. "Will you be able to tell me more about the accusations? I need to put the pieces together to understand my place in all of this a bit better," she said. Link looked surprised at first, but he nodded.

"Are you sure, beansprout?" Kanda asked dubiously and Ellen nodded.

"Yes, I must know. I am not allowed to talk to my master, therefore I must conclude that he would have things to tell me that I should not know about," she replied, "I must figure this out on my own, I do not want to drag anybody in."

"This is very remarkable of you," Link commented, "it is best to deal with this problem now." Kanda glared at him in irritation but Ellen simply smiled and nodded.

"But not today. I am tired. I think I will have to retreat to bed early today," she said and Link nodded. "What about you, Kanda? Will you come with me?"

"We'll look for the room, maybe Komui's already done arranging it," he replied and they decided to go to the living quarters.

On the board to the entrance they could see the plan of the rooms and actually found that Komui had been very quick.

"It's on the other end of the living quarters," Ellen said, pointing her finger to the spot on the plan. "Ah, Howard Link. Mr. Link, you're right next to our room, do you think this acceptable?"

"Indeed," Link commented and Kanda kept himself from disagreeing – at least he was not sleeping _in_ their room as well. When he looked at Ellen he saw her frowning.

"What's the matter?"

"Read what they wrote. _Kanda Yu and Ellen_…" Kanda raised an eyebrow and shrugged.

"What about it?"

"They could have written Ellen Walker!"

"Don't go splitting hairs now, beansprout. It's a fact, so stop complaining," he told her and Ellen sighed dramatically, but she decided to just let it be. Kanda was right, she didn't need to get worked up over it. But the idea of everyone being able to see their change in relationship so obviously did make her nervous.

The three of them walked to their new rooms, finding the keys in the keyholes. Kanda opened the door and went in, Ellen following, while Link went into his own room.

"Oh! I like it!" was the first thing Ellen exclaimed, while Kanda still stood around indecisively. The room was twice as big as the usual ones, the floor was not made of stone but of wooden tiles covered with rugs at places. The high walls were painted in a white colour and there were two big windows showing outside. They had a writing table and a shelf with books. There were also two armchairs with a narrow table between them and on the right wall stood a big bed with two night tables next to it. Ellen went to the wardrobe next to the door and pulled it open, finding her and Kanda's clothes already neatly arranged.

"Oi, beansprout," Kanda called and she looked at him. He held up a white piece of paper and Ellen joined him to read it.

"What does it say?"

"It's from Komui," Kanda said, "Dear Kanda and Ellen. I hope the room is to your liking. There's still enough space to add a cot if it will become necessary. Let's hope the war won't last as long." Kanda put the note down and walked to the bed, finding his precious hourglass standing next to the night table, so that he could always see it when he woke up.

"That's really nice," Ellen said, then she spotted another door and went to open it. She peeked into the next room and found Link looking at her. "Ah! Excuse me Mister Link!"

"I guessed that these rooms were connected," Link replied calmly, putting the book he had looked at back into the shelf.

"Tch. That idiot, why did they need to be connected?" Kanda complained but Ellen didn't mind that much.

"We do not need to keep the door open, Kanda. There is a key after all." Kanda was still not convinced and sat down in front of the writing table, sourly pulling a book towards him. Ellen sighed and shook her head.

"Do you think my uncle will approve?" she wondered and Link nodded.

"I just have to make sure that you will not leave the Black Order or do things contrary to the Order's wishes. This is enough to make sure of it," he replied and Ellen nodded.

"Then excuse me please, I will now go to bed," she said and Link nodded.  
"Good Night," he said and Ellen also wished him a good night, then she closed the door.

"Lock it," Kanda said and Ellen frowned.

"That would be rude!" Kanda groaned but didn't get up to lock it himself. Ellen sighed and went to the wardrobe, pulling out her nightgown. She started undressing after darting a look at Kanda – who was still reading and not taking notice of what his wife was doing.

"Which side do you want to sleep on?" Ellen asked but Kanda just shrugged.

"The one you don't sleep on," he replied and Ellen laughed. She lifted the covers and snug into the bed, finding it very comfortable.

"You are not tired then?"

"I'm reading," Kanda said.

"Well then, do not forget to switch off the light when you are done," she reminded him and Kanda suddenly shut the book, getting up from his chair. Ellen sat up in bed, looking what Kanda was doing. He switched off the main light, leaving Ellen with the little lamp on her night table and a small reading light that stood on the table by the armchairs. He then walked over to her, sitting on the mattress. "Kanda, what…," the girl started, but Kanda bent down and put a kiss on her lips.

"Good night," he said, then he went to one of the armchairs, sitting down and opening the book again.

"Oh… Good night, Kanda," Ellen said, still a bit confused. She switched off the light and closed her eyes, feeling surprisingly good to have him there, watching over her sleep.

-

_To be continued_

-

**Notes:**

Yes, not much to say now. X3

It might take me a bit longer to update because I shouldn't allow myself to type any stories next week; I have the dead-line for my seminar paper approaching! *wails*


	50. Kapitel 48 Reflected Darkness

**Author's Notes:**

I'm sorry that you had to wait this long for the chapter, I was fighting against evil forces – a seminar paper and an ensuing writer's block caused by exhaustion.

That said, on with the chapter!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino.**

* * *

**Kapitel 48: Reflected Darkness**

Ellen awoke slowly the next morning, finding it almost difficult to push her mind into wakefulness. When she finally opened her eyes she met the foreign sight of her new room. She turned on her back, looking up at the ceiling. The bed was more comfortable than the one in her last room, warmer, Ellen mused.

"Good morning, beansprout," Kanda said and Ellen almost shot up when she heard his voice. She looked to the side and found Kanda glaring at her.

"Oh, I am sorry, Kanda. I forgot that we now share a room," she told him with a slightly embarrassed smile. He rolled his eyes, but then he reached out his hand and brushed her unruly white hair out of her face, tugging it behind her ears.

"They're really short," Kanda commented and pulled at the tips of her hair. Ellen reached up, flattening her hair against her head.

"Well, they were not that much longer when we first met," she said and Kanda looked at her, not replying, "besides, it might actually be more practical to wear them short." After she said that Ellen had to laugh, shaking her head with a sigh. "I sound like General Cross… Some months ago it seemed absolutely horrifying to have my hair cut off and now I find myself no longer minding. I do not know if that means that I have grown out of my petty princess self into a soldier…" Kanda frowned, sitting up.

"Well, you still know how to behave like a high society girl, if you didn't then there would be no problems between us," he commented and Ellen pressed her lips together in a unhappy fashion. "But you can be quite different as well… Even though I still have to see the extent of your maturing as an exorcist…"She smiled at him, nodding, but when he then reached out to pull her into a kiss, she raised her hands.

"I have not brushed my teeth yet!" she argued. Kanda frowned, but then he pushed her hands away, bending over to her to kiss her.

"Who cares," he said against her lips and Ellen, surprised as she was at first, soon gave in.

"What time is it?" she asked, when Kanda let go of her again. Both of them sat up, Kanda combing his long hair with his fingers.

"Half past six. I've slept too long...," he replied and Ellen looked over to the window. It was still dark outside, but bordering on twilight.

"Were you up reading until late into the night?" Ellen asked and Kanda nodded, "do you enjoy reading?"  
"Don't know," he replied and Ellen had to laugh. "Tch. Shut up," he hissed. Then he reached out to kiss her again.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to laugh," she said and Kanda rolled his eyes. „You seem fond of kissing," she observed when he kissed her yet again – only short touches of lips on lips, nothing that would make Ellen shy away. Kanda didn't reply for some time, apparently it was too embarrassing.

"I'd kiss you more if you'd let me," he told her honestly, which surprised Ellen a bit, but she smiled.

"I'm sorry for being so cold...," she told him gently, but he shook his head.

"You're not being cold, that's not what I meant to say... You just don't seem to like being intimate." Ellen blushed a bit at that, putting her hands on her knees.

"It... I do not really know if I like it," she replied, but then she looked up at him, asking with a slightly embarrassed voice: „do you?"

"Of course I do," he told her, with a frown on his face.

"Well... It's what married people do..."

"I don't think it's limited to marriage, idiot," Kanda said and Ellen had to laugh at that, „but I get what you mean to say. However, I told you before. I'll wait until you're up to it. Thanks for the offer, anyway." Kanda stood up and went to the wardrobe to get dressed. Ellen watched him, not really sure what to think.

"I think I do like it," she said and Kanda turn his head towards her, fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. Ellen was sitting cross-legged on the bed, playing with her hair as if it would divert from her nervousness, "back then... It was not so bad…" Kanda snorted and shut the door of the wardrobe. "It was…" Ellen was searching for words, but after a while she sighed and shrugged, "strange, I guess." Kanda raised an eyebrow at her way of describing their intimate moments.

"Strange?"

"Good and bad all at once," Ellen tried explaining, but it made Kanda frown. Ellen saw it and sighed, "I guess I'd better stop trying to give words to it…"

"Get out of bed," Kanda suggested and Ellen complied, "and dress."

"Yes, yes." Ellen replied, pulling trousers and a shirt out of the wardrobe. "Why do you look at me like that?" the girl wondered when she saw Kanda's scrutinizing expression.

"Don't you have other dresses by now? You no longer need to wear trousers," he told her.

"Do you want me to fight in a skirt? We agreed on training together, have you already forgotten?" Kanda looked at her for a while, but then he nodded shortly. "I'll go to the bathroom for a while, you can go ahead if you want," Ellen told him and he nodded, but didn't move away from the door when they got outside.

"I'll wait here," he explained when Ellen looked at him quizzically. "Be quick." Ellen smiled, then she went to look for the new bathroom. She found it to be a communal bath-room, but it was spacious enough for her tastes. She hurried and then got back out, to find Kanda still waiting.

"You haven't brushed your hair," he commented and Ellen laughed, "when I said be quick I didn't mean do not look in the mirror."

"It cannot be that bad! My hair is short, it sticks out everywhere anyway. Or do I have drool on my face?" she wondered, rubbing the corners of her mouth. Kanda's mouth twitched and he snorted, amused of the face his wife was making. Ellen boxed his upper arm. "How rude to laugh!"

"I did not laugh," Kanda replied flatly.

"For you snorting counts as laughing," Ellen argued, "let's go and eat something, I'm hungry." Kanda, not really surprised by the sudden shift of topics, shrugged and followed her into the dining hall.

-

Jerry seemed to be overly ecstatic when Ellen and Kanda appeared at the counter.

"Good morning, Jerry," Ellen greeted a little bit unsure to find that big grin on his face.

"Good morning to you too," here he bent a bit over the counter, "Mrs. Kanda!" Ellen blushed and Jerry laughed heartily, patting Ellen's head affectionately.

"Komui told you?" Kanda asked in an annoyed tone. Jerry raised his hand to his mouth, trying to hide his grin.

"Oh, I had to tickle it out of him! He was so mysterious about it, but he apparently couldn't keep quiet about it! It's happy news after all! Very happy news!"

"I… It is…," Ellen said after hesitating, "uhm… How many-"

"By the way, I prepared a very big breakfast for our newly weds! It's the least I could do, because Komui discouraged me from preparing a feast. He said as long as the Vatican is still sniffing around here we should not engage in such a festivity. But it's a pity, I tell you…! I had it all planned out the moment the words of your marriage left Komui's lips!"

"Really, Jerry, it is not necessary. I do not want to make such a big deal about it and disturb the whole order," Ellen tried to tell Jerry, because a big wedding party was the last thing she needed now. For once, Kanda agreed with her, but not because he wanted to keep it a secret.

"It's too annoying… I don't want people patting me on the back, congratulating me and making stupid remarks about our married life," he hissed and Ellen looked at him, but then she and Jerry had to laugh.

"Yes, we don't need the kitchen and the dining hall to be destroyed by one of your temper tantrums!" Jerry commented, then he ordered some of the chefs to carry the many plates of their breakfast to a free table. "Oh, young boy, you are still here?" Ellen and Kanda looked at him in wonder and then they turned around to find Link standing behind them. He coughed and nodded.

"It is my duty to keep watch on Miss Walker," he said. Jerry touched his cheek in concern.

"Oh my! How exciting! You are quite a femme fatale, Ellen, to have two men on your heels!" Ellen laughed awkwardly at that, "but haven't you heard the news yet? She no longer is a Miss Walker!"

"I know that," Link said, after he got over being scandalized for being taken as one of Ellen's suitors, "but she asked me not to address her that way."

"Yes, I asked him to call me Ellen, because Mrs. Kanda sounds peculiar to my ears. Especially because everyone still calls him Kanda… It's as if they are addressing him, instead of me…"

"Me? I'm no _Mrs._ Kanda either!" the young Japanese man argued. But he was actually aware that this was not the real reason for her to be reluctant to accept his name. She still had to come to terms with it, and that was fine for him. At least at the moment. The sooner she accepted his name, the sooner she would accept him, Kanda thought. Jerry was laughing by now.

"But Ellen, don't you call your husband by his first name? I now the boy doesn't like it, but certainly he allows _you_ to call him by his first name!"

"It's not as if he doesn't allow me, but…," Ellen started.

"She thinks my name is funny… And it is when used in an English speaking place like the Black Order," Kanda explained and Ellen frowned.  
"I told you it is a beautiful name!" she argued and Kanda glared at her.

"And I told you, you're a bad liar!" Ellen pouted. Jerry looked from one to the other and sighed, but not without a smile.

"It doesn't actually matter much how you call each other. Either you go on as before or you make it a point that part of your relationship has changed. None of your friends would address you as Mrs. Kanda anyway, Ellen, because you're just Ellen to us. Same with Kanda. Kanda is Kanda, with wife or without one!" Jerry said and Ellen nodded, smiling.

"You are right of course, Jerry. Thank you," she told him, but his words still made him think. Did their relationship change because they put their names on a document? Ellen felt as if it must, but actually, if she allowed herself to react to Kanda in an unrestrained manner, then nothing much felt different. But they were married now – did they need to appear as one item? It would certainly be beneficial to appear as a harmonized couple when dealing with those people that doubted them.

"Like my uncle… Or mother…," Ellen thought gloomily.

"I'll take two pieces of every pie and cake that you have," Link said and called Ellen out of her thoughts.

"You want to eat sweets for breakfast? And that much? What are you? Ellen?" Jerry asked in disbelief. Ellen huffed indignantly, but she watched in amazement as Link received what he wished for.

"You are not an exorcist are you?" she asked, "a parasitic one I mean. Like me." The three sat down, Link opposite Ellen, but Kanda would have wanted him far away.

"No."

"Then maybe you should eat more healthy food than pies for breakfast!" Ellen argued, looking through her food to find a whole bowl with porridge.

"This for example!"

"I prefer pie, thank you," was the only thing Link said and Ellen frowned.

"Is this the usual breakfast where you come from?" she asked and Kanda raised an eyebrow.

"Just let him be, if he wants to kill himself with a sugar overdose then let him. It's none of your concern what other people are eating," he said and saw her absentmindedly put Indian curry on top of her porridge. "What the hell…?" He thought but was too appalled to actually say anything about it.

"Maybe Mr. Link's habit of eating is none of my concern, but still I'm interested. Howard Link… Are you by chance German?"

"I am," he replied and he apparently wasn't all that bothered by what gross food mixes Ellen was eating. But Kanda just kept on staring as she slowly ate her breakfast, apparently not taking notice of how things actually _tasted_. Maybe parasitic Innocence wielders didn't have any taste buds.

"Really? Have you met Miranda? She is also German!" Link shook his head, not really interested. "You speak English pretty well, where did you learn?"

"I've been taught in school and by Inspector Leverrier. He told me you were quite proficient in German as well." Ellen smiled and nodded. "And your husband?" Kanda looked up from his breakfast and frowned.

"Why do you care?" he asked in annoyance, but didn't receive a reply from the inspector, "I speak English and French. I have also been forced to study Latin, but I've never had a great interest in German, therefore it doesn't exceed the basics," he explained, but he was a bit proud to see the admiring look on Ellen's face. Apparently being versed in languages gave him some bonus points with his wife.

"What about Japanese?" Ellen asked before Link could say anything.

"I don't use it anymore. It doesn't matter," he replied and Ellen frowned, but she saw his point. Here in Europe it probably wouldn't help him much, apart from him she had never seen a Japanese person.

"Very well. If Ellen and I have to discuss things of importance we will resort to the German language," Link announced and Ellen looked at him in wonder, "there are things that the other people do not need to know."

"I'm her husband," Kanda argued in anger, but Ellen put a hand on his arm, "tch!"

"Oh well, that is fine with me… But I think that a lot of people understand German to some extend, it is an important language after all and I've heard it spoken within the order before."

"That does not matter, we will not discuss things in public places anyway, but I have not received the order to keep your husband away from you, therefore I am not allowed to forbid him from listening to our conversation. But if he does only understand parts of it, then it seems like a good compromise to me."

"Just because I don't understand it now doesn't mean that I won't learn it!" Kanda argued, but Link remained calm.

"I will not stop you. Go ahead," he said, "I will find other ways to keep you from hearing details not destined for your ears." Kanda glared at him, probably on the verge of standing up and slamming his fist into Link's smug face.

"Can we please stop the fighting? It is a bit annoying, to be honest," Ellen said with a sigh and Kanda looked at her in surprise. "We can converse in German if we need to discuss important topics, but until I have been strictly forbidden from talking, there is no guarantee that I will not go on to discuss the very things we talked about with my husband as well – no matter if he's present at your interrogation or not allowed to take part in it."

"Very well," Link said and Ellen nodded. Kanda was still put off slightly, but he didn't say anything else and waited for Ellen to finish eating.

-

Link followed diligently when the two were making their way to the training halls. Kanda had chosen to go to the small one they had used to train in when Ellen first arrived at the order.

"The damages have not been repaired," Ellen commented, still seeing the holes in the walls from where she had tried out her Innocence.

"Because not many people come here. The damage was not nearly big enough to require repairing," Kanda told her. "What do you want to do? A fencing match?"

"Fencing? I'm no good with a sword," Ellen confessed. "But maybe I should train it," she mused.

"You should train as many different styles as you can, even if you won't need them," Kanda said and Ellen looked at him, "what?"

"You haven't seen me fight with my regained Innocence yet?" she asked and Kanda looked at her in wonder. Ellen reached out her left hand and grabbed her wrist with the right hand. In a matter of seconds her Innocence transformed into a giant sword which made Kanda stare at her with wide eyes. Link sat down on one of the benches and took out a book, leaving them to train. Ellen smiled slightly and held the sword out to Kanda. "See?"

"You no longer fight with your claw?"

"I am not sure, actually, it seems more powerful than the claw alone. Maybe it depends on the opponent," she replied. Kanda walked up to her and studied her.

"You carry it as if it doesn't weigh much, but you're stance is not that good. You don't know how to use a sword, especially one this tall," he said and put his hand on hers, correcting her stance. "Legs apart a bit more and grip it tighter – you only have one hand to stabilize the sword so you must do it right. It's different than a fencing sword. You should not swing it around needlessly, or you use up to much of your stamina."

"My fighting style was never quite elaborated on. I just do what comes to me," she said and Kanda frowned. "It seems easier… I am just not a fighter…"

"Don't make up excuses," he told her and made her raise her arm a bit further, "the way you fight should not be governed by your Innocence controlling you. You have to control the Innocence. You have to master it to bring out its full potential. If you just always go with the flow then you will only be able to get a little part of what the Innocence is willing to give you."

"I… I will try," Ellen said with a concentrated face, "by the way," she started and made her Innocence take the form of her arm again, "where is your sword?" Kanda frowned, hesitating to answer.

"It got damaged in my fight against the Noah… The science division is repairing it," he said.

"Oh… I see… Then let us just fight with our bare hands," Ellen suggested and Kanda frowned. She took in the boxing stance again. "Like back when you trained me! Come, Kanda!" He reluctantly assumed a fighting stance, but it was not a boxer's stance.

"I'll teach you some Asian fighting techniques, it requires less movement, so maybe it would help you to fidget less," he said and Ellen nodded, trying to mimic his stance. "You can still try to hit me, watch how I evade and block."

"Yes!"

Link watched the two fight silently, every now and then writing down a few notes. For him, Ellen Walker (or Kanda, he corrected himself) was still a very peculiar person. When fighting she lost most of the dignified grace she possessed when politely interacting with other people. With her short hair and strange way of dressing it was not hard to mistake her as a young man. But it actually only needed a closer look at her face to see that she really was a girl, because she still possessed some sort of noble beauty. But maybe her smiling face, that was the main charm of her, at least in Links humble opinion, was due to the fact that she was currently engaged in a mock fight with her husband. It was hard to say how she behaved on the battle field without seeing her battling real enemies.

"Well fine then, let's start for serious," Kanda warned and Ellen nodded.

"But do not think that you need to hold back," Ellen warned him cheekily, but Kanda only snorted. Of course he would be holding back, he could not risk her to be hurt – she was pregnant after all, even though she often seemed to forget that. However, Ellen did quickly prove that she was far stronger than she had been four months ago. He actually found it difficult to block her attacks and with a surprised face he saw Ellen grin at him for a split second, then she managed to land a blow. It was not hard, but Ellen had – maybe mercilessly – managed to hit his face spot on. Kanda, surprised as he was, stumbled backwards and landed on the floor. Ellen grinned down at him, but then she held out her hand to help him back up. Kanda touched his nose; blood was freely dripping from his nostrils.

"You cheeky bastard," he hissed, but he wasn't actually angry at her. He was very impressed, maybe even more than he allowed himself to acknowledge.

"That was the punishment for forcing me to tell Linali about our relationship!" Ellen exclaimed, "and for thinking that you have to go easy on me. What do you think I've already been through! Do you honestly think I cannot cope with some of your blows when I've survived Noah and Akuma trying to kill me?"

"Tch, I have underestimated you, beansprout," Kanda said, his wound already healed, and wiped away the blood. "You and Linali are both quite dangerous when underestimated."

"And you still uphold the view that we do not belong on the battle-field," Ellen said, raising her hands again for them to continue training.

"You do not belong on the battle-field," he argued, "I see that you are an indispensable part in this war, but still, if you want a war to fight you can still turn towards a different battle ground," he said.

"What? Do you want to imply that domestic life is a battle ground in itself?" Ellen asked, laughing in amusement.

"Well, apparently yes. Especially if you have to fight dragons and keep children from falling down the stairs," he said.

"Dragons? Are you by chance talking about my mother?" the girl asked and Kanda caught her fist, grinning at her.

"Maybe," he replied and threw her to the floor. "There. I win."

"How does this fight end by being thrown on the floor?" Ellen asked and sat up panting a bit. "Ah, I think I have a bump now…!" Kanda kneeled down as well and touched her head.

"Let me feel," he said, "nothing bad." Ellen laughed and they stood up. "You put up a nice fight, beansprout."

"You too, I'm sorry for hitting you in the face, but I felt that you still deserved it."

"Yeah, yeah. I don't care, it's not as if a broken nose would kill me," he said and Ellen widened her eyes.

"I broke your nose?! I'm sorry!" Kanda snorted when he saw her fretting.

"Idiot…"

-

It was decided that after a short snack Link and Ellen would start working on the topic of the 14th and his connection to Ellen. She was not very fond of the idea, but actually, she needed some of her questions answered.

"Well then, Miss Walker, let us go to a less crowded place," he said after Ellen had a tea and something to eat to regain the energy lost during training with Kanda.

"Will you come with us?" Ellen asked Kanda, but he just shrugged.

"I have other things to do. I need to get Mugen back as fast as possible," he said and Ellen nodded. It was actually fine with her and she and Link looked for a quiet study.

"Take a seat, Ellen," Link said and put some papers in front of himself, sorting them.

"Yes, thank you," Ellen mumbled and sat down, wondering what kind of questions Link would now go on to ask her.

"Well, then let us start," he said, "are there any things that came to your mind? Anything worth mentioning?" Ellen narrowed her eyes a bit.

"I fear not. Wouldn't it be best if you informed me what exactly is going on? So, if I understand correctly, I have received powers that only a Noah should possess."

"Ah, that is not entirely correct, Ellen," Link started, "in fact, we do not know if humans other than Noah can possess such power," he explained. Ellen wanted to speak up but he prevented her from doing so: "but it is a fact that the person who possessed the power you now call your own were previously held by a member of the Noah family. By no means must we downplay that. You received a Noah's power. This power lets you control the enemy's tools. And you received them within Noah's Ark. This is enough to make you suspicious."

"I understand _that_, but all the rest I do not understand," Ellen replied. "I am an exorcist, I have Innocence. How could I be considered an enemy? That is utter foolishness!"

"Immer mit der Ruhe," Link said emotionlessly and Ellen huffed.

"How can I be calm? I know that I have done nothing wrong and yet I cannot prove my innocence! I have nothing to do with Noahs or the Earl!"

"What if you do?" Link asked and Ellen groaned silently, "consider this, Ellen; what if you do have a connection with the Noah family and you simply don't know? We do not know how and when you received the powers of the Musician. We have to try to find out how you came into contact with the 14th and how the powers were transmitted."

"And how do we find out?"

"Speak about strange encounters you've had. Where have you been in your life? What have you done? Have you every received something or have you had something done to you by another person?"

"Oh, how should I know! Apparently we cannot tell humans and Noahs apart when they are in their white form. I have always had Innocence though and my mother has succeeded quite well to keep me away from many people. When I met other people then I never truly interacted with them, my mother would also not allow myself to be touched by other people than my family." Link nodded, but Ellen didn't like it at all. "I know what you're thinking – but my family has nothing to do with it!"

"What about your mother? They allowed you to become an exorcist when Cross came to your house."

"She only agreed because she didn't know what the Black Order is!"

"But why did she know Cross? And how did Cross know about your Innocence? That cannot be a coincidence, right?" Link asked and Ellen paled, shocked speechless. Actually he was right, but Ellen was too afraid to think about it, but she couldn't prevent to recall Cross' words:_ her mother understood well enough. _Link studied her for a while, but then he produced a picture.

"This is a copy of the Musician's score," he said and Ellen's eyes snapped open when she saw it, "you can read these symbols. You know how to translate them into notes and words for the song needed to control the Ark. Where have you learnt to read this?" Ellen kept silent, bitterly pressing her lips together. "We have looked into it; we were not able to make out where they came from, nobody uses it to write and communicate in. So how do you know how to read them?"

"I… I can't tell," she hissed, "I don't understand it!"

"Well, but it's not hard to come to a conclusion, right? These are symbols that the 14th made up." Ellen could no longer listen to him, she slammed her hands flat on the writing desk and stood up. Link didn't even flinch or comment on it. The white haired girl walked to the window, holding her hand to her forehead. "Do not try to fool yourself, Ellen. These are the facts that you can't deny. It's better we try to solve the puzzle now and reduce the damage." Actually the threatening heap of puzzle pieces was forced into place bit by bit, thanks to Link's interrogation and the fast workings of her own mind. But while the picture became clearer Ellen didn't want to see it. As more pieces were fit together they started to shove themselves over another picture that had been there for so many years.

"That cannot be, it just doesn't make any sense! My mother doesn't know what Innocence is and Mana died before I even became an exorcist! The song and the secret code, they were just children's play, something they had made for me, only for me! There is no secret meaning to it, it has absolutely nothing to do with Innocence or the Noah!" Ellen opened her eyes to look out of the window, but instead of the early spring landscape, she was greeted by her own reflection. And darkness. Behind her some black and white shape was floating and she quickly darted a glance behind her but only Link looked up at her, one eyebrow raised.  
"Well?" Ellen couldn't speak and just turned around again, hoping that her mind had played a trick on her. But it was still there; the same menacing and mocking ghost-like shape she had already seen in the mirrors of the 14th's secret room.

"What is this…?" Ellen asked, "why are you here?!" Link got up and looked out of the window.

"What is wrong?"

"Don't you see him?! Behind us in the window!" Link looked.

"There are only our reflections. You should not play games, Ellen, you are no longer a small child," he said with a sneer, then he got back to the desk and sat down again. Ellen remained standing, staring into the white hollow eyes behind the glass.

"I'm… going mad," Ellen thought, terrified, "Mother, Mana… We were a happy, normal family, right? But if not… If there is more to it… Then what were we?!"

She was in danger of losing her identity, she knew. "I'm Ellen Bermont! I'm Ellen Bermont!" Ellen shouted in her head. But there was this little teasing voice that told her:

"_No, you no longer are."_

_-_

_To be continued_

_-_

**Notes:**

How gloomy…

I wanted Ellen to be a bit more forceful, maybe I was a bit overenthusiastic with making her cause Kanda to have a nosebleed ;3

Anyway, for those who worried: I'm not planning to make Link and Ellen converse in German and write it out, because I think it would break the flow of the story, even if I provided translations at the end of the story. I did include the fact that they will be talking in German though to a) create some sort of bond between Link and Ellen and b) to make Kanda jealous (and maybe push him to learn German to impress his wife). I pretend that Kanda knows French – he's been educated by Tiedoll after all.

With the next chapter we'll go back to Manga-verse for a little while (keyword: Lulubell)! We've almost reached the end of volume 14 – I guess I'm proud! :D

_P.S._

There. Strange eating habits of Ellen. I feel with Kanda. I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sick when I imagined the taste of sweet porridge with curry.


	51. Kapitel 49 Massacre’s Prelude

**Author's Notes:**

I wrote a lot more than I wanted this chapter to contain…! And because I promised you that we would continue with Lulubell's raid I had to burn the midnight oil to add the last few scenes! *lol*

Sorry for the wait and I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

P.S. The title only matches the end of the chapter…

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 49: Massacre's Prelude**

There was no point in continuing the interrogation for the moment, Link knew. He didn't doubt that Ellen Kanda knew more than she was willing to explain, but he did not yet reach a conclusion on how to get the missing bit of information out of her. He sorted his papers and put them back in a slim folder, then he cleared his throat. Only slowly did Ellen react to him; she was still staring at her reflection with wide eyes, but after a while she turned her head towards Link. He frowned when he saw her troubled look.

"It is really there…," she whispered hoarsely and Link got up once again with a sigh, stepping to the window next to her, peering outside.

"I can see nothing," he told her, "your mind must be playing tricks on you." Ellen shook her head, grabbing Link's arm, the fingers of her Innocence hand digging into the fabric of his sleeve. Link sighed again, then he gently removed her fingers from his arm. "We do not know what will happen now that you have received the powers of the 14th. You must be prepared for anything. We want to help you, Ellen." Ellen clenched her hands into fists, staring down on the floor. "If you refuse to cooperate it will be unnecessarily difficult. Maybe you need to put more trust into Inspector Leverrier and me."

"I fear what is happening to me," she started, refusing to look back at the window. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling quite nauseous. "But there is nothing else that I can tell you." Link snorted in disapproval, but then he put his hand on her back, guiding her out of the room.

"Very well. You probably need to get some rest. I will accompany you to your room," he said and Ellen nodded.

-

When Kanda returned to his room to change his sweat soaked clothes, he was very displeased to find Leverrier's watchdog sitting in a chair opposite Ellen.

"What's going on?" he demanded in apprehension. Ellen looked up in surprise, she probably hadn't heard him entering. Kanda didn't like how distracted she seemed.

"Oh, Kanda! You are back?"

"I just wanted to go to the shower room and needed new clothes. But why is he still here?" When he was pointed at, Link raised out of the chair, looking at Kanda with a calm expression.

"Ellen felt unwell and I accompanied her to her room. If you have already forgotten; I was asked not to leave her side." Kanda snorted in irritation, then he walked over to Ellen, looking at her.

"You seem a bit pale. What's wrong?"

"Oh, I don't really know…," she replied and tried smiling, "I guess all these complicated things wear me out a bit…"

"You should pay attention to your health," Kanda advised, "your body's probably already under more strain than usually."

"I am not ill…," Ellen replied to that with a small laugh, but Kanda snorted, "do not worry about me. Take a shower, it will be dinner time soon, we can meet in the dining hall when you are refreshed." The dark haired exorcist was reluctant to agree, but after a while he nodded, grabbed something to wear and left the room. When he was gone, Link sat back down again and watched Ellen rub her forehead.

"You did not tell him of what you saw," he said, "maybe it is for the best not to talk about things concerning the 14th. It might just spread suspicion and mistrust." Ellen sighed, folding her hands on the table.

"I do not think that Kanda would start being suspicious of me. But I did not feel like speaking about that spectre I saw. Maybe it is only temporal, maybe it will come to pass…" Link remained silent for a while, but then he spoke the words that Ellen was too afraid to say:

"I don't think it will."

-

When Ellen and Link arrived at the dining hall, Kanda was not there yet, but Rabi was.

"Where is Kanda?" Ellen wanted to know when she took a seat.

"He went to bother the Science Division again. About Mugen, you know? He feels like half a man without his Innocence!" Rabi laughed and Ellen smiled at him. "By the way… We were training before and Yu told me something funny." The girl looked up in wonder and saw Rabi smirking at her. "Is it true that you hit him directly in the face?" Ellen blushed when she heard that. "So it's true! I thought it strange that Yu would tell me about this, because I expected it would be too embarrassing for him."

"Oh, he deserved it! I did not mean to hurt him, just… Well, show him that there's strength in my arms as well," Ellen defended herself but it only added to Rabi's amusement and Ellen's embarrassment.

"Don't feel bad Ellen! I guess Yu was very pleased! He really likes the type of women that can deal out hits!" Ellen sighed, but then she recalled something. She bent over the table a bit, closer to Rabi. It was not as if Link couldn't hear her, but she still felt the need to try keeping it private.

"There is actually something I was meaning to ask him, but I did not really dare to. You are his best friend, so you might know as well." Rabi grinned and nodded eagerly.

"What it is?" Ellen hesitated a bit, but then she decided that it wouldn't really hurt to ask – at least she hoped so.

"When he and I were at Mister Li's office, there was something he said that would not leave my mind…"

"Something Komui said? What?" Rabi wondered and looked into Ellen's frowning face.

"Was Kanda once romantically interested in Linali?" Rabi seemed very surprised and scratched the back of his head indecisively. Ellen noticed it and pouted. "So he was? Tell me about it!"

"I don't know if it is my place to talk about it…Shouldn't you ask him yourself?" Ellen snorted, feeling a bit irritated and Rabi backed away from her.

"Do not speak such nonsense! It's not as if you two wouldn't be discussing things about me when you're alone. And I'm not talking about little things either – _private_ things!" Rabi felt himself a bit cornered and decided that in terms of danger, the one coming from Ellen was more immediate than Kanda's anger afterwards.

"Okay! Fine, fine! Actually there isn't much to tell you about it," Rabi gave in and Ellen sat back in her chair, listening. Link pretended not to care, but the fact that he had taken out his notebook was quite unsettling in Rabi's opinion.

"Why are you taking notes? You're not planning to blackmail anybody, right?"

"This is unrelated. I don't record meaningless things," Link replied with a snort and Rabi sighed, not convinced at all.

"Oh well… I used to discuss pretty much anything with Yu – well, you know, I talk and he either listens or doesn't, depending on the topic. But he's more outspoken about women than I actually thought. Anyway, he just mentioned once that the only woman he knew worth pursuing was Linali. She was the only girl he knew that was worth the trouble that would come with loving her in his opinion. I can't say that I don't agree; she's strong, bright, beautiful and has her own head. On top of that she's also an exorcist. But all these qualities, and probably more things that he didn't even consider before, he found in you… You really don't have to worry about anything." Ellen still pouted. "Come on Ellen! You can't be angry about the fact that Kanda dared to look at other women before he met you! You didn't strike me as being the jealous type!"

"I'm not jealous!" Ellen argued in irritation, "it's just… If he could have had someone like Linali, then why would he want me?" Rabi groaned and shook his head.

"It's not as if he could have had her; he just thought about the possibility – he was considering it. Thinking about the good and bad points. Apparently he decided against it, don't you think?"

"You're talking about unnecessary things again…" Ellen turned around and found Kanda standing behind her, wearing a disapproving frown. He walked around the table and took the free spot across Ellen, darting angry looks at Link and then at Rabi. "What nonsense have you talked about?"

"I was just reassuring Ellen that you don't have any romantic interest in Linali!" Rabi explained.

"I heard you well enough," Kanda said, shaking his head in annoyance.

"Well, I wanted to know about it!" Ellen justified herself and Kanda rolled his eyes, "I am just surprised… Linali is so beautiful…"

"And you aren't?" Kanda wondered and Ellen blushed, "Don't be an idiot and reduce your qualities to your looks alone."

"But you're so beautiful as well!" the white haired girl argued and Kanda snorted, "I'm surrounded by beautiful people," she said with a defeated sigh.

"Stop being so whiney. Didn't you always insist on the fact that you're not vain?" Kanda asked in irritation. Ellen pouted and Kanda decided to change the topic. "Have you eaten already?" Ellen shook her head, "then go order something!" Ellen wanted to be cross with Kanda for a bit longer, but actually she was too hungry. So she gave in, which Kanda promptly rewarded with a quick, little kiss on her forehead.

"You're an idiot," he told her and Ellen smiled at him.

-

When it was getting dark outside, Kanda decided that it would be best for them to go back to their room.

"What? Isn't it only a bit after eight o'clock?" Ellen wondered and stood up. She, Kanda and Link had gone to the garden for a bit of fresh air. The quiet garden and the early evening breeze had calmed Ellen and she had almost forgotten about the shape in the mirror.

"It is, but it's getting cold and you haven't brought your jacket," Kanda told her, "if you catch a cold then I have to listen to you snoring at night. I don't like that idea." Ellen, despite wanting to be put off, had to laugh at that.

"Well, if you insist, then let us withdraw inside," Ellen said. "To tell the truth, I am a bit at a loss of what to do with all this time at my hands! We have not been given new missions yet."

"How about using the time to recover? We've all been in big battles," Kanda said while they were walking up to their room, "I thought you didn't like fighting, so why are you so keen on going out again?"

"It is not that I am keen on going out to fight again. I just got used to a life of constant moving about…," Ellen told him and Kanda snorted.

"You had enough things to do before you became an exorcist. What were you doing all the time?" he asked and Ellen thought about that. Somehow this time seemed so far away even though not even half a year had passed. "You don't remember?" Kanda asked when Ellen kept silent.

"I do remember! I did what all the other girls do as well!" she replied in slight irritation and Kanda snorted in amusement.

They arrived at the door and Link cleared his throat to get the couple's attention.

"I will now withdraw to my room to give you some privacy," he said and while Kanda nodded in approval, Ellen couldn't help but blushing.

"Privacy? What? It is not as if we- We won't-," she stuttered but Link only bowed shortly and closed the door of his room behind himself. Ellen touched her hands to her pink cheeks in embarrassment.

"Why the hell are you so flustered?" Kanda demanded and opened the door. Ellen slowly followed him inside and closed the door with a deep sigh.

"He said he would give us _privacy_!" Kanda nodded "I do not want him to think we sleep together!" Kanda raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"And why not? What if we do?"

„It does not matter if we do or if we do not! It is nobody's business having any thoughts about it!" she argued, "that's not-"

"_Proper_," Kanda concluded, stressing the word with quite a bit of annoyance. "I got it. Now calm down again, you're being an idiot." Ellen sighed and let herself fall down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. Kanda sat down as well, glaring at her. "We're married. We're expected to have sex every now and then. Isn't that the point of marriage?"

"Are you mocking me? Of course that is not the point of marriage!" Ellen replied with a frown and Kanda snorted, pinching her nose between his fingers. Ellen squeezed her eyes shut and Kanda used the moment to bend down and kiss her. When Kanda let go of her again she was pouting.

"I do not really know what you have in mind, but does your embarrassment mean that we won't be intimate again just because someone might know? Isn't that a complete waste? It's obvious that you aren't a chaste virgin anymore. You didn't get pregnant out of nothing after all." Ellen crossed her arms over her chest, still looking a bit cross.

"No."

"No what?" Kanda asked and Ellen sat back up again, flattening her hair against her head.

"We won't lead a passionless marriage, nobody expects that of us and I do not want to."

"Well, that's a relief," the dark haired man joked and Ellen boxed his shoulder, unsure of whether she should still be angry or amused. Kanda wrapped his arms around her gently, breathing in the scent of her hair.

"Now that we are alone… There is actually something I wish to tell you," Ellen said, holding her hand in front of her mouth before Kanda could kiss her. He frowned, but then he nodded. "We still have time afterwards, it's still early. But please listen for a while."

"I'll listen… What is it?" Kanda asked, letting go of her again.

"It is about my connection to the Noah side…," she said silently, because she still feared that Link might hear her. This was nothing she wanted to tell either him or her uncle, but she felt that her thoughts and worries were safe with Kanda.

"Did anything new come up?" Ellen shrugged indecisively at that.

"Yes and no. Actually, when I was in the Ark – where the piano stands, I think you remember," Kanda nodded, "I saw someone in the mirror. I thought it was something to do with the Ark, but today, when I was talking to Mr. Link, I saw the shape in the reflection of the window." Kanda looked surprised.

"You saw a shape in the mirror?"

"Yes… And Mr. Link couldn't see him. But he was there. And I fear that he still is…," she whispered. Kanda frowned, but then he grabbed Ellen's hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Well, let's find out then," he said and Ellen wanted to protest, but Kanda shoved her to the mirror next to their wardrobe. "Is he there?" Ellen hesitated to look, but when she did she sighed deeply. Behind her and Kanda was the black and white reflection, staring at her with wide, hollow eyes. "What is he doing?" Kanda continued to ask when Ellen nodded.

"Nothing at all… he's just floating in the background, staring at me…," she replied and shivered. Kanda stared into the mirror but he couldn't see anything there.

"If he doesn't do anything then just ignore him. I doubt he can harm you from within the mirror," Kanda said but Ellen shook her head, turning herself around, facing away from the reflection. She put her arms around Kanda's neck, resting her forehead against his chest.

"It's not just a reflection… It's a portent… Something will happen, I know." Kanda didn't know how to reply, but after a while he guided her back to the bed, sitting down.

"Listen, Ellen… Do not worry that much. Even if you turn into a Noah, that won't mean that you would suddenly change sides."

"Actually, that is not my biggest worry," Ellen confessed and Kanda raised an eyebrow. Ellen sighed and looked up at him, a pained expression on her face. "I worry that my mother and Mana might be connected to it. And I wouldn't be able to bear that…"

"Because of the score and the song?," Kanda asked, "It doesn't have to mean that much…"

"It means everything!" Ellen snapped and Kanda frowned. „Everything I knew would be changed. Everything would be different."

"Ellen. What exactly is going on? Do you think that your family collaborates with the Noahs?" he wanted to know. Ellen hesitated. In one way or another they surely did, but not necessarily knowingly. Her mother was acquainted with Tyki, and there was no guarantee that this new minister was not also a Noah – on top of that she wanted Ellen to marry into this family. But Kanda didn't need to know that…

"I am afraid that they are connected to them, yes… Not all of my family, just my mother and Mana…"

"What makes you so sure?" Kanda asked and Ellen touched her forehead, pointing at the pentacle. "What has your curse got to do with it?"

"Mr. Link asked me to think of an instance when the power of the 14th could have been transferred to me. And this is the only moment I could think of. The 14th was killed by the Earl. Mana died under mysterious circumstances. And what did I do? I called him back and he cursed me. What if he gave me more than a curse? What if he also passed on his powers to me?" Kanda put his finger to his chin, thinking about the probability of that guess.

"But wouldn't that have been a gamble for him? How could he have been sure that you would call him back? If you hadn't he wouldn't have been able to pass it on." Ellen lowered her head.

"I was a weak girl back then… There was no way that I could live without mother or Mana… I was bound to bring him back…," Ellen said silently. Kanda studied her, but then he pulled her near.

"Stop thinking about it, Ellen. There is no proof that what you make up now is the truth. You'll only make yourself mad if you continue to doubt your mother and Mana." Ellen sighed deeply. "Ask your mother, ask Cross. What you need now are not assumptions, but the truth."

"I know… I must find a way to talk to them… But-"

"No buts," Kanda said forcefully, grabbing Ellen's face between his hands, glaring at her. "Understood?" Ellen nodded because she couldn't properly articulate sounds while he pressed her cheeks together. "Good." He let her go and kissed her gently. „We'll find a way to get you to talk to them." Ellen smiled at Kanda, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I admire how calm you can stay. Doesn't it even trouble you that something strange is happening to me?"

"No, it doesn't. I'll just try my best to support you –wherever you came from, whatever you do, whoever you are."

"And why?" Ellen asked in surprise, but Kanda just pushed her into the mattress, hovering above her.

"I have my reasons," he told her, whispering against her mouth, then he kissed her. Ellen laughed into the kiss, putting her arms around his neck.

"Thank you…" Kanda sighed and nodded. Ellen was a bit surprised to feel his breath blew over her lips when he sighed, but he silenced the things she wanted to ask with another kiss. He did not intend to let her get away at the moment, Ellen knew; what exactly he wanted to do, that she had no idea of. But at least she had the reassurance that he would not do more than she was willing to allow. As no resistance came from Ellen, Kanda put his hands to her chest, slowly feeling the outline of her breasts.

"What are you doing?"

"Feeling if the beansprout matured a bit," he replied and sat on his knees, one on either side of Ellen. Ellen pinched the skin on the back of his hand, but then she started unbuttoning her vest, Kanda observing her.

"Don't stare at me. I do not like that…," the girl complained, visibly flustered.

"Who are you undressing for?" Kanda countered and Ellen frowned. "I clearly remember you showcasing your breasts back in the Ark – you didn't seem to care then even though _I_ didn't think that _proper_." She rolled her eyes, but was still a bit embarrassed about it.

"This was under different circumstances; when fighting in a life to death battle you cannot fret about ripped clothes. You came back without the upper part of your uniform as well," she argued and Kanda snorted in amusement.

"Did you mind?" Kanda wondered and helped Ellen pull the vest away.

"I do like looking at you. You are a good looking man after all," she said, but then she pinched his sides, which made Kanda flinch, "but you're a bit on the scrawny side."

"Tch, don't complain," he snorted, then he started unbuttoning her shirt.

"Oh, I would not dare to. I just wonder how you look when you are a bit older and properly grown up."

"Well, we plan to stay together, so just wait and see," he said with a small smile and kissed her. Ellen seemed surprised at first, but then she laughed and nodded. He continued opening her shirt and then he put his hands against her warm skin. "I am not disappointed," he commented approvingly. His wife laughed in amusement. She actually didn't even mind him touching her. His hands were gentle and warm; there was nothing that could make her feel uncomfortable. "It has been too long since I last saw you like this… We've spent too much time apart…," Kanda mused and let go of her, climbing over her to let himself fall on the bed beside her. Ellen turned her head to the side, studying him.

"That is true… We have also returned some time ago… And yet…"

"I am more patient than I appear to be," Kanda said, "but get dressed in your nightgown. The state you're in is tempting." Ellen had to laugh and rolled on her side, embracing Kanda.

"I do not mind. I do not mind that, Kanda…," she whispered against his collarbone, brushing her nose against his throat. "But I am embarrassed…"

"Why?" Kanda wanted to know, closing his eyes, enjoying the little regular, warm puffs of breath that hit his skin.

"Well… At the moment nothing much about me has changed… But I'm still pregnant…" Kanda cracked an eye open, looking down. The unruly mop of white hair was the only thing he saw. After a while Ellen lifted her head to look at him. "That's why I feel uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable in my own body…," she confessed.

„Hmm… So you do not want to be touched or looked at?"

„No, that's not exactly it… But don't you feel strange?" Kanda didn't answer for a while, thinking about her question.

"It is strange to think that you have a baby inside of you… But I don't think that should stop us from touching each other… It would be a bit difficult sleeping with you if that was the case…" Ellen laughed and shook her head.

"Do you…? Want?"

„Want to see it?" Kanda asked and Ellen sat up, nodding. Kanda, suddenly a bit nervous, sat up as well. "I think…"

"Mm…," Ellen unbuttoned her pants and pulled them down, also slipping out of her open shirt. She kneeled on the bed in front of Kanda, only in her underwear. Kanda studied her; she no longer had exactly the same body as she did some months ago. On top of having a fuller body in general, there were also new scars and bruises. Small one, bigger ones. Somehow looking at her, sitting there exposed like that, with her chopped off hair and evidences of past battles etched into her body, made Kanda a little sad.

"W… Why are you looking at me with such a rueful expression?" Ellen asked, slightly uneasy.

"You have scars…," he replied silently and Ellen gave a small start, then she lowered her head in shame, "no. It's not your fault and it's not that bad," he assured her and reached out his hand to stroke her cheek. "But you went through quite a lot…"

"Well, apart from these scars I also managed to get myself pregnant since I became an exorcist. I think that's worse than a few scratches…"

"I don't know if it's good or bad. It's just a fact now," Kanda told her and Ellen nodded. "Now…" He hesitated a bit, but then he reached out and put his hands on her stomach.

"There is nothing there, right? It is strange," Ellen said and covered her husband's hands with hers.

"But you are sure that you are pregnant?" Kanda asked and Ellen nodded. "You're not as thin as you were before you got pregnant. I wonder how it looks when some more months pass…"

"I prefer not to think about it. What kind of uniform will I wear in a few months?" she wondered, keeping Kanda's hands still in place.

"None at all – you shouldn't have to fight anymore once that time comes," Kanda said, pulling his hands away to wrap his arms around Ellen. He put his chin in top of her head, "but it would probably look funny." Ellen hit him. "I bet the guys of the Science Division would have a lot of fun designing your future uniforms."

"Hmpf!" Ellen huffed and Kanda let go of her. „I wonder if everyone knows by now…"

"Probably. I doubt Komui and Jerry can keep quiet about it…," Kanda replied and Ellen sighed.

"This is quite embarrassing…"

"It's not that bad, stop pulling such a face." Ellen pouted, but then she pulled at Kanda's sleeve.

"Take that off. I want to go to bed…," she said and Kanda nodded.

„I'll get your gown."

„I do not need my gown… It is warm enough… Right?" she wondered, trying not to be embarrassed. Kanda looked at her in surprise, but then he smirked. "Do not look at me like that!" Kanda chuckled, then he pulled off his clothes and switched off the light. Ellen still pouted when he climbed into the bed next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back to his chest. She rested her head on his arm, closing her eyes. "Just don't drool on me." Ellen's face turned red and she hit her elbow against Kanda's chest.

"Good night!" she snapped and Kanda, not really hurt by her attack, laughed into her hair.

"Good night, beansprout."

-

Sleeping with Kanda's arm as a pillow was nice in one way, but after sleeping cuddled together like that, in the same position for a few hours, Ellen's neck was stiff. And Kanda's fingers were numb and prickled after getting the blood circulating again.

"Maybe we should not sleep like that," Ellen suggested, rubbing her neck. Kanda didn't comment that. "Do you think we should wake Mr. Link?" He closed the door of their room and frowned.

"Why would that be necessary?" Ellen hesitated, but she still wanted to go knock, only that Link opened the door before she could.

"Guten Morgen," he greeted and Ellen, a bit flustered, greeted him as well.

"I just wanted to see if you were awake, we were going to the communal bath."

"That is very considerate of you. I will accompany you," he said and followed the two to the communal bath. Kanda was not very happy having Link going everywhere Ellen went, at least until it was time to go to sleep. But both of them had to put up with it at the moment, it was just a bit unsettling that Ellen seemed to take it so lightly.

This time of the day the communal bath was quite crowded, but there was enough space at the sinks to be brushing their teeth.

"Aren't you usually going to the more private bath rooms?" Kanda asked and handed her a toothbrush, "why did you want to come with me?" Ellen took the toothbrush and raised her eyes to meet her reflection in the mirror.

"Because I find it easier to look into the mirror when I am not entirely alone," she confessed and started brushing her teeth.

"You still see that shape then?" Link wondered and Ellen nodded silently. Actually, she was beginning to get used to the shadow.

"At least nobody else can see him. I have to calm down and see this in a more positive light," Ellen thought, watching the shape gently swaying behind her. "As long as he does not try to speak to me it should be fine. Somehow he is like an Akuma soul."

"Well! It is no big deal!" she said aloud, so as to reassure herself.

"What?" Link asked, looking at her in confusion.

"Are you still dreaming? Weak up, beansprout!" Kanda complained and washed his face.

"Morning everybody," Rabi said sleepily, coming into the room with Bookman. When he saw Ellen he blinked in surprise. "Huh? What are you doing here in the men's lavatory?" he wondered looking her up and down. She was again dressed in trousers, white shirt and black west. She even wore a ribbon around her neck.

"Brushing my teeth. It is not as if there would be men running around without clothes on," Ellen said nonchalantly. Rabi raised an eyebrow suspiciously, but then he shrugged and started brushing his teeth.

"But you seem tired! Did the two-spot keep on interrogating you the entire night?"

"Two-," Link shouted indignantly, "what insolence!"

"Actually no, I have a sore neck because I slept in a strange position," Ellen replied and Kanda snorted, combing his hair, while listening to the chatter. He was not keen to be part of it, especially not early in the morning. "But let me speak a word of advice, Mr. Link. Our dear Rabi still is a child. He likes coming up with nicknames. If you do not like it you should be more forceful," she said and Rabi had to laugh.

"What? Aren't you forgetting that you are the younger one of us two?" Rabi wondered and Ellen, putting the toothbrush away, shook her head.

"Oh, not at all."

"Then why are you talking like that?" he wondered in amusement.

"I am practising," she retorted and took the comb Kanda handed her, brushing her hair.

"What? Sounding like a mother?" he asked and laughed. Link listened to that exchange with a frown; weren't they taking him seriously as an inspector? As Kanda had realized before, Ellen didn't seem as unsettled about being put under the Vatican's observation as at the beginning. There was no way of telling whether she was just being polite and covering her anxiety or if she really did not mind him following her.

"You seem pretty cheerful this morning. Considering how long you were agonising over these matters, I wouldn't have expected you to recover your spirits this quickly."

"Oh well… Pregnancy, doubts, observation… I cannot change anything and no matter how much I think about certain things I cannot find out the truth. I need to ban bad thoughts from my mind for the moment," she explained and looked at Kanda, "right?"

"Hnn," he hummed in agreement, then he turned away from the sink, "I'll go training."

"What? Before eating breakfast?" Ellen asked in surprise and Kanda snorted.

"Just thinking about what you ate yesterday makes my stomach turn around," he said, making her pout slightly. "I'll eat afterwards."

"Good. I will see you later today," she told him and he turned around, leaving the lavatory.

"Oho. Things seem to go well between you two," Rabi observed.

"That is none of your concern!"

-

There was quite a commotion when Ellen and the others were making their way to the dining hall.

"I wonder what's going on," Rabi said, "that's laboratory five, isn't it?" They were in front of a huge arch that led into a big hall that rarely got used as far as Ellen knew. Today a lot of people were hanging around.

"There's a sign blocking the entry," Ellen said, "entry only for the science division?"

"Ah, a good morning!" River, who was standing in the hall, greeted them, walking up to the group.

"Oh! The egg!" Ellen said in surprise when she saw the Akuma plant in the hall, "did you take it out of the Ark?"

"Yes, that way we wish to gather more information about Akuma," he answered, but Rabi frowned.

"How about fixing my Innocence first?" he demanded in irritation, but River only laughed uneasily, scratching his head.

"I would really love to do that, but we have a huge amount of work to do. A lot of people collapse from exhaustion. Please be patient, Rabi..."

"You look really tired as well. I have some free time at my hands, if you need me to help with anything just tell me," Ellen offered and River smiled at her.

"Thank you Ellen, if you want you can go to the infirmary to help out the matron. Oh, and by the way, congratulations on getting married! I was really surprised when I heard it from Komui. I was even more surprised when I heard about you having a child!"

"Ahaha," Ellen laughed uneasily, "thank you! I am still not really believing it myself," she admitted, trying to appear cheerful.

"Well, don't overdo it," River advised, then he was called back by the scientists to do more work.

"News is spreading fast!" Rabi commented and Ellen sighed, "don't be troubled! Let's go eat something!"

"Yes! I am hungry! Come, Mister Link!" Link trotted after Ellen and Rabi, following them into the dining hall. It was quite packed and the noise level was also rather high for this time of the day.

"What a commotion!" Ellen said in awe, looking into the hall when she stood at the counter, waiting for Jerry to appear. "Do you know if there was an increase of personnel, Mr. Link?"

"There was. There are a few people here on order of Inspector Leverrier, but the other Branch Leaders are here as well, and all of them brought people with them."

"It rarely is that loud at the order," Ellen mused, but Rabi shook his head.

"It used to… You were unlucky that you came at a time when many people died…," he told her and Ellen lowered her head.

"That is true… I hope this war is over soon. No more people should die; not on our side or on the enemy's side. It's a waste of lives," she said and Rabi shrugged.

"I bet a lot of people don't care about what happens to the Noahs. You're just too kind Ellen," he said, but Ellen didn't answer as Jerry appeared with a cheerful smile, ready to take their orders.

"You should eat more healthy things," Link said, overlooking Ellen's food when they sat at a free table. "I took the liberties of consulting some books and I have made a list of things that you should and should not eat in your condition." He pulled out a parchment and handed it to Ellen.

"What? Why should that be necessary? I am a parasitic Innocence wielder. It does not matter what I eat as long as I eat," she argued, studying the long list.

"How dutiful of two-spots!" Rabi commented, earning himself a glare from Link. "But that odd mix of food you have in front of you really is a bit gross if you plan on eating it all as your breakfast…," he continued, "I understand why Yu didn't want to eat with us…"

"Do not be silly, Rabi-"

"Ah, the mother speech again!" Ellen pouted and refrained from finishing her sentence. Instead she turned towards Link, who had only pie in front of himself.

"But where are your nutrients? I know that this is your guilty pleasure, but a man your age needs to eat properly as well!"

"I am neither a woman, nor pregnant, nor 15 and still growing," he replied and Rabi snorted.

"You didn't grow very tall with this kind of eating habit, even Ellen is almost as tall as you," he stated, but Link ignored him.

"How old are you by the way?"

"19," Link replied and Ellen widened her eyes.

"And you already have this sort of position within the Vatican? I am awed, Mr. Link!" she said in surprise. Rabi had to chuckle at that.

"Ellen, watch yourself. You're a married woman, don't fall for his intellect and position!" he advised and Ellen blushed, glaring at Rabi. "What? It's true! You have a soft spot for that!"

"Do not listen to him, Mr. Link!" Ellen said with a huff, deciding to ignore Rabi for the rest of breakfast.

"… I won't…"

Only a matter of minutes latter and barely finished with her breakfast, a sudden jolt went through Ellen and she shot up.

"What's the matter?" Rabi asked, but Ellen just felt something in her chest clench and her eye activated itself. She ran away from the table, Rabi, Link and Bookman needed a moment to stand up as well. "Ellen?!"

"Akuma!" she shouted and Rabi gave a start. "I can feel them! Hundreds of them!" She was pale while running towards where her cursed eye guided her. This mustn't be happening! She didn't want more blood to be spilt, she didn't want more people to die! Whatever was happening; she had to stop it!

_To be continued…_

**Notes:**

Not an M scene, but we had some Kanda/Ellen moments ;3 Their relationship is changing for the better and I hope it doesn't appear rushed.

Well, with this chapter far longer than I intended (because I added a heap of scenes) I will try to keep the "massacre" short.


	52. Kapitel 50 Fear

**Author's Notes:**

Another weekend, another chapter!

For those following the English version of the Manga (and haven't read on or seen the Anime); I'm at volume 15 now, so there will be **SPOILERS**. Just wanted to say that to be on the safe side. :3

I decided to separate the battle into two chapters and this one is rather short, despite covering nearly all of volume 15 *lol*. Allen wasn't in that many scenes though...

_See note at the end of the chapter!_

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

**-**

**Kapitel 50: Fear**

That familiar feeling took hold of her again just when she thought that she would be strong enough to overcome it. Fear. But this was different, a different kind of dread, a different kind of horror. It was not the fear she had of marriage, of motherhood, of facing her disapproving relatives or of being forced to see fault in those she loved. No, this was what she had come to know as the fear of the battlefield. But this was the Black Order! This was _home_! This shouldn't be happening!

Ellen could trace the Akuma to the laboratory containing the egg, which was in itself very bad news because of the many people currently working there. However, even worse was the sight that presented itself to Ellen when she finally arrived at her destination. The usually open entry to the laboratory was completely closed off by something black, like a wall that had been raised.

"The entry is sealed!" Rabi shouted in shock and Ellen finally realized that he, Bookman and Link had followed her after she had blindly rushed off.

"What is this black wall?" Link asked but Rabi didn't attempt to give an answer. He grabbed the no entry sign and slammed it against the wall, but he didn't even manage to scratch the wall.

"Damn! It's no use!" Rabi hissed in agitation.

"Rabi! Out of the way!" Ellen told him and then she, along with Bookman, invocated to try it with an Innocence based attack, but while they managed to destroy part of the floor, the wall took no harm at all. Ellen stared at the black wall, that one barrier that separated them from those who were trapped inside. A nauseating feeling of powerlessness overcame her and she had to bite her lips to not start screaming in frustration. Meanwhile Link pressed his ear to the wall to try to make out what was happening behind it.

"It's to no avail. Absolutely no sound is to be heard. Are they after the Akuma egg?"

"Mr. Wenham and the people of the science division are inside the laboratory!" Ellen shouted. She cared nothing about the Akuma egg, all she wanted was to ensure the safety of those inside. "I have to find a way to destroy that wall!"

"Ellen, wait!" Link shouted before Ellen could waste her power on the futile attempt to destroy the wall. "Follow me!" Ellen looked at him in wonder, but when he started running away, she promptly followed him.

"Ah! Ellen! Wait a moment!" Rabi shouted after her, "damn! Gramps! Let's go!" Bookman nodded and they followed the other two. "Two-spots! You're planning to let her use the Ark, aren't you?!" Link snorted when he heard the insulting nick-name, but he nodded and they arrived at the hall where the Ark was stationed.

"Of course!" Ellen called in surprise but also relief, "that will work!". But before Ellen could climb into the Ark, Rabi seized her arm.

"Ellen! Ellen just wait a moment! You can't go in there all alone!"

"I am not alone, Bookman will come with me!" she argued and Bookman nodded, but Rabi just strengthened the grip on her arm. "Let go of me, Rabi! I must go! You have no Innocence, you stand no chance at the moment!"

"I know! Damn it, I know! But how could you two possibly stand a chance against all of them?! Let's keep a clear head! Let us first inform Komui and ask for reinforcements!"

"No! They need assistance _now_!" Ellen shouted and wanted to get free, but Rabi was relentless.

"Ellen!" Rabi countered, but Link intervened and tore Rabi's hand away from her arm with surprising strength.

"Bookman Junior. This woman is an exorcist and she is able to fight. It is her mission to go to fight now. You however will be charged with informing the order of the attack. This is not the right moment to fight over this."

"But-", Rabi argued, clenching his fists. Link looked at him sternly.

"Pregnancy does not give her a special status, it does not exclude her from her duties as an exorcist. It is not your decision to make," he told him and Rabi glared at the floor.

"Very well," he said through clenched teeth. He heard how Ellen sighed and then both she and Bookman jumped into the gate of the Ark. Link huffed, then he let go of Rabi's arm and swiftly walked away, leaving Rabi standing in the hall all on his own. He too knew the taste of powerlessness. But he had no other choice but to do the little things he could. Right now it was not in his power to protect Ellen, but at least he could do his part to warn the order of the surprise attack.

-

"There will be many Akuma, can you handle it?" Bookman asked while Ellen was trying to open a gate to the laboratory.

"I will to the best of my abilities. It is not my place to be afraid of the harm that could befall me when there are many people depending on my strength," Ellen told him and Bookman nodded in approval.  
"I will guard your back until reinforcements arrive," Bookman told her and Ellen thanked him. Then she opened the gate to massacre. There was no time to hesitate now and Ellen had to push her fears away. With her arm turned into a sword she descended into the laboratory, right into the midst of the one-sided battle.

"E…Ellen," River called when she saved him from a being Ellen had seen her master disguised as before, but she did not know what it was and neither did she care.

"I am sorry for being late," Ellen said, then she looked around, seeing the bodies of scientists, injured people, enemies, countless level three Akuma. She hissed at the scene that lay before her, but then she raised her voice. "I will not allow you to continue!" Bookman landed next to her and as if her voice had caused an avalanche, all the Akuma came rushing towards her, ready to fight and kill. However, now that Ellen was inside the laboratory, a sort of calm and preparedness for battle had seized her. She was not afraid to fight.

-

A battle with that many foes was very hectic and even though Ellen was confident and continued slashing Akuma after Akuma, she also had the feeling that time was running out. Such a large scale attack, confined solely to the laboratory where the Egg was being examined, probably served to deter any exorcists long enough so that the enemy could work properly. But Ellen didn't even see exactly who her enemy was, she was sure though that a human was standing next to the egg – a human in a white coat similar to Komui's.

"Don't get distracted, brat!" Bookman advised Ellen as she was nearly hit by an Akuma thanks to focussing on the egg, "there are more important things to worry about at the moment!" Ellen looked at him with a puzzled expression but through the noise of the Akuma she could hear screaming as well. "These things called Skulls," Bookman said, fending off Akuma so that Ellen had enough time to listen to his assessment of the situation, "they are servants of the Earl and it seems that they came here to get new allies. They turn certain members of the science division into their kind. Unless we can stop the Akuma we will not be able to avoid further losses on our side!" Ellen stared at him. "So don't get distracted more than you already are!" The white haired girl shook her head in frustration, but she tried to listen to his words because she couldn't get through to the floor where the scientists and skulls were anyway. She first had to destroy the Akuma blocking her path. This in itself wasn't that difficult, but their numbers were huge and Ellen felt that she soon got short of breath. However, suddenly there was a hole in the Akumas' formation and she could plainly see a Skull processing to turn a human into a monster.

"Stop that!" Ellen shouted and rushed to them, even though Bookman called out to her, warning her. Before she could reach the skull, her blade out stretched, a group of Akuma appeared shielding the Skull from attack. They grabbed Ellen and slammed her into the wall. Ellen gasped, but she could soon break free of them. But as soon as they were gone another Akuma appeared, taking advantage of her moment of exhaustion and pain. It grabbed her head, but before it could attack her, Bookman's own counter-attack saved her.  
"Was I fast enough?" Ellen heard Bookman call and she nodded.

"Yes! Thank you! Sorry for not-," she called out to him, but then she froze, seeing the state he was in; the old man was immobilized by an Akuma's attack, his body being slowly covered by a layer of stone. "Bookman!"

"Heh… That's it for me. I got into an Akuma's attack… I cannot move anymore," he told her and Ellen lost no time to go to save him. However, the exorcist didn't get very far, as a head of a gigantic Akuma, formed out of many level 3, appeared right next to her and slammed into the ground she was running on. Ellen stumbled and before she could get a hold of herself again, a group of Akuma seized her, exposing her to the face of the giant. It opened its mouth and fired an attack and because Ellen was confined, she could not evade it. The shock of the attack and the sudden pain nearly made her lose consciousness, but she felt a strange sensation inside of her that urged her to stay awake and upon raising her eyes just a little bit she could make out the person that had been standing by the egg. It was a woman, dark skinned, staring down at her with golden eyes. A Noah…! Ellen glared at her and wanted to muster the strength she had left to slash her with her sword, but the Noah was faster, hitting her. "There is no need to kill her. She received the power of the 14th. Let us bring her home to the Earl," she heard the Noah say. And everything went black.

-

Even though nothing from the massacre going on within the confined space of laboratory five was to be felt in the rest of the order, the information had been properly delivered by Rabi. Now the entire order was in a state of chaos, trying to prepare a counter-attack and protective barriers. Kanda however, was trying his best not to take notice of anything around him as he ran through the many corridors, past finders, past guards, past scientists. He knew exactly that Ellen had rushed into the fight, like she always does. Who else but her would have been able to notice the Akuma's attack without actually being in the laboratory? Kanda had no idea who was there to assist his wife, but the thought of her facing a gigantic army of Akuma nearly all on her own set fire to his insides. He should have stayed with her! The fear of losing her was very present at the moment even though he knew that she was not weak. But what would two exorcists be able to do against that many Akuma? Exorcists were only human after all, they would get exhausted and wounded. Kanda tried to push these thoughts away, because with his dread of losing Ellen a second time, he almost couldn't think straight any longer.

"That idiot! That idiot! I told her not to rush into battles!" Kanda shouted to himself, but then he stopped his running when he saw inspector Link walking down a flight of stairs. "Oi! Where's Ellen?!" Link looked up and studied Kanda sternly.

"She is fighting in laboratory five," he calmly informed him and Kanda lashed out to grab Link's collar.

"You-"

"It was her own decision to go there," Link said, interrupting a flood of curses addressed at his person. Kanda glared at Link, but he let go of him again.

"You could have stopped her! Aren't you charged with keeping an eye on her?! I doubt Leverrier has an interest in seeing the corpse of a family member!" he shouted but Link just glared at him. On one hand it annoyed Kanda to see Link show him such an uncaring face, but on the other hand it also made him cool down a bit.

"He does not want her to die that is true. But the fact that she is an exorcist cannot be revered now. What she has to do is hold out long enough for reinforcements to arrive and to reduce the damage done to the scientists." Link stepped away from Kanda, turning around. "The price to keep your wife save would have been the blood of many scientists. I doubt you would be willing to take that charge upon you for such selfish reasons," he said and Kanda clenched his hands into fists. Link looked over his shoulder, studying Kanda. "Pardon my way of putting it, Yu Kanda, but without Innocence you are quite useless as an exorcist. For the moment you have no more power than a civilian and civilians do not belong on a battlefield." For this remark Kanda wanted to beat Link up, but he contained himself because he was right to some extend. He had no Innocence at the moment, that was true and if he rushed to Ellen's side as he was right now he would only be a burden to her. That thought left a bitter taste, but Kanda knew that he was in fact not useless. There were things he could do as well. He was not a mere human.

"Oi, inspector," Kanda called and Link turned around again to look at him, "where are you heading?"

"To laboratory five. I have my duties."

"I have mine as well," Kanda said and glared at Link, "and I hate to ask it of you, but protect Ellen from harm to the best of your abilities." Link nodded sharply, then he turned around and rushed away, probably to where the entrance of the Ark was. Kanda hissed in irritation, but then he looked at his hand. Without Mugen in his palm he was indeed weaker, but it wasn't true that it rendered him absolutely powerless. He had abilities other humans didn't have, so he just had to rely on them and protect what for him and Ellen had become home. No matter the cost.

-

There was a faint whispering in her head. A constant gentle hiss surrounding her like fog, pushing at her consciousness. Ellen. _Ellen._ The constant calling of her name, but she could not respond. Her arms seemed to be trapped, her whole body hurt and she was caught in a dream-like state. But the whispers continued, even though there were occasional louder screams. Screams that urged her to wake up and to move. But somehow that constant whispering was far more tempting. _Come on, wake up, wake up Ellen. _Ellen wanted to open her eyes, but-

"Ellen! Ellen get up!" Her eyes snapped open and she took a shocked breath. But before she could think properly, she felt the strong arms of the level three Akuma holding her and the strange sensation of sinking into something. The egg! The laboratory! The hem of her coat, sharp like a sword, extended and slashed the Akuma that were holding her. Ellen took a few deep breaths and looked to her side, where she spotted some of the scientists, who apparently had tried their best to avoid her being pulled into that gate the Noah had disappeared in even further by erecting a barrier.

"Thank you," she whispered, but then she felt something move beneath her feet and suddenly the egg was being pulled back out of the black hole. Ellen could see Mari, with Miranda sitting on his shoulder, joining her.

"Miranda! Mari!" she called in surprise and saw Miranda smile at her. Apparently Miranda had reversed the time of the egg, snatching it back from the enemy.

"Quite convenient to ride the Ark, isn't it?" Ellen widened her eyes when she head that voice and suddenly the four generals where there as well. "You did well enough, brat. Now let the adults do the work!" With this the generals rushed off, each of them starting to fight with such a power that Ellen could only stare.

"Ellen, take care of the scientists," Mari said, letting Miranda down, and Ellen looked at him in surprise, but then she rushed off to protect River, Bookman and a part of his team, while Mari and Miranda kept close to the egg. Once the Akuma were taken care of, she helped Bookman to get free.

"You are still fine?"

"Yes… But look at that, those Generals take good care of the remaining Akuma," he said and Ellen looked towards the centre of the hall. The situation had changed really quickly, when she had arrived it was a very one-sided battle with the exorcists being overpowered by the Akuma. But now… The only word that Ellen could come up with was _massacre_. Quickly and effortlessly, three of the generals took care of the Akuma while Tiedoll protected all the injured scientists. Watching the generals slaughter the Akuma filled Ellen with a very uneasy, almost nauseating feeling.

"You're quite pale, Ellen. Maybe this was too much," River asked and Bookman reached out his hand to feel Ellen's forehead.

"Hm. She seems fine though. Just a bit short of breath…" Ellen smiled and shook her head.

"There's nothing wrong," she reassured them and looked back to the scene of massacre. The state of her body wasn't troubling her that much, but the uneasiness just didn't leave her alone. An anxiety was in her body and she had the feeling that the massacre wasn't over yet, even though it seemed as if the generals had taken care of all the Akuma. She rubbed her left eye when it suddenly hurt shortly.

"Hm? What's that? A faint signal?" Ellen wondered to herself, but in all the bodies of the Akuma it was too hard to say whether something still moved. Next to that some sort of gas exited the debris left from the various giant Akuma. The people around her started coughing and rubbing their eyes.

"Watch out, the gas is poisonous," Bookman said, then he turned to Ellen, "you should be fine because you're parasitic. But maybe we should still move to a higher spot," he advised and Ellen nodded.

"No. I'll stay behind," River said and Ellen looked at him in surprise, "some members of my team have been turned to Skulls. They have taken them to a different gate of their Ark. Maybe I can still save them," he said. Ellen frowned, but she nodded.

"If that is the case, then I will come with you, should you need protection," Ellen said and helped River get to his feet.

"Thank you, Ellen," he replied with a smile. Before they got very far though, Ellen heard sudden screaming.

"What's happening there?!" Ellen shouted and all looked towards where the Akuma egg was. Some strange creature, resembling a giant woman, sat on top of the egg.

"The Noah is back! Ellen, don't care about us! We'll manage on our own! Assist them!" River urged and Ellen nodded. It was hard to say what was really happening at the far end of the hall, but Ellen tried her best to get there as fast as possible. Apparently the Noah had seized Miranda, stopping her invocation so that the Egg slowly slipped back into the enemy's possession. What was most unsettling though was that it appeared as if the generals were ready to sacrifice Miranda in order to destroy the Akuma egg. Ellen clenched her teeth and arrived in time to shelter Miranda from the force of the attack. She felt how they sunk into the darkness as they were pulled into the gate of the enemy's Ark and she also felt the surface of the egg underneath her pulsating, quivering and breaking. She looked at the pale face of Miranda and balled her fists, the hem of her coat digging into the surface of the egg. If the generals wanted to destroy this already damaged tool, then she would just do this now. Ellen heard the female Noah say something and lifted the coat that was covering her and Miranda so that she could look at her.

"You?! Stop! Do not harm the egg any further, or it will be destroyed," she shouted but Ellen just turned her gaze towards the surface of the egg. One hand held on to Miranda and the fingers of the other hand dug into the surface of the egg. "No! Stop that! Ellen Walker!!!" The girl had no intention to listen and with a last bang of her hand the Egg burst underneath her. The loud wail of anguish coming from the female Noah was the last thing that Ellen heard before she jumped back out of the gate. She took a deep breath, coughing a little and then she fixed a furious glare at her master.

"How despicable to shoot despite the danger that could befall Miranda," she hissed but Cross just laughed.

"Oh I knew you'd make it in time, you brat," he said and Ellen snorted. But more important than being angry at Cross was to take Miranda to where Bookman and Mari were.

"She's only unconscious," Bookman said and Mari sighed in relief.

"I have to go back to Mr. Wenham," Ellen said and already wanted to run off again, but suddenly her cursed eye activated and she stopped. Somewhere in this room, something was still alive. Ellen could hear it _laughing_. Feelings of dread washed over her once again and before anybody could stop her she ran to where River and the other's were. She saw Johnny lying on the floor already from a distance and when she stopped in front of him, words failed her. With wide eyes she beheld once again a massacre. The distorted remains of a slaughtered gigantic Akuma lay some meters ahead of her. Ugly, twisted and covered in blood it presented itself to her and between her and _it _the floor was painted in splatters of dark, oily blood. And like dead soldiers on a battle-field River, Bak and a few members of the science division lay in their own little puddles of scarlet blood. Ellen couldn't dare to move, to speak, take her eyes of the scene or even breathe, as if doing any of those things would make the nightmare continue. There was more, Ellen knew, even more pain than that waiting for her.

"E… Ellen… Ellen…," came a breathless voice and she stared at the monstrosity before her, where one of the scientists of River's team, was caught in the bloody mass, hanging upside down. With the last of his strength he raised his hand and pointed upwards. "E… evolved… It evolved. S… sorry… We could not… stop it." Ellen just stared at him, watched in horror how his skin turned black from the spread of the Akuma's curse and then, after mere moments, he crumbled to dust. The young exorcist was chilled to the bones, but she could still not form any coherent thoughts or even just one sound. Slowly, as if she was merely in a dream – a nightmare, but not reality – she lifted her eyes to see what he had pointed at. And out of the remains of the giant Akuma, out of twisted legs and arms of the level three Akuma it was made of, the body of a naked woman had appeared. Her legs stuck in the thing she had been born of, but her upper body had dropped backwards, her arms and hair hanging down lifelessly. And her stomach, previously round, had been smashed open like the shell of an egg. Ellen stared at it and as the laughing she had heard before appeared again, ringing in her head, she turned her eyes to the side where from behind the remains of the Akuma and that woman appeared a small hand. And then a face and then the entire body. And it spoke:

"I am on level four!"

_The__ massacre will continue._

_-_

**Notes:**

It's a bit different than what happened in the volume, but apart from not following it exactly, there are a few short scenes added. I hope the reading flow was fine, despite having a lot of scene breaks. And like I said; the massacre will be continued in the next chapter!

And now the promised note: I'll have my BA exam (plus the usual exams for a few lecture courses) in less than two months, so my time to write is restricted. I'll still try to update, but I'm sorry if it takes it's time (or more time than usually). Just thought I'd warn you, but I'm not the kind of person who studies all of the time ;3


	53. Kapitel 51 Darkness and Destruction

**Author's Notes:**

I realized pretty fast that I stopped the story at a bad place! It was really hard to write the beginning of this chapter! Overall, it was a quite difficult chapter, especially as most of it is fighting and I wasn't able to include many "new" scenes… I can't say that I'm all too happy with it (and my editing probably wasn't that good, so I apologize in advance)... Anyway, I'm really glad that the massacre is over with this chapter! My prediction that I'd take two chapters wasn't that bad!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 51: Darkness and Destruction**

Darkness seeped into the white of Ellen's field of vision. While everything had narrowed down to a foggy mass of faded colours around her, the appearance of the monstrosity in front of Ellen brought reality back with merciless harshness. The ground was shaking slightly under Ellen's feet, a constant vibrating and humming that made her unaware of her own trembling. Next to the white and black were brutally crisp colours of vibrant red puddles of blood and of the Akuma's oily black fluid splattered over silver metal. This reality, clear in front of Ellen's eyes, created a chaos in the girl's mind. Such a thing could not exist. Such slaughter could not happen. Not in her home. Not in reality. But there it was, that white creature floating in the air not far away from where she was standing. Ellen stared at it; it was childlike and with its wings it mockingly resembled an angel. Slowly Ellen's eyes travelled upwards even though she tried her best to not direct her gaze to that darkness floating over the level four. She had seen many gruesome things in these few months after Mana's death; the agonies of souls that only she seemed to be able to see. She had become used to it, she had even been able to stay calm in the face of the messed up state a soul chained to a level three was in. But this…! Only a short gaze froze Ellen to her very core, sending pain and nausea though her body. She dropped to her knees and threw up, her body shaking violently. Ellen couldn't take the sight and she couldn't take the images that came to her head when she looked at the child-like form of the Akuma. Tears shot to her eyes and she wasn't able to keep herself from crying bitterly. She tried to stop sobbing, but she just could not manage. She felt the Akuma coming closer, the looming darkness connected to it made her shiver.

"Are you crying?" it asked innocently, standing a mere arm's length away from the girl. It didn't attack her, but merely gazed at Ellen with a calm, slightly curious expression. Ellen couldn't give it an answer and she didn't dare to look at it again. Could she fight against something like that? The pitiful state the soul was in; what was there still left to protect? If she managed to defeat that Akuma, then what would happen to a soul this ripped apart? She didn't want to think about it, she didn't want to fight this thing!

A hand was gently put on top of her trembling claw and Ellen looked to the side. When she blinked a few tears away she could see Johnny lying on the floor, blood covered and crying. Apparently he had crawled up to her with the last bit of his strength.

"Ellen… I am sorry…! I'm so sorry! Help them! Help the others!" His trembling fingers pressed against Ellen's claw, begging for help. "Help them! I am so sorry! Please! Help! Help…" Ellen looked at him, her tears still running down her face. But Johnny's plea reminded her of what had happened to the scientists. And even if maybe she stood no chance and even if maybe she could no longer save the Akuma's souls, she needed to protect her home and the people living inside of it. She lifted her other hand and placed it over Johnny's. She spoke no words, but she was grateful to him.

"The others? Who are they?" the Akuma asked. Ellen gritted her teeth, but then she stood up, transforming her arm into a sword to face the Akuma.

"I will destroy you, level four!" she shouted and slammed the sword against it. The Akuma blocked with its arm, looking at Ellen with wide eyes. Ellen tried to force it away from the other people by constantly slashing at it, passing Miranda, Bookman and Mari. The Akuma blocked the attacks, but then it stopped, pointing with its finger at its forehead.

"Ah yes! I almost forgot. We are at the Black Order's headquarters!" it said. Ellen glared at it, but then she turned around to where Bookman and the others were.

"Bookman! There are injured people! Please help them!" she called, then she turned back to the Akuma who now had the Akuma's dark pentacle on its forhead.

"I am a tool for slaughter! Then I best get to work!" Ellen looked at it in wonder. It first had to recall what it was? But she had no time to think about things like that, she needed to try to defeat the Akuma as fast as possible. If the fight dragged on any longer she would not be able to stand a chance. With her arm back into a claw she slammed the Akuma down into the floor. But when she looked down into the hole, the Akuma wasn't there.

"I will start with you!" Ellen heard the voice behind her and tried to turn around, but it was too late. She could neither block the attack nor evade. Caught head on by the Akuma's attack, she was hurled against the other side of the laboratory. She hit the wall at an upper level of the laboratory and dropped to the floor, unable to move. Her whole body hurt and she was on the brink of losing consciousness. Mere moments later a bloodcurdling cry resounded through the entire laboratory and just after that she heard a huge explosion and the force of it was also to be felt where she was. She squeezed her eyes shut, pressing her face to the floor to shelter herself against the enormous force of the explosion. She could hear someone landing next to her, and opened her eyes. She saw boots and moments later something crashed against the wall beside her. Link dropped to his knees next to her, also affected by the Akuma's cry.

"Mister Link…?" Ellen asked weakly. Apparently he had saved her from being crushed by debris flying in her direction.

"I have been charged with protecting you. You must not die here, Ellen!" She wanted to thank him, but when she lifted her head from the floor she could see what had become of the laboratory. The floor had been torn away and everything was in flames. There was no sight of any of the exorcists or the scientists.

"No… This cannot be true…!" Ellen gasped and Link frowned.

"Have they all fallen? Even the generals?!" The girl couldn't say anything but then she spotted the level four. It was killing the Skulls and those scientists that had been turned into them, even though they were on the same side. Ellen watched in horror and then the gate of the Ark, blocking the entrance connecting the laboratory to the rest of the Black Order, disappeared. The only thing keeping the level four from expanding this massacre was gone!

"No! No it must not go there! There is nobody to protect the others!" Ellen shouted and Link had to put his hands on her shoulders to stop her from standing up too suddenly. The level four didn't hear her protests and advanced into the Black Order, excited to have more prey to slaughter. Ellen squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her forehead to the rough floor, crying. Link silently watched her and when he had entirely recovered from the Akuma's cry, he grabbed her arm.

"We will evacuate," he said and Ellen looked at him.

"There is no place to run to," she told him, "the Akuma will proceed to kill all of them!"

"I have my order's Ellen. You will not be one of those that fall victim to the level four," he sternly said and pulled Ellen up. She could not stand on her own feet; it was likely that some of her bones were cracked and she no longer had the strength to keep on standing. But she still had the will to oppose him.

"Yes, I will not! But I cannot back down here! I am still an exorcist, my uncle knows that!"

"It was your husband that asked me to protect you," Link calmly replied and Ellen widened her eyes, her resistance temporarily gone. Link used that moment to grab her and started carrying her away. He was not entirely sure yet where he should go with her, maybe it was best to head to where Leverrier was; he would surely know what to do.

"Wait! Wait a moment! Kanda is not fighting, is he?"

"He's useless at the moment," Link replied, "but I do not know if he foolishly proceeded to fight anyway. If the Akuma really now goes to attack the rest of the Order he probably has no other choice but to fight." Ellen grabbed the fabric of Link's uniform, pressing her face against Link's shoulder.

"I want to continue fighting," Ellen said calmly and Link frowned.

"You can't," he replied sternly, "you cannot even move. How do you plan to fight in this state?"

"I do not know. But I have to try to stop this massacre!" Ellen hissed. Link sighed, not replying. She was unable to move anyway, she could not get away from him. He walked out of the laboratory, Ellen trembling, both with pain and frustration. However, suddenly Ellen moved and pushed herself away from Link, jumping to the floor. He widened his eyes but then he saw that all of her body was wrapped in white ropes. Her mask covered her face and she turned her hand into a sword.

"E… Ellen?! What is going on here?" he demanded to know. Ellen's movements were a bit forced and she breathed heavily.

"My Innocence enables me to keep going… I just have to allow it to use me," she replied. Link widened his eyes.

"But think of your body! You cannot fight in this state! You will die if this keeps on!" Link argued but Ellen just took a deep breath.

"And everyone will die if I am not willing to take this risk," she said and with this she ran away and out of Link's sight.

-

Kanda had taken notice of the uproar around him with growing anxiety. Once the entire building had shook under the force of some mighty attack that must have taken place in laboratory five. He knew that Ellen was there, and he had no way of knowing what exactly was going on.

"Kanda, where are you going?" Chao Zhi asked, hurrying after Kanda, after they had met in a hall.

"To laboratory five," he answered shortly and Chao Zhi gasped.

"But you can't! I thought you had no Innocence, right? I'd be far too dangerous! Let the other exorcists do their work!" Kanda frowned and stopped to glare at Chao Zhi. The young man took notice of it with unease. "They've got the generals there and Ellen Walker. She'll take care of it… Probably…," he muttered, trailing of. Chao Zhi didn't feel good about the situation; it was after all a surprise attack, nobody was ready for it and who was to know what Ellen would do - her loyalty was already questionable in Chao Zhi's opinion. But at least she was strong enough, there was no reason at all for Kanda to get into danger.

"Ellen Walker," Kanda started, glaring at Chao Zhi, "I know that you do not trust her. But you better do not voice your suspicions in my presence," he warned him and Chao Zhi widened his eyes in wonder.

"I… I'm sorry. I know she's your girl-friend… But maybe you should…," he mumbled and Kanda grabbed him by the arm.

"She is currently fighting for _us_ – but are you aware what state she is in?" Kanda asked forcefully and Chao Zhi, a little bit frightened by the glare he was receiving, shook his head, "she is pregnant! And now tell me again that I should not hurry to my wife's and unborn child's side!" Chao Zhi stared at Kanda, unable to say something after this peculiar revelation, but he nodded.

"O… Okay! I'll come with you, Kanda!" Kanda let go of Chao Zhi again. They ran off, but before they even got to laboratory five they stumbled upon Komui and the enemy. Kanda saw an Akuma, a level four, heading towards the supervisor, ready to kill him. With the swords he had taken from the armoury he rushed forwards to counter the Akuma's attack. The Akuma seemed surprised and drew back, studying the new enemies.

"Tch. We really need a better armoury, these swords are trash," Kanda said as the blade crumbled after making contact with the level four. Chao Zhi rushed to Komui's side, helping him up on his feet.

"K… Kanda?!" Komui called and the young exorcist snorted.

"I was headed towards laboratory five but it appears as if you need my help first," he replied and glared at the level four. The level four stared at him as well, not attacking, and it gave the finders enough time to create their strongest barrier.

"This should be able to hold it in for a few moments!" the finders shouted, but the Akuma was not troubled by the cage, it even started giggling. Kanda tossed away the broken sword and took the other one he had brought into his hands.

"You stay back, Komui," he said in a calm voice but Komui gasped.

"But Kanda! Without your Innocence-"

"I won't be killed that easily," Kanda interrupted. Komui wanted to argue, but a voice came through the receiver he wore. Kanda couldn't hear what the voice was saying, but after a few moments Komui made an announcement as well:

"To all divisions! Listen well, I will only say this once! Everybody is to leave through the gate to the Asia Branch! We do not know the state of the exorcists in laboratory five!" At that Kanda tensed. "Our most important task is to protect the Innocence from being destroyed! We will abandon Headquarters!" Komui turned to Kanda.

"About Ellen… We do not know what has become of her… We receive no answer from laboratory five… I am… I am sorry," he told him and Kanda didn't say anything. He just stared at Komui until the supervisor had to look away again because the look Kanda wore pained him. But his attention was soon again demanded by Hebraska who brought him bad news:

"_Hurry up Komui! Leverrier plan__s to bring Linali to where I am…!" _Kanda watched how the barrier started to crack, but Komui had to make a decision; for him it was more important to go to Hebraska than to flee with the others.

"What should we do…?" Chao Zhi asked and watched Komui rush away to a vehicle that would get him to the lower levels. "Should we follow him or check out the situation in laboratory five?" Kanda though about this only shortly.

"It is our duty to protect home. I will go with Komui," he said and followed him, Chao Zhi hurrying after him. Komui turned around when he heard Kanda jump on board of the floating platform.

"Hey! Get lost you two!" he shouted but Kanda shook his head.

"I will stay with Kanda!" Chao Zhi shouted and climbed on the railing.

"Stay behind," Kanda ordered, "Make sure everybody gets to the Ark in one piece." Chao Zhi looked at Kanda with a conflicted expression, but after a moment he nodded and climbed back down again. Kanda turned towards Komui.

"The barrier is not strong enough. If it breaks I'll become your shield," he said and Komui glared at Kanda.

"You can't do that! Don't throw your life away like that!"

"Tch. You apparently don't understand," Kanda said, "I need to protect _home_." Komui widened his eyes, but after a while he shook his head.  
"We're abandoning this tower! You should better try to find out if Ellen's still alive!" Kanda snorted and Komui looked at him in wonder.  
"Home is more than just this construct made of stone. It can be relocated or rebuild, but who will be there to make it our new home if nobody survives? I'm needed here at the moment. Ellen is not on her own. She will survive." Komui gritted his teeth and shook his head. But he had no choice but to rely on Kanda for he too had something precious he wanted to protect. He pressed the button and they descended to where Hebraska was. But just a few seconds after they started heading down the Akuma came rushing towards them.

"There it is," Kanda said and readied himself for the attack. The force of the Akuma's attack sent the vehicle flying towards the ground uncontrollably. It crashed into the wall and started burning. Kanda had managed to protect Komui at the cost of part of his flesh that had been burned or even torn away, but his regenerating abilities took care of it.

"K… Kanda! You saved me?!" Komui shouted but Kanda hissed at him to keep quiet. Even though he was able to heal, the pain was still very real and unbearable while it lasted.

"Komui! And Yu?" Kanda turned to the side and saw Rabi rushing towards him. "You're alive! Is Ellen not with you?!"

"I've sent that guy to go with her. If he's of any use then he'll protect her," Kanda replied and Rabi sighed deeply.

"Well, we'll better take care of this quickly," he said and looked up to where the Akuma was floating in mid-air. Kanda merely nodded and readied himself.

-

Every step Ellen took and ever movement hurt her, but still her Innocence and her determination to protect her home kept her going. She had heard the call ordering them all to evacuate, but her Innocence was guiding her to a different direction than to where the gate of the Ark was stationed. She knew where the Akuma was, she could feel it even though it seemed to be far below.

"Is it down with Hebraska?" Ellen wondered as she arrived at the railing and could look down many, many meters into the darkness below. Should she jump…? Her Innocence reacted immediately after she had thought that and the belts of her Innocence extended and attached themselves to the stone railing and without another moment to lose she was forced to jump down. She was actually quite terrified of what the Innocence made her do and she barely was able to see anything because her vision went in and out of focus and there was blood running down her face. But her Innocence mercilessly forced her to go on. The ropes stopped her fall and she landed right next to Linali, who was lying on the floor. With her sword raised she forced the Akuma away. Ellen heard it say something but he barely took notice of what her body did. She felt that she was soon engaged into another fight, exchanging blows with the Akuma, but the only thing she really felt was the pain. She didn't even know what exactly was happening down here; she had vaguely recognized Linali though. Was she trying to get her Innocence back? She didn't have time to think about it because the level four attacked her and slammed her into the wall. She groaned and breathed heavily, but her hand still reached out for her sword.

"Ellen!" Suddenly she felt hands on her upper arms and the mask above her eyes was shoved down. "Beansprout!" She widened her eyes and saw Kanda looking at her with a mix of worry and relief in his eyes.

"Kanda…!" she gasped and he nodded, helping her up on her feet, "oh, you shouldn't be here! It's too dangerous!"

"I won't die," he told her and Ellen wiped the blood out of her eyes. Now that he was here she was able to think clearer than before. She still had to rely on the Innocence to move for her, but she was now conscious enough to fight on her own.

"Do not be reckless, Kanda!"

"Tch. Who are _you_ to tell _me_ not to be reckless!" Kanda argued in irritation, but he had to let go of her because the Akuma was heading towards them once again. "I cannot defeat it. The only thing I can do is to protect you. We need to engage it long enough to give Linali time to recover her Innocence." Ellen nodded, then she jumped up into the air to fight the level four. In the state she was in she felt that its power exceeded hers by far. She knew that she had it in herself to defeat it, but not on her own, not as she was right now. Accordingly the Akuma didn't have that many problems to overpower Ellen and to make her crash into the ground. She forced herself up again, but then she widened her eyes when she saw her uncle standing next to her, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Ellen?! What are you-"

"Get out of the way! It's dangerous!" she shouted and raised her sword to block the attack the Akuma fired at them. It was difficult to withstand the force of the blast, especially as her body was already over its limit. But both Kanda and Rabi appeared to steady her.

"Hang in there, beansprout!" Kanda said and Ellen tightened her grip around the sword hilt. The two helped her to counter the attack, but because they had to focus on the blast, they were unable to defend against another attack of the level four. As soon as they were able to fend off the previous attack, the Akuma appeared again. In a matter of seconds it had thrown both Kanda and Rabi against the far-off wall and taken hold of Ellen again. At the moment she was quite defenceless, but the battle was not over yet.

"How dare you destroy my home?!" Ellen heard Linali's firm voice and before she could react to anything she was grabbed by Linali and soared high into the air. She gasped and pressed her palms against her mouth. For her already uneasy stomach such a swift ascent wasn't that favourable and Linali looked at her in worry.

"Ah! Ellen! I'm sorry! Do you have to throw up?!"

"I… I am fine, Linali," Ellen muttered, but before Linali could retort something, the Akuma sent some blasts flying their way again and Linali had to attack it. "Let go of me, Linali. I can extend my Clown Belt, I will not fall…," Ellen told her when they had put some distance between them and the enemy. "And… I am sorry… I could not protect our home…," she said. Linali let go of Ellen with a pained expression.

"I am sorry as well… I hesitated for too long… But now, let us take care of the Akuma!" Ellen nodded. Together, it was easier to fight – Linali was faster than Ellen and could distract the Akuma from Ellen's more powerful attacks. Together they were able to slam it into the floor and Ellen proceeded to drive her blade into the Akuma's middle, but it resisted, holding the blade.

"Ha! It didn't work!" it said but Ellen just smiled.

"Are you sure?" she asked and Linali landed on the hilt of the sword, driving the sword and the Akuma deeper into the ground. It did still resist, so Linali jumped up again for a more powerful attack.

"Let go of me!" the Akuma shouted when it saw the danger coming from Linali.

"I won't!" Ellen replied and tried hard to keep the blade in place. But suddenly the Akuma gasped and took away its hands just in time for Linali to land again and drive the blade into the belly of the Akuma.

"The Akuma…!" Ellen thought and some meters above them the wall was blown away to reveal no other person than her General, Marian Cross.

"We'll stop evacuation! You hear me, Komui?" Cross called, quite healthy even though his clothes were in a pitiful state. Ellen didn't really know what was going on, but if the general had survived, maybe the others were fine as well!

"Are there survivors in the laboratory?!" Linali called over to Komui and he nodded.

"Thank God…!" Ellen whispered, tears of relief running down her face. But she was not able to be glad for long, because the Akuma was not dead yet. It started screaming and grabbed the blade of her sword. It reached up to throw a blast at Ellen, but she and Linali jumped away in time. Her Innocence also came flying her way and buried itself into the wall right next to Ellen's head.

"You underestimated me!" the Akuma shrieked.

"Shut up! You're done for," Cross said, landing on top of Ellen's blade. "We'll take care of the rest," he said, addressed at Ellen. She nodded in surprise and watched Cross fire bullets at the Akuma. The rest of the fight didn't take much time in the end and with the help of the Generals, everything was just a matter of moments. The long and painful massacre was over…

-

Somehow in the heat of the moment Ellen was left alone on a floor a bit higher up than before. Linali had taken her up, but being exhausted herself, she had to put her friend down for a moment. Now with the constant alertness of the battle over, all that was left was the pain. She was weak and exhausted and the pain made her feel sick. She would think about the battle later. Now she just wanted consciousness to leave her. After a few moments she heard the clacking of heels echoing through the corridor.

"Linali…?" Ellen asked, too tired to open her eyes, "is that you? I am fine… You can leave me here… You should be with the scientists…," she whispered.

"If you are looking for the girl, she is already up with the others," a firm voice said and Ellen was silent for a while.

"Who is it?" she asked and felt arms pulling at her.

"Howard Link," he replied and picked her up to carry her on his back. Piggyback might not be the adequate way to carry a lady, but for the sake of being able to move better, she would have to put up with it. But Ellen was not complaining about it.

"Mr. Link…? You are carrying me again…?"

"The medics are all busy and I didn't see your husband. That's why I am here."

"Thank you," she whispered.  
"Don't mention it. It's my duty," he insisted and Ellen put her chin on Link's shoulder, trying not to hiss in pain at every step Link made.

"What happened to Mister Wenham and the others?" Ellen asked.

"They are mostly fine. But we are unable to do anything for those that were turned into Skulls…," Link informed her. "But you did well." Ellen started crying silently and put her arms around Link's neck, holding on to him. "You did well, Ellen…"

-

When Ellen woke up, everything still hurt and her body felt very heavy.

"Good morning, beansprout." Ellen felt a warm palm on her forehead and directed her eyes upwards to see Kanda looking at her.

"Are you alright?" Ellen asked in a whispered voice and he nodded, stroking her forehead and brushing her sweaty bangs out of her face.

"And you?"

"I have felt better to tell the truth," Ellen replied and Kanda snorted, bending down to kiss her forehead.

"You've overdone it again…," he told her and she started crying, "stop crying, it's useless…"

"I'm sorry… I could not-"

"Thanks to you a lot of people survived," Kanda interrupted and lifted his head to look at Ellen, "don't blame yourself for the attack…" Ellen nodded weakly and Kanda sighed, leaning back in his chair.

"And still you pull that face…," she remarked and Kanda shrugged.

"You're alive. I'm alive. The kid's alive. It's fine…" he said and Ellen kept looking at him, for the "but" he wouldn't voice.

"However," Link spoke up instead and Ellen finally noticed that he was standing on the other side of her bed, dutifully keeping an eye on her. "the enemy knows the location of this place and a lot has been destroyed. Therefore the decision to abandon this tower has been made."

"What…? We will abandon headquarters?" Ellen asked in surprise and looked to her side to receive an affirmation from Kanda, "is that true?"

"Yes… The top of the order is currently deciding how to proceed. Leverrier and Cross left earlier this morning. They are probably already looking for new places to stay. Meanwhile we are to recover and prepare for the move…," Kanda explained. Ellen nodded meekly, sighing. "It's not your fault, stop blaming yourself!"

"I know… But if I had been stronger…!" Ellen started but Kanda just flipped his finger against her forehead.

"Stronger? Hah! That display of strength I saw yesterday was already quite a feat! You're a pregnant woman, who had not even entirely recovered from an exhausting battle! And you've managed to do that much!" Ellen blushed at the praise and laughed lightly.

"You better watch out that I do not surpass you!" she warned him and Kanda snorted in amusement.

"Other than you I do not spend most of my day eating," he retorted, "I train." Ellen giggled.

"Actually, I am quite hungry," she confessed and Link lifted his hand where Ellen spotted a tray with cake.

"Coincidentally, I have just tried out a new recipe," Link said and Kanda picked a bag full of her beloved dango from the floor. Ellen had to laugh and gladly took the offered food. To have sweets for breakfast was quite nice and Ellen pushed the fading pain and the bitterness away to enjoy this new morning, even though it might be one of the last in this building.

"You two are the best! Thank you!"

They just would have to build a new home, a better home. Even though things would be different, Ellen was sure that they will be able to go on.

-

To be continued…

-

**Notes:**

Phew.

I am sorry if the fight seemed rushed. I still tried to write from mostly Ellen's perspective and in the Manga the POV jumps around a lot (and Allen is often in a questionable state of consciousness… *lol*). Things will now calm down a bit before the next storm comes. ;3

See you next chapter! :D


	54. Kapitel 52 Transitions

**Author's Notes:**

This is a long chapter (10'000 words) for two reasons: a) I didn't want to break the transition from one head quarters to the next in two parts and b) it's a way to make up for the potential long wait until I can update with chapter 53.

I am sorry if this chapter is occasionally silly, but what can you expect if you treat the "Zombie arc" (without zombies)? There is absolutely no realistic explanation for most of the things Komui and his Science Division come up with! But I had fun writing kid!Kanda ;3

With these two "warnings" all I have left to say is: I hope you'll enjoy it!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 52: ****Transitions**

In the days following the massacre within the Black Order's headquarter, the once lively tower had fallen into silence. Only after Ellen had recovered enough to try to inquire about the damage, did she really become aware how hard the enemy had struck them.

"Half of the Science Division has fallen," Kanda told her quietly, walking beside her. Ellen looked at him with a pained expression and stopped walking. "Are you alright?" Ellen nodded and tapped her crutches against the floor with a smile.

"It's a bit difficult to walk with them, but it's better than lying in bed or having to use a wheel-chair," she answered. Ellen had been forced to keep in bed for the bigger part of a week, the matron wouldn't allow her to move because she had broken one of her legs and about a dozen other injuries were reason enough not to let her leave the infirmary. Kanda, even though he had healed, had been forced to stay as well, but the Matron at least allowed him to visit Ellen during the day. It rarely got boring thanks to that, because either she'd spend time with Kanda, the other female patients in her room or with Link. But she was really glad to see something different than the walls of the infirmary for a change. "However, hearing that the losses are this great does shock me… I have talked to some other women and all told me of friends or comrades that died… No wonder it is so silent… It seems as if the order has been abandoned…" After speaking Ellen sighed deeply and continued walking. She had calmed down over the days, but she still couldn't help but being melancholic whenever she thought about all the people that she hadn't managed to save.

"The service is about to start," Link, who was walking some meters ahead, reminded them. Ellen nodded and they walked up to the chapel of the order. Now, on the Sunday after the massacre had taken place, the order had arranged a service for the fallen members of the Black Order. Ellen, despite not being too keen on attending this funeral or any funeral in general, had managed to convince the matron to allow her to leave the infirmary for the occasion. They arrived in time to meet River in front of the doors, ready to close them.

"Ah, hello you three," River greeted with a thin smile. Ellen noticed with worry that he looked quite tired, but under these circumstances this was not all too surprising. "You're already up and about again, Ellen?"

"I wanted to attend and mourn with the others," Ellen confessed, "the matron understood and let me go. It is just a broken leg. I am fine." River smiled slightly, then the bells started ringing and River ushered the three inside to close the doors.

"Ellen…," he said when she and her two male companions sat down rather at the back of the chapel. She looked up at him questioningly and he touched her head, gently ruffling her hair. "I am sorry… You did a lot for us… And this should have been a party to celebrate your and Kanda's marriage… But it's a funeral mass instead…" Ellen widened her eyes, then she lowered her head blushing but with tears already forming in her eyes.

"It is fine… Please, you should all take your time to mourn this loss," she whispered, and then she looked up at him again, with an encouraging smile on her lips. "There will be time enough to celebrate happier things," she said and River nodded, then he patted her shoulder and walked to the front where he took a seat with Komui and the other scientists. Ellen watched the service in silence, letting her gaze wander through the dimmed church. There were cracks here as well and some of the beautiful windows were broken. Ellen had not seen all the coffins lined up in the other hall and the bodies – those that remained – had already been burnt to ashes. All that was left now was to wish their souls well and to mourn their loss. Ellen was crying silently while studying the ceiling, the voice of the priest had faded to a background murmur. She had sat here before, shaded by the darkness of a nearby column. Kanda had been beside her then, holding her as she cried. This time she reached out to him, holding him. He had different ways to mourn. Ellen knew that losing the people he had known for many years was hard for him as well, but he didn't cry. His bitter silence was enough though and Ellen cried for both of them, while Link sat next to them, watching the service without a word.

-

The time still passed slowly while everybody recovered from wounds and shock.

"I wonder when we'll move… It's been one and a half weeks," Ellen said, sitting in bed and sewing because there wasn't much else to do – Linali had been discharged last evening, as most of the other patients as well. She sighed and studied her work – she was just mending a hole in one of Kanda's shirts because she was a bored with doing nothing. "We haven't even received word yet to start preparing for the move."

"These things need more time in order to be organized properly," Link answered, not looking up from his book. "Focus on recovering."

"I _have_ recovered already," Ellen insisted and kicked the blankets away to lift her leg demonstratively, "I still have a few bruises but I am fine." Link frowned when he saw her trousers slip back a bit to display her shin.

"This is for the matron to decide, I am no doctor," Link merely replied and Ellen sighed, picking at a loose thread, "if you are bored, then how about filling out some more forms?"

"Nice try, Mr. Link, but I am not in the mood to play _that_ game," Ellen told him cheekily and Link snorted.

"What game?" wondered Kanda, as he came into the room. Ellen's face lit up instantly and she put her sewing aside.

"Good morning, Kanda!" she greeted and he nodded at her. "Have you heard anything about the move yet?"

"I heard that Komui's been busy with researching the change of Linali's Innocence. But Rabi said that the various departments are starting to make preparations for the move."

"So a new place for the headquarters has been found?" Ellen asked and Kanda shrugged, "oh, I wonder where it will be…!"

"You'll find out soon enough," Kanda replied indifferently, "I already started packing our stuff." The white haired girl looked at him in wonder, but then she sighed.

"We just got a new room and now we have to move again… It's a pity… It was so nice…"

"We'll get a new room in the new headquarters eventually," Kanda replied and looked at Link, "preferably one that is not connected to another room." Link ignored that remark and continued to read in silence.

"Do not be mean, Kanda. It is his duty to keep an eye on me…," Ellen tried to calm him but Kanda was not thrilled to have his wife take Link's side. But he was not in the mood to argue about such things, so he let it pass. "Are you discharged from the hospital yet?"

"Tch. That old witch kept me way longer than necessary, even though there's not one scratch left on me. All I ever do is sleep, eat and read. It's getting on my nerves!" he complained and walked over to Ellen's bed. She had to laugh at that and studied him.

"Well if it continues for longer you might gain weight!" she joked, pinching his sides, "right there! See?" Kanda groaned and pulled her hand away.

"You're the right one to talk…," he replied and Ellen shrugged nonchalantly. Kanda sat down on the bed and studied his wife; her hair was tousled (thanks to her haircut even combing didn't help much) and she wore loose trousers and a simple shirt. Added to that she wasn't really acting graceful at the moment, the way she sat cross-legged on the bed, looking bored. Certainly that's not the way Ellen Walker, or Bermont as he had been called before, would have wanted to be seen like mere months ago. Maybe it was the influence of being a woman in such a domain that made her loosen up her rigid ladylike manners. She was still very polite most of the time, but when Link pretended not to be watching and they were alone, she allowed herself to behave differently. Kanda was not entirely sure if he should approve of it or not. Having his wife more cheerful and less restrained was certainly a good thing but he would approve of seeing her move around in skirts more often. He actually missed that sight of seeing her walk around full with grace. Kanda betted that this grace was still there, but at the moment Ellen didn't bother to show it properly. Not even Link's presence urged her to fall back into very polite manners. Ellen looked up at him with a quizzical glance.

"Is something the matter?"

"You should get a proper hair cut," Kanda said and Ellen reached up, trying to flatten her rebellious hair.

"Why does that matter? It probably gets chopped off again anyway!" Ellen argued, eying Kanda's long hair with a little hint of envy. Kanda had to snort at that.

"Then what about the way you dress? You're not even wearing a nightgown anymore. What's this here supposed to be?" Kanda asked tugging at a trouser leg.

"It is more practical," Ellen replied, a stubborn pout making its way to her lips, "it is not like you to care!"

"Never mind why I care. You now chose being practical over beauty when you have the leisure to wear something else?" Ellen pulled her mouth into a put off frown.

"Do you mean to say that I am not beautiful like this?" Kanda groaned, it probably was a mistake to address this topic, having nothing to do seemed to have left Ellen with a rather aggressive mood. "No, really. This was a real question." Kanda rolled his eyes, but then he had an idea.

"How about we fight it out?" he suggested and Ellen raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"Let's have a duel. If you win then I won't complain anymore. But if I win you'll get to do what I say."

"Might I remind you that Ellen is not allowed out of the infirmary yet?" Link spoke up but neither Ellen nor Kanda paid him any attention.

"Very well, Mister Kanda, but if you lose then you will not only stop complaining but will do what I say as well. That seems to me a fair deal." Link sighed in annoyance when it was agreed upon to have a sword match and the two of them left the infirmary, taking advantage of the fact that the matron was currently out of the room.

-

Their match had attracted some spectators who apparently had managed to sneak out of their infirmary beds as well. Ellen didn't really take notice of them though as Kanda demanded her whole attention. They fought using wooden practise swords seeing how Kanda still didn't have his Innocence back and it would have been unfair if Ellen attacked with her Innocence. Unfair and utterly pointless as the sword would probably just slash through him anyway. Actually the entire point of the match was irrelevant to her; she also thought that dressing in skirts would be a nice change again, but there was some rebellious streak in her that just wanted to do things differently, to not care how she looked, to not comply with what her head told her would be nice and proper. Ellen just blamed the state she was in for her changing mind, at least that was what the Matron constantly told her. Using her pregnancy as an excuse for everything seemed pretty undesirable for Ellen though because most of the time she just refused to think about herself as a pregnant woman, even though it was at times hard to forget. But Kanda seemed to be of a similar mind-set than she was. He had once called that thing inside of her (and a _thing_ it still was in Ellen's mind) a kid, but other than the few occasions when he wanted to give her some self-confidence he avoided speaking about her pregnancy. It was there, but it was secondary.

"I cannot go on…!" Ellen panted letting herself fall on the floor, looking up at Kanda. He had broken her sword and grinned down at her victoriously. "You are really an able fighter with the sword. I cannot possible compete with you yet."

"Of course you can't! You still make too many unnecessary movements," he told her, pointing the sword at her head. "Now… How about you tie some ribbons into that bird's nest of yours?"

"Oh, just wait a moment please, Mr. Kanda," she called and the corners of her lips moved up suspiciously, "who said that I gave up?" With this she pushed herself away from the floor and grabbed his outstretched arm with her legs, slamming him to the floor. Kanda could only utter a sound of surprised protest, then his back made contact with the sand floor of the training hall. "Hah!" Ellen exclaimed in glee, clapping her hands.

"What are you, a monkey?! Fight properly!" Kanda complained, sitting up again when she let go of his arm.

"How rude! I was already at a disadvantage because you have been a swordfighter for I do not know how many years! Of course I took the liberty of cheating a bit, it is legitimate!" she replied with a cheeky grin, "how about we call it a draw?"

"That was no draw. That was a dirty trick! Didn't you say you were at the end of your power?"

"Oh, did I?" Ellen laughed and helped Kanda to get up on his feet.

"You two are hilarious, really," Rabi commented with amusement when the two walked up to the end of the training hall. Not only Rabi, but also the old Bookman, Mari, Chao Zhi and Johnny had witnessed their fight. Ellen had to blush at realizing how many people had been able to witness that rather ungraceful display.

"My, this is a bit embarrassing," she confessed, tugging her shirt down because it had slipped up a bit during the fight.

"Aw, why are you blushing, Ellen?" Rabi asked and Ellen pouted slightly, folding her arms on the stone wall that surrounded the lowered training ground. "Oh, look at this, isn't she cute?" He tugged at her hair that Kanda had rightly termed a bird's nest.

"Rabi…!" Ellen complained, hiding her face in her arms.

"Why did you fight in the first place?" Mari wanted to know, "certainly it was no marital quarrel?"

"Don't be stupid," Kanda said, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"Maybe they fought over how to name their first-born," Rabi said but Kanda just hit his leg quite mercilessly. "Ow!"

"It was just teasing, actually I agree with Kanda," Ellen said, "he wanted me to wear more dresses and maybe get a decent hair cut." The others didn't comment that, which made Ellen laugh uneasily. Maybe having her hair cut properly really was a good idea?

"About dresses, I am here to take your measurements for the new uniforms. I didn't specifically design a _dress_ for you, but if you want me to change that…"

"Oh no, that is not necessary at the moment…," Ellen told him and Johnny nodded with a smile.

"We'll probably need to change your uniform over the next few months anyway. We'll try our best to provide a uniform suited for your needs," Johnny said, ruffling Ellen's hair. She hid her face with her hands in embarrassment, but somehow, as the others laughed and Kanda just snorted, it felt really nice. She felt quite comfortable with her comrades.

"And what are you people laughing for?" a stern voice spoke up all of a sudden and everybody tenses, knowing that the matron was standing behind them, "who allowed you to leave the infirmary, hmm?"

"We're sorry!" Rabi wailed and the previously injured ones were all ushered away from the training ground.

"You can actually leave the infirmary, Ellen. I guess you are fine, but do not overdo it. NO fighting, do you understand? And come back for check ups," the Matron said, more gently than before and Ellen smiled at her, nodding. "And the others are to immediately go back to their beds! If I see one of you strolling around the order once again, then you'll get into trouble!" No word of complaint was uttered and Ellen waved after them, laughing.

"Ellen," Link said, walking up to the two that had stayed behind. Ellen looked over at him and nodded.

"There you are, Mr. Link. I already wondered where you had gone to," she said and Link handed her something. "What is this?"

"I have just passed the post office to send my report in and I have been asked to deliver a letter to you," he replied and Ellen turned the letter around only to freeze when she saw the seal on it.

"I… It is a letter of my mother…," Ellen said with a gasp, pressing it to her breast, "oh no! In all the commotion I forgot that she was informed! What should I do?" Kanda rolled his eyes and pushed her a bit, so that she would start walking again.

"How about you read it?" Kanda suggested, "let's go to our room". Ellen sighed deeply but she nodded.

-

The room was almost bare; a lot of things had already been packed into boxes and white blankets covered the furniture. Ellen sat down at the writing table, while Kanda went to pack the rest of their belongings.

"The move will probably start soon," Link mused and sat down with his notebook. Ellen nodded absentmindedly and proceeded to open the letter. She pulled the parchment out and unfolded it.

"_My daughter_

_It is with the utmost horror that I received your God-father information on what happened to my daughter while she was out of my protection. I must say that I cannot entirely mask how disappointed I am in you, Ellen. It pains me greatly that you did not learn to make better decisions for yourself. I know that a girl in love will commit great acts of foolishness, but I thought that my daughter would be able to withstand this. _

_You are perfectly aware that the weight of our family rests partly on your frail shoulders, becoming a disciple of the Black Order did not mean that you were freed from the responsibilities to your family name. I was willing to look past your decision to call yourself Ellen Walker, but I cannot and will not look on passively as you cast the honoured name of your father away__ from you. _

_I do not know the identity of the man who you decided to marry, but I cannot think about him without hard feelings seizing my heart; what kind of man must he be that he allows a young girl like you to come to shame. And shame it is, Ellen. Even if you now find yourself with a child, I would have expected you to seek my help in this matter, instead of foolishly listening to that shady Marian Cross. Your God-father was right to inform me and I cannot conceal that I am hurt that you did not do the same before him. _

_Other than that I wanted to inform you that I was very surprised to receive a distressed note from the honourable minister Camelot that you had refused the hand of his brother. I understand now why you did that, however, I was quite shocked when he, when we met for tea to discuss, showed me your letter. What peculiar emotion must have possessed the pen that wrote these lines? I do not know, but you left me in a very disagreeable situation._

_We need to talk, Ellen, but Marian dissuaded me from coming to see you. Maybe that was for the best, because I too needed to calm down first and think about this with a clear head. _

_But please, at least have the decency to inform me of your current name and your health - that you owe to your poor mother. _

_With love,_

_Your mother, Charlene Bermont_

_P.S. For decency's sake, please give my regards to your husband"_

Ellen was biting her lips very nervously while she read her mother's lines. It was not as bad as she had guessed (at least she was not disowned) but her mother's disappointment was very evident and Ellen couldn't help but feeling that she was deserving of every reproach her mother made.

"What does she say?" Kanda wanted to know when he saw that she had stopped reading. Ellen handed him the letter wordlessly and Kanda quickly read through it.

"Well…," he started, not finding the right words to comment on how Mrs Bermont talked about him. "What will you reply?"

"I do not know for sure… I think that there are no words to properly apologize…," Ellen admitted, "I know that what I did was wrong considering my upbringing, but it cannot be undone…" She sighed, "to tell the truth I'm just very happy that she did not abandon me…" Kanda remained silent, but after a while he nodded.

"Your mother probably is a good woman…," he said and Ellen looked up at him with a faint, thankful smile.

"She is…" While Kanda fell into thoughtful silence and Ellen tried to formulate a reply in her head, there was a knock on the door and Linali came inside.

"You're here after all! The decision where and when we'll move has been made. Come, let's go to hear it!" Ellen looked at her in surprise, but she nodded and they all went to Komui's office.

-

In Ellen's opinion, Komui seemed quite solemn when he greeted them and his office was in a very chaotic state, with papers and boxes everywhere.

"I called you here to organize the move. The other departments are currently receiving instructions on how things will be done," he started to explain. Ellen nodded, sitting down on the sofa between Kanda and Linali. Not many other people were present, because a lot of the exorcists were still under the watchful eye of the matron. "We have managed to secure a new building to host the Black Order. But I called you here, Ellen, because I need your help."

"Oh? How can I be of service?" Ellen wondered and Komui smiled at her, thankful that she was ready to cooperate.

"We need to employ the ark. If we use it then the entire move will be easier. We will travel to the new location with you and you will erect a gate there. Are you willing to do that for us?" Ellen smiled, even though she felt uneasy thinking about using the ark again, but she nodded. "Very well! We will pack things and depart the day after tomorrow around noon. I would be very happy if all could help once their personal belongings have been taken care of," Komui said.

"Of course," Ellen agreed and one look around Komui's office made clear how long it would probably take to pack all of these things in less than two days. Without further ado they were allowed to go, Linali following them.

"He didn't give us any information about the exact location," Linali said, "I am really curious where it is!"

"Me too!" Ellen replied, „maybe it is far away if we need to set up gates?" He friend shrugged.

"Do you need help packing?" she wondered but Kanda shook his head.

"I'm already done. Help Rabi, he's still stuck in the infirmary," he said and Linali had to laugh.

"Poor Rabi! Fine! I'll see you later then, we're bound to clean up the chaos in the science division!" Ellen sighed at the thought, but nodded and waved as Linali left.

"Are you already all set, Mr. Link?"

"I haven't brought many belongings with me," he informed Ellen and they entered Kanda and Ellen's bedroom.

"Oi, beansprout," Kanda called and when she turned to him she found him pull out her suitcase from underneath the bed. "I found that while cleaning…" Ellen walked over to him and widened her eyes when he opened the suitcase. "What is this doing here?" Stowed away in her suitcase and wrapped in a cloth, was that ominous Innocence that Ellen had collected some months ago. She almost felt sick when she thought about it and was more than happy that Linali had not come with them to see it again. Kanda pulled the dagger out, inspecting it once again. "It's Innocence, isn't it?"

"Yes… Better put it away… Please," Ellen begged. Kanda and Link looked at her with a frown, but Kanda wrapped it up again.

"Let's go down to Hebraska," Kanda suggested and it was agreed upon, even though Ellen was reluctant to go.

"Why is that Innocence in your possession?" Link wondered as they were taking the elevator down.

"On our way to China we stumbled upon a village plagued by the Innocence and its conformer…," Ellen started to explain.

"What? A conformer you say?" Link wondered and Ellen nodded.

"That's the story about Filip and his Innocence, right? I've heard Rabi mention it in passing," Kanda said and Ellen affirmed it.

"It devoured children," Ellen whispered, and Kanda looked at her, "it was then when I realized that I really had that stain which the Innocence so feverishly tried to erase on me as well… I do not like to think about it…" Neither Kanda nor Link asked about it and Ellen was very glad when the Innocence was finally delivered to Hebraska. She recalled her weakness and the temptation Filip's Innocence had been with horror and disgust. If Kanda knew what kind of coward she really was, then he'd probably reward her with a scornful glare. Ellen didn't want that, it should best remain her secret.

"It will rest within me until a different wielder appears for it," she announced and Ellen nodded thankfully.

"Will you move as well, Hebraska?" Ellen wondered. It was hard to imagine how they could transfer someone as huge as Hebraska who appeared to be bound to this underground place, to a different spot.

"I will move as well… With your help I heard," she said gently and Ellen looked at her in wonder. "The scientists will move me with the Ark," Hebraska explained.

"Oh, I see…," Ellen mumbled, "well, I hope that the new home has an agreeable place for you as well."

"Yes… even though this tower will forever be my real home. This is where I have spent over 100 years. If we abandon it, I have the feeling to abandon a part of my self as well," Hebraska confessed.

"I am sorry, Hebraska," Ellen said but Hebraska's mouth formed a tiny smile.

"Do not be…" Ellen nodded and tried smiling, but it probably wasn't very convincing. Hebraska didn't comment that though. "You should prepare for the move. We will not remain here for much longer…"

"Yes, we will no longer disturb you, Hebraska. Until later," Ellen said and waved at her, then they left and entered the elevator once again. Ellen couldn't help thinking how lonely Hebraska appeared to be, all alone at the very bottom of the tower for decades. Maybe if that war could soon be over, then Hebraska too could let go of her task to guard the Innocence.

-

Transferring all the things that had accumulated over more than hundred years, was indeed a very tedious task. After dinner Ellen and the other exorcists were asked to help cleaning the many rooms of the science division. Ellen was busily running from one room to the other, trying to bring some sort of structure into the chaotic process – nobody really knew what they were doing as Komui's order had only been "clean up, stuff things into boxes".

"I'm sorry Ellen for that chaos," River said apologetically as he handed her a mug of hot tea to revitalize her. It was near midnight and Ellen was getting tired (herself still being unaccustomed to put things into order or tidy up) so she accepted the tea gratefully. "If only that stupid Komui would take care of his own chaos…!" Ellen laughed even though there were affirmative grunts and shouts to be heard from the rest of their team.

"I guess the chaos might be the least problem we have," she said, "there are just that many rooms to take care of…"

"Well, we're not on our own, right? There are a lot of helping hands," River said, patting Ellen's head. She smiled at him and drunk her tea.

"Exactly, Mr. Wenham," she exclaimed and got up again, "so we need to continue working!" River laughed.

"Stop it already with that polite way of addressing me," he said and Ellen blushed, but nodded, "we're all some kind of family, right? You should feel at ease around us."

"I do… Thank you," Ellen said cheerfully, then she joined the others again to work some more.

-

It was past midnight when Ellen took the liberty of sitting down shortly to take a break. She was really tired and no amount of tea, cookies or coffee could keep her from closing her eyes shortly. Link, who had not been particularly helpful as of now and had no intention of changing it, noticed how not even some crashing noises and shouts from the other room disturbed her. She was leaning with her head against a tower of books that she was supposed to put in a box. But by leaning against it, the tower moved slightly and in the end it toppled over, including all the random stuff that had been put on top of it. With a loud crash Ellen dropped to the floor with her make-shift pillow.

"Ah! Ellen! Watch out, that stuff-," River called when he saw what was happening, but it was too late. Ellen shrieked when she was so brutally woken from her slumber and the first thing she saw around her was a cloud of some colourful smoke. The contents of a bottle that had been placed on top of the books had spilt and Ellen could feel the liquid on her head. But soon after that there was a strange tickling sensation and Ellen grabbed her head in shock, only to feel long white hair between her fingers.

"What? What is that?!" she shouted in surprise, jumping up from the floor.

"Not again…," River groaned, picking the bottle from the floor, "that is one of these inventions… A hair growing tonic." Ellen looked at River in disbelief, but then she was grabbing and pulling at her hair – that now fell over her shoulders to the middle of her back – still very much surprised. But she couldn't even retort a baffled reply, because there was new shouting to be heard. Ellen looked up in surprise, letting go of her hair.

"What? Are these children's voices?" Ellen wondered and with Link following her she walked to the other side of the room.

"You bunch of idiots! What's the point in inventing such things?!"

"Ah! Linali don't look, I'm losing my clothes here!" With great confusion Ellen saw Linali enter the room with two children, one of them looking incredibly sour while the other was just at a loss of words.

"Who…?" Ellen started but then the children turned to her and she widened her eyes. There in front of her were Rabi and Kanda, but both had somehow turned into children and where now trying to hold on to their much too loose clothes. Kanda paled instantly when he saw his wife looking at him.

"Oh… Ellen! What happened to your hair?" Linali wondered, shortly distracted from the two boys.

"I spilt some… some hair growing potion on me by accident… But…," Ellen explained but then she trailed off, still staring at the two previously adult men.

"The science division apparently invented all sorts of strange things… The two of them got hit by a potion as well…" Linali offered as an explanation but Ellen had a hard time believing that such things could even be invented – turning young men into mere boys seemed to be magic and not something a science division should be able to do.

"Who the heck invents such things!" Rabi protested, while Kanda stared at the floor, unable to say anything. Ellen continued eying them, but in the end she started laughing heartily, which caused Kanda to look at her in bewilderment.

"You are so cute!!" Ellen said, then she kneeled down, looking at Rabi and at Kanda.

"You think so as well?" Linali said and smiled brightly, "I didn't dare to make that remark, but they really are incredibly sweet!"

"What?! Nonsense!" Kanda shouted, but with the voice of a child it didn't sound threatening at all and Linali continued giggling. "D… Don't stare at me like that, beansprout!" Kanda hissed, putting his hands against Ellen's face, shoving her away. Just then he noticed her long hair and stopped, his protest forgotten.

"Kanda, Rabi, I'm so sorry about that!" River apologized, "we tried to hide the potions, but apparently-"

"If you didn't invent them then there would be no need to hide them!" Rabi argued and River laughed uneasily.

"Well, the effect should wear off over time, just endure it for the moment," he told them and Rabi sighed deeply. "It's already two in the morning," River said after checking his watch, "how about you all go to bed now?"

"Is that really alright?" Ellen wondered, tugging Kanda's shirt back up when it slipped over his small shoulders. River nodded and waved at them, before he retreated to continue working.

"What should we do about their clothes?" Miranda, who despite her clumsiness had not been affected by any of the strange inventions yet, wondered.

"How about we get them some clothes from Bookman? They might just fit," Mari answered and as Bookman didn't mind, it was decided upon.

"Tch. When I get to Komui I'll kill him," Kanda hissed, but Ellen just grabbed him and lifted him up. "H… Hey!" he protested as Ellen put him on her hip, smiling at him with a wide grin that gave Kanda a bad feeling.

"Link, grab Rabi! We should get ready for bed!" she announced and Rabi widened his eyes. Link frowned at the boy and Rabi mimicked the look, but in the end Rabi gave in and let himself be carried, while Kanda still opposed Ellen's tight grip on him.

"It seems that Ellen is enjoying herself…," Linali commented and had to laugh.

-

Ellen did indeed enjoy herself a great deal. When she was a bit younger (actually, until she had been forced to leave home with Marian Cross) she had spent a lot of her time with the various dolls that she had been given – dressing them, combing their hair. She always thought that if she had to chance to ever meet one, she would be incredibly fond of children. Alas Ellen was the youngest member of the Bermont-Walker family, there were no younger siblings or cousins to play with. But now she had two victims at her disposal. Rabi had soon given up protesting and was now being washed and dressed by Ellen. Kanda on the other hand was sourly sitting on a chair, waiting for Link to come with spare clothes.

"You seem to like playing mother, Ellen," Rabi commented to which Ellen laughed.

"Oh no… I am just helping you," she insisted.

"We don't need help," Kanda commented, looking anywhere but at Ellen, "it's not as if Komui's idiocy has robbed us of our mental capacities." Ellen looked at him with a pout, then she pulled Rabi's clothes over his head, which made the boy shriek.

"Ellen! How forceful you are!" he said, "your husband's watching!" Ellen pinched his cheek to make him shut up. Kanda actually was very much put-off by that display and was glad when Link came and handed Rabi his clothes.

"He is able to dress himself, there is no need to help him," Link insisted and Rabi hurried to pull the clothes over his head.

"I used to be dressed as well when I was still younger," Ellen replied.

"Maybe that was the case, but you are of a noble family with maids to do that for you. These are actually two grown up men. Do not get over-excited," he said coolly, pretty much unaffected by the insane things going on. Ellen blushed slightly, but she nodded and turned back to Rabi.

"Fine then, you can go to bed," she dismissed the red-head and Rabi quickly left the bed-room.

"I will also take my leave," Link excused himself and went to his own room, leaving Kanda and Ellen to themselves.

"Well then," Ellen said and turned towards Kanda, the spare clothes in her arms.

"I will not let myself by dressed by you," Kanda said and Ellen looked at him with a frown. The boy sighed deeply, looking away with a disgruntled expression. "Don't you get it, beansprout? For you it might be fun, but what if I don't turn back?"

"You will-," Ellen started to argue, but Kanda just turned his blue eyes towards her with a sceptical expression.

"This is no trifling matter. Not hair that grew and can be cut again. I'm a child!" Kanda's distress seemed to cool down Ellen's enthusiasm a bit and she smiled gently.

"What are you worrying about, Kanda? Even though you are a child at the moment, you will not be so forever…" She walked over to him, kneeling down in front of him to look him in the eyes, taking his little hands into hers. Kanda blushed (Ellen noticed that his face revealed a lot more expressions than usually) and looked at the floor.

"If I keep like this… Just imagine what would happen, what if my child's born before I turn back?" Ellen laughed, "that's no laughing matter, idiot!"

"Kanda… Have some faith. That won't be happening," she assured him, squeezing his hands, "and even if it did… That's nothing I wouldn't be able to put up with." Her kind smile calmed Kanda and he nodded. Ellen let go of his hands to pet his hair.

"You're a pretty child… I would be lucky if I had a son looking like you do now. He would be a most charming boy," she said and Kanda frowned at her, uneasy despite the praise.

"I hope he doesn't look entirely like I do, I have no need for a doppelganger…," he confessed and Ellen laughed, standing up again.

"Well, neither do I," she said and patted Kanda's head again, "let's get dressed for bed." Kanda complied but would still not allow her to dress him with the argument that he was not a doll. Ellen grudgingly let him have his way and finally turned towards a mirror, checking her hair. On one hand she was delighted to finally have her long hair back, but on the other hand the shadow floating behind made her unable to really enjoy her reflection. She sighed and proceeded to tie her hair into two plaits.

"The long hair really becomes you," Kanda said. Ellen smiled at him and got into bed as soon as she wore her nightgown.

"Thank you… Maybe I should not cut it?"

"Don't cut it," Kanda said instantly and Ellen laughed, then she pushed Kanda down gently, drawing the blanket up to his chin.

"Well, you better sleep now. Maybe the potion will have lost its effect by tomorrow and all your worries were in vain," she said and put a light kiss on his head, but Kanda was still uneasy. Here he was, trapped in the body of a child, lying next to his wife. And she wasn't even really disturbed by the change he had undergone. No, it even seemed like good fun to her now that she had a little boy to dress, to wash, to feed, to pamper. But he had no intention whatsoever to slip into the role of her child, when he wanted nothing more than to finally be acknowledged as her husband…

-

When morning came, Kanda was very much disappointed. After a first moment of shock, he realized that nothing of the awful idiotic Science Division induced state of his body had changed. Of course he was irritable and Ellen's cheerful smile couldn't even change that.

"Do not sulk," she told him, putting his clothes on the bed. Apparently she had woken up before him and was already dressed. This time though she didn't wear her suit, but white stockings, a long, black skirt and a white blouse. Her hair was pulled out of her face, but fell open over her shoulders. She was gorgeous looking, Kanda mused. "Come on, sleepy-head. We have to continue moving," she reminded him. Kanda snorted, but got out of bed and dressed. He did not allow Ellen to straighten his clothes, he did not allow her to brush his hair and he did not allow her to take his hand. She was put off by his constant refusal, but she was reasonable enough to not complain.

"Good morning, Mr. Link," Ellen greeted when Link came out of his room. He greeted in return and looked at Kanda.

"No change yet, I see," he said, but didn't comment it further.

For Rabi nothing had changed either and he complained about the science division when they were all having breakfast.

"We cannot change that now… It will definitely wear off," Linali assured the two boys and Rabi sighed deeply. "But I wouldn't mind seeing these cute two boys for a bit longer!" Rabi was unsure whether to be happy to be called cute or annoyed and Kanda just glared at her. Ellen was still of the same opinion as Linali and most of the people could only smile at them. To be patronized, looked down upon and made fun of, was something Rabi could deal with but for Kanda it was far worse. On top of that his own wife seemed perfectly happy that her husband was now a child.

"Ellen, take care of your _little husband_, he's been carrying around boxes all on his own," scientists would tell the girl with a twinkle in their eyes and Ellen would then rush to Kanda, take the box out of his hands and carry it for him.

"Carry boxes with Rabi, it is too heavy for you" she told him with good intention that were badly received by Kanda. Ellen had no problems carrying things around, her Innocence arm was really strong and she could carry two or three boxes balanced on one hand if she wanted to. Kanda on the other hand was stuck with carrying around books, folders and light boxes with Rabi.

"This is getting a bit tedious," Rabi had to admit when they had been forced to take a break, listlessly munching cookies and drinking juice. "We're really treated like children…"

"Usually the beansprout gets as red as a tomato when people mention our marriage – she doesn't even care now," Kanda added to that, "a child cannot possibly be considered a threat."

"Do you consider yourself to be a threat?" Rabi wondered, studying the boy next to him with a frown. Kanda blew out air through his nose, a discontent grin on his lips.

"She doesn't want others to think that we are intimate in any sort even though it must be obvious to anyone." Rabi sighed deeply and gulped down his juice before he answered:

"There's a difference between what happens behind your closed doors and what is visible to the public. Ellen does not want to appear as an improper girl to anybody within the order – never mind the charges against her, never mind how she is forced to fight as an exorcist. What people think of her is important." Kanda frowned. Of course he knew, he'd realized that pretty early on. She had reacted very strongly when she felt that Link assumed that they would be intimate even though they weren't really doing anything. Was she feeling intimidated by Kanda? Especially by his sexuality, even though he usually kept that in check? Did she think that now, trapped in this body, his desire for her no longer existed? That nobody would think of her as a sexually active woman because her husband happened to be a child now?

"Don't brood too much, Yu," Rabi told him, "just address anything that stands between you openly. You're married and there are some things that she has yet to face. Force her to grow up a bit – she is able to make the right decisions." Kanda thought about that, but of course he agreed with Rabi. Most of the time he wasn't really sure what kind of reasoning caused her to act the way she did. The only thing he could do was talk and hope she'd speak up.

-

Later that day a new nuisance presented itself to Kanda; Bak Chan appeared in the Black Order. He had been forced into helping but of course he was ready to bear this if it meant he could see his beloved Linali again. That was no problem for Kanda, but what did annoy him was that Bak happened to spot him before he got to Linali.

"K… Kanda Yu? What happened to you?!" he shrieked, almost dropping the stuff he was carrying around.

"As if I knew! Ask that idiotic Komui!" Kanda replied and continued putting trinkets out of Komui's desk into a small box. Bak seemed confused at first, but he soon recovered.

"Never mind that! Now that I am here I might as well present this to you," he said and handed Kanda a book. Kanda looked up with a dubious glare, but Bak didn't flinch to see a boy darting him ugly looks. Kanda took the offered present wordlessly, but upon closer inspection his face flushed red. "Seeing as your wife is pregnant, I thought it to be prudent to hand you a book on pregnancy. Study it well, Kanda!" The boy wanted to slam it right back into Bak's smug face, only that Bak's grin soon slipped. Kanda frowned when Bak leaned a bit closer, knowing that something undesirable was now coming.

"I won't lecture you, you probably have heard enough of that already. But have you told Ellen about yourself?" As a reply Kanda glared down at the book and Bak sighed deeply, "so she doesn't know… Kanda, I know it is difficult to speak about it, but you must tell her eventually. If –"

"Shut up," Kanda hissed and Bak sighed yet again, but he nodded with a pained smile.

"Fine. You still have time left, but don't let it run out without making good use of it," he advised and Kanda still glared down at the book, refusing to give Bak an answer. "Read the book! Just because you're a man doesn't mean that you can be ignorant about pregnancy!" Kanda's growled in annoyance, but as soon as Bak was gone to deliver a bouquet of flowers to Linali, he slipped off into a quiet corner and opened the book.

With the book on his lap was also how Ellen found him some time later.

"Rabi was looking for you," Ellen said, but Kanda didn't reply, "have you seen that Mr. Chan is here? It was a very pleasant surprise!" When Kanda just replied with a "hmm" Ellen stemmed her hands into her hips, looking at him.

"What are you reading that is so much more interesting than what I am telling you?"

"I am listening, idiot," he said and shut the book, looking up with a frown. "Why was Rabi looking for me?"

"Because apparently a certain boy has ditched his work and Rabi could not carry the boxes on his own, but it is fine now. We are finished for today." Kanda was rather annoyed to be called a boy, but he didn't want to argue about it in the presence of the other scientists.

"You're finished cleaning?"

"The most important documents and items have been made ready to be dispatched," Link informed them, "tomorrow Ellen will set up the gate and the things will be installed in the new headquarters. Meanwhile the order will be further emptied."

"It will probably take some more weeks until the old order is completely empty," Ellen said and sighed, "it really is a pity that we have to abandon it… To imagine that the tower will be here… empty…"

"The Vatican will probably find use for it later on," Kanda said and Ellen nodded, even though the thought didn't really comfort her.

"Anyway, we are having dinner now, will you come?" Ellen wondered and Kanda nodded, "by the way. What is that book you are carrying around?" Kanda blushed slightly, but hid it by lowering his face and growling.  
"That's none of your business!" Ellen looked at him disapprovingly and Kanda noticed with a mixture of wonder and also discomfort how much her expression reminded him of his mother.

-

When back in their room Kanda sat on the bed, reading, while Ellen tried her best to formulate a reply to her mother's letter. But after two hours of fruitless writing she gave up, joining Kanda on the bed.

"Care to tell me what this book is about now?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her chin on his head.

"A gift from Bak," Kanda replied flatly, but Ellen didn't have to guess the book's topic for long because a quick glance over the page made it quite obvious.

"You are reading about pregnancy? Why?"

"Why? Because apparently you're pregnant. Don't tell me it's not my business to know what's happening to your body," he replied with some irritation. Ellen frowned, but then she started combing his hair with her fingers. "Stop that," he hissed.

"Do not be cross all of the time," Ellen said, laughing lightly, "but your pout looks quite adorable," she confessed and put a kiss to his cheek. Kanda shut the book and turned around.

"Stop treating me like a child!" he complained, then he grabbed her face to place a kiss on her lips. Ellen started back quite suddenly, putting her hands to her lips.

"Kanda! What-" Kanda snorted, interrupting her.

"I'm your husband!" he shouted, putting his hands to her upper arms, glaring at her. Ellen was taken aback, looking at the boy in wonder. "I'm not your child!"

"I… I know. Of course I know that," Ellen tried to calm him, an uneasy smile on her lips that soon faltered under Kanda's intense glare.

"But you treat me like one and you seem to be far more comfortable around me now!" Kanda accused her and Ellen looked at him in surprise.

"What?" Kanda let got of her arms. "Maybe I went a bit overboard, that is true. But why should I…?"

"You never protested when people called me your husband. You used to get very nervous. You got nervous just now as I kissed you."

"You surprised me!" Ellen argued, "and would you rather have me shouting at people not to think of us as a married couple?" Kanda shook his head. "Then what exactly is the problem?"

"You seem to be uneasy when I'm normal. I connected this to the fact that now you don't have worry about people thinking that we sleep together," he told her openly and Ellen was quite surprised to hear that.

"Well… It does make me slightly uneasy, that is true," Ellen said, recovered from the surprise, "I am nervous every night, wondering if you make demands, wondering about your desire… It's not as much as I am afraid of Mr. Link or anybody else hearing or knowing… I am just tense… And right now…"

"Right now I can't do anything to you…," Kanda mumbled. Ellen hesitated, but after a while she grabbed Kanda's arms and pulled him into a gentle hug. "Hey! I told you not to-"

"I am not trying to treat you like a child… You appeared sad, I wanted to comfort you," she told him and Kanda, who had been tense, relaxed a bit.

"I am not sad," he told her and she laughed gently.

"No? That's good," she replied, still embracing him. She sighed silently, but then she tightened the embrace, "It is true that I am very comfortable with you right now, but I wouldn't want this to keep on for much longer. I am sorry if I hurt you with my behaviour," she apologized.

"If the potion loses its effect you will be uneasy again," Kanda said, still letting himself be held.

"And is that such a bad thing? I am nervous because being intimate with you is still something new for me. Aren't _you_ nervous?" Kanda frowned, looking up at her, but didn't give her an answer. Ellen laughed, patting the back of his head in amusement. "We should talk about this more when we are in private and you are back to your normal body," she said and wanted to let him go after Kanda had nodded, but he held on to her skirt.

"There's no need to stop," he said, hiding his blush by pressing his face against her chest.

"What…? Okay," she replied in surprise, putting her arms around him. Kanda closed his eyes, leaning against her. Her arms were nice, like a warm protective shield and her chest was soft to lean against. He really missed this, but she didn't need to know. What he didn't know was that Ellen too was thinking about how nice it would be to be embraced by her mother again.

-

The potion's effect actually only lasted 24 hours, so not too long after midnight the spell was broken. Ellen was glad to wake up to find Kanda sitting near the window in all of his usual glory. When he noticed her looking at him, he blushed and looked away.

"Good morning," he said and Ellen smiled at him, sitting up in bed.

"My little husband is all grown up," she joked with fake sadness and Kanda gave a start, turning around with an annoyed glare. "Don't be cross," she said and smiled, blushing slightly. "You are back to normal…" He looked at her, but then he lowered his head, frowning. In the end he got up and walked over to the bed, leaning down to her.

"I am…," he whispered, putting his hands on her shoulders, "and?" He pressed his lips against her cheek.

"I am fine with it. I decided," she said and raised her eyes, looking at him almost shyly. Then she grinned, her cheeks red, "When I pass these gates, I will leave behind the me that could not be true to you. I was doing you injustice." Kanda studied her quietly, listening to her words. "I… I am still afraid to let go entirely, I still need a little time and answers from mother. But between you and me, I want to be your wife." Kanda, unable to speak, nodded, then she reached up and kissed him.

"Thank you," was the only thing that Kanda could tell her.

-

Like scheduled Ellen boarded the train bound to their new home's destination at around noon. She was dressed in her new uniform – she had requested trousers and was glad for it because Linali (who accompanied her) wore a very short skirt.

"You can of course exchange the trousers with a skirt as well," Johnny had told her, but Ellen didn't plan to do that in the near future.

"Where exactly is this train bound?" Ellen asked Komui, who was sitting opposite her.

"A place near London. We should get there within an hour, then we'll have to take a coach," Komui replied, still being quite vague about it. "Well, with the Ark we don't need to worry about travelling."

"You didn't cut your hair after all," Linali said after a while and Ellen looked at her. "I thought you might do so…"

"Actually it is nice having it long again," Ellen said, drawing her hand though the open hair. "And Kanda did not want me to cut it either." Linali laughed.

"Something good between you must have happened, you seem so cheerful!" Ellen looked at her in wonder. "It's obvious!" The white haired girl blushed slightly.

"Things are good between us at the moment," she said and Linali smiled.

"You need to tell me more about it! How is life as a married woman? How is it to share a room with your husband?" Ellen blushed at these questions and wanted to stutter an answer, but Komui spoke up before she could:

"Linali! What are you thinking about?! Why would you want to know that?? My darling Linali will not be married to barbaric men! I won't allow it!"

"Brother!" Linali shouted but Komui pointed at Ellen and she blinked at him.

"Don't go putting strange ideas in her head, Ellen! Men cannot be trusted! I will not allow my darling Linali to be tainted!" Linali rewarded her brother's worry by kicking him out of the compartment, but Ellen was still blushing when Linali sat down again.

"What's the matter, Ellen?" Linali wondered when she saw Ellen's downcast look.

"I have a feeling that your brother sees me as a bad role model… I do not want him to think that I would have a bad influence on you… Because I… you know" Linali sighed and put her hands on Ellen's shoulder.

"Don't listen to my brother! He's an idiot! He cannot possibly think that I will never fall in love!" she said, then she blushed a bit and hushed her voice, "so I want to know about certain things."

"It is a bit embarrassing Linali," Ellen said and Linali had to laugh, but she nodded.

"It's fine! I'm just curious, but we don't need to talk about it right now! But if you need a female listener then I'll be there!" Ellen nodded eagerly.

"Thank you Linali."

-

A coach came to pick them up at the train station.

"Ellen," Link called, as she was just standing on the platform of the small train station, looking over the landscape. She nodded though and got into the carriage. "Why are you fretting?"

"I am not fretting," Ellen replied and Link merely opened his notebook. "Uhm… Mr. Li… When will we arrive?"

"I would say it still takes us about one hour. If you are tired, you can take a little nap," he told her and Ellen nodded. But she actually couldn't calm down enough to sleep. She looked out of the window, at the slowly passing landscape. It was quite familiar to her.

Ellen's anxiousness only grew as they were nearing their destination and once they passed through a gate and entered into the vast premise of what would be their new home, Ellen had paled and was balling her hands into fists, unable to say anything. In the distance she could see a towers and the black flag of the Black Order, so out of place to Ellen's eye, was to be seen over the tree tops. Ellen nearly stumbled out of the carriage, when the door was opened and Link looked at her with a raised eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Ellen couldn't speak either, because before her stood the awe inspiring gothic building of Bermont Castle.

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

See you next time in the new Black Order headquarters! :D


	55. Kapitel 53 A Spark of Independence

**Author's Notes:**

This is a rather short chapter in comparison to the last, but I thought you might rather want a short chapter than no chapter at all. I thought I wouldn't post anything until after my BA exam, but I needed a break *lol*. Two more weeks and I have more time for fanfiction again :3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 53: A Spark of Independence**

The sun was sending its rays over the many rooftops, the wind was blowing gently, keeping the black flag with the order's cross moving on top of the highest tower and Ellen stood shivering in the shadow the huge castle threw on the wide open space before the main entry.

"H… How…?" Ellen whispered, staring up at the wooden gate that was slowly opening to let the visitors inside the old building. Link put his hand on Ellen's back and gently shoved her a little, forcing her to stumble up the stone stairs leading to the entry. Linali was awed, looking around as they entered the big hall behind the gates. It was brightly lit by two huge chandeliers hanging form the high ceiling, the white marble floor war polished to perfection and the high, arched windows let in the day-light from the outsides. The door was shut almost noiselessly and the little group was ushered up the wide stone stairs and into a salon, as splendid to behold as the entry hall.

"Welcome," a voice spoke up as soon the door was shut and Ellen tensed. Her eyes had been fixed on a portrait that was hanging on the wall opposing the entry showing one of her venerable ancestors solemnly gazing at the visitors, but now she slowly let her eyes travel down to the woman standing at the window. Her auburn hair was tied up neatly and she wore an imposing dark brown gown with golden embroidery and a polite but cold, judging expression. She was just like Ellen knew her, but the girl was too shocked to even continue looking at Charlene Bermont, her beloved mother.

"Mylady Bermont, it is an honour to have you receive us here," Komui said and went to her, shaking her extended hand.

"I hope you had an agreeable journey," she said politely and Komui nodded, "well then, you have received the plans of this castle. You know which rooms are at your disposal." Komui nodded.

"Yes, thank you for providing this location," he said, gladly taking the keys from Lady Bermont, "I have brought some helping hands with me to set us up. May I introduce you? My sister Linali, Ellen and inspector Link." Lady Bermont looked past him, studying Linali, Link and Ellen with a frown. Apparently she found no mistake with Link, but her eyes remained stuck to Linali's short skirt for a moment, before she studied Ellen's trousers.

"Young girls, Mister Li, should not be employed as helping hands in tasks like these. Your order should be more respectful towards the fair sex," she commented coolly and Komui laughed uneasily.

"Well, we need Ellen Walker to put up the connection with the old headquarters, there was no way around it…," he explained and Lady Bermont huffed, looking at Ellen, who stared at her shoes.

"At least try your best to protect them then," she said and Komui nodded. He turned to Ellen to find her staring at him with wide eyes. He looked at her in wonder, confused by her answer demanding glare.

"Ah! I forgot to introduce you! This is Lady Charlene Bermont, the wife of the late Earl Bermont, who has generously allowed us to use this castle and their property as our new home. She supports our institution with funds, so we are really grateful to her for her constant help." Now Ellen had to stare at her mother, who only acknowledged her with an emotionless look.

"Should you not be on your way now?" Lady Bermont wondered and Komui nodded eagerly, "if you are done, I want to have a short talk to Miss Walker. I will wait for her in my study," with this she dismissed the others and sat down at a desk, studying a letter.

"Y… Yes… I will make sure that she goes to seek you out," Komui replied with slight confusion, then he closed the doors of the salon, sighing deeply. "She is a strict lady, but I think we will be fine, she doesn't plan on staying here… But what she could want from you?"

"Oh… I wonder?" Ellen replied, trying to smile, but it was obvious that she was very uneasy, but Link was the only one who understood why.

-

Setting up the gates was not a difficult task, but it was painful for Ellen to walk through the rooms she knew so well, but she was here as a stranger; not Ellen Bermont, but an exorcist. She almost hated Komui for opening doors to private rooms, exposing their secrets to everyone.

"It's really an old castle, look at all these portraits and furniture! I wonder if there's a princess, and secret passages and a dungeon!" Linali whispered when they were walking through a gallery. Ellen refrained from indulging her curiosity with information.

"This land has been given to the family in the 15th century. The castle is an edifice dating back to that time, however there were numerous additions to the castle made as it was passed on. Each generation has erected new buildings, adding to the grandeur of the castle. We have been allowed to use parts of the castle and of the manor house of more recent date," Link offered as explanation and Linali looked at him in awe.

"I cannot wait to see more of it!" she said, eagerly advancing while Ellen just trailed behind listlessly. This was _her_ castle! Why would her mother give it up? Why would she allow outsiders to penetrate into something this personal and venerable? They were nobility! The black order's people didn't have the right to claim these halls and rooms! But she couldn't say anything and bitterly kept quiet.

"Well, that was the last gate," Komui said, patting Ellen on the head, "you did very well! Thank you Ellen, now things can proceed smoothly!" She tried to smile but felt very downcast. "What's the matter Ellen? You can't be homesick already!" Komui joked. Ellen looked down to the floor. How could she possibly be homesick in this absurd situation?!

"Lady Bermont has asked to meet you," Link reminded Ellen and she nodded, glad that she didn't have to give an answer to Komui's question.

"Right! Now where was her office…?" Komui wondered, looking at the plan of the castle, but Ellen just turned around, walking away.

"I know where it is," she said gloomily and left Komui and Linali looking at her in wonder.

"I don't understand this!" Ellen whispered tensely as she and Link were making their way to Lady Bermont's study.

"You will be able to ask her now. But as far as I heard General Cross arranged for this," Link replied but Ellen shook her head.

"I still don't understand!" Instead of being nervous, Ellen didn't lose a moment to knock at her mother's door and entered promptly when she was called in.

"There you are," Lady Bermont said, without looking up from the letters she was reading. "Mr. Link, might I ask you to wait outside while we discuss?"

"It is my duty to watch over her," Link promptly replied and Lady Bermont looked up at him with a disapproving frown.

"I am well aware of that, but I request you to leave the room. While I am still here there is absolutely no need for anybody to watch over this girl." As Link showed signs of protest, she glared at him with piercing eyes, "I am the owner of this castle and therefore expect people to follow my orders. If you cannot agree with this then you are free to complain to Malcolm Leverrier about it, but you _will_ leave this room while I talk to her." Link hesitated, but then he nodded, bowed and left the room. Lady Bermont watched him leave, then she looked at Ellen. "Now, kindly shut the door, child." Ellen obeyed wordlessly. The exorcist had hope that the inevitable confrontation with her mother could have taken play in different circumstances. She would have liked to prepare, to face her as Ellen Bermont, like her mother knew her. But here she was; an exorcist, awkwardly standing in front of her mother's desk. Fear and shame weren't the only emotions that tormented Ellen at the moment. The shadow of suspicion, doubt and mistrust were pressing upon her heart and she could not make them go away. Why was she here? Why did she support the Black Order? Why was the castle their new home? _Why did she know a Noah's lullaby? _However, the questions and accusations died on her lips as her mother got up from her chair.

"Well? It has been five months, do you not want to at least greet your mother properly?" Charlene walked around the massive table.

"I… It is an unexpected pleasure, mother," Ellen replied stiffly, making a courtesy. Charlene looked at her disapprovingly.

"What mockery…," she said lowly, studying Ellen from head to toe with hard eyes, but then she pointed to an armchair. "Take a seat." Blushing, Ellen nodded with a tense "yes mother", sitting down opposite her mother after the lady had assumed her seat. "How you are changed, Ellen," she started, folding her hands in her lap, "your attire aside, you used to be lively, but now you seem cold."

"Cold, mother?" Ellen wondered and Charlene looked up at her.

"The way you look at me you seem to be shocked into a stupor," she accused and Ellen hung her head. "I will come right to the point," her mother continued without losing any time and the girl nodded. "You are a married woman now." Ellen tensed, but she nodded once again, "and you did contract this marriage without your family's consent."

"Yes, mother, I cannot deny it," Ellen replied and looked at her mother when she heard her sighing deeply. She was touching her forehead with her fingers. "I know that the shame I have brought you-"

"You fool! That is not it!" the woman cried in agitation and Ellen widened her eyes in surprise. "Young girls can be overcome by emotions and despite the teaching of their parents make foolish mistakes. It was my fault to let you leave your home without properly guarding you. I wanted to keep you from it, from that _temptation_. I wanted to introduce you into society, I wanted to engage you to a respectable man, but not this early...! It's far too early to have you married!" She looked at her child with a pained expression. Ellen kept her silence, but she was touched by her mother's pain. "Are you really pregnant?" Ellen blushed again, but she nodded and Lady Bermont covered her eyes with her palm. "Oh, my foolish child… my poor child…!" Ellen got up from her chair and Lady Bermont opened her arms to embrace her.

"Mama…," Ellen whispered, "I am so sorry". Charlene breathed in deeply, letting go of her daughter but pulling her down on the sofa beside her.

"That you were intimate with a man to this extend… You were taught to make better judgement Ellen… But I could have overlooked it, we could have kept it a well guarded secret. Even your pregnancy could have been dealt with."

"How…?" Ellen wondered silently.

"I could have adopted and raised it as my own or we could have given it to your father's sister. You know that your aunt does not have children of her own." Ellen had reckoned that this option existed and she might have accepted the offer, however… "We could have solved the problem, Ellen. We could have solved _any_ problem if you had just confided in me!"

"I did not know how to break the news to you and my marriage was decided upon too fast to really make up my mind," Ellen justified herself and her mother shook her head with an angry expression.

"I know. But the fact that you did not tell me in time forfeited all your chances of a secure marriage for you. I would commend you on the fact that you married the child's father, but considering _who you are_, Ellen, I cannot but reprimand you for it!" Ellen pressed her lips together, feeling uneasy. Charlene got up from the chair, walking to her desk. "Lord Mikk would have been a good match for you. He expressed honest interest in you, Ellen." Ellen couldn't help snorting at that and Charlene raised an eyebrow at the indecent behaviour.

"I doubt that he had an honest interest. His intentions _could not _have been honest," she replied, but seeing her mother's perplexed expression, she added: "he did not know me when he proposed."

"Did your husband _know_ you when you decided to celebrate an early wedding night?" Ellen blushed at that and didn't say anything else anymore. "I thought so."

"But Kanda is honest and virtuous, his love for me is true," Ellen argued after a while, but her mother snorted.

"Well, I am glad that _Mr. Kanda_ loves you, but that does not change the fact that you, Ellen Bermont, have done an unacceptable thing in marrying someone without footing in the high circles we move in."

"He proved to be of a far more noble disposition than I did! And if it is money and a title that he's lacking then our family has enough to-"

"Ellen, check your tongue," Lady Bermont interrupted her loudly, "I very well understand that what you say is true for you, it might have been true for me too, but not in these circumstances. You were born into this family and there are not only luxuries to this life, you know that. Face the facts Ellen – this marriage cannot stay this way."

"What?" Ellen asked in surprise, "you cannot dissolve it!"

"As much averse that I am to working with him, I have already asked your uncle to look into the matter. This marriage cannot be legal and I am sure that you know that." Ellen was speechless, but for the first time since she could recall, she started to get angry with her mother. This was getting out of hand too fast for Ellen to moderate her temper and growing frustration.

"And if you make me an unmarried woman again, how do you plan to _sell_ me then?" Ellen asked in agitation and Charlene narrowed her eyes, "what Lord with _honest intentions_ will take me then? I am not beautiful, I am not virtuous and I have a child. Do you, the head of this noble family, intent to _lie_ to these men?" Charlene was rather taken aback at hearing her usually obedient daughter talking to her like this and for a short moment she felt pride well up in her, but she cast it aside for a more appropriate moment.

"We will see," Charlene replied, assuming a cold expression again, "meanwhile you should prepare to take off these trousers and change back into your dresses. It is high time to take you back." Ellen frowned and got up from the sofa.

"You may have called me back to the halls of Bermont castle, but I am not here as your daughter. I am an exorcist and as such will I stay here," she said, then she bowed shortly, "now I must be on my way, I have made Mr. Link wait long enough. Good evening, mother." With this she turned around and pulled the door open, almost startling Link when she forcefully closed it again.

"You-"

"Do not speak to me now!" Ellen hissed and hurried along the corridor. Link seemed surprised, but he silently followed her. She only came to a halt some moments later after running up a staircase into a deserted corridor. Link stopped as well, but then Ellen turned around and threw herself into Link's arms, crying. The young man was shocked, but he returned the hug hesitantly.

"What happened? Did she react badly?" Ellen shook her head, but continued sobbing. Link sighed, patting her head.

"It was the first time I spoke back to her like that," she said after a while and took the handkerchief Link offered her.  
"Now you are afraid of the consequences?"

"No, I am not. She is not cruel, what made me cry is that I finally dared to clearly state that I have been changed by becoming an exorcist. I can't go back. I won't go back! But this is like letting go of my mother's hand."

"That what it is like to be growing up, we all have to take that plunge," Link told her. Ellen wiped her eyes and laughed a bit.

"The cold water just shocked me a bit, but it's fine." Here she sighed and handed Link back the handkerchief. "And I was a bit too agitated again, I forgot to ask her about other things…"

"There is enough time to do that later on. It is tea time now, let us have some dessert," Link advised and Ellen was not averse to drown her little sorrows in a sea of sugar.

-

Link left her for a short moment while the two were sitting on the stairs of the entry hall, eating cake that they had gotten from the chef.

"It has been a long time since I've been all alone," Ellen mused, looking up at the glittering chandeliers, a fork in her mouth. She sighed deeply and put the plate down, feeling listless. It was an unsettling sensation to sit in this hall as a mere stranger. She was no real stranger, but she had decided to be one for the sake of the Black Order. Alone, she was left to ponder some fond childhood memories that were connected to their property, but her mind always wandered back to the conversation with her mother. Had she been too rash, too disrespectful? Of course she still agreed with her mother that the proper conduct for a lady of her standing was to marry someone that was "worthy", but that this only equals to a worth in money and status was disheartening, now that she already made the decision to not reduce Kanda to this kind of worth. She knew that this was how their world worked, but even their world couldn't undo things. How was she to deny the ring on her finger and the baby in her womb? Surely no husband, no matter how keen they were on possessing such a nice trophy as a Bermont daughter (which her mother keenly translated as having honest intentions), would agree to marry a girl that blemished. She had been naïve before and got her proper reward for it even though she had been lucky enough to have Kanda. She should not try to challenge that luck again.

"Ellen," Link called as he came back into the entry hall and Ellen stood up, "come with me." The girl looked at him in wonder, but followed into the reception hall were she was surprised to find many people, among them Rabi, Bookman and her uncle.

"Yo, Ellen! Nice place, isn't it?"

"Rabi! What are you doing here? Weren't you meant to come tomorrow?" she wondered.

"We have business here," Bookman replied and then Leverrier walked up to her.

"Uncle…"

"Thank you for your hard work, Ellen. You must have been surprised," he said with a smile and Ellen frowned.

"Indeed, what is the meaning of this?" Ellen demanded and Leverrier raised his hand to appease her.

"You will know in a minute, come with me now," he said and started walking. Ellen hesitated, but Link urged her to go and she followed with an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

-

Leverrier led her into a room where she was asked to change out of her uniform.

"Why this?" Ellen wondered out lout, looking at the simple white dress lying on the table before her. Strangely dressed guards were standing at the door, but Ellen couldn't even tell if they were watching her because they wore masks. She changed silently and handed one of the guards her uniform, then the door was opened to reveal her uncle.

"I do not understand," Ellen said but he just shook his head and asked her to hold out her arms to the other guard. She did after a moment of hesitation and was surprised when the guard put papers with scribbles on them around her Innocence arm. They felt very heavy and she nearly stumbled when she tried to counter the heaviness of her arm. A few more charms served to tie her hands together and Ellen was starting to worry.

"It won't harm you, Ellen," Leverrier said to appease her.

"You plan on questioning me, do you," Ellen stated, "I am not to come with you as an exorcist, but a potential traitor." It was hard for her to keep bitterness and indignation out of her voice. Her uncle seemed to regret having to resort to this, but he still nodded gravely. "Why now? Before, the fact that I was your niece spared me this indignation."  
"Because you will receive answers and there is no way to tell how you will react to them," he replied, "it pains me, Ellen, to have to do that to you, but it's better that way, for everyone involved and you especially." Ellen lowered her head, the impending doom making her feet heavier than the chains on her arms did. The doors of a room were opened to her and in the dim light she could see Rabi leaning against a wall, studying her quietly. Ellen pressed her lips together nervously, but then she realized that her uncle had not followed and the doors shut after her and her guards. The early evening sky was darkened by clouds and the first drops of rain started to hit the high windows.

"General Cross…," Ellen spoke up as she perceived the man standing at the window, his back turned towards her. As nobody spoke up, she breathed in deeply, clenched her hands into fists and tried to calm herself before asking the important questions. "My family is somehow connected to the 14th and the Earl's side, am I correct?" Cross turned around slightly, studying the young woman standing at the other end of the room in a simply white silk dress and her white hair openly falling over her pale shoulders. She seemed like a spirit, even though it was her that was haunted by this family's _curse_.

"Yes." And Ellen braced herself to finally learn the truth.

-

_To be continued_

_-_

**Notes:**

:D


	56. Kapitel 54 Parts of the Truth

**Author's Notes:**

I am sorry for the delay! First exams, then all that Christmas stress and then I was burnt out… But the chapter is here now!

This chapter was difficult because here I state what is to be (part of) the truth about Mana in Ivory Tales, and it's different from the Manga (though I think that Cross is lying… *lol*). I don't know why this makes me so anxious! It was also difficult to get the right reaction out of Ellen. I hope it feels fine to read!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

**Kapitel 54: Parts of the Truth**

The light from outside dimmed as the rain clouds darkened the sky. The room was getting gloomier, but it was illuminated by a magic barrier the guards had erected in the room. Ellen was standing inside the barrier, but still lingered in the shadows, while Cross was calmly gazing at her from the opposite end of the room.

"Who was Mana?" Ellen asked into the silence, "who was that man that raised me like his own daughter? Who was that man that cursed me because I dared to bring him back to life?"

"You know the answer, Ellen," Cross replied and took one step towards her, "you know the truth." Ellen squeezed her eyes shut, but didn't speak, pain and guilt that doubt in Mana caused her to be silent. Cross studied her face, taking another step in her direction. "Mana Walker was the Fourteenth. He was a Noah." Ellen wanted to shout out, to call him a liar, but she couldn't. "He knew that he would die because he had tried to kill the Earl of Millennium. So he prepared for the inevitable, he prepared _you_, his niece, to continue the task that he most likely wouldn't manage to bring to its end."

"That cannot be…" Ellen forced herself to say.

"You deny it?" Cross asked and Ellen fell into silence again. "You can't. He taught you to read his secret code, he taught you things worthless for a girl that was destined to merely become an obedient housewife. He carved his memories right into you." Ellen looked up at Cross with wide eyes and he pointed to her scar. "The moment you resurrected him was that decisive moment when he transferred the role of the Fourteenth to you." The exorcist was speechless, but after a while she shook her head and glared at Cross.

"He could not be sure that his plan would work!" she tried to remind him, but even she knew that this was a weak argument.

"He was sure that you would resurrect him if he died too early. But it is true, there was a danger that something would go wrong, he was lucky though. It was convenient that your father died early, because Mana could assume his place and it was even more convenient that you happened to be an apostle."

"But… What… what does that mean for me?" Cross snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That you, Ellen Walker, will turn into a Noah. It is only a question of time." Ellen looked at him with wide eyes, opening her mouth to speak, but she didn't know what to retort to this revelation.

"You knew when you came to pick me up…?" She asked after a while, even though she found it hard to speak. Her master nodded.

"Mana asked me to pick you up should he die. I promised him to make you a member of the Black Order and to see to it that you would grow stronger. Strong enough to do what he could not and I reckon you are on your way there."

"What do you mean?" Ellen whispered, trembling slightly but Cross merely stepped to the side and gave Ellen full view of the window behind him. There he was again; that black shadow leering at her.

"You see something, don't you? As I said, your awakening is only a matter of time. I don't know what will become of you when the Fourteenth comes back to life, but I am sure you already feel his presence inside of you." Ellen stared at the reflection and she could see it nod at her. "You should properly prepare yourself, because you cannot stop this process." Ellen didn't move and Cross frowned, walking up at her. "Are you even listening?" As she didn't react he lifted his hand to slap her, but before he could she lifted her face. He was almost shocked to see her ghostly pale, but with a look both challenging and tormented in her tear filled eyes.

"What has my mother to do with this?" Cross let his hand drop. "What is her role in this?"

"You probably know that after Mana left his position within the Walker family, she was the only one who still supported him even though his disappearance caused a scandal within the family. She probably doesn't know the real reason why he suddenly abandoned his family, but she does know some basic facts about Innocence and Akuma. She tried to keep you away from it as long as possible, seeing what his involvement with these things had done to her brother. However, after Mana's death it was no longer possible, so she gave you up to the Black Order. Even though she brought you back to your home, she must know that she cannot have you back now." Ellen bit her lips, looking up at Cross with a pained expression.

"So I have been given up by both of them? I am merely to be a tool…? Do I mean nothing to them after all…?" She slipped to the floor, lowering her head, crying silently. "I don't understand… I refuse to understand this…!" Cross kneeled down and pulled her towards his chest, hugging her. She gasped, because she would have never expected such an affectionate gesture from Cross.

"You are very unfortunate, Ellen. It seems that fate is really out to make life hard for you. But if you stop struggling now, then you will lose even more than you already lost up to this moment," he told her silently and she widened her eyes. "If you don't know what you really want once the Noah takes you over, then you will kill the people you love." With this he let go of her and stood up. "So choose well." Ellen stared up at Cross.

"What… what do you mean? Kill?! Me? Why would I end up killing the ones I love?! Master Cross, I demand an answer!" Ellen shouted as Cross opened the door and wanted to leave. A guard came to her and helped her back up on her feet.

"What does family mean to you? Is it still most important, or would you be able to sacrifice it? And for what? Think well, because there will be a time you need to decide."

"The interrogation is over," a guard said and Ellen glared at him, "Miss Walker, you will be put back under surveillance." Ellen protested, but she was conducted through the corridors and soon found herself in front of the door to her own room. The door was opened and Ellen shoved inside.

"Wait a moment!" Ellen called, but the door was shut and the lock turned. "Hey!" Ellen, in an uncontrollable fury, kicked against the door, but it didn't open again. Her arms were still chained and she let herself fall on her knees, trying to get free of it.

"What is the meaning of this?" she asked herself, "I am supposed to be a Noah?! Me?! Ridiculous! I have Innocence! I am an exorcist!" She stared at her arm, covered by the magic charm. She clenched her teeth. "Take these chains off!" Ellen shouted, but no reply came, "take them off or I will-" The door opened and Link entered her room. Ellen widened her eyes and instantly stopped shouting.

"Mr. Link…," Ellen said in surprise and got up from the floor.

"Hold out your hands," he said and closed the door behind him. Ellen did as she was told and Link touched the charms. They immediately fell to the floor and Ellen was free again. She looked at her hands, but after a moment of surprised silence, she suddenly grabbed Link's arm. "What is going on," she demanded in a dark voice.

"It has been confirmed that you are a Noah, the heir to Mana Walker, so to speak. The Vatican both sees you as a potential danger but also a useful addition to our forces – if you decide to cooperate."

"I am an exorcist! I would never change sides! I will not become a Noah!" Ellen argued in irritation, tightening the grip on Link's arm. Link frowned, but he didn't think it necessary to shake her off yet.

"Even if it was Mana Walker's wish?" Ellen widened her eyes when she heard that, letting go of Link's arm. "You understand the position you are in, don't you Ellen?" He looked around in her room; the walls were decorated with red and golden tapestry and it had a window from which the tower with the Black Order's flag was visible. "Even though your mother had sent you to the Black Order to become an exorcist, she now called you back, because you still are the heir to Lord Bermont. You are also under the surveillance of the Vatican, because they expect you to be obedient. If you are not-"

"Mr. Link," Ellen spoke up, interrupting him and Link looked at her. "What should I do…?" Ellen had covered her pale face with both of her hands and she was crying. "Every passing day I get more disintegrated, even though I had finally become a person I could respect." Link looked at her silently, but after a while he put his hand on her shoulder and she lowered her hands to look at him.

"Didn't you take the plunge?" he asked and Ellen blinked at him, recalling their conversation earlier that day. "You might be a prisoner here at Bermont Castle, but that does not mean that you need to turn your back on the Order. Do what the Vatican tells you, trust in your god-father."

"You want me to become a Noah?" Ellen asked disbelievingly, but Link nodded.

"Become a Noah and remain on this side, we will make sure that you will be controlled." Ellen frowned upon hearing that. "What is it that you want? Do you intend to run from your responsibility? It is our duty to destroy the enemy and protect humankind." Ellen widened her eyes, but after a while she nodded.

"I understand…," she whispered and raiser her eyes to meet Link's, "but I will do it my own way." Link looked at her in wonder and Ellen put her Innocence hand to her breast. "I do not know what to think right now, but your words made me recall what I vowed earlier on. And that is not to stop. I want to save Akuma and I want to protect humans. General Cross told me to think well about what is important to me. And I will. Thank you, Mr. Link, for your words of encouragement." Link nodded, but he was not entirely sure if his words had managed to reach their aim. Ellen was not bound to go her own way, she must tread the path the Vatican has decided upon. One wrong step and she would become an irredeemable traitor. Link would not allow that, he would continue watching her.

-

It was certainly peculiar to be locked into her old apartments in Bermont castle. She was not entirely sure who had issued the order to confine her. Her uncle because she could turn out to be a threat? Her mother because she did not want her to put on her uniform again? Both options were utterly ridiculous in Ellen's opinion. She was greatly offended that anybody (and her god-father especially) would think her capable of turning against her comrades and join the Earl's destructive forces. And even if it was her mother's decision to have her locked up, she must certainly know that there was no point in doing so. Ellen hadn't wanted to leave her mother's side and she had wanted to return – but now that she was an exorcist she had sworn not to run away. Even if they took away her uniform, she still had her Innocence. And if they took away her Innocence, then she still had… Ellen stopped her train of thoughts, raising her head. She was sitting in a comfortable armchair, hands stubbornly crossed over her chest, musing. But now she turned her eyes towards the window. The black shadow moved around in the panels, blocking Ellen's view outside. As if it wished to be acknowledged, as if it demanded to be accepted. But at the moment Ellen could and would not do either.

"I have moved out of my home because I wanted to wash the guilt from my soul… I brought Mana back to life and I considered that to be the greatest catastrophe, but now it seems as if it was something I had to do…," she thought unhappily and hung her head, resting her forehead on her knuckles. "Did he know what pain I would have to go through? Did he pitilessly plan everything beforehand? Did he decide to sacrifice both his and my life to get a second chance?" She sighed deeply and leant back in her armchair, closing her eyes. "Did you only raise me for this purpose…?" she asked in a mere whisper.

"Are you alright?" Link, who was sitting at Ellen's writing desk, wondered after hearing her mumbling, "if you are tired you should go to sleep." Ellen shook her head and sat up, looking around her room. It was very splendidly furnished, as expected of an Earl's daughter, but Ellen could not feel at home among all the furniture, pictures, books, knick-knacks and dolls. She felt oddly out of place in a world that had been her little paradise not all too long ago.

"Mr. Link… when you questioned me about my connections to the Fourteenth, did you already assume who the Fourteenth used to be?" Link, surprised to have her ask that, turned around with the chair, facing her. Ellen wore an expression that clearly told him that even though she was trying to be rational about this, she still did not believe that her beloved Mana used to be a Noah.

"We had theories about it, yes, but we did not know all. That is why we wanted to get that information out of you…" he replied.

"But I knew nothing," Ellen said with a bitter smile, shaking her head, "I thought I knew my parents well but in the end I knew nothing at all." Link studied her calmly. He did not exactly pity her, she was an exorcist after all, but he wasn't entirely unmoved either. He had a certain amount of detached respect for her, seeing as she was both a descendant of a noble family and, more importantly, Inspector Leverrier's god-child. He was not averse to watching over her and trying to help her find her proper path again. It certainly was in the Vatican's interest to not make her lose faith entirely, neither in her family, nor in her duty as an apostle.

"Even though you are now in a difficult situation, try not to despair," he told her after a while and Ellen studied him.

"I won't despair, but I don't feel particularly good now knowing that…" Link raised an eyebrow as she stopped.

"That what?" Ellen sighed.

"That my family is not free from hypocrisy and lies either. My mother wants to dissolve my marriage in order to become the wife of another man and Mana wants me to become a Noah. Neither options are all too desirable." The German inspector looked at her, then he turned around to continue writing his report.

"If you want to subject yourself to neither of the two, then you still have a third option," he told her calmly and Ellen looked up. Link lifted his left hand, still writing. Ellen was puzzled by his gesture and looked at her hand and then she widened her eyes. "Maybe the third option is worth fighting for." Ellen had to smile, gently touching the ring on her finger.

"Yes… You are right…"

-

Ellen was up really early the next day and slightly confused when she first woke up, finding herself in a bed she used to occupy for a few weeks every year. The room was dimly lit and when she walked up to the window she could see that the early morning was still darkened by the stormy weather. She checked the clock standing on a drawer and the golden fingers pointed towards six in the morning. She put on a pair of silk slippers she had found in a box the previous evening and walked over to her wardrobe. When she opened it she could hear a faint rustling from her sitting room that was only separated from her bedroom by a curtain. She walked over and peeked into the other room, finding Link sitting up, rubbing his face.

"I did not mean to wake you," she whispered and Link shook his head, "good morning."

"Good morning," Link replied and got up. Ellen retreated back into her bedroom to change.

"What about my uniform?"

"You will probably get it back," Link called from the other room and Ellen sighed. She looked through the dresses hanging in the wardrobe, wondering if they would still fit. All of them – despite being dearly beloved by Ellen – did not seem appropriate for an exorcist. After some hesitating, she decided on a long, pale blue dress and proceeded to put it on. She sat down at her dressing table, looking into the mirror, generously ignoring the shadow of the Fourteenth. She brushed her hair and left it open as neither ribbons nor pins looked nice. Ellen sighed and left the table, joining Link in the sitting room.

"I would like to go out of my room now," Ellen told him and Link studied her, unwilling to grant that request until he received further orders. "You know that if I really want out I can get out." The inspector raised an eyebrow and Ellen put her finger to her forehead. Link, understanding, raised his hand, stopping her.

"Don't foolishly summon a gate to the Ark," he chid her and Ellen linked her hands behind her back, looking at Link expectantly. He sighed and nodded. "As long as you are with me nothing will happen," she reminded him and Link kept his silence while he opened the door. Ellen slipped past him and stepped out into the corridor. The faint morning light that made it past the clouds shone through the many windows lining the corridor and she quickly advanced, Link following closely.

"Where are you going?" he wanted to know and Ellen shook her head. "If you do not have any set plans, then how about breakfast?" Ellen looked over her shoulder and smiled.

"That is a good idea," she replied and they walked down the stairs until they arrived at the ground floor. The new dining hall was located in the big ballroom of the castle's main building. When Ellen and Link entered, the girl was quite surprised to see the high hall altered so as to accommodate for all the people that needed to eat. The room had been used for that purpose before but Ellen usually knew the big room to be empty and not filled by tables and chairs. The walls, white with golden patterns, were draped with long black flags of the Black Order, but there were also banners with the Bermont family's crest. The long windows on the side facing the moor were shaded by black curtains and the room was only lit by flickering candles lining the wall opposite the windows.

"I wonder if the kitchen is already working. It's so quiet," Ellen said and they crossed the hall, their steps making echoing noises in the ballroom. Ellen pulled the door on the other side open and they entered a dark corridor, but there were light and noises coming from the other end, signalling that the kitchen staff was already up. The prospect of getting something to eat cheered Ellen up and she hurried to the door.

"Good morning!" Ellen called and the kitchen stuff looked up and greeted her.

"Ellen! Up so early?" Jerry wondered, carrying around a tower of dishes. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, are you already set up enough to take up business?" Ellen wondered, letting her eyes travel over the kitchen once again. Jerry laughed and nodded cheerfully.

"Of course! It will be busy but we'll be ready once the others come later today! But what will it be you two?" Ellen didn't even need to say anything as Jerry just handed her many trays with food already prepared in advance and she and the inspector went back to the dining hall, enjoying the silence.

"When there were big parties at the castle, I would mostly stay up in my room," Ellen said after a while, looking up to the painted ceiling.

"Why is that?" Link calmly wondered and Ellen smiled at him.

"Hmm… Well, my mother did not think that it would be wise to make me attend the parties. I was a sickly child after all."

"Sickly? Was that the excuse she used for your Innocence? Didn't your mother want outsiders to see it?" Ellen shrugged with a weak smile, "you are the heir of the family, she couldn't just deny your existence."

"She did not," Ellen replied, "My mother made me meet certain people in private, where she could clearly overlook our interactions… When it got to family members it was very different. They just assumed I had a birth defect, actually everyone that met me and caught a glimpse at my arm assumed that." Link looked at the girl for a while, but then he turned his attention back to his breakfast.

"It seemed very prudent. When you are a mother yourself you will probably display a similar extend of prudence when watching your child's interaction with others," he said and Ellen had to laugh.

"Usually you are more eager to doubt and now you dismiss it?" she asked and Link frowned at her, making her smile slip.

"It is not as if I was eager to either doubt you or cause you to doubt your family. You should worry more about Mana Walker's wrongdoings and not try to find them in your mother. She probably has her flaws as well, she probably is not entirely innocent in this matter either, but you must cool down a bit before you rush into this matter," he advised her and Ellen sighed. "But what was on your mind?" Ellen hit her silver spoon against the tea cup in a nervous manner until Link had to reach out to stop her.

"Just…," Ellen started pulling her hand from Link's, "I was so well-sheltered before. She tried her best to not get me into anybody's attention as if she tried to prevent the people of the Black Order to notice my Innocence. Uncle didn't come, nobody came before Master Cross… Not even Akuma… But then suddenly a secret plan gets its gears into motion. Mana dies, I am cursed, my Innocence awakens, Cross comes and my mother hands her treasure over…" Ellen rubbed her forehead, letting her fingers trace the pentacle over her left eyebrow. "She does know what Innocence is, she does know what exorcists are, otherwise she wouldn't have supported the order with money. So why? What if they chose to look into her person? They would have found me sooner than she would have wanted. Do you call that prudent?"

"What would you call it?" Link asked sharply, but with a motionless expression, that shut Ellen up instantly, "_treason_?"

"… it is just not right…," Ellen told him and Link shook his head.

"It is not."

-

Morning passed slowly now that Ellen had gotten up so early and had nothing much to do, but to watch the rain patter against her window and the rain clouds swiftly moving over the hills. She had tried to spend some of the time by reading documents that Link had handed her; accusations of heresy, documentations of the musician's score, the secret code between her and Mana and other things. But there was no new knowledge to gain neither for her by reading them, nor for the Vatican by making her read it over and over again. She did not know more than she had already told them, she had been swiftly pushed into the position of an innocent, clueless victim and she was bound to stay there. She had to deal with the doubt and the anger and the sadness as she slowly also had to accept the fact that what she had heard the day before was the truth. Or part of the truth. But things still did not make sense to her. If he used to be a Noah, then why did he go against the Earl? If he knew he would die by the time Ellen was born and robbed of her father's protection, why did he still form his plan around his infant niece? Did every thing he taught her, every journey he took her with, serve to train her for some special mission he planned her to accomplish once he was gone? How could he be so cruel to jeopardize her life for the sake of his goal, whatever that might be?

"There is not only misery in a life as an exorcist," Ellen thought, looking out of the window again, but her eyes darted to the reflected shadow. "But it is cruel nevertheless. And it is cruel to first push me to be an exorcist and then tear me right out of it again by turning me into a Noah, a traitor among the Black Order!" The girl put her forehead into her palm, glaring at the shadow. "What was that man thinking?!"

"Ellen. There was a knock on your door," Link called her out of her thoughts and she looked up in surprise. The knocking was repeated, followed by a voice.  
"It's me, open the door, beansprout!" Ellen's face lit up instantly and she rushed to the door, but had to wait for Link to come with the key first. "Why did that take so l-" Ellen didn't let him finish, but pulled him into a tight embrace that squeezed the air out of his lungs.

"You are here earlier than expected," Ellen said, "how did you find my room?"

"I asked Komui for directions… We don't have joined rooms anymore. I'm almost at the other end of the castle," he complained.

"I am still Ellen Walker on the documents, of course those that planned did not know that Kanda and Walker should be in the same room," Ellen said with a weak smile and Kanda frowned. "What is it?"

"You appear to be disgruntled," Kanda observed and Ellen looked at him in surprise, "and I heard from Rabi that you were interrogated and now locked into your room. With _him_!" Link remained silent at that even though Kanda darted him ugly looks, but Ellen sighed deeply.

"I remember that Rabi was present…," she said in a subdued voice but Kanda didn't know why this would trouble her, "did he not tell you what it was about?"

"He was silent as a grave. I found it unusual, but I did not press it," Kanda replied, "And? What was it about?" Ellen opened her mouth, but then she shook her head and looked at Link.

"Might I have a moment?" Link didn't appear all too thrilled, but he left the room, locking it from the outside. Ellen pulled Kanda towards the couch, sitting down with him.

"Talk," Kanda urged his silent wife and she nodded.

"It… it slightly complicated, I know not where to start…," she confessed, leaning back and looking at the ceiling. For once, Kanda was silent, giving her the time she needed to make up her mind. After a while Ellen turned her head towards Kanda. "This castle, partly transformed into the new Black Order headquarters, used to be the home of my ancestors," she started and Kanda widened his eyes in surprise. "Bermont Castle was provided as new headquarters by my mother, who appears to be an important supporter of the order, donating money."

"And she never told you?" Ellen shook her head.

"I thought that she knew nothing about the Black Order, but she must know some things, otherwise she would not have supported it the way she did," Ellen told him. "And I feel quite wretched to know that this castle is now open for everyone to explore – it used to be my private fairy-tale world, something I only shared with my family. And now that charm is gone… It's not mine anymore…"

"It is still yours… You're still the heir of the Bermont family… Doesn't Komui know about this? He shouldn't have allowed this to happen!" Kanda told her and Ellen shrugged.

"I do not think he is aware of this… But…" Kanda looked at her when she lowered her head.

"But what? That wasn't all then?"

"No…," Ellen replied and raised her head again. "My suspicions were proven to be true…" Kanda frowned in confusion. "Mana was a Noah…"

"Well, but-"  
"And he passed his abilities on to me when he cursed me," Ellen interrupted him, "which means that it's only a question of time until I will turn into a Noah as well." After Ellen had said that both of them were silent for a while, Ellen looking at Kanda with an expression of both anxiety and fear, and Kanda just had raised his eyebrows, studying Ellen. She did not know what kind of reaction she had to expect and maybe it was wrong to even tell this secret to anybody. But she wanted Kanda to know; his reaction was the only one that really mattered at the moment. Some moments nothing came, but then he snorted, putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Don't despair," Kanda said and Ellen stared at him in wonder. "I'll be your follower." He pressed a kiss on Ellen's forehead and didn't draw back again, embracing Ellen. And somehow, Ellen had the strange feeling that there was something dark and bitter but also something like relief, in the gentle strokes of Kanda's palm on the back of Ellen's head.

"Don't promise things like that. What if I will become cruel like the other Noah? Or what if I just cease being me?" Ellen drew back, looking firmly into Kanda's eyes. "Don't make promises you cannot keep."

"I am not. I will keep my promise. But you must promise to try your best to struggle to stay the way you are. I know you can. You would never be able to cruelly kill humans, that won't change just because you will turn into a Noah…," Kanda assured her. Ellen pressed her lips together, but she nodded and hugged Kanda.

"Thank you… Thank you," she whispered and he nodded, not saying anything, because even he had thoughts and a dull pain that he did not share.

-

_To be continued_

-

**Notes:**

More to come on what's bothering Kanda hopefully soon!

I just meant to say something on Link sleeping in Ellen's sitting room; it's not quite "proper" but he'll get his own room eventually! ;3


	57. Kapitel 55 Exploring the Castle

**Author's Notes:**

I started this chapter soon after uploading the last one… Then I let it rest for a bit, nearly finished and hit a writer's block… It's been sitting around for over a week without being completed… I'm sorry about that...

Lot of talking and some exploring inside of this chapter! :D

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 55****: Exploring the Castle**

The sound of the wind shaking the window panes at irregular intervals and the rain were the only things Ellen could hear. Kanda still had his arms wrapped around her, his cheek resting on her head. Ellen's head was framed by his black hair and she could peek through the strands, but the only thing she could see was the shadowy shape slowly moving within the window's reflection. The shadow had moved from the background into the foreground, making it hard for Ellen to even spot her own reflection in the glass. She tightened her fists, grabbing the uniform on Kanda's back. He shifted slightly when he felt it and lifted his head off hers.

"What?" He asked and Ellen silently exhaled and breathed in again, shaking her head.

"What will it be like to turn into a Noah?" she asked, letting go of Kanda. He drew back and looked at her when she sat up straight again, averting her eyes from the window. Kanda looked at her with a confused expression.

"I-" There was swift knocking at Ellen's door and a moment later Link entered.

"Excuse my interruption, but with your permission I will enter again," he said. Kanda glared at him.

"You are not needed here," he hissed, but Ellen lifted her hand, beckoning Link in.

"Kanda, this is my room," she told him and Kanda snorted, "please come in." Link nodded and closed the door, then he walked towards them, taking a seat in an armchair opposite Ellen and Kanda. Kanda was apparently sour that they were disturbed by the inspector, so he stubbornly refused to speak up again.

"Disregarding the fact that I still do not believe that becoming a Noah will be my fate, I cannot imagine what will happen now," Ellen said, still addressing Kanda. He folded his arms in front of his chest, looking at her from the corners of his eyes. "It just adds another worry to the pile of anxieties… After all, before I could calm myself by telling that if in doubt I just need to act as an exorcist. I would not have to worry about us, Kanda, I would not have to worry about mother, I would not have to worry about Mana… I could just focus on my task as a soldier. But now I was called back to a place where simply being an exorcist is quite difficult…"

"Why? This castle might belong to your family, but you are not back into the society you used to belong to. Once your mother leaves it will just be our headquarters," Kanda told her, but Ellen frowned.

"And am I to ignore my wardrobe filled with my old dresses, my toys, the rooms I have fond memories of used by strangers? It is true that headquarters became a home for me, but home did not need to become headquarters," she told him, "I cannot just forget that I was supposed to be the heir of this family when walking though the century old castle. You cannot possibly think that this is to be achieved by me." Kanda did not retort anything and Ellen sighed.

"I think this is something you need to cope with," Link told her, "your mother will not simply disappear out of your life. Even though you became an exorcist and it is usual for exorcists to be completely severed from their family, your mother will not allow you to liberate yourself from it."

"I do not want to liberate me from it. I enjoyed my life and I think it is awful that one has to give up one's family and friends," Ellen replied with a pained expression. "No… Of course I will come to cope with it over time… I will show her how I redefined myself as an exorcist and hope that my determination will earn my mother's approval…" Ellen lowered her head, looking at her folded hands. "However… When I become a Noah… how will I be able to feel at home here? There is no place for a potential traitor among the exorcists," Ellen whispered and she clenched her hands, "will not everyone look at me with suspicion? Will I not be an undesired pest inside my own house? What if I… what if I _fall_ and become a danger to you all?"

"Fall?" Kanda wondered in surprise, looking at his wife.

„You mean like Suman Dark I assume," Link said and Ellen tensed, but nodded. "I doubt this will happen. As long as you do not betray your Innocence you will be fine. If you allow the Noah's power to awaken with the determination to use it for our side, then the Innocence must accept that resolve and accommodate the new power source."

"Is that your great plan?" Kanda suddenly asked with disdain, glaring at Link. "Just on that assumption you want to force her to become a Noah?! There is no guarantee that her Innocence will accept the process! Just one wrong action, one wrong _thought_ can get her into the state of a Fallen One!" While Ellen was quite surprised to see Kanda react in such a way, Link remained perfectly calm.

"We have reasons enough to believe that the Innocence would have backfired against her long before, if the Innocence rejected the memories. The memories were inside of her since she revived Mana Walker, the only difference is that she is now aware what it is," Link told him. "She just needs to be in control…"

„And what if it backfires now? She is a parasite type after all! The strain on her body is already great!" Ellen lifted her hands, trying to get Kanda to calm down.

"Kanda… Kanda don't get this worked up. This was not Link's decision to make," she told him and Kanda snorted in irritation.

"You can't be fine with it!"

"Of course I am not fine with it," Ellen told him, shaking her head, "and I think my fear is justified."

"If you stay within the order, there is nothing for you to worry about. You will not be considered a traitor and the Vatican will provide support," Link swiftly replied.

"Tch, nonsense," Kanda muttered, but Link ignored him.

"Therefore, you can go on as before. Concentrate on your duty as an exorcist and things will fall into place on their own account." Ellen lifted her hand to her forehead, rubbing it.

"I try to…," she said, "but I cannot be as confident as you are…"

"What will happen if she cannot control the Noah?" Kanda asked after a while and Ellen looked at him with worry.

"That will not-"

"What will happen?" Kanda repeated, interrupting the inspector. Link appeared to be disgruntled, but he did not refrain from answering:

"That would be unfortunate. But if Ellen strays from her path and cannot be called back again, then there is nothing to protect her from being labelled a traitor. And if the Innocence will not punish disobedience, then the exorcists – _you_ – will." A shiver ran down Ellen's spine and she first looked at Kanda, who studied her silently, and then she averted her eyes. Kanda snorted.

"That will not happen," he said and Link nodded.

"Yes, that was what I was telling you," he said. In the ensuing silence Ellen tried hard no to think about what would happen if she was indeed too weak to go against whatever shadow tried to take over her body, but it was really difficult to do. Kanda's assurance that at least he would stay by her side, sounded more like an additional danger now – either for him if he would keep his promise and stay with her or for her if he did in fact put his duty as an exorcist above his feelings for her.

"I… I hate this," Ellen whispered after a while, making both men turn their heads in her direction. Ellen pressed her lips together. "Why does this have to happen? This is just so wrong…!" She got up from her seat. „Excuse me, but I need to go out for a bit, dwelling on this subject makes me sick." Kanda got up and followed her and Link, as Ellen was walking out of the room, had to get up as well.

"Where do you want to go?" Kanda asked Ellen and she thought about it.

"It's still raining…," she started but stopped when she saw Linali, with a piece of paper in her hands, turn into their corridor. "Oh, Linali!" The girl looked up and a relieved smile appeared on her face.

"I found you!" she said and walked up to her friends, "this castle is really big, I even needed directions!" Linali folded the paper and put it away, smiling at Ellen.

"And? Why did you want to see me?" Ellen wondered and Linali nodded her head towards Link.

"I actually have been asked to call Mister Link to Leverrier, he is waiting in the manor," she explained and Link lifted an eyebrow. "I was told that I would find you in Ellen's apartments."

"And my watch duty?" Link asked suspiciously.

„It apparently won't take long…," Linali told him. Link was not entirely convinced, but if Leverrier ordered him to come, then it was more important than keeping watch. He nodded shortly, then he left the little group.

"Well… You've been in your room the entire time! Don't you get nervous after a while?" Linali wondered and Ellen sighed deeply, nodding. "By the way, hello Kanda." The young man acknowledged her with a nod, but didn't say anything.

"Of course I do. That is why I asked to go out a bit and I did not really feel like waiting for his permission…" Linali groaned, shaking her head.

"What is going through their heads?! They cannot just lock up an exorcist!"

"We cannot help it… I need to make the best of the situation…," Ellen told her with a smile.

"Hmm…," Linali mumbled unhappily, but then she clapped her hands, "I know! How about we explore the castle? What I have seen of it so far is really splendid! I wonder if there are ghosts!"

"Ghosts!" Ellen shrieked with her cheeks drained of colour „No! There are no ghosts!" Linali laughed and Ellen shivered, shaking her head at the thought.

"Well? How about we go exploring?" Kanda looked at Ellen to see if she felt uneasy about it, but she was smiling.

"Linali… There is something I need to tell you first," she said and Linali looked at her in wonder. "I know this castle pretty well. Admittedly, not all of it, but quite a deal."

"How?" Linali asked in surprise, "have you been here before?"

"Yes… Do you remember Lady Bermont?" Ellen asked and Linali nodded, „she is my mother." The Chinese girl was silent for a while, but then she widened her eyes.

"Your mother?" she repeated and Ellen nodded, "this is… this is your castle?! Are you a princess?" Ellen had to laugh at that and shook her head.

"No! By no means, no!" she replied, taking Linali by the arm, guiding her through the corridor, Kanda following silently.

"But your family owns a castle!" Linali argued, but then she thought of something else and stopped, holding on to Ellen. "But this means… The Black Order invades your home…! Oh Ellen! This is not right! Why didn't my brother do something against it?" Ellen sighed.

"It is fine… If it is my mother's will to allow the order to make the castle their headquarters, then I have to accept this…" Linali looked at her with a troubled expression but Ellen smiled at her.

"Did you not want a tour?"

"But Ellen… It is yours…," Linali protested.

"We only used it from time to time. And are you not my best friend? You certainly are allowed to see. And maybe I feel up to boasting a bit about it, not ever little girl used to have a castle as her playground. What do you say?" Linali hesitated, but she was really curious, so she gave in after a while.

"Fine… But it still makes me a bit uneasy…," Linali confessed and they walked on. "Did you know about it, Kanda?"

"Not until earlier today… The beansprout likes to keep her secrets," he replied and Linali had to laugh at that, while Ellen looked indignantly at him.

"Oh and you don't?" she asked, earning herself a blank expression and more of Linali's giggles. "I did not mean any harm though Linali," Ellen continued, turning to her friend. Linali smiled warmly and nodded.

"Of course not. You never do, Ellen… But if Lady Bermont is your mother… Doesn't that mean that you should be Ellen Bermont as well?"

"Yes," Ellen said and Kanda snorted, "well, I _used_ to be Ellen Bermont," she corrected herself. "General Cross considered it safer for her and me if I take on the name of my uncle, Mana Walker. Well, Walker is my mother's maiden name, so I guess it was fine using it as an exorcist…" The tour through the castle was mostly spent with Ellen talking about the decoration, explaining the use of the rooms and occasionally making remarks about people on portraits. Linali found it immensely fascinating and even Kanda paid a considerable amount of attention.

"Are you going to learn the family tree by heart now, Kanda?" Linali wondered jokingly as they were in a study where a parchment with a family tree exposed in a cabinet had caught Kanda's attention.

"Don't be stupid," Kanda replied with an annoyed snort, "Your family line isn't dying out," he commented after a while and Ellen walked up to him. "You have many relatives."

"Of course it is not dying out, but my father was the head of the family and he passed all of his possessions on to my mother or me. Therefore it is important for me to marry well and to have children to ascertain that our bloodline and the possession is passed on. Of course, it could have been passed on to a cousin or uncle of mine, but my mother does not want that," Ellen explained and Kanda made a grimace at the parchment as if it had offended him.

"There is no need to worry about offspring now, is there?" Linali asked innocently, but with a smile on her face which caused Ellen to first pale, then blush.

"I… I guess so…," she replied embarrassedly and Kanda snorted.

"We must do better than your parents though," Kanda commented and Ellen pinched his upper arm. "Stop that!"

"You stop saying stupid things!" Linali laughed and shook her head.

"I wonder if any of these ancestors of yours is haunting this castle!"

"No! Linali!!" Ellen put her hands over her ears and shook her head, "I spent years and years trying to sleep alone because I was afraid of ghosts!"

"Tch, this really is a pointless fear," Kanda commented, "let's go on." Ellen agreed and was pulled out of the room by the eager Linali.

"The imagination of a child surrounded by portraits of dead family members is rather vivid," the white haired girl informed Kanda but he just rolled his eyes.

-

Bit by bit they went through a big part of the castle until they arrived at a dead end on the third floor.

"From here one sees the new manor quite well," Linali commented, looking out of the window. The three story manor house was connected to the castle by an arcade going though a beautiful flower garden.

"Most of the important things are in the new manor house because it has modern luxuries and is therefore more convenient…," Ellen explained. "When only mother and I visited the castle we usually stayed in the manor."

"While I was looking for your room I saw a lot of workers about, I think they are making adaptations so that the various divisions can work properly," Linali said, "do you think your mother does not mind?"

"I do not know… She does not like strangers meddling with her things, but apparently there seems to be a benefit in allowing the changes to happen. And it's not as if this castle is static – it is constantly changed with every passing generation."

"I'm sure the ghosts don't like it," Linali remarked and Ellen pouted. "Oh, come on Ellen. There's no need to be afraid! You've got Kanda now, you don't need to sleep on your own!"

"We don't share a room," Kanda said and Linali looked at him in surprise.

"Why?" Ellen shrugged.

"But I am not alone, Mister Link keeps me company," Ellen said and Kanda frowned in obvious displeasure. "But you could sleep in my room, my bed is big enough," Ellen suggested and Linali nodded.

"If I get lonely I'll sneak into your bed," Linali said and Ellen smiled, "and if there's some space left, maybe we'll allow Kanda in as well, what do you think?"

"Oh I don't know yet. Should we?" Ellen asked thoughtfully, then the girls laughed. Kanda's mood wasn't really ameliorated by the giggling though.

"What are we doing here? It's a dead-end," he demanded to know.

"Ah, yes," Ellen said and stopped laughing. She put her hand on the tapestry hanging on the wall and pulled it to the side, revealing a white door.

"A hidden door!" Linali exclaimed with glee.

"There are lots of doors behind the tapestries, but this one is locked. Mother says the rooms behind it were supposed to be renovated, but because my father died it was never completed… I've never been inside and I haven't been able to obtain the key yet." Linali clapped her hands together.

"A door that was not opened for more than ten years! How exciting! Do you think your mother will ever give you the key to it?" Linali wondered and Ellen let the tapestry fall back into place.

"I do not know. Maybe it is connected with painful memories of my father? I do not want to harass her with these rooms even though I am curious. If you look up to the rooms you can only see white curtains in all of the windows," Ellen told her.

"Have you ever tried getting in?" Linali wondered and they walked back to the stairs to descend.

"I have, yes. I searched for a way through hidden doors but I have not found any leading there yet. And, but don't tell my mother this, I have tried climbing up to the window once, but the windows were locked."

"You climbed up to the third story?!" Linali asked in surprise and Ellen nodded.

"It's no big surprise coming from the idiot who climbed up to the Black Order," Kanda said with a snort and Ellen blushed.

"Don't be mean!" the girl complained.

"And what did you see?" Linali asked, ignoring Kanda's comment, and Ellen put her fingers to her chin, trying to remember.

"Nothing much actually. A completely white room, all furniture was covered by white blankets. But there was a golden box standing on the mantelpiece of the fireplace. I couldn't look for long because Mana discovered me."

"You do quite dangerous things, Ellen," Linali said and laughed, Ellen couldn't help smiling as well. "What do you think was in that box?"

"Probably nothing at all. Mother keeps all the important documents with her…," Ellen told her and they arrived at the ground floor. "How about we get something to eat now?"

"Ah, yes! Wasn't the dining hall this way?" Linali wondered and pointed in one direction. Ellen nodded and they went to the new dining hall. When they arrived Ellen found that the hall had been adapted so that people could order their food at the other end of the hall.

"It is a bit inconvenient with this make-shift solution, because the entry of the kitchen is not directly linked to the dining hall," Jerry – who had left the kitchen to see how things worked – commented, "but I'm sure we will find a better solution." They ordered something to eat and sat down next to a window, where the curtains had been drawn to the side to let in some light.

"Ah, there is Rabi!" Linali spoke up when they were leaving again and waved at him. Ellen saw how Rabi hesitated, but then came to the, a grin firmly in place.

"Yo! Also here for a bite to eat?"

"We already had something. We are actually on our way to continue our tour through the castle," Linali explained, "how about you join us?"

"Ah, I'd love to but I have to pass," Rabi replied with an uneasy laugh, "I'll see you guys later!" With this he rushed off to the other end of the hall, leaving Linali quite confused.

"I wonder what his problem is," the girl said, "why would he pass up on an opportunity to explore the castle? With a guide even!"

"Let him be," Kanda said with a dismissive snort, and turned around to leave, "let's go to the basement." Ellen followed, but she was a bit low spirited because she couldn't help assuming that Rabi's reluctance was due to the fact that he had been present during Cross and her talk.

"He knows that I am bound to become a Noah… Does he doubt me…?" Ellen wondered to herself, but was called out of her thoughts when Linali pulled open one of the doors leading to the basement.

"Ah, sorry you guys, but you can't go down now!" Somebody called them and they saw River and Komui walking up to them. "We are currently trying to install electricity so that we are able to work properly. There are too many workers running around, you would only get in the way," River told them.

"Oh, well… Another time then, Ellen? How about we go see the gardens now? It stopped raining after all," Linali suggested, but Komui interrupted them with a cough.

"Linali… I need you to come with me now," he said and Linali looked up at him. "I'm sorry to interrupt your fun." His eyes met Ellen's for a second, but he averted his look quickly. The two scientists left and Linali looked torn for a moment, but after a while she excused herself.

"We will meet at dinner!" she said, then she hurried after Komui and River. When they were gone Ellen sighed deeply.

"Let's go back up…," she said unhappily.

"What was that about?" Kanda asked in a low voice and they walked back to the stairway.

"I have a feeling it is the same as with Rabi… Apparently they do not really know how to react to the fact that I seem to be turning into… well, you know what," Ellen whispered and Kanda frowned.

"They aren't that stupid. Why would they doubt you?"

"Why would Rabi avoid me? And why would Komui suddenly call Linali back?" Ellen countered and Kanda didn't know how to reply to that. "I… do not want to believe that they doubt me either… It is an awkward situation though…" They arrived at the top of the stairs and Ellen looked at Kanda.

"Where is your room?" she wondered and Kanda pointed to the left, "Should we-"

"Ellen?" Ellen stopped and turned around and saw her mother in the hall at the foot of the stairs, walking a few steps upwards. "I was looking for you." Ellen froze immediately and almost took a step behind Kanda, but there was no point in hiding behind what she wanted to be hidden. "Why were you not in your room?"

"I… I was giving my friends a tour through the castle… It is supposed to be their home now as well…," Ellen told her and Charlene Bermont arrived at the top of the stairs, silently studying the two young exorcists. Apparently she was pleased to find Ellen wearing a dress and had no problem with Kanda either, at least her face wore a calm expression.

"I see. And how do you like the castle, sir?" Charlene asked, addressing herself to Kanda. The young man was well aware of who he was talking to and was therefore a bit shy to reply just in case he said anything stupid to his mother-in-law.

"It is very impressive and in a remarkable condition for a castle this old," he replied and Charlene nodded.

"What did you want of me?" Ellen asked, trying to cut any conversation between the two short, but she knew that this was a pointless endeavour. Charlene, who had been intently studying Kanda, turned her eyes away from him to look at her daughter.

"There is a certain issue we need to discuss."

"Well… I agree. There is something I need to ask you as well…," Ellen replied and Charlene raised an eyebrow, but she nodded.

"Do you? Well, then how about you come to the manor with me?" she invited the girl and then she turned to Kanda. "Will you find your way back on your own?"

"Oh, he…," Ellen started, looking at Kanda with an uneasy smile.

"I am on my way to the gardens, so I'll accompany you a bit," Kanda said and Ellen's mother, despite being both surprised and a bit unwilling to have an exorcist near the manor, nodded. Ellen wanted to groan, because she could almost not stand the tension, but she kept quiet and followed her mother to the door.

"You kept everybody within the order in the dark about your heritage?" Charlene asked when they walked under the arcade. She chose not to comment that Kanda followed them.

"It was not really my decision… But there are some people that know, Kanda does, for example," Ellen said silently and looked over her shoulder. Charlene followed the direction of her eyes.

"So this is Yu Kanda then?" Kanda, not being the one talked to, kept his silence.

"Yes… He is…" Charlene turned around again and they arrived at the manor house. It was a building made out of white stones with wide, symmetrically arranged windows on all three floors. Most of the shutters were closed and it did not seem like it was inhabited. But it did have the same atmosphere of abundance and luxury that the castle had; already the entrance hall had a white marble floor and a marble stair leading up. All the walls were lined with pictures and golden lamps. Surprisingly, Charlene did not say anything when Kanda entered as well, even though Ellen thought it was a bit daring of him to do so. She shot him a troubled look, but he ignored her silent protest.

"Tea is already prepared," Ellen's mother said, walking into her office, leaving the doors open for the other two to come in. She sat down in a red armchair, looking like an imposing queen, even while pouring tea into cups. "There is no longer a need to reveal your noble name anymore, now is there?" Charlene asked after a while, a faint smile on her lips, but when she raised her eyes to look at the two young people standing in the door, her face was rather stern. Ellen froze immediately and clenched her hands into fists. Charlene looked at Kanda and he was uncertain if he should say anything to her.

"Actually, this manor was supposed to be off-limits for the exorcists," she started and Kanda opened his mouth to say something, but Charlene cut him off. "It is really flattering that you liked the castle, Mister Kanda," she continued and stood up again, glaring at him and Ellen. "But I fear that the days of its splendour have come to an end." Kanda looked over at Ellen; the girl covered her face with her hands, feeling her heart beat frantically, but there was no way out now. "Take a seat. Both of you."

_To be continued._

Notes:

Finally, the long overdue confrontation… In the next chapter ;3


	58. Kapitel 56 Facing the Dragon

**Author's Notes:**

Reading fanfiction (which I rarely do nowadays) got me all fired up despite the semester break blues I seem to suffer from at the moment.

Replying to Akira-chan: I'd also understand if you'd written me a French review (I just got so rusty after years of not using it that I have no confidence in writing/speaking French, or Italian for that matter *lol* but I still undestand it) – thanks a lot! The number of chapters does give me a fright sometimes! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Merci! 3

Replying to Shadow of a Rose: Thank you! Also for giving the story a go even though you usually don't like genderswitch! :3 I've been thinking about getting a beta ever since I started writing in English because there are things I am not sure about… I haven't really looked for one yet though...

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

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**Kapitel 56: Facing the Dragon**

Kanda felt his face heat up slowly even though the temperature in Lady Bermont's study was rather cool. Ellen had dropped onto the couch in front of her mother's armchair almost immediately after the order to take a seat had been issued. Kanda looked at his wife; she no longer covered her face with her hands, but her fingers dug into the sofa's soft fabric, her shoulders stiffly drawn up. Her face was pale and her expression tense. He looked over to Charlene who just raised an eyebrow at him because he had not taken a seat yet. Kanda breathed in through his nose – tense as well but also slightly irritated – and sat down beside his wife, palms flat on his knees, meeting Charlene's stern eyes with as much confidence as he could muster. He was really nervous now, even though his mother-in-law seemed to spread an aura of grave calmness and not obvious hostility.

"So," Charlene started and Ellen bit her lips, looking at her mother, but the woman's eyes were fixed on the young Japanese male next to Ellen, "you are the _gentleman _who made my daughter forget her common sense." Kanda did not reply to that and Ellen felt the need to speak up.

"Mother… How did you know his name? I-" Charlene made Ellen's voice die down merely by turning her attention from Kanda to Ellen for a short moment.

"I did not know for sure that Yu Kanda is your husband," she now looked at Kanda again, "Ellen wrote a lot about you, always full of praise for you, Mister Kanda." Kanda lowered his head at that, probably the reaction Charlene had expected, because she turned back to Ellen. "And I am no fool Ellen. I can read you well enough, child. And the reactions of you both gave you away…"

"I am sorry…," Ellen mumbled, but Charlene just shook her head.

"There is no point in being sorry," she said, "or regretting. What is done, is done." She lifted her teacup to her mouth, drinking silently. Neither Ellen nor Kanda found it in themselves to say anything, because there was the unspoken threat that even though things have been done, Charlene would still do her best to undo what Ellen and Kanda managed to get themselves into. Charlene put the tea back down and leant back in her chair, observing Kanda's features.

"How old are you, Mister Kanda?"

"18…," he replied and Charlene frowned, apparently slightly disturbed by how young he was.

"And you think yourself able to sustain both wife and child?" Kanda lowered his eyebrows uncertainly, but he nodded. "You do. And how, if I might ask?"

"As long as we are exorcists this is secondary," the young man said and Charlene's expression darkened. Ellen was already fidgeting in her seat, but she could not say anything to help Kanda.

"Secondary? The welfare of wife and child are secondary to you?" the woman asked and Kanda was slightly annoyed at himself for wording things too bluntly, but he just wasn't good at this.

"The order provides a home and food. We lack nothing," Kanda explained but Charlene just snorted silently. It was kind of absurd anyway, Kanda mused, because the home they had and a lot of money the Black Order spent for its exorcists were provided by Charlene Bermont anyway. Of course he didn't have much to sustain Ellen and it made him bitter that he was dependant on the order and in a way on Charlene and whatever fortune Ellen called her own. He was not going to admit that yet though, Charlene probably could guess anyway.

"You have no money from your parents?" Ellen's mother continued to ask, still focused on the question of money.

"No." Charlene sighed when Kanda did not elaborate on this reply.

"Then do you have parents?"

"I do," Kanda told her. "As far as I know they are alive. It is hard to tell though." Charlene crossed her arms over her chest, studying Kanda silently for a while. If she felt sorry for him in any way, she did not show it.

"You are Japanese if I remember correctly from my daughter's letters," Charlene started and Kanda nodded, "but you are blue eyed. How come?" Here Ellen put her hand over Kanda's and shook her head.

"Mother. Don't interrogate him like this," she asked but Charlene frowned at her.

"This young man has become your husband, whether that happened legally or not remains to be discussed, but for now he is my son-in-law. There are things I wish to know," she told her sharply, "do _you_ know, daughter?" Ellen paled and drew back her hand. Kanda looked at her, then he turned his eyes to Charlene.

"I have a bit of European blood in me as well, but I know almost nothing about it. But it is meaningless anyway. No noble name, no secret fortune. I am but an exorcist here - as far as English society is concerned I do not exist."

"Kanda…," Ellen whispered, feeling bad all over again for ever having installed thoughts of inferiority in him – whether it was justified or not didn't even matter. Charlene however snorted, an amused expression on her face.

"At least you are honest in this aspect," she said, but then she got serious again. "Why did you marry my daughter?" Kanda was a bit taken aback by the sudden question, but it was not something he had no answer for.

"For the usual reasons; I love her," Kanda replied boldly and Ellen blushed. Charlene however did not comment that.

"As far as I have come to know it was not her decision to marry so swiftly. Did she not protest?" Charlene wished to know.

"She did."

"And why were you married anyway?" Charlene wondered and Kanda hesitated to answer.

"Because it was necessary," he said. Charlene raised a thin eyebrow and Kanda felt forced to add: "and because I wanted to." A deep, disapproving sigh escaped Charlene and Kanda tensed. "I really do care about your daughter, Lady Bermont. I did not think that marrying me would be some sort of social death sentence for her." The aristocrat looked at Kanda with sharp eyes.

"Young man, caring for a girl one loves does not necessarily include sleeping with her before marriage and then pushing her into a hasty marriage without considering other options. Necessity – if that is what you think it was - bundled with ardent love, does not really mean that it's the right thing to do."

"Mother… Don't be too harsh on him…," Ellen pleaded, "I am fine with the marriage now. I am very fond of Kanda and will also take responsibility for my actions."

"And how do you want to take responsibility? You know that I won't disown or punish you," Charlene said with a huff, shaking her head. "You are aware that you got us into a difficult situation." She looked at Kanda and he returned the look. "Of course I would be very happy for my daughter to have found herself a loving man under normal circumstances. And I really do not doubt your honesty in that aspect, Mister Kanda, even though I think your youth and passion have clouded your right judgment of what is good for Ellen and you. However," she crossed her arms over her chest, looking rather displeased, "As things are, I really cannot approve of this match and I would like you to consider dissolving your marriage."

"That is out of the question," Kanda replied promptly. Charlene looked at Ellen and nodded at her to get her opinion.

"I told you before. I do not want to give up this marriage to marry a man more to your liking, mother… I dislike the very idea of such an act," Ellen said with a frown. Charlene apparently had not expected another reaction to her suggestion and wasn't really angered to hear that.

"I will still have Leverrier looking into the validity of the marriage certificate. If this marriage can be undone then it will be undone," Charlene said, "until then I provide you, Mister Kanda, with a monthly allowance that is deposited in a bank account. For use when the time comes where the care of your future family will no longer be _secondary_." Kanda frowned in confusion.

"Do you want to buy Ellen back or what?" he asked, rather irritated at the thought.

"Fool! Of course not!" Charlene exclaimed, huffing in indignation and shaking her head. "No. But I cannot stand the idea of my daughter and the castle being in the hands of a destitute youth." Ellen widened her eyes at that, looking at her mother in confusion.

"What did you say now, mother? What has Kanda got to do with the castle?" Charlene snorted, not very pleased at her daughter's ignorance.

"Your father bequeathed this castle to you. He assumed that a son would later receive his title, his position in parliament and the bigger part of the fortune. He wanted you to have a place to retreat to, where you could do whatever you wished, especially in case you chose your own liberty over taking a husband. Now, there is no son and I was left in charge with all the possession he wanted you to have after his death. But now you are married and the castle belongs to your husband as all your possessions do. And in the wrong hands I don't really see a bright future for this castle, or our branch of the family in general." Kanda was speechless for a moment, unsure of what to say. So this castle, this building that was nearly holy ground for Ellen because it was the symbol of her family, was _his_?

"I don't want it," Kanda said and Charlene glared at him, forcing Kanda to rephrase: "This castle belongs to the Bermont family, Ellen especially. I respect that and do not want to claim it in any way. Her property is her property, not mine."

"That is very noble of you, but-" Charlene was interrupted when Kanda suddenly flinched. He looked down to find out the cause of the sudden pain in his hand. Ellen, who had been very quiet ever since the subject of the castle had been brought up, had grabbed Kanda's hand, the sharp nails digging into Kanda's palm enough to hurt. Charlene also saw her daughter's pale face and the grey eyes staring at her.

"If this castle means so much to you and if you did not want it _soiled _then why did you allow the Black Order into it?" Ellen asked with a trembling voice. Kanda was surprised to see her trying to contain anger and maybe also some pain, to the point it made her tremble. Charlene was a bit taken by surprise as well, but she recovered pretty easily.

"Because you are an exorcist Ellen. If I cannot take you back that easily I at least want you somewhere more comfortable. Somewhere that will remind you of your real home," she replied and Ellen finally let go of Kanda's hand.

"But you let me go! You let me go with Master Cross despite knowing where you would send me! You did not think about my comfort and responsibility to the family name then, did you? Why do you think you have the right to call me back now?"

"Daughter, what kind of tone are you talking in?" Charlene asked with a disapproving expression on her face.

"A tone of indignation, mother!" Ellen exclaimed loudly, springing to her feet and holding out her left hand, dark red, almost black with a sparkling band of pale gold around one of her fingers. Charlene grimaced, but the initial surprise was fast overcome (and Kanda couldn't help but admire how the woman was able to control and govern her emotions) and she looked at Ellen. "You know what this is, don't yout? You know what Innocence is, you know what the Black Order is! And you still sent me there after years of hiding me!"

"Hiding, Ellen, could not guarantee your safety forever," Charlene said, with a gentle calmness that contrasted with Ellen's agitated temper. "I tried my best not to expose you to anything that could make someone take notice of you." Kanda raised an eyebrow and because Ellen was too troubled to speak, he did:

"Who is that someone you had in mind?" he wondered, also quite curious to know how deeply Ellen's family – or at least mother and uncle – were involved in the workings of their secret war. Charlene lifted her hands.

"The people of the Black Order and whatever it is that you are fighting against," she told him and looked at Ellen, "you must wonder why I know. Well, I do not know everything as – so I have been told – knowledge of these matters could cause me and my family great danger. Mana was connected to this Innocence matter in some way," here Charlene laughed humourlessly, touching the palm of her hand to her forehead. "_Innocence_. What a misleading name that is for something that snatches loved ones away to toss them to war and death. I did not want to send you to anything unpleasant, but I feared that you were no longer safe at home – from the enemy forces and from yourself if you did not learn to control that Innocence of yours. If you had to go to a battle, then it would be best to train you for it, nothing I tried to do in order to evade such a fate for you was fruitful. The only thing I could do was try to make sure that you lacked nothing and that is why I donated money to the order. It did give me a little sphere of influence in a space I could not have invaded otherwise. And now you're here." Ellen had fallen back on the sofa, her anger evaporated, but a nagging feeling of doubt and betrayal still inside of her.

"Mother… I am not going to stay," Ellen spoke up silently and Charlene looked at her. "Once an exorcist, I cannot back out of it before the battle is over and won."

"Ellen, that is foolish. You are not fit to go to the battle front!"

"How do you know?!" Ellen shouted, making Charlene shut up instantly. "You do not know what I am capable of mother. You can try what you want; try to lock me into the castle, try to dissolve my marriage, try to frighten me with the loss of my property, try to take my child, try to lie to that Lord of yours, try to get me out of the way by pushing me into another thoughtless marriage just to prevent me from harming my reputation." Charlene stared at her daughter with wide eyes. "You might have gained some influence over me as the benefactor of the order, but your money or social status will not allow you to meddle with my affairs as an exorcist. I am no longer Ellen Bermont, mother, I will stay true to the person I worked towards becoming." With this she stood up again, bowed and with a muttered excuse she quickly left the room. Kanda remained sitting, looking at the closed door. A deep sigh from Lady Bermont made him turn his head.

"She has developed a habit of running out of conversations. So much like her father…" There was a little smile on Charlene's lips and it hadn't left them yet when she looked up at Kanda. "Mr Kanda. I will do what I think is right. You are free to disagree with my views on what is right, but I am still her mother and like to think that I can judge better than a young man as yourself can." With this she turned to her tea. "Actually, I still hope for her to reconsider her decision about her almost fiancé. But I am also willing to take risks." Here she looked at Kanda with a challenging expression. "If my plans fail, I envision striking a deal with you."

"What kind of deal, Lady Bermont?" Kanda asked in surprise but Charlene shook her head.

"Only if my plan fails," she reminded him. "You can leave now." Kanda was intrigued but did not ask about it. He got up, wished his mother-in-law a good evening and left the room. He found Ellen leaning against the wall near the stairway, her eyes fixed on his approaching form.

"Was she angry?"

"Because of your shouting?" Kanda asked and Ellen pressed her lips together. Apparently she was not really sure what to think of her behaviour. Too daring? Too cheeky? Just right? Kanda put his hand on top of Ellen's head. "No. I think she was somewhat amused." Ellen looked at him doubtfully and Kanda withdrew his hands, putting them into the pockets of his trousers. "It was not as bad as I expected. Even if she were a dragon, you're pretty good at spitting fire as well." Ellen blushed at that and stepped in front of Kanda, stopping him from going down the stairs.

"What?! That's not funny, Kanda!" Kanda had to laugh nevertheless and manoeuvred his way around the white haired obstacle, descending the stairs. Ellen sighed deeply, following Kanda back outside. Even though the rain had become a mere drizzle there was still a chilly wind blowing and the sky was darkened by thick clouds. Ellen shivered lightly when the cold wind hit her and she hurried along under the arcade to get back into the castle.

"It is already quite late…," Ellen said and put her hand against her stomach, "at least I think it should be time for something to eat." Kanda snorted at her appetite's way of measuring time, but still followed her to the dining hall where they were greeted by a familiar face.

"Tch. There you are again," Kanda snorted when Link caught sight of them, walking towards them in fast strides.

"Where were you?" Link asked in a reproachful tone.

"You were the one that left her," Kanda reminded him and Link looked at him disapprovingly.

"We were called by my mother," Ellen told him, "I am sorry that I could not inform you of it first." Link seemed mildly surprised.

"You were? What for?" Ellen wanted to reply, but Link reconsidered the question and shook his head. "No. Tell me later." The girl nodded – actually she was eager to revise some of the things that had been said by discussing them. But here where everyone could hear her was not the right place to do so.

"What did my uncle want of you?" Ellen asked when they waited for their ordered food.

"Nothing we can discuss here either," Link told her and the girl sighed because they lacked a topic of conversation. Kanda was not really eager to enter a discussion between the two anyway, he still was thinking about the mysterious deal Lady Bermont had hinted at. His mother-in-law didn't seem like a bad person (certainly not a woman he could not deal with if he had to) but she appeared to be rather calculating. If he had concluded in the right manner, then Charlene meant to break up their marriage so Ellen could remarry someone more worthy going by high society standard. Maybe she would want to make him comply by offering him something? If it was true that the castle was now his possession then she might use that in some way? He had no idea how her mind worked and he just could not phantom what she might have planned. But he had a feeling that if her desired union with that Lord failed then Charlene would certainly not let him have much choice when it got to that deal of hers.

"Kanda? Is something the matter?" Ellen wondered and Kanda snapped out of his thoughts. He took the soba that Ellen held out to him. "You looked as if you were in thoughts?"

"Just something your mother said," Kanda said but did not want to elaborate on it. He neither wanted to unnerve Ellen nor to get her hopes up, so he decided to remain silent about it unless Charlene chose to enlighten them.

-

The three youths finished their meal rather quickly and withdrew into Ellen's room.

"There has been no rearrangement of the rooms yet," Link explained why he followed and Kanda snorted in annoyance, but refrained from saying anything.

"Well… Considering that this castle belongs to us, it should not be difficult to rearrange ourselves," Ellen said and Link raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you do not know yet… Because of my marriage this castle now belongs to my husband…" She told this in a calm, casual voice, but Link saw that she was bothered by this fact. He frowned and studied Kanda.

"If I remember correctly, the legal situation here in England allows you to have your own property despite marriage," he said, "but you probably haven't made an agreement when you married…" Ellen shook her head.

"Who cares about that? It's not my castle. It should be obvious that I have no interest in being its owner," Kanda said with an annoyed snort, shaking his head. Ellen smiled at him and turned towards Link.

"But the matter of our rooms aside, what did you need to discuss? Does it have something to do with me?"

"Yes… I was informed about how we continue now that it's official that you will become a Noah." Ellen frowned at hearing that – she still refused to believe that this was a fact. "Most importantly, we need to ascertain that you stay loyal to the order."

"Why ascertain this? I thought it was clear that I have no intention of betraying my home!" Ellen exclaimed in irritation but Link lifted his hands to appease her.

"The orders, Ellen, come from above. How can they be sure that you are not lying? Even if your uncle thought you capable of controlling the Noah inside of you, he cannot contradict the orders." Ellen pressed her lips together. "I am sure you understand."

"How exactly will things go now? Do you plan on just waiting for her to turn into a Noah? And what about the people who know about it?" Kanda wondered and Link nodded.

"This is a justified question. It was first planned to inform everybody of Ellen's state, we did decide against this because it would push Ellen into a very uncomfortable position that might be taken advantage of by the Noah inside of her. But the other exorcists at least have to be told about you." Ellen lowered her head in resignation and sighed.

"I guess they have a right to know about it… But it will not make things any easier," she said and Link looked at her. "You do not want the entire order doubting me, but the exorcists – my comrades – must know that there is a potential danger in their ranks… I really do understand but their doubt hurts me more than the entire order's."

"There will be no reason to doubt… If everything happens the way we want it to, then there will be no danger, only a gain in power," Link told them, but neither Kanda nor Ellen were very confident in this sort of plan. A timid knock on the door interrupted the strained silence though and Ellen gladly got up, answering the door.

"Hello," Linali said with a smile, but she looked left and right into the corridor before continuing, "I sneaked out of my brother's office, so I have to be quiet." Ellen looked at her in wonder.

"Why did you have to leave him in secrecy?" she wanted to know and Linali sighed deeply.

"I don't even know! He said something about danger and not bothering you. Ridiculous!" Ellen didn't say anything to that and Linali looked at her with a sad expression. "Is something the matter?"

"I think I cannot tell you yet," Ellen replied and Linali took Ellen's hands into hers.

"Tell me as soon as you can…," she asked her and Ellen nodded, "now that I am here, how about we walk around a bit more? I am sure Komui will come to find me here!" Ellen had to laugh at that and walked out of the room without asking for permission. Link got up with a deep, slightly annoyed sigh, but Kanda stopped him from following Ellen.

"What?" Link demanded when Kanda glared down at him.

"I think you underestimate what it means to turn into a Noah. I doubt it is something that can be controlled – especially not when Ellen is put under stress by surveillance and the other people's suspicions," he said. Link snorted.

"As it seems that you claim to have superior knowledge than the Vatican does, tell what you think we should do?" he asked mockingly, but Kanda thought it best not to get excessively angry at the moment.

"Don't try confining her, that would be a good start," he said in an irritated tone, "then…" Link looked at him with a stern expression.

„You cannot want that we do to her what they did to you just to make the transformation process safer." Kanda narrowed his eyes, but did not say anything. "We all know that she will _definitely_ transform into a Noah; it's in the memory, not in the blood. Circumstances are different."

"But it is not safe!" Kanda shouted as Link pushed past him, following the two girls.

"Nothing about this war is safe, you should be aware of that," Link told him gruffly, "Inspector Leverrier already considered what you just implied to me, but a delay of the process is not desirable." Kanda glared after Link, but the matter was out of his hands. The only thing he could do was to try and protect Ellen to the best of his abilities and just hope that things did – for once – go according to the Vatican's plans.

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

Sorry, Charlene, for referring to you as a dragon ;3

I'm still working towards establishing Ivory Tales' take on Kanda's past... It's so slow paced though that I think Hoshino will long be done with giving us his entire backstory before I ever get to tell what I've planned for him......


	59. Kapitel 57 Rain Cage

**Author's Notes:**

This took me longer to write than I anticipated. This is a) because I had a lot of organizing to do considering university and b) I kind of slipped back into one of my old fandoms and was too preoccupied with it to concentrate on writing fanfiction. I am very sorry, I didn't mean to get side-tracked.

Anyway, I've also gave the whole question of getting a beta more thought. I'll move to England at the end of March and might update slower before and after the move, but if – despite this - anybody with a better grasp of grammar issues is willing to put up with me and work with me I'd be thankful. There's also a bit of info on my profile page! :D (You can PM me or if you don't have an account leave a message with some way of getting in touch with you, be it e-mail or LJ or dA…)

And: Thank you Miss Whittington for our discussions about the whole "let Ellen confront Kanda" issue. I think now is a good time to finally get into this! :D

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

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**Kapitel 57: Rain Cage**

The days of the early spring passed in a grey, rainy haze at Bermont Castle. From the day they had come until now, two weeks after transferring headquarters, there hadn't been one day with a single glimpse of blue sky. Ellen had seen many days go by like this in her childhood, but back then the castle or her playthings would have entertained her. Now the rainfall felt like the fluid prison bars that kept her in a place which's sudden noisy business was alienating her more and more as each day passed.

"Terrible rain, isn't it?" Ellen turned her attention away from the window, put a gentle smile back on her face and continued folding clothes.

"You should see the summer tempests. They are always quite a spectacle," she said, looking up at Crowley. He smiled, nodding, taking the clothes she handed him.

"Thanks for helping me out, Ellen," he thanked her shyly, putting the folded clothes into the wardrobe. "I must be quite a bother to you," he said and cast a glance at Link, who was sitting by the door, reading a book.

"Not at all!" Ellen said cheerfully and closed the wardrobe looking around Crowley's room which used to be an old, rarely used guest room. "I do not have much to do and you were unconscious for so long. I am happy that I can be of some use," she told him and Crowley sighed in relief.

"I have missed quite a lot, haven't I? I've only been awake for a bit more than a week and was still confined to the infirmary… Until today…" He sighed again, this time with regret. "I was quite surprised to hear that we are in Bermont Castle! And more than this," he studied Ellen up and down, "that you are married and are going to be… a… a… a mother." He blushed after the word had left his lips and Ellen laughed, shrugging her shoulders in a manner that made him belief that it was no big deal even though both of them knew that it was. Crowley's expression changed to a confused frown. "But Kanda… He seemes like a rude kid… Really strong, that's true… But still rude…" Ellen laughed in amusement. "And that's what everybody was saying about your choice in men. I heard them talk about it and nobody can understand how you manage to put up with him. He is scary…"

"They talk about this? I had thought that their interest in matters such as these would soon subside," the girl said thoughtfully. It made her nervous to be talked about, but there should be no shame in the matter. Better they worry about how such a nice girl as Ellen could manage to marry a "demon" like Kanda, than to have them suspect her of being an enemy.

"I think your marriage is generally known, but not that you will… well… become a mother," Crowley told her.

"I expected it to become known after I confessed to Komui… As soon as he knew almost everyone I interact with knew… But people always talk, I am bound to get used to it I think…" Crowley looked at her with pity in his eyes, but Ellen's confident smile cheered him up.

"Are you two done now? It's past four already," Link said, checking his pocket watch. Ellen looked at him with a frown.

"And what does it matter? It is not as if we had anything to do anyway," she protested but followed Link out of the room, Crowley trailing behind, still studying the corridors of the castle in awe as they were walking.

"There is always work to do," Link reminded her and Ellen sighed.

"Yes, yes…" She looked out of the windows while they were walking but the heavy rain didn't allow for much to be seen. She hadn't left the castle walls for almost two weeks, like most of her friends, and the only things she could do was help wherever help was needed. But she only got irrationally annoyed when people ushered her out of rooms, claiming that they were off limits. Nothing in this castle, she always wanted to tell them then, was off-limits to her.

"I have no reason to get that angry. I did tell my mother that I am here as an exorcist, therefore I must accept to only inhabit this castle as a member of the Black Order. I am not Ellen Bermont here, I need to remind myself of this. It is still my castle, but for the time being I should see it as nothing but the Black Order's headquarters," Ellen thought moodily. They walked through a lively part of the castle where scientists were still busily working on installing electricity. At the other end though stood Charlene, overlooking the process with a sceptical eye. When she spotted Ellen, she lifted her hand and beckoned her to come. Even though both of them were still in the castle, Ellen had rarely seen her mother after their last conversation.

"Pay attention! The tapestry is centuries old, don't damage it!" Charlene warned a nearby scientist who nearly tore a hole through the tapestry with one of his instruments. She sighed when a hasty apology was mumbled and turned towards Ellen and the two young men accompanying her. Charlene made a polite curtsey to Crowley, who returned it a bit awkwardly.

"Is there something the matter?" Ellen wondered and Charlene shook her head.

"I wanted to inform you that I will leave this castle later today," she replied, "there are a few things I need to arrange in London." Ellen seemed surprised at first; she had expected that her mother would now be a permanent resident of the castle in order to keep an eye on Ellen. She was not entirely sure whether to be sad or relieved that her mother would leave.

"Will you take somebody with you? It might be dangerous to go alone," the exorcist said and Charlene shook her head.

"How can this be dangerous? It is not as if I was travelling around with the emblem of the order on my carriage," she replied and Ellen sighed, but nodded. Charlene was silent for a moment, but then she put her hand on Ellen's shoulder.

"Are you sure that you do not want to come back home? There is not only one right road to take."

"This _is_ my home," Ellen replied and Charlene withdrew her hand, "thank you for the offer, but at the moment I do not want to think about other options."  
"Stubborn, are you," Ellen's mother observed with a hint of irritation in her voice. "Fine. Do what you think you must do. I will continue working towards the day when you will take the emblem of the order off for good." Ellen made a silent curtsey and her mother left them after saying a polite farewell. Ellen sighed deeply after her mother was out of sight.

"You seem familiar with Lady Bermont," Crowley observed, "you know her, don't you?"

"She is a relative of mine, I know her pretty well," Ellen replied. She guessed that it was fine telling him this much. She was not sure if she should still keep the fact that she was her daughter a secret. How much would she still be able to protect her mother by denying their relation if her mother was involved with the Black Order anyway?

"With the Bermont castle as the new headquarter of the order, it would not take much thought to realize that the Bermont family must be connected to it in a way," Ellen thought, "and my rejection of Tyki Mikk's offer was probably quite obvious. If he did not understand it, then at least some of his family must have."

"You seem troubled," Link said when he saw Ellen's gloomy look, "there really is nothing to worry about. Lady Bermont is no target for the Earl."

"Hmm. But maybe I should have sent her home via the Ark…," Ellen mused and Link frowned at her.

"That is out of the question," he refused and Ellen looked at him.

"Why? I was under the impression that we will be using the Ark in the future!"

"There's no reason to start an argument about this now. You are not allowed to use the Ark without authorization, you are not allowed to leave the order and as all exorcists you are not allowed to meet family members," Link told her sternly and Ellen rolled her eyes. "This here was an exception."

"Of course," Ellen spat with a flat tone. "But if you want to subject me to the rules of the Black Order again, then how about you return my uniform?" she asked and lifted up her skirt a bit.

"You are," Link started, but Ellen interrupted him sharply:

"Still a member of the Black Order." Link snorted but nodded. "And I would think that the path the Vatican wants me to follow is still that of an exorcist."

"Fine. I will talk to Inspector Leverrier about it," Link finally gave in and Ellen nodded.

"How about you do that now?" she suggested after a while.

"I have my watch duty," Link told her doubtfully, looking at the girl. Her attention was fixed to a window and he looked over her shoulder. He could only see two black umbrellas. If they were of interest to Ellen then they must conceal some of her friends.

"And what should happen here?" Ellen wondered and Link sighed deeply.

"The security of the place is not relevant for this. An order is an order," he told her, "only if I am told to leave your side will I do so…"

"Why is that even necessary? I do not understand," Crowley spoke up and Ellen looked at him. But Link did not want her to speak seeing as how he put a constraining hand on her shoulder.

"I cannot go into details," Ellen told him, "but you know that I can control Noah's Ark. That alone is reason enough to put me under surveillance." Link showed her a disapproving frown, but decided to let it pass because she merely stated facts that anybody could see. Crowley looked rather displeased.

"That doesn't strike me as a good reason to treat you like this!" he said and Ellen showed him a grateful smile.

"It is I, Howard Link," Link spoke up and Ellen realized that he had pressed the golden pin on his tie that served as a communicator between Link and her uncle. "Ellen Walker requests to receive back her uniform. Have you reached a conclusion yet?" Ellen could not hear the reply, but Link nodded and pressed the pin again. Curiously, she observed his expression as he turned towards her; strict as always. "The uniform will be returned to you. However, this evening there will be a gathering of all the exorcists and generals to inform them." Ellen widened her eyes.

"Inform us? Of what?" Crowley asked but Ellen already knew the answer and lowered her eyes to the floor as Link turned his attention to the other exorcist.

"Of Ellen's status within this order," he turned around, ignoring Crowley's perplexed expression. "I will get your uniform, you have half an hour to yourself. If you wish to use it, then do whatever you want." Ellen clenched her hands to fists, not replying.

"What… What exactly is going on here? Ellen?" Crowley asked with a worried tone, looking from Ellen to the leaving inspector.

"I am sorry Crowley, would you excuse me for a moment?" Ellen asked without replying and rushed off in the opposite direction, leaving the corridor. Crowley just stared after her in confusion, but he didn't try to follow her.

-

Ellen left the castle through a wooden door near the kitchen, getting out into the paved courtyard that was enclosed by stables and the servant's quarters. The rain was quite cold, but Ellen only shivered once and chose to ignore it. The girl left the courtyard by an open gate and walked around the castle, to the place where she had seen the two umbrellas.

"Kanda?" she asked and the young man turned around, looking past Rabi. "Might I have a moment?" Kanda seemed surprised, but nodded and Rabi patted him on the back.

"I'll go inside, it's kind of chilly here. See you two later!" he said and waved at Ellen before he went back into the castle. Kanda looked at her, drenched by the short walk in the rain, and lifted his hand.

"Come under the umbrella," he told her and she nodded, walking up to Kanda.

"What did you discuss with Rabi?" Ellen wanted to know.

"Nothing of importance. I was out to think a bit and he came to annoy me," he told her and Ellen looked up at him. He was gazing into the distance, but there was nothing much to be seen because the rain just blurred the sight.

"What were you thinking about?" she wondered but he just shrugged and didn't give her an answer. Ellen tried not to frown and busied herself with combing her fingers through her damp hair.

"Why are you on your own? Did you run away?" Kanda wanted to know when he realized that the blond nuisance was not a few steps behind his wife. He had become so accustomed to Link, that he just ignored him but took his presence for granted. It was quite surprising to see Ellen without him and it also caused him some apprehension.

"I did not," Ellen replied and they fell back into silence. "I…," the girl started after a while, because the constant drumming of rain on the umbrella made her nervous. "I have not really seen you much these last two weeks. What were you doing?" Kanda took some time until he gave her an answer.

"Nothing much. I was as confined within the order as you were. Komui wouldn't give me any missions. But I think he merely uses the rain as an excuse," Kanda mused and Ellen looked up at him.

"If you had nothing to do, then why didn't you come to spend some time with me? It's not as if I was constantly busy," she told him and Kanda appeared to feel slightly uneasy about it.

"I received Mugen back, I had to train," he told her and Ellen pressed her lips together. As no reply came from Ellen he turned to the side. "Let's go back inside."

"No, wait a minute," Ellen said, stopping him from leaving. Her expression when she looked up at him was both serious but also slightly hurt. "What is the matter? I do not understand if you won't talk to me."

"What? What's to worry about now? Stop being stupid," Kanda hissed, though he clearly wasn't as annoyed as he pretended to be. It didn't take much for Ellen to conclude that he would just rather get out of the situation. She breathed in deeply and reached out to put her hand on Kanda's arm.

"Ever since you met mother, we have not had a single moment for us alone and you avoid talking about anything but irrelevant things with me."

"Does that surprise you?" Kanda asked with a snort and Ellen frowned.  
"We still don't share a room yet, so our privacy is limited. That is most certainly true. But I've asked Link to leave us for a moment a couple of times. He would have done so, you know, but every time I suggested it you had something else to do. I know that this is not because you do not want to be close to me or because you consider mother's presence." Kanda remained silent, which prompted Ellen to continue speaking, even though she was unsure whether it was the right moment to address the problem. But now that they finally were alone and Kanda had no excuse to remove himself from their conversation, she had to dare. "Two weeks have passed and I have not tried to pry into anything yet. I wanted to give you the time to come to me when you are ready to talk. But you did not come, even though I have been waiting for you," she said, "and don't you think it is about time that you told me about yourself? I only get hints and even my mother dares to raise the questions I have been too afraid to ask. I just… I just want to know who you are." Kanda looked into her eyes and he knew how serious she was about it. But he snorted after a while, making Ellen's expression turn from gentle to hurt in the blink of an eye.

"There are more important things to worry about at the moment. First think about yourself before you want to burden yourself with my problems," Kanda told her.

"Why? Why should I? What can I do about _my_ problems other than wait and see how things develop? Once this day's over all of the exorcists will know about what dangers lurk inside of me." Kanda widened his eyes in surprise.

"Leverrier wants to tell everyone? That-"

"And when everybody knows I might feel less at home here than I do now. And you won't make it any easier for me with your constant silence," Ellen told him. "It really is getting to me! If you don't want to tell me then fine, I can be content if you give me a reason I can understand. But why do you need to avoid me? I hate this!" Kanda looked at her, unsure what to say, but after a while he reached out to pull her nearer.

"I'm sorry. But there were a lot of things I had to think about on my own. I know that I have to tell you eventually, but I don't know what to say," Kanda said, looking into Ellen's eyes.

"Just tell me. Everything that you want to tell me," she replied but Kanda shook his head.

"There is nothing I _want_ to tell you," he said and Ellen narrowed her eyes upon hearing that.

"I think you have kept me in the dark for long enough," Ellen told him, her voice no longer gentle and understanding. "There were so many things that I did not want to tell and I nearly begged you to let me do it when I'm ready. But you got impatient, you doubted me. So you pushed me, you _forced_ me to speak about things I was uncomfortable with." Ellen took a few steps away from Kanda, crossing her arms over her chest, glaring into to landscape that was swallowed up by the rain. "And I wanted to give you that time, I did not want to be as pushy as you were. But I am really annoyed at the moment and I am disappointed."

"Ellen…," Kanda said in surprise, looking at the younger exorcist.

"Maybe you think it's not my place – as your wife – to pry into your affairs and maybe you would be right under normal circumstances. But I jumped over my own shadow time and time again, crossing boundaries that were very important for me. For your sake, Kanda. I think I at least deserve that you understand that you are being unfair in the way you treat me!" For a long moment, the downpour of the rain was the only sound to be heard. Kanda had been stunned into silence by his wife's words. Words he knew had cost the girl a lot of courage to formulate, but probably also a lot of pain. Ellen did not want to accuse Kanda of anything, she really had no intention to force him to reveal what pained him, but she could not put up with this displeasing feeling any longer. While it had been part of Ellen's character not to keep information about her family to herself unless it was necessary, she had also tried her very best to make Kanda understand who she was. And she got almost nothing in return. Ellen searched Kanda's face for some kind of emotion that went past surprise, but there was none yet.

"Well?" she asked after a while and it made Kanda shake his head. He walked the step forwards that separated them, to get her back under the umbrella.

"Not now, beansprout," Kanda told her but received a disappointed glare. "What? You just throw accusations at me and expect me to come up with an intelligent answer right away?!"

"I'm not throwing-," Ellen started, but stopped with a loud groan, touching her fingers to her forehead. "Fine. Take your time to figure out a response, I need to get back." Without another word, Ellen turned around and went back inside of the castle. Kanda didn't follow her and Ellen assumed that he really tried to sort out his thoughts. But at the moment she was too angry, disappointed and in some part of her head ashamed for having voiced her displeasure. Without Kanda being prepared for it at the least and his usual rather defensive way of reacting to her having doubts considered, she should not have expected anything else than feeling even worse than before. She was not all too surprised to see Link frown at her when they met on the corridors.

"Wipe your eyes and blow your nose, Ellen," he advised her and Ellen pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket, wiping her face. "Your uniform is in your room." The girl nodded and they returned to her room, where the uniform was indeed neatly placed on her chair. "What happened?"

"Nothing…," Ellen replied and put a smile back on her face, as she stuffed the handkerchief back into the pocket of her dress. Link nodded politely and returned to the sitting room. Ellen took a deep breath to calm down again. Slowly, Ellen changed into her uniform, noting that there were no changes done yet to it. It felt good to wear it again after more than two weeks and a look into her mirror almost made her sigh in relief; the shadow hovering behind her somehow seemed less threatening now. Almost as if the uniform provided some sort of magical barrier against it. Ellen tugged her thumb under the waistband of her trousers with a little frown.

"It almost seems a bit tighter, but that might only be my mind playing tricks on me…," Ellen thought and pulled her hand back. "It still fits, that is the only thing that counts."

"Can I ask you something?" Ellen wondered, as she walked up to Link, pulling on her gloves.

"What?" Link didn't even look up from his book, absorbed in whatever he was writing.

"You had documents about me," Ellen started and Link lifted his head with a sceptical expression, just as if he knew exactly what she wanted to say. "So do you by chance also have information regarding other exorcists?"

"The order gathers information on any exorcist and person working for the organization," the young man replied.

"Also on Kanda?" Link fought the urge to sigh at this and nodded.

"I happened to look over his data some time ago," he told her, not adding anything to it. It didn't appear as if Ellen wanted to actually ask him to tell her about her husband's back story though.

"Do you think I should not want to know about it? As an exorcist? Or as his wife?"

"As an exorcist, it does not matter what kind of things you did before the Innocence chose you. You lose every claim on your personal past and private life as soon as you become an apostle and it's your duty to sever ties with who you were before becoming a chosen one. Therefore I would say that as an exorcist, you have no need to know about who your comrades used to be before they joined the Black Order," Link explained calmly and Ellen sat down opposite him with a heavy sigh. "But putting this aside, I do think that a wife should know who her husband is. For someone of your standing this is very important, especially as your husband is _supposed_ to determine a big part of your life." Ellen looked up at Link and he crossed his arms over his chest. "I am not married myself and by no means an expert on the matter though… It's likely that you gave up a lot to make this marriage possible, but I do not think that this entitles you to receive an equivalent amount of self-sacrifice from your husband."

"I am not talking about anything like self-sacrifice! If telling me about his past is really such an awful feat, then he can keep it to himself. But if he does, then I at least want that he understands that he did not grant me the liberty of deciding what to say and what to keep as a secret. Apart from just telling everybody of my marriage and pregnancy, which are delicate matters for me, he also pushed me into other things that I would have liked to do slower… But he doesn't acknowledge this and neither is he prepared to confide in me even though he claims to trust me. What should I do with this knowledge?" Ellen lowered her head and Link studied her, thinking of a fitting answer.

"Well. This realization should make you aware that there are still things you need to work at. It's not entirely surprising that a relationship, and especially a rushed marriage, does not run smoothly all of the time. You don't need to hold back just because you're his wife; if there is fault with what your husband does, then mention it. You need to make marriage a place of comfort and if you can't, then there's absolutely no point in fighting for it." Ellen sighed, but she was thankful for Link's evaluation of the situation. The young man put the book on the table. "It's about time to go, your uncle will want to exchange a few words with you," he said and Ellen nodded.

-

Leverrier was sitting in her late father's office as Ellen was guided to him. He was calmly studying the girl in her uniform without a comment for a minute or two, then he got up from the armchair, but didn't walk to where Ellen was.

"You have made a decision, I am sure," he said and Ellen nodded. "Hopefully one that will turn out favourably for you."

"I will continue being an exorcist," Ellen said, putting her hand to her chest, fingers touching the emblem of the order, "even if there is a Noah inside of me. But I am not doing this for the Vatican, I am doing it for myself and for the Akuma." Leverrier snorted almost inaudibly, but he nodded.

"The Vatican has decided that it's far too dangerous to keep the knowledge of the 14th to ourselves. The other exorcists must know. This is not to make them doubt you, but to ensure that you will be controlled should anything happen."

"How am I to understand that?" Ellen wondered, with an eyebrow raised. Leverrier lowered his face for a moment, but when he looked back up his expression was more serious than before.

"We don't know on which side the 14th stands. Just because he's the enemy of our enemy does not confirm that he's on our side. If he awakens, you fail to control him and he does anything against the Vatican's wishes, then he needs to be seized and maybe even destroyed." Ellen widened her eyes and took in a sharp breath. "The 14th is a ticking bomb, Ellen… This is not to say that you are, we know that you are on our side, but this Noah inside of you…" Leverrier sighed deeply and Ellen knew that he was troubled by this, she was his niece after all… "We need him. It would be best if we could just have his abilities awaken so that you can use them without you turning into anything that endangers yourself… But we don't have the time to find a way to make this less dangerous for you… And the Vatican thinks that a Noah on our side is more valuable than an exorcist… And if their plan fails, they are going to destroy him and disregard what will happen to you…" Ellen studied her uncle's face and watched him turn his head to a picture of her father hanging on the wall. "All we can do is hope that your mind is strong enough to coexist with the Noah and see that the transformation is controlled properly… I cannot do more for you… I am sorry…," he said and even though he was speaking to Ellen it also sounded like an apology to his deceased friend. Ellen sat down on the armchair and stared at her feet, staying silent even after Leverrier had sat back down, also brooding. He did not ask her to leave and so she stayed. She was not angry at her uncle, he had done his best to protect her. She wasn't angry at the Vatican either, for only seeing her as a tool. But she was very uneasy thinking about the future in the order.

"A ticking bomb…," Ellen mused, "No matter what my friends and comrades think of me, they will be forced to see an enemy in me. A constant danger for them, even though I am fighting on their side…" Ellen shook her head, trying to get that sick feeling away, but it stayed.

-

A loud knock at the door made Ellen stir after long minutes of silent pondering. Link opened the door and Komui peeked inside.

"Good evening, inspector," he said and paled when he saw that Ellen was in the room as well. "Ellen…"

"Ah, it's time already… As you can see, Ellen is here. Take her with you. I've said all I wanted to say," Leverrier told him and dismissed Ellen with a wave of his hand. Ellen got up, bowed and walked up to Komui.

"Uh… Yes…," the supervisor said nervously and waited until Link had shut the door after Ellen. "Ellen… Do you know what this will be about?"

"Yes, I have been informed of the Vatican's orders," Ellen said calmly, even though she was feeling far from calm at the moment. Komui squeezed his eyes shut in anguish and they continued in silence.

After a bit of walking they came into a big hall that now served as a room for training. All exorcists, including the generals, were gathered and Komui guided Ellen to the front. Ellen risked a glance at Kanda, but he had his back turned to them, as if he was not interested in the least what this was about. Ellen recalled their previous argument and didn't know whether to feel angry or sad, but there were other things to worry about right now. Komui took in a deep breath and then coughed to gain the attention of the exorcists.

"Well then, I'll be straight to the point," Komui started and Ellen looked down at her feet. "It has come to the order's attention that Ellen Walker carries the memories of the Fourteenth – a Noah." Linali gasped upon hearing that and most of the other exorcists were surprised as well, but they kept quiet, hoping for Komui to continue. "She will stay with us and continue her mission as an exorcist. The order needs Ellen's ability to control the Ark and we can't afford to lose more fighting strength. That is why Central decided to keep the Noah…" The baffled silence continued, so Komui forced himself to go on talking.

"I will now issue an order as your supervisor that I expect every one of you to follow. If Ellen Walker should awaken as a Noah and we conclude that she poses a threat to the Black Order…," here he stopped and Ellen lifted her gaze to look at him. She knew what the order was and she knew why Komui had such a hard time saying it. Ellen clenched her fists and looked over her shoulder where Kanda was still facing the other way. Maybe some time ago Ellen would have had the courage to tell them not to value her life. To give her up if she endangers them. But she didn't want to die, not like this, not for such a thing. This bit of selfishness, this love for her life, she really had to hang on to this. No, she absolutely refused to die because she lacked the strength to face the Noah.

"… then you will have to kill me," Ellen finished the sentence and Komui turned to look at her. "But I won't let this happen," she continued quickly, "I will stop the 14th if he ever endangers you."

"E… Ellen," Linali whispered and Ellen tried to smile at her.

"So… do not worry too much about it," she asked them and was met with silence. Komui looked at her with a mix of gratitude for saying what he had been unable to say but also deep regret and guilt. Ellen merely met his gaze and nodded at him to go on speaking.

"Every time Ellen goes on a mission," Komui continued to break the silence, "inspector Link and a team of two exorcists will accompany her." Ellen felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to find Kanda glaring at her. "That is all…" Most of the exorcists left after that and Komui did his best to usher the worried Linali out before she could ask any questions. That left only Ellen, Kanda and Link in the hall. Kanda sighed and a worried look replaced the glare.

"I already discussed this with Komui and your uncle. I will join every mission you go to…," he said and Ellen looked at him with wide eyes, "and make sure that you do nothing stupid. If you cannot stop the Noah, then I will. You don't have to do this all on your own."

"Kanda…," Ellen whispered and he pulled her towards him, hugging her.

"I will not allow anybody to hurt you, not that Noah and especially not your friends." Ellen looked up at him without speaking, resting her cheek on his shoulder. The movement of the rain through the big windows caught her attention. She was still confined here, confined by something as simple as the rain, but also by that grinning figure lazily floating through the window panes. Ellen looked at the image of the 14th and he raised his hand, waving.

-

_To be continued_

_-  
_

**Notes:**

There are some instances in this chapter where I thought that the pacing was a bit off. I was a bit unwilling to give every exorcist the chance to react to Komui's orders… Linali and co will certainly get their chance to reflect on what this means.

Other than that I wanted to get further with the story but also progress with Ellen and Kanda's relationship (even though it almost seems as if they are doing worse than before).

I'd like to hear what you think about it! :D


	60. Kapitel 58 Tokens of Trust

**Author's Notes:**

It's been a long time, for that I apologize! I've "moved" to Brighton in England a month ago and I'm really busy. Next to that I only access the internet sporadically.

But here's the chapter! I hope its quality hasn't suffered all that much.

Last but not least; a big thank you goes out to _ShadowOfTruth_ for offering her beta reading skills and thus making the reading experience nicer for you! :D

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

* * *

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**Kapitel 58: Tokens of Trust**

The profound silence of the big hall and Kanda's tight embrace felt oppressive to Ellen. As much as she longed to be properly hugged by the other exorcist and feel confident in the reassurance he meant to give her, this time she could not help but to resist and push her arms against his chest to be released. Kanda did let go of her, albeit unwillingly, after a moment of trying to hold on to the squirming girl but it only got him a fiercer push against the chest. When released, Ellen took a step back and the clacking of her heels on the marble floor sounded awfully loud – like a pistol being fired – against the silence of the empty hall. Kanda looked at her with an unreadable face, but then he snorted and his eyebrows contracted to show his disapproval of the embrace's rejection. Link had retreated to the door, giving them enough privacy without actually losing sight of the girl. Ellen appreciated the consideration, but did not like how his retreat practically urged Ellen to continue her argument with her husband.

"Don't you believe me?" Kanda asked quietly, studying Ellen's face. "Have I given you a reason to doubt me?"

"This is not a matter of trusting or doubting," Ellen told him as calmly as her agitation allowed, "but I cannot understand the motivation behind your actions and if I cannot do that then I am not able to know how much value there is to your words and promises." Kanda frowned at her, shaking his head. His refusal to accept this fact exasperated the girl and she turned around, slowly walking to the window to look outside. The shadow of the 14th seemed to be grinning at Kanda, apparently enjoying this display, but Kanda could not see him and Ellen tried not to pay him any attention.

"I keep my promises, I've kept all of them so far," Kanda argued and walked up to Ellen. She looked at him in the window's reflection before she turned her head to study him. "Even if it takes time to fulfill them." Ellen sighed.

"I told you before; I would be fine if you kept quiet about your past as long as you told me why. You don't need to tell me everything, I also have a few things I have no intention of telling you." Kanda raised an eyebrow at that.

"You do?" Ellen snorted, a bit amused by his inquiring expression.

"Yes," was all that Ellen said which caused Kanda to frown, thinking about what kind of secrets she could have. But seeing how Ellen had no intention of telling him, he gave up on it after a while. "But the fact that I do not really know who my husband is bothers me."

"You know who I am," Kanda retorted but Ellen shook her head, "what-"

"Do you honestly think that we will be exorcists forever?" Ellen interrupted him and Kanda looked at her in confusion. "One day we will have won this war and then we will return to live normal lives. And who will you be then when you can no longer hide behind your role as an exorcist? A past, Kanda, is what shapes us and even if it does not matter right now, it will do so one day." Kanda remained silent. "Do you want to hope for this war to continue forever, so that you can avoid telling me about your life before you came here?" Ellen sighed when she didn't receive an answer and put her hand on Kanda's shoulder. "You once told me that you are proud of your name and I know that you expect me to one day embrace that name as well. But tell me… how can I become Ellen _Kanda_ if I don't know what it means to bear that name?"

To that Kanda couldn't muster an answer, but he acknowledged the validity of that argument with an understanding nod. "I will only come to bear your name when I am comfortable with it, with what it means to be part of that family, with you, with our marriage." Kanda, having kept a grave face until that moment, now widened his eyes, a hint of surprise and caution in the look he gave his wife.

"You mean to tell me that you aren't comfortable with me or our marriage?" he asked, his tone held both a challenge, but also doubt in it. Ellen glanced at him before averting her eyes to study their reflection in the window.

"Yes."

"Yes?" Kanda asked and took a step forward, taking hold of Ellen's arm, "Just a simple yes? You are not comfortable? Tell me why." Ellen looked over her shoulder, frowning at him and the tight grip he had on her arm. He let go when he realized and (adjective, 'hastily') apologized ('before adding'), "Just because of the secrets?"

"No, that is not all. I tried to make you understand before, did I not? I will tell you again..." Ellen started whilst Kanda looked at her with that expression he often wore before a mission – calm but with strained concentration. "I do not like it if you try to control me. If you decide what actions I should take and when I should take them." Kanda's expression changed and he looked at her with a doubt and confusion. "You are my husband." Ellen continued and looked into his eyes. "You have power over me. Do you want to use it?" An indignant expression crossed Kanda's face and he shook his head.

"I told you before: nothing should change between us – there is no such thing as hierarchy in this relationship. You disregarded our differences in social classes and I will continue to disregard the useless convention of me holding any kind of power over you just because I'm your husband." Ellen nodded and Kanda waited for her to say something. When she didn't he lifted his hands with a quizzical and slightly impatient expression. "Well? With that sorted out, what exactly do you mean?" Ellen was not up to make him think for himself or guess, so she decided to simply repeat what was on her mind, things she was sure she had told him before.

"Thrusting me into a marriage, for example, without giving me time to think about it. I am sure you've had your doubts about it as well ever since mother mentioned it," she said and Kanda sighed, letting his shoulders, which he had pulled up stiffly, drop back down.

"So you expect an answer to the accusations of this morning now?" Ellen narrowed her eyes, turning around fully to face him. Kanda certainly did not like that look on her face.

"Accusations? Well fine if you want a list of all that I _accuse_ you of, then I'll give you one," she said irritably and Kanda crossed his arms over his chest, waiting with a sour but also reluctant look. Ellen breathed in through her nose, glaring at her husband.

"How about the question of trust that you seem to hide behind? You forced me to tell Linali about our marriage and my pregnancy before I was ready to because you doubted my promise to do so. How was that a token of your trust in me? But you want me to trust you even if you don't fulfil your promises on the spot?" Kanda opened his mouth but Ellen cut him off: "And now you plan on following me around like a shadow, going on each and every mission with me. I am sure Komui did not force you into it and that it was your own decision to do so. Even though you must mean well, it still means that you supervise every action I take – even on the battlefield where we are not supposed to be a married couple, but comrades."

"What? I was just-"

"And then there's your promise to forever stay with me, no matter what happens, no matter what I do, no matter what side I choose. I doubt you are aware of how that endangers both you and me. I would prefer for us to be clear on that as well..." After that Ellen was silent, as was Kanda. "Now it's your turn to either throw _accusations_ right back at me or to give me an answer." Kanda raised his hand, touching his forehead with a strained sigh, closing his eyes while doing so.

"Beansprout...," Kanda started.

"My name is Ellen," the girl interrupted and Kanda opened his eyes again, lowering his hand.

"Ellen," the young man corrected reluctantly, looking straight at her. "Yes, Cross' suggestion of a swift marriage was just what I wanted. I took advantage of it because I saw it as the chance to marry you, as you seemed so reluctant to do it. It was egoistical on my part and in the case that our marriage gets dissolved by Leverrier and your mother, then I leave the choice to you to either renew it or to marry someone else."

"Well, thank you for that," Ellen replied, "but I do not wish for this marriage to be broken up. I cannot ask for more than you to understand. I do not want you to feel guilty because that is not going to lead us us anywhere. I just want you to think about my side of the argument a bit. You always just disregard my point of view and even if my views might be outdated in your opinion, as I am still entitled to them." Kanda nodded silently.

"Now, about the question of trust..."

"Yes...," Kanda said with a sigh. "The thing with Linali wasn't nice, but I thought that it would be for the better."

"Well it might have been, but I promised you to tell her, to have everyone know. If you cannot trust my promises then why should I trust yours? It might seem like a minor thing, but it is not comforting to know that you get impatient with me like that... I know it's part of how you are to not be very patient and rather straight forwards and that's fine. I do not what to change who you are, but there are certain delicate topics where there's just no point in rushing."

"What about rushing me now?" Kanda asked and Ellen put her hand on his upper arm.

"I _will_ wait. I just want to know why you can't tell me... It must not even be now, but I want it to be soon. Mr. Link told me before; just because I did things for you I have no right to demand for you to do the same. A relationship does not work like that." Kanda frowned and looked over to Link.

"You talk to him about these kinds of things?"

"He has a different kind of perspective because he is not involved. I don't tell him more than he needs to know. And I certainly won't talk to him about certain private body parts of yours like you seem to do about me with Rabi."

"You're still sour about this?" Kanda asked with a snort and Ellen had to laugh.

"I'm just teasing you," she replied with a smile but Kanda had a feeling that she still was cross after all, at least enough to bring it up occasionally. They were silent for a while, but then Kanda spoke up again:

"Why don't you want me to accompany you on the missions? That Link is there as well and you don't seem to mind that."

"I do not mind you being there and fighting alongside me, but it also scares me. You want to make sure that I will do nothing bad. It's the same with everybody. Everyone has the duty to keenly observe me, to be wary of me, to fight me or even kill me should I turn into an enemy – which I won't."

"Of course you won't...," Kanda added quietly. "But I will not kill you or fight you."

"How do you plan to achieve that? You promised me that you'll make sure that I will not harm my friends. So what promise is more important; to make sure that I will not be harmed, or that I will not harm anybody." Kanda opened his mouth to reply, but then he closed it again without saying anything. However, he replied after a while:

"For me you are most important, more important than the order, the missions and any other person out there. To keep you alive and safe is my priority. But I know that this is not the answer that I should give you, even if it's the truth."

"Yes... And I am afraid. Truly afraid of this problem. Without a moment's hesitation you can tell me that you will stay with me as a Noah, which means that even when I switch sides you will come with me. And I feel that you are serious about this. But then again I also have a feeling that you will do your duty, as you always do. I just cannot foresee what will happen... I do not want to die, Kanda. Especially not by your hands. But I also do not want you to die, especially not because of me..." Ellen looked up at Kanda. "Kanda... Let's just be reasonable for a moment. We've only known each other for less than half a year. You don't know me well and I know almost nothing about you. How could I possibly know how to understand your reasoning about such an important decision? And why would you want to throw away your life for someone you barely know?" Kanda looked at her quietly, studying her, but then he nodded.

"My future is uncertain, Ellen. I think I already told you before that there is a chance I won't live a long life... And I already made up my mind to dedicate the time I have to one thing years ago. Now, I changed focus. If my life does not last long, then I will do everything I can to protect you with it. There are things I want to do, things I must do and your presence does not change that. But it does change my readiness to die for that cause. I do not want to die for you, Ellen... I want to live for you." Ellen looked at him with wide eyes while Kanda calmly returned the look, but he snorted after a while, turning away in embarrassment. "Tch, that was just too corny."

"No! No, Kanda. Well, yes, maybe a bit, but still. Thank you. Thank you." Kanda turned around again, his cheeks still slightly red, to find Ellen smiling at him. "Well... Then let us hope that we will both live long."

"You're no longer angry at me or disappointed in me?" Kanda asked and Ellen sighed silently, but then she held out her hand towards him.

"I feel all better now that I finally told you about what bothers me. If there are things bothering you just tell me. We both have our flaws, but I want to feel comfortable in this relationship, because we're probably going to be married for a long time. So shake hands." Kanda had to laugh at that and grabbed Ellen's hand tightly, shaking it.

---

Sometimes Kanda was surprised by the kind of authority Ellen could emit. She had demanded for the rooms to be rearranged so that Kanda and Ellen could share one and Link received one of his own. The person in charge of the accommodation bureau had tried to argue that this decision was mainly up to the owner of the house.

"I have the authority to decide what happens in this house," Ellen told the man with a polite tone, "and I want that the rooms are rearranged as I see fit. If you do doubt my ability to make decisions in this matter, contact Lady Bermont and ask her."

"N- No... It is alright, Miss Walker..." the man had given in and not long after that, Kanda and his belongings were inside Ellen's room.

"Then I will be leaving you two alone," Link said before bidding them goodnight and closing the door after himself.

"Put your belongings wherever you want," Ellen said, making a hand motion, first towards the suitcase next to him, then pointing at the various wardrobes. "But do not make any mess. I will not clean after you." She smiled cheekily when he snorted at that. Kanda grabbed his suitcase and just carried it to the next wardrobe, opening it to reveal dresses.

"Where do I sleep?" He wondered after he had just pushed the suitcase into the bottom of the wardrobe without unpacking anything.

"You are free to use our bed, you know?" Ellen replied and sat down on the luxurious bed, shoving the decorative pillows away.

"When you were last chatting with Linali, it didn't appear as if there'd be any space left for me in that bed," Kanda reminded her and Ellen pulled her lips into a cheerful smile, nodding. "So what is it now?"

"If Linali wants to sleep here you just have to make space."

"Tch, in the end you'll have Rabi sleeping in here as well," Kanda warned and Ellen grinned. Kanda certainly didn't like that grin – he was still a little bit sore that Ellen seemed to have a certain interest in Rabi. Ellen saw the little pang of jealousy flicker through Kanda's eyes and lifted her hands

"Do not worry. Family comes before friends," she reassured him. Kanda did seem surprised at first, but then he nodded slowly. Of course he was part of Ellen's family now – and she of his... Maybe Ellen had the same thought because she looked at him calmly, her face still there, inviting him to speak, but Kanda didn't and Ellen didn't take offense.

"Let's sleep," Kanda suggested and Ellen shot up from the bed at once. The young man raised an eyebrow.

"Without dinner?" Kanda rolled his eyes, but he nodded his head towards the door and they went to get a late dinner.

---

Ellen had felt the eyes on her – confused eyes, doubtful eyes, worried eyes. Those eyes that mistrusted, those eyes that so easily judged. They had somehow found their way back to the halls of her home. She felt small despite walking with her head raised and a polite smile on her lips. Small, like she had felt back at the family reunions, back at the occasional party she had visited with her mother. She had been a little pale thing in a frilly dress then, her brown straight hair tied with ribbons, blue eyes always cast to the floor and glued to the tips of the shoes that peeked out from underneath the lavish dresses. Somehow not much had changed. The frills might have disappeared and she no longer was a little girl hanging on to her mother's or Mana's hand, but she did not feel better, she was still the center of attraction, all eyes on her because they all knew that there was something _wrong_ with her.

"A sickly body and now a sickly mind." The voice reached her from behind all the staring eyes. The room was dark, walls made of rough stone but lined with mirrors at regular intervals - mirrors out of which unrecognizable shadows were staring at her. Ellen could only see a faint glimmer of where their eyes were, all focused on her alone. Ellen caught a movement out of the corner of her eyes and turned her head to the side. There was her reflection, but she was moving, walking through the mirrors, her hands casually folded behind her back.

"There's Innocence in you're body... And there's me in your mind." The reflection said, still walking and Ellen kept turning around to follow her movements.

"You are... The 14th, am I right?" Ellen asked carefully and saw a mocking smile form on her reflection's face. But the 14th wasn't looking at her. She still kept her eyes closed, moving without the slightest bit of hurry in her steps, passing the staring shadows. "Do you mean to tell me something?"

"Are you so keen on hearing something?" Ellen narrowed her eyes, clenching her fists at her sides.

"You would not appear if you did not have something to say," Ellen replied and her reflection laughed then finally stopped. The girl turned on her heels and faced Ellen, opening her eyes to haughtily gaze at her.

"I observed your little spat with your dear mysterious husband," the 14th said and Ellen glared at her. "In the end you gave in again, didn't you?" Ellen raised an eyebrow.

"We came to an understanding. There was no point in discussing this further."

"So you make a point, your husband grunts a half hearted apology and you are fine with it? Did talking to him get you any closer to his core? Did you come to understand who Yu Kanda is by _talking_?" Ellen looked at the reflection with a disgruntled expression. "You are certainly doing a good job at training to be a submissive wife inside your little martial prison. Your family probably greatly approves."

"You are exaggerating! This was no submission and it is NO prison!" Ellen argued, clasping her left hand with her right, the ring warm against her palm. But the 14th recommenced walking, crossing mirror after mirror until she stopped again, her pale skin glowing eerily in the darkness of the world in the mirror.

"I see prison bars where you don't even suspect them," the 14th said and Ellen saw her raising her hand; a golden ring with sparkling diamonds was on her finger. It was not the wedding ring she had received at her marriage, that was for sure. "They are keeping you at bay by keeping you ignorant. Everyone around you does it. Or have you ever heard the full truth about anything? Out of your mother's mouth? Out of Mana's mouth? Out of your husband's mouth?" Ellen was pressing her lips together, silently staring at the girl who was now studying the ring with mock admiration.

"Beautiful, isn't it? That sparkling facade. But poor, poor Ellen. You should know that ignorance can also be a nice constricting cage. You are trapped in it, depending on others to release you, to enlighten you." Ellen flinched as she saw all the eyes of the shadows glow, boring into her. The 14th raised her hands and stepped out of the mirror, pointing at Ellen.

"Poor little immature girl, with the stamp of a woman too soon impressed on you. You know you are not up to it. You know that you are ignorant. You know that you can achieve nothing the way you are now." Ellen took a step back as the 14th approached her, her accusing finger still pointing at Ellen. "And your husband is keeping you in the dark. I am sure his parents would be so proud to know that he had at least married the right girl. They would be thrilled to know what he'd be willing to give up for you when you awaken." Ellen stared at her with wide eyes, not backing away. But the 14th didn't come closer either, simply standing there and looking.

"You know about him, don't you!" Ellen said with an accusing tone.

"There are not many options for someone born in Japan, the land of the Earl. But even as _prey_, he still has the power to tighten the chains around you for good, should he ever choose to stop running." Ellen just looked at the 14th with a perplexed expression, failing to make any sense of what she had said. "Oh, don't worry that much. When I take over I will clean up that mess," she said with a ominous grin and Ellen widened her eyes, her mouth open in protest.

---

Ellen barely realized that she had woken up from her strange dreams. She was staring into space, her hands tightly clutching the bed sheets. As her mind cleared up the dream started blurring, but there was one thing she remembered well, especially as her eyes fell on the strange hourglass next to the window.

"I told you that eating so much before dinner would give you bad dreams," Kanda told her when Ellen turned her head around. He was sitting on the bed, pulling on his socks. Ellen slowly sat up and tried to loosen up her fingers.

"Kanda..."

"Hn"

"Kanda..." The young man turned around, buttoning up his shirt, to find Ellen looking at him with a troubled expression. "What was life in Japan like?" The question greatly confused Kanda and he searched Ellen's face to some clue as to where the sudden question had come from.

"Why would you-"

"I dreamt... Of the 14th speaking to me," she told him and Kanda widened his eyes in disbelief.

"What did he say to you?" he asked urgently, putting his hands on her shoulders. The look in his eyes almost frightened her, but she also knew that he was also afraid of something, something that had happened in a dream.

„It was just a dream...," Ellen tried to calm her husband and he took his hands from her shoulders.

"Yes... It was just a dream...," he repeated and sat against the headboard, his head hung. He looked tired and troubled for some reason and Ellen moved a bit closer to him.

"The only thing she told me was that there were not many options for someone born in Japan... And she called you a _prey_..." Ellen avoided adding 'a prey with power over me' because Kanda seemed troubled enough when he turned his head to look at her.

"Yes... I was prey," he told her and Ellen took a sharp breath because somehow she new that finally, finally Kanda was going to reveal part of his past. "But I wasn't always... The Earl has a strange sense of sadistic humor, because a certain part of Japan's population is allowed to lead lives not as prey, but to continue being humans. My family was one of them… But that is no freedom. Any day, the Earl could revoke his decision, any time, the Akuma could come. As a child I didn't see much of that… Until I found Innocence that is… Then I suddenly saw a different side of Japan, a different side of what it means to be human in a world where Akuma reign. Because I suddenly was no longer a real human," he said with a clear voice and Ellen's eyes were widened in shock, "I became prey. And I had to either leave my home or see how they were all slaughtered because of me. What keeps me holding on to my name is the bratty arrogance and pride I had as a child. And my mother who, even though she was always rather vain, had risked everything to get me out of Japan. Of course, I never completely forgot what it was like to be better than ordinary humans just because we had an unstable privilege. And today… well… It's the only name I have." Ellen, still processing what he had told her, covered his hands with hers and looked up at him.

"It is not… Yu… Is that not also your name?" she asked and he looked at her with surprise, but nodded after a while. "Thank you... For telling me this..." He managed a smile and bent down to embrace her. "Yu..."

"Thank you for listening, Ellen."

_To be continued_

_---  
_

**Notes:**

Feeling cheesy today, aren't you Steffi? ;3

I tried to keep a balance between the ups and downs here but the best was to end the chapter with a reaffirmation of their love for and trust in each other (even though they always need to push each other into the right direction).

Something else: I think I will now start referring to the 14th as "she" because s/he assumes Ellen's appearance in her visions.

Your reviews would probably make me feel less lonely here in this strange, foreign place ;___; So if you have the time to type something I'd appreciate it! :3


	61. Kapitel 59 A Proposal during Tea

**Author's Notes:**

Again, this chapter was finished ages ago, but I just didn't get to edit it! :/ My head is still filled with real life issues and even my break from England didn't really put me in the mood to sit down and write. Yeah, I know, I know, don't blame everything on England! *lol*

Thanks goes out to _ShadowOfTruth_ for beta-reading! :3

And many, many apologies to all for taking so long!

P.S. I've had more problems with formatting than necessary – I know that this site eats my formatting, but it's never been this bad! So breaks between paragraphs are now indicated by the not so nice little "ooo"s. (Bah, how messy, maybe next time I try something else)

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

* * *

**

**Kapitel 59: A Proposal during Tea**

By early April the weather had cleared up considerably and glistening columns of light tore through the thick blanket of black clouds. As the hills and valleys around the new headquarters were illuminated by patchy light and the wind howled through the trees with the first few green leaves, Bermont Castle saw another week come and go.

The corridors of the castle were never silent these days – there was still a heap of organisation to be done until everything could fall into a more quiet daily routine. And while the castle constantly continued transforming into the new home of the Black Order, Ellen strove to preserve some kind of the sacred charm it had held for her as a child.

Her private quarters were mostly untouched by the commotion and only rarely did anybody besides her, Kanda or Link find their way up to her corridor. This fact both comforted and unsettled Ellen. After the revelation of her being a host to a Noah she had not been able to stand being close to other people. Something inside of her was too ashamed and scared of what would happen and she had the paranoid feeling that every hushed conversation was about her even though only a handful of people actually knew. Kanda insisted that she should not take it to heart that much and Ellen tried her best to be cheerful and optimistic, but it was hard not to become estranged with her own home, as painful as that was.

It was thus a really big surprise for Ellen to wake up to Linali gently shaking her shoulder. She shot up in alarm, but Linali put her finger to her lips, motioning for her to remain quiet. Ellen slowly relaxed and looked at the girl who was partly illuminated by the early morning light coming through the windows. Linali was dressed in her uniform Ellen noticed while the girl sat down on the edge of the bed. Linali cast a glance over Ellen's shoulder where Kanda continued to sleep. Ellen wanted to say something, but before the words could leave her mouth Linali started whispering:

"I am sorry for just sneaking into your room like this!"

"Ah... It is fine, Linali, I do not mind." Ellen assured her, though the 'sneaking' bit made her raise her eyebrows in confusion.

"I haven't seen you for almost a week and never got the chance to speak to you. Thanks to Komui," Linali said with regret in her voice, then she reached out to take Ellen's hands into hers. "I am sorry." Ellen took a moment to try to figure out why Linali might feel the need to apologize. "Also on my brother's behalf, even though he must be too ashamed to even look you in the eyes at the moment... And he should be – there is absolutely no reason to be wary around you!" Ellen managed a small smile, giving Linali's warm hand a gentle squeeze.

"I know he must mean well... You are the most import person in his life after all..." she insisted, but Linali shook her head.

"Still..."

"How did you get into this room anyway?" the white haired girl wondered, trying to change the topic. This question did manage to put a smile on the other girl's face.

"Kanda locks the door, right?" she asked and received a nod and a sigh from Ellen. "Well, first of all I had to get out of my own room, because Komui sometimes asks finders to keep an eye on my door. Thankfully I found a door to a servant's corridor that led close to your quarters... And then I just asked Link if he had a spare key. Which he did." Ellen had to laugh at that. Well, that rendered Kanda's efforts to keep him out of the room pretty meaningless.

"But Ellen," Linali started again, but Ellen cut her off by lifting the blankets slowly.

"Why don't you climb in? The room is a bit chilly, do you not agree?" she offered. Linali looked at her with surprise, but then she nodded eagerly, slipped off her shoes and climbed into bed next to Ellen.

"But just for a second," Linali told her, enjoying the warmth of the bed, "because I need to be off soon."

"You are dressed in your uniform... Is there a mission?" Ellen inquired and Linali nodded, sighing silently.

"It's been a long time since the last proper mission... We are organized well enough to start going on missions again, at least that's what Komui told me yesterday... Rabi and I will leave for a mission in about an hour..."

"Oh... I see," Ellen muttered, frowning slightly. Linali noticed it and studied her friend intently until Ellen looked at her quizzically. "What is it?"

"I will never believe that you could ever harm us..." Ellen widened her eyes slightly. "I know that Komui was not joking that day... That it's true that you are the host of a Noah..."

"Yes... It is true... But I do not really know what will happen... Nobody seems to know, that is why the order to be on guard around me has been given out to all exorcists..."

"But that's nonsense!" Linali said with a pained voice, sitting up in bed again to look down at Ellen. "You are still _you_! You are such a good person, Ellen! You could never, _never_ harm any of us! If you are a Noah, then it cannot be true that Noah _must_ be our enemies!" Ellen smiled upon hearing that, closing her eyes briefly.

"Hearing you say that means a lot to me, Linali... I am moved by the trust you put in me," she confessed. The Chinese girl also mustered a smile, bending down to embrace Ellen, kissing her cheek.

"Of course I trust you... No matter what happens, I will be there to support you!" Linali promised and Ellen nodded gratefully, a warm and comfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.

ooo

They continued lying next to each other, just enjoying the other's company in silence, until the clock on Ellen's drawer showed that it was six in the morning. With a sigh Linali got up and slipped out of bed.

"Take care," Ellen told the girl, accompanying her to the door, arms wrapped around her body to keep some of the bed's warmth.

"I will! And I will also talk to Rabi – he's been awfully elusive these past few days," Linali replied, wearing a disapproving frown. Ellen smiled gently.

"I am sure he has his reasons... Maybe he needs time," she said even though she was also slightly hurt by his absence and earned herself a sigh from Linali.

"You are too nice, Ellen!" But then Linali's face lit up and she embraced Ellen again. "You take care as well! Good bye!" She let go of her friend and waved before hurrying down the corridor. Ellen closed the door after a while and walked back into the bed room only to find Kanda sitting up against the head-board, drawing his fingers through his hair.

"So you were awake," Ellen said and slipped back into bed, inching a bit closer to Kanda's warmth.

Her toes brushed his ankle and he pinched her cheek.

"Your toes are freezing," he chided and Ellen tried smiling apologetically, but his hold of her cheek made it kind of hard to form a convincing smile. He let go of her cheek and bent down to kiss her.

"If Komui is giving Linali a mission, then maybe I will have one as well soon," Ellen concluded after Kanda stopped kissing her. "What do you think?"

"Are you in any hurry to go out battling again?" Kanda wondered, sitting up again when his kisses received nothing but musings about missions. Ellen hummed thoughtfully and shrugged.

"I would like to get a change of scenery, that is true, but it is actually my eye..." Kanda raised an eyebrow, looking down at the girl until she sat up as well, gently putting her fingers to her left eye. "If I do not go out to destroy Akuma it will hurt me again... And I would like to avoid that..." Kanda looked at her with confusion in her eyes – he had almost forgotten that this mark on her face was actually a curse. And one that seemed to still plague her at times it seemed.

"Why does it do that?" Kanda wanted to know, but Ellen just shook her head and sighed.

"Oh, I do not know... But it will not let me rest, that is for sure...," she said with half a smile on her face, only slightly trying to downplay the issue. Kanda snorted in disapproval, but as there was nothing he could do about it, but ascertain that Ellen was able to destroy Akuma without taking any harm, he let the subject drop.

"The best I can do," Ellen continued after a while, "is to just go out and do my duty as an exorcist..." Kanda nodded reluctantly, but he admired her strength and willpower to go on in this kind of situation. She was a tough girl and she would certainly go on, no matter what.

"No matter what...," Kanda thought and then he snorted to himself, which went unnoticed by Ellen.

ooo

Not long after the two got up they were standing in front of a nervous Komui, who didn't really know where to look – it was either Ellen or Kanda's reproachful glare.

"So," he said, trying to clear his throat, "what brings you here?"

"It has been a while," Ellen said and Komui lowered his head slightly, as if he'd expect some kind of verbal attack coming from her, "and I wanted to inquire about a mission." Komui raised his eyebrows and looked at her.

"A mission?"

"Why else should we be here?" Kanda asked in annoyance while Komui kept on being puzzled.

"Ellen requires to go on frequent missions because of her curse," Link helpfully added, "even if it's only a minor mission she should receive one soon." Komui nodded slowly, trying to figure out what exactly Link was talking about.

"Uhm... Well, if you insist then I will have something ready for you... There actually are a few reports, but we haven't heard back if it's worth sending exorcists there..." he trailed off as Kanda turned around to leave, satisfied enough by Komui's answer. Ellen bowed, then she turned around as well, but Komui, after a moment's hesitation, reached out and got a hold of her arm.

"Ellen... Wait a second, please..." She turned back to Komui, looking up at him with confusion. Komui averted his eyes, but kept his hold on Ellen's arm.

"I am sorry, Ellen... You must think that I am a terrible person for allowing such _things_ to happen to you and not to do anything against it!" he said in a strained voice. Ellen had half expected him to muster up his courage to address the topic so she wasn't all too surprised.

"This matter is out of your hands..." she told him gently, "I know that you just want the best for everybody. You mean to protect us." Komui looked at her gratefully, but Ellen couldn't help huffing slightly. "But I do think that you are a coward." Komui widened his eyes in surprise, staring at the girl. Ellen crossed her arms over her chest after Komui had let go of her arm, and studied the man in front of her. "You did not manage to give these crucial orders and neither did my uncle. So you left it to me, who already has enough troubles, to tell everybody that they need to kill me should I ever step out of line. I do think that this behaviour was not very gentlemanly of you."

"Ellen, of course... I am..."

"And there is no need to be afraid... Do not lock Linali into her room to try to prevent her from seeing me. I am sure that you do not intend to hurt me, but your fear that I could harm your sister does sting..." Komui saw the serious but also hurt expression Ellen wore and lowered his eyes once again.

"I am sorry..." he said silently, bowing in apology. "I know you... I know that you will not harm us... But I did not know how to react. I am a fool and a coward. You were right." Ellen sighed loudly, putting her hand on Komui's shoulder.

"Do not be all too hard on yourself. I think nobody really knows how to deal with the situation, me included... So please allow me to go out on a mission, also to clear my head." Komui straightened his back, looking down at Ellen with admiration and gratitude.

"Of course."

ooo

It was arranged for Ellen (followed by Kanda and Link) to go on a mission to the coast. Nothing too far away, nothing all too exciting. A sighting of Akuma, the alleged existence of some mystery that would probably turn out to be Innocence and not just superstition. Beginner's missions, Kanda had complained, but Ellen was thankful to just get out of Bermont castle before she started withdrawing even more. She was getting more cheerful thanks to the prospect of travelling again, but then a letter arrived, destroying the rather good mood almost instantly.

"A letter from mother?" Ellen asked suspiciously when Link handed her the envelope with a little thicker envelope attached to it. Kanda was off training for the next day's mission and Ellen had been sitting in a little pavilion in the garden, wrapped into her jacket, sipping tea when Link came with the post.

"It must have arrived earlier today...," Link, who had went to the office to get some documents from Leverrier, informed her. "Just open it." He immersed himself into the documents while Ellen took off the little envelope, putting it away for later.

'_Dear Ellen_

_You are probably very busy going about your work, but I hope that you will spare a few moments on this very important matter. _

_Despite your rude letter I have been very pleased to hear that the minister I mentioned earlier has some very good news for you. _

_As it seems, his brother is still very keen on meeting you, apparently he took a liking to your display of 'character' as he called it. _

_Lord Mikk wants to meet you on May 5__th__ at tea time in your favourite tea house._

_Ellen, this is a one in a life-time chance. I know that you want to be loyal to Mr. Kanda, but please be sensible. Even if you do not wish to marry him, at least come to the meeting to make up for your past behaviour. I do not want to lose face in front of the minister once again. _

_I will be present and the minister will be there as well, so you need not worry about decency. _

_Please dress nicely. There is a little present for you attached, it would be nice for you to wear it._

_Do not be late._

_With love,_

_Your mother.'_

Ellen felt as if she had swallowed an entire bucket of ice cubes by the time she finished reading the letter. Was her mother serious? Meeting Tyki again and under these circumstances?

"Is something the matter?" Link asked flatly, not looking up from his papers. Ellen replied by ripping open the small envelope. She turned it up side down and into her palm fell a small glittering object. It was a medallion. Little flowers were etched into the smooth golden surface and there were three little diamonds glittering on the top of the medallion. Ellen widened her eyes and then she quickly opened it. There was a little piece of folded paper inside and Ellen took it out.

"To my little Lady," it read, "I am looking forwards to meeting you again. My heart beats in anticipation thinking about your graceful figure when we were last dancing. Signed, Lord Tyki Mikk." Ellen's cheeks were a furious red when she crunched the paper in her hands. Link looked up to see the cross look on her face and saw her stuff the medallion and the letter into the coat of her jacket. She rushed off towards the castle before Link could make a comment. He sighed silently at her childishness, but decided to first finish the document and then run after her.

ooo

It was two o' clock by the time Ellen slammed the door to her room shut, aiming straight for her wardrobe. Tossing her clothes on the bed, she swiftly and angrily stripped out of her uniform. She proceeded to hastily put on silk stockings, a not all too frilly black dress she found in the back of her wardrobe and a pair of patent leather shoes and then she quickly composed a short note for whoever might be looking for her. "Mother called me. I will be back for dinner," were the not all too helpful words she put on the sheet, then she rushed out of the room again and down the corridors. She was luckily neither spotted by Link nor by Kanda, but she almost ran over Miranda, who happened to turn around the corner in the entrance hall.

"Oh, I am so sorry! I am deeply sorry!" Miranda called even though it had been Ellen who hadn't paid attention to her surrounding. "Ellen? Where are you going?"

"Uh... to London...," Ellen replied uneasily while Miranda looked at her with confusion. "It is..."

"It's fine. I won't tell anybody you're out. There's actually a coach with finders just going to London. If you hurry up you can still catch it." Ellen's face lit up instantly and she grasped Miranda's hand shortly, before she rushed off.

"Thank you! I will see you at dinner!" Miranda waved after her, pleased to have been able to bring a small smile to Ellen's face.

ooo

The coach with the finders dropped her off close to her house so Ellen didn't have to worry about trying to get a coach because in all the hurry she had forgotten to pocket any money. Without her uniform it would be really hard trying to convince people to let her ride for free. But she could manage a five minute walk and quickly hurried along the rows of houses. Her heart hammered against her ribcage when she spotted her house, the home she hadn't seen for several months. But Ellen didn't really get the chance to be nervous because with barely one foot on the first step of the stairs the door opened to reveal her mother.

"There you are! I almost thought you would not come!"

"Well, actually-," Ellen started, but her mother pulled her into the house and up a flight of stairs. Ellen just had enough time to notice that nothing had changed but the pictures on the wall – she could spot her face many times and she saw pictures she couldn't even remember.

"Sit down, your hair is a mess. We have to leave in ten minutes, we do not want to be late!" Charlene tugged at Ellen's hair, brushing them and plaiting them with expert fingers in almost no time. Ellen took a look in the mirror and screwed up her face when she saw how she looked like a young girl with the black ribbons in her white hair. There was almost no speck of colour in the mirror. With the view of the background obstructed by the floating form of the 14th it was like looking at a black and white picture where only her scar and her pale eyes were coloured.

"Mother... I only came because I do want to make myself understood that I am not interested," Ellen said and saw her mother pull her mouth in a thin line.

"First talk to him," Charlene insisted, "he is most charming." Ellen rolled her eyes in annoyance. "Where is your medallion? You must have received it."

"I am not going to wear that," Ellen said but pulled out the necklace anyway.

"You mean to tell me that you will not wear this beautiful gift, but you wear some glass beads instead?" Charlene asked doubtfully, seeing the bracelet on Ellen's left wrist peeking out from underneath her sleeve. Ellen pulled back her hand before Charlene could take the bracelet off.

"This was a gift from my husband. Of course I will insist on wearing it," Ellen told her calmly. Her mother looked at her with a stern expression, but nodded after a while.

"Fine... Let us go, we are running late," Charlene said after Ellen had put the medallion back into a pocket of her dress. The young girl was ushered outside and soon found herself in a carriage going through the very familiar streets of London. Nothing, Ellen thought, had changed. She had married, she was pregnant, but all those posh white houses had not crumbled.

ooo

The carriage came to a stop and Ellen could see the facade of her favourite teahouse when she pulled aside the curtain of her carriage's window. During the last ten minutes the anger over Tyki's note had subsided and now she felt nervousness welling up in her. Finally she realized how stupid it had been of her to just come here without telling anybody the details. She was out to meet a Noah after all! The danger of this situation was very apparent to Ellen, since she had already nearly lost her life once in one of these encounters. The girl had to be pulled out of the carriage by her mother.

"Do not be so stubborn! Come now, Ellen," Charlene told her, tugging at her dress to make sure it looked as nice as possible. Ellen didn't say anything as she followed her mother into the building. She did notice though that her mother touched her hair various times, making sure that every lock was perfect. Ellen found it funny to some extend because her mother seemed excited like a young lady ready to meet her lover. They were led to a private room in the back of the tea house. Ellen didn't like how that separated them from the rest of the people.

"Aaah, Lady Bermont, it is so nice of you to come!" a voice called excitedly even before Ellen had entered the room.

"Thank you, Minister, for your time," her mother replied and was gently pulled into the room by her mother. "This is my daughter Ellen." Ellen looked at the minister with a mix of interest and distrust.

"Oh! How gorgeous she is! Good evening, Miss Bermont! I have heard a lot about you!" The minister was a tall man with a thin face and long black hair that he had pulled out of his face. He was nicely dressed and his excited smile seemed honest. Ellen, not sure whether she was facing a Noah or not, just did a curtsey. "Dear brother, why don't you come meet her?" Ellen looked past him where there was another man standing at the window, back facing towards them. The long and black curly hair neatly pulled into a pony tail and dressed in an elegant tuxedo, Tyki Mikk turned around, greeting Ellen with his most charming smile.

"Good evening, little Lady," he said smoothly. Ellen froze instantly, overwhelmed both with terror and disgust. Her mother apparently took Ellen's hesitation and the red cheeks on her otherwise pale face for sudden shy modesty in the face of such a beautiful person.

"Ellen, will you not reply?" Clenching her fists, Ellen did another curtsey.

"A good evening to you too, Lord Tyki Mikk."

"How charming!" the minister exclaimed, clapping his hands, "how about having tea now? The sandwiches have already been served! Please, take a seat!" Ellen did most reluctantly take her seat next to Tyki. She hid her fists under the table to conceal how they trembled with rage and fear, her face though was perfectly calm. Maybe a bit too calm, because Charlene cast her a nervous glance once she managed to take her eyes off Tyki's face.

"Ellen is not feeling all too well, she must be tired after the journey," Charlene said.

"I am sorry to hear that! Hopefully, you haven't been inconvenienced by us all too much!" the minister said, turning around to look at Ellen with an apologetic expression.

"Ah, no... I am not tired," Ellen assured him and he smiled kindly.

"My, she is so charming, I am lost for words!" the minister said, twirling a strand of hair around his finger. "Oh, I haven't even introduced myself, have I? My name is Cyril Camelot!" Ellen looked at him with wide eyes. Camelot. The same name as Rhode? Was that a coincidence? No. It could not be. Ellen found it hard to manage a polite smile that was even half as enthusiastic as Cyril's.

"Now, for the reason we are here," Cyril started, taking matters into his hand and Ellen's mother straightened up attentively. "Engagement."

"Yes," Ellen started, but her voice got stuck in her throat when she felt Tyki's gloved hand strongly close over hers under the table.

"You certainly must have had your reasons to refuse at first. We know that you are very young and it must have scared you to marry someone you do not know," Cyril said kindly, leaning a bit closer to Ellen's mother, while still keeping his eyes fixed on Ellen's white face. "My, she really is young... Not much older than my daughter! You must be very protective of such a beautiful and delicate child." Ellen tried to pull her hands free from Tyki's grasp, but she couldn't without being all too obvious. Endure! Endure! Ellen told herself grimly. She would find the right moment to restate her decision to not marry him. And when she next met him on the battle field, she would get her revenge for the humiliation.

"Of course. But I want to know that she is safe and secure."

"And she will be," Tyki finally spoke up again, "I will be a most caring husband."

"Oh, I will make sure of that!" Cyril added with laughter. Charlene managed to smile nervously, nodding gratefully.

"So, Ellen. What do you say?" Tyki whispered, cheekily using her name so intimately in this kind of situation. Ellen turned to look at him after having caught Charlene's eye for just a second. Her mother looked very tense. She knew that Ellen would refuse, she just wanted her to say the right words. And maybe, maybe she hoped for a change of heart. Ellen just knew what her mother was thinking. _How can you refuse someone like him? How can _you_, in your situation, refuse a charming, otherworldly handsome Lord?_

"I feel very honoured," Ellen said, looking Tyki directly in the eyes, "but I have to refuse." Tyki's smile just widened.

"Are you sure, my little Lady?" Ellen drew her mouth into a thin line, disgusted. That slick, patronizing tone! He spoke to her now like he would speak to her on the battlefield; sure of his superiority. It made her sick. "Are you _sure_?"

"Why do you refuse? You do not need to marry right now. Take the time to get to know my brother a bit better," Cyril helpfully offered but Ellen shook her head once again.

"I am sorry, I cannot consent. I already gave my heart and my hand to another man," Ellen said and Tyki raised an eyebrow, but his surprised expression soon turned into a smug smile.

"Oh? Did you?" He sounded quite interested, probably trying to figure out whether he and her husband might have met during the last battle.

"Ah, Lord Mikk, it is not a legitimate marriage," Charlene tried but Ellen shot her an ugly look. Charlene sighed, shaking her head, but she could not say more without risking an outburst from her daughter.

"Oh dear. Charlene," Cyril said intimately, putting his hand over Charlene's „how did this happen?"

"My daughter found herself in a rather precarious situation. She acted rashly... I am very sorry. I am sorry to have wasted your time and embarrass you with my daughter's conduct," Charlene apologized. Ellen wondered why her mother, who believed that lying to preserve a family's honour was the right thing to do, was now so honest in such a potentially scandalous matter.

"No, do not feel bad!" Cyril called, squeezing her hand, probably knowing what this was about. Tyki though was still rather clueless and wondered about whether Ellen was telling the truth about a marriage or not.

"What is the matter?" Tyki asked with a grin when he saw Cyril's thoughtful face.

"Brother, use that pretty head of yours to think a bit. Your fiancée is in different circumstances if I understood correctly. My, that is most interesting... Most interesting indeed...," he mumbled and Ellen had a feeling that he found this really amusing even though his face was grave.

"What? What are you ta- _Oh...,"_ Tyki's eyes widened and when he looked at Ellen he seemed rather surprised.

"Did I surprise you, again, Lord Mikk?" Ellen whispered only for his ears to hear. There was some silence after that and Ellen hated to know that Tyki now was aware of both her marriage and her pregnancy. The enemy didn't need to know about either of these things.

"Well, I still want to marry her!" Tyki exclaimed after a while and Charlene stared at him, almost not believing her ears. "I have made my choice! This lady is to be mine. Her child will be my child," he said and Cyril had to laugh.

"My, Tyki, you are such a romantic fool!"

"But... Consider the consequences," Charlene wanted to argue, still not daring to hope that Tyki was serious.

"They do not matter, my admiration is stronger," Tyki said charmingly and Ellen wrinkled her nose in disapproval.

"But I do not want to. I refuse," Ellen said with determination. "I am already married to the father of the child. There is no need to break up this relationship to remarry," Ellen pulled her hand away and got up on her feet. "Thank you very much for your sentiments and passions, Lord Mikk. And thank you for your compassion and consideration, Minister Camelot. But I must go now. I have said everything I wanted to say." With this she gracefully walked out of the room, leaving Charlene to cover her face with her gloved hands.

"I am deeply sorry. My daughter is moody because of the state she is in," she apologized, "your offer couldn't have been more kind. I deeply regret that my daughter is too immature to realize the luck she had and now lost."

"No, Lady Bermont," Tyki said, leaning back in his chair, quite relaxed and confident. "I am persistent. I promise that she will be made Lady Mikk in due time." Charlene bowed deeply, then she left the room to run after her daughter.

ooo

Ellen was sitting inside the carriage with a cross look on her face. That confidence of Tyki's enraged her.

"I hope you did not sign any engagement documents," Ellen spat angrily when Charlene had caught up with her. Her mother huffed in disapproval.

"His lordship just offered to take you and your baby in! And you can't even say a proper thank you! I don't remember raising you to be so rude!"

"No, you have raised me to be an ignorant fool that can do nothing but nod and obey!"

"Ellen!" Charlene chid with horror, shaking her head in disbelief. "What in God's name are you saying!"

"I cannot marry that man!" Charlene crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking at Ellen.

"Well, he is not Mister Kanda, I know! But he is offering you a certain future!" Ellen almost spat back that there is only one possible outcome for this dangerous mixture of a Noah and Exorcist joined together in marriage.

"Mother, you do not understand!" Ellen wailed, stomping her foot on the floor as if that could help.

"Well, then explain it to me so that I do understand!"

"He is a Noah!" Ellen said and Charlene just gave her a blank stare.

"A what?" Ellen put her hands to her face, rubbing her forehead.

"Listen mother... He is just not the right man for me. I am deeply sorry that I am jeopardizing your and my reputation by being so stubborn. But I have to be stubborn and it is not just because I already am married." Charlene remained quiet and the carriage gave a start, slowly moving over the cobblestone road. Ellen could see Tyki and Cyril coming out of the tea house. Tyki waved at her confidentially. "It is a matter of survival."

ooo

_To be continued_

ooo

**Notes:**

I was looking forwards to writing this scene, but it kind of turned out different than what I had planned many months ago! X3

Ellen storming off on her own is kind of thoughtless but it matches the rebellious mood she is in for the rest of the chapter.

I'd be nice to hear what you think! :D


	62. Kapitel 60 To Breathe More Freely

**Author's Notes:**

Oh my, we're already at chapter 60! *faints*

I tried to take advantage of the fact that I have enough time to write, but I am still far slower than I was 60 chapters ago X3

In any case, the story needs to move on and you'll get to read a rather unspectacular mission which only serves to give me a pretense for some Kanda Ellen interaction ;3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino

* * *

**

**Kapitel 60: To breathe more freely**

The short ride back to her London house was very quiet as neither Ellen nor Charlene spoke. Ellen's heart was still racing, with rage but also with relief that she had just come out relatively unscathed from such a dangerous situation. She did not dare to imagine what would happen now that Tyki, the minister and, in due time, also the Earl knew of her pregnancy. It was nothing that had any influence on her Innocence and they should not care about the state of their enemies' bodies. But Cyril's apparent interest in her condition was quite unsettling, even though he might not have meant anything by it. But what if he did?

Ellen shot her mother a worried glance. What would it mean for her mother and the rest of her family that the enemy was aware that one of them was an exorcist? The cover of Allen Walker was completely blown now, there was no reason any longer to cling to that. The Earl, so much Ellen was sure of, had known from the beginning that she was a girl, but not that she was Ellen Bermont – _had_ been Ellen Bermont. And that Ellen Bermont, chosen fiancée of Tyki Mikk, was an exorcist. Ellen could hardly suppress a troubled groan.

Her mother, surprisingly, did not try to talk sense into her. She had been really silent, her face pale and concentrated, constantly staring out of the window. Ellen wondered what went on in her head, but she dared not ask the question.

-o-o-o-

When the carriage came to a stop, Ellen was long out of the vehicle by the time her mother realized that they had arrived.

‟Mother, I will leave now," Ellen said, taking advantage of her mother's distraction. Charlene, still absent minded, looked at her.

‟Don't you want to come in for some biscuits?"

‟No thank you, I should not have left in the first place," Ellen said and pulled the medallion out of her pocket, giving it to her mother. ‟Maybe you can return this for me. But do not associate yourself with them too much." It felt strange giving her mother advice on her choice of social connections but this time she was sure that she knew better. Charlene nodded, her mouth a firm line again. Ellen could see that her mother wanted to tell her something, but the girl didn't want to wait long enough for her mother to come up with reasons to marry Tyki after all.

‟I should be going." Charlene sighed in defeat and suddenly she looked so frail to Ellen, as if the weight of her years and unfortunate experiences had suddenly been dropped on her shoulders.

‟Give my regards to your husband." Ellen nodded, then she did the cheeky thing – she summoned a gate to the Ark and was gone before her mother could say anything else.

-o-o-o-

It was a good thing, Ellen thought, that the order seemed to be in no state of unrest when she slipped into her room through the gate of the Ark. Link, if he was indeed already looking for her (which he must be) probably had not summoned a search party for her yet. Ellen got rid of her ribbons, combed her fingers through her hair and then she changed into the uniform again. When she passed her table, she noticed that her note lay untouched on the surface. She disposed of it, half daring to hope that her absense had gone unnoticed. After a moment's hesitation she opened the door to take a peek at the corridor, which was empty and flooded with the light coming through the windows. Ellen sighed slightly, then she went outside. She could of course wait inside her room and pretend to have been there all the time, but she wanted to tell Miranda – who had been so kind to point her towards the carriage going to London – that she was back now.

‟Miranda's room is at the end of the lower floor's corridor I think," Ellen mused and headed towards the rest of the living quarters, but was stopped by a hand before she could even take the stairs down.

‟Where were you?" the voice asked, the fingers firm around her wrist.

‟Don't give me such a fright!" Ellen shrieked when she realized that it was Kanda, but he put his hand over her mouth. Ellen narrowed her eyes indignantly, but Kanda motioned her to be silent.

‟You can explain later," Kanda said, „first you need to get Miranda out of trouble." Ellen raised her eyebrows and Kanda took his hand from her mouth.

‟Why? What happened?" Ellen asked with a worried tone. If Miranda had gotten into trouble because of her...!

‟When Link noticed that you were not at the usual places and nowhere around me either, he started to get suspicious. Surprisingly, Miranda showed up, saying that you were in the bath and she was about to join you." Ellen looked troubled and shook her head. Together with Kanda she tip-toed to the new communal baths where Link was indeed glaring at the door, then walking around a few impatient steps and again went back to glaring.

‟I'll distract him a bit. Can you get in?" Kanda asked and Ellen nodded. There was a servant's door and even if there hadn't been she would just use the Ark. Kanda left her after a last inquiring glance at her.

‟Oi, what are you doing in front of the women's bath?" Ellen heard her husband say and used that moment to rush towards the little door almost hidden because it blended into the tapestry, hurried down the tiled, narrow corridor and burst into the bathroom. Miranda almost shrieked when she heard the door opening, but when she recognized Ellen she started crying tears of relief.

‟Ah! Ellen! You're back!" she whispered and Ellen nodded, ‟thank God! I think Howard was about to come into the bath! I would not have known what to tell him then! I am so bad at coming up with excuses. Oh, I am useless!" Ellen embraced her to make her stop saying nonsense.

‟Thanks so much for covering for me!" Ellen thanked her and Miranda stopped fretting.

‟You're welcome," the woman replied with a smile, wiping her tears. The two of them then hastily stripped so that they could get wet enough to pretend that they had taken a bath.

‟Towel? Is there a towel?" Ellen asked loud enough for Link's keen ears to hear it through the door. Miranda handed it to her and she wrapped her hair in it after getting dressed again. ‟Thanks for joining me," Ellen said while opening the door.

‟Ellen Walker." She was staring right into Link's face and Miranda shrieked, hiding behind Ellen.

‟Mister Link," she retorted with a smile and Link's displeasure grew.

‟If you want to take a bath then first inform me!" Ellen managed to frown at that.

‟Why? It is just a bath! I got angry about a letter and wanted to cool down!" she argued ‟and I was not alone after all!" Miranda nodded and Link looked at her suspiciously. It was clear that he was not entirely buying the story, but now that Ellen had indeed showed up in the bath he had not proof that the two of them were lying.

‟You have been away for 4 hours. You could not have been in the bath all time." Ellen shrugged and Link snorted. ‟Das geht so nicht. That won't do. I must know where you are at all time."

‟You're annoying. She is not your wife, don't overdo it!" Kanda spoke up and Link shot him a disgruntled look. Ellen also thought that this was not the best argument that her husband could have come up with.

‟Mister Link, I am sorry for the disturbance. I did not mean to worry you, but even I need some time alone to think..." Link sighed, but he didn't say anything to that.

‟I... I should leave, I promised to meet Mari before dinner," Miranda spoke up and Ellen nodded. ‟Will I see you there?"

‟Of course! I am looking forwards to it!" Ellen said and, showing them a warm smile, Miranda left the three of them.

‟I want to change into more comfortable clothes for dinner," Ellen told the two men and Kanda nodded. Link, still angry at Ellen's disappearance and really keen to not let her out of his sight more than absolutely necessary, followed her as well. He did stay in the living room of the Kanda's bedroom and Kanda waited there with him while Ellen changed. He would have liked to ask her where she had been, not even informing him about her departure, but he couldn't without having her reveal the information to Link as well. It had to wait until night-fall.

-o-o-o-

Ellen was tense throughout the rest of the day but she did try to behave normally. During dinner Link always had his eyes on her, but nobody else seemed to take notice of her forced smiles. She gave a start when Kanda noisily put a cup of tea and two slices of cake before her. She looked up at him while he took a seat opposite her at the small table in her sitting room.

‟Thank you," Ellen mumbled and Kanda shrugged before fixing his stern eyes on her.

‟Spit it out. What happened? What did your mother want?" Ellen sliced through the cake with her fork, sighing.

‟So you read the note?" she wondered and Kanda nodded, ‟I had to go meet the turned down fiancé to explain myself." The young man raised his eyebrows in surprise, but remained silent for a while. Ellen continued eating the cakes and sighed again after she was finished, but a bit less tense than before.

‟What do you mean by explain yourself?" Kanda wanted to know, his mouth a displeased line and Ellen leant back in her chair.

‟The... _gentleman_ did not want to give up on me so I had to meet him and refuse in person... My mother, even though she eventually understood that I would never consent, was quite upset. She is afraid about there being a scandal I think..." Kanda crossed his arms over his chest, visibly irritated. Of course, Ellen mused, he did not quite understand what it would mean to cause a scandal. But he still reacted quite negatively every time her _admirer_ was mentioned.

‟And how was he like?" Ellen looked at Kanda with a skeptical expression.

‟What? Why would you want to know that?" Kanda shrugged but refused to give an answer. „Unbearable of course! Did you honestly think that I would reconsider just because I've met him once?"

„Well, your mother must think him to be a good match," Kanda started but before he could continue, Ellen cut in:

„He is very handsome and knows how to charm a woman. Next to that he has a title, influential relatives and money. Of course my mother would think him a good match!" Kanda frowned, but remained silent. Ellen took a sip of her sweet tea. She slowly put it down again and looked Kanda straight in the eyes.

‟Yu." Kanda straightened in surprise, not being used to hearing her address him with his given name. ‟Put some faith in me. I will not leave you, for nothing, for nobody." Kanda studied her, seeing the determination in her eyes, and sighed, drawing his hand through his hair in slight embarrassment, his cheeks red.

‟Thank you...," he mumbled and Ellen smiled brightly. ‟And what will happen now? Do you think your mother will finally accept our marriage?" Ellen pulled her lips into a line, furrowing her brows.

‟Oh I don't know... It seemed like she should," she answered, recalling her mother's lack of protest after leaving the tea-house. ‟What other choice does she have at this point?"

‟Marry you off by force?" Kanda suggested and earned himself a disdainful snort.

‟She cannot do that while we are still married. And I doubt she will dare to dissolve our marriage at this point because of my pregnancy. I think that whatever she wants to do, she must do it after the child is born, which leaves us with some time to think." Kanda nodded, apparently brooding on these issues. Ellen knew that of course her mother could try to declare their marriage illegitimate right now because Tyki had consented to adopt her child, a thought that filled her with horror. But, and Ellen put all her hope in this, it had seemed that her mother would really give up on this union. Tyki on the other hand... Ellen did not want to think about that. It all came down to their actual task – her fate as an ordinary human depended on her success as an exorcist. If they managed to defeat the Earl and the Noah, then there was no reason left to fear what Tyki could do. As far as influence was concerned he had his minister brother backing him up, but Ellen had her family. At least she hoped that they would support her.

The girl was so deep in thought that she didn't realise that Kanda was speaking to her again until he cleared his throat.

‟What? I am sorry, I was not listening," she confessed and Kanda looked at her quizzically, ‟Go on. I am with you now."

‟I was wonder what your mother could do now. Back when I first met her, she told me if her plan, whatever that might have been, did not work out, she has a deal to offer me."

‟A deal?" Ellen asked in surprise, ‟when did you speak to her?"

‟She just mentioned it before I left the room to follow you," Kanda explained and Ellen frowned suspiciously.

‟A deal... Well if her plan was to try making me marry that lord, then she certainly failed with that."

‟What kind of deal could she have in mind?" Kanda asked but Ellen shook her head.

‟I do not know. Maybe she wants to offer you money in return for me?"

‟I don't think that was what she was aiming at... But I can't figure out what it could be..." Ellen sighed.

‟I think we just have to wait and see what steps she will take now... My mother is not a bad person, she will not do anything terrible... But that she suggested a deal to you without talking to me is a bit unnerving...," Ellen confessed.

‟Well... I am your husband, you belong to me now," Kanda said flatly, but when Ellen stared at him with indignation, she saw the smile on his face. ‟Right?" Ellen, still a bit unsettled by his statement, reached over the table to gently hit his arm.

‟Oh, shut up." He caught her hand and kissed her fingers.

‟And I belong to you in return. I certainly got the better end of the bargain, but I think you might be content with what you got as well." Now Ellen genuinely had to laugh, warmth creeping up to her cheek.

‟Of course," she said and he leant over the table to meet her lips in a kiss. ‟Certainly a good deal, Yu."

-o-o-o-

At day-break the next morning Kanda and Ellen were ready to leave. Link would of course be accompanying them, but Komui saw no need to add another exorcist for a mission of this kind. For all that Ellen knew about their current task it could as well be a short holiday trip. Komui's words before they departed further convinced Ellen that this mission was arranged as a way of apology: ‟I hope you will enjoy yourself!" Enjoying herself was not exactly what Ellen should do on missions, at least that was Kanda's view, but Ellen could not help breathing in deeply when the gate of the Ark opened up to green fields and a vast blue sea.

‟Hurry up, the meeting point with the finders is half an hour away," Link reminded her and Kanda nodded. He of course would refuse to see this mission as a chance to get a bit of fresh air; Kanda had prepared himself intensively, like always and he didn't allow himself to relax until the mission was done.

‟Come on, beansprout, we are not waiting," he reminded the girl when she just remained where she was, gazing at the slow moving clouds overhead. Ellen allowed herself to pout but started walking down the gravel path.

‟I have been here before, with Mana," Ellen said after a while and looked back over her shoulder where a little inn stood overlooking the road and the fields beyond.

‟So that's why we were able to use the Ark," Kanda answered and Ellen nodded proudly.

‟There are not that many places where I have not been, at least not in England," she told him, but Kanda was not in the mood to praise her.

‟How about further away? Do you think you can establish connections to the other head-quarters?" Link wondered. Ellen shook her head, frowning. ‟That's okay. Inspector Leverrier was suggesting that you travel around a bit so that we can get more connections."

‟Well... If it is what the Black Order requests me to do then I will have to comply," Ellen replied, holding back a sigh.

‟Good, we expected you to agree," Link said calmly and Kanda shot him a dirty look. Of course they did, Ellen had no choice, but this was the fate of every exorcist. Both Kanda and Ellen knew better than to complain now that a wrong step might lead Ellen straight to her destruction.

‟So I must travel the globe then?" Ellen wondered as they were walking further away from the closest village into the open landscape.

‟You have been as far as Japan, surely travelling to the other continents will not inconvenience you too much. There too Akuma are causing harm to mankind."

‟I was not complaining," Ellen exclaimed with a frown, ‟maybe being away from the order for some time is even a good thing." She looked up and met Kanda's eyes as the man was looking back over his shoulder. She smiled and he nodded. At least he would be by her side, no matter where she went.

-o-o-o-

The sun was hiding behind a thick layer of clouds by the time the small group arrived at the meeting point. They had left the main road to follow a little path up the hills some time ago. Through various fields with grazing sheep and cows, they had made their way to a place where they had a splendid view of the fields and the ocean beyond.

‟Thank you for coming so quickly," one of the finders said after exchanging greetings. They were at a little cottage that looked a bit run down from the outside, but once guided inside Ellen was quite pleased with it. It was small, but homely, smelling of food and wood.

‟Take a seat," a middle-aged, friendly looking woman said and pointed towards a set table, ‟and I will tell you the story." The two finders and the other three took a seat while the woman, apparently the owner of the cottage, served them a healthy breakfast. ‟It must have been fifteen years ago," she started pensively and stirred her tea. ‟My husband and I had just moved to this house. The previous owner had grown old and wanted to go live with his daughter's family. He left us two things: a sealed tin box and a warning."

‟A warning?" Ellen asked when the woman paused to eat her scrambled eggs on toast.

‟Yes, darling. Edmund, my husband, was to bury the box at a place indicated by the old man. Of course, my Edmund wanted to know what was inside, but the old man refused to tell, predicting terrible things will come upon us if we dared to open the box or forget to bury it."

‟And did you bury it?" Kanda asked without much interest in the story.

‟Well, we are not superstitious people, but we'd rather not take any risks. So, on the next day Edmund went out to bury it and that was it," the woman explained.

‟But if that was the end of it then why did you look for someone to purify the object?" Link asked, because that's why the finders had taken notice of this case.

‟Because I think that whatever is in that box is cursed. Even though we did bury it and half forgot about it, strange things happened and I could no longer bear it." Ellen urged her to go on and the woman heaved a deep sigh. ‟You see, about five years later, my youngest boy ventured out and came across the place where we had buried the box. A most strange thing had happened; even though it was the beginning of spring, the ground around it was dry, all the plants had withered and the brown earth was cracked." Ellen looked at Kanda, hoping for some kind or reaction that might tell her if it was possible for Innocence to do that. But Kanda was motionless, merely listening to the woman's story.

‟And it went on. The occurrence was a bit strange, but nothing to worry about. My boy was to stay away from there just to be sure though. He's a good boy, he listened to us and nothing happened at all. Some years ago though, Edmund had to go look for a sheep that had lost its way. His search brought him close to the place he had buried the box. All the grass around it was a sickly, dry yellow. Of course that scared us because year after year this dried up patch of earth kept on expanding, and its center was the box!"

‟And that was why you called for help," one of the finders concluded, but the woman snorted, shaking her head.

‟We were uneasy, but that was no reason to flee and abandon our home. No. It was because something unholy must be going on there. Last week I was out of the house late in the evening when I noticed a shadow passing over the house. I looked up because the size and the slowness with which it moved startled me. And what did I see there? A roundish shape flying over my roof! If I were a lesser woman I might have fainted!" Her face was flustered with renewed excitement and she fanned air towards her face so that the finders handed her a glass with water.

‟Did you see what it could have been?" Kanda wanted to know after the woman had had a sip of water.

‟Under the moon's light it looked as if it was made of some dull metallic material because it reflected the light a bit. It was no bird, I can tell you that and it was moving further inland. Call me crazy, but I bet it was going towards that cursed box!"

‟Madam, did this happen again or was there just one of these shapes?" Ellen wanted to know and the woman regained her composure rather quickly and assumed a thoughtful expression.

‟I am not entirely sure because we've had a new moon recently. It's been hard to see anything, but Edmund swore that he saw two strange birds flying far overhead yesterday at dawn... But the good man is not concerned about these matters. Sell the house he said! No, I wouldn't have that, so I had to take it into my hands!"

‟Well, and you were right in doing so," Ellen commented, pretty convinced that it was in fact Innocence they were dealing with, the sightings of the woman seemed to imply that.

‟You can deal with it?" the woman asked hopefully and Ellen nodded. Kanda got up from the table and went out of the house without a word.

‟Your friend seems to be impatient," the woman commented with a laugh and Ellen smiled at her apologetically. ‟What?" she explained when Ellen got up, ‟you are going too, darling?"

‟I am also an exorcist, so yes. I will take care of the matter," Ellen assured her and the woman seemed undecided what to think about that. In the end she laughed.

‟Well, there is nothing better than a woman's courage and determination, good luck to you!" Ellen grinned and left the house to consult with Kanda and the others. There seemed to be no doubt in her companions that they were dealing with Innocence.

‟It is not uncommon for Innocence to have an influence on its surroundings," Kanda said as the finders were leading the way to where the box was buried.

‟I still cannot completely comprehend the different forms Innocence assumes and the impact it has on humans and the surroundings...," Ellen said, lifting her hand to look at it.

‟Raw Innocence is different to that which had been shaped by human hands. Raw Innocence is far harder to understand because its mysterious power has not been channeled into a proper use," Kanda explained, pulling Mugen free. Ellen gazed at the sword and her husband's reflection on the blade.

‟Take your Innocence for example," Kanda started again as they were climbing a hill. His voice was calm and flat, even though the finders – new ones apparently - were getting excited because they got nearer to the Innocence and the danger. ‟Even though it is attached to your body its shape and power is not definite. A hand, a claw, a sword. Power fluctuating with your emotions..." With a swift movement and before anybody else could react, he swung his sword in a clear arc, slicing an Akuma that had tried to ambush them.

‟Akuma!" the finders shouted and raised their defensive shields, but Ellen was as calm as Kanda. She grabbed her wrist, transforming her arm into a sword. She looked at Kanda and nodded at him, then they rushed off to destroy the two other level one Akuma with a single attack, awing the finders.

‟This is the power of the Kanda couple," one whispered.

‟Beautiful and destructive," the other replied with a shudder. Link snorted at their comments and apparent admiration for the two. Ellen though looked at them with wonder.

‟Kanda couple?" she asked doubtfully, while Kanda marched on, crushing the dried gras under his boots.

‟Among the finders both of you are rather legendary. We are new but we've been told all the stories!" Ellen tried to smile, but she doubted that she wanted to know what 'stories' there were about them.

‟Both of you are really strong and have distinctive and very opposing personalities and powers, but to see you two working together on a mission... This combination is legendary!"

‟Shut up and get the Innocence," Kanda hissed and the finders hurried down the hill to a patch of dry, cracked earth.

‟Do they really call us the Kanda couple? I am a little bit worried about my reputation within the order..." Ellen muttered, while the finders digged around the earth all under the watchful eyes of Link.

‟I couldn't care less about that," Kanda snorted, ‟not your reputation. I mean what they call us." Ellen sighed deeply, nearly stabbing Kanda's foot with her sword as she pushed it into the soil. ‟Watch what you're doing, idiot!"

‟Oh come on. It would not have hurt you anyway," she said with a laugh and stopped the invocation.

‟You've got to be more careful. You don't just stick a sword into the earth!" he complained and sheathed his sword properly. Ellen rolled her eyes and the finders came back with a wooden box, or what remained of it. It had cracks and holes, certainly it had also suffered under the Innocence. Kanda opened the box and took out a simple metal flask.

‟This is Innocence?" one of the finders asked doubtfully, ‟it doesn't look particularly mysterious..."

‟This is definitely Innocence," Ellen said, feeling the familiar tingling in her hand as she drew her fingers over the surface. ‟It does not need to look out of the ordinary. Sometimes human convert the substance to everyday objects..." Link took the Innocence from Kanda, wrapped it up in a tissue and put it into his jacket's pocket.

‟We destroyed the Akuma and retrieved the Innocence. This mission has been completed," the young man announced, but he did not ask Ellen to summon a gate back to the Black Order. ‟A room in a nearby inn has been booked for us. We leave tomorrow at noon. Spend this day however you want to." Ellen had to smile and nodded, excited to have some hours away from the new Black Order headquarters.

-o-o-o-

The inn stood a little bit removed from the coast on a hill overlooking fields with high grass and eventually the sea. The windows were open and the light breeze from the sea made the white curtains flutter. The sky was still overhung, but a bit of diffuse light spilled out onto the wooden floorboards of their room. Kanda was sitting in a comfortably worn armchair, wearing casual clothes and with his hair pulled out of his face. Ellen stood next to the bed, more interested in the wonderful figure of the young man than the actual room, even though she found it almost equally charming. She shifted her weight just a bit and the floor creaked loud enough for Kanda to turn his head towards her.

‟I," she started, but her voice was drowned by the sudden and loud calls of a flock of seagulls. After silence had returned Ellen sighed and walked over to Kanda in fast strides. He, alarmed at once, was about to get up from the armchair, when Ellen put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him. Kanda's cheeks were red when she looked at him afterwards and Ellen found his expression to be rather endearing.

‟We have not had much time to ourselves since we married. This is almost like a honeymoon," she whispered against his cheeks, putting her hands on his shoulders. He remained sitting, but wrapped his arms around her waist.

‟I'll take you somewhere. Tell me where," he said, equally quiet, as if a word spoken too loudly could break the moment. Kanda liked to feel Ellen's warm breath on his skin when she spoke to him:

‟I do not care, wherever you want to take me is fine," she answered, then she withdrew. ‟But first we need to finish our task as exorcists. And who can know how long it will take..."

‟We don't have the time to allow it to go on forever. We will finish this war soon," Kanda insisted, taking her hands, squeezing them, and Ellen smiled, nodding.

‟But now," Ellen said cheerfully, pulling Kanda up on his feet, ‟how about we enjoy ourselves?" Kanda just had time to see the sparkling in Ellen's eyes, before she started dragging him through the room, dancing and laughing. Kanda, after a moment of confusion, snorted, but did nothing to stop her, so they danced around the room to a melody only they could hear, the floorboards creaking loudly under their feet. It was moments like these, where Kanda saw that there was no point in trying to push Ellen forwards in their relationship. All the love was already there, fresh and impulsive. It was not as passionate and demanding as Kanda's, but whatever nature Ellen's love for him was, he would appreciate every little bit of it.

_To be continued

* * *

_

**Notes:**

I hope you could enjoy the chapter! :D


	63. Kapitel 61 The Price of a Name

**Author's Notes:**

Ah, slow again...

I have been asked about Ellen's pregnancy. I know it's really hard to keep track of it, but it will be addressed in this chapter! :D But just so that it's clear: she is in her fifth month in this chapter.

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

P.S. Happy First of August (Swiss National Day) to all of you! Even though I might be in England, drink tea and curse the weather, I am still Swiss and dream of the family BBQ and the fireworks! *lol* :D

* * *

**Kapitel 61: The Price of a Name**

A profound silence reigned in the dark corridor. Ellen stood motionless, her eyes fixed on the ground. Even, smooth wooden tiles stretched out from underneath her feet into the darkness behind and in front of her. There was dim light further down and Ellen moved, putting her foot forward. She expected the wooden floor to creak, but it was perfectly silent. She walked on with careful steps and found an opening in the narrow corridor. Thanks to the light she could see that the wall was made of paper screens, something she recognized because she had seen it before at Anita's brothel. She stepped outside and could see a moon-lit garden and a quiet pond. A thin layer of untouched snow covered everything, but Ellen felt no cold.

‟Nice, isn't it?" Ellen gave a start and looked to her left. To her surprise she found herself sitting there, dressed in a red kimono, face white, lips red and long hair falling over the shoulders in waves.

‟Ah...," Ellen started with contempt, narrowing her eyes. ‟Fourteenth..." The Noah smirked up at her and Ellen looked around suspiciously. ‟I am dreaming again..."

‟It isn't exactly a dream, because you know quite well that I am real. A real part of you," the woman said and got up on her feet, studying Ellen with a smile. Ellen took a step backwards, shaking her head.

‟What do you want to tell me?" she asked, ‟why did you chose such a setting?"

‟Because I like to give you glimpses of what is yet to come," the fourteenth replied, crossing her arms in front of her chest, ‟you are my host. I have to take care of you to some extend."

‟Ridiculous," Ellen snorted, looking around the garden, ‟you are hinting at my marriage with Yu again. Why are you so against it?"

‟Who said that I am against it?" the fourteenth asked with a sneer. ‟Maybe there is an advantage in it. Maybe it will gain us an ally. But you know that you are a foolish girl." Ellen glared at her but remained silent. ‟Well. My host being married or even pregnant was not exactly in my plans, but this is something we both have to live with, even though it has the potential to be fatal."  
‟It's got nothing to do with you," Ellen countered angrily. Within the blink of an eye, the Noah was standing in front of her, grabbing her face and staring into her eyes.

‟Don't try to fool yourself, Ellen," she whispered and the fingers digging into Ellen's cheeks burned like fire. ‟You can fight me as long as you want, but you will have to realize that sooner or later I will be you and you will be me. We are one entity! If you do not accept that you are a Noah then I will take you over and leave not one tiny spark of Ellen Bermont behind!" Ellen's eyes stung and she could feel tears of pain forming, but she was trying to hold them back, struggling against the Noah's grip on her. The Noah stared into Ellen's eyes for a long moment, not one bit of sarcasm or jest left on her face, but after a while she suddenly let her go. Ellen dropped to her knees, palms of her hands pressed against her burning cheeks. ‟You've got a lovely but naive little husband," the Fourteenth spoke up again after a little while, gazing at the low hanging moon. ‟Naive and dangerous. The silly child still doesn't dare to talk to you about his dirty little secrets. About his family, about his mother."

‟He does talk about his mother," Ellen spoke up, annoyed that the Noah seemed to know all about Kanda, ‟and I don't want _you_ to tell me! I will wait until he is ready to tell me!" The Noah smiled almost gently and kneeled down, patting Ellen's hair.

‟You are such a romantic fool at times. Your sense of obligation to him is almost touching. The golden cage is firm in place. But soon it will be replaced by firm walls." She stood up again and looked around herself. Ellen noticed a golden ring on the Noah's finger. It was nothing like the slender ring she and Yu wore. ‟Remember this place, Ellen. You will see it again before the end of this year.‟ The Noah turned around and walked into the building, leaving Ellen alone in the quiet garden.

-0-0-0-

The screech of seagulls shook Ellen out of her uncomfortable slumber and she turned to face the open window with a groan. Through half-closed eyes she could see white spots gliding through a dirty gray sky. It was still early, shortly after sun-rise, but it was impossible for her to go back to sleep. She remembered her dream very clearly, she could still feel the wooden floor under her feet and the burn of the Noah's touch on her cheeks. She hated talking to the Noah and she hated the feeling that she was coming closer and closer.

‟What's the matter?" Ellen looked to the side and saw that Kanda was sitting up as well.

‟The seagulls woke me," Ellen replied with a forced smile. She did not want to tell him about her talk with the 14th. She did not want to admit at how close she was getting. She did not want to admit that there was such an imminent danger. She did not want him to admit that everything she had said was true.

‟Just close the window if they annoy you," Kanda said, getting up to dress.

‟It is not that easy," Ellen mumbled and Kanda looked at her over his shoulder, but she didn't say anything else.

‟No point in getting upset about it. Let's just get dressed and go out." Ellen sighed deeply but let herself drop back into the covers of the bed. ‟Come on!" The girl showed him a frown, but got up nevertheless.

‟Don't be bossy with me," she complained as she dressed into her uniform, struggling a bit. Kanda just watched her with a calm expression.

‟Seems like we have to cut your breakfast," he said when Ellen flattened the jacked of her uniform.

‟What? No way!"

‟I was joking," Kanda snorted at her reaction and followed Ellen down the stairs to the pub where they ordered an early breakfast. ‟Tell Johnny to take new measurements. You can't keep the same clothes for the next six months."  
‟Five months," Ellen corrected.

‟Whatever." Ellen turned her face away from him and Kanda observed the girl eating rather listlessly. He sighed. ‟Sorry." She looked up with a puzzled expression. ‟That I pretend to be so uninterested in your pregnancy." Ellen shrugged.

‟It's not as if I think about it all the time. But I am having a harder time ignoring it," she replied with a snort, patting her belly.

‟I take more notice of the growth of your breasts than of your belly," Kanda said nonchalantly. Of course, Ellen's face went red instantly and she kicked his shin under the table.

‟I am sure the child will be very proud to hear to what kind of things its father pays attention to."

‟If he gets older he will understand," Kanda insisted with a smirk that made Ellen roll her eyes.

‟What makes you so sure of that?" she wanted to know.

‟Boys usually-," Kanda started but Ellen shook her head.

‟What makes you so sure that it's going to be a boy?" Kanda looked at her with a surprised expression, but he snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.

‟I don't care what it is," he says after a while and Ellen had to laugh.

‟But you know it will be a boy."

‟I don't care!" Kanda insisted with red cheeks and Ellen had a hard time stopping her giggling. ‟Tch!"

‟Good morning," Link's calm voice interrupted them. They both looked to the side and saw Link approaching and taking a seat at the table.

‟Good morning!" Ellen greeted with a smile but Kanda just snorted rudely. The young man, for probably the first and only time, was just a tiny bit grateful to Link for interrupting their discussion.

‟When do we have to return to the Black Order?" Ellen wanted to know while Link put some jam on his bread.

‟You can take a walk around the vicinity before leaving," he replied and Ellen nodded eagerly. There was nothing better than more fresh air after all.

-0-0-0-

The strong winds were merciless, but Ellen delighted in every tug and pull, like she delighted in the screech of the seagulls that sounded like merry laughter in her ears and like she delighted in the occasional spray of seawater that was blown inland.

The girl climbed up a hill from where she had a good view of the coast and a pier in the not so far distance even though they still were quite a walk away from the next city. Kanda slowly followed her up while Link stood a few meters down the slope, studying the landscape.

She felt calm gazing towards the horizon and brushing the high grass with her palms.

‟Don't you just love this serenity?" Ellen asked and Kanda shrugged.

‟Every calm place is better than a noisy one," he commented and Ellen had to laugh.

‟I think that our homes will never be silent again," she said, smiling. Kanda looked surprised at that. He studied the girl who had lived most of her own childhood in a house not fit for children, with all the rules and expectations weighing down on her. He assumed he understood her even though he could not exactly relate to her. His home, before he lost it, had been different. But they had a shared new home and whereas it was busy now because of all the other people living inside the castle, home would be busy later because they would not be on their own. They would be three.

Kanda felt nervous about that idea but looking at Ellen, so happy and with all the nasty things pushed to the back of her mind for the moment, he should not worry too much at the moment. They still had time... Time, he guessed, to grow up.

-0-0-0-

They were back to going from mission to mission with almost no time at the Headquarters. Like Link had told her, Ellen was expected to travel so that she could open more gates. While travelling around gave her great joy, continually using the Ark did unsettle her. The White City was perfectly peaceful, but Ellen did not like how she started to feel at home in the Ark. She thought she could hear whispers, she thought she could see somebody move out of the corner of her eye, she jumped at the shadow cast by doves gliding through the sky overhead, her heart beat frantically before she opened new doors. Ellen was really glad that she was never allowed to go in all on her own, as if the company would protect her from the spirit inhabitating the Ark.

It was Bak Chan though that put a stop to the travelling.

‟Whereas many people agree on the fact that this stage of the pregnancy is the perfect time for travelling," he said, holding on fast to Ellen's arm as if she would run off if he didn't, ‟I have to ask you to stop for the moment. For your own safety." Link glared at the man disapprovingly while Kanda didn't say anything at all.

‟Branch leader, if you have a complaint," Link started, but Bak pulled Ellen near him.

‟Indeed I have! But let us discuss this in a more private place," he insisted and Ellen nodded, guiding the man into one of the studies. Kanda followed, as did Link, even though he was a bit angry at not being able to keep up their schedule for the day. They were going to miss their ship like this!

‟Ellen... You must consider your condition more carefully," Bak insisted, making her sit down. She looked at him with slight confusion, but she did not want to contradict him.

‟Branch leader. Don't waste our time. What is this about?" Link urged him and Bak looked at him disapprovingly.

‟Certainly you can spare a bit of your precious time? This is important!" Bak exclaimed and Link didn't argue, even though he seemed annoyed.

‟Bak... I am perfectly healthy. I take good care of me," Ellen told him gently.

‟But you are nearing the end of your fifth month, Ellen. Do you even consider yourself as a pregnant woman?" Ellen was a bit taken aback by that question and did not answer immediately. Bak continued: ‟You should have gained more weight... the baby needs to grow, but it can't do it normally because your body burns a lot of energy. And even more if you are using your Innocence. I am sure the baby is healthy, but don't expose yourself to unnecessary danger."

‟We are exorcists," Kanda reminded the Chinese and Bak lowered his head with a sigh, ‟we do what we can to protect ourselves. No matter the condition of our bodies."

‟All I ask of you is to keep close to the order. There are many dangers out there in the world that are not connected to the Earl, illnesses for example. You don't want to lose your child or your life because you went to a dangerous area unprepared?"

‟We are not unprepared," Link argued, but Ellen agreed with Bak.

‟Surely we can wait a bit longer?" she asked. ‟I understand that the Ark saves time and that it requires me to open gates all over the world. But the Black Order has worked without this convenience before. And before long I will be an insufferable travel companion for sure," she said half jokingly. Link showed her a disgruntled look, but he nodded and left the room to forward this decision to Central. Ellen sighed when he was gone.

‟I actually welcome any kind of excuse to no longer spend weeks trapped on the ocean," she said.

‟My concerns are real though, not just an excuse," Bak told her and reached out his hand to pull her to her feet. ‟Look at yourself. Where have you hidden that baby?" Ellen had to laugh and took off the jacked of the uniform. With it she looked more like a boy because it was cut like a man's jacket, neither showing her chest nor her usually slim waist. With just the shirt underneath Bak could see that her stomach was not as flat as it used to be, but he would have expected a woman five months pregnant to be bigger.

‟I have told her again and again to get herself a better uniform, one that she doesn't have to change every week because she has trouble buttoning up her trousers," Kanda complained. Ellen rolled her eyes. ‟General Tiedoll helped design a better uniform and you still won't consent to have it changed!" Bak darted a confused look to Ellen and then Kanda.

‟What is this all about?" he wondered, but the couple was too occupied glaring at each other and Bak gave up on getting an answer. Apparently they argued about this topic with gusto.

‟Well you two. At least come visit me every now and again. And don't forget to have the matron check up on you regularly." Ellen turned away from Kanda to look at Bak.

‟Thank you, Bak," she told him with a smile. He returned it and left the two, who continued to argue about the uniform.

-0-0-0-

Ellen spent as much time as possible with her friends. She needed to be busy even at headquarters, because if she got a moment to herself, she would be left to her own thoughts. If her friends were not there and the day was particularly void of any special event (while Ellen even considered a spar with Kanda or a bath with the girls an event now) all she was left to do was ponder. And wait.

It was one of these early evenings, with Ellen sitting at her writing table, gazing out of the window, where she was once again tired of waiting. Link was there, as always, but both of them were fine with just doing their own things, there was no need to talk. Pondering and thinking. The young woman could even disregard the shadow of the 14th moving about the window panes it having become such a constant companion.

‟Dull," she thought with a suppressed sigh. No mission, no friends about, no husband and absolutely nothing to do. At times like these Ellen wondered if it was a pregnant woman's fate to just wait. Or was it any woman's fate to just wait for someone else to do something which required some kind of reaction?

‟Link, when you look at me, what do you see?" she asked rather abruptly, still staring out of the window. Link looked up from his book, frowning.

‟I beg you pardon?" Ellen leant back in her chair, sighing. ‟What do you mean?"

‟I still find it hard to figure out what exactly I am supposed to be now. An exorcist? A heiress? A wife?" She was fumbling with the pearls of her bracelet, still looking outside, as if there would be something to see. And indeed there was. ‟Or a Noah?"

‟As far as the order is concerned you are an exorcist. But also a tolerated Noah."

‟An exorcist with Noah genes or a Noah with Innocence?" Ellen asked with a grim smile, finally looking away from the window to study Link. ‟Oh, no need to answer that," Ellen continued when the young man opened his mouth to speak. The inspector shook his head and closed his book.

‟I cannot tell you. It is your future actions which will determine what the answer is to be." Ellen snorted disapprovingly, but made no comment. ‟For your work as an exorcists nothing else is important. Your husband holds no power over you in the order. The fact that you are with child does not release you from your duties. But why do you even ask? Do you not have your own answer to this question?" Ellen put her chin on the palm of her hand, leaning over the writing table and gazing at Link.

‟Sometimes I am not quite sure if this is real," she said, pointing her free hand to her middle, ‟and nobody gives it much thought." Link looked at her; she wore a dress that would not let anybody assume that she was indeed pregnant. He did understand why she was thinking about it.

‟Rest assured that people do think about it," Link said but this earned him a doubtful expression from Ellen.

‟You do know that this does not sound promising at all," she told him. But she could imagine that there might be some 'scientific' interest in her pregnancy. Nothing she wanted to think about though...

‟I can guess," Link added to that, but did not go into any further details about what the higher ups in the Black Order or Central might be thinking about.

The silence between them only lasted for a short while because Kanda came into the room rather loudly, banging the door against the wall.

‟Oh my goodness!" Ellen shouted, springing to her feet in alarm, ‟what is the matter?" Kanda's face was rather dark, his eyebrows drawn down into a frown.

‟Your mother wishes to see you." Ellen's heart skipped a beat and she almost sat down again.

‟Mother? Why is she here?"

‟'Because this is my house'," Kanda mimicked what his mother-in-law had told him only minutes ago. Ellen groaned and put her hand over her face.

‟You should not keep her waiting," Link suggested, ‟I will stay here. Don't be long." Ellen sighed but made sure her dress and hair were presentable and then followed Kanda out of the room to the newer mansion next to the castle.

-0-0-0-

Her mother sat in her armchair behind her desk. Her features were all calm, but concentrated, cool even, entirely different than the expression of distraction and confusion Ellen had last seen her mother wear. But recalling their last meeting, Ellen gave an involuntary shudder. She just hoped her mother would not address the topic. She did not know how to deal with Kanda's reaction should it become known who her suitor was.

However, Charlene Bermont had come with the wish to discuss a different matter today.

‟Good evening, daughter," she said and pointed her hand to the armchair opposite her.

‟Good evening to you too, mother," Ellen replied uncertainly, but she didn't want to appear meek and uncertain now. Kanda, although he had not been offered a seat, sat down on the other free armchair next to Ellen's. Charlene did not comment it – she tolerated Kanda's presence, but she didn't approve of it under normal circumstances.

‟How is your health?" Charlene wanted to know. Before Ellen could answer the door opened and a timid Crowley came into the room, carrying a tray with a tea pot, cups and biscuits.

‟I hope it is to your liking, Lady Bermont," he said, putting the tray down. Charlene patted his hand.

‟Thank you so much, Baron Crowley." He nodded a few times, then he left again, red spots of joy on his pale face.

‟Mother, do not make my friends your servants," Ellen hissed when he had left the room. Charlene poured the tea calmly, but then she looked at Ellen with a sharp expression.

‟I am not. He offered his service as Baron Crowley to our family. Accept it, Ellen." The girl rolled her eyes and shook her head in disbelief.

‟He is my _friend_."

‟Well done, Ellen," Charlene commented dryly, ‟what about your state of health?"

‟I am fine, thank you," Ellen replied in the same dry, disinterested fashion, trying to annoy her mother. Charlene had become used to having an adolescent as her child though and ignored the defiant tone.

‟Very well, it will not be too long until your child is born. Feel free to consult your mother on any topics about it," she offered and Ellen nodded her head, but didn't feel like talking about it.

‟Is this why you have come here? To offer me your advice?" Ellen wondered, watching her mother drinking her tea.

‟No," Charlene said and fixed her eyes on Kanda. Confused, Ellen turned to her side as well, looking at her husband.

‟Is it that deal you spoke about?" Kanda asked and Charlene nodded. ‟Well, what is it about?" he asked as politely as his impatience allowed. Charlene put down the tea cup.

‟You know, Mr. Kanda, that you should legally become the new head of the Bermont family. As you might now, having a Japanese head of family, even though he might have European blood in his veins, is not really desirable for us. This is not to discredit your merit as a person though, maybe you are perfectly capable of managing the family." Kanda remained silent, waiting for her to get to the point. ‟What I want you to understand, if you have not already, is that keeping face is essential in English upper-class societies."

‟I have understood that very early on, Lady Bermont," the young man answered flatly while Ellen turned her eyes up to the ceiling sighing silently. ‟Please, what do you want me to do?"

‟To consent that your son will be the head of the house in the future instead of you."

‟What?" Ellen asked in surprise while Kanda looked at his mother-in-law with confusion.

‟If," Charlene continued, ‟Ellen will give birth to a male heir I wish him to be the next head of house. Are there generally any objections to this from either of you?"

‟I do not want to represent the Bermont family. So no, I am fine with that. If Ellen cannot be the head of the house, then her son should," Kanda said, not really caring about a title. Ellen was a bit skeptical though.

‟There is more to this, mother...," Ellen said and Charlene looked at her.

‟Yes. If you give birth to a boy, then I want you to let me adopt him." Kanda widened his eyes, not saying anything.

‟Adopt him? So you want to pretend that Yu is not part of the family?"  
‟No, not quite. Neither the Walker nor the Bermont family knows about your marriage, but I am sure there will be rumours. There are bound to be and I want to turn them away from you. What do you say?" Charlene looked at both of them, waiting for an answer. After a moment Kanda leant back in his chair, studying Charlene.

‟Fine. I consent." Ellen turned towards him, surprised. ‟But what if Ellen gives birth to a girl?"

‟Then we will see what time will make of you two and your small family. I will of course support you, whatever happens." Ellen shook her head in disbelief, but she actually thought that this was not that bad a way to go about it. She did not really lose any claim on her children, it was just the name that would be different. Bermont, and not Kanda. Another small lie.

‟So we are in agreement?" Charlene asked after a while, getting up on her feet. She held out her hand to Kanda and he got up as well.

‟We are in agreement," he said and shook Charlene's hand, slightly surprised at the firm grip she had on his hand.

‟Good." She sat back down again and fell into silence. Kanda wanted to leave but Ellen was still glued to her seat, staring into her tea cup. It was still warm, it had only taken a short while to decide upon the fate of a yet unborn child. Ellen did not know how that would influence her, or Kanda later on.

‟Won't you come?" Kanda asked her after a while and Ellen shook her head. ‟I will wait for you outside." Ellen didn't say anything, so Kanda left after wishing Charlene a good evening.

‟What is it, Ellen?" Charlene wanted to know, ‟do you have doubts about it?"

‟Of course I do. I do not mind you adopting my children, because I do not really care that much at this point." Charlene raised her eyebrow at that, but didn't comment it. ‟But I kept on thinking that you still hope for me and Yu to separate..."

‟Oh? Why?"

‟Mother, please. I am no idiot. You said that if I give birth to a girl you just wait and see? That seems as if you think Yu can take the girl and disappear out of our lives. As if you expect that giving birth to a girl will not have any effect on me or him or the family at all."  
‟You know that he cannot just take away your children," Charlene told her, but Ellen's grim expression did not change. Her mother sighed. ‟There will come one day when you will have to make your marriage public. I just want you to be absolutely sure about the relationship before you do. You are young, your emotions can change. It is necessity that brought you together in marriage, even you will not deny this. It should not be necessity that keeps you together. If you do really choose him over some better fitting match then what can a mother do but wish you the best?" Ellen lowered her eyes and sighed. ‟People can make bad decisions," Charlene said after a while and when Ellen looked up she saw that her mother's eyes were looking out of the window. ‟If we cannot undo them no matter how hard we wish to, then we might have to lead a life regretting them, concealing them... Or to confront them and live with them and make the best of it."

‟What are you talking about, mother?" Ellen wondered, but her mother shook her head.

‟Ah, just talking to myself...," she said and looked at the girl. ‟Should you not join Mr. Kanda, he has been waiting." Ellen nodded and got up to leave.

‟Well mother. If you ask me," she said and Charlene looked at her, ‟it is more desirable to make the best of whatever decisions you've made in the past. Good can come out of it." Charlene smiled and nodded.

Ellen made a curtsey and left the room, leaving her mother to her own thoughts.

-0-0-0-

Kanda was waiting for her outside the mansion, looking into the flower garden between the new mansion and the old castle.

‟Do you think I made a bad decision?" Kanda wondered when Ellen joined him, slipping her hand into his.

‟I do not know... It seems like the easy way out." Kanda looked at her, frowning.

‟Because we wash our hands off the child? We will still be parents, even if your mother adopts him..." Ellen sighed. ‟I thought that a nanny would raise him anyway."

‟It does seem like I just hand over the responsibility to my mother... But right now I do not even want to think about being a mother. What if I will miss it though? For me it does not make much of a difference, but you will find it harder to lay your claim on the child." Kanda shrugged.

‟I cannot really say... I thought it was a deal I had to accept..." Ellen sighed and shook her head.  
‟Oh I do not know..." Kanda remained silent for a while.

‟I think the boy will be happier as a Bermont, than as a Kanda. Less trouble." Ellen had to laugh at that at first, but then she became thoughtful, looking at her husband.

‟What is more troublesome than a family that only cares about appearances?"

‟A family of cowards," Kanda said and tugged at Ellen's hand, bringing her closer to him. He looked down into her worried eyes and smiled after a while. ‟Apart from that, I think having an English name in an English society is far easier."

‟Unlucky me," Ellen joked and Kanda pressed a kiss on her forehead.

‟Yes. Unlucky you."

_To be continued_

**Note:**

The 'name' in the chapter title refers to the family name and how much one has to 'pay' to keep that name clear. As keeping up appearances and family are main themes in the story (and will still be later on, because we still don't know much about the other part of Ellen's family) I assume it would be a fitting chapter title. More to come on that.

I'm trying to move ahead a bit faster I hope to write the Phantom Thief G ark next, which will be the last ark adopted from the manga. But, ah, the horror! Battle scenes...!

See you next chapter! :3


	64. Kapitel 62 Unrest

**Author's notes:**

Ages and ages of writer's block got in the way of this chapter's completion. Half of this chapter has been written in England, the second half over the last few days. There was a huge change of mood from last chapter to this that I tried to balance out once I noticed (the long time between chapters is not that good, neither for you as readers nor for the story quality I fear).

Just to give you some orientation; it's now the beginning of May, Ellen is in her sixth month of pregnancy. As discussed last chapter, Bak has asked for her to take is slower to not endanger herself any more than absolutely necessary. Also Lady Bermont disclosed her plan to adopt the child and make it the heir of the title should it be a boy. And now, let's see what changed from then to now (about three weeks later).

**Kapitel 62: Unrest**

Silently and unceremoniously a vibrant and warm spring blended into the beginning of a lush and radiating Summer. As Ellen watched the scenery around the castle change from blooming flowers on the castle grounds and on the moor to a yellowing green, she found it hard to not be very aware of the change she was undergoing as well. She had preferred not to dwell on it too much, but with the lack of missions she received from Komui (Central had agreed to reduce the number of missions drastically), she had nothing much to do during the long summer days and nights. The changes happening to her were two-fold, one obvious the other more subtle. On one hand Ellen was growing up. Barely in the delicate state where her body matured she had been brought into the order and now she was entirely changed. From a girl to a young woman, both in body and in mind. And this all in not much more than half a year. While nobody that had known her from the start could deny that this change had taken place, it became rather insignificant to the other, even more visible alterations of her body. She was pregnant, and no matter how much she tried to hide it, she found that she no longer could achieve secrecy.

And with that realisation, she finally decided not to run from it any more and pay close attention to what was happening to her body. Because, so Ellen thought, chances were that she was only going to be pregnant once in her life-time. So she watched what happened (sometimes with fear, sometimes with odd curiosity, but mostly fear), what changed about her, about her relationship and about her place within the Black Order.

-o-o-o-

When the lack of missions allowed her to, Ellen took long walks in the morning, rising before Kanda who usually left to train in the early hours. In a loose, informal dress (anything else she felt to be inappropriate) she would meet Link in the hallway and proceed to follow a seemingly random trail through the gardens, fields and up the hill behind the castle where she would then wait for the sunrise in the shade of some rosebushes.

"I take this time before the Order awakes for myself. I like to come here to think," she told Link after he had silently followed her on these walks for a few days. He looked up at her, but before he caught her eyes Ellen squeezed hers shut and lifted her hand. The sun was slowly rising, sending honey coloured rays over the land. Ellen let the rays shine through her finger, the light making her face glow.

"What do you like to think about?" Link wondered after Ellen had turned from the sunrise. She rubbed her eyes before she answered him. Her gentle smile was almost startling.

"What? Now you want to know my secret thoughts as well?" she teased and Link rolled his eyes. She was getting more familiar with him and he was not sure he liked the new intimacy of these morning walks. She made her way down the slope and slipped her arm into his, keeping her head close to his to talk. For some reason Link could not shake off the thought that she was treating him like she treated Linali or Miranda – it was the intimacy that girls shared between them. Why he had become a member of that usually impenetrable circle was quite beyond Link, but if it helped him in his observations of the future Noah, then so be it. He would refrain from complaining, at least not to Inspector Leverrier.

"I do not mean to pry. I am just asking for the sake of conversation," he told her and Ellen laughed silently.

"Well. I could also talk to my furniture then if that is how much my conversation is worth to you," she joked and Link snorted.

"I appreciate your conversations, Ellen," he told her, to get that cheeky smile off her face, but it stayed. "Seeing as we will still be spending quite a lot of time in each other's company it would be to our mutual interest to maintain a friendly relationship."

"Friendly and proper of course," she said with mock severity and Link sighed, shaking his head. Ellen grinned at him as he led her back towards the castle.

"I am just teasing you, do not get cross at me," she laughed and Link looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

Even though he had known her for quite some time now and she actually made an effort to be real friends, he still could not understand her. She remained unpredictable. Link was tempted to attribute it to the fact that she was a woman, or even to her pregnancy, but he thought her changing moods were rather an indication to how torn she was inside by the still rather new situation she found herself in. This freshness and radiance of the morning walks, their friendly intimacy, her willingness to talk freely about any topic (apart from work related ones) contrasted strongly against how she behaved inside the awe-inspiring walls of Bermont castle and, to a lesser extent, how she worked on missions.

She had acquired enough fighting experience that most of the missions were routine by now. Of course, she was not as experienced as Kanda, but she was far more professional during her missions now that she had got used to them. Certainly, Link only knew her initial clumsiness and fear by reports. "Far too hot-headed and a danger to both herself and the success of the mission" had been Kanda's verdict on their very first joint mission, but he also had had kinder words for her before the conclusion of "mission accomplished". That Ellen was far too emotional during missions was not hard to imagine for Link, as she fought with her heart and instinct rather than with strategy and expertise.

However, during her everyday life at the order, Ellen displayed a minimal of her innermost feelings. She was polite and cordial to everyone, but, and Link made special notes of that in his letters to Leverrier, distant as well. Her uncle approved of a certain proper distance between the noble born Ellen and the other members of the Black Order, but Link was sure that this was not the reason for Ellen's reserved smile and her frequent afternoons in the almost solitude of her room. He guessed that it might be because she shied away from the other exorcists because she feared their scorn. Ever since the announcement of her being a Noah Ellen had had less contact with her friends. Of course, she still met them almost every day because it was really difficult to avoid someone here in their mutual home.

Even though Link was not wrong about his assumption, there were various reasons why Ellen loved the mornings and was shy as soon as the Order awoke. Actually, it also tied in with the reason why Ellen spent more time with Link now. It was a reason that she didn't want to admit to anybody.

She was shy and embarrassed, simple as that. Her body, always something Ellen thought was very private, was in almost plain display now and Ellen felt that everyone must be as bewildered and alienated by her state as she was. To put layers of clothing and closed doors between herself and anybody else was the only option she saw that still gave her at least a little bit of privacy. And 'anybody' also included her husband.

-o-o-o-

Ellen and Link returned to the Order to have breakfast. Kanda had already slipped out of the room, now used to Ellen being gone, even though his irritation at Link for being with her was still hard to keep at bay. No new mission had been announced yet and Ellen found it difficult to fill her time with anything meaningful to do. It was, so much was sure, entirely inconvenient and boring to be a woman six months pregnant. And it could only get worse, Ellen was almost sure of that.

"You've been eating less and less recently," Link commented, watching Ellen stare down at her food absent-mindedly, her spoon lying unused next to the plate. "You've only eaten the sandwiches and the salad. Are you not feeling well?" Ellen frowned, but looked up at Link. The man had already finished eating his chocolate cake (oooh, she would so love to eat that for breakfast!) and got up from the bench with a sigh.

"I would not say that I am unwell, but I seem to have some problems lately," she said, walking out of the dining area into the corridor. It was warm because the sun fully hit the many windows, slowly heating up the corridor. Ellen leant against the wall and sighed, hitting the back of her head against the tapestry. "My stomach is acting up. I am hungry. Really hungry, but it just spoils my appetite…" Link looked at her with a raised eyebrow and saw Ellen flinch. "Again! And I only had the sandwiches… And the salad… Oh… and the cookies that Linali gave me, but only a dozen of them! Not more… I will become a stick if I can't eat!"

"Pardon me, Ellen," Link said and extended his hand, putting it against Ellen's stomach. The girl looked down at his hand in surprise. "I just think that this is not a problem of your-" He took away his hand. "That's just your child kicking…"

"What?"

"As far as I know children move in their mother's wombs," he said calmly and saw colour creep into Ellen's face. "Why are you so flustered now? How can you not know that?"

"I didn't… It's just…!" She let out a deep groan, putting her face in the palms of her hands.

"Now that's even more off-putting than indigestion," she complained. Link snorted, shaking his head. "I will never eat again."

"Stop being so overly dramatic," the young man told her as they walked back to Ellen's room, the girl still walking as if dazed. "It's just for three more months. Women before you have managed."

"I will die of hunger." Link made an exasperated sound and Ellen opened the door to her bedroom.

"Shut up, Ellen."

"Have pity on me, Howard," she wailed and his annoyance even made him ignore her calling him by his first name, something she rarely did. Maybe when she wanted him to share his desserts with her, or if she wanted him to make her bed, or if she wanted him to write something nice to her uncle for her.

"You know, if you whinge like that I cannot take your agitation seriously," he informed her and Ellen closed the door behind her with a thud, shutting Link out. The young man glared at the closed door, but he just shook his head and went to his room to give her a few minutes to regain her composure.

Inside her room, Ellen let herself drop to her bed, face pressed into the covers. Of course she had had her suspicions that the uncomfortable tickling which had slowly become hard to describe rumblings within her could be caused by the child. But to know that it was kicking her was a scary feeling. As if the child wanted to force her to acknowledge its existence. Almost as irritating as the Noah…

"Oi, beansprout, what the heck are you doing?" Ellen lifted her head and saw Kanda coming into the room, his hair still slightly wet from taking a bath after training. "Link warned me that you were in a bad mood."

"I am not in a bad mood," Ellen said, sitting up with an insulted expression.

"I see," he just said, focusing his attention on getting something else to wear. Ellen looked at his back indecisively for a few moments, before she lowered her head with red cheeks.

"It's just that… the child…" Kanda stopped buttoning up his shirt to turn around. It made Ellen swallow the rest of the sentence in embarrassment.

"Did something happen?" he asked with slight alarm when nothing else came and he walked over to their bed. "Ellen?"

"No, nothing happened. Just, I've been having a strange stomach, or, in fact not. Link said it's just the child moving about and kicking." Kanda raised an eyebrow.

"He's kicking?"

"Apparently, Link felt it." Kanda's expression changed from surprised to disgruntled. "He was just making sure, no reason to put on that scary face." Kanda snorted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"So the first to feel my child beside you is him? Of course I put on a 'scary' face!" Ellen smiled up at him apologetically.

"That is not exactly something I expected you to be jealous about," she said and Kanda rolled his eyes. "And it's not exactly something I plan on sharing with other people."

"Well, I was not waiting for him to move about, but I knew that sooner or later he must make himself known." When Ellen looked at him in wonder, Kanda added: "It was written in the medical books after all." She laughed at this.

"Ah yes. You have become smart after all this time." Kanda was of course slightly offended at that remark.

"It would not do you any harm to read about pregnancy once in a while. At least then you would have known that he was bound to move about. Or did you think the child would just sleep within you for nine months without stirring one bit?"

"I did not think at all."

"So that means that while I am getting smart you are getting stupid," the young man said with a snort and Ellen lowered her eyebrows at him.

"I just chose to be ignorant about it because I did not want to know," she muttered and Kanda shook his head.

"Then you are a fool." Ellen grabbed her pillow and hit him with it, but she was not really angry at him. Kanda wanted to react to the pillow mistreatment, but the girl pulled the pillow away again, pressing it to her chest.

"I hate this feeling. Things moving around inside of me. It takes every illusion of control from me. This does not feel like my body anymore…," she said, lowering her face into the top of the pillow, hiding her paleness. "It's…" Kanda didn't quite catch the word she muttered into the pillow, but he was almost sure of what she had said.

_Disgusting_.

After a moment of silence Kanda reached out and put his hand on top of Ellen's head. He tousled her hair until she lifted her face again. There was a pout and thankfully no tears. It was kind of disquieting for him to know that she thought about her body in this way.

"That's going to pass… Once the problem with the Noah is settled and the child is… out… it will be fine…"

"But, yes… well one day the child will be born, but what then? That doesn't mean that my body will be mine again."

"The Noah-," Kanda started but Ellen shook her head and Kanda sighed. "It is your body. It will always be. Don't worry that much about it even though you have to share it for a moment…"

"I do not want to share it," Ellen said with a sigh that Kanda replied with a sigh of his own. He had noticed…

"That's all right…," he said but both of them knew that he was not happy with how it was. Their relationship had changed quite a lot especially now that Ellen had started to identify herself with 'Mrs. Kanda'. They still didn't know how to behave as husband and wife, but they did know how to behave as people that felt great affection towards each other. Their relationship wasn't that physical, it never had been. Kanda was mostly fine with that, but now Ellen did not display more skin than absolutely necessary, she did not spend much time with him, neither did she allow him to touch her that much. It was difficult… He wasn't even that sure if he wanted to touch her belly and to feel for the child. It did confuse him to have the fact that he would be a father soon visualized by her body's condition. But he did not feel that disgust that Ellen seemed to feel. "It must be difficult," Kanda thought, "to be a woman six months pregnant."

-o-o-o-

When Ellen turned to her platonic friendship with Link for comfort, Kanda slipped off to meet Rabi. At first the young Bookman to be had been slightly surprised to have Kanda seek out his presence on his own account. But after a while he came to like their early evenings of doing what men their age might do under normal circumstances; talk about girls over a cup of tea after an afternoon of sparring.

The two of them used to meet in a dusty study Kanda had unlocked with the keys he took from Ellen. Here, sitting in the comfortable armchairs out of the sun that came in through the window, he would talk to his friend with a boyish delight. Their topics were mainly about Kanda's wife, Rabi's lack of one and generally of varying degrees of privacy. Rabi's favourite topic was still the shape and condition of women's bodies and Kanda provided him with detailed information only a lover could know.

"Her breasts aren't pink." Rabi looked at him with wonder and Kanda cleared his throat, his face not showing his slight embarrassment. "The tips of her breasts," he added, "they are not pink." Rabi was instantly interested in this turn in their conversation (both had already forgotten what exactly they had talked about before Kanda opened the door into this wonderful intimate realm of breasts), leaning towards Kanda to catch his silent talking. They were almost whispering. Heaven forbid Ellen or Linali ever finding out!

"Her skin is cream coloured. And they seem to be a shade darker." Rabi nodded his head, grinning about this bit of information. Well, he had seen Ellen partially naked before, but he had tried his best not to look too closely. However, even though he noticed it, he did not ask about the "seem to be" part of Kanda's revelation.

Truth to be told Kanda wasn't quite sure about it himself. If he and Ellen engaged in any night-time acts of passion (or something similar to that), it was always only a clumsy fumbling in the dark. And try as he might, Kanda's hands were rather colour-blind.

Rabi noticed the slight unease of Kanda's expression and sat back in his chair.

"What's wrong? Don't tell me that matters to you?"

"Don't be a dunce," Kanda said with a snort and Rabi grinned. "It's just that the beansprout's been more distant again. She prefers to hang out with the Vatican's lapdog."

"I think Link is rather harmless," Rabi replied and earned himself a sharp glare. "I am not on his side! I am just saying that I doubt Ellen has any interest in him."

"She does. Not of the romantic kind, I chose to completely trust in that, but there is still something that she does rather get from him than from me."

"Well, you too rather discuss some stuff with me than with her. That's just natural," Rabi argued, "I do doubt that she's discussing girl stuff with him though."

"I doubt she talks about that with anybody…" Kanda was silent for a while. "I have a theory," he finally said tentatively. Rabi blinked in surprise.

"Since when do you have theories?" Kanda gave him a warning glare and Rabi raised his hands in defence. "Okay. What's that theory?"

"Ellen is… feeling unwell in her body… She doesn't want to show it or to have it touched by me." On an afterthought he added, "it was actually Link who first felt the child moving in her belly."

"Oh, that's bitter." Rabi said with a sigh, shaking his head.

"At least you agree, she didn't think about that at all. She said she doesn't want to share her body and to some extend I can understand. But Ellen does like company, she does like being close to other people… So…"

"So she goes to Link," Rabi concluded, understanding what Kanda was getting at, "because he would not demand anything from her. It's his indifference she might appreciate…"

"But I cannot pretend to be indifferent…," Kanda said, shaking his head. Rabi crossed his arms over his chests, leaning back in his armchair.

"You have it though Yu." Kanda didn't comment on that, but he thought that probably Ellen had it much worse. But he too needed company, he too liked to be close to Ellen. Maybe he just had to try to make her see that.

"She could go to Linali, couldn't she?" Rabi wondered. Kanda shrugged.

"I don't know. She could turn to any of us, but I think Linali might make a fuss and sympathise with her and maybe wants to fell her stomach. Or whatever it is that girls do when confronted with pregnant women…" Rabi laughed.

"I think Ellen doesn't quite understand that it doesn't gross us out or anything like that…," he said, but Kanda remained quiet. Rabi raised an eyebrow.

"It is a strange feeling…," he said after a while, keeping his voice low and thoughtful. "To have something you cannot understand inside of your body…" Rabi lowered his head. He understood. Various conflicting identities, dangerous genes and memories, another human.

"Yeah… It's strange…" They were silent for a while, both contemplating, until Rabi looked at Kanda again. "So, what are you going to do?"

"There's nothing much I can do… But I am going to talk to her about it." If there was one thing he had learnt when dealing with Ellen, is that communication was vital. Even though it was difficult…

-o-o-o-

Ellen was in the flowerbeds stretching out in the courtyard between castle and mansion. After having spent a long time indoors, thinking, writing letters (she rarely sent off anymore) and reading, she felt the urge to go out again. She had borrowed some gardening tools and was digging in the soil rather aimlessly.

"Don't you ever get bored?" Ellen asked Link, who was working on the other side of the flowerbed.

"This is my job…" She rolled her eyes.

"Well, I can't do my job, so I am bored," she snorted, pulling out weed with merciless tugs.

"Patience, Ellen, is a virtue. You would do well to remember it," the young man reminded her and Ellen wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "Ah. Your husband." At Link's calm and disinterested announcement, Ellen looked up.

Kanda approached her, finding her sitting between the flowers. Kanda, with that look on his face Ellen knew so well. He wanted to say something, his gaze intent but still indecisive. He knew that she could read him well enough to tell that he had something heavy on his mind. Ellen looked up at him, calmly, but with doubt bubbling under the surface. What reproach now? She wondered to herself as he continued looking. Link, clipping roses, moved away slightly. He had no intentions to intervene, even though he could feel a tension of unspoken words between the two.

"I need to talk to you," Kanda started and, glancing at Link, he added: "in private." Ellen drew her lips into a line, but then she smiled. No point in trying to evade this.

"Can you excuse me for a second?" she asked, turning to Link.

"Only a second," Link answered without looking up. Ellen got up, wiping the dirt off her dress and let her shovel fall into the basket with some cut flowers.

"Why are you gardening?" Kanda asked while they were walking through the garden towards the orchard, a place Kanda new to be private enough.

"It's a nice day and I was bored." Kanda pushed the wooden door open, its hinges creaking slightly. The orchard behind was deserted, as expected. Ellen sat down on a stone bench in the shade of an apple tree.

"You could also spend it with me," he told her and Ellen looked up at him. "I don't have many missions. I have a lot of time for you." The white haired girl remained silent. "I even like gardening."

"I know, but-"

"I have been talking to Rabi," Kanda said, starting at the same time as she did. Ellen swallowed her words and let herself fall back against the tree.

"Oh dear," she muttered, knowing that something must come now. She was well aware that Rabi's gift for observation would probably legitimize anything Kanda thought to observe as well. They had similar values, Rabi sympathized with his friend, probably even more now that she and him talked this little. Kanda sat down next to her. His body, Ellen noticed, radiated warmth and he had a fragrance of… perfume? It must be the after-shave he used. Why did she take notice of it now?

"You are avoiding me. Not only me, but also your friends. Everyone but Link." Ellen gazed up at the sky she saw peeking through the apple tree's foliage. "Are you listening?"

"Of course I am…," she replied, turning her head towards him.

"Why? Do you feel so uncomfortable around us?"

"I feel…," Ellen started, but couldn't finish. She didn't know how to rely. She sighed instead. "I don't know what you want to hear from me…" Kanda looked at her wordlessly, then he directed his eyes to the ground.

"That you'll stop turning inwards. I get that you're unsettled now, but everything depends entirely on you. WE depend on you." Ellen turned to him, only to see his piercing blue gaze from underneath his black fringe. The pleading demand she saw there as well as the hope and affection made her nervous.

"D… Don't push me Kanda…" Kanda narrowed his eyes. She always said the same thing.

"Why do you call me that?" he demanded and Ellen pressed her lips together, turning away from him.

"… Just… a habit…" Suddenly, she felt Kanda's arms wrapping around her.

"Beansprout… Don't shy away from me…" He lowered his hands after a moment of hesitating, lightly placing them over her middle. A jolt went through Ellen, but she fought to urge to wriggle out of his hold. His warmth, his scent, the gentle touch of his hands and his forehead pressing against her shoulder. There was so much comfort in Kanda, it almost forced tears to her eyes. Why, why did she still feel trapped by this gentleness? Where did this tension come from?

"I know you don't like me touching you… I know you feel unwell in your body now… But… Don't… Share these feelings with me too, Ellen."

"I…" There was silence between them, where they stayed exactly like this, just feeling the other against their bodies. She relaxed eventually, which caused Kanda to sigh in relief.

"I am afraid, Yu…" He let go of her which allowed her to turn to him, facing him directly. She was a bit pale in the shadows of the tree, but her frown turned into an insecure smile. "It's… I am into my sixth month now. Nothing happened, even Bak worried about the child and now everything seems like it's going forwards in a far too fast pace. As if… the child realized that it should hurry up."

"Well… You wear concealing clothes. I don't see much," Kanda said. Right now he wanted to touch her, to make sure that her belly was growing, but he was too shy. Ellen lifted her fingers, touching Kanda's shoulders.

"And that's exactly the point, isn't it? I don't want others to see. I do not want to make it visible on the outside. It is private. Coming to terms with my change is private. I can do this, I know, but I think it is something I need to do alone…"

"But I am your husband, don't forget this," Kanda argued, "I am interested in what happens to you. I want to be a part of this progress." Ellen sighed, squeezing Kanda's shoulders lightly.

"Yu…," Ellen said with a deep sigh, shaking her head, "let's be honest. We both did not want this child. It should not have happened in the first place. I don't know about you, but I am still not ready." Kanda remained silent for a while, pondering, then, when Ellen placed her hands on her own knees again, he shrugged.

"I don't know what I want, that's the truth. But you still have a few months. We'll be ready." Ellen graced him with a dry, hollow laugh. "I am trying to understand… I know that you are upset because you're pregnant. Isn't that normal?"

"I think it is, but it doesn't change the fact that I am upset." Kanda looked at her with an apologetic expression. "I cannot imagine myself as a mother… I can barely imagine myself as being pregnant, unless the child painfully reminds me of its existence. I'm trying to acknowledge it, but…" She sighed and looked at her fingers, placed on her knees. "And at the same time as the child wants me to take notice of it, the Noah too bothers me incessantly. If you'd be in my position, you'd be subdued as well…" Kanda watched her, not quite knowing how to respond and if a reply was even necessary. Of course he'd be. "But… I am sorry… I did not mean to give you the cold shoulder. I am just so busy with myself… And… And I did not want to burden you."

"Beansprout… Just talk to me. We are companions, we must support each other," Kanda told her, brushing his fingers through her silky hair. "I cannot help other than to talk to you or to hold you if you are upset. But just… take my offer for comfort then…" Ellen smiled, leaning against him.

"You're such a romantic at times, Yu." Kanda wrinkled his nose, but continued drawing his hand through her hair. Ellen closed her eyes, conveniently forgetting that Link was still waiting for her to return. But the warmth of Kanda, the nice breeze of the afternoon under the apple tree… She wanted to stay like this just a bit longer.

_To be continued_

**Notes:**

Okay, I first wanted to include another scene here, but as I want to move on to the Phantom Thief G arc I refrain from including other things for the moment. There's still enough time after we get the plot moving again *lol*

I'd be curious to hear what you think! Thanks again for your patience with me :3


	65. Kapitel 63 Imitations of Ordinary Life

**Author's notes:**

I'm sorry! The waits are getting longer and longer! I don't want to bore you with reasons why, so I'm just going to thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you!

This chapter was half finished for the longest time, but I kept on writing and rewriting scenes. Some things still feel a little off, but I let you judge that.

Another three or so weeks passed from the last chapter to this, it's June, Ellen's about six and a half months pregnant now - wah, I'm getting closer X3

The title of this chapter refers to the fact that Kanda and Ellen need to find things to do when they don't have missions; which is actually the life that awaits them if they win the war. Poor them. It seems as if they will be utterly bored.

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 63: Imitations of Ordinary Life**

A few days into June and it was Kanda now that was waiting. He was glad for the cool rooms of the castle, where he could sit in the shade away from the sun and contemplate. He was glad for the set of keys that he had received in the post some days ago and that allowed him to unlock rooms away from the hustle and bustle of the order without having to ask Ellen every single time he wanted somewhere exorcists were not allowed. He was also glad for the wind that made walking from here to the next farm (there was nothing much to see on the Bermont estate) more agreeable than under the constant heat of the sun. But he hated waiting. Komui didn't give him missions anymore, thinking it far more important to spend his time with Ellen. Why? That they could be bored in good company?

‟Only three more months, Kanda. Please enjoy it!" Komui argued with a brotherly smile on his lips. ‟You want your wife and little one to be in good health, don't you?" Of course, presented like this, he could not argue one bit. Of course he wanted to, but... _But what?_ What were his arguments? But they were exorcists? But Cross and Leverrier had said that Ellen would be forced to continue fighting no matter what? Somehow he had wished for this because being constantly busy would not put him in a position where he'd be left with nothing but contemplation of certain issues. However, he did have to consider Ellen – for her fighting must be difficult now. Still, they were both bored. He walked around the castle and the property quite often, committing it to memory by walking along the borders with a map in hand because there was nothing better to do. She read and wrote letters, played the piano. Boring. Boring noble, married country life.

‟Maybe we should go to the theatre," Ellen said, waving air against her face with a stack of documents. Kanda snorted in reply. ‟Yu, it's not like moaning about it will give us missions. As long as the problems seem fairly easy to solve there is no need for the Black Order to dispatch us." She put down the documents and looked at him, sitting across the room in an easy chair, feet on a trunk. He watched her in return; she wore a white, short sleeved shirt and a black skirt. He could see her pale ankles and naked feet because she had her legs crossed casually. He could see what was to be his son too, somewhat. Ellen didn't try concealing anything now because concealing was uncomfortable. ‟You must see that they have to send two of the strongest exorcists at once. It's pointless for us to go on small missions."

‟Yeah, yeah. I get it..." Kanda mumbled, staring out at the landscape in boredom. But staring out of the window seemed like the better option that going to the theatre.

‟Good morning, Mr and Mrs Kanda!" Both turned to the door of the study, where Linali stood in her uniform, waving at them with a bright smile on her face.

‟Linali! You're back!" Ellen called, having not seen her friend for almost three weeks because she had been on a mission to Northern Africa. She got up and embraced the girl, inspecting her afterwards with a worried look. ‟No injuries I hope?" Linali laughed, holding Ellen's hands down.

‟Not at all, what about you two? What have you been up to?" Ellen sighed, sitting back down on the couch.

‟Waiting. Waiting. Waiting." Linali smiled at them, patting Ellen's knee.

‟I've got a letter for you, maybe it's something nice," she said, handing her an envelope. Ellen took it, turning it around to find out who had sent it. Meanwhile Linali looked around the room. ‟Where is Link anyway?"

‟He went to hand in a report to my uncle, he should be back in a bit. He can't leave me unsupervised for too long anyway." Linali frowned, but Ellen focused on the letter. ‟It must be from mother," she said, breaking open the seal. ‟Dear Ellen. How is my little...," here she widened her eyes. ‟It's from my aunt!"

‟Your aunt? The one that travels a lot?" Kanda asked and Ellen nodded, reading on:

‟_Dear Ellen!_

_How is my little niece nowadays? I really, really had to write you a letter now, and you know what that means, me being so lazy to do it. While in Rome I ran across Malcolm and there was something he hinted at. I asked Charlene to explain and am I right? You married? Without telling poor me! But I won't be cross at you! Congratulations dearest Ellen! For weeks Charlene had talked about your fiancé, that Lord Somethingoranother, however, seeing as she didn't want to speak up about your marriage when I asked, I assume that you had a little change of heart. How exciting! _

_I am very curious. So curious actually that I am on my way to Bermont castle where I heard you'd be residing at the moment. That gloomy and boring hole of a castle, why would you want to be there?_

_But I will find out! _

_With lots of love, y__our aunt Mary_

_P.S._

_I've been to a ballet in Paris which is now touring Europe. It's coming to London too. I will insist on you attending! Just us girls!"_

‟What's the matter Ellen?" Linali asked, seeing how Ellen had widened her eyes.

‟Aunt Mary's coming to Bermont castle!" Ellen shouted and Kanda raised an eyebrow.

‟And?"

‟And? Is that all you have to say?" Ellen turned to him with a frown, waving the parchment in front of his face, so that he swatted it away in irritation. ‟She heard that I am married and wants to find out to whom." Kanda sighed, leaning casually back in his chair.

‟Fine then. If I was able to survive your mother's interview, then I will probably do well enough in your aunt's," he said and Ellen pulled her lips into a thin line of disapproval.

‟If you're so confident then good for you. But maybe we should warn Komui..." Linali nodded, quite excited to meet Ellen's relatives.

‟I will do that!" The girl excused herself, then she left the room. Ellen rubbed her forehead, sighing.

"I can't shake off the feeling that it's not the best of ideas to have my relatives just coming to the Black Order like that. What should I tell my aunt about all the people, about the black flag flying on top of the castle?" Kanda shrugged. "Don't just take it so lightly, Yu. There is a reason why the Black Order and civilians need to be separated."

"Maybe," Kanda said, looking at his wife, "but actually Innocence has an effect on normal people as well. You can't separate the spheres if they are so connected. You are an exorcist, but you also are someone in normal life. And because you can't just disappear from society like many of us, you need to be able to balance both." Ellen eyed him with a look of annoyance. "Don't give me that look Ellen, you know it's true."

"Of course I know it, but you could be a bit more supportive of my worries. You talk as if this is only my problem. What about you?" Kanda frowned at her, looking away.

"I'm an exorcist," he said evasively, but before Ellen could protest he added: "and your husband. That will be my new role for when this war is over." Ellen sighed, folding her hands in her lap.

"But what about before?" she wondered and Kanda lowered his eyebrows, avoiding Ellen's gaze. He didn't say anything and Link came back to find the two in a tense atmosphere.

"I heard something about your aunt visiting you," he said, choosing not to ask any questions, and Ellen handed him the letter. He scanned over it quickly, then he put it back on the desk. "I see. Well, you better prepare yourself then, because I just got a telegram from the information bureau." He handed it to Ellen.

"I just arrived in London. Will be with you soon. M.B," Ellen read and touched it to her forehead with a deep sigh. "Okay, then let's prepare."

-o-o-o-

Komui wasn't overly pleased that outsiders would be visiting the Black Order, but he couldn't do anything about it.

"This castle does not belong to us, even if your mother provided it so...," he searched for a world and had to settle on a stressed "_generously_." He tapped his finger on a pile of unfinished paperwork and looked up at the girl standing before him. She wore her hair in a braid fixed to the back of her head with pins and was clad in a pale blue dress and white knitted jacket. "Especially the mansion… I can't tell you not to invite relatives, but I must stress that the Black Order's location needs to be secret to prevent another attack."

"I know, Komui. It's not my wish for all my relatives to visit me. But I can't keep my aunt away, she's… well, if she wants to go somewhere she will, especially if it's family property…," Ellen said, sighing slightly. To be honest it was not quite Bermont family property anymore, because their family rules said that a house would go into possession of male members. Nowadays the laws might be slightly different and more in favour of her keeping the castle, but her family had their own ways. It was Kanda's now and therefore Kanda family property. Well, it was not as if Ellen could imagine any Kanda having an interest in claiming the property. However, she could only guess because the only Kanda she knew was her husband after all.

"I understand, Ellen, but just try to not expose too much…," he reminded her and she nodded. "Apart from that we might have a mission that requires you to look into it." Ellen widened her eyes and Komui raised his hand. "Don't get your hopes up just yet. I know how bored you are, but maybe it's no big deal. We just sent a group of Finders to Paris." Ellen clasped her hands, adopting a dreamy look.

"Ooh, Paris!" Komui looked at her with wide eyes, then he had to laugh.

"I will tell you about it later. Now enjoy your time with your aunt," he said, dismissing her with a wave. Ellen nodded, thoughts still circling around Paris and how nice it would be to visit it again. When she got back out into the corridor she found Link alone there.

"Oh? Is Kanda not here yet? I thought we'd welcome my aunt together," she said and Link shook his head. They started walking towards the mansion where they would meet Aunt Bermont.

"Apparently he is still training," Link told her as they stepped out into the flower garden. Ellen pouted in slight irritation.

"I did tell him to be ready! Well, if he won't be here in time you fill in for him." Link rolled his eyes. They quickly crossed the flower garden and went into the mansion. "I doubt that's a wise thing to do," the inspector said, letting a chuckling Ellen guide him into the reception room. Everything had been cleaned and polished. The wealth this family possessed, Link thought, looking around the agreeably cool room, must be exceptional. Ellen sat down at a piano, pushing down a few keys at random, but then she flexed her fingers and started playing. Link listened for a while, but then he noticed her looking at him.

"Come on, Howard, this is a duet! You can play, right?" Link sighed, but took a seat on the stool next to her. "Every self-respecting gentleman can play the piano."

"Don't take it for granted," he replied to her teasing and played with her to pass the time. "I don't have much time to engage in pastime activities," he told her after a while.

"I noticed, you are always so busy after all," Ellen said, not taking her eyes off the keys, "watching me." Link remained silent until they heard someone knock at the open door. Ellen stopped playing and turned around to find her aunt standing in the doorway.  
"Aunt!" Ellen called in a delighted tone, standing up at once. Ellen's aunt was a tall woman with a certain disposition towards being stout, at least when compared to how thin Ellen's mother was. She wore quite colourful, light clothes and a hat on top of her curly blonde hair. Link noticed how her face was slightly tanned and very pleasant to look at because of her open smile. "Oh I am so happy to see you!"

"Me too, Ellen!" the woman said, embracing her niece in a strong hug, "and how pretty you are! You must have grown quite a bit!" She put an armlength's distance between herself and the girl, studying her with a smile. "Well, there's also a bit more substance to you," she said with a wink, patting her own belly. Ellen lowered her face with a blush. "Dear child, I think your mother forgot to mention that you are in different circumstances!" It was so like her aunt to notice at once, even though her clothes weren't that revealing.

"I… well, I do not want to make too big a fuss about it. I think it was prudent to await the birth, you never know what complications there are," Ellen lied, "I did not want to get anybody's hopes up." Aunt Mary raised an eyebrow, looking at the girl, but then she shrugged and hugged her again.

"You do nothing but surprise me, Ellen!" she laughed and let go of her, ruffling her hair. Then she set her eyes on Link.

"Oh, if this isn't Howard Link, we have met before, haven't we?" The young inspector nodded. It was true that he had seen her before talking to inspector Leverrier in Rome. "Are you still working for Malcolm?"

"Indeed, Madam…"  
"Ah, then I do not need to introduce him," Ellen said and Mary laughed, looking at Link almost fondly. "But he's not my husband." Mary turned towards her with a surprised and also slightly disappointed expression. "We're… close friends." The grin was instantly back on her aunt's face.

"Well, well, Ellen. I never would have imagined you to be so popular! Good girl," her aunt joked, patting Ellen on the back.

"Friends, aunt, I said friends," Ellen reminded her and Mary laughed whole-heartedly.

"Fine then, but we should make sure to keep Mister Link close to our family," she said, winking at the young man, who couldn't help but blushing slightly, for what reason he wasn't sure. Mary sat down on the couch, taking off her hat. "So," she said, putting her hat on the table. "Where is your husband then? Roaming the fields?"

"I wonder…," Ellen mused, pouring some wine Link had prepared into a glass cup to hand it to her aunt. Her aunt took it with a grin, sipping it.

"Well, while we wait, why don't we discuss the ballet? We really must see it, it's so exceptional! This particular dancer, I tell you, she's just such a beauty. She rarely performs anymore, so it would be such a pity to miss it!" Ellen sat down as well, looking uncertain. "All of boring upper class London will be there. It will be the talk for the next tea parties!"

"I would love to go," she said and her aunt cut her off.

"Good, because I already booked us a box for tomorrow!" Ellen sighed inwardly. Her aunt never changed. Ellen heard the door opening and shoes on the marble floor. She looked up and found Kanda entering. He wore nice clothes, from the black jacket and trousers, to the dark red tie and the polished shoes. His hair was pulled back into a low pony tail. He looked dazzling, as always. Ellen's aunt must have thought the same because she got up with an excited look on her face.

"My apologies, I didn't intend to keep you waiting," Kanda said smoothly and Ellen sighed, somewhat amused. What a show-off.

"Aunt, this is my husband, Yu Kanda." He shook Mary's hand.

"How nice to meet you. I am Mary Bermont," she said and sat down again, Kanda taking a seat next to Ellen. Link was still in the room, sitting at another table and leafing through a book. "Now, tell me, how did this match come into existence? Are you a native to these lands, Mr. Kanda?"

"Well, I am by birth Japanese," he said and Mary widened her eyes, "However, I have lived in England for many years now. I have met Ellen here."

"Not at one of Charlene's dinner parties I presume," Mary said with a slight edge of irony to her casual way of speaking, watching the two over the brim of her wine glass.

"No," was all Kanda said and looked at Ellen. Mary studied the two, then she leant back.

"Hmm. Well, there's no fooling Mary Bermont," she said, "especially not with young Link being here and the flag of the Black Order waving on top of our castle." The three young people in the room looked at her with astonishment. "You two must be exorcists. Slightly surprising, I must say. Especially as I wouldn't have expected it to be a place for people to form relationships."

"How… Aunt… How do you know of the Black Order?" Ellen dared to ask. Mary looked at her with a calm expression, smile gone, but after a minute of tense silence she started laughing, puzzling the others even more.

"Well, if you get around as I do you see and hear quite a deal of things. Also, your father and Malcolm were very close and they used to talk a great deal about different things. Especially after a few glasses of wine, if you know what I mean," she said, with a glint to her eyes, "And when you were born with your peculiar arm... Well, there are just certain things that cannot be hidden and I am not as content with ignorance as many other people are. I like sticking my nose into things that are none of my business. You can call it a risky hobby of mine."

"Miss Bermont…," Kanda started, finding his voice first, "it _is_ risky to know too much about the Black Order… For your own safety you should not disclose to anyone how much you know…"

"Oh, I don't know much, Mr. Kanda, but I know enough to understand what's going on around me." Neither Ellen nor Kanda knew what to say in response to that. "But let us not talk about that too much now, it is not what I'm here for." Ellen rubbed her forehead, quite at a loss. It exhausted her, really, these constant surprises linked to her family.

"I'm just a bit unsettled about how my family seems to be tied to the Black Order far more than I assumed," Ellen muttered and Mary put the wine glass down on the table with a sigh.

"To rise up to power, you must have your ties everywhere, apparently you still need to learn that, Ellen. That's why your mother wanted you to marry that Lord. Not because she assumed that he'd be a perfect soul mate for you, but because this is just the best way to secure your influence within the social sphere." She looked at Kanda, studying him. "What about you? Charlene didn't boast about you…," she lent forwards to study Kanda more closely. "You are a pretty boy, you'll bring a nice set of genes into the blood line, but what else does run in your blood? What _ties_ do you have?" Ellen sat up straight in alarm when she saw her aunt's expression. She rarely saw her without a smile and even more rarely with almost chilly severity.

"I didn't marry him for any of these reasons," she told her aunt, "I thought you didn't care about things like these!"

"I always resented loveless marriages which were created only for political gain. Your marriage is not one of them, I know. Still, I want to know the background of that man that you chose to marry and the background of your unborn child's father." She looked at Ellen. "Is that not important?" Kanda snorted silently.

"I was born in Japan into a wealthy family, but was forced to come here because I am an exorcist. There is nothing more to me." Mary studied him, but then she shrugged and leant back, breaking the tension.

"Okay. Fair enough. Then just work hard to create a new you, now that you have a wife." She smiled at them. "No ties is something as well, at least nothing will chain you down and shut doors to opportunities." Kanda remained silent but nodded in agreement. Mary clapped her hands. "And now, some entertainment! Let's sing songs, Ellen!"

-o-o-o-

It was well after ten o clock in the evening before aunt Mary let Ellen leave again. Apart from liking to look at them, Mary had had no further interest in Link or Kanda and had let them leave relatively early. But she had had lots of things to talk about with Ellen. The young girl let herself fall down into the sheets of her bed with an exhausted groan.

"Finally back then? Miss Mary seems to be quite a handful." Kanda sat at the window, reading a book.

"Aunt is really lively and she loves company," Ellen said, barely lifting her head out of the covers, her voice muffled but Kanda still heard her.

"Then why isn't she married?"

"Because she didn't want to I guess?" Ellen suggested, sitting up again and started undoing her braid. "Can I ask you something?"

"Hn," Kanda replied, not taking his eyes off the page yet.

"Do you sometimes miss your family back in Japan? Or your childhood before things got complicated?" The young man frowned, still looking at the book, but no longer reading. After a while he shut the book with a snort.

"More complicated than it already was, you mean," he said and Ellen looked at him with an interested expression. "Well, it's not as if I'd noticed how complicated things really were. Children don't hear much apart from their parent's normal expectations."

"I… know what you mean," Ellen said, sighing slightly.

"Sometimes I do." Ellen looked up in surprise when Kanda continued talking. He drew his hand through his hair, sighing. "Sometimes I wonder what happened to my mother after she risked so much to get me out of Japan unharmed. But I don't feel pity for my family. They are cowards that rather suffered the loss of a family member than face danger by protecting me. Only mother did, even though she doesn't have many redeeming qualities beside that one moment of courage…" He got up and sat down on the bed next to Ellen, stroking her hair.

"Were you sad?" she wondered, reaching up to cover his hand with hers. "As a child I mean?" Kanda shrugged.

"Of course I was. Sad and frightened and angry. Especially angry. I didn't want to be an exorcist and I didn't want to have Innocence. It was ridiculous and I hated it." He laughed. "I must have been terrible back then."

"You're still terrible now. Such a hassle!" Ellen joked, pinching his cheek. He frowned. "Thank you." Kanda raised his eyebrow and Ellen let go of his cheek. "For telling me a bit more about yourself. I like the feeling that you finally start to trust me enough to speak of what lies beyond being an exorcist…" She laughed. "Even though what you told me is still connected to it." Kanda snorted and pushed at her shoulders so that she fell into the covers. He bent over her, grinning at her.

"Well. It's like I said. I'm an exorcist. That's all there is to me. But not forever. There's you now." Ellen smiled.

-o-o-o-

Kanda could not be convinced to go anywhere near a ballet, not that aunt Mary would have really wanted him coming along anyway.

"This is Linali, my best friend," Ellen said, introducing the girl to her aunt. Linali smiled openly, bowing slightly. "She would love to come see the ballet with us! If you allow it?" Mary agreed at once.

"Of course! My, such a charming girl! Do you like ballet my dear?"

"I have never been to one, so I am really excited!" Aunt Bermont grinned widely, putting her hand on Linali's shoulder.

"Then I am sure you will not be disappointed!" The carriage to London departed at once and Ellen looked out of the window, seeing Link stand by the door. He had agreed to stay behind because Linali would watch Ellen in his stead. He was not quite comfortable with seeing Ellen go without supervision, but it was, as Miss Bermont had said a "girls only" event. He didn't really want to be part of that.

It was a relief to be out again, to just forget the suffocating feeling of being trapped inside the castle walls. As a child, Ellen never had felt like this and she was sure that it was only because her position had now changed. Or maybe she had just grown up a bit… However, being out in public also unnerved her, because she still was somebody within society, even though only a couple knew how she looked, her mother had made sure of that.

"Come on, Ellen. Loosen up a bit. Sooner or later every newspaper reader from here to New York will know that you're married and with child. That's just a side effect of being born into nobility," aunt Mary said, her arm around Ellen's shoulder. "Right?" She gave her a squeeze and Ellen managed a nod. They made their way to their box in the opera house, Mary stopping every now and then to exchange a few pleasantries with other people, but she paid attention to not let anybody talk too much to Ellen, because at least she saw that it made her unwell. She pushed Linali to the centre of attention though, a fact the Asian girl was not really sure how to deal with.

"I'm a friend of Ellen's. Yes, Ellen Bermont," she replied whenever asked, "we attend the same institution." Ellen was glad when they finally slipped into their box, doors closed behind them and could focus on the ballet. Ellen didn't really care that much for ballets, even if she deemed it an appropriate way to pass some evenings. She put her opera glasses to her eyes when her aunt pinched her side, but overall she was just happy with sitting in her comfortable chair, listening to the music and seeing the figures dance on the stage. When she let her gaze travel from the dancer her aunt was so fond of, her breath almost caught in her throat. Casually leaning on the railing of his box but staring right back at her with a smirk, was Tyki Mikk. He waved at her and Ellen almost let her opera glasses drop into the pit below when she averted her eyes as quickly as possible.

"Ellen? What's the matter?" Linali asked, when the girl got up.

"Sorry. I need to go to the toilet," she made up and her aunt sighed dramatically.

"The fate of the pregnant woman, poor child. Hurry or you'll miss the great and dramatic ending!" Ellen laughed uneasily, then she slipped out of the box and hurried down the corridor. She only got as far as to the main staircase.

"Fancy, meeting you here," Tyki said, emerging from the shadows. Ellen glared at him. "I thought that you'd want to come see me."

"How did you know I was here?" Ellen asked, eyes narrowed. Every encounter with Tyki was potentially lethal. And every meeting with Tyki made her rash, thoughtless, careless. She knew she should not go out to meet him on her own, especially not in public where a battle could cause even more damage. But she couldn't let Tyki visit her in her box, under no circumstances would she allow that. It was a matter of keeping her aunt save, it was a matter of no wanting Linali to know that there were more connections between her, a potential Noah, and Tyki.

"You give me too much credit, darling," he said, taking one step towards her. He grinned when she didn't back away. He did like her for a reason. "Family bonds forced me to come here," he said with a sigh, shaking his head. Ellen was even more alert than before. Family bonds – that meant even more Noah must be present. But something in the back of her mind let her keep calm. For some reason she knew that she nor anybody else was in any real danger. "This is just a lucky coincidence." Ellen reacted way faster than he'd anticipated; when he closed the distance between them and wanted to touch her, she grabbed his hand with her Innocence one, almost crushing his wrist and keeping him away. When he got over his surprise he leaned in closer, his nose almost touching hers. "You know, it's quite boring without you out there fighting," he whispered, "so hurry up and get rid of that little hindrance of yours."

"How dare you," Ellen hissed, but Tyki merely chuckled, not impressed at all by the tightening of her Innocence around his wrist.

"Don't worry, my dear. I am just teasing you. I bet you remember my promise. You will be mine in time. I could just reach into you and turn around its little neck, but I made a promise about your child too. And when I have to, I will be patient." He wriggled out of the tight grip rather effortlessly and with a casual wave he walked away. Ellen forced herself to calm down and made her way back to her aunt and Linali.

When she did get back to her box, her aunt made a clicking sound with her tongue.

"You did miss the finale!" Ellen just slumped back in her seat, while her aunt clapped passionately. Linali bent over to her.

"Are you alright? You look slightly… unwell," she whispered and Ellen sighed, shaking her head.

"I am fine, thank you Linali. Just a bit tired," Ellen replied and even though Linali was not satisfied with that answer, she chose not to force the truth out of her while aunt Mary was still present.

"Well, girls, time to go!" Mary said, ushering the girls out of the box and into the flood of people moving towards the entrance hall. "I'm getting our coats and a coach for you, I'll only be a second." Just after Mary was gone, Linali turned to Ellen with an almost stern expression on her face.

"Now, Ellen, what is the matter with you? You need to tell me when something's wrong!" Ellen tried to avoid Linali's eyes, but while she did, she spotted Tyki again.

"There are no Akuma here, but Noah," Ellen whispered. Linali paled at once and slowly turned around, but Tyki had already slipped behind a curtain leading deeper into the Opera house. Ellen wondered just what he was up to.

"Noah? Here?"

"Shh, Linali! I know they are our enemies, but here in public they're just other spectators going to a ballet. We don't know what they're planning. But it would be incredibly unwise to engage in a battle here!" Ellen had her hands on Linali's shoulders and squeezed them gently, but still urgently. "We better just leave and report." The Asian girl slowly nodded her head and Ellen took her by the hand, putting on a smile when her aunt came back.

"There we are. One coat each!" she said cheerfully, then she led the way outside. "I must be on my way, I am expected in Liverpool for tea tomorrow before I depart for India." Ellen looked at her.

"You'll be leaving again? Haven't you just returned to England?" Mary laughed.

"Ellen… I don't intend to spend my live locked up here in this country. I made my choice early on in life. I'd wish to take you with me, dear child. But… your path is different," she said, and took Ellen's left hand in her own, where the wedding ring sparkled in the lamp's light. "Your father… he always wished that his daughter could live freely…" Mary sighed, then she patted Ellen's hand. "Ah, no need to be sentimental now. As long as you are happy!" She hugged Ellen and then Linali. "There's your carriage."

"Aunt… I...," Mary looked at her, smiling gently. Ellen sighed silently, then she looked up, a confident smile on her face. "I will be happy. I promise." Mary laughed and nodded. "Good-bye! Thank you for your visit!" Ellen said after she and Linali had climbed into the carriage.

"It was nice meeting you, Miss Bermont!"

"Just call me Mary, dear! And it was a pleasure meeting you too, Linali! Take care you two!" She gave the driver a sign and then the carriage started moving. "Good-bye! Good-bye, girls!"

-o-o-o-

Seeing Tyki again had greatly worsened Ellen's mood. Why did she need to keep running into him? She really didn't need to be reminded of his so-called promise. Neither did she want to get into a fight now – she knew that as she was now he couldn't possibly fight Tyki. She had failed to do so before, even with Rabi's help. She had improved in the few months between then and now, but she probably was still too weak to win. Of course, her ability to move was impaired now, seeing as she was more than six month's pregnant. However, she knew that if she had to fight, then she would, the Innocence would make sure of that.

"Well, this does worry me slightly," Komui said and Ellen snapped out of her thoughts. She and Linali had gone straight to Komui's office to report. "We know that Noah live human lives, but it is still surprising to find them at an opera house. Which would probably mean that they also have positions in the upper classes." Ellen chose not to say anything about this. Sure, she was withholding important information, but she just couldn't bring herself to tell what kind of connections she had to the Noah. Especially not as she was already in a dangerous position.

"I think we just need to be cautious. We can't do anything about it as our power to interfere is limited," Komui continued after a while. Ellen and Linali nodded, but before they could leave, Komui called Ellen back. "Ellen?" She looked at him and he smiled. Her face brightened up at one when he handed her the familiar black file.

"A mission? For me?" He nodded and Ellen grinned, seeing the note "Ellen and Yu Kanda; Paris" on it.

"Be cautious," Komui said, but then he chuckled, leaning back in his chair, "and enjoy yourself."

-o-o-o-

Kanda looked up suspiciously when he found Ellen barging into their bedroom with a big smile. He looked at her quizzically as she flopped down into an easy chair, opening the file.

"Welcome back. What is this?" Ellen grinned over the top of the file and Kanda saw what it was.

"A mission?"

"Right! A mission, for us!" Ellen sang and Kanda breathed a sigh of relief. Finally.

"So, what's it going to be?" Ellen looked down at the report, a smile still on her face as she read the details.  
"We're going to hunt for a Phantom Thief!"

**To be continued…**

-o-o-o-

**Notes:**

Finally! I actually wanted to already start with the Phantom Thief G arc this chapter, but I decided to include the opera scene for various reasons.

First I was unsure about letting Aunt Mary appear because she really only has a minor role. Just a little note about her; Mary is the younger sister of Ellen's father, the one that has been mentioned a few times in the beginning of the story.

See you next chapter, with the last bit that loosely follows the manga storyline! :D

Random P.S. I'm still fighting with the line breaks :I It appears to become a long-lasting struggle.


	66. Kapitel 64 Grasping at Ghosts

**Author's Notes:**

It is getting old, but I apologize again for the loooooooong delay. I hope you have not given up yet!

This chapter finally starts the Phantom Thief G arc which, as I have said before, will be the last bit that follows canon. So this second part of this chapter will be set in France and thus the dialogue you will find written in _italics_ should be French. My French used to be okay, but now I don't trust it anymore, so you'll only find English in this text! ;3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 64: Grasping at Ghosts**

Summer had reached the South of England and with it Bermont Castle. The rooms that were not attached to the new heating system of the Black Order were now slowly warming up, the cold retreating into the halls and vaults underground. The bright sunrays were shining through the windows, flooding the dusty studies and new laboratories equally with warm, welcome light.

An old part of the castle, the former stables and an adjoining hall for an ancient and long derelict carriage, had been freed from dust and useless debris and now was full with the noise of people talking. Ellen was sitting on a bench next to the exit and looked into the hall. Walls had been pulled up, others pulled down and wood had been replaced by stones. The roof arched between decorative pillars and the small windows high up illuminated the black and white checked marble floor in bright patches. This was the new main office for information and letter exchange, a place Ellen had come to appreciate in the long, long hours of being on stand-by. In a gap in the wall was a huge wooden counter. Across it she could see people sorting letters and packages into shelves, as well as people talking on a couple of telephones and checking telegraph machines. Far in the back, where it was scarcely illuminated, she could even make out one of these strange devices that were used for communication between the laboratories – some kind of sound and image projector.

"I wonder what will become of all these phones and machines when the Black Order is no longer needed, " Ellen said to no one in particular. Miranda, who was waiting with her, turned towards her young friend with a puzzled expression.

"What do you mean, Ellen?" The girl shrugged, studying the people working in the busy office.

"I doubt the Black Order will be here forever, right? I have no need for five telephones you know? There never was any electricity or running water or heating in this castle. I just wonder how this Black Order episode will change the face of the castle." Miranda, who had long been told of Ellen's real connection to Bermont Castle, smiled at her warmly.

"Well, I remember you mentioning that each generation adds something new. So this modernity is what you add. If your heirs don't like it they can pull it down again and build something more to their liking?" Ellen had to laugh at that and nodded. "And who knows, maybe everyone will have five telephones at home in a couple of years' time!"

"Or I'll just have three children, so there's one for everybody," Ellen joked and Miranda blushed slightly, but continued smiling.

"Well, that's a… cute thought I think?" She was silent for a moment, contemplating if it was wise to continue, but then she did: "Will you be having more children then?" Ellen had to frown at that, making Miranda shake her head nervously. "Oh, sorry for asking personal-"

Ellen smiled, then she put her hand on Miranda's shoulder, raising her finger of her other hand, a grin on her face. "Well," she started and lightly touched the tip of Miranda's nose, "let's first see what happens in a few weeks!" Miranda giggled and nodded.

"Mrs Kanda?" Ellen and Miranda turned towards the office and saw a man leaning over the counter. "These are the things you asked for." He put a big parcel, a smaller one and a thick envelope on the surface and the two women walked over to collect them. Ellen touched her hand to the big parcel, then, with an approving nod, she took it while Miranda helped her with the smaller things. She thanked the man at the counter, who just smiled and waved, then the girls left the office.

"Sometimes," Ellen said, walking up the many steps to the floor where her room was located. "Sometimes I think about having Komui build an elevator." Miranda started laughing when they reached the landing, with Ellen huffing exaggeratedly.

"There, there, Ellen," Miranda said, patting Ellen's head. "It's less than three months now, but you're still in good shape! I saw you sparring with Linali this morning. You're as amazing as ever." Ellen smiled at Miranda, then she sighed deeply, dropping the breathless act.

"Weeeell, I'm doing my best to keep fit. This is still an exorcist's body, I can't slack off." They walked to Ellen's room and the girl pushed the door open with her shoulder.

"My, what a curious way to phrase it… Don't overdo it, Ellen…," Miranda told her when Ellen put the parcels on a table. "I know what is supposed to come first, but you must not do reckless things. Your life is even more valuable now." Ellen turned to look at Miranda and the older woman blushed. "I… I didn't mean to patronize you! I know I shouldn't even be giving you advice, seeing as I'm often being so useless on the battlefield, but as… as an adult I just had to-" Ellen burst out laughing, taking the fretting Miranda's hands in her own, squeezing them tightly.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Miranda!" The woman looked at her for a tense moment, but then she sighed, relaxing immediately.

"S… Sorry. I can't help myself," she whispered and Ellen let go of her hands to turn back to the items on the table. Miranda looked over the other girl's shoulder. "Did you order all of these?" Ellen shook her head. "They're so nicely wrapped…" Ellen pondered the things for a moment, then she turned to Miranda with a cheerful expression.

"Well, time to start the party then!"

-o-

Kanda had tried to talk his wife out of a birthday celebration. Firstly, he hated things like these. Secondly, they had to leave early in the morning on the next day. It was irresponsible. And for once he and Link even agreed, but the German had given up faster when faced with Ellen's stubbornness than Kanda had. He had hoped that getting a mission would release him from Ellen's endeavour, but she would not listen to anything anyone said.

"Come on Kanda. It's not even a real party," Linali insisted, dragging Kanda down the corridor towards what Kanda assumed to be one of the smaller banquet halls. "We're just going to eat something nice, you're going to unwrap a few presents and then that's it. It'll be nice and orderly." Kanda doubted it. And indeed, when Linali pushed open the doors of the banquet hall he was more than tempted to just turn around again and leave. The banquet hall was in itself rather filled with unnecessary splendour. The walls were painted in brilliant colours depicting all kind of landscapes and folkloristic scenes, framed by dark wooden panelling with delicately carved patterns. A big chandelier hung from the ceiling that featured a dramatic sky with dark stormy clouds and bursts of sunlight. The floor was polished wood that reflected the chandelier. Dark green velvet curtains adorned the long windows. And, befitting a banquet hall, there was a long table in the middle, filled with food. And people sitting around it.

"Ah, there you are!" Rabi said, approaching Kanda with a glass of wine. "Yu's here!" Half of the Black Order seemed to be in the hall and all that had their hands free of wine or hors-d'oeuvres clapped.

"Not a real party… Those were your words," Kanda said accusingly, glaring at Linali. The girl laughed, but didn't feel any need to apologize. Somehow Kanda was ushered towards the middle of the table and pushed down into the far too comfortable chair. Kanda wanted to curse, but he found Ellen sitting next to him and her brilliant smile shut him up. When everybody had taken a seat, Ellen rose again, glass in hand. She had everyone's attention immediately. Kanda marvelled at how radiant she appeared. Her dress was simple, a pale blue with silver and white flower embroidery on the sleeves, her shoulders were covered but it showed her collarbones and her long white neck. Her hair was freely falling over her shoulders apart from two thin braids fastened together at the back of her head with a rose. Stunning. Kanda sunk back into his chair, glaring at the table.

"On behalf of my husband, I thank all of you for attending this little festivity. I do not want to bore you with too many words seeing as we are all eager to eat and be merry, so I will keep this short." She looked at Kanda, who could still only frown. She smiled at him, then she turned towards the others again. "Today we celebrate Yu's 19th birthday. The first birthday we spend together. However, I do hope that many others will follow." Kanda looked up, seeing how Ellen's cheeks were slightly pink, but her gentle smile remained on her face. "Happy birthday, Yu." The guests raised their glassed and joined in a chorus of well wishes (and a gush of tears from Kanda's touched master) before everybody turned their attention to the dinner on the table.

"I really should have talked you out of this," Kanda mumbled between bites of something delicious. At least the food was decent.

"Oh, you knew you couldn't possibly achieve that," Ellen teased calmly, sipping her cider.

"Yeah, and that bugs the hell out of me!" Kanda replied with a growl, but then he leant to the side to plant a kiss on Ellen's cheek. "But I'll let it pass, just this once." She looked at him, but then she smiled.

-o-

Kanda didn't care much about presents, he claimed that he was no longer a child and that this present making business was stupid and too much of a hassle. His friends had learnt to get him practical things, things he'd be able to use in his daily life. Therefore, even though he hated birthdays, he was usually rather content at the end of the day for not having to buy stuff that he ran out of or needed. However, he had no idea what to expect from Ellen. He was therefore rather curious when the sun set, the hall emptied with calls of "good luck" and "good night" and they left for their room. Maybe she had taken his "I hate this stuff" seriously and not got him anything. Kanda didn't quite know whether to be pleased or disappointed (because secretly, he had looked forward to presents – _her_ present). He leaved through the botanical book he'd received from Link, puzzling both over the question of the missing present and the German blurb (but he had received a dictionary as well, so the German text was the minor problem).

"And? Was it so bad?" Kanda put the book down and saw Ellen leaning against the table, shaking off her shoes.

"The food was good," he said and Ellen laughed, "and you looked good too." She crossed her arms and shook her head with a smile.

"My, what a flatterer you are. But I will reward you for it anyway," she said and stepped away from the table. Kanda could see presents on it and he couldn't refrain from smiling. "Come here." Kanda got up, but before Ellen could put something in his hands, he embraced her and placed a kiss on her lips.

"I guess I could tolerate more birthdays if you're there with me," he said and Ellen smiled, embracing him, but then she let go and gave him an envelope.

"This is from mother," she said. Kanda raised his eyebrow and opened it. "She's always being so pragmatic, but apparently you'll find these things _very useful_." Kanda laughed while he opened the envelope. He pulled out the documents and quickly looked them over.

"Oh."

"Oh? What is it?" the girl wondered, leaning over to get a glance.

"Hm. Many things apparently. Legal documents, descriptions of my properties and all kind of things I apparently own. As well as a bank account with," he frowned and closed the little book, "a lot of money in it." Ellen rolled her eyes.

"Mother can be a bit of a show-off at times," she said, "she likes displaying wealth and power…"

"To be honest, I am not going to complain about any of the things she gave me," Kanda said, putting the envelope on the table to go over again later on, "because now I no longer need to worry about having my wife starve." Ellen sighed and Kanda raised an eyebrow. "Don't sigh at me. You eat reasonably more than a normal budget would allow for." Ellen's expression turned sour and offended for a split second, before her face lightened up again and she laughed.

"You know, if you ever say that in public then I'm going to cut off all your hair," she warned him, still with her sweet smile in place. Then she pushed the big parcel towards him.

"Well you've got the money and the property now," Ellen started and Kanda lifted the lid of the parcel only to find very luxurious clothes in it, "so you should also be able to dress like it." Kanda took out the jacket, leaving the other things inside and looked at it.

"This looks damn expensive…," he said and felt the fabric. Ellen nodded.

"It was made by a tailor shop that has been making the clothes for the Bermont family for many generations now. It's a very distinct style, both the fabric and the cut, so anyone caring about these things will be able to recognize you as a member of the Bermont family." Kanda still looked at the jacket and Ellen leant in. "But you don't need to wear it. It is pretty pretentious" she whispered and Kanda chuckled. He folded the jacket again and put it back in its place.

"I will wear it when we go out in public without our uniforms for a change," he said and smiled at Ellen. Before he could lean in for a kiss, she raised another parcel to his chest. A smaller one, neatly wrapped into shiny paper.

"We're not done yet. This is the last one," she said, smiling brightly. Kanda huffed amusedly, then he took the present and unwrapped it. He found another small box made of dark wood and gold inside. When he opened it his eyes met with a golden pocket watch. The surface had a delicately worked emblem on it, a family crest apparently. He took it out by its golden chain and opened it. The dial was of shiny ivory and on the inside of the lid he found an inscription: _Yu Kanda, for His 19__th__ Birthday, by His loving Wife. Ellen Kanda._

"I… hope you like it. Every man of the family has one of these watches. I had it modelled after my father's. And there's also the Walker family crest under the inscription. The other side of the watch is free for your own crest. I didn't know-"

Kanda stopped her by wrapping his arms around her, not saying anything.

"Yu…" He tightened his embrace, then he let her go.

"Thank you." He couldn't say more, because he didn't know how to properly phrase it. He was grateful and touched because these presents were like tokens of her trust, of her wanting him to be a whole part of her life. He had refused to make her a part of his family, because there were still many unspeakable things connected to his past, so she had made her best effort to include him into hers. Despite him not caring at first, despite her being so unwilling in the past.

Ellen appeared to understand all the things he did not say and nodded, taking his hands into hers.

"You're welcome."

-o-

It was five o' clock in the evening when they reached the city of Paris. As this was not a difficult mission, Komui had allowed them to not use the Ark, but travel the traditional way for a change. Ellen had been greatly relieved by this decision as using the Ark still made her feel uneasy. Despite assuming this to be an easy mission though, Komui had insisted on taking the regular measures; Ellen was only allowed to go on missions accompanied by Kanda, Link and a further exorcist. This time it was Mari who kept them company. Ellen was happy to work with him, seeing as he was a pleasant man. Also, he knew Kanda well and checked his foul mood during missions.

"We need to be at the police station, hurry up," Link said and Ellen frowned at him, tearing her eyes off of a shop window.

"These clothes would not fit you anyway right now," Kanda helpfully added when she reluctantly turned away to follow Mari and Link. Offended, Ellen glared at her husband who just returned her look.

"Kanda," Mari said, "you might want to rephrase that." Kanda raised an eyebrow at him, but then he turned back towards his wife.

"When our son is born I will take you to Paris to try on and buy these clothes. You will look good in them," he said, then he glanced at Mari, who nodded towards him approvingly. Ellen too seemed appeased by this, judging by her smile. Kanda saw her tugging at her uniform. She looked absolutely stunning in their new clothes. It was tight around her chest, but then opened up so that it was not apparent that she was pregnant. Where the coat ended just above her knees, he could see red frills with every step she took. And her legs. He just loved how they looked clad in white stockings and the black half-boots. Sure, the uniform wasn't as form flattering as the dresses in the window had been, but she looked great as always.

"It is quite hot… I wish I had short sleeves," Ellen complained, "or a fan."

"Should I buy you one?" Kanda wondered as she wiped air into her face with her gloved hands. He was feeling rather comfortable in his uniform, but he also wasn't almost seven months pregnant, so he felt like right now he should just try to be helpful.

"You can drink something cool once we've checked out the police station," Link said, eager to finish timely. Ellen groaned, but didn't say anything else. Once the mission was over she'd shop for a new hat and climb the Eifel Tower to look over Paris with Kanda.

"This must be it," Link said after a while and Ellen looked up to find a big building in front of them. Link opened the door and they entered. As soon as the door was closed, Ellen noticed how noisy it was. From somewhere she heard voices shouting, getting closer towards them. She assumed it to be normal for a police station and continued following the men.

All of a sudden the voices were very near and she could hear a girl shrieking something. And then she saw someone bump into Kanda.

"_Watch out!_" he hissed and Ellen was almost surprised to hear him speak French, even though she knew that he spoke it as if it were his mother tongue. But her admiration was interrupted when she saw who had run into him; it was a young woman, probably around her age, nicely dressed and very beautiful. And the way she looked at Kanda_. "Out of my way,_" he said, stepping around her, but Ellen only noticed the dreamy look the girl directed at Kanda. _Her_ _husband_! Ellen wondered if this was the first time she felt such a pang of jealousy and wondered if it was even appropriate. Kanda had barely taken notice of her after all. While she had been busy staring at the girl staring at Kanda, he had already turned towards the man they had been looking for; Inspector Galmar.

"_Who are you?"_ the inspector hissed, surprisingly hostile towards Kanda, while he tried his best to put some distance between the girl and Kanda. Maybe she was his daughter? Kanda just looked at him perplexedly and Ellen decided to step forward to clear up the situation.

"We heard that you hold some of our people prisoner?" she said, addressing him in English and got his attention at once.

"We would like to meet them, if you allow," Mari continued and the man looked at them in confusion. However, he spotted the emblem on their chests which caused him to widen his eyes.

"The Black Order…? What could you possibly want here…?" Ellen just smiled at him and he regained his composure. He turned towards the girl.

"_Wait outside!"_ he roared and she opened her mouth to protest, _"you're in the way!"_ She puffed her cheeks, but turned around on her heels and stomped outside, not nearly as graceful as Ellen had thought her to be. He turned towards them, his expression uneasy. "You want to see your friends? Then follow me to the cells," he said and started walking. The exorcist followed him swiftly, descending a flight of stairs. Galmar unlocked a heavy iron door and went inside. When Ellen got far enough into the noisy room ahead, her eyes widened and she grabbed Kanda's hand in surprise.

"They must be here. Search for them!" Galmar said gruffly, but Ellen had barely heard him. She was staring at the prison cells that were filled by… by…

"My goodness! What are these people? Are these people at all?" she asked and Galmar looked at her. The shrieking tone had probably made him notice that among the exorcists there was also a girl present.

"They are Master Thief G, caught by me," he told her and she just looked at him not understanding what he meant. Those people were all wearing some sort of ridiculous costume, with a big mask in the form of an eye over their head.

"You caught him? But there are so many people!" Ellen stated, but her voice was drowned by the prisoners suddenly shouting.

"NOOO! We aren't G! G tricked us!" they shouted, but Galmar just told them to shut up.

"But we tell the truth!" one prisoner spoke up, "G is no ordinary human made up of flesh and blood!" Galmar just glared at them and Kanda shook his head in irritation.

"I have no idea what is going on here," he said.

"I think the inspector already forgot about us," Ellen added silently, but then she looked up because she had heard someone call them.

"Exorcists…? Aren't they… exorcists?" Ellen turned around and found a prison cell filled with people she knew, also dressed in these gruesome clothes.

"Jiji and the finders!" Ellen shrieked, recognizing them as the people they had been sent out to look for. Before Ellen could say anything else, Kanda was already there and slammed his foot into the wall, creating a deep dent.

"What do you guys think you are doing…?" he asked dangerously and the four men apologized frantically.

"Kanda…," Ellen said, putting her hand on his shoulder, "don't be angry at them." Kanda snorted, but backed off.

"Ah, angelic Ellen! It's such a pleasure to see you in these dark hours!" Jiji wailed and Ellen crouched down, looking at them.

"What happened?" she asked, but the men shook their heads.

"We can't quite say to be honest… We were here investigating some mysterious occurrences likely connected with Innocence. But then we suddenly woke up and found ourselves in these clothes and this prison!"

"What?" Ellen and Kanda said in unison.

"Don't tell me you useless people don't even have any memory left!" Kanda complained, but Jiji shook his head.

"We do know one thing for sure! There is a connection between the Phantom Thief G and Innocence!" Ellen and Kanda looked at him dubiously, so Jiji frantically waved his arms, trying to get them to believe him. "Don't look at me like this! I might be dressed strangely, but I do know what I am talking about!"

"And why are you so sure about this?" Ellen wondered. Just because strange things have happened there seemed to be no proof that it was caused by Innocence. And if it was it seemed a rather strange course of action for Innocence to take. Jiji moved back and pointed towards another person Ellen had not been aware of before.

"This lovely lady here is called Bonnaire. She's the boss here in this prison," he said, and Ellen just blinked at the person. Apparently it was a man, also dressed in the costume, he had facial hair and wore excessive make-up.

"Did he just say… lovely lady…?" Ellen whispered to her husband, who shrugged with confusion written over his face.

"G is no human," Bonnaire spoke up, "he is a ghost, that's what the G stands for. We know three things about him. He wears this strange costume. Before each crime he sends a card announcing his plan. And he is not made out of flesh and blood!" Ellen widened her eyes. "This is exactly why he takes possession of a human body to carry out his crimes. The stupid inspector can catch as many as he likes; G will always come back with a new body!"

"Stop this nonsense, Bonnaire!" Galmar shouted, obviously agitated. "Visiting hours are over! Please go now!"

"No! Please don't go!" Jiji and the Finders shouted, grabbing Ellen's legs through the bars. Kanda grabbed the back of Ellen's coat and pulled her away, sending them warning glares.

"I think they are telling the truth," Mari stated, when Ellen had been let go and the men broke out into cries for mercy.

"I don't care whether this is a sly thief or a ghost. We have to get the Innocence," Kanda said flatly, which instantly caused a reaction from Galmar.

"What is that supposed to mean? This is my case! I-"

"Inspector!" He was interrupted by a breathless policemen that held out something towards him.

"A new message from G!" Before the shocked Galmar could take it, Kanda snatched it away and read the note.

"He'll strike at the Louvre. He's after a crown or something," he said and tossed the note towards Galmar.

"What do you think you're-"

"Let's go. We know everything we needed to," Kanda said and started walking out. Ellen turned towards Galmar with an apologetic expression.

"I must apologize for him, he just wants to do his job, just like you. We will try not to get in your way," she made a curtsey, said her good-bye to Jiji and the others and followed her friends out of the prison and into the warm Parisian evening.

-o-

Ellen was sitting on top of the roof of the Louvre. It had closed some time ago, but it was really busy thanks to the many police officers Galmar was trying to instruct in order to catch G. Link had just left to get some food and water and Ellen took the moment to open her uniform jacket. It was just too hot, even at ten o' clock in the evening. Somehow she wished G would just show up in his silly costume so that they could beat some sense into him and solve the case. She heard footsteps and turned towards them, but it wasn't Link who came towards her.

"Ah, Yu!" she called and he sat down next to her. "How come you're up here?"

"I figured you'd need some company while Link's off to grab some food for you…," he said, leaning against her so that their shoulders touched.

"Ugh, you're too hot! Hot!" Ellen said, wiggling away. Kanda seemed offended for a second, but then he shrugged. Ellen took off the jacket entirely, showing Kanda a white cotton undershirt. "I'm sorry, but I'm all sticky," she said, rubbing her upper arms.

"It's not even that hot," Kanda commented, brushing a stray lock of her white hair behind her ear.

"It's hot." Kanda rolled his eyes, but let it pass. "It's nice to be here though," she said and looked ahead. "It's not the Eifel Tower, but the view is still nice. There are so many lights still at this time of day… I wonder if Paris is ever asleep." She turned towards her husband when Kanda remained silent. His expression was hard to read, but his brow was furrowed despite his calm expression. "What is the matter?"

"I'm uneasy…," he told her and she turned around to face him.

"How come?" she wondered and he brushed his fringe out of his face, leaving his hand behind his ear, silent again.

"You know that there is something else for me beyond being an exorcist and being your husband?" Ellen looked at him, unsure what he meant. "There is a person I'm looking for… A person I need to find before my time runs out." Ellen lifted her hands to her face, surprised.

"Ah…," she breathed, "yes. How could I forget those ominous words you spoke that day. That you might run out of time soon. I had hoped that you were exaggerating a bit." Kanda laughed, reaching out his hand to put it on her head.

"I was overly dramatic yet, but only because you nearly made my cry back then. You're so good at that, you know?" She lowered her head in dejection, but he ruffled her hair. "Stupid Kanda."

"Look who's talking," he said, but then he took away his hand and Ellen peeked at him though her messed up hair. "What kind of person is it…? And what have they got to do with Paris?"

"I can't tell you all..."

"Tell me a bit?" Ellen asked, sitting up straight. "I'm not going to ask questions. I'll just let you speak," she promised. Kanda sighed, but then he smiled at her.

"This person I'm looking for… I don't know her well, to be honest…" Ellen opened her mouth in surprise, but she remembered what she'd promised before. But a woman? He was dedicated to finding another woman? This did stir this unfamiliar jealousy again and she felt bad about it. "I see that look on your face, beansprout. But come on. I've been looking for her ever since becoming an exorcist. That's a long time ago, no need to be jealous," he said and pinched her cheek.

"Sorry…"

"I'm not actively searching anymore, but I keep my eyes and ears open. Paris was the last place I could trace her to… But I can't find her…"

"And… Excuse me, I need to ask. But why do you need to find her?" Ellen asked silently and Kanda smiled at her.

"To go on living…," he answered and Ellen bit her lip. "Don't tear up now. I'll be fine. There is actually no proof that I'll die right away when my ability to heal myself is used up. I'll still have time… Maybe I don't even need her help…"

"I could help… If you just gave me her name, then I'd-" Kanda stopped her, by putting his hand on her knee.

"No," he said gently, but firmly. "No, Ellen." She looked crest-fallen, but she nodded. "This is something I have to do. I absolutely do not want to draw you into this anymore than you already are by being my wife. I just want you to be kept away from any unnecessary harm…"

"But what if I could actually help…?" Ellen tried once again, but Kanda shook his head.

"Let me be selfish in this matter. I'd rather never find her than involve you…" Ellen sighed, but she accepted it. "Okay?"

"Yes, okay. Thank you for telling me… And just in case you see her, just go. I'll be fine." She squeezed his hand, then Kanda got up.

"I need to get down again. Who knows when that idiot thief shows up. I'll see you later. Just use your transmitter earring if you need anything." Ellen nodded and waved at him when he left. She sighed, looking over Paris again. Might this woman be here right now? Was one of the lights shining through the night hers? Was she sleeping soundly while Kanda worried about her? Ellen pulled on the jacket when she heard footsteps coming towards her.

"Oh? Doughnuts?" Ellen asked when Link presented a box full of colourful sweets. "How did you get them this late at night?"

"I had to bribe some people, but it was rather easy." He handed her a bottle of water, "here." She thanked him and opened the bottle. "You're still hot?"

"I'm better," she said after drinking, then she looked into the box, "can I have one with vanilla cream inside?"

-o-

It was almost midnight, high time for G to finally show up. The box of sweets was almost empty by now.

"They are really tasty. Do you think you can bake this as well?" Ellen asked, breaking the last Doughnut apart, handing out a bit to Link and a bit to Timcampy, who had also had his share of sweets.

"Of course. Anything you like," he said and Ellen grinned at him.

"Ah, delightful. I have my own private confectioner!" she said.

"Can you hear me, beansprout?" Ellen shot up when she suddenly heard Kanda's voice out of nowhere. She held her earring.

"My name is Ellen!" she said, liking the icing off her fingers.

"Stop eating, it's almost time!" she heard him say.

"Understood!" The connection was terminated and she got up. "You know, if he meant mid-night, why didn't he just write mid-night on the card?" Ellen wondered, walking over the roof top to have a better view of the square below.

"I assume that he likes to play with the police," Link commented and Ellen put her hands on the railing, looking out for Kanda. All of a sudden she heard a window smash. "I think the chase has started." Ellen saw a costumed figure running, but G was quickly stopped by Kanda. She couldn't see much, neither could she hear anything, but apparently Kanda and Galmar were arguing about something. And then she became aware of a person standing on the roof, not far away from her. Another costume-clad person and it had the crown.

"Okay, Ellen. Your turn. Be careful!" Link warned, but most of what he had said was drowned out by the loud laughter of G. G was not paying any attention and his shouting concealed the sound of Ellen's foot-steps. She jumped into the air and kicked him from behind, sending him flying.

"Oh, this is good! I missed missions!" Ellen said when she landed, then she turned to the thief. "_I beg you pardon, kind Sir! Here are reinforcements!_" From below she could hear cheers and Galmar raging about something. G was still lying on the floor, immobilized, by the time Link arrived.

"Be careful not to damage the crown. It's highly valuable, we could never pay for it!" he warned, "unless you want to sell Bermont Castle."

"Over my dead body," Ellen said, hitting her fist into her empty palm.

"_Who are you…? The police?"_ G wondered.

"_Oh no,"_ Ellen said with a smile, _"but we still are here to get a hold of you."_ G was silent for a while, but then he lifted his arm and before Ellen or Link could react, he had thrown the crown high into the air. Ellen shrieked and ran, barely catching it.

"Good heavens, this was a close call," she sighed, bending over the railing, but she had it in her hand.

"Just what were you up to? Catching G?" she heard Link say, "you think you can do it?" Ellen jumped away from the railing, just in time to evade a blow to her face. She could barely believe it, but Link was attacking her. Holding on to the crown, she only had one arm to block his almost incessant attacks. And his blows were surprisingly powerful.

"Link? Link what are you doing?" She hesitated a second, which made her miss her chance to block his next attack. He got her chest and she fell backwards, all the air blown from her lungs. She jumped away, landing on the roof where she still slipped a few meters before she could grab something.

"Ellen?" she could hear Mari's voice coming from her earring. "What is wrong, Ellen? Are you fighting?"

"I… It's Link! He…," she was still trying to regain her breath, coughing.

"The inspector? What's wrong with him?" Before she could reply she saw him running towards her. Suddenly there were blades coming out of his sleeves. Ellen evaded the blow but the wall took considerable damage.

"I didn't know he was this strong…! But he did save me back then when the old headquarters were under attack," Ellen muttered, pressing the crown to her chest.

"Can you please get to the point, Ellen!" Mari urged.

"Wow! What do we have here!" Link said, looking at his hands in awe, "this one is incredibly tough!"

"It looks as if Link is now possessed by G…," Ellen said in disbelief.

"Yes… I just heard him," Mari answered, "Kanda should be up there in no time, he left when G first appeared on the roof."

"Give me back my crown…," G said dangerously, a dark grin on Link's face. Ellen laughed, shaking her head. The connection terminated and Ellen looked up. Indeed, she saw Kanda running towards them, a sinister expression on his face.

"If you have the crown, you will flee. And we can't have that, can we…? After all, we're here to stop you." G managed to evade before Kanda got to him. He whirled around and seals enclosed Kanda. Just before it could harm him, he jumped out of it. Ellen looked at the scene in surprise. She wasn't aware of just what Link was able to do.

"Aaaah! This is getting dangerous!" G said, turning around to run.

"This guy is part of the Crow?" Kanda asked loudly, when he landed next to Ellen. He turned to her to help her get to her feet. "Are you hurt? Can you stand?"

"I'm okay, but what about Link? Crow you said?"

"A special battle force of the order. I don't know much about them and neither do I care. But I'm surprised that your watchdog is one of them. It seems Leverrier is more worried about you than he lets on." Ellen couldn't ponder about it, as she heard shouting from further up the roof. Galmar had found the guy G had previously possessed, accusing him of being the thief.

"I'm innocent!" the man shouted, which caused G to giggle gleefully.

"Why are you laughing?" Ellen asked sternly, taking a step towards G who had not run after all.

"What? Isn't that obvious? It's so silly if a grown man behaves like this! I can't do anything else but laugh!"

"You are such a child!" Ellen told him strictly, "You are simply impossible! Because of you the lives of those that you possessed have been turned upside down! You are," she looked at him with a pitying expression, "the worst!" G widened his eyes, staying silent for a while, but then he got angry and charged.

"Shut up!"

"Ellen, if he's a crow, we do not need to hold back," Kanda said, raising his sword.

"I know what to do, back me up," Ellen said and Kanda nodded. She invocated her Innocence and grabbed both of G's hands with her Crown Belt. She showed him a sweet smile before she slammed him against the wall. Before he had properly regained his balance after falling down, Kanda was already there slashing at him. Most of the blows were aimed at nothing, but he did scratch G a few times, which seemed to scare him pretty much.

"What's wrong, G? Is this your first real fight?" Kanda asked with a haughty grin. "Are you scared?" Kanda kicked him and G was thrown back. Straight to where Ellen was waiting with her sword outstretched. It pierced him, making G stop dead in his tracks.

"What… What is…?" He looked down slowly, seeing the blade come out of his chest. "What is this?" Ellen bent closer to him.

"It's a blade," she whispered against his ear, "My sword has pierced you!" G widened his eyes, but then he started shouting at the top of his lungs.

"Uaaaaaah! A sword pierced me?" Ellen watched him with a mixture of worry and amusement. Of course, a human would not be hurt by her sword, but apparently G had not noticed this yet.

"He's probably shocked. Maybe I've exaggerated… Oh, I'm sorry…!" G was not listening at all, but holding his head.

"Uuuuhh… Piih…" Ellen walked up to him, just in time to see him raise his head, tears streaming down his face. "Piiiih!

"Oh… Oh? Howard!" The girl was pretty surprised, never having seen Link with such a pitiful expression.

"Aaaau! It hurts!" Ellen reached out her hands, petting his hair because she didn't know how to react otherwise.

"No… No! It does not hurt! My sword does not hurt anybody!" But G wasn't listening at all.

"This is all your fault! You murderer!" With this final wail Link's body suddenly became limp and he dropped down. Ellen caught him before he could hurt himself any further.

"Uh…," he held his head, looking up at Ellen. "Ellen?" Ellen breathed out in relief.

"Howard? Are you back to normal? Are you okay?" Link just frowned, looking at the sword sticking out of his chest.

"And just what are you doing?" Ellen laughed and pulled the sword out of him, helping him to get back on his feet. "What happened?"

"Ah, I'll tell you later. Let us get down from this roof!"

Back down on the floor Kanda took her hand, a worried look on his face.

"How are you?" Ellen laughed.

"I'm fine! Don't worry," she said, squeezing his hand, "though I must say I'm a bit out of breath." Kanda nodded, handing the crown that Timcampy had carried for Ellen back to the police.

"Then let's get to the hotel, Mari was able to track the voice of G. We will check on it tomorrow." Ellen nodded and they made their way back, slipping away before Galmar could ask them too many questions.

"I wonder why my eyes are so sore," Link mused absent-mindedly and Ellen couldn't help laughing.

_To be continued_

* * *

**Notes:**

Ahaha, I slipped in some info on Kanda's past again. Cheeky of me! I think I'll be able to finish the G Arc with next chapter, then we'll move on. It won't take as long this time, even though I might not be that fast seeing as there's more fighting to describe. I need to figure out how I can tell the story when most of the second part of the battle happens without Ellen being present.

Oh well. See you next time! :D


	67. Kapitel 65 A Silent Good Morning

**Author's Notes:**

Holiday time is fanfiction writing time!

Most of this chapter consists of battle scenes and if you've come this far in the story then you know that those are not my forte.

As before; sentences in _italics_ mean something is spoken in French and /this/ means that it's transmitted (like telephone conversations).

I'm not exactly consistent when it comes to having Timothy speak English. I assume that a boy his age, in his situation and in his time would not really have a good command of the English language, but for fanfiction purposes let's just pretend it's good enough to work without me having to write in italics forever! *lol*

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 65: A silent Good morning**

A velvet dark curtain has been drawn over Paris, the sky was overhung with patchy clouds and the last shimmering lights looked vague. On the third story balcony of her hotel, Ellen was sitting out in the open, eating a baguette with cheese. An early breakfast at one o'clock in the small hours of the morning.

Kanda came out of the room, rubbing his face. He was already dressed to go to bed. After the years it had become easy for him to process the mission and return to normality when it was done. He was calm and he was tired, but his wife was still full of the energy that came with fighting. Ellen was munching her bread, staring out over the city. Kanda walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't you want to sleep?" he asked, "tomorrow we will have to chase done G." Ellen hummed, then she tilted her head to one side, eyes still on the lights ahead. Kanda sighed silently, then he sat down next to her. "Ellen…"

"Everything is all right," she said before he could ask. She turned her head towards him. "Apart from the little first-hand taste of Link's battle ability, this had been a very easy mission. I'm not hurt…" A slight frown appeared on Kanda's face.

"You _have_ to take care," he insisted. "This might have been the last mission for a while, but you've got to be less playful when fighting." Ellen groaned, feeling the start of a lecture upon her, and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I was enjoying myself after such a long time… What is so bad about it?" Kanda's eyes narrowed and Ellen heaved a sigh.

"Ellen. You've been doing this for almost a year now. You've seen battles, you've seen the consequences. Your rash actions have mostly paid out, but taking risks will not always work. Especially not now when you're not in the best physical shape." She seemed offended at that, but didn't say anything. He was right after all, but sometimes she hated him being right. "And," he continued and when Ellen looked into his face, his expression was serious. "No matter how strong you are, no matter how careful you are, no matter how many people there are to protect you – death can take you in one instance. Just like this," he snapped his fingers, a painfully loud sound in the otherwise intense silence that had surrounded his words. "There are so many things we cannot account for…," Kanda said, silently. Ellen reached out her hands and he took hers into his. His head was lowered, not looking at her right now.

"Oh, Yu… I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I did not mean to make you upset with my snappish reply," she said and leant towards him to kiss his forehead. "I'm just… Restless. The child-" Kanda raised his head immediately and Ellen moved backwards to not have him hit her chin in the process.

"What? What is with him?" Ellen had to laugh. Kanda's jumpy behaviour was quite adorable even though it was also exhausting at times.

"Nothing. It's just restless too. Moving around constantly." She pull her hands out of his and balled them into fists. "I think it might become a boxer," she said and gently hit Kanda's upper arms, "it does this. This." Another gentle hit to Kanda's arm. "Using my insides as a punching bag." Kanda looked at her indecisively, but Ellen took his hand and put it on her stomach. He had a frown on his face, but then he widened his eyes slightly. "See?"

"Maybe he wants out?" Kanda asked with a look of fascination on his face, petting Ellen's stomach. The child really did move a lot. Ellen laughed at that.

"Have you kept track of the months? There's still about two months to go, silly."

"Two months," Kanda repeated to himself, then he withdrew his hand swiftly, almost as if he'd been hit by a jolt of electricity. "Just two months left?" Ellen looked at him and his expression made her burst out laughing yet again. "We're not even close to being ready for him!"

"You don't say…," Ellen answered, then she got up, folding her hands over her middle. "When we get back we'll deal with it. There's still time." Kanda frowned, but Ellen but her hand on his back, guiding him back into their room. "Now. Sleep! We need to get up early tomorrow!"

-o-

Kanda hissed at the bright light when they stepped out into the streets.

"What is the matter?" Mari wondered, seeing him rub his forehead.

"I couldn't sleep," he said, but did not elaborate on it. Ellen shook her head at him, laughing slightly which prompted Kanda to add an angry: "It's all your fault stupid beansprout."

"What?" Mari just glanced from one to the other, then at Link, who just shrugged.

"Oh, nothing to concern yourselves about. I guess he just got a fright when he realized that he'd be a father in two months' time," Ellen enlightened the other two. Link coughed embarrassedly at that, while Kanda just pulled a disgruntled face at her.

"But you _know_ that, Kanda," Mari reminded him and Kanda stayed silent, glaring at anything but at his wife or companions.

"While I understand that this is of some importance to you," Link started after a while, an impatient edge to his voice "it is of no concern right now. Can we please pull ourselves together and complete the mission?"

"I have no objections to that," Kanda growled. Mari took another moment to silently chuckle about his friend's behaviour, but then he touched his hand to his headphones.

"Okay then. Please follow me."

-o-

Ellen looked up at the building in front of them. Kanda was leaning against the railing separating the street from the premises, eyes directed towards the floor.

"It's an orphanage…," Ellen mused, studying the building. "Hearst Orphanage," she read the sign attached to the white brickwork. "Is this really the place, Mari?"

"It is. This is where I last could hear G cry," he replied and Ellen looked back at the building indecisively. Kanda watched her walk up the steps and open the door with a cheerful smile. There were loud sounds coming from within, nothing that Kanda hadn't expected from an orphanage. However, there came a young boy flying out of the house, obviously hit by a kick from a woman. He raised his eyebrow, but didn't react yet. The boy's forehead collided with Ellen's and the force of the other girl's kick was enough to throw both the boy and Ellen down the few steps leading up to the orphanage. Kanda widened his eyes disbelievingly.

"_Oh no! I've let myself go again and used the self-defence moves of my old man…!"_ Kanda could hear the girl shout, but what did he care about that. Ellen was not moving on the floor, so he rushed towards her. She sat up with a groan before he could reach her and he let out a sigh of relief. Mari walked over to the boy and picked him up.

"Auauaua!" Ellen hissed, holding her forehead. Kanda, even though he was slightly worried about Ellen, was surprised by the sight before him.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, bending down slightly to see better.

"Is something the matter, Kanda?" Mari wondered and Kanda frowned down at the boy.

"This boy has a jewel growing out of his forehead!" Before any of the two could say anything else, there was a loud wail piercing the quiet morning:

"PIIIIIIIEEE!" Kanda widened his eyes and stared at Ellen. She had blood running down her face from a cut on her forehead. Other than that she was crying like a little child: "Bloooood! Bloooood! I'm going to die!"

"Mari…," Kanda hissed darkly and the other exorcist nodded.

"That's the same sound that G made while I traced him yesterday!" Link grabbed Ellen by the shoulders, shaking her slightly. Apparently the minion had not understood the situation, despite being oh so clever – and having been possessed himself.

"Pull yourself together!" Kanda had seen enough, he grabbed the little boy and pulled him out of Mari's hands. How could that little bastard dare…!

"Where's my body?" he heard G shriek, looking around frantically. "Uah! I want out of this body!" Kanda held the little boy in front of Ellen.

"Are you looking for this one?" G breathed out a sigh of relief, but soon it dawned on him and he widened his eyes. Ellen's eyes! Kanda was furious.

"Well, one always meets twice, right, G?" Kanda asked darkly and put the blade to the young boy's throat, showing G an ominous grin. "Give up and get out of her body at once if you want to have your body back in one piece!"

"Hey, Kanda! Don't be so violent!" Mari called, but Kanda just stared at G.

"Let's tie him up," Link suggested, producing a rope out of the pocket of his coat. He wrapped the little boy up, Kanda not leaving G out of his eyes.

"Now. Get. Out!" he hissed and G nodded frantically. In the next instance Ellen's body went limp and Kanda caught her in his arms before she hit the floor.

"_So scary, so scary, so scary!"_ the young boy whimpered, wiggling around in his ropes, but Link held him down.

Kanda looked at his wife, wiping the blood out of her face, then he gently patted her cheek. "Hey, beansprout… Are you okay…?" Ellen squeezed her eyes shut even tighter, then she opened one of them.

"Hm, what happened?" she asked confusedly.

"Let's get inside, I think we need to have a word with the direction about G," Link suggested, pulling the boy to his feet. There were already a lot of children outside, looking at them and the young woman – Kanda vaguely recognized her as the one that had run into him the day before - was fidgeting around. Kanda lifted Ellen up and carried her inside.

A nun was coming towards them when they were inside of the corridor.

"_Has something happened down here?"_ she asked, with an air of worry, then she saw the boy wrapped up in ropes. _"Oh Lord!"_

"_Director! Do something!"_ the young woman protested, but the nun stayed calm, looking from the boy to the strangers. Her eyes came to rest on Ellen.

"_Oh dear. She seems to be hurt! Let's get her a plaster,"_ she suggested, then she turned to the others, _"why don't you all take a seat in the reception room?"_ Link nodded and followed another nun that led the way. Kanda went with the nun into a bath room, where he sat the still slightly disoriented Ellen down on a chair next to a sink. Ellen blinked a few times, seeing the smiling nun dab a cool cloth against her forehead.

"Ellen… Ellen are you alright?" Kanda asked. He was kneeling next to her, squeezing her hands.

"What… is going on? I don't remember anything that happened after I opened the door."

"I'll tell you afterwards. How's your head?"

"It's just a scratch," the nun said, this time in English, putting a plaster on Ellen's forehead, "there you go!" She smiled gently and helped Ellen back on her feet.

"Thank you," Ellen mumbled, rubbing her forehead, still feeling a bit strange. They left the room to join the others. The young boy was sitting on the floor, while Link and Mari stood next to him. The young girl rose instantly from her seat on the sofa when the others entered.

"_Director!"_

"_Take a seat Emilia, everything will surely become clear when we talk about it,"_ the nun said cheerfully and took a seat next to Emilia. The girl let herself drop back down with an exasperated groan. "Please," the nun said, looking at the couple, "sit down." She indicated towards the other sofa opposite hers. Kanda and Ellen sat down and Ellen looked at the young boy, becoming aware of the jewel on his forehead. "Now, please explain why Timothy is chained up." Mari walked up to them and took a seat on the free armchair.

"We are exorcists from the Black Order. It is our task to find certain a certain substance, called Innocence, that causes mysterious occurrences. We came to Paris to find Phantom Thief G, because a connection to Innocence seemed likely. Our search led us here, to this boy. It appears that Timothy's consciousness has the ability to slip into other people's bodies," he explained and both the nun and Emilia looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I must have misheard something," the nun said in a cheerful tone, while Emilia uttered a nervous "are you being serious?" Mari laughed.

"I understand that this sounds rather unbelievable."

"He confessed it himself," Kanda said with a cold snort.

"Who would not confess anything if there's a sword being pointed to their throat?" Emilia shouted, "I don't know what is up with you Exorcists or this Black Order, but this is just criminal!" Kanda was completely unfazed by her shouting.

"He could also just have confessed!" he retorted. Ellen heard the door open and looked up. The other nun in the room was staring at them with a rather dark expression, then she left without another word.

"You apparently think you can do anything because you're handsome?" Emilia shrieked and Ellen looked at her immediately.

"Well, Emilia!" the nun said, raising her hands to appease her, "it was because of you that the Mademoiselle got hurt in the first place. You are not really any better, dear." Emilia blushed at that and lowered her head.

"I… I'm sorry…," she muttered. Mari coughed gently to get the director's attention again.

"Do you know anything about this jewel on Timothy's forehead?" The nun nodded gravely.

"Timothy's father was a criminal. After one of his raids he made his little son swallow his goods so that he could not be proven guilty. When he was charged though and finally brought behind prison bars, Inspector Galmar brought the boy to us. And he already had this jewel stuck in his forehead."

"Hn, that's rather suspicious," Mari whispered and Kanda nodded. "Well," the tall exorcist spoke up again. "Maybe Timothy should come with us to the Black Order." Ellen looked over at Mari when she heard that, then she turned towards the young boy. Apparently he had partly understood what they were talking about even though he had not reacted to it yet.

"Timothy? To the Black Order?" the director asked and Mari nodded.

"As I said before, we are looking for Innocence. Timothy's power could come from his forehead. If we take him with us we can say for sure if it is indeed Innocence," he explained. Emilia frowned, but then she looked up.

"Wait a moment…! What will you do if it really is Innocence?" she wanted to know. Kanda looked over to the boy, his arms calmly crossed over his chest.

"Then he cannot stay here. He will become an exorcist and join the Black Order!" Ellen sighed silently. Even though it was the truth, he could at least have formulated it a bit more gently. But this was a mission, and Kanda was rarely emotional when it came to his work.

"No!" The boy jumped up, despite the ropes. "You can't make me!" Ellen shot him a worried look. _"You treat me like an object! Like my father! I… I'll stay here! Even if you kill me!" _Kanda glared at him, grabbing him by a robe before he could jump to the director.

"_We don't care! You will come with us! Even if we-"_ Ellen put a hand over his mouth, prying his fingers off of Timothy.

"Please excuse him. He can be a bit rough," Mari said apologetically. Timothy, apparently already afraid of Kanda, just started wailing again.

"Kanda, please. He is just a child," Ellen told Kanda, "be gentle."

"We cannot allow any violence," the nun told them and Emilia nodded eagerly.

"Yes! Don't you have a heart?" she accused them. Ellen took her hand away from Kanda's mouth, still looking at him.

"Maybe we should first discuss the situation with Komui before making any uncalled for decisions," she suggested. Kanda frowned, apparently his outrage at Timothy for possessing Ellen had still not abated, but he kept his mouth shut.

However, before anybody else could say something into the silence that had followed, the light outside suddenly dimmed. Kanda shot up from the sofa and went to the window,

"What? Is it already twilight?" Emilia wondered, getting up from the couch as well.

"But it's still early!" the director protested.

"Damn it!" Kanda shouted and the exorcists as well as Link all looked at him with an unnerved expression.

"The entire city –" he slammed his hand against the window, "no! We are trapped in a spell!" Ellen looked around confusedly.

"Is this the work of Akuma?" Mari shouted, holding his headphones.

"But… But my eye didn't react at all!" Ellen protested and Kanda hastily went back to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Kanda!"

"Calm down, stay close to the director and the others," he hissed, then he went to check the door. Ellen bit her lip and went over to the others, Emilia looking at her with a worried expression.

"What is going on?" Ellen couldn't answer, because suddenly there was a loud sound and the entire building started to shake. A split second later there was an explosion, followed by the crumbling of part of the wall. Ellen had just had enough time to invocate and shelter the others with her coat. When the grumbling had died down, Ellen lifted the coat again.

"Are you hurt?" Ellen asked gently, she herself was dirty and slightly scratched, but otherwise fine.

"N… No," Emilia replied. Timothy wiggled around when he felt his ties slipping loose.

"_Hey, I'm no longer tied up,"_ he said, then he saw Timcampy gnawing at his ropes.

"This is Timcampy," Ellen introduced him and Timothy grabbed the golem, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Is this an angel?" the nun asked breathlessly and Ellen turned to the side, firmly grabbing her sword. Beyond the destroyed orphanage was pitch black darkness, and floating in the air was a Level four Akuma, grinning at them.

"No Angel," it chuckled darkly, then it slowly turned its head when little cries became audible from behind the semi destroyed wall. Ellen stood up abruptly.

"The children!" she shouted and rushed towards where they were, just like the Akuma was. But before it could do them any harm both she and Kanda managed to land a kick that blew it away.

"There you are, Level four!" Kanda shouted and before the Akuma could come to a stop it was caught in Mari's attack, its body distorting before it was slammed against the wall.

"Beansprout!" Kanda shouted, taking the moment to grab her hand. "Leave this to Mari and me! Get yourself and the others to a safe place!"

"But-" Ellen argued, but Kanda let go of her hand, pushing her away.

"Go!" She hesitated, but he glared at her. "Damn it, Ellen, GO!" She bit her lip, but nodded, turning around to see Link usher the others downstairs to gain more time. Ellen ran towards him.

"Link! I will open up a door of the Ark! Step aside!" she shouted. Link turned towards her, grabbing her arm.

"This is forbidden!" he told her sharply "You are only allowed to use your power as Musician under direct order of the Black Order! You would clearly go against the rules if you opened it now on your own!" Ellen stared at him, then she narrowed her eyes.

"What nonsense! There is no time to argue about this! Haven't you realized what just happened? There is a Level four in the building and we need to get these people away from here! And Timothy, who they might be after as well, is also just a child!"

"Nonsense or not, rules are rules! Don't you know what kind of trouble you are in already? You'll only be making it worse!" Link argued loudly. Ellen, still disbelieving glared at the inspector, but then she wrinkled her nose and turned away from him.

"Oh I don't care!" she hissed and put her finger to her forehead, intent on opening the gates anyway. Link looked at her indignantly, but before he could continue arguing with her, Timothy grabbed his arm.

"Just a moment! Why are they after me? And what's that strange puppet out there?" Link was surprised for a moment, but then his face turned serious again.

"Maybe the jewel on your forehead is Innocence. And Innocence is the only substance that can defeat a weapon called Akuma. That's why they try to prevent Innocence getting into the hands of exorcists," he explained.

Ellen had barely heard them talk, panic started to spread in her chest.

"This can't…" Link turned to her. "I cannot open the gate!" An explosion occurred and Kanda and Mari appeared in front of Ellen. That they were this closed meant that the Akuma was pushing them back.

"It's really strong!" Mari called.

"What's up with you? Why aren't you gone yet?" Kanda asked, taking his eyes off the Akuma for a second to glare at Ellen.

"I can't! I can't open the Ark!" she told him and he widened his eyes. "We can't run…!" Kanda screw up his face, but then he hissed and turned back towards the Akuma.

"I'm really sorry, Kanda, but we can't possibly win without her!" Mari said what all of them knew. He lowered his head, glaring at the Akuma with all the hate he could muster.

"I'm taking them down," Link said, grabbing both Emilia and Timothy.

"Good! Timcampy, go with them!" Ellen said to the golem, that made a loop in the air, then he followed Link down the stairs. Ellen could see the Akuma coming towards them through the dust.

"You have the power of the Musician. The cursed left eye," it said, eyes focused on Ellen.

"It's so close any my eye doesn't even react!" Ellen thought, raising her sword.

"Did you really think we would let that go on forever? Ellen Walker?" The Akuma got ready to charge and Mari raised his arms.

"Go! I will cover your back!" he shouted and Kanda and Ellen ran off.

Under normal circumstances Ellen would not think so much during a battle – couldn't think much during a battle. But this was different. Kanda was on her side, but ever since he'd fallen in love with her he could no longer be as rational and goal oriented as he used to be when they fought battles side by side. And now; this was a level four battle, in itself already difficult and dangerous. And on top of that-

But she couldn't think right now, she couldn't doubt – she had to fight. Kanda, Mari, they were doing their best to fight, to end this battle quickly, but it was even difficult managing to attack without being attacked in return.

Somehow they had moved out of the building into the darkness of the barrier; the floor was dark stone and there was a black dome over them, enclosing them completely. The Akuma kicked her, but she managed to block without being hurt too much. When she landed on the floor, she could see smoke coming from the building and some more walls crumbling. Something, Ellen knew instantly, was still in there! She could hear Timothy shouting on top of his lungs but she didn't know what he was saying, she didn't know what was happening down there. She pulled herself up on her feet without thinking, running back towards the building.

"Are you worried about the others? Now?" the Akuma hissed directly behind her. Ellen widened her eyes, but it was too late to get away; a volley of bullets hit her and she gasped, her blood raining down on the floor before she too fell. She hadn't even managed to cry in pain. Her heart was beating so quickly that her blood sounded like drums in her ears.

"God," she thought barely able to hang on to consciousness, "oh god." So many shots continued ringing out and among the blood pulsating and the Akuma's gleeful shouting she could her Kanda calling her. She was in trouble, or did he call her because he was in trouble? Ellen couldn't move, her body hurt from the bullets, she was already out of breath, she felt sick. But then, clear as if all other sounds had gone, she could hear crying. A child was crying. She realized that it came through her transmitter earring, Link's transmitter probably projected the sounds of what was happening down there.

"Timothy…? Timothy!" Ellen said, her voice shaky. "Please don't cry, Timothy! Can you hear me?" Ellen balled her fists and drew them forwards, pushing against the floor. No. No she couldn't possibly stand up.

/I… Is that you, Miss?/ Ellen was glad to hear his voice, glad that he could hear her as well.

"Don't be afraid. We will save you. We'll be with you soon!" she promised, but could only hear crying in return.

/Save me…? But you want to take me away too! That's not how I want to be saved! Everything is destroyed! You have… destroyed everything! I just… I just wanted to stay here!/ The line went silent again and Ellen tried sitting up again. But suddenly Timothy started shouting: _/Get away you stupid cow! They will kill you, Emilia!/ _

Ellen didn't know what was happening, but she forced her body to move, getting on her knees.

"Ellen! Ellen, are you okay?" she heard Kanda call and got back up on her feet. When she turned to the other two, she realized that she wasn't even far away from them. "Come here! We should stay together!" But before she could move, there was a loud sound coming from the orphanage and then two Akuma soared past them, one crashing into the barrier. Ellen couldn't even voice her surprise because something dropped on her head.

"A… pen?" she wondered, but then someone crashed on top of her. She slumped to her knees and the other person tumbled over her and into her lap. It was Timothy. Ellen grabbed him by the shoulders; he was unconscious but didn't seem to be hurt. Timcampy flew in front of Ellen's face, frantically flying around. Ellen looked at him in confusion, but somehow she seemed to understand what he wanted to tell her.

"What is going on, beansprout?" Kanda asked and Ellen pointed at the smaller Akuma incredulously. "That Akuma –Timothy took possession of it!" The exorcists watched the small Akuma defeat the other one, but then a Level three appeared. Ellen widened her eyes.

"Timothy! Timothy get away from there! You can't defeat that one!" she shouted, but before she could move Timothy's body started moving on its own account, running towards the Akuma shouting something. Ellen wanted to run after him, but saw an attack coming from behind which required her to jump out of the way.

"Well, the Innocence can be fascinating. But that kid is still too weak. Level three will take care of him." Ellen wanted to desperately go to Timothy's side, but the Level four started attacking them again.

She could see that Link had joined Timothy against the Akuma, but she doubted that his strength would be enough to defeat him.

"Kanda, Mari! I need to get to them!" she shouted to her team members, "I just need one opening – it won't take me long!" The other two nodded and Ellen charged.

"Get out of my way!" Before she could get to the Akuma however, it started shrieking a bone shattering cry that made Ellen gasp. She remembered this, she remembered it from the last attack on their old Head Quarters. She stumbled, pain soaring through her body, but then she just went on, despite the pain and rushed past the Akuma. The Level four seemed surprised, but it could not go after her, because Mari and Kanda were in the way. Ellen rushed to Link's side and before the Akuma could cause any more harm, she slammed her blade into its face. It growled, but Ellen just pushed her sword in deeper, cutting it apart with one swift violent movement. It exploded and Ellen landed on her feet in front of Link and Timothy. She was gasping loudly, trying to get air into her lungs.

"Ellen…," Link started, but then he fell unconscious as well. Ellen thought it was for the best, neither Timothy nor Link should be further involved in this battle. Breathing in and out to regain her composure, Ellen straightened up and turned back towards the Level four.

"Now that this worry here is out of the way, it's your turn," she promised, rejoining Kanda's side. The Akuma laughed, shaking its head.

"You're quite persistent are you? But I'm not some weak Level three," it said.

"Shut up!" Kanda shouted, wiping the blood from his mouth. He looked over his shoulder towards Ellen.

"Mari's been hurt, we're on our own." Ellen looked towards the tall man, crouching on the floor, "Do you think you can make it?" he asked and Ellen creased her brow.

"We've got no other choice. We _will_ make it!"

"Heh," Kanda snorted, a sinister grin on his face, "well, then let's show him how destructive we can be!" The level Four wore a sneer on its face. Without another word Ellen ran towards it, blade outstretched. The Akuma was ready, pointing the guns into her face, but Ellen slammed her sword down on it, using it to haul herself over the Akuma's body. Somehow, she was surprised just how much her body could still take in the state she was in. The Akuma looked up, its attention solely on Ellen, but Kanda had already run towards him, his blade, charged up with the additional power of his third phantom form, soaring towards the Akuma. It sliced its back, but the Akuma already had his guns pointed towards Kanda, firing bullets at him. Kanda didn't even attempt to dodge them, standing the pain so the Akuma would be too focused on him to see Ellen's next attack. The girl slashed at the Akuma, cutting off one of its legs and arms. However, the Akuma was only mildly impressed and caught hold of Ellen's sword with its teeth. The girl widened her eyes in surprise and with a heavy kick the Akuma made her lose her grip on the blade. Ellen was thrown away by the blast and just had time enough to land on her feet before the next bullets rained down on her. Some of them hit her, the pain spreading from her left leg and hip. She heard someone shout her name, but the noise of the bullets almost drowned everything else. Next to the blood rushing in her ears she could hear almost nothing.

She could not go on for longer, she felt it; her body has almost reached its limits, she had lost lots of blood, she was out of breath. If the battle went on for much longer none of them would still be powerful enough to defeat the Akuma. If she was down then she'd be a huge hindrance to Kanda, she knew that he wouldn't be able to fight well when having to worry about and protect her. They had to win; _now_. Ellen had to make a decision, one that she knew Kanda wouldn't like because it was so rash.

Ellen balled her hand into a fist and set her teeth. Behind the Akuma her blade lay abandoned, but it was not out of reach. It set itself upright when she focused on it, completely unnoticed by the Akuma.

"Crown Clow!" Ellen shouted and the blade came soaring towards her. It impaled the Akuma and still came flying towards her where it hit the wall. It had passed straight through her, the Akuma pressed against her body with no way out. Ellen breathed heavily, staring the Akuma in the face.

"Uah, you… bastard! I will take you with me…!" it hissed. Ellen managed to pull the corners of her lips up just slightly.

"I am sorry to inform you of this, but this sword exorcises demons. It only works on Noah and Akuma!" She felt the heaviness and the clear edges of the blade sticking in the right part of her chest and slightly downwards, it was a strange, immaterial heaviness. But suddenly it became very hot and pain spread from its blade. It felt like a lightning stroke went through her body.

"Crown… Clown?" she asked with a small voice, blood started dripping from her mouth.

"You really think so…? Only Akuma and Noah, right?" the level Four managed to ask with a distorted grin. "Then why are you in such a pain?" Ellen's eyes were wide open, her body under intense pain. It felt as if she were dissolving, as if her body went up in flames and ashes, then the pain became sizzling hot, her head almost splitting in two. She shouted out, her throat burning with the loud cry. What was happening? What was happening to her body? And suddenly the pain exploded and she felt nothing at all for one calm moment. Something was inside her head, moving her body. Was it herself? Was it even her body? The Akuma was saying something, but she didn't hear. She didn't care what it had to tell. Her hand moved, touching the side of the Akuma's face. She felt her mouth pull up. Who was she anyway? Just –

She smiled, watching the Akuma with narrowed, playful eyes.

"Good Morning…" she whispered and it rewarded her with a shocked expression. An oily tear trickled down its cheek. And it whispered:

"Noah!"

A blade pierced the back of the Akuma's neck, exiting from its mouth and slamming into the wall just next to her face. The Kanda boy… She looked at him past the Akuma with a calm, judging expression on her face. He glared at her, teeth firmly set.

"Are you totally nuts, you stupid beansprout?" he shouted on top of his lungs.

Oh, what was she doing? Her hand- Was it her hand? She grabbed the handle of Crown Clown moving it upwards just as Kanda was moving Mugen down. Both shouting, the exorcists tore the Akuma apart, spreading its blood in a dark shower.

When it fell away, Ellen slipped down the wall, breathing heavily, the Innocence reverting back to her arm. The pain was still there, a painful line throbbing from her shoulder to the upper part of her stomach.

"Hey," Ellen mumbled. Kanda stopped Mugen's invocation, acknowledging her with a low humming sound, but he didn't look at her. "Stop calling me that, stupid Kanda." Kanda put Mugen back to his hip, then he walked forwards and dropped to his knees in front of Ellen. He grabbed her collar and she widened her eyes. Kanda's expression was furious and he lifting his other hand to the height of his head. Then he brought it down swiftly, slapping Ellen's face.

"_Are you mad_? God, you're a bloody idiot! What have you done?" he shouted, clenching the fabric of her uniform. The uppermost buttons had come undone and he could see that her skin had become discoloured and scarred where her blade had pierced her. "Don't you even think? Don't you _ever_ think?" Ellen's cheek already turned an angry red and her eyes were wide. Kanda's expression was so pained now, she could see his fear right through the anger. Ellen leant forwards, embracing him. "You idiot!" Kanda buried his face in the fabric on her shoulder, returning the hug, his fingers digging into her back. "You _idiot_!"

_To be continued_

* * *

**Notes:**

…!

I have decided earlier on in the story, not to include the Thirds and consequently the Seconds, including the Kanda-Alma story arc. I'm not sure if I regret it yet, but I need to go by what I've decided X3 (maybe that's material for another fanfiction). Anyway, that's why Link and Timothy were not saved by Madarao but by Ellen – for her beating a single Level three must be a piece of cake by now.

Also, the German translation of vol. 19 is a bit puzzling because Noah!Allen says "Time to go" to the Level four while I know I've read "Good Morning" in the scans. I went with good morning because it made more sense to me X3

Any thoughts on the chapter? :3


	68. Kapitel 66 Blurring of Boundaries

**Author's Notes:**

This chapter is mostly the aftermath of the battle. Even though it sometimes was difficult to write (especially Kanda… again) I'm still happy with how it turned out.

The same again: _italics_ means French still applies here! Though I continue being inconsistent about it…!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 66: Blurring the boundaries**

Ash and smoke and oily blood. Ellen hated battlefields after the battle had been fought out. Her fingers were numb from her strong grip on her sword and from the pain that pulsated through her, like waves spreading from a slash over the right side of her chest. She hated the feeling after a battle like this, knowing that it was over for now, but having to pick up all that which had been destroyed in the process. Kanda was sitting in front of her, elbows on his knees, head hung. Ellen didn't know whether he was just angry or if he was actually… crying. Everything was silent but for Ellen's breathing, uneven, laboured.

"Yu…," she started after a while, her throat hurting from screaming and the smoke and tears she had not yet dared to cry. He didn't say anything and she lifted her hand to her cheek, covering the bruise where he had hit her. It was the second time he had done so… She still remembered it well. "I'm really sorry… I knew you'd be angry, but I had no choice…" Kanda stirred and he lifted his head just slightly. He wiped the back of his hand over his eyes before he looked up to her, wearing an angry, reproachful expression. She was taken aback by it, but didn't dare to speak up.

"We need to get out of here. You're all hurt," he said coldly and picked himself up from the floor. Ellen followed his movement with her eyes. Hurt… Yes… He too was hurt. She had hurt him.

"Yu…"

"Shut up. I don't want to hear anything right now," he said, bending down to grab her arm and lift her up. When she stood on shaky legs, blood soaking her white stockings, he picked her up. She put her arms around Kanda's neck and let herself be carried over to where Mari was.

"Are you alright?" he asked and Ellen could see him holding his left hand with his right.

"Yes, but what about you? Your… fingers?" Mari laughed silently, shaking his head.

"It's okay. I still have another eight," he told her and Ellen took a sharp breath, widening her eyes. "What about Timothy and Link?" Mari asked, preferring to avert her attention. They walked over the orphanage, where Link was waiting.

"Timothy is alright. He's down with the others," he said, looking rather injured himself, but nothing all too grave. "We need to get out of this barrier. We need medical equipment." Nobody argued with that. Kanda set Ellen down on the stairs in the entry hall and went to turn the door knob. Nothing happened, it was locked and not even violence could get it to open.

"No chance. It's properly sealed. As long as the seal's not broken from the outside we're not going anywhere," he said, still calm. Ellen put her hand on the railing and started standing up. "YOU!" Kanda shouted and she widened her eyes, looking at him. "SIT. DOWN." Both Mari and Link blinked at Kanda in confusion. "Mari," Kanda started, voice sharp, but calm again, pointing at a door further along the corridor that had not been torn down, "They have first aid equipment. Get Link to wrap you up. Then take the first aid kit down into the basement where the others are. See if you can do anything to help." Mari nodded at once, walking past the stairs and into the room. Link frowned at Kanda, then at Ellen. But the girl was sitting on the stairs, head lowered, without saying anything. The inspector sighed, then he went after Mari.

Kanda put Mugen on the floor and leant against the door. Neither Ellen nor Kanda were saying anything. The only sound were muffled voices coming from Link and Mari talking behind the closed door and the crying of the kids downstairs.

"Here," Link said, putting some bandages and other things into Kanda's hands, "maybe you need it." Kanda glared at him, then Link went after Mari, going downstairs to the children. When they were both gone Kanda looked at the things in his hands, then he raised his eyes to Ellen. "Oi." She looked up and saw Kanda walking up to her.

"It can wait until we're back in the infirmary," Ellen told him silently.

"You're bleeding all over the carpet," Kanda informed her and Ellen sighed.

"Yu… Please…," she said.

"Ellen." Kanda stopped her, looking down at her with narrowed eyes. After holding her gaze for a few minutes he averted his eyes, sighing deeply. He swept his hair out of his face, then he walked up to her and sat down next to her, putting the bandages away. She leant against him instantly, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. "Have you become so powerful that you think you have to fight your battles all alone?" Ellen lifted her head, looking at him through her tousled bangs, blood making them stick together. Kanda sighed, shaking his head. "You absolutely have to rely on your comrades in battle."

"But you don't," Ellen dared to say, grabbing the fabric of his trousers. It was loose around his thigh and she could feel his muscles tense underneath her touch. "You always want to fight your battles alone."

"There's a huge difference between you other exorcists and me," Kanda said and Ellen screwed up her face. "If you're fighting in a team, then rely on the strengths of others. That's how you win battles. By team work. I never attempted to kill the Level four all on my own, I knew I could not do it without taking great damage myself."

"But I could…! I had the chance to-" Kanda stopped her by putting his hand on her shoulder, looking at her. His face was not calm anymore, far from calm actually.

"I know! You saw a chance, you thought like a very experienced exorcists, not fearing any damage to your body if it means to complete your mission. _However,_" Kanda's grasp on her shoulder intensified and Ellen winced slightly. "How stupid must you be to pierce yourself with your sword?" he hissed and Ellen pressed her lips together.

"It doesn't harm humans…!" she argued, repeating what she had said to the Akuma before, but she shut her mouth before she finished the sentence. Because it had failed. The sword had failed her, yet again. And it had been so painful, so shocking, so… so terrifying.

"But you're on your way to become a Noah, for God's sake! Ellen! And even more importantly, you have a baby inside of you! How could you possibly decide to risk to damage him as well?" Ellen remained silent, not able to say anything. No apology, she felt, would be able to appease her husband right now. It was her fault, she had risked too much. Kanda narrowed his eyes and let go of her shoulder. "Tch!"

"A… Are you okay…?" a timid voice asked and Ellen looked up; Timothy was standing next to the stairs, hands on the wooden poles making up the railing. He looked through them with a worried expression. "Why… Why are you crying?" Ellen opened her mouth in surprise and lifted her hands to her cheeks.

"Oh… am I crying?" she whispered, wiping the tears away, then she forced a smile on her lips while Kanda was silent. He had his head rested against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. "There," Ellen said, tears gone from her cheeks, "everything's fine now." Nothing was fine at all. Timothy hesitated but walked around the staircase and came to stand in front of the two. He fidgeted around a bit, grabbing the hem of his shirt.

"Timothy…? What is the matter?" Ellen wondered and he looked up at her, biting his lips shyly.

"Is that true…? Are you going to have a bébé?" Ellen looked at him in surprise and saw his eyes travelling to her stomach. Kanda lifted his head, looking at the boy. "When… I was inside your body… I could feel something move around. It was really scary," he continued. Ellen looked at Kanda, but he had already averted his eyes again, palms folded together, the fingers pressed against his forehead. She wanted to reach out to him, to comfort him, but she couldn't. There was something stopping her; fear? Guilt?

"Y… Yes… That was the baby," she said uncertainly and clenched her fists. It wasn't moving now. She felt nothing at all.

"C… Can I feel?" Ellen looked down at him, into his shy but also excited face and couldn't help nodding. She held out her hand and he grabbed it, letting himself be pulled up the steps and he sat down between Kanda and Ellen. Ellen opened her jacket, revealing the white undershirt she wore tucked into her low-cut skirt. Kanda couldn't bear looking, couldn't bear seeing the by now familiar curve of her stomach. Timothy raised his hand and let it hover over her stomach, then he placed it there, feeling. He was silent for a long time, a concentrated pout on his lips.

"I don't feel anything…," he said with a tone of confusion. Kanda got up from the stairs abruptly, jumping down the stairs and slamming his fist against the door. The sound of his fingers cracking made the other two flinch. He put his head against the door, Ellen could see his fingers clenching into fists, the blood dropping from the healing wound on his knuckles.

"Yu…," Ellen started, biting her lips, but felt Timothy bend over her, resting his cheek against her stomach. He embraced her, listening to her breathing with his eyes closed. For some reason it felt very comforting for Ellen and she fought against new tears. After a few silent moments Timothy opened his eyes, smiling.

"_Ah, there it is. It's tickling my cheek." _Ellen widened her eyes and Kanda turned around again, staring at the two. Timothy giggled. "I think it's saying hello!" Kanda walked back to them with hurried steps and pulled Timothy away by the collar, putting him back down on the stairs next to Ellen. He put his hand on Ellen's stomach. His face was very dark, waiting, but then both of them felt it; a light kick. A relieved sighed passed Kanda's lips, then he reached up to cup Ellen's cheek into his palm, looking at her. There were tears trickling down her face and she continued chewing her lip.

"It's still alive," Ellen whispered and Kanda nodded.

"Yes…" Timothy watched Kanda put a kiss on Ellen's forehead and hugging her with wonder.

"Huh… Me too," he decided and embraced Ellen as well.

"_Get your hands off her!"_ Kanda growled, but he was far too relieved to be really angry.

"_No!"_ Ellen laughed, hugging both of them. She was glad, so glad!

"Thank you…!"

-o-

After some time Link, Mari and the young girl – Emilia – came back into the corridor.

"There are no all too dangerous injuries," Link started, giving the door a thoughtful look, "but we need to get out of this barrier soon…"

"I already tried breaking through it with Innocence," Kanda said angrily, rapping his knuckles against the window, "it's absolutely no use…" He darted a look to his wife. She was still sitting on the stairs, but now had her head in her hands. She was exhausted and in pain, like all the others were. They _had_ to get out.

"Sooner or later my father will come here. Maybe he can open the door from the outside… We should just wait a bit longer," Emilia suggested weakly, holding her left shoulder. Timothy got up from the stairs, making Ellen raise her eyes as well.

"_You should be downstairs! Lying down like the others! You got shot!"_ he shouted, but Emilia merely pouted, darting Kanda a shy look. It was apparent that she'd rather stay up here, where he was.

"_If you're hurt, then you'll better go lie down," _Kanda told her and she bit her lips, but she remained where she was. Kanda rolled his eyes, _"then sit down over there!"_ He pointed to the stairs were Ellen was sitting. Emilia nodded and sat down next to Ellen.

"_Aaah. He's rude, but so elegant,"_ she said with a flustered face and Ellen couldn't help frowning at that.

"_He's actually quite nice,"_ she whispered and Emilia turned her head towards Ellen with a surprised expression. Suddenly the white haired girl blushed. She should not have said anything. Emilia grinned at her.

"_I see, that's even better,"_ she said dreamily. Ellen looked at her with a slightly disgruntled expression.

"_You're making a funny face, Emilia,"_ Timothy remarked and the girl glared at the young boy. At least the dreamy expression had left her face. Ellen was not in enough pain to not care about another woman swooning over her husband. She should not care, really, but… Ah, it still made her feel tense.

Suddenly there was a noise at the door, the knob turned and it opened. A warm sunray shone into the entrance and inspector Galmar stared at the beaten up people sitting around.

"What the hell is going on here?" he asked incredulously.

"How the hell did he get inside?" Kanda said at almost the same time and Emilia got up from the stairs.

"Papa?" The man directed his eyes toward the girl and instantly grew pale seeing all the blood on his daughter.

"Emilia!" He turned his eyes towards Kanda, glaring at him.

"Into what nonsense have you dragged my daughter?" Kanda rolled his eyes and looked out of the door where he could see nothing out of the ordinary. Apparently the barrier had been broken. But how?

"Hey Kanda! Are you alright?" He saw River Wenham coming up the stairs, scratching his head apologetically. "Sorry, it took a while to remove the seals, but we managed." Kanda nodded at him.

"There are injured people. A lot of children too," he said. River called to the other people that he had apparently gotten out of prison, Kanda could see Jiji waving at him from outside.

"The exorcists can leave the building. We'll check on the civilians," River said and Kanda nodded. He walked over to the stairs. He first helped Emilia up, which both Galmar and Ellen observed with mixed feelings.

"Oh, thank you," Emilia said, with a shy smile on her face. Kanda just snorted and Galmar put his jacket over her shoulders, fussing over her.

"Come, let's get you out," Kanda said, picking Ellen up from the stairs and carrying her outside. "There's too much Akuma gas around."

"I have parasitic Innocence, I can manage," Ellen said, but she still took a deep breath of warm air when they were outside. Kanda didn't seem to want to put her down again, so he just continued holding her.

"You do, but I doubt our son does," Kanda replied and Ellen's expression became tense again. "We don't know how he'll be affected."

"O… Of course, you are right." Ellen spotted Galmar coming out of the door and his expression was rather dark.

"Inspector… Are you alright?" she wondered and Kanda sat her back down on her feet. She squeezed her eyes together shortly because the bullet wounds in her legs were hurting, but then she steadied herself. Galmar eyed both of them – especially Kanda – suspiciously.

"Nothing is alright here! This is crazy!" he hissed and Ellen couldn't help smiling at this.

"We know… But that is how it is…," she told him and he sighed gravely. The man let himself fall down on the stairs, shaking his head.

"This is my fault… I should have been more careful. Only because we wanted to arrest him did Timothy's father make him swallow the jewel…! Can't you just look the other way this time? Don't take him with you, please!" Ellen could see Timothy standing in the door, looking at Galmar with a surprised expression, then a smile formed on his lips.

"I know that this is painful for you, but a human cannot protect him against Akuma that will surely come for him again… It is safer for all of you if he comes with us," Ellen told him gently. Galmar let his head hang, sighing deeply.

"_Don't you have to arrest me anyway, Galmar?"_ Timothy asked and the inspector looked up.

"_It's still Mister Galmar for you!"_ he said, but then he groaned, _"how could I arrest you?"_ The boy grinned, then he walked down the steps to where Ellen was, smiling up at her.

"_Well then everything's decided! The director is old and the kids are all too small. It's boring! I can't possibly resist the temptation!"_ he said and everyone looked at him, "I, Timothy Hearst, 9 years old, will become an exorcist!" Ellen looked at him uncertainly, but then she nodded.

"That is the best thing to do. You are already very mature," she complimented, patting his head. Timothy grinned, his face a bit flustered.

"Okay, guys! Let's open up a portal of the Ark!" River announced, coming out of the building, "we need to get everyone into the Order's hospital to treat them." He walked up to Ellen, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Are you up to it? You look a bit green in the face…"

"Oh… Oh no, it's nothing! I'll do it right away!" she said, smiling uneasily. Kanda looked at her out of the corner of the eyes.

"Uhm… Excuse me, Mister…" Kanda turned to his side, seeing Emilia standing before him.

"Kanda." Emilia smiled her dreamy smile again and Ellen almost opened up a gate to a pub in some backwater place in England.

"Yes, Mister Kanda. Does Timothy really need to stay at this place?" Kanda nodded and Emilia sighed deeply. "But he's just a kid." Kanda merely looked at her, if he felt any sort of remorse for Timothy then he didn't show it.

"Kid or not. That doesn't make a difference. If he's old enough to use his Innocence, he's old enough to be an exorcist," he told her and Emilia bit her lips. "He will be taken care of. Don't worry."

"Ellen? Ellen are you still in there?" River asked, waving his hand in front of Ellen's face and Ellen blinked up at the scientist. "You really need to rest, you seem to space out all of the time!" Ellen laughed, but her face reverted back to a frown when he had gone through the gate. She was not spacing out, she was merely distracted.

"What is the place we're going to like?" Timothy asked, playing with Timcampy while watching the children go through the portal. "This is just like magic…!" Ellen took her eyes off the gate to look at the boy. "Is it nice? Black Order doesn't sound very nice."

"Oh, it is nice! It's in a big, big castle!" Timothy widened his eyes. "And you'll get your own room and there's as much food as you can eat!" The boy giggled and hugged Ellen's waist.

"That sounds exciting!"

"Yes…" Ellen said quietly, "exciting…" When everyone was through the gate, Kanda walked up to his wife.

"We're set. Let's go home," he told her and Ellen sighed. Kanda tilted his head to the side, looking her in the face. "What's the matter?"

"This mission was awful… I-" Kanda put his hand around her shoulder, pulling her with him into the gate.

"Let's talk about that once the matron has made sure that everything's alright with you. You'd better get some rest." Ellen sighed, but nodded. Yes… She needed rest.

-o-

The matron was all but happy when they came back from a seemingly harmless mission with a bunch of feverish civilians and with far too heavy injuries.

"You're really impossible! You exorcists! Why don't you care about your bodies?" she shouted, her forehead wrinkled in worry and anger. Kanda helped Ellen sit down on the bed, keeping his hand on her shoulder to steady her. She just winced at his touch and he drew his hand back in surprise. The matron raised her eyebrow at once and pushed Kanda away, unbuttoning Ellen's top.

"What kind of injuries did she sustain?" the matron asked, not taking her eyes off Ellen.

"Akuma bullets to the right side of her body, mostly shoulder and legs," Kanda said and Ellen was surprised that he had had the time to actually pay attention to these things. "Various cut wounds, but they are probably less severe than the bullet wounds. Also…," when he stopped the matron looked up at him. Kanda raised his hand to his face, rubbing the corner of his eye and down his cheek. The matron observed this with alarm.

"I stabbed myself with the Innocence sword," Ellen spoke up quietly when Kanda wouldn't continue. The matron looked back down to the girl, her expression surprised. "I…" She lowered her eyes. The matron didn't say anything, but took off her jacked, but when she wanted to take off the blood stained undershirt as well, Ellen resisted, lifting her hand to put it on the Matron's wrist. "No. Please…"

"Ellen. I have to check that…" Ellen bit her lip, then she looked up at Kanda. He held her gaze for a moment. She saw him tense up – probably resisting her silent plea – but then he sighed and turned around.

"I'll be outside. Call me back in when you need me." He left the infirmary without another word, quietly shutting the door. The matron didn't move for a moment, still looking at the closed door, then she slowly turned back to Ellen.

"What was that about…?" she wondered and Ellen just took off her top. The old woman drew in a sharp breath; over the right side of her upper body a long, unsightly scar had formed. "Oh God…!"

"It's because of the Innocence… I… I didn't…," Ellen stopped, putting her hands over her face in frustration and shame. The matron leaned down, embracing the girl, stroking her hair.

"You foolish, poor girl!" Ellen returned the embrace, glad for the bit of comfort she received from the hug. The matron let go of her again, brushing stray hair out of Ellen's pale and sweaty face. "Don't worry… We'll treat you as good as we can. You just focus on recovering, alright?" Ellen nodded, wiping away her tears. The matron smiled as reassuringly as she could manage. When the old woman had turned away for a moment to direct orders to the other nurses, Ellen clenched her hands, a sharp pain went through her body, staring from the scar.

"Ellen? Are you alright?" the matron asked and Ellen looked up at her. Everything was blurry. Was the matron saying something? Ah, it didn't matter… She just wanted to go to sleep.

-o-

"Hm." Ellen woke with a start. She looked around; she was in her room, but she wasn't alone. Hadn't she just heard someone utter a sound? She looked into the direction of the table and widened her eyes. The 14th was sitting there, watching her with an interested expression. Ellen couldn't find her voice to say anything, so the 14th wiped her wavy hair out of her face and grinned at her.

"You're quite the gambler, aren't you?"

"Why are you here?" Ellen finally managed to ask, but the Noah only turned her head to the side slightly, looking at her with a smile.

"I'm always here, you know. And because of your little stunt there's almost nothing between you and me anymore. We are about to become one person." Ellen shook her head.

"No!"

"You're a silly girl, aren't you? You can't say no now," the 14th told her, twirling a lock around her finger. "I told you about your options; either you accept me or I'll take you over and you'll be gone. I think you are quite aware of what you should choose, considering that you still want to live, don't you?" Ellen remained silent, glaring at the woman in front of her. "Oh!" she exclaimed, lifting her hands, "don't look at me like that." She got up from her chair, Ellen noticing with alarm that she wore the exorcist uniform, but other than Ellen she was definitely not pregnant… The 14th seemed bemused at Ellen's incredulous look and walked to the bed, sitting on in. Ellen wanted to draw back, but she couldn't move at all. "Your body will start reacting against your awakening. It won't be easy, so you'd better be prepared for it. You can't run away anymore, Ellen. I've been there, I've been _you_. Soon, you'll be me." Ellen widened her eyes. What was she talking about? The Noah reached out her hand and cupped Ellen's cheek. "You are still afraid, but I'm here. I will help you." Her touch was warm and she smiled. Ellen felt as if she were looking into a mirror and this scared her almost to death.

-o-

"Ellen?" Ellen slowly opened her eyes. There was a warm hand against her cheek and after she had blinked a few times she could see Kanda looking down at her with a worried expression. "Are you conscious?" He patted her cheek lightly and Ellen properly opened her eyes.

"Hnn…? Kanda?" He leant down and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"You had a high fever. But I think it's better now," he said, lips still on her warm skin. When he drew back Ellen tried sitting up. Kanda helped her, keeping his hands on her back. She looked around. She was in her room, but the Noah was gone. There was only Kanda. "What's the matter?" Kanda asked when she was holding her forehead.

"I've been dreaming of the 14th…" Kanda looked at her, then he snorted.

"Yes… I'm not surprised. You actually woke her up with your…," he stopped and shrugged. Ellen lifted her head, looking at him in surprise.

"I… I did? What did I do? What did I say?" she asked frantically and grabbed Kanda's hands.

"I understand that you're worried… But you did nothing. It's alright. You just said…" Kanda frowned.

"What?"

"Good morning," he repeated and Ellen blinked up at him.

"Good morning? What is that supposed to mean?" Kanda shook his head and Ellen sighed deeply. "I... I think it will happen soon…" Ellen grabbed her upper arms staring at the blanket in front of her without actually seeing anything. "I… I'm so afraid!" Kanda put his arms around her, kissing her.

"We will get you through this, Ellen… You're not on your own," he told her and a quiet sob escaped Ellen's lips, but she reached out, putting her hands on Kanda's chest.

"Yu…," she started, but she didn't say anything else. There was silence for a long time, where Ellen just took comfort in Kanda's embrace and the even rising and falling of his chest. "Did the matron say anything…? About the child I mean…?" she dared to ask after a while and felt Kanda go rigid once again. He let go of her, but still kept her hands in his.

"Everything seems to be fine. She could not make out anything suspicious… I think we don't need to worry. She firmly believes that he'll be healthy when he's born in two months." Ellen could see Kanda wrinkle his nose at that and she couldn't help smiling.

"It's hard to imagine, isn't it? That in two months we'll be parents…" Kanda sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm so… tense," he told her, lowering his head. He let go of one of her hands and placed them on Ellen's stomach. She flinched in surprise, but didn't oppose the touch. "When I… when you stabbed yourself I went almost mad with worry." She looked up at him, but he kept his eyes on the slight movement on his hand over her belly. "You were taken over by the Noah then. And for a short moment I thought I'd lost you… And then… Then I was afraid that maybe the baby had taken damage as well. I…"

"Yu," Ellen whispered and pulled him near when she saw the pained expression on his face. He didn't resist at all, resting his head on her shoulder, letting her draw her fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry… I was also afraid of having killed our child…," she told him silently, "but what made me hate myself most was to see how afraid and sad you were. It was as… as if you just couldn't bear it."

"I don't think I would have gotten over that easily," Kanda told her, his voice slightly muffled. "I don't even know the kid yet, it's not even alive yet, but still… I didn't want it to be gone…" Ellen squeezed her eyes shut.

"But…," Ellen dug her fingers into the fabric of Kanda's shirt, then she let go of him. "But!" Her voice broke and Kanda raised his head to look at her. Ellen was crying but tried to hide her tears behind her hands. "I couldn't bear the fact that you would not look at me anymore! I was afraid that you hated me because I did this!" Kanda looked at her in surprise, then he clenched his teeth. He grabbed her shoulders, Ellen wincing at the pain his strong grip caused her right shoulder, but Kanda merely pushed her down, glaring into her face.

"Yes! Yes you were stupid! I don't know what I would have done if your actions would have caused our child to die!" he shouted and Ellen's sobs intensified. Kanda pried her hands away from her face. "Look at me, beansprout!" he hissed and Ellen dared to open her eyes. Kanda's face was very close to hers. "But I was far more afraid of what would happen to you! You are still and will always be the most important person in my entire life! I could never hate you! I'd rather hate myself for not being able to protect you!" He bent down and roughly kissed her on the lips, effectively stopping another sob from passing her lips. She widened her eyes, but was more than willing to return his kiss. Desperate even for a sign that she had not lost his affection. When he drew away he groaned and let himself drop down on the bed next to her, arms linked behind his head. His expression was rather grim. Ellen wiped the tears from her face, trying to stop hiccupping. "Ellen. I'm your husband."

"Y… Yes?" the girl managed to say between hiccups.

"And the husband takes care of his wife, he provides for her, he shelters her," he went on and Ellen merely nodded, not entirely sure what he was on about. Kanda turned his head to the side, looking at her with a grave expression, but the arms linked behind his head made him appear almost casual. "I don't want you to fight like this anymore. I don't care what Central has to say about this. You no longer belong on the battle field, at least not now and not in the next few months. I will not allow you to go out there and endanger yourself any more than this!"

"But…" Ellen raised herself up, looking down at her husband with a surprised expression. "You can't decide that! We are exorcists, we don't choose our missions!"

"I'm your husband," Kanda firmly stated, "I can decide what you don't do!" Ellen looked at him incredulously.

"But-"

"No buts. Absolutely no buts!" he called, pushing himself up on his elbows. Ellen frowned, but she didn't contradict him. "I know you will have to go back eventually, I know that everyone has great hopes for you. I know you're strong and I know you're able. But," he looked up at her with his eyebrows drawn down. "when the time comes, I want you to use me as your shield." Ellen widened her eyes, unable to retort anything. "I will heal, no matter what happens."

"But you're not immortal!" Ellen shouted, shaking her head. "I will not use you as my shield!" Kanda sat up and grabbed her wrist. The girl winced, but didn't draw back.

"But if you sustain a mortal injury then you're _dead_! If I protect you then I might not see our child grow up, yes, but at least then you won't wake up again in my body!" Ellen widened her eyes, staring at his completely serious face.

"You… You wouldn't possibly bring me back, would you…?" she dared to ask with a cold feeling spreading in her stomach and his frown intensified. "Kanda!" She put her hands on his leg. "You are not that stupid! You wouldn't do that!"

"Wouldn't I?" he asked with a bitter smile on his lips. "Maybe I'll be rash too in a grief-stricken moment," he told her and Ellen glared at him despite the worry his confession caused.

"I won't die. I won't let you do such a foolish thing!" Ellen proclaimed and Kanda's smile became warmer. "I'll never die! You won't get rid of me again, stupid Kanda!"

"I'll trust in this promise, don't break it!" he warned and Ellen flung her arms around him, embracing him tightly.

"I won't," she whispered, kissing the corner of his mouth, "I want to stay by your side." He touched his forehead against her. "Oh, why do we always have to end up arguing about things like this when we try to speak about serious matters?" she said with a deep sigh. Kanda kissed her lips.

"I love you, Ellen," he told her and Ellen's heart clenched upon hearing this.

"I…," she started and Kanda pulled back enough to be able to look into her face. She was blushing. "I… I love you too… Yu," she told him and he smiled at her, a genuine smile. A warm and relieved smile that touched her very core. She pulled her lips up into a shy smile as well. But then she gasped and Kanda widened his eyes at once. She held her left shoulder, digging her fingers into the fabric of her blouse.

"Ellen! Hey!" Kanda called, sitting up with her, holding her.

"I… I'll be fine!" she hissed through her teeth, but Kanda saw the pained expression on her face, saw how she was trembling.

"We need to get you to the infirmary!" Kanda shouted when Ellen lowered her head, almost curling in on herself, breathing loudly. She let go of her shoulder and put her hand on Kanda's. It was hot and heavy on his shoulder.

"No…," she said breathlessly, then she raised her head. Kanda froze when he saw the smile on her pale face, noticing how her hair now fell over her shoulders in waves. "I will be fine."

"You…" She sat up straight, the nails of her Innocence hand digging into the flesh of Kanda's shoulder. He didn't flinch, but glared into her face.

"How nice to see you again, Kanda brat!"

_To be continued_

* * *

**Notes:**

I was very concerned about writing Kanda's emotions regarding Ellen's actions. He appears to be more affected than Ellen.

I was glad to be able to use Timothy to ease the tension and I'm sure I'll bring him in again to mediate a bit between the two!

But it's really strange; whenever I write the two of them starting on a serious topic the situation kind of gets out of hand and I end the conversation at a different point from where I started. *lol*

And the Noah returns! ;3 Next chapter will have Kanda and the 14th interacting as well as some secrets being revealed!


	69. Kapitel 67 Spiderwebs from the Past

**Author's Notes:**

Okay! This chapter has Kanda exchanging a few words with the 14th, as well as something else; after many many chapters I think it's finally time to shed light onto Kanda's shady past! I hope that you'll be able to enjoy it somehow!

Side-note: I'll be in the south of France for a week starting Sunday. I'll leave the laptop at home, but I might take the good old notebook and pen with me (got to do something at the beach other than swimming and getting sunburnt). Anyway, it might take a while until I can update again! But maybe you can inspire me with feedback ;3

P.S. I really, really couldn't think of a title this time.

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 67: Spiderwebs from the Past**

Kanda didn't dare to move, but he kept his eyes firmly on the girl in front of him. She let go of his shoulder so she could roll her own, probably also feeling the pain Ellen's body was in.

"The way things are now," she started, looking at her shoulder, her voice clear and loud in the silence engulfing their room, "everything about Ellen will progress faster. Nothing is quite how I planned it to go, but I will not complain about this. It's interesting to see where this will all lead." Kanda's frown deepened, but he finally moved, grabbing Ellen's wrist. She turned her head in his direction. There was actually nothing but the slight curl of her hair or the foreign glint in Ellen's eyes that allowed Kanda to tell that he was dealing with the Noah, but even if he saw nothing at all, he'd still be able to feel it. This woman, whoever she actually was, had a powerful presence, more confident and darker than anything he'd seen in Ellen. At least yet. The Noah's eyes wandered to her wrist, then back to Kanda's face.

"Why are you here?" he asked darkly, but the Noah continued smiling. She leant forwards and even though it was his wife, at least somehow, he drew back, not comfortable with their closeness.

"Because it was Mana's wish that my memory would belong to Ellen," she told him, "from that point onwards, there was no chance to stop this progress of awakening. I've been coming closer. Now I'm here." Kanda raised his eyebrows sceptically, but he kept a firm grip on the girl's wrist.

"It was Mana's choice?" The Noah laughed lightly. "I can't believe that…! That shady bastard! I don't understand why he'd do that to her!"

"Why?" The girl shrugged. "He had great plans for the girl. He always had, from the moment he heard that his beloved sister was pregnant. They just became darker when she was born with Innocence." Kanda listened silently, but incredulously.

"Why are you telling me this…?" the Noah laughed yet again, turning her wrist so, that she now held Kanda's hand in her own. "Wasn't this all just because of you?"

"A person changes when they turn into a Noah. Just like a person changes when they receive Innocence. Mana's goals shifted, just like his methods did. Ellen will change too, but she will be different from Mana, I feel it. As a Noah she can go much further than Mana did, she can do greater things, because other than him, she cares far more about you all, than he ever did." She let go of Kanda's hand and raised her fingers to his cheek, tucking his hair behind his ears. "However, you do know that you restrain her."

"I… What the hell are you talking about…?" The Noah put her hands in the back of his neck, drawing closer to him.

"When the time comes and Ellen finally turns into a Noah, then what will you do?" Kanda averted his eyes, wearing an unsettled expression. "I know you well, son of Kanda…" He raised his eyes, looking at her. "Don't you think Mana was in Japan, the Earl's base? I know how life is there for humans. I know where your affinities lay before you accepted the Innocence. I know why you'll follow Ellen even if she abandoned her role as an exorcist." She pressed her lips to Kanda's earlobe, her fingers drawing the pattern of his tattoo on the left side of his chest. "But Ellen, she doesn't know."

"She doesn't need to know," he said darkly, but the Noah grabbed his chin, forcing him to look at her. Her expression was both playful and threatening.

"Fool! Then do you want her to find out when she's in the Earl's hands?" Kanda narrowed his eyes, wrinkling his nose.

"She won't fall into his hands! She'll never-" he started, but the Noah cut him off by putting her finger on his lips.

"Oh… sssh, sssh, dear child," she whispered, following the contours of his lips with her nail. "You keep secrets from Ellen… She keeps secrets from you. There is darkness surrounding you that goes further than you're able to reach. In the end a single human person is limited in what they do, being trapped in a web of other peoples' actions." She withdrew her finger, but entangled her hands in Kanda's long hair. "Ellen will make her own decisions, even if you try to chain her down. You can struggle all you want against that, but she'll become stronger. Probably stronger than you who is always afraid to look back, you, who is even afraid to tell the person he loves about your own _worries_." Kanda wanted to retort something, but the Noah pressed her lips to his mouth, gently, but firmly. Kanda widened his eyes. She withdrew her lips and Kanda glared at her, only to find a lost look on her face and tears starting to fall.

"Yu…," Ellen whispered and Kanda took a moment to realize that the Noah had left. Relieved he put his arms around the girl.

"You're back!" he exclaimed, relieved. But the hug didn't last long, as Ellen squirmed, pushing her hands against his chest.

"No!" she got up frantically, looking at him with wide eyes. "I… I feel sick…! I need fresh air!" She ran out of the room, wearing nothing but her white night gown, Kanda looking after her. He balled his hands into fists.

"Che!" He got up as well, took a jacket out his wardrobe and rushed after her.

"Where are you going?" a voice stopped him and he found Link coming out of his own room further along the corridor.

"I don't have time for you!" he hissed and started walking down the stairs.

"Well, may I remind you that you still need to hand in the mission report? But be on your way, if you must. I need to talk to Ellen anyway," he heard Link say and stopped on the stairs.

"She's not in her room anymore. Your questions need to wait," he told him and continued walking down the stairs, leaving behind a disgruntled Link. He ran down the stairs until he arrived in the entrance hall. He looked around, then went into the direction of the training halls that also led out to the garden. The corridors were dark, a summer storm had been raging for a few hours, turning the sky black. The rain violently hit the glass panes of the window and the howling wind rattled the shutters. Running on, Kanda suddenly stumbled over something.

"Uah!" a voice shouted and Kanda turned back to see what he had run over. Or who. "Uuuuuuh." Kanda squeezed his eyes shut slightly, recognizing Timothy sitting on the floor. The boy gave a start when lighting illuminated the corridor and he saw who was glaring down at him.

"Kanda!" the boy chirped, jumping up on his feet. But then he suddenly seemed to be apprehensive of the man in front of him. "M… _Mister_ Kanda!"

"What are you doing in the corridor? Go to bed," Kanda told him with a snort and wanted to go on, but Timothy started fidgeting when he turned around.

"_I… I was checking out the place, but then the electricity got cut because of the storm… I… I don't know where I am or where I should go!" _Kanda turned back around, groaning.

"I have better things to do…!" he hissed under his breath, but then he walked back, hitting the back of Timothy's head as he passed him. _"Come!" _The boy's expression lit up instantly and he ran after Kanda, falling into pace next to him.

"_What were you doing out? Do you have a mission?" _Timothy wondered. Kanda tried ignoring him, but the boy was not impressed by his silence. _"Or did you come to get a midnight snack? Oh, it's only ten o'clock… So a ten o'clock snack?" _Kanda quickened his pace and the boy gave a start, speeding up to keep up with the older exorcist._ "So, are you the father of Ellen's baby?" _Here Kanda turned his head slightly, glaring at the boy over his shoulder, but because it was so dark the boy didn't see his expression.

"_I am." _Timothy, happy to have received an answer, grinned, feeling bold to ask more questions.

"_And are you married?" _Kanda groaned.

"Listen, brat. We're in England here, try to speak English," he said, attempting to end the conversation. They arrived back into the main hall and Kanda climbed the stairs to the first floor. Timothy wailed at that.

"_But why? You speak it so well! Why can't we speak French? It's prettier than English anyway!" _Kanda consulted the list on the wall, trying to find Timothy's room. When he found it on the map he walked on, not waiting for Timothy to come after him. But the boy did. _"Do you come from a French colony? Are there even French colonies in Asia?"_

"English, Timothy," Kanda chid, "and no, I'm not from any colony." The boy growled at that.

"_Your French is far better than Ellen's. I'm sure she learnt it in school, it sounds a bit artificial. Also… she's got that funny English accept! Yours sounds very nice though."_ Kanda rolled his eyes at the boy's resistance to speak English. He had heard him speak it before, so he was able to do it. Kanda chose to not answer any more questions unless the boy stopped being stubborn. Timothy had apparently noticed Kanda's strategy and wrinkled his nose.

"When did you learn?" Timothy asked, blushing slightly that he was forced to give in. He didn't get an answer though, bumping into Kanda when the other had stopped. There was a door in front of them, Timothy noticed after having rubbed his nose. _"Oh! My room! You've found it!"_ Kanda opened the door for him and Timothy went inside, grinning brightly. "Thank you."

"I learnt French as a little child," Kanda told him, then he closed the door in Timothy's face and turned around again. He was angry for having been distracted like this. He quickly went back to his room to check if Ellen had returned, but it was empty. He sighed deeply and looked out of the window. It was dark, only the frequent lightning lit up the gardens. He frowned and opened the window, looking outside. He actually could make out a white figure next to a small chapel that was situated behind the walls of the orchard. He ran out of the room again and down the stairs. He went to a door in the back of the entrance hall and unlocked it with the set of keys he had received from his mother-in-law. He went through it, closing and locking the door again. He ran through the corridor and reached another set of locked doors that led him to a big empty hall. He passed that one as well and came to another set of locked doors. He unlocked them again and came into another corridor that had white blankets over all furniture. He locked the door and walked along the corridor to glass doors leading outside. He unlocked them, but left them open when he passed. A cold shower of heavy rain hit him as soon as he stepped out and he hurried towards the orchard. He leaped on top of the wall, not bothering to look for the door. He landed on the other side and passed it before he got to the other wall. His feet nearly sunk into the wet earth, but he didn't care. He'd just wash his shoes later on. He climbed up and jumped back down. He ran up the slope and could see Ellen sitting on the steps of the chapel, completely drenched and head buried in her arms that were placed on her drawn-up knees. He walked up to her, slowly as not to startle her. But the rain and the low grumbling of the thunder drowned out his steps and Ellen still gave a start when he put the jacket over her. She looked up at him, her white hair sticking to her face.

"Beanspout… You're going to catch pneumonia out here," he warned, but let himself fall down on the stairs next to her. She grabbed the jacket with her cold fingers and turned her head away from him again. "What are you doing out here?"

"Thinking. Crying," she answered calmly and wiped the back of her hand over her nose, sniffling silently.

"Wh-"

"When the 14th took over my body… I was not entirely unconscious… I heard some of the things she said… Just snippets but I…" she lowered her head again, pressing her forehead to her arms. "I heard more than enough…" Kanda hesitated, but then he placed a hand on her shoulder. The wetness of her gown had already partly soaked through the jacket. She lifted her head again and tilted it to the side. "Over there… is Mana's grave. Mother wanted him to be buried in this soil instead of her own family property. My father is also buried here. Like many Bermonts before him, like Mother will be one day, like I will be one day. And, maybe you too." Kanda didn't say anything, but Ellen was not looking for any answers. "I'm… I'm so confused. But I'm also angry! I'm completely disgusted! What did Mana do? Who was that man that I loved like my own father? I… He's becoming all blurry and twisted. More like a nightmare in my head! This family…," she said and raised her head, staring over at the castle with anger in her eyes. "IS ALL MESSED UP!" she shouted. "I hate it! I hate it! This is the first time I ever hated being born into this bloodline!" Kanda could see tears running down her cheek, but the anger was real as well. She seemed to be utterly disappointed. "Sometimes… I wish father were still alive… Maybe… Everything would have been better…" she lowered her head again, "but maybe things would still be this terrible…" Kanda squeezed her shoulder to make her know that he was still here, that he was still listening to her, even though he couldn't speak any words of consolation for her. The sound of the storm filled the silence that followed Ellen's words, until she turned her head to look at Kanda. Her eyes were red from crying, but still, they held an inquiring look. "Yu… What more is there? What can be more terrible than a father fallen in war, a mother that lied to me and tried to sell me to the highest bidder and an uncle that paved a path for me that led to torment and possibly even death?" Kanda, even though he had feared that she would ask, was still taken aback when the question came. "Tell me!" she pleaded, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt, drenched as she was. "Who _am_ I? Who is my family?" Kanda grit his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut. "Kanda!" He reached out, taking her hand into his, closing his fingers tightly around hers. She seemed surprised but could see him biting his lips, a pained expression on his face. He opened his mouth and she could see him formulate words, but the wind drowned them out. "What? I… I couldn't hear you…"

"My family… The Kanda family… They are Brokers." Ellen blinked at him in confusion and Kanda gave Ellen's hand another squeeze that she instantly returned. "Japan… is a terrible land. The Earl, the Noah and an army of Akuma rule with tyranny and brutality. Humans are merely prey to them. My family is old and rich. We've been established members of the ruling class before the Earl made Japan his base." Ellen widened her eyes, staring at her husband. So… So… He was just… Just like her?

"Yu… I… I had no idea. I am-" Kanda stopped her with the look in his eyes alone and she saw that there was more to it.

"When the Earl first came he made a deal with the former head of the Kanda family. Brokers, that's what we call them today… Human informants and servants of the Earl… We… we serve the Earl." He shook his head "They. _They_ serve the Earl." Kanda sighed, but didn't dare look at his wife, fearing her expression. "I've grown up in a family that supported the Earl, that had contact with him, with the Noah. A family that had Akuma servants, that had dinner parties with the Earl…!" Kanda let go of Ellen's hand to cover his face. "A family that lived a luxurious life while humans all around them were being slaughtered!"

"Yu…," Ellen whispered, and she put her hand on his back, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.

"And I was a spoilt brat back then. I knew I was different than the other people, I was proud of it. I remember the Earl pinching my cheek, saying how he expected great deeds of the Kanda heir. And I just know how disgustingly proud I was that I've been acknowledged as being part of that family!"

"But… But you're an exorcist," Ellen whispered, raising her head to look at him. Somehow it both surprised and also calmed him how silently she took it all in. She didn't seem shocked or disgusted at all, but concerned about him. Kanda nodded at her, finally able to look her in the eyes again.

"One day I was out playing… Not too far away from our mansion of course, my parents wouldn't let me… And there I found it… It was so ironic… It was an old sword, sticking out of a heap… Probably the make-shift grave of a fallen swordsman… Whatever it was, I thought that having found it, it should belong to me. I took it… And the world changed… Suddenly everything was different, suddenly everything was terrible. When my parents found out they nearly went out of their minds. An exorcist in the family? My father gave up on me, deciding to subject me to my fate. It was my mother of all people that finally did one thing right. She packed a few of her and my belongings and we left. It was spring, the worst season of all to be human in Japan. Akuma were everywhere and they were drawn to my Innocence. But somehow we did manage to escape the Island and got to China. Finders stumbled upon me and took me away. My mother had not been there at that time. I don't know what happened to her, if she's made it back home and if she survived going back that she wasn't killed afterwards…"

"That's… terrible," Ellen whispered, embracing Kanda. "I'm so sorry… I'm… I'm deeply sorry!" Kanda returned the hug.

"Don't be… It's not your fault… nothing is your fault…," he told her and let go of her again to be able to look at her. "This is… part of who I am… There are still things that I can't tell you yet… But I just want you to understand that I would never turn from you, no matter who you decide to be or where you decide to go. If you turn into a Noah I will follow you." Ellen started crying and Kanda looked at her in confusion. "Why… are you crying?"

"Idiot!" she shouted and he blinked at her, rather taken aback. Wasn't what he had just said very romantic…? "I don't want you to become that way again! You've been carrying this around all this time and I know that this past hurts you! I don't want to force you to change sides again!" she grabbed his arms, looking at him. "I will not become the Earl's ally! Even if I turn into a Noah, no matter what happens, I will always resist! Trust me, Yu! I will not go down that path, no matter what. And I don't want you to go there either!" Kanda hesitated and she strengthened the grip on his arms. "We are not like our family, neither you nor me! Sure, this is where we come from, this is part of who we are, but now that you know about me and I know about you, let's just mix these puzzle pieces up and create something new! " Kanda was surprised, especially as a smile formed on Ellen's lips. "Our child, even though it might either be a Bermont or a Kanda, will not be born into this web… We'll create a new family for it. And when our child is older it can say "this is where I come from" with pride." Kanda looked at her quietly, but then he lowered his head, leaning against Ellen's chest. She started fretting when she noticed and placed her hands on his trembling shoulders.

"I… I'm sorry! Don't-" She stopped when she heard him laughing and he raised his head, still laughing heartily. Ellen seemed utterly confused at this and Kanda wiped his eyes, shaking his head, then he looked at her, smiling fondly.

"Thank you, Ellen. Thank you!" Ellen looked at him sceptically, but then she fell into his arms, sighing.

"Kanda, you're such a cry baby!" she said and Kanda had to laugh again.

"Just don't tell anyone," he warned and Ellen raised her head to look at him.

"About your family? Not a word," she promised and Kanda pinched her cheeks.

"Not that, silly! That you always manage to make me cry!" Ellen rolled her eyes and kissed him.

"Stupid Kanda. But I promise." Kanda sighed in relief, hugging Ellen. It felt quite good to have told her. Of course, there were other things that still threw their shadow over his life, but Ellen had been understanding, she'd been gentle. It filled him with hope that one day he could tell her everything about himself. One day. But not now.

-o-

Kanda and Ellen were completely drenched when they came back into the mansion.

"I wanted to chase after you right when you left, like any good husband does," Kanda joked and Ellen laughed while he guided her up the stairs in the dark. "But I first had to get Timothy back to his room; he'd been wandering the corridors and had lost his way when the electricity went out."

"Very commendable of you," Ellen said, wiping her nose, "I thought you didn't like him?" Kanda snorted, opening the door to a bathroom instead of their own sleeping quarters.

"I still don't like the brat," Kanda hissed and tried the light switch. Still nothing. "Let's check if at least the hot water works," he said, but suddenly a yellow glow illuminated the room. He turned his eyes and saw Ellen putting away matches.

"There are still gas lamps in some of the rooms," she explained and turned the light up slightly. Kanda shrugged and turned the faucet. Warm water started filling the tub and he nodded, apparently pleased. Ellen seemed slightly uneasy when Kanda took off his clothes, throwing them in the washing bin.

"Come on, beansprout. You need to warm up again. You aren't even wearing shoes," he told her and Ellen sighed deeply. She took off his jacket and the nightgown. Kanda widened his eyes when he looked at her naked body and Ellen flushed red, trying to put her hands over the long scar. "Beansprout…"

"This is so… embarrassing…," she told him, "my body is marked by my foolishness." Kanda sighed and she looked up.

"Stop that nonsense…" He walked up to her and drew her to the bath, lifting her in. She sat down when he climbed in after her, smearing lotion on his hands to wash her hair.

"Ah, not in my eyes! That burns!" Ellen shrieked and Kanda pinched her nose.

"Ellen, I don't mind the scars on your body… I just feel bad that I could not have prevented them… I don't want you to feel awful about it. Certainly not because of me," he told her and Ellen raised her head to say something, but he threw water over her head to rinse out the shampoo. Ellen wiped her long hair out of her eyes, coughing slightly.

"It's not that I care for myself. I'm not a vain person, I hope you've realized that by now… But I still am afraid that one day you'll change your mind about me… After all, there are beautiful girls around…" Kanda rolled his eyes. Ellen thought he was a bit dense, hadn't he realized the way Emilia kept staring at him?

"That's _never_ going to happen," he insisted, washing his hair. Ellen lowered herself deeper into the water, so that only her head was above the surface. The water blurred some of it, but Kanda's body was still incredibly satisfying to look at. Other than her body, his was not full of scars, at least none were visible. She still didn't quite understand how that was possible, but she didn't dare to ask any more questions now that he has opened up to her about his past. She sighed, rubbing her arms. Kanda raised his eyebrow at her.

"Why are you so beautiful…?" she whined and Kanda snorted at her.

"That's hereditary, can't change it," he said, scratching the back of his head. "Why? Do you feel like complaining?" Ellen laughed at that, shaking her head. "Besides, I can't think of anyone more beautiful than you." Ellen looked at him, blinking in confusion. Kanda seemed to be embarrassed about it, judging by how his eyes were turned away from her and how he wrinkled his nose. "Everything about you is just perfect."

"Ah, but I can't even hug you properly because my belly gets in the way," Ellen complained and Kanda sighed deeply.

"But you're pregnant – with my child! How couldn't I find that beautiful?" Ellen smiled at him, slightly embarrassed as well, but still happy.

"You're really cute, Yu," Ellen said, patting his knee that reached out of the water. Kanda snorted indignantly. "Really, really cute!"

-o-

Kanda took it upon himself to write the mission report.

"You shouldn't always do it. I can write myself," Ellen told him. She was still lying in bed, blanket drawn up to her chin. Kanda snorted and continued writing.

"You've still got a fever, so shut up and rest," he said and Ellen pouted at him.

"What will you write…? About the incident with my sword…?" she wondered after a while, wrapping herself up more in the blanket, breathing in the scent of Kanda's cushion.

"That you used the sword to trap the Level four and that it unexpectedly affected you," she heard Kanda say and looked over to the writing table where he was sitting. He still had his back towards her, writing diligently. "I won't mention the 14th waking up. We'll keep it secret. Even though Central is incredibly eager to have its own tame Noah, I don't think we should water their mouths yet."

"What do you mean?" Ellen asked and Kanda finally turned towards her, hitting the pen against the palm of his hand nervously.

"If they know that the 14th is so close, they will probably try to speed it up. Maybe you'll be brought to Rome, maybe you'll be brought to another Branch, maybe they'll imprison you or maybe they'll run tests on you. No matter what, I won't allow them to touch you now. Especially as you're so close to giving birth. It might endanger you and the child." Ellen studied him quietly, but then she nodded.

"Thank you," she said and Kanda shrugged, turning back to his mission report.

Kanda only raised his head again when there was a knock on the door, but before he could go to see who it was, the door opened and Timothy rushed in.

"That's no behaviour, Timothy, there's a lady in the room!" the couple could hear Link say from the corridor. "Ellen, are you decent?"

"Yes, come in," Ellen said, laughing lightly. She sat up straight, wiping her hair out of her face. Timothy ran up to her, with a tray in his hands. He put the tray on the night table and then jumped onto the bed, hugging Ellen.

"Good morning!" he said and Ellen, surprised as she was by this sudden assault, tousled his hair.

"Good morning, Timothy! Oh, I see you've already gotten your uniform!" The boy drew back a little and proudly showed it off.

"Yes! And it looks good on me!" The boy turned to the tray. "I've got you breakfast. Howard put on lots of cake, but I thought you'd might like something real better. So I put on lots of croissants!" Ellen chuckled, thanking him. Timothy turned his attention towards Kanda.

"_Morning, Mister Kanda!" _Kanda just rolled his eyes. _"I've got something for you too. Though I don't know what that stuff is,"_ the boy said, a disgusted expression on his face as he handed Kanda his soba. Kanda snorted, but took it anyway.

"Here," he said, handing the report to Link, who took it, looking over it quickly.

"Good. I'll go hand it in," he said, then he excused himself and left the room, quietly closing the door after himself.

Timothy lay on Kanda's side of the bed, happily munching on a croissant. Kanda observed how he spread crumbs all over his bed with a glare.

"How do you like the castle, Timothy? Kanda told me you were exploring yesterday," Ellen said, putting a piece of pancake into her mouth. Kanda tried his best to ignore Timothy's loud chewing noises and ate his soba silently.

"Hmm… It was dark yesterday, quite scary."

"_Timothy, swallow before speaking. Or you'll choke." _Kanda warned, hoping to put an end to his noisy eating. Timothy gulped noisily, but nodded, before continuing:

"But I got up super early today to check out the place. In daylight it's nice!" he looked up at Ellen and she smiled at him with an inquiring look in her eyes. "Is it true that this aaaaaaall belongs to you? Are you the princess of this castle?" Ellen started laughing.

"I'm no princess. But it belongs to," here she stopped and put stray hair behind her ear with a small sigh but still a smile on her lips. "It belongs to my husband."

"Nonsense," Kanda snorted, finishing his soba. "It'll belong to our son when he's older."

"_Are you going to have a boy then?" _Timothy wondered and Kanda looked at him sharply. "Sorry. The baby's a boy?"

"Kanda seems to think that," Ellen said and Timothy patted Ellen's stomach. "But we don't know."

"When is it going to be born?" Timothy wanted to know, tickling Ellen's stomach. She giggled and Kanda rolled his eyes, taking away the tray to prevent the two from spilling anything.

"In two months," Ellen answered and Timothy grinned brightly.

"I can't wait!" he announced and Ellen looked at him, a smile on her face. She then looked up at Kanda, who seemed embarrassed, but he didn't have to smile for her to realize that he was excited too. Ellen, despite being glad that it'll be over soon, was also afraid. Because in two more months everything would change.

_To be continued_

* * *

**Note:**

This revelation of Kanda's past has been long in the making, maybe some of you have already guessed what's behind his unwillingness to speak about it. Like with all revelations, this one made me slightly nervous. So I'd be really glad to hear what you think about it! :3


	70. Kapitel 68 The distant Roar of Thunder

**Author's Notes:**

Is anybody else as sad as I am that there was no DGM chapter this month?  
However, I was still inspired to write; I received nice reviews and well wishes for my trip! I was very happy! Thank you all! I really appreciate it!

What actually prevented me from finishing earlier was me running assassins against walls in a pitiful attempt to play Assassin's Creed. I'm sorry that I let myself be distracted!

Funnily enough, I had the title for this chapter ready before I even started writing…!

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 68: The distant Roar of Thunder**

The newest addition to the ranks of the Black Order's exorcists proved to be like a loudly chiming wake up call for the solemn, empty rooms and long, echoing corridors of the headquarters. There was a castle and there was a child; the adventures of exploring the vaults and hidden treasures behind locked doors helped Timothy to playfully find his place in this long lasting struggle between Earl and Innocence. While there were others that took care of the boy's rudimentary training as an exorcist, making him feel comfortable and at home had somehow ended up being the Kanda couple's responsibility.

Thus, the mornings usually started with either Timothy rushing into their room as a human alarm clock or Kanda banging against Timothy's door when the boy didn't turn up for lessons with Emilia (who had decided to stay for a bit longer to take care of his education) or training with General Nine (who, despite the best efforts of Tiedoll to take the boy under his wings, had been put in charge of him).

Ellen watched the almost daily display of Kanda having to shove or drag the boy into the bath room with amusement.

"Contrary to my expectations, your husband seems to be quite able to deal with him," Link commented and watched Kanda toss a grumbling Timothy into the bathroom. "Even though he lacks patience and his methods are rather rough." Ellen smiled at that and Kanda, leaning against the door to prevent Timothy getting out before washing himself properly, looked up at her, an eyebrow raised. She waved, then she and Link turned away from the two to go down the stairs for breakfast.

"Well, I assume that is just the way he is. Despite everything, Timothy does need to be able to defend himself. Kanda knows that and accordingly he is strict and fussy about things like training or paying attention or discipline. With our child… Hm. He'll probably be strict, but he won't be rough." Link looked at her; she was apparently thinking, trying to imagine her husband's interaction with their own child. "That's what I think!"

"You will be able to verify this in less than two months," Link told her and Ellen smiled uneasily at that. At the bottom of the stairs she stopped, hand on the wall to steady herself. "Are you alright?" Link put his hands on her shoulder and saw her grab the fabric of her blouse. He had read the mission report and of course knew about Ellen's reckless actions during the final stages of the Level four battle in Paris. The fact that she seemed to still be in pain was disquieting, but other than inform Leverrier and keep him up to date with Ellen's condition, he was not able to do anything.

A quiet, pained moan escaped Ellen's lips and her fingers dug into her right shoulder, trying to massage the pain away.

"I will be fine… It's been only ten days since the fight. I am still sore," she said, straightening up and putting a smile back on her face. Link's concerned look didn't waver, so Ellen laughed. "Sometimes I wish I had Kanda's healing abilities. I know there are downsides to it, but at least then I would be fine again right away!" Link lifted his eyebrow at first, then he drew them down into a disapproving frown.

"I'd suggest you do not wish for it. I doubt he would be happy to hear you say things like this," he told her and Ellen sighed deeply. "Besides, your body already has an accelerated healing process thanks to you being a parasitic type."

"Yes?" Ellen wondered and they entered the dining hall. At this time it was already full and because it was summer the big windows were open, making the black banners of the Black Order wave in the light summer breeze.

"Yes," Link replied flatly and ordered his usual breakfast. Ellen rolled her eyes, then she greeted Jerry, who immediately handed her a big tray with an array of food. They sat down at one of the unoccupied tables, opposite each other and Link carefully watched Ellen while she ate. Ever since the unexpectedly dangerous mission to Paris he had been less lenient. He didn't follow her everywhere, because just as he was being more watchful, so was Kanda. Link already had to try hard to steer clear of arguments with the Japanese exorcist. He couldn't even be too irritated at him, seeing as he was trying to protect his wife so close to her due date and especially after the almost disaster of the last mission. When he did have the opportunity to be around Ellen, then he'd pay attention. He looked at the girl who, cheerful as she appeared eating her breakfast, was not as well as she wanted everybody to believe. He did notice the dull complexion of her skin, the discoloured patches under her eyes, the slight strain in her smile and he especially took notice of how she often rolled her shoulder or touched her chest.

"Maybe you should have the matron take a look at you again. You don't appear like you've recovered yet," he advised and Ellen laughed uneasily, avoiding an answer by drinking her tea. Link was displeased. "Ellen. If you are in pain after using your Innocence against yourself you need to tell me. If this has lasting consequences we _must_ know." Ellen set down her cup and looked up at Link with a calm, but inquiring expression.

"My uncle worries too much," she said in a flat tone after a while and Link sighed, shaking his head.

"It's not only him. I worry too…," Link told her and Ellen's expression became a bit softer, but then she folded her hands on top of the table and smiled at him.

"If anything _bad_ happens, I will let you know," she assured him, then she got up from the chair. "If you would excuse me? I've promised I would select some books to aid Timothy's studies." Link suppressed a sigh and nodded at her. She smiled, then she took her tray and left the table. The young German inspector rolled a cherry around on his plate with apparent displeasure. It was clear to him that Ellen was trying to be distant. He was not disagreeable to her, that Link knew, it was his duty to watch and report to Inspector Leverrier that she was dissatisfied with. If a change in her body was happening (and judging by the pain she was in something was indeed going on, possibly going _wrong_ even) then it was an indication that the process of her becoming a Noah might be progressing. And if she told him, if she gave him any indication that something beyond the pain that she could still pass for left over injuries was wrong, then it was Link's duty to relay it at once. Leverrier must know about it and so must Central. Of course, Link didn't like the thought of Central doing any of their magic rituals that would only speed up the process. Link didn't want Ellen to be in distress and he didn't want her to disappear when the Noah surfaced… But… Link sighed and got up from the chair. It was his duty.

-o-

It was early afternoon and the windows of Ellen's room were wide open. However, nothing but heat and sunrays would come spilling inside. No fresh wind to disturb the stale, suffocating air within her room. It was mid-July and for this area it was unbearably hot. Kanda was in one of the cooler studies downstairs together with Emilia and Timothy. Even though Ellen had tentatively followed him there, she had soon become uncomfortable, feeling useless as the three drifted off from the subject to discussing random things. Ellen, even though she was glad that Kanda had found something to do in this mission free period, was unhappy that it had to be something where she was not really wanted. Emilia, even though Ellen didn't doubt that she was a nice girl, didn't put much effort into including Ellen into their little French speaking study circle or their trips to the gardens to study plants or insects. Kanda too, with him insisting that it would be "too boring" for her, didn't make her feel all too wanted or included either. So Ellen had excused herself after Emilia had started a conversation on the works of art in the Louvre and quietly disappeared. Kanda had only nodded at her, not taking his eyes off from the book he was currently leaving through, so Ellen had let herself drop down on her bed in frustration. And here she was now, letting the heat and her circling thoughts slowly lull her into an uncomfortable sleep.

-o-

Ellen sat up with a start. It was cool and dark now and someone must have drawn the curtains of her bed. She grabbed the soft fabric and pulled it to the side. A deep and menacing darkness greeted her from behind the room. Ellen widened her eyes, letting them travel around the uncanny place. It was still her room, but everything was black, the walls, the window, the fluttering curtains. She set her feet down, but flinched when they sunk into a warm, sticky liquid. She lifted her feet and looked down. The entire floor was swamped with a red fluid. Sweat trickled down Ellen's face, but instead of crawling back into bed, willing this nightmare away, she set both her feet down, making her way through the room. It smelt burned and Ellen could see red sparks somewhere. A fire? She turned her head to the window, and then she could see it; the tower with the flag of the Black Order was in flames. Ellen gasped, but then she rushed to the door, tearing it open. Only to find a brilliant white mirror copy of the room she had just intended to leave. She hesitated, but then she walked inside, closing the door on the dark room behind her. She looked around and for some reason found herself drawn to the dressing table. She sat down and looked inside the mirror. She could only see herself, no shadow behind her. The whiteness of her reflection almost scared her though, but then she gave a start when her left side suddenly started hurting and then blood started to appear on her shoulder. She could see how it started to stain her white dress, trickling down and down, the white fabric soaking in the blood.

"Foolish girl," a voice suddenly spoke up and Ellen gasped when the reflection inside the mirror shifted, showing her the mask and the drawn up coat of her Innocence. Her own reflection was gone. "What did you think you would achieve? What did you think you could do?"

"W… What is going on?"

"Did you think you have a body free from stains? Did you think I would be forgiving?" the Innocence continued speaking to her and Ellen felt a hot pain pierce her chest and travel up her shoulder and down her Innocence arm. "Weak and fragile as you are, you won't achieve anything! Your hands alone hold no power! You won't be able to destroy. You won't be able to save." Ellen, who had squeezed her eyes shut, now dared to open them again. She could only see her own blood soaked reflection. But it became paler and paler. Ellen jumped up from the table and stared at her hands. They became transparent.

"Poor you," another voice spoke up again and she looked back into the mirror. It had been her own mouth to speak. She lifted her hands to her head, where new blood was already flowing down, stinging when the droplets dripping into her eyes. She took her hands away, her fingers red with blood, but from the fingertips upwards they were turning a darker shade. Ellen stared into the mirror, seeing herself smiling back at her, the skin dark, with black markings on her forehead. "Good-bye, Ellen Walker!"

-o-

Ellen awoke with a gasp, shooting up in bed at once. She flinched when she felt something cold being pressed to the side of her neck and turned around, her eyes still wide.

"Hey…" It was Kanda and Ellen squeezed her eyes shut. "Another nightmare?" Ellen nodded, still unable to speak, then she dared to open her eyes and looked at her hands. They were solid, one pale, the other dark. She was still here. "You've been having an awful lot of them recently. What was it about this time?"

"I dreamt of dissolving…," she whispered and looked up at Kanda, unshed tears in her eyes. "I was just… dissolving…" Kanda put his arms around her, pressing her to his chest.

"You're not dissolving… You're still here. I feel you solid and warm in my arms…"

"It's not my body that's going to disappear," Ellen whispered and put enough distance between herself and her husband to be able to look up at him. "But my personality. Who I was, who I am. Everything is just going to end up being replaced by the Noah. And…," she thought about the reflection of her Innocence in the mirror and the pain the sword had caused her. "Maybe even the Innocence will wish to erase me… I'm nothing more than a host, to either of these two forces…" Kanda studied her in silence, unsure what he should reply.

"I think the nightmares and the pain you still feel are consequences of you stabbing yourself with the Innocence," he spoke up after a while and Ellen shrugged. "I fear that your Innocence and the Noah genes might be battling for dominance inside of you…" Ellen looked at him for a while, then she sighed deeply, letting her head hand in frustration.

_Good-bye, Ellen Walker._ That was the last thing of her dream she could remember. Ellen raised her head just slightly, looking up at Kanda who studied her as well. But wasn't Ellen Walker already gone…?

"Why have you been sleeping anyway?" Kanda wondered, apparently trying to ease the tension. "Were you tired?"

"It was hot…," Ellen replied, then she eyed him for a moment before she put a small smile on her face. "And what about you? Did you have fun with your new friends?" Kanda raised her eyebrow at that, but didn't comment on her slightly tense tone and the choice of her words.

"I helped Emilia with the tutoring. If I'm there the brat at least pretends to pay attention," he replied and Ellen snorted. Again, Kanda was confused at her apparent irritation. "What's the matter with you? I might not be as learned at you, but I still have enough knowledge in certain fields to be a decent tutor."

"Of course. That's not the problem," Ellen said in a flat tone, looking away.

"Then what is?" Ellen creased her brow, then she turned back to face him, studying his inquiring expression.

"It's these study sessions. It's Emilia. It's the way she looks at you. It's the way you all make me feel unnecessary. It's-" Ellen could see Kanda's surprised expression, but then the colours faded, only to reappear differently. Kanda was bending over her, looking at her with worry in her eyes. "What?" Ellen looked up at him in confusion; she was lying on the bed. When had she moved positions?

"You fainted. Just like that, while speaking," Kanda told her in a hushed tone, trying to calm her, but he appeared to be anything but calm.

"I didn't even notice! One second I'm talking to you and the next I'm lying in bed!" Ellen hissed and held her chest. "And with this pain appearing on top of it!" She grabbed Kanda's shoulder and pulled herself up into a sitting position despite Kanda's attempts to keep her lying down. "I haven't changed, have I…?" Ellen dared to ask after a while when the pain had abated. Kanda shook his head and Ellen let out a sigh of relief. "This isn't getting any better…"

"No, it isn't… Ellen," Kanda started and put his hand on her arm. "I think we need to consult Komui about it…" Ellen had started shaking her head before Kanda had even managed to finish his sentence. "I don't like this either! But with how you keep on fainting we simply cannot let this matter rest and wait for it to resolve itself! If there are dangers then we'd better know if the Science Division can do anything to help!" Ellen lowered her head, biting her lips, but after a while she nodded.

"Fine… Let's see him right away."

-o-

Komui eyed the two exorcists uneasily. After Ellen had reluctantly confessed that the stabbing actually had consequences, the supervisor had fallen into grave silence.

"These are… rather unsettling news, Ellen…" the man finally said, taking off his glassed to rub his eyes. "Actually, there isn't much I can think of doing." He put his glasses back on, studying the girl sitting in front of him. "But if your problems are caused by Innocence and not by the Noah, then we'd better get Hebraska to have a look at you." Ellen nodded gravely, then Komui led her outside, asking Kanda to wait for them.

"Why can't I come along?" Kanda asked in annoyance and Komui shot him a disapproving look. "Fine," Kanda gave in with a grunt, then he looked at Ellen. "I'll see you later." The girl nodded at him, then Komui led her down into the maze like corridors under the castle. Hebraska's Innocence Sanctuary lay behind a huge door made of carved, dark wood and iron. The room behind it was a huge vault that had been here before the castle. The Bermont family had only used it as a treasury at times, weapons, armours, chests and barrels collecting dust, almost forgotten during the centuries that passed. A chill went through Ellen as they stood in front of Hebraska, the banners of the Black Order hanging from the high, arched ceiling. It was eerily quiet, apart from water dripping down from somewhere.

"Hebraska, I need you to have a look at Ellen. She stabbed herself with her exorcising sword and has been in pain ever since. We don't know how to handle the problem…," Komui explained and Hebraska's huge, illuminated form bent down slightly, looking at Ellen. The exorcist felt the intense stare even though she could not make out Hebraska's eyes.

"Come a bit closer, child," she spoke and Ellen took a few steps forwards, Hebraska reaching out her arms, wrapping one around Ellen's Innocence and placing the other on her shoulder, to comfort her. Ellen felt the strange sensation of Hebraska looking right through her, of hands probing her from the inside. "The Innocence is upset," Hebraska said into the heavy silence, her voice echoing in the vault.

"Upset? But what does that mean?" Komui wished to know and Hebraska let go of Ellen again.

"It is because of the Noah within her. It reacts to it expanding, gaining more control over Ellen's mind and body," Hebraska explained, her voice slow and calm. "I am not fond of Central's wish to force her turning into a Noah, it puts a strain on the Innocence as well. It reacts, trying to push it back." Ellen looked up at Hebraska, but she seemed to have her attention on Komui, not that Ellen could really tell. "However, the memory has long been a part of her, as long as it was dormant the Innocence didn't need to adjust to it. Forcing it to be activated is dangerous. Central does not understand this, it does not want to understand. If she shows first signs of awakening," here Hebraska stopped and Ellen could feel that the other exorcist was indeed looking at her now. Did she know? How much did she know? "Then Ellen needs to be alert. We all need to be alert." Komui looked at Hebraska and then at Ellen uncertainly. Ellen had her head lowered, staring at the dusty floor in front of her. Hebraska kept silent as well, studying the girl. After a while, she lifted her head again and looked at Komui.

"Can I ask you to leave, Komui?" The supervisor looked at Hebraska in confusion. "There is something I need to talk to Ellen about." Ellen looked up at her, as surprised as Komui was.

"What-" Komui started, but Hebraska cut him off:

"What I want to talk to Ellen to is actually of a rather different nature. Something that only concerns women. I doubt you want to listen to it," she told him quietly and Komui's face turned red.

"W… Well. I'll be waiting outside then," he said, quite flustered and left the two exorcists alone. Hebraska waited until the door was shut with a loud thud, before turning back to Ellen.

"How close is the Noah?" she wondered and Ellen wasn't sure if she was actually startled by the question. A sound like laughter reached Ellen's ears and when she looked up she actually saw Hebraska smile at her. "I just needed a reason to chase Komui out of here so we could talk without you having to fear that it reaches Central's ears." Ellen returned the smile, nodding gratefully.

"She must be very close… I think she's already here to be honest. She was awake at times…" If Hebraska was surprised to hear that she masked it rather well. "But I cannot control it and I am afraid of her taking over my body…" She pressed the palm of her left hand to her right shoulder. "The wound keeps on hurting and sometimes there's this piercing pain in my chest, as if my heart was punctured…"

"That's the Innocence," Hebraska told her, "you know that it filled a hole in your heart. You are unique, Ellen. Your Innocence travels through your and the unborn child's blood stream. This makes you powerful, but it also makes you vulnerable…" Ellen listened silently, folding her hands over her belly.

"Do you think I should resist the Noah…?"

"I think you should not." Ellen widened her eyes in surprise, staring up at Hebraska. "Even if you are an exorcist, losing yourself for this war is not desirable. If you resist then you'll simply be devoured."

"But how can I concentrate on making the Noah's power mine when the Innocence is also working against me?" Ellen wondered, quite desperate now. There just seemed no way that this would work without her disappearing. Hebraska was quiet for a while, but then she placed her hand on Ellen's head.

"Just don't give up. Believe in yourself, Ellen, and in your right to live and to be happy. If you have faith in your own abilities then you'll also manage to turn yourself from a tool into the one controlling the tools." Ellen bit her lip, but she nodded. She didn't want to disappear, she didn't want to die. But was she powerful…? Without her Innocence she can do nothing in this war after all! And the old question of what and who she was beyond this war returned to her head. She still didn't know the answer to this.

"Thank you, Hebraska, for your encouraging words," Ellen told her when Hebraska had removed her hand.

"One more thing, Ellen." The girl looked up at the huge form. "I need you to be prepared for a dangerous birth." Ellen widened her eyes just slightly. "I know the Science Division and infirmary will do anything for it to go smoothly. But you need to be prepared too, mentally."

"I don't think I understand…," Ellen confessed and Hebraska looked at her.

"There is no way to know how your body will react if another barrier of Innocence is broken."

-o-

Following these ominous words of Hebraska, Ellen was greatly worried, but refrained from talking about it to anyone. The only thing she told Kanda was that there's nothing that could help her at the moment, but that Hebraska believed that she had to allow the Noah to become a part of her. Kanda, despite not being happy that there seemed to be no remedy for Ellen's pain, accepted that.

A few days afterwards Ellen was sitting in the gardens with Linali, enjoying the shade of a big tree and the light breeze. Fortunately the temperatures had dropped a bit, so it was actually agreeable to be outside.

"Kanda spends far too much time with that Emilia!" Linali said with a disgruntled expression, that Ellen couldn't help sharing.

"Yes! I noticed as well! Have you seen how she looks at him? If I had a picture of her I'd draw hearts into her eyes with red ink!" Linali giggled at that, putting her hands on top of Ellen's.

"But honestly! How dare he leave you alone and bored like this? I was quite worried when I saw you sitting here all by yourself!" Ellen sighed deeply.

"He's on the moor, studying birds with the other two. I wanted to come along but he said it'd be too much of a walk for me, he told me "you stay at home"! Just like that, in his stupid commanding tone," Ellen whined, glad to have someone to share her worries with. She had tried once with Kanda, but seeing as she had fainted and bigger worries seemed to trouble Kanda, he must have forgotten about her little jealousy outburst. "But have you seen Emilia's shoes? That can't be too much of a walk after all!" Both of the girls sighed in unison.

"Such nice shoes."

"I wish I could have gone shopping in Paris…" Linali turned around, taking Ellen's hand into hers.

"Tell you what? When your baby's born we're going to have Kanda look after it and just go there!" she suggested and Ellen's face lit up, only to fall again in the next moment. Linali noticed it and looked at her worriedly. "Ellen? What's the matter?"

"It's just that I'm afraid… I'm afraid of giving birth…," she told her and Linali couldn't help but sigh.

"I understand… It's dangerous but we have modern equipment, everything's going to be okay," she assured her friend and Ellen managed a small smile. "But don't you think that the baby's not entirely real until it's really here?"

"I absolutely agree," Ellen said, "it's just a discomfort in my stomach right now," she joked and Linali couldn't help laughing.

"And how about a name?"

"A name?" Ellen repeated, blinking at Linali, who nodded encouragingly. "I actually haven't thought of one yet, even though I have some favourites…" She smiled in slight embarrassment. "I actually wanted to let Kanda choose. Though I hope he has some taste in names."

"Quite a gamble, isn't it?" Linali said and Ellen giggled. The girls were silent for a while, just enjoying the atmosphere.

"Linali?" Ellen wondered and looked over at her friend lying on the grass.

"Yes?"

"Seeing me like this, do you ever think of having a child yourself?" Linali opened her eyes and sat up, studying her friend with a surprised expression on her face.

"Well… I think I'm still too young, but I am curious. I'm curious about love and sex," she confessed and both girls blushed slightly. "And if I find the right guy then I'm quite sure I'll have a child of my own one day. When I've found my place in the world after the war, when I'm ready."

"Then what exactly is the right guy? What's your ideal husband?" Linali frowned slightly, thinking, but then she shrugged.

"I don't think there is such a thing as an ideal husband, at least not in my head. But the man I fall in love with should be funny, cheerful, caring and able to take a beating from time to time."

"Oh, Linali! No violence!" Ellen joked and Linali snickered. "But I understand why you say that…"

"If Kanda was my husband and he'd try to tell me what to do I'd kick him where it hurts," the dark haired girl confessed and Ellen had to supress laughter. "You really do have to resist at times! He might be your husband but I thought he promised you not to boss you around just because of that!" Ellen couldn't help shrugging. At times she really wanted to tell him off for his behaviour, but then her head told her that he was only worried about her. That it was punishment for having risked their child's death. So she just settled on proving him again and again that she didn't need him deciding what was best for her.

"In any case, Linali, don't you think that Rabi would be a good boyfriend? Maybe no husband, but a boyfriend for as long as you're both exorcists?" Ellen saw that Linali was genuinely surprised by this suggestion, then the girl's cheeks turned red.

"Uhm. Actually no. I never thought of Rabi that way! But Ellen, what have you done! Don't put ideas like that in my head, now I have to think about it!" Ellen burst out laughing, seeing how embarrassed her friend was. Linali gently hit her shoulder, but then she joined in as well, giggling merrily. "Oh, Ellen! You're a-" Linali stopped when Ellen's laughter ceased at once. "What's wrong?" The white haired girl had her hands balled into fists, almost ripping out the grass between her fingers. Linali could see that she was in pain.

"Nothing bad. It's the scar again…," Ellen assured her, but Linali still helped her get back on her feet.

"We'll just have to postpone this match making conversation to another time. Let's get you back to your room." Ellen sighed, but let herself be pulled back on her feet, returning to her room.

-o-

Two weeks had now passed since their return from Paris. Ellen had time to herself, seeing as Link was gone to report to Central. She wasn't very happy about that especially as she didn't know what exactly he would report and what consequences it would have. She had already received a warning letter from Inspector Leverrier, reminding her to report anything suspicious to him and with reassurance that everything would be for her best. Ellen, while not wanting to suspect anything else being her uncle's intention, had learnt to doubt it. What others deemed best for her was mostly far from agreeable. Ellen was drafting a letter to congratulate her cousin on her birthday, when Kanda interrupted the silence of the warm study with a loud knock. He didn't wait for her to ask him in, quickly entering and closing the door again. Ellen blinked up at him in surprise; he wore rather nice clothes, his hair was taken into a low ponytail and he placed a suitcase down next to the door.

"What is this about?" Ellen wondered when Kanda walked over to her.

"I've got to leave, as fast as possible," he said and Ellen saw that he had an opened envelope in his hand.

"A mission?" Ellen wondered in surprise, "but I thought Komui wouldn't give us any missions until the baby's born." Kanda shook his head and stuffed the envelope into the pocket of his trousers. Ellen was dying to know who that letter was from, but Kanda pulled her up on her feet.

"It is not a mission," he told her and Ellen lifted her eyebrows in surprise. "I've received a note from… Well, let's just say that I have to follow a lead to the person I've been looking for." Ellen's brows travelled back down, her face settling into a frown. "I'm sorry. I'm out of time, I'll explain when I get back."

"Did you come to ask me for permission to go?" Ellen wondered, her tone displeased, "I'm not your mother." Kanda looked slightly disgruntled at that, but shook his head.

"I had hoped that you would help me." He put his hands on her shoulders. "Would you open a gate for me? Secretly of course…" Ellen looked at him in surprise, the frown disappearing. "I know you are not authorized to do that. But it would be much quicker." Ellen sighed, rubbing her neck, but then she nodded. "Thank you." Kanda placed a kiss on her lips, then he took the suitcase and pulled Ellen out of the study. It was not difficult to get to the entrance of the Ark unseen; there were no guards and the few scientists that were there didn't pay them any attention.

"I will only do it if you promise that you won't do anything dangerous," Ellen told him sharply when they were inside. Kanda nodded. "Tell me how it went when you get back." Kanda nodded once again. "Okay, where are you headed?"

"Have you been to Belgium before? Any gate there would be fine, I'll manage on my own afterwards," he said and reached into his pocket, checking some coins and a little booklet.

"Ah… Yes, of course…," Ellen said, touching one of her hands to a door and the other to her forehead. The blue door glowed slightly, then Ellen opened it.

"I'm sorry that I'm leaving, but this is a chance I cannot ignore," he told her, then he embraced her, kissing the top of her head. "It shouldn't take more than a day I hope, as I'm mostly gathering information, but promise me that you take care of yourself until I'm back." Ellen returned the hug and promised, then she let him go. He looked at her gratefully, then he turned around and entered the darkness of the door. She closed the door after him, it shut soundlessly, but something else reached Ellen's ears.

"Dear little girl, what a surprise to see you here. I thought you would forever stay away from this Ark." The voice was coming from the sky and even though it sounded different, Ellen knew that it was her own voice – the Noah's voice. Ellen flinched when a jolt of pain went through her entire body, like an echo to the voice from the sky. Ellen wrinkled her nose in irritation and pain, but then she started walking, a white square opening before her. She was in the piano room at once and saw the Noah in the mirror, she was sitting on the reflection of the white sofa. Ellen sat down on it as well, in the mirror she was now sitting next to the Noah. The reflection looked so strange; like twins, but the Noah was slim, with curls openly spilling over her chest and back. And her mouth pulled into a pleased grin when she saw Ellen's dark look upon contemplating the exorcist uniform the Noah was wearing.

"What do you want." It was a demand, not a question and the Noah laughed.

"Nothing actually. I was simply looking for a chance to chat to you. Actually, I'm quite impressed." Ellen could see the Noah shift in the mirror, putting her elbow on the backrest, leaning over to Ellen. She imagined that the Noah's breath should be tickling her ear when she spoke, but she wasn't there. Nothing happened. "The Kanda boy told you so much about himself the other day. I thought he would be too afraid to confess part of the truth." Ellen narrowed her eyes, still staring in the mirror, because she didn't want to speak into the thin air next to her.

"I have confidence in him. I am glad that he trusts me enough to tell me about his family." The Noah laughed yet again and Ellen was even more displeased at that.

"That's amusing, really cute."

"Listen," Ellen tried with a patient tone, even though her patience was wearing thin. "If you want to help me then you shouldn't cause as many problems as you do." The Noah looked bored and unimpressed at that, twirling a curl around her finger.

"Say… Do you like summer storms?" the Noah asked casually, completely changing the topic and still twirling her hair around. Ellen was taken aback by this peculiar question.

"I do…," she answered tentatively, unsure of what this was all about. The 14th's mouth pulled into a smile, dark and sinister, her eyes already as stormy as the sky during a tempest. But they started to gleam gold.

"Good," she whispered, "then you'll better be prepared for the night." Ellen opened her mouth to speak, but pain rushed through her, her vision was getting blurry, fading until only the gold was still visible. Until also this was swallowed by darkness and Ellen fainted.

-o-

When Ellen woke up, everything around her was dim. The temperature of the room was low, but the air still was stuffy and tasted like dust, ink and old parchment on her lips. Her body felt heavy and uncomfortable and she tried to focus her eyes. There was someone there with her and finally she could see Rabi's face looking down at her.

"Are you conscious, Ellen?" Ellen tried sitting up, still feeling faint pain going through her body, and Rabi helped her. "I was in your Dad's library and found you wandering the corridors when I was on my way back. We're in my room now," he explained.

"Wandering the corridors? I can't remember doing that," Ellen confessed and Rabi nodded at her.

"I had the feeling that you weren't really conscious. At first I assumed you were sleep walking, but it felt different… As if there was something else…," he left the sentence open, looking at Ellen. Ellen sighed.

"It was something else." She didn't need to say more, this simple confirmation was all the information Rabi needed to grasp the situation. She lifted her head again, looking at her friend.

"I do wonder why I ran into you though…," she said and Rabi looked at her, his face cast into shadows. Strange, wasn't it still early afternoon when she parted with Kanda? Ellen looked at the window – it seemed dark outside, the shutters were hitting the stone wall. The wind must be blowing.

"You spoke to me when I found you… Basically, you told me that when Yu isn't here, I'd take care of you." Even though the information he had just given Ellen seemed harmless, there was a faint blush on his cheeks. Ellen frowned, not wanting to imagine what else the Noah might have said and done to Rabi, but then she flinched, as the pain returned, first dull, then with a sudden sharpness.

"Ellen? Does your scar hurt you?" he asked in concern, putting his hand on her leg. Ellen shook her head. Rabi saw how pale her face looked in the dim light of his room, how it glistened with peals of sweat forming on her forehead. Both were silent as outside of the window the skies continued to darken. The wind blew strongly, rattling the shutters and howling through the leaves of the trees and bushes.

"A summer storm is brewing outside," Rabi commented, "I hope that the electricity won't go out again!" He sighed deeply, gesticulating to all the books lying on the floor, on the tables and even the bed next to Ellen. "That would be stupid. I still have a lot of reading to-" Ellen stopped him mid-sentence, her hand grasping his. It was trembling and sweaty, but the grip was strong. Rabi winced at the sudden pain and looked at her. Her eyes were wide open and she was clutching her stomach, the white fabric of her dress creasing.

"Rabi…," she whispered into the sudden silence of the room. Rabi widened his eyes in fear. The girl looked up at him, a lost and terrified look on her face. And she repeated his name, echoing in the darkness.

"_Rabi_."

The rain started with the loud crash of lightning.

_To be continued_

-o-

Notes:

And suddenly, the thunder isn't so distant anymore!


	71. Kapitel 69 Advent

**Author's Notes: **

I started this chapter right after the last one, seeing as the cliffhanger made me itch to go on *lol* Due to the terrible heat outside and me working on another cosplay/ playing Assassin's Creed I've had some problems concentrating though…

I've written part of this chapter before, as a test. However, there are years and many chapters between then and now, so in the end I couldn't use most things. My tentative plans made me giggle though. *lol*

I first had another title for this chapter, but had a last-minute change of heart!

**Dislcaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 69: Advent**

Kanda was sitting on the stone steps that led up to the entrance door of a house, hands linked, but thumbs pressed against his eyes. Next to him on the steps was his suitcase – before almost empty apart from a few possibly necessary pieces of paper and his exorcist coat just in case something unexpected happened. Now it was a bit heavier, just like his heart that felt heavier in his chest. He was… _exhausted_, running after this ghost year after year. _"Don't despair, Sir,"_ a young officer told him, addressing him in the local variety of French, holding a bunch of flowers. _"I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful…"_ Kanda lifted his head, looking at him. His informant smiled encouragingly and handed him the flowers. _"You said your wife was waiting for you. I got you some flowers for her, mine always likes that when I have to leave on short notice. I hope they won't wilt though."_ Kanda sighed, then he got up, taking the flowers.

"_Thanks Mathieu..."_ The officer smiled again, then he waved when Kanda started walking away. _"Until next time."_ Walking down the paved road, Kanda looked at the flowers in his hand, then he directed his gaze to the suitcase. As expected he was chasing mere echoes again. Ah well, at least he'd be back earlier than expected. Kanda pushed the darker thoughts away and allowed himself to look forwards to his return. The sun continued shining brightly, not one cloud in the deep azure sky. He made his way to the small train station that would bring him back to the town Ellen's portal opened up to. Giving the village painted in the evening sun's light one last look, Kanda turned away for good.

-o-

The Ark was silent when Kanda returned, not that he had expected Ellen to wait for him. He probably had been gone for eight hours, maybe a bit less. A look on his pocket watch told him that it was shortly before ten in the evening. He walked down the white street that led to the main gate and stepped outside. The room beyond was empty and quiet; apparently no scientist charged with supervising the Ark was working overtime right now. Kanda gave an involuntary shiver when he noticed how chilly it actually was. As soon as he stepped out of the corridor he was greeted by the loud noise of crashing thunder and the metal weights of the Black Order's banners outside banging against the window.

"A summer storm…" Kanda thought to himself, looking out of the window. The sky was grey, the clouds constantly illuminated by lightning. The wind was tearing at everything outside, leaves soaring through the air. And it was raining heavily, the rain splashing down from the roof like a shower. And it had been such nice weather in Belgium… As Kanda got a bit further away from the usually restricted areas of the Science Division, he started to become aware of another kind of commotion. The Black Order was usually busy, work dying down around midnight only to pick up again at the crack of dawn, but it seemed a bit busier than on normal nights. As he passed some people unnoticed he caught snippets of conversations, of a flag burning, of a tree struck in half, of a cellar being flooded, of something having started, of a sheep having broken free. Kanda didn't stay to listen, but made his way up to his room through the quiet servant quarters. He didn't feel like being asked about his short disappearance, if anyone had even noticed.

"Where have you been?" A loud shriek greeted him when he stepped out of the servant corridor. Before he could even curse his bad luck, he was locked into a tight embrace. It was Linali. Her arms around his neck were cold and his own clothes started to soak in the wetness of her light attire. "Why haven't we been able to reach you?" Kanda frowned and Linali finally let go of him. Her face was pale when she stared at him with wide, red eyes. Her nose was running and her wet hair stuck to her face.

"I haven't taken my Golem with me," Kanda confessed, but didn't want to tell her more. Linali didn't even want to hear about it, grabbing his hand instantly, making Kanda drop his suitcase. He looked at it in alarm, but it remained closed, lying in the shadow of the corridor. Time to pick it up wasn't granted to him though as Linali started to drag him with her. "What is wrong? Linali?" Some of the flowers slipped out of his fingers when he was running after the girl, but he didn't care about that for the moment. Something was wrong, something other than the storm.

"It's Ellen…!" Kanda suddenly stopped, which almost caused Linali, who still held on to Kanda's hand, to stumble. "Kanda please! This is not the right time to turn into a statue!" Kanda snapped out of his stupor and started running again, this time faster and without Linali having to pull him.

"Is she turning into a Noah?" Kanda wanted to know and noticed that they were running towards the infirmary and not to their living quarters. Something in his stomach twisted, dread spreading like cold liquid through him.

"Not the Noah, it's the baby!"

"The BABY?" Kanda shouted, his loud voice echoing through the almost empty corridor. "What do you mean the _baby_?"

"It started some hours ago, she was in pain, so Rabi took her to the infirmary," Linali tried to explain and they got into the hospital wing. Lots of people were always about here, but they all jumped to the side when Linali and Kanda passed, not even reprimanding them for running.

"But the boy's only due in more than a month! He can't possibly be born now! It's far too early!" Kanda protested, unable to acknowledge the truth. They reached a different corridor, where Timothy was sitting on a bench, looking far too awake for this time of the day, Link was pretending to read a book and Rabi was restlessly pacing in front of the closed door.

"Yu! Thank God you're back!" Rabi shouted, once he noticed the other two. The red-head put his hands on Kanda's upper arms, squeezing painfully. "You've got the worst timing in the world! Why did you have to go away _today_?" Kanda just stared at him. Yes, why today…? Why did he receive the letter today? Why was Ellen… He couldn't finish the sentence in his head. But was this a coincidence? It _had_ to be a coincidence! That's nothing anybody could plan, not even that woman! It was just an unlucky coincidence.

"I will question you later about your unauthorized disappearance," Link spoke up, his voice quiet, but it cut through the commotion nevertheless. He closed the book and stood. "However, this is not the time for apologies or explanations. Even though the schedule is all wrong, your wife is in labour." Kanda felt nauseous even hearing that word. Labour. Child-birth. Baby. Fatherhood. It was like a wave suddenly crashing down on the contents of his stomach, forcing him to take even breaths to calm himself.

"And the matron won't let any of us guys in! Not even when two-spot - who came all the way back from Rome when he heard - threatened to tell Leverrier about her obstructing his duty." Kanda wasn't able to react to anything. Only Linali banging her fist against the door did wake him up again.

"No visitors!" came the head-nurse's shout from the inside, but the door still opened with a silent creak. Kanda couldn't see past her, nor could he hear anything but faint whispers. He had not been able to imagine how this day would be, he'd always pushed it back in his mind for later. Later. Now he apparently had run out of time. He had had nightmares though, nightmares of blood and death and Ellen screaming in excruciating pain – but it was just quiet in the room beyond. Just the raging summer storm outside. "Oh, it's you, Linali. You're so wet! "

"I've been looking for Kanda," she confessed and the matron clicked her tongue disapprovingly, then her eyes fell on the others outside that were crowding around the door.

"How's Ellen? Is the baby born yet?" Timothy shouted jumping from one leg to the other.

"Timothy!" Emilia's voice came from inside of the room, the only loud noise Kanda could hear. "What have I told you about going to bed!"

"I can't go to bed! Not now!" the boy whined, which Rabi used as a cue to speak up as well.

"Any news? How is it going?" Rabi wondered and finally Kanda managed to push through the row of people gathering in front of him, standing before the matron. Her eyes narrowed just slightly.

"You are here after all…" Her voice wasn't all that friendly and Kanda didn't hold it against her.

"May I come in?" he asked as calmly and politely as possible. The head-nurse's expression softened, then she sighed and put her hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"I fear that I can't do that. Men are supposed to wait outside during child-birth. I can't make exceptions", she said, which just made Kanda frown.

"But I'm her husband! At least let me talk to her for a few minutes!" The matron's stern face didn't waver, but Kanda's insisting glare didn't either. In the end the matron sighed. She turned to Linali. "Please, get into dry clothes if you want to stay inside for a bit longer," she told her and the girl went to a wardrobe hastily, pulling out a uniform. She turned back to Kanda and the others standing outside.

"Five minutes. Not more," she told them, "and just Kanda. You two have to wait." Rabi's face fell and Link frowned in displeasure.

"But maybe protective barriers will be needed, what if she turns into-," Link started to argue but the matron's look shut him up effectively.

"What we need now, boy, is patience and medical knowledge. It appears as if right now, none of you have either. Besides, I will allow nothing but child birth to happen in this room."

"But," Link tried again, but gave up when the matron pulled Kanda inside, shutting the door behind the Japanese exorcist.

"Give me these. She'll be able to appreciate them later," the Matron said, taking the flowers out of Kanda's hands. His eyes were still fixed on only the stern woman before him. He didn't even dare to turn his head towards the back of the room, where a curtain had been pulled around a bed. "Listen, boy… It's only been a couple of hours. Don't fool yourself into believing this will be a quick and easy matter." Kanda's frown deepened, but he nodded. "Speak to her, quietly and to the point. Don't lose time you might not have." Upon seeing his worried expression, the nurse patted Kanda's shoulder before turning around to put the flowers into a vase. Kanda straightened his shoulders, pulling himself together and crossed the room, past other nurses that busied themselves with other things. Emilia pulled the curtain away slightly when she heard him approach. Her face was pale and he could see that her entire body was tense. But her expression changed to relief instantly when she saw him.

"Oh, thank God!" She embraced him quickly. "You'll want to talk to her; I'll give you some space." She seemed unwilling to let him go again, her hands lingering on his arms, but then the uncertain expression changed to a smile and she walked away, joining Linali and the Matron to discuss something in hushed voices.

Ellen smiled up at him when she saw him. Kanda almost forgot how to breathe. She was actually smiling. Her face was white and slightly wet, her hair had been pulled out of her face and braided and it now rested on the pillow next to her head. She looked fine. She _smiled_. Kanda sat down on the chair next to the bed, looking at her, lost for words.

"How did it go?" Ellen asked, her voice steady, even though it was slightly hushed.

"I'm so sorry!" Kanda hissed in stead of an answer and Ellen blinked at him. "I'm sorry that I went away at such a stupid time! I should not have left your side!"

"Yu, in all honesty. You wouldn't have been of much use even if you had been here when it started," Ellen told him and Kanda widened his eyes, looking at his wife. She laughed slightly, shaking her head. "So, don't worry. It's not your fault. Everything is – well… apart from the fact that this is far too early and far from pleasant, everything is fine." He still didn't say anything. "I'm not angry." Kanda wanted to say something, but he saw Ellen's face change, saw her squeeze her eyes shut and bite her lips. Her hands grabbed at the mattress, fingers digging into the fabric.

"Ellen! Ellen, are you alright?"

"I've felt better…" Ellen hissed, and opened an eye to look at him. "But I've felt worse too… If it won't get much worse I can deal with it…" Kanda still stuck to silence, but then he forced himself to speak.

"So… this… this really is the real thing?" Ellen, who had calmed down again, mimicked his slightly panicked expression.

"Y… Yes…" And both fell into silence once again. In the corner of his eye he could see the matron point towards the clock above the door. He balled his hands into fists. There were so many things he wanted to say, so many questions and pointless words of comfort. He got up from the chair and embraced the girl, pressing a kiss against her temple.

"I've heard some things from the Matron and outside that made me worry…" Ellen tensed in his arms and then he heard her sigh. "Is it really that dangerous?"

"It's too early… Far too early for any baby to be born. I don't know if we manage… And I can't help suspecting that this is caused by either Noah or Innocence as a late reaction to what I did in Paris… The child upholds a circulation of Innocence through my body, probably a way for it to defend against the Noah… When it's gone… I don't know… I don't know what'll happen…"

"Ellen… let me stay by your side! Maybe I can help you!" Kanda pleaded, suddenly more afraid than he'd been before. The prospect of the child being born was frightening in its own right, but the risk of losing Ellen or the boy was far more terrifying. There must be something he could do! Anything! But Ellen smashed his feeble hopes.

"There's nothing you can do… I have to insist that you stay outside, the way it's supposed to be… Let me do this, I promise I'll fight properly." She pushed at his shoulders so that he had to stand up straight again.

"Come now, Kanda," the matron said gently and started guiding him outside. He wanted to resist, but he knew that it was pointless. This was a battle only Ellen could fight, he had no part in it.

"Don't die!" he said and heard Ellen chuckle, but he also saw her nod. Just when he turned his head away, he still registered out of the corner of his eye that she slumped back into the cushion, her face in pain. A nurse drew the curtain, the sound of the metal loops sliding over the iron bar so final. So terrifying.

"I promise that we'll do everything we can. Just get some rest and wait for us to do our job," the matron said when she opened the door for him. Kanda didn't reply and the door was shut after him before he could think of an answer. There was no time to worry about a distraught husband. He had heard voices just before the door was shut, but now there was a moment of silence that allowed Kanda to notice that the group of people waiting had increased. The windows were illuminated by lightning and the electricity flickered, but when it didn't go out, the questions started again, coming at him from all sides and he felt a head-ache creeping up at him. Rabi stepped in front of him, his hands raised.

"Calm down a bit! Give him some air to breathe!" he said loudly and when it became a bit more quiet, he turned back to Kanda. "How is she?" Rabi wondered, letting himself drop down on the bench, stirring up Timothy, who had troubles keeping his eyes open.

"Brave… Like always," Kanda managed to say and uttered a defeated sigh. Rabi chuckled.

"What did you expect? This is Ellen we are talking about!" Rabi answered and Kanda's mouth formed a small smile. A hand fell on Kanda's shoulder and he looked up to see Crowley timidly smile down at him.

"This will surely be a long night. Do you want anything to eat?"

"… Yes, please…," he managed to say even though he was quite surprised that the man – which he didn't even know that well – was so friendly with him.

"I'll accompany you", Marie suggested, showing Kanda an encouraging smile, and some of the people left the hall so that Kanda was now free to sit down on the bench, letting out a deep sigh.

"This takes too long," Timothy moaned, rubbing his eyes.

"I… I will take him to bed," Miranda suggested and reached down to pull Timothy up on his feet.

"Thank you," Kanda said, then he shot Timothy a warning glance when the boy wanted to protest. "The baby will not run away. Sleep and when you wake up you can come and check on Ellen."

"Fine then," Timothy muttered, but he seemed glad to have a reason to leave, and followed Miranda down the corridor. Finally, silence returned. Only Rabi, Link and himself were still present. Kanda let his head drop, palms on his forehead, and turned his thoughts towards worrying matter again. He had somewhat diligently studied the book Bak Chan had given him as a present. He knew that it was not unheard of that children were born too late or too early. But the further away from the normal due date the slimmer the chances got. And Ellen was… about six weeks early. A chill went through him, but he forced himself not to just shrug the problem off and wait for things to resolve. The baby could die. Ellen could die. These were the facts that he had to face. The worst case scenario he had to keep in the back of his mind. It sobered him up a bit and he straightened.

"Has everyone been informed?" Kanda spoke up after a while and both Link and Rabi directed their gazes towards him. "Komui, Bak and her family?"

"I do not know about Bak Chan, but Komui might have passed on the news, not that Bak Chan would prove to be helpful," Link told him and Kanda furrowed his brow. He might be right about that, but somehow having Bak here would still be soothing. "The Inspector has already been informed, but he cannot leave Rome. He will be here by tomorrow though."

"Nobody dared to tell her mom…," Rabi added when Link fell into silence. Kanda sighed deeply; that was what he had expected. "Maybe we should wait… Ellen didn't specifically wish for her to be informed, so I think it's okay if we delay it…" Kanda agreed with a nod of his head. He really didn't want to deal with a raging Charlene on top of everything else. He just had to hope that Ellen would make it through, because if not… He wouldn't know how to face Charlene if she didn't, having deprived her of the opportunity to see her daughter again. Silence returned to the corridor that was only disrupted by other infirmary staff hurrying past them. No sound reached them from the room beyond the door. Until finally Rabi couldn't hold it any longer:

"Man, Yu! In some hours you're going to be a father! I can't believe it! I'm so excited!" he shouted and Kanda stared at him, startled.

"With it will come a whole new set of responsibilities," Link added dryly, "but you must not forget that first and foremost you are an exorcist, then you are a father, then you are a husband." The soon-to-be father eyed Link warily.

"That's some pretty strange hierarchy you have there, two-spots," Rabi commented and Link took his eyes off the page to send a warning glance towards the red-head.

"The child will need more attention than the wife," Link explained and Rabi snorted. "And legally speaking-"

"In any case, it's funny to think that a place like _this_," Rabi's voice drowned out Link's and the inspector returned to his book with a cross expression, while the exorcist opened his arms, "should become the birthplace of a child. I don't mean the castle; I mean the institution in itself. Having the child here is like it's giving us a whole new purpose. Something else to protect and another life to cherish", Rabi said, smiling brightly. "The war is not all there is to life. It'll go on afterwards, there actually is a future." Kanda looked at his friend and lowered his head, studying his hands. Would he hold his son in these hands? In the same hands that wielded the Innocence and destroyed? Was he even able to hold a different kind of innocence delicately enough not to break it? How could he make the crucial transition from exorcist to father?

"I guess…," was all he could say, thoughts and worries of that future Rabi had mentioned whirling around in his head.

-o-

Hours passed and Kanda was getting more nervous every time the bell tower announced the passing of _another_ hour. The sound reaching them seemed thin, hollow, like an almost perishing echo, still, it told Kanda that time actually passed, that whatever would happen was actually still coming. This was still real.

"This needs time…" Tiedoll had said when he dropped by to keep Kanda's company for about two hours. "Remember that a new life is being born. You can't rush a masterpiece," he insisted with a fatherly smile and Kanda merely nodded. He just wished that it would be over soon. But it was still silent behind the doors, with no noise leaking outside. Tiedoll's presence was very welcome to Kanda though and they talked in hushed voices of things that he had to consider. Of the crib, of toys, of clothes, of that future everybody started to see somewhere behind the darkness of the present hours.

-o-

The door opened past midnight, Emilia stumbling out. She looked pale, if not a bit green around her nose. Kanda had shot up from the bench at once. He didn't ask anything, only staring at the girl for some news.

"The matron told me to get some sleep…," she said, her eyes filled with unshed tears. "I didn't know that this would take so long. It's quite scary… I don't think I'm ever going to have a baby…!"

"Is Ellen alright?" Kanda asked and Emilia nodded, but then a shrug followed.

"She isn't saying much. She's in pain, but she's not saying much…" Rabi looked up at Kanda with a worried expression, but then Link took Emilia by the arm.

"I'll get you to bed," he said and she nodded gratefully. Kanda sat back down and Rabi, who had had troubles keeping his eyes open, was fully awake again. Kanda was perfectly silent next to him and seemed calm, not moving at all. Rabi knew him well enough to be able to tell that he was getting more and more nervous.

"So… What would you like better – a girl or a boy?" he asked to get his friend to speak. Kanda frowned but was relieved to be able to take his mind off the whole birth thing for a moment.

"I don't mind. I'd like to have both", Kanda said and Rabi laughed.

"But you're the one that constantly goes on saying _the boy_ when speaking about the baby," he said and Kanda rolled his eyes.

"It's better than constantly saying _it_, like Ellen does. It feels far too impersonal, as if the baby's not really a living being…" Rabi stretched, his legs feeling numb from all the sitting around.

"Well, I don't know if she did that to create distance. It must be strange to feel something grow inside of you, that is not exactly you but not really separate from you either," Rabi mused, but then he shuddered, uneasy with the thought. "Maybe next time she'll feel more at ease!"

"I don't know if there'll be a next time," Kanda replied and Rabi looked at him. "I wouldn't mind, but sitting here really made me realize how useless I am in all of this." Rabi laughed and Kanda couldn't help pulling his lips into a faint smile as well.

"Then you'll just have to make up for your uselessness right now by being always there whenever your little one needs you." Kanda nodded and Rabi put his arm around his shoulder. "You'll do fine!"

"Thank you…"

-o-

More hours and suddenly the doors opened to reveal Linali; she no longer wore the uniform of the nurses, but Kanda could see blood stains on her fingers, under her nails and up her arms, where she hadn't washed carefully enough. Kanda sat up straight immediately, startling the now sleeping Rabi.

"Is…"

"The child is not born yet", Linali said, before Kanda could finish his question. Her voice was low, strained, but really calm, so ill-fitting for the wide-eyed expression on her face. "The matron says that this birth is a lot more complicated than we had expected…" He had already known that, so the words, even though they made him feel uneasy, weren't too big of a surprise. However, Linali continued: "Ellen is exhausted… From time to time she seems to slip into some kind of delirium. And the wound on her chest continues hurting her… I think something inside of her body other than the baby, is reacting…" Kanda felt as if his heart might stop and the words Link spoke after Linali had returned to silence sounded awfully unreal:

"So it is as we expected. The Noah is taking advantage of this." Linali didn't say anything for a while, but then she walked forwards, embracing Kanda. She let go of him again and he looked up into her face, pale and voiceless. "The matron sent me to tell you that it's risky… They might not make it… Or something could happen to Ellen… But they try their best to make sure that both of them will be fine". Link got up from the bench.

"I will need to assess the situation. I think we really do need those protective barriers now." He squeezed Kanda's shoulder as the other exorcist kept staring at him, then he walked to the door and entered the infirmary, the matron not stopping him. And as he opened the door, Kanda could hear Ellen crying. He was very tense and almost forgot how to breathe.

"Kanda… It… It'll be alright", Linali said, taking his hand into hers, "they'll make it. Ellen is strong. She won't die that easily". He didn't say anything and Rabi looked at the almost crying Linali. Now that she had finally left the room, her tension started to leave her and she looked every bit as exhausted as Kanda did.

"Uhm… I… I'll get you something to eat…" Rabi said and got up, but Kanda just grabbed his wrist.

"Stay. Please…" Kanda started and let go of Rabi's hand, bringing it up to cover his face, "I don't think I can bear it…"he whispered. His powerlessness frustrated and terrified him.

"Yu…" the red-head said, clearly taken aback and Linali really started crying then, still holding Kanda's hand, while the young man just stared at the floor. Rabi sighed and sat back down. He put his arm around Kanda.

"We're here with you. We all must believe in Ellen. She will pull through, still staying the same Ellen we know. I'm sure of it", he said and Kanda managed to nod.

"Yes…" he whispered weakly. But he knew deep inside of him that no matter what would happen in there, Ellen would not be the same.

-o-

Kanda hadn't slept at all, he didn't dare to. He had also lost track of the hours. He remembered that the bell had chimed 3 in the morning not all too long ago. So how long has Ellen already been in there? 13 hours? Kanda was exhausted by now and he couldn't even bring himself to imagine how Ellen might be feeling. But he was also alert, maybe that's what he was used to because of his profession. He couldn't drop his guard now, he had to be aware of everything that happened around him. But it was strangely blurred… People kept dropping by, inquiring, comforting, reassuring. Kanda knew that Ellen was loved, but he hadn't expected that he now could partake in this love. People that had never dared to get near him were being nice and friendly and understanding and agreeable. It was a bit too much for Kanda.

"See what you've gotten yourself into, brat," Cross Marian snorted, when he and Leverrier came to see if anything had happened.

"General, if you please", the Inspector said, still in his travelling coat, and the red-head just lifted his hands and leant against the wall. Leverrier turned to Kanda. "Are there any news concerning the state of my godchild?"

"About 4 hours ago we have been informed that it was complicated…" Rabi said, so that Kanda didn't have to speak, he somehow didn't look like he was up to it. Link, who had returned after staying in the room for about an hour, nodded at this.

"I have set up protective barriers to contain the Noah should he use this moment to break through Ellen's and the Innocence's protective barriers."

"I see… It seems that we are powerless. But Ellen is strong," Leverrier said and looked at the closed doors, "as an exorcist and as a woman. I don't doubt her."

"I just hope she'll be fine…" Kanda finally said and Leverrier turned back towards him. He was still looking at him sharply, but his eyes also held a touch of a gentler emotion.

"We all do. General, there is no need for us to be here. These young ones are perfectly capable to keep watch," he said and started to walk off.

"That's what I've been saying from the beginning, Inspector," Cross snorted and pushed himself off the wall, "hey, pretty boy." The black haired youth looked up at him and Cross grinned.

"We'll have some alcohol once the kid's born, to celebrate", he said and left him with a wave of his hand.

"With so many people putting their faith in Ellen it's certain that she will be fine. And your child, Yu, will be as well," Rabi tried to reassure Kanda. "I don't think that the Noah will take over now… I had the impression that she tried to find a balance with Ellen. It's the Innocence I'm more worried about…" Link raised an eyebrow at this.

"You have an _impression_ of the Noah's intentions?" he asked sharply and the other raised his hands.

"Uh, no. Not quite! I just assume!" he tried to save himself, but while Link sceptically turned back to his notebook, Kanda did look at him questioningly. Rabi just gave a quick nod and Kanda knew that he and the 14th probably had talked at one point. Somehow Rabi's words had left him with a faint feeling of hope. That Ellen wouldn't be washed away by the incessant rain. That she wouldn't be gone by the crack of dawn.

-o-

After this another hour passed and the bell announced that it was five in the morning. The rain had stopped, steam rising from the wet earth and the sun was already starting to bring the colours back into the greyish corridor. The four were awake now, even though they were exhausted. They all knew that it shouldn't take much longer, but Kanda dreaded the moment the doors opened. And when they did he nearly jumped up, his breath catching in his throat. There was the Matron, her usually white apron blood stained. She left the doors open just a little bit, but Kanda still couldn't hear anything, he was focused on the woman's face, looking for any trace of good or bad news. The Matron appeared as stern as she always did, but then she looked Kanda in the eyes and a faint smile ghosted over her lips.

"Congratulations", she said and Linali next to Kanda let out a relieved sob, but he was still too focused on the Matron's face to react to it, "mother and child are both healthy." All the tension that had made Kanda pull through these long hours left him. He leant forwards, face in his hands and started crying. Linali put her hands on his shoulder and he gladly turned towards her, crying into her warm chest, while Rabi patted his back, laughing happily. Link also smiled now, but then he cleared his throat, which made Kanda look back up. "Compose yourself", Link said, "you should go assess the situation." The Matron nodded, her smile still in place and Kanda decided that now was not the time for maddening worries. _Both are healthy_.

"You can come in now, Kanda."

"Come on. Go!" Rabi nudged the unmoving Kanda and he stumbled to his feet. The young man drew his hand over his face, wiping away the tears and took a deep breath. As he neared the doors he could hear very faint crying and his heart started pounding in his chest. He followed the Matron inside and after she had closed the doors she held out her arms for him. Kanda just stared at her, but then the Matron enclosed him into a hug. She was warm, her embrace gentle and Kanda felt a wave of gratitude wash over him. After she had let go of the young man she pointed to the bed, "go to her." Kanda didn't hesitate and walked up to the bed. The curtain was drawn back. His wife was still pale, but the colour was returning to her cheeks. She had her eyes closed and breathed evenly.

"She is just exhausted. It was a long night, don't worry," the matron said as she approached him. Kanda immediately caught sight of the bundle in her arms, "congratulations", she said and handed him the bundle, "you now have a healthy daughter." Kanda stared up at her and then at the weight in his arms. The child – his _daughter!_ – had her eyes closed, her face shiny from being washed and rubbed clean. She was squirming about a bit, mouth and eyes tightly shut.

"A _daughter_?" he managed to ask but was too afraid to move. The Matron laughed and nodded, guiding him to Ellen's bed. Kanda let himself drop on the chair next to Ellen's bed and stared at the little girl. She wouldn't open her eyes but she wiggled her fingers, tiny fingers of a tiny, chubby hand at the end of a tiny, chubby arm.

"She was born far too early, but she seems rather lively for it. She is a bit small, but we have encountered none of the problem we were expecting from a premature infant…," the Matron explained, standing at the bed to check Ellen's pulse. The young girl still didn't react, apparently in a deep sleep. Despite what the Matron had said, Ellen's lack of response did unsettle him. He forced his attention back on the baby in his arms. He still couldn't believe that it was a girl when he had been so _sure_ that it would be a boy.

"Are you sure…?" he couldn't help asking and the Matron looked at him quizzically. Kanda felt stupid for continuing: "that it's really a girl?"

"When you change her napkins for the first time you'll be able to make sure yourself. But until then you'll have to trust in my abilities to tell boys and girls apart," she said in a light tone and Kanda slumped back in his chair, still baffled. But with her in his arms, gently squirming, making little gurgling and whining noises, everything was alright and perfect. He brought his hand over her small head. She didn't have much hair yet, but the few silky strands were definitely black. And he was almost sure that when the girl did open her eyes they would be blue. He almost pinched the girl's cheeks to get the frown off her face and her to look at him.

"Yu…?" he heard Ellen breathe and turned to look at her. His wife looked at him, her face relaxed and she looked rather sleepy. And she was still Ellen, she had not changed, she had not fallen and she had not turned into a Noah. Ellen was still here.

"Ellen…" he exclaimed and got up again, sitting on the bed, with the white bundle in his lap. "Ellen…" he repeated and kissed her. She smiled at him and then her eyes travelled to the girl. "Is she alright? She looked rather gruesome when I first saw her…" The Matron laughed at Kanda's surprised expression and he looked down into the face of his daughter. Well, the apparently displeased frown was still on her face and her complexion seemed a bit too ruddy, but gruesome? She was irresistibly _cute_!

"New born babies often look a bit strange, especially before they are washed… But I can assure you, there are no deformities I could spot. She seems perfectly healthy. Perfectly _normal_." Ellen pressed her lips together at that, forcing back a relieved sob. Kanda was still busy looking at the girl, whose frown now slowly disappeared as she fell asleep.

"Yu?" He looked up when Ellen put her hand on his arm. "Thank you…"

"Why thank me? You did all the work", Kanda said, laughing faintly and looked back at the girl. "Here," he started and carefully put her on Ellen's chest, which made the girl flinch a bit. The reaction confused Kanda slightly but as they were under the watchful eye of the Matron he didn't worry too much that anything might be off.

"She is so warm…," Ellen said after a while, feeling the baby press her cheek against her collarbone, and Kanda wiped away her tears, "I am glad… I was afraid that she could die… But she is alive… I truly am grateful…" she whispered and Kanda nodded.

"Yes… me too…" he said and looked at the Matron, who was standing a little bit farther away. "Thank you…" he told her and the woman nodded.

"Do you… Do you want to show the others? I am sure they must be anxious," Ellen said and looked at the Matron as well, "I feel very sleepy." Kanda looked at her, instantly alarmed, but the Matron smiled understandingly.

"Don't worry, Ellen. It's only natural that you are exhausted. Rest now… Your husband will surely look after the girl," she said and Ellen nodded. Kanda picked his daughter up and looked at her. She was wiping at her face with her fingers and he wasn't sure if she was awake or sleeping. But then she opened her eyes at him, first just a crack, then entirely and father and child looked at each other.

"Ellen! Ellen she's looking at me!" he exclaimed, too surprised to stay silent. He couldn't tear his eyes off, but the Matron told him that Ellen had already fallen asleep again. The girl kept looking, then she dug her little fingers into Kanda's chest before the blue (he had been right, a striking deep blue) eyes closed again. He took a deep breath, still looking and marvelling at the feeling of her warm hand. Then a nurse opened the door for him and he went back outside. Rabi and Linali were immediately on their feet. Kanda vaguely realized that there were many people gathered, the news of the birth of his daughter must have spread like fire.

"And?" Rabi asked and approached him. Kanda looked at the girl and then he smiled.

"It's a girl", he said and Linali started crying in joy and threw her arms around the young father. Rabi did the same and even Kanda had a hard time not shedding a few tears, even though he was smiling. "A healthy little girl."

_To be continued_

-o-

**Notes:**

I did it ;_; Finally! A pregnancy that lasted about 50 chapters and 7 months in story time! I am so relieved! *amused* I hope that my choice for a title makes sense now; it heralds the child's arrival! (Yes, I know I am not that creative)

I've heard some assumptions and wishes what the baby should/ could be. But I've already made up my mind before even starting this story, so I am sorry if some of you are disappointed! Kanda certainly was surprised, but I think he's happy with what he got! ;3 Maybe some of you guessed from my constant mentioning that Kanda expected a son that it would be a girl. Or you simply knew because of my other writing and / or pictures on deviantArt.

I've written child-birth from the perspective of the woman before in original work, but I've found it difficult and slightly awkward then and decided to focus on a jittery Kanda instead in Ivory Tales. Ellen's experience during this summer storm will be mentioned later on.

Random observation; when I was born in the mid-80ies my dad was not allowed in to watch. When my sister was born in 90, he was. I don't know if it was usual to exclude men for such a long time or if the hospital was just old-fashioned like that. In any case we're in Victorian England; Kanda has to stay outside. Not that I think he'd have done that well inside. *snicker* I thought I'd mention that convention just in case some of you wondered why he couldn't stay inside and hold her hand.

Sorry for the long note – I was actually planning to give you an insight into the original draft of this chapter now, but it's already getting too long!

I'd be very, _very_ glad to hear what you think! I think I'm as nervous as Kanda was!


	72. Kapitel 70 Liminality

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry for the rather long absence, I assume that you probably got used to my faster updates! I've lost a lot of sleep over conventions, cosplay and the start of the next semester of university. And under constant pressure I don't really feel like writing… I've hit a slump while I was about 4000 words into the chapter and it took me eternities to figure out how to go on with a decent pacing. Not planning ahead more than general events be damned!

In any case, I'm very glad that there seemed to be no disappointment about the Kanda couple's first-born! Now that she's here the story has reached its next stage! I hope you don't expect the story to end with her birth and that you are prepared for some domestic stuff before we enter the next arc .

I meant to use this title last chapter, but found it more fitting for this chapter's content. I've been meaning to use it since hearing it in a lecture some semesters ago. Funny that I remember the term but can't recall what the lecture was about.

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 70: Liminality**

The light flickered and the shadows extended. The room was oddly quiet, its colours as if drained by the dark and restless grey of the outside.

Ellen watched the ceiling, its striking white matching the many pillows that framed her vision. The cushions had long ceased to be comfortable and sleep was as far from her mind as possible. There were noises around her, hushed, followed by a sudden burst of loudness only to revert back to whispers. The rain was still beating hard against the windows, knocking, wanting in.

Ellen wanted out.

"The storm is pretty bad," Linali whispered next to her and she felt her hand being squeezed. Linali's palm was damp and Ellen could see the worry in her eyes once she turned her head to look at her friend. The girl was scared, probably as scared as Ellen had been before a strange calm had taken hold of her. There was a sudden burst of wind that forced the windows open and Linali jumped up at once to close them. Ellen could hear the crash of thunder, but this did not concern her. Summer storms were nothing out of the ordinary at Bermont Castle. But this situation right now, this battle she found herself in…

"Do you still like summer storms?" Ellen turned her head to the side where Linali had sat. The girl had not yet returned to her seat and Ellen could hear her voice coming from the other side of the room. Hushed as always so Ellen couldn't make out the words. But her attention was focused on the empty chair. Kanda had sat there not too long ago. Or had it been long ago…? Time was passing, Ellen assumed, but it was just all a long-drawn blur of pain, bleached colours and hushed voices to her.

"Why is this happening?" Ellen whispered. A hand was put on her arm.

"Ellen… Do you need anything? Water perhaps?" It was Linali now, but Ellen still stared at the seat. "Ellen?"

"Oh, do you want me to explain meteorological phenomena now?" Ellen could see the Noah in the reflection of a mirror standing against the wall. She was sitting on the reflection of the chair before her bed, still wearing the exorcist uniform. Ellen could almost really see her sitting right in front of her. Almost within reach, but still separated by a mirror surface and Ellen's refusal to let her become real. Ellen opened her mouth to reply, but the Noah lifted her finger. "And lightning strikes." Ellen gasped at the new wave of pain and she tensed immediately, her fingers digging into her pillow as she turned her face into it. Faintly, she could hear Linali shouting and feel the soothing hands of the matron on her upper arms, but the only thing that was real, incredibly real, sharp and in vibrant colours, was not this – not this crucial long moment of giving birth to a child, no. It was the golden eyes staring into her own and the black crosses marring a forehead and the emblem on the exorcist uniform glittering under the flickering light.

-o-

Ellen glared at the woman standing in front of her, not taking notice of how the world around her shifted. The Noah lifted a hand to her face, feigning worry.

"Oh? Slipping out of consciousness at such a crucial moment?" she asked, but laughter followed right away as she turned around, taking in the place they were in. Ellen too took a moment to study her surroundings. It seemed to be the ruins of something, maybe a church. It looked ancient, with etchings on the crumbled walls and once beautiful statues smashed into many pieces. But everything was white, totally bleached of its colours and overhead she could see a stormy sky tinted red. She herself was fixed to the spot, tight ropes binding her to the floor, restraining her Innocence arm.

"What is going on?" Ellen demanded and the Noah walked up to her, studying the bonds with an untroubled expression on her face. But she was not grinning.

"The Innocence does not want to let go. It has to shift and find a new hold on you when your baby leaves your body. If you do not pay attention, if you become too weak, then you'll just be its puppet." Ellen frowned at that, tugging at her arm. The pain from being in labour was dull, somewhat diluted, but there was a new pain, a sharper pain that burnt in her left arm, in her right side and in her heart.

"I don't want to be anybody's puppet! I don't want to fade away!" Ellen hissed and the corner of the Noah's mouth pulled up into an amused grin.

"That's not my intention either. All I want is for you to combine with me. I want you to awaken completely. Take my power! If you accept it you will be far stronger! No more worries about the Innocence taking over you! No more worries about you not being strong enough to defeat Akuma!" Ellen struggled against the restraints, struggled against the increasing pain.

"I am an exorcist!" Ellen shouted, both in frustration, fear and pain. "God!" The world was starting to vibrate, to shake and to fade, the sky becoming darker. The Noah merely watched Ellen.

"Is that really who you want to be?" Ellen heard the Noah ask, but then she woke up to the matron gripping her arms tightly, while another nurse wiped her face with a cool cloth.

"Are you conscious, Ellen?" The girl merely squeezed her eyes shut again, her head spinning, but then she nodded. "Good, because we don't want to do this without you." The matron gave her hand an encouraging squeeze and when Ellen opened her eyes again she could see the matron smiling at her. "This won't be long." Ellen turned her head to the side; the world outside was already getting brighter. "Soon, you'll be a mother."

Ellen could just recall the Noah's last words, oddly fitting for what crossed her mind just then: "Is that really who you want to be?"

-o-

When Ellen woke up to the bright light of a new day the weight of the knowledge that something had irrevocably been changed in her life pressed down on her chest. A sudden fear made her body tense and her eyes shut on the infirmary room. The entire universe might as well be crashing onto her right now, with the sudden suffocating heaviness she felt in her heart. She clenched her hands into fists and took a few deep and calming breaths.

"Ah, she's awake," Ellen could hear the matron say gently. Ellen sighed. She had hoped that she would be given a few more moments to herself, to gather her thoughts, to face this new day. Ellen opened her eyes and put a smile on her lips when she looked up at the matron. The woman smiled as well and reached down to feel her pulse. "And not a moment too late it seems." Ellen pressed her lips together when she became aware of the soft sounds coming from next to her bed; first little whines of displeasure, then a few hiccupping sounds before the room was filled by the sound of a baby crying. "She probably is hungry." The matron chuckled lightly when she noticed Ellen's wide eyed expression.

"But I'm… I don't know…," the girl stammered, but the nurse cut her short:

"I'm sorry Ellen, but we don't have the luxury of a wet nurse in our service… You have to do it on your own." The matron lifted the baby out of the crib, her wails dying down just slightly. Ellen sat up reluctantly and the matron placed the warm weight into Ellen's arms. Ellen stared at the baby for some time; her face was red from crying, her black hair tousled and her little fingers formed fists sticking up into the air. Ellen felt at a loss, staring at the child, her ears ringing from the now loud crying. Tears formed in her own eyes, but then the matron put a warm hand on her shoulder and helped her take off the blouse.

"Take your time," the woman said softly and helped Ellen lift the baby to her breasts. The little girl pressed her hands into Ellen's chest and Ellen winced when she felt the warm little mouth on her skin. "I… It's rather uncomfortable… It hurts…" The white haired girl said, looking up at the matron with pleading eyes.

"Don't worry. You're doing fine." Ellen didn't dare to contradict her.

-o-

Kanda shot up and looked around slightly at a loss. The blinds of the windows were drawn, but he could nevertheless see shelves full of newspapers, heaps of letters bound with string and towers of books. He had fallen asleep in Rabi's room. After showing off his pretty baby girl, Rabi had decided that a celebration was in order. Kanda was reluctant to part with the squirming girl, but the Matron had only allowed a few short moments anyway. Kanda remembered nothing of the things they had spoken about, but he remembered the handshakes, the hugs. However, it had been a long night for Kanda, so he had fallen asleep soon after sipping a bit of wine. Kanda rubbed his face. Rabi was still sleeping, sitting in his chair, head on the table. Even though it looked rather uncomfortable, Kanda decided not to wake him. He wanted to go see his wife and daughter as fast as possible. He had to make sure that he hadn't been dreaming and that both of them were alive and well. After a short visit to the communal bath, he was already in front of the infirmary room Ellen was in, knocking on the door. It opened after a short while, the matron welcoming him in with a smile. How surprising, so see her greet a visitor this warmly.

"The ladies are all yours," the matron said and excused herself, leaving the room. Kanda's heart was pounding again from nervousness and he looked around. The windows were wide open, the curtains fluttering in the wind. The air smelt fresh and invigorating of wet earth and rain. It sobered him up enough to turn his attention to his wife; Ellen was still lying in bed, looking at the window. She lifted her head when Kanda walked up to the bed. He smiled at her and bent down to kiss her.

"Good morning. How do you feel?"

"Tired," she confessed and folded her hands on top of her chest. "Strange," she went on and Kanda drew his hand through her hair gently.

"I'm glad that you're okay… You scared me quite a bit…," he told her and Ellen sighed, leaning back into the pillow, but turning her head to face Kanda.

"I'm still me…," she said and Kanda nodded, then he turned around, missing her small "I believe…" He got off the bed and bent over the crib, looking down.

"She's asleep," Ellen informed him and Kanda noticed how tired Ellen's voice sounded. "Please don't wake her." The girl rubbed her forehead and sighed when Kanda sat down on the bed again, next to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, this time slightly worried. When she didn't reply he hugged the girl. He was a bit surprised when Ellen slung her arms around him, pressing her forehead against his chest.

"I don't know if I can do this," she whispered, her voice muffled. Kanda withdrew from the hug, looking at his wife in confusion. She continued holding on to his arms, avoiding his eyes though.

"Everything has changed… I guess I do understand you to some extent…," Kanda said and put his hand on Ellen's shoulder. "We're parents now… When I woke up this morning I knew that things would be different from now on…"

"Doesn't this scare you?" Ellen wondered, looking up at Kanda with doubt. The young man shrugged.

"We'll be fine, Ellen." Ellen looked at him for a long time. He really did seem to be confident and he showed her an encouraging smile. He kissed her again, then he got up and looked back down at his child. Only to notice that she had her eyes open. She blinked at him without really looking at him, then she moved her arms around, making gurgling sounds.

Without hesitation he reached out and carefully lifted her out of the cradle, gently holding her to his chest. He looked at her face for a while, careful to steady her head while he studied her.

"Do you think that frown is hereditary…?" he wondered as his daughter continued making the same slightly disgruntled face. Ellen, even though she had been very nervous watching Kanda with the baby, had to laugh at that.

"I've come to think that it is the standard baby expression… She's just a few hours old, either she's sleeping, eating, crying or frowning at people… I don't think that has anything to do with you." Kanda didn't seem convinced by that, but he still gently pressed her to his chest. He felt rather comfortable like this, even though he was still awed that the little creature really was his child. His daughter. He sat down on the chair next to Ellen's bed, while the baby was falling asleep again.

"She's very docile despite the frowning face," Kanda commented and Ellen rolled her eyes at the recurring topic. "Have you thought of a name yet?" The white haired girl raised an eyebrow, then she twirled her fingers, slightly embarrassed. "What?" Kanda asked when he noticed. "Is there any family tradition that requires her to have a really gruesome name or what?" he dared to joke and Ellen snorted.

"No, stupid!" she said, shaking her head. "It's just that I wanted you to name her…" Kanda seemed surprised at that, the hand that drew gentle circles on his daughter's back stopping.

"Me?"

"Only if you want to…" Kanda was silent for a while, then he smiled.

"There actually is a name I like…," he confessed and Ellen sat back up, waiting for an answer.

"Yes?" Ellen urged him when he still hesitated. Kanda slightly shifted the weight of his daughter, to which she gave a little sound of protest, but didn't wake up.

"Ever since I… Well…," he started, not quite willing to tell her. Ellen reached out to pinch his arm to stop his babbling. "Emily!" Kanda exclaimed. "Idiot beansprout…!" Ellen blinked at Kanda in surprise.

"E…mily?" Kanda nodded and got up, putting the child back in her crib as not to startle her awake again. "_Emily_?"

"What?" Kanda asked, a bit disgruntled that Ellen appeared to be sceptical. "It's a nice name!" He folded the blankets around the baby, then he turned back to Ellen.

"It is a nice name, but _please_. Do you need to name our daughter after Emilia? You've just met her! I know she's been all over you and you haven't even resisted her charms, but it's our-" Kanda raised his hands in surprise when Ellen started her protest.

"Wait a minute, beansprout!" he said and Ellen's voice died down, but she did tug her hands under her armpits and looked at him with a slightly hurt expression. "Emilia? What has she got to do with any of this?" Ellen was still looking at him doubtfully and he returned to his seat next to her bed. "You aren't jealous of Emilia, are you?"

"I am jealous of Emilia," Ellen said and Kanda widened his eyes. He had expected her to deny it and leave it at this. He looked at her for a moment, then he had to laugh, shaking his head. "Kanda!"

"I'm sorry! Sorry, but really?" Ellen shook her head, twirling her fingers. Kanda reached out, wiping Ellen's hair out of her face. "You have no reason at all to worry…" Ellen's cheeks were red, she was embarrassed, but still serious about the topic.

"You've spent so much time with them and close to no time with me. I feared that you were already growing tired of me… I felt excluded and lonely…" she told him and Kanda's face fell.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to make you sad… I was just glad to have something to do…," he apologized, pulling Ellen's hand into his. Ellen sighed – she had also wished for something to do, something to ease her worries and boredom for just a bit - but still she nodded.

"Okay… Fine…," she mumbled for sake of peace between them. Maybe this was a topic for another day or maybe it was a topic a wife just had to live with.

"So… What about the name?" Kanda wondered and Ellen looked at him.

"You really want that name, do you…?" He frowned, but didn't attempt to deny it. "But why not a Japanese name?"

"Japanese?" Kanda asked, wrinkling his nose. "Why? I consider myself to be European. And I assume that growing up in English society, a name like Emily would be more useful…"

"Thank God," Ellen sighed and Kanda frowned at that. "I was afraid I'd have to regret my decision to let you name the baby. Rabi told me you once named a stray cat _Theophrastus_ on a whim." Kanda pinched Ellen's cheek, making the girl yelp. "Why did you pick that name for her though?" Kanda's lips pulled into a thin line and he averted his eyes. "Come on, Kanda! At least I should be allowed to know!" The young man sighed almost dramatically, but then he nodded.

"It's the name of the heroine of my favourite book…," he confessed and Ellen looked at him in wonder. "And it's similar to the name of another novel character I'm fond of…" At this Ellen snorted, then she burst out laughing, despite the danger of waking up the baby. Kanda glared at her for her undignified reaction. "Fine then! Just name her-," he stopped for a moment, "Kriemhild!"

"Your on the spot naming abilities are rather random…" Ellen commented at that, still chuckling, then she reached out to put both hands on Kanda's knees. "Emily is fine. Emily Kanda… It does sound nice." Kanda huffed, but then he looked at his wife.

"Are you fine with that?" Ellen looked at him in wonder. "Her being a Kanda I mean… I wouldn't be angry at you if you aren't…"

"Yu. I'm a Kanda as well, have you already forgotten…?" she asked, a smile on her lips that made Kanda bend down and kiss her. He loved hearing this; her easy acceptance of his family name, despite the dark shadows connected with it. Her acceptance of _him_.

"Of course not…" Ellen grinned at him, then she looked over at the crib. The baby was still sleeping, not disturbed at all by their talking and laughter. "What is it?"

"I've been thinking about godparents for her… It is important that we start creating a social network at once… However I have no siblings I could ask and you don't know my cousins and friends outside of the order."

"You have friends outside of the order?" Kanda asked and Ellen rolled her eyes at him.

"Kanda…," she warned and he lifted his hands.

"When I left Japan I had siblings, but they are of no importance in this matter," he told her and Ellen sighed, saddened by this fact. "What about Linali and Rabi?" Ellen looked at him upon hearing the suggestion and smiled warmly.

"I've been thinking about them as well…," she confessed with a fond expression on her face, "together with you they are my family within the order. If they are willing to be the baby's godparents then I would be very honoured." Kanda looked at Ellen for a while, then he nodded.

"I'll ask them. By the way, do you want me to ask the information bureau to let me use the telephone lines?" Ellen looked at him in confusion and Kanda indicated his head towards the crib. "I am sure your mother would want to know about the happy news." A deep frown settled on Ellen's face – an expression that Kanda couldn't quite place.

"I am not sure… It's the season in London, I am sure she is busy with hosting events and attending parties. I do not want to bother her," she told him and Kanda raised an eyebrow. When Ellen's mouth shut tightly Kanda crossed his arms over his chest.

"I am almost inclined to believe you. But only almost. What is the matter, why don't you want to tell her that everything is fine with you?" Ellen sighed, but she looked up at Kanda, with a pleading expression in her eyes.

"I can't deal with my mother fussing over this right now. I've got enough to work out on my own. I've… I've got to learn what to do, I've got to get it in my head that this baby over there is _my_ baby. I've got to recover…" Kanda stopped Ellen's increasingly frantic explanation by putting his hand on her cheek. Ellen stopped and took a deep breath before she looked back up at Kanda. "This is difficult. I need to get used to it first. Only then will I be able to deal with all the consequences of still being the heir to the Bermont family…" Kanda's slightly sceptical expression urged her to go on. "I've got to announce the birth of a daughter, I have to send heaps of letters, to my family, to friends. I've got a lot of explaining and figuring out to do."

"Why all that? Just send out a greeting card or a telegram, I'll even write it for you if you want." Ellen rolled her eyes.

"It's not that easy, Kanda," she chid him and Kanda leant back in his chair.

"Why not?" Ellen sighed.

"Nobody knows I am married… The news have not yet reached my other relatives… But please, can we not discuss this now? I do not want to go making decisions and worst case scenarios again without first talking to my mother. But now I am exhausted. I don't want to do it right now." Kanda wanted to argue with her, but he did see how tired she was and let it go.

"Fine… I'll let you off the hook now, but you can't push this off for forever. I need to go talk to General Tiedoll. I will see you later." Ellen didn't seem particularly happy to be left alone with the baby, but he kissed her on the forehead, then he got up and left the room. Ellen hung her head, sighing deeply. The issue had been averted for the moment, but… Ellen slightly turned her head, looking at the crib. She was here. She was alive. And somehow Ellen had to find a way to be happy with it.

-o-

When Timothy burst into the room at around half past nine, part of his hastily devoured breakfast still sticking to his face, he found Ellen sitting, not inside her bed as the matron had told her to do, but leaning out of the window. The warm rays of the sun were hitting her face and the pale complexion the little boy had last seen her with seemed to be brightened up quite a bit.

"Ellen!" Timothy called cheerfully and Ellen opened her eyes, looking over her shoulder at her unexpected guest. A warm smile replaced the surprised expression and she turned around, still holding on to the window sill.

"Good morning Timothy," she greeted and he walked over to her, even though it took most of his effort to not run over to the crib that had caught his eyes.

"Let me help you, Mademoiselle," he offered, holding out his hands for Ellen to take. She had to supress a bemused grin, but still she was glad for both the company and the help. Her legs were still shaky and her body moved sluggishly.

"I can't sit in this bed for all eternity, it almost swallows me up," she confessed to Timothy by way of explaining her feebleness. Timothy just shook his head, an encouraging smile on her face.

"New Mamas are bound to be tired!" he insisted, then, before Ellen had sat down, he pointed at the crib.

"Can I have a look at the baby? Please?" Timothy begged and Ellen darted a look over at the crib.

"I think she's still sleeping," she answered, but the boy just tugged at her hand.

"Can you wake her up? Please! Please!" Ellen sighed, but let herself be pulled towards the crib. Timothy bent over it, looking at the baby like a treasure hunter that just discovered a chest full of gold. "She's so cute…!" Timothy exclaimed, then he looked up at Ellen, who also studied the girl with a mixture of apprehension and awe. "What's her name?"

"Emily… Emily Kanda," Ellen said and Timothy nodded to himself, thinking about it.

"That's nice! I like it!" he decided and reached out his hand, touching the baby's round and reddish cheek. She wrinkled her nose, but then she opened her eyes halfway, lazily looking upwards. Ellen was not sure if Emily was indeed looking at them, but when she opened her eyes a bit more, her heart skipped a beat. It did feel as if the girl looked at her and her alone, with a calm expression, acknowledging her as her mother, demanding to be acknowledged as well. Ellen clenched her teeth, her face assuming a troubled expression. She was sure that this was not what lay in the simple gaze that was broken by Emily jerking her head to the side, wiggling her fists around, but still, it had meant something to Ellen. Timothy was too preoccupied with the baby to notice Ellen clenching the fabric of her blouse to stop a dull ache spreading in her heart. Neither did he see the tears that welled up in the young woman's eyes.

Ellen was afraid. She felt herself to be suspended between two stages of her life, while what she used to be and wished to still be was swiftly coming out of reach, what lay before her was just a dark mess of fear and anxieties. Just what exactly was she supposed to do and what exactly was she supposed to feel? Through the hazy fog that spread in Ellen's consciousness, making her head spin, it was just a crib. Alien, not even the one she had slept in not 16 years ago. Just a crib, with just a life she preserved in line of duty. But a life, Ellen dimly recalled, that had saved her too on more than one occasion. Ellen sat down on the bed, fearing that her legs would give away under her. Timothy still took no notice, making faces at the baby that just continued staring up at him with wide blue eyes, not responding to the boy with more than a slight wiggle of her feet and hands.

There was noise in Ellen's ears and she squeezed her eyes shut.

/I'm not surprised at all…/ the voice seemed to say, or maybe it was just Ellen's own thoughts. /After all this little thing is the personification of things that went wrong, of the door that shut on the already limited options you had. A little thing, really. But even more powerful as a chain than the ring on your finger. It's not surprising at all that you-/

"- are running a fever." Ellen's eyes snapped open and she suddenly became aware of the matron standing before her with an admonishing expression. Timothy was standing next to the bed, holding Ellen's hand, while the matron felt her temperature.

"What…?" Ellen asked with a small voice and the matron sighed, shaking her head.

"I said it's not surprising that you're running a fever now. It's nothing bad, but we have to watch you. I told you to not get up yet for a reason, not just to annoy you, young lady!" Ellen rubbed her face, feeling rather out of touch with the situation. The matron took pity on her.

"You know what? I'm going to send Timothy to get you a wheel chair out of the closet. Maybe you just need to get out of this room for a bit," she suggested and Ellen looked up at her.

"But…" The matron handed her a light woollen jacket.

"Don't worry about your baby. She'll be looked after while you're away." Ellen nodded silently and Timothy, with instructions from the matron, rushed out of the room. The matron didn't say anything to Ellen, which the girl was thankful for. She did feel the woman's eyes on her, she felt that she wanted to tell her something, but Ellen really didn't know what to think or say at this moment. Silence was more than welcome.

"I don't think I need a wheel chair…," Ellen said when Timothy pushed the wheel chair into the room. "I am not that weak." It took more than child-birth to make her body break down, Ellen thought, but refrained from saying anything that might worry the other woman. The matron opened her mouth to protest, but a soft knock against the frame of the already open door interrupted her.

"Maybe I can be of some help." Ellen looked up and her features lit up instantly upon seeing Link walking into the room.

"Ah, Inspector. Well, you take Ellen out then," the matron said, though her expression when facing Link was rather stern. Link nodded and walked past her. He helped Ellen up onto her feet and into the wheel chair. She didn't protest much, but her displeased frown was enough to show that she wasn't all too happy. Link didn't even attempt to make a fuss about the new-born. He merely glanced at the crib, but didn't seem to hold any interest in the girl.

"Okay! How about we-"

"Timothy," Link stated quietly, stopping the boy mid-sentence, "your instructor is looking for you. Do not neglect your studies. They are crucial for your future." Timothy let out a wail, but nodded reluctantly. "Well then. I will bring her back after lunch." Link pushed the wheelchair and they left the room.

The sound of the wheels on the stone floor echoed in the corridors and it made Ellen nervous.

"Where do you want to go?" Link asked and Ellen turned her head slightly, looking up at the inspector.

"Wherever you want to push me," Ellen replied with a sigh. Link didn't feel it necessary to retort anything to that and continued pushing the wheelchair until they reached a flight of stone stairs that led to one of the backdoors opening up into the gardens. Before Ellen could ask what they were going to do, Link lifted Ellen out of the wheelchair, carrying her down with ease.

"Wait – what are you doing?" Ellen yelped, surprise clear in her voice. "I must be heavy!"

"Don't worry," he assured her, opening the door and stepping outside. Ellen forgot her protests when they stepped out of the shadows and into the bright morning sun. The temperature was very agreeable, the sun not yet burning too hot and a fresh wind blowing towards them from the moor. Ellen watched the familiar sight of her gardens with awe. Somehow everything seemed brighter and more agreeable; no longer dulled by sheer boredom and uneasiness with her body. Link walked over the paved yard towards the door in the wall framing the little court. Beyond was a stretch of garden with many rose bushes and a little fountain. Link took Ellen to a stone bench that stood against the wall. He set her down on her feet and she sat down, resting her head against the wall.

"I must seem rather pathetic in your eyes," Ellen started after a few moments of relaxing silence. The inspector, standing next to the bench turned his head towards her.

"Certainly not because you are exhausted," Link told her and Ellen lifted her head to look at him. She found him wearing a gentle expression and it made her sigh at once. "Ellen… What you just experienced must be mind-boggling to say the least. I cannot even begin to try to understand. But I do think it is not exactly to be taken as a good sign that you struggle against people actually granting you the liberty of taking it easy."

"I recovered from much worse," Ellen started to say, but Link's simple arching of an eyebrow made her stop talking. She turned her head away and reached up her hands to put her face into her palms with a deep sigh. Link sat down next to her, waiting for her to continue. "It is hard to explain… But…" she took her hands away again, looking at Link. "I do not want people to go easy on me because my body was weakened by last night." Link nodded at her, encouragement enough for Ellen to go on talking. "I need help, Howard," Ellen said, with an urgent undertone to her voice and she closed her fingers around Link's gloved hands. "But not in ways people think I do. I'm no mother. It doesn't come naturally to me. It's exhausting, it's terrifying." She looked up at the sky with a grim expression. "And everybody thinks that I'll be doing _just fine_!" Link was silent after that and Ellen gave a start, letting go of Link's hand. Her face was a bit flushed and she looked worried. "I… I am sorry! I shouldn't have gotten agitated like-"

"No, you were right to say this…," Link said silently and Ellen bit her lips to refrain from saying anything else that would be less than dignified. "It will probably take you some time to process the fact that you have a child. I never expected you to be thrilled about the baby considering how uneasy the pregnancy made you in the first place. I do think that you should be given a bit more leniency in this respect." He reached out and squeezed her hand as well. "But I don't think you'll be this lucky." Ellen hesitated but then she allowed herself to sigh dramatically.

"Everyone thinks it's the best thing that has ever happened…"

"And maybe it is," Link told her, taking Ellen by surprise. "But you won't know if you don't engage yourself with your daughter. She's a source of anxiety right now. But take the time to get to know the new role that you're expected to assume now."

"There are so many roles right now that I honestly no longer know who I am supposed to be," Ellen said with a faint voice, all too well recalling the 14th's ominous words.

"Well, I assume that in periods of transitions like this one you just have to try. There's a difference between who you have to be and who you want to be. Right now your daughter needs you to be a mother and it's your choice if you want to be one." Ellen was still chewing her lips, but she managed to nod.

"I'll try," she promised. She didn't know if she would be any good, but it's not like she could run away from this. As a younger girl she'd always looked forwards to having a baby girl of her own to cuddle, to dress and to fuss over. Now when childish fantasy had become reality she was struggling to come to terms with how different reality and fantasy actually were. She felt all alone with her worries and troubles, but still. She would try.

-o-

Ellen really didn't want to take the wheelchair, it made her feel small and frail. Keeping her head as high as she could considering the fact that she wasn't all that decently dressed (she wearing a simple blouse and pyjama trousers with simple knitted jacket over it) she walked through the corridors next to Link. However, she did turn out to be too shy to go into the cafeteria to order something to eat.

"I'll do it. Just wait here," Link told her and Ellen nodded gratefully. She didn't want to cause a commotion.

"Should you be up already?" Ellen gave a start and turned to look to her side. Somehow and rather unexpectedly General Cross had appeared out of thin air and was casually leaning against the wall next to her.

"General! What a surprise!" Ellen exclaimed, looking at the General with disbelief written all over her face.

"Surprise? I'm stuck in this castle after all, we are bound to cross paths once in a while," he said with a mocking grin on his face. Ellen rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "A few stern words and threats by your generous uncle won't make me stay away from you forever." Ellen wanted to retort something, but Cross' next words made her widen her eyes: "especially not now when you're in danger."

"Danger? I think I just got through the worst of it pretty unscathed," she told him and Cross bent down a bit, looking straight into her eyes with an uncharacteristically grave expression.

"I see that you're neither a Noah nor dead nor anything else that is less than pleasant from your point of you. But we both know that baby Kanda's early birth wasn't a coincidence. I bet that the Noah is closer than ever." Ellen stumbled backwards, rather intimidated by the man in front of her as well as his words.

"I-" Cross grabbed Ellen's left hand and continued looking at the girl.

"Just remember one thing, Ellen. You are nothing but a host for two warring forces, bound to be used by both, bound to be destroyed in the process of their struggle against each other. The only way of not vanishing is controlling these powers." Ellen's face, surprised before, hardened now and she jerked her hand out of Cross' grasp.

"I'll continue being an exorcist. And this resolution will be strong enough to hold on to who I am," she told him and Cross looked at her. After a while his mouth pulled into a dark smirk and he shrugged.

"Well, I think you've got enough guts to pull it off. But neither Noah nor Innocence are sleeping. So, don't miss the signs." He waved, then he turned around and walked away. Ellen shook her head at him, angry that whenever he turned up, all he did was speaking cryptic things and causing trouble. She was still fuming silently by the time Link came back with as much as he could carry.

"Is anything the matter?" the young inspector wondered when he found Ellen in a less than agreeable state.

"No. Everything's fine," Ellen lied, her smile a bit too bright for Link to buy it, but he just snorted and let it be. They carried their food not to the infirmary room but to Ellen's bed room where she hoped to be able to enjoy a few more moments of silence. However, when changing into something better to wear Ellen stopped while buttoning up a blouse.

"Strange… Something seems off," she wondered to herself, looking at her face in the mirror. Her hair was slightly wavy from being braided, but other than that she looked just fine. Far better than she expected someone to look that gave birth not half a day ago. "There's nothing…" And then it struck her and she gasped. There was _nothing_.

The Noah was gone.

_To be continued_

* * *

**Notes: **

Ah, it was a bit difficult to find the right spot to end this chapter…! It got a bit longer than anticipated.

I am sorry that there are no sweet mother-daughter bonding moments right now, but I think it's necessary to first address a few issues. Ellen, while pregnant, never actually considered herself to be a mother. She's spent a lot of time avoiding thinking about it, so the early birth of Emily is rather a big shock to her.

I hope the way I'm approaching it is at least a bit believable! :3

I've mentioned it before – Kanda likes reading novels. Emily is the name of the protagonist of "Mysteries of Udolpho" by Ann Radcliffe and the other person he's referring to is Amelia from "Vanity Fair" by William Makepeace Thackeray. I've decided on the name some time before Emilia was introduced and while I was a bit unhappy about the coincidence at first I could still use it to address Ellen's small bouts of jealousy.

Fun fact: I first wanted to name Little Miss Kanda Sarah or Sara, like the protagonist in Frances Hodgson Burnett's "Little Princess" but for some reason the name didn't seem to fit her. So I gave her the name of Sarah's doll instead. *lol*

Let's hope that next chapter will take me less time to write!


	73. Kapitel 71 Empty Mirrors

**Author's Notes:**

Phew! I took longer than I would have hoped! I'm not at my height when it comes to creative work, bah…  
This chapter is shorter than the last few, but to be honest it is a bit difficult to find the right place to cut. Because there's no action going on right now this chapter feels rather uneventful, even though a few important things are addressed.

I hope you can enjoy it anyway :3

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

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**Kapitel 71: Empty Mirrors**

Ellen was standing in front of the mirror, her mouth open for the startled cry that had never managed to pass her lips. How foreign it was. She turned her head to the side upon hearing the floorboards creak slightly, seeing Link enter through the door.

"I've put everything on the table," he told her and Ellen continued looking at his reflection behind hers. Foreign indeed. She searched the world beyond the mirror surface with her eyes, not reacting to Link's words. There was no black shadow floating behind her and obstructing the reflection of anything but her. There was no _her_ looking back with an expression she knew she did not wear. There was no one in the world beyond the looking glass that was not real right where Ellen was. There was nothing wrong with the picture.

"Ellen," Link called again, with a bit more force to his voice. "Ist was?"

"Don't you think something is off…?" Ellen asked after Link had walked up to her. Because she didn't turn her head towards him Link tried to catch her eyes in the mirror. She looked up at him, her expression worried.

"No. You look as you always do. I don't think that giving birth to a child has put a stamp on you for everyone to see." He put his hand on her shoulder and turned her away from the mirror. She found it hard to turn her eyes away. "Is there anything else?" he asked, her strange behaviour causing him suspicion. Ellen noticed and she pulled herself together. Even though Link was her friend and she would have loved to share her discovery, he was still an inspector of the Vatican. She could not risk him reporting this to her uncle. She didn't know the meaning of it, but it was unusual enough – especially considering what had happened – to cause her worry.

"If you see nothing out of the ordinary it must be my imagination. Let us eat then!" she said with a smile and Link chose to accepted this answer.

-o-

Throughout the course of the meal Ellen's mind kept on circling around the issues of the missing Noah though. Instead of feeling relief her anxiety started growing to an almost unbearable level. Over the weeks the presence of the Noah had sharpened from a mere glimpse of something in a dream to a voice in her head and a different side to her whenever she looked into the mirror. To have her gone like this… Ellen just couldn't tell herself that it was a good sign.

"I think you need to eat more, Ellen," Link commented when they were done with their lunch. Ellen looked up at him, slightly startled to be called out of her thoughts. When he returned the look she directed her eyes down to the table. She hadn't even eaten half of what Link had brought up from the dining hall. "If you do not feed yourself properly then the Innocence will draw on your life instead. You shouldn't risk it."

"I'm not… I just am not hungry enough to eat all of it," Ellen said and Link decided to leave it at this. He was not going to patronize her, it was sufficient to provide advice. She was mature enough to pay attention to her own well-being. At least he liked to believe that. She really was no child anymore, not after what had happened just a couple of hours ago.

"Good. Let's just return you to the infirmary then." Ellen sighed, but nodded. Link offered her his arm, but she gratefully declined.

"I think I'll feel better if I manage on my own," she told him and Link suppressed a snort, but he nodded. "I want to prove myself that I'm fine. And that-"

"That this was of no consequence?" Link continued, cutting her short and Ellen's face showed first surprise then slight embarrassment. "Don't try to fool yourself." He wouldn't say more on the topic and both fell into silence. Ellen, after walking down the corridor for a while, did put her hand on Link's arm before descending the stairs. He acknowledged her with a nod when she looked at him.

"I'm just confused."

"Of course… But I don't think I can contribute anything to aid you apart from reassuring you that you will figure out what to do with time. I'll be there to listen if you need someone." Ellen laughed gently and put her head on Link's shoulder.

"Thank you."

"Gerne."

They arrived at the door and Link pushed it open. The Matron welcomed them back and took Ellen by the hands, guiding her to the bed. Ellen smiled at Link and he excused himself, leaving the infirmary room.

"I hope you ate properly," the matron said after Ellen had sat down.

"Yes, not as much as I usually do, but I ate as much as I could," Ellen replied and the matron nodded, feeling Ellen's temperature.

"Well, I would not worry about that yet. So far you seem to be doing fine. I've corresponded with some doctors in London and I gathered that you are doing surprisingly well for such a dangerous birth." Ellen pulled her lips up into an almost apologetic smile and the matron shook her head. "Yes, I know. You exorcists are really something else. But don't force yourself into a too swift recovery. Take your time. There are enough people out there to take care of exorcist tasks. You just focus on your baby." Ellen's smile slipped, but the matron didn't take notice because she turned back to the crib.

"She's a good baby. She's been asleep almost all of the time you were gone. But she's bound to wake up sooner or later to eat." Ellen sighed to herself. "By the way." The matron turned back to Ellen and the girl looked up at her. "Some of your friends dropped by, but I only allowed a glimpse. I think you would like to be present when they interact with your baby."

"Oh… You needn't have turned them away. I'm sure they'll be careful." The matron raised her eyebrow and Ellen was a bit confused. Should she be more protective? Was she expected to jealously keep her baby to herself? "Well… Of course, I'd like to see how they react to her." The matron nodded at her, her smile firmly in place again.

"I'm sure they will come back." Almost on cue there was a knock on the door followed by its prompt opening. But not Linali or Rabi came to visit, it was Kanda, a bag tugged under his arm. "Oh, there is Kanda. I'll be next doors if you need anything," the matron said, patting Kanda on the shoulder as she passed him.

"I wonder why she always leaves us alone," Ellen mumbled and Kanda walked up to her. "Shouldn't she keep her eyes on us?"

"Hey. Back?" Kanda asked casually and Ellen nodded. He put the bag on the bed next to where Ellen was sitting. "Did you have lunch?"

"Yes, Link took me outside. We've eaten in our room, it was a bit more comfortable to me than in here. I needed a bit of time to myself," Ellen explained and Kanda sat on the chair. "What have you brought with you?"

"Oh…," Kanda started, his question as to why she had needed time alone in the first place momentarily forgotten, and drew the bag to himself to take out the contents. Ellen widened her eyes when she saw Kanda proudly showing her a beautiful white dress for a new-born. It had laces all around the collar and there was flowery embroidery stitched onto the fabric. "This… Do you like it?"

"It looks rather expensive," Ellen said, touching the fabric, then she looked up at Kanda's face. "Where did you get it?"

"I ordered a bunch of stuff with General Tiedoll's help. He was very enthusiastic to get Emily a nice first set of clothes. I think you might have baby clothes to pass on to her, but for that we most likely would have to ask your mother. And… Well, I like the idea of getting her something very nice and new." Ellen let go of the fabric, unsure how to react. Kanda noticed it and laughed, ruffling her hair.

"Don't worry. I'm not wasting the money on needless things. I keep meticulous track of our finances. I planned on buying things for the girl, it doesn't matter if it's a bit earlier than expected." Now Ellen had to laugh. To be honest, she was rather surprised by his unexpected engagement.

"Very well done," she complimented the young man, rubbing his forearm affectionately. After that she fell into a pensive silence. Kanda looked at her for a while, waiting for her to say something else. She looked to her side, past him and to the mirror standing against the wall. She wondered why the staff hadn't removed the mirror from this room when it was transformed into a patient's room. There was the constant possibility of death in an infirmary; a mirror did seem grossly out of place. She was ill at ease looking at it, feeling that something was wrong and that the absent Noah was a sign of impending danger. Kanda noticed her intent gaze and turned around.

"What's wrong? Do you need a mirror?"

"No… Not at all… It is just…" It was really difficult for her to say the words, but she trusted Kanda, he knew about the strange reflections she had been seeing. "The Noah is gone… I don't see her anymore." Ellen could see Kanda widen his eyes, but then he already turned around to her with a frown on his face.

"It's gone?"

"Yes…," Ellen said and Kanda turned this around in his head for a while.

"Maybe that's good… Maybe you managed to lock her away properly," he said, but then he was distracted by the sound of blankets stirring. He got up and checked on Emily, seeing that she was waking up.

"I do not dare to hope that it means that… The Noah will not go away and I've seen some strange things during the night," Ellen told him but he was focused on taking Emily out of the crib. "Yu."

"I'm listening," he said and held Emily to his chest. "Maybe we should change her clothes." Ellen clenched her hands into fists and frowned. Kanda took Emily, who was starting to squirm and whimper, to the bed, taking her out of the blankets she was still wrapped in.

"The barrier between her and me has been growing weaker. I heard her in my head, I had visions of her. It's been getting more frequent. In the mirror she has been getting closer and closer and now she's gone! That's not-" Emily started crying. Kanda gave a start, hands that were buttoning up the new gown hovering above her.

"What's wrong with her?" he asked, a tad of worry in his voice. Ellen huffed in exasperation. "Ellen, she's crying."

"Kanda… What I'm saying to you is important!" she replied but Kanda picked Emily up and held her towards Ellen.

"And I was listening! Here." Ellen opened her mouth to protest but Kanda put Emily into Ellen's arms and stepped away from the bed, clearly ill at ease. "Maybe she's hungry." Ellen wasn't happy at all, but she gave in as she didn't want the baby to be crying either. Emily did prove to be hungry, but she still wouldn't stop crying when she was done drinking. Kanda took her back and walked around with her a bit and soon her wails died down into hiccups and finally she fell silent. With a sigh of relief Kanda put her back into the crib.

"Okay, that wasn't that bad… Now back to the mirror reflection," Kanda started, but there was a knock on the door. Ellen sighed yet again, but buttoned up her blouse and bid whoever her visitor was inside. She was a bit surprised when she found it to be her uncle. She got up from the bed at once, but he lifted his hand to stop her.

"Calm, Ellen. Just stay seated," he told her, then he smiled, still something Kanda couldn't get used to. "I hope I do not intrude at an inconvenient moment," he said and Ellen shook her head, even though it wasn't the truth. Leverrier turned his head to Kanda and after mustering him sternly, he did nod at him. "How are you two doing on your first day of parenthood?"

"As of now there haven't been any incidents… I guess she is still going easy on us," Ellen told him with a small smile on her lips. "Please, go ahead and take a look at her." Kanda stepped out of the way, even though he kept his eyes firmly on the tall man as he made his way up to the crib.

"She looks healthier than I expected. I worried that she would be sickly considering the circumstances of her birth," Leverrier said and reached out to brush a gloved finger against her pink cheek. "Does she have a name yet?"

"Emily," Kanda answered and Leverrier looked up at him. "Emily Kanda." The man pulled his lips and eyebrows up and Kanda couldn't help imagining that he was both amused and pitying him at the same time.

"Very well then," he said and stepped away from the crib. "I assume that everything will turn out for the better now that she is born. For you especially, Ellen," he assured her and Ellen blinked up at him, but nodded.

"I do share that hope," she said and Leverrier reached out to pat her head. "You have not told mother yet, have you?"

"No I have not. Not yet. But I think that it is important that she will be informed soon. You might want to arrange something…"

"Arrange what, uncle?" Ellen wondered and the inspector inclined his head towards the crib.

"For example you need to decide if she will stay here or be given into someone's care," he replied. Kanda drew down his eyebrows.

"Of course she will stay here!" he argued but Leverrier merely snorted, not paying him any attention, and kept his eyes on Ellen.

"This is the Black Order after all. Your mother once made a decision to keep you away from it as long as possible. Now it is your choice to figure out how her future will be."

"Ah… Thank you for the advice," Ellen said, her tone of voice almost humble, and her uncle nodded.

"If you will excuse me then? I need to be on my way back to Rome. We will stay in contact," he said and Ellen smiled. "Fare well and good luck." With this he turned around and left the infirmary. Ellen watched the door close and turned her head towards Kanda at once, her voice showing uncertainty.

"Yu-"

"She stays here," Kanda firmly said, his expression darker than Ellen had expected.

"But he does have a point. This is not an ideal place for anyone to grow up," Ellen tried to reason but Kanda just wrinkled his nose.

"I grew up within the order and so did Linali and so will Timothy. This is not a bad life," he told her sternly and Ellen sighed, pity seizing her heart thinking about how Kanda's childhood had been. Locked up, fighting all the time.

"But is it a good life…? Yu… She is no exorcist. She's just a baby…"

"But she's _my_ baby! I don't want her to be taken away!" Kanda shouted, louder than he intended and promptly Emily started crying again. Kanda pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation, while Ellen still looked at her husband.

"We're not talking about giving her away… She will still be your child, no matter what happens. But I don't think this is something you should be selfish about. Think about it. Just _think_ about it. We don't have to make a decision yet." Kanda removed his hand from his face and looked at Ellen, then at Emily, her face already turning red from crying. But he nodded.

"I will think about it. But I don't think that I will change my mind." Ellen nodded, then she looked over at the crib where Emily continued crying. She exchanged a look with Kanda.

"And what should we do now?" Kanda looked at the crib with a lost expression, then he turned around.

"I'll get the matron." When he was gone Ellen sighed deeply. Her uncle had been right to raise the issue. Was this Bermont Castle, the headquarters of the Black Order, really the right place for her to be?

-o-

Over the course of the day people kept on checking on Ellen and she was very grateful for the diversion. Kanda mostly kept her company in the room, writing and reading but he wasn't really talk-active. Linali on the other hand was at least entertaining to be with.

"She's pretty! But she looks so fragile!" Linali said after Kanda had put Emily into her arms. He took notice of how willing she was to get into close contact with the baby, not that he had expected something else. But it did make him realize that Ellen seemed more reserved and almost afraid. He had never seen her take the baby out of the crib now that he thought about it. Linali took a seat on the bed next to Ellen. He watched how Ellen only directed a quick gaze at the baby in Linali's arms before looking up at her friend. "When I first saw her, just newly born, I was very afraid that she'd die… It was scary…"

"It's a bit of a blur to me, to be honest…," Ellen confessed, picking feathers out of a hole in her cushion. She was leaning against the wall, Linali next to her.

"Ah, to me too," Linali said with a laugh, "and to be honest I really don't know if I want a baby of my own after seeing it…" Ellen sighed.

"I think I've had enough too," she replied, but was immediately rewarded with Kanda's surprised exclamation of "what?". Both of the girls looked over to him; he in turn stared at Ellen with a confused expression.

"Why are you so surprised?" Ellen asked with a laugh and the usual calm returned to Kanda's face, but Ellen could see that he had forced it.

"Because you're only 15 years old, saying that you'll never want kids again seems foolish."

"Yes, I'm only 15 years old. That's exactly the point," she told him with her eyebrows drawn down sceptically. "I didn't decide to have a child in the first place. If I have one again then not just because it _happens_, but because I want to have it and _decide_ to have it." Linali looked from Ellen to Kanda with a bit of worry.

"Ellen's right," she said tentatively and earned herself a glare from Kanda. "And you have Emily now, be happy!" Kanda sighed and shook his head, turning back to what he'd been doing before.

"I'm not complaining," he said as peace offering and Ellen accepted it with a nod.

"By the way, what are you doing?" Linali wanted to know, rocking Emily slightly when she began to stir.

"He's doing his homework," Ellen said with a smirk and Kanda glared at her from underneath his bangs.

"Don't be so casual about it," he said and Linali blinked at him in confusion. Ellen turned to her to explain:

"He thinks that now that he's a _family father_ he has to do certain tasks. Next to accounting he's ordering items he thinks we need and he's trying to keep his eyes on what's going on in society."

"Why that? I thought you couldn't care less about that?"

"He still thinks it's stupid and a waste of his time. But society is where we'll belong one day when the war has ended," Ellen told her with a smile that Linali instantly returned.

"Ah, I wonder if I'll always be the slightly strange aunt with the gloomy work nobody knows anything about," she said after a while, sighing dramatically.

"I doubt you'll be here forever, Linali." The other three looked up and found Rabi standing in the door, a huge grin plastered onto his face.

"Rabi! Hello!" Ellen said with a smile and bid him in. The red-head lifted his hand in greeting and walked up to the bed, hugging Ellen and Linali tightly.

"I'm so glad that you're safe!" he said after he had let them go again, then he bent down to look at Emily. "What a lazy girl. Whenever I'm here she's sleeping!"

"Stop complaining, idiot. If she's not sleeping then she's crying," Kanda commented, not looking up from the newspaper. Rabi laughed.

"I'll take sleeping over crying I guess!" he joked, but then he coughed and looked over at Ellen. "Actually, I want to talk to you if you can leave the room?" Ellen looked up at him in surprise, but she nodded and got up from the bed.

"I'll be right back, just tell the matron I'm on the toilet should she make a fuss about me being gone," Ellen said and Linali nodded, while Kanda looked at Rabi with an inquiring look. Rabi just grinned at him, not offering an explanation, then he led Ellen out of the door and into the corridor.

"Let's walk a bit," he suggested and Ellen nodded. By now her steps were steady and fast again.

"You're being all mysterious. What exactly is this about?" Ellen wondered, following Rabi up the stairs and to a room unused by the Black Order. It was full of boxes and leather suitcases piled on top of each other. Letting himself into the room, Rabi took a seat on top of a box and asked Ellen to come in. She pulled the door close, hearing the click when it shut properly. It didn't make her uneasy though, but Rabi's expression when she faced him did. His face was serious and he had his hands folded between his knees.

"There are two things I'm worrying about, I'm sure you can easily guess the first," he started and Ellen sighed, leaning against a box labelled with 'maps'. "You – I mean the Noah," Rabi corrected himself, but then he sighed deeply and uttered a humourless laugh. "No… this is exactly the problem. You. The Noah. I mean when I talked to her it was _you_. But different…" Ellen lowered her head, but didn't say anything to interrupt him. "I've seen Noah before and while she was intimidating, she didn't seem… like an enemy…"

"Maybe that's because she's inside of me now…," Ellen said, "and you're my friend. I'd be sad to know that you might consider me to be your enemy." Rabi shook his head. "But this shouldn't make you think she's on the good side."

"But you are. I know that and yet I've avoided being around you… I was afraid…"

"Why were you afraid? If you didn't fear me hurting you, then why?" Ellen wondered, walking over to him. Rabi took her hands into his.

"I must have hurt your feelings… I'm sorry for being such a selfish guy… But I'll try to explain it to you…" He looked up at her. "Promise that what I tell you will not leave this room. Not yet." Ellen, confused as she was by the urgent tone of his voice, nodded.

"I won't. I promise."

"You know… That first and foremost I am a Bookman," he started, then he snorted slightly, "or an apprentice, I should say."

"Yes. Do go on," Ellen bid him and Rabi sighed. "Therefore, when Panda deems it necessary to switch sides to record another aspect of history, we will have to do that. I will have to leave. And the 14th is very interesting to us Bookmen. So, if she appears and if she leaves the Black Order… we might have to follow her…"

"But… I won't leave the Black Order… I can tell you over and over again. I am an exorcist, and if it means that you will stay here, then I'll work harder to not become anything else," Ellen promised, but Rabi gave her hands a tight squeeze.

"That is not it, Ellen," he said and smiled up at her, "but thank you." Ellen looked at him with confusion. "What I was afraid of is that I'd be at your side… But you wouldn't be yourself anymore… Leaving the Black Order and leaving my identity as Rabi behind, I'd do that. But staying with you, someone that means a lot to me, without being able to be your friend like we used to… I was so afraid that you'll just disappear and I'd be reminded day by day how I failed to protect you." Ellen listened to him in silence, but her heart got heavy when she did. Rabi looked up at Ellen again. "But then she talked to me… She told me that in the end she was just another part of you, for as long as you've been an exorcist she's been with you too. If you allow it, you'll be able to grow. And she told me that as long as I would be able to think beyond the simple divisions of good and evil, I don't need to be afraid of becoming an ally of the 14th…"

"Rabi…," Ellen started and watched him slip off the box and stand up straight. He let go of her hands to put his palm on her head, tousling her hair with a big grin on his face.

"What I mean to say is that I know that this will probably not help you that much, but I don't think that you're actually in any danger of disappearing… The 14th is not like other Noah… Maybe you can actually use this as a chance to fight the Earl." Ellen looked at him in silence for a while, then she sighed.

"I don't think I have any choice," she muttered and Rabi removed his hand from her head to put it on her shoulder. "And that is what disturbs me so. Being an exorcist is difficult enough…" Rabi laughed, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"And on top of that you are a mama now!" he exclaimed and Ellen couldn't help rolling her eyes. Rabi had to laugh when he noticed. "I guess you're sick of hearing everybody state the obvious."

"Well, that's not it," she started and Rabi waited for her to go on with a smile on his lips. But Ellen shook her head. "This is not important. What was the second reason why you needed to speak to me alone?" Rabi took one step back to cross his arms over his chest.

"It's in fact about your daughter," he said and Ellen raised her eyebrow. "Yu told me you wanted me as her god-father," he said, then he smiled sheepishly, scratching his reddening cheek. "I'm very flattered, actually, that you even ask me." Ellen watched him for a moment, then she put her hands into her hips.

"But you can't," she stated and Rabi sighed deeply. "I'm not offended, so don't fret. But why can't you?" Rabi turned away slightly, wiping dust off the boxes with his finger.

"I was very excited at first, but then I started thinking… I'm a Bookman… I probably won't stick around for long… Maybe I'll change names and identities dozens of times. Maybe she will not see me for years." He looked up and Ellen was a bit surprised to see his pained expression. "I really want to be part of her – part of _your_ family. But what kind of god-father would I be? Emily would be constantly disappointed in me. I can just hear her voice in my head 'Papa, why is the stupid rabbit uncle not coming to my birthday parties?'" He laughed slightly at that, but shook his head with another sigh. "I guess I'm just not a reliable person…" Ellen put her hand on his shoulder and Rabi turned his head to look at her.

"You're an idiot, Rabi," Ellen chid with a patronizing tone, "You are already part of our family and if having a god-child gives you just one single reason to stick to being _Rabi_ and to come back to us then you should cling to it!" Rabi was clearly surprised by that and stared at Ellen. She huffed and grabbed his arm. "Under these circumstances I won't accept no as an answer. You will be her god-father and I will expect your visit for birthdays and holidays at the least!" Ellen forbid counterarguments by raising her index finger warningly and opened the door.

"Oh- oh, wait Ellen!" Rabi yelped as she pulled him out of the room and down the corridor. "Fine, okay! Mercy please!" Ellen stopped and turned around with smile.

"It's a promise, Rabi," she said and held out her hand to him.

"Not one among gentlemen, so much is sure," he said and shook her hand. "Thank you, Ellen." Ellen smiled up at him.

"You're welcome."

-o-

Ellen handed a letter to a Finder and smiled gratefully when she put it into her bag with a nod.

"I'll reach its destination within no time, I promise," she said and Ellen thanked her.

"Have a safe journey," the white haired girl called after her when the Finder left the entrance hall, then she sighed when the door closed.

"Was that the letter to your mother?" Ellen gave a start and turned around to find Linali standing behind her. The other girl laughed when she saw Ellen's expression. "Sorry. You're rather jumpy, aren't you?" Ellen loudly exhaled, dropping her shoulders.

"I haven't slept properly. I've been looked up in this infirmary room for three days. And it feels that whenever I've fallen asleep, the baby wakes up and wants something," Ellen said, rubbing her knuckles against her forehead. "And I've got that stupid head-ache…" Linali took Ellen by the arm, pulling her with her gently.

"Then come, let's have a cup of tea and some biscuits," she suggested and Ellen nodded. They ordered something in the dining hall and then carried their trays up to Linali's room.

"Ah… Quiet," Ellen said with a sigh, letting herself fall into an armchair. Linali giggled and poured tea into two cups. "Thank you, Linali… A change of scenery is just what I needed."

"You're welcome. I assume that you are a bit exhausted by now," Linali said, pouring milk into her tea. "Almost every time I come into the room Emily's crying."

"Yes… Kanda is already worried that she might be sick and pesters the matron about it all the time," Ellen explained with a heavy sigh. "Well, I certainly don't hope that she is sick, but when nothing I do calms her I do get worried too…" Linali took a sip of her tea, thinking, while Ellen started eating a piece of strawberry cake.

"What if she's not really sick," Linali started and Ellen looked up into her friend's face. The girl clearly was uneasy, but she bit her lips and continued: "what if it is because of Innocence…?"

"Innocence," Ellen started and threw a lump of sugar into her tea. "I would be lying to you if I claimed that the thought hadn't entered my mind yet," she confessed. "Months ago I asked Kanda about his opinion on Innocence being hereditary."

"You actually talked about things like this?" Linali asked with some surprise in her voice, but Ellen just shook her head, stirring the tea absent-mindedly.

"No, heaven forbid me thinking about anything sensible at all back then," she said and Linali couldn't help forming a small smile. "We talked about it on the journey to our first mission. And he told me there was no proof at all that compatible parents would have compatible children."

"He's right. There is no proof. The Order has experimented in the past with exorcists' relatives. It was to no avail," Linali said with a sad expression, still finding it difficult to think back to all the things she had seen as a child. "And the chances are pretty slim for anyone to be compatible. There are only 109 cubes and so many, many humans out there."

"But we've already seen that I'm very lucky. Or unlucky actually," Ellen mumbled and Linali nodded at that. "And as I've heard there hasn't been another case of two exorcists having a child yet… And on top of that I'm a parasite type. And on top of _that_ I had the Innocence circulate in my bloodstream that was also connected to the baby…" Both of them were silent for a moment, but then Linali put her tea cup down.

"What if Emily is _not_ compatible," Linali started, her voice very low. Ellen raised an eyebrow at that.

"Then I'd say she's rather lucky considering the circumstances," she answered, but Linali clenched her fists on the table, shaking her head. "Linali? What's the matter?"

"Do you know what happens to people that are not compatible but are exposed to Innocence?" she asked and Ellen widened her eyes. "What if… What if she's been poisoned by it?" Ellen opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She was shocked. Why had she never thought about it like that? Why had nobody else ever thought about it like that?

"We need to get her to Hebraska," Ellen said in an urgent tone and both girls left the table at once, their tea and dessert abandoned.

_To be continued_

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**Notes:**

Ellen still hasn't properly engaged herself with Emily, but I'm getting there! I have so many things I need to tell and I'm trying to find the right time for all of them. I'm also trying to show the other characters' general reaction to the Kanda offspring. Maybe the pacing's not ideal – feel free to tell me if that's the case! I have a feeling I need a bit of a push right now, because my motivation has dropped to the basement.

In any case, next chapter there should be mother-daughter interaction! I'm slow! *lol* Sometimes I really wonder how many chapters this story will end up being when I only make baby-step progress within a chapter.


	74. Kapitel 72 No Magic Words

**Author's Note: **

This delay was brought to you by a painful disinterest in DGM after a couple of uneventful chapters. I felt my time was better employed by immersing myself in something fresh and new and have thus spent many hours watching TV series and reading fanfiction. Now, however, I've seen all the heart breaking drama I wanted to see and I need to be creative again.

I hope you have not given up on me even though I'm being difficult with my mood-swingy changes in interest.

My writing style for this chapter is a bit fragmented, I felt it to work best because I wanted to show you glimpses of how Ellen dealing with Emily.

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

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**Kapitel 72 No Magic Words**

The windows of the infirmary room were wide open. Kanda sat in an armchair next to them, looking outside absent-mindedly. It was rare for him to actually be in this room and to have a moment of quiet to himself. He held the awake, but silent Emily in his arms, the silky tufts of black hair that graced her head getting tousled by the warm breeze. Ellen had just left to send a letter to her mother and while Kanda had not read it he knew that it must contain the news of Emily's birth. He of course wasn't quite able to foresee what would happen if Charlene knew. He was Emily's father, there wasn't anything she could do to change that, accordingly her options to make his life quite miserable seemed pretty limited. Also, that deal with his mother-in-law had been based on the birth of a son. Kanda snorted at the mere thought of their questionable deal, looking down at his daughter. Actually, now he found himself to be a fool for even agreeing. What if Emily _had_ been a boy, like he had thought all along? He would have exchanged the unborn child for Charlene's pretended acceptance of him? To buy her approval and blessings? Sometimes, when he allowed himself to reflect, he realized that he was an immature, thoughtless idiot about some things. Maybe a lot of things. But he didn't really allow himself to think about it that much… The fact remained that if Emily had been born a boy, then Charlene's arrival at the Black Order would most possibly mean giving her away.

"Good for us that you're a girl," Kanda muttered and Emily gazed up at him, her blue eyes just like his. While he found great pride in their apparent similarity, it still put a damper on his mood thinking where _he_ had his stunning blue eyes from. Days after his fruitless not so secret mission, he still had had no time to really reflect on it. Not that he wanted to, there were more pressing things at hand. He lifted Emily up a bit and when she made a small noise of protest he kissed her forehead. "You're not going anywhere."

"Kanda!" He gave a start as the door was pushed open and Ellen rushed into the room. He looked at her, getting up from the armchair quickly. Ellen spotted Emily in his arms and hurried over to him, hands raised. "Give me the child!"

"What?" he asked in surprise, but showed little resistance as Ellen reached under Emily's arms. Emily started to whimper and cry as soon as she left her father's arms, but Ellen just held her to her chest.

"She's really pale, maybe also feverish - we need to go! Quick!" Ellen said and Kanda noticed that Linali was standing in the door, a coat in her arms. Pale? Feverish? What was she talking about? Emily was just fine for a change. Kanda looked from one girl to the other in great confusion, while Emily's cries grew louder.

"Wait! Where are you taking her?" Kanda asked in alarm as Ellen left the room without any explanation. "Hey!"

"Ah, Kanda! Sorry! We're taking her to Hebraska, maybe Emily is ill after all!" Linali explained and Kanda wrinkled his brow. "Come on!" She grabbed Kanda's wrist and pulled him with her. He didn't protest as he followed the two frantic girls down and down the many stairs. They earned themselves a few bewildered looks, running about and with Emily's cries bouncing off the walls. Kanda was glad when the gates to Hebraska's room appeared before them and reached past Ellen – who, he noted, was pale and breathing heavily after this rather short run - to push it open. The cool air of the vault hit them immediately and Linali put the coat she brought around Ellen's shoulders.

"Hebraska? I apologize for our sudden visit, but I need your help!" Ellen said and the tall figure of Hebraska appeared out of the fog, bending slowly until her face was not that far away from the three youths anymore.

"Do not apologize. I awaited your arrival, Ellen," she said and even though her eyes were not visible Ellen assumed that her attention was on Emily. The girl had stopped crying, probably exhausted, and just squirmed unhappily in Ellen's arms, probably cold in this basement room. "I wish to say my blessings for the birth of your child," Hebraska continued speaking and one of her hands reached out to Emily. It came to rest on the girl's forehead and the baby opened her eyes.

"Thank you, Hebraska," Ellen mumbled, unsure what else to say.

"And what is this all about? Care to explain?" Kanda spoke up from behind her, fixing first Linali then Ellen with a slightly disgruntled expression. Ellen just looked at him, her eyes wide and stormy, the hint of anxiety in them cause enough to make Kanda fear that something was really, really wrong with their daughter. Linali decided to put an end to his worry by enlightening him.

"Ellen told me that Emily seems to be a tad sick because she cries all the time. So we got into thinking if it might be connected to Innocence. After all, she was exposed to Ellen's all these months."

"You think she's compatible?" Kanda wondered, one of his eyebrows pulled up. The fear for his daughter's well-being deflated considerably, "is that why we're here?"

"No…" Kanda turned around to face Ellen, who had her eyes fixed on him, her hands awkwardly clutching Emily tighter against her chest. She was uneasy, she didn't know how to hold her, how to support her, she didn't quite want her so near to her, but she didn't want to let her go either. Kanda saw all of this, but he didn't know what to think about the state she was in. She was Emily's mother. _Why was she so insecure? _

"Then what is the problem?" Kanda urged, his tone even.

"We fear that her not being compatible might be a bigger problem," Ellen told him. "The chances of not being compatible are quite high. Actually it's most likely that she isn't… But she's been in such a close contact to my Innocence ever since. What if it poisoned her? What if it permanently damaged her?" Kanda widened his eyes at that. He had not expected this kind of answer and he had not even played with the thought. Instead of saying anything, he turned his eyes up to Hebraska, who had been very quiet during their exchange.

"Hebraska?" The white shape of the exorcist quivered slightly as in acknowledgement, then the hand on Emily's head moved, caressing her forehead gently. Kanda could see Emily's lips quiver and he expected her to start wailing again, but she didn't. She remained perfectly quiet, her eyes shifting from Hebraska's hand to her mother and back to the white figure looming over her. Kanda wondered if Emily understood what was going on. Seconds, then a minute passed in silence and Ellen couldn't help holding her breath, waiting for Hebraska to speak. When she finally did, her voice smoky and echoing in the vault, she gave a start, the breath she had been holding escaping her.

"She is not poisoned," Hebraska whispered, but her voice reached all three, "but the Innocence has left its mark. I can feel its traces and echoes in her blood, in her cells, in her mind." Ellen wasn't exactly sure if that were good or bad news, but Linali behind her let out a sigh of relief.

"Is she compatible?" Kanda asked, his voice bordering on hard and Ellen sucked in a breath.

"Kanda…," she said, almost a hiss. Did he really want to hear the answer to that? Why did he push it? Hebraska regarded him silently, taking her time before she answered.

"Whether she is or isn't I cannot say at this point in time. However, her case is unusual. Maybe this phenomenon can be likened to the Chrystal Type." Linali pressed her lips together at that, not quite happy about that thought. "The Innocence has circulated your babe's body, it had travelled her blood streams, but it has not left her like it has left Linali. I cannot feel it resonate within her like I do with other exorcists. Like I have said, I can merely feel traces, no particles that react to my probing…"

"Whatever you felt," Ellen started and Hebraska withdrew her hand from Emily's forehead. "was it Crown Clown?" Hebraska hummed lightly, as if thinking about her answer.

"It seemed vaguely familiar." Ellen sighed. She didn't know if she had expected to hear anything helpful. As it was now, she still did not know if Emily was in danger or if she would be a prisoner of Innocence just like her parents were. She didn't know if she was harmed and marked for the rest of her life. She didn't know a thing about what Innocence could and would actually do. Not knowing made her restless and uneasy and slightly nauseous.

"Ellen," Hebraska called again and she looked up from Emily's face – it was blurry. She was exhausted. "Do not worry about Emily. She is healthy." Ellen blinked a few times and her vision cleared slightly. Hebraska nodded at her and she sighed in relief. "But I need to have a look at you, if you allow me to."

"Oh… Of course." The white haired exorcist turned around and handed Emily – now squirming and frowning again – to Kanda. Hebraska reached out again and took hold of Ellen's face. A shiver went through the girl as she felt Hebraska searching her. The hands didn't leave Ellen for quite some time and Ellen started feeling uneasy. When the strange feeling of Hebraska's exploring finally lifted off her, the white haired exorcist turned her face upwards. The huge form of the woman in front of her was silent and the water dripping somewhere in this nebulous chamber and Emily's frequent sounds of displeasure were the only noises to break the eerie silence. After a long moment, Hebraska finally bent down again to talk to Ellen.

"Crown Clown is weakened," she whispered and Ellen gazed up at her in surprise, "but peculiarly your synchronisation rate remains on its remarkably high level. I do not quite know what to make of it. Are you even able to invocate?" Ellen, despite her confusion, frowned but then she lifted her hand.

"Of course, I-" she stopped midsentence and gasped. She stared at her hand, her eyes getting wider. Nothing had happened and even when she tried to force it, she didn't remember how. She didn't remember what muscles to use, where to get the energy from and her hand remained suspended in mid-air, trembling slightly. "I… What has happened? I cannot do it!" Nervousness spread in her like ice water rushing through her body. Apparently her voice had been loud enough to make Linali jump to Ellen's side, wrapping her fingers around Ellen's upper arms to steady her.

"Ellen, Ellen!" Ellen could hear Linali's voice but her eyes and focus were completely narrowed down to the fact that her Innocence was here, but she didn't know how to invocate.

"Calm down, Ellen," Hebraska's even voice cut through Ellen's rampant thoughts and she looked at Hebraska. "It is too early to panic. But you should be careful… Giving birth to Emily has disrupted the balance within your body. Your Innocence is bound…"

_And you know by what._

Ellen gave a start. She hadn't seen Hebraska's mouth move, but she had heard the whisper and it made her heart speed up, hammering in her chest. Faintly, Ellen registered Hebraska addressing Linali, then the girl pulled her, then shoved her gently towards the exit.

When Ellen was sat down into the comfortable armchair in her room she had no idea how she got there.

"Ellen…? Ellen are you alright?" The girl raised her head, seeing Linali gaze down at her with a worried expression. She nodded once even though she was far from alright right now. "Hebraska told you to calm down. Whatever has happened to your Innocence, it will be fine. Don't worry. Just… Just take your time to deal with it…" Ellen forced herself to nod once again, her head oddly empty right now. Her hands were in her lap, palms facing upwards and she looked down at them – one red, discoloured, useless. She felt like throwing up all of a sudden, but Kanda's voice tore through the tense silence.

"This is ridiculous," he hissed and his anger was so apparent in his voice.

"Hebraska said that there is no indication that Ellen's Innocence will reject her now, it's-," Linali started, her hands raised to calm her friend, but Kanda snorted and shook his head. He jerked his head down slightly, towards where Emily had ceased struggling in his arms.

"That she seems to be compatible," he said. Some of the fog in Ellen's head had cleared enough that she felt tired now. She lowered her upper body slightly, rubbing her forehead with the fingers of her right hand.

"We don't know that for sure. Hebraska merely stated what we knew before – that Innocence had travelled through her body…" Even though her voice was strained, she was talking in a calm tone, but it didn't improve Kanda's irritation.

"Maybe we've made a mistake," he stated and Ellen knitted her brows, raising her head to face her husband.

"Oh, really?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "We've known that long enough."

"Ellen, Kanda, please, you are both agitated," Linali started, looking from one to the other, but Ellen raised her hand and the girl stopped fretting.

"Please, Linali, it's alright," she said, her voice controlled but she had a smile to offer when she looked at her friend. Linali knew her well enough to see the pain and exhaustion in it. "We have to face the facts. She's the child of two exorcists. If we manage to win the war soon then it won't matter. Compatible or not, Noah or Exorcists… Everything will cease to be of any import," she explained. The words she hadn't manage to force past her lips, were as powerful silent as they would have been spoken out loud.

In order to remove Emily from what she's been born into, they had to destroy this world they knew, moved in and lived in.

Distantly, as the anger drained from Kanda's face to be replaced by something akin to regret and Linali was silent, Ellen felt that she no longer was a part of the equation. Her part, Ellen Walker, exorcist, had been scratched out and replaced by something else. And she didn't know what it was.

-o-

One thing Ellen had the arguable pleasure to rediscover during the week following Emily's birth was that certain things were expected of her. There was a set of rules for her to follow, ways how to behave and react. She had been allowed back into her room, the space next to her bed, where an ornamental trunk with silky dressed had stood, was now filled by a crib. Not the heavy crib of the Bermont family, it was still firmly in place in the dusty nursery one floor up, but one Kanda had ordered from London and he held a certain amount of pride in. But for all the pride he had in it, he rarely spent much time hovering around it unless Emily was sleeping soundly (which, Ellen felt with growing exhaustion, was never).

All Ellen's usual activities in the lull between missions (and now was the lull between giving birth and finding new purpose) were denied to her. Sometimes, when Link or someone else agreed to watch Emily, she'd try to venture out of the room. She'd go to the Science department to ask if they wanted for anything. But they started fidgeting, sending her back to Emily. She'd go to the infirmary to help the nurses, but she'd just receive chuckles and was asked to go where she really was needed (that there were far more injured people than nurses seemed insignificant). When she'd go to Jerry to help cook she received tea and biscuits and was denied entrance into the kitchen. All ways led back to her room, to Emily.

She bore the child no ill will (not really), but she was getting sick of seeing the same things day after day. She was an animal, chained to the crib, chained to her baby as if the umbilical cord has never been severed.

And Kanda. The only time he was in the room was when Emily was content, silent or asleep. However, Emily didn't seem to have any respect for her parents' need for sleep. She called Ellen out of unpleasant and restless dreams.

"Ugh. God," Kanda snorted into his pillow, draping it over his head. And Emily wailed and wailed. Kanda reached out almost blindly until he found Ellen's upper arm, then he shoved her. "Beansprout. It's your turn." When Ellen got out of bed, the tried "it is always my turn" lost on Kanda, she wondered if maybe Miranda would be able to do it. Maybe _she'd_ survive on the few hours of sleep Ellen usually got. Maybe she'd turn out like Miranda when she had still been trapped in that never ending October day. "Beansprout. _Beansprout_…!" Sometimes Emily could not be appeased and continued crying even though Ellen changed her diapers, dressed her in new, fresh smelling clothes, fed her and carried her around the room. Kanda was unhelpful when he wanted to sleep and had close to no patience, even though he did a good job of taking care of Emily when the sun was up. So Ellen carried the girl outside the room, slightly muffling the baby's shrill cries by pressing her to her chest. Sometimes the door to a friend's room would open for her, someone who showed Ellen a gentle, understanding smile, gave her something warm to drink and a little sanctuary where she could continue rocking Emily until she'd cried herself back to exhaustion and sleep. But most of the time Ellen would slip through the corridors like a ghosts, bare feet and white nightgown and lock herself away.

Slipping down into the worn leather of the big chair in front of the massive writing table Ellen could relax again, a change in her mother Emily promptly registered. Ellen felt oddly safe and protected in her father's private chambers. Waiting for the dawn to light up the room Ellen watched the shadows shifting. The portrait of Lord Bermont in his youth was hanging on the wall and Ellen spent hours contemplating if they resembled each other. She'd compare oil pictures, sketches and photographs, trying to find a bit of her in the fragmented pieces of him.

She felt a sense of belonging then. Emily settled comfortably against her.

-o-

At times, Ellen assumed that Kanda was too dense for this parenthood thing to work out. For all his vows that he was a modern man, a man who respected his wife's decisions and saw her more than a decorative asset, he had his not so glorious moments. Apart from leaving Ellen alone with Emily when she was being difficult, he often took her with him when she was in a good humour. Emily was his little living trophy (oh, he _had_ won by being so incredibly obstinate Ellen thought when she felt particularly bitter), _his_ daughter and he had no qualms in pulling her out of Ellen's arms whenever he felt like it. While Ellen was left to watch, he'd talk to his little French-speaking circle. She disliked how they made her feel excluded, she was still sore about that, she was still angry and he still didn't understand why. In any case, Emily was constantly talked to in French and, when Kanda was alone, in Japanese. For some reason, this made Ellen feel like an insignificant detail to who Emily was. Those were not her languages, that was not who _she_ was.

-o-

Emily didn't like her. Ellen had suspected as much, but with about 2 weeks of trial and error (mostly error, Ellen mused bitterly), she was quite positive that the child disliked her. While Ellen was no longer that hesitating when picking up Emily when she was crying, she approached her with great caution when she was quiet. Whenever she wanted to hold her, she started crying. When Kanda pulled her out of Ellen's tense fingers she almost immediately calmed down again. He only had to smile at her and she gurgled excitedly or pleased in return. Of course, Kanda had no magic baby-soothing charms and Emily did cry at times when he held her, but he always had enough sleep at night to be patient with her. With Emilia and Linali it was similar and while Miranda didn't dare to lift the child at least Emily was good in her presence. But Ellen, her _mother_, she did not like. It almost made Ellen return the feeling, but mostly it made Ellen feel alone and wrong.

-o-

Emily is relentless in her pursuit of making Ellen feel miserable. Her cries were a constant noise within the constricting walls of Ellen's room.

"Oh, come now, please," Ellen whispered desperately, carrying Emily around after nothing else had worked to calm her. "Why must you be so difficult? You were fed, bathed, changed, what else do you want?" Emily didn't dignify her with an answer but her wails gained in strength and Ellen felt like the window panes could shatter if they were exposed to more of the little siren's screeching. Ellen was tired and sore and hungry and desperate so she opened her mouth. Something quivered deep inside of her and the words rolled off her lips like warm, dark waves. Like gushes of blood, and while it was not exactly painful her chest felt like heating up in a slow warm-wet burn. And she started her own siren's song:

"_And then the boy drifted off to sleep…"_

Ellen opened her eyes and stared when the wailing died down to silence. Her voice faltered but didn't stop until she saw Emily's expression. The girl's eyes were wide, her face completely unmoving and the silence were enough to give Ellen a fright. The song died on her lips and it took only a short moment for Emily to react to that with renewed crying.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Ellen hissed lifting one hand up to grab her hair for a second, then she went back to rocking Emily as gently as she could in her frantic state of mind. "Please, please stop crying…! Don't… Don't you want me to hold you?" Ellen hurried over to the crib and put the baby down. "There. Okay? Just," Ellen stumbled over the words but Emily's crying didn't let up and she trashed faintly. Ellen bit her lips hard enough to hurt, no longer able to keep tears from filling her eyes. "Fine! I don't care anymore! Go on crying!" The white haired girl whirled around and threw herself face first into the covers of her bed. And Emily cried and cried.

-o-

And this is how Charlene Bermont found them. She stood in the arch that separated the bedroom from the sitting room. She took a moment to memorize what she saw before her. The air was fresh mingled with the fragrance of flowers and bright light spilled into Ellen's chamber in window pane shaped patches. The crib – not the family crib, Charlene noticed with remote curiosity – and the hiccupping and irregular wails that she had heard even outside of the massive door had its origin there. Ellen herself was a mess of fabrics and limbs splayed on the bed in less grace than Charlene would have thought humanly possible for a girl of her station. She could see her creamy white shins where the silken stockings had slipped to her ankles and only one Indian slipper remained dangling from her foot. Her summer dress was crunched underneath her and higher up than the back of her knees, the bedcovers were also a mess around her, like a hastily made and equally as hastily destroyed nest. She could see Ellen's white hair on the dark brown covers (clearly a choice of her husband, Charlene recognized the way it was woven and the unimposing black and ochre patterns. A good choice, an expensive one. Charlene must remember to congratulate the boy on acquiring taste or at least to be convincing enough in faking it). A big cushion was thrown over the back of Ellen's head and it looked mildly suffocating, especially with Ellen's arms lying so lax, palms flat on the mattress, next to her. All in all, Lady Bermont found the scene to be highly entertaining.

"I see that I have not misinterpreted your written cry for help." Ellen gave a start and sat up, the cushion slipping down her head and landing on her skinny calves. Her hair was a mess, as was her face, long since dried of tears but the wrinkles of having frowned for so long were still etched into her cheeks and brow. Ellen was far too surprised to say anything to her mother and Charlene pulled out a folded piece of parchment from her pocket. She unfolded it under the still wide, but now also watchful eyes of her daughter. "Dearest Mother. It is with joy that I can announce to you the preterm birth of your grand-child, christened Emily. Despite the circumstances of her birth the doctors have declared her healthy. However, she continues crying with such fervor that I have reason to believe that she needs it more than breathing. She had taken a liking to my husband who has in turn taken a liking to be a father in the intermezzi between one crisis and the next." Ellen finally moved, pinching the bridge of her nose and squeezing her eyes together. "Really, Ellen," Charlene said, hitting her outstretched palm with the parchment lightly, her voice clearly holding amusement, "I have always had a soft spot for your ability to be dramatic, though you used to be more subtle about it."

"Mother. It is so good to see you," Ellen breathed in relief, taking away her hand from her face. She looked over to the crib, Charlene following her eyes. "I am so close to giving up. I just cannot do it. I am no mother." She breathed in deeply, trying to keep the quiver out of her voice. "The child does not even like me, most probably it hates me. She's a good girl with everyone but me!" Charlene walked around the bed and peered down into the crib with her lips in a firm line and eyebrows raised as if she'd have to study the value of a piece of jewelry. Not letting on how she thought about the little siren and apparently not disturbed by the wails in the slightest, she turned back to Ellen, the usual strict expression slightly softened, but still admonishing.

"Are you honestly surprised that you find yourself struggling with your new-born? You are completely inexperienced and just as taken by surprise as you were with your pregnancy." Ellen's face fell slightly and she looked at the etchings in the surface of the crib.

"What am I supposed to do, mother? I am overwhelmed but everyone behaves as if giving birth to a human being unlocked the ability to be a mother within me. Nobody believes that I am struggling or that I'm exhausted…!" Charlene looked at her with a mild expression and Ellen felt brave enough to go on. "Did you never have any problems? Am I really wrong somehow? Is maternity really something that I should have in my blood?" Charlene chuckled at that, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No Ellen, there is nothing wrong with you. You're a child still. I had a lot of time to prepare for you, as you must certainly recall. And a devoted husband that assisted me in everything. Of course, I struggled and your father struggled with me." Ellen's face fell at that, something that did not escape Charlene's watchful eye.

"Kanda… Kanda seems to have totally different ideas about how to take care of a new-born than I do. It's my responsibility to struggle and it's his prerogative to enjoy. Well, he is her father…" Ellen laughed, but her face was bitter, "And I'm just the one that made his little bundle of joy." Charlene rolled her eyes at that. She didn't know if her daughter was again being dramatic, but it certainly bothered her enough to be important.

"Horace," Charlene started after a while and Ellen looked up when she heard her father's name, "was utterly in love with you. He did not care one bit what other people might expect of him in the role of a father. He fed you, he changed your napkins, he bathed you… Together with me he made all of the mistakes and did everything right. We were a team," she told her daughter, "not two youths that try to approach this as two individuals. You and Kanda, I must say, are not a team." Ellen's immediate reaction to that was to frown. Clearly Kanda and Ellen were a team when it mattered, as exorcists they were highly effective. But, and here she had to agree, as parents they were really poor.

"I… must tell you that I do not feel thrilled to hear you state that and in my capacity as wife I feel compelled to contradict you to protect his honour. However, you are right." Ellen sighed deeply and wiped her hair out of her face. A moment of silence followed, as silent as it could be with Emily in the background. "And the baby just won't stop crying." Charlene lifted her finger at that, as if she just recalled that she had to show her something of import.

"Maybe that is because you won't acknowledge her properly for what she is." Charlene reached into the crib and lifted Emily out, the crying dying down fast. Ellen's heart made a jump in her chest to finally have her stop, but as soon as Charlene had put her in Ellen's stiff arms the girl was confronted first with a bright blue stare and a new wave of wails. Instead of panicking again, Ellen just groaned and focused on the conversation.

"Then what is she?" The answer that followed was painfully simple:

"Your daughter. And that makes all the difference." Ellen first widened her eyes, before narrowing them in confusion. "Sing our lullaby." Again, Ellen's eyes widened in shock then in deep rooted fear.

"On, no. Please… It scares me, I shouldn't."

"You should," Charlene said and Ellen searched her mother's face but only found a mild smile. So Ellen tried to even her breathing and though the first few words and notes came out shaky and unsure, the room soon filled by her voice singing that Noah lullaby, that Walker. By the time the room fell silent again, it really was silent. Emily was breathing evenly, looking up at Ellen with a focused expression that soon softened into drowsiness.

"Don't be afraid Ellen," Charlene told her and Ellen noticed that a tear had rolled down her cheek, "I was shaken too when I didn't know what was wrong with you. And I have made many mistakes without Horace and with Mana, but you have to listen to yourself, to what you think is right…" And her mother's voice was so gentle and assuring that Ellen couldn't help smiling, wiping her eyes and nodding.

"Thank you, mother," she said, gently rocking Emily. Her mother nodded once, slowly, then she folded her hands.

"So. Have you thought about how to call her? Which family shall she be part of in name?" Ellen was a bit taken aback by the sudden change of topic. "You know nothing of the Kanda and I am slightly averse to giving over one of my own blood into one family tree I cannot trace in the slightest. She would be safer to be a Bermont or a Walker. If not in name, then at least in spirit." Ellen found it in herself to groan at that.

"Can't we just ignore that for now and call her Emily?" Just after she had said that, Ellen blinked and her mother made an agreeing sound in the back of her throat.

„Of course. Go on, do it," she urged calmly and Ellen was confused. Still, she looked down at her daughter who had opened her eyes again and seemed almost expectant.

"Emily," she said and Emily reacted with a kind of snort and kicked her legs. For that Emily had always been largely unresponsive to Ellen this seemed like the closest thing to a happy gurgle she'd probably get. Ellen was awestruck and tried again, with the same result.

"It's no magic word or anything, but you need to consider that a baby too is a sentient creature. It is aware of much more than you credit it for. She reacts to your insecurities and you pushing her away," Charlene explained and Ellen looked up at her.

"I'm not push-"

"Are you sure? Then tell me? Do you even want Emily?" her mother wondered, now stern again and Ellen withdrew slightly. But she nodded. Charlene raised her chin, looking down at Ellen with a challenging expression. "Really now? You don't think you'd be better off without her? That she represents everything you were forced into? Isn't she a product of ignorance and one that punishes you by making it impossible to achieve what you imagined to achieve?" Ellen knew that her mother was trying to coax a certain reaction out of her. And for once, Ellen knew exactly what she wanted to say to that:

"Mother, she just made it impossible for me to achieve what _you_ wanted me to achieve…" Charlene had to laugh and nodded, then she looked at her child fondly.

"But you achieved just what your father always wanted for you." Ellen looked up at her in confusion, but instead of explaining Charlene handed her a small package. Ellen turned it around in her hand, but clearly Charlene didn't intend to say anything about it. "Well then, I think I have successfully averted the suicide of my daughter. Now, one crisis a day is not enough for me, I need to return to London to see that the machine keeps running smoothly." Ellen had to laugh, shaking her head at her mother.

"Yes, at times I do think you are the one gear that keeps London's gentry running," she admitted and Charlene smiled.

"Well and it is getting more difficult, it's the end of the century and unless we want to skitter into decadence like certain states do these days, I need to work harder."

"Mother, one moment please," Ellen stopped the woman before she could turn to leave, "what should I tell the family? About my marriage, about my baby?"

„I think we should discuss this as a family. Because, remember child, it is always also about performance. To the outside world, to other families, to the political stage. Never forget, that being a Walker, but also being a Bermont, means that you need to perform like an actor on a stage. That, dear child, is the _one thing_ that is actually in your blood." Ellen looked at her in wonder, but this she could understand and she nodded. "Now, I must make my exit. I will visit again. Properly."

„Yes mother. Thank you again for your visit and your help. And the package," she said and Charlene wished her a good day before she left the room. Ellen sighed and relaxed visibly. She shifted Emily slightly to her lap so she had her hands free for the package. The tore the paper away and found a small casket made of polished dark wood. She opened it and on top of a little velvet cushion rested a key made out of iron painted in white varnish. She took it out, her eyebrows drawn down in a perplexed frown. She turned the key, surprisingly heavy in her palm, around.

"Hah," she said „I've got a key but no door."

_To be continued_

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**Notes:**

I recalled that I had not written down the words of the 14th lullaby in any past chapter and I was not inclined to do it now. I am treating it as nothing but a lullaby with no hidden meaning in the words, just a symbolic meaning in its use. Therefore I did not feel it necessary to write more than the first few words.

Ellen had not called Emily by her name because she felt an emotional distance and a distaste for how people took her bond with Emily for granted.

Anyway, I'm trying to work myself back to a certain pacing in the story so that things actually progress. I don't think there will be much action in the rest of the story, but I'm not going for full-on domesticity just now (or at least not in the fluffy way I usually enjoy and you find traces of in every second story I post).

For now we still have a few open issues; the results and the reason of Kanda's short visit to the continent, Ellen's key without the door and the mysterious situation of absent Noah and Innocence. Next to some baby and family issues. A lot to work with! Yay!


	75. Kapitel 73 White Halls

**Author's Notes:**

Maybe those that have me on your author's alert know that I've spent quite a deal of my creative energy on Supernatural. I'm sorry that I'm splitting my attention, but it's very difficult to focus on DGM at the moment.

Additionally it's become slightly depressing writing this story, because I do not hear back from you, readers. Are you still reading? Am I doing an okay job with the story? I'm incredibly grateful to those kind people that still write me a review. Feedback helps me recover motivation when it's slipping through my fingers, which happens far too often recently. I do need acknowledgment of my efforts from time to time… :C

Okay, this was my yearly "I should not feel sad but do" author's note. On with the story! I had planned to write more for this chapter, but keeping the next scene would have made the chapter too long...

**Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino**

* * *

**Kapitel 73 White Halls**

Being a mother in an organization that was geared towards warfare was a peculiar circumstance. Ellen knew the fighting; she knew training and mission briefings and dispassionate discussion of the death toll. Finders, exorcists in their uniforms, the Science Division – it was a functioning network that aimed to fight but also to create a society in which they could live together and share the burden. The Black Order, despite its short-comings and acid gossiping, was still home to many. Ellen had been part of that world, but now it was as if there's been a wall put up between _them_ and _her_. She had slipped between the cracks of the order's closely knit society; she was nothing more than the civilian wife of an exorcist. She'd get up, eat at the cafeteria, she'd meet staff and friends in the corridors. She was still inside the world she knew, but she was effectively an outsider. Conversations about missions ceased when she was present and turned towards Emily. Ellen was no longer the powerful and promising exorcist, she wasn't even the potential Noah anymore even though Ellen hardly believed that those who knew had forgotten. Still, she was just a girl with a baby that happened to share their living quarters.

"I don't think I can go on like this for forever," Ellen confessed, combing Emily's hair. She and Linali were sitting in a pavilion in the gardens. It was warm and humid and Ellen wore a summer dress. Linali was fresh back from a mission, she had bruises and bandages and wore light training clothes. The contrast between them couldn't be stronger. "What am I even still doing here?"

"You belong here Ellen. But it is good that you don't have to fight… You can stay out of danger," Linali assured her. They had had this conversation before. Nothing had changed. Three weeks of being a mother, three weeks of nobody even talking to her as if she'd still be an exorcist.

"But that's beside the point! It's not my duty to stay out of danger! I know I'm useless now, but that doesn't mean that everybody suddenly has to act as if I had never been an exorcist!" Ellen put the comb down and turned Emily around, so that the baby rested against her chest where she dozed off contently. "I still need to know what's going on outside." Linali sighed, leaning back in her chair with an unsure expression.

"You… don't need to fight now, Ellen… There are only so many things that you can worry about at once…," she told her gently. Ellen shook her head, rocking Emily slightly.

"Linali… This is still war… The Earl is out there preparing for the end. And I used to be an important tool, I am sure I still am!" Linali widened her eyes and lifted her hands to protest, but Ellen didn't want to hear it. "I can't just pretend that I'm out of it just because Emily's here now. We've been ruthless before, I've been told to go on fighting before and I believe that this still counts."

"But you can't fight." Ellen blinked in surprise and looked up. "So you won't fight." Kanda was walking up to them, dressed in his uniform.

"Don't eavesdrop, Kanda!" Linali complained and the young man rolled his eyes at them. He stopped next to Ellen's chair and looked down at her.

"She is right. Don't butt into my conversation unbidden," Ellen told him crossly, "besides," she continued, eying her husband with a frown, "why are you dressed like this?" Kanda readjusted his collar and shrugged.

"We're short on exorcists. And as you don't have anywhere to be I'm free. Komui asked me to investigate a rumour." Ellen widened her eyes at that and sat up straight, slightly jostling Emily. The girl made a displeased sound, but didn't fully wake up.

"What? You get to go on a mission?" Ellen asked incredulously, having a hard time processing it.

„Yes. I know that I usually need to stick with you on missions, but circumstances are different now." Ellen's frown deepened and Kanda huffed in exasperation at her expression. "Listen. I don't want to throw myself into unnecessary danger. But someone still needs to do the work."

"What about me?" Ellen challenged and Kanda widened his eyes slightly, before snorting.

"_What_ about you?" he repeated, then he gestured towards her arm. "You can't invocate at the moment. You'd only endanger yourself if you came," he told her. And me. And everybody else. Ellen didn't need to hear him say it, she could see it written all over his face.

"Yu," Ellen said dangerously, but Kanda just reached down to pet Emily's head.

"What are the mission details?" Linali spoke up and Kanda looked at her. "How long do you plan on making yourself scarce?" Kanda seemed slightly taken aback by her flat tone of voice, but he replied nevertheless.

"Rumours of a church organ playing on its own account in a small town in West Prussia… Finders aren't sure whether it is Innocence and no Akuma have been spotted yet. It will be taken care of in no time, especially as we've got a gate to Danzig." Ellen lifted her hand to her face and rubbed it, shaking her head.

"Then why do you need to go?" Ellen wondered. "If it's such an easy job, why does one of the top exorcists need to take care of it? Surely someone else can take over so you can devote all of your time to paternal duties?" Kanda did catch her sarcastic tone, but he wrinkled his nose and put his hand on Ellen's shoulder.

"I'm still an exorcist. I need to work," he said, then he bent down to kiss Ellen. She wasn't particularly responsive, but neither irritated enough to risk not saying a proper good-bye. "I'll be back in a week at the latest." He traced his finger over Emily's face gently, then he took a step back, turned around and left towards the building. Both Linali and Ellen looked after him.

"Okay… I assume Kanda can't stand inactivity any more than you do," the Asian girl muttered and Ellen snorted. "He adores Emily and doesn't like being gone for too long, so he must be incredibly restless..." Ellen turned her eyes up to the ceiling of the pavilion, snorting and shaking her head. He had been rather anxious the past few days, not knowing what to do with himself. Maybe he had been that way before, but Ellen had only noticed now that she was more relaxed.

"I don't want this to turn into a routine. I'm not going to take care of Emily while he goes away fighting. I'm not a house-wife, Linali." She turned her head to the side, her eyes travelling over the garden and up the castle's exterior, catching sight of the flag of the Black Order on top of a tower. "Not like this…"

-o-

It was a warm Summer night and the windows were wide open. Some of the papers in the room flapped in the breeze and the room was illuminated by the yellow light coming from the reading lamp on the table. Ellen was slightly puzzled, looking around the room, but the noise of someone clicking their tongue made her look up again.

"Glad you could make it, Ellen," the man in front of her said and she let her eyes settle on him. He was tall and rather thin, dressed in elegant clothes, the top of his ruffled shirt peeking out from a vest. He grinned at her and pulled a pocket watch out of his trousers; Ellen recognized that it was the one all male members of the family possessed. He snapped it shut again and stuffed it back into his pocket, raising his head to grin at her. His face was young, even though the skin creased slightly around his pale blue eyes and his cheeks dimpled with his wide smile. He had light brown unruly hair, slightly combed out of his face but it stuck out on the side of his head. He also had whiskers which were still very much in fashion with military men. He stepped towards her, arm raised. "Let's not waste any time then!" He put his hand on her shoulder, turning her around. Ellen was still dumb-struck and felt like dream-walking. She looked up at him, his face familiar, like his scent. But he was so firm, a warmth next to her, his hand on her shoulder a gentle weight. He guided her into the darkened corridor, light spilling out from the room and throwing their shadows on the opposing wall.

"I'm dreaming?" Ellen whispered and the man looked down at her. He was maybe thirty or forty years old, she really couldn't tell, but there was such an air of boyish mirth to him, he might as well be Kanda's age. She felt it hard to place him. But this was a dream anyway, a very vivid and convincing one, but it was a dream. "You are long dead…" Ellen drew a shaky breath. "Father." Horace Bermont came to a stop at the foot of the stairs leading upwards. He looked down at her and raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"I am most pleased that you recognize me!" he said and Ellen thought he appeared touched. "It's been how long? Ten, fifteen years?" He lifted his hand off her shoulder, but wrapped his fingers around hers then, pulling her upwards.

"I'm not yet sixteen, Sir," Ellen told him uncertainly. This was a most peculiar dream, even for her standards. Horace snorted at that.

"No need to be so reserved, Ellen. I'm just your Papa," he told her, but he had to grin when he looked at her. "Sixteen. So this is the turn of the century then? Excuse me if I am out of fashion," he joked, touching the fabric of his vest, and they reached the top of the stairs. "Maybe Papa is not an acceptable word to use for a young adult like you." Ellen frowned in confusion.

"Uhm. I do not know, but if it brings you joy I will call you Papa," she told him because the least thing she could do was humour her father. She had never dreamt of him before, so she might as well cherish this. "But I _am_ dreaming, aren't I?" Horace smiled at her, then he lifted his hand, finger outstretched. He tilted his hand forwards, gesturing into the corridor.

"I let you be the judge of that. But come. There's already light spilling over the lands from the east," Horace said and when Ellen turned her head to the window she could see that it was getting lighter fast. Horace walked on, Ellen following, until they reached the stairs leading to the third floor. "By the way, Ellen." The girl lifted her head, looking up at her father. "What has become of you?"

"What do you mean?" Ellen wondered and Horace pulled his lips into a tight line, before he shrugged again.

"Are you an exorcist yet?" he asked and Ellen froze, stopping on the stairs before she could reach the top. Horace had walked on, but stopped as well when she wasn't following anymore. "Are you surprised that I know?"

"Yes… To be honest I am surprised. But maybe I shouldn't be." This is a dream anyway, she kept telling herself. He was just something her imagination had fabricated, of course he'd know things she knew as well.

"No. I am quite aware of what has befallen you. Unfortunately too late to do anything to protect you adequately." Ellen looked at him in confusion, taking the last few steps to join him. It was already morning outside.

"Why would you say that? You and mother… you were normal people!"

"Yes, we were. But we are all linked to things that are way bigger than me or your mother. Bigger than we both had known. Exorcism, a great evil lurking in the dark, blood. Even if you're not in the center of it, we were still close enough to be burned by that malicious evil."

"I don't… I don't understand, Papa," Ellen whispered and they both came to a halt at the end of the hall. No more doors, no stairways, just tapestry hanging on the walls.

"I do not have the leisure to explain now. But I can point you towards the answers." He grabbed for the tapestry and pulled it aside. A white door. A locked door. When Ellen turned her head way from the door she was met with a solemn but also encouraging expression on her father's face. "Good luck, Ellen."

-o-

Ellen woke up slowly, the sun shining too bright through her window. Had Kanda forgotten to draw the curtains?

"He's not here," Ellen reminded herself, sitting up with a small groan. She was tired but now that she was awake there'd be no sense in trying to sleep again. Emily was stirring in the crib. Ellen wiped her hair out of her face, exhaled and got up. She looked down at her child, but she was still sleeping. Ellen lifted her head to look at of the window, but her gaze fell on her writing table. There, illuminated by the light, was the box. It was open and the key almost gave off a glare in the morning light. Ellen remembered. The dream, her father, the corridor on the third floor. The door. The door to the rooms that have not been opened for ten years. Ellen rushed over to the table and grabbed the key.

"Of course," she whispered to herself, "that's what the key's for!" Ellen quickly dressed and by the time she was done Emily demanded her attention. "Okay, come then." She lifted the baby out of the crib but before she could go and find someone that would look after the baby long enough for her to go exploring, she had to change Emily's napkin. "You're awfully smelly for such a small thing…"

-o-

Link was slightly off-put when Ellen bestowed child-watching duties onto him.

"I have been lenient with you in the last few weeks, because the circumstances were exceptional," he told her, holding Emily an arm's length away from him and despite the stoic expression, he did seem unnerved. Emily gurgled, putting her hand into her mouth. "But that doesn't mean you can make me a nanny now."

"Oh, stop whining, it's only for an hour or so," Ellen told him with a snort and Linali, who was standing in the corridor outside, was giggling. Link wrinkled his nose, but he turned around, arms still outstretched and put the baby on his couch, next to a stack of documents and folders. "Thank you!" Before Link could protest, Ellen closed the door and hurried down the corridor, Linali at her heels.

"You really could have given her to me," Linali told her as they climbed the stairs.

"No, I want you to accompany me, if you don't mind?" Linali caught the unsure tone in Ellen's voice and smiled. "I'll just feel better with you at my side."

"Of course I don't mind," Linali told her, then she looked around the floor they were on. She remembered being here before. "What exactly are we doing here, Ellen?" She saw the dead-end and recalled that there was a hidden door behind the tapestry. Ellen turned towards her and smiled. She pulled something out of her pocket and held it up triumphantly. Linali's face lit up instantly when she noticed that it was a key.

"Oh! You have the key!" Ellen nodded and brushed the tapestry to the side, putting the key in the lock carefully.

"My mother gave it to me. I first didn't know what it could be for, but it must be for this door!" And indeed, the sound of a lock springing open pierced the tense air and both girls looked at each other, before shrieking in excitement. "Dear Lord! This is it!"

"Ten years of being closed off! I wonder what's in there! This is so exciting! Maybe there are ghosts!" Linali chirped and Ellen involuntarily shuddered.

"Linali!" she chid and shook her head at Linali's laughter. The white haired girl put her hand on the door knob and turned it around. The door moved and Ellen pushed against the wood. It creaked slightly and it took an effort to open it, but after a while they were inside. Linali let the tapestry fall back into place, sending a gust of wind through the corridor beyond. Dust whirled up, catching the light falling in through the windows. Ellen took the key and closed the door. She shared a long look with her friend, then both of them took a breath and started exploring. There was a long corridor beyond the door, one wall lined with windows, the other had pictures or mirrors hanging from it. They were all covered by with cloth. Everything, Ellen noticed, was white. They got to three steps at the end of the corridor that led into some sort of hall. It was circular and a spiral staircase made of marble led upwards, and the ceiling was made of stained glass showing a sky and angels. A chandelier with pale lavender and turquoise glass hung from the ceiling. Two corridors led away from the hall, the rest of the circular walls were painted, showing fairy tale like scenes. In the middle of the room was what appeared to be a small, dry fountain made of marble and a delicate cage made of gold wires arched over the basin.

"Are we dreaming? Ellen, have we stepped into a fairy world?" Linali asked and even though it was just a whisper, her voice echoed in the hall.

"I don't know… Let's go on," she suggested and they took the stairs upwards. They found some sort of library; the walls were covered by high shelves filled with books. An arch led into a reading room. All the furniture was covered by white blankets, but Ellen was sure that there were two sets of tables with chairs and reading lamps. The windows showed outside over the moor and the walls were painted again, this time with a classical motif.

"It's a remarkable library," Linali said from outside and when Ellen joined her, she could see her tracing the spines of the books. They went back downstairs and took one corridor. However they were met with mostly empty rooms, but there was also a splendid bath and when Ellen tried to turn the faucet water actually came out of it. It was rusty at first and the pipes rattled, but soon clear water came flowing out of it.

"I think they weren't able to finish this part…," Ellen mused, when they found more rooms, all painted, but empty and cold. "My mother did say that the rooms were incomplete thanks to my father's early death…"

"But it's still really impressive. And you can do with them whatever you like!" Linali tried to cheer her up and Ellen smiled. "Let's see where the other corridor leads us!" The corridor was similar like the others, wooden paneling painted white, pictures, furniture and lamps covered by cloths. A layer of dust covered the stone floor, making it appear dull and as there were neither functioning lamps nor windows, the corridor was rather dim. There was another door, some light coming in through a milky white glass window in the door. Ellen tried the door knob and it opened easily. She pushed it open and light streamed into the corridor.

"This… this is the room I've seen from the outside," Ellen whispered, too awed to speak. Linali gave her a gentle shove and the girl stumbled inside. It was a living room completely in white. The windows had white curtains, the furniture was covered by blankets and there was a big fireplace. Ellen's eyes caught on the golden box standing on the mantelpiece, but Linali's attention was drawn by something else.

"There's a music room and a bedroom, both are furnished but covered…," she called and Ellen looked over to her. She was coming out of a room, her smile excited. "This really feels like we've stepped into a fairy tale world! Come!" Ellen gave the golden box another searching glance, but then she walked over to Linali and into the bedroom. The bedroom was beautiful, big windows showing the landscape behind the castle. The four-poster bed had two layers of curtains, one delicate silk with embroidery and laces, the other thicker, also white but with golden and blue embroidery. All the furniture was painted in white with colourful details – golden handles, coloured glass framing the edges, little splatters of paint – flowers, figures, swirls. There were boxes standing at the foot of the bed and Ellen dared opening one, finding a variety of beautiful toys in it.

"Oh dear!" Linali exclaimed and Ellen saw that she had opened a double door in the wall. What she saw was some sort of small room with mirrors and dresses hanging on racks. "They even seem to be about your size! I wonder if your father wanted you to have them when you were all grown up?" Linali wondered, but then she pulled one out that was for a little girl. "Or maybe he was just well prepared…"

"Such lavish… And it's been locked away for more than a decade! It seems such a waste!" Ellen said, shaking her head. "But why did mother give me the key now? She could have done so years ago! She could have made arrangements for the rooms to be finished…" Linali came out of the small room and studied her friend.

"I don't know…," she said and Ellen sighed. "But at least you have something to do now… There's a lot of cleaning to be done!" The white haired girl had to laugh at that, but nodded. She walked out of the bed-room and back into the living room. And now, with their exploration almost completed, Ellen allowed herself to focus on the golden box. She walked up to the fireplace and carefully pulled it off the mantelpiece. "Oh… I wonder if there's something in it…" Ellen walked over to the table and put the box on the white blanket. With nervous fingers she opened the lid. She was surprised to find a piece of paper inside as well as a ring. She took the ring out first and found it to bear the family's crest. It was the signet ring that the head of family used on all official documents. Ellen took it out, the gold dull, but it was a comfortable weight in her hand.

"This… this used to be my fathers… I always thought my mother had it…" Ellen whispered and gave it to Linali so that the girl could have a look at it. She then took out the papers and unfolded them. It was a short letter, addressed to her. The year said 1886, it was the year her father died. She leant against the cold fireplace, letting her eyes focus on the black ink on the parchment.

"_Hello Ellen. Peculiar, isn't it. To speak to a ghost of the past. How many years will this humble note have been in the darkness of the chest when it is finally unfolded and able to serve its purpose? I do not have to convey any wise man's words, merely the rambling of a man that dotes on his child. Charlene disapproves of my confusing penmanship, but do you care?  
I wonder about many things and I wish I could see through this parchment like a looking glass. I wish it would reflect back to me the world you see when you read these words. But seeing as this is not possible I will content myself with waiting for that time to come. I hope that I will have guided you with my wise and not so wise life lessons throughout the year and even if not, I am sure you will have grown up to be a splendid woman. In any case, you know me and I am blessed to know you. Therefore, it seems wise for me to tell you something you probably do not know. Something of the magic of my present, which, by the time you read this, will have become your past. Maybe you will think me foolish and probably you are more than right. But please, bear with me._

_Today we vowed to protect you, consider it our white magic gift for you, one that will hopefully serve you well as you grown up. Just three drops of blood on the charm. Charlene insists that it will do no good. You see, your mama does not like the occult. The occult being what first got them into trouble and you with it. Them is that duo infernale of course –your mama and uncle. Charlene and Manfred. Charles and Mana. They were wicked little pranksters, at least your nan tells me as much. Your poor grandmother never knew what they were up to. Mama running around in trousers, swinging around a stick; your uncle in a dress and nice stockings. Inseparable those two are and they are always keeping secrets, still today. They can behave like one entity – sometimes your poor Papa got jealous, other times I felt as if I was married to both of them. Without Charlene there was no Manfred and without Charles there was no Mana. It was quite strange sometimes, and (don't tell this to your Mama) unsettling as well. There is something peculiar about Mana that seems darker, not quite belonging to our nice little world. But he kept his secrets and Charlene did too, so I started having secrets with Malcom as well. Just to vex your Mama. So three drops of blood for each of your parents. My secret though is that there were really four – one from your uncle Malcom as well. More secrets up onto the pile, because most of the time I have no idea what my cousin is up to. Your Papa is a bit of a dunce from time to time, to surround myself with things I cannot grasp. But there are too many things in this world that a simple man like me cannot understand, just like your peculiar little arm. Charlene decided on a policy of silence about it, the only silence from her I have never respected, but you know how she can get when she's got something stuck in her head.  
But to return to our magic ritual, do you remember the story of Sleeping Beauty? When we let the blood drop on the charm each of us made a wish for your future. Have they come true now that you read this letter? I don't know what the others' wishes were, but here is mine:_

"_I wish for my little darling to find happiness, whatever road in life she chooses."_

_Are you happy, Ellen? If you read this and have the answer ready come to your Papa and tell me. Wherever you and I might be._

_With all the love in the world. Your father,  
Horace Bermont._

_P.S. I hope you like the rooms I have prepared for you. I want you to have your personal space to retreat to. You know how demanding London society is when trying to keep up fronts. Maybe your brother (if you will have one, and I do hope you will) will become head of house, side-stepping you. At least you will have this part of the castle. Maybe my tastes do not quite suit yours, but remember that those were made in the early eighties! Fashion does change! But all the walls are white. Feel free to colour them as you please. This is your blank slate. This is your starting point. Go wherever you want. Be proud of who you are. Hm. I guess I should have written this in the proper text, it is a rather admirable line. And I don't even know if people still read a post scriptum."_

Ellen was biting her lips by the time she was done reading. A painful feeling of longing filled her for the father she barely remembered. The father who had wished her so well, one who had not deserved to die so early. But she was also surprised to read about her mother and Mana. The suspicion that her mother knew far more and was more involved than she had let on filled her again.

"Ellen? Are you alright?" Linali asked and put her arm on Ellen's shoulder. Ellen blinked a few times and turned her head to smile at her. "What was it?"

"A letter from my father… I just… miss him I think… He seemed like a funny person…," she replied and Linali sighed, embracing her friend. "He made these rooms for me… he wanted to protect me… I think he didn't expect to die so early…"

"He was a soldier, right? He died in war?" Linali wondered and Ellen nodded, folding the paper and putting it back into the golden box. She placed the box on the mantelpiece, wiping dust away.

"Let's go…," Ellen suggested and Linali nodded, even though she was a bit reluctant to leave these wonderful rooms. They left the room and wandered through the corridors, but when they reached the circular hall, Ellen stopped. "Linali?" The Asian girl turned her head, looking at her friend with a puzzled expression. "Can I tell you something and you swear not to tell it anybody else?" The girl seemed surprised, but she smiled and nodded.

"Of course, Ellen. You can trust me," she said and Ellen had to smile as well, even though it was a bit shy. "Was there something in the letter that worries you?"

"Yes… I think so… Papa said that they did some kind of protective charm when I was very small. I don't know if it was real or just humbug and I don't think it really matters. What made me stop was that he mentioned that Mother didn't like the occult because it had gotten her and Mana, and by extension me, into trouble…" Linali widened her eyes in surprise.

"What could he mean by that?" she wondered and Ellen shook her head, equally at a loss.

"Mana… apparently had plans for me… Which is true I guess… This alone is very troubling, but I'm starting to believe that Mother knows far more than she let on… The occult… It could mean anything, especially to a layman as my father was," Ellen replied and added "probably" in her head. It had only been a dream, after all, but what if her father had known too? What if they had all known? About Innocence and Akuma and the war in the shadow? Linali grabbed Ellen's hand and she widened her eyes. Linali's expression was stern, before it melted into a gentle smile.

"Listen, Ellen… I know this is big… And if your parents betrayed you in one way or another then you are in the right to be angry. But don't make yourself mad with thoughts. If you think you would be able to understand your situation better then confront those that are still around. You can't talk to your Father, you can't talk to Mana, but there is still your Mother. Ask her what she knows, tell her what you are aware of… Or you ignore it completely. Just do whatever you must, whatever feels right to you, no matter how you were influenced in the past." Ellen looked at her in wonder and Linali gave Ellen's hand another squeeze. "You still get to make your own decisions, Ellen." Ellen smiled, then she reached out and wrapped her arms around Linali, giving her a tight hug.

"Thank you, Linali. Your words mean a lot to me," she said honestly and Linali patted her back before Ellen let her go again.

"Good to know that I can at least be of some help," Linali said with a grin, then she led Ellen out of the hall and back into the main part of the castle. Ellen turned to the white door, guiding the key back into the lock and turning it around.

"My father built this for me so that I would have a place to retreat to. Even though this is my castle, it is not solely mine… Father foresaw such a situation and it's come true, probably not how he envisioned it, but still…," Ellen said gently, pulling the key back out of the lock and slipping it into her pocket.

"Do you think…," Linali started, "that if you are in a situation where you can choose… you will come back?" Ellen smiled at her, nodding, but Linali shook her head which made Ellen blink in surprise. "Ellen, that's not a question you can answer so easily… And I don't even want you to make a decision right now… Just… Maybe you need to think about what you want, not what you have to do…"

"You mean if all my strings were cut? If there was a… blank slate?" Ellen asked, recalling her father's words. Linali nodded and both girls were silent.

"Because… I don't know what I would do without strings…"

"Yes… You are right…"

Ellen doubted that she would be able to cut all the strings, but maybe there was one day where she'd have to put scissors to a few of them. Which ones, she wondered, would she choose to severe?

_To be continued…_

* * *

**Notes:**

I've wanted to write Horace for a long time…! Also, sorry. Mana is not a respectable upper class name, hence I called him "Manfred"! He and his sister apparently liked cross-dressing and doing stupid magic tricks.

As a side-note; I've written part of Horace's letter to his daughter ages ago, back when I'd still been in England. Did any of you actually still remember the white, closed-off rooms and the golden box? Happy to finally tie up one secondary loose-end!


End file.
